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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 2: Now, do you remember We've had a couple of kids too.

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Speaker 3: They were so.

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Speaker 2: Excited about starting big school and then they came home

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Speaker 2: after day one or day two, and what was found?

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Speaker 3: Day three?

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Speaker 2: Maybe day three, and we're like, okay, well you've got

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Speaker 2: school again tomorrow, and they just have his melt and

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Speaker 2: they're like, no, I've been to school, I know everything.

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Speaker 2: I don't need to go to school anymore. I've done that.

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Speaker 2: I'm finished.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 2: Hello, this is doctor Justin Coilson, the founder of Happy

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Speaker 2: Families dot com dot au. Parental Guidance Season two coming

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Speaker 2: soon to Channel nine.

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Speaker 3: You know I saw a picture of you. You saw

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Speaker 3: a picture of well, actually your mum sent it to me.

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Speaker 2: Right, what was the picture of?

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Speaker 3: Well?

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Speaker 2: You?

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Speaker 3: But you thought you were in a skirt?

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Speaker 2: Well from when I was a kid or something. I

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Speaker 2: didn't wear skirts when I was a kid. What are

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Speaker 2: you talking about?

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Speaker 3: No, you were in TV.

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Speaker 2: We Oh really?

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Speaker 3: Yes?

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Speaker 2: Really?

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Speaker 3: Are you and Ali's standing next to each other? We really?

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Speaker 2: Was it just all photoshops?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Ali and I do stand next Allison Langdon is the

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Speaker 2: host of Parental Guidance. I'm the co host and parenting expert.

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Speaker 2: We do actually stand beside each other now and then.

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Speaker 2: So I don't know if the photograph is of Ali

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Speaker 2: and I standing beside each other and have you got

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Speaker 2: it there? Let me see. Okay, so this is podcasting

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Speaker 2: is not a visual medium. But oh, it looks like

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Speaker 2: I'm wearing a dress.

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Speaker 4: That's what your mom said. The way they put the

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Speaker 4: textbox from wasisted down.

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Speaker 2: Over the top of you. It's so funny.

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Speaker 3: It looks like you're wearing address.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so this was in what is it? TV Week?

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Speaker 2: You know, I don't think I've ever read a copy

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Speaker 2: of TV Week. From January twenty one to twenty seven,

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Speaker 2: it was TV Week. I wonder why I'm not aware

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Speaker 2: of this, And you know what, I'm looking at that

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Speaker 2: picture and I think that Ali and I were not No,

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Speaker 2: I think we were. I think we were together for

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Speaker 2: that photo. I think we were. It's not just the

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Speaker 2: one modern technology.

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Speaker 3: It's becoming real.

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Speaker 2: What do you You're bringing that up? Because I mentioned

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Speaker 2: the TV show. I was gonna say, we've got things

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Speaker 2: to talk about today. And where are you going? So

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Speaker 2: season two is getting close? It was in TV week,

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Speaker 2: So what did it say? I just handed it back.

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Speaker 2: There was writing Can I read it please? Or do

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Speaker 2: you want to read it?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 3: You read it?

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Speaker 2: You read it?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 4: It was just must see television in twenty twenty three.

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Speaker 4: Oh okay, and you guys made the car?

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Speaker 1: Really?

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Speaker 2: I can I read out? What the blurb is? That

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Speaker 2: looks like it's a skirt around my legs? It says.

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Speaker 2: Parental Guidance nine Network, the TV show that puts parenting

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Speaker 2: under the microscope, returns this year after a successful season

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Speaker 2: in twenty twenty one that proved to be groundbreaking and

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Speaker 2: shocking TV. Twelve families with very different parenting styles will

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Speaker 2: be tried and tested in the series, hosted by parenting

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Speaker 2: expert doctor Justin Coulson and a current Affair host, Alison Langdon.

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Speaker 2: Topics from tantrums to sibling rivalries are unpacked, with a

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Speaker 2: special emphasis this season on raising children in the digital

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Speaker 2: age and the dark side of the Internet. Oh I

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Speaker 2: can't wait. It just reminded me of what season two

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Speaker 2: is going to be. Amazing. We've talked for too long

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Speaker 2: about this. We need to talk about what we're here

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Speaker 2: to talk about. Did you want to see anything else

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Speaker 2: about day because it's pretty cool? Well, your next book,

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Speaker 2: my next book. No, let's talk about that later, okay,

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Speaker 2: we can. Twenty twenty three is going to be a

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Speaker 2: bumpy year. I saw one of those things on faceboo

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Speaker 2: book the other day and it said, the song that

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Speaker 2: was the number one song for the year in the

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Speaker 2: year that you turned twenty three is going to be

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Speaker 2: a summary of what your year is going to be.

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Speaker 2: So I did a quick Google. I looked at the

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Speaker 2: year that I turned twenty three, which I mean, I

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Speaker 2: might as well say, because people can go and research anyway,

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Speaker 2: as if everyone's going to do that. It was nineteen

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Speaker 2: ninety eight. Okay, I think yeah, because in nineteen seventy

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Speaker 2: five I was born and the number one song in

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Speaker 2: nineteen ninety eight in Australia was only O La La,

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Speaker 2: the cover of Blabe. It's going to be a bumper year.

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Speaker 2: Oh a great year?

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Speaker 3: Did your google mine?

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Speaker 2: As a matter of fact, your number one song the

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Speaker 2: number one song for the year. I won't tell people

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Speaker 2: how old you are, and I think you might get

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Speaker 2: in trouble. I don't know, Kylie, if this is if

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Speaker 2: this is going to be a great summary of your year.

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Speaker 2: It was Can't Fight the Moonlight by Leanne Rymes.

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Speaker 4: You get sack?

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Speaker 3: Are you serious?

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Speaker 2: I don't know what that means, but number one song.

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Speaker 2: Don't don't read too much into it. It was the

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Speaker 2: biggest song of the year, picking at number one for

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Speaker 2: six weeks and staying in the top fifty for twenty

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Speaker 2: two weeks. The longest day at number one was Shaggy

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Speaker 2: with Angel, which spent eight weeks at the top spot,

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Speaker 2: and it was joined joined by alien Ant Farm's Smooth

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Speaker 2: Criminal Smook Criminal. I used to love that. And we've

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Speaker 2: got a daughter called Annie, and so I don't know

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Speaker 2: how many years of her life we would walk around

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Speaker 2: the house singing and your okay, are you okay? You okay?

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Speaker 2: I might have to try that. I see it today.

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Speaker 3: Well, we've digressed like a bajillion long.

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Speaker 2: That's your fault. That's your fault. You brought it up.

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Speaker 2: So we're like four and a half minutes in the podcast.

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Speaker 2: We haven't even begun the topic. We've got eaven things

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Speaker 2: that can keep you saying this school year, seven ways

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Speaker 2: to make sure that the kids thrive at school. I

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Speaker 2: think that I want to start by saying, especially at

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Speaker 2: the start of the school year, especially right now, easy mornings,

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Speaker 2: easy afternoons, easy evenings. Take the pressure off because this

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Speaker 2: is the time of the year when everybody is running

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Speaker 2: around like crazy. Right You're getting back into the routine.

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Speaker 2: You've forgot this, You've got to go by that at

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Speaker 2: the shops, the extra curricular activities are starting up again.

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Speaker 2: And I just want to tip number one, just cool it,

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Speaker 2: take a break, breathe, because do you remember it during

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Speaker 2: COVID everyone said, oh yeah, I'm going to slow down.

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Speaker 2: We do too much. We've got to learn this lesson.

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Speaker 2: We've been overscheduling our lives, and COVID is kind of

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Speaker 2: it's not really affecting most of us in any meaningful

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Speaker 2: way at all anymore. Life has returned to normal, which

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Speaker 2: means that we've started overscheduling and life is full on.

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Speaker 2: So I reckon easy afternoons and easy evenings, especially in

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Speaker 2: the first couple of weeks as kids get used to

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Speaker 2: the routine.

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Speaker 4: Well, I guess number two is helping our little ones

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Speaker 4: know that school actually happens every day and will for

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Speaker 4: the rest of the year.

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Speaker 2: Do you remember we've had a couple of kids who

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Speaker 2: they were so excited about starting big school, and then

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Speaker 2: they came home after day one or day two, and

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Speaker 2: what was about day three, maybe day three, and we're like, okay,

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Speaker 2: well you've got school again tomorrow, and they just have

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Speaker 2: this melt and they're like, no, I've been to school,

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Speaker 2: I know everything. I don't need to go to school anymore.

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Speaker 2: I've done that. I'm finished. They've watched their big siblings

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Speaker 2: go to school continually, but they kind of thought, no,

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Speaker 2: I've done it.

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Speaker 3: I'm all good.

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Speaker 4: It's amazing and for parents, you know, who are dealing

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Speaker 4: with this for the very first time, often day one

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Speaker 4: can be actually so exciting that there's no jitters, there's

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Speaker 4: no nerves, and they go off really happily. But then

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Speaker 4: we get to day two, three or four, and all

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Speaker 4: of a sudden, it really sinks in that they actually

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Speaker 4: have to do this every day, every day. And sometimes

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Speaker 4: you'll find that there'll be a regression and it actually

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Speaker 4: gets a bit harder before it smooths out. I just

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Speaker 4: know that if that's you, it's normal, it's okay. And

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Speaker 4: reassure your children.

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Speaker 2: And go back to point number one. Easy afternoons and

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Speaker 2: easy evenings because they're pretty stimulated all day at school.

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Speaker 2: We don't need to be loading them up in the afternoons.

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Speaker 2: In fact, if you've got younger kids, I'd even say,

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Speaker 2: don't even book any extracurricular activities. In turn one, if

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Speaker 2: it's not too late, if you can avoid it, just

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Speaker 2: minimize the input into their lives during the afternoon and evening.

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Speaker 3: Lots of cuddles.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and limit the TV as well. That doesn't work

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Speaker 2: for them. Hey, I think that there's a third thing

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Speaker 2: that is worth mentioning, and that is the importance of sleep.

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Speaker 2: We talk about this on the podcast a lot, and

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Speaker 2: one of the favorite things for me to say about

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Speaker 2: sleep is that it is not a luxury item our kids,

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Speaker 2: our older kids are still sort of treating sleep like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I'll get to it when I get there, because right

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Speaker 2: now I'm busy reading or I'm writing in my journal.

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Speaker 2: I walked in just a couple of nights ago, I

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Speaker 2: walked into the kids bedroom at the moment. For those

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Speaker 2: of you who have missed the memo, last year, when

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Speaker 2: we moved from Brisbane to the coast, we had to

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Speaker 2: downsize significantly, Like we bought a three bedroom beach shack. Basically,

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Speaker 2: we're a k back from the beach, but we bought

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Speaker 2: this little beach house that we went from having six

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Speaker 2: bedrooms to having three bedrooms. So we've got three kids

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Speaker 2: sharing one bedroom right now. But it's the rumpus's room

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Speaker 2: with two sets of bunks and there's a lounge in

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Speaker 2: the corner. So I stepped into the bedroom where the

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Speaker 2: three kids are and Emily, our eight year old, she's

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Speaker 2: fast asleep. It's nine point thirty. She's gone. But the

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Speaker 2: twelve year old and the fifteen year old, they're sitting

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Speaker 2: on the couch. Each of them's holding a torch. One

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Speaker 2: of them is just reading her book and the other

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Speaker 2: one's holding a torch while she writes in her journal.

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Speaker 2: Nine point thirty at night. And I'm like, guys, sleep

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Speaker 2: is not a luxury item. You need it like everything

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Speaker 2: needs it. Your brain needs it to function. There's a

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Speaker 2: relationship between getting enough sleep and avoiding things like Alzheimer's

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Speaker 2: and Parkinson's disease. I mean, your brain, your body needs

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Speaker 2: the rest, and the kids need especially in these first

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Speaker 2: couple of weeks, because they've probably had a lot more

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Speaker 2: screen time than they should have during the school watch

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Speaker 2: the amount of screen time that the kids are getting well.

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Speaker 4: Number four is a reminder that mornings begin the night before. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: and especially in these first few weeks. If you can

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Speaker 4: set yourselves up the night before, it makes the mornings

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Speaker 4: just that much less stressful and everybody gets off on

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Speaker 4: a happy foot hopefully.

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Speaker 2: Okay, moment of reflection here. So I've been traveling a

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Speaker 2: fair bit for work. I've been doing a lot of seminars,

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Speaker 2: professional development for teachers, some corporate work, and so the

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Speaker 2: last couple of weeks I haven't been home as much

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Speaker 2: as we would normally have me home and as much

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Speaker 2: as we would probably like. Can I just ask how

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Speaker 2: are we going with that? How are we going with

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Speaker 2: morning beginning the night before?

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Speaker 4: Look, the girls have actually been really good. The other night,

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Speaker 4: I said to them, Dad's out. He's going to get

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Speaker 4: home a little bit late tonight. Do you think that

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Speaker 4: we can all work together and get as much of

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Speaker 4: the cleaning up done so that when he comes in

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Speaker 4: he'll get a really big surprise.

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Speaker 2: And I did.

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Speaker 4: Well, I couldn't believe it. Even miss E Yeah, she

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Speaker 4: got involved as well. She's like, all right, what can

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Speaker 4: I do? And I said, well, I've got a holy

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Speaker 4: little job. So I were just little things, you know,

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Speaker 4: kind of putting putting away things that were in the

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Speaker 4: wrong place. And she said, oh, I said, how are

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Speaker 4: you going with it all? She said, it's pretty boring, she.

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Speaker 3: Said, but it's okay boring. I asked her if.

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Speaker 4: She'd wipe down Her and her cousin had been roller

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Speaker 4: skating through the house and so they'd rubbed black marks

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Speaker 4: onto my kitchen cupboards. And I said, what's that. She said, oh,

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Speaker 4: I think maybe when we were rollerskating, we you know,

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Speaker 4: scratched up the walls a bit. I said, do you

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Speaker 4: think you can get the gumption out and clean that?

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Speaker 4: So she did and she did a perfect job of it.

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Speaker 4: And then the next thing I've seen her, she's around

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Speaker 4: the hallway down the horn.

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Speaker 2: You she just kept gumptioning.

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Speaker 4: She's like, I just want to clean all the doors, mum, right,

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Speaker 4: I said, can you just clean.

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Speaker 2: The kitchen if she's doing it, just let it go. Anyway,

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Speaker 2: your morning begins the night before, so school uniforms, socks, shoes,

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Speaker 2: bags unpacked or repacked. Do it the night before. It

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Speaker 2: takes so much pressure off in the morning. It makes

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Speaker 2: morning so much smoother. When you when you've reduced that

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Speaker 2: level of load for the next day.

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Speaker 4: We're talking about seven things we can do to make

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Speaker 4: school smooth, and my next tip is to meet other parents.

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Speaker 4: It makes such a difference to your kids. You think

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Speaker 4: that the relationships are built in the playground, but actually not,

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Speaker 4: they're built outside of school.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Over the years, as we've gotten to know our kids friends,

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Speaker 2: and it's usually primary school. I mean, in high school,

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Speaker 2: it's great if you can, but the kids are usually

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Speaker 2: a little bit reluctant to make it happen.

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Speaker 3: And parents are as well.

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Speaker 2: I've noticed that parents are kind of.

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Speaker 3: They're busy, they kids are, but.

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Speaker 4: I kind of see the kids as being so much

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Speaker 4: more independent and not needing them, And very often kids

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Speaker 4: don't want them around and parents take a back seat

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Speaker 4: a lot of the time when you get to high

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Speaker 4: school age. So it's much harder to make connections in

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Speaker 4: high school, but primary school and especially those really early years,

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Speaker 4: most parents are desperate to find some connections.

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Speaker 2: It is as well, if kids are going to enjoy school,

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Speaker 2: they have to have good relationships at school. They've got

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Speaker 2: to have good friends at school, and the success of

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Speaker 2: a friendship isn't really up to the kids like. It

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Speaker 2: might be great at school, but the friendship really works

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Speaker 2: best when the parents know each other and they're able

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Speaker 2: to coordinate after school activities or a catch up on

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Speaker 2: the weekend, or chat about the upcoming birthday party or

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Speaker 2: whatever it might be school camp.

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Speaker 4: So if we just take a step back and think

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Speaker 4: about it from an adult's perspective, you walk into a

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Speaker 4: room of twenty four other people, what are the chances

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Speaker 4: that you're going to make a best friend in that scenario.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I love talking to people. I love people,

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Speaker 2: so I'm not so nervous about that. But I understand.

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Speaker 2: I understand the point, and that is that it's really

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Speaker 2: hard to sit down and get to know somebody, and

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Speaker 2: there's so many distractions.

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Speaker 4: There's so many things, you know, pulling at your attention,

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Speaker 4: and especially for little kids, So giving them the opportunity

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Speaker 4: to develop friendships in a more controlled setting where there's

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Speaker 4: only one or two other kids and they get to

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Speaker 4: kind of, you know, work out the whole relationship, it's

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Speaker 4: really really tricky. So whatever we can do as parents

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Speaker 4: to help them navigate that and make stronger connections outside

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Speaker 4: the playground is going to help them so much better

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Speaker 4: in the playground.

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Speaker 2: So we've kind of piggybacked number five. Meet other parents

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Speaker 2: with number six, foster relationships, those two things kind of

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Speaker 2: working together. But maybe to extend that a little bit.

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Speaker 2: If your child has a friend and they're really getting along, well,

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Speaker 2: it might be worth finding out what that friend does

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Speaker 2: for extracurricular activities, or letting that friend know what your

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Speaker 2: child's doing for extracurricular activities, getting them creating more common language,

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Speaker 2: common more activities in common, more things in common can

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Speaker 2: often deepen the relationship and make them more excited about

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Speaker 2: going to oz tag or more excited about going to

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Speaker 2: netball or hockey or swimming or whatever whatever it is

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Speaker 2: that they're doing. It can actually really inspire them to

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Speaker 2: step outside the comfort zone and do things that they

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Speaker 2: haven't done. So it builds the relationship, It builds kids competence,

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Speaker 2: It gets them involved in things, and there's a lot

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Speaker 2: of value in us knowing the other parents but also

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Speaker 2: fostering the relationship, building it, having play dates, all that

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Speaker 2: kind of thing. Big kids, little kids, same, same, and.

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Speaker 4: Just as a parent, it helps to have somebody else

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Speaker 4: there to kind of, you know, go back and forth

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Speaker 4: with you've lost a newsletter, and you can't remember what

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Speaker 4: day the next school excursion is, or what day do

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Speaker 4: they wear their sports uniform or whatever. It's really nice

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Speaker 4: to have another parent to kind of just back you

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Speaker 4: up in your thinking.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so we've covered six things. We're going to make

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Speaker 2: sure that we remember to have easy afternoons and evenings.

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Speaker 2: Remind little kids that school is every day, and be

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Speaker 2: really gentle about it. Recognize that they might have some

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Speaker 2: big emotions around that help all of our kids to

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Speaker 2: understand that sleep is not a luxury item. We've talked

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Speaker 2: about remembering that your morning begins the night before, and

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Speaker 2: we need to both meet other parents and foster relationships

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Speaker 2: for our kids so that they have a sense of

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Speaker 2: belonging at school. The last thing that I think we

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Speaker 2: should talk about in this brief conversation today is just

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Speaker 2: the importance of supporting our kids' autonomy. When kids feel controlled,

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Speaker 2: when they feel like we're making them do everything, they

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Speaker 2: push back. Force creates resistance, and so to the extent

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Speaker 2: that we can, I think that we want to give

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Speaker 2: our kids some autonomy, whether it's in the morning as

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Speaker 2: they're getting ready for school or they're going to have

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Speaker 2: for breakfast, all lunch or maybe even it's probably too

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Speaker 2: late for this now, but letting them choose the school

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Speaker 2: or consider where all their friends are going and have

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Speaker 2: them go off there. But the more autonomy we can

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Speaker 2: give our kids, the more they can have a sense

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Speaker 2: that they're in control of things, or at least we're

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Speaker 2: working with them. We're providing support to them as they

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Speaker 2: make decisions and guiding them carefully and gently if they're

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Speaker 2: going to make a decision that's not in their best interest.

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Speaker 2: It really just smooths the road. It makes family life easier,

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Speaker 2: it makes school life easier. We find that we can

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Speaker 2: all breathe a little easier when control levels are lower,

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Speaker 2: not higher.

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Speaker 3: Or it makes life easier for everyone.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it does well.

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Speaker 4: Hopefully these tips have been helpful in helping you navigate

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Speaker 4: these first few weeks of school, especially for these first timers.

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Speaker 2: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruhland from

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Speaker 2: Bridge Media. We appreciate very much the work that Justin

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Speaker 2: does to make the podcast absolutely sing. Craig Bruce is

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Speaker 2: our executive producer, and if you'd like more information about

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Speaker 2: making your family happy, you can visit us at happyfamilies

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Speaker 2: dot com dot You tomorrow. The big question that so

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Speaker 2: many parents grapple with, especially at this time of the year,

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Speaker 2: How do I get my kids to do homework