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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just answers Now.

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Speaker 2: ADHD is a challenge or a disorder related to inhibition,

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Speaker 2: self regulation, attentional focus, and physical activity, and being outside

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Speaker 2: seems to be a really profoundly healthy way to build

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Speaker 2: that and improve that.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 2: Well, school holidays in Queensland are over. We're back, Kylie,

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Speaker 2: Misshappy Families. We've got a whole lot of podcasting to do,

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Speaker 2: especially this month with Mental Health Awareness Month's going to

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Speaker 2: talk about it in a sec. But how do you

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Speaker 2: think we went with the school holidays? Are you glad

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Speaker 2: the kids are back at school? Do you miss them already?

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Speaker 2: Where are you up to? Look?

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Speaker 3: I actually really love school holidays. Six weeks is way

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Speaker 3: too much. Christmas time is hard, I think to get through.

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Speaker 3: We all kind of get to a point where you're

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Speaker 3: just craving the routine, even though you've been dying to

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Speaker 3: let go of it. You get to a point where

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Speaker 3: you just you really need it back the structure. But

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Speaker 3: two weeks just never feels like enough. I always feel

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Speaker 3: like I've been cheated by the end of it.

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Speaker 2: I feel a bit cheated. We'll probably talk about it

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Speaker 2: on Friday with older better tomorrow, but I feel cheated,

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Speaker 2: and it's my fault. It's totally self inflicted. But having

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Speaker 2: this book deadline has kind of cast a shadow over

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Speaker 2: our entire holidays. For me, at least. I think the

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Speaker 2: kids have had a good time, but I've just had

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Speaker 2: this burden of knowing that I need to get to

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Speaker 2: the office and I need to write, and I've got

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Speaker 2: work to do. It's been a really hard holidays.

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Speaker 3: It's not a secret that you don't know how to

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Speaker 3: holiday very.

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Speaker 2: Well, only because you tell everyone that I don't. I've

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Speaker 2: got a question for you. This is probably an unfair

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Speaker 2: question because you know the answer to it. But if

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Speaker 2: you didn't know the answer, can you answer a question

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Speaker 2: as if you didn't know the answer when you do

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Speaker 2: know the answer, Let me ask you the question if

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Speaker 2: you didn't know, because we've already talked about it, How

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Speaker 2: confusing did that sound? What would you imagine the most

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Speaker 2: diagnosed mental health issue is for children in Austra today.

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Speaker 2: If we hadn't already talked about it, well.

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Speaker 3: If I hadn't already talked to you about it, and

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Speaker 3: we hadn't had a conversation about it, I still probably

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Speaker 3: would guess the answer. Yeah, because you can't have a

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Speaker 3: conversation in the classroom without recognizing that just about every

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Speaker 3: other kid it has been diagnosed with ADHD. Add odd

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Speaker 3: any number of labels. It just is prolific in our society.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. So ADHD is the number one most diagnosed mental

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Speaker 2: health issue for our children, specifically with children aged four

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Speaker 2: to eleven. We're talking primary school kids here. According to

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Speaker 2: the Austlian Institute of Health and Welfare data, boys more

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Speaker 2: commonly affected with mental health issues than girls seventeen percent

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Speaker 2: versus eleven percent, and ADHD ranks as the top disorder

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Speaker 2: for this age group eight point zero two percent, so

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Speaker 2: almost one in ten kids aged four to eleven.

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Speaker 3: So I put it out there like I would never

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Speaker 3: have put ADHD in mental health.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, well, it's recognized as a mental health issue

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Speaker 2: or a quote unquote mental illness, but it's a really

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Speaker 2: controversial and provocative one, and there are all sorts of

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Speaker 2: very very very smart people on both sides of this

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Speaker 2: argument saying that it is or it isn't, and different

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Speaker 2: nations approach it completely differently as well, Like in the

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Speaker 2: United States, ADHD is off the charts. There are some

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Speaker 2: places whereas many as thirty percent of kids in the

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Speaker 2: United States are diagnosed with ADHD. But then you go

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Speaker 2: somewhere like Finland and there is about one percent of

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Speaker 2: kids with an ADHD diagnosis. Like they just they reject

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Speaker 2: it and they look at the broader environment. They say, well,

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Speaker 2: this is not a this is not a neurobiological thing,

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Speaker 2: this is an environmental thing. Very provocative thing to talk

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Speaker 2: about on the podcast. One thing that we can say, regardless,

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Speaker 2: is that if your child receives an ADHD diagnosis or

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Speaker 2: has ADHD symptoms, it's incredibly disruptive for you for your child.

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Speaker 2: It's really hard to function and make life work when

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Speaker 2: ADHD all those kinds of symptoms are showing up in

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Speaker 2: your child's life. So, given that it's Mental Health Awareness

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Speaker 2: Month all month today, we thought that we would help

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Speaker 2: our parents whose children display ADHD symptoms or who have

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Speaker 2: received an ADHD diagnosis. So we've come up with four ideas,

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Speaker 2: four things that we can share that can help to

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Speaker 2: lighten the load, to ease the burden.

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Speaker 3: It's interesting having six children and watching each of them

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Speaker 3: develop so uniquely and differently from one another. It was

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Speaker 3: quite remarkable to me as a mum to recognize that

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Speaker 3: when Baby six came along, I just knew I had

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Speaker 3: to do things differently with her. Yeah, and all of

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Speaker 3: the kids would say, you know, you treat her so

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Speaker 3: much differently to us. She gets away with everything. But

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Speaker 3: there were just certain traits that she had that I

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Speaker 3: learned very very early on that if I didn't manage

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Speaker 3: them in a specific way, that our whole lives were

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Speaker 3: turned upside down. And over time, obviously we've recognized and

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Speaker 3: she has received a label. And I feel so grateful that,

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Speaker 3: in spite of all of the I guess the lashback

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Speaker 3: from the kids and other adults, that I followed my

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Speaker 3: guart on that because it has made such a difference

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Speaker 3: to the way she has continued to grow and mature.

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Speaker 3: So the four things we're going to share with you

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Speaker 3: today are things that I've actually instinctively worked through with

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Speaker 3: her over the last eight years and has made such

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Speaker 3: a difference. The contrast that I see when other adults

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Speaker 3: come into the picture and they don't know how to manage.

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Speaker 2: Her, or when we're just not at our best, is insane.

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Speaker 2: So I prefer the word work with rather than manage.

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Speaker 2: I think that we want to work with our kids

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Speaker 2: rather than manage our kids. But the idea here, and

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Speaker 2: you and I see this kind of differently, and I

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Speaker 2: really resist and push against the label. I don't think

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Speaker 2: that it really adds anything. But what I do feel

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Speaker 2: is that we have had to respond to this particular

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Speaker 2: daughter and her needs in ways that are unique and

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Speaker 2: different to the way our other five kids have been raised.

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Speaker 2: So where do you want to start. We've got four ideas.

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Speaker 2: Let's hit one right now before the break, and then

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Speaker 2: after the break we'll to the other three.

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Speaker 3: Well, let's start with an easy one. Okay, Outside and

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Speaker 3: keeping them busy. Yes, they are busy people. They love

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Speaker 3: to move their bodies, they're exploring, they're just constantly on

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Speaker 3: the go. And I learned very very early on the

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Speaker 3: more time my child had outside, just being able to

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Speaker 3: just be her and explore the world the way she

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Speaker 3: wanted to life was bliss.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: It's tricky as well, though, because they want to be

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Speaker 2: focused on their screens. They get hyper focused on whatever

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Speaker 2: they're doing once they are really in. But we also

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Speaker 2: know that there's that hyperactivity aspect, and we also know

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Speaker 2: I mean, research shows there is there. It is beyond doubt.

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Speaker 2: It's indisputable that when kids are getting physical activity, it's

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Speaker 2: good for their body, it's good for their mind, it's

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Speaker 2: good for their soul, it's good for everything so nature

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Speaker 2: feel for the soul, but physical activity as well, it

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Speaker 2: just makes such a difference in their capacity to focus

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Speaker 2: and pay attention. Ultimately, ADHD is a challenge or a

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Speaker 2: disorder related to inhibition, self regulation, attentional focus, and physical activity,

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Speaker 2: and being outside seems to be a really profoundly healthy

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Speaker 2: way to build that and improve that. In fact, there

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Speaker 2: are some researchers in some parts of the world who

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Speaker 2: will say that's the central issue behind the ADHD problems

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Speaker 2: that we're having diagnosed around the world. If more kids

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Speaker 2: were getting more outside time, more physical activity time, like

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Speaker 2: we did thirty forty fifty years ago, let's get all

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Speaker 2: nostalgic that we would have a whole lot less ADHD.

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Speaker 3: Now.

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Speaker 2: I know some people are saying, my kids are fully

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Speaker 2: active and they've still got I'm not making an argument

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Speaker 2: one way or the other here except to highlight that

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Speaker 2: that point that you've made being outside and getting physical

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Speaker 2: activity is vitally important for men health and it can

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Speaker 2: be it has been shown empirically to make a difference

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Speaker 2: when it comes to kids with ADHD. After the break,

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Speaker 2: let's talk about the three other things that you can

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Speaker 2: do to help your child starting right now. If there's

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Speaker 2: ADHD diagnoses or symptoms that you're dealing with.

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Speaker 3: It's a Happy Family's podcast, the podcast with a time

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Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers now, And we've got

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Speaker 3: three more things that we have learned through trial and

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Speaker 3: error have made a huge difference to dealing with our

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Speaker 3: child with ADHD.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so I'm going to start with a nice easy one,

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Speaker 2: and that is that we just need to work on transitions,

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Speaker 2: especially around screens. So one thing that I've watched happen

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Speaker 2: with family after family is when you put something on

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Speaker 2: a kid, most kids, but especially kids that have got

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Speaker 2: these ADHD symptoms or diagnoses, and you say, hey, a

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Speaker 2: time to turn off the TV, or it's time to

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Speaker 2: go and do this, or it's time to go and

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Speaker 2: do that. It's same with kids that are on the

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Speaker 2: spectrum as well. They don't respond well unless there's been

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Speaker 2: some transition time an opportunity for them to get their

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Speaker 2: head around. Here is where I am now and soon

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Speaker 2: I need to be moving from here to there? Makes

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Speaker 2: such a difference.

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Speaker 3: But even as much as transitions are important, they're actually

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Speaker 3: understanding the structure and routine of their day so that

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Speaker 3: they know that when you give them that five minute

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Speaker 3: warning about what's going to happen next, they actually know

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Speaker 3: that that's actually the next step in their day. It

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Speaker 3: makes such a difference if they feel like they've got

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Speaker 3: a bit of autonomy around it as well.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, structure, routine, transition time, five minutes to go? How

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Speaker 2: many more minutes? What are we doing in five minutes?

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Speaker 1: Time?

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Speaker 2: Two more minutes? What are we doing in two minutes.

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Speaker 2: It's having that interaction, engagement, making sure that they're looking

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Speaker 2: in your eyes, making sure they're saying I'm turning off

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Speaker 2: the TV or I'm going to bed, or I'm getting

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Speaker 2: in the car, or I'm doing whatever. You get them

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Speaker 2: to tell you what it is it's going to happen.

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Speaker 2: It's annoying for them, but ultimately it means that you'll

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Speaker 2: have a much more peaceful process as you transition from

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Speaker 2: one part of the day to another. You mentioned supporting autonomy,

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Speaker 2: so let's mention let's bring that up because that's our

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Speaker 2: number three ideas supporting autonomy. I'm writing an entire book

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Speaker 2: about this, but before I launch to do anything about autonomy,

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Speaker 2: what would you say that means for you?

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Speaker 3: I guess the biggest thing is just our kids want

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Speaker 3: to know that they actually have some say in the

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Speaker 3: way their world functions and their day to day activities.

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Speaker 3: But I found, especially with our ADHD child, she just

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Speaker 3: needed to do things her way, and so finding a

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Speaker 3: way to keep her safe and to keep her within

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Speaker 3: kind of the boundaries of our family principles and standards

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Speaker 3: has probably been the biggest challenge of dealing with her,

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Speaker 3: but it has made the biggest difference in her behavior

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Speaker 3: and her response to the world around her.

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Speaker 2: There's nothing I can add to that. So Number one,

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Speaker 2: get the kids outside, get them moving their bodies, get

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Speaker 2: them involved in physical activity. Number two, work on transitions, warnings, conversations, reminders,

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Speaker 2: getting them defeed it back to you. Number three support

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Speaker 2: their autonomy. And number four I think this is probably

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Speaker 2: the most important one of all, which is why I

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Speaker 2: wanted to save it to the end. The importance of

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Speaker 2: staying calm, This.

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Speaker 3: As probably the biggest challenge.

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Speaker 2: The importance of slowing down and being supportive. So we

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Speaker 2: got some feedback from Jess, a Happy Family's premium member.

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Speaker 2: She jumped into her iPhone and sent us a voice

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Speaker 2: memo and said, I don't really know if I love

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Speaker 2: the whole high emotions low intelligence thing, because you're suggesting

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Speaker 2: that high emotions are bad because it makes you dumb.

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Speaker 2: But emotions are valuable and give us information and we

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Speaker 2: should appreciate emotions all the time. She said, can we

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Speaker 2: change it to you're not thinking straight in a high

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Speaker 2: emotion state, or when you're on the brink, remember to

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Speaker 2: stop and think. And Jess, I love that. I'm still

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Speaker 2: going to say high motions low intelligence because we don't

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Speaker 2: want to be making decisions in a high emotion state.

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Speaker 2: Our thinking is not as clear, we are less intelligent,

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Speaker 2: and it's important that we recognize that while those emotions

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Speaker 2: are a valuable that they're not always true and they

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Speaker 2: don't necessarily support us to make the decisions that we

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Speaker 2: need to make so that we can be rational and

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Speaker 2: thoughtful and wise.

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Speaker 1: Well.

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Speaker 3: I think that that is a really, really big distinction

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Speaker 3: that you've got there. Based on what Jess is sharing,

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Speaker 3: you're suggesting that when we're in those higher mode of states.

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Speaker 3: Because our intelligence is lower, we're not capable of making

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Speaker 3: big decisions in the most appropriate way.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we tend to be more rash.

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Speaker 3: So while she's got some great ideas and suggestions, I

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Speaker 3: love them. They're great, and they work for different things.

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Speaker 3: What you're actually suggesting is that when we're in that

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Speaker 3: heightened emotion state, it's really important that we actually are

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Speaker 3: able to take a step back and not jump into

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Speaker 3: decision making.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, when you're on the brink room, but to stop

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Speaker 2: and think you're not thinking straight in high e motion state.

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Speaker 2: I love it. So what you're really highlighting is what

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Speaker 2: Jess is highlighted, and that is that when you've got

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Speaker 2: a child who exhibits ADHD symptoms or has an ADHD diagnosis,

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Speaker 2: the best thing that you can do is slow down.

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Speaker 2: Because we're inclined to speed up thinking, our thought processes

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Speaker 2: when they're faster, tend to be less deliberate, less considered,

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Speaker 2: and quite often less accurate. There's just more value in

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Speaker 2: slowing things down, being supportive and staying calm. When you

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Speaker 2: stay calm and balanced, you can make more rational choices.

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Speaker 3: Well, what I actually found with our daughter was just

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Speaker 3: that the more heightened my emotions became, the more heightened

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Speaker 3: hers became, and it actually escalated so quickly.

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Speaker 2: And emotions are contagious, it.

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Speaker 3: Was it was so intense, and especially when we were

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Speaker 3: out in public then, you know, kind of I was

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Speaker 3: feeling the public shame, I guess, and the guilt around

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Speaker 3: having this child who was explosive, which just added like

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Speaker 3: piled on the emotion that we were all feeling in

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Speaker 3: the moment, and it made it really really hard. And

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Speaker 3: once I was able to step back and recognize that

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Speaker 3: her emotions actually had very little to do with me.

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Speaker 2: It wasn't my fault.

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Speaker 3: This was her expressing what was going on in her world,

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Speaker 3: and it didn't make me a bad mum because she

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Speaker 3: was having a moment that I was able to stay

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Speaker 3: calm and just recognize that this was big for her

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Speaker 3: right now. Once I did that, she actually she still

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Speaker 3: has those big, big explosive moments, but they last seconds,

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Speaker 3: sometimes you know, a minute at the most, and then

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Speaker 3: she'll walk out the door and it's like it never happened.

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Speaker 2: Get the kids outside physically active, support their autonomy, work

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Speaker 2: on transitions, and stay calm, slow down, be supportive. We

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Speaker 2: hope that these are some useful tips if you have

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Speaker 2: children who even if they don't have ADHD. Seriously, these

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Speaker 2: are just going to be useful. Useful ideas for Mental

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Speaker 2: Health Awareness Month. Four things that you can do right

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Speaker 2: now to support your child's ADHD. The Happy Family's podcast

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Speaker 2: is produced by Justin Rowland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce

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Speaker 2: is our executive producer, and for more information about making

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Speaker 2: your family happier, please visit us at happyfamilies dot com

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Speaker 2: dot a