WEBVTT - So I dated a Sociopath 0:00:15.800 --> 0:00:19.200 Hey, guys, and welcome to another episode of Life Uncut. 0:00:19.320 --> 0:00:22.919 I'm Laura and I'm Brwutney, and today we have a 0:00:22.960 --> 0:00:25.560 real doozy of an episode for you. I think it's 0:00:25.600 --> 0:00:29.200 fair to say that most people have experienced some sort 0:00:29.200 --> 0:00:32.080 of toxic relationship in their life, whether it be with 0:00:32.159 --> 0:00:35.480 a family member, with a coworker, or in their own 0:00:35.560 --> 0:00:39.640 personal relationships. Today, someone very close to me is going 0:00:39.680 --> 0:00:42.879 to be sharing their experience with the toxic relationship. And 0:00:42.920 --> 0:00:46.600 that person is so close to me, she is close 0:00:46.680 --> 0:00:49.560 enough that I can smell her. Please, don't do you 0:00:49.600 --> 0:00:51.280 want me to work pretty early in the morning. Have 0:00:51.360 --> 0:00:55.040 you showered yet? I actually haven't known you. No, No, 0:00:55.200 --> 0:00:57.720 it's okay. It's five point thirty in the morning right now, 0:00:57.800 --> 0:00:59.920 and this is the only time we had to get 0:01:00.080 --> 0:01:02.800 this podcast done, so we were on our hustle. Guys, 0:01:03.400 --> 0:01:05.640 Britt is going to be sharing with us a pretty 0:01:05.920 --> 0:01:09.959 huge dating story and how she's dealt with this toxic 0:01:10.000 --> 0:01:13.479 relationship in her life and how it's shaped her. And 0:01:13.600 --> 0:01:16.680 I'm really really proud of her for sharing this, and 0:01:16.720 --> 0:01:19.240 I'm actually really excited for her to share this with 0:01:19.319 --> 0:01:22.200 all of you, not because it is an exciting story, 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:25.480 It is actually really quite a traumatic story. But I 0:01:25.520 --> 0:01:26.880 think that there are a lot of points from this 0:01:27.000 --> 0:01:28.679 that are going to relate to a lot of people 0:01:28.720 --> 0:01:33.039 who may find themselves in similar situations or find themselves 0:01:33.040 --> 0:01:36.399 in other toxic relationships. But before we get into the 0:01:36.520 --> 0:01:40.880 thick of it, britt I know you watched The Bachelor. 0:01:41.440 --> 0:01:45.880 Of course, I I'm only human. Give me your low down. 0:01:45.959 --> 0:01:47.440 What do you reckon? Right? 0:01:47.640 --> 0:01:50.840 Well, we did speak about it last week. I openly 0:01:51.120 --> 0:01:52.680 love Matt you love him? 0:01:52.760 --> 0:01:55.440 Yeah, I think Matt agnew. Just so you know, if 0:01:55.480 --> 0:01:59.360 you didn't pick anyone, Brittany loves you the end, I 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:01.720 thought you would. I'm going to send him. I'm going 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:03.360 to send him a text. I'm going to slide into 0:02:03.400 --> 0:02:05.960 his DMS and let him know I have a sneaky 0:02:06.000 --> 0:02:08.320 suspicion the man is very in love. 0:02:08.120 --> 0:02:10.359 Which I'm stoked for because that's what the show's about. 0:02:10.440 --> 0:02:11.320 Don't say you're stoked. 0:02:11.320 --> 0:02:13.440 It's a lie. She's actually heartbroken. But you know what, 0:02:13.520 --> 0:02:16.720 we're still pretty excited about the show itself. So, yeah, 0:02:16.720 --> 0:02:19.000 I did watch it. Did you watch it? Yes? Okay, 0:02:19.080 --> 0:02:21.720 So we were away for the week and I made 0:02:21.720 --> 0:02:25.119 my sister book an Airbnb that had TV free to air. 0:02:25.440 --> 0:02:27.760 I was there. We couldn't go out for dinner because 0:02:27.840 --> 0:02:30.400 I was watching The Bachelor. It's a dedication, isn't it? 0:02:30.680 --> 0:02:32.480 Very much? So? So, what did you. 0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:35.639 Think of the first lot of girls, because obviously it 0:02:35.680 --> 0:02:37.920 was they came in two lots over two nights. What 0:02:38.080 --> 0:02:40.560 was your initial just go your initial overthought? 0:02:40.720 --> 0:02:43.119 I love them, I love them all. No, I think 0:02:43.160 --> 0:02:45.200 that it's been cast so well. We said this in 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:48.320 the last episode, but this season seems to really have 0:02:48.520 --> 0:02:51.520 characters and I like that. I like that there is 0:02:52.440 --> 0:02:54.280 the villain, but she kind of came in as the 0:02:54.320 --> 0:02:58.919 crazy bride and crazy yeah, I get a real cure 0:02:59.040 --> 0:03:00.639 vibe from her. What I love. 0:03:00.800 --> 0:03:02.680 I love that she brought her best friend in as 0:03:02.680 --> 0:03:05.000 the bridesmaid. But I'm pretty sure Matt got confused and 0:03:05.040 --> 0:03:06.160 thought it was a contestant. 0:03:06.240 --> 0:03:09.440 Did anyone else hear her call her friend a bitch face? Though? 0:03:09.680 --> 0:03:12.359 Did you see that best friend goals? I'm like, oh, 0:03:12.639 --> 0:03:14.520 that is. I don't know how you're gonna feel being 0:03:14.560 --> 0:03:17.559 the best friend watching that back. Speaking of toxic relationships, 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:19.160 don't let your friend call your bitch face. 0:03:19.160 --> 0:03:21.480 It's not nice. Remove yourself from that immediately. 0:03:21.760 --> 0:03:24.239 So okay, if you had to pick your top girls, 0:03:25.040 --> 0:03:27.280 who are they off the bat? Okay? 0:03:27.360 --> 0:03:31.840 So I think Eleanor So she was the girl from Mauritius. 0:03:31.960 --> 0:03:37.120 Yeah she's French. Yeah, she looks beautiful. Sheems Oh you 0:03:37.160 --> 0:03:39.200 mean cream that one? I like her? 0:03:39.280 --> 0:03:42.400 Oh cream, No, I liked her. She seemed super normal. 0:03:42.480 --> 0:03:44.640 She was beautiful. I think Ellie. 0:03:44.760 --> 0:03:48.720 She won me over with the marshmallow campfire. Elle everyone 0:03:48.920 --> 0:03:50.800 everyone over. She's the dream. 0:03:51.160 --> 0:03:53.880 She was just so sweet. I think we'll see her 0:03:53.920 --> 0:03:54.320 in the end. 0:03:54.640 --> 0:03:58.240 I'm worried that I'm gonna get Nikki Gogan. She's amazing, 0:03:58.520 --> 0:04:02.120 she'll be potent. Yeah. Oh, or we have to prepare 0:04:02.160 --> 0:04:05.080 our hearts for that. Or maybe she's the girl, Maybe 0:04:05.120 --> 0:04:08.280 she's she might be you know who I love. I 0:04:08.400 --> 0:04:11.280 love the girl from Rio. I just think her narrating 0:04:11.360 --> 0:04:13.720 of this season so far, with the Kelly hair. I 0:04:13.720 --> 0:04:15.240 want to be best friends with her and I want 0:04:15.280 --> 0:04:17.000 her to narrate my life so funny. 0:04:17.120 --> 0:04:19.799 Yeah, she's a cutie. She's got really glowy skin. 0:04:20.279 --> 0:04:23.640 Yeah. Now BRIT's creeping on her host Well. Do you 0:04:23.680 --> 0:04:25.440 know what else I like about this season? I like 0:04:25.480 --> 0:04:29.200 that they've brought in the intruders, and they've brought them 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:31.960 in at the very beginning because normally there's this sense 0:04:32.000 --> 0:04:34.840 that an intruder can't win the show because the intruders 0:04:34.880 --> 0:04:37.840 haven't had enough time with the bachelor. Yeah, I mean, 0:04:37.880 --> 0:04:40.120 I do think it's been from the few of the 0:04:40.160 --> 0:04:42.840 girls dropped their comments, and just how we know filming is. 0:04:42.839 --> 0:04:44.320 I think it's been about a week. It was only 0:04:44.440 --> 0:04:46.159 night two, but I reckon the girls had about a 0:04:46.160 --> 0:04:48.480 week in there before the intruders came in. But that's nothing. 0:04:48.640 --> 0:04:51.200 Only in a week only one person's probably had a 0:04:51.240 --> 0:04:53.800 single date so far, so most people are pretty much 0:04:53.800 --> 0:04:56.680 on an even playing field. Yeah. I really like that 0:04:56.800 --> 0:05:00.200 instead of bringing the intruders in three quarters of w through, 0:05:00.640 --> 0:05:03.320 which they normally do just to try and spice things 0:05:03.360 --> 0:05:05.400 up for the viewer. There's no way that an intruder's 0:05:05.400 --> 0:05:07.400 gonna win if they've only got two weeks to spend 0:05:07.400 --> 0:05:09.760 with the guy, of course. Yeah, so bringing them in 0:05:09.960 --> 0:05:12.480 at the beginning it means that we still have that 0:05:12.560 --> 0:05:15.520 injection of new girls. Do you know what I think 0:05:15.560 --> 0:05:15.919 is funny? 0:05:15.920 --> 0:05:17.880 Though ane of them could win. Yeah, And I love 0:05:17.960 --> 0:05:20.320 how it's old girls first new girls. And I love 0:05:20.400 --> 0:05:22.919 how the old girls are like, we're the old girls. 0:05:22.960 --> 0:05:24.479 You can't come in here, And I was like, babes, 0:05:24.520 --> 0:05:25.440 it's been one episode. 0:05:26.279 --> 0:05:28.640 It's been one but you know what, they've been in 0:05:28.640 --> 0:05:30.680 there for a week, so they already start to feel 0:05:30.680 --> 0:05:33.000 like they've got their click and they've got their groove 0:05:33.040 --> 0:05:35.039 of what's happening in the house. So I can kind 0:05:35.040 --> 0:05:37.599 of understand that we never had intruders on our season 0:05:37.920 --> 0:05:41.240 at all. No. None. I don't know why. I don't 0:05:41.240 --> 0:05:43.200 know whether it was a call from production or where 0:05:43.200 --> 0:05:45.640 the Matt had said that he didn't want intruders, but 0:05:45.680 --> 0:05:46.680 we never ever had any. 0:05:46.880 --> 0:05:49.400 Sometimes I feel like they get halfway and they're like, oh, 0:05:49.440 --> 0:05:50.640 we need to spice this up. 0:05:50.720 --> 0:05:53.800 What did you think of the date with sigand the 0:05:53.880 --> 0:05:54.840 first single date? 0:05:54.920 --> 0:05:56.279 Yeah, to be honest, I was a bit on the 0:05:56.320 --> 0:06:00.320 fence about it because I thought it was super over 0:06:00.360 --> 0:06:03.040 the top, okay, as in like what they were doing 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:03.680 was over the top. 0:06:03.760 --> 0:06:04.479 Well, I don't know. 0:06:04.520 --> 0:06:07.200 I just didn't feel like I saw enough of them 0:06:07.400 --> 0:06:10.680 actually talking. Oh my god, thank you so I actually 0:06:10.720 --> 0:06:13.159 met think you I'm made a comment on Instagram. I 0:06:13.200 --> 0:06:15.760 was sort of doing some Instagram stories, mainly of me eating, 0:06:15.839 --> 0:06:19.360 looking distressed, I said, did I just blink and miss 0:06:19.400 --> 0:06:21.680 the whole chat because I didn't see anything. 0:06:21.880 --> 0:06:24.320 So I was actually looking at the social media pages 0:06:24.600 --> 0:06:28.279 for the date from the Bachelor's instagram, and everyone was saying, 0:06:28.480 --> 0:06:30.760 this is the most romantic date I've ever seen. Their 0:06:30.760 --> 0:06:33.600 perfect together. I honestly don't think I heard them say 0:06:33.839 --> 0:06:37.320 one sentence other than other than the one bit where 0:06:37.320 --> 0:06:40.440 Segun said, this is so beautiful, I'm speechless, and I 0:06:40.440 --> 0:06:42.200 was like, girl, you've been speechless this whole day. You 0:06:42.240 --> 0:06:43.279 haven't said one word. 0:06:43.720 --> 0:06:46.080 And also the orchestra, I didn't even hear them play, 0:06:46.120 --> 0:06:48.000 but they looked great in the background. I just didn't 0:06:48.040 --> 0:06:50.840 see them have any actual chemistry. Yeah, in the in 0:06:50.880 --> 0:06:54.120 the helicopter, they didn't actually have any conversation at all. 0:06:54.200 --> 0:06:57.479 They were just enjoying the view. And I think she 0:06:57.600 --> 0:07:00.840 did open up a little bit towards the end about 0:07:00.920 --> 0:07:04.560 how she'd been single first seven years, which is how 0:07:04.560 --> 0:07:06.960 we ended up getting into our conversation for today. 0:07:07.520 --> 0:07:09.320 But that was the only thing. But that was the 0:07:09.360 --> 0:07:11.360 only thing, and I don't know if that was enough 0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:14.800 to be able to say that they had this real chemistry. 0:07:14.840 --> 0:07:16.520 I'm glad you said that, because I thought I must 0:07:16.560 --> 0:07:18.120 have just had a micro sleep and missed. 0:07:17.880 --> 0:07:20.120 The whole thing. But no, not just me. It didn't 0:07:20.160 --> 0:07:23.640 have a micro sleep. I honestly, I wasn't sold on 0:07:23.680 --> 0:07:27.400 that first single date, to be honest, nor was I. Also, 0:07:27.920 --> 0:07:30.480 where did they get changed in the bush? That's my 0:07:30.520 --> 0:07:33.280 point behind of it? Wind? And where did the dress 0:07:33.320 --> 0:07:35.080 come from? Matt? I'm sorry when they say Matt set 0:07:35.080 --> 0:07:37.560 that up. You did not put that dresser. Oh, come, 0:07:37.760 --> 0:07:41.880 we allt don't don't ruin the smoke and mirrors. The 0:07:41.880 --> 0:07:44.720 Bachelor organizes all the dates. Actually, do you know what? 0:07:44.960 --> 0:07:47.200 I can say this and attest to this. The Bachelor 0:07:47.240 --> 0:07:50.280 has a very very big say on every single date. 0:07:50.360 --> 0:07:52.440 I know that there's this like rumor out there that 0:07:52.640 --> 0:07:55.480 all the dates are done by production. The Bachelor actually 0:07:55.520 --> 0:07:59.200 gets to dictate very much the plan of the date. Yes, 0:07:59.360 --> 0:08:02.880 and just I'm just taking a p She's hateful because 0:08:03.040 --> 0:08:05.600 she thinks Matt's in love and it's not with Britt. 0:08:05.760 --> 0:08:07.640 I can give you that spoiler. Matt and Britt do 0:08:07.760 --> 0:08:08.640 not end up together. 0:08:09.120 --> 0:08:09.520 Spoiler. 0:08:11.640 --> 0:08:14.880 So okay, So we got talking after the Bachelor, and 0:08:15.240 --> 0:08:17.960 if you've listened to our first episode, you would know 0:08:18.040 --> 0:08:20.000 that Britt touched on the fact that she has been 0:08:20.040 --> 0:08:23.920 single for seven years, which for some people might sound crazy, 0:08:23.960 --> 0:08:27.440 because Britt, you have everything going for you, why are 0:08:27.440 --> 0:08:29.920 you single? And I know that that's really an offensive 0:08:29.960 --> 0:08:33.079 thing to be asked. No, it's it's not offensive. 0:08:33.760 --> 0:08:35.760 It's just that it wears you down sometimes when a 0:08:35.800 --> 0:08:37.240 lot of people ask you over and over and over 0:08:37.280 --> 0:08:38.120 again for seven yearly. 0:08:38.760 --> 0:08:42.840 But often there's a reason. Maybe you've chosen that, maybe 0:08:42.840 --> 0:08:45.320 you haven't met the right guy yet, but you have 0:08:45.559 --> 0:08:47.960 quite a good reason up until this point as to 0:08:48.000 --> 0:08:51.000 why you carved out some time for yourself. 0:08:51.960 --> 0:08:53.959 Correct, Laura, thanks for asking. 0:08:54.160 --> 0:08:57.920 I am asking, and I really, I mean, I really 0:08:57.960 --> 0:09:00.600 want to approach this sensitively for you, So I really 0:09:00.679 --> 0:09:03.520 kind of want to give you the microphone a little 0:09:03.520 --> 0:09:06.200 bit and lead into this conversation however you feel most 0:09:06.240 --> 0:09:08.400 comfortable as well. I am. 0:09:08.559 --> 0:09:12.160 To be honest, I'm pretty open and comfortable talking about 0:09:12.160 --> 0:09:14.800 this now, but I never have really voiced it on 0:09:14.800 --> 0:09:17.760 a national platform before I got to the point where 0:09:17.760 --> 0:09:19.679 I started to talk a lot about it with my friends, 0:09:19.800 --> 0:09:22.800 and I did mention it to Nick on The Bachelor, 0:09:23.600 --> 0:09:26.520 but we didn't go quite into depth because I had 0:09:26.520 --> 0:09:28.360 said I just wanted to skim the surface with it, 0:09:28.400 --> 0:09:30.720 and I didn't want to be airing my dirty laundry 0:09:30.720 --> 0:09:31.679 on national television. 0:09:32.000 --> 0:09:34.720 Did you take a little while to sort of process 0:09:34.760 --> 0:09:36.520 the fact that your whole life was going to be 0:09:36.559 --> 0:09:38.920 in the public, I one hundred percent did. 0:09:39.000 --> 0:09:41.160 Okay, Yeah, and I definitely was not going on there 0:09:41.160 --> 0:09:43.040 for a well is me and this is my story? 0:09:43.040 --> 0:09:44.200 Otherwise I would have told it. 0:09:44.679 --> 0:09:45.400 Yes, So I do have. 0:09:45.360 --> 0:09:47.800 An interesting story and I want to help people that 0:09:47.920 --> 0:09:50.559 might be in this situation because I do think it's 0:09:50.600 --> 0:09:53.440 going to be a lot more common. And essentially that 0:09:53.679 --> 0:09:57.360 is well, to put it simply, I dated a sociopath. 0:09:58.520 --> 0:10:01.600 Yeah, so there it is. That is the end. Thank 0:10:01.600 --> 0:10:05.040 you for listening to our podcast. And look, I don't 0:10:05.080 --> 0:10:08.199 think that it's fair to throw around the term sociopath 0:10:08.520 --> 0:10:12.920 really nearly because we don't have any sort of degrees, 0:10:12.960 --> 0:10:15.640 we don't have qualifications in this. But I think once 0:10:15.679 --> 0:10:17.800 you listen to this story that Britt is going to share, 0:10:18.320 --> 0:10:22.880 it's pretty hard to say that this person or individual 0:10:23.120 --> 0:10:27.640 who made these decisions doesn't display sociopathic tendencies. 0:10:27.840 --> 0:10:30.440 Yeah, and clinically I know that this person is Now 0:10:30.720 --> 0:10:34.439 I mean, people use sociopath and psychopath interchangeably, but they 0:10:34.480 --> 0:10:39.320 are different. Also, there's this big common misconception that both 0:10:40.080 --> 0:10:44.000 are these violent, horrible murderers that we see on TV 0:10:44.080 --> 0:10:46.280 thanks to people like shows like Criminal Minds. 0:10:46.000 --> 0:10:47.320 Of course, but I think that there are a lot 0:10:47.360 --> 0:10:50.640 of people who are very high functioning and who have 0:10:50.760 --> 0:10:55.040 amazing jobs, and they can maintain some solid relationships, but 0:10:55.240 --> 0:10:58.920 they dip into being very narcissistic or they display those 0:10:58.960 --> 0:11:01.760 tendencies without necessarily having to be full blown. 0:11:02.360 --> 0:11:06.679 Yeah, so there's a narcissistic personality disorder that sort of 0:11:06.800 --> 0:11:11.080 goes hand in hand with a sociopath. Yes, usually they 0:11:11.120 --> 0:11:13.720 share very similar characteristics character traits. 0:11:14.280 --> 0:11:18.559 And I think we're gonna call him Luke. His name 0:11:18.600 --> 0:11:23.000 was not Luke. And this whole episode is not about 0:11:23.760 --> 0:11:27.120 trying to trying to make a victim out of a 0:11:27.160 --> 0:11:31.160 certain person, So you want to keep him anonymous. This 0:11:31.200 --> 0:11:34.720 isn't about calling somebody out about awareness. It's not a 0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:39.600 revenge podcast by any means. Definitely not. So let's start 0:11:39.640 --> 0:11:40.160 the story. 0:11:40.440 --> 0:11:42.960 This is the reason I've been single basically for seven years. 0:11:43.360 --> 0:11:48.000 I met Luke at work, and Luke is he was 0:11:48.040 --> 0:11:50.200 the most beautiful, charismatic. 0:11:51.360 --> 0:11:53.360 He could sell water, to fish. 0:11:53.440 --> 0:11:55.880 The guy could he could do anything he wanted. He 0:11:55.920 --> 0:11:58.280 could convince you of anything, and you would. He had 0:11:58.280 --> 0:12:00.120 this air of confidence where he would walk down on 0:12:00.200 --> 0:12:03.200 the corridor and whether you were attracted to him or not, 0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:04.000 you looked at him. 0:12:04.040 --> 0:12:07.199 Do you know those people? Yes, just an a real energy. 0:12:07.080 --> 0:12:09.040 Just the way they carry themselves, and a little bit 0:12:09.080 --> 0:12:10.440 egotistical that came out later. 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:13.600 But so sometimes that's attractive in someone as well, you know, 0:12:13.679 --> 0:12:16.880 having like a little bit of arrogance, especially if they're 0:12:16.920 --> 0:12:20.320 in a powerful job, that can be really attractive. I 0:12:20.320 --> 0:12:23.640 know I have sort of been drawn towards that in 0:12:23.679 --> 0:12:24.480 a person before. 0:12:24.880 --> 0:12:27.200 Yeah, it's just that maybe if they sit at about 0:12:27.240 --> 0:12:31.080 seventy to eighty percent of arrogance, yeah, not about one 0:12:31.120 --> 0:12:33.199 hundred and fifty seven, which is what Luke was sitting at. 0:12:33.640 --> 0:12:34.040 Anyway. 0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:36.120 So this is quite a long story, so I'm just 0:12:36.160 --> 0:12:39.199 gonna try and give you the main points. He approached 0:12:39.240 --> 0:12:44.439 me and basically told me I was beautiful, taught me 0:12:44.480 --> 0:12:48.439 everything I wanted to hear. We started dating immediately, and 0:12:48.480 --> 0:12:52.080 within about three and a half four weeks he was 0:12:52.120 --> 0:12:56.280 telling me he loved me, which is very fast in hindsight, 0:12:56.840 --> 0:12:59.360 but of course I was just smitten, so I said 0:12:59.360 --> 0:13:01.520 I loved him back. And it was intense. It was 0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:04.600 the most intense relationship. I cannot even describe it. There 0:13:04.640 --> 0:13:10.680 were probably seventy to eighty messages a day, usually from him. 0:13:10.720 --> 0:13:14.040 I would respond, obviously, but and they were via so 0:13:14.120 --> 0:13:18.120 many different medias, phones, emails. He'd be popping in to 0:13:18.120 --> 0:13:20.680 see me at work. And when you're in this new 0:13:20.840 --> 0:13:23.840 love and this new infatuation, you just think this is 0:13:23.840 --> 0:13:26.720 the best thing since sliced bread. Someone cares about me 0:13:26.760 --> 0:13:30.560 that much, someone's so interested in me, And we delved 0:13:30.559 --> 0:13:35.000 into the most intense relationship ever. Let's just say, hindsight's 0:13:35.000 --> 0:13:37.480 a beautiful thing. So we're going to fast forward a 0:13:37.480 --> 0:13:40.680 few years and then we'll come back. I found out 0:13:41.080 --> 0:13:44.840 he had a double life. So after two years we 0:13:44.840 --> 0:13:49.120 were getting married. He'd taken me to Tiffany's. He'd convinced 0:13:49.200 --> 0:13:52.000 me to get this Rhodesian ridgeback dog. We're buying his 0:13:52.120 --> 0:13:53.359 house in Melbourne. 0:13:53.480 --> 0:13:54.960 He really had set up a life for each other. 0:13:55.000 --> 0:13:58.840 He had set up a life. We had chosen our kids' names. 0:13:58.920 --> 0:14:01.040 It was really intense, but it also sounds like the 0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:04.040 beginning of your relationship. He just completely love bombed you. 0:14:04.080 --> 0:14:06.120 Which is what you said in episode one. 0:14:06.360 --> 0:14:09.280 Yeah, which is like a real way of just making 0:14:09.320 --> 0:14:14.920 someone feel completely adored, and that level of adoration is addictive. Yeah, 0:14:14.960 --> 0:14:15.320 I did. 0:14:15.360 --> 0:14:18.559 I felt like the most amazing person in the world, 0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:21.480 Like he would not look at another person. And all 0:14:21.520 --> 0:14:24.000 of this, I would like to say, was coming from him. 0:14:24.040 --> 0:14:26.680 All these plans were his, so he always made these 0:14:26.760 --> 0:14:29.760 huge romantic gestures as well. But to go with that, 0:14:29.960 --> 0:14:32.640 there were a lot of downsides, but I always let 0:14:32.680 --> 0:14:35.840 them slide. So there was a lot of really last 0:14:35.840 --> 0:14:40.080 minute canceling weekends away because we lived separately, and he 0:14:40.120 --> 0:14:44.640 did have a very high powered, high pressured position, and 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:47.600 it was very easy for him to say within ten minutes, 0:14:47.680 --> 0:14:50.640 I can't make it. I'm at work, I've been called 0:14:50.880 --> 0:14:53.720 I have to go, And you sort of sit back 0:14:53.760 --> 0:14:55.560 and think, oh, okay, well, you know he's out there 0:14:55.560 --> 0:14:57.640 doing this amazing thing, so we'll let that go. 0:14:57.760 --> 0:14:58.800 But I had this. 0:14:58.920 --> 0:15:05.400 Constant like disappointment. I was always every week there was something. 0:15:05.520 --> 0:15:07.520 But I loved him so much, so I made an excuse. 0:15:08.440 --> 0:15:09.880 The job is how he got away with it for 0:15:09.920 --> 0:15:13.960 so long. He also he didn't have social media, which 0:15:14.240 --> 0:15:16.480 wasn't the end of the world, because this was quite 0:15:16.520 --> 0:15:18.680 a while ago, it was quite new to everybody. But 0:15:18.760 --> 0:15:21.720 he somehow always knew what I was doing and where 0:15:21.720 --> 0:15:24.040 I was and what I'd done the day before, if 0:15:24.040 --> 0:15:25.600 I hadn't even told him yet. 0:15:26.040 --> 0:15:28.040 So do you think maybe he did have social media 0:15:28.160 --> 0:15:31.040 and he just had a different profile or something, or 0:15:31.120 --> 0:15:33.560 had a way of keeping tabs on you. Yes, he did. 0:15:34.080 --> 0:15:37.360 Turns out he had been, for want of a better word, 0:15:38.080 --> 0:15:42.720 almost talking me, I guess, from day one, to the 0:15:42.760 --> 0:15:46.800 point that he would even make up fake emails, fake 0:15:46.840 --> 0:15:50.920 email accounts to email me to test me if I 0:15:51.000 --> 0:15:54.240 would maybe go on a date with him, not knowing 0:15:54.240 --> 0:15:54.800 who he was. 0:15:55.560 --> 0:15:56.080 Wow. 0:15:56.160 --> 0:15:58.240 So one day I put a picture up of me 0:15:58.280 --> 0:16:00.840 and swimwear with a bunch of my friends at the 0:16:00.840 --> 0:16:04.240 beach we'd been surfing, and he's not on social media. 0:16:04.280 --> 0:16:06.880 Almost within half an hour I got a message from 0:16:06.920 --> 0:16:09.600 him saying, have you been putting bikini photos up? 0:16:09.640 --> 0:16:12.880 Brittany? And I said, excuse me, Like, what are you 0:16:12.920 --> 0:16:15.560 talking to? Like? Low key controlling? You should be able 0:16:15.560 --> 0:16:17.880 to put whatever, yeah ever you won up of yourself 0:16:17.880 --> 0:16:20.000 on your social media page without having to think how 0:16:20.040 --> 0:16:20.720 that's going to be. 0:16:20.840 --> 0:16:22.360 Yeah, And I said, I'm sorry, how do you even 0:16:22.800 --> 0:16:24.320 know that? I said, yeah, I put a photo up 0:16:24.320 --> 0:16:27.120 at the beach and he had. He told me, and 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:29.840 he showed me the email he forwarded to me, an 0:16:29.840 --> 0:16:33.480 email that he got from someone anonymous saying the most 0:16:33.480 --> 0:16:35.560 horrible things about what they wanted to do to me 0:16:35.800 --> 0:16:39.400 from seeing this photo. So, yeah, so I was disgusted 0:16:39.440 --> 0:16:41.720 because I had seen this email that someone had written him. 0:16:41.840 --> 0:16:43.400 And he said, how do you think this makes me 0:16:43.400 --> 0:16:46.480 feel britt like knowing people are out there seeing this 0:16:46.520 --> 0:16:48.880 photo and they want to do these things too. So 0:16:49.040 --> 0:16:52.320 he made me delete my social media because of that, 0:16:52.360 --> 0:16:54.520 because he made me feel like there was these really 0:16:54.600 --> 0:16:57.760 disgusting men. And it turns out he just had these 0:16:57.760 --> 0:17:01.080 fake accounts and he used to just make people up 0:17:01.160 --> 0:17:03.400 write emails to himself so he could forward them to 0:17:03.440 --> 0:17:06.040 me to control me. It got to that point. 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:07.280 Yeah. Wow. 0:17:07.600 --> 0:17:11.600 Fast forwarding two years and it comes out coincidentally that 0:17:12.040 --> 0:17:14.920 through this mutual friend that didn't know both of us existed, 0:17:15.280 --> 0:17:18.159 it came out that Luke was marrying someone else at 0:17:18.200 --> 0:17:19.840 the same time, So. 0:17:20.520 --> 0:17:22.960 He was literally living a double life. He was literally 0:17:23.000 --> 0:17:25.280 living a double life, and how was he doing this? 0:17:25.359 --> 0:17:26.719 So you were based in Melbourne. 0:17:26.880 --> 0:17:29.479 Now I was in Port McQuary, Okay, he was in 0:17:29.480 --> 0:17:33.439 Newcastle and his other partner was in Melbourne, so she 0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:36.520 had quite a high profile job too, and that's the 0:17:36.600 --> 0:17:39.160 only reason he could really pull it off. 0:17:39.320 --> 0:17:41.440 So the tyranny of distance made it easier for him 0:17:41.480 --> 0:17:43.600 to be able to sort of have a life set 0:17:43.640 --> 0:17:45.959 up in Port McCrory and have a secondary life set up, 0:17:46.040 --> 0:17:47.920 and he just kind of could float between the two 0:17:47.960 --> 0:17:49.320 of them because of his occupation. 0:17:49.480 --> 0:17:52.520 So every second weekend we would go to his place, 0:17:52.800 --> 0:17:54.960 this beautiful house on the beach, and he would change 0:17:54.960 --> 0:17:57.760 the whole house, pack it up, change it so it 0:17:57.840 --> 0:18:01.040 was suitable for me. My photo is, my clothes, my cosmetics, 0:18:01.040 --> 0:18:03.520 everything I left. And then I would leave and turns 0:18:03.520 --> 0:18:04.960 out he'd have to pack the whole house up and 0:18:05.040 --> 0:18:08.240 hide it and reset the house for how his other 0:18:08.320 --> 0:18:12.199 partner had it. And he did this every weekend for 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:13.520 two years. 0:18:13.760 --> 0:18:17.480 But this is insane. This is actually an insane story. Yeah, 0:18:17.480 --> 0:18:20.639 And the fact that you were such an intelligent woman 0:18:21.080 --> 0:18:23.080 to think that you had the will pull it over 0:18:23.119 --> 0:18:26.040 your eyes really makes me think if this could happen 0:18:26.119 --> 0:18:29.720 to anyone, this isn't something that's isolated to you. Definitely, 0:18:29.760 --> 0:18:33.160 if somebody wants to purposely deceive you, and if somebody 0:18:33.240 --> 0:18:36.920 wants to lie, then I think this can honestly happen 0:18:37.000 --> 0:18:37.480 to anyone. 0:18:38.160 --> 0:18:41.480 Well, it turns out the way the way to successfully 0:18:41.720 --> 0:18:45.280 lie apparently is to try to keep as close to 0:18:45.280 --> 0:18:46.160 the truth as possible. 0:18:46.320 --> 0:18:48.080 Yeah, but he was setting up lives to. 0:18:48.000 --> 0:18:50.359 The point of, we had a Ohdesian ridge back, and 0:18:50.440 --> 0:18:52.680 he and her had a Oh Desian ridge back. And 0:18:53.520 --> 0:18:55.400 we were buying the same house, and they were buying 0:18:55.400 --> 0:18:55.920 the same house. 0:18:56.080 --> 0:18:56.760