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Speaker 1: If I cough. Every time I cough, my asshole hurts

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Speaker 1: from the hemorrhoids. I've a new found appreciation for mums,

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Speaker 1: mums that get hemorrhoids during the birthing process.

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Speaker 2: But have you been squeezing too hard?

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Speaker 1: Well, I've been sick, as we know, and I've.

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Speaker 2: Been doesn't give your hemorrhois.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but I've been smashing the painkillers. It's really upset

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Speaker 1: my stomach and made constipated, and all of a sudden,

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Speaker 1: I've established this hemorrhoid, which is so fucking so horrible.

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Speaker 2: Hang on, hold that right there. Let me do an

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Speaker 2: intro and then we'll talk about your hemorrhoids.

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Speaker 3: Okay, welcome back to two dudding dads.

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Speaker 1: I'm Mattie Jay and I'm As.

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Speaker 2: This is a podcast all about hemorrhoids.

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Speaker 1: The appreciation of hemorrhoids, good, the.

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Speaker 2: Bad, relatable and if you've come for hemorrhoid advice, please

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Speaker 2: stop right now.

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Speaker 1: If you come for a hemorrhoid appreciation and get comfort,

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Speaker 1: you want to be heard.

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Speaker 2: For those of you who have hemorrhoids. This is all

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Speaker 2: about you guys today.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, Look, I will just say as well, we still

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Speaker 2: have a husky voice this episode.

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Speaker 1: The amount of wet women out there right.

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Speaker 2: Now, I feel like right now is a perfect amount

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Speaker 2: of husk.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it's good.

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Speaker 2: It's like it's not too much. My throat doesn't hurt

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Speaker 2: as much. It just makes me sound like I'm a

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Speaker 2: naughty boy.

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Speaker 1: Daddy's oom.

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Speaker 2: But this episode we've pre recorded it, so Ash is

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Speaker 2: still on holidays right now at this point of you

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Speaker 2: listen to the episode, I'm.

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Speaker 1: Sure that Ash is fat as fun.

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Speaker 2: On the beach on a day bed with a bucket

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Speaker 2: of bin tangs.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, probably sunburned because it doesn't wear suncream.

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Speaker 1: I wear zink if I'm surfing, but that's about it.

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Speaker 1: A bit of sun cream here are there? The residual

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Speaker 1: of rubbing the children in sun cream goes onto my body.

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Speaker 2: You've talked I have strong game about how brown you're

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Speaker 2: going to be coming back.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm going to be brown, baby, don't you worried?

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Speaker 1: But do you have any Irish blood in Yount? I've

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Speaker 1: got my dad's Indigenous and my mum's a Kiwi.

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Speaker 2: No nothing else? Okay? Interesting?

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Speaker 1: Why skin looks a bit wrinkly, frail? Just live a

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Speaker 1: tough life, mate, I've lived a hard life.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so this is this is the last episode whilst

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Speaker 2: Ash is away and.

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Speaker 1: I'll be back as I relaxed, hopefully without sickness, hopefully

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Speaker 1: without hemorrhoids. Before the intro, we're talking about my hemorrhoids

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Speaker 1: and my appreciation for women that went through the birthing

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Speaker 1: process and got hemorrhoids through that.

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Speaker 2: It's quite common, I think Laura, I think, well, she

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Speaker 2: throws out a hemorrhoid joke like it's nothing. I can't

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Speaker 2: tell if she actually has a hemorrhoid. Actually, okay, do

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Speaker 2: you know why I think she does have hemorrhoids.

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Speaker 1: Because she screams when she's shipped.

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Speaker 2: Back in the day, Laura used to like a finger

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Speaker 2: in the bump.

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Speaker 1: I know I've heard this.

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Speaker 2: You I've heard this. We often talk about it when

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Speaker 2: you're over and Laura's in the room and visuals. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: Laura's like, does does this look weird?

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Speaker 1: Smell my finger?

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Speaker 2: But after kids finger in the bum? No more, I don't.

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Speaker 2: I can't remember the last time I put a finger

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Speaker 2: in Laura's bum.

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Speaker 1: Oh great, okay, good to know. I'm so glad that

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Speaker 1: we established that. But like I was saying, Matthew, I

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Speaker 1: mean a lot of pain right now. Yeah, and because

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Speaker 1: I've been sick. When I cough, my asshole does that

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Speaker 1: thing where like we call it winking, where it winks.

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Speaker 1: Fuck it hurts, man. I don't know how these women

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Speaker 1: did it. And also another thing I found, So you've

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Speaker 1: got to put a cream on it.

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Speaker 2: Have you got hemorrhoid cream?

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Speaker 1: I've got some.

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Speaker 2: Did you go to the pharmacy? No?

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Speaker 1: No, no, April had some. Because April had some perfect she

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Speaker 1: won't admit there, but she Why do you have the cream?

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Speaker 1: Then it's just guilty.

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Speaker 2: I bought it by accent.

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Speaker 1: Anyway. So the appreciation for a couple of things. One

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Speaker 1: the pain that comes along with it, but also the

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Speaker 1: application of the cream. So when I first started putting

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Speaker 1: the cream on a couple of days ago, pretty clumsy. Okay,

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Speaker 1: just smear it on my bar just quickly.

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Speaker 2: Are you doing in terms of application technique? Are you

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Speaker 2: doing like laying down legs over the head?

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Speaker 1: No?

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Speaker 2: Are you doing touching your toes bumm in the mirror

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Speaker 2: so you can see.

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Speaker 1: Nah, I'm just I'm going in pretty blind.

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Speaker 2: That's your problem problem.

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Speaker 1: And I originally it's like it's kind of like fumbling

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Speaker 1: in the it's like I'm a virgin fumbling and trying

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Speaker 1: to find the hole and it's smeared all over my

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Speaker 1: butt cheek. But then this morning I did like a

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Speaker 1: little half squat thing, dab straight on the spot, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, I'm getting pretty good at this.

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Speaker 2: So half squad no mirror involves still straight, so you've

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Speaker 2: got no eyesighters, not involved, You're going pure. I'm still like, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: you're just like instinct.

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Speaker 1: And because I've been doing it for a couple of

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Speaker 1: days now, I've got I've got better at it. So

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Speaker 1: there's a lot of appreciation for me for mums out

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Speaker 1: there that had to go through this.

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Speaker 2: Do you have a shower before you applied the cream?

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I'm clean a shit okay, uncomfortably shit scream

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Speaker 1: a little bit. But yesterday was really bad because I

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Speaker 1: was coughing everything up from being sick. Oh man, that's it.

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Speaker 2: I was.

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Speaker 1: I coughed in the car and I was driving and

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Speaker 1: my because my foot hit the brake. I was like, ah,

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Speaker 1: because I had to clench my butthole. Anyway, it's enough butthole.

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Speaker 2: But I just want to know, are you going to

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Speaker 2: go to the doctors? Oh?

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Speaker 1: Absolutely not. Classic man.

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Speaker 2: Move dude, you've got to go.

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Speaker 1: It's actually feeling a little bit better today as long

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Speaker 1: as I don't cough.

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Speaker 2: So if you do go to the doctors, I guess

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Speaker 2: they're just going to prescribe you that cream. Right, what's

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Speaker 2: the look?

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Speaker 1: My doctor is a young If she's listening, I'm sorry.

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Speaker 1: I did go to the doctor yesterday for my throat

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Speaker 1: and she's like, anything else you'd like to talk to

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Speaker 1: me about? And I was like, look, she's quite young,

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Speaker 1: and I thought, no, nope, no no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: no no no.

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Speaker 2: You want an old man.

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Speaker 1: I want an old man who's been around the traps.

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Speaker 1: I've been around a few assholes. Yeah. Anyway, that's enough

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Speaker 1: asshole talk. Matthew. Yes, how are you feeling better?

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Speaker 2: I feel better.

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Speaker 1: It's a bit run down, still have the ask.

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Speaker 2: But I feel better. Okay, here's a question for you. Okay,

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Speaker 2: in your relationship with.

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Speaker 1: April, my lovely wife, you don't know you.

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Speaker 2: Guys have two children? Did you ever have I want

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Speaker 2: to call it strategic conversation about who's doing what and

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Speaker 2: you know how you're going to share the load.

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Speaker 1: Of parenting in just like day to day regular.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like I mean like where you're at right now

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Speaker 2: at this point, because you know you have the kids.

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Speaker 2: There's a Thursday, Friday or week.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so we're usually both off on a Friday, so ook,

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Speaker 1: I still do some work on Friday, but my priority

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Speaker 1: is it's like a family day for us.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but Thursday I have Macy. But next year I'll

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Speaker 1: have both of them. At this stage, on a Thursday April,

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Speaker 1: she works full time or she I know she works

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Speaker 1: at the moment because so people on leave, but she

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Speaker 1: usually works Tuesday, Wednesday. Thursday, Monday is her day with

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Speaker 1: the kids, and then Tuesday they go to kindy. Wednesday Kindy,

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Speaker 1: Thursday Oscar goes to kindy. Still but I've got Macy.

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Speaker 1: Then Friday everyone's everyone's kind of off off.

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Speaker 2: So then how did you get to that arrangement?

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Speaker 1: Well, originally I was working full time, so majority of

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Speaker 1: the parenting was April because I was I had to

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Speaker 1: go to the office. Ye. Now I'm much more flexible.

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Speaker 1: It varies from week to week, depending on what we've

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Speaker 1: got on at and what she's got on. But I

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Speaker 1: would say the conversation probably happens nearly weekly because it's

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Speaker 1: so different. If there's nothing happening. And it's like, if

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Speaker 1: I wasn't sick this week and last week because of

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Speaker 1: school holidays and Oscar's off, I would have been had

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Speaker 1: Oscar so much more. But Pop has had to help

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Speaker 1: out because I haven't been well. It's a hard one

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Speaker 1: to answer because we I don't think a ridge. I

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Speaker 1: think when April say first went back to work and

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Speaker 1: I was working full time, it was like, okay, Aprils,

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Speaker 1: like these are going to be my working days. I

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Speaker 1: just need you to work from home maybe on the

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Speaker 1: days of just in case I need you. And that's

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Speaker 1: probably the most extent that it went to.

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Speaker 2: Was there ever a conversation about April not working and

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Speaker 2: being a full time mum or or you're not working

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Speaker 2: and you being a full time dad.

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Speaker 1: No, April loves her job. She always wanted to go back.

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Speaker 1: I don't think there was every conversation that one of

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Speaker 1: us is going to be a full time dad just

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Speaker 1: because financially we were like it was going to be

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Speaker 1: way too hard, like we're going to have to juggle.

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Speaker 1: And I mean everyone's dynamic is different. I'm sure Laura

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Speaker 1: and yours is going to be much different, as I

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Speaker 1: witness all the time and also witnessed the change in

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Speaker 1: both of yours because of different opportunities that you both have.

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Speaker 1: But for us, like, look, a lot of it's wing

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Speaker 1: in it to be completely hones but like, yeah, look, yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's a tough question to answer because it varies weekly

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Speaker 1: at the moment. But that could change, That could change

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Speaker 1: next week. If I say someone offered me a job

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Speaker 1: to do something that's going to be every week on

201
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Speaker 1: a specific day, we would need to change things around.

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Speaker 2: You got to take those opportunities.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, I think we It would have.

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Speaker 2: Been the start of this year January. Laura got the

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Speaker 2: opportunity to do radio. Yeah, Laura cup right, does it

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Speaker 2: pick up three pm? And Laura is insane and what

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Speaker 2: she takes on So she's got the jewelry business.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, which because she had Dancing with the Stars.

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Speaker 2: Dancing with the Stars as well, she's the podcast and

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Speaker 2: then she took on the radio show. And when we

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Speaker 2: had that come about, there was a sit down where Laura.

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Speaker 1: All of a sudden, he had the full sit down.

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Speaker 2: I had to sit down and Laura kind of said, look,

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Speaker 2: this is what the week is going to look like. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: because no longer will their schedule be fluid. When she's

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Speaker 2: doing just the podcast, she record like you know, any

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Speaker 2: other day, Like it was never consistent, but now it's

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Speaker 2: very regimented, like Monday is a record day. Tuesdays and

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Speaker 2: she kind of said like I'm going to be gone

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Speaker 2: seven am on these day.

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Speaker 1: And I remember when you were doing the when she

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Speaker 1: was doing the Dancing with the Stars and you were like,

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Speaker 1: she was out the door at like six thirty. I

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Speaker 1: remember this because we did speak about it briefly, then

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Speaker 1: out the door at like so early and then back

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Speaker 1: at ten o'clock at night for like five weeks straight

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Speaker 1: or something, and that was you.

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Speaker 2: Know, we both agreed, yeah, yeah, yes, thing, it was

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Speaker 2: going to be short term pain when those opportunities pop up,

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Speaker 2: like you.

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Speaker 1: Said, when something, yeah, if something pops up, you gotta

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Speaker 1: make it way yeah yeah. And aples the same with me.

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Speaker 1: If something popped up with me and it's like hey,

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Speaker 1: she would be like, this opportunity is huge, you gotta go.

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Speaker 2: You got to do it totally. But at the moment

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Speaker 2: there's I think this is probably now the busiest that

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Speaker 2: Laura has ever been.

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Speaker 1: What were the most stressed I've ever seen you.

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Speaker 2: It's hard because I'm stressed, but also like I know

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Speaker 2: I'm not in the right like I've got for at

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Speaker 2: the moment. Also, Laura is starting a live show tour

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Speaker 2: for the podcast.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, this week, coming a million days whole.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, And again that was all agreed and it's

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Speaker 2: amazing because it gives us so much financial security totally yeah,

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Speaker 2: which you know is something that it's like.

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Speaker 1: You can't put a price on that, Yeah, totally. Yeah. Honestly,

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Speaker 1: she's a workhorse, She is a weapon, and she genuinely

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Speaker 1: loves her and loves it, and you genuinely support her

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Speaker 1: and I witness that.

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Speaker 2: And there's been times when you know, I've done opportunities

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Speaker 2: and I've been away, and so the pendulum has swung

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Speaker 2: both ways. And right now it's very much in the

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Speaker 2: favor of Laura doing the work and I'm doing the kids.

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Speaker 2: But Monday is a day where Laura is It's the

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Speaker 2: busiest day of the week, so she records really early.

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Speaker 2: She has to edit as well that night, so she

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Speaker 2: works until ten o'clock or later. I was a little

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Speaker 2: bit sick ash.

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Speaker 1: Sorry about that.

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Speaker 2: I was a little bit horny, Oh, a little bit horny.

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Speaker 1: Both Monday nights are just not that it's never going

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Speaker 1: to happen.

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Speaker 2: Because you know, who's got time for sex when you're

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Speaker 2: so busy, and so was. I was looking at Laura

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Speaker 2: and she was working when a laptop and I was like.

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Speaker 1: Well, sexy secretary.

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Speaker 2: I was like, I may as well, I'll put the

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Speaker 2: washing out because I'm just waiting for Laura.

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Speaker 1: That's four play for Laura though, you know that smart

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Speaker 1: I know your wife tick one.

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Speaker 2: She didn't even look at me. I was putting the

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Speaker 2: laundry basket down the floor, making a bit of noise.

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Speaker 2: I was doing the dishwasher as well, like banging plates,

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Speaker 2: and Laura looks at me and goes, is something the matter?

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Speaker 2: Are you okay?

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Speaker 1: I have an erection? Sorry about that?

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Speaker 2: At that point I didn't know that I was. I

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Speaker 2: was getting really horned, like I was kind of annoyed,

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Speaker 2: but I didn't really realize why. And then Laura's like,

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Speaker 2: what's the problem, honestly telling me, and I was like

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Speaker 2: I didn't want to have sex, and she's like, oh wow,

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Speaker 2: She's like, you know, like we can't. This is not

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Speaker 2: going to happen. Yeah, And at the same time, taking

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Speaker 2: on a lot of the domestic chores like as an example,

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Speaker 2: Laura's car REGI is overdue, so I've got to go

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Speaker 2: and get that pink slip and get it renewed and

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Speaker 2: just everything else. And this is all stuff that it's

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Speaker 2: been totally articulated between us. It's not a surprise to

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Speaker 2: me that I have to do these things. I knew

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Speaker 2: what I was going to do.

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Speaker 1: Just feel like you're behind a bit. I do that too,

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Speaker 1: where I feel like there's things that, yeah, like might

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Speaker 1: fall into my remit at home where it's like, oh fuck,

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Speaker 1: I'm behind on that, and I kind of get frustrated,

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Speaker 1: but I'm more frustrated with myself.

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Speaker 2: Totally.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, totally.

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Speaker 2: And it's not like Laura is sitting there drinking a

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Speaker 2: gin and tiny's.

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Speaker 1: I could do that over there when you're finished doing

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Speaker 1: the registration. Make sure you can do the insurance.

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Speaker 2: And yeah, I have moments where I need to check

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Speaker 2: myself because if Laura wasn't taking on these opportunities, we

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Speaker 2: wouldn't be in the house that way. Oh totally, yeah,

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Speaker 2: you know, we wouldn't have the kids in Bacon. It

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Speaker 2: means I can do stuff like this podcast.

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Speaker 1: Yes, and similar for us, like Abel's got a secure

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Speaker 1: job that you know, is a secure paycheck with what

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Speaker 1: we do, it's a sometimes it can be a bit flimsy.

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Speaker 1: You know, you just don't know where you stand. So look,

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Speaker 1: I've noticed you've taken on this year in particular, you mate,

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Speaker 1: you've been fucking flat out. So I don't ever yet.

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Speaker 2: And sometimes and I'm not saying this is a correct

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Speaker 2: thought to have, like far from it, but but there's

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Speaker 2: sometimes when like Thursdays, we agreed that I would have

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Speaker 2: the kids.

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Speaker 1: All Thursday's Daddy daughter day, Daddy interrupt that. Even I

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Speaker 1: get a talking to if I try and interrupt that

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Speaker 1: from you.

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Speaker 2: And sometimes I love it. And sometimes you know, I'm like, fuck.

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Speaker 1: It's okay to be frustrated. Parents think that, like you've

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Speaker 1: got to be this perfect parent all the time, or

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Speaker 1: you've got to be even just a parent. Sometimes you're

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Speaker 1: allowed to scream into a pillow and it's okay, you're

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Speaker 1: not gonna be judged by me.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes I was sending an email is a hell of

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Speaker 2: a lot for easier than having the kids when they're

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Speaker 2: tired and they're cranky, they're frustrated.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Yesterday's especially like a day like yesterday, what thirty

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Speaker 1: five degrees you know, we will go for a swim stuff.

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Speaker 1: But that when we're hanging out at home and it's

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Speaker 1: so fucking hot here, that like he's cranky because he's hot.

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Speaker 1: I'm cranky because I'm hot, And it's just like a

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Speaker 1: fucking absolute nightmare. It's like what do you do? You

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Speaker 1: got to go and take a shit for thirty minutes

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Speaker 1: and just rechet yourself and think like, well, it could

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Speaker 1: be way worse.

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Speaker 2: Maley this morning, and maybe that's why I'm also in

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Speaker 2: a bit of a bad mood. She loves right now.

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Speaker 2: She's obsessed with drawing love hearts on a folder piece

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Speaker 2: of paper. You cut out, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: you unfold. It's like a butterfly, but it's in the

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Speaker 2: shade of a love heart and she loves that, loves

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Speaker 2: it so much, and she wants to cut out the

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Speaker 2: love heart herself. But look, I'll be honest, she's bloody

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Speaker 2: useless on set. He is four no good, no good,

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Speaker 2: and she wants to do it herself, but she can't

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Speaker 2: do it. She misses the lines. She was flipping out frustrated.

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Speaker 1: Ah, it's like I scoo with the hot world tracks,

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Speaker 1: like he's ripped a hole in that bag because same

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Speaker 1: thing he wants to build, this thing that just just

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Speaker 1: theoretically physically doesn't won't do that, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: He just gets so frustrated that it won't do it,

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Speaker 1: and it's kind of like we both then we get frustrated.

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Speaker 1: He gets frustrated.

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Speaker 2: I'm still walking around with an erection from the night before,

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Speaker 2: I'm knocking over citizen cover. Ali's like, stop ruining everything,

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Speaker 2: even though even though I am having those moments where

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Speaker 2: I'm frustrated because I'm a bit sick, a bit horny,

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Speaker 2: as hungry. Well, that little mix of ingredients together it

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Speaker 2: makes matter cranky guy, and I now know that. But

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Speaker 2: I have to, like, fuck, I have to I have

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Speaker 2: to check myself because I'm like, you always want what

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Speaker 2: you don't have, right. I know that if I was working,

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Speaker 2: if I was the guy on the kitchen table working

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Speaker 2: at ten o'clock at night and Laurel was, and I'd

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Speaker 2: be like, fuck, it must be nice to be Laura

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Speaker 2: like tonight.

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Speaker 1: You know, watching TV with kids or playing with kids,

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Speaker 1: or like totally even just hanging out the washing sometimes

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Speaker 1: you're likes nice to get away from the kids totally.

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Speaker 2: You're like, but doesn't matter. Do you know anything about me?

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Speaker 2: And I'm sure other people are the same, doesn't matter

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Speaker 2: what you don't have in that moment, that's the thing

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Speaker 2: that you want. And I'm like, fuck, no, I need

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Speaker 2: to I'm like fucking so lucky that, like I can

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Speaker 2: take a Thursday off and I can spend it with

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Speaker 2: the kids.

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Speaker 1: And like, fuck I didn't have a dad, yeah totally.

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Speaker 2: Like it sounds really minuscule and like non important, but I'm.

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Speaker 1: Like, in the scheme of things, that minuscule and non

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Speaker 1: important thing is actually quite major.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's okay to like feel that way. And

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Speaker 1: sometimes you've got to stop check yourself, understand your reality

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Speaker 1: to make you appreciate what you've you've actually got.

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Speaker 2: I know that right now. Marley's favorite game to play

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Speaker 2: is Unicorn Fairy Princesses and I'm the monster that's just

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Speaker 2: to kill that. Lola's favorite spoon is the purple one,

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Speaker 2: which is pepper Pig when she has a week Bix

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Speaker 2: in the morning.

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Speaker 1: Like, these are things that are like you could be

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Speaker 1: missing out on a lot of.

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Speaker 2: Parents don't have the ability to have that knowledge of

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Speaker 2: their totally because they're not there because they're out working.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Like my dad like went to work, and so

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Speaker 1: to my mum, they went to work and then they

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Speaker 1: came home and they missed everything I've done all day.

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Speaker 1: So it's okay to feel like that. Just give yourself

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Speaker 1: a name, just check yourself.

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Speaker 2: No I do. I do. And it's always like, if

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Speaker 2: there's one person that I shouldn't argue with, it's Laura

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Speaker 2: because she's always one step ahead of me. Oh yeah,

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Speaker 2: and she's also like, naturally when you have an argument,

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Speaker 2: that frustration is targeted towards Laura unfairly, and Laura is like,

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Speaker 2: hang in a second, let's just look at the situation.

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Speaker 2: And I'm like, ah, fuck.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, totally, she's good. She's good's good, good rebuttal babe,

410
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Speaker 1: and she's like.

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Speaker 2: And go masturbate yeah, And then I come out and

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Speaker 2: I'm like, hey, it's great.

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Speaker 1: So, Matt, there's something I wanted to show you. And

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Speaker 1: our lovely listeners love to pull us up on things,

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Speaker 1: and they did pull us up on something from a

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Speaker 1: segment we did, which was lies, which is that we

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Speaker 1: shouldn't encourage them to be scared of police officers, yes,

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Speaker 1: or the police.

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Speaker 2: Because they're the good guys.

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Speaker 1: They're the good guys. But I came across a video

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Speaker 1: last night while I was doom scrolling while not talking

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Speaker 1: to April in the only time, like when the kids

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Speaker 1: had gone to sleep, and that's the only time we

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Speaker 1: have together. We both just doom scroll.

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Speaker 2: That's the decompressed time, baby decorn pruse.

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Speaker 1: So I came across the video. I thought, this is

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Speaker 1: it's a bit too much. It's quite a long video. Essentially,

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Speaker 1: what it is is a dad who is potty training

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Speaker 1: his kid has a certain technique to try and scare

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Speaker 1: him into potty training, which has to do with the police.

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Speaker 1: So I'll turn the volume up and you can actually

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Speaker 1: watch it.

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Speaker 4: Matt Oh the colony the call me? Oh yeah, I

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Speaker 4: don't know so much should do so? I don't know

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00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:22,480
Speaker 4: who cash come. Are you sitting in the corps right now? Yeah?

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Speaker 4: If you children's prison, hurry up.

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Speaker 1: It's not a fun place.

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Speaker 2: My fucking hell.

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Speaker 1: That poor kid traumatized. Look, that's pretty red art. There

440
00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:39,560
Speaker 1: must be some sort of like dialog.

441
00:20:39,280 --> 00:20:40,959
Speaker 2: Dollar fake yeah station.

442
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:43,840
Speaker 1: When I saw that, I was like, oh my god,

443
00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:47,200
Speaker 1: like that kid is going to be traumatized from the police.

444
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:51,320
Speaker 1: But it got me thinking about potty training, and look,

445
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,760
Speaker 1: I think that's funny, but also a bit harsh on

446
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:55,800
Speaker 1: the poor little fella.

447
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,320
Speaker 2: For anyone who couldn't make out what was happening. The

448
00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:01,720
Speaker 2: dad was calling the police for shitting himself.

449
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:05,000
Speaker 1: Shooting himself and not going to the toilet like they've

450
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:05,760
Speaker 1: been trying to train.

451
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:10,040
Speaker 2: What a heinous crime, so heinous, disgusting those type of people.

452
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,080
Speaker 1: Lock up, lock them up, lock those kids up, throw

453
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:15,000
Speaker 1: away the key. I love how he gave him the

454
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,000
Speaker 1: phone and he was like it was literally like a

455
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,200
Speaker 1: service saying, have you ever been to children's prison?

456
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:22,880
Speaker 2: It is not a good place. So good.

457
00:21:23,880 --> 00:21:28,200
Speaker 1: It reminded me of a story so Oscar obviously earlier

458
00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:30,800
Speaker 1: this year, and we spoke about Oscar and toilet training

459
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:34,040
Speaker 1: and stuff like that. So he is toilet training, successfully,

460
00:21:34,040 --> 00:21:37,280
Speaker 1: goes to the toilet, does poos obviously not overnight though

461
00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:40,080
Speaker 1: we're still within a nappy in case he wheezed himself

462
00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:42,199
Speaker 1: at night, which I don't have enough bed sheets in

463
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:44,680
Speaker 1: his house because he would wean himself every night, so

464
00:21:44,680 --> 00:21:47,159
Speaker 1: I get seven different types of bed sheet, just an

465
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,560
Speaker 1: extra job for me, So nappy overnight at the moment

466
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:53,520
Speaker 1: and sometimes in the morning he's still in the nappy.

467
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:57,240
Speaker 1: He'll take it off himself usually, but the other day

468
00:21:57,440 --> 00:22:00,000
Speaker 1: he was like, I gotta go pooh, And I was like, okay,

469
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:02,480
Speaker 1: that's cool. Like to tell because he wipe my bottom

470
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:04,520
Speaker 1: when I'm done, of course I will. I would love

471
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:04,760
Speaker 1: to do.

472
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:05,600
Speaker 2: That's why I'm here.

473
00:22:05,960 --> 00:22:08,880
Speaker 1: That's my favorite thing to do, is wipe your shitty ass.

474
00:22:09,080 --> 00:22:12,720
Speaker 1: I thought you never asked at least Wine and Diarmie

475
00:22:12,720 --> 00:22:18,760
Speaker 1: for me to makeup on. So he ran up and

476
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:20,359
Speaker 1: it was very quiet up.

477
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,720
Speaker 2: There, which is always a concerning.

478
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:25,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, very And I looked I was sitting on the

479
00:22:25,119 --> 00:22:26,760
Speaker 1: couch behind you, Matthew there, and I looked up the

480
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:28,760
Speaker 1: stairs and I saw him you were sitting there watching TV.

481
00:22:29,560 --> 00:22:30,919
Speaker 1: I was like, did you go to the toilet? He

482
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:34,440
Speaker 1: was like yeah. I was like, one, didn't hear it flushed. Two,

483
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,480
Speaker 1: I didn't hear the tap go, and three he didn't

484
00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:39,280
Speaker 1: call out for me to help you wipe. He was like, no,

485
00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:41,879
Speaker 1: it's all good. I was like, no, no, not. So

486
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:45,640
Speaker 1: I got up. As I walking upstairs, He's like no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

487
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:49,159
Speaker 1: no no no. And I was like okay. I walked in,

488
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:53,320
Speaker 1: opened the door and the toilet seat was down, and

489
00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:57,879
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, and then I opened the r

490
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:00,720
Speaker 1: and then I saw there was a nappy in the corner.

491
00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:03,679
Speaker 1: So what he's done is he's pooped himself in the

492
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,200
Speaker 1: nappy prematurely. He must have needed to poop so bad

493
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:09,760
Speaker 1: that he's pooped himself prematurely. And then he flicked the

494
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:13,240
Speaker 1: nappy off, Its hit the wall, the poop is smeared down.

495
00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:17,120
Speaker 1: The wall of the bathroom gets better, but because he's

496
00:23:17,119 --> 00:23:19,840
Speaker 1: pooed himself in the nappy, it's smeared onto his butt cheeks.

497
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:24,080
Speaker 1: He sat on the toilet seat and smeared shit across

498
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:27,199
Speaker 1: the toilet seat, and then the rest of what was

499
00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:30,320
Speaker 1: left over is in the bottom and I was like,

500
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:32,800
Speaker 1: what the fuck's going on.

501
00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:34,560
Speaker 2: He's like it's fine.

502
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,560
Speaker 1: I turned around and I'm like I've noticed that there's

503
00:23:38,560 --> 00:23:41,280
Speaker 1: no toilet paper anywhere. And I was like come here.

504
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:44,520
Speaker 1: He's like no. I was like come here, come over here,

505
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:48,960
Speaker 1: and he's like no, and I'm like, pull your pants down.

506
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:51,440
Speaker 1: And pull his pants down and he's got shit smeared

507
00:23:51,480 --> 00:24:00,679
Speaker 1: across his butte and I was like, this is a

508
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:01,800
Speaker 1: fucking crime scene.

509
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:05,159
Speaker 2: Call the police may call it.

510
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:08,040
Speaker 1: That's I was like, that warranted. If you don't call

511
00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:09,400
Speaker 1: me to I just.

512
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:12,800
Speaker 2: Knew you were going away for a very long.

513
00:24:12,840 --> 00:24:13,720
Speaker 4: Very long.

514
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:18,520
Speaker 1: Anyway. I was in a position where I was like,

515
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:21,320
Speaker 1: where do I start? Where do I start the cleaning process?

516
00:24:21,320 --> 00:24:23,280
Speaker 1: Do I clean the boy? Do I clean the toilet?

517
00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:26,159
Speaker 1: Do I clean the wall? I let him stew in

518
00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,000
Speaker 1: his and I cleaned up everything, and then I was like,

519
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:31,480
Speaker 1: come here, let me aggressively white this dried poo that's

520
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,800
Speaker 1: all over you. But he was willing to hide that,

521
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,760
Speaker 1: thinking I'm never going to find it. Usually, brain man,

522
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,480
Speaker 1: you gotta find The best thing was that was like

523
00:24:41,560 --> 00:24:43,680
Speaker 1: he must have kicked the nappy off with his foot

524
00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:48,119
Speaker 1: and he's hit the tiled wall and slid down like

525
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,120
Speaker 1: a perfect like graffiti on the wall.

526
00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:51,960
Speaker 2: Does he even like to wipe his own bumby? He

527
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:52,879
Speaker 2: always wants you to do it.

528
00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:54,840
Speaker 1: He's given it a go and a couple of times, okay,

529
00:24:56,160 --> 00:25:00,159
Speaker 1: probably clean, snap off, Cleanna, it's the best. But you

530
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:05,159
Speaker 1: know what, I love? This gonna sound disgusting when I

531
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:07,640
Speaker 1: take a ship and I'm gonna wipe and I find

532
00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,360
Speaker 1: that perfect itchy spot.

533
00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:15,879
Speaker 2: Fucking Jesus, is that is that before or after you

534
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:18,240
Speaker 2: had hemorrhoids. Is this before?

535
00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 1: Long before?

536
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:24,880
Speaker 2: Now find that little hemorrhoids, give a little time, nothing

537
00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:25,600
Speaker 2: is better.

538
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,600
Speaker 1: On that note, let's go to our Budgie smoker segment.

539
00:25:29,640 --> 00:25:35,200
Speaker 1: We desire in every repair ordinary repair. We don't know

540
00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 1: what we do.

541
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 2: We don't know.

542
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:48,920
Speaker 1: What we do because we're repair ordinate. So Matthew, this segment,

543
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:52,920
Speaker 1: as you know, we celebrate the ordinary or a hack,

544
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:56,560
Speaker 1: an ordinary hack or something we get sent in from

545
00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:59,680
Speaker 1: listeners via email by d MS. We get them, they're great,

546
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,080
Speaker 1: love them, and they have the opportunity to win two

547
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:03,960
Speaker 1: hundred dollars worth of budget smuggler gear.

548
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:06,680
Speaker 2: And can I just say it is the perfect time

549
00:26:06,760 --> 00:26:09,640
Speaker 2: right now to invest in some budget smugglers.

550
00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:12,960
Speaker 1: I know I was down Monavl Beach in my Guy

551
00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:17,480
Speaker 1: Fierira Fiery Budgy smugglers and my heads were shaken.

552
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:21,119
Speaker 2: Does April like him or is she?

553
00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:23,280
Speaker 1: She's all for it. She's like, look at this rig

554
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:26,640
Speaker 1: at the moment, classic ninety plus killers.

555
00:26:26,680 --> 00:26:29,359
Speaker 2: And for anyone who doesn't know what those budgies look like,

556
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:33,320
Speaker 2: they're on our instagram. When we first met, we took

557
00:26:33,320 --> 00:26:35,800
Speaker 2: a photo together those exact budgies.

558
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 1: In the fire Budgie. They're great.

559
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:39,359
Speaker 2: I think they're still available.

560
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:41,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, there was a guy there in Jaws ones as well,

561
00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:44,240
Speaker 1: and the sharks right on the crutch. That's great. So

562
00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 1: this is Budgie Smuggler's most ordinary parent. Well, I've got

563
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:50,960
Speaker 1: one for you, which I thought is kind of a hack,

564
00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:55,840
Speaker 1: also very lazy on the parents' behalf, but effective. Please

565
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:59,000
Speaker 1: keep me So this is from Chloe. Chloe emailed us

566
00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:03,000
Speaker 1: at two D two wodd at outlook dot com dot

567
00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:05,159
Speaker 1: you we can send yours And she says, if I

568
00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:06,639
Speaker 1: have to work or go to the gym early in

569
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:08,720
Speaker 1: the morning and I've got to get them kids up

570
00:27:08,800 --> 00:27:12,360
Speaker 1: extra early, I dressed them in their clothes slash uniform

571
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 1: the night before. And I think that's great, especially when

572
00:27:15,680 --> 00:27:18,439
Speaker 1: she says uniform, because it's like, obviously these kids have

573
00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 1: got to go to school, and she's just like, nah,

574
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:22,879
Speaker 1: go to sleep in his school uniform.

575
00:27:23,240 --> 00:27:25,080
Speaker 2: I've had a lot of people submit that. I think

576
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:27,640
Speaker 2: it's not uncommon, but it's great to know that people

577
00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 2: are talking about it openly because it's fucking genius.

578
00:27:30,400 --> 00:27:32,679
Speaker 1: Absolutely, I'm gonna do it. We were talking about we've

579
00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:34,200
Speaker 1: got to go to the airport really early on Monday,

580
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:35,920
Speaker 1: and we're like, what do we do? Just dress them

581
00:27:36,000 --> 00:27:39,640
Speaker 1: up before I'm taking that one that's mine. You've bragged

582
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:41,640
Speaker 1: about how you've got the winner for this week so

583
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:42,520
Speaker 1: far away.

584
00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:43,800
Speaker 2: I think I've got a great one.

585
00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:44,240
Speaker 1: Okay.

586
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:45,960
Speaker 2: And it came in at the eleventh hour.

587
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:46,880
Speaker 1: Oh, I love that.

588
00:27:47,359 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 2: It's from Meg. She's written in this is a DM

589
00:27:51,359 --> 00:27:54,240
Speaker 2: DM you can alviously email, but this one came straight through,

590
00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:58,040
Speaker 2: slipped into the DMS of two doting dads, and she says, hey, guys,

591
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:01,080
Speaker 2: I love the podcast. You're awesome.

592
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:04,720
Speaker 5: Thank you guilty, and she goes, I just thought i'd

593
00:28:04,760 --> 00:28:07,240
Speaker 5: send in a message for the most ordinary parent as

594
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:09,520
Speaker 5: I sit here on a Tuesday night, and it's my

595
00:28:09,680 --> 00:28:12,919
Speaker 5: daughter's first birthday tomorrow and she's having a party on

596
00:28:12,960 --> 00:28:14,160
Speaker 5: Saturday where.

597
00:28:13,920 --> 00:28:18,480
Speaker 2: She will get lots and lots of gifts, obviously, friends,

598
00:28:18,920 --> 00:28:23,399
Speaker 2: family members, very spoilt for a first birthday. So me

599
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:26,719
Speaker 2: and the hubby, she says, have decided to get wrapping

600
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:30,199
Speaker 2: paper and wrap up all of her old toys that

601
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:34,879
Speaker 2: she already has so she can then wrap them tomorrow herself.

602
00:28:37,040 --> 00:28:38,000
Speaker 4: Savvy saving.

603
00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:41,959
Speaker 1: I love it. It's great. I mean I've heard of

604
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:44,280
Speaker 1: that before where people just rewrap them because.

605
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:45,560
Speaker 2: They don't know. They have no idea.

606
00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:48,600
Speaker 1: I'm not going to know at all when they're like right.

607
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:50,560
Speaker 1: Do you think when they're eighteen they canna be like pum?

608
00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:53,200
Speaker 1: Do you remember when you rewrapped all of my toys?

609
00:28:53,200 --> 00:28:53,880
Speaker 2: You think I didn't know?

610
00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:58,280
Speaker 1: I remember? Bitch, bitch, and then you profited off it

611
00:28:58,400 --> 00:29:02,400
Speaker 1: and won two hundred dollars worth a budget Meg win,

612
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:05,680
Speaker 1: Meg wins. That's a good that's mate. Look, I'm all

613
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:09,920
Speaker 1: four cost saving and gas lighting. Your children love that genius.

614
00:29:10,040 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 2: So Meg, I'm going to reach out. I reply, Metal reply, congratulations.

615
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 2: We will send the voucher.

616
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:19,760
Speaker 1: And we are doing four of these in November. There's

617
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,640
Speaker 1: going to be four weeks of four ordinary parents to

618
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:26,680
Speaker 1: coincide with most ordinary rig So if you.

619
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:29,360
Speaker 2: Want some budgy smuggler gear in time for summer.

620
00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:31,880
Speaker 1: Get them in, get them in. So look and the

621
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:34,120
Speaker 1: turnaround is really quick. The guys a Budget have been

622
00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:35,920
Speaker 1: like sending the voucher pretty much straight up.

623
00:29:35,960 --> 00:29:38,640
Speaker 2: I even think will extend it out. So if you're

624
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:44,000
Speaker 2: not a parent, but you're an auntie ordinary relative, yeah,

625
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:47,800
Speaker 2: ordinary relative, or even if you're just like a god parent.

626
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:52,600
Speaker 1: Even if you're just an ordinary person. We'll take them.

627
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:54,720
Speaker 1: Get them in because we've got four of them to

628
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:58,520
Speaker 1: give away in November. That's eight hundred dollars worth of

629
00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:00,920
Speaker 1: gear up for grabs and you can win it more

630
00:30:00,960 --> 00:30:03,080
Speaker 1: than once if you were just a flat out ordinary

631
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 1: piece of shit. I want to hear it.

632
00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:06,719
Speaker 2: Come in, Come in for a second bite of the apple.

633
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:10,760
Speaker 1: Absolutely now, Matthew questions, let's go to some questions. Finish

634
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:11,480
Speaker 1: this off today.

635
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:14,360
Speaker 2: Okay, this one A lot of people have asked this question.

636
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:17,240
Speaker 1: A lot of people, a lot of the worse Trump,

637
00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:22,080
Speaker 1: a lot of people. That's my good, that's my good, husky.

638
00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:25,560
Speaker 2: Okay. This one was how did you guys meet and

639
00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:27,920
Speaker 2: what made you want to start a podcast?

640
00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:34,080
Speaker 1: We met at an orgy. No ahh I'll just do

641
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:36,680
Speaker 1: I'll do some of the answer. We met making content.

642
00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:40,000
Speaker 1: But then we actually had a blind date with our

643
00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:44,240
Speaker 1: first So Matthew had an invitation to a Christmas party

644
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:48,360
Speaker 1: that I wasn't invited to from Meta thing and he said, hey,

645
00:30:48,440 --> 00:30:49,400
Speaker 1: Laura doesn't want to go.

646
00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:52,360
Speaker 2: Of people who don't know Meta is like Instagram and Facebook.

647
00:30:52,520 --> 00:30:55,880
Speaker 2: It was like, uh, it sounds wanky, as it was

648
00:30:55,880 --> 00:30:59,800
Speaker 2: a Christmas party for content creators. Yeah, and I was

649
00:30:59,840 --> 00:31:02,040
Speaker 2: like and I was like, fuck, I don't want.

650
00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:04,000
Speaker 1: To go, but I know a guy who likes the party.

651
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:07,840
Speaker 2: So I was even asked who's attending, and I said,

652
00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:10,360
Speaker 2: can I bring a friend? And then I threw out

653
00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:11,520
Speaker 2: the invitation to yourself.

654
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:12,959
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was good, and then we met. We had

655
00:31:13,000 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 1: a couple of beers beforehand.

656
00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:15,640
Speaker 2: I thought this guy seems lovely.

657
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:18,520
Speaker 1: I got pretty lit up. And then afterwards we made

658
00:31:18,520 --> 00:31:21,400
Speaker 1: a few videos in the in the corresponding months and

659
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:23,600
Speaker 1: people were into it. Yeah, and I said to Matt,

660
00:31:23,600 --> 00:31:27,000
Speaker 1: we should do a podcast and he politely said no, okay,

661
00:31:27,360 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 1: So anyway, a couple of months.

662
00:31:28,400 --> 00:31:30,120
Speaker 2: At this point, I was still sussing you out.

663
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:34,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's still sussing out my credibility. And then my

664
00:31:34,440 --> 00:31:37,120
Speaker 1: gas lighted him and said I've got another dad, don't

665
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:39,560
Speaker 1: worry about it. Forget about it. And a week later

666
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:40,560
Speaker 1: I said, are you sure.

667
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:42,520
Speaker 2: Well, we did a I don't know if at this

668
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:46,440
Speaker 2: point we agreed to doing a full series together. We

669
00:31:46,440 --> 00:31:48,320
Speaker 2: did a test record, Oh we did. Yeah, yeah, we

670
00:31:48,360 --> 00:31:51,400
Speaker 2: did a test record at my house and I thought,

671
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:55,200
Speaker 2: let's see what this guy's got. Let's see, let's see

672
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:57,600
Speaker 2: he's got a good chat when he's out and about.

673
00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:00,600
Speaker 2: Let's see if it translates to a microphone, which doesn't

674
00:32:00,640 --> 00:32:03,360
Speaker 2: often happen. Ash No, and that was you know, I

675
00:32:03,480 --> 00:32:05,240
Speaker 2: was a little bit nervous going into the shop. I

676
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 2: didn't know how I was. It was. It was this

677
00:32:10,240 --> 00:32:12,280
Speaker 2: epiphany where I was like, here he is.

678
00:32:12,320 --> 00:32:15,800
Speaker 1: It is glory. The man is where he's supposed to be.

679
00:32:16,160 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 2: I had wanted to do a podcast. I just didn't

680
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:20,040
Speaker 2: have the person to do it with.

681
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 1: But yeah, look that's how it came about. We did

682
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:25,320
Speaker 1: the record. We actually had a really fun time. Here

683
00:32:25,320 --> 00:32:25,640
Speaker 1: we are.

684
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 2: We built a beautiful friendship. And sometimes with friendships you

685
00:32:29,680 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 2: don't know where it's going to come from. But as

686
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:34,200
Speaker 2: long as you're open to it, this is the.

687
00:32:34,560 --> 00:32:39,680
Speaker 1: One real sappy and I'm really not really uncomfortable.

688
00:32:39,680 --> 00:32:40,600
Speaker 2: Now you're a Bali.

689
00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:42,800
Speaker 1: When I'm in Bali, maybe I'll find a Bali.

690
00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:45,200
Speaker 2: Matt don't even joke about that.

691
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:49,760
Speaker 1: I wouldn't. I wouldn't do it too. I'll be available

692
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:53,120
Speaker 1: on the phone whenever you need me. What have we

693
00:32:53,120 --> 00:32:55,320
Speaker 1: got here? Okay? Oh, actually this is a good question.

694
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:57,800
Speaker 1: I like this one. Matthew. How do you deal with

695
00:32:57,960 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 1: parents accusing your child of doing something mean. It's a

696
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:04,240
Speaker 1: real sticky one.

697
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:06,120
Speaker 2: That actually came from a daycare teacher.

698
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:08,440
Speaker 1: There's no evidence it never happened.

699
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:11,760
Speaker 2: I picked up the kids the other day from daycare,

700
00:33:11,960 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 2: and normally, as we've spoken about previously, it's the conversation

701
00:33:15,960 --> 00:33:18,000
Speaker 2: is like, hey, how was she? She had a great day,

702
00:33:18,080 --> 00:33:19,640
Speaker 2: thanks to much, We'll see you tomorrow, goodbye.

703
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:21,840
Speaker 1: Yes, it's always like that, a great day, and.

704
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:24,640
Speaker 2: Then she goes, oh, I need to talk to you

705
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:27,320
Speaker 2: about something. I was like, what's what seems to be

706
00:33:27,320 --> 00:33:29,480
Speaker 2: the problem. And I look at Lola, who was just

707
00:33:29,520 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 2: so sweet, innocent, her little pig tails, and she's sitting

708
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 2: there still sucking a dummy, and she goes Laura, and Laura,

709
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:42,520
Speaker 2: Laura's the kid Lola has been hitting other people?

710
00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:45,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, did you say show me the proof?

711
00:33:45,440 --> 00:33:46,800
Speaker 2: Yeah? I was like, where are the bruises and the

712
00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:49,280
Speaker 2: other kids? And they were, they were there.

713
00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 1: She'd been back here, that old thing was like, should

714
00:33:51,800 --> 00:33:52,880
Speaker 1: have seen the other guy?

715
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:56,680
Speaker 2: And sometimes I'm like, I wonder if it's because I

716
00:33:56,720 --> 00:33:59,920
Speaker 2: play really rough with kids. And I'm like, also, like

717
00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 2: smoke me at.

718
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:03,320
Speaker 1: The bottom, Yeah, that learns it from you.

719
00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:06,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, I could be enabling this parent, But I was like, oh,

720
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:10,360
Speaker 2: what do I tried to be concerned as she was

721
00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:10,640
Speaker 2: telling me.

722
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:12,120
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my gosh, oh no, but he

723
00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:16,400
Speaker 1: also didn't care. I know. My theory behind it is

724
00:34:16,440 --> 00:34:19,480
Speaker 1: like where there's smoke this fire, right, Oscar is so timid.

725
00:34:19,680 --> 00:34:22,120
Speaker 1: If a kid gets near him at a playground, he

726
00:34:22,280 --> 00:34:25,959
Speaker 1: fucking runs off. He's not hitting nobody. So someone accuses him,

727
00:34:26,520 --> 00:34:29,320
Speaker 1: I'm like, you've got the wrong kid. But if it's legit,

728
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:32,839
Speaker 1: and I've seen him not square up, I've seen him

729
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:35,920
Speaker 1: get a little bit like defensive, but like he he

730
00:34:36,239 --> 00:34:39,000
Speaker 1: honestly like, I've never seen him hit anything, so I

731
00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:40,560
Speaker 1: would be that have to really.

732
00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:42,719
Speaker 2: He's never been like he never went through like a

733
00:34:42,760 --> 00:34:43,560
Speaker 2: biting phase.

734
00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:47,600
Speaker 1: No, no, he's always been like this timid kid. But look,

735
00:34:47,640 --> 00:34:50,560
Speaker 1: if someone said, look I just witnessed Oscar hit someone,

736
00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:54,000
Speaker 1: I would go, okay, well the adult I would believe first,

737
00:34:54,040 --> 00:34:56,440
Speaker 1: and then I would say, buddy, just be honest, did

738
00:34:56,440 --> 00:34:58,560
Speaker 1: you hit that person? And just you know it is

739
00:34:59,440 --> 00:35:01,719
Speaker 1: you just never right. But if it was Macy, I'd

740
00:35:01,719 --> 00:35:02,160
Speaker 1: believe it.

741
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:05,200
Speaker 2: I think it's going to get harder when the kids

742
00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:07,080
Speaker 2: get a bit older, when the kids are like six,

743
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:09,359
Speaker 2: seven and eight, and they start to get a bit

744
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:10,400
Speaker 2: nasty where it's.

745
00:35:10,239 --> 00:35:12,279
Speaker 1: Like but I also like, I also think like let

746
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:13,920
Speaker 1: the kids hash it out a little bit.

747
00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:15,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, look, let.

748
00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:17,680
Speaker 1: Them hash it out because you're not always going to

749
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:20,640
Speaker 1: be there to be like your kid. You know. Can

750
00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:23,160
Speaker 1: imagine if our kids are eighteen and you come up

751
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:25,120
Speaker 1: to me and you said, your kid hit my kid,

752
00:35:25,280 --> 00:35:27,479
Speaker 1: My answer would be, did your kid hit him back?

753
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:28,880
Speaker 1: And if not, why not?

754
00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:31,680
Speaker 2: And if they did, let's just make a little ring

755
00:35:31,719 --> 00:35:34,080
Speaker 2: here at the playground, get it over with, shirts off

756
00:35:34,080 --> 00:35:36,360
Speaker 2: boys and yeah, get it over with.

757
00:35:36,560 --> 00:35:39,560
Speaker 1: Let's let's see who's really tough around you. It's also

758
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:42,560
Speaker 1: good to be like, hey, don't hit Yeah, but get

759
00:35:42,600 --> 00:35:46,359
Speaker 1: a bit of mung raw about yea. Sometimes anyway, stop

760
00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:51,919
Speaker 1: being a snitch. They're like, your kid hit my kids,

761
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:55,239
Speaker 1: like snitch, You're the one in the boys group. Everyone

762
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:56,920
Speaker 1: no one tells anything because you're a snitch.

763
00:35:56,920 --> 00:35:58,800
Speaker 2: Okay, So I don't mind a snitch.

764
00:35:59,480 --> 00:35:59,960
Speaker 1: You wouldn't.

765
00:36:00,040 --> 00:36:02,160
Speaker 2: I don't mind it. It's hard, man, because you don't

766
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:03,759
Speaker 2: want the kids to, like the drop of a hat,

767
00:36:03,880 --> 00:36:06,400
Speaker 2: come running to you at the playground and this happened.

768
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:09,040
Speaker 2: But at the same time, I'm like, fight it.

769
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:12,960
Speaker 1: Out a little bit. No, well we'll give a mixed opinion.

770
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:16,839
Speaker 1: We're really gone full circle. Let's agree on one thing.

771
00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:18,120
Speaker 1: No one likes a snitch.

772
00:36:19,080 --> 00:36:22,400
Speaker 2: I don't hate it. I don't hate it. I'll protect

773
00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:25,680
Speaker 2: Marley no matter, even if I'll die for you, even

774
00:36:25,760 --> 00:36:28,440
Speaker 2: if Marley's standing there with a serrated knife covered her blood.

775
00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:30,280
Speaker 2: I'm like, she didn't do it, give it to daddy.

776
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:33,520
Speaker 1: I'll wash it and get it, rubbing it on you, like,

777
00:36:33,560 --> 00:36:34,319
Speaker 1: no blood on there.

778
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:36,319
Speaker 2: And I'm so bad like that.

779
00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:37,960
Speaker 1: You just hide your kids.

780
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:42,200
Speaker 2: And she's so beautiful and innocent, she could never hurt

781
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:42,480
Speaker 2: a fly.

782
00:36:42,920 --> 00:36:46,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, kids the problem. Yeah, look some kids. Some other

783
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:49,040
Speaker 1: kids are the problem. Let's just leave it at that.

784
00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:54,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, you have, you have a very good holiday. You

785
00:36:54,680 --> 00:36:58,440
Speaker 2: deserve this. You've been working hard. You're covered in hemorrhoids,

786
00:36:58,840 --> 00:36:59,680
Speaker 2: you're sick your.

787
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:01,319
Speaker 1: Blood but hemorrhoids.

788
00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:04,480
Speaker 2: You're literally it's like talking to a giant hemorrhoid right now.

789
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:08,120
Speaker 1: I'm just a big red pollop and see you. Yeah,

790
00:37:08,239 --> 00:37:10,920
Speaker 1: when you're back, I'm back and rested in brown, tanned

791
00:37:11,680 --> 00:37:14,959
Speaker 1: some waves. Hopefully it's like I don't serve anymore shack

792
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:16,200
Speaker 1: a br shackers.

793
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:20,480
Speaker 2: April just I'm just saying, can to get away to

794
00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:23,040
Speaker 2: Bali Bags.

795
00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:28,480
Speaker 1: If you like this episode, please subscribe, follow us on Instagram,

796
00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:30,640
Speaker 1: leave a little of view. We love that. I'm going

797
00:37:30,719 --> 00:37:33,120
Speaker 1: to go sip on a few bin tains. But it's

798
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:35,919
Speaker 1: been nice to speak to you again, Matthew, so let's

799
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:40,480
Speaker 1: just go see out. Bye.

800
00:37:45,160 --> 00:37:48,800
Speaker 2: Two. Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country

801
00:37:48,800 --> 00:37:52,520
Speaker 2: throughout Australia and the connections to land, sea and community.

802
00:37:52,760 --> 00:37:55,280
Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present

803
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres straight

804
00:37:58,160 --> 00:38:01,760
Speaker 1: on the People's Today. This episode was recorded on Gadigle

805
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:02,080
Speaker 1: Land