Speaker 1: Hey you guys, and welcome back to another episode of
Speaker 1: Life on cud Ask on Cut edition.
Speaker 2: It is your first day drop.
Speaker 1: It is source of Spicy, Quick, dirty and damn rite interesting.
Speaker 1: It's where we answer your questions. I'm Britney and I'm
Speaker 1: Laura Brittany. You after a radio gig or something?
Speaker 2: How was that that was just off the calf? Was
Speaker 2: that good? Yeah?
Speaker 1: But I feel like you're like a morning FM host.
Speaker 1: Did you love the part where I didn't break dirty? Yeah?
Speaker 1: And she was like seering into my pupils at the
Speaker 1: same time, I legitimately didn't look away from you the
Speaker 1: whole time trying to seduce me. Well, it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: did I did it work? Not really?
Speaker 2: Damn it close.
Speaker 1: I mean to go back to start pay much to
Speaker 1: get me off these days, guys.
Speaker 2: Looking at you across the microphone. That's it.
Speaker 1: Times are tough anyway, Guys, you know what this episode is.
Speaker 1: This is where we answer all of your questions and
Speaker 1: we have had quite the few this week that have
Speaker 1: been written in Let's be real. Britt has chosen the
Speaker 1: questions because she's the one who does all the dms
Speaker 1: and the Instagram, but actually no, but to be fair,
Speaker 1: you've chosen one today, one that resonated with you.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Well, we did actually put one of these questions up
Speaker 1: on the Facebook page. And I'm just gonna say, come on, guys,
Speaker 1: like we put these things up there expecting everyone to
Speaker 1: bend together and help the team out. And I feel
Speaker 1: like this question wasn't answered to the best of its ability,
Speaker 1: so we're going to answer it. Probably still not to
Speaker 1: the best of its ability. But that's not why you
Speaker 1: come to us. Why do they come to us, Laura
Speaker 1: for our enthusiasm. We didn't want to just touch base
Speaker 1: on this week's episode. On Tuesday, the breakup episode, we
Speaker 1: had such a good response from that, and you guys
Speaker 1: really took something from that. A lot of you have
Speaker 1: said you're going through breakups currently and has already really
Speaker 1: helped you.
Speaker 2: We love hearing that.
Speaker 1: So it's so nice to get your responses and say
Speaker 1: that you've taken something from that, and a lot of
Speaker 1: you just said you had a good old chuckle.
Speaker 2: We love that too. Yeah, well, it was wild. That
Speaker 2: was our wild. We were so wild, were so much.
Speaker 2: She's not what I was saying. It's out of control.
Speaker 1: Do you want to calm down? Do you want to
Speaker 1: stop stop doing and they have had some sugar. I
Speaker 1: don't know, Okay. So it was wild because it was
Speaker 1: our most downloaded episode that we've ever done in a
Speaker 1: single day, which is yeah, that was a high five.
Speaker 1: Thanks for that, guys, I really appreciate it. It actually
Speaker 1: was our highest rating app But it also just goes
Speaker 1: to show how many people are going through breakups, how
Speaker 1: many people have been through them. I think it's like
Speaker 1: that one universal thing that we are all going to
Speaker 1: go through at some point in our life and like
Speaker 1: a little a nice warm hug to say that we've
Speaker 1: all been through it before. But also it's the same
Speaker 1: for these episodes where you guys writing all of your
Speaker 1: questions and the fact one that you trust us to
Speaker 1: answer your questions, but also it makes us realize that,
Speaker 1: you know, we're all in this together. We're all going
Speaker 1: through our own things at different times. And I always
Speaker 1: say this every single week, but it's really nice to
Speaker 1: be reminded that you're not alone in the problems that
Speaker 1: you're having. We also had a lot of feedback and
Speaker 1: your own stories that you wrote into both Laura's and
Speaker 1: my story on the break in, So it was a
Speaker 1: break up episode, but we started it with the break
Speaker 1: ins because we thought that works. Well, No, that just
Speaker 1: happened by fluke chance. I know you're trying to like
Speaker 1: like make some and we didn't.
Speaker 2: Correlation.
Speaker 1: Nothing's planned, guys. We could just get on here and
Speaker 1: we wing it. But some of your stories were so funny.
Speaker 1: But there was one that I'm just gonna like completely summarize.
Speaker 1: There was this one girl that wrote in and she
Speaker 1: was at her boyfriend's house and it was like five
Speaker 1: am and they live sort of on a property like
Speaker 1: quite like quite away from everything, and it's five am
Speaker 1: and she hears that someone's at the door and she
Speaker 1: wakes up. She's like, oh my god, someone's at the
Speaker 1: door and they know they're home alone. So she wakes
Speaker 1: a partner up and he's like, you're imagining it. They
Speaker 1: hear it again, then it goes silent, and he's like, no,
Speaker 1: I did hear selling, but it's gone now anyway, it's awesome. Yeah, No,
Speaker 1: A minute goes past, and then they hear it at
Speaker 1: the back door. They're like, holy shit, they've gone to
Speaker 1: try and get into the back door. Now, what are
Speaker 1: we going to do? Then they hear it at the
Speaker 1: front draw again. They're like, oh my god, babe, they're
Speaker 1: fucking coming in both entrances.
Speaker 2: There's a group of.
Speaker 1: Them and they're breaking in as a fucking group being
Speaker 1: double ended.
Speaker 2: They get up, they call the police.
Speaker 1: The police are on their way to like, people are
Speaker 1: trying to break into our house.
Speaker 2: It's five. We don't know what to do. They're like,
Speaker 2: lock yourself in your room. So they lock the I'm
Speaker 2: so embarrassed for them already.
Speaker 1: In the room and they're sitting there with like some
Speaker 1: sort of weapon that they've found in their room barricade,
Speaker 1: and they can still hear the door going, like this
Speaker 1: person's hardcore trying to break in. The police arrive and
Speaker 1: they knock on the front door, and like they were
Speaker 1: even too scared to get out and answer the police
Speaker 1: because they're like, the person's in the house. We heard them,
Speaker 1: We heard the doggy door go into the house. They
Speaker 1: now there's a dogged door at the house, but it's
Speaker 1: not for their dog. They don't have a dog.
Speaker 2: It was just it was before that.
Speaker 1: So they hear the police and they're like, do we
Speaker 1: do this? What if the person's in the house and
Speaker 1: we go to the front door to get the police,
Speaker 1: but to get sabbed, so they get us on the way.
Speaker 1: We've been watching too much screen. So she sends him.
Speaker 1: She's like, babe, go to the police. So the police
Speaker 1: are at the front and the back as well. The
Speaker 1: police go the boyfriend goes to the police at the front,
Speaker 1: and the girlfriend goes to police the back. Then the
Speaker 1: policemen say, mate, you've lost your dog. We've found it.
Speaker 1: They're like, what weell, I don't have a dog. They're like, well,
Speaker 1: you do have a dog.
Speaker 2: Here's your dog. And she's like, I don't. I don't
Speaker 2: have it.
Speaker 1: She's like, I don't have a dog. Someone's in my
Speaker 1: fucking house.
Speaker 2: I do not.
Speaker 1: I am telling you I do not have a dog.
Speaker 2: This goes on.
Speaker 1: She's like check, they're going check my house, like someone
Speaker 1: is in there anyway. Turns out turn out her boyfriend
Speaker 1: family dog is so obsessed with them. They live across town.
Speaker 1: At five am, he missed this dog missed them across
Speaker 1: an hour across the town to find them, and then
Speaker 1: started running around the house trying to get in the
Speaker 1: front of the back, in the front of the back,
Speaker 1: like and then and that's what it was. It was
Speaker 1: the bloody dog trying to break in. They'd called the police,
Speaker 1: they'd wasted their time for like an hour, and it
Speaker 1: was his dog.
Speaker 2: I love that this came off the back of your koalist. Guys.
Speaker 1: I think we've hit capacity. No more stories about animals
Speaker 1: rubbing your houses. I honestly love it so much, very
Speaker 1: very cute. Anyway, that was That's all it's happened.
Speaker 2: Guys.
Speaker 1: It's been two days. We've had no more break We
Speaker 1: record it on Monday. Nothing has happened in my life,
Speaker 1: but Brick got keys to her apartment. She lies, big
Speaker 1: things have happened, well, actually small things, because her apartment
Speaker 1: is very small. I don't feel like it's big things happening.
Speaker 1: But I picked up my keys. Guys, I moved my
Speaker 1: microwaving and what.
Speaker 2: Else do you need? A bed?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, oh chestnut. Now I've got heaps of stuff.
Speaker 1: It's going to be a big few days moving in.
Speaker 1: But for now, I've got me a microwave and a
Speaker 1: plant and a plant. That's I think that they're the essentials, right,
Speaker 1: a microwave and a plant. Well, yeah, well, I don't
Speaker 1: know what you have in your house.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean I've got a pile of shit right here.
Speaker 2: I got a lot of pile of shit right here.
Speaker 1: Brick comes into my house sometimes and I'm like, look,
Speaker 1: it's it's very messy. Everything is in organized piles of shit. No,
Speaker 1: this is what happens when you have a kid.
Speaker 2: It's not that. It's actually not mess She's in that
Speaker 2: pile over there. Movie isn't.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, enough of this, let's get into the questions.
Speaker 1: We've got three questions for this episode that you guys
Speaker 1: have written in and we're gonna make it.
Speaker 2: Short, sharp, and ready to rumble.
Speaker 1: Okay, First up, guys, my boyfriend and I have a
Speaker 1: lot in common, and whenever we are together we talk
Speaker 1: a lot. However, for some reason, I sometimes get nervous
Speaker 1: before going out to dinner with him, like on a
Speaker 1: nice state, because I worry that we're gonna sit there
Speaker 1: and not have anything to talk about. How do you
Speaker 1: come up with fresh and fun conversations on date night
Speaker 1: when you spend so much time together already? Sos So
Speaker 1: I picked I picked this question. This question came in
Speaker 1: and Brut was like, ah, no, no, no, like we'll
Speaker 1: pick another one.
Speaker 2: And I was like, I relate to this, which is
Speaker 2: what I love about you.
Speaker 1: And me and our dynamic is that we are so
Speaker 1: different that we do bring different things because I don't
Speaker 1: have that issue. But it's like, I'm so interesting. I
Speaker 1: always had things to talk about.
Speaker 2: Are you idiots?
Speaker 1: I don't have a long term relationship, but yes, I
Speaker 1: can talk underwater.
Speaker 2: But I meant I don't have a partner. I I
Speaker 2: relate to this much.
Speaker 1: And I even said this to Matt, so like this
Speaker 1: question came into our DMS last night and I and
Speaker 1: I said to Matt like, oh, like, don't you remember
Speaker 1: when we were dating earlier on and like I said,
Speaker 1: did you ever feel like this with me?
Speaker 2: And he was like no, And then I was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: me neither. I didn't.
Speaker 1: I've always felt really super confident and like I knew
Speaker 1: what I was talking about. And then you're closing your
Speaker 1: apps that are like what to talk.
Speaker 2: About on a date? I shit, you not.
Speaker 1: I have literally googled that before, like how to make conversation.
Speaker 1: And what I realized is like, it's not because obviously
Speaker 1: this is not just isolated to Matt, like I've done
Speaker 1: this in multiple past relationships. It's it's from overthinking. If
Speaker 1: you know that you have a great connection with your partner.
Speaker 1: If you know that you have so much in common
Speaker 1: that the worry and the fear that it's attached to
Speaker 1: thinking that you're going to go out for dinner and
Speaker 1: you're going to have nothing to talk about, it's just overthinking.
Speaker 1: It's really like putting this like insecurity and pressure on
Speaker 1: that conversation.
Speaker 2: And it's really sweet because you just you.
Speaker 1: Know, you want to like make sure that the time
Speaker 1: and the conversation is always filled, but you don't have
Speaker 1: to always feel every single moment with conversation. It's actually
Speaker 1: sometimes really nice to be comfortable in your partner's presence
Speaker 1: and be comfortable in the silence of their presence. So
Speaker 1: do you actually have a tip, Laura, Like would you
Speaker 1: say google news articles?
Speaker 2: Would you say no?
Speaker 1: Like, but what about the people that actually are running
Speaker 1: out of convo No, So I would say for starters.
Speaker 1: I think exactly what happened with me and Matt when
Speaker 1: I said to him, like, oh, when we very first
Speaker 1: started dating, I used to get worried that we would
Speaker 1: not have anything to talk about, and I used to
Speaker 1: think and like really sort of stress myself out before
Speaker 1: we'd go for dinners where it's that very like one
Speaker 1: on one, no other stimulus to kind of like stimulate
Speaker 1: the conversation.
Speaker 2: You've just got to talk to each other.
Speaker 1: I used to be a bit fearful that maybe there
Speaker 1: would be silence in that and maybe we wouldn't have
Speaker 1: anything to talk about, especially because we had just come
Speaker 1: from the bachelor world, where there's always some something and
Speaker 1: someone generating conversation for you. Hand it's you on a platter.
Speaker 1: You don't fight for it. Every single time you go
Speaker 1: on a date. There's something happening around you that you're
Speaker 1: told to talk about. So this was the first time
Speaker 1: that we had just been in in each other's company,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh god, what if we struggle
Speaker 1: to make conversation? And so when I was telling that
Speaker 1: about this question, he just laughed and was like, I
Speaker 1: never felt like that with you. He's like, even if
Speaker 1: there were times where we didn't have anything to talk about,
Speaker 1: I didn't feel that that silence was awkward. And so
Speaker 1: I just think, you don't need to fill all your
Speaker 1: time with conversation. If it's okay to like have silence
Speaker 1: before the next interesting conversation comes to life. Well, the
Speaker 1: thing is, there is a such thing as a comfortable silence.
Speaker 1: And it's the goal that every relationship wants to get to,
Speaker 1: because if you're with somebody long term for the rest
Speaker 1: of your life, I'm talking thirty forty fifty years, I
Speaker 1: can guarantee you you're not going to be constantly talking.
Speaker 1: You're not gonna have something interesting to say all the time.
Speaker 1: So you do want to get to a place where
Speaker 1: you can enjoy a comfortable silence. And I think that
Speaker 1: is an amazing place to get to. So if that's
Speaker 1: what it is, don't stress. I Am going to add
Speaker 1: something else, and that is I have been in a
Speaker 1: position before where I was in this position. I was
Speaker 1: having these silences on a dinner with someone I had
Speaker 1: been dating for quite a while, and it wasn't so
Speaker 1: much comfortable silence anymore. And this is why I had
Speaker 1: to make a decision that it was time to leave
Speaker 1: the relationship. And it's because it wasn't a comfortable silence.
Speaker 1: It was because I was trying to start a conversation
Speaker 1: and I was trying to talk about things that were interesting.
Speaker 1: I was posing questions and my partner at the time
Speaker 1: had zero interesting anything that I did anymore. And it
Speaker 1: smacked me hard in the face, and I realized, Okay,
Speaker 1: this isn't comfortable silence anymore. We just have nothing in common,
Speaker 1: and I think that that is what you need to differentiate.
Speaker 2: Is it comfortable?
Speaker 1: Are you happy just to chill in each other's company
Speaker 1: and you get along like a house on fire in
Speaker 1: every other aspect? Or is it that you were just
Speaker 1: so polar opposites in your views of the world, what
Speaker 1: you want in life, what you think is funny, what
Speaker 1: you think is interesting, what drives you, what stimulates you.
Speaker 1: If you guys are nowhere near that anymore, that's when
Speaker 1: you take a look and think, Okay, maybe we're not
Speaker 1: on the same path, maybe we're not as connected as
Speaker 1: I thought we were totally. But I think in this case,
Speaker 1: because this listener has written in it and she says
Speaker 1: that she does have a lot in common and that
Speaker 1: they have lots of conversations to meet the day, I
Speaker 1: think it's almost unreasonable to think that you can spend
Speaker 1: all day, every minute with your partner, so much time together,
Speaker 1: and then get to dinner time and have all this
Speaker 1: wealth of extra things to talk about. I think you're
Speaker 1: putting an unreasonable amount of pressure on yourself to perform
Speaker 1: like you can't expect to constantly have super super super
Speaker 1: interesting conversations to bring to the dinner table, because you've
Speaker 1: already talked all day about all different things, and so
Speaker 1: you're gonna sit down and you know, like I do,
Speaker 1: think that you sit down at dinner sometimes and you'll
Speaker 1: talk about the food, or you'll talk about a friend,
Speaker 1: or you might not be talking about politics or what's
Speaker 1: happening in the world, all these big, great, incredible, like
Speaker 1: life changing conversations because you can't always be having those conversations.
Speaker 2: Sometimes.
Speaker 1: I actually still do this now. I actually just really
Speaker 1: love to play this game. I'll give an example for you, Laura.
Speaker 1: I'll ask things like, and I think it's a good
Speaker 1: way to get to know each other, but it's also
Speaker 1: a hard question. It's a way to feel a silence
Speaker 1: if you do feel like it's silence. So I would say,
Speaker 1: for example, I'm just plucking this off my head, Laura.
Speaker 1: If you had to give up wine or cheese for
Speaker 1: the rest of your life, you can only have one,
Speaker 1: what's it gonna be like?
Speaker 2: This is like the g rated version of would you rather?
Speaker 2: Would you rather found?
Speaker 1: Would you wear a hatful of spiders or have penises
Speaker 1: for fingers.
Speaker 2: That's fucked. There's always one that takes it too far.
Speaker 1: But I actually want to know, would you gi about
Speaker 1: wine or cheese for the rest of your life?
Speaker 2: Neither? Yeah, that's the Laura. The game is that I
Speaker 2: give up cheese cheese. You don't get to say neither.
Speaker 2: Who are you? Laura Burne? Thank you very much?
Speaker 1: When we're the Bachelor twenty fifteen, sixteen seventeen, I don't
Speaker 1: even know how long it was?
Speaker 2: Seven sold. Do you know what else you can do?
Speaker 2: Just have a kid.
Speaker 1: Just have kids, and then you'll never go out for
Speaker 1: dinner and you'll never have this problem and you won't talk.
Speaker 1: You'll fight perfect you always have something to fight about.
Speaker 1: I mean talk about anyway.
Speaker 2: I think.
Speaker 1: To sum this up, don't overthink I mean, we're being silly,
Speaker 1: but we are also very serious.
Speaker 2: Don't overthink it. We've all been in.
Speaker 1: That position where we have stressed about, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: what am I going to fill the silence with? What
Speaker 1: am I gonna say? What am I gonna do?
Speaker 2: Don't worry about it. Just enjoy it.
Speaker 1: And if you're going out and there are every date
Speaker 1: is super awkward silence. Maybe they're not the one for you,
Speaker 1: but don't overthink it. Yes, agree, couldn't have said it
Speaker 1: better myself. I hate that saying it's so arrogant. Couldn't
Speaker 1: have said it better myself.
Speaker 2: I've never thought that before. I think it is. It's like,
Speaker 2: why would I think that I could say it better?
Speaker 2: You know what? I couldn't say it as good as
Speaker 2: you did because you are great. Thank you. There you
Speaker 2: go question number two.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I can't even with you like I just can't.
Speaker 1: I just can't even, So I don't question number two. Hey, girls,
Speaker 1: question here obviously for as thanks for leaving up it
Speaker 1: In Britain, I recently went on a date with a
Speaker 1: guy I met from Hinge.
Speaker 2: The date went really well.
Speaker 1: We went out to dinner, conversation was great. He ended
Speaker 1: up coming back to my place mail she didn't write
Speaker 1: that bit I had chicken wow Wow. I message him
Speaker 1: the next day to thank him for a great night
Speaker 1: and suggested that we see each other again soon. His
Speaker 1: response was thank you. It was lovely full stop. I
Speaker 1: haven't responded as he didn't say he wanted to catch
Speaker 1: up again. Should I reply or just cut my losses?
Speaker 1: Is he keen or not help cut your losses? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I don't want to come in too hot, hard and harsh.
Speaker 1: But I from experience, I'm gonna say I don't think
Speaker 1: he's keen, because we all know that if we want
Speaker 1: to see someone, we will, And if he did, he
Speaker 1: would have said, thank you, it was lovely, Let's do
Speaker 1: it again soon when you're free. He would have tacked
Speaker 1: something on to the end of the sentence instead of
Speaker 1: just saying it was lovely. So I think the hard
Speaker 1: answer for this right now is that he probably did
Speaker 1: have a great time, no doubt, but he doesn't see
Speaker 1: anything in the future. Yeah, totally, Like it's it's shit,
Speaker 1: especially if you have gone on one day and you
Speaker 1: thought that you guys really hit it off, and then
Speaker 1: obviously you guys went home and it progressed to something
Speaker 1: a bit more. I guess there's like that little bit
Speaker 1: of hope that's tied up in like maybe I'm going
Speaker 1: to see him again. But I think you have already
Speaker 1: You've already put the ball in his court. You've already
Speaker 1: said hope that we get to see each other again.
Speaker 1: And his his message back is pretty short and sharp,
Speaker 1: and I think that that in and of itself is
Speaker 1: he's closed that door and maybe he will open it again,
Speaker 1: but it doesn't really feel like he's opening it to
Speaker 1: date and to get to know you. He may open
Speaker 1: it again just for a booty call. So be aware,
Speaker 1: stay woke, ladies. I often think, also, go with your
Speaker 1: gut and when this happens to me, When this happens
Speaker 1: to me, like every single weekend, when a guy goes
Speaker 1: to me, no, But if this happened to me, I
Speaker 1: would always put myself in a situation. So I think
Speaker 1: if I went on a date and he wrote to
Speaker 1: me and said I want to see you again, but
Speaker 1: I didn't, what would I say?
Speaker 2: And that's what I would have written back.
Speaker 1: So I always think if you would have written that
Speaker 1: to him, let's be real, if he said he wants
Speaker 1: to see you again, you didn't, you would have said
Speaker 1: it was great, thanks, and you would have left it.
Speaker 2: And it's a high truth.
Speaker 1: And I think deep down, usually we know the answer
Speaker 1: you're asking because you're hoping it's a different response because
Speaker 1: obviously you enjoyed your.
Speaker 2: Time and that bloody sucks.
Speaker 1: And we've all been there, we've all been on the
Speaker 1: receiving end of you know, unrequited love.
Speaker 2: But I think not.
Speaker 1: Necessarily cut your losses. Maybe one day a week, two
Speaker 1: weeks a month. Maybe he will come back. Maybe, who knows.
Speaker 1: But to answer your question, no, I don't think you
Speaker 1: can follow up on this again. I don't think you
Speaker 1: should message him back. Maybe he will come to you
Speaker 1: in the future, brilliant, Maybe he won't. That's fine, move on.
Speaker 1: I think one more thing I want to add to
Speaker 1: this is do not take this personally. Yeah, And I
Speaker 1: think that that's really important, as much as it sucks,
Speaker 1: and as much as there's a part of it that
Speaker 1: makes you feel a bit like oh, like okay, well,
Speaker 1: I mean that wasn't what I expected or what I'd
Speaker 1: hoped for. You don't know this guy. You don't know
Speaker 1: what he's after in a person. You don't know what
Speaker 1: he's after for his life or where he's at in
Speaker 1: his life.
Speaker 2: Regardless of what he said or what he did on
Speaker 2: a one night dinner.
Speaker 1: One date, that's not enough timeframe for you to actually
Speaker 1: know that person or to be invested in who they are.
Speaker 1: So you cannot take his actions as an affe to you,
Speaker 1: because it is not a reflection of who you are.
Speaker 1: It's not a reflection of your worth, and it's not
Speaker 1: a reflection of how datable you are or another guy
Speaker 1: who's going to want to be with you in the future.
Speaker 1: So please don't allow yourself to be sad by one
Speaker 1: guy and one date that didn't turn into a relationship
Speaker 1: because he's not worth it. I couldn't agree more. I'm
Speaker 1: so glad you said that, because it is so easy
Speaker 1: to be weighed down by it and take it personally.
Speaker 2: What did I do wrong? Yeah? What did I say?
Speaker 1: Me?
Speaker 2: Like? Why doesn't he want to date me? Especially when
Speaker 2: you think you want to date him?
Speaker 1: But you just you don't know where he's at in
Speaker 1: his life and on his like crazy, weird little journey.
Speaker 1: So let him sail off into the distance because your
Speaker 1: penguin has come And girlfriend.
Speaker 2: Do you remember I told you I'm just going to
Speaker 2: talk the podcast this There was a while.
Speaker 1: Now I'm not gonna tell you. Yes you are, Yes
Speaker 1: you are. Get on over here, girlfriend, bring your face
Speaker 1: close to that microphone. There was a time unveil your soul.
Speaker 1: There was a time over a year ago now that
Speaker 1: I started to see this guy and anyway, I was like,
Speaker 1: I am not going to sleep with you for a
Speaker 1: long time because I am sick of just dating dating, dating,
Speaker 1: dating and going through it. So I was like, I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna sleep with you anyway.
Speaker 2: I remember this guy, Yeah you remember, I knew you anyway.
Speaker 1: And also I like to trial different things, like waiting
Speaker 1: a week, waiting three weeks, waiting three months, like waiting
Speaker 1: all these different times, because you know how people are
Speaker 1: like can you sleep on the first date, or I
Speaker 1: waited two weeks or there's no rule, But I like
Speaker 1: to trial it to see what works.
Speaker 2: Anyway, I was seeing this guy, and.
Speaker 1: You know, a week went by, three weeks, a month,
Speaker 1: two months, and then I thought, oh my god, he's
Speaker 1: still wanted to see me and I haven't slept with him.
Speaker 1: He must really like me. Got to the three month mark,
Speaker 1: I was seeing him for three months.
Speaker 2: Why did you hold up for so long?
Speaker 1: Because I evidently wasn't that interesting in the game, But yeah,
Speaker 1: how long can I ask? Obviously I wasn't to be
Speaker 1: to be fair, he was never my penguin. We had
Speaker 1: some nice dinners, we had fun, but I obviously didn't
Speaker 1: feel it. But we enjoyed hanging out. And I got
Speaker 1: to the point where I was like, how far can
Speaker 1: I push this?
Speaker 2: Before?
Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, three months. This guy actually
Speaker 1: really likes me. Let's let's let's do this. Slept with him,
Speaker 1: never heard from him. I got a message from him
Speaker 1: being like, you know, like I had a really great
Speaker 1: time by but.
Speaker 2: I'll see you say, was the sex is my question?
Speaker 2: You know, on my half? Brilliant? Thank you? But where
Speaker 2: this story is going, if.
Speaker 1: You guys are all wondering, if you're still with me,
Speaker 1: where this is going. Is that he slid back on
Speaker 1: in two days ago.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you don't. You don't need a guy to
Speaker 2: slide back on it.
Speaker 1: No. I just thought it was interesting and he was like, Hey,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry for how things left. I don't know why
Speaker 1: I did that, and love to buy your copy and
Speaker 1: makeup for it. He's like, because you look smoking hot
Speaker 1: on the TV right now, it's funny. I was just
Speaker 1: thinking of you because you're in channel ten. I mean,
Speaker 1: because you just slipped into my mind. Anyway, that was
Speaker 1: a nice little segue. Let's get on to question number three.
Speaker 1: Question number three, is you actually have that as you're
Speaker 1: reading it? Oh, it's your turn.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: So question number three was a question that we put
Speaker 1: out to the Facebook group, and it was a question
Speaker 1: that we both read and we were like, you know what,
Speaker 1: this is actually something that's really important and is going
Speaker 1: to profoundly impact this person's, this listener's life, And so
Speaker 1: we put it out in the Facebook group because we
Speaker 1: thought we would get some quick answers to it. But
Speaker 1: I don't think that the listener got this sort of
Speaker 1: answers that she needs, or got the sort of depth
Speaker 1: or quality to the responses. So we've decided that we're
Speaker 1: going to readdress it here. We do think it's really
Speaker 1: important that when you guys do ask us a question,
Speaker 1: you get the answer that you want some way, whether
Speaker 1: that's from us or whether it's from the group. And yeah,
Speaker 1: we definitely don't think this girl got it. So we're
Speaker 1: going to review it, and this is it. Last year,
Speaker 1: I found out my husband had been sending inappropriate messages
Speaker 1: with this chick. I was heavily pregnant at the time
Speaker 1: with our third child and totally devastated. Fast forward a
Speaker 1: year and we are still together. I made the choice
Speaker 1: to forgive him. He's been totally transparent about it all,
Speaker 1: completely cut her out of his life, answered all my questions,
Speaker 1: no matter how awkward or uncomfortable they make him or
Speaker 1: how upset the answers make me. I've had access to
Speaker 1: his phone whenever I want all of that stuff. He's
Speaker 1: copped it all in the chin. I never tried to
Speaker 1: downplay what happened, and I know he's truly sorry and
Speaker 1: regrets it. Things are good in that aspect, but I
Speaker 1: still can't totally shake it. I don't want to leave him.
Speaker 1: It's not that I don't trust him. It's just that
Speaker 1: my confidence took a hit, and so I often find
Speaker 1: myself doubting myself. Now. I don't really know what I'm asking.
Speaker 1: I guess I chose our relationship and this is what
Speaker 1: I want, But how can I completely let go of
Speaker 1: the past.
Speaker 2: It's a big tough.
Speaker 1: My heart breaks reading this because can you imagine already
Speaker 1: having two kids, being heavily pregnant with your third child,
Speaker 1: emotions high, stress high, fatigue high, and then you find
Speaker 1: out your husband's been inappropriately messaging someone else, who I
Speaker 1: imagine probably is younger with no kids, and it would
Speaker 1: you would have taken a really, really big hit for
Speaker 1: your confidence. And I can't even imagine so starting out,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry that happened to you. That's bloody shit. It
Speaker 1: seems like you do really want to make the relationship work,
Speaker 1: because you've said you've chosen the relationship and he's been
Speaker 1: really great. It sounds like he's trying to meet you halfway,
Speaker 1: and he's really more than halfway. Yeah, he's giving you
Speaker 1: everything you've asked for. He's been really open and apologetic,
Speaker 1: and it sounds like he's doing everything he can to
Speaker 1: make up for this. So I don't know if you've
Speaker 1: done couples counseling because you didn't mention that, but I
Speaker 1: definitely think that that is something you should look at
Speaker 1: doing because you've made the decision that you want to
Speaker 1: make it work for yourself and your family. And this
Speaker 1: is controversial people. Not everyone's going to be on board
Speaker 1: with it, depending on what it is. I don't think
Speaker 1: if there's infidelity in a relationship once, I don't think
Speaker 1: it has.
Speaker 2: To be the end. I do not condone under it.
Speaker 1: I'm not an advocate for it, no, but I just
Speaker 1: want to say for families like this that have gone
Speaker 1: through something tumultuous like this, it doesn't have to necessarily
Speaker 1: be the end. You can work through it. And we
Speaker 1: have looked up so many articles from psychologists, so many
Speaker 1: articles from therapists that have said a lot of couples
Speaker 1: that go through infidelity and have these tumultuous situations actually
Speaker 1: come out stronger. So I don't want you to write
Speaker 1: this off. And I do think you're in the right direction,
Speaker 1: But I think you obviously need a third party to
Speaker 1: step in now and help you because you're both meeting
Speaker 1: halfway and you're not getting to where you want to be.
Speaker 2: So you need someone.
Speaker 1: That's unbiased to come in and help. Exactly what Britt said, Like,
Speaker 1: relationships can survive infidelity of all, like and you this
Speaker 1: is just text messages, Like relationships can survive affairs if
Speaker 1: both parties want that, and if the person who is
Speaker 1: the you know in the wrong shows up every day
Speaker 1: and proves and time and time again that they're committed
Speaker 1: and that they want to change. I really do believe that, like,
Speaker 1: infidelity doesn't have to be the end of a relationship,
Speaker 1: And I think I think you just need to give
Speaker 1: yourself time, Like it's not been that long since it's happened,
Speaker 1: and so much has changed in your life, and you
Speaker 1: haven't been able to focus on yourself. You haven't been
Speaker 1: able to focus in your relationship because you're focused on
Speaker 1: a new baby and also your other two children. So
Speaker 1: I think give yourself time to adjust to what's happened,
Speaker 1: to process it. And the more that he keeps showing up,
Speaker 1: the more that he keeps proving to you that he
Speaker 1: did the wrong thing, and the more he keeps being
Speaker 1: open with his phone and open in your relationship, I
Speaker 1: think over time, the more settled you're going to feel.
Speaker 1: The other thing to think about is and we do
Speaker 1: really want to reiterate that we don't condone infidelity. When
Speaker 1: we say that relationships can survive it, we're just saying
Speaker 1: that they can survive. It doesn't have to be the end.
Speaker 1: But we're not condoning it. We're not saying it's okay.
Speaker 2: You can do it. I'll forgive you, like I just
Speaker 2: want to.
Speaker 1: Don't want you guys going all crazy thinking we're all.
Speaker 2: Crazy, I'll cut your balls off.
Speaker 1: But I do think there is this little aspect that
Speaker 1: you do need to be aware of that there are
Speaker 1: obviously different levels of infidelity. Maybe it's just texting like
Speaker 1: this couple were. We're not sure if there's more, but
Speaker 1: she says just texting, or.
Speaker 2: Maybe it was a full blown affair.
Speaker 1: Obviously they're going to both have You're gonna have different
Speaker 1: coping mechanisms, and it's going to require different levels for
Speaker 1: you to get back to where you were.
Speaker 2: So there's not.
Speaker 1: One level of cheating. And I think you do need
Speaker 1: to accept that if you're in that relationship and you
Speaker 1: have experience in fidelity and you make the decision to stay,
Speaker 1: it may not go back to where it was. You
Speaker 1: can still get to a really good place and continue.
Speaker 1: But if you're holding these really high hopes of you,
Speaker 1: if you have these really high expectations of getting back
Speaker 1: to exactly where you were before the infidelity, you probably
Speaker 1: will find yourself disappointed because it's not often you can
Speaker 1: get back to that exact place. I'm not going to
Speaker 1: downplay it, like I'm not saying that it's not the
Speaker 1: shittest thing ever to find text messages like that. But
Speaker 1: I think if it is text messages and in time
Speaker 1: and you give yourself time to heal, I do think
Speaker 1: that you can get back to being very happy in
Speaker 1: your relationship. And this isn't going to be something that
Speaker 1: comes up every single day, or it's not going to
Speaker 1: be something you think of. Yes, you may think of
Speaker 1: it from time to time, and it may cloud your
Speaker 1: your you know, it may come into your head one
Speaker 1: day and then that will make you feel sad.
Speaker 2: But I don't think it's going to be a constant
Speaker 2: in the future.
Speaker 1: So long as your partner keeps on showing up every day,
Speaker 1: being a good husband, being committed to you, not fucking
Speaker 1: texting some check who he was texting, and is a
Speaker 1: great dad. I do think that you can get back
Speaker 1: to being in a really, really happy place. But just
Speaker 1: give yourself time. Yeah, give yourself time and accept that
Speaker 1: he is showing up for you at the moment every day.
Speaker 1: So I think that's a really great should be. Like
Speaker 1: what hell, you should still work hard now, So I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm glad to hear that he's doing that, but also like, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's his job. If you guys, do have an opinion
Speaker 1: on this and you do want to help her out,
Speaker 1: that is up on the page. Maybe you've been through
Speaker 1: something similar yourself and you feel like you can relate
Speaker 1: more and you're listening to us talk and say, oh, well,
Speaker 1: I would have handled it differently.
Speaker 2: This is what we're here for.
Speaker 1: Why we have the Life Uncut podcast, Facebook discussion groups.
Speaker 2: So get on board, guys, and don't forget.
Speaker 1: If you're down and dirty, bring.
Speaker 2: A ding ding don't forget.
Speaker 1: If you do want to go and jump on that page, guys,
Speaker 1: you're going to go and find Life Uncut podcast on Facebook,
Speaker 1: and don't be fooled by the main page. It's a
Speaker 1: discussion group that you have to join and go into
Speaker 1: and that's where the magic really happened.
Speaker 2: We just like to make things really, really convoluted.
Speaker 1: But guys, that is our quick, down and dirty, Ask
Speaker 1: Uncut episode for the week. If you have any questions
Speaker 1: for us for next week, then send them on in.
Speaker 1: Just put Ask Uncut at the top. Also, if you
Speaker 1: have any accidentally unfiltered stories, we're getting low on those, guys.
Speaker 1: We need a few embarrassing stories from you, so please
Speaker 1: send them through as well.
Speaker 2: We know you've all got one, so don't pretend you don't.
Speaker 2: We don't.
Speaker 1: We're never ever gonna say take one for the teen girlfriend.
Speaker 1: Send us the most embarrassing story. We'll keep you anonymous,
Speaker 1: but we will laugh at you. Please hip five stars,
Speaker 1: leave of you, and share the love because we love
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