Speaker 1: Hi heart Podcasts.
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Speaker 1: A good Pickup with Britt Hockley and Laura ben Bady.
Speaker 1: What our windows down? That's my world? Rison the dust
Speaker 1: only good labs all down. I don't much, but yeah
Speaker 1: I know I'll big get and what I want it
Speaker 1: don't matter where goes. This is the pickup.
Speaker 2: Hi, guys, you're listening to the Pickup with Britt Hockley
Speaker 2: and Laura ben Laws.
Speaker 1: I was just talking to my husband Ben on the
Speaker 1: way in here, and I always get a real insight
Speaker 1: into like the male mind when I talk to him
Speaker 1: because he plays football, so he's always surrounded by like
Speaker 1: thirty to forty guys. They spend all their time together
Speaker 1: locker room chat. Yeah, locker room chat, but it's always interesting.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it's not what you think the locker room chat
Speaker 1: would be. Anyway. I was like house today and so, yeah,
Speaker 1: we were having some interesting conversations today, so do please
Speaker 1: do tell? And he said, oh, it came up, would
Speaker 1: you take a bullet for your partner? Like that's that's
Speaker 1: the good the question that they that they answered, And
Speaker 1: I said, oh, that's the strange thing to be talking about.
Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, I said, well, where though, where's the
Speaker 1: bullet going? Well? Is it? Is it lethal? Or is
Speaker 1: it just like it's in the leg. That is a
Speaker 1: woman's response. I think they mean like you'd probably die.
Speaker 1: I think I think the meaning like you're sacrificing yourself.
Speaker 1: I know, and in my head, assuming that you know,
Speaker 1: the answer would be of course, I said what was
Speaker 1: what was the response? And he said only two people
Speaker 1: said that they would, fair. I don't think many people
Speaker 1: would actually, well, Ben said he would, but I'll never
Speaker 1: know the truth. I just think it's very.
Speaker 2: Easy to say how you're going to behave in those situations,
Speaker 2: and then if push comes to shave, you'll either be
Speaker 2: the hero or.
Speaker 1: You're going to run away like it's it's you're never
Speaker 1: going to know. It is our favorite time ask gunkut.
Speaker 1: We do this every single week on our podcast Life
Speaker 1: un Cut podcast. You guys writing or call up with
Speaker 1: your deepest, darkest problems predicaments. But today we have one
Speaker 1: we haven't really had before. We have Casey on the line,
Speaker 1: who is having a bit of a problem deciding what
Speaker 1: comes first, a baby or a dog. Casey, Welcome to
Speaker 1: the show talk us through the situation.
Speaker 3: So basically, I would really love a dog, and my
Speaker 3: partner is super hesitant because they want to get pregnant.
Speaker 1: I don't understand why you have to have a baby
Speaker 1: or a dog.
Speaker 2: Is the dog a puppy and you're wanting to do
Speaker 2: it at the same time, because that would be.
Speaker 3: A lot Well, no, it would be a puppy. We
Speaker 3: would have it like a year beforehand. But they're afraid
Speaker 3: that we're gonna stop loving the dog, or that it's
Speaker 3: going to be too hard for us. But I also
Speaker 3: see it as a bit of a test.
Speaker 1: It will be a test, for sure. I don't think
Speaker 1: you're gonna stop. I mean, I don't have a kid.
Speaker 1: Laura has a multiple kids and a dog. But I
Speaker 1: don't think you're gonna stop loving the dog. But it
Speaker 1: is a lot to be taking on because a puppy
Speaker 1: is really hard work, and puppies aren't puppies for like
Speaker 1: two or three months.
Speaker 2: Puppies can be Yeah, I mean it's interesting because no
Speaker 2: one wants to admit that. Like like when I had
Speaker 2: Buster so Busses, my dog. I had him for quite
Speaker 2: a few years before having children, and he was he
Speaker 2: came with me everywhere, Like everything I did, Buster just
Speaker 2: was in tow all the time. That became a little
Speaker 2: bit trickier to manage when I had a baby. So
Speaker 2: you know, of course he still gets all the love,
Speaker 2: he gets all the attention, but he wasn't as much
Speaker 2: as in like if I was dragging around a pram
Speaker 2: and the baby and then having to get from one
Speaker 2: place to another, the pram was.
Speaker 1: In the back.
Speaker 2: There was no space for the dog to be in
Speaker 2: the back. Mind you, he's also enormous, And I want
Speaker 2: to be careful about saying this. I know there's gonna
Speaker 2: be so many people here and who are like, you
Speaker 2: should not treat your dog any different. Of course in
Speaker 2: a perfect world, but like there's less time for everyone
Speaker 2: because you're bringing in a whole human into the world.
Speaker 2: So for a lot of people, it deprioritizes a little bit,
Speaker 2: but you don't love them any less, and it rebalances
Speaker 2: once you get a grip on the whole motherhood thing
Speaker 2: and you and you figure it out and you find
Speaker 2: your feet and then you know. And now in our situation,
Speaker 2: we've got two kids and our dog adapted.
Speaker 1: He's eleven. He loves life and now he's got two
Speaker 1: kids terrorizing. I think that's the thing. Laws he's eleven,
Speaker 1: and so even when you started having kids, he was
Speaker 1: quite old six at the time. Is there a way
Speaker 1: you could maybe adopt a dog that's not a puppy,
Speaker 1: or get, you know, a dog that's a little bit
Speaker 1: older in life, that's not as needy and as energetic
Speaker 1: as you know.
Speaker 3: I mean, that's not a bad idea, that's a good compromise.
Speaker 3: But I think the idea of having a puppy is
Speaker 3: seeing how he raised something together.
Speaker 2: Different a baby dog and a baby human.
Speaker 1: They're so different. They yes, yeah, they are, they really are. Controversially,
Speaker 1: I reckon.
Speaker 2: A puppy is sometimes harder than a human.
Speaker 1: I really do. They're harder to like just I know,
Speaker 1: you can kind of leave them at home and stuff
Speaker 1: like that.
Speaker 2: You come home, they've eaten through your underwear, They've pissed
Speaker 2: on your laptop.
Speaker 1: Like puppies are hard work. Yeah, I would agree.
Speaker 3: Okay, so what's the decision here?
Speaker 1: Advice? My advice is get a dog, for sure, because
Speaker 1: you know, my dog is the best thing in my life.
Speaker 1: Get a dog. I just don't think you should probably
Speaker 1: be having a baby and a dog at the exact
Speaker 1: same time. The way you train your puppy is like
Speaker 1: instrumental in for that dog's the rest of its life.
Speaker 1: Like the way how easy it is for you in
Speaker 1: your day to day, how well it's trained, how well
Speaker 1: it obeys you, Like the way you set up your dog.
Speaker 1: And I hate saying set up, but it's so true
Speaker 1: that makes the rest of its life, you know, make
Speaker 1: or break. I'm confused. Is it you who wants the puppy?
Speaker 3: So I want the puppy, but she thinks it's going
Speaker 3: to be too much work, and I think it's a
Speaker 3: good test.
Speaker 1: It might be.
Speaker 2: Who do you think is going to end up doing
Speaker 2: the majority share of the puppy load?
Speaker 3: Me?
Speaker 1: You reckon?
Speaker 3: All right?
Speaker 1: Well, maybe look it might work. Good luck, that's all
Speaker 1: I have to say. Good luck. A baby and a
Speaker 1: puppy is hard work.
Speaker 2: Now we are asking the question is online dating dead?
Speaker 2: And the reason for this is because there has been
Speaker 2: some figures that's come out that said there has been
Speaker 2: a huge decline not just in the amount of people
Speaker 2: who are using online dating apps, but also I mean
Speaker 2: bumble has come out and said that they've had to
Speaker 2: lay off like massive amounts of their workforce because simply
Speaker 2: the apps are not as popular as what they used
Speaker 2: to be, say, five, ten years ago. The interesting thing
Speaker 2: about this is that literally everyone in this room has
Speaker 2: met their partners via a dating app except for me.
Speaker 2: I met him on a reality TV show, which I
Speaker 2: would say is one step worse.
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely not the same. No, but don't get me wrong.
Speaker 2: I exhausted all the dating apps, every single one, and
Speaker 2: then I went on a reality TV show to meet
Speaker 2: someone because I couldn't find them on the apps.
Speaker 1: Yeah, three of us here online dating. My sister got
Speaker 1: married from Tinder. So many people I know are in
Speaker 1: relationships on actually more people than not that I know
Speaker 1: in my life are in relationships based off online dating.
Speaker 1: But just like you said, Laura, to give you a
Speaker 1: statistic match group who own Tinder and then Bumble is
Speaker 1: independent of that, but have laid off like two percent
Speaker 1: of their staff and CEOs in the last year to
Speaker 1: eighteen months. That I think comes back to not only
Speaker 1: the fact that people are finding online dating hard and
Speaker 1: hopeless and unsuccessful, but they're starting to charge for online
Speaker 1: dating now like online dating used to be free, or
Speaker 1: maybe you would pay like two dollars to unlock an
Speaker 1: extra feature. It is so expensive now to online date.
Speaker 1: You need subscriptions or you're not going to be shown
Speaker 1: to people. Do you want to boost your profile to
Speaker 1: make sure the top people see you pay forty dollars
Speaker 1: a month.
Speaker 2: I would have thought people would have paid for romance
Speaker 2: like you would have paid for love. But maybe it's
Speaker 2: because they're not having the success right, Like people are
Speaker 2: paying for a certain amount of time and then they're
Speaker 2: not getting any return on that investment because they're not
Speaker 2: going on dates. Yeah, people are maybe like sending a
Speaker 2: few messages and then you get left on red or
Speaker 2: like someone's hot then they're cold. I remember back in
Speaker 2: the day, you would only pay if you'd exhausted everyone
Speaker 2: in your area and you needed more people. You could
Speaker 2: pay to like extend your area out. That's how like
Speaker 2: they would make more. I guess incidental revenue.
Speaker 1: I mean I paid to meet my husband. That sounds weird.
Speaker 1: But the dating app that I was on, which was rare,
Speaker 1: was like a subscription service. You had to pay monthly
Speaker 1: to be on it. But I think what that did
Speaker 1: I mean? And maybe it was ahead of its time
Speaker 1: because you definitely did pay for that much earlier than
Speaker 1: I paid for Tinder or bumble, and I have paid
Speaker 1: for them all. I was online dating for like a decade,
Speaker 1: and I had every app besides like the og you know,
Speaker 1: like plenty of fish and stuff like. I didn't have those,
Speaker 1: but I saw the creep of every app slowly start
Speaker 1: to bring in a monetary value. Yeah, and the problem
Speaker 1: is people now that they're paying it's a product, and
Speaker 1: you are not getting anything from your product. So people
Speaker 1: are paying x amount a month and seventy percent of
Speaker 1: people are not meeting people.
Speaker 2: Well that's the thing, right, So seven and ten users
Speaker 2: report that their conversations rarely ever like actually turned into
Speaker 2: actual dates, which if you're then paying for that service
Speaker 2: and you're not getting a date out of it, like
Speaker 2: that would be so incredibly deflating. Also for the people
Speaker 2: who were swipes swiping, putting in so much energy not
Speaker 2: getting the matches or not getting any conversations, like what
Speaker 2: that does to your self esteem.
Speaker 1: But there's also a second part of this.
Speaker 2: I think on one hand, we can talk about people
Speaker 2: moving away from the abs and how people are trying
Speaker 2: to meet in real life and blah blah blah, But
Speaker 2: I also think that there is a massive push now
Speaker 2: of people who are choosing to be single and not
Speaker 2: out of loneliness, not because it's a last resort, but
Speaker 2: because they actually are very happy in being single. And
Speaker 2: I think for so long we looked at being single
Speaker 2: as like this purgatory between when your next relationship was
Speaker 2: going to come around. But there's some really interesting information
Speaker 2: that's come out. The Culture Cut did a census and
Speaker 2: they predicted that by twenty thirty, nearly half of women
Speaker 2: age twenty five to forty four are expected to be.
Speaker 1: Single and child free.
Speaker 2: And that's not because they aren't able to find a.
Speaker 1: Person to settle down with. That is by choice.
Speaker 2: There's three main reasons women are prioritizing their personal growth,
Speaker 2: their own financial freedom. They're also choosing careers over relationships,
Speaker 2: and also that the divorce rates arising and a lot
Speaker 2: of people are not getting remarried after their first failed relationship.
Speaker 1: This doesn't surprise me at all when you think of
Speaker 1: the reason a lot of people used to have to
Speaker 1: get married. And we're getting into a whole other conversation here,
Speaker 1: but a lot of women had to get married for
Speaker 1: financial security. You know, we didn't have the education that
Speaker 1: we have now, or the opportunities to progress in a career,
Speaker 1: or to focus on a career, or to choose a career.
Speaker 1: We're also told that like you got married and you
Speaker 1: had kids. It's different now, like financial independence means everything,
Speaker 1: and so many more women are realizing that they don't
Speaker 1: have to rely on anyone, and in fact, they're happier.
Speaker 1: You can be far happier on your own. Some of
Speaker 1: the best years of my life, and like, obviously I'm
Speaker 1: married now. I loved being single, like not having the responsibility,
Speaker 1: not owing anything to anyone, doing whatever you wanted to do.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I think that that's such a hard thing
Speaker 2: for a lot of people to realize because for so long,
Speaker 2: and it's a lot of like undoing, right, Like for
Speaker 2: so long we've been told that you get into a relationship,
Speaker 2: you have children, you get married, Like that's kind of
Speaker 2: what that's the ultimate goal is like to be in
Speaker 2: a good, healthy relationship. And you know, I even see
Speaker 2: it in my in my mother in law, Ellie, she's
Speaker 2: been single for a really long time. She's so content,
Speaker 2: she's so happy, and she still sometimes has to say, like,
Speaker 2: you know, people always assimilate being on your own with
Speaker 2: potentially being lonely or missing companionship, and she's like, my
Speaker 2: life has never been more stress free than what it
Speaker 2: has been since I've been single. And she embraced that
Speaker 2: after you know, her divorce. And I think a lot
Speaker 2: of people have realized that that actually, you know, you
Speaker 2: can be single and be completely content.
Speaker 1: It doesn't equate to loneliness. Yeah, and people realize they
Speaker 1: don't have to have kids anymore, so they don't have
Speaker 1: to find the spouse to have this see twenty thirty.
Speaker 2: Population decline is apparently incoming, Laura.
Speaker 1: Last week I came across some pretty big information and
Speaker 1: I haven't been able to get out of my mind.
Speaker 1: Like I have not stopped thinking about it. It is
Speaker 1: living rent free. I am beside myself with happiness for
Speaker 1: this person. The problem is it's a person that I
Speaker 1: don't know, but I have this like weird parasocial relationship
Speaker 1: with them. So hear me out. The biggest crush of
Speaker 1: my life is Jennifer Aniston.
Speaker 2: If I thought it was the guy from Outlander, Sam Hwan, Yeah,
Speaker 2: you've got to stop talking about him though now because
Speaker 2: it's a bit more accessible.
Speaker 1: I think Brits let into his DMS. We were going
Speaker 1: to go on a date once. I can't actually talk
Speaker 1: about it, Jennifer Anison.
Speaker 2: That wasn't Enny on my bingo cards for Annison to me,
Speaker 2: I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1: She's the apple of my eye. I've just had a
Speaker 1: crush on her forever. If I could come back in
Speaker 1: this world and be someone, I feel like I'd want
Speaker 1: to be her. I loved her in everything that she's in.
Speaker 1: I think she seems like a really wonderful person from
Speaker 1: what she puts forward to the world.
Speaker 2: I did not pick you as like, how have I
Speaker 2: known you for six years and didn't know that you
Speaker 2: were a closet Jennifer Addison Fairt.
Speaker 1: I've definitely said it before. I think you've checked out. No,
Speaker 1: I love her. I knew you liked her. I didn't
Speaker 1: realize you with this far up rally. I also just
Speaker 1: think she's beautiful. I think she's so funny. She seems
Speaker 1: really nice. But I think a big part of it,
Speaker 1: to be honest, I think I connected with her a
Speaker 1: lot over the years because she's had a horrific dating life.
Speaker 1: Like I know, she has been through the Ringer and
Speaker 1: I went I don't like to pick sides, but when
Speaker 1: it was Jen and Angelina, I was always tim Jen. Okay.
Speaker 2: I always thought about this because, like, remember when Mister
Speaker 2: and Missus Smith was a thing, so cast your mind's back.
Speaker 2: That was when Brad went and he filmed the movie
Speaker 2: Mister and Missus Smith with Angelina Jolie, and that's when
Speaker 2: their affair started, allegedly. I'm sure neither of them are
Speaker 2: getting to come and sue me if I say the
Speaker 2: wrong bed.
Speaker 1: I don't know they are suing each other.
Speaker 2: But imagine your husband having an affair with who was
Speaker 2: quoted as the hottest woman in the world at the time.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't let him film the movie.
Speaker 2: And everyone saying that they ship that relationship like you're
Speaker 2: you're married in real life and the public are saying, oh,
Speaker 2: you should leave your wife and go be with Angelina Jolie, And.
Speaker 4: He did, and I just thought yes, And I just
Speaker 4: thought she's always from not just that situation, but she
Speaker 4: was with John Mayer, she was with Vinceborn Thaughty Boys.
Speaker 4: But I've always thought she held herself with such class
Speaker 4: like in that breakup. I cannot imagine what it would
Speaker 4: be like for the world to have shipped Angelina and
Speaker 4: Brad when it was your literal husband, it was very
Speaker 4: obviously an affair.
Speaker 1: She was always so quiet and just like, I don't know.
Speaker 1: She always took the high road, and I had a
Speaker 1: lot of respect for her. But she's just come out
Speaker 1: that she's in a new relationship, and she hasn't been
Speaker 1: in a relationship in ages, and she's been spotted with
Speaker 1: this new man, and I'm just like so happy for her.
Speaker 1: It was weird. I felt like I could have cried
Speaker 1: with her happiness, because she looks really happy. Hear me out.
Speaker 1: He's an author, speaker and coach. His name is Jim Curtis.
Speaker 1: I know, I just I just here for it. Let
Speaker 1: me just talk about my happiness. Please tell me more
Speaker 1: about it. What else did he do? Well? Did you
Speaker 1: look at his Wikipedia page? This is why it's interesting.
Speaker 1: This is why I think it's funny, because I am
Speaker 1: slightly concerned for her. He's a hypnotherapist, a neuro linguistic
Speaker 1: programming practitioner. Well, has he hypnotized her into this? This
Speaker 1: is like somebody sent help to her. Is she truly happy?
Speaker 1: Or has he hypnotized her and trickter into relationship?
Speaker 2: Britt I think your concern for Jennifer Aniston has territory
Speaker 2: where it's a little bit straight.
Speaker 1: But in all seriousness, can I show you him. He's
Speaker 1: like a daddy, he's hot. Have a look.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's nice, he's a beautiful he can hypnotize me anytime.
Speaker 1: Actually, that's not true. I've got a husband who I love,
Speaker 1: who you fall asleep, who I fall asleep next to.
Speaker 1: But I just think, like, I don't know. Parasocial relationships
Speaker 1: are weird, Like there's a few people that you get
Speaker 1: so invested with in life and then you have to
Speaker 1: remind yourself that you don't actually know them.
Speaker 2: I don't think I have a parasocial relationship with anyone.
Speaker 1: You had one with Jason Momola. You were in a
Speaker 1: relationship with him in your brain.
Speaker 2: No, I just thought he was hot and said I
Speaker 2: would climb him like tree.
Speaker 1: But apart from that, No, I didn't. I didn't have
Speaker 1: a relationship with you. I didn't know much about him.
Speaker 1: I just I didn't know him. No, I didn't. I
Speaker 1: clearly don't know him. I No, I don't think so.
Speaker 2: I don't think that there's anyone that I've really But
Speaker 2: then again, you look at social media, for example, And
Speaker 2: I think sometimes we follow people online, like there's definitely
Speaker 2: other people who work in media or influencers who who
Speaker 2: I've never met in real life, but I've met them online,
Speaker 2: if that makes sense, Like, maybe that's my extent of
Speaker 2: a parasocial relationship.
Speaker 1: Oh, you have full relationships with people online that you
Speaker 1: have to remind yourself of We've never seen each other
Speaker 1: in real life? Do you even know who I am?
Speaker 1: Have we actually met?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: Oh, do I just follow you online and know everything
Speaker 1: about you?
Speaker 2: Which I think is now quite a weird phenomena because
Speaker 2: back in the day, you'd have celebrities, you'd have movie stars,
Speaker 2: and they were so inaccessible. The only time that you
Speaker 2: got little bits of them was either through tabloid magazines
Speaker 2: and most of the stuff was made up, or it
Speaker 2: was because you've gone to see the movie that they're in.
Speaker 2: Whereas now a lot of celebrities, and especially that middle
Speaker 2: tier celebrity, share so much of their lives online and
Speaker 2: they're also starring in films and everything else, and it's
Speaker 2: like the accessibility to their life is what I think
Speaker 2: makes people a bit obsessed with them.
Speaker 1: I would go so far as to say it's not
Speaker 1: even the middle tier celebrities. Some of the biggest celebrities
Speaker 1: in the world are like instagramming on selfies and stuff.
Speaker 2: Do you think that like a lot of them overshare.
Speaker 2: I think it like it's justin Bieber's now. But then
Speaker 2: a lot of massive celebrities don't need to be that
Speaker 2: public because they've already got everything they need. They don't
Speaker 2: need to share their entire lives because it's not a
Speaker 2: bargaining chip for them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you tell them, Laura. Anyway, that's it from us.