1
00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:06,960
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

2
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:10,000
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just once answers.

3
00:00:10,039 --> 00:00:12,440
Speaker 2: Now it comes down to a central word that I

4
00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:15,520
Speaker 2: think really sums up what ADHD is about, and that

5
00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:20,280
Speaker 2: is inhibition. Kids who have got ADHD don't inhibit, they

6
00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:21,480
Speaker 2: don't stop themselves.

7
00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:25,079
Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

8
00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:25,600
Speaker 1: and dad.

9
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,520
Speaker 2: Well, lockdowns are increasing around the country. We've got the

10
00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:31,800
Speaker 2: Act Victoria and so much of New South Wales currently

11
00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:35,720
Speaker 2: lockdown a huge portion of the population. And families continue

12
00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:39,000
Speaker 2: to email me and jump onto Facebook and let us

13
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:42,479
Speaker 2: know that the weight is heavy. And when I say weight,

14
00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:45,160
Speaker 2: I don't mean how long it is to wait for something.

15
00:00:45,159 --> 00:00:49,600
Speaker 2: I'm in the burden of carrying a family through COVID lockdowns.

16
00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:53,640
Speaker 2: We hope that our podcast helps you with the challenges

17
00:00:53,640 --> 00:00:57,120
Speaker 2: that you're facing today. This is doctor Justin Coulson, the

18
00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:00,360
Speaker 2: author of six books about making families happier, and I'm

19
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:04,959
Speaker 2: here with Kylie, mum to our six daughters. Kylie. We

20
00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:07,880
Speaker 2: are going to do our best today to help parents

21
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,760
Speaker 2: of children who are not what we call neurotypical, that is,

22
00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:12,760
Speaker 2: their brains have not developed the same way that the

23
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,880
Speaker 2: typical child does. We're going to talk about ADHD in

24
00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:17,000
Speaker 2: the podcast today.

25
00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:18,960
Speaker 3: So you've got a webinar on this topic tomorrow night.

26
00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:22,520
Speaker 2: We've had more interest in this webinar than pretty much

27
00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:25,120
Speaker 2: any that I've ever done before, which is a real surprise.

28
00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:28,960
Speaker 2: I didn't think that there'd be that many people, but Wow,

29
00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:31,039
Speaker 2: lots of interest in ADHD.

30
00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:32,920
Speaker 4: So I'm going to admit I don't know a lot

31
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:36,160
Speaker 4: about this. I've heard the acronym thrown around all over

32
00:01:36,160 --> 00:01:38,880
Speaker 4: the place, sure, but I don't know a huge amount

33
00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:41,880
Speaker 4: about it. I know there's a tangent deficit issues in here,

34
00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:45,400
Speaker 4: but I don't really understand it at all. So I'm

35
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,319
Speaker 4: going to play the dummy today. I'm going to ask

36
00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:49,680
Speaker 4: you a whole heap of questions and find out.

37
00:01:50,040 --> 00:01:51,240
Speaker 3: I'm going to learn something today.

38
00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:54,639
Speaker 2: Sure, I reckon it's worth mentioning though, even if somebody

39
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:58,840
Speaker 2: has done a psychology degree, the amount of time and

40
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:05,120
Speaker 2: content that ADHD and most childhood psychological or neurological disorders

41
00:02:05,360 --> 00:02:08,760
Speaker 2: is very very small, like barely gets touched at all.

42
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:10,600
Speaker 2: So even people that have done psych degrees don't know

43
00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:12,519
Speaker 2: that much about it, let alone. You know, who knows

44
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,320
Speaker 2: more about ADHD than just about anyone parents of kids

45
00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:18,800
Speaker 2: with ADHD, because they're living it every single day. But

46
00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:21,040
Speaker 2: the average parent who looks at kids that have got

47
00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:23,800
Speaker 2: ADHD and says, oh, for goodness sakes, what's going on

48
00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:27,119
Speaker 2: over there? Most parents don't actually know that much about it. So, yeah,

49
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,560
Speaker 2: let's have a chat about it ahead of the webinar

50
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:30,120
Speaker 2: tomorrow night.

51
00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:33,240
Speaker 3: So what does ADHD actually stand for?

52
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:36,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm so glad you started there. So it used

53
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:38,880
Speaker 2: to be ADD, and before that we used to call

54
00:02:38,919 --> 00:02:40,800
Speaker 2: it all sorts of other things, Like this thing has

55
00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:43,040
Speaker 2: been around for a couple of centuries and it's been

56
00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:46,799
Speaker 2: documented and had all kinds of different names. But what

57
00:02:46,880 --> 00:02:50,639
Speaker 2: we grew up hearing about in maybe our late teens

58
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:56,160
Speaker 2: was this thing called attention deficit disorder ADD. Now since then,

59
00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,919
Speaker 2: there's been more studies done, more improvements in the way

60
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:01,520
Speaker 2: that it's talked about and the way that it's considered

61
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:08,040
Speaker 2: from a psychological, neurological, behavioral perspective, and now it's called ADHD,

62
00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:11,960
Speaker 2: which means so it's replaced ADD. Yeah, yeah, exactly. Now,

63
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:13,520
Speaker 2: I mean some people will still talk about how there

64
00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:16,000
Speaker 2: are differences, and this is one of the challenging things.

65
00:03:16,040 --> 00:03:16,200
Speaker 3: I know.

66
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:17,760
Speaker 2: We haven't even gotten to the definition yet. But one

67
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:20,880
Speaker 2: of the biggest issues with ADHD is I reckon it's

68
00:03:20,919 --> 00:03:24,200
Speaker 2: probably one of the most provocative diagnoses out there, and

69
00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:26,280
Speaker 2: everyone's got an opinion on it, and there's so many

70
00:03:26,400 --> 00:03:30,440
Speaker 2: armchair experts, So let's just really get to it. It's

71
00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:39,680
Speaker 2: attention deficit slash hyperactivity disorder attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and

72
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,920
Speaker 2: what it really is is a disorder. Now, I want

73
00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:46,720
Speaker 2: to be really careful here. There's a couple of things

74
00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:48,920
Speaker 2: that we need to highlight. Some people say that it's

75
00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:51,480
Speaker 2: a psychological disorder, and I'm talking about in the research.

76
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:54,280
Speaker 2: Some people say that it's a neurological disorder. This matters

77
00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:56,840
Speaker 2: because if it's neurological, what we're talking about is brain anatomy.

78
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,320
Speaker 2: That is, the brain is structured differently. This child is

79
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:01,160
Speaker 2: born with a different and therefore they're not going to

80
00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:05,640
Speaker 2: develop typically from a neurological perspective. Therefore, if that's the case,

81
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,440
Speaker 2: you have an ADHD child. But there are some people

82
00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:10,800
Speaker 2: who say, no, no, no, it's not so much neurological as

83
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:14,240
Speaker 2: is psychological, which reshapes the brain and changes the neurology.

84
00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:16,479
Speaker 2: And know, I'm kind of geeking out here. But if

85
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:18,840
Speaker 2: that's the case, you say, you've got a child with ADHD,

86
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:22,000
Speaker 2: and the two sides will never meet, And nothing that

87
00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:23,800
Speaker 2: I do or say in this podcast or even in

88
00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:25,680
Speaker 2: the webinarch tomorrow night is going to satisfy the people

89
00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:27,839
Speaker 2: who are on one side or another. What I am

90
00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:30,520
Speaker 2: going to say is it's a disorder. I'm not going

91
00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,800
Speaker 2: to get caught up in whether it's behavioral or neurological,

92
00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:36,279
Speaker 2: or psychological or environmental or an epigenetic thing. From the

93
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,240
Speaker 2: point of view of a parent who's trying to raise

94
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,760
Speaker 2: kids with ADHD, we just need to know how to

95
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:43,359
Speaker 2: support the kids. And yes, sometimes if we get to

96
00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:45,600
Speaker 2: the root of it, that might help, But for our conversation,

97
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:48,280
Speaker 2: I don't think it's helpful. It's a disorder that's marked

98
00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:56,760
Speaker 2: by ongoing patterns of either inattention or hyperactivity and impulsivity,

99
00:04:57,240 --> 00:04:59,800
Speaker 2: and that has to interfere with functioning and development.

100
00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:07,120
Speaker 4: So a child with ADHD wouldn't have attention issues and hyperactivity.

101
00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:08,159
Speaker 3: They're usually one or the other.

102
00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:10,840
Speaker 2: No, And this is where it gets really really interesting.

103
00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:17,240
Speaker 2: There are three types of ADHD. There's the predominantly inattentive type.

104
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:22,440
Speaker 2: There's the predominantly hyperactive and impulsive type, and then there's

105
00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:26,600
Speaker 2: a combined type. But increasingly, and again this is even controversial.

106
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:31,200
Speaker 2: Increasingly kids are just being diagnosed with ADHD combined, and

107
00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:33,920
Speaker 2: people are saying, you know what, sometimes they're inattentive, and

108
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:37,360
Speaker 2: sometimes they're hyperactive and over the top. They talk over

109
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:40,000
Speaker 2: the top. Sometimes I've been accused of having ADD as

110
00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,040
Speaker 2: an adult or ADHD as an adult, because I butt

111
00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:43,719
Speaker 2: in all the time and I've got so much energy

112
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,960
Speaker 2: and I'm easily distracted. Now I don't, and I'm not

113
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:48,560
Speaker 2: pretending that I do. But this is where it gets confusing,

114
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:50,839
Speaker 2: because a lot of people like, well, all kids are impulsive.

115
00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,560
Speaker 4: Well it's interesting because I've had a couple of conversations

116
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:56,760
Speaker 4: with a few different teachers over the years who've all

117
00:05:56,880 --> 00:06:00,360
Speaker 4: kind of acknowledged that we're kind of all got some

118
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:01,440
Speaker 4: of those tendencies.

119
00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:04,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And it's kind of funny to joke

120
00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:06,960
Speaker 2: about saying, oh, yeah, we're all a bit ADHD at times,

121
00:06:07,440 --> 00:06:11,000
Speaker 2: But when you see a child who's genuinely got ADHD,

122
00:06:11,760 --> 00:06:13,960
Speaker 2: you know that we're actually not all a bit ADHD.

123
00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:16,719
Speaker 2: It is on a continuum, we all have some of

124
00:06:16,760 --> 00:06:19,159
Speaker 2: that in us and so to all children. But we

125
00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:23,440
Speaker 2: just can't say that we've all got ADHD.

126
00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:25,919
Speaker 4: It's not you know what, really, I wasn't suggesting that that.

127
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:28,840
Speaker 4: I wasn't suggesting that at all, but just in acknowledgment

128
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:33,000
Speaker 4: that each of us has some of those tendencies. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

129
00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:34,480
Speaker 4: in different areas of our lives.

130
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:36,240
Speaker 2: And you know what it really comes down to, Kylie.

131
00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:38,240
Speaker 2: It comes down to a central wood that I think

132
00:06:38,320 --> 00:06:43,440
Speaker 2: really sums up what ADHD is about, and that is inhibition.

133
00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:50,120
Speaker 2: Kids who have got ADHD don't inhibit. They don't stop themselves.

134
00:06:50,839 --> 00:06:52,560
Speaker 2: Like you say to a child with ADHD, go and

135
00:06:52,600 --> 00:06:53,840
Speaker 2: get your shoes on so we can get into car

136
00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:56,919
Speaker 2: and get to school. And if you're lucky, they'll say, okay, mom,

137
00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:58,880
Speaker 2: that's if you're lucky, And then they'll sort of walk

138
00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:01,080
Speaker 2: in the direction of where their shoes might be, but

139
00:07:01,080 --> 00:07:03,720
Speaker 2: perhaps they'll take four steps and they'll get distracted by

140
00:07:03,839 --> 00:07:07,000
Speaker 2: a spot on the wall or the lego table, or

141
00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:11,920
Speaker 2: what's in the fridge or their sister or something, and

142
00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:14,960
Speaker 2: ten minutes later, they're definitely not any closer to having

143
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,480
Speaker 2: their shoes on or getting in the car, but they've

144
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,200
Speaker 2: found fourteen other things to do.

145
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:21,840
Speaker 3: You've just described all six of our children.

146
00:07:21,800 --> 00:07:23,200
Speaker 2: Right, And that's what a lot of people say, Well,

147
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:26,880
Speaker 2: that's just kids, but this is pervasive. This is something

148
00:07:26,920 --> 00:07:29,440
Speaker 2: that doesn't just happen now and then it happens all

149
00:07:29,440 --> 00:07:32,400
Speaker 2: the time in every kind of setting, and it happens

150
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,960
Speaker 2: at school, or it happens at home, and it's just this.

151
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:39,320
Speaker 2: What happens for parents is it starts to stress them

152
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,760
Speaker 2: out no end because they kind of feel like they

153
00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:43,720
Speaker 2: have to completely micromanage the kids. They've got to be

154
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:45,680
Speaker 2: on top of them all the time. They have to

155
00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:48,600
Speaker 2: literally step them through one thing at a time and

156
00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:51,240
Speaker 2: monitor them and supervise them and walk beside them and

157
00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:53,200
Speaker 2: say okay, now do this, Okay, now do that.

158
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:56,000
Speaker 4: So, based on everything that we know about children and

159
00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,400
Speaker 4: those psychological needs, I can see that that way of

160
00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:05,640
Speaker 4: managing and would probably exacerbate and challenge both parent and child.

161
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:08,400
Speaker 2: Right. So when we talk about psychological needs, for those

162
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:10,200
Speaker 2: of you who maybe missed the podcast where we talked

163
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:13,360
Speaker 2: about this, we all have three basic psychological needs. A

164
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:18,080
Speaker 2: need for relatedness or connection, a need for competence, a

165
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:20,920
Speaker 2: sense that we can master our environment, and a need

166
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,760
Speaker 2: for autonomy.

167
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:26,320
Speaker 4: So if I've got someone helicoptering me and managing my

168
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:31,040
Speaker 4: every move, Yes, then there's going to be some major challenges.

169
00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,319
Speaker 2: It thwarts every one of those needs. I feel like

170
00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:35,480
Speaker 2: you don't trust me in our relationships bad. I feel

171
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:37,880
Speaker 2: like you don't think I'm capable and competent, and I

172
00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:40,120
Speaker 2: feel like you're going to control everything that I try

173
00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:42,480
Speaker 2: to do. And here's the interesting thing when you look

174
00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:45,880
Speaker 2: at what the research over the last several decades has

175
00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:50,840
Speaker 2: showed about ADHD children, The focus on getting compliance from

176
00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:53,600
Speaker 2: kids all comes down to things like time out and

177
00:08:53,720 --> 00:08:56,880
Speaker 2: praise and reward charts and token systems and all that

178
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,560
Speaker 2: kind of thing. Fortunately, the research is starting to shift,

179
00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:03,280
Speaker 2: but it's just awful. And that's why I'm going to

180
00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:04,280
Speaker 2: do the webinar tomorrow night.

181
00:09:04,559 --> 00:09:09,280
Speaker 4: So I'm wondering what's actually really going on for these kids?

182
00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:11,920
Speaker 4: You know, you talk about there's two camps that some

183
00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:15,120
Speaker 4: people think it's a brain development thing and some people

184
00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:19,560
Speaker 4: think they're actually born that way. It's an anatomy challenge.

185
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:23,600
Speaker 4: Is this actually just because children have a lack of intelligence?

186
00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:27,559
Speaker 4: Is it a parenting issue? Is it because of the

187
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,240
Speaker 4: foods that we're giving our children?

188
00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:30,839
Speaker 3: Like, what's the answer.

189
00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:32,559
Speaker 2: I'm going to answer every one of those things right

190
00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:33,160
Speaker 2: after the break.

191
00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:36,319
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast for.

192
00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:40,000
Speaker 4: A happier family, Try a Happy Families membership, because a

193
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:44,040
Speaker 4: happy family doesn't just happen. Details at happy families dot

194
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:47,720
Speaker 4: com dot Au. It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast

195
00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,000
Speaker 4: for the time poor parent who just wants answers now

196
00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,600
Speaker 4: and today we're having a little bit of a pro

197
00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:56,560
Speaker 4: evocative conversation about ADHD. Provocative not because.

198
00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:59,080
Speaker 2: You and I are being no it's just a provocative topic.

199
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:02,199
Speaker 2: People get really finn up about ADHD webinar tomorrow night.

200
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:04,760
Speaker 2: You can get all the details at happy families dot

201
00:10:04,800 --> 00:10:06,800
Speaker 2: com dot Au just going to the shop and click

202
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,760
Speaker 2: on the ADHD webinar or on my Facebook page. All

203
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,640
Speaker 2: the info you need is scattered all over that page.

204
00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:14,000
Speaker 2: You'll be able to just click on the link and

205
00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:17,920
Speaker 2: sign up for tomorrow night's webinar about raising an ADHD child.

206
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:21,160
Speaker 4: So I acknowledged before the break that I don't know

207
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,400
Speaker 4: a whole lot about it at all, But I've heard

208
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:26,240
Speaker 4: lots of people who have had discussions about you know,

209
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:29,360
Speaker 4: this is all parenting, or this is because these kids

210
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:35,120
Speaker 4: just developmentally lacking intelligence, or that it's all about diet

211
00:10:35,320 --> 00:10:38,840
Speaker 4: and the crazy diet some of these ADHD kids are

212
00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:41,800
Speaker 4: being put through because it's about all of the additives

213
00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:43,160
Speaker 4: that are going into our foods.

214
00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:46,160
Speaker 2: Okay, let me put rest to every single one of those.

215
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:51,520
Speaker 2: First of all, research tells us pretty clearly that parenting

216
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,679
Speaker 2: can play a part in it. But I don't think

217
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,360
Speaker 2: that we can blame the parents for most of what's

218
00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:58,000
Speaker 2: going on with ADHD. And the central reason that we

219
00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,600
Speaker 2: can say that is because there are some parents who

220
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,600
Speaker 2: have like they've got twins and one of the kids

221
00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:03,120
Speaker 2: doesn't happen, the other one does have it. They've been

222
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,360
Speaker 2: raised in exactly the same environment, or they've got siblings

223
00:11:05,559 --> 00:11:07,000
Speaker 2: and a couple of kids do and a couple of

224
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:09,959
Speaker 2: the kids don't, and same environments, same parents, same strategy,

225
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:13,240
Speaker 2: same everything, and a couple of these kids like the

226
00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:16,920
Speaker 2: ADHD child is often called the wild child. Not always

227
00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:20,240
Speaker 2: fair and by the way girls show ADHD differently to boys.

228
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:23,800
Speaker 2: Won't go into that now, but there are significant differences

229
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:29,319
Speaker 2: between them. So it's not parenting per se, although sometimes

230
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:32,600
Speaker 2: parenting can be a risk factor, and this is controversial again,

231
00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:36,280
Speaker 2: but the research shows that ADHD is more likely to

232
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:39,520
Speaker 2: occur in homes where there is a lack of resources.

233
00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:42,440
Speaker 2: Maybe there's a parent who's absent all the time, maybe

234
00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,880
Speaker 2: there's been some harm or some abuse, or some trauma.

235
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,920
Speaker 2: In fact, I was speaking to a psychologist about this

236
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:48,840
Speaker 2: just the other day and she said, so much ADHD

237
00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:53,840
Speaker 2: in foster care circumstances is misdiagnosed because it's not actually ADHD.

238
00:11:54,120 --> 00:11:56,920
Speaker 2: It's profound and deep trauma. And so we've got all

239
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,480
Speaker 2: these things playing into it. We know that socioeconomic status

240
00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:02,240
Speaker 2: is linked with ADHD, but of course there's plenty of

241
00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:04,200
Speaker 2: people who don't have much cash who have still got

242
00:12:04,240 --> 00:12:06,000
Speaker 2: kids that are not being raised that way. So we've

243
00:12:06,000 --> 00:12:10,120
Speaker 2: got to acknowledge that. Secondly, you mentioned intelligence. Some ADHD

244
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:12,640
Speaker 2: kids are literally the smartest kids in the class, and

245
00:12:12,679 --> 00:12:15,280
Speaker 2: I can point to so many people who are extraordinary

246
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:22,160
Speaker 2: global success stories, Richard Branson, Jamie Oliver, Simone Biles, Michael Phelps.

247
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:24,840
Speaker 2: I could keep on going down the list, Emma Watson, etcetera, etcetera.

248
00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:28,640
Speaker 2: All of these people are superstars in their fields and

249
00:12:28,679 --> 00:12:30,920
Speaker 2: they've been diagnosed with ADHD. So we can't say that

250
00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:33,160
Speaker 2: it's an intelligence thing either. It's not. There are some

251
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:36,000
Speaker 2: kids that have got ADHD who are very intelligent, some

252
00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:38,640
Speaker 2: who obviously are lacking. Oh, by the way, and diet,

253
00:12:38,640 --> 00:12:40,760
Speaker 2: we've got to rule that out straight away. Yes, it's

254
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,239
Speaker 2: important that you feed your kid's healthy stuff, but ADHD

255
00:12:43,320 --> 00:12:46,439
Speaker 2: and diet don't seem to have any significant correlations that

256
00:12:46,679 --> 00:12:49,480
Speaker 2: are worth talking about. And what those things do, what

257
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,719
Speaker 2: those myths do, is they perpetuate the idea that it's

258
00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:56,559
Speaker 2: the parent's fault. And that's such an unhealthy and unkind

259
00:12:56,640 --> 00:12:58,880
Speaker 2: and unfair thing to say, especially in light of the

260
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:01,800
Speaker 2: evidence that we've got. What we can say is that

261
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,440
Speaker 2: ADHD comes down to kids being able to regulate, having

262
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,760
Speaker 2: a sense of the future, and being able to plan

263
00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:08,880
Speaker 2: for it. And they just don't inhibit. They want to

264
00:13:08,880 --> 00:13:10,080
Speaker 2: do something now, and that's why they do it. That's

265
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:11,920
Speaker 2: why they've got no friends, because they always bud in,

266
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,160
Speaker 2: they always talk over, they always want to be heard,

267
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:17,840
Speaker 2: they always want to have the biggest say in things.

268
00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:20,040
Speaker 2: That's why they struggle at school because they can't sit

269
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:22,920
Speaker 2: still long enough to listen to the teacher or to

270
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:26,719
Speaker 2: take notes or to do their writing. That's why they

271
00:13:26,720 --> 00:13:30,199
Speaker 2: struggle in so many circumstances. And by the way, when

272
00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:33,760
Speaker 2: they find something that they love. Something paradoxical happens when

273
00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:36,800
Speaker 2: they feel really connected to something, they get so caught

274
00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,760
Speaker 2: up in it, so swept up in flow that you

275
00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:42,640
Speaker 2: can't pull them away. And the TV or their video

276
00:13:42,679 --> 00:13:45,080
Speaker 2: games is a perfect example of that. They feel so

277
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:48,520
Speaker 2: safe there, they feel so comfortable there. It just works.

278
00:13:48,840 --> 00:13:51,160
Speaker 2: I want to know quickly, yep, yeap.

279
00:13:51,559 --> 00:13:54,680
Speaker 3: What does the world look like to a typical eighth child?

280
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:58,160
Speaker 2: Oh, my goodness, confusing and annoying and unfair. I mean,

281
00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:01,600
Speaker 2: the typical ADHD child is kind of just going can

282
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:05,480
Speaker 2: you please let me be? They struggle with school. It's

283
00:14:05,480 --> 00:14:08,160
Speaker 2: not that they're lacking intelligence. They're just struggling with school

284
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,240
Speaker 2: because they have that focus and inhibition problem. They struggle

285
00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:13,920
Speaker 2: with friends, They struggle with family relationships, especially their siblings.

286
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,960
Speaker 2: Especially with the siblings with ADHD. They often struggle with

287
00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,440
Speaker 2: their parents because ADHD is highly heritable a good percentage.

288
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,000
Speaker 2: Now it depends on which research you read again, but

289
00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:23,920
Speaker 2: I'm going to say between fifty and seventy five percent,

290
00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:28,000
Speaker 2: depending on the study. Of kids with ADHD have parents

291
00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:29,960
Speaker 2: who have got it as well. So you imagine being

292
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:33,560
Speaker 2: an ADHD parent who struggles with inhibition and struggles with regulation,

293
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:35,520
Speaker 2: and struggles to think about the future, and struggles to

294
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:38,760
Speaker 2: stay focused and organized and attentive. And you've got a

295
00:14:38,800 --> 00:14:40,800
Speaker 2: child who's doing all of this but like on steroids.

296
00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:43,280
Speaker 2: Because they're kids. At least you've matured and grown through

297
00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:47,000
Speaker 2: it somewhat. They struggle with big emotions, they struggle with

298
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:51,240
Speaker 2: big behaviors. They struggle more than anything with self esteem

299
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,760
Speaker 2: because they're constantly being told to stop it, be quiet,

300
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:55,720
Speaker 2: sit down, you're doing it wrong. That's not what we

301
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,840
Speaker 2: do here. Like, that's what life is like for an

302
00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:00,760
Speaker 2: ADHD child and for a parent of an agile HD child.

303
00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:03,840
Speaker 2: I mean, it's just it's so hard.

304
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:07,360
Speaker 4: So maybe you could give us a sneak peek on

305
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:11,320
Speaker 4: what parents will find in your webinar tomorrow night. Yeah,

306
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,359
Speaker 4: I know how they might manage.

307
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,080
Speaker 2: I don't even want to give a sneak peak. I

308
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,360
Speaker 2: want to give the whole webinar now because, like I

309
00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:20,400
Speaker 2: say this all the time to people, I just want

310
00:15:20,400 --> 00:15:22,480
Speaker 2: to help families. I know that we've got to pay

311
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,400
Speaker 2: our staff, and we've got to pay our mortgage, and

312
00:15:24,640 --> 00:15:26,320
Speaker 2: there has to be a commercial aspect to what we do,

313
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:31,320
Speaker 2: but my motivation is to help people full stop end

314
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:34,640
Speaker 2: of story. Tomorrow night in the webinar, I'll go into

315
00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:36,720
Speaker 2: this in a lot more depth. So I'm going to

316
00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:39,000
Speaker 2: give you the basics stuff. Now, I've got like ten

317
00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:41,040
Speaker 2: very quick basics, and i know we're out of time already,

318
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:43,280
Speaker 2: but I'm going to I'll do it really fast, and

319
00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:46,120
Speaker 2: then tomorrow night in the webinar, for those who are interested,

320
00:15:46,360 --> 00:15:50,200
Speaker 2: I'll go through the advanced stuff. Okay, so this is

321
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:52,440
Speaker 2: the basics. The advanced stuff can be tomorrow night. Number one,

322
00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:55,360
Speaker 2: you've got to manage expectations. Understand your child's development. You've

323
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,520
Speaker 2: got to recognize what they're capable of, and remember that

324
00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:59,680
Speaker 2: just because they're seven years old doesn't mean that because

325
00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:02,760
Speaker 2: they're not neurotypical, so they can't do what the neurotypical

326
00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:05,000
Speaker 2: kids can do. They might do it sometimes, but not

327
00:16:05,080 --> 00:16:08,200
Speaker 2: all the time. You've got to remember that discipline means teach,

328
00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:12,720
Speaker 2: and so much of ADHD discipline is all about conformity

329
00:16:13,040 --> 00:16:15,560
Speaker 2: and about getting cranky at the kids and tokens and

330
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:18,480
Speaker 2: rewards and punishments and praise and time out and yes,

331
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:21,080
Speaker 2: you can have the gaming console. No you can't have

332
00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:22,360
Speaker 2: the gaming it's just not fair.

333
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:24,880
Speaker 3: We see that in the classroom all the time.

334
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:28,200
Speaker 2: Third thing, got to keep it level. And when I

335
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:31,160
Speaker 2: say level, I mean we've got to be balanced as adults.

336
00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:33,840
Speaker 2: We cannot parent from a place of fear or a

337
00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:36,160
Speaker 2: place of anger or a place of frustration, because if

338
00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,640
Speaker 2: we do that, we need to we need to parent

339
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:40,360
Speaker 2: ourselves before we compare it the kids. We've got to

340
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:42,840
Speaker 2: regulate so that we can help them to do it.

341
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:45,840
Speaker 2: Number four. When you want an ADHD child to do something,

342
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,960
Speaker 2: explain it in positive terms. So don't say stop it,

343
00:16:49,040 --> 00:16:51,240
Speaker 2: cut it out, don't do that, say what you want

344
00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:54,120
Speaker 2: to see. Instead, say the positive behavior you want to see.

345
00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:55,600
Speaker 2: Don't tell them what not to do, because when you

346
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:56,760
Speaker 2: tell them what not to do, they've got to think

347
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,640
Speaker 2: about two things. Number one, how do I stop doing this?

348
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,640
Speaker 2: And number two what do I do? Instead? If you

349
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,120
Speaker 2: say here's what you should be doing, or let's go

350
00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:06,360
Speaker 2: this way, or I'd like you to try this, they've

351
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:08,320
Speaker 2: already got everything that they need to just go there.

352
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:14,600
Speaker 2: Number five, give them transition warnings frequently. Number six, eat

353
00:17:14,920 --> 00:17:16,840
Speaker 2: like ADHD kids because they get so caught up in

354
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:18,399
Speaker 2: the moment, because they forget to plan for the future,

355
00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:20,280
Speaker 2: and because they're so here and now and they don't

356
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:23,280
Speaker 2: inhibit or regulate very well. Sometimes they forget to eat.

357
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:24,800
Speaker 2: And by the way, as a parent, make sure you

358
00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:26,239
Speaker 2: do as well, because you'll be a better parent when

359
00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:28,199
Speaker 2: you've got food in your belly. What are we up to?

360
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:31,879
Speaker 2: Like number seven? Thank you? Set up systems. ADHD kids

361
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:36,119
Speaker 2: thrive on routine and systems, as do children who are

362
00:17:36,119 --> 00:17:38,160
Speaker 2: on the autism spectrum. I'm not suggesting that the same

363
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,120
Speaker 2: thing at all, but that's one thing in common. They

364
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:42,480
Speaker 2: do better when there's a system, when there's predictability, when

365
00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:44,320
Speaker 2: they know what step A is and step B and

366
00:17:44,359 --> 00:17:47,159
Speaker 2: step C the next one. They love to be active,

367
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:50,960
Speaker 2: get them moving, exercise and outside nature. I say it

368
00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:53,280
Speaker 2: all the time, is fuel for the soul. What number

369
00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,679
Speaker 2: are we up to? N Number nine? Avoid information overlied

370
00:17:55,800 --> 00:18:00,800
Speaker 2: like I've just given you and number ten, So sorry,

371
00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:03,119
Speaker 2: I've got to just highlight on avoid information overload. That

372
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:05,840
Speaker 2: means that when you ask them to do something, don't say, hey, kiddo,

373
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:07,280
Speaker 2: I need you to go and grab your school bag,

374
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,120
Speaker 2: pack your lunch, put your uniform one, brush your teeth,

375
00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:11,159
Speaker 2: do your hair, tidy up your room, and then I'll

376
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:12,480
Speaker 2: meet your back out here. In fifteen minutes so we

377
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:15,119
Speaker 2: can get you to school way too much. Like I

378
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:17,000
Speaker 2: know some adults that couldn't cope with that, but a

379
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:20,680
Speaker 2: child with ADHD no way. Next one, they need friends,

380
00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:24,000
Speaker 2: they just need friends so much. And my final one,

381
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:25,280
Speaker 2: I've forgotten what number we're up to.

382
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:26,280
Speaker 3: That was ten.

383
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:28,600
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, Well there's more. This is the last one

384
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:31,119
Speaker 2: I'm going to mention for now. Have a great relationship

385
00:18:31,119 --> 00:18:34,520
Speaker 2: with your child's teacher. Communicate with them, Engage with them.

386
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,480
Speaker 2: The teachers want to help. And when they see that

387
00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:40,359
Speaker 2: you're trying and that you're communicating with them, and you

388
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:43,080
Speaker 2: want to be engaged in your child's education and support

389
00:18:43,119 --> 00:18:45,520
Speaker 2: the teacher to do their job as they support you,

390
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:47,960
Speaker 2: that will make a huge difference. I mean, there's so

391
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:50,680
Speaker 2: much more we could talk about, but we're so far

392
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:53,719
Speaker 2: over time, and we need to acknowledge that we've got

393
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,440
Speaker 2: a webinar tomorrow night to help out. We are running

394
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:58,320
Speaker 2: this webinar. I'm running the webinar tomorrow night with a

395
00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:00,760
Speaker 2: whole lot more information that ends on what we've talked

396
00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,479
Speaker 2: about now and some really advanced stuff for parents who

397
00:19:03,520 --> 00:19:08,400
Speaker 2: are struggling with children who have this very very very

398
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:12,920
Speaker 2: challenging set of obstacles in their life to overcome how

399
00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:16,120
Speaker 2: we can manage ADHD. That's tomorrow night. All the details

400
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:18,439
Speaker 2: on the Happy Families Facebook page and at happy families

401
00:19:18,440 --> 00:19:21,160
Speaker 2: dot com dot you in the shop. Hey Kyli, thanks

402
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:24,320
Speaker 2: for asking the questions. You're welcome and we really appreciate.

403
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:27,399
Speaker 2: Justin raw On, our producer from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce

404
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:30,360
Speaker 2: is our executive producer. If you'd like Mari andfo about

405
00:19:30,359 --> 00:19:31,880
Speaker 2: the stuff we talked about, you can find it all

406
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:33,600
Speaker 2: at happy families dot com dot au