1 00:00:00,560 --> 00:00:04,320 Speaker 1: Networking can sometimes feel like a dirty word. It's like 2 00:00:04,440 --> 00:00:08,680 Speaker 1: the evil twin sister of making friends. But according to 3 00:00:08,760 --> 00:00:13,000 Speaker 1: Business Chicks founder and global CEO Emma Isaacs, networking and 4 00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:17,319 Speaker 1: making friends really the same thing. So how can we 5 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:20,720 Speaker 1: share that icky feeling so that you can embrace the 6 00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:23,760 Speaker 1: fun of meeting new people? And how can we become 7 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:27,960 Speaker 1: better at listening? And what are some tasteful ways to 8 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:35,839 Speaker 1: exit a conversation. My name is doctor Amantha Imber. I'm 9 00:00:35,880 --> 00:00:40,560 Speaker 1: an organizational psychologist and the founder of behavioral science consultancy Inventium. 10 00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:43,640 Speaker 1: And this is how I work, a show about how 11 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:46,920 Speaker 1: to help you do your best work. What today is 12 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 1: my favorite tip? Episode, we go back to an interview 13 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,640 Speaker 1: from the past and I pick out my favorite tip 14 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:56,640 Speaker 1: from that chat. In today's extract, I speak with Emma 15 00:00:56,760 --> 00:01:00,680 Speaker 1: Isaacs about how we can become better at networking. 16 00:01:01,440 --> 00:01:05,320 Speaker 2: I think probably the key thing of any person who 17 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:08,480 Speaker 2: wants to be a bit more charismatic or wants to 18 00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:12,800 Speaker 2: be a better networker is definitely to ask more questions 19 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:15,640 Speaker 2: and to listen more than you speak. And I know 20 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:19,080 Speaker 2: that sounds really one o one, but it's so interesting 21 00:01:19,160 --> 00:01:22,400 Speaker 2: that you know, of all the networking I've done over 22 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:25,160 Speaker 2: the years, and the live networking events I've been to. 23 00:01:25,520 --> 00:01:28,440 Speaker 2: You see people and you say that they're very nervous 24 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:30,800 Speaker 2: and lovel anxiety, and that makes them talk more and 25 00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:34,279 Speaker 2: you sort of get into this rhythm of them just talking 26 00:01:34,319 --> 00:01:37,200 Speaker 2: at you, and that's the fastest way to lose someone's attention. 27 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:39,360 Speaker 2: It's the fastest way to actually turn someone off. So 28 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:42,039 Speaker 2: I would encourage anyone who wants to get better at 29 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:45,360 Speaker 2: their networking to ask more questions and listen more than 30 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:48,040 Speaker 2: they speak, and also to be comfortable with the silence. 31 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:49,960 Speaker 2: You can ask a question and if the person is 32 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:53,280 Speaker 2: considering their answer, don't feel you have to feel that void. 33 00:01:53,440 --> 00:01:57,080 Speaker 2: So I always say, you know, just to feel the 34 00:01:57,160 --> 00:02:00,280 Speaker 2: pause and don't be awkward there. I think the number 35 00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:01,680 Speaker 2: one thing that we can order to be better at 36 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:04,360 Speaker 2: networking is to be one hundred percent present. So that 37 00:02:04,480 --> 00:02:07,440 Speaker 2: means really great eye contact, it means active listening. It 38 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:09,639 Speaker 2: means not looking over the person's shoulder to see who 39 00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:13,040 Speaker 2: else is walking in the room that might, you know, 40 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:15,760 Speaker 2: be a better conversationalist or whatever it is you're looking for. 41 00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:18,400 Speaker 2: So I think really deeply listening is a skill that 42 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:20,320 Speaker 2: we all need to master and I think being present 43 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:25,360 Speaker 2: is the next one. And I think it's also okay 44 00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:28,240 Speaker 2: to learn some skills of how to exit a conversation 45 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:31,080 Speaker 2: and how to be really clear with why you're at 46 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:33,200 Speaker 2: a networking event. So it is fine to say, hey, Matt, 47 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,799 Speaker 2: I really loved our chat, but I'm here to meet 48 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:36,800 Speaker 2: as many people as I can tonight. So I'm just 49 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 2: going to give you my card if you're happy to 50 00:02:39,639 --> 00:02:41,960 Speaker 2: have my details, and I'm going to go work the room. 51 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:44,400 Speaker 2: You to make a joke of it, and that's completely 52 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,000 Speaker 2: fine to do that as well. I think often we 53 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,600 Speaker 2: get stuck in these conversations at networking events where we 54 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:50,840 Speaker 2: don't know how to get out of them, and that 55 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:54,240 Speaker 2: could be really awkward. But I think I think it's 56 00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:58,200 Speaker 2: about again, you know, placing the other person at ease 57 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:01,720 Speaker 2: and placing them as a central of your attention and 58 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,400 Speaker 2: holding a space for them. So I do it all 59 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:07,120 Speaker 2: business chicks events. Try and be very very calm myself. 60 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:09,239 Speaker 2: You know, I often say I am like a duck, 61 00:03:09,320 --> 00:03:12,640 Speaker 2: like I might look like it's you know, from the surface, 62 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:15,480 Speaker 2: it looks all lovely, but underneath thinking of a million things. 63 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:18,200 Speaker 2: But I if I can calm my thoughts and take 64 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:21,520 Speaker 2: a deep breath and be with the person. Then that's 65 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:24,600 Speaker 2: a really good start. And I think also it's and 66 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:26,640 Speaker 2: if this comes with maturity as well, I think, but 67 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,680 Speaker 2: not worrying about what people think of you. I think 68 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:32,720 Speaker 2: we spend so much time fretting and then thinking, what 69 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:34,400 Speaker 2: is you thinking? I'm smart enough? If by saying the 70 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,240 Speaker 2: right things, am I you know this is good? And 71 00:03:36,480 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 2: it just just let just try and quieten that monkey 72 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:42,320 Speaker 2: that sits on most of our shoulders and just be 73 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:44,360 Speaker 2: with the person, be present with them, ask a lot 74 00:03:44,360 --> 00:03:47,800 Speaker 2: of questions, look into their eyes, and you know you'll 75 00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:50,000 Speaker 2: find it becomes easier and easier. I just think a 76 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,080 Speaker 2: lot of people go in with this intent to kind 77 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:54,720 Speaker 2: of meet one hundred people and get a thousand business cards, 78 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:57,080 Speaker 2: and that's very stressful. Like just just going with no 79 00:03:57,160 --> 00:04:00,200 Speaker 2: expectations and just try and enjoy yourself. And I think 80 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,840 Speaker 2: ultimately people can consense if you know your realness and 81 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:07,720 Speaker 2: your hate the word authenticity, but it's a truth here. 82 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:11,680 Speaker 2: You know, it's about showing up with a sense of 83 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:13,760 Speaker 2: purpose and say I'm here, I'm here to serve others, 84 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:15,880 Speaker 2: I'm here to connect others, I'm here to hold the space. 85 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,640 Speaker 2: I'm here to be calm and people will they'll read 86 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:20,680 Speaker 2: that and they won't forget you for it. 87 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:23,880 Speaker 1: I hope that you've got a tip or two that 88 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:27,360 Speaker 1: you can apply to help you feel more comfortable when 89 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:30,600 Speaker 1: you're networking and maybe bring some more joy to it 90 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:35,839 Speaker 1: rather than discomfort. And if you are enjoying How I Work, 91 00:04:36,160 --> 00:04:38,960 Speaker 1: I'd love it if you could leave a review for 92 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:41,560 Speaker 1: the show. It is one of the best ways to 93 00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:44,200 Speaker 1: help other people find How I Work, and so you 94 00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:46,800 Speaker 1: can do that by just leaving a star rating or 95 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:49,600 Speaker 1: writing a few words wherever you're listening to. This podcast 96 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:53,560 Speaker 1: from How I Work is produced by Inventium with production 97 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:56,600 Speaker 1: support from Dead Set Studios. And thank you to Martin Nimba, 98 00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:59,480 Speaker 1: who does the audio mix for every episode and makes 99 00:04:59,520 --> 00:05:02,240 Speaker 1: this show sound much better than it would have otherwise. 100 00:05:02,760 --> 00:05:03,560 Speaker 1: See you next time.