Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 1: on cart Well it's not really an episode, well I
Speaker 1: mean it is, but it's a bonus episode. It is
Speaker 1: one of our very special, extra ridiculous episodes that we
Speaker 1: like to bring you here.
Speaker 2: We are trying to take a little break, and so
Speaker 2: instead of just taking a break, we're like, really, just like,
Speaker 2: we're really preloading that break by doing all these little
Speaker 2: bonus bits of content. But we did do a bit
Speaker 2: of pre recording before Brittany actually headed overseas, and we
Speaker 2: have stashed this episode in our back little pocket, just
Speaker 2: waiting for the perfect time to bring it out. And
Speaker 2: that is because last time we did a bonus episode
Speaker 2: of accidentally unfilled stories, it went so gangbusters and we
Speaker 2: know how much you guys love these.
Speaker 1: Also, I was just in hysterics over that. Wish we
Speaker 1: could have just kept We should have kept going. I
Speaker 1: wish we did because we had so many ridiculous stories.
Speaker 1: But we're like, why not bring you the lolls again?
Speaker 1: And like Laura said, why can't we just have a Breaklaura,
Speaker 1: what is wrong with us? Like is this a personality thing?
Speaker 1: We're like, cool, let's just finally take two weeks off,
Speaker 1: but not really like like we're still here.
Speaker 2: Guys, don't leave us, love us forever. We have separation anxiety,
Speaker 2: and we miss you. That's all it is.
Speaker 1: So today's one. We've done the workplace accident and filters.
Speaker 1: Now we wanted to bring you a little dating accidentally unfiltereds.
Speaker 1: And we didn't really care what sort of dates or
Speaker 1: if they were long term relationships or one night stands
Speaker 1: or tinders or friends. We didn't really care. We did
Speaker 1: care they were all shit dates, let me tell you that.
Speaker 1: Or one thing I have learned is, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I like the dating world needs to up its game
Speaker 1: because I can't believe some of this stuff is happening
Speaker 1: to people. But it did get me thinking, Okay, So
Speaker 1: a couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine came
Speaker 1: to me with this story, and I sort of laughed,
Speaker 1: but I wasn't really laughing at a hysteria. I was
Speaker 1: laughing a little bit like I just can't believe this
Speaker 1: stuff is happening. So I want to kick started with this,
Speaker 1: and then we're going to go into some really, really
Speaker 1: funny ones. She went on a date. She hadn't been
Speaker 1: on a date in a while, and she really liked
Speaker 1: this guy. She was at the dinner she with, he
Speaker 1: had drinks. She thought the date was going really well,
Speaker 1: and she was getting a little bit nervous because she
Speaker 1: hadn't kissed anyone in a long time. You know, lockdown,
Speaker 1: et cetera, et cetera. I feel like on the best
Speaker 1: of days, we all feel nervous. She knew that the
Speaker 1: kiss was going to come because she could feel that tension.
Speaker 1: They'd gotten along all night. He was walking her to
Speaker 1: her door. She's getting very anxious. They get to the
Speaker 1: front door and she's like, here it comes, it's coming,
Speaker 1: it's coming. Like she really liked this guy, and he
Speaker 1: was like, I had a great time. He's like, bet,
Speaker 1: can I just ask you something? And she was like
Speaker 1: getting ready to puck her up. Then he said, I
Speaker 1: think you're great. She's like, we're here. It comes, and
Speaker 1: he's like, but oh god, I just feel like maybe
Speaker 1: we're more friends. And I just wanted to ask you
Speaker 1: if you don't mind, is the girl in your Tinder
Speaker 1: photo with this single? Yes, I do mind.
Speaker 3: I don't mind.
Speaker 1: He's like, because I didn't really feel anything with you,
Speaker 1: but I think she's really cute. She was so gobsmacked,
Speaker 1: and she's like, I actually felt like a bit of
Speaker 1: a bad friend because my friend is single. But I
Speaker 1: was like, no, she's not. She's very happily in a
Speaker 1: long term relationship. And left. I was just gobsmacked, Like,
Speaker 1: in what world is that? Okay? The thing that makes
Speaker 1: me like the most upset about this whole episode is
Speaker 1: that normally it's you, you need me.
Speaker 2: You botany who would bring these dating stories and this
Speaker 2: is what we all live for. Now you're happy, and
Speaker 2: now we have to just call on the community for them.
Speaker 1: I think I still probably have some suppressed trauma that
Speaker 1: will come back later in like flashbacks in the future. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I'm just not there yet.
Speaker 2: I have a girlfriend out a similar situation, except it
Speaker 2: wasn't so much about her friend being in the photo.
Speaker 2: So she rapped up at this date and she'd been
Speaker 2: talking to this guy on and off for about a
Speaker 2: week and a half, but he hadn't linked his Instagram
Speaker 2: to his Tinder profile, like rookie era, you've got to
Speaker 2: stalk the guy before you actually go on a date, right,
Speaker 2: So she ended up going on this day and it
Speaker 2: was a dinner date, you know, Like, also, never do
Speaker 2: dinner dates, you do a drink first and then that
Speaker 2: can roll in to dinner, but always have like an escape,
Speaker 2: an exit strategy, Ondred PC.
Speaker 1: She gets, I'm so, I'm so glad for this, like constant, yes,
Speaker 1: one hundred percent.
Speaker 2: So she gets there to her date and she's waiting,
Speaker 2: she's sitting at the restaurant, and then the other guy
Speaker 2: in the photo rocks up. And what she didn't realize
Speaker 2: is that every single fucking photo on his Tinder profile
Speaker 2: had this.
Speaker 1: Other guy in it. So she thought she was going
Speaker 1: on a date with the hot one, and then like
Speaker 1: the short friend who was on the far left ropped
Speaker 1: up and missus dating one oh one. If somebody doesn't
Speaker 1: have a photo of just themselves ever, it's just a no.
Speaker 1: You can't trust that, you can't risk it.
Speaker 2: She kind of got catfish, But I feel like it's unintentional,
Speaker 2: Like she was like, showed me the photos and there
Speaker 2: is no way that you would think the guy on
Speaker 2: the far left in the corner of the photo was
Speaker 2: the guy that you're gonna go on a date with.
Speaker 1: And here we are. But in hindsight, no, it didn't
Speaker 1: work out. Okay, It's it's not like he was just
Speaker 1: really funny or anything like a Danny DeVito.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 2: And so, guys, we did the call out for you
Speaker 2: to send us your most embarrassing, accidentally unfiltered dating stories,
Speaker 2: and we will get into.
Speaker 1: Them in a second.
Speaker 2: But one of you, and I'm gonna keep you anonymous
Speaker 2: because I you know we do that for you.
Speaker 1: You're all anonymous, You're always anonymous. No one needs to
Speaker 1: know this. However, one of you, you're a fucking rock star.
Speaker 1: You sent us a synopsis instead of sending us one
Speaker 1: accidentally unfiltered story. You just went through your whole dating list.
Speaker 1: And I'm going to read this out because this just
Speaker 1: had me in hysterics. And I also think this really
Speaker 1: encapsulates dating in the modern day. So if you think
Speaker 1: you're having a rough time in alone, Todd couldn't get
Speaker 1: it up and sent me fake flowers to work. Andrew
Speaker 1: g Andrew g shocking sleep apnear and I had to
Speaker 1: sleep in another room Jane's.
Speaker 2: He got locked out of his house and I had
Speaker 2: to break in for him. As koona guy caught a
Speaker 2: blue tongue lizard and played with it for ages. Tim
Speaker 2: h rocked out to first date of Viagara and coke.
Speaker 2: Turns out he was married tim El. He could only
Speaker 2: come when I told him I wanted him to come
Speaker 2: in my mouth.
Speaker 1: Where does this girl.
Speaker 3: Get these days?
Speaker 1: Josh won't fuck on weekdays?
Speaker 2: There's so many more that I was like the first five, man,
Speaker 2: I feel for you, but I also I can relate things.
Speaker 1: Two things. Did he bring the blue tongue lizard or
Speaker 1: did he catch the blue tongue lizard on the day?
Speaker 2: I think you like they maybe they went for a
Speaker 2: bushwalking he called a blue tongue lizard. And then he
Speaker 2: was like, well, this is more interesting than date played
Speaker 2: with a day.
Speaker 1: Who doesn't fuck on weekdays? Is that like a superstitious thing?
Speaker 2: This could be like a new model don't fuck on weekdays?
Speaker 1: Do you know what I was thinking? As you're reading that,
Speaker 1: I was like, I could write one of those. I mean,
Speaker 1: it would be so long.
Speaker 2: To be fair, I think I only have sex on
Speaker 2: Saturday night, that's when the kids are in bed.
Speaker 1: But I don't think that's because it's a rule. I
Speaker 1: think that you just exhaust it and like that's the
Speaker 1: day of the week you get to do it.
Speaker 2: Okay, we're gonna kick this off and get into some
Speaker 2: of your most embarrassing stories. This is truly like, this
Speaker 2: is our favorite part of every episode. But this is
Speaker 2: just like the most heartfelt, cathartic, medicinal thing to laugh over.
Speaker 2: People's like absolute fuck ups, Britt, you can kick it off.
Speaker 1: Fuck where do I start? That's literally what his girl suck?
Speaker 1: Where do I start? I'm well known for liking my
Speaker 1: older men, the silver foxes, and I'm also by anyhow,
Speaker 1: There's this guy that I got set up with on
Speaker 1: a blind date from a WORKMATEE. I've dated two people
Speaker 1: in the last eight years, so you can imagine how
Speaker 1: nervous I was. I reluctantly go on this date and
Speaker 1: this guy, Oh my fucking god, he was sexy as fuck.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of fucks in this. It's like I
Speaker 1: thought I saw a lot, Like instantly I got the
Speaker 1: fanny flutters ladies, you know the kind. We started getting
Speaker 1: to know each other and we go on a couple
Speaker 1: of days. We had that big oh several times every
Speaker 1: time we hooked up. I'm talking with sex is mind blowing, incredible.
Speaker 1: This is why I like older men. The floodgates were
Speaker 1: definitely opened. Eventually, I tell him I'm bye and that
Speaker 1: I've had threesomes in the past. My friends now, I
Speaker 1: am very open with telling them what I get up to.
Speaker 1: I tell them very intimate details of this guy, and
Speaker 1: they are hyping me up. I was just loving it.
Speaker 1: They were like, yes, get a girl fucking hard, have
Speaker 1: those orgasms. They were asking me every single detail. Everybody
Speaker 1: needs a woo girl in their corner. Everyone needs a
Speaker 1: sex wo girl. One night, we were at his house
Speaker 1: getting very very saucy. We didn't hear anyone coming side,
Speaker 1: so we kept going. When we finally realized someone was there,
Speaker 1: we stopped. We went to check it out. To my
Speaker 1: absolute horror, one of my mates was in the kitchen.
Speaker 1: I was so confused. I was like, girl, what are
Speaker 1: you doing here? But she just looked at me like
Speaker 1: a ghost. That's when the old silver Fox came out
Speaker 1: with a towel around him. Oh shit, I'm really sorry.
Speaker 1: I forgot my daughter was crashing here. This is no
Speaker 1: That's when I realized that's been my friend and I
Speaker 1: realized simultaneously that she's been hyping me up to fuck
Speaker 1: her dad. Mmy, is that you? How do you ever
Speaker 1: recover from that?
Speaker 3: Had? Like?
Speaker 1: Where does your friendship go?
Speaker 3: What?
Speaker 1: Happens. She was hyping me up, and I had just
Speaker 1: thought that the day before I was telling her how
Speaker 1: good he wasn't going down to me. I couldn't see
Speaker 1: him after that because it was awkward. And she's still
Speaker 1: funny with me sometimes, but hey, he was amazing. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, could you imagine that moment daddy's in the towel,
Speaker 1: you're in the middle, that she has just heard you
Speaker 1: having sex, So it's bad for everyone. The friend's like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, my dad's pounding someone. Then it realizes
Speaker 1: they've found in your friend. Then you realize you've said
Speaker 1: how good your daddys are going down you to your friend.
Speaker 1: I can't. It's just like the most awkward triangle I
Speaker 1: have ever come across.
Speaker 2: So well, I imagine if they stayed to here and
Speaker 2: then they got married and then she became a stepmom.
Speaker 2: Hey mama, Oh my god, I have one of you guys.
Speaker 2: Try to keep this short and sweet. I went on
Speaker 2: this Tinder date with a guy and we decided to
Speaker 2: meet in the city. I drove he caught an uber,
Speaker 2: thinking it was going to be a big night. Guess
Speaker 2: that was the first red flag. I decided to have
Speaker 2: a couple of drinks and we ended up playing pool
Speaker 2: and having a pretty good time. Anyways, it was late
Speaker 2: and I decided I wanted to head home. He walked
Speaker 2: me to my car and awkwardly waited there.
Speaker 1: Me being me, I couldn't help myself and I offered
Speaker 1: him a drive home. He lived forty minutes in the
Speaker 1: opposite direction. I was very kind of you.
Speaker 2: Anyway, we hopped in the car and I was driving.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I'm cringing already that this happened. He
Speaker 2: leant in to kiss my neck as I was looking
Speaker 2: dead into the window, but then he proceeds to whisper
Speaker 2: into my ear, I just love your titty witties, clearly.
Speaker 1: Thinking this was a turn on. Oh my god, I'm
Speaker 1: still scared to this day. Ended up pulling up to
Speaker 1: his house and I told him to get out.
Speaker 2: He then turns to me and says, come inside and
Speaker 2: play some battleships with me.
Speaker 1: In a sexy voice. I could not believe what was happening.
Speaker 1: In cold did not get the picture. I still have
Speaker 1: secondhand embarrassment for him this day. Okay, shout out to
Speaker 1: any men listening, please never refer to them. It's titty witty,
Speaker 1: so he's not going to get you anyway.
Speaker 2: I once had a guy on a first date say
Speaker 2: to me, you're so beautiful. I think he was pretty drunk,
Speaker 2: but I'm gonna he literally sounds like this, You're so beautiful.
Speaker 2: I'd slay a dragon for.
Speaker 1: You, and then stared at me really blankly. Then I
Speaker 1: still had sex with him. Of course you fuck. Of
Speaker 1: course you did. You're like, okay, so are you giving
Speaker 1: me attention? Oh my god, we're going there in love.
Speaker 1: We're gonna have children. You had be a dragon. The
Speaker 1: last date I went on before Jordan told me I
Speaker 1: slept with him too. He told me that I had
Speaker 1: a really masculine energy and that I was a boy
Speaker 1: in my things. I was a man in my past life.
Speaker 1: I don't remember you telling me this, And then he
Speaker 1: said you had strong legs. I still hooked up with him.
Speaker 2: This is Brittany and Laura just reinforcing bad behavior sin
Speaker 2: since nineteen eighty six.
Speaker 1: Okay, I've got one. Okay, this one's pretty cooked. That
Speaker 1: was on a third date and we decided to go
Speaker 1: camping for a night not too far away. This is cute,
Speaker 1: I thought. I pictured toasting marshmallows over a fire under
Speaker 1: the stars, and making love outside. I've watched too many movies, obviously. Firstly,
Speaker 1: it rained, so all that went out the window. We
Speaker 1: went to bed in our separate sleeping bags, which at
Speaker 1: first I thought was a little off. I thought we
Speaker 1: would just be super cute and snuggle all night. This
Speaker 1: thought process soon changed drastically. In the middle of the night,
Speaker 1: I woke up feeling really uncomfortable. I have ibsu see,
Speaker 1: and I felt a pain in my tummy, so I
Speaker 1: was thinking, ooh, I probably need to go to the
Speaker 1: toilet soon. Then I felt something wet in my pants,
Speaker 1: thinking oh great, now I have my period too. I
Speaker 1: reached into check, wanting to be sure that it was
Speaker 1: my period. I know this sounds gross, but I didn't
Speaker 1: want to get up in the cold and wet if
Speaker 1: I didn't actually need to. I touched it and pulled
Speaker 1: my hand out, only to discover I had shit in
Speaker 1: my sleep, in my undies and in my sleeping bag.
Speaker 1: My date was literally lying next to me, and I
Speaker 1: was a ship burrito. We shit on one hand. I
Speaker 1: tried to frantically escape my sleeping bag with only one
Speaker 1: good hand and find my way out of the tent.
Speaker 1: I made it out and ran through the rain to
Speaker 1: the toilet. So now I was a soaking wet ship burrito.
Speaker 1: I cleaned myself up, threw my undies out, and tried
Speaker 1: to sneak back in thinking out I escaped successfully. In
Speaker 1: the morning, when we woke up, my date said, oh
Speaker 1: my god, all I could smell was shit all night.
Speaker 1: The baby next door must have been eating a dead animal.
Speaker 3: Haha.
Speaker 1: I'm ashamed to say I blamed the baby. We've been
Speaker 1: dating for eighteen months, and I can't bring myself to
Speaker 1: tell him. Maybe one day after I've locked him down
Speaker 1: and married him, I'm telling him. I shat my pants
Speaker 1: when I said date. That's so uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: You know, I was trying to think of embarrassing things
Speaker 2: that I've done on a date, and the only thing
Speaker 2: I could think of, well.
Speaker 1: I'm actually to lie. The only thing I could think
Speaker 1: that I hadn't shared with you guys yet. So this
Speaker 1: is the guy.
Speaker 2: If you've been an Oh Dear listener, you will remember
Speaker 2: I told you the story about a guy I dated
Speaker 2: for like a year. We were in a situation ship.
Speaker 2: He never ever actually wanted to confirm to be my boyfriend.
Speaker 3: Surprising.
Speaker 1: Why Yeah, sure, he was dating five other people.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 1: I think it was just because I was such a
Speaker 1: hot mess of a person at the time. So at
Speaker 1: the time, like I went through this period, I didn't
Speaker 1: have IBS because I had all the tests done.
Speaker 2: But there was something wrong with me. Okay, shad lot,
Speaker 2: there was something.
Speaker 3: Wrong with me.
Speaker 1: I don't know what it was. Anyway, I'd gone over
Speaker 1: to his house for a date.
Speaker 2: We'd only been dating for a couple of weeks and
Speaker 2: it was very casual at this point in time. And
Speaker 2: he lived in a tiny one bedroom studio where the
Speaker 2: bathroom was in the bedroom, so like the bathroom there's
Speaker 2: no escaping, and then the lounge where the TV is
Speaker 2: was directly outside the bedroom. It was this time you
Speaker 2: little contained apartment. Anyway, we were sitting there watching a
Speaker 2: movie and he cooked dinner. He was a chef, and
Speaker 2: I could feel my stomach just doing backlips, and I
Speaker 2: was like, oh God.
Speaker 1: Oh God, and God, pray for me.
Speaker 2: Anyway, I was like, I'm so sorry, I'm we'd have
Speaker 2: to go to the toilet, go to the bathroom, like
Speaker 2: unleash the fury. Yeah music, No, I turned the top
Speaker 2: one to try and like mask it anyway, so unleash
Speaker 2: the fury.
Speaker 1: The fucking window wouldn't open. So I was like, oh my,
Speaker 1: oh my, you've got to be kidding me. So I
Speaker 1: just like, you know, put some hands soap around, like
Speaker 1: trying to like fan it around. Anyway, nothing helped, and
Speaker 1: then I left. I shut the bathroom door, I shut
Speaker 1: the bedroom door. I opened the bedroom window just in case.
Speaker 1: And then I came back into the little lounge room
Speaker 1: area which was like attached to the bedroom, and I
Speaker 1: sit down next to him. We keep watching the movie,
Speaker 1: and like I was gone for twenty five minutes, like
Speaker 1: I knows what I was doing. You're obviously doing a
Speaker 1: shit and he would have heard it because I was like,
Speaker 1: I was like, never go back in the bathroom. You
Speaker 1: need to renovate please. Also, don't like imagine anyway, We're
Speaker 1: sitting there watching the movie.
Speaker 2: He doesn't see anything to me. Ten minutes later, it's
Speaker 2: the middle of fucking winter, right. Ten minutes later, he just.
Speaker 1: Gets up and opens the balcony door, saddle fred subtle.
Speaker 2: I think I need to go home. Anyway, that happened.
Speaker 2: Turns out he never wanted to date me.
Speaker 1: It was so weird. I's so weird.
Speaker 2: So here's another one. So a few years ago, I
Speaker 2: was sleeping with a guy here and there. There was
Speaker 2: nothing more, and we were just in similar friend groups
Speaker 2: and often ended up texting each other and hooking up
Speaker 2: after nights out. On one occasion, the last occasion, I
Speaker 2: went round to his place. On the way home. All
Speaker 2: was great, but once things started getting frisky, I remembered
Speaker 2: I had a tampon in I didn't really have my period.
Speaker 2: It was the day after it had ended, and I
Speaker 2: was wearing the tampon just in case, but still kind
Speaker 2: of gross.
Speaker 1: Anyway, Awkwardly, I.
Speaker 2: Jumped up and told him, Oh, I really need to
Speaker 2: go peet and run to the bathroom. But being a
Speaker 2: dickhead young guy, he told me I wasn't allowed to
Speaker 2: go to the bathroom as his roommates were having a
Speaker 2: party down the back of the end of the house
Speaker 2: excuse and he didn't want them to see me. Unsure
Speaker 2: of what to do, I said, oh, okay, yeah, that's
Speaker 2: fine whatever, So I ran and I turned his bedroom
Speaker 2: lights off, and I secretly whipped out my tampon and
Speaker 2: hid it in the pocket of my black jeans.
Speaker 1: Everything was fine.
Speaker 2: From there, we had sex, had a little cuddle, and
Speaker 2: then I was getting ready to go home in the morning,
Speaker 2: so of course I got myself dressed and I was
Speaker 2: on my merry way. Once I was walking down the
Speaker 2: street towards the main road to get an uber, I remembered, Oh, yeah, shit,
Speaker 2: that's pretty gross. I've got my tampon in my pocket.
Speaker 2: I reach into my pocket to quickly chuck it in
Speaker 2: the bin, only to my surprise realizing it wasn't there.
Speaker 2: I panicked, and I questioned if I should go back
Speaker 2: and sneakily find it. But obviously that's far too awkward,
Speaker 2: so I shrugged it off went home. About four years
Speaker 2: on and I see this guy at parties here and there.
Speaker 1: I remembered what I did with the tampon. Turns out
Speaker 1: I must have put it in the pocket of his
Speaker 1: black jeans. I've never heard from him again. That is
Speaker 1: so that is so cooked. But what if what would
Speaker 1: you do if you were that? I mean, you're not
Speaker 1: gonna ever text if you found a tampo in your
Speaker 1: pocket and you tamport in your back, you know what
Speaker 1: sucked in? That's what you kept for telling your dates.
Speaker 1: She's not allowed to go to the toilet because you
Speaker 1: don't want anyone to know she exists. But also like
Speaker 1: think of me lay just leaving. That is calmer, sucked
Speaker 1: in and good for you girl. Oh hey, after coming,
Speaker 1: I just imagining waking up putting my jeans on in
Speaker 1: someone's tempon being in my pocket was proper cook cooked
Speaker 1: all right, guys. After coming out of a five year relationship,
Speaker 1: about three months after, I decided to meet up with
Speaker 1: an old flame from roughly ten years ago. We go
Speaker 1: out for drinks. We had a great time, and the
Speaker 1: drinks were flowing, the lulls were abundant. We went back
Speaker 1: to his and after a few more drinks, we hopped
Speaker 1: into bed to do the nasty. Afterwards, We're in bed
Speaker 1: cuddling and kissing, and he sort of turned his head
Speaker 1: away from me and boldly said, wow, way a ruin
Speaker 1: a good night. Your breath fucking stinks. My heart stopped.
Speaker 1: I had no idea what to do or say, so
Speaker 1: I went with, oh, no, what does it smell like?
Speaker 1: His response, Man, I don't know, like fucking dog food.
Speaker 1: It absolutely sticks. By this point I had basically flat lined.
Speaker 1: All I could think was that I had just been
Speaker 1: breathing all over this poor man for the last five
Speaker 1: to six hours with chum breath, and he decides to
Speaker 1: tell me, now naked and vulnerable and laying in his bed,
Speaker 1: that's really mean, so fucked. My natural response was, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm so sorry. I could brush my teeth if
Speaker 1: it helps to which At this point he looks back
Speaker 1: over at me, confused and says, oh what, Oh no,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. I was talking to my dog Ruby. She's
Speaker 1: just beside the bed here. Thank god, what to say
Speaker 1: because I would have been so quickly out of that bed. Okay,
Speaker 1: I've got a quick one. I was on a date
Speaker 1: with a guy.
Speaker 2: He walked me home and we started making out as
Speaker 2: we were saying goodbye. As we were kissing, I went
Speaker 2: to change sides and he says out loud, oop, she's
Speaker 2: going the other way.
Speaker 1: And you don't need to lie commentary. Nobody needs to
Speaker 1: fucking commentate it. Oh yeah, I've got another quick one.
Speaker 1: I was meeting up with someone I had been set
Speaker 1: up with. As he was approaching, I had a complete
Speaker 1: mind blank and forgot his name. I was like, shit,
Speaker 1: what am I going to do? So on the way
Speaker 1: to the first drink, I saw a Starbucks, so I said,
Speaker 1: I'm feeling really tired from work. Mind if we grabe
Speaker 1: a quick takeaway coffee to walk with? Sure, he said,
Speaker 1: I stood there awkwardly so he would go in in order,
Speaker 1: purely so they would call out his name. Yes, actually brilliant.
Speaker 1: I think it's brilliant.
Speaker 2: What a good way you could not be that into
Speaker 2: a guy. Like, I'm gonna say, how do you know
Speaker 2: if you're invested or interested in a person?
Speaker 1: Do you remember their name? No? I feel probably don't
Speaker 1: go on a second day. I fag it's different. If
Speaker 1: someone's like, look, just just trust me. I'm gonna say,
Speaker 1: old Bobby from work, it's Jimmy's friend, just go. She's like,
Speaker 1: fuck fine, and she's there and she just had a mind.
Speaker 1: What initiative you have used? I'm sorry, but I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I was gonna say, I'm gonna look that
Speaker 1: one away. The old Brittany would have locked that one away.
Speaker 1: Only if you're dating so many people that you can't
Speaker 1: remember someone's name, like I feel like that that you are,
Speaker 1: like you must be on the dating merry go round
Speaker 1: to be able to go and actually see someone face
Speaker 1: to face and mentally mind blank their name. Okay, so
Speaker 1: it all started at my five year school reunion. I
Speaker 1: was a bit of a meth student in high school
Speaker 1: and boys didn't really give me a second glance. I
Speaker 1: was a meth head. What did you say?
Speaker 3: Meh?
Speaker 1: Like e h, I was a bit mess He said
Speaker 1: she was a meth head. I was like, whoa cowgirl?
Speaker 3: Slow?
Speaker 2: Now she wasn't doing meth. She was just a bit
Speaker 2: meh And boys didn't pay any attention. So when I
Speaker 2: went to my five year school reunion and what I
Speaker 2: at the time thought was the hottest guy since Zac
Speaker 2: Efron starts talking to me, you can imagine how excited
Speaker 2: I was. We ended up going on a few dates,
Speaker 2: and then I decided it was time to do the deed.
Speaker 2: We started to get down to business, and within not
Speaker 2: even ten seconds, the poor guy comes. I feel secondhand
Speaker 2: embarrassment for him, so I don't say anything and I
Speaker 2: tell him it's totally okay. He decides to stay the night.
Speaker 2: You can imagine my shock horror when I wake up
Speaker 2: to him frantically scrubbing the sheets in the middle of
Speaker 2: the night. I decided to pretend like I was still
Speaker 2: asleep however, and then I heard him get up and
Speaker 2: he left shortly after, so I.
Speaker 1: Switched on the lights. He had legit shit the bed.
Speaker 1: I can confirm me he's not zac Efron. I'm talking
Speaker 1: full shit everywhere. It's safe to say I ever heard
Speaker 1: from him again. Look, to be fair, I'd be okay
Speaker 1: with Sack. Everyone shooting in my bed, okay, Zachar frankly
Speaker 1: shit in my bed, but not many other people. What
Speaker 1: would you do if someone shot in your bed on
Speaker 1: a date? You were the girl. You've gotten up, he's gone,
Speaker 1: and there's poo in your bed, just out of curiosity?
Speaker 1: Do you text him and be like, bro, like you
Speaker 1: pooed my bed, you owe me some sheets? Do you
Speaker 1: just forget it? Thanks for the gray night? However, I
Speaker 1: think you forgot something. He forgot something like gastro stop.
Speaker 1: Would you text h now? Would you pretend it didn't happen? Oh?
Speaker 1: Look it depends, it depends. It's a big poo. It's
Speaker 1: ruined your sheet.
Speaker 2: I told you about the time the guy peed him. Wait, no,
Speaker 2: he peeded his own bed, so that was fine. And
Speaker 2: then he tried to deny it. He tried to deny
Speaker 2: it and say that he'd spilt water, and I was like,
Speaker 2: we know the difference between the smell of water.
Speaker 1: We had another girl writing actually just reminded me. She
Speaker 1: wrote in and she said she woke up she with
Speaker 1: the bed like on a hooker, and she panicked. So
Speaker 1: she went and got a cup of water and ran
Speaker 1: back into the bedroom to like try to surprise him
Speaker 1: and like be more like good morning. She planned whole thing,
Speaker 1: so she went to pretend to jump on the bed
Speaker 1: and waken up me like morning, and then she chipped
Speaker 1: the water over the sheet so it looked like she
Speaker 1: just spilled the water on the wheel. I was like, cute,
Speaker 1: but also, he's gonna know, he's gonna know, he's gonna know.
Speaker 2: Do you know what, Guys, For anybody who's out there
Speaker 2: who's single, who's been having some definite dating disasters, I
Speaker 2: just hope that this little accidentally unfiltered bonus air brings
Speaker 2: you some joy and some comfort to let you know
Speaker 2: that we're all in the same boat.
Speaker 1: We've all been in the same boat. I'm gonna read
Speaker 1: you one that was from a guy, and I love
Speaker 1: that because it's not just men that are cooked. There
Speaker 1: are plenty of widow women out there too. I was
Speaker 1: on a first date that I thought went really well.
Speaker 1: We had a great dinner, drink and laughter all night.
Speaker 1: We kissed as I put her into her uber and
Speaker 1: I told her how great I thought the date was.
Speaker 1: I asked to see.
Speaker 3: Her get more come ad.
Speaker 1: I asked to see her again tomorrow for lunch, but
Speaker 1: she said she couldn't because she is a vampire and
Speaker 1: can't be in the sun. She said she was free
Speaker 1: for dinner again, though, but unfortunately I was busy forever.
Speaker 1: Surely that's a joke. I don't know if it's a joke.
Speaker 1: I feel like that those people are out there. I
Speaker 1: have to be okay, I reckon, I'm going to tap
Speaker 1: out after this one.
Speaker 3: Here, I am.
Speaker 1: I was taking on a first day on a bushwalk.
Speaker 2: It was a long bushwalk that ended up in a
Speaker 2: big empty beach surrounded by rocks and a cliff top above.
Speaker 2: He was adamant that we had to go for a
Speaker 2: walk around the point over the rocks. I wasn't into it,
Speaker 2: but I followed him anyway. As the rocks were in
Speaker 2: the water, we got quite wet and were sweaty from
Speaker 2: the walk.
Speaker 1: As it was the height of summer.
Speaker 2: We made it to an open area under a cliff
Speaker 2: and we were stopped and having a chat. He awkwardly
Speaker 2: lean in for a kiss, but I kind of shut
Speaker 2: him down, explaining I wasn't really that into him romantically.
Speaker 2: He wasn't that happy about it, and then we stood
Speaker 2: there awkwardly whilst he tried to convince me that I
Speaker 2: should kiss him. All of a sudden, the wind picked up,
Speaker 2: and I thought.
Speaker 1: The sand from the beach was blowing into our faces,
Speaker 1: and I was like, oh, what is this? What is
Speaker 1: this sand?
Speaker 3: What is this dust?
Speaker 2: It was blowing so ferociously I had to close my
Speaker 2: mouth and my eyes to stop the sand from going inside.
Speaker 2: Suddenly it stopped, and I rubbed the sand off my face,
Speaker 2: and it dawned on me it wasn't sand at all,
Speaker 2: but it was ash.
Speaker 1: Turns out there was a funeral above us and we
Speaker 1: had just had someone's ashes. I don't know if I'm
Speaker 1: like to laugh at that. We then had to walk
Speaker 1: awkwardly back to the car along the bushwalk covered in
Speaker 1: funeral ashes. Cremation. Oh my god, Hey, if there's any
Speaker 1: way to get out of kissing someone, I think that's it.
Speaker 1: I think you've succeeded because you've got someone's body on
Speaker 1: your face. Hey, look, it's been a rough day.
Speaker 2: I'm wearing a guy named Fred.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm gonna read. I'll read my last one. I
Speaker 1: was getting ready to go on a date. This is
Speaker 1: actually something that I would do. This is one hundred
Speaker 1: percent me. I was getting ready to go on a
Speaker 1: date with our kid. You not the hottest fucking guy
Speaker 1: I think I've ever seen. I was texting him where
Speaker 1: to meet and what time, and at the same time,
Speaker 1: I was taking photos in the mirror, holding up outfits
Speaker 1: and sending them to my girlfriend, because you know, that's
Speaker 1: what girls do as if we ever get dressed by ourself.
Speaker 1: That is so true. Anyway, I texted her, sos, what
Speaker 1: do I wear on my date with my future husband tonight.
Speaker 1: I'm trying for mostly classy, but also sort of sexy
Speaker 1: because I want to bang him but not hav him
Speaker 1: think I'm easy kind of vibe. I press sent and
Speaker 1: continue to try on my outfits. I hadn't heard back
Speaker 1: for about twenty minutes, so I went to hurry her
Speaker 1: up with an answer. Went to my horror. I saw
Speaker 1: that I had sent the text to him no response yet, rip.
Speaker 1: I was just thinking what country to move to when
Speaker 1: I saw those little dots start going. He was riding
Speaker 1: back as we speak. I almost couldn't bring myself to
Speaker 1: look and start to plan my funeral. He wrote. Well,
Speaker 1: whilst I'm currently not able to commit to marriage for
Speaker 1: quite a while, I can confirm the second outfit is
Speaker 1: probably my favorite, and if we do go down the
Speaker 1: track of consummating the impending marriage, I assure you I
Speaker 1: won't think you're easy. We went on the date, didn't
Speaker 1: have sex out of principle, but have been dating for
Speaker 1: six months. I said I was gonna finish, but I'm
Speaker 1: gonna end with one more.
Speaker 2: I was in the middle of a first date mid
Speaker 2: convot the guy started playing with his back. After five minutes,
Speaker 2: he legit interrupted me halfway through my story and says.
Speaker 1: Hey, did I get it? Turns out he was squeezing
Speaker 1: a pimple while I was talking to him and wanted
Speaker 1: to make sure that he popped it. It gets better.
Speaker 1: As he was saying goodbye, he asked for a lift
Speaker 1: back to his place because he had skated to the
Speaker 1: date and couldn't afford an uber ho hang on, he
Speaker 1: popped a pimple on her back, on his own back.
Speaker 2: He's sitting there just having a chat, looking like he's
Speaker 2: scratching his back, but he was squeezing a pimple.
Speaker 3: He got it.
Speaker 1: Not okay, you've got no one. I bore out ten
Speaker 1: minutes ago. She's like, I'm gonna wrap there. Okay, this one.
Speaker 1: This one got sent to us, but it's actually from Twitter.
Speaker 1: This is a really I feel like this is a
Speaker 1: quick one to round it out, unless brute, you've got
Speaker 1: another one. I'm pretty.
Speaker 2: Sitting on the floor kissing, talking about life, talking about family.
Speaker 1: Turns out we're cousins. Oh my god, no joke. That
Speaker 1: happened to a friend of mine, not even kiddy. They
Speaker 1: didn't know there were cousins. They went on a first
Speaker 1: date and then they were talking about their family and
Speaker 1: they're like, oh fuck, I know Annie Cindy. In all honesty,
Speaker 1: this this literally happened to my friend. They'd only kissed
Speaker 1: and they realized they were second cousins. People have big families, mate,
Speaker 1: someone's got to stop breeding in that family. Hey, guys,
Speaker 1: that is it from us.
Speaker 2: So thank you to every single person who has written
Speaker 2: in an accidentally Unfiltered Story. We love bringing you these
Speaker 2: bonus episodes, and we know that we are supposed to
Speaker 2: be taking a break, but we're sick for.
Speaker 1: Work and you can't get rid of us. We hope
Speaker 1: you love the episode. If you know someone that might
Speaker 1: get a little laugh from it or needs a little laugh,
Speaker 1: send it their way, and you know the drill. Leave
Speaker 1: a review, hit five stars, subscribe, and share the love
Speaker 1: because we love love, especially this I mean, except, I
Speaker 1: mean just kind of love, like this is far, this
Speaker 1: is culture.
Speaker 3: Guys. I'm so sorry there are more of bumps