WEBVTT - BONUS EP - We don't f*ck on weeknights 0:00:19.960 --> 0:00:22.599 Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life 0:00:22.640 --> 0:00:24.680 on cart Well it's not really an episode, well I 0:00:24.720 --> 0:00:27.600 mean it is, but it's a bonus episode. It is 0:00:27.640 --> 0:00:31.480 one of our very special, extra ridiculous episodes that we 0:00:31.600 --> 0:00:32.560 like to bring you here. 0:00:32.600 --> 0:00:34.519 We are trying to take a little break, and so 0:00:34.560 --> 0:00:37.199 instead of just taking a break, we're like, really, just like, 0:00:37.680 --> 0:00:40.400 we're really preloading that break by doing all these little 0:00:40.400 --> 0:00:42.720 bonus bits of content. But we did do a bit 0:00:42.720 --> 0:00:45.320 of pre recording before Brittany actually headed overseas, and we 0:00:45.360 --> 0:00:48.600 have stashed this episode in our back little pocket, just 0:00:48.640 --> 0:00:50.640 waiting for the perfect time to bring it out. And 0:00:50.680 --> 0:00:53.040 that is because last time we did a bonus episode 0:00:53.040 --> 0:00:56.160 of accidentally unfilled stories, it went so gangbusters and we 0:00:56.200 --> 0:00:57.480 know how much you guys love these. 0:00:57.680 --> 0:01:00.280 Also, I was just in hysterics over that. Wish we 0:01:00.280 --> 0:01:01.720 could have just kept We should have kept going. I 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:04.000 wish we did because we had so many ridiculous stories. 0:01:04.000 --> 0:01:06.440 But we're like, why not bring you the lolls again? 0:01:06.720 --> 0:01:09.400 And like Laura said, why can't we just have a Breaklaura, 0:01:09.440 --> 0:01:11.680 what is wrong with us? Like is this a personality thing? 0:01:11.680 --> 0:01:13.880 We're like, cool, let's just finally take two weeks off, 0:01:13.920 --> 0:01:15.560 but not really like like we're still here. 0:01:15.600 --> 0:01:18.680 Guys, don't leave us, love us forever. We have separation anxiety, 0:01:18.680 --> 0:01:20.160 and we miss you. That's all it is. 0:01:20.520 --> 0:01:23.160 So today's one. We've done the workplace accident and filters. 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:26.480 Now we wanted to bring you a little dating accidentally unfiltereds. 0:01:26.520 --> 0:01:29.160 And we didn't really care what sort of dates or 0:01:29.160 --> 0:01:31.480 if they were long term relationships or one night stands 0:01:31.560 --> 0:01:34.080 or tinders or friends. We didn't really care. We did 0:01:34.200 --> 0:01:36.520 care they were all shit dates, let me tell you that. 0:01:37.440 --> 0:01:39.120 Or one thing I have learned is, oh my god, 0:01:39.120 --> 0:01:41.240 I like the dating world needs to up its game 0:01:41.280 --> 0:01:43.280 because I can't believe some of this stuff is happening 0:01:43.280 --> 0:01:46.320 to people. But it did get me thinking, Okay, So 0:01:46.360 --> 0:01:48.160 a couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine came 0:01:48.200 --> 0:01:51.680 to me with this story, and I sort of laughed, 0:01:51.800 --> 0:01:54.640 but I wasn't really laughing at a hysteria. I was 0:01:54.720 --> 0:01:57.000 laughing a little bit like I just can't believe this 0:01:57.000 --> 0:01:59.000 stuff is happening. So I want to kick started with this, 0:01:59.040 --> 0:02:00.520 and then we're going to go into some really, really 0:02:00.560 --> 0:02:02.800 funny ones. She went on a date. She hadn't been 0:02:02.800 --> 0:02:05.080 on a date in a while, and she really liked 0:02:05.160 --> 0:02:07.240 this guy. She was at the dinner she with, he 0:02:07.320 --> 0:02:09.400 had drinks. She thought the date was going really well, 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:12.080 and she was getting a little bit nervous because she 0:02:12.120 --> 0:02:14.400 hadn't kissed anyone in a long time. You know, lockdown, 0:02:14.440 --> 0:02:16.560 et cetera, et cetera. I feel like on the best 0:02:16.560 --> 0:02:19.680 of days, we all feel nervous. She knew that the 0:02:19.760 --> 0:02:23.400 kiss was going to come because she could feel that tension. 0:02:23.639 --> 0:02:26.400 They'd gotten along all night. He was walking her to 0:02:26.520 --> 0:02:29.080 her door. She's getting very anxious. They get to the 0:02:29.080 --> 0:02:31.240 front door and she's like, here it comes, it's coming, 0:02:31.280 --> 0:02:32.960 it's coming. Like she really liked this guy, and he 0:02:33.080 --> 0:02:35.239 was like, I had a great time. He's like, bet, 0:02:35.240 --> 0:02:37.080 can I just ask you something? And she was like 0:02:37.160 --> 0:02:39.680 getting ready to puck her up. Then he said, I 0:02:39.720 --> 0:02:43.000 think you're great. She's like, we're here. It comes, and 0:02:43.040 --> 0:02:46.400 he's like, but oh god, I just feel like maybe 0:02:46.440 --> 0:02:48.680 we're more friends. And I just wanted to ask you 0:02:48.720 --> 0:02:51.560 if you don't mind, is the girl in your Tinder 0:02:51.560 --> 0:02:56.400 photo with this single? Yes, I do mind. 0:02:56.680 --> 0:02:57.400 I don't mind. 0:02:57.600 --> 0:02:59.520 He's like, because I didn't really feel anything with you, 0:02:59.560 --> 0:03:02.640 but I think she's really cute. She was so gobsmacked, 0:03:02.639 --> 0:03:04.240 and she's like, I actually felt like a bit of 0:03:04.240 --> 0:03:06.040 a bad friend because my friend is single. But I 0:03:06.080 --> 0:03:07.880 was like, no, she's not. She's very happily in a 0:03:07.919 --> 0:03:13.000 long term relationship. And left. I was just gobsmacked, Like, 0:03:13.080 --> 0:03:16.600 in what world is that? Okay? The thing that makes 0:03:16.639 --> 0:03:18.959 me like the most upset about this whole episode is 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:20.880 that normally it's you, you need me. 0:03:20.960 --> 0:03:23.440 You botany who would bring these dating stories and this 0:03:23.480 --> 0:03:25.240 is what we all live for. Now you're happy, and 0:03:25.280 --> 0:03:27.240 now we have to just call on the community for them. 0:03:27.280 --> 0:03:29.360 I think I still probably have some suppressed trauma that 0:03:29.400 --> 0:03:32.280 will come back later in like flashbacks in the future. Yeah, 0:03:32.280 --> 0:03:33.160 but I'm just not there yet. 0:03:33.160 --> 0:03:35.360 I have a girlfriend out a similar situation, except it 0:03:35.400 --> 0:03:37.800 wasn't so much about her friend being in the photo. 0:03:37.880 --> 0:03:39.360 So she rapped up at this date and she'd been 0:03:39.360 --> 0:03:40.720 talking to this guy on and off for about a 0:03:40.720 --> 0:03:43.000 week and a half, but he hadn't linked his Instagram 0:03:43.040 --> 0:03:45.440 to his Tinder profile, like rookie era, you've got to 0:03:45.480 --> 0:03:47.680 stalk the guy before you actually go on a date, right, 0:03:48.600 --> 0:03:50.760 So she ended up going on this day and it 0:03:50.760 --> 0:03:52.800 was a dinner date, you know, Like, also, never do 0:03:52.840 --> 0:03:54.880 dinner dates, you do a drink first and then that 0:03:54.960 --> 0:03:57.320 can roll in to dinner, but always have like an escape, 0:03:57.360 --> 0:03:59.000 an exit strategy, Ondred PC. 0:03:59.360 --> 0:04:02.480 She gets, I'm so, I'm so glad for this, like constant, yes, 0:04:02.480 --> 0:04:03.160 one hundred percent. 0:04:03.800 --> 0:04:06.080 So she gets there to her date and she's waiting, 0:04:06.200 --> 0:04:08.960 she's sitting at the restaurant, and then the other guy 0:04:09.160 --> 0:04:11.960 in the photo rocks up. And what she didn't realize 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:14.920 is that every single fucking photo on his Tinder profile 0:04:15.680 --> 0:04:16.120 had this. 0:04:16.120 --> 0:04:18.400 Other guy in it. So she thought she was going 0:04:18.400 --> 0:04:20.120 on a date with the hot one, and then like 0:04:20.160 --> 0:04:22.240 the short friend who was on the far left ropped 0:04:22.320 --> 0:04:26.279 up and missus dating one oh one. If somebody doesn't 0:04:26.279 --> 0:04:28.760 have a photo of just themselves ever, it's just a no. 0:04:29.120 --> 0:04:30.960 You can't trust that, you can't risk it. 0:04:31.000 --> 0:04:33.080 She kind of got catfish, But I feel like it's unintentional, 0:04:33.200 --> 0:04:34.960 Like she was like, showed me the photos and there 0:04:35.000 --> 0:04:37.159 is no way that you would think the guy on 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:38.800 the far left in the corner of the photo was 0:04:38.800 --> 0:04:40.240 the guy that you're gonna go on a date with. 0:04:40.160 --> 0:04:43.920 And here we are. But in hindsight, no, it didn't 0:04:43.960 --> 0:04:46.400 work out. Okay, It's it's not like he was just 0:04:46.400 --> 0:04:48.040 really funny or anything like a Danny DeVito. 0:04:48.320 --> 0:04:48.520 No. 0:04:48.600 --> 0:04:50.880 And so, guys, we did the call out for you 0:04:50.920 --> 0:04:54.120 to send us your most embarrassing, accidentally unfiltered dating stories, 0:04:54.120 --> 0:04:55.000 and we will get into. 0:04:54.880 --> 0:04:55.600 Them in a second. 0:04:55.680 --> 0:04:58.360 But one of you, and I'm gonna keep you anonymous 0:04:58.400 --> 0:05:00.200 because I you know we do that for you. 0:05:00.040 --> 0:05:02.400 You're all anonymous, You're always anonymous. No one needs to 0:05:02.440 --> 0:05:05.400 know this. However, one of you, you're a fucking rock star. 0:05:05.800 --> 0:05:08.040 You sent us a synopsis instead of sending us one 0:05:08.040 --> 0:05:11.719 accidentally unfiltered story. You just went through your whole dating list. 0:05:11.839 --> 0:05:13.560 And I'm going to read this out because this just 0:05:13.640 --> 0:05:15.840 had me in hysterics. And I also think this really 0:05:15.920 --> 0:05:18.760 encapsulates dating in the modern day. So if you think 0:05:18.760 --> 0:05:21.720 you're having a rough time in alone, Todd couldn't get 0:05:21.760 --> 0:05:24.080 it up and sent me fake flowers to work. Andrew 0:05:24.120 --> 0:05:27.760 g Andrew g shocking sleep apnear and I had to 0:05:27.760 --> 0:05:29.000 sleep in another room Jane's. 0:05:29.040 --> 0:05:30.440 He got locked out of his house and I had 0:05:30.440 --> 0:05:32.560 to break in for him. As koona guy caught a 0:05:32.560 --> 0:05:35.279 blue tongue lizard and played with it for ages. Tim 0:05:35.480 --> 0:05:38.200 h rocked out to first date of Viagara and coke. 0:05:38.320 --> 0:05:41.280 Turns out he was married tim El. He could only 0:05:41.320 --> 0:05:42.960 come when I told him I wanted him to come 0:05:42.960 --> 0:05:43.599 in my mouth. 0:05:44.360 --> 0:05:45.359 Where does this girl. 0:05:45.240 --> 0:05:46.080 Get these days? 0:05:46.200 --> 0:05:48.880 Josh won't fuck on weekdays? 0:05:52.080 --> 0:05:55.679 There's so many more that I was like the first five, man, 0:05:55.839 --> 0:05:59.040 I feel for you, but I also I can relate things. 0:05:59.080 --> 0:06:01.400 Two things. Did he bring the blue tongue lizard or 0:06:01.440 --> 0:06:03.240 did he catch the blue tongue lizard on the day? 0:06:03.320 --> 0:06:04.680 I think you like they maybe they went for a 0:06:04.680 --> 0:06:06.480 bushwalking he called a blue tongue lizard. And then he 0:06:06.600 --> 0:06:08.400 was like, well, this is more interesting than date played 0:06:08.440 --> 0:06:08.960 with a day. 0:06:09.120 --> 0:06:12.560 Who doesn't fuck on weekdays? Is that like a superstitious thing? 0:06:12.640 --> 0:06:15.359 This could be like a new model don't fuck on weekdays? 0:06:16.800 --> 0:06:18.320 Do you know what I was thinking? As you're reading that, 0:06:18.360 --> 0:06:19.839 I was like, I could write one of those. I mean, 0:06:19.880 --> 0:06:20.760 it would be so long. 0:06:20.839 --> 0:06:22.280 To be fair, I think I only have sex on 0:06:22.279 --> 0:06:23.760 Saturday night, that's when the kids are in bed. 0:06:23.960 --> 0:06:25.200 But I don't think that's because it's a rule. I 0:06:25.200 --> 0:06:26.800 think that you just exhaust it and like that's the 0:06:26.880 --> 0:06:28.040 day of the week you get to do it. 0:06:28.920 --> 0:06:30.880 Okay, we're gonna kick this off and get into some 0:06:30.920 --> 0:06:33.680 of your most embarrassing stories. This is truly like, this 0:06:33.760 --> 0:06:35.560 is our favorite part of every episode. But this is 0:06:35.640 --> 0:06:39.680 just like the most heartfelt, cathartic, medicinal thing to laugh over. 0:06:39.720 --> 0:06:43.240 People's like absolute fuck ups, Britt, you can kick it off. 0:06:43.640 --> 0:06:49.040 Fuck where do I start? That's literally what his girl suck? 0:06:49.200 --> 0:06:51.440 Where do I start? I'm well known for liking my 0:06:51.480 --> 0:06:55.160 older men, the silver foxes, and I'm also by anyhow, 0:06:55.160 --> 0:06:56.800 There's this guy that I got set up with on 0:06:56.800 --> 0:06:59.839 a blind date from a WORKMATEE. I've dated two people 0:06:59.880 --> 0:07:02.400 in the last eight years, so you can imagine how 0:07:02.440 --> 0:07:05.320 nervous I was. I reluctantly go on this date and 0:07:05.360 --> 0:07:08.800 this guy, Oh my fucking god, he was sexy as fuck. 0:07:08.839 --> 0:07:11.320 There's a lot of fucks in this. It's like I 0:07:11.320 --> 0:07:14.360 thought I saw a lot, Like instantly I got the 0:07:14.360 --> 0:07:18.720 fanny flutters ladies, you know the kind. We started getting 0:07:18.720 --> 0:07:20.080 to know each other and we go on a couple 0:07:20.120 --> 0:07:23.400 of days. We had that big oh several times every 0:07:23.480 --> 0:07:26.680 time we hooked up. I'm talking with sex is mind blowing, incredible. 0:07:26.720 --> 0:07:29.360 This is why I like older men. The floodgates were 0:07:29.400 --> 0:07:32.160 definitely opened. Eventually, I tell him I'm bye and that 0:07:32.240 --> 0:07:35.760 I've had threesomes in the past. My friends now, I 0:07:35.800 --> 0:07:38.000 am very open with telling them what I get up to. 0:07:38.160 --> 0:07:40.960 I tell them very intimate details of this guy, and 0:07:41.000 --> 0:07:43.080 they are hyping me up. I was just loving it. 0:07:43.120 --> 0:07:45.640 They were like, yes, get a girl fucking hard, have 0:07:45.760 --> 0:07:49.600 those orgasms. They were asking me every single detail. Everybody 0:07:49.600 --> 0:07:51.520 needs a woo girl in their corner. Everyone needs a 0:07:51.560 --> 0:07:54.360 sex wo girl. One night, we were at his house 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:57.200 getting very very saucy. We didn't hear anyone coming side, 0:07:57.280 --> 0:07:59.880 so we kept going. When we finally realized someone was there, 0:08:00.080 --> 0:08:02.280 we stopped. We went to check it out. To my 0:08:02.440 --> 0:08:05.160 absolute horror, one of my mates was in the kitchen. 0:08:05.240 --> 0:08:07.840 I was so confused. I was like, girl, what are 0:08:07.880 --> 0:08:09.920 you doing here? But she just looked at me like 0:08:09.960 --> 0:08:12.640 a ghost. That's when the old silver Fox came out 0:08:12.680 --> 0:08:15.600 with a towel around him. Oh shit, I'm really sorry. 0:08:15.640 --> 0:08:17.400 I forgot my daughter was crashing here. This is no 0:08:20.120 --> 0:08:22.880 That's when I realized that's been my friend and I 0:08:22.920 --> 0:08:25.640 realized simultaneously that she's been hyping me up to fuck 0:08:25.720 --> 0:08:34.880 her dad. Mmy, is that you? How do you ever 0:08:34.920 --> 0:08:35.600 recover from that? 0:08:35.760 --> 0:08:36.080 Had? Like? 0:08:36.320 --> 0:08:37.520 Where does your friendship go? 0:08:38.120 --> 0:08:38.200 What? 0:08:38.360 --> 0:08:41.040 Happens. She was hyping me up, and I had just 0:08:41.080 --> 0:08:43.120 thought that the day before I was telling her how 0:08:43.160 --> 0:08:44.920 good he wasn't going down to me. I couldn't see 0:08:44.960 --> 0:08:46.920 him after that because it was awkward. And she's still 0:08:46.960 --> 0:08:50.359 funny with me sometimes, but hey, he was amazing. Oh 0:08:50.400 --> 0:08:54.240 my god, could you imagine that moment daddy's in the towel, 0:08:54.360 --> 0:08:55.960 you're in the middle, that she has just heard you 0:08:56.000 --> 0:08:58.040 having sex, So it's bad for everyone. The friend's like, 0:08:58.040 --> 0:09:00.600 oh my god, my dad's pounding someone. Then it realizes 0:09:00.600 --> 0:09:02.600 they've found in your friend. Then you realize you've said 0:09:02.600 --> 0:09:04.400 how good your daddys are going down you to your friend. 0:09:04.440 --> 0:09:06.360 I can't. It's just like the most awkward triangle I 0:09:06.400 --> 0:09:07.520 have ever come across. 0:09:07.559 --> 0:09:08.760 So well, I imagine if they stayed to here and 0:09:08.800 --> 0:09:10.520 then they got married and then she became a stepmom. 0:09:11.720 --> 0:09:14.839 Hey mama, Oh my god, I have one of you guys. 0:09:14.920 --> 0:09:16.800 Try to keep this short and sweet. I went on 0:09:16.800 --> 0:09:18.480 this Tinder date with a guy and we decided to 0:09:18.520 --> 0:09:20.360 meet in the city. I drove he caught an uber, 0:09:20.400 --> 0:09:22.320 thinking it was going to be a big night. Guess 0:09:22.320 --> 0:09:24.400 that was the first red flag. I decided to have 0:09:24.440 --> 0:09:26.320 a couple of drinks and we ended up playing pool 0:09:26.360 --> 0:09:28.800 and having a pretty good time. Anyways, it was late 0:09:28.840 --> 0:09:30.839 and I decided I wanted to head home. He walked 0:09:30.840 --> 0:09:32.680 me to my car and awkwardly waited there. 0:09:33.160 --> 0:09:35.800 Me being me, I couldn't help myself and I offered 0:09:35.840 --> 0:09:38.280 him a drive home. He lived forty minutes in the 0:09:38.280 --> 0:09:40.520 opposite direction. I was very kind of you. 0:09:40.920 --> 0:09:43.160 Anyway, we hopped in the car and I was driving. 0:09:43.360 --> 0:09:45.880 Oh my god, I'm cringing already that this happened. He 0:09:46.000 --> 0:09:48.600 leant in to kiss my neck as I was looking 0:09:48.679 --> 0:09:51.200 dead into the window, but then he proceeds to whisper 0:09:51.240 --> 0:09:56.679 into my ear, I just love your titty witties, clearly. 0:09:56.320 --> 0:09:58.640 Thinking this was a turn on. Oh my god, I'm 0:09:58.640 --> 0:10:00.840 still scared to this day. Ended up pulling up to 0:10:00.880 --> 0:10:02.320 his house and I told him to get out. 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:04.840 He then turns to me and says, come inside and 0:10:04.880 --> 0:10:06.319 play some battleships with me. 0:10:06.559 --> 0:10:09.240 In a sexy voice. I could not believe what was happening. 0:10:09.240 --> 0:10:11.360 In cold did not get the picture. I still have 0:10:11.400 --> 0:10:14.160 secondhand embarrassment for him this day. Okay, shout out to 0:10:14.200 --> 0:10:16.840 any men listening, please never refer to them. It's titty witty, 0:10:16.920 --> 0:10:18.080 so he's not going to get you anyway. 0:10:18.160 --> 0:10:19.800 I once had a guy on a first date say 0:10:19.800 --> 0:10:23.280 to me, you're so beautiful. I think he was pretty drunk, 0:10:23.280 --> 0:10:28.640 but I'm gonna he literally sounds like this, You're so beautiful. 0:10:28.800 --> 0:10:30.160 I'd slay a dragon for. 0:10:30.240 --> 0:10:34.480 You, and then stared at me really blankly. Then I 0:10:34.480 --> 0:10:38.280 still had sex with him. Of course you fuck. Of 0:10:38.280 --> 0:10:42.160 course you did. You're like, okay, so are you giving 0:10:42.200 --> 0:10:44.080 me attention? Oh my god, we're going there in love. 0:10:44.120 --> 0:10:46.240 We're gonna have children. You had be a dragon. The 0:10:46.360 --> 0:10:49.840 last date I went on before Jordan told me I 0:10:49.840 --> 0:10:55.760 slept with him too. He told me that I had 0:10:55.760 --> 0:10:57.800 a really masculine energy and that I was a boy 0:10:57.800 --> 0:10:59.920 in my things. I was a man in my past life. 0:11:00.720 --> 0:11:02.839 I don't remember you telling me this, And then he 0:11:02.880 --> 0:11:05.400 said you had strong legs. I still hooked up with him. 0:11:06.880 --> 0:11:09.640 This is Brittany and Laura just reinforcing bad behavior sin 0:11:09.679 --> 0:11:10.920 since nineteen eighty six. 0:11:11.080 --> 0:11:13.959 Okay, I've got one. Okay, this one's pretty cooked. That 0:11:14.080 --> 0:11:15.760 was on a third date and we decided to go 0:11:15.880 --> 0:11:18.800 camping for a night not too far away. This is cute, 0:11:18.800 --> 0:11:21.840 I thought. I pictured toasting marshmallows over a fire under 0:11:21.880 --> 0:11:26.000 the stars, and making love outside. I've watched too many movies, obviously. Firstly, 0:11:26.160 --> 0:11:28.480 it rained, so all that went out the window. We 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:31.080 went to bed in our separate sleeping bags, which at 0:11:31.080 --> 0:11:32.960 first I thought was a little off. I thought we 0:11:33.000 --> 0:11:35.480 would just be super cute and snuggle all night. This 0:11:35.520 --> 0:11:39.040 thought process soon changed drastically. In the middle of the night, 0:11:39.200 --> 0:11:42.440 I woke up feeling really uncomfortable. I have ibsu see, 0:11:42.440 --> 0:11:44.080 and I felt a pain in my tummy, so I 0:11:44.120 --> 0:11:45.640 was thinking, ooh, I probably need to go to the 0:11:45.679 --> 0:11:48.640 toilet soon. Then I felt something wet in my pants, 0:11:48.880 --> 0:11:52.280 thinking oh great, now I have my period too. I 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:54.760 reached into check, wanting to be sure that it was 0:11:54.760 --> 0:11:56.680 my period. I know this sounds gross, but I didn't 0:11:56.679 --> 0:11:58.120 want to get up in the cold and wet if 0:11:58.160 --> 0:12:01.200 I didn't actually need to. I touched it and pulled 0:12:01.240 --> 0:12:03.760 my hand out, only to discover I had shit in 0:12:03.840 --> 0:12:06.200 my sleep, in my undies and in my sleeping bag. 0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:10.000 My date was literally lying next to me, and I 0:12:10.080 --> 0:12:13.960 was a ship burrito. We shit on one hand. I 0:12:14.000 --> 0:12:16.760 tried to frantically escape my sleeping bag with only one 0:12:16.840 --> 0:12:18.960 good hand and find my way out of the tent. 0:12:19.160 --> 0:12:20.679 I made it out and ran through the rain to 0:12:20.720 --> 0:12:22.960 the toilet. So now I was a soaking wet ship burrito. 0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:25.640 I cleaned myself up, threw my undies out, and tried 0:12:25.679 --> 0:12:29.000 to sneak back in thinking out I escaped successfully. In 0:12:29.040 --> 0:12:31.600 the morning, when we woke up, my date said, oh 0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:33.840 my god, all I could smell was shit all night. 0:12:34.040 --> 0:12:36.000 The baby next door must have been eating a dead animal. 0:12:36.040 --> 0:12:36.439 Haha. 0:12:36.440 --> 0:12:38.360 I'm ashamed to say I blamed the baby. We've been 0:12:38.400 --> 0:12:40.600 dating for eighteen months, and I can't bring myself to 0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:43.120 tell him. Maybe one day after I've locked him down 0:12:43.120 --> 0:12:44.720 and married him, I'm telling him. I shat my pants 0:12:44.720 --> 0:12:47.880 when I said date. That's so uncomfortable. 0:12:48.240 --> 0:12:50.760 You know, I was trying to think of embarrassing things 0:12:50.800 --> 0:12:52.439 that I've done on a date, and the only thing 0:12:52.480 --> 0:12:53.720 I could think of, well. 0:12:53.640 --> 0:12:55.400 I'm actually to lie. The only thing I could think 0:12:55.520 --> 0:12:58.680 that I hadn't shared with you guys yet. So this 0:12:58.840 --> 0:12:59.360 is the guy. 0:12:59.640 --> 0:13:01.480 If you've been an Oh Dear listener, you will remember 0:13:01.640 --> 0:13:03.200 I told you the story about a guy I dated 0:13:03.240 --> 0:13:04.800 for like a year. We were in a situation ship. 0:13:04.840 --> 0:13:07.680 He never ever actually wanted to confirm to be my boyfriend. 0:13:08.200 --> 0:13:08.800 Surprising. 0:13:08.840 --> 0:13:11.160 Why Yeah, sure, he was dating five other people. 0:13:11.240 --> 0:13:11.320 No. 0:13:11.360 --> 0:13:12.760 I think it was just because I was such a 0:13:12.760 --> 0:13:14.800 hot mess of a person at the time. So at 0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:17.680 the time, like I went through this period, I didn't 0:13:17.720 --> 0:13:19.280 have IBS because I had all the tests done. 0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:21.920 But there was something wrong with me. Okay, shad lot, 0:13:22.000 --> 0:13:22.839 there was something. 0:13:22.559 --> 0:13:23.040 Wrong with me. 0:13:23.120 --> 0:13:24.959 I don't know what it was. Anyway, I'd gone over 0:13:25.000 --> 0:13:25.719 to his house for a date. 0:13:25.720 --> 0:13:27.440 We'd only been dating for a couple of weeks and 0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:29.320 it was very casual at this point in time. And 0:13:29.400 --> 0:13:32.719 he lived in a tiny one bedroom studio where the 0:13:32.760 --> 0:13:35.160 bathroom was in the bedroom, so like the bathroom there's 0:13:35.160 --> 0:13:37.840 no escaping, and then the lounge where the TV is 0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:40.480 was directly outside the bedroom. It was this time you 0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:44.280 little contained apartment. Anyway, we were sitting there watching a 0:13:44.320 --> 0:13:46.960 movie and he cooked dinner. He was a chef, and 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:48.960 I could feel my stomach just doing backlips, and I 0:13:49.000 --> 0:13:49.880 was like, oh God. 0:13:49.960 --> 0:13:52.480 Oh God, and God, pray for me. 0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:54.120 Anyway, I was like, I'm so sorry, I'm we'd have 0:13:54.160 --> 0:13:56.400 to go to the toilet, go to the bathroom, like 0:13:56.800 --> 0:14:03.560 unleash the fury. Yeah music, No, I turned the top 0:14:03.600 --> 0:14:05.960 one to try and like mask it anyway, so unleash 0:14:06.000 --> 0:14:06.440 the fury. 0:14:06.600 --> 0:14:08.480 The fucking window wouldn't open. So I was like, oh my, 0:14:08.559 --> 0:14:10.360 oh my, you've got to be kidding me. So I 0:14:10.480 --> 0:14:13.040 just like, you know, put some hands soap around, like 0:14:13.360 --> 0:14:16.880 trying to like fan it around. Anyway, nothing helped, and 0:14:16.920 --> 0:14:19.480 then I left. I shut the bathroom door, I shut 0:14:19.480 --> 0:14:22.360 the bedroom door. I opened the bedroom window just in case. 0:14:22.400 --> 0:14:24.160 And then I came back into the little lounge room 0:14:24.200 --> 0:14:26.360 area which was like attached to the bedroom, and I 0:14:26.400 --> 0:14:28.040 sit down next to him. We keep watching the movie, 0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:29.560 and like I was gone for twenty five minutes, like 0:14:29.640 --> 0:14:31.440 I knows what I was doing. You're obviously doing a 0:14:31.560 --> 0:14:33.840 shit and he would have heard it because I was like, 0:14:38.440 --> 0:14:40.200 I was like, never go back in the bathroom. You 0:14:40.240 --> 0:14:44.640 need to renovate please. Also, don't like imagine anyway, We're 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:46.000 sitting there watching the movie. 0:14:46.560 --> 0:14:49.880 He doesn't see anything to me. Ten minutes later, it's 0:14:49.880 --> 0:14:52.120 the middle of fucking winter, right. Ten minutes later, he just. 0:14:52.160 --> 0:14:59.680 Gets up and opens the balcony door, saddle fred subtle. 0:15:00.000 --> 0:15:02.120 I think I need to go home. Anyway, that happened. 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:03.920 Turns out he never wanted to date me. 0:15:03.960 --> 0:15:05.480 It was so weird. I's so weird. 0:15:05.920 --> 0:15:07.920 So here's another one. So a few years ago, I 0:15:08.000 --> 0:15:09.880 was sleeping with a guy here and there. There was 0:15:09.920 --> 0:15:12.520 nothing more, and we were just in similar friend groups 0:15:12.560 --> 0:15:14.800 and often ended up texting each other and hooking up 0:15:14.840 --> 0:15:18.320 after nights out. On one occasion, the last occasion, I 0:15:18.360 --> 0:15:20.280 went round to his place. On the way home. All 0:15:20.440 --> 0:15:23.120 was great, but once things started getting frisky, I remembered 0:15:23.160 --> 0:15:25.720 I had a tampon in I didn't really have my period. 0:15:25.960 --> 0:15:27.720 It was the day after it had ended, and I 0:15:27.760 --> 0:15:30.240 was wearing the tampon just in case, but still kind 0:15:30.240 --> 0:15:30.680 of gross. 0:15:30.880 --> 0:15:32.280 Anyway, Awkwardly, I. 0:15:32.280 --> 0:15:33.880 Jumped up and told him, Oh, I really need to 0:15:33.920 --> 0:15:36.080 go peet and run to the bathroom. But being a 0:15:36.120 --> 0:15:37.880 dickhead young guy, he told me I wasn't allowed to 0:15:37.920 --> 0:15:39.720 go to the bathroom as his roommates were having a 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:41.320 party down the back of the end of the house 0:15:41.520 --> 0:15:46.800 excuse and he didn't want them to see me. Unsure 0:15:46.840 --> 0:15:49.280 of what to do, I said, oh, okay, yeah, that's 0:15:49.280 --> 0:15:51.760 fine whatever, So I ran and I turned his bedroom 0:15:51.800 --> 0:15:54.000 lights off, and I secretly whipped out my tampon and 0:15:54.080 --> 0:15:55.680 hid it in the pocket of my black jeans. 0:15:56.440 --> 0:15:57.280 Everything was fine. 0:15:57.280 --> 0:16:01.240 From there, we had sex, had a little cuddle, and 0:16:01.280 --> 0:16:03.000 then I was getting ready to go home in the morning, 0:16:03.040 --> 0:16:04.880 so of course I got myself dressed and I was 0:16:04.920 --> 0:16:07.080 on my merry way. Once I was walking down the 0:16:07.080 --> 0:16:10.680 street towards the main road to get an uber, I remembered, Oh, yeah, shit, 0:16:10.800 --> 0:16:12.960 that's pretty gross. I've got my tampon in my pocket. 0:16:13.320 --> 0:16:15.320 I reach into my pocket to quickly chuck it in 0:16:15.360 --> 0:16:19.240 the bin, only to my surprise realizing it wasn't there. 0:16:20.680 --> 0:16:23.400 I panicked, and I questioned if I should go back 0:16:23.400 --> 0:16:26.280 and sneakily find it. But obviously that's far too awkward, 0:16:26.320 --> 0:16:28.480 so I shrugged it off went home. About four years 0:16:28.480 --> 0:16:30.480 on and I see this guy at parties here and there. 0:16:30.720 --> 0:16:33.080 I remembered what I did with the tampon. Turns out 0:16:33.120 --> 0:16:34.560 I must have put it in the pocket of his 0:16:34.720 --> 0:16:42.840 black jeans. I've never heard from him again. That is 0:16:43.160 --> 0:16:46.120 so that is so cooked. But what if what would 0:16:46.200 --> 0:16:47.280 you do if you were that? I mean, you're not 0:16:47.320 --> 0:16:49.040 gonna ever text if you found a tampo in your 0:16:49.080 --> 0:16:52.320