1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:07,080 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the 2 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,399 Speaker 1: time poor parent who just once answers Now. 3 00:00:10,640 --> 00:00:14,080 Speaker 2: The gift giver is usually looking for a big surprise 4 00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:17,440 Speaker 2: delight in the eyes of the receiver in the moment, 5 00:00:18,079 --> 00:00:19,919 Speaker 2: and that can often be the wrong way to go 6 00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,319 Speaker 2: about it, because a lot of research shows that giving 7 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:24,120 Speaker 2: an experience is better than giving a gift. 8 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:27,720 Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom 9 00:00:27,720 --> 00:00:28,160 Speaker 1: and Dad. 10 00:00:28,360 --> 00:00:31,360 Speaker 2: Can I sound grinchy for just a second, please? You're 11 00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:34,159 Speaker 2: a mean one, mister Grinch. 12 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:36,360 Speaker 3: You are a green I am not a coup Believe 13 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:37,120 Speaker 3: you said, you said. 14 00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:41,400 Speaker 2: That you really meant it. That sounded like you didn't 15 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:43,560 Speaker 2: mean it at all. When I'm walking in the shops 16 00:00:43,600 --> 00:00:44,559 Speaker 2: and I hear songs like. 17 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:48,800 Speaker 3: Let's Know, Let's Know that it's no. 18 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:57,160 Speaker 2: Or I hear songs like Dreamer Other Christmas, I hear 19 00:00:57,200 --> 00:01:00,120 Speaker 2: these songs and I think, for goodness sakes, I'm in Australia, Well, 20 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:03,040 Speaker 2: what would you prefer to hear dashing through the portion 21 00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:07,720 Speaker 2: Christmas time? 22 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:16,279 Speaker 3: It's got such a sophisticated ring about it, doesn't it? 23 00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:19,920 Speaker 2: Australia? For you love it? On your Today for our 24 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,399 Speaker 2: Doctor's Desk episode, it was my favorite episode. I love 25 00:01:22,440 --> 00:01:24,640 Speaker 2: Doctor's Desk. I know that you don't love Doctor's Desk 26 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:26,360 Speaker 2: nearly as much as I do, but I love the 27 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:27,000 Speaker 2: Doctor's Desk. 28 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:29,360 Speaker 3: Well, you've promised me that today is going to have 29 00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:33,640 Speaker 3: a Christmas flavor to it, so I'm I'm very interested 30 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:35,680 Speaker 3: to know how you're going to turn this Christmas. 31 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:37,479 Speaker 2: Going to do my very best to do this well, 32 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:40,000 Speaker 2: and we should just highlight there are children in the 33 00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,560 Speaker 2: background because of school holidays, and we've done our best 34 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:45,040 Speaker 2: to but you know what it just it is what 35 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,160 Speaker 2: it is. So two studies. One of them is kind 36 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,320 Speaker 2: of an old one, Kyle is from the mid nineteen 37 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:52,320 Speaker 2: nineties in the Association for Consumer Research Journal, and it's 38 00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:57,040 Speaker 2: looking at step families, divorce, remarriage, the reasons for gift 39 00:01:57,040 --> 00:02:00,000 Speaker 2: giving or for not gift giving. Fascinating kind of old 40 00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:03,040 Speaker 2: research now I'm like twenty years old, but it will 41 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:06,240 Speaker 2: spark a fun conversation, I think. And the second one 42 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:08,239 Speaker 2: we're going to look for look at research that just 43 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:11,160 Speaker 2: highlights what makes for a merry old Christmas. 44 00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:14,160 Speaker 3: Well, I'm really interested to know where this is going 45 00:02:14,240 --> 00:02:18,079 Speaker 3: because they say that opposite subtract and when it comes 46 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:21,720 Speaker 3: to gift giving, you and I would be about as 47 00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:25,079 Speaker 3: opposite as North Pole South Pole possibly get. 48 00:02:25,080 --> 00:02:25,679 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah. 49 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,040 Speaker 3: So my question to you is why don't you like 50 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:28,600 Speaker 3: giving gifts? 51 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:31,200 Speaker 2: And just just to highlight that North Pole south Pole reality, 52 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:33,560 Speaker 2: you do live where Sander lives at the North Pole, 53 00:02:33,680 --> 00:02:36,519 Speaker 2: and I am an antarcticro on my own on giveth 54 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:39,280 Speaker 2: when it comes to gift giving, what are I like gifts? 55 00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:42,639 Speaker 2: I don't feel like there's a whole lot of financial 56 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:45,360 Speaker 2: utility in them. In other words, the gift usually means 57 00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:47,760 Speaker 2: more to the giver than to the receiver. From a 58 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,919 Speaker 2: financial point of view, I have to let's say I 59 00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:52,200 Speaker 2: spend one hundred dollars. In fact, there's been studies on this. 60 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:54,000 Speaker 2: I spend one hundred dollars and give you a gift 61 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,360 Speaker 2: it's probably worth forty to sixty dollars to you. 62 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:59,320 Speaker 3: So again, this is where you're on ideffer because I'm 63 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:03,600 Speaker 3: such a good shopper. Yes, I will spend forty dollars 64 00:03:03,680 --> 00:03:05,960 Speaker 3: and give you a gift that's worth a hundred, So 65 00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:08,919 Speaker 3: that doesn't come into the equation for me at all. 66 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:13,680 Speaker 3: Fair enough question, But it's not about the money, and 67 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:16,839 Speaker 3: that's the whole thing. Like if you are calculating and 68 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:21,720 Speaker 3: categorizing everything based on its monetary value, then a gift 69 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:25,840 Speaker 3: is never going to give you the joy that it 70 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:26,560 Speaker 3: could give you. 71 00:03:26,560 --> 00:03:28,360 Speaker 2: You're making me sound like an economist and you're sounding 72 00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:32,000 Speaker 2: like the psychologist one. Okay, so there's something else that 73 00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:33,760 Speaker 2: you do really well when it comes to gifts. You 74 00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:35,400 Speaker 2: actually think about people while you're shopping. 75 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,880 Speaker 3: I don't leave it and give myself an hour to 76 00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,200 Speaker 3: find the perfect gift. 77 00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:41,800 Speaker 2: Which is exactly what I do. I walk down. I 78 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:43,760 Speaker 2: don't walk. I drive down to the local Westfield or 79 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:46,800 Speaker 2: whatever it is Sunshine Plaza, and I walk up and 80 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:51,080 Speaker 2: down those long shopping theoryful experience. 81 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 3: I hate shopping, I hate it, hate it. But I 82 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:59,200 Speaker 3: find these little, these little boutiques in different suburbs that 83 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 3: we go and visit, and I could spend an hour 84 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:03,360 Speaker 3: in there. I might not buy anything, but I might 85 00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 3: buy something sends me spare and my sister's birthday perfect example, 86 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:10,640 Speaker 3: my sister's birthdays in January. Yes, I found the perfect 87 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:15,160 Speaker 3: gift for her about three months ago. It's been killing 88 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:17,200 Speaker 3: me because it's burning a hole in my gift cupboard 89 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,400 Speaker 3: because I am desperate to give it to her. And 90 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:21,599 Speaker 3: I know that she will absolutely. 91 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:22,880 Speaker 2: Love it and it only cost you about fifteen bucks. 92 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:26,400 Speaker 3: But I'm going to wait. Yep, But the reality is, 93 00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:29,240 Speaker 3: in order for you to find the perfect gift, it 94 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:32,960 Speaker 3: takes time. Sometimes it takes lots of time, and it's 95 00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:36,080 Speaker 3: not about the money, and it's all about the person. Okay, 96 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,160 Speaker 3: So what does your study actually say. 97 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,680 Speaker 2: Well, it doesn't say anything about what you've just talked about. Really, 98 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,440 Speaker 2: but I'm going to say this just before. 99 00:04:42,200 --> 00:04:44,880 Speaker 3: I reckon that my conversation is more helpful anyway. 100 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:48,640 Speaker 2: It probably is. Just just to put this into perspective though. 101 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:51,840 Speaker 2: When we got together for the Coulson Family Extended Christmas 102 00:04:51,960 --> 00:04:53,440 Speaker 2: down on the Gold Coast a couple of weeks ago, 103 00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:55,960 Speaker 2: I loved a day and a half of it, But 104 00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,520 Speaker 2: at the end of the second day we sat down 105 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,080 Speaker 2: for our gift exchange, I kind of felt like the 106 00:05:01,120 --> 00:05:05,240 Speaker 2: weekend ended on a dead note because of the gift exchange. 107 00:05:05,279 --> 00:05:07,719 Speaker 2: Like it was so much fun spending time. But I 108 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:11,040 Speaker 2: feel like my currency is time with people and building 109 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:14,720 Speaker 2: relationships and having nice food together and enjoying experiences. I 110 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:19,120 Speaker 2: don't feel like the gift giving is worth I just 111 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:20,760 Speaker 2: don't enjoy it. I don't enjoy it. I don't like 112 00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:23,839 Speaker 2: receiving gifts. I don't like giving gifts. Actually I like 113 00:05:23,880 --> 00:05:25,839 Speaker 2: giving gifts when I get it right, but it's really hard. 114 00:05:25,880 --> 00:05:27,680 Speaker 2: And you know what, Research shows that when you give 115 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:32,000 Speaker 2: a gift, the gift giver is usually looking for a 116 00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:35,839 Speaker 2: big surprise delight in the eyes of the receiver in 117 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:38,640 Speaker 2: the moment, and that can often be the wrong way 118 00:05:38,640 --> 00:05:40,839 Speaker 2: to go about it, because a lot of research shows 119 00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:43,040 Speaker 2: that giving an experience is better than giving a gift. 120 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:46,320 Speaker 3: We'll see again. That's where for me, the actual joy 121 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:50,480 Speaker 3: is in the buying of the gift. That's where I 122 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:52,719 Speaker 3: get the most joy. I don't have any expectation of 123 00:05:52,760 --> 00:05:54,719 Speaker 3: the person at the other end, nor do I expect 124 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:59,400 Speaker 3: anything in return. Nor do I actually really enjoy receiving gifts. 125 00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:03,000 Speaker 3: I actually don't. I actually prefer to be on the 126 00:06:03,040 --> 00:06:03,520 Speaker 3: giving end. 127 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:06,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, And I've really moved away from receiving gifts 128 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,800 Speaker 2: at all. I prefer not to. I just don't love 129 00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:12,600 Speaker 2: receiving gifts at all. And I don't know if this 130 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,920 Speaker 2: podcast has enough time for me to go through the 131 00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:18,280 Speaker 2: therapy that's necessary to unpack everything that's in there. So 132 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:21,599 Speaker 2: tell me, doctor Justin Okay, the associate of Association for 133 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:24,680 Speaker 2: Consumer Research, looking at people who have been through divorce remarriage, 134 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:26,799 Speaker 2: why are they giving gifts or why they're not given gifts? 135 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:29,240 Speaker 2: They best came up with three different motivations. There were 136 00:06:29,279 --> 00:06:32,400 Speaker 2: positive motivations, there were neutral motivations, and there were negative motivations. 137 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:36,120 Speaker 3: So just to clarify, we're actually talking about families that 138 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:39,680 Speaker 3: have been remodeled in whatever way sites. We're not talking 139 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:42,080 Speaker 3: about you and I or catching up with the in 140 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:44,640 Speaker 3: laws or anything like this. This is these people have 141 00:06:44,760 --> 00:06:45,960 Speaker 3: gone through change. 142 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:48,920 Speaker 2: But I would imagine that to a large degree, these 143 00:06:48,960 --> 00:06:54,200 Speaker 2: same motivations would apply in any family contexts. But it's 144 00:06:54,279 --> 00:06:57,800 Speaker 2: just that this study looks at the divorce, separation, remarriage, 145 00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:01,919 Speaker 2: step parenting, partnering repartnering sort of situation. So the positive 146 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:06,400 Speaker 2: reasons positive motivations were compensatory. That was number one. Compensatory 147 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:08,640 Speaker 2: basically meaning, I know I've made a mess of your life, 148 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:10,360 Speaker 2: but here let me give you something really nice and bigger, 149 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:13,960 Speaker 2: materially meaningful as a way of trying to make up 150 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,880 Speaker 2: for the mess that it's been. Now we're going to 151 00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,040 Speaker 2: leave aside the question of whether that really is a 152 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,679 Speaker 2: positive reason or not, because in the minds of the giver, 153 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:25,160 Speaker 2: that's a positive reason for the gift giving. Okay, that's 154 00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:27,080 Speaker 2: all that matters in this particular study. And a lot 155 00:07:27,120 --> 00:07:30,840 Speaker 2: of people use gifts material gifts as a compensatory mechanism 156 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:34,239 Speaker 2: for acknowledging that the relationships is a mess and they're 157 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:36,080 Speaker 2: trying they want to make it better. 158 00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:38,760 Speaker 3: With that in mind, then there would always almost be 159 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:40,600 Speaker 3: a suggestion that there's a desire to heal. 160 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:44,440 Speaker 2: Yes, exactly, that's right, and healing is part of that process. 161 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:47,160 Speaker 2: We're trying to make it better. The other positive motivation 162 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:50,080 Speaker 2: was I'm trying to assimilate. So you're somebody who is 163 00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:51,960 Speaker 2: now in my orbit that never used to be. Therefore, 164 00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 2: I'm going to give you gifts to demonstrate that I 165 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,560 Speaker 2: see you as a valid and a worthy person and 166 00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:58,520 Speaker 2: somebody that I will need. You're drawing them into your 167 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:01,960 Speaker 2: surf precisely. And but we're looking at gift giving, and 168 00:08:02,040 --> 00:08:06,680 Speaker 2: I have questions about the validity of using material gift 169 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,840 Speaker 2: giving as an effective way of doing this. 170 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:10,360 Speaker 3: I think that it's a starter. 171 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:11,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, exactly. 172 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:14,520 Speaker 3: It's an appetizer to what the relationship can become as 173 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:19,600 Speaker 3: a result. Gift giving just kind of opens up avenues 174 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:21,239 Speaker 3: that would otherwise not be there. 175 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:24,560 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and so they're the positive reasons for it, 176 00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:28,080 Speaker 2: and I think that kind of that kind of makes sense. Now. 177 00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:34,000 Speaker 2: The neutral reasons for gift giving included, first off, acknowledgment. 178 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:36,760 Speaker 2: So this is basically saying, you know what, we're not 179 00:08:36,760 --> 00:08:39,040 Speaker 2: actually that close anymore, but I know that I've got 180 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:41,520 Speaker 2: a responsibility to give you something. It's kind of like 181 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:45,319 Speaker 2: we've got these relatively superficial social ties that binders together, 182 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:50,360 Speaker 2: and therefore I need to commemorate those tenuous ties by 183 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:52,640 Speaker 2: giving something to you. I'm going to acknowledge that you're there, 184 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:54,960 Speaker 2: and that's a neutral motivation. 185 00:08:55,360 --> 00:08:56,680 Speaker 3: So I don't know if you can answer this, but 186 00:08:56,800 --> 00:09:04,680 Speaker 3: I remember hearing research the positive benefits to the giver, yes, 187 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,880 Speaker 3: in relation, and so when you think about the fact 188 00:09:08,920 --> 00:09:12,000 Speaker 3: that you've had a relationship that's been severed, you want 189 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:16,760 Speaker 3: to acknowledge them. And the effort that goes into purchasing 190 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:22,359 Speaker 3: a gift would then be associated with positive emotion potentially. 191 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:24,480 Speaker 2: But I think it comes down to the motivation, Like 192 00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:28,439 Speaker 2: if you're giving the same person that you're acknowledging socks 193 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:32,160 Speaker 2: for the fourth year, in a row. Maybe not. You 194 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:34,400 Speaker 2: can't give somebody so many flannel shirts, so many pairs 195 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:36,480 Speaker 2: of pajamas before they're like, yeah, you're not really thinking, 196 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:38,920 Speaker 2: you're just doing this because now I want to just 197 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:40,640 Speaker 2: pick up on that for a second though, and that is. 198 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,040 Speaker 3: We had a neighbor and every year, without fail, he 199 00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,920 Speaker 3: just asked for a T shirt. Yeah, everyone and his 200 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,960 Speaker 3: family just brought him a new T shirt. So he 201 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:49,920 Speaker 3: replaced his T shirts every twelve months. 202 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,560 Speaker 2: Yes, And for some people, like as a gift giver, 203 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:54,040 Speaker 2: you don't want to be repetitive, you want to be 204 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:55,480 Speaker 2: a little bit surprising. You got to be like, well 205 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:57,080 Speaker 2: look what I got you. I thought about you. But 206 00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,160 Speaker 2: every now and again it's okay to just give people 207 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,079 Speaker 2: something that you know is a winner, it's something that 208 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,800 Speaker 2: they actually want. So this year for Christmas, dad wanted 209 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:06,240 Speaker 2: a pen. And because my dad is literally the hardest 210 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:07,560 Speaker 2: person on the planet to buy for, I was like, 211 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,640 Speaker 2: I'm just gonna go and buy him a pen. So 212 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:11,080 Speaker 2: we had some fun. We went to Sniegl and we 213 00:10:11,080 --> 00:10:13,280 Speaker 2: brought him a novelty pen, and we brought him some smelly, 214 00:10:13,840 --> 00:10:15,800 Speaker 2: funky kind of pens, and then we gave him the 215 00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:19,679 Speaker 2: real pen but it was just it was not surprising, 216 00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:22,160 Speaker 2: but it was something that he wanted and so it 217 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:24,680 Speaker 2: was really great to be able to give that to him. Anyway, 218 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:27,240 Speaker 2: that's the acknowledgment neutral approach. 219 00:10:27,440 --> 00:10:28,400 Speaker 3: So what are the negatives. 220 00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:33,120 Speaker 2: So the negatives are what are known as avoidance and simplification, 221 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:35,320 Speaker 2: and these are the reasons that people don't give gifts. 222 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:39,800 Speaker 2: Avoidance kind of makes sense, right, Avoidances, I just don't 223 00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:41,079 Speaker 2: want to have to deal with you, and I'm not 224 00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:42,480 Speaker 2: going to get you anything because then I'm going to 225 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:45,000 Speaker 2: have to interact with you. And similarly, when it comes 226 00:10:45,080 --> 00:10:48,400 Speaker 2: to simplification, it's like, guess what, we were together once 227 00:10:48,480 --> 00:10:50,720 Speaker 2: upon a time, but we're not anymore. And it just 228 00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:52,600 Speaker 2: makes my life more simple if I don't have to 229 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:54,400 Speaker 2: think about you, don't have to buy you a gift, 230 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,560 Speaker 2: don't have to bring you into my world or go 231 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,920 Speaker 2: through the financial cost of finding something for you that 232 00:11:00,120 --> 00:11:01,720 Speaker 2: you don't really care about and I don't really care 233 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,160 Speaker 2: about because we're not in one another's world anymore. So 234 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:05,960 Speaker 2: that was what the research showed, and I thought there's 235 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,280 Speaker 2: a whole lot of reality in that. For a whole 236 00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:13,480 Speaker 2: lot of people, married, divorced, separated, together, remarried or whatever. 237 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,880 Speaker 3: Well, I'm not looking at the clock, but I'm guessing 238 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:19,160 Speaker 3: that our study number two is going to have to 239 00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:21,480 Speaker 3: be squeezed into the last few minutes of this podcast. 240 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,880 Speaker 2: Let's do it. This is actually a really fun study 241 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:27,480 Speaker 2: what makes for a Merry Christmas. It's by two of 242 00:11:27,480 --> 00:11:31,800 Speaker 2: my favorite researchers, Tim Kassa and Ken Sheldon Kenn and Sheldon. 243 00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:33,960 Speaker 3: So, if you were going to write the list justin 244 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:37,640 Speaker 3: what would make for a merry Christmas in our household. 245 00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,920 Speaker 2: Before I talked to you about what the study showed, Yeah, 246 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:42,160 Speaker 2: peace and quiet, lots of good food. 247 00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:45,040 Speaker 3: And so does that mean you're giving the kids away 248 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,200 Speaker 3: for the weekend. 249 00:11:46,679 --> 00:11:49,680 Speaker 2: And actually giving the kids something that brings them joy? 250 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:52,200 Speaker 2: So I kind of, in many ways feel like we've 251 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:55,000 Speaker 2: had a large portion of our Christmas already because when 252 00:11:55,040 --> 00:11:58,080 Speaker 2: the kids saw the puppy, when they cried, and over 253 00:11:58,120 --> 00:11:59,920 Speaker 2: the last week or so since we've had the puppy, 254 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:02,960 Speaker 2: last two weeks whatever, it's been now just the joy 255 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:06,000 Speaker 2: that the puppy has brought into the family. It's been 256 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:11,120 Speaker 2: amazing for me. That's Christmas, that's the whole Christmas vibe. 257 00:12:11,120 --> 00:12:15,239 Speaker 2: It's just the delight On the other hand, an anonymous 258 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:18,280 Speaker 2: participant in a nineteen eighty nine study said, and I quote, 259 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:20,959 Speaker 2: I get up early and with cash and credit cards 260 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,640 Speaker 2: in hand, go about the difficult and dirty task of 261 00:12:23,679 --> 00:12:28,280 Speaker 2: spreading Christmas cheer close quote. And so what Ken Sheldon 262 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:31,120 Speaker 2: did with Tim Kassa is they went out and asked 263 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:34,000 Speaker 2: one hundred and seventeen individuals between the ages of eighteen 264 00:12:34,520 --> 00:12:37,959 Speaker 2: and eighty to answer questions about their satisfaction, their stress, 265 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:41,160 Speaker 2: and their emotional state during the Christmas season, as well 266 00:12:41,320 --> 00:12:46,000 Speaker 2: as questions about their experiences, the way they use money, 267 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:49,800 Speaker 2: and what their consumption behaviors were. And the results from 268 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:54,040 Speaker 2: this study I think are really really fascinating. Bear in 269 00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:58,480 Speaker 2: mind an overwhelming majority of the Australian population celebrates Christmas, 270 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,800 Speaker 2: even those with a non Christian background, those who are 271 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,960 Speaker 2: the nuns, those who when I say nuns, I don't 272 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:05,120 Speaker 2: mean nuns as in a Catholic none, I mean nuns 273 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:07,920 Speaker 2: as in no religion. And even those that are not 274 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,480 Speaker 2: part of a Christian religion but part of another faith 275 00:13:11,559 --> 00:13:15,000 Speaker 2: will often join in the Australian Christmas festivities anyway, because 276 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:19,280 Speaker 2: the whole nation's celebrating so huge number of people doing 277 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:22,000 Speaker 2: this and Kylie, let me summarize what the research showed 278 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:24,960 Speaker 2: and then you can add your thoughts around it. More 279 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:30,400 Speaker 2: happiness was reported, according to Cassarine Sheldon, when family and 280 00:13:30,520 --> 00:13:37,400 Speaker 2: religious experiences were especially salient, and lower wellbeing occurred when 281 00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:44,000 Speaker 2: spending money and receiving gifts predominated. In some they say 282 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:48,640 Speaker 2: quote the materialistic aspects of modern Christmas celebrations may undermine 283 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:52,679 Speaker 2: well being, while family and spiritual activities may help people 284 00:13:52,679 --> 00:13:53,840 Speaker 2: to feel more satisfied. 285 00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:56,079 Speaker 3: That about sums about Christmas. 286 00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:58,920 Speaker 2: I think that it does. So you asked what my 287 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:02,160 Speaker 2: perfec Christmas Day woul be, and it would be time 288 00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:04,000 Speaker 2: of the family in the morning, some really nice food, 289 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:08,040 Speaker 2: an opportunity to have some religious observance of some kind, 290 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:10,640 Speaker 2: because anyone who's listened to the podcast for while knows 291 00:14:10,679 --> 00:14:12,560 Speaker 2: that we have a faith background and it's important to us. 292 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:14,680 Speaker 2: So that would have to be That would be integral 293 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:17,640 Speaker 2: to what I would want my Christmas Day to incorporate. 294 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:21,800 Speaker 2: And then lots of good food, some play, and a 295 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:26,280 Speaker 2: minimal focus on gifts, and when those gifts are given 296 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:31,760 Speaker 2: a primary focus with those gifts on experiences, tickets to something, 297 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:35,960 Speaker 2: a show, a circus, whatever it might be so that 298 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,160 Speaker 2: we can have experiences together. It might not be that 299 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,560 Speaker 2: exhilarating to open it right now, but in a month's 300 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:41,920 Speaker 2: time when we go to that cool thing that we 301 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:45,280 Speaker 2: bought those tickets for, everyone's really excited. And Christmas you 302 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:47,800 Speaker 2: get to extend Christmas throughout the year because you've made 303 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:48,600 Speaker 2: those purchases. 304 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:50,520 Speaker 3: Well, because of the decision we made this year to 305 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:53,240 Speaker 3: give the kids a dog, Christmas Day is going to 306 00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:57,280 Speaker 3: be very very quiet in our house outside of chasing 307 00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,400 Speaker 3: a little puppy around the place, and I'm really looking 308 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:04,680 Speaker 3: forward to just being able to have a low key 309 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:07,000 Speaker 3: day where we're able to spend time together as a 310 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:10,840 Speaker 3: family and just really revel in each other's company. 311 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:15,600 Speaker 2: Well, Happy Christmas everyone, It's now ten days away. Today's 312 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:18,640 Speaker 2: the fifteenth. Christmas is the twenty fifth Tomorrow on The 313 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:22,040 Speaker 2: Happy Family's podcast, our final I'll Do Better tomorrow of 314 00:15:22,280 --> 00:15:25,760 Speaker 2: the year. The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin 315 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:29,800 Speaker 2: Roland from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer 316 00:15:30,240 --> 00:15:33,000 Speaker 2: and for more information about making a family happy, please 317 00:15:33,080 --> 00:15:35,360 Speaker 2: visit us at happy families dot com dot u or 318 00:15:35,440 --> 00:15:39,280 Speaker 2: our Facebook page. Doctor Justin Coulson's Happy Families are the 319 00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:44,200 Speaker 2: like at Certaurn, We're done. Let's know, le let's know, 320 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:45,880 Speaker 2: let us know.