Speaker 1: Life on Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose
Speaker 1: lands were never seated. We pay our respects to their
Speaker 1: elders past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 2: recorded on Drug Wallamuta Land. Hi guys, and welcome back
Speaker 2: to another episode of Life on Cut.
Speaker 3: I'm Laura, I'm Brittany. Do you just have a testy pop?
Speaker 3: Maybe I think you did? You like Laura? Well, that's
Speaker 3: how I feel. Do you know I've been up since that.
Speaker 1: You feel like a previous and voyage of testy pots.
Speaker 3: We got to really dig deep into that one. I
Speaker 3: feel like a fourteen year old male male man. Fuck, like,
Speaker 3: shut up, it's gonna be a long while. But I
Speaker 3: mean I was since five thirty this morning. Guess what
Speaker 3: I was doing? Everyone? Did you worry out? Dancing? Dancing,
Speaker 3: doing the drive? Who wants to dance at five thirty
Speaker 3: in the morning.
Speaker 2: No one, not even my dance teacher who didn't arrive
Speaker 2: on time because he slept in. I got to the
Speaker 2: studio and I was like, hey, don't know where you're
Speaker 2: at And he was like, uh, asleep.
Speaker 3: And then and I waited forty five minutes until he
Speaker 3: got there.
Speaker 1: So isn't that the worst thing? When I did it
Speaker 1: not long ago? Actually, I did it to you. The
Speaker 1: worst thing when you wake up to a message that's
Speaker 1: like a where are you message and you're in bed
Speaker 1: and you're like, holy mold. I love that you say
Speaker 1: I did it to you recently, because there's not been
Speaker 1: a time recently where you replied with I'm still in bed.
Speaker 3: So I'd love to know when you were just running
Speaker 3: late to.
Speaker 1: No there was member was supposed to be on a
Speaker 1: meeting and I was in bed and I woke up
Speaker 1: and the meeting was done, and I was like, so,
Speaker 1: I was like, so.
Speaker 3: Fam I missed the boat on that one.
Speaker 1: I slept through my alarm and you guys have finished
Speaker 1: the meeting and I am in bed. No.
Speaker 2: Do you know what my absolute pet hate is? Like
Speaker 2: that I can handle because that's at least like a
Speaker 2: reflection of a mistake. My pet hate is when someone says, oh,
Speaker 2: the traffic was really bad, but they know and you
Speaker 2: know that there was no bad traffic because you both
Speaker 2: drove the same route.
Speaker 3: Now, that is my The other day, flute fury.
Speaker 1: The other day, I was like, they're not going to
Speaker 1: believe this. I was like, guy, sorry, the traffic's really bad.
Speaker 1: There was a hectic accident, and I was like, they're
Speaker 1: not gonna believe it. A whole tree fell across A
Speaker 1: whole tree fell across the road on to crush the car.
Speaker 1: It's not funny. You crush the car and you couldn't
Speaker 1: get up the road. And I was like, I took
Speaker 1: a picture. I still I'm showing you. But I was like,
Speaker 1: I have to take a picture because they're not gonna
Speaker 1: believe me when.
Speaker 3: I say the traffic was bad.
Speaker 4: When you text us that, I looked at Laura and
Speaker 4: I was like, oh, she's doubling down.
Speaker 3: She's really She's like, oh, there's a tree on the road.
Speaker 3: That's why I had to take the picture. You scooed
Speaker 3: it over that.
Speaker 1: How's the dancing, Ah, not good. I don't believe it's
Speaker 1: going it's dancing. It's unmoving my body in the direction
Speaker 1: of a dance.
Speaker 3: How many dances do you know? Three?
Speaker 4: Four?
Speaker 3: That's pretty good.
Speaker 1: I a four four and I'm in the midst of
Speaker 1: learning my last one. Okay, yes, I know four, but
Speaker 1: none of them very well. But we're getting there anyway.
Speaker 1: When I can update you guys properly.
Speaker 2: I absolutely will, and I'm sure you're all dying and
Speaker 2: on the edge of your seats. But anyway, asking cart
Speaker 2: this is where we answer you your dark and you're
Speaker 2: burning questions. But before we do, we had a couple
Speaker 2: of things we wanted to talk about first. Now, the
Speaker 2: first thing I wanted to say is that there has
Speaker 2: been the cutest thing going down in the Life Uncut
Speaker 2: discussion group. We feel so grateful for the incredible little
Speaker 2: community that we have and for how amazing as community
Speaker 2: members you guys are to each other. And there was
Speaker 2: just the sweetest thing that happened recently that I wanted
Speaker 2: to kind of touch on.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 2: Melissa Swansbra she is one of our community members. She
Speaker 2: posted in the group that her daughter, like her baby,
Speaker 2: had lost her beloved NONI.
Speaker 3: Now, I don't know if you're a mum, you might
Speaker 3: get what this is.
Speaker 2: But like most children get, like really attached to a
Speaker 2: singular teddy becomes their comforter and it's the thing that
Speaker 2: they'll you know, take with them to when they go
Speaker 2: to bear, they take with them to daycare or whatever.
Speaker 3: So a comfort blanket blank a lot of kids called
Speaker 3: a blankie.
Speaker 2: A blanky, a comforter, a teddy, whatever it is. So
Speaker 2: Melissa's little girl lost her comforter, which she calls her NONI.
Speaker 2: There was photos she basically posted in the group and
Speaker 2: she posted a photo of her little girl with her
Speaker 2: blankie and was like, does anybody in the group have
Speaker 2: one of these something similar? So that she doesn't have
Speaker 2: to be without her very precious little items.
Speaker 1: And to reiterate, she's put photos in of her daughter
Speaker 1: and since she's a newborn for three years, with pictures
Speaker 1: of her with this blanket, like it has been stuck
Speaker 1: to this little.
Speaker 3: Girl for three now.
Speaker 2: Deborah Carroll, who's another Life on Car community member, she
Speaker 2: wrote back and wrote, oh my god, you wouldn't believe it,
Speaker 2: but yes I do. I got three of them from
Speaker 2: my baby shower a few years ago and I still
Speaker 2: have two of them brand new.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: The reason why this is so bloody cute is because
Speaker 2: Deborah went and she sent her these little comforters completely off.
Speaker 3: Her own back.
Speaker 2: Didn't want anything for it, didn't want even want money
Speaker 2: for the postage, just wanted to do something that was
Speaker 2: so nice for someone else. And the thing that we
Speaker 2: love more than anything is how incredible, no matter how big,
Speaker 2: how small, how incredible it is that you guys all
Speaker 2: band together to help each other out. This was just
Speaker 2: such a little and sweet, active kindness that we wanted
Speaker 2: to say, you know, we see it when it goes
Speaker 2: down in the Facebook group, and we are so so grateful.
Speaker 1: Well, especially when Debra sent it and Melissa had said,
Speaker 1: you know, let me pay for the postage at least, like,
Speaker 1: let me help you out, and she just literally said,
Speaker 1: don't worry about the money, take it as a gift
Speaker 1: from a stranger. Buy yourself a coffee instead, enjoy your day.
Speaker 1: It's just the low key message, just not for attention,
Speaker 1: it's not for anything else.
Speaker 3: It's just because you're good humans.
Speaker 2: Over the years, it's been so many small acts of
Speaker 2: kindness that have gone down in the discussion group, big
Speaker 2: and small, and so much of it happens without us
Speaker 2: having to do anything. It's just between you guys, and
Speaker 2: so we want to say that, even though we know
Speaker 2: that it takes on a life of its own, we
Speaker 2: see everything that happens and we love how much you
Speaker 2: all support each other. Now, going from the absolute sweetest
Speaker 2: of sweets too something a lot less sweet, you know,
Speaker 2: or you might know if you've been following along on
Speaker 2: the Gram.
Speaker 3: It is fashion week at the moment. It is fashion week,
Speaker 3: and I don't know if a lot of people care
Speaker 3: or not.
Speaker 1: I don't know what the vibe is in Australia anymore,
Speaker 1: but regardless, it's fashion weeks.
Speaker 2: Are you going? Are you partaking? How do you feel
Speaker 2: about Fashion Week?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 1: I usually just do one show every Fashion Week. Actually
Speaker 1: I don't even think I went to last year, but
Speaker 1: the year before I only did one. Actually just pick
Speaker 1: one of my favorite designers and I go. And this
Speaker 1: year I'm actually going tonight just to one show with
Speaker 1: Kim who is one of my stylist's best friends. And
Speaker 1: I'm going to marrying Siddiq because I love her, I
Speaker 1: wear her, and I want to support her as somebody
Speaker 1: that I know. She's an amazing Australian designer. So I'm
Speaker 1: just going to my one show.
Speaker 2: Well, I think overall the interest in Fashion Week has
Speaker 2: truly declined across Australia. I remember, like five or six
Speaker 2: years ago the media coverage that it would receive the
Speaker 2: amount of money that was poured into it as an event,
Speaker 2: the calibra of like as in every single designer would
Speaker 2: have a show at fashion Week, and now I think
Speaker 2: over time it has become less and less and that's
Speaker 2: because like brands have multiple ways now to show and
Speaker 2: to get their collections out, and also because more brands
Speaker 2: now are not just doing a summer and winter range,
Speaker 2: like a lot of collections are seasonal. They're based on
Speaker 2: like six week or eight weekly drops. So I feel
Speaker 2: like the fashion industry has evolved quite a bit now.
Speaker 2: There's something that happened recently and I had a few
Speaker 2: feelings about it. Brittain I were talking about it last
Speaker 2: night and it was all around some leaked DMS between
Speaker 2: an influencer and a fashion designer. I feel like if
Speaker 2: you have been following fashion week over the last couple
Speaker 2: of years, you probably have noticed that more and more
Speaker 2: the people who are attending Australian Fashion Week are predominantly influencers.
Speaker 2: And also there is been this huge shift over the
Speaker 2: last couple of years where it is predominantly reality TV
Speaker 2: stars as well. And I think that in the industry
Speaker 2: there's a little bit of push and pull between die
Speaker 2: hard fashion experts and that's what they live and breathe,
Speaker 2: and then the reality TV people who come in attendance
Speaker 2: each year.
Speaker 3: So the article that.
Speaker 2: Came out last night was Carolina. You might remember her
Speaker 2: from Maths. She's quite a controversial reality TV star and
Speaker 2: I would say overall she hasn't been the most liked
Speaker 2: reality TV star.
Speaker 1: And I didn't watch it, but I've read a lot
Speaker 1: about her, and everything I've heard is that it was
Speaker 1: very controversial, she had the affair.
Speaker 3: People don't seem to love her.
Speaker 1: I can't make a personal comment because I don't know
Speaker 1: her and I didn't watch it, but the general feedback
Speaker 1: hasn't been great around Paul Carolina.
Speaker 2: And look, I mean, on one hand, we can say
Speaker 2: was it the edit. On the other hand, we can
Speaker 2: say is it her as a person who knows because
Speaker 2: none of us actually know.
Speaker 3: Who she is as a person.
Speaker 2: But basically what happened was she had sent a DM
Speaker 2: to Australian fashion label called Michael Losordo, now a very respected,
Speaker 2: well to do, very successful fashion label who was putting
Speaker 2: on a show at Australian Fashion Week. Anyway, the message
Speaker 2: was this, Hi, team, I would love to watch your
Speaker 2: show at the AAFW in Sydney on the fifteenth. Is
Speaker 2: there any possibility I could get an invitation.
Speaker 3: Thank you. Now.
Speaker 2: This is the response to the lead DMS. Hi Carolina,
Speaker 2: thank you for your message. It would be, in my
Speaker 2: view respectful to be supporting and following the brand's page
Speaker 2: before asking for a free ticket or an inclusion to
Speaker 2: the anniversary show. Now Carolina went on to write a
Speaker 2: very big response to this. She wrote back saying, I'm
Speaker 2: so sorry. I'm more than happy to follow. I truly
Speaker 2: do love the brand. I actually come to check out
Speaker 2: your new posts regularly. Please don't be offended. I only
Speaker 2: follow three hundred or so people and they're my family
Speaker 2: and friends.
Speaker 3: And then she is.
Speaker 2: It's a very long explanation, but basically, she said, the
Speaker 2: reason why she only follows such a small amount of
Speaker 2: people is because otherwise she misses those that are close
Speaker 2: to her, and also because social media for her became
Speaker 2: a place that wasn't good for her mental health, and
Speaker 2: so therefore she wanted to keep her following small. The
Speaker 2: reason why I know in depth the exchange between a
Speaker 2: fashion brand and an influencer is because these dms, which
Speaker 2: I would assume would be private dms, were released to
Speaker 2: Daily Mail and this was the headline. The headline was
Speaker 2: leaked emails reveal popular designers takedown of a reality TV
Speaker 2: star begging for an invite to Australian Fashion Week show
Speaker 2: before she's brutally turned down.
Speaker 3: I think this is so shitty actually, of who of
Speaker 3: the designer? I think that Okay, let's wind back a
Speaker 3: little bit. What is happened here?
Speaker 1: To summarize, Carolina wanted to go to Michael's show because
Speaker 1: he's an amazing fashion designer. She obviously didn't have an invite,
Speaker 1: so she slid into the DMS and said I'd love
Speaker 1: to attend. He's called her out because he's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: don't even follow me, so it's a no. But that
Speaker 1: wasn't enough. He then screenshot it and leaked it. The
Speaker 1: way fashion week works is, I mean a lot of
Speaker 1: influences are a lot of people in the public eye
Speaker 1: or a lot of the fashionists.
Speaker 3: They get direct invites from the brand.
Speaker 1: The brand will put a direct invite out saying I
Speaker 1: know I want you there, so like please come.
Speaker 3: But for everybody else that wants to.
Speaker 1: Attend, because people forget, there are a lot of just
Speaker 1: people that everyday people that love to attend fashion week
Speaker 1: because they love fashion. What happens is you register to go.
Speaker 1: So you register, you fell out a form, you put
Speaker 1: your occupation, you put what shows you want to go to,
Speaker 1: and then the brand will then say, yes, you can come.
Speaker 3: You can get an invite. So that's generally how it works.
Speaker 1: So I think a Michael the designer is obviously a
Speaker 1: little bit pissed that. He's like, you haven't even gone
Speaker 1: through the normal route, like you've DMed me directly. He's
Speaker 1: probably pissed about that, which isn't something in my eyes
Speaker 1: to be pissed at at all. It's like, take it
Speaker 1: as flattering.
Speaker 2: Why do you think because there's que a rising trend
Speaker 2: of like influencers being entitled, like brand singing influences are entitled,
Speaker 2: and therefore they shouldn't be asking for things like it's
Speaker 2: entitled for them to ask.
Speaker 3: So why do you think it's an.
Speaker 2: A big deal that she has kind of gone out
Speaker 2: of her way to say, hey, give me a ticket.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's a big deal because I also
Speaker 1: don't think it's a big deal that he said no. So,
Speaker 1: like you know, I live by a bit of a
Speaker 1: motto of like in life, don't ask, don't get right.
Speaker 1: You can ask, and it can be a no, but
Speaker 1: you could ask and it could be a yes. But
Speaker 1: what I don't like here is she asked and it
Speaker 1: was a no.
Speaker 3: That's fine.
Speaker 1: He has every right to say no. And at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, I think he should have said
Speaker 1: no because she should have been following the brand. There's
Speaker 1: a simple rule. If you're gonna ask for something, you
Speaker 1: show you support. If you loved them so much, you
Speaker 1: show your support. And I say that because I know
Speaker 1: that's happened to you and I Laura like, we get
Speaker 1: that a lot. Even with Life on Cut, we get
Speaker 1: a lot of people right to us saying absolutely love you,
Speaker 1: you know, love you both love the podcast, would love
Speaker 1: to be a guest on there, would love to send
Speaker 1: you a product, maybe you can talk about it. And
Speaker 1: you go on to their page and they don't follow
Speaker 1: Life on Cut, they don't follow you, they don't follow me,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, do you even know who we are
Speaker 1: or are you just going to every like publicity to
Speaker 1: try And so there's a part of it that I
Speaker 1: understand why he was like, come on, bro, like at
Speaker 1: least following me. So that was dumb on her behalf.
Speaker 1: She should have at least followed him. But I don't
Speaker 1: see why this has gone any further. I don't see
Speaker 1: why this exchange had to even leave the DMS. All
Speaker 1: she has said is like fucking kissed his ass. All
Speaker 1: she has said is I love you, I'd love to attend.
Speaker 1: All he had to say was I don't want you there. No,
Speaker 1: and you know you probably should have followed me, which
Speaker 1: is fine. That exchange is fine. Why then did you
Speaker 1: have to go and I'm assuming sell it, or even
Speaker 1: if you didn't sell the story, you've leaked it. Why
Speaker 1: would you go and leak the article for any There's
Speaker 1: no reason then to publicly humiliate someone.
Speaker 3: I have so many feelings about this.
Speaker 2: When I read it, I was like, oh, I think
Speaker 2: it says a lot more about the brand than it
Speaker 2: does about the influencer, and like, look, this is not
Speaker 2: us being like, oh, let's support the influencers. Someone protect them.
Speaker 2: I just think, like, it's very easy to hate on
Speaker 2: an influencer. And I know, obviously because Carolina Santos. Maybe
Speaker 2: she is not the most liked influencer after her time
Speaker 2: on Mass, but she does have one hundred and thirty
Speaker 2: five thousand followers. Brands use influencers to promote their products.
Speaker 3: All brands do it.
Speaker 2: It is an incredible effective and very very cut through
Speaker 2: way of marketing and advertising. So I think it's a
Speaker 2: bit rich to pick and choose in terms of course,
Speaker 2: you can pick and choose who you want at your shows,
Speaker 2: but I think it's a bit rich to pick and
Speaker 2: choose who you will hang out to dry versus who
Speaker 2: you're okay with collaborating with on your products. And I
Speaker 2: think that the issue for me here is that because
Speaker 2: she's not liked as a person, it's almost like it's
Speaker 2: been Green Carter that it's okay to humiliate her, Like,
Speaker 2: how dare she asks for something? Yes, I agree with you, Rich,
Speaker 2: she should have been following the Instagram page. But there's
Speaker 2: loads of brands that I wear and that I like,
Speaker 2: and I'm not following their Instagram page, Like I'm not
Speaker 2: supporting it on Instagram, but I support it with my
Speaker 2: money totally.
Speaker 3: Don't You don't also write to them and ask for
Speaker 3: something free?
Speaker 1: And I'm assuming if you ever did that, which you wouldn't,
Speaker 1: you'd follow them totally totally.
Speaker 2: In flip side to that, I speak about this from,
Speaker 2: you know, the aspect of someone who has worked in
Speaker 2: the world of influencing, brands ask for free things all
Speaker 2: the time, from metaluces brands constantly, and I'm talking like
Speaker 2: all brands from big to small, email and ask influencers
Speaker 2: to promote products or do things for free and don't
Speaker 2: respect that they have a huge platform an audience that
Speaker 2: is actually their business that they can monetize on. So
Speaker 2: I think it kind of goes both ways. And for me,
Speaker 2: I think if you're a high fashion brand, if you're
Speaker 2: someone who is trying to cement yourself as being premium
Speaker 2: a luxurious product, why on earth would you want to
Speaker 2: get down in the down and dirty of trying to
Speaker 2: humiliate some influencer. It just makes you look like a bully.
Speaker 2: I don't think it makes the brand look premium. I
Speaker 2: think it makes the brand look tacky that you've screenshot
Speaker 2: these photos and then published them through Daily Mail. I
Speaker 2: just I think it to me, the whole thing screens
Speaker 2: of tackiness from the brand.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like what I said earlier in the episode
Speaker 1: when I said if these sort of things hit different
Speaker 1: in Australia compared to the rest of the world. And
Speaker 1: one thing I want to add to that is the
Speaker 1: word influencer in Australia is a dirty word. We don't
Speaker 1: see it as something that should garner any respect. We
Speaker 1: sort of almost say it like it's such a negative thing. Oh,
Speaker 1: they're an influencer. They're just an influencer, where in other
Speaker 1: countries around the world it is quite respected and influences
Speaker 1: are the people that would be invited to the front
Speaker 1: row of fashion events because the brands realize that these
Speaker 1: are the people that are actually buying these products, and.
Speaker 3: That is the thing.
Speaker 1: These are the people that will wear these outfits that
Speaker 1: the fashion designers are promoting. So I don't understand why
Speaker 1: there's all this hate towards them, But I thought this
Speaker 1: was really interesting and I really really liked that she
Speaker 1: came out and said it. So the ex Vogue editor,
Speaker 1: her name is Christy Clements.
Speaker 3: Big deal. Obviously Vogue is big in fashion.
Speaker 1: She has just come out in response to this year's
Speaker 1: Fashion Week and she said, I reckon they deserve to
Speaker 1: be there as well, they being influencers. Quote, everyone has
Speaker 1: the right to participate and enjoy fashion Week. That's not
Speaker 1: me being woke. That is the reality. Yes, fashion Week
Speaker 1: is not quite as elite as it used to be.
Speaker 1: But you know what fashion is entertainment. The audience is
Speaker 1: just as important as what is on the catwalk, and
Speaker 1: I personally love to see all different kinds of people
Speaker 1: in the front row. Fashion can't afford to be like
Speaker 1: that anymore. It's a numbers game and it should be
Speaker 1: so something that is enjoyed by everyone, regardless of what
Speaker 1: their background is. I think that that is a brilliant
Speaker 1: statement from someone that is in a respected fashion industry.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I think the big thing that's different about
Speaker 2: this is that we have people of different calibers. I
Speaker 2: think because she comes one because not only is it
Speaker 2: from reality TV, but because she was the reality TV villain,
Speaker 2: it makes it easier to humiliate and hate on. But ultimately,
Speaker 2: I think that social media has massively changed the dynamic
Speaker 2: of fashion week because we do see the very front
Speaker 2: row is now majority influencers, and a lot of them
Speaker 2: have come from reality TV because they're almost instantaneous. Massive
Speaker 2: audiences that they gain and the audiences that you gain
Speaker 2: when you've done a reality TV show are hugely engaged audiences.
Speaker 2: Actually math and now the thing that I think where
Speaker 2: this whole fashion industry is coming to a bit of
Speaker 2: a tipping point in terms of like fashion week shows,
Speaker 2: is that ten years ago, five years ago, it was elite.
Speaker 2: We used to look in and you couldn't see behind
Speaker 2: the wall. It was like untouchable. It was the Lara Bingals.
Speaker 2: It was all the people who you looked in at
Speaker 2: and you felt their world is so unattainable to my world.
Speaker 2: But now it's full of people who you literally know
Speaker 2: what they had for fucking breakfast because they posted on Instagram.
Speaker 2: So the accessibility to it has changed. But I think
Speaker 2: in this instance, whether you like Carolina or not, this
Speaker 2: trend of trying to humiliate influencers for asking for something
Speaker 2: that pertains to the industry that they're in, I think
Speaker 2: is kind of low.
Speaker 3: And we saw it last.
Speaker 2: Year with the young girl who asked a restaurant if
Speaker 2: she could have a free meal in exchange for advertising.
Speaker 3: I think it's a bit rich if you have an
Speaker 3: issue with.
Speaker 2: An influencer asking, but there's no issue with a brand
Speaker 2: asking an influencer for it. I think if we're going
Speaker 2: to have an issue with it one way, then influencers
Speaker 2: should also be able to say to brands, why are
Speaker 2: you asking for stuff for free?
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, because you don't see influencers taking screenshots of
Speaker 1: every brand insane and doc stop asking for free stuff.
Speaker 4: Just stopping in because I actually just found this very
Speaker 4: very interesting. I only looked this up as you guys.
Speaker 3: Were talking the website Social Blade.
Speaker 4: It is this kind of algorithm program that analyzes the
Speaker 4: percentage of engagement of influencers, and a lot of the
Speaker 4: time brands that will choose to work with influencers will
Speaker 4: check the engagement rate of that particular influencer to see
Speaker 4: whether their brand being advertised with them is worth it.
Speaker 4: What would you say would be like a normal engagement
Speaker 4: percentage for an influencer?
Speaker 3: Oh, no, you're asking the wrong person.
Speaker 4: I mean around about a three to four percent for
Speaker 4: an influencer would be worth it in the brand's money wise.
Speaker 3: It deemed as high. Yes, it sounds low, but it's
Speaker 3: actually high.
Speaker 4: Carolinas is only zero point six seven percent. So yeah,
Speaker 4: she's got one hundred and thirty five thousand followers, But
Speaker 4: when your engagement is zero point six seven percent, What
Speaker 4: I mean by this is that I think the reason
Speaker 4: that this brand has decided to release this DM is
Speaker 4: because I think that they're trying to create the allure
Speaker 4: that they have integrity that to be a part of
Speaker 4: that brand, you have to have integrity.
Speaker 3: And yeah, but the percentage has nothing to do with integrity.
Speaker 4: Well, I actually think it does, because it's kind of
Speaker 4: her saying, you know, the exchange in that situation is
Speaker 4: can I have some free tickets your fashion show?
Speaker 3: I'll promote it on my Instagram.
Speaker 4: Like that's kind of the assumed exchange, right, If your
Speaker 4: engagement is really low, that makes it less worthwhile for
Speaker 4: a brand to say yes to that. They're trying to
Speaker 4: out her, and I do think that they have absolutely
Speaker 4: tried to humiliate her, But I do think that there
Speaker 4: is a point to what they're saying. They're kind of saying, like,
Speaker 4: you're not even following the brand, the engagement that we
Speaker 4: would get, and also your reputation, these are.
Speaker 3: All negative things to our brand.
Speaker 2: But what I don't think is dance integrity is working
Speaker 2: alongside Daily Mail and releasing dms. I think that that
Speaker 2: so fundamentally lacks integrity that it does the opposite of
Speaker 2: what they're trying to achieve, which is to say, how
Speaker 2: dare this influencer think that they're so good that we
Speaker 2: would give them a free ticket? It's like, but you
Speaker 2: are so you are so petty. It's definitely not that
Speaker 2: you released it to Daily Mail. I think it kind
Speaker 2: of like underes exactly what they're trying to achieve by
Speaker 2: being that petty. Ultimately, anyway, before we get into answering
Speaker 2: all your deeper dark and your burning questions, it is
Speaker 2: time for Vibe and Unsubscribed, and Keisha has a very
Speaker 2: good one today.
Speaker 4: Also, I just wanted to quickly say, we get a
Speaker 4: lot of posts, and we get a lot of messages
Speaker 4: to the Instagram sorry, posting the Facebook group asking like
Speaker 4: what was that thing that Laura recommended or what was
Speaker 4: that thing Britt was talking about. I do try to
Speaker 4: link them in the show notes, so you should be
Speaker 4: able to tap on the show notes in the episode
Speaker 4: and actually go straight to whatever the vibe or unsubscribed.
Speaker 3: Well, maybe we need to start putting them in the
Speaker 3: discussion group as well. Oh not a bad idea. Hey,
Speaker 3: you'll get onto that.
Speaker 4: My Vibe for the Week is actually an episode of
Speaker 4: the podcast The Briefing, and this is with jan Friend,
Speaker 4: who you might have known if you came to the
Speaker 4: live show.
Speaker 3: She was one of our wonderful guests.
Speaker 4: Jen did an episode of the Briefing with a British
Speaker 4: historian named Cindy McCreary. And do you guys know the
Speaker 4: show on Netflix at the moment, Queen Charlotte. It's the
Speaker 4: Bridgeton spinoff.
Speaker 3: Sure do, Yeah, it's like.
Speaker 4: The number one show, right, So it's all about Queen
Speaker 4: Charlotte and how she fell in love with King George
Speaker 4: of England. Now they are real people in history, right,
Speaker 4: so eighteenth century history. This whole episode, it's titled, was
Speaker 4: Queen Charlotte, the UK's first Black Queen, and that is
Speaker 4: because the queen in the Netflix depiction is black. And
Speaker 4: when Bridgeton initially came out with this color blind casting,
Speaker 4: everyone was like, this is great, we need more diversity,
Speaker 4: blah blah blah. But this podcast episode actually kind of
Speaker 4: unpacks a little bit more of like the nuance of
Speaker 4: is it problematic to have a color blind casting when
Speaker 4: it is so not representative of what actually happened, you know,
Speaker 4: the black experience at the time. It also ignores all
Speaker 4: of the slavery, and she kind of goes into how
Speaker 4: she thinks these things are really great because they're very entertaining,
Speaker 4: and it kind of touches on some of the cultural
Speaker 4: things at the time, But is it problematic to ignore
Speaker 4: the hardships that people then face.
Speaker 3: It's really ignoring the.
Speaker 4: Fact that like black people at the time did not
Speaker 4: have status, they didn't have opulent wealth, you know, that
Speaker 4: kind of thing.
Speaker 2: And it also could potentially run the risk of reshaping
Speaker 2: people's frame of mind around history, especially people who are
Speaker 2: viewing it or watching anything about Who's watching Bridgitton though,
Speaker 2: and then thinking this is it's true?
Speaker 4: And I think people know it's labeled as fiction based
Speaker 4: on fact, and that's where I think it's interesting that
Speaker 4: they've used the real character names of people who actually
Speaker 4: existed in history. That's where I think it gets a
Speaker 4: bit muddy. Anyway, this whole episode goes into the real
Speaker 4: history of Charlotte, whether she did have African heritage or not.
Speaker 4: It's just super interesting. It's not like too opinionated. It's
Speaker 4: not like you should or shouldn't enjoy these TV series.
Speaker 4: It's just like you should probably just be aware that
Speaker 4: you know these things can shape your perception of history.
Speaker 4: So I really like it. I'll link it in the
Speaker 4: show notes. Jan Friend of briefing it was excellent.
Speaker 1: Well, mine is way less progressive. My vibe this week
Speaker 1: is called Jury Duty. Now I know you've seen it, Keisha.
Speaker 1: It is also something that is absolutely trending.
Speaker 3: I actually haven't seen it.
Speaker 4: My housemate has been watching it, so I've seen bits
Speaker 4: and pieces as I've walked past the lounge room.
Speaker 3: He's obsessed. He cannot stop watching it.
Speaker 1: It's on Prime, so Amazon Prime, and if you haven't
Speaker 1: heard of it, it is. It's with James Marsden as
Speaker 1: the lead. Now.
Speaker 3: I have crushed on James mars my whole life. He's beautiful.
Speaker 1: I got to interview over someone and he's just as
Speaker 1: beautiful in real life. But what it is is it's
Speaker 1: the inner workings of the judicial system. So it shows
Speaker 1: you all the jurors. It has bailiffs and judges and
Speaker 1: the person that's on trial, and James Marsden plays himself.
Speaker 1: It's supposed to be a real trial. Turns out this
Speaker 1: whole cast is an actor. There's only one person in
Speaker 1: the whole show that's not an actor, and that is
Speaker 1: one of the jurors. He thinks he's been summoned from
Speaker 1: the public. He's just an American guy. He thinks he's
Speaker 1: been summoned and he has no idea that the whole
Speaker 1: thing is fake. Every single person is an actor and
Speaker 1: the shit that they that they put this poor guy
Speaker 1: through the stories and that everything gets so crazy and
Speaker 1: the whole idea is just to watch his reaction.
Speaker 3: It's unlike anything you've seen.
Speaker 2: But how it feels like the Truman Show. How on
Speaker 2: earth could it is? But how can that be legal?
Speaker 2: In terms of filming someone without them consenting to being
Speaker 2: filmed in a reality TV?
Speaker 4: I actually can answer this. So you have to sign
Speaker 4: consent after the fact. It's the same with radio. You
Speaker 4: can record someone without them knowing, but you can't air it.
Speaker 3: He knows he's being filmed.
Speaker 1: He thinks he's part of a real situation and they're
Speaker 1: filming it because they are going to show the world
Speaker 1: what it's like. They bring all these jurism, They're like, hey, guys,
Speaker 1: we're gonna all be filmed. We're going to show what
Speaker 1: it's like going through this process. But he just doesn't
Speaker 1: know that everyone's an actor and he's the only person.
Speaker 3: That's not in on it.
Speaker 4: So they're like setting him up, so he thinks it's
Speaker 4: a documentary. But so they kind of throw questions at
Speaker 4: him and correct me if I'm wrong, because I haven't
Speaker 4: seen all of it. But like people on the show
Speaker 4: will be like, hey, bro, I need you to do
Speaker 4: this favor for me, like I need money or like
Speaker 4: they basically it's like a human experiment. They're testing how
Speaker 4: far they can push this guy and just waiting to
Speaker 4: see whether he'll crack or whether he'll be a good
Speaker 4: person or not.
Speaker 2: I just wonder, like, what have you got to the
Speaker 2: end of it, and he was like, no, fuck you,
Speaker 2: I don't want to be the lead role in some
Speaker 2: TV show.
Speaker 3: I didn't know it was being filmed. Imagine if that
Speaker 3: was the outcome back. I just throwing a couple extra dollars.
Speaker 3: I'm sure that's what.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's all this stuff on TikTok at the moment
Speaker 4: though about whether he knew, like whether he is also
Speaker 4: an actor or not.
Speaker 3: There's all conspiracies he's in on it.
Speaker 1: A lot of people are starting to say, nah, he's
Speaker 1: an actor that has to pretend he didn't know. But
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm I'm, you know, the optimist in
Speaker 1: mine forever, the optimist.
Speaker 3: I want to think that it's true.
Speaker 4: Apparently he comes off as just being like the best
Speaker 4: guy ever he is.
Speaker 3: He's amazing.
Speaker 1: He's amazing, and everyone asked him to do stupid shit
Speaker 1: and his responses is always so good, and he's always
Speaker 1: so loving and helpful, and he's just like, I haven't
Speaker 1: seen the end yet, but watch it if you're wanting
Speaker 1: something different and a bit of a laugh. That's Jury
Speaker 1: Duty on Amazon Prime, not sponsored.
Speaker 3: Just love it. Question number one.
Speaker 1: I'm getting married in November and some people are assuming
Speaker 1: they're invited to my wedding. I'm talking the borderline friends
Speaker 1: that you know you kind of only see once or
Speaker 1: twice a year. They're saying things like, I can't wait
Speaker 1: for your wedding. Have you finished the guest list yet?
Speaker 1: It makes me super uncomfortable because they're not invited, But
Speaker 1: I don't know how to respond, so I just awkwardly laugh.
Speaker 1: It was recently my birthday and someone said, I just
Speaker 1: can't wait to see you walk down the aisle.
Speaker 3: But she's not on my list on your Instagram?
Speaker 1: Do I need to wait for people's disappointment when they
Speaker 1: don't get an invite? Or do I tell them now
Speaker 1: that we don't have enough space? Do I tell them
Speaker 1: not on my listsl.
Speaker 2: How many friends do you have that think they're better
Speaker 2: friends with you than you are with them.
Speaker 1: Apparently a lot. It makes me wildly uncomfortable. IHI, okay,
Speaker 1: if this was me, actually this was me, this is me.
Speaker 3: I did this. I did this in November last year.
Speaker 2: Guys, I think you just tell people you're having a
Speaker 2: smaller wedding, Like, you have to be honest if you're
Speaker 2: not inviting people in the.
Speaker 3: Two hundred people on the Instagram and you're like, but
Speaker 3: by smaller men, just like small enough that you couldn't
Speaker 3: be invited. I'm in a small army.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 3: I think you have to be honest.
Speaker 2: You can't just not invite them and then wait until
Speaker 2: it's closer to the wedding and then they've figured it out.
Speaker 2: Because I did that. And then I had a friend
Speaker 2: who was like, Hey, when am I gonna get my invite?
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, yeah, the invite, So what
Speaker 2: did you do.
Speaker 3: Invited her? See, this is exactly what not to do.
Speaker 3: Don't follow me Lawa's footsteps. You don't.
Speaker 1: You don't leave it so long there so awkward that
Speaker 1: you have to sympathy invite them.
Speaker 2: To be fair, though, it was like literally a week
Speaker 2: out from the wedding and she was like, hey, was
Speaker 2: that me? No, oh my god, you got your invite. No,
Speaker 2: it wasn't even a week. It was like just before.
Speaker 3: And I was like, we haven't. Why do you think happened?
Speaker 3: It's next week.
Speaker 2: But also like it wasn't someone who I'd sent a
Speaker 2: save the date to. It was like a really rogue
Speaker 2: out of nowhere, Like I understand if you've gotten to
Speaker 2: save the date then didn't get the invitation in the mail.
Speaker 2: I was like, I get that, but this was like
Speaker 2: someone who I had not seen in years, not spoken
Speaker 2: to in years, and they were from kind of a
Speaker 2: past life, and they messaged and were like, hey, like
Speaker 2: can't wait to see you.
Speaker 3: When's the wedding?
Speaker 1: And you haven't gotten wow a save the date, a message,
Speaker 1: a call, a conversation. If you haven't got a carrier pigeon,
Speaker 1: you haven't had a Morse code smoke signals delivered to
Speaker 1: your house, don't bring it up. Okay Wait I had
Speaker 1: to even write back, sorry, who is this because I
Speaker 1: didn't have their number saved. That's how random that one was. Okay, anyway,
Speaker 1: this is not helping.
Speaker 3: De ceased, I feel, so I need to know.
Speaker 1: Wait you invited them, well kind of, but then they
Speaker 1: didn't come, so it all got awkward.
Speaker 3: It got so awkward anyway, I'm a conflict avoidant. You
Speaker 3: know this. Have you spoken to them since? No? I
Speaker 3: love we'll get into your detrauma. Now let's answer this
Speaker 3: poor girl's question.
Speaker 1: Well, I think okay, I feel really uncomfortable listening to
Speaker 1: this because I also don't like conflict. First of all,
Speaker 1: I want to start from those people that are listening.
Speaker 1: I'm not even going to answer this girl's question straight away.
Speaker 1: We'll come back to that the people listening, because this
Speaker 1: goes to everybody. If your friend or someone you know
Speaker 1: in your stratosphere is getting married, my advice is to
Speaker 1: never go to them and say I can't wait for
Speaker 1: the wedding. Don't ever assume anything because you don't know
Speaker 1: someone's circumstances. I think the best thing to say is like,
Speaker 1: are you so excited? Have you picked your dress yet?
Speaker 1: What are you thinking?
Speaker 3: Like be engaged if.
Speaker 1: You're a friend, But don't put somebody on the spot
Speaker 1: and be like, so do I pick my bridesmaid's dress.
Speaker 3: Or you for me? Like, don't don't assume anything.
Speaker 1: That's where I want to start, like make it easier
Speaker 1: for the couple getting married.
Speaker 2: I think you can assume if you're a best friend,
Speaker 2: that you're going to be invited to their wed unless
Speaker 2: they're not having a wedding and they're eloping.
Speaker 3: I think you can assume.
Speaker 2: But if you're someone who is like on the periphery
Speaker 2: of the friendship, like it's an acquaintance that someone you
Speaker 2: see like once every six months, if your numbers not saved, yeah,
Speaker 2: if your numbers not saved in their phone, if you're
Speaker 2: not friends on Instagram, I think that you can't just assume.
Speaker 2: But also that doesn't help because obviously these people have assumed,
Speaker 2: which just means that people feel like they're closer to
Speaker 2: you than you do to them.
Speaker 3: You have to be honest.
Speaker 2: I think you have to say, oh, look, we're having
Speaker 2: a bit of a smaller wedding, get ahead of it.
Speaker 2: I think say, you know, maybe we're going to do
Speaker 2: a dinner beforehand. We'd love you to come to this
Speaker 2: or something. But you do have to be honest because.
Speaker 1: Essentially, if they are expecting that they're coming, if they
Speaker 1: have already brought it up with you and you've laughed
Speaker 1: it off or whatever, that almost solidifies to them that
Speaker 1: they are coming, the fact that you didn't say anything
Speaker 1: in the first place. Send it, don't save the date,
Speaker 1: send them a card that's like, don't worry about saving this.
Speaker 3: You'll be free do whatever you like.
Speaker 1: A laugh off is an acceptance. Basically you've accepted their RSVP.
Speaker 1: When you laugh, you accepted their RVP. So now you
Speaker 1: need to unlaugh and probably tell them and just explain.
Speaker 1: You don't have to be honest, like you're not close
Speaker 1: enough to me, but you can say, we're really tired
Speaker 1: with numbers. I would love if you want them to
Speaker 1: would love you to come to like the pre party,
Speaker 1: whether that's the hens or maybe you're just going to
Speaker 1: maybe you throw a little get together before for people
Speaker 1: that can't make it. But I think you just really
Speaker 1: need to be honest because economically, there's a lot of reasons,
Speaker 1: but economically we don't live in a time anymore where
Speaker 1: you can just say, oh, I just add these people
Speaker 1: onto the wedding because I feel uncomfortable because it's weddings
Speaker 1: are so expensive, and when you're paying for people per head,
Speaker 1: you want to make sure that you're filled with people
Speaker 1: that you genuinely really want to be there and it
Speaker 1: is your day, and you do hopefully only have one
Speaker 1: of them, so you need to be pretty true to yourself.
Speaker 1: But the longer you leave it, the more chance you'll have.
Speaker 3: Of any number. Like Laura, I.
Speaker 2: Want to say something from my own experience, because I
Speaker 2: am so deeply conflict avoidant that by avoiding conflicts or
Speaker 2: things that I perceive as being conflicts, I only make
Speaker 2: the situation worse.
Speaker 3: Like I'm avoiding an email at the.
Speaker 2: Moment that I should have sent three months ago and
Speaker 2: it would have been completely fine at the time, but
Speaker 2: now when I send it, it's going to be a problem.
Speaker 3: And I know that, and so I'm continuing to avoid it.
Speaker 3: You did that with your wedding as well. I remember
Speaker 3: we had this convo on regarding your wedding dress. Oh yeah,
Speaker 3: about my wedding dress.
Speaker 1: Ye.
Speaker 2: I don't like disappointing people, and so therefore I delay
Speaker 2: that conversation so much. But there comes this tipping point.
Speaker 2: The tipping point is when you delay something to a
Speaker 2: point where it becomes so much more of a big deal.
Speaker 2: And I think the thing is is once you've sent
Speaker 2: out your invitations and then someone kind of assumes they're coming,
Speaker 2: but then they don't know they didn't get an invitation.
Speaker 2: Now they feel like you haven't spoken to them. It
Speaker 2: just creates a bigger situation than necessary. And I think
Speaker 2: the easiest way to get on the front foot with
Speaker 2: this is just to put on your big girl panties
Speaker 2: and say to your friend or whoever it is you
Speaker 2: loose acquaintance. You know, I would love for you to
Speaker 2: be able to calm, but unfortunately we have to keep
Speaker 2: numbers small.
Speaker 3: And I hope that that you know, I hope it
Speaker 3: doesn't upset you.
Speaker 2: But you know, if we could have you there, we
Speaker 2: would love to have you there, little white light, even
Speaker 2: though you don't.
Speaker 3: Want them all to send you a picture. Yeah, And
Speaker 3: I think that that's the easiest way of going about it.
Speaker 2: But I think don't ignore things so much that then
Speaker 2: they become bigger than they need to total.
Speaker 3: And I speak from experience. It's bad idea.
Speaker 1: Anyway, I feel like that that is kind of the
Speaker 1: best advice we can give on this question.
Speaker 2: Number two, hit me, what would you do in this situation?
Speaker 2: Our next door neighbor is a sex worker, and we
Speaker 2: have a four month old newborn baby. Read we are
Speaker 2: sleep deprived exhausted, overwhelmed all the things. We are on
Speaker 2: a first name basis, but we don't know her that well.
Speaker 2: She hasn't explicitly told us that she's a sex worker,
Speaker 2: just that there has been a ramp up in the
Speaker 2: number of people coming over to her place and there
Speaker 2: is sex noises at all hours of the day and night.
Speaker 2: So we went looking on Instagram and found her professional page.
Speaker 2: We aren't prudes and don't have an issue with sex work.
Speaker 1: It's just really, really really loud, a lot of banking,
Speaker 1: a lot of whipping, and mostly a lot of loud moaning.
Speaker 1: Our units share an adjoining wall with our bedroom where
Speaker 1: the baby sleeps in with us, and the garage where
Speaker 1: we figured out some of the action takes place, is
Speaker 1: basically less than ten meters from our bedroom window. This
Speaker 1: is a problem because on the rare occasions we get
Speaker 1: to sleep, we are now kept awake by the noise.
Speaker 1: I'm conscious it's her job, though, so what can we
Speaker 1: do vice versa. I'm sure a crying baby probably isn't
Speaker 1: the best for her business.
Speaker 3: Help what is this alution? I think definitely like this
Speaker 3: works both ways. A crying baby's killing her vibe as well.
Speaker 1: And I'm sure that the sexy noises are killing your
Speaker 1: vibe when you're trying to sleep and with your baby.
Speaker 1: I think the sex part probably has nothing to do
Speaker 1: with it. The sex work apart. I think it's the
Speaker 1: fact that there is someone working from home that's obnoxiously loud.
Speaker 1: Like if your next door neighbor is in a band
Speaker 1: and they're practicing on the drums all day, or you know,
Speaker 1: or DJ deck that's trying it's the same thing.
Speaker 3: They're working from home, but it's interrupting you.
Speaker 1: Or if you're just like your neighbor's just gone into
Speaker 1: a new relationship, is bang until the cows come home?
Speaker 3: Being allowed about it same thing.
Speaker 1: I think the only thing you can do here, apart
Speaker 1: from moving, which you probably don't want to do, I
Speaker 1: think the only thing you can do is what you
Speaker 1: do in this situation, like literally take away that the
Speaker 1: fact that it's sex work. You can write a note
Speaker 1: or go over and speak to them and maybe talk
Speaker 1: about a way that you can both work around it.
Speaker 3: Are there different hours that.
Speaker 1: You could both do, or is there a way that
Speaker 1: maybe you can explain that it's keeping your baby up?
Speaker 1: Can you keep it down between ten and eleven because
Speaker 1: it's the only time that they have a nap. Like,
Speaker 1: there's definitely ways. Again, I really think the sex part
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with it. I think it's just
Speaker 1: your next door neighbors really loud. You can have that
Speaker 1: conversation because we have people the time writing saying that
Speaker 1: they slip notes under their neighbor's door.
Speaker 3: Because they have sex too loud. Like there are always
Speaker 3: these kind of things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I think it's a bit different when like
Speaker 2: you can't say, hey, can you work around and not
Speaker 2: work these hours because I guess like she's probably on
Speaker 2: call or they're probably on call for the time that's needed,
Speaker 2: you know, I mean, like they're not gonna be like, nah,
Speaker 2: do no work between ten and you.
Speaker 1: Know, maybe she could line up the orgasm part for
Speaker 1: like the nap time, so like climax at the peak naptime.
Speaker 2: Maybe make her aware that the acoustics in the apartment
Speaker 2: aren't great so she could get some more soft furnishings.
Speaker 3: Maybe, like that could be a good solution.
Speaker 1: You can't put soundproofing in probably wouldn't look great.
Speaker 3: Like you're fucking in a studio.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like you have soundproofing in here right now? Like
Speaker 1: it's just foam. You could add a little bit of
Speaker 1: extra soundproofing. I reckon this could go a long way
Speaker 1: for lots of different reasons. Make it feel like a
Speaker 1: bit of a sex dungeon.
Speaker 2: Look, I think you hit the nail on the head
Speaker 2: though in respect, like because on one hand, yes, she's
Speaker 2: keeping you awake, but I'm sure if you can hear
Speaker 2: her having sex, she can hear your screaming baby, and
Speaker 2: that is probably just as frustrating, if not more frustrating
Speaker 2: at times as well. But I think that you probably
Speaker 2: can't do a hell of a lot. I looked into
Speaker 2: this because I was like, can you run sex work
Speaker 2: from your own house? Like, is there some sort of
Speaker 2: legalities around this? But it turns out as a sex worker,
Speaker 2: you can run your business, You can work from home
Speaker 2: as a sex worker. He just can't do it if
Speaker 2: there's multiple people, So multiple sex workers working from the
Speaker 2: same home, because then that kind of blurs the lines
Speaker 2: as to what constitutes a brothel.
Speaker 3: So you can still do an orgy.
Speaker 1: If there's only one paid sex workers, all right, because
Speaker 1: there's multiple people there, but there's only the one worker.
Speaker 3: I did not look into it, but that's a high
Speaker 3: level detail.
Speaker 1: What I do.
Speaker 2: What I mean is is like, for example, if we
Speaker 2: both were sex workers, we couldn't live together and both
Speaker 2: work out of the same apartment. Like you can't live
Speaker 2: with a friend and both do the same thing, because
Speaker 2: it's so weird.
Speaker 3: Why is that?
Speaker 2: Because then it turns into potentially a brothel, like the
Speaker 2: rules around it are kind of shifted. Anyway, Look, this
Speaker 2: is very top line guys, I'm giving you right now.
Speaker 2: This is not the high level information, but the reason
Speaker 2: why I wanted to look into that because my very
Speaker 2: first thought was, oh my god, are they allowed to
Speaker 2: do that, Like you're in the middle of suburbia?
Speaker 3: Is that legally okay? But it seems like it is.
Speaker 2: I think the best thing that you can do is
Speaker 2: go and get yourself like a white noise machine or
Speaker 2: something that's going to interrupt the noise from within your bedroom.
Speaker 2: Can't control what they're doing in their house and they
Speaker 2: have to make an income that you can control what's
Speaker 2: going on in your apartment. So maybe you need to
Speaker 2: figure out if you can get better soundproofing in your apartment,
Speaker 2: or maybe you need to get a white noise machine.
Speaker 2: So at least if you know they're going the whole
Speaker 2: hog you can't hear it.
Speaker 1: I agree, but I still think you can have a
Speaker 1: conversation with your neighbor. I think you can still say, hey,
Speaker 1: is there any way we can work around or like,
Speaker 1: talk about the noise.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you know it's good for you,
Speaker 3: but it's really loud. But what are they going to
Speaker 3: say because they can't really say to their clients, hey,
Speaker 3: could you just keep it down a bit? I know
Speaker 3: you're having good time and you're almost there, but ca me.
Speaker 1: Just I mean, what if there's a small chance, small
Speaker 1: there could be a small chance that they don't actually
Speaker 1: know how far the sound is traveling next door because
Speaker 1: some buildings have great insulation and some don't, so there
Speaker 1: is a small chance that they have no idea. Maybe
Speaker 1: if you tell them, they're like, oh my god, I'm
Speaker 1: so sorry. I didn't know that you could hear every
Speaker 1: single thing.
Speaker 3: You don't know.
Speaker 1: So I always think it's best to have a conversation
Speaker 1: at the start. I'm not saying this is an easy conversation,
Speaker 1: but it is so all good. High Sorry, I just
Speaker 1: want to let you know I can hear you spanking yeah.
Speaker 3: Time ten o'clock that you whip. You got going great guns,
Speaker 3: but it's fair. Yeah, what do you got to lose?
Speaker 3: Try and think of what I'd prefer like as my neighbor.
Speaker 1: If I would prefer a baby next or crying all
Speaker 1: the time, or sex all the sex?
Speaker 3: I prefer sex.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'd rather way where I listen to that as
Speaker 1: like my bedtime lullaby than a screaming baby. WHI Yeah,
Speaker 1: I would have no issue with listening to other people
Speaker 1: have sex, but listening to someone else's baby scream through
Speaker 1: the night gives me wild anxiety.
Speaker 3: And also because.
Speaker 2: I'm now attuned to crying baby, so it wakes me
Speaker 2: up instantly.
Speaker 3: If someone was having sex, I'd be like, what's that noise?
Speaker 3: What is that for? Bad? That's an unrecognizable sound? Have
Speaker 3: I made the gates of head? Is there a rhinoceros
Speaker 3: in the backyard? What's going on babe? Anyway? Okay? Next question,
Speaker 3: what kind of sex do you have? Okay? Third question?
Speaker 2: Are terms of endearment in the workplace ever appropriate? I
Speaker 2: work closely with the team of five people in an organization.
Speaker 2: My colleague often calls me duhl and it makes me
Speaker 2: feel very uncomfortable. But she never calls anyone else from
Speaker 2: my team. This only me and it started approximately three
Speaker 2: weeks after I started the job, when we had a
Speaker 2: disagreement about something. Am I being ridiculous? Is this actually normal?
Speaker 2: Are my feelings valid? I don't know how to address this.
Speaker 2: She's currently going through a very tough time in her
Speaker 2: personal life, and I feel like if I was to
Speaker 2: broach this with my manager, it would not be received well.
Speaker 2: I think it's also important to note that she is young,
Speaker 2: so it's not a generational habit.
Speaker 3: I call everyone terms of endearment. Is this feels very appointed?
Speaker 3: I call everyone like, No.
Speaker 1: There's different terms of endearment that hit differently. I'm a
Speaker 1: big love, Hey Love, Hi Love, I do.
Speaker 3: It all the time. Do you think love is on
Speaker 3: equal par with Dahl? Though? Hey don't.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Love and Dahl they both seem to condescending. But
Speaker 2: Dahl and sweetheart, I say, Han.
Speaker 3: You're a big Han. I've started.
Speaker 1: I've started saying Han because of you, and I don't
Speaker 1: like it. Hey Han, I say to Keisha now, But
Speaker 1: Keisha's the only person I say it too, because she's
Speaker 1: our only employee's my friends, I think because you say
Speaker 1: it so much it's started to come out of my mouth.
Speaker 3: And I did yesterday and I was like, I don't
Speaker 3: like that.
Speaker 4: I think it's fine verbally, but when I see it
Speaker 4: in message, because I know you guys, I know it's
Speaker 4: not patronizing. But if someone I didn't know that well
Speaker 4: called me han, I'd be like, fuck off.
Speaker 2: I say lovely, though in message I change it, I
Speaker 2: say Hanna or lovely.
Speaker 3: Hi lovely.
Speaker 4: I think if the person's younger than me, it's super weird.
Speaker 1: The thing is, it is very patronizing. And I was
Speaker 1: always brought up that way that you respect your elders,
Speaker 1: and calling your elders Dahl is patronizing.
Speaker 3: That's the way it was brought up, and it does.
Speaker 1: If somebody younger came up to me and said, hey, Dahl,
Speaker 1: it's fine, but I'd be like, I don't know about that.
Speaker 3: I don't know the situation. I don't think it would
Speaker 3: be intentional.
Speaker 1: I don't think she started saying it after a disagreement,
Speaker 1: is in like I'm gonna show you Dahl.
Speaker 3: I don't think it's like I'm gonna get you back, dull.
Speaker 3: Do you know what it could be the absolute opposite.
Speaker 2: You may have had a disagreement, and she may be
Speaker 2: trying to compensate and make you feel that. She doesn't
Speaker 2: want you to misinterpret her. It doesn't want you to
Speaker 2: think that she doesn't like you, and so therefore she's
Speaker 2: almost going a little.
Speaker 3: Bit too far.
Speaker 2: And now you feel like it's been done because it's
Speaker 2: a very I mean calling someone dal or calling someone hunt.
Speaker 3: That's not the first point of call.
Speaker 2: If you hate someone, you I mean like, you're actually
Speaker 2: not going to do that if you dislike someone. If anything,
Speaker 2: if you dislike someone, you're probably more inclined to not
Speaker 2: give them any term of endeement at all. So I
Speaker 2: feel like she may be doing it out of a
Speaker 2: way to try and like overcompensate for a disagreement that
Speaker 2: you've had, and you've interpreted it as though it's patronizing. Potentially,
Speaker 2: I'm potentially looking at this as Devil's advocate.
Speaker 1: What this is about is you don't like it. It's
Speaker 1: making you very uncomfortable. You've literally said very uncomfortable. So
Speaker 1: that's what you have to address here, is you don't
Speaker 1: want to be addressed like that. Outside of telling her that,
Speaker 1: I don't know what you can do besides sitting down
Speaker 1: and saying my name, Sharon, like, call me by my name.
Speaker 3: I don't know what else you're gonna do, Like, can
Speaker 3: I okay?
Speaker 2: Speaking of experience, I am someone who is guilty of
Speaker 2: calling people not by their name.
Speaker 3: I always call people hun or lovely.
Speaker 2: I don't think I use dial but I always use
Speaker 2: terms of endeement in a patronizing way, or if it
Speaker 2: comes across as patronizing to someone that's been interpreted as that.
Speaker 2: The intention behind it was never to be patronizing. If anything,
Speaker 2: it's almost to like fast track a friendship. That's I
Speaker 2: guess for me the reason why I would do it.
Speaker 2: But I think for ninety percent of people it fast
Speaker 2: tracks the friendship. And maybe for ten percent of people
Speaker 2: who don't know me, who maybe have interpreted me not
Speaker 2: the way that I intended it, maybe they think I'm
Speaker 2: being patronizing. And I also think it depends on the
Speaker 2: position of power that you hold in the role. This
Speaker 2: happened to me in radio and you were there, Britt
Speaker 2: one of our co workers. I called him buddy, and
Speaker 2: that in no way Kesha's like laughing. I was like, hey, buddy,
Speaker 2: thanks said like that, and he sham, thanks muscles. Oh, see,
Speaker 2: I would never call someone champ and I would never
Speaker 2: call someone muscles. But like buddy to me is that
Speaker 2: didn't even register that that was bad because like I,
Speaker 2: for example, wouldn't like being called legend.
Speaker 3: I find that much. I called the same guy you
Speaker 3: called him buddy.
Speaker 2: I called him legend and he liked legend, but he
Speaker 2: didn't like buddy, and I find legend patronized, so I
Speaker 2: think it's very very subject. His response was, hey, don't
Speaker 2: call me buddy, and I was like, cool, never will again.
Speaker 3: And we had a laugh about it, but he loved Ledge.
Speaker 2: We had a laugh about it, and that was it,
Speaker 2: you know, And now you know, we became Instagram friends
Speaker 2: and I was like, hey, Buddy, how you doing. But
Speaker 2: isn't it very interesting though that one person was fine
Speaker 2: with Ledge but they weren't fine with totally. It's all
Speaker 2: very personal, and I think ultimately, if you dislike a
Speaker 2: term of endearment that someone's saying, regardless of the intention
Speaker 2: behind it, it's okay to say, hey, can you not
Speaker 2: call me dahl?
Speaker 3: I don't really like it. It makes me feel a
Speaker 3: little bit weird.
Speaker 2: It's so fine to say that, And I don't think
Speaker 2: that that needs to be confrontational. I didn't find it confrontational.
Speaker 2: When in my workplace someone said that they didn't like
Speaker 2: being called buddy, I just went, yeah, no worries, and
Speaker 2: I've never called them buddy since. If something makes you uncomfortable,
Speaker 2: it's okay to verbalize it. I don't think you need
Speaker 2: to go to their manager or to HR because by
Speaker 2: doing that you're escalating a situation and making it seem
Speaker 2: like it's ten times worse than what it really is.
Speaker 2: I think the first point of call is just the
Speaker 2: next time she says it, just turn around and say,
Speaker 2: it makes me feel so weird you call me dahal.
Speaker 2: Can you just call me Sarah. It's all you have
Speaker 2: to say.
Speaker 3: Just say, hey, my grand calls me dall. It's weird
Speaker 3: when you do it.
Speaker 2: If it is something that makes people uncomfortable, just say
Speaker 2: ninety percent of people are fine and ten percent of
Speaker 2: people are uncomfortable. By terms of you know, names of
Speaker 2: endearment in the workplace, Do you think it should just
Speaker 2: be a blanket rule that we don't use it, because
Speaker 2: I think we're trying to now assess does this person
Speaker 2: like this?
Speaker 3: Does this person not like this?
Speaker 2: Do we think it's just a bit inappropriate and maybe
Speaker 2: we have become too casual with our work colleagues.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's the sort of thing that you
Speaker 1: can put into every work contract ever, that it's like,
Speaker 1: don't ever use a term of endearment. I don't think
Speaker 1: that's it. I think it's just going to have to
Speaker 1: be a tone is going to have to be set
Speaker 1: by the management at whatever job you partake in, and
Speaker 1: they'll set the interactions at work by the way that
Speaker 1: they behave the way the way they speak to you,
Speaker 1: by the way they address you in emails, by are
Speaker 1: you going out and having this really close intimate.
Speaker 3: Relationship outside of work.
Speaker 1: I don't think it can be a blanket statement where
Speaker 1: no one in Australia, in any workforce can use a
Speaker 1: term of endement because workforces are so different, Like, look
Speaker 1: at the way we work together. It's different to when
Speaker 1: I worked in a hospital, for example, Like you wouldn't
Speaker 1: speak like that in the hospital. You would never go
Speaker 1: and have a conversation with a surgeon and the operating theater.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't walk in and say, hey.
Speaker 3: Han were ready to cut and open and get this
Speaker 3: gall bladder out? Or what like you would conversation.
Speaker 1: So I think it's it's hard to say it's a
Speaker 1: blanket rule, and it's got to be something that you feel.
Speaker 1: I definitely don't speak to elders in that way because
Speaker 1: I was brought up and I feel like it's patronizing,
Speaker 1: so I would never do it.
Speaker 3: I completely agree.
Speaker 4: I think it's the level of professionalism of the workplace
Speaker 4: almost entirely. So like if you work in law, if
Speaker 4: you work in like a more professional environment, I.
Speaker 3: Think that in terms of endearment would be a no no.
Speaker 3: But I mean we will talk about our sex lives
Speaker 3: for a job, so like of.
Speaker 4: Course it's a little bit more accepted for us to
Speaker 4: just be more casual with our language.
Speaker 1: I've just pictured like there's been a court of law
Speaker 1: and they're like, han, I disagree, Like they're putting their
Speaker 1: hammer down.
Speaker 3: It's not even a hammer, whatever it's called.
Speaker 4: But I also think it depends on the person who's
Speaker 4: saying it, Like let's picture it was a Let's say,
Speaker 4: was one of our male radio bosses, who's you know,
Speaker 4: in fifties or sixties here coming and calling me hey
Speaker 4: han blah blah blah. I'd be like I don't really
Speaker 4: know you that well, Like I feel like it's a
Speaker 4: little bit weird that you're calling me that, whereas with
Speaker 4: you guys who are my immediate bosses.
Speaker 3: You would call me that and I would like it.
Speaker 3: I don't think it depends on who it is. I
Speaker 3: also think it's like anything, it's the way you deliver it.
Speaker 1: Like you know, in Australia we always use this as
Speaker 1: an example, but mate, the word mate can mean ten
Speaker 1: different things.
Speaker 3: By the way you say.
Speaker 1: You can be like mate, mate, don't fuck with me,
Speaker 1: or like mate, like you know what I mean. It's
Speaker 1: the way you deliver it. And I think Han and
Speaker 1: Duhl is the same thing. It's the way you deliver
Speaker 1: if you're like, hey, Han, just wondering are you going
Speaker 1: to be coming to dinner tonight, or like Han, I
Speaker 1: told you to get those documents to me at three o'clock.
Speaker 1: Where are they? So it's definitely it's a multitude of things.
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, I don't think
Speaker 1: that's something that we can police. I think it's something
Speaker 1: that comes down to the individual and you feel uncomfortable
Speaker 1: in your environment by this particular person, so just tell them.
Speaker 3: I don't think it has to be as big a
Speaker 3: deal as you think it is.
Speaker 2: But then it comes back to the same thing that
Speaker 2: we talked about with the wedding invitations. We're so conflict
Speaker 2: avoid it, and we're so worried about saying something that's
Speaker 2: going to upset someone, So we just write in.
Speaker 3: Questions to Ask and Cut. They keep doing it because
Speaker 3: we need the more. Send it in your questions to
Speaker 3: Ask and Cut.
Speaker 2: You can slide into the DMS and Instagram, which is
Speaker 2: Life on Cut podcast.
Speaker 3: You can also follow us on TikTok, or.
Speaker 2: If you want to join the Beautiful Life on Cut
Speaker 2: discussion group on Facebook, go and do that also, because
Speaker 2: we would love before it, don't
Speaker 1: Forget tea, mum tea, dad teo, dog tea, friends and
Speaker 1: share the love because we love love