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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Black African Woman Network. I'm Sonia Dubet

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Speaker 1: and this platform is a safe space for the modern

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Speaker 1: millennial Black African woman to be seen, be heard, and

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Speaker 1: be inspired. We're so excited to have Amanda and Rumby

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Speaker 1: of the It's Laird podcast with us for the lad

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Speaker 1: Expectations special Over to you, ladies.

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Speaker 2: Enjoy, Welcome, Welcome everybody. Hey Amanda, Hey Andy, how I do?

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Speaker 2: I'm good and so excited to be back for this

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Speaker 2: special edition lad Expectations for the Black.

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Speaker 3: African Woman Network or Network.

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Speaker 2: So for this first episode, we decided, you know, we're

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Speaker 2: gonna play rich Auntie for a little while.

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Speaker 3: We're gonna be like giving some advice.

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Speaker 2: You know. I don't know about you, Amanda, but I

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Speaker 2: could have learned a lot and saved myself a lot

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Speaker 2: of time had I gotten some wise counsel for my elders.

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Speaker 3: Don't you feel? Yes?

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Speaker 4: For sure?

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Speaker 5: Like I needed a good agony and to just tell

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Speaker 5: all my gwans to and love her.

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Speaker 6: Just tell me what to do because you're sure you

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Speaker 6: were lost.

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Speaker 3: We were lost, sheep. And also like not judgmental, like

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Speaker 3: it's a safe space.

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Speaker 2: We don't judge, you know, we're in about, you know,

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Speaker 2: to shoot you down. We're here to truly help you

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Speaker 2: as you navigate the layered world of dating or not dating.

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Speaker 2: You know those murky waters also like you know what

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Speaker 2: I'm saying.

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Speaker 5: So and literally men are from another planet, so we

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Speaker 5: need to sometimes do coding.

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Speaker 7: Why they do the things they do jackets.

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Speaker 2: But you know, they try to make themselves seem like

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Speaker 2: they're so simple, like we're so easy, Like what don't you.

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Speaker 3: Understand I'm like, bruh, bruh.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Anyway, and the way we communicate completely completely, so hopefully

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Speaker 5: we can offer some insights.

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Speaker 3: We are not the be all in all of this advice.

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Speaker 2: Thing, but we thought we'd give it a shot, and

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Speaker 2: we'd love to hear from y'all like what you would

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Speaker 2: do in certain scenarios. So we're excited to get it started.

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Speaker 2: We've got some questions coming.

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Speaker 3: Through that we're going to address.

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Speaker 7: So you ready, are definitely ready, let's go.

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Speaker 3: Let's go, guys.

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Speaker 6: After chatting, Bacon falls all of a sudden, it's radio science,

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Speaker 6: like total ghosting.

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Speaker 4: What do I do.

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Speaker 7: Is sh ghosting?

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Speaker 2: We've been there, That's what I've been there. I understand

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Speaker 2: and I think what makes it hard. Like she says,

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Speaker 2: we've been chatting back and forth, It's like it's not

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Speaker 2: like it was just like you know in your head,

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Speaker 2: but like you're getting some sort of response back. I

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Speaker 2: oftentimes that guys kind of string girls along. It's like

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Speaker 2: it's it's a way of like stroking their egos. So

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Speaker 2: they might be obviously probably not only talking to you.

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Speaker 2: There's probably many other or another girl or someone else,

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Speaker 2: or you're just a form of like you know, egos,

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Speaker 2: like it could stop, yes, exactly, I don't know, what

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Speaker 2: do you think, Amanda, Like that's.

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Speaker 5: I completely agree, because when someone goes to if there's

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Speaker 5: a feeling of so what are you doing with that

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Speaker 5: time now? Like if you were spending hours talking to me,

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Speaker 5: like she said, back and forth, that sounds to me

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Speaker 5: like you know, rapid texting or stories or whatever it

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Speaker 5: is you do. So there's like, what's happening now, Like

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Speaker 5: either you've been replaced or this is really like the

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Speaker 5: nerve to like then just cut ties with no explanation.

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Speaker 6: It's such a so.

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Speaker 2: Confused, confusing, And I think sometimes too it might also

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Speaker 2: be what were your last conversations about out? Because I

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Speaker 2: know often as ladies what we try to do is

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Speaker 2: kind of ask the question that guys hate, which is

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Speaker 2: you know, what are we or where's this going? And

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Speaker 2: that can sometimes lead to that like breaks like I'm

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Speaker 2: not there because what I've heard is that sometimes guys

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Speaker 2: don't want to be forced into making that decisions. They

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Speaker 2: kind of just want to go with the flow. And

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Speaker 2: you often have to decide as a woman, are you

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Speaker 2: either go with the flow girl, or you want a

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Speaker 2: guy who's just.

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Speaker 3: Like I'm here what I want? I want you?

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Speaker 5: And and like for me, ghosting, if it was total ghosting,

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Speaker 5: like you would never see them again, never hear from

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Speaker 5: them again.

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Speaker 6: It hurts, but you can get over it.

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Speaker 5: But there's like that ghosting where it's like a couple

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Speaker 5: of months down the track, they'll be like, hey, how

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Speaker 5: are you going? And you're like, uh, dude, where have

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Speaker 5: you been? So literally, Ruby, what should she do? What

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Speaker 5: should this girl do?

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Speaker 3: That pulling me back?

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Speaker 2: Just didn't know that pulling me every time I try

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Speaker 2: to leave something key couldn't be back.

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Speaker 6: If you don't know that it's yes.

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Speaker 5: Age or showing age. But what I literally want as

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Speaker 5: this person do because.

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Speaker 3: I think you know something that when someone shows you

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Speaker 3: who you are. Believe them.

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Speaker 2: Wasn't my Angela who said that, It's like the person's

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Speaker 2: actions speak more than their words.

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Speaker 3: So their words were probably sweet and like nice and

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Speaker 3: you don't like.

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Speaker 2: We've got something going on. But honestly it sounds like

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Speaker 2: a cliche. If someone wants you in their life, they

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Speaker 2: will make room for you in their life. And so

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Speaker 2: when they go to kind of like saying you are

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Speaker 2: not that priority, or they might be dealing with their

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Speaker 2: own issues, But don't I wouldn't pause my life holding

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Speaker 2: on and hoping for some sort of he's going to

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Speaker 2: come back. I think take it for what it is,

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Speaker 2: and it's like he's not communicative, then so be it.

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Speaker 2: If he then comes back. I think you do have

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Speaker 2: you can ask, like, so, what is up? Because you

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Speaker 2: are entitled to that that person wants your time, your conversation,

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Speaker 2: but you need to know that it might not end

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Speaker 2: up the way you wanted. He may not have a

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Speaker 2: real reason, or he may ghost again.

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Speaker 3: Like you just need to.

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Speaker 2: Be aware of that to protect your own heart. What

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Speaker 2: do you think on that?

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Speaker 5: I think so too, And I think it's unfortunate because

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Speaker 5: women we seek closure.

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Speaker 6: So if someone ghosts, you want to know why.

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Speaker 5: But it's like sometimes a lot of times you will

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Speaker 5: never people don't have the EQ emotional intelligence to have

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Speaker 5: that conversation.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, like to literally be like.

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Speaker 5: Sorry, I was talking to someone else, I was talking

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Speaker 5: to my ex. I've gone back to my except you

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Speaker 5: literally just have to fill in the void and make

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Speaker 5: up your own story in your head of.

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Speaker 6: Keep it moving.

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Speaker 5: So I would say, as much as you have invested,

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Speaker 5: you are chatting back and forth, you have to set

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Speaker 5: your own boundaries. So if he's ghosted you and that's

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Speaker 5: a deal breaker for you, which it is it should be,

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Speaker 5: then that's that. So because back months later, it should

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Speaker 5: just be like if he has to have an explanation

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Speaker 5: of whine, it has to be valid, and then it's

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Speaker 5: up to you again to decide if that's a good

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Speaker 5: enough thing or not.

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Speaker 6: Or at that time I let him know.

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Speaker 7: What it is like, I don't appreciate it, so I

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Speaker 7: think it hurts.

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Speaker 5: Just delete or don't stalk him, please.

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Speaker 6: That's also another thing.

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Speaker 5: It's so easy now to just stalk, but and don't

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Speaker 5: try to do the nudges and trying to make him

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Speaker 5: jealous with all that energy you're investing is just not

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Speaker 5: if it's not gonna work, if he's already ghosted, I

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Speaker 5: think it's not gonna work.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, honestly, I take ghost is a true tale of character.

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Speaker 3: I believe.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I think for sure.

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Speaker 5: And let's hope you don't bump into him in per said,

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Speaker 5: because I'm scared for the guy.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, good luck. So we hope that helped and let

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Speaker 3: it keep us posted on how it goes.

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Speaker 2: The next question, Ladies, I got a big one. I

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Speaker 2: thought things were going well, but now just found out

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Speaker 2: that he's actually dating another girl. Can't help thinking that

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Speaker 2: she took him from me.

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Speaker 3: Help Yanks.

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Speaker 7: Pa soccer tu soccer tum dating the one guy.

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Speaker 2: Yo I once heard on radio. I think I was

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Speaker 2: in zim about this guy. I think i'd used it.

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Speaker 2: He was dating like multiple students, so you'd like hit

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Speaker 2: a like Tuesday with Ningy, Wednesday with so on. But

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Speaker 2: like he had and then one of the girls got

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Speaker 2: pregnant or something and then it all came up. But

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Speaker 2: he literally soccer team. It was just like ga ga gaga,

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Speaker 2: same university saying yeah.

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Speaker 6: It was what how how the skills.

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Speaker 5: The skills bruh, and the patience and the efforts and

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Speaker 5: the energy exact. But back to your question, Yeah, obviously

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Speaker 5: it's so so depressive when you find out you're pretty

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Speaker 5: much a sign piece or he's chosen to go another way.

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Speaker 7: But I think, and I know a.

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Speaker 5: Lot of energy is always put towards the girl, But

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Speaker 5: I think it's his fault, Like, yeah, in essence, she

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Speaker 5: took him away, but he allowed himself to be taken

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Speaker 5: so and he's the one who knew of your existence, right,

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Speaker 5: So ultimately, let's put it back on the guys.

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Speaker 6: This is the choice he's.

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Speaker 5: Made, you know, obviously without knowing the situation.

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Speaker 6: I don't know if this girl knew you existed.

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Speaker 5: But sometimes she doesn't even know too, And I don't

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Speaker 5: think she deserves their hate.

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Speaker 6: I think he does.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm with you one thousand percent, because often.

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Speaker 3: A guy I will not involve the two.

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Speaker 2: Of you to be like, okay, guys, i'm dating.

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Speaker 3: You, and you and you, Okay, I'm dating all.

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Speaker 2: Three of you, and I will choose. I just wanted

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Speaker 2: you all to know that. Very rarely do guys vocally

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Speaker 2: say that. Sometimes they do say I'm dating you know,

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Speaker 2: and that's just like, yeah, I'm just dating, But they.

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Speaker 3: Always make you feel like you're the only one. You know.

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Speaker 2: Also, guys can be good at that. So I have

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Speaker 2: to agree with a man that it's like you can't

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Speaker 2: hold it against the woman. I think too much of

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Speaker 2: this narrative of like, you're competing with this girl, she.

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Speaker 3: Stole my man.

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Speaker 2: She Yeah, it's really deprecating towards like females when ultimately

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Speaker 2: it's the man who.

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Speaker 6: Chose exactly exactly was.

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Speaker 3: Playing the field, if that makes sense.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And another thing too, is it also depends on the

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Speaker 2: nature of what your relationship was like.

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Speaker 3: Had you said you were seeing other people in general,

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Speaker 3: had he made.

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Speaker 2: It seem like you were exclusive, then all those factors

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Speaker 2: we can't really get from the question. So you know, you,

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Speaker 2: if you had agreed to see other people, you cannot

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Speaker 2: be angry with his decision.

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Speaker 3: It's just this wasn't what he was.

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Speaker 2: Looking for, which sucks for you. But if he made

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Speaker 2: you feel like it's only you, yes, there is a problem.

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Speaker 3: You don't have a problem, a big one.

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Speaker 6: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: So, and it sucks because it sounds like her energy

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Speaker 5: is now focused on this girl because that's the easier route, yes,

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Speaker 5: to just hate this girl, you know, girl and girl

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Speaker 5: hate because that's just easier. You don't have to actually

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Speaker 5: deal with the emotions of him having betrayed you, you know,

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Speaker 5: or if he comes crawling back, you can be like,

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Speaker 5: oh she you know you can always Yeah, I didn't

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Speaker 5: keep going. But I think that's just the wrong focus

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Speaker 5: because if the guy doesn't have all eyes on you,

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Speaker 5: then the relationship is never going to work because if

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Speaker 5: it's not this girl, it's going to be another girls.

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Speaker 7: To walk away.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, well, oh way girl.

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Speaker 2: Hey it's heart ponkey walk oh way girl.

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Speaker 3: I don't think that's what they meant their song.

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Speaker 5: To be, but I like that beat though.

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Speaker 7: Yeah anyway, yes, next question.

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Speaker 4: Next question, Guys, it's been such a minder for me

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Speaker 4: hot and cold with this boy I've been hanging with.

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Speaker 4: I'm also sure where we stand and if he's as

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Speaker 4: into me as I am into him, what next?

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Speaker 6: If if you're wondering, this's the problem.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I've always been off the mindset that you want

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Speaker 2: to be with someone who makes you know that they

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Speaker 2: want to be with you, and there's no gray area,

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Speaker 2: because even if you end up in a relationship with

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Speaker 2: this guy, you can always wonder, right, and is that a.

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Speaker 3: Way to have a relationship. Does he like me?

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Speaker 2: Does not? Am I too into him? Am I more

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Speaker 2: into him than he like? I think it's room for

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Speaker 2: like just a complex way to live your relationship. So yeah,

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Speaker 2: I think too. In this instance, you may just be

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Speaker 2: a form of entertainment for him, and you know, just

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Speaker 2: to while away time or stroke ego again, or make

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Speaker 2: him feel like, oh, you can get any girl or

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Speaker 2: get the attention of girls where his intention may not

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Speaker 2: be for the long hold.

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Speaker 3: That's how I would see it.

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Speaker 5: I don't know about you, am Yeah, I'm with you,

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Speaker 5: remb because I feel like you should always know where

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Speaker 5: you stand.

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Speaker 6: To a certain the hot.

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Speaker 5: And the cold is what you've got problematic because it's

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Speaker 5: like it's as if that I'm guessing that's also the

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Speaker 5: way he communicates. That's also the way he's just with you,

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Speaker 5: like you know, And it's also like when is he hot?

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Speaker 5: Is it when he sees you somewhere or is it

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Speaker 5: when he like when he's feeling lonely. It just makes

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Speaker 5: you wonder, like which pockets of his time are you feeling? Yes,

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Speaker 5: because if you're feeling the bordom and the lonely pockets,

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Speaker 5: then it's not gonna last because it sounds like.

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Speaker 6: He's trying to keep his options open. So yeah, it's tough.

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Speaker 5: It's tough because you really like someone, you want them

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Speaker 5: to like you bang, but sometimes it's not the case.

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Speaker 2: The unrequited love is a really sad love to have.

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Speaker 6: It really is.

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Speaker 2: So you need to But you know, I've seen and

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Speaker 2: heard of people who like chased someone who may not

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Speaker 2: have been hot hot from the start and they are

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Speaker 2: in relationships and married, and some people are okay to

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Speaker 2: live in that scenario, but it doesn't always work out

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Speaker 2: your favor.

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Speaker 3: I'm just letting it.

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Speaker 6: You know what I mean, Like, yeah, you need to.

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Speaker 2: Be honest with yourself, like am I happy to live

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Speaker 2: like this? And also, you can't force someone to now

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Speaker 2: be into you, into you because he might be hot

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Speaker 2: and call hot and cold and then you force them

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Speaker 2: into a relationship and then you never know what that

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Speaker 2: means down the line, or you may not even be

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Speaker 2: able to force them into the relations Like there's so

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Speaker 2: many variables.

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Speaker 3: It's just a really complicated way to live a relationship,

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Speaker 3: is what I feel. Yeah, so I would agree, like okay, yeah.

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Speaker 5: And deep down you always know you always know someone's

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Speaker 5: into you or not.

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Speaker 6: You know.

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Speaker 5: Of course there's insecurities where you're like, oh, maybe I'm

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Speaker 5: not so sure, but to a certain extent, you know,

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Speaker 5: so if you're thinking she's just wiling up his time,

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Speaker 5: he's not really that into me, and it's in the

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Speaker 5: talking stages, which is meant to be the honeymoon stage. Yes,

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Speaker 5: then yeah, the future does not look bright.

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Speaker 3: It does not like blame movies.

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Speaker 2: Like, he's not that he's just not that in to you,

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Speaker 2: you know, like the the main chick, the bar guy,

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Speaker 2: the I don't know if you've watched the movie, he's

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00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:10,280
Speaker 2: just not that into Yeah, there's a bar owner and

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Speaker 2: like the girls, like she's really intim and like reading

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Speaker 2: all the signs and like making up and spoiler alerts,

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Speaker 2: they end up together at the end of the movie.

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Speaker 3: Like it doesn't always happen like that.

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Speaker 7: Like that's like what movies do.

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Speaker 2: The whole concept of the movie is all about, like,

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Speaker 2: you know, people conjuring up relationships in their mind or

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Speaker 2: having feelings and then yeah, no, it's not healthy.

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Speaker 3: I don't think it's very enough.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, I found the book a bit more formative than.

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Speaker 3: Oh, okay, I never read the book.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, because I just they they just went into it,

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Speaker 5: like when a guy is all in, all in, and

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Speaker 5: you know, so just be careful that you just like

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Speaker 5: you know, sometimes I've heard of people who've dated someone

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Speaker 5: for like ten years.

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Speaker 6: Yeah they're dating, they're dating, but they never get married.

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Speaker 6: Then they break up and then six.

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Speaker 5: Months later he's married to someone else, and it's like, huh,

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00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,160
Speaker 5: how didy just quickly then?

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Speaker 6: But it's like when a guy really wants, he wants time, doesn't.

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Speaker 7: Anything all those things.

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Speaker 6: He would just go for what he wants.

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Speaker 5: So I think if she's getting wishy washy vibes from him,

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Speaker 5: a he either is wishy washy or he's going through

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Speaker 5: something which really at the stage might not be the

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Speaker 5: time for you.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, yeah, one hundred percent, you go. I love that,

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Speaker 3: Love that all right? And the final question.

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Speaker 1: Oh friends, why is it always the dudes you don't

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Speaker 1: pay attention to that? Like you, I have this amazing

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00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:46,800
Speaker 1: friend who's just expressed more than friend's feelings for me,

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Speaker 1: and I don't see it for us?

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Speaker 3: How do I move forward? Savage? Savage ze that friend's zone.

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Speaker 6: It's a very lonely zone to be their friend zone.

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Speaker 3: My god, what what say ye? What say ye? About this.

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00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:11,520
Speaker 5: I think is I think I need to go into

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00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:14,320
Speaker 5: the reasons of why she doesn't see it happening for them,

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00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:17,680
Speaker 5: Like she made it quite clear I did not see

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Speaker 5: it for us. So yeah, is it because you don't

354
00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:23,280
Speaker 5: find them attractive?

355
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:24,480
Speaker 6: Is it because you?

356
00:18:24,720 --> 00:18:27,280
Speaker 5: But then then if you know the reason why, then

357
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Speaker 5: we can fully support you going friends.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, let's say if she doesn't find them attractive.

359
00:18:33,440 --> 00:18:35,719
Speaker 6: And then friend zone God, because you can't do someonne.

360
00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:38,879
Speaker 6: You can't do someone you don't find that.

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00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:42,120
Speaker 3: Maybe she just hasn't opened her eyes to seeing him

362
00:18:42,560 --> 00:18:43,439
Speaker 3: like as that.

363
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,760
Speaker 5: But he's already there, so what's always going to be

364
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:48,520
Speaker 5: playing catch up?

365
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:50,080
Speaker 3: That's true?

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Speaker 6: Then you know what happens what you know what? No,

367
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:54,360
Speaker 6: I love it.

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00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:57,400
Speaker 5: But what happens with friend zone when you now want

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Speaker 5: to upgrade the zone?

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00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:02,080
Speaker 3: Yeah?

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00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:04,600
Speaker 5: He might then have some resentment like you didn't even

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00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:06,080
Speaker 5: want me, you didn't even like me?

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Speaker 6: You know another go two ways.

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Speaker 5: It can either be like when you finally see the light,

375
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Speaker 5: he's cool with you and it's good to go, or

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Speaker 5: he can be like now you want me?

377
00:19:17,440 --> 00:19:20,520
Speaker 7: Yeah, so it's tough.

378
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:25,679
Speaker 2: It's okay, but what about you know the concept of

379
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:28,080
Speaker 2: they say you've got to be friends first with your man,

380
00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:31,600
Speaker 2: you know your girl, like you gotta be friends. Maybe

381
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:33,120
Speaker 2: that's dude's angle.

382
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,080
Speaker 3: Or wasn't that you know?

383
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:39,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, so how like, is there no hope for getting

384
00:19:39,200 --> 00:19:40,040
Speaker 2: out of friend zones?

385
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:44,040
Speaker 3: It's my question. I'm going on a whole tangent now,

386
00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:45,800
Speaker 3: But you know what, I don't know.

387
00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,120
Speaker 5: I get you. I just don't see that that many

388
00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:50,280
Speaker 5: people get out of the friend zone. I've never really

389
00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:53,320
Speaker 5: seen it happening if it's a true, true friend zone.

390
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:57,240
Speaker 5: If it was, maybe because friend zone also goes through timing, right,

391
00:19:57,960 --> 00:20:00,720
Speaker 5: So if he's in the friend zone because of bad timing,

392
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:03,440
Speaker 5: like you could see yourself with him, but maybe he's

393
00:20:03,480 --> 00:20:06,200
Speaker 5: dating someone else or you're dating someone else.

394
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,240
Speaker 6: This will never worked. That's a different kind of friend

395
00:20:08,320 --> 00:20:09,120
Speaker 6: zone for sure.

396
00:20:09,160 --> 00:20:10,800
Speaker 5: But if it's a friend zone where both of you

397
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:14,840
Speaker 5: are single and ready to mingle, but yeah, you just

398
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,879
Speaker 5: see him as a homie, then that one is like you,

399
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,640
Speaker 5: you know, things could work out and you could be fine,

400
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:22,679
Speaker 5: but something's keeping you.

401
00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:23,320
Speaker 3: From from it.

402
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:27,399
Speaker 5: So we investigate that reason. Yeah, is it attractiveness? Is

403
00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:28,560
Speaker 5: it compatibility?

404
00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:30,000
Speaker 7: Is it?

405
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:31,760
Speaker 6: Yeah? What is it that's maying you think?

406
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:35,399
Speaker 2: No? And some people they don't want to. They value

407
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:38,399
Speaker 2: the friendship too much that they don't want to add

408
00:20:38,440 --> 00:20:41,679
Speaker 2: an element of relationship to it. And I understand that

409
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:46,040
Speaker 2: complicates things for sure. But I think if there's mutual

410
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,080
Speaker 2: respect for each other and a willingness to approach it

411
00:20:49,119 --> 00:20:52,719
Speaker 2: with like you know, our friendship is the core and

412
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,000
Speaker 2: maintains priority, then maybe there's hope.

413
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,960
Speaker 3: But if you were both single, ready.

414
00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:01,720
Speaker 2: To mingle, and you know, you never saw yourself jumping

415
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:06,480
Speaker 2: in like that or then I think you have to

416
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:11,520
Speaker 2: honor your your needs if that makes sense, Like, yeah,

417
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,000
Speaker 2: that's not for me, It's not something, do you know

418
00:21:14,040 --> 00:21:14,520
Speaker 2: what I mean?

419
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:17,200
Speaker 7: So yeah, for sure, be true to yourself.

420
00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:21,200
Speaker 2: Like even if someone is great and people are like,

421
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:23,439
Speaker 2: oh you're such a great friend or whatever, it's like

422
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:31,920
Speaker 2: you can't force your with someone. You know, however, consider it.

423
00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:32,720
Speaker 2: Does that make sense?

424
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:33,280
Speaker 6: Like you should?

425
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:35,520
Speaker 7: Yeah, for sure, Like don't just be.

426
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,600
Speaker 2: Like, nah, that's just just my boy now, like just

427
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,760
Speaker 2: think of it, consider it and see as opposed to

428
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:43,080
Speaker 2: just being like straight up now.

429
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:46,680
Speaker 5: Yeah, and also maybe try and picture him with another girl.

430
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:48,760
Speaker 6: How would you feel about that, Like.

431
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:51,399
Speaker 5: If you know there's some residual feelings there, if you

432
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:54,240
Speaker 5: ended up dating someone else, then maybe you actually do

433
00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,280
Speaker 5: think of him as more than friends. Because if it's

434
00:21:56,400 --> 00:22:00,280
Speaker 5: totally friend zone, totally your friend, if he dated someone else,

435
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,840
Speaker 5: you would be cheering him on, you'd be happy. But

436
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,480
Speaker 5: if you're not, then maybe you need to investigate that,

437
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:07,120
Speaker 5: like is that ego because you just.

438
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,480
Speaker 6: Like to be liked or is that because you actually like.

439
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:13,639
Speaker 5: Him and you haven't realized it yourself, Because that's the

440
00:22:13,640 --> 00:22:15,600
Speaker 5: thing as well, Like she asked us, how does she

441
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:20,040
Speaker 5: move forward? So now dealing with this friend who's being rejected,

442
00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:22,959
Speaker 5: that's how she's going to go. Yes, and maybe some

443
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:27,960
Speaker 5: people don't take rejection. Well, you might lose a friend,

444
00:22:28,040 --> 00:22:30,520
Speaker 5: but hey, if it was all based on him trying

445
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:34,920
Speaker 5: to get into your pants and not really friendship, then it's.

446
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:36,360
Speaker 6: Okay to have lost him anyway.

447
00:22:36,560 --> 00:22:38,520
Speaker 5: But if it's a true friend that you want to keep,

448
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:40,520
Speaker 5: you might have to sit down with him and say,

449
00:22:41,119 --> 00:22:43,440
Speaker 5: you know, your reasons are you want to keep the

450
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:47,200
Speaker 5: friendship pure and not you know, and also sometimes there's

451
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,320
Speaker 5: like mutual friends, so you're like, hey, I don't want

452
00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:52,119
Speaker 5: to be in murky waters where I'm this guy and

453
00:22:52,119 --> 00:22:53,840
Speaker 5: then it's awkward for everyone.

454
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:57,320
Speaker 6: So there's a lot of things that play with friends.

455
00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:01,960
Speaker 2: Yes, but I think you have to honor yourself, be

456
00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:06,480
Speaker 2: respectfully honest, recognizing this is a friend and you obviously

457
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:08,760
Speaker 2: do care about them in some way, shape or form,

458
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:13,080
Speaker 2: and you know it might change the dynamic of the relationship.

459
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,920
Speaker 3: Of the relationship. Be prepared for that. You might lose

460
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:19,080
Speaker 3: a friend or you may pick up and carry out.

461
00:23:19,119 --> 00:23:20,960
Speaker 3: Like there's just so many things you need to be

462
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:21,520
Speaker 3: prepared for.

463
00:23:21,720 --> 00:23:24,800
Speaker 2: But don't shut off completely, Like don't go and be

464
00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:26,400
Speaker 2: like never you know, you.

465
00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:29,000
Speaker 3: Know the church zone. There's also the church zone and

466
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 3: then the family zone. You know how these levels to.

467
00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:35,520
Speaker 5: This these Yes, and also be open with your friend,

468
00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:42,160
Speaker 5: like really communicate without being hurtful how it's going. Yeah,

469
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,800
Speaker 5: because yeah, try not to lead them on because that's

470
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:45,840
Speaker 5: so easy to do.

471
00:23:46,680 --> 00:23:49,760
Speaker 2: And girls were good at it too. I need to

472
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:51,639
Speaker 2: call ourselves out with.

473
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:54,960
Speaker 6: Getting favors done for you because.

474
00:23:56,720 --> 00:24:00,280
Speaker 2: He's that emotional thing like girls also be very we're

475
00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:03,639
Speaker 2: good at that, like wanting that emotional attention like you know,

476
00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:07,520
Speaker 2: yeah for sure. Anyway, Well, we hope it helps, and

477
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:11,400
Speaker 2: all the questions we hope they helped. I know, there's

478
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:13,919
Speaker 2: so many things that when I was growing up, I

479
00:24:13,960 --> 00:24:15,760
Speaker 2: was like, why didn't anybody tell me?

480
00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:20,119
Speaker 3: Like or why? But the truth be told. At the

481
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:20,880
Speaker 3: end of the day.

482
00:24:22,160 --> 00:24:26,040
Speaker 2: People can tell you, people can advise you, but you

483
00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:30,879
Speaker 2: have to be open and willing to accepting the advice.

484
00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:33,440
Speaker 2: You know, And I think sometimes we're so headstrong and like,

485
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,800
Speaker 2: oh but it's gonna work. I'm gonna this guy's gonna

486
00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:40,000
Speaker 2: like me. Ain't nothing anybody gonna do. So truly, you know,

487
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:41,320
Speaker 2: this is just our advice.

488
00:24:42,040 --> 00:24:44,200
Speaker 6: Yeah, And we live in a society with free will.

489
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:46,600
Speaker 6: No one's forced to be in a relationship or not.

490
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:50,280
Speaker 5: So it hurts when you feel a certain way about

491
00:24:50,280 --> 00:24:53,919
Speaker 5: someone and they don't or vice versa. Like this last question,

492
00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:55,520
Speaker 5: they feel a way about you and you're like, I

493
00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:59,320
Speaker 5: don't see it, But is this the way the world works?

494
00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:01,560
Speaker 5: We just have to hope that one day you find

495
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:03,639
Speaker 5: an episode that wants to be with you just as

496
00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 5: much and the war works out before you get there.

497
00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:08,080
Speaker 6: There might be a lot.

498
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:13,119
Speaker 2: Of hearts jumping all over, but no, thank you so much,

499
00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 2: Thank you for the wise.

500
00:25:15,119 --> 00:25:18,159
Speaker 3: Counsel you We hope let us know if it's wise.

501
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:22,040
Speaker 7: I know, thanks to war for having us.

502
00:25:22,119 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 5: This is so exciting Yeah, really excited for this special

503
00:25:26,280 --> 00:25:27,080
Speaker 5: for sure.

504
00:25:26,920 --> 00:25:30,040
Speaker 2: And we look forward to bringing you more amazing content

505
00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:34,960
Speaker 2: for lead expectations and we will see you on our

506
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:52,040
Speaker 2: next next episode. Cheers everybody, Bye,