WEBVTT - What You Need For A Healthy Relationship To Survive ❤️‍🔥

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<v Speaker 1>Tute on Flex and Frooms, Flex and Firms, catch Up

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<v Speaker 1>podcastle and Rooms.

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<v Speaker 2>It is Flex and Frooms on cater and every now

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<v Speaker 2>and then the internet does provide information that will in

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<v Speaker 2>fact improve our lives tenfold. I really appreciate it. It

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<v Speaker 2>came across this video from a person called Charlotte Anna,

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<v Speaker 2>who's doing their masters in positive psychology. Did not know

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<v Speaker 2>that was okay, but I kind of like the way

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<v Speaker 2>that sound. I don't know what it's involved. Is it

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<v Speaker 2>a therapy of some sort? Potentially she has this series

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<v Speaker 2>that she does where she writes an iPhone note and

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<v Speaker 2>then she reads out the iPhone note, and usually it's

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<v Speaker 2>tips or tricks or insight about positive psychology that she's

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<v Speaker 2>learned and she's passing on. In order for a romantic

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<v Speaker 2>relationship to survive, it needs five positive to one negative interaction,

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<v Speaker 2>and when you think about it in terms of ratios,

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<v Speaker 2>then you start to really consider the foundation of a

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<v Speaker 2>real relationship. I've had a lot of friends who will

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<v Speaker 2>talk about people they start to see, you know, like

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<v Speaker 2>I just met this person and they're really cool, and

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<v Speaker 2>they start roasting what they wear and they don't really

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<v Speaker 2>like their job. When they go on their Instagram, they like,

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<v Speaker 2>they don't like their photos. It's like these negative interactions

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<v Speaker 2>are piling up, and you're not going to have enough

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<v Speaker 2>positive to really balance the scales. But of course you

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<v Speaker 2>don't feel like you need that in the beginning, right

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<v Speaker 2>until you get into the relationship and you're like, gosh,

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<v Speaker 2>what is it that I like about you? Because it

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<v Speaker 2>might be some, but it's not the five to one ratio,

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<v Speaker 2>and not that I think that every thing in a

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<v Speaker 2>relationship can be quantified in that way, like, oh, I

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<v Speaker 2>like your outfit. That's one positive interaction. Oh whatever, And

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<v Speaker 2>I'm sure it has to be mutual as well, not

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<v Speaker 2>just the illusion of a positive interaction, like a genuine

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<v Speaker 2>back and forth symbiotic experience. But it kind of makes

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<v Speaker 2>you think, gosh, you really have to be compatible and

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<v Speaker 2>you really do have to have mystery, because if you don't,

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<v Speaker 2>those negative interactions just pile up. The quip, the joke

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<v Speaker 2>that didn't land, the banter that was a little bit derogatory,

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<v Speaker 2>the funny thing you saw them do to the waiter,

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<v Speaker 2>the you know them not, whatever it might be. We

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<v Speaker 2>gotta be careful. This kind of reminds me of that quote, Gosh,

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<v Speaker 2>everything's coming up. Oh babe, I'm burping. I've got like

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<v Speaker 2>a crap that's coming through.

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<v Speaker 1>What did you have for lunch? Chicken structs?

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<v Speaker 2>We had to rush, we did. This reminds me of

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<v Speaker 2>that quote or that saying the same thing that you

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<v Speaker 2>in the beginning stage is really like your partner four.

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<v Speaker 2>It's the same thing that you'll leave them for, or

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<v Speaker 2>the same thing that will get on your nerves. And

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<v Speaker 2>I remember with one of the people that I dated

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<v Speaker 2>in the beginning, I really loved how much he liked me.

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<v Speaker 2>I loved that he was so communicative and just really

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<v Speaker 2>validating and really hyper aware of everything about me, Like

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<v Speaker 2>you did this, and I love that, and you wore

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<v Speaker 2>this and I like that, and you went here and

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<v Speaker 2>that was awesome. But then the flip side of that

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<v Speaker 2>is someone who is actually quite needy. And I don't

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<v Speaker 2>think neediness is a bad thing. It's nice to feel

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<v Speaker 2>needed by someone, but it became really needy and really

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<v Speaker 2>clinging and really hyper aware and then hypercritical, Well why

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<v Speaker 2>did you go there at that time? And like why

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<v Speaker 2>couldn't I come? And am I invited? And like you're

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<v Speaker 2>always with that friend, but never with that friend, and

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<v Speaker 2>this friend, you know.

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<v Speaker 1>Asking too many questions.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, And I was like, damn. At one point, this

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<v Speaker 2>was so nice because I felt like, Oh, you really

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<v Speaker 2>see me and you're really interested in what I'm doing.

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<v Speaker 2>And then when it flipped, I was like, you just

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<v Speaker 2>want data to create this narrative that makes me feel

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<v Speaker 2>like I'm not doing enough for you. And I probably

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<v Speaker 2>wasn't in some stages, you know, but I was like,

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<v Speaker 2>this is exactly one of those things. And it also

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<v Speaker 2>reminded me of the fact that you get to a

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<v Speaker 2>certain point in any kind of relationship where you don't

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<v Speaker 2>feel as though it's your responsibility to maintain positive interactions,

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<v Speaker 2>so you might stop saying please and thank you, or

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<v Speaker 2>you might get a bit comfortable with flippantly requesting something

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<v Speaker 2>from them or expecting that they just show up. Or

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<v Speaker 2>you know, used to say thank you every time they

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<v Speaker 2>brought you a glass of water. Now it's like, oh, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>just over there on the table.

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<v Speaker 1>I feel bad.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes.

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<v Speaker 1>I was actually listening to your podcast last night, which

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<v Speaker 1>was about attraction. It was like, you go on a

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<v Speaker 1>date with someone and there's heaps of chemistry, but then

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<v Speaker 1>they don't call you back, Like what is that about?

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<v Speaker 1>And this happens to so many people. I know, happens

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<v Speaker 1>to myself. Everyone a room full of rooms, I me

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<v Speaker 1>and all my friends in the mirror. And it was

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<v Speaker 1>about how when you are like it doesn't It's not

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<v Speaker 1>just enough to be a really good communicator. You also

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<v Speaker 1>need to like have some sort of element of surprise.

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<v Speaker 1>So you need to have like, like I get to

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<v Speaker 1>know you flex and you're really like confident in yourself

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<v Speaker 1>and you know how to express what you want, for example,

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<v Speaker 1>and then after a month or two of knowing you,

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<v Speaker 1>I see, oh my god, you're actually really sensitive, and

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<v Speaker 1>that makes me like you more because I'm seeing this

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<v Speaker 1>contrast that surprises me. So there's that in like short

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<v Speaker 1>term attraction. But then yeah, like it's really this is

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<v Speaker 1>a hard one because the five to one ratio makes sense,

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<v Speaker 1>but also do you want to be someone that's keeping score?

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I think maybe the ratio is just to symbolize

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<v Speaker 2>how many positive interactions need to happen. So you know,

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<v Speaker 2>when couples do that anniversary post and they're like, we've

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<v Speaker 2>been through thick and thin and ups and downs, and

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<v Speaker 2>we're always exciting and we're always bickering, but gosh, every

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<v Speaker 2>now and then you really come through. It's kind of

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<v Speaker 2>like that. It can't be a relationship that's full of

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<v Speaker 2>tension and friction and a few good interactions, and that

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<v Speaker 2>is the balance that we're looking for. It really does

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<v Speaker 2>have to be an overabundance of good, exciting, reciprocal, transparent, honest,

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<v Speaker 2>empowering and a little something to the over there that's

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<v Speaker 2>like not so great, but you know what it is,

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<v Speaker 2>what it is. And also the emphasis on interactions, right,

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<v Speaker 2>I think a lot of us get caught up in

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<v Speaker 2>the positive thoughts.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, you.

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<v Speaker 2>Know, like, oh, you know, I keep imagining what it

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<v Speaker 2>would be like to do this, and oh gosh, they

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<v Speaker 2>sent me a text, so it must mean this, And

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<v Speaker 2>you assign all this meaning to your depiction of the

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<v Speaker 2>your depictions of what you think is happening, as opposed

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<v Speaker 2>to the interaction. It reminds me of when people say, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>the definition of communication is ensuring that your message is

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<v Speaker 2>received as intended. Most of us are just talking, talking, talking,

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<v Speaker 2>talking talking. We're not communicating, right, it's double checking. Do

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<v Speaker 2>you get me? Do you understand what I'm saying? Does

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<v Speaker 2>that make sense to you? So with these interactions, I

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<v Speaker 2>feel like there's a sense of reciprocity there as well.

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<v Speaker 2>Not just I had a good day. It's like we

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<v Speaker 2>both together had a good day. Now I thought we

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<v Speaker 2>had one, and you didn't think we had one. Then

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<v Speaker 2>you didn't call me back. Oop oop, Right.

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<v Speaker 1>It happens too often. It happens too often. Yeah, to

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<v Speaker 1>the best of us.

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<v Speaker 2>And what can you do because sometimes you just don't know.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, I always remind myself that no matter how

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<v Speaker 2>much you try and learn about human experience, you want

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<v Speaker 2>to get it.

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<v Speaker 1>Yep, Sorry, my fidget toy's fallen down. Our pretty sub

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<v Speaker 1>Brookie's giving me this fidget toy. It's like these whole

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<v Speaker 1>little balls stacking together. My at tension spent today has

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<v Speaker 1>been all time.

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<v Speaker 2>Literally, must admit a small child. When I forgot us

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<v Speaker 2>saying system, it reminds me of well, I'm not reminded. Damn,

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<v Speaker 2>it's okay. But yeah, just when you put it out

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<v Speaker 2>on paper like that, and when you think, oh gosh,

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<v Speaker 2>it's more than just I feel personally that we had

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<v Speaker 2>a good vibe. Is it objective or did your subjective

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<v Speaker 2>experiences match up? And you often won't know because oh,

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<v Speaker 2>that's what I was thinking. As much as we try

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<v Speaker 2>and decipher human interaction and we try and draw logic

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<v Speaker 2>from it. A lot of us act in really illogical ways,

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<v Speaker 2>even when we have the rational behind it. Yes, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>it's like you did that because of this odd thing.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like I don't know, okay.

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<v Speaker 1>So there's own conclusions from all different angles and from

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<v Speaker 1>all different life experiences.

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<v Speaker 2>And also we behave in ways that like who really

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<v Speaker 2>thinks before they do stuff? Sometimes it's when I overthink.

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<v Speaker 2>That's when I don't do anything. The situations where I've

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<v Speaker 2>been mulling over for it for weeks and months, it's

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<v Speaker 2>because I haven't done anything on a day to day.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not thinking before I do stuff.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh I thought of this. You've been listening to The

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<v Speaker 1>Flex and Froom's daily podcast. For more, tune into cater

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<v Speaker 1>on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.