Speaker 1: Tute on Flex and Frooms, Flex and Firms, catch Up
Speaker 1: podcastle and Rooms.
Speaker 2: It is Flex and Frooms on cater and every now
Speaker 2: and then the internet does provide information that will in
Speaker 2: fact improve our lives tenfold. I really appreciate it. It
Speaker 2: came across this video from a person called Charlotte Anna,
Speaker 2: who's doing their masters in positive psychology. Did not know
Speaker 2: that was okay, but I kind of like the way
Speaker 2: that sound. I don't know what it's involved. Is it
Speaker 2: a therapy of some sort? Potentially she has this series
Speaker 2: that she does where she writes an iPhone note and
Speaker 2: then she reads out the iPhone note, and usually it's
Speaker 2: tips or tricks or insight about positive psychology that she's
Speaker 2: learned and she's passing on. In order for a romantic
Speaker 2: relationship to survive, it needs five positive to one negative interaction,
Speaker 2: and when you think about it in terms of ratios,
Speaker 2: then you start to really consider the foundation of a
Speaker 2: real relationship. I've had a lot of friends who will
Speaker 2: talk about people they start to see, you know, like
Speaker 2: I just met this person and they're really cool, and
Speaker 2: they start roasting what they wear and they don't really
Speaker 2: like their job. When they go on their Instagram, they like,
Speaker 2: they don't like their photos. It's like these negative interactions
Speaker 2: are piling up, and you're not going to have enough
Speaker 2: positive to really balance the scales. But of course you
Speaker 2: don't feel like you need that in the beginning, right
Speaker 2: until you get into the relationship and you're like, gosh,
Speaker 2: what is it that I like about you? Because it
Speaker 2: might be some, but it's not the five to one ratio,
Speaker 2: and not that I think that every thing in a
Speaker 2: relationship can be quantified in that way, like, oh, I
Speaker 2: like your outfit. That's one positive interaction. Oh whatever, And
Speaker 2: I'm sure it has to be mutual as well, not
Speaker 2: just the illusion of a positive interaction, like a genuine
Speaker 2: back and forth symbiotic experience. But it kind of makes
Speaker 2: you think, gosh, you really have to be compatible and
Speaker 2: you really do have to have mystery, because if you don't,
Speaker 2: those negative interactions just pile up. The quip, the joke
Speaker 2: that didn't land, the banter that was a little bit derogatory,
Speaker 2: the funny thing you saw them do to the waiter,
Speaker 2: the you know them not, whatever it might be. We
Speaker 2: gotta be careful. This kind of reminds me of that quote, Gosh,
Speaker 2: everything's coming up. Oh babe, I'm burping. I've got like
Speaker 2: a crap that's coming through.
Speaker 1: What did you have for lunch? Chicken structs?
Speaker 2: We had to rush, we did. This reminds me of
Speaker 2: that quote or that saying the same thing that you
Speaker 2: in the beginning stage is really like your partner four.
Speaker 2: It's the same thing that you'll leave them for, or
Speaker 2: the same thing that will get on your nerves. And
Speaker 2: I remember with one of the people that I dated
Speaker 2: in the beginning, I really loved how much he liked me.
Speaker 2: I loved that he was so communicative and just really
Speaker 2: validating and really hyper aware of everything about me, Like
Speaker 2: you did this, and I love that, and you wore
Speaker 2: this and I like that, and you went here and
Speaker 2: that was awesome. But then the flip side of that
Speaker 2: is someone who is actually quite needy. And I don't
Speaker 2: think neediness is a bad thing. It's nice to feel
Speaker 2: needed by someone, but it became really needy and really
Speaker 2: clinging and really hyper aware and then hypercritical, Well why
Speaker 2: did you go there at that time? And like why
Speaker 2: couldn't I come? And am I invited? And like you're
Speaker 2: always with that friend, but never with that friend, and
Speaker 2: this friend, you know.
Speaker 1: Asking too many questions.
Speaker 2: Yes, And I was like, damn. At one point, this
Speaker 2: was so nice because I felt like, Oh, you really
Speaker 2: see me and you're really interested in what I'm doing.
Speaker 2: And then when it flipped, I was like, you just
Speaker 2: want data to create this narrative that makes me feel
Speaker 2: like I'm not doing enough for you. And I probably
Speaker 2: wasn't in some stages, you know, but I was like,
Speaker 2: this is exactly one of those things. And it also
Speaker 2: reminded me of the fact that you get to a
Speaker 2: certain point in any kind of relationship where you don't
Speaker 2: feel as though it's your responsibility to maintain positive interactions,
Speaker 2: so you might stop saying please and thank you, or
Speaker 2: you might get a bit comfortable with flippantly requesting something
Speaker 2: from them or expecting that they just show up. Or
Speaker 2: you know, used to say thank you every time they
Speaker 2: brought you a glass of water. Now it's like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: just over there on the table.
Speaker 1: I feel bad.
Speaker 2: Yes.
Speaker 1: I was actually listening to your podcast last night, which
Speaker 1: was about attraction. It was like, you go on a
Speaker 1: date with someone and there's heaps of chemistry, but then
Speaker 1: they don't call you back, Like what is that about?
Speaker 1: And this happens to so many people. I know, happens
Speaker 1: to myself. Everyone a room full of rooms, I me
Speaker 1: and all my friends in the mirror. And it was
Speaker 1: about how when you are like it doesn't It's not
Speaker 1: just enough to be a really good communicator. You also
Speaker 1: need to like have some sort of element of surprise.
Speaker 1: So you need to have like, like I get to
Speaker 1: know you flex and you're really like confident in yourself
Speaker 1: and you know how to express what you want, for example,
Speaker 1: and then after a month or two of knowing you,
Speaker 1: I see, oh my god, you're actually really sensitive, and
Speaker 1: that makes me like you more because I'm seeing this
Speaker 1: contrast that surprises me. So there's that in like short
Speaker 1: term attraction. But then yeah, like it's really this is
Speaker 1: a hard one because the five to one ratio makes sense,
Speaker 1: but also do you want to be someone that's keeping score?
Speaker 2: Well, I think maybe the ratio is just to symbolize
Speaker 2: how many positive interactions need to happen. So you know,
Speaker 2: when couples do that anniversary post and they're like, we've
Speaker 2: been through thick and thin and ups and downs, and
Speaker 2: we're always exciting and we're always bickering, but gosh, every
Speaker 2: now and then you really come through. It's kind of
Speaker 2: like that. It can't be a relationship that's full of
Speaker 2: tension and friction and a few good interactions, and that
Speaker 2: is the balance that we're looking for. It really does
Speaker 2: have to be an overabundance of good, exciting, reciprocal, transparent, honest,
Speaker 2: empowering and a little something to the over there that's
Speaker 2: like not so great, but you know what it is,
Speaker 2: what it is. And also the emphasis on interactions, right,
Speaker 2: I think a lot of us get caught up in
Speaker 2: the positive thoughts.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you.
Speaker 2: Know, like, oh, you know, I keep imagining what it
Speaker 2: would be like to do this, and oh gosh, they
Speaker 2: sent me a text, so it must mean this, And
Speaker 2: you assign all this meaning to your depiction of the
Speaker 2: your depictions of what you think is happening, as opposed
Speaker 2: to the interaction. It reminds me of when people say, oh,
Speaker 2: the definition of communication is ensuring that your message is
Speaker 2: received as intended. Most of us are just talking, talking, talking,
Speaker 2: talking talking. We're not communicating, right, it's double checking. Do
Speaker 2: you get me? Do you understand what I'm saying? Does
Speaker 2: that make sense to you? So with these interactions, I
Speaker 2: feel like there's a sense of reciprocity there as well.
Speaker 2: Not just I had a good day. It's like we
Speaker 2: both together had a good day. Now I thought we
Speaker 2: had one, and you didn't think we had one. Then
Speaker 2: you didn't call me back. Oop oop, Right.
Speaker 1: It happens too often. It happens too often. Yeah, to
Speaker 1: the best of us.
Speaker 2: And what can you do because sometimes you just don't know.
Speaker 2: I mean, I always remind myself that no matter how
Speaker 2: much you try and learn about human experience, you want
Speaker 2: to get it.
Speaker 1: Yep, Sorry, my fidget toy's fallen down. Our pretty sub
Speaker 1: Brookie's giving me this fidget toy. It's like these whole
Speaker 1: little balls stacking together. My at tension spent today has
Speaker 1: been all time.
Speaker 2: Literally, must admit a small child. When I forgot us
Speaker 2: saying system, it reminds me of well, I'm not reminded. Damn,
Speaker 2: it's okay. But yeah, just when you put it out
Speaker 2: on paper like that, and when you think, oh gosh,
Speaker 2: it's more than just I feel personally that we had
Speaker 2: a good vibe. Is it objective or did your subjective
Speaker 2: experiences match up? And you often won't know because oh,
Speaker 2: that's what I was thinking. As much as we try
Speaker 2: and decipher human interaction and we try and draw logic
Speaker 2: from it. A lot of us act in really illogical ways,
Speaker 2: even when we have the rational behind it. Yes, you know,
Speaker 2: it's like you did that because of this odd thing.
Speaker 2: It's like I don't know, okay.
Speaker 1: So there's own conclusions from all different angles and from
Speaker 1: all different life experiences.
Speaker 2: And also we behave in ways that like who really
Speaker 2: thinks before they do stuff? Sometimes it's when I overthink.
Speaker 2: That's when I don't do anything. The situations where I've
Speaker 2: been mulling over for it for weeks and months, it's
Speaker 2: because I haven't done anything on a day to day.
Speaker 2: I'm not thinking before I do stuff.
Speaker 1: Oh I thought of this. You've been listening to The
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