Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to our second episode of
Speaker 1: the week, our Ask Uncut episode Updown in Dirty episode
Speaker 1: where we answer all of your.
Speaker 2: Deep, dark and burning question.
Speaker 3: I know that I have always said that this is
Speaker 3: unsolicited advice, but this is actually solicited advice because you
Speaker 3: ask us. It's just unqualified advice comes from many, many
Speaker 3: years of very poor decision making. And I am reformed, guys,
Speaker 3: That's why I am here. I also used to be
Speaker 3: that annoying person that would give advice and then never
Speaker 3: follow my own advice and never let lessons in that
Speaker 3: as well.
Speaker 1: So I a little like super quick update, guys, went
Speaker 1: on a date last night. It was great, Like I
Speaker 1: didn't even ask you and you just came straight with you. Like,
Speaker 1: so everyone, I'm dating someone and we're getting married. It's
Speaker 1: going great. I've picked out my baby names well because
Speaker 1: I have had a little hiatus of sorts, so I
Speaker 1: haven't really been dating much, so it was exciting. I
Speaker 1: knew you were gonna ask me, so I just got
Speaker 1: in there anyway. I walked in the door.
Speaker 2: Laura, It's like, how's the date last night?
Speaker 3: Brett has this thing that she always says after she
Speaker 3: goes in a date with anybody who's hot, She's like,
Speaker 3: and he doesn't even know how hot he is.
Speaker 2: Am I for it.
Speaker 1: They all know how hot they are, every single one
Speaker 1: of them know how hot they are.
Speaker 2: And then I'm like, no, but this one doesn't. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but this one is different, and it is this one different?
Speaker 1: Well, I think it's I'm really attracted to someone that
Speaker 1: doesn't know they're attractive and he Hey, I don't think
Speaker 1: he really knows.
Speaker 2: They all know.
Speaker 3: They just play humble because then they all like, Okay,
Speaker 3: I'm like, gonna give brittany' some hard advice here, because
Speaker 3: at least seventy percent of the ones that you've been
Speaker 3: on dates with recently have not turned out to be
Speaker 3: great guys, which makes me think they're acutely aware of
Speaker 3: how fucking what they are.
Speaker 1: Okay, he turned up in I Love This. There's gonna
Speaker 1: be a lot of people and you, guys, if you
Speaker 1: know me well and if you've been following the podcast
Speaker 1: for a while, you know that he's probably my soulmate
Speaker 1: because he turned off in a turtleneck, a white a
Speaker 1: white turtleneck, and I was like, be still, my beating heart.
Speaker 1: I think we were made for each other and I
Speaker 1: had a turtleneck. Don't at me, it's really cold weather.
Speaker 1: It's Sydney. At the moment, I had a turtleneck on.
Speaker 1: We were matching. We looked cute.
Speaker 2: I felt like a baby's little cue.
Speaker 3: So you're like, he has a heartbeat, so he's absolutely
Speaker 3: my soulmate. The man is breathing, and he responds to
Speaker 3: my text messages. I love him on a serious note,
Speaker 3: it actually did. He was really sweet, it went well,
Speaker 3: and the turtlenecks were real.
Speaker 1: Something else actually happened to me yesterday. I again, guys,
Speaker 1: if you've been following on the podcast for a little while,
Speaker 1: you will know what I'm talking about. I walked into
Speaker 1: my local coffee shop with my sister. I heard his voice.
Speaker 2: I heard it. I didn't see him, and my whole
Speaker 2: body stiffened.
Speaker 1: And you know that feeling when you've run into an
Speaker 1: egg and you feel sick because it's like it's not
Speaker 1: a good ax.
Speaker 2: It's like, oh my, you know that feeling. Yes, every
Speaker 2: single person knows. I feel like anyway horrendous.
Speaker 1: I heard it and I was like, okay, this is
Speaker 1: all micro seconds.
Speaker 2: I'm like, what are you gonna do here? You're gonna
Speaker 2: turn around and fight a flight? Fire flight? Where do
Speaker 2: I go?
Speaker 1: I hadn't audered yet, so I was fight a flight.
Speaker 1: So I did this like really slow turn. My sister
Speaker 1: turns around and looks at me. She's like, are you okay?
Speaker 1: You're fucking seen a dead person? Like I was so dramatic. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I turned around and there in front of me was
Speaker 1: Meet Raffle.
Speaker 3: So if you guys don't know, you haven't followed along
Speaker 3: from the podcast at the beginning, Meet Raffle was like
Speaker 3: our season one.
Speaker 2: This is this guy that fri It was dating for
Speaker 2: a while.
Speaker 1: Well, he bought me, he purchased her at a charity
Speaker 1: event and he turned out to be real doozy of
Speaker 1: a fella. Wow, you know what, You're the third person
Speaker 1: this week who's told me that they've run into a
Speaker 1: trauma x oh. Like we did not end well, we
Speaker 1: were like blocking each other. It was it was disastrous.
Speaker 1: It was mean text mainly from him. Anyway, I saw
Speaker 1: him and I was like, has he seen me yet?
Speaker 1: And I don't think he had. So I looked at
Speaker 1: Sharon and I was I literally looked at I was
Speaker 1: like run. She's like what I'm like run and we
Speaker 1: ran out, and that was in my heart was beating.
Speaker 1: I felt like it had a heart attack, and I
Speaker 1: was like, how ridiculous that there are still people like
Speaker 1: this that can make you feel like that, Like I
Speaker 1: shouldn't have had to have done that, but my body
Speaker 1: was like panic mode.
Speaker 3: No, but I think that even though you're so resolved
Speaker 3: from that time in your life and like, it's not
Speaker 3: something that you think about in a day to day
Speaker 3: and no one wants to be thrown into it allward
Speaker 3: situation where they have to be confronted by somebody who
Speaker 3: really hurt them. And like, just for anybody who's like
Speaker 3: more reason to the podcast, who's jumped on board. It
Speaker 3: was a guy that Britt was seeing for a few
Speaker 3: weeks or a few months or something, but then when
Speaker 3: she tried to break it off, he reacted like a
Speaker 3: crazy person and was so angry and so abusive and
Speaker 3: so disgusting in his messages and responses that, yeah, it
Speaker 3: ended in a whole lot of blocking unsubscribed from you pal.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: You also he knew that was my cafe, that was
Speaker 1: that was my thing. I was like, I was like,
Speaker 1: you know that this is my domain? So what you're
Speaker 1: doing up in here?
Speaker 2: Do you know what I have?
Speaker 1: The this is from so many moons ago, but like
Speaker 1: when when we finished filming Bachelor, right, so like I
Speaker 1: hadn't seen anyone for three and a half months. I'd
Speaker 1: been in lockdown. I'd been dating Matt. Obviously we went
Speaker 1: out together, but no one knew about it. And the
Speaker 1: day that I came out of lockdown, I came back
Speaker 1: to Sydney and I caught up with my sister and
Speaker 1: she lives in Paddington. I went straight to her house
Speaker 1: and then we were like, we'll go get a coffee.
Speaker 1: So we walked across the road and down Oxford Street.
Speaker 1: And as I'm walking down Oxford Street, my trauma ex is.
Speaker 2: Walking towards me. I was like, of all the people
Speaker 2: I could possibly see.
Speaker 1: Right now in this place, at this exact time that
Speaker 1: I'm deciding to get a coffee, Like.
Speaker 3: I have not seen anybody for three and a half months,
Speaker 3: and here is this one person who's caused me so.
Speaker 1: Much paid and there's probably no where you could go.
Speaker 3: Well, I ran into assembly label and I was like,
Speaker 3: I just want to try these things on, grabbed like
Speaker 3: seven things and run into a change.
Speaker 1: I want to try these onto my face right now. Anyway, guys,
Speaker 1: what we realized on Tuesday's episode was that it was
Speaker 1: a super long episode. We covered lots of different topics,
Speaker 1: but we didn't get to bring you our favorite segment.
Speaker 2: Which is accidentally unfiltered and I had.
Speaker 3: I had a really cute actually unfiltered saved and so
Speaker 3: I'm going to jump in and say it before we
Speaker 3: get into answering your questions this week.
Speaker 2: So here it is.
Speaker 3: This happened to me several years ago when I first
Speaker 3: moved to Japan. Now, my Japanese skills were pretty terrible,
Speaker 3: so I used Google Translate a lot while shopping. Anyway,
Speaker 3: I was looking for a quick snack and I saw
Speaker 3: a small bag that looked like rice crackers. It had
Speaker 3: a picture of cheese and fish on it, so I thought, yeah,
Speaker 3: this is just some unique Japanese flavor. I used picture
Speaker 3: translate and it said something like a healthy cheese. So
Speaker 3: I bought it and I loved it, and I went
Speaker 3: back a few days later and I bought two more packets.
Speaker 3: I ate one of the two packets a week later,
Speaker 3: and then one day one of my Japanese friends came
Speaker 3: over to watch a movie, and I was like, hey, babe,
Speaker 3: you want a snack. She looked at the packet and said,
Speaker 3: are you fucking kidding me?
Speaker 2: How what? I said, what do you need?
Speaker 3: And then she began to explain to me that my
Speaker 3: favorite new snack was actually cat food.
Speaker 1: I was so surprised and told her how delicious it was.
Speaker 1: I sometimes still get cravings for that cat food.
Speaker 2: I mean, was it organic? What flavor? Are we talking?
Speaker 2: Fish and cheese? Yum?
Speaker 1: I love tuna.
Speaker 3: I think she was thinking it was like some sort
Speaker 3: of tuna and cheese flavored cracker.
Speaker 2: But anyway, I was like, this is adorable.
Speaker 1: That's actually so I wonder how many people have done that. Well,
Speaker 1: Marley eats dog food all the time.
Speaker 2: This is my point.
Speaker 1: Kids eat cat from dog food all the time. It
Speaker 1: actually can't taste that bad.
Speaker 3: Mally will pick up busters dog food and carry it
Speaker 3: around like four little pellets in her hand and just
Speaker 3: eat them like they're sultanas or snacks. And every so
Speaker 3: often I'm like, what's in your mouth, which is like
Speaker 3: the most common phrase that any mother says to their child,
Speaker 3: what have.
Speaker 2: You got in your mouth? And she's just chomping away
Speaker 2: on some dog food.
Speaker 1: Well, if you, to be fair, if you were buying
Speaker 1: really good pet food these days, most of it is
Speaker 1: actually real meats and it's organic and it's you can
Speaker 1: get really great stuff, so it's probably not anything bad
Speaker 1: in there.
Speaker 3: I mean, like Buster is an Eastern Suburbs dog his
Speaker 3: dog food is premium shit.
Speaker 2: But also we sound like we're howking dog food now?
Speaker 2: Which when not?
Speaker 1: And things aren't that tight that we need to eat
Speaker 1: dog food. Okay, I've actually got a really cute one
Speaker 1: that just came into girls.
Speaker 2: This just happened. I love that they come straight to us.
Speaker 1: I just text my boss, why do I always get
Speaker 1: the runs when I've got my period?
Speaker 2: So rude? Which was actually meant to go to my bestie.
Speaker 1: I want to die inside and I'm calling in sick tomorrow.
Speaker 3: Hey question, did you get that Excel spreadsheet? And also,
Speaker 3: oh my god, I cannot stop shitting myself. How much
Speaker 3: did the period sucks?
Speaker 1: It's literally the worst thing when you've pressed sent on
Speaker 1: a text and it's like as soon as your finger
Speaker 1: goes down and sloman and presses the button, you've clocked
Speaker 1: that it's the wrong person.
Speaker 2: But it's it's done. As there's nothing to.
Speaker 1: Do unless you can be the biggest ninja in the world.
Speaker 1: Look what you can do, especially if it's on like
Speaker 1: WhatsApp or something that takes that extra second to send.
Speaker 1: If you press send and you've noticed as you're pressing it,
Speaker 1: you can swipe down real quick, put aeroplane mode on
Speaker 1: and it will stop it from sending.
Speaker 3: But what if you just think it stopped it from
Speaker 3: sending and the person's actually still gotten it.
Speaker 1: No, you're sitting there in this like moment of like
Speaker 1: because you know how it comes out like not delivered,
Speaker 1: So you have to be a ninja jedi. Like it's
Speaker 1: almost impossible to do.
Speaker 3: But I feel like Gmail at least it's got out
Speaker 3: back where it's got like you have like at least
Speaker 3: ten seconds to unsend an email the amount of times
Speaker 3: who I've sent Yeah, kind retards Laura Burne unsend unsnd
Speaker 3: that anyway.
Speaker 2: Should we get in to some questions? Hit me question
Speaker 2: number one?
Speaker 1: All right, question number one? Hey, girls, I need your help.
Speaker 1: I met this guy on a night out and we
Speaker 1: started sleeping together and messaging each other every day for
Speaker 1: about a month. One night, after going to the pub,
Speaker 1: he went home with one of my friends and he
Speaker 1: slept with her. Now she didn't know that he and
Speaker 1: I were sleeping together. He's now messaging her every day
Speaker 1: and asking to see her all the time. I value
Speaker 1: my friendship with her, but I also have feelings for
Speaker 1: this guy. Do I tell her how I feel? Or
Speaker 1: do I let it go?
Speaker 2: Please? Help? What a dirty dog? I mean, this guy's
Speaker 2: a dick.
Speaker 1: If he knows that she's your friend and he's sleeping
Speaker 1: with her, then I don't know. I want to say
Speaker 1: to you cut him off straight away. Yeah, I'm going
Speaker 1: to say, like, I'm with you, Brett. I think like
Speaker 1: the relationship that you had with him, whatever it was,
Speaker 1: whether it was you know, obviously it was just sleeping
Speaker 1: together and you were hoping for more, that's done. Now,
Speaker 1: Like that's one hundred percent put to bed. I think
Speaker 1: like the most important thing for you you should be
Speaker 1: to prioritize your friendship. And I don't think that there's
Speaker 1: any harm in telling your friend. If your friend doesn't
Speaker 1: know that you guys were sleeping to I think, if anything,
Speaker 1: she would want to know that because imagine if they
Speaker 1: then start dating and she finds out six months later
Speaker 1: that actually you fucked a boyfriend, weird, crazy things are
Speaker 1: going to get out of control. So I think be
Speaker 1: honest and say, hey, this is the situation. I'm telling
Speaker 1: you this because there's a part of me that was
Speaker 1: really into him, and I'm pretty sad about it, But
Speaker 1: I don't have any I'm not holding you to any
Speaker 1: account because, like, obviously this is not your friend's fault
Speaker 1: at all. So I really think prioritize your friendship in this,
Speaker 1: but definitely have a conversation with her about it, but
Speaker 1: you don't have to talk to him about it anymore.
Speaker 1: And I definitely don't think that you should be trying
Speaker 1: to pursue a relationship with him because he went and
Speaker 1: had sex with your friend, like he knew what he
Speaker 1: was doing. He made that bed, he later it had
Speaker 1: a good old time. What I think about this is, firstly,
Speaker 1: I wonder how good a friends you are with this girl.
Speaker 1: And I'm only asking you this because if I was
Speaker 1: seeing someone and sleeping with them for a month and
Speaker 1: I really had feelings for them, my friends would know.
Speaker 3: But we literally dated the same guy, and it was
Speaker 3: only after you had been dating him for weeks, and
Speaker 3: I was like, I've I had sex with him a
Speaker 3: few years ago.
Speaker 2: But that's well, we tried to have sex. It didn't
Speaker 2: really work out first.
Speaker 1: Because that is because not because I didn't tell you,
Speaker 1: that's because we were referring to him by a different names.
Speaker 1: So I still straight up went to and was like
Speaker 1: dating this guy because I think that's what friends do.
Speaker 1: So my point is like, usually you're telling each other
Speaker 1: good friends about what's going on in your life.
Speaker 2: But let's let's just give.
Speaker 3: Her the benefit of the doubt that they are still
Speaker 3: good friends, and she just genuinely hadn't told her friend yet.
Speaker 3: You know, like sometimes you want to keep your your
Speaker 3: sexual escapades private.
Speaker 2: I mean, yes, I keep my dating life very reprivate,
Speaker 2: so I've I mean, I know that that's like a
Speaker 2: foreign territory for you.
Speaker 3: But like maybe she doesn't want to tell a friend,
Speaker 3: or didn't want to she was waiting to see what
Speaker 3: it eventuated into, or maybe she was feeling like, Okay,
Speaker 3: I like this guy, but clearly this is a bit
Speaker 3: of a hangs and banging situation. I don't want to
Speaker 3: be embarrassed, So she chose not to talk to a
Speaker 3: friend about it. But that's obviously created this little pickle
Speaker 3: dickle of the situation.
Speaker 1: Yeah, straight up, you just need to tell her, And
Speaker 1: it doesn't have to be a big deal and a
Speaker 1: big sit down we need to talk. It just needs
Speaker 1: to be like, Hey, I didn't really want to tell
Speaker 1: you at the start because I didn't want to make
Speaker 1: you uncomfortable or I didn't want to stop you from
Speaker 1: doing what you're doing. But I've actually been seeing this
Speaker 1: guy for a while and I have feelings for him.
Speaker 1: And ultimately, you need to have the combo as friends,
Speaker 1: and you need to She needs to be aware of
Speaker 1: it also, and you need to decide what you want
Speaker 1: from that conversation, Like are you doing this because you
Speaker 1: want to date this guy and you're in love with
Speaker 1: this guy? And if that is the case, I feel
Speaker 1: like you need to think seriously about that, because he
Speaker 1: doesn't sound like the kind of guy you want to
Speaker 1: keep around and take home to your parents.
Speaker 3: But also, I'm just gonna give this guy the benefit
Speaker 3: of the doubt for.
Speaker 2: Two songs you would I know, No, Actually.
Speaker 3: I don't want to sit here and shit on him,
Speaker 3: because like if you guys were literally just sleeping with
Speaker 3: each other, just you know, going out at nighttime, hanging out,
Speaker 3: maybe having a drink or two going home and hangs
Speaker 3: and bangs. He had given you no indication that there
Speaker 3: was going to be a relationship that was going to
Speaker 3: transpire from this. Like then that's kind of on you
Speaker 3: that you became emotionally invested. If he really said, like,
Speaker 3: I'm not looking for anything, this is what this is,
Speaker 3: and you were hoping for it to be more and
Speaker 3: then he's moved on to somebody else. I mean, granted
Speaker 3: it's your friend. That's a really shit situation and it
Speaker 3: definitely shouldn't be the case. But I think, you know,
Speaker 3: we can't punish him and sit here and say like
Speaker 3: that he's the shittest guy on earth, because like, really,
Speaker 3: he wasn't emotionally invested in this in the first place.
Speaker 3: I also think that you need to be transparent with
Speaker 3: your friend and say, hey, look, we were sleeping together
Speaker 3: and then he totally goes to me and now he's
Speaker 3: sleeping with you, because you don't want to give the
Speaker 3: impression that he's trying to play both of you at
Speaker 3: the same time, which is not what it sounds like
Speaker 3: he's doing. It does sound like he kind of went, oh, okay,
Speaker 3: well I'm going to stop doing this thing.
Speaker 2: Over here.
Speaker 3: That doesn't really mean anything to me, and I'm going
Speaker 3: to invest some time over here and maybe that does
Speaker 3: mean something to him. So like, I think, be careful
Speaker 3: with how you have this conversation because like, yes, what
Speaker 3: he's done is a bit shit, but it's not like
Speaker 3: we're not gonna like hoist him up and set the
Speaker 3: guy on fire yet.
Speaker 1: No, which is why I think the best thing to
Speaker 1: do in these situations is always just to tell the truth.
Speaker 1: Don't don't embellish it, and don't actually like you guys
Speaker 1: are in love and up until yesterday he was messaging you.
Speaker 2: Just be like, hey, I was seeing him for a while.
Speaker 1: I really liked him, and now he's sort of seeing
Speaker 1: you and I still like him, and this is awkward.
Speaker 1: But what I what I want to drive home here
Speaker 1: is and I say this all the time, and I
Speaker 1: stand by it, if a guy wants to see you,
Speaker 1: and if a guy wants to speak to you, and
Speaker 1: if a guy is interested in you, if he likes you,
Speaker 1: if he wants to pursue something with you, he will
Speaker 1: one hundred percent.
Speaker 2: Make that obvious. He will let you know.
Speaker 1: He will be clear because men don't sit back and
Speaker 1: say I really want that. I'll just wait for it
Speaker 1: to come to me.
Speaker 2: They don't do it.
Speaker 1: If they are keen as bean, you will know about it.
Speaker 1: And there's this saying, you know if you're confused if
Speaker 1: he likes you, chances are he doesn't and it sucks
Speaker 1: to hear, but you need to know that to hear.
Speaker 1: And I'm sorry, but I feel like he doesn't want
Speaker 1: to pusue anything serious with you. And maybe you guys
Speaker 1: are friends and you got along really well and you
Speaker 1: probably actually did have a connection and you had a
Speaker 1: lot of fun together. But I think that's where it
Speaker 1: stops for him, by the sounds of it from what
Speaker 1: you've said.
Speaker 3: Do you know what Weeley Britt, the guy that we
Speaker 3: both dated has actually dated three of my friends you
Speaker 3: included as one and two other girls.
Speaker 2: Shut up, but I was first.
Speaker 1: Guys, but you were only first because I didn't live
Speaker 1: in Sydney at It's.
Speaker 2: So true waiting nowhere it went downhill vast.
Speaker 1: But also that's that's not to say anything bad about
Speaker 1: this guy at all. That's that is what happens in
Speaker 1: the Eastern Beaches. No, it's like a small world every
Speaker 1: and especially if you're single in the Eastern Beaches. It's
Speaker 1: in an even smaller world. So I think that's what happens.
Speaker 1: These pool of people end up sort of dating people
Speaker 1: that you know, have dated someone else.
Speaker 3: But also it's it's online dating, it's Tinder, it's bumble.
Speaker 3: It's like, you know, we I had absolutely no connection,
Speaker 3: Like when you know this guy, what should we call him?
Speaker 2: Fred? Just going friend?
Speaker 3: So when I matched with Fred, I had absolutely no
Speaker 3: connections to him, like, we don't have any mutual friends,
Speaker 3: we don't have anyone in common. And we hit it off.
Speaker 3: We you know, we dated for a little while, we tried.
Speaker 2: To have sex.
Speaker 3: There was some things there that didn't really work out
Speaker 3: for us anyway. Look just nim didn't work out. And
Speaker 3: then he matched with somebody else on Tinder, who by
Speaker 3: chance was a good friend of mine, and then they
Speaker 3: started dating. And it was only after a couple of
Speaker 3: months when she was like, Hey, I'm dating this guy
Speaker 3: and we can't seem to have sex.
Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, I feel like I know
Speaker 1: this story. And then the same thing happened to you.
Speaker 1: There is a real common narrative in this which makes
Speaker 1: me feel a lot better about myself because for a
Speaker 1: while there, I thought it was me. So for example
Speaker 1: of how small this world is, the guy that I
Speaker 1: went on a date with last night, we've been talking
Speaker 1: for like two weeks online dating because that's where everyone
Speaker 1: meets these days, and someone else last night I got
Speaker 1: like a lot like from someone else online dating, and
Speaker 1: he looks sort of cute, and I went onto his profile.
Speaker 2: Is this play you were on your date? No, this
Speaker 2: was before the.
Speaker 1: Date though, in the afternoon, and I was like, this
Speaker 1: guy looks cute and I was sort of scrolling the
Speaker 1: page and then I saw one of his profile pictures
Speaker 1: was the exact same profile picture of the guy I
Speaker 1: went on the date with. Like there was like three
Speaker 1: friends in a profile picture and I was like, oh shit, anyway,
Speaker 1: I dolved into it, and they're really good friends.
Speaker 2: Will you like unmatched unmatched, unmatched, unmatched? Well, I had it, yeah,
Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, uh do that?
Speaker 1: You know when you have that feeling and I always
Speaker 1: go to the worst, I'm like, all right, are they
Speaker 1: do they both know what's going on here and they're
Speaker 1: both Is this like a test to see because I've
Speaker 1: been talking to one of them for two weeks?
Speaker 2: Is this a test? To be like, is she going
Speaker 2: to talk to this other guy? Anyway? I didn't. I
Speaker 2: didn't even go there.
Speaker 1: But my point is I was like, literally, two people
Speaker 1: that I've seen in the last half an hour are
Speaker 1: best friends and have the same profile pictures. It's just
Speaker 1: how it is online dating. You just have to be
Speaker 1: really hyper aware of it.
Speaker 2: Okay, let's get into question number two.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we sidetracked so many times, and I think we're
Speaker 1: not answering this question anymore.
Speaker 2: I love that, and we're just having a conversation. Hey, girls,
Speaker 2: I have a question.
Speaker 1: How important do you think instant attraction is when you
Speaker 1: start dating someone? Is it more important than a deeper connection?
Speaker 1: Do you think instant attraction is imperative to the relationship.
Speaker 2: I really like this question. If I had this conversation
Speaker 2: last night on the day.
Speaker 3: The way I feel about it personally is different to
Speaker 3: what the experts say. Like for me, I need to
Speaker 3: feel instantly attracted to the person that I'm dating. I
Speaker 3: need to have something there. And when I say instantly attracted,
Speaker 3: I don't want to be like misunderstood. This is not
Speaker 3: necessarily about a physical aesthetics. This is not like that
Speaker 3: this guy needs to be dropped at gorgeous. There needs
Speaker 3: to be something about their energy which makes me sound
Speaker 3: real woo woo, But there needs to be something about them.
Speaker 3: Maybe it's their conversation, maybe it's their humor, they needs
Speaker 3: their presence, like, whatever it is, there has to be
Speaker 3: something about them that makes me see them in a
Speaker 3: romantic light. Like I haven't ever personally been in the
Speaker 3: situation where I've met someone had zero spark and then
Speaker 3: it's grown. I say that about myself, like my experience
Speaker 3: and like my dating history is no way an attack
Speaker 3: on your dating experience or your dating history. I'm sure
Speaker 3: there's loads of people out there who have met someone
Speaker 3: had zero interest in them, and then because they have
Speaker 3: built this friendship and there's connection and love that it's
Speaker 3: developed into something deep and really really special. So I
Speaker 3: think that the full spectrum is completely valid. But for me,
Speaker 3: I like there to be something that makes me want
Speaker 3: to rip their clothes off.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so you've said instant connection. That's the words
Speaker 1: you've used, like this, that's the words the listener has said,
Speaker 1: is instant connection. Now, yes, I do think you have
Speaker 1: to have an instant connection, but that doesn't have.
Speaker 2: To be physical like a spark everything.
Speaker 1: It's got to be for me personally, I think there
Speaker 1: has to be a connection straight away, but that could
Speaker 1: be on so many different levels. That could be. Humor
Speaker 1: is probably the biggest thing for me. If you make
Speaker 1: me laugh, you're halfway there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love it when a guy is just a
Speaker 2: big joke story of my laugh.
Speaker 1: Wait, that's why I say make me laugh because old dating.
Speaker 2: Life is a joke. No, you have it for me.
Speaker 1: It's like you don't have to be drop dead gorgeous.
Speaker 1: I mean it helps, but you don't have to be
Speaker 1: drop dead gorgeous. But if you are drop dead gorgeous,
Speaker 1: I'd really like you to not know how hot you are.
Speaker 1: You don't know how hot you are, please, which they don't, Laura,
Speaker 1: except when you wore a white turtl on egg like that.
Speaker 1: So I think a make me laugh that's a really
Speaker 1: good connection for me too. If you can hold a
Speaker 1: conversation and if they have a level of intelligence and
Speaker 1: they can engage you and they're interested in you, I
Speaker 1: think that that is a connection too. Everything else can
Speaker 1: come from that. I dated a guy once. I think
Speaker 1: I've told you guys maybe in Scotland I dated him.
Speaker 1: I rented his house while he was away. I needed
Speaker 1: somewhere to live. He was away on a football tour
Speaker 1: and a mutual friend was like, you can rent this
Speaker 1: guy's house for four weeks till he comes back.
Speaker 2: Brilliant.
Speaker 1: Then I was like, I could set up a new
Speaker 1: house by the time he gets back. Moved into his place.
Speaker 1: He started to sguide me periodically to just make sure
Speaker 1: I know where everything is in the house.
Speaker 2: Like I've never met him, so he's like, Hey, I'm
Speaker 2: not gonna say name.
Speaker 1: Hey mcie and Brad, like, I hope, make yourself comfortable.
Speaker 2: What's you know? What's mine?
Speaker 1: Jewels in the house and there's a really good cafe
Speaker 1: down the corner. And he was just being a gentleman,
Speaker 1: and I had zero attraction to him. He's a big
Speaker 1: flanker that looks like he's been hit in the face
Speaker 1: a hundred times because he has been what's a flanker
Speaker 1: It's a position in rugby, okay, right, yeah, but it's
Speaker 1: like they're the big boys that get like they take
Speaker 1: a lot of hits.
Speaker 2: Anyway, there was just no physical attraction. But I was
Speaker 2: only talking to him on sky.
Speaker 1: Because I was like, oh, you've got anyway, he periodically
Speaker 1: started to skype me more frequently over the month. Then
Speaker 1: he came back and I was supposed to leave, and
Speaker 1: I could tell.
Speaker 2: You how to crush on me, figured out how to
Speaker 2: use the toilet. You needs to stop texting me. I've
Speaker 2: got to know where the pantry is. So then I
Speaker 2: get back.
Speaker 1: He gets back and he's like, do you know what,
Speaker 1: you don't actually have to leave, Like, there's two bedrooms here,
Speaker 1: you can do you want to just like live together
Speaker 1: for a while. And I was like, in my bed, no,
Speaker 1: because it's too bad. So I was like, okay, cool,
Speaker 1: and we became really good friends. Still no physical attraction,
Speaker 1: but we started to hang out as friends.
Speaker 2: We go to the gym, we went to coffees, we
Speaker 2: were watching TV and movies.
Speaker 1: And after about two months, I was so attracted to
Speaker 1: him all of a sudden because he was so funny
Speaker 1: and he was such a good person. He looked after
Speaker 1: me really well. I would come out in the morning,
Speaker 1: my coffee would be made, how I wanted.
Speaker 2: All this stuff.
Speaker 1: And we ended up dating for you know, on and
Speaker 1: off for about six months because I went from zero
Speaker 1: to one hundred with him because of his personality and
Speaker 1: it was a slow burn. So I don't think to
Speaker 1: answer this girl's question, I don't think it has to
Speaker 1: be day one, this intense, all consuming feeling for it
Speaker 1: to be successful.
Speaker 2: I agree.
Speaker 3: And I also think that sometimes, and I've said this before,
Speaker 3: when you meet someone and on day one you had
Speaker 3: that overwhelming or consuming sense of like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: this is my soulmate read flag red flag, like it
Speaker 3: shouldn't be that intense.
Speaker 2: I think that can be. Look, it can be.
Speaker 3: There are times and chemistry can be very very misleading,
Speaker 3: and chemistry can also be the thing that completely clouds
Speaker 3: your judgment and your ability to make sensible decisions. So
Speaker 3: you meet someone, you have this overwhelming sense of like,
Speaker 3: oh my god, I am in love with them, and
Speaker 3: then they start showing you the red flags. But because
Speaker 3: you're so busy, you being absolutely blindsided by this feeling
Speaker 3: of obsessiveness with them, you're not open to the red flag.
Speaker 3: So I think that that can be just as dangerous.
Speaker 3: I do want to say that I think it depends
Speaker 3: on how you've met the person. So if you've met
Speaker 3: the person on online dating, you've gone had a coffee,
Speaker 3: had your first date, and you felt zero spark zero nothingness,
Speaker 3: then I don't see the point in pursuing that in
Speaker 3: the hope that something's going to develop. Very different if
Speaker 3: you fall in love with your friend because over the
Speaker 3: years or over the months, or you know someone who
Speaker 3: you work with because you've gotten to know their personality,
Speaker 3: I don't think you should be investing time in something
Speaker 3: with the total stranger and going out of your way
Speaker 3: in the hopes that something will grow. The last part
Speaker 3: of your question, where you said what's more important is
Speaker 3: it instant chemistry or a deep connection? I don't think
Speaker 3: you get a deep connection with someone who you don't
Speaker 3: know and you haven't met yet.
Speaker 2: A deep connection is.
Speaker 3: Built on shared mutual experiences. A deep connection is built
Speaker 3: on trust. It's built on actually knowing that person for
Speaker 3: who they are, their values, their beliefs, if they're a
Speaker 3: good guy, you know, if they treat you right, or
Speaker 3: a good girl, like all of those things. So I think,
Speaker 3: obviously a deep connection is way more important. It is
Speaker 3: the most important part of a relationship. It's the foundations
Speaker 3: for staying and being in that relationship, even in the
Speaker 3: times when they do your freaking head in. But you
Speaker 3: don't get there instantly and I do not confuse chemistry
Speaker 3: with a deep connection because they are very very different things.
Speaker 1: It'd be a whole package. It can't just be one
Speaker 1: or the other. I think it's a holistic view when
Speaker 1: it comes to dating, when it comes to your man
Speaker 1: or young woman, it is a holistic view.
Speaker 2: It is holistic, y'all.
Speaker 3: Question number three, I reckon. We've answered that to the
Speaker 3: best of our abilities. So I'm gonna hit you with
Speaker 3: question number three. Brit I Ca'm ready. I feel weird
Speaker 3: been on this end when you ask me the.
Speaker 1: Question it's a sexy question. Well, sex is happening, but
Speaker 1: the big O isn't happening. Okay, So I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: add lib this one because I read it earlier and
Speaker 1: then I couldn't find where our this person had written
Speaker 1: it in to actually read you it verbatim. But this
Speaker 1: listener has said, I know I can have an orgasm.
Speaker 1: I masturbate, I have orgasms. I've had orgasms with my
Speaker 1: ex boyfriends. I've had orgasms with one night stance.
Speaker 3: My boyfriend who I have now, who I've been with
Speaker 3: for eight months, has never given me an orgasm. And
Speaker 3: to be perfectly honest, sex is just not that great.
Speaker 3: But I really love him. He's a wonderful guy. We
Speaker 3: have so much in common. I don't want to break
Speaker 3: up with him.
Speaker 2: But what do I do?
Speaker 1: Because I would really like to have an orgasm? Yeah,
Speaker 1: this is a proper people, I get straight up. I
Speaker 1: have a sneaky suspicion. You are probably I could be wrong.
Speaker 1: Correct me if I'm wrong.
Speaker 2: I have sneaky suspicion.
Speaker 1: You are probably faking your orgasms when you have sex
Speaker 1: with him, which is your first and biggest problem. Because
Speaker 1: if you're doing that, if you're faking an orgasm and
Speaker 1: faking how much pleasure you're getting, how much you like something,
Speaker 1: we're trained to think that, oh, okay, this is this
Speaker 1: is how she likes it, this is what gets her off.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you're reinforcing bad behavior one hundred percent, like
Speaker 2: you're your own worst enemy.
Speaker 1: You just need to be I think that's the first thing,
Speaker 1: is to stop faking it and maybe start to take
Speaker 1: a different approach where you're a bit more honest. You
Speaker 1: don't have to be you don't have to be blunt
Speaker 1: and brutal and rude, but you can be like I
Speaker 1: just don't think that's gonna happen for me like this,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's gona happen for me tonight.
Speaker 2: I don't think it's gonna happen. Let's try this.
Speaker 1: You can start to introduce different positions or different things
Speaker 1: you like, Like you have said that you know what
Speaker 1: gets you off, you've spoken about that, you know you've
Speaker 1: done it in the past with other partners, you do
Speaker 1: it with yourself, So why not just show him? Why
Speaker 1: not talk about it and educate him because he's not
Speaker 1: going to know. Men aren't mind readers. We want them
Speaker 1: to be, and we wish they would be, but they're not.
Speaker 1: They've learned behaviors, so he's learning what works for you
Speaker 1: when really it's not working.
Speaker 3: But also he may have dated someone before you who
Speaker 3: enjoyed that, who said like this is what I like.
Speaker 3: Or maybe he's been watching loads of porn and that's
Speaker 3: what he thinks the chick wants, Like there's a lot
Speaker 3: of reasons why a guy does or maybe he's just
Speaker 3: doing it because it gets him off, Like maybe he
Speaker 3: jackhammers you because jack hammering is the way that he
Speaker 3: comes and he's not actually prioritizing your pleasure at all.
Speaker 3: Like there's loads of different things to unpack here. But
Speaker 3: I agree with you, Britt. I think the number one
Speaker 3: thing is physically show him and don't be afraid to
Speaker 3: verbalize whilst you're in the bedroom what you like and
Speaker 3: what you don't like. Obviously you're not going to be
Speaker 3: like cold.
Speaker 2: Not it wama, but.
Speaker 3: Like what you would do is like I like it
Speaker 3: when you touch me here, I like it when you
Speaker 3: do this, hey baby, try this, Like you can be
Speaker 3: very encouraging in a very sexy way whilst you're having sex,
Speaker 3: and exactly what Britt said. If he has been doing
Speaker 3: things which you have been giving him the impression that
Speaker 3: you like it, there's a bit of work that you
Speaker 3: have to undo there. And actually maybe you will have
Speaker 3: to say like, oh I failed it for not.
Speaker 2: That's what not to say.
Speaker 3: Maybe say like you know actually for some like you know,
Speaker 3: I feel a bit uncomfortable when you do this, or
Speaker 3: like that hurts a little bit. Can you try this
Speaker 3: and try something different? I really think that like very
Speaker 3: open communication. Also physically showing him you've said that, like
Speaker 3: you masturbate and you can get yourself off if you
Speaker 3: know what you like and you can physically do it
Speaker 3: to yourself and show him.
Speaker 2: Go for it.
Speaker 3: Do not be afraid of showing him physically on yourself
Speaker 3: with either your hands or his hands, or all the hands,
Speaker 3: whatever suits you like. Show him what gets you off.
Speaker 1: The fact that you love him and you've said, is
Speaker 1: such an amazing guy to you in every other way,
Speaker 1: and you don't want this to be a problem, but
Speaker 1: ultimately it is a problem because sexy is a crucial
Speaker 1: part of any relationship. Making love and having that intimacy
Speaker 1: is very very important, and if it's lacking, it will
Speaker 1: slowly grind away until it becomes a really big issue.
Speaker 1: So what you have to do is getting there and
Speaker 1: attack it now. You can't let it go any longer.
Speaker 1: And it doesn't have to be a big deal. I
Speaker 1: think you just really sit down and have the conversation
Speaker 1: say but don't make it a big deal like sorry,
Speaker 1: don't sit down and have a conversation like we need
Speaker 1: to meet about this. I was gonna say, do you really.
Speaker 1: I don't think you sit down and talk about it
Speaker 1: outside of the I think you know it's in the bedroom.
Speaker 1: It's not like instructional in a way where you're like,
Speaker 1: try this. You do it with your dirty talk like
Speaker 1: you're almost like you have to like explain it to
Speaker 1: him whilst you're talking in a very sexy way. If
Speaker 1: you know the position that that does it for you,
Speaker 1: do it, throw him down, jump on top, do whatever
Speaker 1: it is, and just take control of the situation like
Speaker 1: you are ultimately in control.
Speaker 2: By different things.
Speaker 3: You know, if you know what gets you off, do
Speaker 3: what gets you off, show him what that is so
Speaker 3: that he can, you know, see you do it, and
Speaker 3: then kind of copy and makes life a lot easier.
Speaker 3: And trust me, you'll be grateful for it when you're
Speaker 3: getting a few big ohs in there as well.
Speaker 1: Guys, that is it for today. That's how quick, down
Speaker 1: and very dirty.
Speaker 2: Three questions. We hope you like them. Please, we want
Speaker 2: your questions to keep rolling in.
Speaker 1: We do get a lot of you right in saying
Speaker 1: where do I actually send my ask guncut questions? The
Speaker 1: best place for you to send them is just to
Speaker 1: our instagram at Life Uncut podcast. Put at the beginning
Speaker 1: ask guncut, and then at the bottom as well, ask guncut.
Speaker 1: So that it doesn't matter how long your messages are.
Speaker 1: It might be three messages individually, we can differentiate.
Speaker 2: That is a question for ask guncut for like, for.
Speaker 3: Every single person who sends us their questions, like we
Speaker 3: know that you know, everybody is going through their own
Speaker 3: junkin life, and I hope that even just by listening
Speaker 3: to other people's questions that they're asking and listening to
Speaker 3: the answers that kind of are shared on this podcast
Speaker 3: and also across the Facebook community, which is amazing Life
Speaker 3: on Cut podcast as well, I really hope that you
Speaker 3: get a little bit of comfort that every single person
Speaker 3: is experiencing, like the different highs and lows of life,
Speaker 3: and like we all go through all of this junk
Speaker 3: at different points in our lives. And if you're ever
Speaker 3: feeling like there is something that you need to talk
Speaker 3: about or you want to reach out about, the Facebook
Speaker 3: community itself is such a wonderful community of supportive people
Speaker 3: who can also answer questions as well if you want
Speaker 3: to throw them.
Speaker 1: Up there and don't mind them not being anonymous. But anyway, guys,
Speaker 1: that is it for our Ask on Cut episode. We
Speaker 1: will be back next Tuesday and we have a really
Speaker 1: exciting episode for you next Tuesday. We are interviewing another sexologist,
Speaker 1: So if you have any really sexy questions that maybe
Speaker 1: Britain I can't answer because it'll end up in the
Speaker 1: daily mail. If you want to talk about but stuff,
Speaker 1: whatever you want, nothing is off limits. So send us
Speaker 1: all your sexy questions for the sexologists that we're going
Speaker 1: to be interviewing, and we will be back next Tuesday,
Speaker 1: and say just some housekeeping because I know I'm the
Speaker 1: one that reads them. Please put for sexologists at the
Speaker 1: top of your message so I know that that's what
Speaker 1: that is about.
Speaker 2: But you will stay anonymous.
Speaker 1: We're never gonna out you, but we want your deepest, darkest,
Speaker 1: sexiest questions for her because there is absolutely nothing off
Speaker 1: limits and I'm so excited.
Speaker 3: I love those episodes. All right, guys, now you know
Speaker 3: the drill. Tell your mom, tell your dad, tell your friend,
Speaker 3: telling whoever it is in your life that's, you know,
Speaker 3: in the closest vicinity to you.
Speaker 2: And she had love because we love that