1 00:00:05,840 --> 00:00:09,280 Speaker 1: Professor Gen Twangy is at San Diego State University of 2 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:11,360 Speaker 1: the author of more than one hundred and ninety scientific 3 00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:14,880 Speaker 1: publications and several books based on her research, including the 4 00:00:14,920 --> 00:00:17,439 Speaker 1: brand new Ten Rules for Raising Kids in a High 5 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:21,720 Speaker 1: Tech World. She's also written Generations Igen and Generation Me, 6 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:24,560 Speaker 1: and her research has been everywhere from Time Magazine to 7 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:26,920 Speaker 1: The Atlantic, News Week, The New York Times, USA Today, 8 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:31,240 Speaker 1: the Washington Post. I could keep on going. Gene Professor 9 00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,839 Speaker 1: Twangy and her heart. We live in San Diego with 10 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:37,360 Speaker 1: their three daughters, and today we go to step into 11 00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:40,840 Speaker 1: a conversation about her new book that I think every 12 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,600 Speaker 1: parent needs to have a copy of. Ten Rules for 13 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:47,239 Speaker 1: Raising Kids in a High Tech World. Ten Rules for 14 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:49,519 Speaker 1: Raising Kids in a High Tech World. How parents can 15 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:53,440 Speaker 1: stop smartphone, social media and gaming from taking over their 16 00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:58,120 Speaker 1: children's lives. I can't wait for this conversation. Stay with us, 17 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:02,480 Speaker 1: it's coming up next. Hello and welcome to The Happy 18 00:01:02,520 --> 00:01:05,680 Speaker 1: Family's podcast, Real Parenting Solutions Every day on Australia's most 19 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:09,000 Speaker 1: downloaded parenting podcast. My name's doctor Justin Coilson, and today 20 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:11,760 Speaker 1: an interview that I have been looking forward to for 21 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:13,800 Speaker 1: I was going to say months, but I've only known 22 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 1: about the book for a handful of weeks. Brand new 23 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:19,160 Speaker 1: book that's just been released from one of my favorite academics, 24 00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:23,160 Speaker 1: Professor Gen Twangy. The books called Ten Rules for Raising 25 00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,679 Speaker 1: Kids in a High Tech World. One of my other 26 00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:27,520 Speaker 1: favorite books, in fact, I'm holding into my hand right 27 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:30,760 Speaker 1: now is Generations The Real Differences between gen Z Millennials, 28 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:33,280 Speaker 1: jen X Boomers and Silence What they mean for our future. 29 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:35,560 Speaker 1: Gene wrote that one as well. There's also Igen and 30 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:39,280 Speaker 1: a whole lot more, and Professor Twangy joined me on 31 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,119 Speaker 1: the podcast right now to talk about the new one. 32 00:01:42,120 --> 00:01:43,279 Speaker 1: Thanks so much for being here. 33 00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:44,560 Speaker 2: Gene, Thanks for having me on. 34 00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:47,720 Speaker 1: I want to start with a straight to it a 35 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:52,280 Speaker 1: question about Australia's upcoming minimum age for social media legislation. 36 00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:56,520 Speaker 1: There is a lot of noise in the Australian media 37 00:01:56,560 --> 00:01:58,360 Speaker 1: about this at the moment. As you would be aware, 38 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:02,560 Speaker 1: we've past world for legislation setting a minimum age or 39 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:07,160 Speaker 1: a minimum limit for access to social media. Given your 40 00:02:07,280 --> 00:02:11,880 Speaker 1: research on the effect of tech and specifically social media 41 00:02:11,880 --> 00:02:17,640 Speaker 1: on kids, what's your assessment of government intervention versus parental 42 00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:21,720 Speaker 1: responsibility here, Like is this a good thing or is 43 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:24,240 Speaker 1: it really what many people are saying, it's just up 44 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:26,200 Speaker 1: to parents to parent. What's your take on that. 45 00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:30,200 Speaker 2: I am so excited about this law. I have always 46 00:02:30,240 --> 00:02:33,280 Speaker 2: wanted to move to Australia. Now I really do. That 47 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:37,640 Speaker 2: is my summary. So parents are in such a tough position. 48 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:41,320 Speaker 2: Social media and most of the world is so underregulated, 49 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:45,359 Speaker 2: if not completely unregulated. It's really hard for parents who 50 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:47,359 Speaker 2: don't want their kids on social media to keep them 51 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:49,760 Speaker 2: off the platforms. I do think there are some things 52 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:51,520 Speaker 2: that can be done, which is why you know, I 53 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:54,440 Speaker 2: wrote the ten Rules book. But parents are struggling, and 54 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:59,360 Speaker 2: understandably so, because parental permission isn't required, age isn't usually verified. 55 00:02:59,800 --> 00:03:02,720 Speaker 2: The minimum age that's usually set of thirteen is way 56 00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:06,399 Speaker 2: too low. What parent or educator or developmental expert would 57 00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:09,400 Speaker 2: ever say thirteen puberty that's the best time to introduce 58 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:13,760 Speaker 2: social media. It's just unimaginable. And if it's regulated, and 59 00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:16,720 Speaker 2: if fifteen and unders are not on the platform, then 60 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:20,280 Speaker 2: parents don't have to listen to their twelve year old 61 00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:24,440 Speaker 2: sep But mom, everybody else is on Instagram, everybody else 62 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:28,000 Speaker 2: is on TikTok, because then that argument won't be there. 63 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,040 Speaker 2: It can be you need to wear your seat belt 64 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:32,760 Speaker 2: because it's the law. No, you can't drink because you're 65 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:36,280 Speaker 2: not old enough yet, it's the law. I really wish 66 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:38,560 Speaker 2: I had that excuse. As a parent of three teenagers, 67 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:39,200 Speaker 2: I can tell you. 68 00:03:39,160 --> 00:03:42,160 Speaker 1: That, yeah, yeah, some of my greatest regrets. I mean, 69 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:43,920 Speaker 1: I flip flipped on this. Over the years, I've been 70 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:45,040 Speaker 1: a big fan of a love of the work that 71 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:48,760 Speaker 1: Andy Shibolski has done out of the UK at Oxford. 72 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:50,800 Speaker 1: I've also watched what you've been doing in John Hayden, 73 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:55,440 Speaker 1: watching the ongoing debate over the last fifteen years. I've 74 00:03:55,440 --> 00:03:57,080 Speaker 1: been on one side of the fence, and then the other, 75 00:03:57,120 --> 00:03:58,680 Speaker 1: and then the other. I mean, I've got splinters on 76 00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:00,960 Speaker 1: my backside from climbing over the face so many times. 77 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:03,440 Speaker 1: And yet in the last four or five years, I've 78 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:07,920 Speaker 1: really solidified on this very clear sense that this is 79 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,080 Speaker 1: not good for our kids. It's not even good for us. 80 00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:13,200 Speaker 1: The Internet. While it brings an enormous amount of benefits, 81 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:17,279 Speaker 1: the Internet fundamentally is not good for us in so 82 00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:20,600 Speaker 1: many ways. I'd be curious to know, even at sixteen, 83 00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:23,479 Speaker 1: do you think that kids are ready at sixteen to 84 00:04:23,560 --> 00:04:27,040 Speaker 1: be a given carte blanche full access to everything that 85 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:30,479 Speaker 1: the social media environment throws at them. 86 00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:34,080 Speaker 2: No, So my rule about social media in the book 87 00:04:34,160 --> 00:04:38,320 Speaker 2: is no social media until sixteen or later. I think 88 00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:41,080 Speaker 2: you can make a solid argument for eighteen. Sixteen's a 89 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:44,120 Speaker 2: nice compromise. I understand why the laws settled there. I 90 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:48,880 Speaker 2: think even at that age they need limits. So, Okay, 91 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:52,200 Speaker 2: you're sixteen, a lot of your friends are on Instagram, 92 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:56,880 Speaker 2: but let's give you an hour a day and that's it, 93 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,680 Speaker 2: so it doesn't become what it is now. In the US, 94 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:03,000 Speaker 2: average team spends almost five hours a day using social media. 95 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:06,480 Speaker 1: So we've got Australian data showing that Australian teens are 96 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:11,000 Speaker 1: spending nine hours per day in recreational screen time, which 97 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:16,840 Speaker 1: is primarily TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, social media and some gaming. 98 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:20,520 Speaker 1: OECD data as well as one of my friends in 99 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:24,960 Speaker 1: New Southwest Macquarie unied, the Unplugged psychologist Brad Marshall. Doctor 100 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:28,520 Speaker 1: Marshall and his research colleagues have found nine hours per 101 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:31,120 Speaker 1: day of recreational screen use. I mean these numbers are 102 00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:35,279 Speaker 1: just astonishing. Walk us through what it does to a 103 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:38,040 Speaker 1: child's brain. I mean, everyone's talking about brain rod at 104 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,279 Speaker 1: the moment, that's the word of the year for me. 105 00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:43,719 Speaker 1: But what's actually going on inside their heads when they're 106 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:45,520 Speaker 1: getting nine hours of TikTok a day? 107 00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:50,039 Speaker 2: So Brain wrote chronically Online. What I love is that 108 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:54,039 Speaker 2: gen Z themselves has advice for the chronically Online. They say, 109 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:55,039 Speaker 2: go touch grass. 110 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:57,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, you touch grass exactly, just. 111 00:05:57,000 --> 00:06:00,719 Speaker 2: Lovely, and that's one of the things that kids not doing. 112 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:06,040 Speaker 2: So when screen time, recreational screen time, becomes that high, 113 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,280 Speaker 2: there's the worries of what they're doing on the platforms 114 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:10,440 Speaker 2: and all of the pressures of social media and the 115 00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:12,760 Speaker 2: toxic content and so on. But then there's also the 116 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,120 Speaker 2: worry of what are they not doing. They're probably not 117 00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:18,200 Speaker 2: sleeping enough, they're not hanging out with their mates in person. 118 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:23,560 Speaker 2: They're probably not exercising and getting outside, they're not reading 119 00:06:24,360 --> 00:06:27,000 Speaker 2: all of these things that are more beneficial for mental 120 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:30,360 Speaker 2: health than nine hours a day on recreational screen time. 121 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:33,640 Speaker 1: Prophisit Twangi in the book Ten Rules for Raising Kids 122 00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:36,720 Speaker 1: in a High Tech World, you begin with an Australian story. 123 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 1: We share that with us. 124 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:42,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, So, Bannie Alacchi and his wife Claudia I have 125 00:06:42,640 --> 00:06:49,160 Speaker 2: five children, and when their oldest daughter was ten, they 126 00:06:49,160 --> 00:06:51,839 Speaker 2: gave her a smartphone because she said, Mom and dad, 127 00:06:51,839 --> 00:06:54,240 Speaker 2: all of my friends have smartphones, and if you don't 128 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,719 Speaker 2: give me one, I'll be left out, an argument many 129 00:06:56,760 --> 00:07:01,520 Speaker 2: parents have heard. And as he has, she danced less, 130 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:03,960 Speaker 2: she didn't play with your youngest siblings as much, she 131 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:08,120 Speaker 2: wasn't around, you know, to help around the house. He said, 132 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:12,800 Speaker 2: it transformed her entire childhood, And so that story opens 133 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:14,640 Speaker 2: the book because I thought his words and his story 134 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:19,800 Speaker 2: were so powerful to capture what happens in so many 135 00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:23,680 Speaker 2: families when kids get a smartphone. So they took that 136 00:07:23,760 --> 00:07:27,440 Speaker 2: smartphone back. They founded a group called the Heads Up Alliance, 137 00:07:27,960 --> 00:07:30,600 Speaker 2: where parents come together at schools to say, we're going 138 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:33,080 Speaker 2: to agree that our kids are not going to get 139 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:36,800 Speaker 2: smartphones until they're older. There's a group in the US 140 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,800 Speaker 2: that does this too, called Wait until Eighth So it's 141 00:07:38,840 --> 00:07:42,000 Speaker 2: the end of eighth grade. Even that founder says, look, 142 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,880 Speaker 2: I'm not suggesting you just give him a smartphone carte blanche. 143 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:47,560 Speaker 2: At that point. Work them up to it. And that's 144 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:49,880 Speaker 2: something that's worked really well in my family as well. 145 00:07:50,280 --> 00:07:52,760 Speaker 2: That my kids wanted to text their friends, they wanted 146 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,080 Speaker 2: their own phones, but I was not going to give 147 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:57,880 Speaker 2: them a smartphone where they could be on social media 148 00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:02,080 Speaker 2: or AI companion naps, you know, or have the Internet 149 00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:04,560 Speaker 2: in their pocket all the time. So they have basic 150 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,520 Speaker 2: phones that are designed for kids, so that don't have 151 00:08:06,560 --> 00:08:08,800 Speaker 2: any of those things, but they could still tax their friends. 152 00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:12,000 Speaker 1: I'm feeling inspired. So first off, Daniel Archie and the 153 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:14,160 Speaker 1: heads up lines to friends of our podcast, and we 154 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:16,880 Speaker 1: love the work that they're doing. I'm feeling inspired. My 155 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:19,560 Speaker 1: fifteen year old, oh my goodness, she's only got a 156 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,640 Speaker 1: what six months until she will get access to social 157 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:25,680 Speaker 1: media based on this minimum age legislation. But one of 158 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:27,600 Speaker 1: my great regrets, as I started to say before, was 159 00:08:27,640 --> 00:08:30,119 Speaker 1: giving our kids access to smartphones earlier than we should 160 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:32,560 Speaker 1: have because I was flip flopping throughout all those years 161 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:34,480 Speaker 1: and listening to you as we have this conversation, I 162 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:36,800 Speaker 1: kind of just want to go into her bedroom and say, actually, 163 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:39,120 Speaker 1: you need to give you that phone now we're done, 164 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:42,360 Speaker 1: Which brings me to your first rule. Rule Number one 165 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:45,120 Speaker 1: in the book is you're in charge. Parents need to 166 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:48,600 Speaker 1: actually use their parental authority and be okay with saying 167 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,160 Speaker 1: no to their kids. A lot of parents when they 168 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:52,760 Speaker 1: hear that, though, they kind of think, well, hang on, 169 00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,240 Speaker 1: I'm going to become the enemy. We are going to 170 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,520 Speaker 1: have a blow up. This is going to create a 171 00:08:56,520 --> 00:08:59,120 Speaker 1: lot of contention, a lot of disharmony in our home, 172 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:01,760 Speaker 1: especially if you've already squeeze the toothpaste out of the tube, 173 00:09:02,520 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 1: like it's really hard to get it back in. And 174 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,680 Speaker 1: I think about my interactions with my fifteen year old, 175 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,840 Speaker 1: I'm kind of, even as the parenting expert who's written 176 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:14,400 Speaker 1: the ten books and does the podcast, I'm thinking I've 177 00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:15,920 Speaker 1: just done of if I've got the energy for this 178 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,640 Speaker 1: five I think it's easier to just say, you know what, 179 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:22,240 Speaker 1: we've made the mess, and it just now is what 180 00:09:22,280 --> 00:09:24,679 Speaker 1: it is. What's your response to that? For parents who 181 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:25,400 Speaker 1: are sort of going. 182 00:09:25,840 --> 00:09:29,520 Speaker 2: Ugh, So I'll take the toothpaste out of the two 183 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:31,880 Speaker 2: genie out of the bottle thing first. Yeah, So you 184 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:35,360 Speaker 2: can you can come to a halfway position with this. 185 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:39,840 Speaker 2: You can say to your fifteen and a half year old, Okay, 186 00:09:39,960 --> 00:09:42,960 Speaker 2: I'm not going to take your smartphone away, but I 187 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:45,720 Speaker 2: need it for an hour so I can make sure 188 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:48,440 Speaker 2: that you're not spending too much time on social media. 189 00:09:49,440 --> 00:09:51,920 Speaker 2: I'm going to block app downloads, so if you want 190 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:55,120 Speaker 2: a certain app, then it's a conversation between us, rather 191 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:58,000 Speaker 2: than it being something unilateral. I want you to be safe, 192 00:09:58,080 --> 00:10:01,040 Speaker 2: I want you to be healthy, and we can do 193 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:05,400 Speaker 2: this or no smartphone at all. Smart kid is going 194 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:09,679 Speaker 2: to choose. Let's take that compromise position. So there are 195 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:12,760 Speaker 2: things that can be done. You can And also that's 196 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:14,760 Speaker 2: the point of you're in charge. You can put the 197 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,800 Speaker 2: genie back in the bottle. If things are not going well, 198 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,320 Speaker 2: and you don't have to be mean about it, and 199 00:10:19,360 --> 00:10:22,160 Speaker 2: you don't have to beat draconian. You can come to 200 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:26,240 Speaker 2: some sort of solution that works for everybody. It is, 201 00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:28,600 Speaker 2: of course even better if you can start from the 202 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:33,800 Speaker 2: beginning with those rules in place. And I have found 203 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:37,440 Speaker 2: in my family that having set rules actually makes your 204 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:41,200 Speaker 2: relationship with your kids easier. So one of my rules 205 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:43,600 Speaker 2: is you get your first internet enabled phone, your first 206 00:10:43,679 --> 00:10:47,439 Speaker 2: actual smartphone when you get your driver's license. So here 207 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:50,040 Speaker 2: in California, you can get your driver's license at sixteen, 208 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:52,120 Speaker 2: but you know you have to get your permit and 209 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:55,840 Speaker 2: do the driving practice and take your test. So my 210 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:59,000 Speaker 2: middle one turned sixteen at the beginning of the month, 211 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:01,160 Speaker 2: and she said to me a couple months ago, can 212 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,120 Speaker 2: I have the smartphone when I turned sixteen, not just 213 00:11:03,160 --> 00:11:05,680 Speaker 2: want to get the driver's license. I said, nope, the 214 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:08,560 Speaker 2: rules the driver's license, because that puts it off for longer, 215 00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:12,880 Speaker 2: and it also ties it to independence and then encourages 216 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:15,600 Speaker 2: that driver's license, which with some kids is not going 217 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:17,640 Speaker 2: to be an issue. My oldest was like, right in line, 218 00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:19,839 Speaker 2: I don't know if I'm gonnaone to be taking those 219 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,280 Speaker 2: driving lessons if it wasn't for this incentive. So it 220 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:25,360 Speaker 2: helped with that too, and that was it. We had 221 00:11:25,360 --> 00:11:27,640 Speaker 2: that one pushback and I said, nope, it has to 222 00:11:27,679 --> 00:11:29,760 Speaker 2: be with the driver's license, and that was it, and 223 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:31,920 Speaker 2: she didn't bring it up again. She's really excited to 224 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:34,400 Speaker 2: get that driver's lences in and that smartphone. It hasn't 225 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:37,400 Speaker 2: changed her enthusiasm, but it cut off the arguments because 226 00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:38,520 Speaker 2: it was such a clear rule. 227 00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:41,240 Speaker 1: So we've got three rules that have kind of come 228 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,360 Speaker 1: out in that answer. Number one, you're in charge as 229 00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,920 Speaker 1: a parent. Rule number four in the book, I think 230 00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:48,120 Speaker 1: it's rule number four your first phone should be a 231 00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:51,400 Speaker 1: basic phone. Give kids just basic phones without social media, 232 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:53,920 Speaker 1: without internet browsers, without AI apps and that sort of thing. 233 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:57,760 Speaker 1: And I think it was rule number five. First smartphone 234 00:11:57,880 --> 00:11:59,679 Speaker 1: with the driver's license, and that makes sense because you 235 00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:02,959 Speaker 1: want to have access to things like navigation. Although I've 236 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,720 Speaker 1: been playing around with a new phone that I purchased recently. 237 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:08,000 Speaker 1: It took about nine months to arrive because of manufacturing 238 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:11,000 Speaker 1: issues and Trump tariffs and moving things from China to 239 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,600 Speaker 1: India so that it could be made. But the light phone. 240 00:12:13,559 --> 00:12:16,160 Speaker 2: Is this is the phone is amazing. 241 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, so I've been I've been using it a little bit. 242 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:21,720 Speaker 1: The amount of travel that I do and the amount 243 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:24,320 Speaker 1: of tech that I use on a daily basis, it's 244 00:12:24,360 --> 00:12:27,360 Speaker 1: been a challenging phone for me to use. But I 245 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:30,280 Speaker 1: have a daughter who's been overseas for eighteen months. She's 246 00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:32,680 Speaker 1: just recently come home. She needed a phone, and I said, 247 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:34,880 Speaker 1: why don't you give this ago? So she's in her 248 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:38,400 Speaker 1: early twenties and she just keeps on saying to me, 249 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:41,200 Speaker 1: I love this phone because it's got navigation. You can 250 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:44,640 Speaker 1: still take photos, but it doesn't have all the social media. 251 00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:47,600 Speaker 1: It doesn't have Internet browsing. And I'm watching this kid 252 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,960 Speaker 1: blossom because there's nothing to do on the phone except 253 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:54,520 Speaker 1: use it as a phone. It's a tool and that's it. 254 00:12:54,520 --> 00:12:58,319 Speaker 1: As expensive, there's some challenges with it that we're still 255 00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:02,880 Speaker 1: working our way through awhelmingly the upside versus the downside. 256 00:13:02,960 --> 00:13:05,320 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, what a great idea. 257 00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,520 Speaker 2: And seeing that with even a young adult in her 258 00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:10,920 Speaker 2: early twenties versus a twelve year old. I mean, I 259 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:14,400 Speaker 2: think what that says to me is the benefits would 260 00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:17,960 Speaker 2: potentially be even bigger if that was the choice she 261 00:13:18,040 --> 00:13:21,440 Speaker 2: made for a younger kid, and then they grew up 262 00:13:21,679 --> 00:13:23,440 Speaker 2: with that type of phone, and then by the time 263 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:26,240 Speaker 2: they have a smart phone, you know, maybe they say, hey, 264 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:27,080 Speaker 2: I don't even need this. 265 00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:31,280 Speaker 1: We're so grateful for that experience that she's having and 266 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:34,000 Speaker 1: trying to work out how we can bring that downstream 267 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,040 Speaker 1: to the other kids. Again, one of those things that 268 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:45,760 Speaker 1: we're going to have to negotiate over time. Let me 269 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:48,280 Speaker 1: ask you a couple of other questions about the book 270 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,360 Speaker 1: and your take on some things. So one of the 271 00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:52,240 Speaker 1: other rules that you have, I think it's towards the end, 272 00:13:52,280 --> 00:13:56,480 Speaker 1: maybe rule number eight is give your kids real world freedom. 273 00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:59,679 Speaker 1: This ties in with something that Lenaskanasi, who has been 274 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,719 Speaker 1: on our podcast a number of times, talks about all 275 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:05,360 Speaker 1: the time, a founder of the Let Grow movement and 276 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:07,800 Speaker 1: the author of The New York Times best selling Free 277 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:12,640 Speaker 1: Range Kids. You talk about how parents and grandparents grew 278 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:15,240 Speaker 1: up with tremendous independence but now don't want to give 279 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:18,000 Speaker 1: their own children that same freedom. And what I'd love 280 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:21,240 Speaker 1: to know is why what's driving the disconnect? And how 281 00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:26,280 Speaker 1: does a phone based childhood actually make kids less safe 282 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:28,960 Speaker 1: than the real world freedom we're afraid to give them, Like, 283 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:30,960 Speaker 1: why are we happier to have them in the living 284 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:33,960 Speaker 1: room or in their bedroom staring at the screen rather 285 00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,480 Speaker 1: than letting them go to the park or the beach 286 00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,400 Speaker 1: or whatever down the road with their friends. 287 00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:41,480 Speaker 2: Well, media has given us the idea that it's unsafe 288 00:14:41,560 --> 00:14:44,320 Speaker 2: for kids to walk to school, which it's not in 289 00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:48,480 Speaker 2: the vast majority of places, and to protect kids when 290 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:52,040 Speaker 2: they're scared of something. And because I got this at 291 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:53,920 Speaker 2: a talk the other day, Oh but if I let 292 00:14:53,960 --> 00:14:56,200 Speaker 2: my six year old go into the next aisle in 293 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:58,880 Speaker 2: the grocery store to grab something for me, that they 294 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:05,240 Speaker 2: might get kidnapped. Right, Nope, No, that's just not going 295 00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:10,920 Speaker 2: to happen. So I think that's the disconnect is we've 296 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,640 Speaker 2: come to see the real world is really really dangerous 297 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:18,440 Speaker 2: in an exaggerated way. But then because most parents did 298 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:24,280 Speaker 2: not grow up with social media and smartphones, we are 299 00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:28,080 Speaker 2: overlooking the dangers of those platforms. Even if we use 300 00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:30,040 Speaker 2: social media in now our feet is not going to 301 00:15:30,080 --> 00:15:32,760 Speaker 2: look like our kids. We may not even you know, 302 00:15:32,840 --> 00:15:35,440 Speaker 2: fully process the effect of some of these things on 303 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:40,240 Speaker 2: children and teens. So we've really underprotected kids in the 304 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:42,680 Speaker 2: online world, overprotected them in the real world. We need 305 00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:45,760 Speaker 2: to bring things back into balance, so that real world 306 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:49,400 Speaker 2: freedom part is part of that. So getting places on 307 00:15:49,440 --> 00:15:51,920 Speaker 2: your own, handing a ten year old to credit card 308 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,520 Speaker 2: or some cash to go in the grocery store and 309 00:15:55,560 --> 00:15:58,600 Speaker 2: buy a few things. Even if you just want to 310 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:01,520 Speaker 2: start at home, having your kids do their own laundry, 311 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:04,160 Speaker 2: having them cook for the family every once in a while, 312 00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:07,000 Speaker 2: then bonus, you don't have to do their laundry or 313 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:09,320 Speaker 2: cook that night. Everybody wins. 314 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:12,840 Speaker 1: I love it. Have you got time for a lightning round? 315 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:13,760 Speaker 2: I will try. 316 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,040 Speaker 1: Okay, let's see how we go thinking on your feet. 317 00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:19,440 Speaker 1: You can pass if you need to, And I'd just 318 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:21,800 Speaker 1: love to get your take on some of these unfair 319 00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:26,360 Speaker 1: and fun questions. We're social media platform for adolescent mental health. 320 00:16:26,800 --> 00:16:30,640 Speaker 2: Oh that's a tough one. Either TikTok or. 321 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:33,920 Speaker 1: Instagram one app that you wish had never been invented. 322 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:36,920 Speaker 2: Oh, definitely, TikTok? 323 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:38,400 Speaker 1: Can you say more on that? I know this is 324 00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:40,080 Speaker 1: a lightning round, but I would love for parents to 325 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:42,520 Speaker 1: understand why that's such a I mean, that was a 326 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:45,080 Speaker 1: definite there's no hesitation there, and I feel the same way. 327 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,120 Speaker 1: Why do you say that. 328 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:49,200 Speaker 2: There's a bunch of reasons. I'll be brief. It has 329 00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:54,440 Speaker 2: stickiest algorithm. Yeap, So people including adults, intend to spend 330 00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:56,480 Speaker 2: only a little time on it end up spending a 331 00:16:56,520 --> 00:16:59,560 Speaker 2: lot of time. If you look at negative content, it'll 332 00:16:59,600 --> 00:17:03,680 Speaker 2: show you more. That happens a lot to adolescence in particular. 333 00:17:04,359 --> 00:17:09,720 Speaker 2: And it's not an app that teens used to contact 334 00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:10,440 Speaker 2: their friends. 335 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:12,120 Speaker 1: It's just short form TV. 336 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:15,119 Speaker 2: Yeah it is, And so you know there's memes and 337 00:17:15,160 --> 00:17:17,879 Speaker 2: there's popular videos and so on that the kids talk about, 338 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:21,480 Speaker 2: but they're not directly communicating with their friends on that app. 339 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:24,080 Speaker 2: So for me as a parent, that's a really easy no. 340 00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,280 Speaker 1: Okay, back to the Lightning Round. Thank you for that 341 00:17:26,359 --> 00:17:29,960 Speaker 1: quick collaboration. If you could only enforce one of your 342 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,320 Speaker 1: ten rules universally, which one would you choose. 343 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:36,400 Speaker 2: I'm looking at my list of rules. It would probably 344 00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:40,680 Speaker 2: be no. Electronic devices in the bedroom overnight, because that's 345 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:44,280 Speaker 2: for adults as well, because you can preserve sleep. That 346 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,880 Speaker 2: just helps with with everything else. Although no social media 347 00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:50,000 Speaker 2: until sixteen is a close second. So way to go 348 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:50,720 Speaker 2: to Australia. 349 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:53,560 Speaker 1: Okay, nice, Do your own teenages follow all of your 350 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:54,320 Speaker 1: ten rules. 351 00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:58,360 Speaker 2: They do, although there are some where we make exceptions 352 00:17:58,359 --> 00:18:01,760 Speaker 2: from time to time. One about the phones on vacation 353 00:18:02,119 --> 00:18:05,800 Speaker 2: being one place where sometimes you know, on the plane 354 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:08,720 Speaker 2: or in the car, like fine, you know for half 355 00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:11,280 Speaker 2: of this you can be on your phone, but most 356 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:13,399 Speaker 2: of the rest of them, Yeah, we followed. We followed 357 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:14,040 Speaker 2: them pretty well. 358 00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:14,639 Speaker 1: Okay. 359 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:18,359 Speaker 2: Now they have occasionally tried to get around them, and 360 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:22,760 Speaker 2: I describe those stories right exactly. I mean, that's what 361 00:18:22,760 --> 00:18:24,639 Speaker 2: you got to keep in mind, is you know, I 362 00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:26,159 Speaker 2: think it's so easy to go, oh my god, this 363 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,520 Speaker 2: is impossible because your kids found a way around it. 364 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,520 Speaker 2: That's okay. Don't let the perfect be the enemy of 365 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,560 Speaker 2: the good. They may find their way around some things, 366 00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:36,560 Speaker 2: but you you hold firm on everything that you can. 367 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:38,440 Speaker 2: You're still doing well. 368 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:41,200 Speaker 1: Okay, just a few more. You've already answered this one, 369 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:44,960 Speaker 1: but for emphasis, because we really did gloss over and 370 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,159 Speaker 1: I asked the most important one, but I had the 371 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:50,040 Speaker 1: question phones in bedrooms at night? Yes or no? Can 372 00:18:50,080 --> 00:18:52,119 Speaker 1: you just for emphasis answer that one again? Because it 373 00:18:52,160 --> 00:18:53,160 Speaker 1: really matters. 374 00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:56,800 Speaker 2: It does. I mean, the research is so clear on 375 00:18:57,359 --> 00:19:00,760 Speaker 2: phones in the bedroom overnight. I mean out of ten 376 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:04,679 Speaker 2: US teens use their phone between midnight and five am, 377 00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:07,920 Speaker 2: when common sense media attract their phones on school nights, 378 00:19:08,080 --> 00:19:11,440 Speaker 2: on real not even weekend nights, on school nights. So 379 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,399 Speaker 2: this is a really really big problem. Sleep is just 380 00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,560 Speaker 2: so it's so important for physical health, the mental health 381 00:19:16,640 --> 00:19:19,399 Speaker 2: technology can interfere with it even if the phone's off, 382 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:21,919 Speaker 2: even if it's on. Do not disturb the presence of 383 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:23,840 Speaker 2: that phone. Your brain knows it's there, and you don't 384 00:19:23,840 --> 00:19:24,560 Speaker 2: sleep as deeply. 385 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:27,000 Speaker 1: Do you sleep with the phone in your bedroom? 386 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:27,480 Speaker 2: Eck? 387 00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:27,639 Speaker 1: No? 388 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:31,000 Speaker 2: And I almost said another word, No, I do not. 389 00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:34,400 Speaker 2: I have it out of the bedroom behind a closed door. 390 00:19:34,760 --> 00:19:38,439 Speaker 1: Okay, AI companions for kids over blind panic or legitimate concern. 391 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:41,000 Speaker 2: Oh, definitely legitimate concern. I mean, do you want your 392 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,280 Speaker 2: twelve year old's first romantic relationship to be with an 393 00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,760 Speaker 2: AI girlfriend? I'll just leave it at that, you know what. 394 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,040 Speaker 1: I know this is a lightning around but I have 395 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:49,840 Speaker 1: to quickly share an anecdote. I've got a TV show 396 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:53,000 Speaker 1: here in Australia called Parental Guidance, Prime time top writing 397 00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:56,399 Speaker 1: parenting TV show, and we got kids to have some 398 00:19:56,520 --> 00:20:02,159 Speaker 1: AI companion chats with a well known and popular AI bot, 399 00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:07,720 Speaker 1: and the manipulative tactics and the exploitative tactics that the 400 00:20:07,760 --> 00:20:13,199 Speaker 1: bot used to keep kids chatting were simply astonishing. Like 401 00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,800 Speaker 1: the lack of ethics around this is phenomenal. So I 402 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,000 Speaker 1: figured that you would say that, but I love hearing 403 00:20:18,080 --> 00:20:20,919 Speaker 1: it from other authority. Figures three more grip chats communication 404 00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:23,440 Speaker 1: tool or social anxiety generator. 405 00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:27,080 Speaker 2: So you mean like on WhatsApp or a text. 406 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:29,040 Speaker 1: No, I mean like group chats has in like on 407 00:20:29,080 --> 00:20:31,320 Speaker 1: Instagram or I guess on WhatsApp as well, yeah, or 408 00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:33,560 Speaker 1: in Messenger, so you know the big the whole class 409 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,479 Speaker 1: is involved in it, and we've got the we've got 410 00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:38,119 Speaker 1: the thing coming up on Friday night. And is it 411 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:41,880 Speaker 1: a good communication tool or does it generate social anxiety? 412 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:46,280 Speaker 2: So I think the group chat is better than algorithm 413 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:50,040 Speaker 2: social media, but it depends on what it's used for. 414 00:20:50,119 --> 00:20:52,840 Speaker 2: If it is to communicate, here's when the next you know, 415 00:20:52,920 --> 00:20:57,880 Speaker 2: sport practice is awesome. But yeah, if it becomes performative, 416 00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:00,280 Speaker 2: if it becomes a time seeing, if it becomes thing 417 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:02,200 Speaker 2: where you kids are showing off and trying to get 418 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:05,840 Speaker 2: attention so on, then not so great either. 419 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,960 Speaker 1: Okay, if a parent can only do one thing tomorrow 420 00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:12,360 Speaker 1: to improve their kids tech relationship, what is it? 421 00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:15,399 Speaker 2: Get the phone out of the bedroom? 422 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:19,480 Speaker 1: Great? And lastly, complete this sentence. In ten years we'll 423 00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:22,640 Speaker 1: be looking back at how we gave kids smartphones at 424 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,840 Speaker 1: age eleven and think. 425 00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:27,320 Speaker 2: What the heck are we thinking? 426 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:31,880 Speaker 1: Yeah? I feel that way already. I feel that way already, 427 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,320 Speaker 1: Professor Twangy. I just I love when we get to talk. 428 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:37,520 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for taking time out to chat 429 00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:41,280 Speaker 1: with an Australian audience and to share some of your 430 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,840 Speaker 1: rules from the book Ten Rules for Raising Kids in 431 00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:46,480 Speaker 1: a High Tech World, How parents can stop smartphones, social 432 00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:49,840 Speaker 1: media and gaming for taking over their children's lives. As always, 433 00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,920 Speaker 1: it's a pleasure and really appreciate your time. 434 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:53,200 Speaker 2: Thanks very much. 435 00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:57,600 Speaker 1: Professor Geene Twangy from San Diego State University is the 436 00:21:57,640 --> 00:21:59,160 Speaker 1: author of Ten Rules for Raising Kids in a High 437 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:00,439 Speaker 1: Tech World. You can get it where wherever you get 438 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:03,120 Speaker 1: your books. The Happy Families Podcast is produced by Justin 439 00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:07,160 Speaker 1: Ruland from Bridge Media. Mmhammonds provides research, admin and other support, 440 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:09,560 Speaker 1: and if you'd like more info to make your family happier, 441 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,320 Speaker 1: visit us at happy families dot com dot au