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Speaker 1: This is a podcast about failure with me. Lola Berry, author, nutritionist,

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Speaker 1: and yoga teacher, join me as we get to know

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Speaker 1: these guests and learn about how their failures have ultimately

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Speaker 1: shaped their dreams.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to Fearlessly Failing with Lola Berry.

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Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to episode two of season five.

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Speaker 2: I still can't get my head around it. We are

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Speaker 2: in season five.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening and for writing in

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Speaker 1: and kind of letting us know what you want to

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Speaker 1: hear more.

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Speaker 2: Of This pod would not exist without you.

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Speaker 1: Today's guest, an awesome mate of mine who I used

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Speaker 1: to be a roommate with, is Sydney Cardia Milan.

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Speaker 2: She's more than millennial age groups, so young.

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Speaker 1: And but man, oh man, this girl has got fire.

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Speaker 2: She is driven. She's an actress, she's a singer. She's

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Speaker 2: also going to probably film me for saying that. But

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Speaker 2: she's so driven.

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Speaker 1: She's known for all her epic YouTube content, massive influenza

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Speaker 1: and mark my word, she's going to take over the world.

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Speaker 1: Kadi Milan really opened up about her relationship with anxiety,

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Speaker 1: body image and heartbreak, and I'm really lucky that she

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Speaker 1: shared so much of herself with me because We've got

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Speaker 1: this like long standing friendship, and to be honest, this

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Speaker 1: combo just kind of felt like two mates catching up

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Speaker 1: on the phone. I really hope you enjoy this fire

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Speaker 1: cracker of a LEO who is passionate and driven and all.

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Speaker 2: About living the dream. Big love to you, PARTI. I

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Speaker 2: miss you heaps.

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Speaker 1: Hello, Hello, am I la you waiting for me to

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Speaker 1: introduce you that I could do. This is the incredible

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Speaker 1: creative powerhouse Cardio Milan you are. I was trying to

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Speaker 1: figure out the intro to this beforehand. I was like, man,

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Speaker 1: what the f are you an actor?

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Speaker 2: You were singing? I saw on your instagra.

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Speaker 1: Oh I saw in a vlog yesterday that you were like,

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna keep teaching myself the piano.

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Speaker 2: You're unstoppable. You're unstoppable and on top.

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Speaker 1: Of all that, wear mates, but you're an incredible, massive

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Speaker 1: digital influencer.

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Speaker 2: You speak your truth, You're no bullshit. You're the real deal.

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Speaker 2: And I'm just so pumped to have this combo with you.

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Speaker 3: I'm so excited that we're finally doing this.

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Speaker 2: I know it feels like very overdu doesn't it.

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Speaker 4: And I also feel like I'm just kind of on

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Speaker 4: a phone call to you, like having a life catch up.

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Speaker 2: So that's what we want, that's what we want. Okay.

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Speaker 1: So I know this is going to go so fast

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Speaker 1: because we tend to dive deep when we chat.

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Speaker 2: So can we start? First of all, we met when

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Speaker 2: you're what sixteen seventeen?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like seventeen, I think.

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Speaker 2: On a panel in Sydney. Had you finish school at

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Speaker 2: that stage?

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Speaker 3: I think? I? I don't know.

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Speaker 4: Actually maybe I was in my final year of school.

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Speaker 4: I either just graduated or I was in my final

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Speaker 4: year of school.

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Speaker 1: So because I remember from researching you, you went to

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Speaker 1: like a theater school from year nine onwards, right.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, So I went to I started an all girls'

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Speaker 4: private school. It was terrible, and then I moved to

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Speaker 4: a drama school for grades nine, ten, sorry, ten, eleven

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Speaker 4: and twelve where I focused. I did my I majored

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Speaker 4: in theater and film, but I dropped out of film

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Speaker 4: and we just focused on the acting.

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Speaker 2: So good.

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Speaker 1: I saw you do an interview where you were like

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Speaker 1: I came out of theater school and I was broken.

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Speaker 3: I will really broken.

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Speaker 4: Well you'd know you're doing acting now too, So it's

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Speaker 4: like and I was doing theater training. So we studied

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Speaker 4: like every different type of theater. We did, you know,

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Speaker 4: a physical theater, to all types of international theater studies,

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Speaker 4: and we were doing like.

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Speaker 3: Also the what's the word for.

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Speaker 4: No, Like, oh my god, like the study of it

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Speaker 4: all the wow, I've just had a dramatic, dramatic no,

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Speaker 4: I'm going to scrap that.

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Speaker 2: No.

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Speaker 1: So one thing that I'm because I'm studying at school

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Speaker 1: the moment too. And you one thing with theaters, often

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Speaker 1: with theater schools is they will make you study all

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Speaker 1: the different styles of acting training like you do mys now,

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Speaker 1: you do chubbing acting, all of that.

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Speaker 4: We did all that, and then it was what I'm

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Speaker 4: trying to say is we also studied the history of

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Speaker 4: lots of stuff that's I don't know, I just had

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Speaker 4: a massive brain fart for a second. We did lots

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Speaker 4: of back end so we were doing analytical stuff too, So.

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Speaker 3: It was a lot.

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Speaker 4: My brain had just absolutely died at the end of that.

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Speaker 4: And also emotionally having to give one hundred percent to

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Speaker 4: you know, the arts when you're still developing as a

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Speaker 4: teenager and you're growing up and you're trying to figure

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Speaker 4: out everything.

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Speaker 3: It was a lot.

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Speaker 4: But the best learning experience of my entire life, you know.

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Speaker 1: And I think one thing I feel whenever I'm around

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Speaker 1: you is you have this innate sense of self awareness.

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Speaker 1: And I think drama school gives you a bit of

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Speaker 1: self awareness, like you've quickly learned where your holes are

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Speaker 1: in your psychology.

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Speaker 2: You learn what you're good at.

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Speaker 4: You know, I, in drama school taught me how to

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Speaker 4: live without such an ego. I learned about ego in

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Speaker 4: drama school. I learned how to be aware of other people.

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Speaker 4: I learned how to be aware of myself. I learned

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Speaker 4: how to be confident and feel less like it. Honestly,

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Speaker 4: it tears down every wall that you put up and

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Speaker 4: all of the fear that I used to have around

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Speaker 4: just being me. It honestly tears it down because you

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Speaker 4: can't be You have to be completely open and vulnerable

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Speaker 4: in that space, otherwise you just look stupid.

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Speaker 1: Like all the words you just used to describe that open, vulnerable, courageous,

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Speaker 1: fearless their words that I would use to describe you,

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Speaker 1: my little Leo.

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Speaker 3: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: Honestly, so, yes, I do think some of your stuff

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Speaker 1: would have come from doing that kind of intense It's

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Speaker 1: almost like psychological study, theater school so young. But also

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Speaker 1: I think that there's something innately within you as well.

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Speaker 1: On top of that, like, I think you've got a

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Speaker 1: very song's strong sense of character of who the fuck

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Speaker 1: you are. You can swear as much you want, by.

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Speaker 2: The way, but this is why I love that.

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Speaker 1: I did my research list feel your podcasts.

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Speaker 2: I'm like, yeah, she is happy swear and great.

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Speaker 3: It just slips out.

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Speaker 4: Sometimes I'm like Kadia, and then I'm like, oh fuck,

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Speaker 4: oh wait, oh shit, just go with it.

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Speaker 1: But okay, So after theater school, I think we must

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Speaker 1: have met around the end of that, and I remember

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Speaker 1: we were on a panel and I was like, who

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Speaker 1: is someone that can speak their.

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Speaker 2: Truth like this?

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Speaker 4: I just remember the panel was tricky because we were

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Speaker 4: kind of up against these like corporate opposing like they

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Speaker 4: all had very opposing thoughts to what we had, and

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Speaker 4: we were kind of backing each other on this panel.

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Speaker 4: I remember looking at my mom and the crowd, and

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Speaker 4: she was loving what you were saying. We were looking

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Speaker 4: at each other and I was like, who is this chick?

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Speaker 4: And I remember afterwards we like immediately ran up to

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Speaker 4: each other and just it just all began. It was

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Speaker 4: like this love affair. We were like your epic, your epic,

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Speaker 4: and then it went from there really well, so.

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Speaker 1: After that, you would have moved to Byron Bay on

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Speaker 1: your own at seventeen.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, just all on your lonesome.

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Speaker 3: On my little lonesome. I waddled off.

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Speaker 4: I said, I'm so sorry, mom, my, poor mom. Like

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Speaker 4: now that I look back, I'm like she would have

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Speaker 4: been having a heart attack, like who is this child

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Speaker 4: that I've raised?

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Speaker 3: Why on earth is she doing this? Yeah? So I

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Speaker 3: moved by myself.

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Speaker 4: I just I think after living in Brisbane my whole life,

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Speaker 4: I had wanted to escape for years. Like my childhood

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Speaker 4: there was not easy. It was very turbulent and stressful.

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Speaker 4: I feel like it just held lots of trauma for me,

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Speaker 4: and I just wanted to get out.

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Speaker 3: I honestly wanted.

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Speaker 4: To grow up a lot faster than I probably should have,

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Speaker 4: and I just wanted but I wanted my freedom, and

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Speaker 4: I wanted to figure out who the fuck I was,

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Speaker 4: you know. I wanted to explore and test myself. I've

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Speaker 4: I always, I kind of have said in a few

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Speaker 4: podcasts and on YouTube videos, like growing up, I was

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Speaker 4: quite dependent on my friends, and I was really actually

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Speaker 4: quite socially anxious being alone.

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Speaker 3: It was very hard for me to be alone. I'm

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Speaker 3: a very social person.

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Speaker 4: So moving away from home into like a new town

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Speaker 4: that I didn't really know many people, and I'd never

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Speaker 4: really been alone before, I wanted to test myself, Like

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Speaker 4: I really wanted to, like see what I how much

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Speaker 4: I could grow and evolve.

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Speaker 1: That. But how amazing that you have that as your

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Speaker 1: goal at friggin seventeen.

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Speaker 2: I you're a wise soul. You're much older than you are.

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Speaker 3: Looking back, I'm like, who did that? Was that? Like

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Speaker 3: sent me on this weird cosmic mission? Like Jesus.

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Speaker 1: So in Byron, when you were to Byron, you had

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Speaker 1: like five months for you'd paid for five months of

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Speaker 1: a lease, I heard you say. And then but in

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Speaker 1: Brizzy you kind of started accidentally kind of make up

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Speaker 1: on YouTube because you'd sent it to a friend publicly accidentally.

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Speaker 2: Is that right?

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Speaker 4: Yeah? It had just been a video that was supposed

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Speaker 4: to be emailed and the file size was too big,

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Speaker 4: so I uploaded on YouTube. It went public, and then

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Speaker 4: it just kind of that's how it started from there.

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Speaker 4: It was very natural and accidental. And then for some reason,

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Speaker 4: I was like, this is fun, I'm gonna keep going.

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Speaker 1: And then what, so what made you go from Byron

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Speaker 1: to Sydney, which is when we kind of cross paths.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I was just kind of outgrowing Byron.

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Speaker 3: I think it was very slow paced and.

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Speaker 4: I'm a very like as you know, Lola, I don't

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Speaker 4: really slow down. I'm like, go go, go, go go,

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Speaker 4: and Byron served its purpose. I also feel like Byron

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Speaker 4: is a very it's very energy deetically, it's how do

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Speaker 4: I explain it? It's very I mean, you know, like

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Speaker 4: when you go there, you can feel the energy there.

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Speaker 4: But one thing that everyone says is Byron pulls you in.

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Speaker 4: It sucks you in, and then it pushes you out

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Speaker 4: when it's time to leave.

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Speaker 3: And I definitely got pushed out.

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Speaker 4: I just felt when I will, I didn't feel I

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Speaker 4: got evicted from my house living there, which it was

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Speaker 4: just that's a whole other story. It wasn't anything bad,

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Speaker 4: don't worry, but it was more to me, it was

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Speaker 4: a massive sign from the universe going get out. You've

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Speaker 4: outgrown this place. You know you need there's more things

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Speaker 4: for you. But I also had signed with IMG Management

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Speaker 4: and they were like, look for us to really help you.

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Speaker 3: We need you in Sydney. We can't help you from Byron.

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Speaker 4: If you want to be acting, if you want to

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Speaker 4: be public speaking, if you want to be doing all

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Speaker 4: of this stuff, like, there's only so much we can

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Speaker 4: help you with.

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Speaker 3: So I yeah.

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Speaker 4: Once I found out that I had to leave Byron,

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Speaker 4: I just packed up my car and drove by myself

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Speaker 4: to Sydney. I remember the feeling. I remember the road trip,

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Speaker 4: just driving by myself. I think I was like eighteen

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Speaker 4: at that point to move to Sydney, and I was like.

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Speaker 3: What the fuck I doing. I hadn't even found an

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Speaker 3: apartment to live yet.

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Speaker 4: I just drove and I just drove straight to my

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Speaker 4: friend Sammy's house and I stayed with her for a

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Speaker 4: few days and went apartment hunting.

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Speaker 2: That's amazing.

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Speaker 1: I mean, the fact that you can do that at

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Speaker 1: you know, eighteen years old. I moved to Sydney, I

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Speaker 1: think at twenty seven, so like ten years later than you.

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Speaker 1: That's what I mean. You're so ahead of the trajectory.

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Speaker 1: You're you're sorting all this stuff out and you're still

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Speaker 1: like you're twenty due Ton twenty two.

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Speaker 2: In a couple of weeks, about a week and a bit.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so you're still a bub like so many people.

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Speaker 1: There are so many people in my acting course that

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Speaker 1: are like early to mid twenties, and they're like, I

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Speaker 1: don't know what I'm gonna do.

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Speaker 2: They're laziest anything. And I'm like, suit, you need drive,

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Speaker 2: Guys like you need the drive. You've got that within you.

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Speaker 1: And I think that that's again coming back to something

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Speaker 1: that you've had innately within you for I think it's

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Speaker 1: probably like a DNA thing.

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Speaker 2: So then, did you sure you built the treehouse? I

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Speaker 2: love to call it the treehouse.

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Speaker 3: We built the treehouse.

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Speaker 4: So the treehouse was the first unit that I got

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Speaker 4: in Sydney, well, the first and only apartment I lived

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Speaker 4: in in Sydney.

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Speaker 3: I was getting pretty stressed.

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Speaker 4: We've been looking all over the place and I couldn't

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Speaker 4: find anything. And my mum had come down to Sydney

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Speaker 4: with me to help me find something bless her soul.

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Speaker 4: So we were looking like crazy and I was panicking.

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Speaker 4: And we were at this inspection and I said to

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Speaker 4: the real estate agent or mum, said, do you have

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Speaker 4: anything else, like anything? We're desperate, And he goes, look,

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Speaker 4: there's this place down the road it's a little bit

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Speaker 4: above your price range or your budget, but do you

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Speaker 4: want to come and look at it? And I said,

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Speaker 4: you know, I've got nothing to lose, so lo and

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Speaker 4: behold the tree house. I went walked into this apartment

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Speaker 4: and we caught the treehouse because it's up high enough

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Speaker 4: it just looks out to the tree tops, so you

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Speaker 4: don't really see any other buildings. And it was just

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Speaker 4: something about it was just magical, and I thought, you

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Speaker 4: know what this is. This is so out of my means.

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Speaker 4: I'm going to have to work my ass off to

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Speaker 4: afford living here. But I was ready for the challenge

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Speaker 4: because I just knew that living I had to live

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Speaker 4: in the right You know, my work is where I live,

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Speaker 4: and I work from home and all that. If the

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Speaker 4: energy was right there, I knew I would succeed. And

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Speaker 4: I just had this faith. I was like, this might

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Speaker 4: stress you out a bit, but stretch it. And yeah,

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Speaker 4: long story shot. Lola lived with me in the treehouse

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Speaker 4: for a bit and it's very it's very close to

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Speaker 4: our hearts and new apartment you had.

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Speaker 1: It had a very good energy about like you had. Yes,

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Speaker 1: it looked out over the trees, but also like you

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Speaker 1: had so many plants, had epic Elvis on the wall,

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Speaker 1: Like I had this really great we do angel.

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Speaker 2: Card readings at night in every corner. We'd like plan

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Speaker 2: our dreams, read each other's cards. It was epic.

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Speaker 4: So from seed nights crying a few nights sobbing over

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Speaker 4: Lord does what.

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Speaker 2: Do you remember it?

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Speaker 1: Do you remember when I was going through a really

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Speaker 1: rough breakup and you were like no, Lola, you had

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Speaker 1: like gave me the carriage and you literally were like

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Speaker 1: bye and.

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Speaker 2: Flicked my fire.

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Speaker 1: I think you engauged his call, like like declined to

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Speaker 1: call for me.

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Speaker 2: And I'm like I've never done that, not like this

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Speaker 2: X And.

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Speaker 4: I was like ready bye bye, yeah, bye bye.

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Speaker 2: Everybody needs a CARDI in the corner. Can I say so?

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Speaker 1: I feel like from a career perspective for you, Sydney,

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Speaker 1: kind of like blue up like massive on the like

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Speaker 1: social media kind of yes, YouTube, but also Insta.

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Speaker 2: When I was staying with you, I remember you were

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Speaker 2: doing stuff with the arias. Do you remember that?

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Speaker 1: And you I remember you got dressed by like Alice

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Speaker 1: McCall and then you're on the red carp I was

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Speaker 1: like I fully felt like I was in there's this,

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Speaker 1: there's like a gang of people. I think when Margot

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Speaker 1: Robbie went to the Oscars, she had like five friends

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Speaker 1: in her hotel room helping you get ready, and I

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Speaker 1: was like, I'm having my Margo moment with I.

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Speaker 3: Remember like I would have.

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Speaker 4: There was so many times you were there before I

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Speaker 4: had events and everything where you just would ground me

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Speaker 4: like crazy, because I would always get so anxious before

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Speaker 4: going anywhere, Like if I just get so stressed and

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Speaker 4: I'd be so flustered and I would feel so much pressure.

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Speaker 4: But you were always there and you'd like spray me

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Speaker 4: or you give me a crystal and you give me

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Speaker 4: a pep talk before I'd walk out the door.

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Speaker 3: And it was amazing.

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Speaker 1: It was such a fun time to share. It was

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Speaker 1: such a fun time to share. Yeah, So, just on

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Speaker 1: a career perspective with Sydney, is that kind of when

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Speaker 1: everything I feel like you were already completely blown up

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Speaker 1: by the time you got Sydney. But like I feel

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Speaker 1: like in Sydney you were kind of like not to me,

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Speaker 1: not you were like, yes, digital influencer, but yeah're also

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Speaker 1: like presenting, You're doing heapsing stuff, You're doing public speaking

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Speaker 1: as well.

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Speaker 4: Sydney was definitely what took everything to the next level

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Speaker 4: because my mentality going there was you are here to work,

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Speaker 4: like you are here to hustle. You've got like that

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Speaker 4: was when when I moved, It was when social media

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Speaker 4: was becoming a job. It was like, oh, okay, this

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Speaker 4: is no longer just a hobby. And I remember i left,

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Speaker 4: I said, this is what I do full time now,

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Speaker 4: I work on social media and I'm gonna pursue acting

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Speaker 4: eventually once I'm there. And I got I'm on my feet.

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Speaker 4: And so I literally did not have a social life.

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Speaker 4: When I first moved to Sydney. I barely knew anyone.

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Speaker 4: It took me about a year to like properly meet

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Speaker 4: friends there. So I was by myself for most of

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Speaker 4: the time. And all I did was I just focused.

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Speaker 4: I just like tunnel Vision. I posted like three videos

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Speaker 4: a week on YouTube, like I tried to do shoots.

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Speaker 4: I tried to be really engaged, and I was like,

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Speaker 4: I need to grow my socials because I need to

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Speaker 4: get ahead. And I also really wanted to make a

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Speaker 4: difference online, so I wanted to you know, I was

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Speaker 4: doing lots of videos about self development, self help, spirituality,

359
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Speaker 4: trying to make creative videos like while also trying to

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Speaker 4: you know, meet friends and start going to events and

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Speaker 4: making relationships with brands and stuff. So that's when I think, my, yeah,

362
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:58,640
Speaker 4: digital media time really took hold and I kind of

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Speaker 4: ran with it and really just face down, assa focused.

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Speaker 2: I feel like.

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Speaker 1: You personally have this great combination of yes, tunnel vision,

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Speaker 1: which is what you just described, but then there's this

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Speaker 1: amazing like freedom, liberty kind of vibe that you kind

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00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,679
Speaker 1: of nail, like very Lana del Ray energy. But you

369
00:17:17,760 --> 00:17:20,880
Speaker 1: do that within yourself as well, and you go from yes,

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Speaker 1: cardis in work mode and tunnel vision mode. But then

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Speaker 1: you're very good at kind of catching yourself when you

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Speaker 1: need to and being like, yo, I actually need time out.

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Speaker 2: You're so good at that.

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Speaker 1: You get your massages, you do so much self care stuff.

375
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,120
Speaker 1: You'll go on a road trip or you'll go away

376
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Speaker 1: and be like, I actually need to have like a holiday.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

378
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Speaker 1: How do you find the balance of going I need

379
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:42,440
Speaker 1: to pull the handbrake up now?

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Speaker 3: It is really hard.

381
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Speaker 4: I think sometimes when you're when you first and when

382
00:17:48,359 --> 00:17:50,840
Speaker 4: you're your own boss, and secondly, when you're passionate about

383
00:17:50,920 --> 00:17:53,359
Speaker 4: something like you just want to do it all, and

384
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Speaker 4: you want to go until you achieve that goal. And

385
00:17:56,760 --> 00:17:59,720
Speaker 4: I learned the hard way for sure. I mean obviously,

386
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Speaker 4: while I lived in Sydney, I was important to me

387
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:03,760
Speaker 4: to have my morning routine, like I would get up,

388
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:08,440
Speaker 4: I'd meditate. Exercise was important to me. Going You introduced

389
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Speaker 4: me to yoga, which changed my life. And but then

390
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:13,520
Speaker 4: you were drinking the forty five cool aid. I remember

391
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,840
Speaker 4: you were like, nah to come to forty five. I

392
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:20,359
Speaker 4: was on my forty five grind, like I Yeah. I

393
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,320
Speaker 4: loved exercising it really, it just got me going. And

394
00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:25,679
Speaker 4: then so I tried to balance it more. I realized

395
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:27,720
Speaker 4: I was burning myself out. So that's when I started,

396
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,439
Speaker 4: you know, doing a bit more yoga and incorporating. We

397
00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,080
Speaker 4: went to the sauna and I would go and get

398
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:37,480
Speaker 4: kahuna massages, which if anyone doesn't know, it's a Hawaiian massage.

399
00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:40,199
Speaker 4: It changed my life. It was like energy healing. So

400
00:18:40,760 --> 00:18:42,720
Speaker 4: I think for me, I'm such an EmPATH and I'm

401
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:48,240
Speaker 4: so emotional and vulnerable to a lot. Going to events

402
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:50,560
Speaker 4: and being in that industry really started to drain me

403
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:53,560
Speaker 4: a lot. So I had to you know, I didn't

404
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,639
Speaker 4: want to tap out. I just had to use resources

405
00:18:55,640 --> 00:19:00,000
Speaker 4: around me to help me refuel. And I also slowly

406
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:03,439
Speaker 4: started meeting amazing like minded friends there. And I had you, Lola,

407
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:07,119
Speaker 4: Like you don't even realize how big a part you

408
00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:09,880
Speaker 4: played in my life in Sydney, like having you there

409
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:14,680
Speaker 4: to sit with someone that understood firstly, like the language

410
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,800
Speaker 4: I use around spirituality and just you're you're equally as

411
00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:20,560
Speaker 4: vulnerable and emotional, like having I think anyone in their

412
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:23,879
Speaker 4: life that can understand and support you is definitely what

413
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:26,520
Speaker 4: kept me going in that and was like my it

414
00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:28,119
Speaker 4: was like what filled my cup at the.

415
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Speaker 2: End of the day, you know, feelings, mutual ps. I

416
00:19:31,000 --> 00:19:33,080
Speaker 2: was like you would give me that there.

417
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:36,040
Speaker 1: You would bring in this like fiery flirt that I

418
00:19:36,080 --> 00:19:37,120
Speaker 1: was never good at fing.

419
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,720
Speaker 2: You'd be like, you need to feel hot tonight, and

420
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:40,080
Speaker 2: I'm like.

421
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Speaker 3: Oh my god, no, you were.

422
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:45,400
Speaker 4: I like lived through you on any dates that you'd

423
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:48,679
Speaker 4: have or anything, because my love life was zero.

424
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Speaker 3: I was too focused.

425
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,320
Speaker 1: You were so so and I think you still are

426
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:55,359
Speaker 1: so so focused.

427
00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:57,840
Speaker 2: But you're so like I said, I think you're getting

428
00:19:57,880 --> 00:19:59,280
Speaker 2: really good at moderating yourself.

429
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Speaker 4: Now I'm go now, yeah, I mean I got to

430
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:04,640
Speaker 4: the burnout point where I had to leave Sydney.

431
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:05,400
Speaker 3: You know, I got to.

432
00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:09,080
Speaker 4: The point where I was like, I'm jeopardizing any balance

433
00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:12,720
Speaker 4: in my life now because I'm anxious. I'm stressed, like

434
00:20:12,880 --> 00:20:18,920
Speaker 4: beyond stressed. I started having health issues. I was sad

435
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:21,639
Speaker 4: and I would cry all the time, like and I

436
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:25,720
Speaker 4: was ruining the relationships around me, you know, like the

437
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:27,920
Speaker 4: relationship that I'm with my ex. You know, I was

438
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:31,120
Speaker 4: ruining that because I had pushed myself way too far.

439
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,760
Speaker 4: And so I you know, I packed up and I

440
00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:36,040
Speaker 4: left Sydney and I moved to the Gold Coast, which

441
00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:38,240
Speaker 4: at the time, everyone's like, this is going to be

442
00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,040
Speaker 4: terrible for your career, Like this is such a stupid move.

443
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:42,560
Speaker 3: Don't you want to act, don't you want to deal

444
00:20:42,600 --> 00:20:43,240
Speaker 3: with this stuff?

445
00:20:43,280 --> 00:20:46,040
Speaker 4: And I had all this like opposition, and I was

446
00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:48,000
Speaker 4: just like, I have to trust myself that this is

447
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,240
Speaker 4: the right thing. I can always move back to Sydney,

448
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:54,200
Speaker 4: but right now I need to trust my gut and

449
00:20:54,280 --> 00:20:57,359
Speaker 4: trust that this is the right thing. And it sure

450
00:20:57,640 --> 00:20:59,640
Speaker 4: was the best decision totally.

451
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:01,320
Speaker 1: I think we all know the Gold has the best

452
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:05,679
Speaker 1: place to be right now, especially in a pandemic. And

453
00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:07,200
Speaker 1: I'm in the second round of lockdown.

454
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:10,800
Speaker 4: You know all the Victoria's, and I honestly cannot believe it,

455
00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:12,880
Speaker 4: Like I just really hope.

456
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:13,920
Speaker 3: It doesn't happen here.

457
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,680
Speaker 1: Nah, Why why I want to you kind of touch

458
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:20,040
Speaker 1: on it with anxiety and burnout, and I know you've experienced.

459
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:20,879
Speaker 2: Panic attacks before.

460
00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,479
Speaker 1: Can you share a little bit about anxiety and your

461
00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:26,280
Speaker 1: relationship with it, because I know you share so much

462
00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:32,640
Speaker 1: with your community and you speak so openly and vulnerable, vulnerablely, honestly,

463
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:36,520
Speaker 1: thank you. Yeah, yeah, Can you share a bit about anxiety?

464
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:40,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, I honestly, I'm so open and I love actually

465
00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:42,960
Speaker 4: talking about anxiety because I wish that I had when

466
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:44,400
Speaker 4: I was going through it. I wish that I had

467
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,760
Speaker 4: someone that could tell me about their experience because I

468
00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:52,480
Speaker 4: genuinely thought I was going crazy when I first experienced it.

469
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:55,840
Speaker 4: It was so foreign to me because growing up I

470
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:58,920
Speaker 4: was the most positive kid no matter what shitty things

471
00:21:58,960 --> 00:22:01,720
Speaker 4: happened to me. I just quite luckily was blessed with

472
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:06,399
Speaker 4: a glass half full mentality always, and so when I

473
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:09,200
Speaker 4: was faced with anxiety for the first time, it wasn't

474
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:14,679
Speaker 4: just typical anxiety. It was panic anxiety. They diagnosed me

475
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:19,920
Speaker 4: with panic disorder. I genuinely couldn't operate. I felt, oh

476
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,159
Speaker 4: my god, it makes like that that feeling of like

477
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:25,960
Speaker 4: I was tight. My anxiety manifested in my body. It

478
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:28,920
Speaker 4: was very physical. It constantly felt like someone had their

479
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:32,159
Speaker 4: hands around my neck, so I at any all moments

480
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 4: I thought I was going to choke and stop breathing.

481
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:37,800
Speaker 4: And it's like, that's really intense. But it was terrible.

482
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:39,600
Speaker 4: I would never wish anyone to go through what I

483
00:22:39,600 --> 00:22:42,440
Speaker 4: went through with it, and I know people experience anxiety

484
00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:45,919
Speaker 4: in so many different ways, but yeah, I started experiencing

485
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:52,840
Speaker 4: this very physical anxiety panic disorder that lasted for almost

486
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:53,480
Speaker 4: a whole year.

487
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:56,080
Speaker 3: I would say it was really hell.

488
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,399
Speaker 4: I honestly never thought I would ever go back to

489
00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:01,360
Speaker 4: being Kadia. I would refer to myself in third person,

490
00:23:01,400 --> 00:23:04,480
Speaker 4: for God's sake, like it was so isolating. It didn't

491
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,680
Speaker 4: it just it didn't feel like me. And I pretty

492
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:10,879
Speaker 4: much developed this anxiety when I was traveling overseas.

493
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:12,560
Speaker 3: I had just burnt myself.

494
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:16,439
Speaker 4: Out and I had had a really bad head injury.

495
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 4: I got a terrible concussion overseas, which just it just

496
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:23,320
Speaker 4: led to a lot of issues. My gut health then

497
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:27,679
Speaker 4: went out the door. I was having issues with just

498
00:23:27,880 --> 00:23:32,120
Speaker 4: work stress and relationship stress, and then trying to deal

499
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:35,240
Speaker 4: with these new feelings and emotions. It was just really

500
00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:37,160
Speaker 4: a really hard time.

501
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:38,760
Speaker 1: I don't know if you remember, but I remember you

502
00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:42,439
Speaker 1: had a huge work on offer in New York, and

503
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:45,000
Speaker 1: you were the thought of getting and florying and being

504
00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:47,080
Speaker 1: away was almost crippling too.

505
00:23:47,119 --> 00:23:48,480
Speaker 2: You were just like, I don't know what to do,

506
00:23:48,640 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 2: like and.

507
00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:51,960
Speaker 4: It was crippling, Like I was one of the biggest

508
00:23:52,320 --> 00:23:55,040
Speaker 4: work opportunities that I'd been offered to date, Like I

509
00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:58,920
Speaker 4: had been offered to fly to New York and go

510
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:01,199
Speaker 4: and be in the Trust to Me commercial, and I

511
00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:02,879
Speaker 4: was like, oh my god, filming in New York, like

512
00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:05,080
Speaker 4: going to Fashion Week, like this is my dream. And

513
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:07,359
Speaker 4: then there was and then that was the first one.

514
00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,159
Speaker 4: Then it was okay, Then after New York, You'll have

515
00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:11,679
Speaker 4: to fly to Milan and do this, go to the

516
00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,480
Speaker 4: Vasace show with Sephora, and I.

517
00:24:13,440 --> 00:24:14,720
Speaker 2: Was like, oh my god.

518
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,720
Speaker 3: And then it was then after Milan.

519
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:18,840
Speaker 4: Then after Milan, you're gonna fly to Paris and go

520
00:24:18,880 --> 00:24:20,000
Speaker 4: to the Tommy Hill figure show.

521
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:22,760
Speaker 3: And I just was like, this is fucked.

522
00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:25,520
Speaker 4: These are three of the most incredible opportunities, and I

523
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:28,200
Speaker 4: think I'm gonna have to say no because I simply

524
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:32,119
Speaker 4: can't do it. I will die. I honestly thought I

525
00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:35,560
Speaker 4: was gonna die because I I couldn't breathe half of

526
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:37,439
Speaker 4: the time in the day, Like I would cry at

527
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:40,399
Speaker 4: the drop of a hat. Like the feeling of panic

528
00:24:40,440 --> 00:24:43,760
Speaker 4: I constantly had to battle with was insane to me.

529
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:47,560
Speaker 4: But somehow I did it and I went and I

530
00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:49,760
Speaker 4: did it, and I was like, I will regret this

531
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:51,439
Speaker 4: for my entire life. I'm not going to let this

532
00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:55,760
Speaker 4: anxiety beat me or like beat me down. I'm just

533
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:58,359
Speaker 4: going to do it. And you know, it was so

534
00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:02,080
Speaker 4: challenging the whole experience. But wherever your challenge, you're equally supported.

535
00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:04,920
Speaker 4: My mum always says that. And you know, in New York,

536
00:25:04,960 --> 00:25:06,800
Speaker 4: I had the most beautiful makeup artists.

537
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:08,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, with them, I remember Sofia.

538
00:25:09,119 --> 00:25:11,840
Speaker 4: She just supported me and I felt like I had

539
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:14,520
Speaker 4: a big sister there looking after me. And the team

540
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:16,879
Speaker 4: was amazing. And then you know, in Milan, I knew

541
00:25:16,920 --> 00:25:20,000
Speaker 4: the Sephora pr girl and it was just familiar. And

542
00:25:20,040 --> 00:25:22,119
Speaker 4: then in Paris, I was there with one of my

543
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:25,080
Speaker 4: best friends and again that I'm really close with the

544
00:25:25,119 --> 00:25:27,720
Speaker 4: PR team from Tommy Hill figure. So I just had

545
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:29,879
Speaker 4: to look at little those little parts to be like,

546
00:25:29,960 --> 00:25:32,639
Speaker 4: you know, these people, you were supported and the universe

547
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:34,600
Speaker 4: has your back, You're going to be okay.

548
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:36,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, And you.

549
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:39,560
Speaker 4: Know also during that whole time, like my uh my

550
00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:42,240
Speaker 4: ex that I was with, he was from a distance.

551
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:47,000
Speaker 4: He was so supportive and comforting and that also obviously

552
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,800
Speaker 4: helped and having my mom and yeah, so.

553
00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:53,000
Speaker 1: Can I ask and you've touched on like how you

554
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:55,080
Speaker 1: got through that experience where you were like you found

555
00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:57,719
Speaker 1: little support networks with each gig kind of thing like

556
00:25:57,720 --> 00:26:01,360
Speaker 1: with you kind of broke it down into manageable kind

557
00:26:01,359 --> 00:26:05,360
Speaker 1: of like bite size experiences, but on a bigger scale,

558
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:08,640
Speaker 1: like how did you overcome anxiety? Did you get a therapist?

559
00:26:08,760 --> 00:26:11,240
Speaker 1: Did you work on more the body work kind of

560
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:13,760
Speaker 1: stuff with the kahuna? What were your things that kind

561
00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:14,639
Speaker 1: of helped you through?

562
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:18,560
Speaker 4: God, I did absolutely everything. All I said to myself

563
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:21,359
Speaker 4: was from the start, I am never going on medication

564
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:24,760
Speaker 4: for this. I can heal myself. Like I've still in

565
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:27,520
Speaker 4: my life, what is the ones xanax people take for anxiety?

566
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:27,880
Speaker 3: Is it?

567
00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:30,680
Speaker 4: I've never in my life, like I will never touch

568
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:34,280
Speaker 4: it because I've seen it destroy so many people, and

569
00:26:34,320 --> 00:26:36,159
Speaker 4: this is for me personally. I think I have to

570
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:39,200
Speaker 4: say that as a disclaimer, some people should be on medication,

571
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:42,719
Speaker 4: and medication is their best option. For me, I truly

572
00:26:42,760 --> 00:26:45,439
Speaker 4: believe in holistic healings, so I wanted to use myself

573
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:47,399
Speaker 4: as a test study so I could help other people.

574
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 4: So I tried everything. I would journal daily, meditate daily,

575
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 4: I stopped doing high intensity exercise.

576
00:26:57,640 --> 00:26:59,440
Speaker 3: I stopped drinking coffee completely.

577
00:27:00,240 --> 00:27:04,120
Speaker 4: I so that was my start base, which is now

578
00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:06,720
Speaker 4: my base for every single day in my life. I've

579
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:09,119
Speaker 4: gotten back into high intensity exercise now because I can

580
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:13,000
Speaker 4: handle it. But for me, my quartersol levels were ridiculously

581
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:17,280
Speaker 4: high and I needed to fix my gut health. So well,

582
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:19,639
Speaker 4: I guess before I found out all of that, I

583
00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:21,800
Speaker 4: started with these little tools that I knew that helped me.

584
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:25,600
Speaker 4: And then I thought, okay, what next, massage, relaxation. I

585
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:30,439
Speaker 4: need to de stress, and then I started acupuncture. My

586
00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:34,280
Speaker 4: acupuncturists said to me, you need to your body is

587
00:27:34,359 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 4: so burnt out. I've got an amazing nutritionist. You should

588
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:39,280
Speaker 4: go and see her and see what's going on. Maybe

589
00:27:39,280 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 4: you've got gut issues. And I thought, yeah, I've heard

590
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:45,080
Speaker 4: people talk about gut relating to anxiety. I didn't really

591
00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:46,800
Speaker 4: believe in it or know much about it at that point,

592
00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:50,760
Speaker 4: but I booked in and we ran every single test

593
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,000
Speaker 4: under the sun. And I'm like, one of my intolerant too,

594
00:27:53,040 --> 00:27:56,080
Speaker 4: what's going on in my stomach? I did everything and

595
00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:58,480
Speaker 4: all of the results came back and it was pretty

596
00:27:58,520 --> 00:27:59,920
Speaker 4: much like your quarter.

597
00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:01,480
Speaker 3: I was ridiculous, your.

598
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:04,480
Speaker 4: Hormones are so out of whack, No wonder why you

599
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:07,200
Speaker 4: feel emotional all the time. Like all everything started making

600
00:28:07,240 --> 00:28:10,720
Speaker 4: sense and it just started as this elimination process. I

601
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:13,240
Speaker 4: had to start healing my stomach, I had to reduce

602
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 4: my stress to bring down my cortisol, and I had

603
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:19,000
Speaker 4: to just live a slower pace life.

604
00:28:19,040 --> 00:28:20,280
Speaker 3: That was the main thing.

605
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:23,639
Speaker 4: Like I had to just ultimately stop doing everything I

606
00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:27,080
Speaker 4: was doing and relook at my life and put my

607
00:28:27,119 --> 00:28:27,760
Speaker 4: health first.

608
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:31,320
Speaker 1: So yeah, so good, thank you for sharing that, because

609
00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:34,920
Speaker 1: I think anxiety is much more common than people realize.

610
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 1: Like I even, you know, I'm very pro therapy, and

611
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,280
Speaker 1: I have a therapist once a week, and you know,

612
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:42,560
Speaker 1: one day I reveen by explained experience to him. He's like,

613
00:28:42,560 --> 00:28:43,960
Speaker 1: you know, that's a panic attack, and I was like, no,

614
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:46,720
Speaker 1: I've never had panic. I think people don't even realize

615
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:50,800
Speaker 1: that anxiety is often day to day coping mechanism, you.

616
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:51,320
Speaker 3: Know it is.

617
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:55,200
Speaker 1: Next question, You've kind of just alluded to it a

618
00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:56,640
Speaker 1: little bit, and I think you've shared.

619
00:28:57,080 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 2: I watched the vlog about this a little bit.

620
00:28:59,440 --> 00:29:03,240
Speaker 1: About heart break, and your ex who you just mentioned,

621
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:06,880
Speaker 1: was really supportive of you when you went through I

622
00:29:06,920 --> 00:29:09,840
Speaker 1: guess those big moments when the anxiety was kind of

623
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:13,000
Speaker 1: about its gnarliest, it sounds. Is there anything you want

624
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:14,440
Speaker 1: to share about that, because I imagine you would have

625
00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 1: been getting dms frigging months about what's going on with

626
00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:20,360
Speaker 1: you too, because you've both got such massive profiles.

627
00:29:20,880 --> 00:29:21,240
Speaker 3: Yeah.

628
00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:25,960
Speaker 4: I mean I always, as I said with the anxiety, like,

629
00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:31,960
Speaker 4: I am very open talking about anything, most things if

630
00:29:32,000 --> 00:29:35,880
Speaker 4: it can help people on their journeys with themselves and stuff.

631
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,520
Speaker 4: And for me, I can openly speak about my ex

632
00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:40,920
Speaker 4: like hopefully he doesn't mind me talking to this because

633
00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 4: I have no I have no anger anymore or no

634
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:46,400
Speaker 4: hatred nothing like. All I have is love and respect

635
00:29:46,480 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 4: for him because he was such a.

636
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:49,360
Speaker 3: Huge part of my life.

637
00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:52,080
Speaker 4: And I think the hardest thing is and I guess

638
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:54,320
Speaker 4: for anyone who is maybe with someone who's dealing with

639
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:57,440
Speaker 4: really bad mental health problems, or it can be really

640
00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:00,960
Speaker 4: isolating and so hard. I often used to feel like,

641
00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 4: how is he so strong to deal with this? I

642
00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:05,280
Speaker 4: don't even understand what's going on with me? How can

643
00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:08,200
Speaker 4: he still be so loving and supportive? So I have

644
00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:12,320
Speaker 4: so much respect because he went through every single part

645
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:15,840
Speaker 4: of my downfall with me and really held my hand

646
00:30:15,880 --> 00:30:17,600
Speaker 4: through it and was like, no, I'm here and I

647
00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:23,160
Speaker 4: support you. So he did everything that was amazing that

648
00:30:23,200 --> 00:30:25,680
Speaker 4: you could ask for for someone dealing with mental health problems.

649
00:30:25,680 --> 00:30:29,200
Speaker 4: You know, never made me feel like crazy for what

650
00:30:29,280 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 4: I was going through, even though that's what I felt

651
00:30:30,960 --> 00:30:34,800
Speaker 4: like a lot of the time. But yeah, like having

652
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:37,520
Speaker 4: someone and it could be your partner or your mom

653
00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:39,920
Speaker 4: or a best friend. Like just being able to be

654
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:41,760
Speaker 4: open with someone about how you feel when you are

655
00:30:41,800 --> 00:30:44,200
Speaker 4: feeling anxious and have someone just go it's okay, I've

656
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:44,680
Speaker 4: got you.

657
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:48,560
Speaker 3: You know, Like that is meaningful than anything.

658
00:30:48,640 --> 00:30:51,720
Speaker 4: It's powerful and that's love, you know, like having and

659
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 4: remembering that you have those people in your life. It

660
00:30:54,040 --> 00:30:57,760
Speaker 4: only just takes you reaching out to express how you feel.

661
00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,480
Speaker 4: You can have that support whenever, you know, and if

662
00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:04,160
Speaker 4: it's if you don't have those people around you personally,

663
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:09,400
Speaker 4: then there is so many amazing communities and hotlines and

664
00:31:09,480 --> 00:31:12,720
Speaker 4: so much. But I think why I'm open about talking

665
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:16,040
Speaker 4: about this as well as that reaching out for help

666
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 4: is I would not have simply got through what I

667
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:21,840
Speaker 4: went through without that and without you know, for me,

668
00:31:21,880 --> 00:31:24,440
Speaker 4: it was having him by my side because we traveled

669
00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:26,520
Speaker 4: for work a lot as well together, so I had

670
00:31:26,560 --> 00:31:28,600
Speaker 4: the luxury of having him actually be there.

671
00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:32,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think it's so it is freaking beautiful

672
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:35,560
Speaker 1: that you can turn around and say that now, like,

673
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:37,960
Speaker 1: it's pretty amazing and it's very rare, and I think

674
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:40,560
Speaker 1: that it's very nice to be able to go I

675
00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:43,800
Speaker 1: just send only love to that person because the reality is, like,

676
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:47,080
Speaker 1: you've got a past, You've shared epic stuff. Sure, like

677
00:31:47,200 --> 00:31:50,440
Speaker 1: shit stuff as well, but I mean, like any normal,

678
00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 1: healthy relationship. But he's really nice when you get to

679
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:55,680
Speaker 1: that place and you're like, I'm really grateful that we

680
00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:56,160
Speaker 1: shared that.

681
00:31:57,000 --> 00:31:57,200
Speaker 3: Yeah.

682
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:02,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean for me, it was dealing with the

683
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 4: breakup was one of the hardest things to come to

684
00:32:06,320 --> 00:32:09,440
Speaker 4: terms with that it had to end because my mental

685
00:32:09,440 --> 00:32:12,280
Speaker 4: health was just so bad. I was not well, and

686
00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 4: it's weird to admit that now, I guess at the

687
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:16,880
Speaker 4: time it was really hard to say. I honestly, I

688
00:32:16,920 --> 00:32:19,480
Speaker 4: can't deal anymore. I have to I need to come home.

689
00:32:19,520 --> 00:32:21,440
Speaker 4: I need to be on the gold coast. I also

690
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:23,600
Speaker 4: feel like for me, I was not going to heal

691
00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:27,080
Speaker 4: with him in my life because I constantly felt like

692
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:31,160
Speaker 4: I was weighing him down. So I didn't want to

693
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:33,480
Speaker 4: be selfish anymore. I was like, I can't hold you

694
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:35,440
Speaker 4: here just because I need the support. I need to

695
00:32:35,440 --> 00:32:37,640
Speaker 4: be able to support myself on my own.

696
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:40,640
Speaker 3: And so you were.

697
00:32:40,760 --> 00:32:42,960
Speaker 1: You were in the eye of the storm. CARDI when

698
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:45,760
Speaker 1: I went yeah, yeah, yeah.

699
00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:47,640
Speaker 3: I was going through it, and I just I.

700
00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:51,480
Speaker 4: When I ended things, I just said, like, I hope

701
00:32:51,520 --> 00:32:53,880
Speaker 4: you can understand that I'm doing this because I love you,

702
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:57,360
Speaker 4: and that's and and I still hold that. I still

703
00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:00,640
Speaker 4: say that, like I stepped away for that reason, and

704
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:03,560
Speaker 4: like I hope in my life I don't ever have

705
00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:06,479
Speaker 4: relationships that end and I have hatred for them, like

706
00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:10,440
Speaker 4: I think relationships when it's pure real love, like I

707
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:13,200
Speaker 4: gave my all and I did everything, and I gave

708
00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:15,640
Speaker 4: one hundred and ten percent of myself to someone, So

709
00:33:15,680 --> 00:33:17,960
Speaker 4: I would never want to walk away from that any

710
00:33:18,000 --> 00:33:21,480
Speaker 4: relationship I have in my life, like having hatred for them. Obviously,

711
00:33:21,720 --> 00:33:24,960
Speaker 4: shit happens, but I think it's such a beautiful thing.

712
00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:26,880
Speaker 4: I want to look back and be happy, you know,

713
00:33:27,240 --> 00:33:31,120
Speaker 4: and like celebrate those moments like when my all my

714
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 4: friends when I first got into this relationship, so I

715
00:33:32,960 --> 00:33:33,800
Speaker 4: was my first relationship.

716
00:33:33,800 --> 00:33:35,240
Speaker 3: All my friends like this is crazy.

717
00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:37,680
Speaker 4: We never thought you'd be in love or like settle

718
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:41,120
Speaker 4: down because I was the pickiest person in the world,

719
00:33:41,240 --> 00:33:43,720
Speaker 4: Like I could not I know one was ever good

720
00:33:43,800 --> 00:33:46,320
Speaker 4: enough and I could never commit to someone. And I

721
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 4: said used to say, I was like I'm going to

722
00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:50,880
Speaker 4: be alone forever with cats, like seven cats.

723
00:33:51,000 --> 00:33:51,560
Speaker 3: That will be me.

724
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:54,560
Speaker 4: So I celebrate it because I'm like I learned how

725
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:56,400
Speaker 4: to be in love, Like I experienced love.

726
00:33:56,440 --> 00:33:58,040
Speaker 3: It's something I never thought I would have done.

727
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:01,840
Speaker 4: So I think obviously some relationships are harder, like people

728
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:05,600
Speaker 4: that go through abusive relationships, et cetera, Like that's something

729
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:09,279
Speaker 4: completely different. But I think for my situation, like I'm

730
00:34:09,320 --> 00:34:11,239
Speaker 4: so happy I can look back and be like.

731
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:14,600
Speaker 3: Hell, yeah, like we did that. Yeah we did.

732
00:34:14,640 --> 00:34:16,480
Speaker 1: That's that's a testimony.

733
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:18,840
Speaker 3: But we did that.

734
00:34:18,200 --> 00:34:21,799
Speaker 1: That's a testament to on a very kind of like

735
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:25,480
Speaker 1: base level, both being good human beings underneath all the

736
00:34:25,560 --> 00:34:26,960
Speaker 1: other layers and stuff.

737
00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:29,000
Speaker 2: So thank you for sharing that, because.

738
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:31,440
Speaker 1: I know that wouldn't be super easy, and I think

739
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:33,479
Speaker 1: my eyes just maybe warded up a little bit.

740
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:37,719
Speaker 3: Well, but like I s cry Cardia, both.

741
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,319
Speaker 1: Good humans, you know, Like I mean, I've been like

742
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:42,799
Speaker 1: a have a shear memories with both of you, and it.

743
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:43,720
Speaker 2: Was like a little team.

744
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:46,760
Speaker 1: I was like twelve years older, but a good little team.

745
00:34:47,120 --> 00:34:51,080
Speaker 4: I know you were like Mama lolaver I remember. And

746
00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:54,120
Speaker 4: that's the thing, Like he I don't have anger because

747
00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:56,960
Speaker 4: he's a great person. And I will never ever like

748
00:34:57,360 --> 00:34:59,720
Speaker 4: straight from saying that no matter what I've been through

749
00:34:59,760 --> 00:35:03,120
Speaker 4: with someone like, yeah, he's a great person.

750
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:07,440
Speaker 1: I'm so happy that you've shared that because I think

751
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:11,920
Speaker 1: it's really easy to be like and like it's just

752
00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:14,560
Speaker 1: really easy to kind of cut someone after because that

753
00:35:14,640 --> 00:35:18,080
Speaker 1: is easier, especially until the dust settles. That can sometimes

754
00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:20,200
Speaker 1: be the smartest thing in twitter process.

755
00:35:20,280 --> 00:35:22,720
Speaker 4: Yeah, And if anyone's listening that's going through a breakup,

756
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:26,560
Speaker 4: it's like this, I'm we broke up maybe like eight

757
00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:28,799
Speaker 4: months ago, nine months ago now, so it does take time.

758
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:31,920
Speaker 4: Like I can think like this now because I've calmed down,

759
00:35:32,640 --> 00:35:37,319
Speaker 4: I'm not angry anymore. I've done this inner work I have.

760
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:40,080
Speaker 3: But of course when it first happened, you.

761
00:35:40,080 --> 00:35:44,080
Speaker 4: Wouldn't hear me talking like this because yeah, that's natural heartbreak,

762
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:47,440
Speaker 4: hurts and things. Losing your best friend. It's like you

763
00:35:47,480 --> 00:35:51,759
Speaker 4: have to navigate life differently. So I think you know,

764
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:55,240
Speaker 4: I love talking about it because you everywhere. I remember

765
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:58,719
Speaker 4: going through my worst period of the heartbreak, thinking I'm

766
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:01,799
Speaker 4: never gonna be okay with this and I'm never going

767
00:36:01,880 --> 00:36:03,360
Speaker 4: to be able to be nice to him, and I

768
00:36:03,360 --> 00:36:04,680
Speaker 4: don't even know how we're ever going to be able

769
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:06,120
Speaker 4: to be friends because.

770
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:08,520
Speaker 3: Blah blah blah. But you can get there, and.

771
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:15,880
Speaker 4: It's just time, time, time and self development totally totally,

772
00:36:15,920 --> 00:36:18,040
Speaker 4: And I think as well, when you really sit with it,

773
00:36:18,080 --> 00:36:20,319
Speaker 4: they say, there's this famous saying that you bring in

774
00:36:20,360 --> 00:36:23,000
Speaker 4: a mirror of where you're at at your life, like

775
00:36:23,080 --> 00:36:23,879
Speaker 4: your stage.

776
00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:25,520
Speaker 2: In life, and then when you kind of look.

777
00:36:25,440 --> 00:36:27,680
Speaker 1: Back, and I am a bit older that you, so

778
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:29,040
Speaker 1: I can kind of say when you look back, you're like,

779
00:36:29,120 --> 00:36:31,000
Speaker 1: I can see why that relationship habit was to give

780
00:36:31,040 --> 00:36:32,680
Speaker 1: me this gift, and then when you kind of have

781
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:36,680
Speaker 1: this like real gratitude kind of lens on, you become

782
00:36:36,719 --> 00:36:39,239
Speaker 1: grateful for every experience you.

783
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:41,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's what I mean.

784
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:44,040
Speaker 4: Like I always say every single you know, so many

785
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:45,560
Speaker 4: people say and ask like do.

786
00:36:45,520 --> 00:36:46,920
Speaker 3: You regret anything in your life?

787
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:49,000
Speaker 4: Or what was something that you would change, And like

788
00:36:49,120 --> 00:36:50,919
Speaker 4: I honestly say, I don't regret a thing.

789
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:52,239
Speaker 3: I wouldn't change a thing.

790
00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:55,719
Speaker 4: Because even when people like would you want to take

791
00:36:55,960 --> 00:36:57,800
Speaker 4: like would you want to just scrap the whole anxiety

792
00:36:57,920 --> 00:36:59,680
Speaker 4: part of your life? And I'm like, no, I'm so

793
00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:02,880
Speaker 4: happy I went through that. It was terrible going through it,

794
00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:05,000
Speaker 4: but I even remember going through it being like You're

795
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:06,960
Speaker 4: going to use this one day to help people and

796
00:37:06,960 --> 00:37:09,160
Speaker 4: you're going to be able to understand people better. And

797
00:37:09,200 --> 00:37:12,839
Speaker 4: so same with my past relationship and heartbreak, like I

798
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:15,919
Speaker 4: learned so much and coming out of it, I'm such

799
00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:16,960
Speaker 4: a different person now.

800
00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:18,360
Speaker 3: I've grown so much.

801
00:37:18,640 --> 00:37:23,960
Speaker 4: And so every downfall has its incredible lessons and you

802
00:37:24,000 --> 00:37:26,040
Speaker 4: always like you go down and then you rise back

803
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:28,120
Speaker 4: up higher than you were before.

804
00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:29,440
Speaker 3: Like that's truly what I believe.

805
00:37:29,880 --> 00:37:31,799
Speaker 2: You need to write a book. Just put it out

806
00:37:31,800 --> 00:37:33,240
Speaker 2: of the day day.

807
00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:36,880
Speaker 1: The next thing I want to talk about is I

808
00:37:37,040 --> 00:37:40,440
Speaker 1: just received your incredible bikinis in the in the mail,

809
00:37:41,239 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 1: and there I love the way you speak to body image,

810
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:46,960
Speaker 1: and I can you share a bit about like I

811
00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:50,120
Speaker 1: know you've had your own kind of like journey and

812
00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:53,960
Speaker 1: growth with personal body image, weight, all of that kind

813
00:37:54,000 --> 00:37:57,160
Speaker 1: of jazz. Could she about that, but also your vision

814
00:37:57,320 --> 00:38:00,800
Speaker 1: or your perspective on body image, because you're so open

815
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:02,879
Speaker 1: about your messaging with that, and I freaking love it.

816
00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:05,520
Speaker 4: I think for me, it's always I never want to

817
00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:08,560
Speaker 4: come online and say that I'm at one hundred percent

818
00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:11,200
Speaker 4: healthy place with my body image, because I'm not. It

819
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:13,880
Speaker 4: is something that honestly, I have to work on every

820
00:38:13,880 --> 00:38:18,160
Speaker 4: single day. Like I have the most extreme body dysmorphia,

821
00:38:18,400 --> 00:38:21,960
Speaker 4: Like it's terrible, and it really hinders my life in

822
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:24,840
Speaker 4: so many ways because I've come from losing like thirty

823
00:38:24,920 --> 00:38:26,200
Speaker 4: kilos since I was young.

824
00:38:26,239 --> 00:38:29,080
Speaker 3: I was very overweight when I was younger, And I.

825
00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:32,960
Speaker 4: Think being in the industry has so much fucking pressure

826
00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:37,040
Speaker 4: to be something that is really quite unrealistic for me

827
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:38,920
Speaker 4: to be, at least at this stage in my life,

828
00:38:38,960 --> 00:38:45,239
Speaker 4: you know, So I think my I don't even know

829
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:48,279
Speaker 4: how to summarize it. My take on it is I

830
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:50,719
Speaker 4: have to just remind myself every day that I am

831
00:38:50,800 --> 00:38:53,319
Speaker 4: unique for my own amazing reasons and my body does

832
00:38:53,360 --> 00:38:56,360
Speaker 4: not define that. I always try and think like my

833
00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:58,640
Speaker 4: mind is more powerful than that. Like what I have

834
00:38:58,719 --> 00:39:01,200
Speaker 4: to say the energy into a room, Like I want

835
00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:04,440
Speaker 4: to impact people with that, not how perfect is my

836
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:06,759
Speaker 4: body or how skinny am I or how you know.

837
00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:09,680
Speaker 4: And I've also as I've gotten old, I've learned to

838
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:11,759
Speaker 4: love the body I'm in. I look at it as

839
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:14,080
Speaker 4: a way of like my legs have taken me so

840
00:39:14,120 --> 00:39:16,760
Speaker 4: many places. My eyes have seen so much beautiful stuff,

841
00:39:16,800 --> 00:39:19,880
Speaker 4: like my you know, taking it back to that, like

842
00:39:19,960 --> 00:39:22,319
Speaker 4: my body keeps me alive and pumping, and this is

843
00:39:22,360 --> 00:39:24,560
Speaker 4: my home. And that's my main thing that I say,

844
00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:27,080
Speaker 4: Like this is my home. I can't jump into someone

845
00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:31,040
Speaker 4: else's body. I need to make this space beautiful and livable,

846
00:39:31,280 --> 00:39:33,000
Speaker 4: Like I can't make it a living hell. It's I

847
00:39:33,520 --> 00:39:36,399
Speaker 4: it's physically impossible for me to like jump into someone

848
00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:39,920
Speaker 4: else's body. So and if I have these big goals

849
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:43,440
Speaker 4: to be you know, to get fit or change my physique,

850
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:45,400
Speaker 4: It's not going to happen if I'm hating on myself.

851
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:48,000
Speaker 4: It's as simple as that, Like you don't have that.

852
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:50,399
Speaker 4: It's not coming from a loving place, it's not coming

853
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:51,280
Speaker 4: from a good place.

854
00:39:51,440 --> 00:39:52,600
Speaker 3: It's your body.

855
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:54,560
Speaker 4: Would just feel stressed and be like, no, we're not

856
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:56,760
Speaker 4: doing that totally totally.

857
00:39:56,800 --> 00:40:01,600
Speaker 1: You've got to have the right mindset around even you know,

858
00:40:01,640 --> 00:40:04,000
Speaker 1: I'm nutritionist, but often people come to you for weight loss,

859
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:06,080
Speaker 1: and I now will say, if you're coming to me

860
00:40:06,120 --> 00:40:08,439
Speaker 1: for weight loss, we're gonna work on your your brain

861
00:40:08,600 --> 00:40:10,600
Speaker 1: and you're probably gonna need to see a therapist.

862
00:40:10,239 --> 00:40:12,200
Speaker 2: Because it's so much more going on.

863
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:16,040
Speaker 4: And that's where I'm at now with it, Like I

864
00:40:16,120 --> 00:40:19,640
Speaker 4: for me personally, like I've had to struggle with fighting

865
00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:22,560
Speaker 4: my brain on my body issues all the time, and

866
00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:24,920
Speaker 4: weight loss is like something that has been in my

867
00:40:24,960 --> 00:40:26,480
Speaker 4: life since I was so young.

868
00:40:26,520 --> 00:40:28,279
Speaker 3: I'm constantly feeling like I have to.

869
00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:31,040
Speaker 4: I feel like I have to really stay on top

870
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:33,759
Speaker 4: of it because for me, I don't know if it's

871
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:36,080
Speaker 4: just in my like I mean, my genetics is tricky,

872
00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:39,000
Speaker 4: Like I've grown up being a bit overweight. My dad's

873
00:40:39,040 --> 00:40:41,880
Speaker 4: side is quite overweight, like it's it runs in our family.

874
00:40:42,000 --> 00:40:44,160
Speaker 4: So I have to be more aware. I have to

875
00:40:44,200 --> 00:40:45,600
Speaker 4: put in the effort. I have to make sure I'm

876
00:40:45,600 --> 00:40:47,600
Speaker 4: eating really healthy. I have to make sure I'm working

877
00:40:47,640 --> 00:40:50,439
Speaker 4: out for me, it's just not crossing a line of

878
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:54,560
Speaker 4: pushing myself too hard or going into like crazy obsessive

879
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:58,120
Speaker 4: eating habits, which in the past I have, And it's

880
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:01,240
Speaker 4: I'm still repairing myself from being in those places.

881
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:03,960
Speaker 3: It's not it's not maint you can't maintain it.

882
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:06,960
Speaker 4: It's not totally. It's not long that you can't what's

883
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:08,960
Speaker 4: the word. There's no longevity in that.

884
00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:10,279
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not sustainable.

885
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:14,719
Speaker 3: You need a sustainable Yeah, I was looking for I always.

886
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:17,400
Speaker 1: Say to people like, what's the long term game? And

887
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:19,520
Speaker 1: is it out of a sense of loving who you are?

888
00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:21,960
Speaker 1: And you've got a very good sense of loving who

889
00:41:21,960 --> 00:41:23,440
Speaker 1: you are. I remember you and I went to event

890
00:41:23,480 --> 00:41:26,480
Speaker 1: together once in Sydney and I was telling shit about myself.

891
00:41:26,680 --> 00:41:28,440
Speaker 1: I think it was dating that X and you were like,

892
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:30,480
Speaker 1: you're coming out with me tonight.

893
00:41:30,600 --> 00:41:33,600
Speaker 2: And I walked into the room. I think there was

894
00:41:33,640 --> 00:41:35,719
Speaker 2: a media wall, and you're a natural on a media wall.

895
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:37,920
Speaker 1: And I'm like a big goober and always feel like

896
00:41:38,239 --> 00:41:40,280
Speaker 1: I shouldn't be there full.

897
00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:42,800
Speaker 3: I feel it's fake it till your amazing.

898
00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:44,400
Speaker 2: But you said to me.

899
00:41:44,640 --> 00:41:46,560
Speaker 1: I don't know if you remember this, but you said

900
00:41:46,600 --> 00:41:48,520
Speaker 1: to me, you need to walk into the room and

901
00:41:48,520 --> 00:41:49,960
Speaker 1: be like, I am a goddess.

902
00:41:50,160 --> 00:41:53,760
Speaker 3: Do you remember that? Yes, I do. I remember.

903
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 4: It was like the thing that when I remember when

904
00:41:56,040 --> 00:41:57,439
Speaker 4: I used to go to LA when I was really

905
00:41:57,480 --> 00:41:59,360
Speaker 4: young too, and I would walk into these rooms with

906
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:03,440
Speaker 4: these you know, all these people like in the industry,

907
00:42:03,480 --> 00:42:04,719
Speaker 4: and I would be like, oh my god, oh my god.

908
00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:07,080
Speaker 4: And I used to channel this and the I had

909
00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:09,880
Speaker 4: like this tarot deck and it was the goddess cards.

910
00:42:09,880 --> 00:42:11,799
Speaker 4: I don't remember, but or some I don't know, just

911
00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:13,360
Speaker 4: this thing I learned when I was younger, and I.

912
00:42:13,360 --> 00:42:14,560
Speaker 3: Would go, you are a goddess.

913
00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:16,840
Speaker 4: You have to like walk in with this like golden

914
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:20,120
Speaker 4: light above you, put your back up straight, have these

915
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:23,440
Speaker 4: like hypnotizing eyes, like just turn it on, fake it

916
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:26,080
Speaker 4: till you make it. They then walk in and people

917
00:42:26,400 --> 00:42:29,279
Speaker 4: are attracted to confidence. That's what they see. So I

918
00:42:29,320 --> 00:42:32,760
Speaker 4: just would have to, like, you know, zone into that moment.

919
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:34,720
Speaker 4: And that's I remember saying to you, like just channel

920
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:37,799
Speaker 4: goddess energy and be that because you are that and

921
00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 4: people you know, they're not going to question you there,

922
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:42,359
Speaker 4: They'll just be like, oh man, look at this girl

923
00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:44,600
Speaker 4: and she's confident and beaming.

924
00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:46,120
Speaker 2: I love it.

925
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:46,680
Speaker 3: I love it.

926
00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:48,440
Speaker 1: That's I still have to work on it, but I

927
00:42:48,480 --> 00:42:50,400
Speaker 1: always remember that with you, that you taught me.

928
00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:54,800
Speaker 2: You've taught me so much. I want to quick as Padam.

929
00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:56,440
Speaker 3: I said, vice versa.

930
00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:57,840
Speaker 2: Oh man, nah na na, oh you.

931
00:42:58,760 --> 00:43:01,000
Speaker 1: I want to quickly ask about this is mine because

932
00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:03,640
Speaker 1: it was a short fit is it called? A short

933
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:08,480
Speaker 1: film that came out a couple of weeks ago. I

934
00:43:08,520 --> 00:43:10,960
Speaker 1: loved it, but also I got to see you act

935
00:43:11,040 --> 00:43:14,560
Speaker 1: for the first time, so was acting coming back into

936
00:43:14,600 --> 00:43:15,479
Speaker 1: the forefront for.

937
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:17,360
Speaker 3: You now for sure?

938
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 4: I mean, Mess's Mine was pretty much me reaching out

939
00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 4: to my friend Emily saying, I'm so sick of my bullshit.

940
00:43:23,280 --> 00:43:25,720
Speaker 4: I need to I say, like, you know, I've studied

941
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:29,319
Speaker 4: acting since I was like nine, and I'm not doing

942
00:43:29,360 --> 00:43:31,759
Speaker 4: anything with it, and I'm so passionate about it, but

943
00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 4: I'm I'm scared.

944
00:43:33,160 --> 00:43:35,000
Speaker 3: I'm honestly scared to do it.

945
00:43:34,880 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 4: Now because I've put I've put it off for so

946
00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:38,520
Speaker 4: long into its all right, I'm going to write a

947
00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:40,160
Speaker 4: script and let's just do a film in la And

948
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:42,279
Speaker 4: I was like Okay, so I flew over and we

949
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:45,120
Speaker 4: did that, And I mean, for me personally, I think

950
00:43:45,160 --> 00:43:48,200
Speaker 4: it was a great learning experience. I in other podcasts

951
00:43:48,200 --> 00:43:50,640
Speaker 4: and online I've mentioned like, it's not my I don't

952
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:54,400
Speaker 4: love watching it back because for me personally, it's terrible acting.

953
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:56,359
Speaker 3: It wasn't my best I had.

954
00:43:56,600 --> 00:43:58,160
Speaker 4: I was in the I was in the storm of

955
00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:01,319
Speaker 4: the breakup, so I was not focused, and you know,

956
00:44:01,360 --> 00:44:03,239
Speaker 4: there's so many things they would have done differently. But

957
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 4: I think it coming out of me watching it definitely

958
00:44:06,280 --> 00:44:10,120
Speaker 4: ignited my passion for acting again, and kind of like

959
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:13,600
Speaker 4: that art form, it's so close to my heart and

960
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:15,920
Speaker 4: it's something that ever since I was little, like it

961
00:44:16,040 --> 00:44:17,320
Speaker 4: was the only thing people would say, what do you

962
00:44:17,320 --> 00:44:19,040
Speaker 4: want to be when you grow up? And I got

963
00:44:19,040 --> 00:44:21,279
Speaker 4: to be an actress, and it was just always that's

964
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:22,799
Speaker 4: what I was destined to do.

965
00:44:22,880 --> 00:44:23,640
Speaker 3: I always said that.

966
00:44:23,719 --> 00:44:26,360
Speaker 4: But slow as I you know, I've gotten older, I

967
00:44:26,440 --> 00:44:29,719
Speaker 4: realized I'm passionate about a lot of things. So now

968
00:44:29,760 --> 00:44:31,920
Speaker 4: I am definitely trying to get back into it. I'm

969
00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:34,800
Speaker 4: on the coast. I'm going to find a new acting

970
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:37,560
Speaker 4: coach and just reach out to friends that want to

971
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:40,000
Speaker 4: do short So just like I love playing around with

972
00:44:40,040 --> 00:44:43,680
Speaker 4: other creatives and doing stuff along the lines of that.

973
00:44:43,800 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 3: But it's for me.

974
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:48,000
Speaker 4: I'm not putting pressure on it though, like when it comes,

975
00:44:48,040 --> 00:44:51,960
Speaker 4: when it happens naturally, it will come. And I've learnt

976
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:54,480
Speaker 4: with myself if I try force something, it just it

977
00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:56,600
Speaker 4: just doesn't work totally.

978
00:44:56,640 --> 00:44:59,160
Speaker 1: And I think for you, you're creative in so many ways,

979
00:44:59,239 --> 00:45:01,880
Speaker 1: Like I know you've got a singing teacher.

980
00:45:01,520 --> 00:45:03,359
Speaker 2: As well, Is that right, yes?

981
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:09,439
Speaker 1: And I like I think for you, as long as

982
00:45:09,480 --> 00:45:13,479
Speaker 1: you're doing something creative, you will feel fulfilled in some way.

983
00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:15,879
Speaker 3: Do you want to know something funny? Yeah, I don't

984
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:16,879
Speaker 3: know if you'll remember this.

985
00:45:17,280 --> 00:45:22,399
Speaker 4: So I never in my life considered ever doing music ever,

986
00:45:22,600 --> 00:45:24,480
Speaker 4: but it was always something I loved. I was always

987
00:45:24,520 --> 00:45:26,760
Speaker 4: involved in the music industry, whether it be my friends

988
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:31,840
Speaker 4: in music, like I have lots of friends in DJs, singers, performers, artists, managers,

989
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:35,000
Speaker 4: or it was me going to concerts and gigs like.

990
00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:37,719
Speaker 4: I always loved music, and I remember we always talked

991
00:45:37,719 --> 00:45:38,719
Speaker 4: about music together.

992
00:45:38,480 --> 00:45:39,040
Speaker 3: And we loved it.

993
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:42,400
Speaker 4: And do you remember when we were sitting in the

994
00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:45,120
Speaker 4: treehouse and we were doing angel cards and you drew

995
00:45:45,200 --> 00:45:48,520
Speaker 4: me the music for manifesting card and you said to me,

996
00:45:49,200 --> 00:45:51,239
Speaker 4: you're going to sing, or like you need to sing,

997
00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:54,319
Speaker 4: and I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no way, never,

998
00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:56,640
Speaker 4: like it's one of my biggest fears. I can't sing

999
00:45:56,680 --> 00:45:59,279
Speaker 4: in front of people, Like the thought of singing in

1000
00:45:59,320 --> 00:46:01,160
Speaker 4: front of people make me terrified.

1001
00:46:01,239 --> 00:46:03,480
Speaker 3: Yet I could act in front of whoever.

1002
00:46:03,520 --> 00:46:06,040
Speaker 4: You know, Like, I remember it was you that ignited

1003
00:46:06,080 --> 00:46:09,799
Speaker 4: it years ago, and not until the end of last

1004
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:13,080
Speaker 4: year did I go, hey, actually maybe we should give

1005
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:15,200
Speaker 4: this a try. But I always remembered it coming from you,

1006
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:17,279
Speaker 4: going you've got to do this. Your soul is so

1007
00:46:17,360 --> 00:46:19,719
Speaker 4: aligned with it. And that's how I kind of came

1008
00:46:19,760 --> 00:46:21,360
Speaker 4: to the conclusion of it. I was like, you have

1009
00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:24,520
Speaker 4: no idea how to do this, you're terrified of this.

1010
00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:27,400
Speaker 3: Give it a red hot shot, Just give it a go.

1011
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:28,719
Speaker 2: Ah.

1012
00:46:28,760 --> 00:46:30,840
Speaker 1: I can totally see you doing it. It's one hundred

1013
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:32,640
Speaker 1: percent within you. You will laugh so hard. I went to

1014
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:36,000
Speaker 1: an acting class right before lockdown and there was a

1015
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:39,120
Speaker 1: new acting school and the teacher just goes, you kind

1016
00:46:39,120 --> 00:46:41,480
Speaker 1: of pointed me, is like, stand up in front of everyone,

1017
00:46:41,560 --> 00:46:44,200
Speaker 1: so everyone was sitting in seats in order. He goes,

1018
00:46:44,239 --> 00:46:46,759
Speaker 1: you got to sing and I was like, what, I

1019
00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:49,360
Speaker 1: don't sing like, I'm very aware that's not on my

1020
00:46:49,480 --> 00:46:53,359
Speaker 1: goal list at all. I'm tone if unlike you, you're

1021
00:46:53,440 --> 00:46:56,480
Speaker 1: super talented. I have been watching you have a little

1022
00:46:56,560 --> 00:47:00,200
Speaker 1: dabble on the gram when you see and I'm always like,

1023
00:47:00,320 --> 00:47:02,399
Speaker 1: my boyfriends are producer Matt, and I'm like, quick, Matt,

1024
00:47:02,480 --> 00:47:04,359
Speaker 1: look at this, and he's like, she could do it.

1025
00:47:04,440 --> 00:47:06,279
Speaker 1: She could do it, so he gets so we both

1026
00:47:06,320 --> 00:47:08,439
Speaker 1: get so gat up when you put I'm.

1027
00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:11,880
Speaker 4: Just such a perfectionist though, because for me, when I

1028
00:47:11,880 --> 00:47:14,600
Speaker 4: hear myself sing like, I don't actually think I'm a vocalist.

1029
00:47:14,680 --> 00:47:17,120
Speaker 4: I think I just I actually really love writing poetry.

1030
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:19,160
Speaker 4: And for years I've been writing these poems. And it

1031
00:47:19,200 --> 00:47:22,080
Speaker 4: all started when I was like maybe. I was like,

1032
00:47:22,120 --> 00:47:23,879
Speaker 4: I want to be in the music industry so bad,

1033
00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:25,839
Speaker 4: I'm so passionate about it. I was like, I'll write

1034
00:47:25,880 --> 00:47:27,840
Speaker 4: songs for people. That's what I'll do. I'll be a songwriter.

1035
00:47:27,960 --> 00:47:30,279
Speaker 4: And then I remember being like, wait, no, I can't

1036
00:47:30,320 --> 00:47:31,560
Speaker 4: write them my songs.

1037
00:47:31,640 --> 00:47:35,240
Speaker 3: I want to sing my songs like classic Leo.

1038
00:47:35,360 --> 00:47:37,600
Speaker 4: I was like, that's like, you know, I'd write these

1039
00:47:37,680 --> 00:47:39,879
Speaker 4: deep poems. I was like, no, no one else could

1040
00:47:39,920 --> 00:47:41,360
Speaker 4: sing this, it has to come from me. And I

1041
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:43,560
Speaker 4: was like, Okay, look, you don't have to be the

1042
00:47:43,560 --> 00:47:44,280
Speaker 4: best singer.

1043
00:47:44,080 --> 00:47:45,880
Speaker 3: In the world. Your words.

1044
00:47:46,320 --> 00:47:48,680
Speaker 4: It was more I guess I'm so drawn to music

1045
00:47:48,719 --> 00:47:50,600
Speaker 4: because I have so much I want to say, and

1046
00:47:50,640 --> 00:47:54,320
Speaker 4: I know music has transformed my life, and certain artists

1047
00:47:54,360 --> 00:47:56,799
Speaker 4: have transformed my life by just what their words and

1048
00:47:56,800 --> 00:48:00,840
Speaker 4: the emotions. So I'm like, I understand a motive things,

1049
00:48:01,000 --> 00:48:03,920
Speaker 4: I understand how to I guess translate how I feel

1050
00:48:03,960 --> 00:48:07,399
Speaker 4: into art forms. Why not try this and just get

1051
00:48:07,440 --> 00:48:11,319
Speaker 4: amazing producers to help me and we can work with

1052
00:48:11,400 --> 00:48:14,279
Speaker 4: auto tune until I trained my voice to be good.

1053
00:48:14,680 --> 00:48:18,120
Speaker 1: Your voice, actually, I think you've got singing dysmorphia. You

1054
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:22,160
Speaker 1: know how you said you've got your voice sounds freaking

1055
00:48:22,239 --> 00:48:23,239
Speaker 1: amazing easy.

1056
00:48:23,360 --> 00:48:26,080
Speaker 3: My roommate said, she goes, you've got voice dysmorphia. Cardia.

1057
00:48:26,160 --> 00:48:28,680
Speaker 3: I was like, ah, probably.

1058
00:48:28,600 --> 00:48:31,520
Speaker 1: Definitely, definitely do. I can't believe I quickly this has gone.

1059
00:48:31,640 --> 00:48:34,400
Speaker 1: What is next for you? CARDI like, I know you

1060
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:37,200
Speaker 1: were saying just on into stories today or yesterday. You're like,

1061
00:48:37,360 --> 00:48:40,000
Speaker 1: it's been an exciting couple of weeks, so what's whatever

1062
00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:41,200
Speaker 1: you can share what's next?

1063
00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:41,840
Speaker 2: On the agenda.

1064
00:48:42,480 --> 00:48:45,680
Speaker 4: I've got no no hidden agendas atm I honestly, it's

1065
00:48:45,680 --> 00:48:47,480
Speaker 4: so annoying ham when people like, I'm working on this

1066
00:48:47,640 --> 00:48:49,920
Speaker 4: really exciting project, but i can't tell you what it is,

1067
00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:53,000
Speaker 4: so just let everyone know I'm not actually working on

1068
00:48:53,320 --> 00:48:54,600
Speaker 4: anything exciting right now.

1069
00:48:54,600 --> 00:48:55,160
Speaker 3: That's hidden.

1070
00:48:56,040 --> 00:48:58,719
Speaker 4: I've been pretty I've been actually really upfront with what

1071
00:48:58,760 --> 00:49:01,240
Speaker 4: I've been doing. I was going to like keep music

1072
00:49:01,440 --> 00:49:05,040
Speaker 4: hush hush, because I've not made much yet. I've just

1073
00:49:05,160 --> 00:49:10,040
Speaker 4: it's still I'm just playing right now, so that's.

1074
00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:12,200
Speaker 3: What I'm doing. I'm just kind of like Lola.

1075
00:49:12,200 --> 00:49:14,120
Speaker 4: I'll show you on my webcam there's my little piano

1076
00:49:14,200 --> 00:49:17,000
Speaker 4: at the side if you can go. Yeah, I've just

1077
00:49:17,200 --> 00:49:20,440
Speaker 4: been spending time learning about playing that.

1078
00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:21,720
Speaker 3: I've been writing a lot.

1079
00:49:21,840 --> 00:49:26,040
Speaker 4: I've been working on really cool social campaigns, you know.

1080
00:49:26,040 --> 00:49:29,600
Speaker 4: I make Glassons bikini collab, and then we shot some

1081
00:49:29,680 --> 00:49:33,000
Speaker 4: still cool stuff for Pandora, and I guess what I'm

1082
00:49:33,040 --> 00:49:35,680
Speaker 4: trying to do at the moment moving forward, while time's

1083
00:49:35,680 --> 00:49:41,560
Speaker 4: are really turbulent and weird and we can't really predict

1084
00:49:41,600 --> 00:49:43,480
Speaker 4: what's going to happen in the next few months, I've

1085
00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:46,719
Speaker 4: just been trying to be very present but with my

1086
00:49:47,160 --> 00:49:51,120
Speaker 4: current work, I'm trying to go, Okay, how can I

1087
00:49:51,160 --> 00:49:53,520
Speaker 4: take this and make it something really beautiful with a

1088
00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:54,120
Speaker 4: lot of soul.

1089
00:49:54,239 --> 00:49:54,920
Speaker 3: So I guess, you.

1090
00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:57,719
Speaker 4: Know, for my Pandora job, most of the time you

1091
00:49:57,760 --> 00:49:59,160
Speaker 4: get a brief and it's like, hey, we want a

1092
00:49:59,239 --> 00:50:02,720
Speaker 4: video on Instea, we want a few stills. So I went, Okay,

1093
00:50:02,719 --> 00:50:04,520
Speaker 4: can I have a production budget so I can get

1094
00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:06,799
Speaker 4: my friend who's an amazing filmmaker to come in and

1095
00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:08,680
Speaker 4: make this a piece of art. And I'm so happy

1096
00:50:08,680 --> 00:50:10,759
Speaker 4: they were like yes. So I got to sit with

1097
00:50:10,760 --> 00:50:13,080
Speaker 4: my friend Isaac, who's just starting out, you.

1098
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:15,840
Speaker 3: Know, filmmaking, and I was like, what's your ideas for this?

1099
00:50:15,920 --> 00:50:17,040
Speaker 3: How can we make this amazing?

1100
00:50:17,040 --> 00:50:21,359
Speaker 4: And he created this beautiful, whimsical little short film kind

1101
00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:24,960
Speaker 4: of vibe talking about what makes me me, and it

1102
00:50:25,160 --> 00:50:27,600
Speaker 4: just I think what I'm trying to do with any

1103
00:50:27,640 --> 00:50:30,600
Speaker 4: of my social media jobs moving forward is actually making

1104
00:50:30,640 --> 00:50:33,720
Speaker 4: them all little works of art and just pushing myself

1105
00:50:33,719 --> 00:50:35,920
Speaker 4: to be more creative again and not be so lazy

1106
00:50:35,960 --> 00:50:39,040
Speaker 4: with it. Just so I'm in that creative flow and

1107
00:50:39,080 --> 00:50:42,400
Speaker 4: I'm impacting people in a positive way, even if it

1108
00:50:42,480 --> 00:50:43,640
Speaker 4: is a brand brand deal.

1109
00:50:43,719 --> 00:50:46,879
Speaker 2: You know, I feel like your YouTube feels very that too.

1110
00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:50,160
Speaker 2: Like you've always kept the artiness, don't you feel try?

1111
00:50:50,480 --> 00:50:53,000
Speaker 4: And I mean I've definitely lost it a lot, and

1112
00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:55,600
Speaker 4: I've slackened off a lot in all honesty, Like I

1113
00:50:55,680 --> 00:50:58,600
Speaker 4: used to. Creative editing used to be a big passion

1114
00:50:58,640 --> 00:51:01,760
Speaker 4: of mine, but sadly, after years of doing it so much,

1115
00:51:01,880 --> 00:51:04,480
Speaker 4: I did lose that spark for it a bit. But

1116
00:51:04,520 --> 00:51:06,160
Speaker 4: it comes every once in a while, and I always

1117
00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:08,279
Speaker 4: still try and make sure every video I post has

1118
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:11,680
Speaker 4: that Cardier flare to it, but I know people want

1119
00:51:11,719 --> 00:51:14,319
Speaker 4: to see more of that, but I don't ever want

1120
00:51:14,360 --> 00:51:16,640
Speaker 4: to put out something that's false if I'm not feeling it.

1121
00:51:16,680 --> 00:51:17,960
Speaker 3: I'm not feeling it, and I don't want to.

1122
00:51:18,000 --> 00:51:21,000
Speaker 4: I don't want to force force it just because you know,

1123
00:51:21,480 --> 00:51:24,000
Speaker 4: I want it to be authentic, and so I'm just

1124
00:51:24,040 --> 00:51:27,319
Speaker 4: playing with different ways of doing that while, you know,

1125
00:51:27,680 --> 00:51:30,080
Speaker 4: while I came while while we're stuck here, because I

1126
00:51:30,120 --> 00:51:31,960
Speaker 4: was supposed to move right now, you know, I was

1127
00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:35,600
Speaker 4: supposed to be living overseas and doing that whole thing,

1128
00:51:35,680 --> 00:51:38,439
Speaker 4: but the universe has slowed us all down, and I'm

1129
00:51:38,480 --> 00:51:40,560
Speaker 4: trying to just take advantage.

1130
00:51:40,000 --> 00:51:43,680
Speaker 3: Of this time as much as I am frustrated.

1131
00:51:44,600 --> 00:51:46,799
Speaker 2: Where do you want to go first? When everything's safe

1132
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:48,560
Speaker 2: to travel?

1133
00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:51,840
Speaker 4: I was tossing up at first. It was just always

1134
00:51:51,960 --> 00:51:53,839
Speaker 4: la and that's you know, for both of us. We

1135
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:56,480
Speaker 4: were we were both supposed to be relocating at the

1136
00:51:56,480 --> 00:52:01,400
Speaker 4: same time, the treehouse in another tree, you know, doing

1137
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:04,960
Speaker 4: that whole thing. But before isolation happened, I actually went

1138
00:52:05,000 --> 00:52:07,359
Speaker 4: to London for I was in Paris for a job

1139
00:52:07,400 --> 00:52:10,080
Speaker 4: of Sepphora, and then I went to London after for

1140
00:52:10,160 --> 00:52:12,759
Speaker 4: a mom and I just want I brought my mom

1141
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:14,120
Speaker 4: with me and I was like, we should just make

1142
00:52:14,160 --> 00:52:16,200
Speaker 4: the most of this while we're in Europe. And we

1143
00:52:16,239 --> 00:52:18,920
Speaker 4: went to London and I just had the most magical

1144
00:52:18,960 --> 00:52:21,400
Speaker 4: time there. I don't know what it was. My soul

1145
00:52:21,560 --> 00:52:25,200
Speaker 4: was like, you need to be here. This is something ignited.

1146
00:52:25,320 --> 00:52:28,279
Speaker 3: So I actually think once the world opens up.

1147
00:52:28,239 --> 00:52:31,800
Speaker 4: Again, I might go to London for a few months

1148
00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:35,839
Speaker 4: and just play around with some creatives there. And it's

1149
00:52:35,960 --> 00:52:38,799
Speaker 4: music is really popping off there and there's lots of

1150
00:52:40,120 --> 00:52:42,560
Speaker 4: people in the industry over there making music and stuff,

1151
00:52:43,040 --> 00:52:45,880
Speaker 4: so I might try that, and also just to experiment

1152
00:52:45,920 --> 00:52:47,759
Speaker 4: with somewhere new and push myself.

1153
00:52:47,440 --> 00:52:50,120
Speaker 3: Out of my Campa zone. And then get to La.

1154
00:52:50,280 --> 00:52:52,680
Speaker 3: But I mean, America is kind of scaring me right now.

1155
00:52:52,680 --> 00:52:56,960
Speaker 2: So I don't know. Yeah, you gotta wait for I'm

1156
00:52:57,000 --> 00:52:57,560
Speaker 2: a bit weird.

1157
00:52:57,840 --> 00:53:00,160
Speaker 4: It's a big it's a big shift over there, so

1158
00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:02,560
Speaker 4: I honestly don't know when that's gonna happen.

1159
00:53:03,040 --> 00:53:05,799
Speaker 1: Side note, if anyone's listening a couple, well, well people

1160
00:53:05,840 --> 00:53:07,840
Speaker 1: are listening. Can't see Cardie right now, she's got a

1161
00:53:07,840 --> 00:53:08,720
Speaker 1: crystal in her hand.

1162
00:53:10,680 --> 00:53:12,480
Speaker 3: I didn't even know that I was doing that.

1163
00:53:12,560 --> 00:53:14,840
Speaker 4: I just like, look, I've got my I've got my

1164
00:53:14,920 --> 00:53:16,319
Speaker 4: crystal oil roll.

1165
00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:19,040
Speaker 3: I just that's so weird. I just picked that up.

1166
00:53:19,040 --> 00:53:20,440
Speaker 3: I didn't even mean I love it.

1167
00:53:20,560 --> 00:53:22,839
Speaker 2: I love it. One last thing, And I just want

1168
00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:23,319
Speaker 2: to end on this.

1169
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:26,080
Speaker 1: For people that are listening that are too afraid to

1170
00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:27,640
Speaker 1: take the jump to trace.

1171
00:53:27,480 --> 00:53:29,640
Speaker 2: A dream, what would your advice be to them?

1172
00:53:31,000 --> 00:53:31,239
Speaker 1: Oh?

1173
00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:33,680
Speaker 3: My god, so much.

1174
00:53:34,120 --> 00:53:38,040
Speaker 4: Just for me, I think the biggest thing with let's

1175
00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:42,319
Speaker 4: use music as an example. I could sit there, and

1176
00:53:42,360 --> 00:53:44,880
Speaker 4: I did sit there for years, thinking, God, wouldn't it

1177
00:53:44,920 --> 00:53:47,480
Speaker 4: be amazing to one day get up on a stage

1178
00:53:47,520 --> 00:53:52,080
Speaker 4: and sing and make people feel something? And I thought,

1179
00:53:52,880 --> 00:53:54,560
Speaker 4: oh God, yeah, that would be cool. And then I'd

1180
00:53:54,560 --> 00:53:56,799
Speaker 4: move forward, and then I had this one day where

1181
00:53:56,840 --> 00:53:59,440
Speaker 4: I sat there and I went, you are going to

1182
00:53:59,600 --> 00:54:03,000
Speaker 4: regret this Cardier if imagine if you are like eighty

1183
00:54:03,040 --> 00:54:05,080
Speaker 4: years old and you're still dreaming of being on a

1184
00:54:05,080 --> 00:54:07,880
Speaker 4: stage singing, but your time has passed. So for me,

1185
00:54:07,920 --> 00:54:10,360
Speaker 4: it was I came to the I came to the

1186
00:54:10,400 --> 00:54:12,279
Speaker 4: terms of my head being like, you're gonna regret this

1187
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:15,040
Speaker 4: if you don't just try, and there's no harm in trying.

1188
00:54:15,080 --> 00:54:17,560
Speaker 4: It doesn't matter if you fail. And this is why

1189
00:54:17,600 --> 00:54:19,279
Speaker 4: I say, like, I don't really know how to sing,

1190
00:54:19,320 --> 00:54:20,520
Speaker 4: but I'm gonna put in the effort.

1191
00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:21,960
Speaker 3: I'm going to put in the time and I'm going

1192
00:54:22,040 --> 00:54:22,480
Speaker 3: to learn.

1193
00:54:22,640 --> 00:54:25,359
Speaker 4: And I know that with anything in life, like when

1194
00:54:25,360 --> 00:54:27,760
Speaker 4: you put your mind to something and you really believe

1195
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:30,560
Speaker 4: it and you manifest it and you are committed to

1196
00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:32,920
Speaker 4: it and you're committed to yourself and you're self disciplined,

1197
00:54:33,239 --> 00:54:36,400
Speaker 4: you can literally make anything possible. You can make anything happen.

1198
00:54:36,880 --> 00:54:40,680
Speaker 4: It's just and I say this in this very harsh

1199
00:54:40,760 --> 00:54:44,440
Speaker 4: word because I'm also telling myself and reminding myself of.

1200
00:54:44,400 --> 00:54:45,640
Speaker 3: This exact thing.

1201
00:54:46,880 --> 00:54:51,400
Speaker 4: It just takes that streamline focus and commitment to yourself

1202
00:54:51,600 --> 00:54:53,600
Speaker 4: and trust in yourself.

1203
00:54:53,200 --> 00:54:56,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're inspiring me so much, you would love.

1204
00:54:56,040 --> 00:54:58,520
Speaker 1: I've got an acting teacher in LA but we do

1205
00:54:58,560 --> 00:55:01,720
Speaker 1: our classes in via zoom. He's a actor called Cody

1206
00:55:01,760 --> 00:55:04,800
Speaker 1: Fern and he's on like American Horror Story and sash

1207
00:55:05,040 --> 00:55:08,799
Speaker 1: Fsachi and House of Cards, like pretty massive, massive deal

1208
00:55:09,160 --> 00:55:11,560
Speaker 1: and he says, he's like, you need to fall in

1209
00:55:11,600 --> 00:55:14,200
Speaker 1: love with doing the work a hundred.

1210
00:55:14,400 --> 00:55:15,440
Speaker 2: Don't be lazy.

1211
00:55:15,480 --> 00:55:19,239
Speaker 1: And he said he goes, ask your parents generation if

1212
00:55:19,239 --> 00:55:23,600
Speaker 1: they've got any regrets, and he's like, unfortunately, most people

1213
00:55:23,640 --> 00:55:25,400
Speaker 1: will have regrets. And he's like, just don't let it

1214
00:55:25,440 --> 00:55:27,560
Speaker 1: be like, do the work, take the risks. And he

1215
00:55:27,840 --> 00:55:29,680
Speaker 1: kept saying to me because I do a Southern accent

1216
00:55:29,680 --> 00:55:30,920
Speaker 1: and I was so scared of doing it.

1217
00:55:30,920 --> 00:55:33,759
Speaker 2: And he's like, you're reading the lead. He's like, you're

1218
00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:35,880
Speaker 2: reading the lead today, Lalaura. I was like oh. And

1219
00:55:35,920 --> 00:55:39,120
Speaker 2: he goes he goes, have the courage to fail. And

1220
00:55:39,200 --> 00:55:41,200
Speaker 2: I loved it. But it's the same thing with you

1221
00:55:41,239 --> 00:55:43,719
Speaker 2: with your singing. It's the exact same kind of like

1222
00:55:43,880 --> 00:55:46,600
Speaker 2: method that you need. It's just like works so hard

1223
00:55:46,680 --> 00:55:47,520
Speaker 2: that you must.

1224
00:55:47,320 --> 00:55:50,319
Speaker 4: And it's stripping away the ego. It's just like ah,

1225
00:55:50,640 --> 00:55:53,360
Speaker 4: and for me I'm such a perfectionist. It's exactly that.

1226
00:55:53,480 --> 00:55:57,400
Speaker 4: It's be what did you say it was, be be

1227
00:55:57,960 --> 00:56:01,480
Speaker 4: open to fail or like yeah, embarrass yourself or to stumble,

1228
00:56:01,520 --> 00:56:03,960
Speaker 4: and like everyone has to learn at some point, like

1229
00:56:04,600 --> 00:56:06,279
Speaker 4: I think, for me, so much in my life has

1230
00:56:06,320 --> 00:56:09,960
Speaker 4: come either from this second nature knowing or something that

1231
00:56:10,000 --> 00:56:12,040
Speaker 4: I did when I was younger. So it's it's it's

1232
00:56:12,080 --> 00:56:15,040
Speaker 4: been almost easy. Like acting for me was not easy,

1233
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:17,840
Speaker 4: but it was always second nature. Music is not second

1234
00:56:17,920 --> 00:56:20,200
Speaker 4: nature to me. It's something I have to learn from scrap.

1235
00:56:20,280 --> 00:56:22,960
Speaker 4: But I know how proud I'll be of myself. And

1236
00:56:23,360 --> 00:56:26,480
Speaker 4: that's the thing. Regret I haven't lived with regret already,

1237
00:56:26,520 --> 00:56:29,760
Speaker 4: Like I sorry, I don't regret much or practically anything

1238
00:56:29,800 --> 00:56:32,040
Speaker 4: in my life because it's a lesson. I will regret

1239
00:56:32,080 --> 00:56:34,359
Speaker 4: this if I don't try, like I know, it will

1240
00:56:34,400 --> 00:56:36,000
Speaker 4: be the one thing I'll go to my death by

1241
00:56:36,120 --> 00:56:38,520
Speaker 4: going God, I'm fucking pissed off at Ucadia for not

1242
00:56:38,600 --> 00:56:42,920
Speaker 4: doing that. Thinking about it now makes me annoyed it myself.

1243
00:56:42,960 --> 00:56:44,279
Speaker 3: So I'm like, put in the.

1244
00:56:44,280 --> 00:56:46,440
Speaker 1: Time, you're gonna get off this podcast and be like

1245
00:56:46,719 --> 00:56:48,480
Speaker 1: piano's out, We're gonna have it.

1246
00:56:49,800 --> 00:56:55,279
Speaker 4: We are having a session together, but I go it's frustrating,

1247
00:56:55,320 --> 00:56:56,080
Speaker 4: but I'll get there.

1248
00:56:57,040 --> 00:56:58,680
Speaker 2: And I think that's important to mention.

1249
00:56:58,800 --> 00:57:03,360
Speaker 1: Growth is frustrating, and growth isn't comfortable. And that feeling

1250
00:57:03,360 --> 00:57:05,680
Speaker 1: you get with singing, I get that with acting school

1251
00:57:05,719 --> 00:57:07,720
Speaker 1: every time I have to go up. But the feeling

1252
00:57:07,719 --> 00:57:09,919
Speaker 1: you get on the other side of that is this

1253
00:57:10,120 --> 00:57:13,800
Speaker 1: real sense of it's accomplishment. I did something that I

1254
00:57:13,840 --> 00:57:14,840
Speaker 1: was fucking scared.

1255
00:57:14,600 --> 00:57:16,400
Speaker 3: Of and your overcoming affears.

1256
00:57:16,480 --> 00:57:19,040
Speaker 4: What I've learned and what I go for now is Okay,

1257
00:57:19,040 --> 00:57:20,400
Speaker 4: what scares me the most?

1258
00:57:20,920 --> 00:57:22,760
Speaker 3: Okay for me, it's singing acting.

1259
00:57:22,840 --> 00:57:26,360
Speaker 4: Okay, run, run towards it, absolutely, because once you get

1260
00:57:26,400 --> 00:57:29,200
Speaker 4: over that hurdle, you are going to feel like a

1261
00:57:29,240 --> 00:57:30,600
Speaker 4: wonder woman goddess.

1262
00:57:31,680 --> 00:57:34,680
Speaker 1: That is the perfect way to end this podcast. Cardi Milan,

1263
00:57:34,760 --> 00:57:37,520
Speaker 1: you are freakin incredible. Thank you so so much.

1264
00:57:38,000 --> 00:57:39,800
Speaker 3: You thank you for having me on.

1265
00:57:40,080 --> 00:57:41,080
Speaker 2: It's been too long.

1266
00:57:42,280 --> 00:57:45,240
Speaker 4: I know, seriously, I want Corona to be over so

1267
00:57:45,240 --> 00:57:45,800
Speaker 4: I can give.

1268
00:57:45,640 --> 00:57:47,240
Speaker 3: You a high.

1269
00:57:47,320 --> 00:57:49,320
Speaker 2: I know, thank you so so much. I'm going to

1270
00:57:49,320 --> 00:57:49,840
Speaker 2: get matten here.

1271
00:57:49,840 --> 00:57:53,160
Speaker 1: This help has ended because I don't want effort up booming.

1272
00:57:55,360 --> 00:58:00,480
Speaker 1: That's a wrap on another episode of Fearlessly Failing. As

1273
00:58:00,520 --> 00:58:03,840
Speaker 1: always thank you to our guests, and let's continue the

1274
00:58:03,880 --> 00:58:05,520
Speaker 1: conversation on Instagram.

1275
00:58:06,080 --> 00:58:08,240
Speaker 2: I'm at Yamo Lollaberry.

1276
00:58:08,880 --> 00:58:13,040
Speaker 1: This potty my word for podcast is available on all

1277
00:58:13,120 --> 00:58:17,040
Speaker 1: streaming platforms. I'd love it if you could subscribe, rate

1278
00:58:17,200 --> 00:58:19,919
Speaker 1: and comment and of course spread the love.

1279
00:58:20,160 --> 00:58:20,400
Speaker 3: Boo