WEBVTT - 10 mistakes I've made as a mother... 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.200 I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the 0:00:03.320 --> 0:00:06.640 land on which this episode is being recorded, the Coomboo 0:00:06.720 --> 0:00:10.560 Marry people. We pay our respects to elders past, present 0:00:10.640 --> 0:00:14.360 and emerging and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and 0:00:14.400 --> 0:00:22.759 Torres Strait Islander peoples. Today I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson, 0:00:22.880 --> 0:00:24.919 and this is the Rise and Conquer Podcast. 0:00:30.000 --> 0:00:31.320 This is the podcast where. 0:00:31.120 --> 0:00:35.000 We have mindset, self development and becoming your higher self 0:00:35.560 --> 0:00:38.239 mix soon with a lot of laughs, plus behind the 0:00:38.280 --> 0:00:41.479 scenes of my life running two businesses and being among 0:00:42.040 --> 0:00:44.640 Think of us as the perfect combo of brunch with 0:00:44.720 --> 0:00:48.239 your besties mixed with self development. No matter where you 0:00:48.320 --> 0:00:51.240 are in your journey, we're here to help you be curious, 0:00:51.520 --> 0:00:57.120 pull yourself out, and embrace radical self awareness. If you're 0:00:57.160 --> 0:00:59.520 ready to get into the driver's seat of your own 0:00:59.560 --> 0:01:02.840 life and stop letting life past you by, then you're 0:01:02.840 --> 0:01:14.560 in the right place. Hello, my loves, and welcome back 0:01:14.560 --> 0:01:17.759 to the podcast. With Mother's Day coming up this weekend, 0:01:18.080 --> 0:01:21.240 we thought it would be the perfect time to share 0:01:21.280 --> 0:01:25.520 a little bonus episode of the ten mistakes I've made 0:01:25.760 --> 0:01:30.880 as a mother. Now, obviously there are more of these, 0:01:31.040 --> 0:01:33.480 and these are just kind of like the ten biggest 0:01:33.560 --> 0:01:36.280 lessons that I have learned over the past two and 0:01:36.280 --> 0:01:40.679 a half years with Ivy Girl, and it was really 0:01:40.959 --> 0:01:45.200 cool to reflect and I really feel like becoming a 0:01:45.319 --> 0:01:50.960 mum has been my biggest evolution yet and has really 0:01:51.240 --> 0:01:54.640 shaped me into who I am today. And I love 0:01:54.680 --> 0:02:00.640 it because there was so much identity and limiting belief 0:02:00.640 --> 0:02:05.240 work that I had to go through. It really blew 0:02:05.360 --> 0:02:08.799 up my life and made me I guess, rethink, rethink, 0:02:08.960 --> 0:02:11.720 and redo how I do life. And I feel like, 0:02:11.760 --> 0:02:15.239 if you're a mom, you completely know what I'm talking about. 0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:18.400 And that's actually why we are doing a little sale 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:22.320 on Rebirth, which is our Motherhood on your Own Terms 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:27.200 mindset course. So this course is a four week module 0:02:27.400 --> 0:02:32.440 plus meditations and workbooks, and it just takes you through 0:02:33.280 --> 0:02:38.040 basically how to reprogram your mindset if you're struggling as 0:02:38.360 --> 0:02:42.959 a mum or a new mum, and create beliefs that 0:02:43.160 --> 0:02:48.120 serve you and your family, because becoming a mum can 0:02:48.200 --> 0:02:51.160 really give you a lot of It can kind of 0:02:51.160 --> 0:02:53.160 give you this box that you feel like you have 0:02:53.400 --> 0:02:57.639 to fit into, especially because it's something that you've never done. 0:02:57.760 --> 0:02:59.600 And then you become a mom so you're looking to 0:03:00.120 --> 0:03:03.440 your mom. Did you know what your sister did? Arnie's 0:03:03.520 --> 0:03:06.799 you know, people on TV, and sometimes we can really 0:03:06.919 --> 0:03:12.200 take on these beliefs and normalize things that we don't 0:03:12.240 --> 0:03:16.480 actually have to. So really working and just having a 0:03:16.520 --> 0:03:18.839 look at your mindset and your beliefs as a mom 0:03:19.040 --> 0:03:22.639 is such a powerful tool. And that's why we created Rebirth. 0:03:23.280 --> 0:03:26.280 And you know, as you birthed your babies, you really 0:03:26.320 --> 0:03:29.720 are birthing yourself in this new season. And it is 0:03:29.800 --> 0:03:33.120 normally five five five, and we are discounting it to 0:03:33.280 --> 0:03:38.120 two to two, so huge discount. This is only for 0:03:38.160 --> 0:03:41.680 the next couple of days, guys, So if you're listening 0:03:41.760 --> 0:03:44.560 in real time, make sure you go to the show 0:03:44.600 --> 0:03:48.320 notes and it should be directly discounted on our website. 0:03:48.560 --> 0:03:58.320 But let's get into this episode. So number one, Ivy 0:03:58.760 --> 0:04:03.200 is always a mirror for the stuff that I'm going 0:04:03.240 --> 0:04:07.360 through or the stuff that I'm feeling, and she will 0:04:07.400 --> 0:04:12.120 bring up triggers so I can work through them. And 0:04:12.160 --> 0:04:16.080 so if you guys don't know, triggers are basically things 0:04:16.080 --> 0:04:19.839 that activate us. They show us parts of ourselves that 0:04:20.720 --> 0:04:24.520 we don't accept, that we haven't integrated, that we think 0:04:24.560 --> 0:04:29.279 are wrong that we haven't allowed. For example, a trigger 0:04:29.320 --> 0:04:31.800 that I worked out I kind of had on my 0:04:32.080 --> 0:04:35.120 mum was I was very loud. I was very out 0:04:35.120 --> 0:04:37.440 there and she was the opposite. She was very quiet, 0:04:37.960 --> 0:04:40.680 you know, good girl, like sweetest woman ever. And so 0:04:41.480 --> 0:04:45.600 me being out there and loud and like authentically myself 0:04:45.839 --> 0:04:48.240 used to trigger her and she'd be like, tew to 0:04:48.279 --> 0:04:51.400 you too loud, like you're so full on and so 0:04:51.560 --> 0:04:55.120 like our kids are just mirroring to us, like parts 0:04:55.160 --> 0:04:59.120 of ourselves that we haven't accepted. So when you notice, 0:04:59.560 --> 0:05:02.880 you know, when I notice Ivy, like there's certain things 0:05:02.920 --> 0:05:06.919 that really trigger me. Instead of getting angry at her 0:05:07.160 --> 0:05:10.760 or like getting really you know worked up, I'm thinking, 0:05:11.680 --> 0:05:14.800 why is this upsetting me so much? Like what could 0:05:15.000 --> 0:05:19.760 this lesson be? And it has been so good because 0:05:20.160 --> 0:05:23.760 for me, Ivy really triggers my patients. I have no 0:05:24.080 --> 0:05:31.560 I have no patience to you. I'm like, you don't 0:05:31.600 --> 0:05:34.840 have to tell to you dvice and so like when 0:05:35.000 --> 0:05:38.200 Ivy's going really slow, I'm like I can tell him 0:05:38.240 --> 0:05:41.320 getting like annoyed. And it's because I can't hold that 0:05:41.520 --> 0:05:45.880 within myself, right, if that makes sense. Yeah, And so 0:05:46.440 --> 0:05:49.680 they're so beautiful kids, because they just are such a 0:05:49.720 --> 0:05:52.920 mirror to all our own stuff and they really help 0:05:53.040 --> 0:05:55.600 like healing, which a lot of the lessons go back 0:05:55.640 --> 0:05:58.799 to healing. But that's kind of like my first mistake 0:05:58.839 --> 0:06:02.159 because I used to you know, snap or get angry 0:06:02.640 --> 0:06:05.800 or be a bit worked up. But now that I 0:06:05.839 --> 0:06:09.480 can lean into Ivy as a mirror, what could this be? 0:06:09.720 --> 0:06:13.640 You know, telling me it's it's been a game changer. 0:06:14.080 --> 0:06:16.839 Do you have an example of a mirror where she 0:06:16.920 --> 0:06:20.120 might be doing something you didn't allow yourself or give 0:06:20.120 --> 0:06:22.640 yourself permission to do, Like how you were with your mum. 0:06:22.680 --> 0:06:25.479 You were authentically yourself and she didn't let herself do that. 0:06:26.120 --> 0:06:31.400 When she I notice myself get really uncomfortable when she 0:06:31.480 --> 0:06:34.760 has a huge tantrum and she shows a lot of 0:06:34.800 --> 0:06:39.320 emotion because I'm someone who's very emotionless, but like I 0:06:39.360 --> 0:06:44.280 don't feel she's like, you know, I'm composed. Yeah, And 0:06:44.360 --> 0:06:48.919 so when she's like in the depths of her emotions, 0:06:49.839 --> 0:06:54.160 I can feel myself get uncomfortable and get triggered interesting, 0:06:54.400 --> 0:06:56.960 and I'm like, wow, this is literally just because I 0:06:56.960 --> 0:06:59.000 don't allow myself to fully feel my feelings. 0:06:59.080 --> 0:07:01.960 And do you feel like since you've realized that you've 0:07:02.000 --> 0:07:05.080 allowed yourself to feel your feelings more, so much more. 0:07:05.320 --> 0:07:10.160 That's good, Like I cry so much more being a mom. Ah, 0:07:10.320 --> 0:07:14.080 it's really sweet. That is very sweet. So mistake number 0:07:14.080 --> 0:07:16.480 two is trying to control. 0:07:19.320 --> 0:07:20.560 I feel it comes up a lot. 0:07:20.880 --> 0:07:22.680 I feel like every single mother would be. 0:07:22.600 --> 0:07:25.640 Like, yes, I hear you, I hear you. 0:07:25.760 --> 0:07:28.200 I feel like you know a lot of us Galleys 0:07:28.240 --> 0:07:31.080 who are working moms or you know, we've got our 0:07:31.120 --> 0:07:34.920 side hustle. We can be control freaks. And Ivy is 0:07:34.960 --> 0:07:39.440 my greatest like surrender story I have. Just like it 0:07:39.560 --> 0:07:42.840 started from before she was born, when me and Tim 0:07:42.840 --> 0:07:46.440 were trying to conceive, and I remember being in this 0:07:46.800 --> 0:07:51.720 energy of like I just want a baby. Yeah, I 0:07:52.040 --> 0:07:56.880 just want a baby, and I was so was so controlling. 0:07:57.120 --> 0:07:59.840 I would like, you know, take pregnancy every single month 0:08:00.160 --> 0:08:02.840 six days before and then four days before, and like 0:08:03.400 --> 0:08:05.960 I was so obsessed and I was like doing all 0:08:05.960 --> 0:08:08.160 the tests and we were seeing all the doctors, and 0:08:09.200 --> 0:08:11.240 you know, she was just gonna come when she was 0:08:11.280 --> 0:08:15.320 meant to come, and so she really taught me surrender. 0:08:15.680 --> 0:08:18.920 And then you know, having a newborn, Oh my god, 0:08:18.960 --> 0:08:21.600 it's just like the wild West because you just you 0:08:21.640 --> 0:08:24.080 can't control anything. You don't know when they sleep, you 0:08:24.080 --> 0:08:27.480 don't know when they are poohing and wing and breastfeeding 0:08:27.520 --> 0:08:30.720 and all those sorts of things. So you really just 0:08:30.760 --> 0:08:37.840 have to be like surrender, full, receiving and allowing energy. 0:08:38.320 --> 0:08:44.240 I didn't enjoy the newborn phase because I wanted control right, 0:08:44.640 --> 0:08:46.839 I wanted things to go my way, and I didn't 0:08:46.920 --> 0:08:49.560 enjoy it. And that's definitely a regret that I have 0:08:49.880 --> 0:08:52.800 as a new mom, And that's advice i'd give new moms. 0:08:52.800 --> 0:08:55.599 It's like, let go control. 0:08:57.080 --> 0:08:59.560 At what point do you feel you completely let gov? 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:05.000 Well, I honestly feel like not until like recently when 0:09:05.000 --> 0:09:10.520 she's a toddler, and I'm just like whatever, whatever, I 0:09:10.520 --> 0:09:13.000 feel like. Honestly, it's because I've been doing my own 0:09:13.040 --> 0:09:16.200 personal work and I realize how much control I need 0:09:16.240 --> 0:09:18.920 to have over everything, and so, you know, in my 0:09:19.000 --> 0:09:22.360 own personal development journey, it's been so beautiful to then 0:09:22.440 --> 0:09:25.640 have that you know, mirrord to Ivy from me, and 0:09:26.559 --> 0:09:29.400 now it's so incredible because even I notice how much 0:09:29.400 --> 0:09:32.679 I surrender with Like Tim said the other day, should 0:09:32.679 --> 0:09:35.720 we take Ivy to a speech pathologist? Because you know 0:09:35.800 --> 0:09:37.920 she's not saying as many words as the other kids 0:09:37.920 --> 0:09:41.960 in KINDI and I'm like, she's fine, she's gonna talk. 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:43.360 Yeah, she's the chatter box. 0:09:43.440 --> 0:09:47.520 Like let's leave it, let's not let it run its course. 0:09:47.640 --> 0:09:51.520 But instead of being anxious and like, oh all right, 0:09:51.559 --> 0:09:53.080 I'll go to the doctor and whatnot, because that's what 0:09:53.120 --> 0:09:55.360 we did when she was a newborn, I went to 0:09:55.600 --> 0:09:58.800 like a chiropractor and this doctor and that doctor and 0:09:58.880 --> 0:10:02.200 so yeah, yeah, I just like I'm like, oh my god, 0:10:02.520 --> 0:10:05.360 I wish I obviously wish I had this earlier on, 0:10:05.559 --> 0:10:07.520 but to like have this now and have this for 0:10:07.600 --> 0:10:12.920 like the next baby so beautiful. To learn surrender and 0:10:12.960 --> 0:10:14.800 not be control all the time. 0:10:15.040 --> 0:10:15.480 I love it. 0:10:15.480 --> 0:10:18.480 It's also just like so much like less work. Yeah, 0:10:18.559 --> 0:10:23.440 let's stress. Literally, what is your third mistake? Okay, so 0:10:23.800 --> 0:10:29.680 realizing if you are over protective with your child, it's 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:33.600 usually because it's a moment where you're trying to protect 0:10:33.800 --> 0:10:34.920 your inner child. 0:10:35.320 --> 0:10:36.720 Ah. 0:10:37.040 --> 0:10:40.240 I learned this and I was like, whoa, So again 0:10:40.280 --> 0:10:42.079 this is like kind of the same concept of them 0:10:42.080 --> 0:10:46.240 being a mirror. But I noticed that again, like Tim 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:49.640 was commenting a lot about Ivy's behavior and her being 0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:52.760 like really full on and she is she's high energy, 0:10:52.840 --> 0:10:55.760 she's high spirited. But I noticed I was getting triggered 0:10:55.840 --> 0:10:57.679 and I was getting a bit annoyed at him, and 0:10:57.720 --> 0:10:59.680 I was like trying to and we'd have like, you know, 0:10:59.760 --> 0:11:03.000 some fights, and i'd be a bit frustrated, and I 0:11:03.040 --> 0:11:06.080 was trying to figure this out, and I realize it's 0:11:06.120 --> 0:11:09.400 because I felt like growing up, I didn't have that 0:11:09.480 --> 0:11:10.160 protection for. 0:11:10.280 --> 0:11:11.400 Me, like little me. 0:11:12.360 --> 0:11:14.720 So sometimes we can really get in our egos where 0:11:14.720 --> 0:11:18.600 we're like, no, she's allowed to do that, blah blah blah. 0:11:18.840 --> 0:11:19.400 Yeah. 0:11:19.440 --> 0:11:21.760 It's so interesting because I only had this moment because 0:11:21.800 --> 0:11:24.960 my best friend realized this too. She had a mum 0:11:25.040 --> 0:11:28.400 who was really strict and didn't let her do anything 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:31.640 and was like a bit cold, and so with her daughter, 0:11:31.760 --> 0:11:33.440 she kind of lets her do everything and she's like 0:11:33.640 --> 0:11:37.360 so affectionate, but probably to the point where she absolutely 0:11:38.520 --> 0:11:42.520 has not you know, yeah, you know, the opposite spectrum 0:11:43.360 --> 0:11:47.360 for correction. Yeah, And she's like, it's because I get 0:11:47.440 --> 0:11:50.560 so protective over her because no one was protective for me. 0:11:51.320 --> 0:11:55.240 Oh, I know, now that you said that, I feel 0:11:55.240 --> 0:11:58.160 like that's so common because I noticed my mom doing 0:11:58.200 --> 0:12:01.800 it about aspects of my person that would reminder of 0:12:01.840 --> 0:12:05.600 herself and also for my sister because like she was 0:12:05.640 --> 0:12:09.280 the second child and her older sister everyone like always 0:12:09.320 --> 0:12:13.000 commented on her achievement, so she like made sure my 0:12:13.120 --> 0:12:17.720 sister got extra yeah almost yeah yeah, and so you 0:12:17.720 --> 0:12:21.120 can see now yeah why so it's good. 0:12:20.920 --> 0:12:23.040 Like we're we're absolutely allowed to do that. It's quite 0:12:23.160 --> 0:12:26.559 healing for our inner child. But it's just having awareness 0:12:26.600 --> 0:12:30.040 of it. Yeah, so you're not you know, favoriting one 0:12:30.120 --> 0:12:32.360 child or like you know, just having a bit more 0:12:32.440 --> 0:12:34.600 so like me being like, oh okay, I can probably 0:12:34.640 --> 0:12:35.600 fucking relax a bit. 0:12:36.480 --> 0:12:36.760 Yeah. 0:12:37.000 --> 0:12:42.480 So so interesting. Next one is I realized I wasn't 0:12:42.520 --> 0:12:43.520 a good communicator. 0:12:45.400 --> 0:12:47.760 Guy of my mouth is open wild. 0:12:47.880 --> 0:12:50.040 I know, she literally has a podcast or she has 0:12:50.280 --> 0:12:55.000 talk all day what And I realized this because anytime 0:12:55.160 --> 0:12:58.679 that Ivy was acting out or would throw a tantrum, 0:12:58.760 --> 0:13:00.960 I would kind of backtrack, and it was a lot 0:13:01.080 --> 0:13:06.480 about me not properly communicating and talking to her. It's 0:13:06.520 --> 0:13:08.720 so funny though, because you have this newborn and they're 0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:10.880 like this little potato and you just gotta like take 0:13:10.960 --> 0:13:13.480 it places and do stuff for it, and it doesn't know, 0:13:13.640 --> 0:13:15.440 it doesn't like tell you what to do and then 0:13:15.480 --> 0:13:18.440 it turns into this toddler who's like, no, you can't 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:20.720 just pick me up, like you gotta ask me. 0:13:21.120 --> 0:13:22.200 Yeah. 0:13:22.240 --> 0:13:24.520 So for example, I went through this whole stage where 0:13:24.600 --> 0:13:29.800 I'd have to like be like, so, Ivy, we're going 0:13:29.840 --> 0:13:34.520 to have dinner. We've got lasagna, it's delicious, and then 0:13:34.840 --> 0:13:36.840 we're gonna go upstairs. We're going to have a shower, 0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:39.360 we're gonna wash the dogs. Then we're gonna get into 0:13:39.360 --> 0:13:42.160 our pajamas, and then we're gonna do this and you know, 0:13:42.240 --> 0:13:45.520 like really communicating to her so she knows what's happening. 0:13:45.640 --> 0:13:49.480 Because I think with kids, we so often she should 0:13:49.480 --> 0:13:51.760 do what I say, yeah, because I'm the adult and 0:13:51.800 --> 0:13:52.480 you're the child. 0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:54.239 Yeah. And then this little child. 0:13:54.040 --> 0:13:56.240 Is like I'm just getting constantly bossed around and I 0:13:56.320 --> 0:13:59.520 have no autonomy. And then even that's like if they 0:13:59.600 --> 0:14:02.520 constant like that, they'll grow up with no autonomy and 0:14:02.679 --> 0:14:06.960 they will normalize that. So it's like making sure you're communicating. 0:14:07.000 --> 0:14:11.160 And even you know, Ivy hit me the other day 0:14:11.960 --> 0:14:14.120 and so I you know, I said to her, I 0:14:14.280 --> 0:14:17.199 V like, we don't buy, we don't bite our friends 0:14:17.800 --> 0:14:20.880 and our family, and you know that hurts mummy and then. 0:14:21.080 --> 0:14:25.120 So we had a conversation later after and I said, ivy, 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:27.720 do we buy and she said no, that hurts mummy. 0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:30.840 Oh so it's because I, like I communicated, not just 0:14:30.920 --> 0:14:34.440 being like no, don't buy, it's like explaining to her 0:14:34.600 --> 0:14:37.800 and explaining it. I did not do that, like I 0:14:37.840 --> 0:14:40.880 actually had to. I know that probably sounds so simple, Yeah, 0:14:40.920 --> 0:14:43.000 but I didn't do that at the start when she 0:14:43.040 --> 0:14:45.040 was a toddler and I would just like pick her 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:46.600 up and take her up, take her to the car, 0:14:46.760 --> 0:14:50.640 or like whatnot, and she would have a lot of reactions. 0:14:50.840 --> 0:14:53.440 I feel like, what's wrong, We're just going in the car? Yeah, 0:14:53.480 --> 0:14:56.240 and those sorts of things, and even yeah, like I've 0:14:56.280 --> 0:14:59.360 just had so many moments where I just communicate with 0:14:59.400 --> 0:15:02.480 her and I get down on her level and everything's fine. 0:15:02.800 --> 0:15:07.640 Wow, that's really powerful. What was your next mistake? Number five? 0:15:08.280 --> 0:15:14.760 Not having enough fun? I realized am actually a bit 0:15:14.800 --> 0:15:18.920 of a serious sally. He doesn't like having that much fun. No, 0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:26.520 not really, we are so serious where I hear we 0:15:26.560 --> 0:15:27.240 are lots of fun. 0:15:27.280 --> 0:15:29.920 We are lots of fun. But it can be I 0:15:30.360 --> 0:15:34.440 totally relate on like forgetting how serious you might take things. 0:15:34.920 --> 0:15:38.800 Yeah, I take things yeah. Yeah, Like but E friend's 0:15:38.840 --> 0:15:41.280 like having about dumb moment and we're like, we're not 0:15:41.320 --> 0:15:43.720 saving lives here. No, it's fine, we don't need to 0:15:43.720 --> 0:15:46.080 cry about this. But also it's fine to cry. 0:15:46.240 --> 0:15:46.560 Yeah. 0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:50.320 Yeah, I realized that I toltally and this was because 0:15:51.720 --> 0:15:53.400 I could just be pulling this out of thin air. 0:15:53.440 --> 0:15:58.360 But I swear in my childhood, I didn't like play 0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:00.920 a lot with my parents, Like I played with my 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:03.560 brothers because I had bloody three of them. Yeah you 0:16:03.600 --> 0:16:08.240 were the four Yeah childhood, you know, bestie, But I 0:16:08.280 --> 0:16:10.400 didn't really play with mom and dad. So it's like 0:16:10.440 --> 0:16:13.240 I had this concept that not that you don't play 0:16:13.240 --> 0:16:15.520 with the children, but I just that never happened to me. 0:16:15.760 --> 0:16:19.280 So it's like this foreign thing where I had to 0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:22.760 like learn how to play. Yeah, I know that sounds odd, 0:16:22.800 --> 0:16:26.480 but it's like, and I've realized too with Ivy. To 0:16:26.560 --> 0:16:30.280 get her to do something, I literally just have to incorporate, 0:16:30.640 --> 0:16:34.840 incorporate play. So if I'm trying to get her out 0:16:34.840 --> 0:16:37.920 of the house, I'm like, Ivy, you know, we're going 0:16:37.960 --> 0:16:41.400 to see Summer and Sasha. We're gonna get in the 0:16:41.440 --> 0:16:42.920 car and then we can play in the playground. But 0:16:42.920 --> 0:16:45.320 we're gonna get to the car first. Do you want 0:16:45.400 --> 0:16:47.960 to hop there like a kangaroo or do you want 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:52.560 to skip? And you're giving her options so she feels 0:16:52.560 --> 0:16:55.640 like she's in control because often kids feel like they 0:16:55.640 --> 0:16:57.680 don't have any control and that's why they want to 0:16:57.760 --> 0:17:02.320 have control, and then giving her like a playful activity 0:17:02.440 --> 0:17:04.200 rather than just like get in the car. 0:17:04.200 --> 0:17:06.600 Yeah, like walk to the car. Yeah. 0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:09.159 So that has been like a really interesting thing. And 0:17:09.200 --> 0:17:11.240 I like, I'm like learning how to play and it's 0:17:11.280 --> 0:17:13.560 like really nice and I think it's like, again, it's 0:17:13.600 --> 0:17:16.000 really healing for your inner child if you didn't have 0:17:16.040 --> 0:17:16.640 a lot of play. 0:17:17.760 --> 0:17:20.280 And at what point did you realize that? 0:17:22.480 --> 0:17:24.919 When she was kind of old enough to start playing 0:17:24.960 --> 0:17:26.920 with toys, and I just kind of realized. I was like, oh, 0:17:26.960 --> 0:17:29.960 I don't really know what to do. I know that 0:17:30.040 --> 0:17:34.119 sounds so sim fair enough, and I was just like, oh, yeah, okay. 0:17:35.040 --> 0:17:37.879 And I also love that you guys have dance parties. 0:17:37.920 --> 0:17:39.840 I think it's like every morning or something that you 0:17:39.880 --> 0:17:40.359 have a dance. 0:17:40.400 --> 0:17:44.359 We love our dance parties. Ivy loves it. That's so fun. 0:17:44.480 --> 0:17:45.200 It's really good. 0:17:45.560 --> 0:17:47.040 What was your next mistake? 0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:53.480 Not giving Ivy enough connection? So I realized that if 0:17:53.600 --> 0:17:57.439 I am distracted with thoughts of business or just like 0:17:57.520 --> 0:18:02.800 you know, personal things, and I'm not giving Ivy eye contact, 0:18:03.160 --> 0:18:07.480 physical touch playing with her because you know, sometimes it 0:18:07.680 --> 0:18:09.600 is like, you know, if you've got something to do, 0:18:09.640 --> 0:18:11.560 you'll put the TV on and you just like want 0:18:11.600 --> 0:18:13.359 them to like watch TV so you can like unpack 0:18:13.400 --> 0:18:16.280 the dish washer. Yeah, but I notice if I don't 0:18:16.320 --> 0:18:21.000 give that connection and touch time to her first, she's 0:18:21.160 --> 0:18:23.560 really not okay. Like she might be okay for a 0:18:23.600 --> 0:18:25.560 little bit, and then she'll you know, have a reaction, 0:18:25.760 --> 0:18:30.560 have a tantrum. And so I notice how, and I like, 0:18:30.720 --> 0:18:35.560 I absolutely do prioritize it. But you know, like you 0:18:35.960 --> 0:18:38.840 get distracted sometimes you have to check any email on 0:18:38.880 --> 0:18:41.439 your phone, or like they're watching their show, so you 0:18:41.520 --> 0:18:43.800 go on TikTok or something like that. And I've really 0:18:43.840 --> 0:18:47.160 been so much more like conscious of that, and I'm 0:18:47.200 --> 0:18:52.119 just like, oh, this is this is she's feeling this, 0:18:52.800 --> 0:18:57.480 she feels when I'm not present and not connected to her. 0:18:57.680 --> 0:19:01.680 She's such a sensitive soul. So really prioritizing that has 0:19:01.760 --> 0:19:04.840 been such a huge thing that I feel like, I look, 0:19:04.880 --> 0:19:08.160 I don't think I'm perfect, but I'm definitely progressing. 0:19:08.560 --> 0:19:11.320 What was one of the biggest shifts you made to 0:19:11.440 --> 0:19:13.800 help yourself be more present with Ivy? 0:19:14.520 --> 0:19:16.879 Put my phone away. So I often put in the 0:19:16.880 --> 0:19:19.000 top drawer and just saw it's away, because if I 0:19:19.080 --> 0:19:20.760 just like left out on the bench of the couch, 0:19:21.240 --> 0:19:23.280 I just pick it up, Yeah, to check stuff like 0:19:23.320 --> 0:19:25.760 you just do, or like you hear the notification, I 0:19:25.880 --> 0:19:29.080 just pick it up. So putting that away and then 0:19:29.800 --> 0:19:32.000 just anytime I get home, the first thing I do 0:19:32.160 --> 0:19:34.760 is like I sit down, eye contact, talk to her, 0:19:34.880 --> 0:19:37.640 how like how is her day? What does she want 0:19:37.680 --> 0:19:40.280 to do? Now? Those sorts of things. I love that. 0:19:40.600 --> 0:19:41.199 Yeah. 0:19:41.520 --> 0:19:44.440 The next one is, oh, this is like a very 0:19:44.520 --> 0:19:50.080 like mum one, but not blaming Ivy for not being 0:19:50.080 --> 0:19:57.880 able to do things. So obviously you become you know, parents, 0:19:57.920 --> 0:20:02.119 and your whole world changes. It's like you can't do 0:20:02.680 --> 0:20:07.199 anything without adding this baby attacked to you, or like 0:20:07.680 --> 0:20:10.120 if you want to do something, you have to organize 0:20:10.119 --> 0:20:12.840 the other person, you have to organize the baby. Like, yeah, 0:20:12.920 --> 0:20:16.080 it's such a huge thing where it's like something so 0:20:16.160 --> 0:20:18.440 quick like going to the shop or like getting fuel 0:20:18.520 --> 0:20:21.600 or something like that. It's not that simple. Yeah, And 0:20:21.680 --> 0:20:24.600 so I know this is probably like okay, clearly, but 0:20:25.280 --> 0:20:28.760 to actually experience it is really wild. And I used 0:20:28.800 --> 0:20:32.879 to blame Ivy a lot with, oh, well, I can't 0:20:32.880 --> 0:20:35.680 meditate anymore because she gets up so early, and then 0:20:35.800 --> 0:20:37.880 I can only fit in gym, so I can't fit 0:20:37.920 --> 0:20:40.360 in meditation because then I also want to spend time 0:20:40.400 --> 0:20:43.840 with her, and you know all these things. And I 0:20:44.320 --> 0:20:46.359 also used to blame her a lot about like not 0:20:46.440 --> 0:20:50.000 having creativity because you never have a spare moment and like, 0:20:50.400 --> 0:20:53.280 you know all those things. But really I just had 0:20:53.320 --> 0:20:57.200 to rejig things. I had to accept things in this 0:20:57.320 --> 0:21:01.159 new season, and I had to kind of go about 0:21:01.280 --> 0:21:05.040 things in a different way. Like the other friday I 0:21:05.119 --> 0:21:09.040 had Ivy, Tim was away, and I was I wanted 0:21:09.040 --> 0:21:12.320 to go to gym, but obviously having her usually one 0:21:12.359 --> 0:21:14.399 of us is in the house and then you know, 0:21:14.640 --> 0:21:17.359 i'd just pop out. But I had Ivy and so 0:21:17.640 --> 0:21:20.400 I took her to Krash for the first time, so cute. 0:21:20.480 --> 0:21:24.119 She loved it. It was fine, and I was like, oh, 0:21:24.200 --> 0:21:27.280 this is amazing. But and then I was like, okay, cool, 0:21:27.280 --> 0:21:29.640 anytime I have Ivy and I'm having the day off 0:21:29.640 --> 0:21:31.879 on the Friday, we'll go to krash and I instead 0:21:31.920 --> 0:21:34.120 of doing gym at you know, five thirty in the morning, 0:21:34.160 --> 0:21:35.720 We'll do it at nine thirty. And I'll just like 0:21:35.840 --> 0:21:38.320 change my day around love. And so it's like just 0:21:38.440 --> 0:21:42.040 those sorts of things where it's like really start to 0:21:42.040 --> 0:21:45.639 think about, like maybe the stuff that you stopped because 0:21:45.680 --> 0:21:49.000 you're a mum, and how you can rejig that or 0:21:49.240 --> 0:21:51.240 bring that back in your life. Like it could even 0:21:51.359 --> 0:21:54.960 be talking to you know, your partner and just being like, hey, 0:21:55.200 --> 0:21:59.440 I really miss meditating or this. How can we bring 0:21:59.440 --> 0:22:00.919 this back? Like can you help me with this? 0:22:01.359 --> 0:22:04.240 Yeah? I love that, like it. It's not an excuse, 0:22:04.400 --> 0:22:07.320 it's just you need a little bit more flexibility in 0:22:07.960 --> 0:22:12.480 maybe routines you were super rigid in. I love that. Yes, 0:22:12.760 --> 0:22:13.760 and your next one. 0:22:13.840 --> 0:22:20.040 Okay, So realizing that my core beliefs are her core beliefs. 0:22:21.880 --> 0:22:25.280 This one hit hard when I realized, and it was 0:22:25.320 --> 0:22:29.320 such a and this is literally why my NH collection 0:22:29.720 --> 0:22:33.520 Be Your Own Best Friend was born, because I realized 0:22:33.560 --> 0:22:35.480 how much work I had to do on self love 0:22:35.680 --> 0:22:38.800 and how like unkind I was to myself. Yeah, and 0:22:38.880 --> 0:22:41.399 so I went on you know, this whole journey of 0:22:41.400 --> 0:22:44.879 like self love and self acceptance, which was amazing. But 0:22:45.560 --> 0:22:49.040 it was just such a reflection of like what you 0:22:49.119 --> 0:22:54.760 believe about yourself, they will believe about themselves. And that's like, oh, 0:22:54.840 --> 0:22:55.560