Speaker 1: Flex and Frooms, Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex
Speaker 1: and Froomes catch up podcast.
Speaker 2: It is Flex and Frooms on CATA. Have you ever
Speaker 2: had that experience where you dated someone who you now
Speaker 2: know is a terrible person, but everybody else seems to
Speaker 2: love them, and any opportunity to say or to set
Speaker 2: the record straight just feels like a futile experience. They're
Speaker 2: going to challenge you.
Speaker 1: Not.
Speaker 2: In the case of Sarah Brady and her ex boyfriend
Speaker 2: Jonah Hill, comedian, actor, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 1: Pop culture you missed with Flex and Froomes on Cada, she.
Speaker 2: Took to Instagram on a random day to release some
Speaker 2: private screenshots Choose violence. Yeah, to choose violence, essentially to
Speaker 2: release some private screenshots from when they were dating. Now,
Speaker 2: the timing is particularly strange, not to her, but this
Speaker 2: is off the back of him releasing a documentary. Was
Speaker 2: his therapist, who Jonah Hill believes has really fortified him
Speaker 2: as a man and given him these rules for life,
Speaker 2: help and be a better person. And then, in addition
Speaker 2: to Jonahill's also announced that his current partner is pregnant,
Speaker 2: so a lot of positive pr about him about his
Speaker 2: weight loss his body transformation, his wellness, his lifestyle change.
Speaker 2: And she's offered because she has had experiences with him
Speaker 2: and has accused him being a misogynist and being emotionally
Speaker 2: abusive to him. Obviously, she's aware that she makes those
Speaker 2: claims people will refute them. So what she dropped the
Speaker 2: screenshots and she said, look for your assaults. Oh now,
Speaker 2: these screenshots are what we can only describe as horrendous,
Speaker 2: not just generally, but for the kind of man we
Speaker 2: have been shown that Jonah Hill is. We've been presented
Speaker 2: this image of him, of someone who is quite well adjusted,
Speaker 2: emotionally balanced, self aware, a critical thinker with a high
Speaker 2: EQ and IQ, and these text messages give us quite
Speaker 2: a contrary experience to him anyway. So he sends her
Speaker 2: a text and basically, Sarah Brady's a surfer. I think
Speaker 2: we should start with that. So Jonah sends her a
Speaker 2: text and asks her to take down social media posts
Speaker 2: of her surfing because she's in a bikini and that's inappropriate.
Speaker 2: He's asked her to stop modeling, she's a model. He's
Speaker 2: asked to cut off friendships with some men and women
Speaker 2: who are quote unquote in unstable places, he's also asked
Speaker 2: her to and I quote, if she needs to continue
Speaker 2: having boundaryless inappropriate relationships with men, if she needs to model,
Speaker 2: if she needs to post pictures herself in a bathing
Speaker 2: suit to post sexual pictures, if she needs to maintain
Speaker 2: friendships with women who are in unstable places, and if
Speaker 2: she needs to keep having coffee with these friends, then
Speaker 2: maybe he isn't the right partner for her. He also
Speaker 2: wanted to say that he takes issue with surf culture
Speaker 2: and that them as a couple can't do surf social
Speaker 2: things or develop any trust until he feels considered by her,
Speaker 2: and that he also wants her to stop hanging out
Speaker 2: with any friends of her that he hasn't personally approved of. Now,
Speaker 2: she's gone on to say that she's not condemning him
Speaker 2: and that sometimes being an emotionally abusive partner doesn't mean
Speaker 2: that you're a terrible person. It often stems from your
Speaker 2: own trauma. But at the same time, it doesn't mean
Speaker 2: it's okay, and she feels like that she needs to
Speaker 2: say something. She even went as far as to re
Speaker 2: upload an image that he'd asked her to take down
Speaker 2: for being too I guess uh for eating too Halladi
Speaker 2: and it was literally her wearing a loose white shirt
Speaker 2: and pair of shorts.
Speaker 1: Okay, so let's just set clarity. When did they date?
Speaker 2: According to people dot Com verified source, Kip Brady, a
Speaker 2: surfing instructor and law student, made her romance with the
Speaker 2: Wolf of Wall Street star Jonah Hill public in August
Speaker 2: twenty twenty one. She said they parted ways sometime in
Speaker 2: twenty twenty two. It is now mid twenty twenty three.
Speaker 2: Jonah is with a new person, and this person is pregnant.
Speaker 1: I thought this all went down really recently post his documentary.
Speaker 2: Which came out. Love to know when it was started
Speaker 2: in twenty twenty two.
Speaker 1: Okay, I don't know what the timeline is with that exactly.
Speaker 1: Obviously we're a bit sketchy on the details. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: his documentary was about him getting therapy, go into the
Speaker 1: therapy sessions with his psychologist. I think it was cool.
Speaker 1: I didn't finish it because I have a short attention span.
Speaker 1: But maybe he filmed that as a response to his
Speaker 1: previous behavior, because I'm pretty sure in the therapy sessions
Speaker 1: he admits to like bad behavior or he's trying to
Speaker 1: like fix his own continue.
Speaker 2: Can I jump in here please? According to google a,
Speaker 2: Jonah Hill said in the documentary that he started seeing
Speaker 2: starts when he was thirty three and he's now thirty nine.
Speaker 2: Oh see what happens when we're trying to defend men?
Speaker 1: Sorry, no, That's what I'm going at.
Speaker 2: That is really specialty. I just think if we just,
Speaker 2: like if we could just figure out the time before
Speaker 2: we saying, look, what's it?
Speaker 1: God, I'm just playing Devil's Avocate. Yeah. Yah, And of
Speaker 1: course okay, no, I will say I kind of was
Speaker 1: across this. I first heard about this when it was
Speaker 1: a meme that was like, this is what I want
Speaker 1: to do this summer, and it was just a screenshot.
Speaker 1: I've everything that he said, and I just thought it
Speaker 1: was like a funny meme. And then later on that's
Speaker 1: where it's like, that actually sounds like the best summer ever.
Speaker 2: Boundary Less Relationships.
Speaker 1: A take that I found really interesting was from troung Chola.
Speaker 1: He is a activist who speaks a lot about male violence,
Speaker 1: and he did a little carousel moment on Jonah Hill,
Speaker 1: Sarah Brady and boundaries. And I think, like I've watched
Speaker 1: a few tiktoks on this, But I think he ate
Speaker 1: the hardest with his idea, which is essentially that Like,
Speaker 1: there's a lot of talk about boundaries. Right in those messages,
Speaker 1: it sounded like Jonah was asserting his boundaries. But when
Speaker 1: you're telling someone else how to behave, that's not a boundary.
Speaker 1: A boundary is being like.
Speaker 2: More so, like, these are the standards for my behavior,
Speaker 2: and if these standards aren't met or not as ultimatum,
Speaker 2: but here's the context, I can't stay in the situation
Speaker 2: if my boundaries are compromised.
Speaker 1: Sos Trong says, telling someone to stop doing that isn't
Speaker 1: a boundary, and telling them not to do it as
Speaker 1: a condition of being with them is also not a boundary.
Speaker 1: A boundary isn't about the other person. It's about yourself.
Speaker 2: Yep. And so no matter how said this on TikTok,
Speaker 2: they said you're a layo.
Speaker 1: Oh you said it.
Speaker 2: I didn't make that for the quote. I learned it
Speaker 2: in therapy. Okay, sorry, I don't to a psychotherapist.
Speaker 1: And you know, and so, no matter how quote unquote
Speaker 1: respectfully you tell the other person about your boundary, the
Speaker 1: thing is you're not really asserting a boundary if you
Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable. That's your cue to say to yourself, Okay,
Speaker 1: so this is who the other person is, this is
Speaker 1: what they want to do. How does that make me feel?
Speaker 1: And what am I going to do? The answer is symbol.
Speaker 1: If you don't like it, it's not your cue to change them.
Speaker 1: It's your idea to say, Okay, I'm not fine with that,
Speaker 1: and then you should work on your issues or yeat away, because.
Speaker 2: Really, what's happening in this journ of situation that he's
Speaker 2: coercing her behavior And I feel like, and I'm going
Speaker 2: to generalize here in my experience with a lot of men,
Speaker 2: they don't really understand the difference between coercion and be persuasive. Okay,
Speaker 2: Like if I just ask enough, like and I'm really convincing,
Speaker 2: isn't that just being persuades? It?
Speaker 1: Like that's just negotiation, right, giving you ten debating?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like if I just tell you what I need
Speaker 2: again and again, I give you different ways to understand
Speaker 2: what I need and then you eventually get it. Like
Speaker 2: I just was really persuasive. But this the way that
Speaker 2: he is phrasing this message, He's like reinforcing this power
Speaker 2: that he feels that he should have in the dynamic,
Speaker 2: like you should do what I'm asking you. From the
Speaker 2: way that he's writing this text message, I would imagine
Speaker 2: that he feels like the victim in this circumstance, like
Speaker 2: I'm having to deal with you doing all of these
Speaker 2: things that make me so uncomfortable. So if you, as
Speaker 2: the person who has the power, can't yield to me
Speaker 2: in some way so I also can share this power,
Speaker 2: then I have to go. And I don't think that
Speaker 2: he's recognizing in this instance, like he probably has more
Speaker 2: power than he recognizes and is asking for even more.
Speaker 1: And is that from his personal wounds?
Speaker 2: Probably? I don't know. A lot of us like victimize
Speaker 2: ourselves in the way that we request for things to happen,
Speaker 2: and a lot of us internalize other people's behavior as well.
Speaker 1: She's just doing what she does, even like, let's.
Speaker 2: Take out any internet commentary we've seen and just talk
Speaker 2: man to man on this one. I think it's really
Speaker 2: brave to tell someone what you need, and it's brave
Speaker 2: to tell someone that what they're doing is making you uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: Takes a certain kind of shutzpah, Yeah, you know, especially
Speaker 2: doing it in a way that's tactful. And respectful. It
Speaker 2: doesn't make you feel like a little bitch, however, And
Speaker 2: I think that's why a lot of people are giving
Speaker 2: Joanah the benefit of the doubt, saying, like, you know,
Speaker 2: he's not coming to the table for the first time.
Speaker 2: It seems it seems like this is a reoccurring issue
Speaker 2: and he's had to find a thousand different ways to say, hey,
Speaker 2: don't do this thing that maybe at one point we
Speaker 2: agreed that you're going to be that you were going
Speaker 2: to change or be different about and you haven't, and
Speaker 2: it's hurting my feelings La la Lah. In this instance, however,
Speaker 2: he's like taking her just existing and qualities and experiences
Speaker 2: that she probably had well before him and turning them
Speaker 2: into personal attacks. So if you need to model, and
Speaker 2: if you need to surf, and if you need to
Speaker 2: have interactions with people yourself with that are social, then
Speaker 2: you can't do this. And the way that he's framed
Speaker 2: it is that either way, everything she does that is
Speaker 2: by nature or like default to her is a personal
Speaker 2: attack on him. You can't build on that. So what
Speaker 2: she gonna say, I'm gonna stop surfing, gonna stop doing
Speaker 2: my job for you, I'm going to isolate myself for
Speaker 2: my friends. For you, I'm going to make myself appear
Speaker 2: less attractive to strangers. For you, is this a negotiation
Speaker 2: or am I under duress? So you made a comment
Speaker 2: the other day about how watching maths is a really
Speaker 2: great exercise in identifying inappropriate relationship behavior outside of the
Speaker 2: context of your own relationship, and for us to all
Speaker 2: agree as a society that like, this is cooked or
Speaker 2: this is good behavior. I think similarly with these text messages,
Speaker 2: like you mentioned with the bikini models, I think a
Speaker 2: lot of us have been in situations where where asserting
Speaker 2: our beliefs or our actions or our preferences onto someone
Speaker 2: in a way that gives them no option but to
Speaker 2: do exactly what we want or be be the enemy.
Speaker 1: And it's bad when they don't see what's wrong with it.
Speaker 1: I think unless you're going to explain why, then it
Speaker 1: just always looks abusive.
Speaker 2: Yeah, probably is. Yeah, not just looks is manipulative, which
Speaker 2: is probably a good reason or a good skill to
Speaker 2: know number one, when to leave, and to even know
Speaker 2: before knowing when to leave, like knowing what your actual
Speaker 2: boundaries are. But I think until we individually figure out
Speaker 2: what those lines are for us, we're all kind of
Speaker 2: susceptible to doing this behavior and also being recipients of
Speaker 2: this behavior, which is super scary ever evolving. Literally, you've
Speaker 2: been listening to The Flex and Froom's daily podcast.
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