WEBVTT - Dearest Jonah Hill,  Here's A Refresher On Boundaries 😫

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<v Speaker 1>Flex and Frooms, Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex

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<v Speaker 1>and Froomes catch up podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>It is Flex and Frooms on CATA. Have you ever

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<v Speaker 2>had that experience where you dated someone who you now

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<v Speaker 2>know is a terrible person, but everybody else seems to

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<v Speaker 2>love them, and any opportunity to say or to set

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<v Speaker 2>the record straight just feels like a futile experience. They're

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<v Speaker 2>going to challenge you.

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<v Speaker 1>Not.

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<v Speaker 2>In the case of Sarah Brady and her ex boyfriend

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<v Speaker 2>Jonah Hill, comedian, actor, et cetera, et cetera.

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<v Speaker 1>Pop culture you missed with Flex and Froomes on Cada, she.

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<v Speaker 2>Took to Instagram on a random day to release some

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<v Speaker 2>private screenshots Choose violence. Yeah, to choose violence, essentially to

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<v Speaker 2>release some private screenshots from when they were dating. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>the timing is particularly strange, not to her, but this

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<v Speaker 2>is off the back of him releasing a documentary. Was

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<v Speaker 2>his therapist, who Jonah Hill believes has really fortified him

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<v Speaker 2>as a man and given him these rules for life,

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<v Speaker 2>help and be a better person. And then, in addition

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<v Speaker 2>to Jonahill's also announced that his current partner is pregnant,

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<v Speaker 2>so a lot of positive pr about him about his

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<v Speaker 2>weight loss his body transformation, his wellness, his lifestyle change.

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<v Speaker 2>And she's offered because she has had experiences with him

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<v Speaker 2>and has accused him being a misogynist and being emotionally

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<v Speaker 2>abusive to him. Obviously, she's aware that she makes those

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<v Speaker 2>claims people will refute them. So what she dropped the

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<v Speaker 2>screenshots and she said, look for your assaults. Oh now,

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<v Speaker 2>these screenshots are what we can only describe as horrendous,

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<v Speaker 2>not just generally, but for the kind of man we

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<v Speaker 2>have been shown that Jonah Hill is. We've been presented

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<v Speaker 2>this image of him, of someone who is quite well adjusted,

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<v Speaker 2>emotionally balanced, self aware, a critical thinker with a high

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<v Speaker 2>EQ and IQ, and these text messages give us quite

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<v Speaker 2>a contrary experience to him anyway. So he sends her

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<v Speaker 2>a text and basically, Sarah Brady's a surfer. I think

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<v Speaker 2>we should start with that. So Jonah sends her a

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<v Speaker 2>text and asks her to take down social media posts

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<v Speaker 2>of her surfing because she's in a bikini and that's inappropriate.

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<v Speaker 2>He's asked her to stop modeling, she's a model. He's

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<v Speaker 2>asked to cut off friendships with some men and women

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<v Speaker 2>who are quote unquote in unstable places, he's also asked

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<v Speaker 2>her to and I quote, if she needs to continue

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<v Speaker 2>having boundaryless inappropriate relationships with men, if she needs to model,

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<v Speaker 2>if she needs to post pictures herself in a bathing

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<v Speaker 2>suit to post sexual pictures, if she needs to maintain

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<v Speaker 2>friendships with women who are in unstable places, and if

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<v Speaker 2>she needs to keep having coffee with these friends, then

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<v Speaker 2>maybe he isn't the right partner for her. He also

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<v Speaker 2>wanted to say that he takes issue with surf culture

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<v Speaker 2>and that them as a couple can't do surf social

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<v Speaker 2>things or develop any trust until he feels considered by her,

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<v Speaker 2>and that he also wants her to stop hanging out

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<v Speaker 2>with any friends of her that he hasn't personally approved of. Now,

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<v Speaker 2>she's gone on to say that she's not condemning him

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<v Speaker 2>and that sometimes being an emotionally abusive partner doesn't mean

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<v Speaker 2>that you're a terrible person. It often stems from your

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<v Speaker 2>own trauma. But at the same time, it doesn't mean

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<v Speaker 2>it's okay, and she feels like that she needs to

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<v Speaker 2>say something. She even went as far as to re

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<v Speaker 2>upload an image that he'd asked her to take down

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<v Speaker 2>for being too I guess uh for eating too Halladi

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<v Speaker 2>and it was literally her wearing a loose white shirt

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<v Speaker 2>and pair of shorts.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, so let's just set clarity. When did they date?

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<v Speaker 2>According to people dot Com verified source, Kip Brady, a

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<v Speaker 2>surfing instructor and law student, made her romance with the

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<v Speaker 2>Wolf of Wall Street star Jonah Hill public in August

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<v Speaker 2>twenty twenty one. She said they parted ways sometime in

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<v Speaker 2>twenty twenty two. It is now mid twenty twenty three.

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<v Speaker 2>Jonah is with a new person, and this person is pregnant.

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<v Speaker 1>I thought this all went down really recently post his documentary.

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<v Speaker 2>Which came out. Love to know when it was started

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<v Speaker 2>in twenty twenty two.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, I don't know what the timeline is with that exactly.

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<v Speaker 1>Obviously we're a bit sketchy on the details. Yeah, but

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<v Speaker 1>his documentary was about him getting therapy, go into the

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<v Speaker 1>therapy sessions with his psychologist. I think it was cool.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't finish it because I have a short attention span.

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<v Speaker 1>But maybe he filmed that as a response to his

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<v Speaker 1>previous behavior, because I'm pretty sure in the therapy sessions

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<v Speaker 1>he admits to like bad behavior or he's trying to

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<v Speaker 1>like fix his own continue.

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<v Speaker 2>Can I jump in here please? According to google a,

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<v Speaker 2>Jonah Hill said in the documentary that he started seeing

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<v Speaker 2>starts when he was thirty three and he's now thirty nine.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh see what happens when we're trying to defend men?

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<v Speaker 1>Sorry, no, That's what I'm going at.

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<v Speaker 2>That is really specialty. I just think if we just,

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<v Speaker 2>like if we could just figure out the time before

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<v Speaker 2>we saying, look, what's it?

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<v Speaker 1>God, I'm just playing Devil's Avocate. Yeah. Yah, And of

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<v Speaker 1>course okay, no, I will say I kind of was

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<v Speaker 1>across this. I first heard about this when it was

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<v Speaker 1>a meme that was like, this is what I want

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<v Speaker 1>to do this summer, and it was just a screenshot.

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<v Speaker 1>I've everything that he said, and I just thought it

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<v Speaker 1>was like a funny meme. And then later on that's

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<v Speaker 1>where it's like, that actually sounds like the best summer ever.

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<v Speaker 2>Boundary Less Relationships.

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<v Speaker 1>A take that I found really interesting was from troung Chola.

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<v Speaker 1>He is a activist who speaks a lot about male violence,

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<v Speaker 1>and he did a little carousel moment on Jonah Hill,

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<v Speaker 1>Sarah Brady and boundaries. And I think, like I've watched

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<v Speaker 1>a few tiktoks on this, But I think he ate

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<v Speaker 1>the hardest with his idea, which is essentially that Like,

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<v Speaker 1>there's a lot of talk about boundaries. Right in those messages,

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<v Speaker 1>it sounded like Jonah was asserting his boundaries. But when

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<v Speaker 1>you're telling someone else how to behave, that's not a boundary.

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<v Speaker 1>A boundary is being like.

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<v Speaker 2>More so, like, these are the standards for my behavior,

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<v Speaker 2>and if these standards aren't met or not as ultimatum,

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<v Speaker 2>but here's the context, I can't stay in the situation

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<v Speaker 2>if my boundaries are compromised.

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<v Speaker 1>Sos Trong says, telling someone to stop doing that isn't

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<v Speaker 1>a boundary, and telling them not to do it as

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<v Speaker 1>a condition of being with them is also not a boundary.

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<v Speaker 1>A boundary isn't about the other person. It's about yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>Yep. And so no matter how said this on TikTok,

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<v Speaker 2>they said you're a layo.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh you said it.

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't make that for the quote. I learned it

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<v Speaker 2>in therapy. Okay, sorry, I don't to a psychotherapist.

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<v Speaker 1>And you know, and so, no matter how quote unquote

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<v Speaker 1>respectfully you tell the other person about your boundary, the

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<v Speaker 1>thing is you're not really asserting a boundary if you

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<v Speaker 1>feel uncomfortable. That's your cue to say to yourself, Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>so this is who the other person is, this is

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<v Speaker 1>what they want to do. How does that make me feel?

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<v Speaker 1>And what am I going to do? The answer is symbol.

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<v Speaker 1>If you don't like it, it's not your cue to change them.

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<v Speaker 1>It's your idea to say, Okay, I'm not fine with that,

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<v Speaker 1>and then you should work on your issues or yeat away, because.

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<v Speaker 2>Really, what's happening in this journ of situation that he's

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<v Speaker 2>coercing her behavior And I feel like, and I'm going

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<v Speaker 2>to generalize here in my experience with a lot of men,

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<v Speaker 2>they don't really understand the difference between coercion and be persuasive. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>Like if I just ask enough, like and I'm really convincing,

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<v Speaker 2>isn't that just being persuades? It?

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<v Speaker 1>Like that's just negotiation, right, giving you ten debating?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Like if I just tell you what I need

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<v Speaker 2>again and again, I give you different ways to understand

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<v Speaker 2>what I need and then you eventually get it. Like

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<v Speaker 2>I just was really persuasive. But this the way that

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<v Speaker 2>he is phrasing this message, He's like reinforcing this power

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<v Speaker 2>that he feels that he should have in the dynamic,

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<v Speaker 2>like you should do what I'm asking you. From the

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<v Speaker 2>way that he's writing this text message, I would imagine

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<v Speaker 2>that he feels like the victim in this circumstance, like

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<v Speaker 2>I'm having to deal with you doing all of these

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<v Speaker 2>things that make me so uncomfortable. So if you, as

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<v Speaker 2>the person who has the power, can't yield to me

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<v Speaker 2>in some way so I also can share this power,

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<v Speaker 2>then I have to go. And I don't think that

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<v Speaker 2>he's recognizing in this instance, like he probably has more

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<v Speaker 2>power than he recognizes and is asking for even more.

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<v Speaker 1>And is that from his personal wounds?

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<v Speaker 2>Probably? I don't know. A lot of us like victimize

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<v Speaker 2>ourselves in the way that we request for things to happen,

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<v Speaker 2>and a lot of us internalize other people's behavior as well.

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<v Speaker 1>She's just doing what she does, even like, let's.

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<v Speaker 2>Take out any internet commentary we've seen and just talk

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<v Speaker 2>man to man on this one. I think it's really

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<v Speaker 2>brave to tell someone what you need, and it's brave

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<v Speaker 2>to tell someone that what they're doing is making you uncomfortable.

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<v Speaker 2>Takes a certain kind of shutzpah, Yeah, you know, especially

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<v Speaker 2>doing it in a way that's tactful. And respectful. It

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<v Speaker 2>doesn't make you feel like a little bitch, however, And

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<v Speaker 2>I think that's why a lot of people are giving

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<v Speaker 2>Joanah the benefit of the doubt, saying, like, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>he's not coming to the table for the first time.

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<v Speaker 2>It seems it seems like this is a reoccurring issue

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<v Speaker 2>and he's had to find a thousand different ways to say, hey,

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<v Speaker 2>don't do this thing that maybe at one point we

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<v Speaker 2>agreed that you're going to be that you were going

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<v Speaker 2>to change or be different about and you haven't, and

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<v Speaker 2>it's hurting my feelings La la Lah. In this instance, however,

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<v Speaker 2>he's like taking her just existing and qualities and experiences

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<v Speaker 2>that she probably had well before him and turning them

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<v Speaker 2>into personal attacks. So if you need to model, and

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<v Speaker 2>if you need to surf, and if you need to

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<v Speaker 2>have interactions with people yourself with that are social, then

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<v Speaker 2>you can't do this. And the way that he's framed

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<v Speaker 2>it is that either way, everything she does that is

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<v Speaker 2>by nature or like default to her is a personal

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<v Speaker 2>attack on him. You can't build on that. So what

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<v Speaker 2>she gonna say, I'm gonna stop surfing, gonna stop doing

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<v Speaker 2>my job for you, I'm going to isolate myself for

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<v Speaker 2>my friends. For you, I'm going to make myself appear

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<v Speaker 2>less attractive to strangers. For you, is this a negotiation

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<v Speaker 2>or am I under duress? So you made a comment

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<v Speaker 2>the other day about how watching maths is a really

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<v Speaker 2>great exercise in identifying inappropriate relationship behavior outside of the

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<v Speaker 2>context of your own relationship, and for us to all

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<v Speaker 2>agree as a society that like, this is cooked or

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<v Speaker 2>this is good behavior. I think similarly with these text messages,

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<v Speaker 2>like you mentioned with the bikini models, I think a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of us have been in situations where where asserting

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<v Speaker 2>our beliefs or our actions or our preferences onto someone

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<v Speaker 2>in a way that gives them no option but to

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<v Speaker 2>do exactly what we want or be be the enemy.

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<v Speaker 1>And it's bad when they don't see what's wrong with it.

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<v Speaker 1>I think unless you're going to explain why, then it

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<v Speaker 1>just always looks abusive.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, probably is. Yeah, not just looks is manipulative, which

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<v Speaker 2>is probably a good reason or a good skill to

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<v Speaker 2>know number one, when to leave, and to even know

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<v Speaker 2>before knowing when to leave, like knowing what your actual

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<v Speaker 2>boundaries are. But I think until we individually figure out

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<v Speaker 2>what those lines are for us, we're all kind of

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<v Speaker 2>susceptible to doing this behavior and also being recipients of

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<v Speaker 2>this behavior, which is super scary ever evolving. Literally, you've

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<v Speaker 2>been listening to The Flex and Froom's daily podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>For more, Tune Indicator on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.