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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for.

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Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 1: Now, there's something extraordinarily powerful about going through that and

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Speaker 1: helping the kids to have that experience to mourn and

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Speaker 1: a grieve, to understand the impermanence of life.

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Speaker 2: And now here's the scars of our show, my mum

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Speaker 2: and dad.

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Speaker 1: Well, this is going to be an unexpectedly difficult podcast

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Speaker 1: to work our way through. My name's Justin Coulson. I'm

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Speaker 1: here with Kylie, my wife, where parents have six daughters,

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Speaker 1: and today we're going to be talking about a really

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Speaker 1: funny conversation that Kylie had just last week with her

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Speaker 1: sister who rang to say, I'm thinking about getting a dog,

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Speaker 1: and Kylie spent how long telling her not to get

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Speaker 1: a dog.

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Speaker 2: Well, she was actually literally she was in the car

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Speaker 2: and she was driving to the play to pick up

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Speaker 2: a dog.

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Speaker 1: She had the kids in the car. They were going

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Speaker 1: to get the dog, and you made a turn around

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Speaker 1: and not get the dog.

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Speaker 2: Well, by the time I'd finished with her, I'd done

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Speaker 2: a pretty good job at convincing her that this was

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Speaker 2: not a good decision. And I still stand beside that conversation.

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Speaker 1: Dogs are a pain, right. They're noisy and you've got

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Speaker 1: to pick up after them, and they cost money, and

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Speaker 1: they sleep on the couch and they leave hair everywhere.

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Speaker 2: And they bark, and hope your neighbors aren't particularly kind.

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Speaker 2: Then you have all kinds of neighborly disputes.

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Speaker 1: And so that was the conversation we were going to have.

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Speaker 1: And like you said, you stand by those arguments against

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Speaker 1: a dog even though we have a dog or had

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Speaker 1: a dog, because on Friday you took our dog to

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Speaker 1: the vet and he's had a tumor growing for a while,

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Speaker 1: and the vet pretty much said, I don't think you

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Speaker 1: should take the dog home. I need to take care

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Speaker 1: of him here now and he's not going to come

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Speaker 1: back home. And so then you had to make a

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Speaker 1: decision do I take the dog home or do I

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Speaker 1: leave him here until you brought him home. And for

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Speaker 1: the next couple of hours, our family spent our final

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Speaker 1: goodbyes with Benson before we took him to the vet

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Speaker 1: on Friday night. So this podcast is about saying goodbye

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Speaker 1: to a dog, and it's probably going to be a

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Speaker 1: bit hard for us to get through, and it might

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Speaker 1: not be very long because it hurt, and it's so

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Speaker 1: funny because dogs are a pain. For all the reasons.

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Speaker 2: I didn't even want a dog. More than decade ago.

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Speaker 2: I got ambushed one long weekend because the RSPCA was

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Speaker 2: having a half priced sale. They hadn't they were inundated

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Speaker 2: with animals, and my mother in law said, let's just

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Speaker 2: go and have a look. Whoever goes and has a

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Speaker 2: look and doesn't come home with a dog. I knew

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Speaker 2: that i'd.

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Speaker 1: Lost the lost the argument.

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Speaker 2: I'd lost the argument from the moment I got into

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Speaker 2: that car. There was no way we were coming home

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Speaker 2: without a dog. But you know, I made it really

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Speaker 2: clear about if we were going to get a dog,

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Speaker 2: knowing that I had lost the argument from the beginning,

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Speaker 2: that I would choose the dog. And I've stood by

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Speaker 2: the fact that I chose Benson all those years ago.

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Speaker 2: But I think the reality is he chose.

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Speaker 1: Us just the most beautiful dog. We have, this black

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Speaker 1: lab with the most perfect temperament and the most delightful

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Speaker 1: fun way of being. And we would love to tell

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Speaker 1: you about Benson and all the memories that we have,

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Speaker 1: but that's not really the purpose of this podcast, because

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Speaker 1: ultimately this is a podcast for a time poor parent

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Speaker 1: who wants answers, And I guess there's some questions to answer,

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Speaker 1: questions about whether you should have a dog, whether or

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Speaker 1: the drama and the pain of having the dog is

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Speaker 1: worth it, and what we can do to help our

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Speaker 1: children to get through the loss of a pet. So

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Speaker 1: what I thought we'd do in this conversation is we'll

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Speaker 1: share a little bit about what happened that afternoon and

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Speaker 1: what we did with our kids to help them to

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Speaker 1: get through the evening and the weekend and everything associated

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Speaker 1: with it. So we went down to the vet around

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Speaker 1: about five point thirty on Friday night. The vet had said,

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Speaker 1: I'm closing up, but you can come in and you

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Speaker 1: can be my last person in the clinic. That way,

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Speaker 1: it'll be quiet and you'll have the place to yourself.

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Speaker 1: So you brought him home from the vet. The kids

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Speaker 1: came home and they spent as much time as they

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Speaker 1: could giving him treats and giving him all sorts of love.

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Speaker 1: We told them immediately exactly what was going to be happening.

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Speaker 2: I was amazing, you know. Through that process, I watched

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Speaker 2: Benson had really taken a turn for the worse. Within

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Speaker 2: that last twenty four hours, and he was just on

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Speaker 2: his bed and wasn't going anywhere, and one by one

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Speaker 2: the girls kind of retreated to their rooms and had

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Speaker 2: their little cries on their own, and then they just

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Speaker 2: would come out at different points and spend some one

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Speaker 2: on one time with him, and it was it was

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Speaker 2: just beautiful to watch as they said their own little

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Speaker 2: goodbyes to him, and I loved how there was just

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Speaker 2: so much respect for each person in allowing them the

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Speaker 2: time that they needed. No one kind of crowded in

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Speaker 2: or took over. Was just one on one time, and

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Speaker 2: everybody seemed to just understand and know that that was

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Speaker 2: an important part of the process for them.

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Speaker 1: I didn't talk to the girls about it, but we

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Speaker 1: decided that we weren't going to have him cremated. So

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Speaker 1: I went into the yard with a shovel and I

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Speaker 1: dug a hole as deep as I could, and then

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Speaker 1: we put him in the car. At five point thirty,

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Speaker 1: we went down to the vets and the vet was

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Speaker 1: so good. They lit a candle out in the front office,

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Speaker 1: just which basically said if there's a candle burning, someone's

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Speaker 1: saying goodbye or pet. They sat with us, We put

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Speaker 1: Benson on his blanket. They gave him a catheter and

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Speaker 1: then put a muscle relaxant into the catheter, and he

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Speaker 1: just laid there for a couple of minutes, really peaceful,

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Speaker 1: really really relaxed, and I felt like we were I mean,

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Speaker 1: we were so sad and we were doing okay though

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Speaker 1: until that moment when Emily, our seven year old, she

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Speaker 1: had decided at the last minute that she didn't want

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Speaker 1: to be in the room, and then she changed he

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Speaker 1: mind once she was out in the foyer on her own,

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Speaker 1: and she came back into the room and saw Benson

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Speaker 1: laying there, and just in this big, tearful outburst, she said,

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Speaker 1: goodbye Benson, and I gave it this great big hug,

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Speaker 1: and ah, boy, it was tough. It was just so tough.

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Speaker 1: And then the vet obviously gave him the final injection,

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Speaker 1: and about thirty seconds later he put his stepth of

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Speaker 1: scope on Benson's chest and said he's gone. And so

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Speaker 1: we wrapped him up in that blanket of his and

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Speaker 1: put him back into the car and brought him home

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Speaker 1: and we stood around this little grave that I dug

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Speaker 1: in the backyard and had a little funeral service for

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Speaker 1: our dog. It didn't take too long. Well, it took

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Speaker 1: a little while because there's a lot of us, but

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Speaker 1: we just shared our favorite memories of Benson.

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Speaker 2: And then little Emily just gets us every time. When

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Speaker 2: it was turned she she was so articulate as she

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Speaker 2: expressed how she was feeling. She just said, I feel

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Speaker 2: like something's broken inside me and I don't know if

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Speaker 2: it will ever get fixed. I think that's how we

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Speaker 2: all felt are feeling a little bit at the moment.

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Speaker 1: Which is so funny because I never wanted to dog.

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Speaker 1: You never, I didn't want a.

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Speaker 2: Dog, but you know, even just you know, walking down

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Speaker 2: the hallway to hang the washing out in the laundry,

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Speaker 2: Bens would always follow me. And because we've got floorboards,

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Speaker 2: I could just hear his little feet pitter patter. And

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Speaker 2: the other day when I went to i'd hang the washing,

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Speaker 2: it was just quiet. He's waiting at the gate. When

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Speaker 2: we drive in the driveway, he sits under the table.

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Speaker 1: I'm so used to him meeting me as I get

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Speaker 1: out of the car and walking up the stairs with

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Speaker 1: me into the house. And so this week we're saying

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Speaker 1: goodbye to our dog of a little over ten years,

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Speaker 1: that rescue dog that you didn't really want, and that

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Speaker 1: dog who has frankly and honestly driven me crazy. I've

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Speaker 1: been so cranky. Stop barking, stop upsetting the neighbors, stop

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Speaker 1: escaping from our yard and making everyone on Facebook talk

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Speaker 1: about that dog that's escaped again. And yet and yet

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Speaker 1: here we are so in terms of the conversation that

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Speaker 1: we want to share with you. Well, first of all,

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Speaker 1: we wanted to share with you what we've experienced over

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Speaker 1: the weekend because so many families go through it. But

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Speaker 1: I guess it kind of prompts that conversation, doesn't it.

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Speaker 1: Is it a good idea or aboud idea to have

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Speaker 1: a dog? You've had that conversation with your sister and said,

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Speaker 1: don't don't do it, You're crazy. Dogs are a pain,

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Speaker 1: dogs are annoying. You don't want to do this to yourself.

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Speaker 1: And yet there's something about the fact that we've lost

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Speaker 1: Benson and said goodbye to him, and I am just

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Speaker 1: so grateful for the discomfort. I'm so grateful for the sadness.

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Speaker 1: I'm so grateful for the pain and sorrow that we felt.

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Speaker 1: There's something extraordinarily powerful about going through that and helping

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Speaker 1: the kids to have that experience to mourn and to grieve,

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Speaker 1: and to understand the impermanence of life.

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Speaker 2: I still stand by the list I gave my sister.

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Speaker 1: Dogs are a pain. It's true, they are a pain.

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Speaker 1: I agree too.

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Speaker 2: And yet, but a friend, after she found out about Benson,

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Speaker 2: she sent me a little Facebook article that she has

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Speaker 2: obviously found and she just said, if a dog was

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Speaker 2: a teacher, you would learn things like when your loved

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Speaker 2: one comes home, always run to greet them. Never pass

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Speaker 2: up the opportunity to go for a joybride. Allow the

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Speaker 2: experience of fresh air and the wind in your face

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Speaker 2: to be pure ecstasy. Take naps, stretch before rising, run,

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Speaker 2: romp and play daily. Thrive on attention and let people

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Speaker 2: touch you. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

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Speaker 2: On warm days, stop to lie on your back on

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Speaker 2: the grass. On hot days, drink lots of water and

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Speaker 2: lie under a shady tree. When you're happy, dance around

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Speaker 2: and wake your entire body. Delight in the simple joy

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Speaker 2: of a long walk. Be faithful, Never pretend to be

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Speaker 2: something you're not. If what you want lies buried dick

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Speaker 2: until you find it. If that hour when somebody is

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Speaker 2: having a bad day, just be silent and sit close

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Speaker 2: by and nuzzle them gently. That's the secret of happiness

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Speaker 2: that we can learn from a good dog.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that sounds like our Benson. So to take our

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Speaker 1: message from this slightly different podcast, we've normally got a

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Speaker 1: lot of energy. We're normally excited to share positive ideas

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Speaker 1: without making your family happy. The take home message, I

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Speaker 1: think is whether you get a dog or not is

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Speaker 1: really up to you or a pet of any kind.

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Speaker 1: We can't tell you whether that's a good or a

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Speaker 1: bad idea, even though you told your sister that it

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Speaker 1: was a bad idea. But if you can, I think

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Speaker 1: you should because what we've felt over these last few

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Speaker 1: days is we farewelled. Our beautiful dog makes me feel

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Speaker 1: so alive, makes me feel so grateful for life, and

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Speaker 1: those memories like the day that he stole about a

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Speaker 1: dozen steaks off the side of the barbecue before I

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Speaker 1: had time to cook them for the dinner that we

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Speaker 1: were having people come over for. Boy boy Okay, I.

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Speaker 2: Think the reality is when you can feel such deep loss,

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Speaker 2: it's just an acknowledgment that you've loved so deeply. And

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Speaker 2: if I could go back and have that conversation with

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Speaker 2: my sister.

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Speaker 1: You'd still tell them not to get the Kelpy, wouldn't you.

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Speaker 1: I still would tell him not to get the Kelpie,

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Speaker 1: maybe a smaller dog that's less active.

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Speaker 2: But I probably would encourage her to find the right

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Speaker 2: dog that their family could love, because they're just something

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Speaker 2: so beautiful about having had Benson in our lives that

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Speaker 2: I would never want to miss out on.

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Speaker 1: I think it's going to be a little while before

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Speaker 1: we get another dog. We need to take our time

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Speaker 1: with that. And I know that you don't think we'll

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Speaker 1: ever get another one, but I've just got this feeling

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Speaker 1: it's just a bit of an inkling that we might

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Speaker 1: possibly end up grieving the loss of another dog one day,

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Speaker 1: because they really are man's best friend. We really hope

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Speaker 1: that you've enjoyed the podcast. Like I said, a bit

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Speaker 1: of a different one today. We hope that it helps

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Speaker 1: to make your family appreciate what you have or think

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Speaker 1: seriously about what life offers. And we hope that the tips,

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Speaker 1: as simple as they are, can help you if you

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Speaker 1: ever go through something like that with a pet of

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Speaker 1: your own or a loved one of your own, when

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Speaker 1: grief and loss come into your life. As always, the

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Speaker 1: happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Rulan from Bridge Media.

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Speaker 1: Craig Bruce is our executive producer, and if you'd like

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Speaker 1: more ideas about making your family happy, you can find

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Speaker 1: them at happy families dot com dot A you goodbye, Benson,