WEBVTT - Ask Uncut - Life is Short, Have an Affair 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.800 Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands 0:00:03.840 --> 0:00:06.560 were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders 0:00:06.559 --> 0:00:07.600 past and present. 0:00:07.600 --> 0:00:11.399 Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was 0:00:11.440 --> 0:00:13.360 recorded on Drug Wallamuta Land. 0:00:23.079 --> 0:00:25.440 Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. 0:00:25.480 --> 0:00:26.360 I'm Brittany and. 0:00:26.400 --> 0:00:28.720 I'm Laura, and this is ask gun cut where we 0:00:28.800 --> 0:00:31.240 answer you're deep, you're dark, and you're burning questions, but 0:00:31.320 --> 0:00:32.840 usually where we talk for twenty five minutes. 0:00:32.920 --> 0:00:35.479 First, well, yeah, that, I mean, that's what a podcast is, 0:00:35.560 --> 0:00:38.440 That's what I do. We talk. But you've you've come 0:00:38.479 --> 0:00:41.239 in a bit flustered this morning. No, I'm not flustered. 0:00:41.280 --> 0:00:43.440 I came in with my phone because I woke up 0:00:43.479 --> 0:00:46.600 this morning and I'd lost my laptop, couldn't find it, 0:00:46.640 --> 0:00:49.320 wasn't in my house. Spent a good three hours last 0:00:49.360 --> 0:00:51.960 night like cleaning my house because we have an inspection today. 0:00:52.600 --> 0:00:57.480 And then I realized, ah, I haven't seen it since 0:00:57.560 --> 0:01:00.240 lunchtime yesterday, when it was in my handbag under neath 0:01:00.280 --> 0:01:01.680 a table at a cafe. 0:01:02.720 --> 0:01:06.560 Oh my god, you left your laptop and your bag 0:01:06.680 --> 0:01:07.360 at a cafe. 0:01:08.720 --> 0:01:11.039 Turns out no, but I thought I did, okay, so 0:01:11.120 --> 0:01:12.560 I thought I left it there. I left the house 0:01:12.560 --> 0:01:14.240 and I was like, Matt, please go and sort this out. 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:16.920 I brought a home. It was underneath the actual dining 0:01:16.959 --> 0:01:17.479 room table. 0:01:17.760 --> 0:01:20.679 But this I'm sorry that, Laura, that story was far 0:01:20.760 --> 0:01:22.880 less dramatic. I know, much better story when I thought 0:01:22.880 --> 0:01:23.640 it was at a cafe. 0:01:24.000 --> 0:01:26.440 I know. But the part of the story that's the 0:01:26.480 --> 0:01:28.800 big part of the story is that I think my 0:01:28.880 --> 0:01:31.320 brain is actually broken down. I think I've gone into 0:01:31.360 --> 0:01:34.080 that part of my life where maybe i have some 0:01:34.120 --> 0:01:34.640 sort of like. 0:01:34.640 --> 0:01:36.759 Memory loss sat dementia. 0:01:37.240 --> 0:01:39.800 I don't know if been called that, but honestly, I 0:01:39.840 --> 0:01:41.760 have done so many things recently in the last couple 0:01:41.800 --> 0:01:46.160 of weeks where I have absolutely no recollection of doing them. 0:01:46.360 --> 0:01:48.080 And some of them are small things like I'll put 0:01:48.080 --> 0:01:49.680 my keys down and they're in. 0:01:49.640 --> 0:01:51.280 The fridge my house. 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:55.160 Remember, It's almost like I just had these complete blackouts. 0:01:55.400 --> 0:01:59.160 Do you know. I think it's because in my expert 0:01:59.200 --> 0:02:01.480 scientific doctor her opinion, I'm going to call it. I 0:02:01.480 --> 0:02:02.920 don't think you've got early on set dementia. 0:02:03.000 --> 0:02:05.240 Thank you. I'm glad because I am only thirty six, 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:06.120 I've done studies. 0:02:06.160 --> 0:02:08.200 Well, I mean, you can it's a thing, but it's 0:02:08.240 --> 0:02:10.200 not common. But it's a thing. But I think you 0:02:10.480 --> 0:02:12.880 just have too much on your mind and on your plate. 0:02:12.960 --> 0:02:14.919 And I correct me if I'm wrong, But I think, 0:02:15.040 --> 0:02:17.680 like me, you don't write lists. You keep it in 0:02:17.680 --> 0:02:18.040 your brain. 0:02:18.760 --> 0:02:20.640 It's not even stuff that you would write lists for. 0:02:21.000 --> 0:02:23.639 It's like, where did I put my hand back? I'm 0:02:23.639 --> 0:02:25.040 not going to put that on the to doo list. 0:02:25.600 --> 0:02:30.000 But it's because your brain isn't registering that that's so unimportant, 0:02:30.040 --> 0:02:32.799 because you've got a billion other important things to do, 0:02:33.080 --> 0:02:36.079 like feed the child, keep the child alive. Just one 0:02:36.080 --> 0:02:39.360 of them, we don't knows. We're lost her in one 0:02:39.360 --> 0:02:42.800 of the boxes. Lola's gone. 0:02:43.160 --> 0:02:44.880 Lola is the sturdier of the two. She'll be able 0:02:44.880 --> 0:02:46.919 to fend for herself for a while. Yeah, I feel 0:02:46.919 --> 0:02:48.600 like Molly get picked up by a bird or something. 0:02:48.760 --> 0:02:50.120 She lives in at the rest of her life, in 0:02:50.160 --> 0:02:51.000 a nest somewhere. 0:02:51.480 --> 0:02:54.920 Bad takes half into the train. Lola is definitely more 0:02:54.960 --> 0:02:57.000 sturdy of the two. But that's why I think it is. 0:02:57.080 --> 0:03:02.440 I think you're just too hectically busy. Maybe try, maybe 0:03:02.520 --> 0:03:06.160 try starting to do like proper lists and categorize them 0:03:06.160 --> 0:03:08.720 and see if it like subconsciously freeze up space in 0:03:08.760 --> 0:03:09.520 your brain, because. 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:13.080 It might or maybe I need to start some mindfulness things. 0:03:13.200 --> 0:03:16.520 No, start doing meditation. Yeah, but let's be realistic. If 0:03:16.560 --> 0:03:19.400 you never yeah, you you're like, I feel like I'm 0:03:19.400 --> 0:03:21.960 supposed to be doing for me right now. You will 0:03:22.000 --> 0:03:24.320 never do that, So like, let's be realistic. Let's do 0:03:24.440 --> 0:03:26.160 things that you will actually probably do. 0:03:26.360 --> 0:03:28.520 I'm the sort of person who anytime I've tried to 0:03:28.560 --> 0:03:32.960 do meditation, after about twenty five seconds of trying to 0:03:32.960 --> 0:03:35.880 do the meditation, I kind of no, I don't forget, 0:03:35.920 --> 0:03:37.119 but I get a bit bored, and then I picked 0:03:37.120 --> 0:03:39.200 my phone up. That's what I do, which is and 0:03:39.200 --> 0:03:41.480 then I start rolling. Yeah, and then I'm like, oh shit, 0:03:41.600 --> 0:03:43.440 go back to the mindfulness. Close my eyes for another 0:03:43.480 --> 0:03:45.400 twenty seconds, and then I'm like, oh, it's happening over here. 0:03:45.720 --> 0:03:48.000 That's not it. That's not the whole point. You need 0:03:48.040 --> 0:03:50.400 to be phoned in another room. I'll go and find it. 0:03:50.440 --> 0:03:53.680 If I put another room for two long birds. 0:03:53.400 --> 0:03:57.680 I will find you. Okay, well you need to work 0:03:57.680 --> 0:03:58.040 that out. 0:03:58.080 --> 0:03:59.600 Okay, So look, if I don't know what I'm talking 0:03:59.600 --> 0:04:01.760 about today, guys, it's because I'm trying to do everything off. 0:04:01.600 --> 0:04:05.440 My phone laptop. Another thing people do for brain power 0:04:05.880 --> 0:04:09.200 is sudoku. It's actually something to keep your brain healthy. 0:04:09.840 --> 0:04:13.440 And actually, Laura, have you seen the Chris Hemsworth documentary 0:04:13.440 --> 0:04:16.279 that he did. No, it's about his life in general, 0:04:16.360 --> 0:04:17.719 but you know, I don't know if you've heard. He's 0:04:18.040 --> 0:04:21.960 lightly spoken about not giving up acting and giving up Hollywood, 0:04:22.040 --> 0:04:24.200 but way way way peeling it back and having a 0:04:24.320 --> 0:04:26.640 rest because he found out that he has all the 0:04:26.680 --> 0:04:31.919 genetic markers for like Alzheimer's young Alzheimer's too, and it 0:04:32.000 --> 0:04:35.680 is in his family apparently, so he's he's completely changed 0:04:35.720 --> 0:04:37.480 his whole life. As soon as the doctors gave him 0:04:37.720 --> 0:04:39.880 his results and said this is something that could actually 0:04:39.880 --> 0:04:42.920 be happening to you, He's like peeled back everything. He's done, 0:04:42.920 --> 0:04:44.800 all this research on what to do for your brain 0:04:44.880 --> 0:04:48.040 and about a life, but it could be something that 0:04:48.080 --> 0:04:50.479 your little frizzle brain might be interested. 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:52.480 Well, I know we joke about this, and obviously I 0:04:52.480 --> 0:04:54.400 don't want to go from joking about having memory loss 0:04:54.400 --> 0:04:57.560 to talking about Alzheimer's. But Alzheimer's is something that's very 0:04:57.560 --> 0:04:59.480 prolific in my family. So as much as we joke 0:04:59.520 --> 0:05:01.920 about me for you getting things, then usually turns into 0:05:01.920 --> 0:05:03.480 the joke about how I'm the one who's going to 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:04.839 get early on set Alzheimer's. 0:05:05.480 --> 0:05:07.240 That's not actually funny. It's not funny. 0:05:07.240 --> 0:05:09.760 And you know when I say this, I mean my 0:05:10.160 --> 0:05:13.200 so my great aunt, she passed away, my nan sister 0:05:13.520 --> 0:05:16.600 really young, like in her late fifties from Alzheimers. It's 0:05:16.640 --> 0:05:19.799 just seeing so young and it happens so rapidly as well. 0:05:20.080 --> 0:05:23.320 But in saying this, I would actually really be interested 0:05:23.400 --> 0:05:25.880 in doing an episode about like living alongside a parent 0:05:25.880 --> 0:05:27.840 who has Alzheimer's, because I think that so many of 0:05:27.920 --> 0:05:29.840 us are getting to an age where we do have 0:05:29.880 --> 0:05:32.440 to consider our parents' health and well being. So many 0:05:32.440 --> 0:05:34.200 of us are going to have parents who struggle with 0:05:34.240 --> 0:05:37.479 Alzheimer's or dementia, or whether it's not a parent's a grandparents. 0:05:37.480 --> 0:05:39.080 So if you think that that's an episode that you 0:05:39.120 --> 0:05:42.560 would be interested in, slide into the DMS because I mean, 0:05:42.600 --> 0:05:44.400 it's for my own therapy, but it could also be. 0:05:44.320 --> 0:05:46.839 For yours too. It is funny when you say you know, 0:05:46.880 --> 0:05:48.640 you end up being a butt of the jokes, like 0:05:48.640 --> 0:05:50.880 you forget everything, You always forget anything like, it's funny 0:05:50.880 --> 0:05:53.400 when you say that and you're actually like, well, you know, 0:05:53.800 --> 0:05:55.760 sometimes that might offend me. I remember we used to 0:05:55.760 --> 0:05:57.640 do that with my sister Sherry. We used to say 0:05:57.640 --> 0:06:00.480 it all the time because you'd talk to she wouldn't 0:06:00.480 --> 0:06:01.960 hear you, and I'd be like, what are you deaf? 0:06:02.000 --> 0:06:03.440 Like we used to be like, why are you so deaf? 0:06:03.760 --> 0:06:05.400 When she was deaf and we didn't know she ended 0:06:05.440 --> 0:06:07.960 up getting hearing aids in retrospect, And it wasn't we 0:06:07.960 --> 0:06:09.800 weren't saying it meanly, like you'd say something she was 0:06:09.800 --> 0:06:11.440 like huh, and I'd be like, are you deaf? Or 0:06:11.480 --> 0:06:14.760 something like, you know, those throwaway comments you don't think. 0:06:14.480 --> 0:06:16.040 But these are the things, and I think for people 0:06:16.080 --> 0:06:18.520 who are genuinely I mean, obviously there's a big difference 0:06:18.560 --> 0:06:21.039 between people who are you'ro divergent who have ADHD and 0:06:21.080 --> 0:06:23.920 have forgetful, and people who are just generally forgetful because 0:06:23.920 --> 0:06:26.080 they've got too much on. But it can be really 0:06:26.120 --> 0:06:28.280 embarrassing because you become and I know we were talking 0:06:28.320 --> 0:06:30.680 about this before, you become the butt of the joke. 0:06:30.800 --> 0:06:33.360 You become the like, oh, of course Laura forgot it 0:06:33.400 --> 0:06:35.839 because she always forgot it. And when you hear people 0:06:35.880 --> 0:06:37.560 say that, even if it is true, even if I 0:06:37.600 --> 0:06:41.240 do forget things a lot, it makes you feel useless. 0:06:41.279 --> 0:06:43.120 It makes you feel like you're not good at anything, 0:06:43.160 --> 0:06:45.680 and it makes you think that people think that you're unreliable, 0:06:46.120 --> 0:06:48.839 and that then can really affect your self esteem. 0:06:48.920 --> 0:06:49.120 You know. 0:06:49.520 --> 0:06:52.120 As friends, we can kind of be like very critical 0:06:52.200 --> 0:06:56.240 on the things that maybe aren't perfect about our friends 0:06:56.279 --> 0:06:57.720 or the things that they do that might be a 0:06:57.800 --> 0:06:59.600 bit different. And sometimes I think we have to have 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:02.640 the empathy to go, oh, that probably makes them feel 0:07:02.680 --> 0:07:04.600 bit shit about themselves because they already feel shit about 0:07:04.600 --> 0:07:05.560 themselves with those things. 0:07:05.720 --> 0:07:08.880 But I say this because you found your laptop. 0:07:09.400 --> 0:07:13.080 I found my laptop, but I felt stupid. And I 0:07:13.120 --> 0:07:15.240 really remember this massive period of my twenties that I 0:07:15.280 --> 0:07:17.800 went through where I would forget things all the time. 0:07:17.880 --> 0:07:20.760 For example, this one day I put the day's takings 0:07:20.840 --> 0:07:23.320 from the shop, like my shop in the city when 0:07:23.320 --> 0:07:26.160 I used to work in Westfields. I put all the 0:07:26.200 --> 0:07:29.160 money at Christmas time on top of my car and 0:07:29.560 --> 0:07:31.800 I put all my groceries and everything, and then I 0:07:31.840 --> 0:07:33.760 drove away and my wallet was gone and all the 0:07:33.760 --> 0:07:36.000 money was gone, and I just remember thinking like what 0:07:36.160 --> 0:07:36.840 is wrong with me? 0:07:37.360 --> 0:07:37.520 Oh? 0:07:37.840 --> 0:07:39.360 You guys are both looking at me like what the 0:07:39.400 --> 0:07:40.600 fuck anceric was? 0:07:41.480 --> 0:07:43.040 We've been four and a half years. You've never told 0:07:43.080 --> 0:07:45.680 me that story. You've told me okay, you've told me 0:07:45.680 --> 0:07:47.320 a story where you left your wallet on there, but 0:07:47.360 --> 0:07:49.520 I can see in your face you left down the 0:07:49.560 --> 0:07:51.000 fact that you left the takings. 0:07:51.200 --> 0:07:53.960 No, because that was a separate time. These things have 0:07:54.080 --> 0:07:55.600 happened multiple times in my life. 0:07:55.640 --> 0:07:58.920 But do you not actually do you not actually want 0:07:58.920 --> 0:08:01.400 to think why and then try and figure that out. 0:08:01.400 --> 0:08:02.760 And I don't mean why he's in a bad thing, 0:08:02.800 --> 0:08:05.800 but like, have you ever tried a diary or like 0:08:06.040 --> 0:08:07.840 a points list or to do list, because you do 0:08:07.960 --> 0:08:09.720 have a lot of shit gone on in your life. 0:08:10.080 --> 0:08:12.520 Yeah, I definitely have tried those things, but they don't 0:08:12.520 --> 0:08:14.360 seem to help in the same way I think that 0:08:14.400 --> 0:08:16.160 you know, people like, just do this, it's so simple, 0:08:16.160 --> 0:08:16.920 and it's not simple. 0:08:16.960 --> 0:08:19.000 Well, next time you lose your day's takings, lose them 0:08:19.040 --> 0:08:19.480 at my house. 0:08:19.720 --> 0:08:22.240 Yeah, thanks, I lost my keys in your house and 0:08:22.280 --> 0:08:24.120 also my entire wallet and my income. Mat I don't 0:08:24.160 --> 0:08:25.720 the wallet never showed up, but the keys are here, 0:08:25.760 --> 0:08:26.480 and I have a new house. 0:08:26.480 --> 0:08:29.960 It's so we So last night we all it was 0:08:30.040 --> 0:08:32.880 super cute. We had like a movie night and we 0:08:32.920 --> 0:08:37.160 all watched the documentary Ashley Madison. We didn't watch it together. 0:08:37.200 --> 0:08:39.040 We all watched it in our own homes. It wasn't 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:40.960 that cute, but we had our own little snacks and 0:08:41.120 --> 0:08:43.160 Keisha started Actually ke Shea's like, oh my god, I've 0:08:43.160 --> 0:08:45.120 started watching this doco. It's so good. And then I 0:08:45.200 --> 0:08:46.880 was like, I'm going to turn it on. So this 0:08:46.960 --> 0:08:48.440 is in our group chat. So I turned it on. 0:08:48.480 --> 0:08:50.720 Then Laura's like, well, I've got fomo now, so you 0:08:50.760 --> 0:08:51.160 turn it on. 0:08:51.280 --> 0:08:53.920 So we sat there all together but independently and text 0:08:53.960 --> 0:08:56.319 each other throughout watching the same documentary. 0:08:56.400 --> 0:08:58.439 Were like, oh my god, could you believe this? We're like, 0:08:58.480 --> 0:09:01.679 I'm two minutes behind you. We can't keep anyway. It 0:09:01.800 --> 0:09:05.160 is wild. If you guys haven't seen the Ashley Madison documentary, 0:09:05.360 --> 0:09:07.000 we can't recommend it enough. But Laura, why don't you 0:09:07.040 --> 0:09:09.320 tell people what it is if they haven't heard about it? 0:09:09.320 --> 0:09:10.640 And you know why, I say, if they haven't heard 0:09:10.640 --> 0:09:12.600 about it before, I let you tell. I had this 0:09:12.600 --> 0:09:14.280 conversation with Ben last night and he's like, what are 0:09:14.280 --> 0:09:16.960 you doing. I said, I'm watching Ashley Madison, are you guys? Oh? 0:09:17.000 --> 0:09:20.199 Who's that? And I was like what. He's like, who's 0:09:20.240 --> 0:09:21.719 Ashley Madison? And I was like, don't you know what 0:09:21.760 --> 0:09:23.960 Ashley Madison is? And he's like, am I supposed to 0:09:23.960 --> 0:09:26.760 know what Ashley Madison is? And that's when I realized 0:09:27.160 --> 0:09:28.960 maybe it didn't stop the world in it's tracks like 0:09:29.000 --> 0:09:29.640 I thought it did. 0:09:29.920 --> 0:09:32.360 Well, I find it's interesting because I asked Matt and 0:09:32.360 --> 0:09:33.520 he was like, oh, yeah, I know what that is. 0:09:33.559 --> 0:09:34.520 And I was like, well, why do you know what 0:09:34.520 --> 0:09:36.920 it is? It was leaked and now you'll understand why. Okay, 0:09:36.920 --> 0:09:39.840 So for anyone who doesn't know Ashley Madison, it is. 0:09:39.920 --> 0:09:42.240 It's a site that's still around. The documentary it's on 0:09:42.280 --> 0:09:43.880 Disney Plus if you want to go watch it. It's 0:09:43.920 --> 0:09:47.440 a three part mini series. Basically, there's three episodes and 0:09:47.559 --> 0:09:51.199 it is a documentary that kind of recaps the massive scandal, 0:09:51.240 --> 0:09:53.360 the rise and then the fall and then the rise 0:09:53.400 --> 0:09:57.000 again of this dating website called Ashley Madison. Now, the 0:09:57.040 --> 0:10:00.360 reason why Ashley Madison was so hugely controversial is because 0:10:00.440 --> 0:10:03.760 it was an affairs website. So even the tagline was 0:10:03.880 --> 0:10:08.800 Ashley Madison life is short, have an affair, And I 0:10:08.840 --> 0:10:11.800 mean I remember. The reason why it kind of came 0:10:11.840 --> 0:10:14.720 into in terms of like within Australia it came into 0:10:14.920 --> 0:10:19.520 full mainstream public media was that in twenty fifteen there 0:10:19.600 --> 0:10:22.199 was a huge data league from Ashley Madison. And now 0:10:22.240 --> 0:10:24.680 you can imagine a site like this, an affairs website 0:10:24.720 --> 0:10:28.160 is based on secrecy, it's based on privacy. So many 0:10:28.200 --> 0:10:30.160 men and women had signed up to this thinking that 0:10:30.160 --> 0:10:32.920 they had anonymity to go about and have affairs without 0:10:32.960 --> 0:10:35.560 their spouse finding out. There was a hacker group called 0:10:35.600 --> 0:10:38.760 the Impact Team. They went in and they completely stripped 0:10:38.800 --> 0:10:41.600 all the data from Ashley Madison. This is globally worldwide, 0:10:41.920 --> 0:10:44.200 millions and millions and millions of users, something crazy like 0:10:44.240 --> 0:10:47.880 thirty two million users. Their information was taken put into 0:10:47.880 --> 0:10:51.440 a Torrent and Ashley Madison was given thirty days to 0:10:51.559 --> 0:10:54.360 shut down their site or all of the information of 0:10:54.400 --> 0:10:56.920 their users was going to be disseminated throughout the dark web. 0:10:57.400 --> 0:10:59.800 And basically what happened is they got to the end 0:10:59.840 --> 0:11:02.760 of that thirty days and it wasn't a hoax, and 0:11:03.280 --> 0:11:06.400 bit by bit, massive chunks of data was released and 0:11:06.440 --> 0:11:08.440 there were websites set up where you could go on 0:11:08.520 --> 0:11:10.440 and you could type in the name of a man 0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:13.160 or the name of a woman, or an email address 0:11:13.440 --> 0:11:16.960 and it would basically dos any of the users. So 0:11:17.080 --> 0:11:18.880 much so, and this is actually on the documentary. It's 0:11:18.920 --> 0:11:22.839 so interesting. Fitzy and Whipper had a segment on their 0:11:22.960 --> 0:11:25.560 radio show where you could ring up, and they've got 0:11:25.600 --> 0:11:27.440 the sound grab of it. This woman rings up and 0:11:27.480 --> 0:11:29.800 she says, I have a feeling my husband might have 0:11:29.880 --> 0:11:31.200 been on the website. 0:11:31.280 --> 0:11:32.320 And they did it live. 0:11:32.400 --> 0:11:35.959 They searched his email address and sure enough, the woman's 0:11:36.000 --> 0:11:38.640 husband was on there. This is playing out across breakfast 0:11:38.679 --> 0:11:40.920 radio in Australia, like that's how big it was. It 0:11:41.000 --> 0:11:43.720 was wide world wide. But there were so many points 0:11:43.760 --> 0:11:46.080 of this documentary I thought was so interesting, so many 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:50.480 moral debates around obviously cheating it's a horrible thing, it's 0:11:50.520 --> 0:11:54.080 completely unethical, but whether it's better to do it on 0:11:54.120 --> 0:11:57.240 something like an affairs website where everybody there at least 0:11:57.280 --> 0:12:01.000 knows the intention of what they're doing, or the way 0:12:01.040 --> 0:12:04.679 in which they used controversy to drive marketing, and they 0:12:04.679 --> 0:12:07.679 had this incredible intense explosion. 0:12:07.280 --> 0:12:09.080 Of user subscribers. 0:12:09.720 --> 0:12:12.720 It was also the kind of debate between what was 0:12:12.840 --> 0:12:15.320 more immoral is that the people who signed up to 0:12:15.440 --> 0:12:18.000 use the website and they were having affairs on their spouses, 0:12:18.360 --> 0:12:21.480 or was it the data league itself who was doxing 0:12:21.480 --> 0:12:23.360 all these people? And you know, there was not really 0:12:23.440 --> 0:12:25.559 any differentiator. It wasn't like they were saying, oh, well, 0:12:25.600 --> 0:12:28.800 these users have had multiple affairs, and these users just 0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:31.280 signed up and never had an affair. Everyone was kind 0:12:31.320 --> 0:12:33.040 of criminalized in the same way. 0:12:33.440 --> 0:12:35.760 Everyone was lumped into the same sort of package of 0:12:35.840 --> 0:12:37.520 if your name was on there, you did the wrong thing. 0:12:37.840 --> 0:12:40.240 The reason that was sad with the leak is and 0:12:40.280 --> 0:12:43.560 I say sad because it did result in people killing themselves, 0:12:43.920 --> 0:12:46.480 resulted in suicide and depression. But there are a lot 0:12:46.480 --> 0:12:49.280 of people's names that were on there, and the point 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:50.679 that they made on the docu series were there a 0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:54.200 lot of women's names that then became adulteresses in the 0:12:54.240 --> 0:12:56.920 public eye whence their names were released, but they only 0:12:56.960 --> 0:12:58.760 ever went on there to try and see if their 0:12:58.840 --> 0:13:01.120 husbands were on their Like there were women that were like, 0:13:01.200 --> 0:13:03.280 I'm suspicious about my husband. I'm gonna go and try 0:13:03.320 --> 0:13:05.040 and suss this out. Then their names will eat and 0:13:05.080 --> 0:13:08.720 then their quote unquote careers and lives were ruined because 0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:10.280 everyone in the world could see that they were on 0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:15.240 this site. I am on the fence with this site. 0:13:15.360 --> 0:13:18.480 And I'm saying this because it really provoked some thoughts 0:13:18.520 --> 0:13:20.040 when I was watching it that I didn't think I 0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:24.000 would ever have. So I do not condone cheating at all. 0:13:24.160 --> 0:13:25.760 I want to make that clear. I think if you're 0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:27.640 gonna cheat, don't be in the relationship. 0:13:27.920 --> 0:13:29.880 Also, we live in a world now with us, so 0:13:30.080 --> 0:13:32.560 I mean, I understand that back in say twenty fifteen, 0:13:32.600 --> 0:13:35.439 it wasn't as liberal, but in this day and age, 0:13:35.880 --> 0:13:38.640 the different types of relationships that you can offer it to. 0:13:39.080 --> 0:13:41.080 You can have a polyamorous relationship, you can have an 0:13:41.080 --> 0:13:43.440 open relationship. They are not as socially frowned upon as 0:13:43.480 --> 0:13:45.480 what they used to be. People are so much more 0:13:45.480 --> 0:13:49.040 open and accepting to choose. Adultery just doesn't really, it 0:13:49.040 --> 0:13:51.600 doesn't fly anymore. It's like just fucking lib authentically. 0:13:51.720 --> 0:13:54.120 Well, the thing is, it does fly because still there's 0:13:54.920 --> 0:13:57.960 seventy and seventy five million users on this site. Like 0:13:58.000 --> 0:14:00.120 this data League didn't crash the site. The whole all 0:14:00.120 --> 0:14:02.120 point was they wanted this site taken down. They wanted 0:14:02.160 --> 0:14:03.640 it to end. They were like, let's leak thirty two 0:14:03.679 --> 0:14:05.640 million users, They're going to have to shut the site down. 0:14:06.120 --> 0:14:08.199 All it did was give it free publicity around the 0:14:08.240 --> 0:14:10.360 world and the sign up went through the roof. So 0:14:10.360 --> 0:14:14.520 they're now it between seventy and seventy five million people 0:14:14.600 --> 0:14:18.679 on this site. So adultery still exists, cheating and these 0:14:18.679 --> 0:14:22.080 affairs is still more rife than ever. But to be clear, 0:14:22.120 --> 0:14:24.320 you didn't have to be in a marriage or a 0:14:24.320 --> 0:14:26.720 relationship to go on this site. You could be single, 0:14:26.800 --> 0:14:28.920 like the worst single people going on there that obviously 0:14:29.040 --> 0:14:30.960 just wanted to be involved in an affair or it 0:14:31.000 --> 0:14:32.640 was just another way to go and have sex the 0:14:32.720 --> 0:14:35.160 thrill of it, because it does take away from the 0:14:35.160 --> 0:14:38.000 fact people generally weren't wanting to go on there and 0:14:38.080 --> 0:14:41.440 have proper relationships, although they did. There were some people 0:14:41.440 --> 0:14:43.440 that were in relationships for like eighteen months that was 0:14:43.440 --> 0:14:45.880 sleeping with the same person, so it was a proper affair. 0:14:45.880 --> 0:14:48.360 Other people going one off hit sex and going back 0:14:48.360 --> 0:14:51.680 to their families, and I can't imagine the number of 0:14:52.240 --> 0:14:55.400 families and relationships this ruined. Once this came out, and 0:14:55.440 --> 0:14:57.560 the fact that this happened but I also had this 0:14:57.600 --> 0:15:01.520 thought where I was like, I actually won wonder how 0:15:01.560 --> 0:15:06.200 many relationships this saved? And what I mean by that is, 0:15:06.520 --> 0:15:08.760 you know, we've spoken to so many people Esther Perelli's 0:15:08.760 --> 0:15:11.880 one that comes to mind, so many specialists in this 0:15:12.000 --> 0:15:15.440 relationship field that have said it's actually quite hard to 0:15:15.520 --> 0:15:18.280 stay in a committed relationship for fifty or sixty years, 0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:20.400 and sometimes people want to go and find something outside 0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:22.360 of the relationship, but they don't want to leave the relationship. 0:15:22.400 --> 0:15:24.960 They love that person, they loved the family. And there's 0:15:24.960 --> 0:15:26.640 a part of me that thinks, I wonder how many 0:15:26.640 --> 0:15:30.560 relationships were saved because someone man or woman completely loved 0:15:30.600 --> 0:15:32.800 their life, They loved their family and their kids, but 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:36.120 they felt like that one sex drive was missing, or 0:15:36.120 --> 0:15:38.120 they weren't getting what they needed from their partner. So 0:15:38.160 --> 0:15:41.360 instead of leaving completely the family and going starting a 0:15:41.400 --> 0:15:44.560 new life, they went got what they needed for and 0:15:44.680 --> 0:15:47.080 I came back to the family and continued. Now I'm 0:15:47.080 --> 0:15:50.160 not saying it's right, but I do wonder how many people, 0:15:50.440 --> 0:15:52.320 how many men went and did that and then stayed 0:15:52.360 --> 0:15:54.960 in the family without their partner knowing their partner thinks 0:15:54.960 --> 0:15:57.840 they're in this lovely committed relationship. Still it makes the 0:15:57.880 --> 0:16:01.720 home life better and life goes on so morally wrong, 0:16:02.680 --> 0:16:05.280 it's so moral. I mean, it's just a thought that 0:16:05.280 --> 0:16:07.400 popped in my head. I was like, fuck, this ruined people. 0:16:07.440 --> 0:16:09.480 But I wonder how many families stayed together. 0:16:09.680 --> 0:16:12.440 I think I struggle with that sentiment because I'm like, well, 0:16:12.520 --> 0:16:16.640 I mean, is a relationship that's based on one sided lies, 0:16:16.880 --> 0:16:19.080 you know, a fabrication of what the truth is? Someone 0:16:19.080 --> 0:16:20.840 who's doing one thing in their private life and another 0:16:20.840 --> 0:16:24.120 thing in their personal life, is that a relationship that's 0:16:24.240 --> 0:16:28.360 worth saving. Obviously, there's people who maintain relationships after cheating, 0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:30.920 scandals and affairs. It happens all the time, but they 0:16:31.000 --> 0:16:35.600 usually maintain relationships once there's been transparency and there's been change. 0:16:35.880 --> 0:16:38.640 I think that like, yes, you could say, oh, it 0:16:38.880 --> 0:16:42.200 saved relationships on a technicality, But if you ask the 0:16:42.200 --> 0:16:44.160 woman who was being lied to, is that a relationship 0:16:44.200 --> 0:16:46.400 that she would have wanted to stay in? I think 0:16:46.400 --> 0:16:49.080 you would get a varying number of answers. Some people 0:16:49.160 --> 0:16:51.240 would choose to stay and some people would absolutely want 0:16:51.240 --> 0:16:51.520 to leave. 0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:53.840 So no, well, this is I guess I'm saying. It's 0:16:53.840 --> 0:16:56.360 like I'm saying it's think of this, there would be 0:16:56.560 --> 0:16:58.560 and this is sad, but there would be so many 0:16:58.600 --> 0:17:00.720 people out there that don't know that their partners were 0:17:00.720 --> 0:17:02.760 on that site. They don't know that to this day, 0:17:02.800 --> 0:17:05.040 they're still in a relationship and they don't know that 0:17:05.080 --> 0:17:06.760