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Speaker 1: This is the Happy Family Podcast. It's a Friday.

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Speaker 2: It's the twentieth of feb and that means that it's

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Speaker 2: time for us to get introspective look at what's working

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Speaker 2: and what's not working in our family so that we

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Speaker 2: can help your family to be happier. It's called O'll

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Speaker 2: do Better Tomorrow. We do it every Friday in the

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Speaker 2: pod and we're going to get very personal next. Good

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Speaker 2: a welcome for the Happy Families podcast, for Australia's most

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Speaker 2: downloaded parenting podcast, where we give you real parenting.

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Speaker 1: Solutions every single day.

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Speaker 2: We are justin and Kylie Colson and Kylie cannot stop

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Speaker 2: singing this song since last week Sez.

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Speaker 3: Come this busy place.

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Speaker 4: Really, I had no idea that it was a whole

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Speaker 4: song and he played that tiny little excerpt last week

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Speaker 4: and I honestly we've been dancing in the kitchen the kids.

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Speaker 4: The kids love it.

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Speaker 5: As soon as they heard it, the very first thing

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Speaker 5: they said was can we.

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Speaker 4: Download this off Spotify?

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Speaker 6: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: That's so far like this is actually so a huge

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Speaker 2: thank you to j R. For being so so clever.

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Speaker 2: Isn't it amazing what you can do with technology?

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Speaker 1: To amazing? So amazing and it has become.

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Speaker 5: Our I fully thought he was just going to pick

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Speaker 5: a random song and that was going to be it.

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Speaker 2: If we can get it onto Spotify, it's going to

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Speaker 2: be number one. And now Spotify wrapped in December. That's guaranteed.

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Speaker 2: So good and the kids, the kids have memorized it.

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Speaker 2: They think it's fantastic and so you're awesome. So at

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Speaker 2: the risk of going too far into podcast world and

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Speaker 2: going behind the curtain, we try to avoid this because

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Speaker 2: Kylie absolutely absolutely hates doing it. But every now and

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Speaker 2: again we will have to set something up before it's

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Speaker 2: actually being done. And that comment that Kylie made last week,

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Speaker 2: I think I need my own theme song. I just

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Speaker 2: ran with it and I said, well, I reckon, jay

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Speaker 2: I can do something. And then Kylie was like, well,

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Speaker 2: what do you do now? And I said, well, just

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Speaker 2: pretend that jay I did something and come out of

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Speaker 2: the back and go that's really cool.

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Speaker 1: And so Kylie said, that's really cool and we.

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Speaker 5: Moved on and I was totally lame because that was amazing.

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Speaker 2: So there's the real reaction, and this thing has gone

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Speaker 2: off all week in our home. It's the only song

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Speaker 2: that anybody wants to listen to the kids are singing it.

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Speaker 2: Our son in law is singing it. He's sharing it

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Speaker 2: with his neighbors, like it's gone everywhere.

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Speaker 5: And just so we're very clear, that was actually not

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Speaker 5: your Valentine's President to me, in spite of the fact

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Speaker 5: you wanted to claim it.

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Speaker 4: This was Jr's.

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Speaker 1: I'm claiming it all Jr's Kylie, All right, Kylie, it's

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Speaker 1: I be about it tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: Every Friday week pick behind the curtain of our lives

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Speaker 2: and we talked about what's working and what's not so

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Speaker 2: that other people can, I don't know, pick up on

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Speaker 2: our mistakes or our expertise and make their families happier.

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Speaker 1: You're up first today.

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Speaker 5: Last year, we had Emily enrolled in just a social

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Speaker 5: surfing lesson with a couple of other homeschool families, and

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Speaker 5: her teacher kept coming to me and letting me know

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Speaker 5: that she was actually doing really, really well and that

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Speaker 5: he couldn't cater for her level in the class she

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Speaker 5: was in because there's just such a wide range of

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Speaker 5: ages and abilities, and so he recommended that she started

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Speaker 5: the six am class, which is the grom one class,

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Speaker 5: and she was not happy. I'm not wanted to do it.

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Speaker 5: Number one, she didn't want to get up early. But

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Speaker 5: number two, well.

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Speaker 2: It's a five point thirty wake up to be at

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Speaker 2: the beach at five forty five so that you can

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Speaker 2: be in the water at six.

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Speaker 1: It's pretty hardcore for an eleven year old kid.

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Speaker 5: And so she was adamant she was not going to

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Speaker 5: go ahead with it. And she has a couple of

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Speaker 5: friends in that class and they were encouraged to do

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Speaker 5: the same thing, and they didn't want to do it either.

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Speaker 5: And finally, we kind of were trying to rebook for

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Speaker 5: the beginning of this year, and he reiterated to us

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Speaker 5: again that would be really good to put them into

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Speaker 5: an earlier class. And I talked to Emily about it,

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Speaker 5: and Emily really didn't want to do it, and finally

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Speaker 5: I just said to her, I said, look, I said,

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Speaker 5: body's actually suggesting that you are really good at this

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Speaker 5: and you could get better at it if you were

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Speaker 5: in the right class. Do you think that maybe we

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Speaker 5: could just try one? I said, we don't have to

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Speaker 5: book in for the term. You can just go along

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Speaker 5: and just give it a go. If you don't like it,

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Speaker 5: we'll go back to social surfing. Because I don't care

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Speaker 5: if you're great or not. I just want you to

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Speaker 5: enjoy it. But your teacher's telling me that he can't

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Speaker 5: give you what you need in that class. So she

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Speaker 5: actually looked at me and she said, yeah, okay, I'll

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Speaker 5: give it one go, but if I don't like it,

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Speaker 5: I'm going back to that class.

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Speaker 1: A bitter resistance.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, And the morning of I thought there was no

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Speaker 5: way she's not going to get up. She bounced out

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Speaker 5: of bed, she got dressed, we got down there. She

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Speaker 5: was really apprehensive. She was really apprehensive, and I started

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Speaker 5: to realize that a bit of her pushback was not

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Speaker 5: actually about the time slot. It was about feeling like

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Speaker 5: she wasn't competent, that she was going to be feeling

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Speaker 5: adequate in the water. And I was just watching her

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Speaker 5: like just you know, a little bit stand or fish

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Speaker 5: and a little bit shy. And the next thing, her

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Speaker 5: friends showed up. She had no idea they were coming,

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Speaker 5: and they showed up, and all of a sudden everything changed.

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Speaker 5: They got down to the water, they've got a new teacher,

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Speaker 5: and every Friday morning we jump out of bed at

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Speaker 5: five thirty am. And it's dark now, like it's still summer.

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Speaker 5: But it's still quite dark, and she heads down there

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Speaker 5: and she's doing amazing. And what I loved about this,

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Speaker 5: just this little experience with her, was that sometimes our kids'

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Speaker 5: trepidation is more about their feeling and competent or their

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Speaker 5: anxiety around a new setting, and less to do with

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Speaker 5: the activity itself. And if we can just give them

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Speaker 5: a soft entry point, not make them feel like they're

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Speaker 5: committing to something that just feels so overwhelming in the moment,

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Speaker 5: that we're going to have a much better outcome for everybody.

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Speaker 5: And I, yeah, it's been great, and I'm kind of

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Speaker 5: kicking myself. How So I've never really wanted to be

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Speaker 5: the mum that sits on the beach.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 5: Can I tell you six am Friday morning is my

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Speaker 5: favorite one of the week. I really hope she keeps

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Speaker 5: us up because I am just loving that one hour

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Speaker 5: of calm in the morning.

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Speaker 2: I'll ask you how you feel about that when it's

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Speaker 2: stormy and and it's.

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Speaker 1: Old and it's autumnal winter.

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Speaker 2: A couple of quick things that I pick up when

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Speaker 2: you share that. The first is the importance of relationships.

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Speaker 2: So the fact that she's got a couple of friends

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Speaker 2: who are in the class game changer. The second thing is,

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Speaker 2: as you highlighted already, our children want to feel like

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Speaker 2: they are capable and competent. The idea that they might

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Speaker 2: show up and look dumb is really paralyzing for them

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Speaker 2: and it can really stymy their development because for.

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Speaker 5: Us, we see that stepping up as progress, you know,

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Speaker 5: where the adult and we're paying money for them to improve, and.

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Speaker 4: So we go, yay, this is so exciting.

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Speaker 1: You're progressing, and they go, oh, no, now I'm going

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Speaker 1: to look dumb.

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Speaker 5: Yes, I'm going to be at the bottom the ladder

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Speaker 5: instead of the top.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it feels really hard.

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Speaker 2: So again, when you think about all the stuff that

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Speaker 2: forms the foundation of what we talk about on the

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Speaker 2: pod and in my books, children need to feel a

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Speaker 2: sense of capability, capacity, competence. They want to be able

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Speaker 2: to progress and master, but they don't like looking dumb.

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Speaker 1: Really.

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Speaker 5: They also need that sense of autonomy though.

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Speaker 2: They want to be able to choose for themselves, and

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Speaker 2: they really really really do well with their friends around them.

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Speaker 2: So when they're young, the best way to support their

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Speaker 2: growth development is to have them doing activities with people

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Speaker 2: that they like at a level where they're progressing, but

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Speaker 2: they feel like they're actually going okay ish, So we

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Speaker 2: want to There's this thing called the zone of proximal development,

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Speaker 2: and we want to have them just on that edge.

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Speaker 2: It's not too hard, it's not too easy, too easy,

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Speaker 2: it's boring too hard they give up. Just getting that

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Speaker 2: level right is so vitally important. And mornings on the

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Speaker 2: beach are pretty nice.

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Speaker 3: Aren't they.

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Speaker 2: Up next, My biggest learning from the last week, it's

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Speaker 2: The Happy Family's podcast. Stay with us.

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Speaker 6: The Magazon, the house is allowed, She's still fund a

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Speaker 6: gem tarking home, Sad had do a crack.

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Speaker 3: Screen on a phone.

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Speaker 1: We're back. This is The Happy Families Podcasts.

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Speaker 2: If you're enjoying the pod and you feel like it

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Speaker 2: makes a difference in your family, please share it with

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Speaker 2: the people around you. It makes such a difference. And

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Speaker 2: if you want to give us a five star rating

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Speaker 2: and review, we won't say no to that. It helps

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Speaker 2: people discover the podcast to make their families happy, and

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Speaker 2: that's why we're here, all right, kylie My, i'lder better tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: Bit of a tough one for me because I've been

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Speaker 2: gone all week. I've been in Sydney.

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Speaker 5: It's a bit of an age old story when it

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Speaker 5: comes to you, isn't that.

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Speaker 2: This is what happens, this is the life that we've chosen.

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Speaker 2: It's really I'm kind of like the I'm kind of

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Speaker 2: like the builder who has about fifteen unfinished projects around

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Speaker 2: his house. I'm the parenting expert who is not home

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Speaker 2: often enough to be really well. I'm really good at

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Speaker 2: telling people what they should do. It's just that I

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Speaker 2: don't often have the opportunity to practice at myself. So

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Speaker 2: this week I spent some time at North Home Grammar

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Speaker 2: in Sydney's Northwest. On Monday, I was at inner Borough

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Speaker 2: School in Sydney's South On Tuesday, I was at Penrith

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Speaker 2: Anglican on Wednesday. On Thursday I was at Thomas Hassel

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Speaker 2: in the southwest of Sydney, and then on Friday I

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Speaker 2: did a corporate event for a big accountancy firm in

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Speaker 2: Sydney as well, with a magnificent venue at the rocks

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Speaker 2: under the the bridge, looking out of the water and

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Speaker 2: just thinking I've got the best job in the world.

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Speaker 5: Meantime, I was in the kitchen and then the laundry.

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Speaker 5: I was out at the washing line. Back in the kitchen, I.

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Speaker 1: Found a really good restaurant.

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Speaker 2: Sorry ah, anyway, so I'll do better tomorrow is twofold.

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Speaker 2: First off, last Friday, I was home and I got

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Speaker 2: to sit on the beach with you for.

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Speaker 1: That hour, and I thought, we need more of this

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Speaker 1: in our lives. Everyone.

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Speaker 2: If it's not just you and I, but every parent

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Speaker 2: needs a quiet hour where they're not distracted by phones

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Speaker 2: and screens. They're not distracted by the washing line or

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Speaker 2: the dishwasher or the kitchen sink. They're not distracted by anything.

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Speaker 2: They're literally just in place, present and enjoying a natural

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Speaker 2: environment while they watch their children thrive and flourish and

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Speaker 2: have fun. To me, that is the essence of what it's.

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Speaker 2: That's the whole shooting match, and we just keep on

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Speaker 2: missing it. In COVID, everyone said we're going to slow down.

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Speaker 2: This is how it's supposed to be. It feels really nice.

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Speaker 2: I feel like we're getting back to what family life

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Speaker 2: is because we're all at home and we're having this

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Speaker 2: time together, and we have completely forgotten any lessons that

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Speaker 2: COVID taught us. When it comes to that, we're all

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Speaker 2: running around from pillar to post. The pressure is on.

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Speaker 2: There is way too much happening and Kylie. It's not

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Speaker 2: good for our kids, it's not good for our families.

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Speaker 2: It's a really, really, really hard thing. And as I

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Speaker 2: sat there on the beach beside you, when we watched

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Speaker 2: Emily surf on Friday morning, I just thought more of

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Speaker 2: this police and then I got on a plane and

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Speaker 2: went away for a week. So my older better tomorrow

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Speaker 2: is to the extent that your schedule allows it, because

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Speaker 2: we all have difficulties with our schedules. We've all got

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Speaker 2: early starts or fly and fly out work, or travel commitments,

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Speaker 2: or late night meetings or work that has to be

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Speaker 2: done after dinner. Because life is like that sometimes, like

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Speaker 2: we're all doing our stuff, or sometimes we're single parents

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Speaker 2: or going through a relationship breakdown and nothing is working.

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Speaker 2: Find those small moments, even if it's sitting on the

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Speaker 2: back deck with a kappa and looking at the trees

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Speaker 2: or looking at the clouds, lay on the trampoline with

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Speaker 2: the kids. Those moments matter. Slowing it down is I

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Speaker 2: think part of the key to a rich.

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Speaker 1: Rich life.

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Speaker 2: That's my alder bed it tomorrow. It's all I've got,

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Speaker 2: But I will be back. I'm home almost all this

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Speaker 2: coming week, so I'll have a really great, older better

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Speaker 2: tomorrow that shows that I remember my children's names and

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Speaker 2: spend time with them.

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Speaker 5: Next week, I can't wait to hear.

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Speaker 2: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Roland from

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Speaker 2: Bridge Media.

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Speaker 1: Justin, we love your work.

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Speaker 2: Mim Habits provides research, admin and other support. Have a

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Speaker 2: great weekend, everyone, and for more info about making your

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Speaker 2: family happier.

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Speaker 1: Visit us at Happy families dot com dot.

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Speaker 6: Au Jeus Cai Cauri Coulson turning kaoson to Grace Building

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Speaker 6: has one big busy please.

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Speaker 3: You two sideling stuff. She said you're already loved just

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Speaker 6: A yeah, and they believe her in their hearts