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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers Now Gooday.

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Speaker 2: This is doctor Justin Coulson, the founder of Happy Families

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Speaker 2: dot com dot au Dades six, daughter's husband to one wife,

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Speaker 2: and the parenting expert and co host on chan Lyne's

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Speaker 2: Parental Guidance. Also the host of this podcast, that Happy

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Speaker 2: Families Podcast. Thank you so much for listening and allowing

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Speaker 2: me into your life to hopefully be useful in making

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Speaker 2: your family happier. Right now, school holidays in Queensland, which

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Speaker 2: means that I'm doing my best to spend as much

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Speaker 2: time in the sunshine with Kylie and the girls as

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Speaker 2: I can. Today's guest is one of my favorite parenting

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Speaker 2: experts in the entire world, doctor Shafali Sabari. She's Oprah's

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Speaker 2: parenting expert. She's also going to be one of the

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Speaker 2: parenting experts chatting with me in the upcoming Happy Family's

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Speaker 2: Hot Mess Summit. We have got an incredible lineup of

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Speaker 2: world class speakers, world class experts who are going to

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Speaker 2: share their very best tips on how we can help

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Speaker 2: our family to not be such a hot mess. We

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Speaker 2: spoke with Ian Kerr yesterday pretty much about how we

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Speaker 2: can get rid of the hot mess that our intimate

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Speaker 2: lives can sometimes become. We spoke with Amanda Keller the

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Speaker 2: other day about how we can just find more joy

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Speaker 2: in family life. And today doctor Shafari Sabari is sharing

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Speaker 2: the Happy Family's podcast microphone with me and she'll be

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Speaker 2: in the Happy Family's Hot messummit. Check it out at

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Speaker 2: happy families dot com dot Let's get into the lightning

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Speaker 2: round with doctor Shafari Sabari Schaffari, thanks so much for

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Speaker 2: joining me for a lightning round on the Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 2: Is going to be fun.

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Speaker 1: I'm so happy to be here.

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Speaker 2: Hey, yeah, Shafari, let's dive into it. We won't mess

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Speaker 2: around at all. Question number one, how many kids do

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Speaker 2: you have and how old are they?

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Speaker 1: I have a nineteen almost twenty year old daughter.

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Speaker 2: Okay, well that means that I don't need to ask

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Speaker 2: you a question number two because it's do you have

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Speaker 2: a favorite child? So the obvious answer is yes. And

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Speaker 2: she's about who do you love most? Your partner or

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Speaker 2: your daughter?

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Speaker 1: Oh that's so hard my daughter. Okay, yeah, I'm separated

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Speaker 1: from her father. But when I when we were together.

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Speaker 1: He used to always say, you promise not to love

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Speaker 1: her more, you love her more. I just think it's

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Speaker 1: such a different kind of love. It's such a limitless, oceanic,

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Speaker 1: unconditional love.

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Speaker 2: I love the way you say that. I love the

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Speaker 2: way you say that. What's your ideal number of kids?

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Speaker 1: Zero?

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Speaker 2: You're so funny every time we've talked together, every time

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Speaker 2: we've I love your honesty around. Kids are really hard work, right, Like,

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Speaker 2: they mess up your life just a little bit.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, once you have one, that's it. It's downhill from there.

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Speaker 1: There's nothing ideal anymore.

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Speaker 2: Next question, idea, There is no ideal. I like that. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: How do you write yourself as a parents? Fahly?

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Speaker 1: Out of ten?

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Speaker 2: Sure?

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Speaker 1: Five right in the middle.

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Speaker 2: Is there some ego in that? In that answer? Do

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Speaker 2: you reckon?

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Speaker 1: No? I think I'm just a you know, average ordinary parent.

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Speaker 1: You know, some days I go to nine, some days

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Speaker 1: I go to two. Yeah, you know, but I think

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Speaker 1: I average out at five. I'm good enough. I think

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Speaker 1: I strive to be I strive to be good enough.

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Speaker 2: Shefali. What's something great that your parents did in their

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Speaker 2: parenting that you've tried to continue in yours?

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Speaker 1: They really you know, held space for big feelings and

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Speaker 1: never judged me and allowed me to have those big feelings.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, beautiful, you and your partner are together. But who

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Speaker 2: is who's the better parent? You or him?

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Speaker 1: For the most part me. Of course, He'll say it's him,

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Speaker 1: But I think I think mother is Sorry to say this,

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Speaker 1: but I think moms just have a cutting edge on

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Speaker 1: the empathy factor and I just think women are naturally

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Speaker 1: potentialized for more empathy. So in that way, I feel

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Speaker 1: like I'm a better parent.

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Speaker 2: Nobody's ever given an answer like that before in these

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Speaker 2: lightning rounds, And I know I'm supposed to be really

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Speaker 2: quick here, but I have to pause on that because

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Speaker 2: as soon as you said that, it made me reflect,

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Speaker 2: and I would say that Kylie is a better parent

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Speaker 2: than me, even though I've written the books and I've

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Speaker 2: got the PhD. Because I look at the bond that

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Speaker 2: she has with our daughters and I just got a glimpse.

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Speaker 2: Then as you said that, I felt what you described,

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Speaker 2: and I think you're right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think fathers are great, but they just can't

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Speaker 1: beat an empathic mom because the maternal drive and instinct

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Speaker 1: is phenomenal. That's why we're mothers. You know, that's why

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Speaker 1: they come from our bodies. For biologically it's phenomenal, and

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Speaker 1: I think mothers should celebrate that. And it's not about

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Speaker 1: a competition. We that's what our bodies are designed to do.

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Speaker 2: That's beautiful. This is a lightning round, so I need

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Speaker 2: to keep things moving forward. What's the hardest thing about

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Speaker 2: being a parent?

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Speaker 1: Getting over my own expectations?

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Speaker 2: Wow, if you could spend an hour with your daughter

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Speaker 2: at any age, what age would you choose? And why?

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Speaker 1: Three? Four? That age three and four because there was

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Speaker 1: something so magical about that, you know, where they knew

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Speaker 1: no limits and they were just completely in awe of life.

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Speaker 1: And I remember mirroring that.

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Speaker 2: What is the ultimate joy as a.

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Speaker 1: Parent watching them enter their own power?

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Speaker 2: Doctor Shefali, This is the question that I get more

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Speaker 2: than almost any other question. It's a question that drives

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Speaker 2: me up the wall. It's the trickiest question in the

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Speaker 2: lightning round. What's the right age for kids to have

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Speaker 2: a mobile phone?

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Speaker 1: Oh goodness, in the ideal world of fourteen fifteen?

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Speaker 2: What's that thing that your parents always said that you

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Speaker 2: swore you would never ever say, and yet it keeps

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Speaker 2: on coming out of your mouth.

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Speaker 1: It's not the same in my I used to always

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Speaker 1: tell my mother that she would sigh too much, you know,

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Speaker 1: like like life is so hard. And I catch myself

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Speaker 1: doing that a lot, like a little bit of a victim, like, oh,

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Speaker 1: it's all me, everything's on me. That attitude. I hated

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Speaker 1: it in my mom and she still does it, and

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Speaker 1: now I do it.

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Speaker 2: What's your daughter's favorite thing to do with you?

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Speaker 1: Go out for lunches and dinners, live.

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Speaker 2: In the life. I like it. Yeah. What are you

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Speaker 2: most looking forward to, doctor?

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Speaker 1: Shefali as a parent where my child can function on

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Speaker 1: their own and so I can release them out into

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Speaker 1: their own life.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and she's almost there, right like nineteen twenty years old.

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Speaker 2: You're right on the cusp of that. Yes, yes, Okay,

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Speaker 2: last two questions. If you could go back to you

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Speaker 2: as a young mum having one of those really tough moments,

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Speaker 2: being completely inexperienced, what advice would you give yourself.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, whatever it is you think is the end of

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Speaker 1: the world right now, you are completely wrong. This doesn't

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Speaker 1: even matter, It will not matter, It has no significance.

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Speaker 2: This has been one of the best lightning rounds. I've

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Speaker 2: loved every answer My final question for you is what's

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Speaker 2: been your biggest win as a mum.

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Speaker 1: My biggest win is in my letting go.

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Speaker 2: You know, the more I let go, the more Dr

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Speaker 2: Shefali thank you so much for joining me on the

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Speaker 2: Happy Families Podcast for a lightning round.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, this was fun. Well.

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Speaker 2: I really hope that you're enjoying these Happy Families Lightning

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Speaker 2: rounds and interviews during the school holidays. We're doing our

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Speaker 2: best to give you the very best insights, great ideas

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Speaker 2: for making your family happier. Hopefully this is making your

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Speaker 2: school holidays go better as well. Colie and I back

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Speaker 2: in the chair for the term four finale from Tuesday,

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Speaker 2: October four. As always, the Happy Families Podcast is produced

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Speaker 2: by Justin Rouland from Bridge Media. We so appreciate the

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Speaker 2: great work that Justin does and Craig Bruce, the brain's

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Speaker 2: behind the operation, our executive producer. Thank you, Craig. If

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Speaker 2: you want more information about making your family happier or

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Speaker 2: about the upcoming Happy Families Hot Mess Summit, which I

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Speaker 2: know I've said it before and I don't want to

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Speaker 2: sound like I'm overselling it, but it literally is going

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Speaker 2: to be the best summit that we have ever done.

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Speaker 2: Visit us at happy families dot com, dot you, or

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Speaker 2: check out our Facebook page Doctor Justin Colson's Happy Families