1
00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:05,600
Speaker 1: Frilly podcasting now right now wards, we're talking about shame,

2
00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:07,800
Speaker 1: about having shame as an adult, how tricky that is

3
00:00:07,840 --> 00:00:12,799
Speaker 1: to come to terms with, and more importantly, how relieving

4
00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:15,000
Speaker 1: it is to often realize that the shame that you

5
00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:20,120
Speaker 1: carry no one realizes is shame. It's very much a

6
00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:21,360
Speaker 1: curse that you put in yourself.

7
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:23,760
Speaker 2: So we did this with the two of us. Yesterday.

8
00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:25,760
Speaker 3: You wrote down on a piece of paper what you

9
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:29,040
Speaker 3: are most ashamed of, yeah, And then I wrote down

10
00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:30,720
Speaker 3: what I thought you'd be most ashamed of.

11
00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:32,760
Speaker 2: Yeah. Here was your response.

12
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:36,920
Speaker 3: You are most ashamed of being a phony yep. And

13
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:41,600
Speaker 3: that you haven't earned your position or your income or

14
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,160
Speaker 3: any of the credit that comes with it because I'm

15
00:00:45,159 --> 00:00:45,680
Speaker 3: not good.

16
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,320
Speaker 1: Yeah. And then I had to think about, like all

17
00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:50,800
Speaker 1: the times that I've overcompensated for that, and how much

18
00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:53,280
Speaker 1: I hate myself in those times when I'm overcompensating because

19
00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:55,600
Speaker 1: I'm so ashamed of that, and trying really hard to

20
00:00:55,640 --> 00:01:02,240
Speaker 1: prove to people that I'm not shame share, I mean,

21
00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:07,480
Speaker 1: I was Thron's shame trying to do a serious I.

22
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:10,360
Speaker 3: Thought you were going to be most ashamed of the

23
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:13,320
Speaker 3: time that you called carry Anne Kennedy Son your Krueger

24
00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:15,639
Speaker 3: and you were really yelling it at her face.

25
00:01:16,360 --> 00:01:18,200
Speaker 1: No, I just ran past her in the hotel and

26
00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:20,760
Speaker 1: I was like, Sonia, what's up? Its carry and Kennelly,

27
00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:21,760
Speaker 1: and she was furious.

28
00:01:21,959 --> 00:01:23,880
Speaker 2: About I calways, go back on the thing you're most

29
00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:25,920
Speaker 2: ashamed of. I will me.

30
00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:27,840
Speaker 3: You know, We're going to go to a song shortly,

31
00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:29,840
Speaker 3: and I'm going to write down what I'm most ashamed of,

32
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:31,280
Speaker 3: and You're going to try and guess what you think

33
00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:35,160
Speaker 3: I'm most ashamed of. But with your shame, what do

34
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,520
Speaker 3: you think you need to do to get past that?

35
00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:40,040
Speaker 3: Because that's pretty toxic thoughts that you've got.

36
00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:44,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah they are. This is this is a

37
00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:47,360
Speaker 1: really good question. I was actually I'm actually talking about

38
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:48,960
Speaker 1: this and I don't want to plug this, but I

39
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:52,920
Speaker 1: am talking about this on the Imperfect podcast tomorrow.

40
00:01:53,720 --> 00:01:53,920
Speaker 3: Yeah.

41
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,680
Speaker 1: I actually sat down with h Van Comberg and we

42
00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:59,120
Speaker 1: spoke about this is very much like at the core

43
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,880
Speaker 1: of why I get to p Yeah, right, changing your

44
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:06,280
Speaker 1: process from doing things for the enjoyment of the process

45
00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:10,079
Speaker 1: versus doing things to achieve a goal. And I reckon

46
00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:12,960
Speaker 1: for a really and I reckon somewhere when I was younger,

47
00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:15,680
Speaker 1: probably a lot I speak about this on the podcast

48
00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:17,679
Speaker 1: as well. Very much anyone that went to school and

49
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,480
Speaker 1: went to a school where you were driven really hard

50
00:02:19,480 --> 00:02:22,480
Speaker 1: to achieve goals and ambition, I reckon I was conditioned

51
00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:25,560
Speaker 1: really heavily that way and have essentially been lost for

52
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:29,040
Speaker 1: a long time as to like constantly only feeling good

53
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:32,480
Speaker 1: and fulfilled when I actually got accolades, I've got some

54
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,639
Speaker 1: sort of success, which means you just can't see the

55
00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:37,400
Speaker 1: forest for the trees, and you can never you can

56
00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:40,200
Speaker 1: never be happy when that's the case, because I'll always

57
00:02:40,240 --> 00:02:42,760
Speaker 1: have a new horizon in front of me. That is

58
00:02:42,760 --> 00:02:44,320
Speaker 1: the thing that I will feel good about myself when

59
00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:45,800
Speaker 1: I get to the horizon, and of course I don't

60
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:46,720
Speaker 1: when I get there.

61
00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:50,040
Speaker 3: Incredibly prevalent actually in today's society with social media, you know,

62
00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:51,880
Speaker 3: people are out there, they put a video up or whatever,

63
00:02:51,919 --> 00:02:53,000
Speaker 3: and they way he likes.

64
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:55,840
Speaker 2: They get like this is being into you and it

65
00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:56,919
Speaker 2: likes did you get yeah?

66
00:02:57,280 --> 00:03:01,520
Speaker 1: And this is very much a tangent. But I was

67
00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:04,000
Speaker 1: thinking about that. I've been thinking about it a lot recently,

68
00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:07,040
Speaker 1: Like when am I actually happy outside of succeeding at things?

69
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,640
Speaker 1: And it's when I'm actually by myself in a room

70
00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:13,160
Speaker 1: like whether creating music or writing or whatever it is,

71
00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:16,080
Speaker 1: with actually no attachment to the outcome, just like having

72
00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:18,680
Speaker 1: fun by myself for the sake of enjoying it. But

73
00:03:18,720 --> 00:03:20,480
Speaker 1: that's a really hard thing to come to terms with,

74
00:03:20,520 --> 00:03:23,960
Speaker 1: particularly given that I've probably lived the last fifteen years

75
00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:28,839
Speaker 1: in the success equals happiness model, and it's a tough

76
00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:31,119
Speaker 1: thing to shake. It's a really tough thing to shake.

77
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:34,280
Speaker 1: So yeah, that's on the Imperfect Podcast tomorrowf anyone's listened

78
00:03:34,280 --> 00:03:35,480
Speaker 1: to it, and I'm sure there's lots of people that

79
00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:38,560
Speaker 1: are listening to it now thinking to themselves, preach, brother,

80
00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,920
Speaker 1: you just wake up, go to work, and all you're

81
00:03:42,920 --> 00:03:46,400
Speaker 1: doing is just running around chasing taiale and you've forgotten

82
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,320
Speaker 1: what you're actually doing it for.

83
00:03:47,560 --> 00:03:48,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't even want that tail.

84
00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:50,240
Speaker 1: You don't even want that You don't even want the

85
00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:50,880
Speaker 1: tail exactly.

86
00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:52,440
Speaker 3: If you get the tail, you wouldn't know what to

87
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:57,920
Speaker 3: do with it, as they say about dogs chasing cars. Okay,

88
00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:00,400
Speaker 3: thank you for being someone else. Imperfect podcas Where if

89
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,080
Speaker 3: people get that sorry hard radio.

90
00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:04,400
Speaker 1: I think it's on our heart radio definitely, but you

91
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:07,000
Speaker 1: can get it wherever you get your podcasts. Yeah, it'll

92
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:08,560
Speaker 1: be it'll be on tomorrow. They actually talk a lot,

93
00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:10,040
Speaker 1: but they ask me a lot about you and me

94
00:04:10,120 --> 00:04:12,160
Speaker 1: as well. Woods, And we've got through a lot of stuff.

95
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:13,880
Speaker 2: It's going to work, do they not? Doesn't have my

96
00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:19,280
Speaker 2: number coming up in season two, it's already in season two.

97
00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:20,760
Speaker 2: Listened to the podcast.

98
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,320
Speaker 3: Well, we're going to go to a song right up next.

99
00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:26,960
Speaker 3: I'm going to reveal what I am most ashamed of. Yeah,

100
00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:28,480
Speaker 3: and you're going to guess.

101
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:30,880
Speaker 1: What your shame is. I've already written it down.

102
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:33,000
Speaker 2: You already know it looks like you knew were going

103
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:37,200
Speaker 2: to talk about it. What are the chances podcast?

104
00:04:37,760 --> 00:04:38,719
Speaker 1: Woods?

105
00:04:39,040 --> 00:04:42,200
Speaker 2: Yes, we're talking about your shame. Don't you damn play.

106
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,320
Speaker 3: That game shame?

107
00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:46,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is pretty interesting what we're doing right now.

108
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:47,480
Speaker 2: A bit of an experiment.

109
00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:50,279
Speaker 3: Basically, a bit of research has been done and they've

110
00:04:50,279 --> 00:04:53,479
Speaker 3: found that the thing that you are most ashamed of,

111
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:56,760
Speaker 3: it's obviously something you don't really talk about much, is is.

112
00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,920
Speaker 2: Very far from what other people would think you are

113
00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:00,560
Speaker 2: ashamed of.

114
00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:03,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's just a reality. So we're putting this to

115
00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:07,039
Speaker 3: the test. I've written down what I'm most ashamed of, yeah,

116
00:05:07,680 --> 00:05:11,560
Speaker 3: and you have written down what you think I am

117
00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:14,200
Speaker 3: most ashamed of now people really struggle to tell the

118
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,640
Speaker 3: difference between our voices. So we are writing Woody is

119
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:19,160
Speaker 3: shamed down, just so we're across that. So Wood's writing

120
00:05:19,200 --> 00:05:21,760
Speaker 3: what his own shame is down. I'm writing what I

121
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:24,520
Speaker 3: think is Woody is shamed down. And hopefully, I mean,

122
00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:26,760
Speaker 3: last time when we did this, we said this might

123
00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:28,320
Speaker 3: be a good exercise to if you're driving home, to

124
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:29,720
Speaker 3: go and do with your partner when you get home

125
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:32,680
Speaker 3: or something, because you might learn about yourself that your

126
00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:35,160
Speaker 3: shame is only something that you're carrying yourself, and it

127
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:38,080
Speaker 3: might be relieving for you to see that nobody else

128
00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:39,080
Speaker 3: actually thinks that of you.

129
00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:43,120
Speaker 1: So hopefully this will prove that. That being said, if

130
00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,400
Speaker 1: we write the same thing down, you're cooked, mate.

131
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:49,080
Speaker 2: Actually, So I was writing this down and I like,

132
00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:49,600
Speaker 2: I was like.

133
00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:51,400
Speaker 1: This is so obvious, you're shame.

134
00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:55,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm like, I'm pretty sure everyone's just going to go,

135
00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:56,320
Speaker 3: oh yeah, of course.

136
00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:56,839
Speaker 1: Okay.

137
00:05:57,360 --> 00:05:59,120
Speaker 2: But so what I hand it over to and you

138
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:00,760
Speaker 2: read it out we did last time?

139
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:04,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, okay, So this is what is shame as

140
00:06:04,200 --> 00:06:10,600
Speaker 1: written by Woody. Yeah, okay, Well he's written what he's

141
00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:16,279
Speaker 1: written down. My desperate need for approval and to be liked. Yeah.

142
00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:20,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I only recently started noticing that it's to

143
00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:25,000
Speaker 3: the point where I just become the person that I

144
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:27,599
Speaker 3: think I need to be around a certain person, and

145
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:31,120
Speaker 3: I'm just constantly changing, and you really start to lose

146
00:06:31,160 --> 00:06:32,240
Speaker 3: who you actually are.

147
00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:34,640
Speaker 2: When you're in the midst of that, what is yourself?

148
00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:38,040
Speaker 3: You're just constantly becoming the thing to try and impress

149
00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:41,440
Speaker 3: that person or be the person that that person wants

150
00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:43,800
Speaker 3: to be around. You just constantly He's putt on this

151
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:44,880
Speaker 3: big performance all the time.

152
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:47,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's really funny actually, because I would see this

153
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,000
Speaker 1: as in a lot of ways a great strength of yours,

154
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,440
Speaker 1: Like you're like the best social lubricant I've ever met

155
00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,839
Speaker 1: in my life because you you just you just become

156
00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,320
Speaker 1: whoever everybody feels most comfortable with, which is like a

157
00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:00,640
Speaker 1: huge credit to you because you're always thinking about other

158
00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,600
Speaker 1: people as well, which is also why you're a very

159
00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:05,479
Speaker 1: generous person. So it's not necessarily a bad thing.

160
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:10,400
Speaker 2: Unless it's money. I amatitus. That's the only loophole.

161
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:12,320
Speaker 1: But I think that's a pretty cool thing for you

162
00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:14,600
Speaker 1: to say on radio Mate. There's loads of people that

163
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:16,559
Speaker 1: would be exactly the same as that and would feel

164
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:19,160
Speaker 1: that really hectically. So that's awesome that you said that.

165
00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:20,840
Speaker 3: Because I know it's very it's very you know, it's

166
00:07:20,920 --> 00:07:22,800
Speaker 3: you hear a lot of people, and I look up

167
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:24,880
Speaker 3: to people like Ricky Gervais, who the reason I think

168
00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:27,640
Speaker 3: he is so cool. Yeah, I know, it's a cringe,

169
00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:30,320
Speaker 3: doesn't care. I don't care what you think. Yeah, you know,

170
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:31,840
Speaker 3: and I'll do what I want. I don't care, and

171
00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:34,360
Speaker 3: I try to emulate that. I'm like, I shouldn't care

172
00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,880
Speaker 3: so much what you know, someone thinks about what I

173
00:07:36,880 --> 00:07:39,160
Speaker 3: say on the radio, or you know, what someone thinks of.

174
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:41,720
Speaker 2: Me, But I do so much.

175
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:50,000
Speaker 1: You're in the wrong job, yes, strolling me Like God,

176
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:51,880
Speaker 1: I'd love to get on here and say that doesn't

177
00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:55,160
Speaker 1: impact me, but it does. It does. It is a

178
00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:57,760
Speaker 1: slippery slope, though, Like I think, there's a beautiful middle

179
00:07:57,760 --> 00:08:01,040
Speaker 1: point in the middle. There can be nice to people

180
00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,600
Speaker 1: without you know, needing because the other end of the

181
00:08:03,600 --> 00:08:06,200
Speaker 1: scale sucks, where you don't care at all about what

182
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:08,760
Speaker 1: people think, and then you're in heart and you're mean, yeah, yeah, no,

183
00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:11,040
Speaker 1: of course you've got to compromise a little bit, but

184
00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:13,760
Speaker 1: to the point where yeah, you know, it's not sure

185
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:16,360
Speaker 1: of who you are. You just talk to someone about that.

186
00:08:17,160 --> 00:08:20,240
Speaker 1: M how do you talk to seriously, you should talk

187
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:22,400
Speaker 1: to something about that itage for your own self exploration.

188
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:23,800
Speaker 1: That's what I think is cool about this.

189
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:27,040
Speaker 2: Like a like a like a psychologist. Oh a psychologist.

190
00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:32,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, I did give that a go, but I think

191
00:08:32,400 --> 00:08:36,160
Speaker 1: you should true we are now I've written down your

192
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:36,800
Speaker 1: shame as well.

193
00:08:37,040 --> 00:08:39,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, I read it out or do you read it out?

194
00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:41,800
Speaker 1: I think last time you turned it around and then

195
00:08:42,320 --> 00:08:44,959
Speaker 1: I'll flip the paper around so you can see the paper, Woody,

196
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,439
Speaker 1: and then you can and then you can read out

197
00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:49,080
Speaker 1: what I think your shame is. Would you be a shame?

198
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,800
Speaker 2: Uh?

199
00:08:52,920 --> 00:08:55,920
Speaker 3: Very good that I didn't get a job as a

200
00:08:55,960 --> 00:08:59,600
Speaker 3: hotel bell boy because I thought the job was literally

201
00:08:59,720 --> 00:09:02,199
Speaker 3: just the bell true story.

202
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:05,760
Speaker 2: I sent that in an interview. See what you're hearing.

203
00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:09,200
Speaker 2: Find us on Instagram and Facebook search Will and Woody