Speaker 1: Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
Speaker 1: were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
Speaker 1: past and present, Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land.
Speaker 1: This episode was recorded on gaddigal Land.
Speaker 2: Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 2: on Cut. I'm Laura and.
Speaker 3: I am producer Keisha, filling in for Britt who has
Speaker 3: gone on our break.
Speaker 2: We should be on holidays, Laura, Britney is having the
Speaker 2: holiday that we were supposed to have, but we are
Speaker 2: here because someone's going to hold the food down, because
Speaker 2: some what is to hold it up? Who knows what
Speaker 2: we're doing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we are going away this week though.
Speaker 2: I'm going away on my honeymoon for five days, but
Speaker 2: I'm also taking a kid, so it's technically not a
Speaker 2: honeymoon and just a holiday. I'm also taking my sister
Speaker 2: and her husband because it's her fortieth birthday, and we
Speaker 2: decided to kind of join the two things together. We
Speaker 2: were like, we can't do two holidays.
Speaker 3: I love how you say we because I know your family.
Speaker 3: We actually had Marley May's birthday party on the weekend
Speaker 3: and you too, Kisha. I was talking to her about it,
Speaker 3: and she was like, yeah, no, Laura kind of positioned
Speaker 3: it to me like we should go on a holiday
Speaker 3: to celebrate your fortieth And then I found out it
Speaker 3: was her honeymoon.
Speaker 2: Do you know what? I think the more the merrier,
Speaker 2: But I'm sure Matt would like to be having a
Speaker 2: lot of sex on this holiday. And the vibes I'm
Speaker 2: getting from the amount of people that are staying in
Speaker 2: our one room is that not much is happening.
Speaker 3: Way you're all in the one room.
Speaker 2: We're all in the one house. Oh so different bits
Speaker 2: like they've got their own room, but like it's you know,
Speaker 2: we're all together one being happy.
Speaker 3: Family could end up working out because like you could
Speaker 3: kind of take it in tag team looking after the kids,
Speaker 3: but yeah.
Speaker 2: I don't want to take air of four kids on
Speaker 2: You kind of got to give and take with that one.
Speaker 2: And Keisha is heading off next week. She's actually heading
Speaker 2: off on the weekend on her very first overseas holiday
Speaker 2: with her new boyfriend, Toblroone.
Speaker 3: Yes, I'm going to Europe. So this actually kind of
Speaker 3: happened a little bit by coincidence. And I know that
Speaker 3: people would say that if they were trying to defend
Speaker 3: the fact that they were in a brand new relationship
Speaker 3: and already going on and overseas holiday together. But I
Speaker 3: had said the whole year that I wanted to go
Speaker 3: to Europe to celebrate my thirtieth birthday. But I had
Speaker 3: to do it when we had time off of you know,
Speaker 3: when you guys had a break from the radio.
Speaker 2: Because we can't be left to do podcasting by ourselves
Speaker 2: with al Keisha's constant guidance is basically the reality of it.
Speaker 3: Thanky that validates me, that makes me feel quite wanted.
Speaker 3: As it turns out, he had the exact same two
Speaker 3: weeks off. He had planned on going to Europe as well,
Speaker 3: and so it kind of got to the point where
Speaker 3: I was like, why don't we just hang out over there?
Speaker 3: And then.
Speaker 2: We just bought tickets together and now we're doing everything together. Hey,
Speaker 2: what point did you guys? So how long have you
Speaker 2: been boyfriend and girlfriend for? I don't know, like not long,
Speaker 2: less than three months holiday.
Speaker 3: I spoke about it on the podcast as it was happening,
Speaker 3: Like usually when things happened in our personal life, we
Speaker 3: give it a bit of breathing room. No no, no, no.
Speaker 3: Straight In the defense you're going to be talked about publicly.
Speaker 2: So he responded well to it, though he booked a holiday.
Speaker 2: I mean, some might think that this is very quick. Yeah,
Speaker 2: Others might think it's the perfect speed. It's a holiday,
Speaker 2: what could possibly go wrong?
Speaker 3: Look, I don't disagree with the fact that's happening very quickly,
Speaker 3: but I feel, like I said, from the start, it's
Speaker 3: the calmest and least anxious I've ever felt at the
Speaker 3: start of a relationship, which I think is a really
Speaker 3: really good sign. And I think it's a sign of
Speaker 3: personal growth because previously I was really attracted to the drama,
Speaker 3: and I was really attracted to the like what I
Speaker 3: used to call butterflies. It turns out that was actually anxiety.
Speaker 3: It's actually anxiety because a lot of them were the
Speaker 3: best people.
Speaker 2: I also love how many people would be listening to
Speaker 2: this and being like, yeah, I've been there as well.
Speaker 3: Gal, Yeah, you gotta admit it. You gotta admit it
Speaker 3: to yourself first when you're like I am attracted to
Speaker 3: some pretty toxic behaviors and.
Speaker 2: Then you get into a seemingly normal and healthy relationship
Speaker 2: and you're like, oh, this is what it's meant to
Speaker 2: feel like this is normal, which if you haven't done
Speaker 2: the self work, you would think was just boring.
Speaker 3: Well, I had actually genuinely thought a lot of people
Speaker 3: had said to me like, when it's the right one,
Speaker 3: and I'm not saying that this necessarily is, but it
Speaker 3: definitely they say, when it's the right one, it'll feel
Speaker 3: so calm and it will be so easy. And I
Speaker 3: was like, yeah, I mean, that's nice for you to say,
Speaker 3: but I personally feel as though I have literally worked
Speaker 3: for absolutely everything that I've got in my life. Like
Speaker 3: I feel as though I've kind of had to jump
Speaker 3: some hurdles to get whatever I've wanted in my career
Speaker 3: and my education, Like whatever it might be, it wouldn't
Speaker 3: be a surprise to me that I would also have
Speaker 3: to work a little bit for a relationship that was
Speaker 3: a good one.
Speaker 2: What some of you guys might not know is like
Speaker 2: when Keisha actually joined our team and became the producer
Speaker 2: of Life on Cut. Keisha was a listener and she
Speaker 2: emailed us out of nowhere and was like, Hey, I
Speaker 2: know that Laura, you're going to be having a baby soon.
Speaker 2: I've been listening to the pod and I was pregnant
Speaker 2: with Lola, and at the time, I was doing all
Speaker 2: the editing for the episodes, and Keisha was basically just like,
Speaker 2: I will help you. Let me be a part of this.
Speaker 2: And then nobody replied to her straight away because you
Speaker 2: were too busy. And then she wrote another email and
Speaker 2: then another email, and I was like, persistence really does
Speaker 2: pay off. And then obviously the rest is history. We
Speaker 2: met and she's amazing. But I can absolutely test to
Speaker 2: the fact that you were somebody who really goes after
Speaker 2: what you want in life.
Speaker 3: I was encouraged by a friend to be that way,
Speaker 3: and I really appreciate that she did that because it
Speaker 3: wasn't like in my personality type to kind of keep persisting,
Speaker 3: Like I was like, I don't want to annoy them,
Speaker 3: you know, blah blah blah. But it did work out
Speaker 3: for me. And also I struck while the iron was hot,
Speaker 3: and I was like, hey, I know that, like there
Speaker 3: are people who can edit podcast there's a bunch of
Speaker 3: people who can edit podcasts. But I have a lot
Speaker 3: of similarities with you guys.
Speaker 2: I'm also slightly insane and I reckon we'll get along great,
Speaker 2: and you're like, I can be a dog sitter all
Speaker 2: the things that you do that are extras.
Speaker 3: Yeah, now I'm coming on your honeymoon, Laura. I actually
Speaker 3: did something really fucking stupid. Have you ever ruined a
Speaker 3: TV show for someone without meaning to? Like? I know
Speaker 3: some people deliberately drop spoilers and they kind of act
Speaker 3: like assholes. This was an accidental one, But have you
Speaker 3: ever done it?
Speaker 2: I can't know. Nothing comes to mind, like, I don't
Speaker 2: think I've intentionally ever done it. I'm sure I've done
Speaker 2: it with Matt many a times where I've been like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, did you see this? And He's like,
Speaker 2: what the fuck is wrong with you?
Speaker 3: So I did it really really badly for one of
Speaker 3: our life as the other day. So I was messaging
Speaker 3: a girl named Molly on the Life on Cut Instagram.
Speaker 3: She might not have actually known that it was me
Speaker 3: that she was messaging, because it can be any of us.
Speaker 3: And we were talking about anxiety, and then she kind
Speaker 3: of led into something and the last bit of her
Speaker 3: message said maybe watching too much true crime and Blacklist.
Speaker 3: Blacklist is a show on Netflix. It's got eight seasons
Speaker 3: of the show, right, and there's like twenty something episodes
Speaker 3: per season, so there's a lot of content in my family,
Speaker 3: it's the one show that every single one of us watch,
Speaker 3: so we text about it in the group chat whenever
Speaker 3: new episodes are out, and we kind of discuss it
Speaker 3: and one of the characters in the show, it's a
Speaker 3: little bit of a like who are they really scenario
Speaker 3: and that plays out over the entire course of the show.
Speaker 2: And I naively assume that because she'd mentioned she must
Speaker 2: know the answer she has the ending.
Speaker 3: Oh, dear, so why I sent a message and I said,
Speaker 3: can I ask? Because I fight about this with my family?
Speaker 3: Do you think X character I'm not gonna give it.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna do it to more people seeing the
Speaker 2: vodka Now, if this is how Life Unkart got canceled,
Speaker 2: do you think.
Speaker 3: Character X is why? And I said, I fight about
Speaker 3: this with my family, this is what my brother thinks,
Speaker 3: this is what my sister in law thinks. Blah blah,
Speaker 3: blah blah blah. And she's shotten back. She's like, you're
Speaker 3: actually probably way ahead of me. I'm only in season one,
Speaker 3: but I can ask my mom.
Speaker 2: Because she's up to date. Bless.
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry, Molly, I really fucked it for you.
Speaker 3: I've just ruined another seven seasons of content for you.
Speaker 2: Do you think she's gonna like, want to watch it now?
Speaker 2: Or do you think that that's it done? Is there
Speaker 2: any point if you know the ending? Well, I mean
Speaker 2: to be fair, you don't know the ending. You don't necessarily, but.
Speaker 3: You've got a big hint as to what I think
Speaker 3: the character is or who I think the character.
Speaker 2: I think that there's a lesson that we can all
Speaker 2: learn in this, and that it's never assumed because it
Speaker 2: makes an ass of you and me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm really bad for that ruined, Like genuinely, I
Speaker 3: don't know how many hundreds of hours of content I've
Speaker 3: just ruined for you.
Speaker 2: We are going to answer some pretty actually, I really
Speaker 2: love today's questions for asking cut anyone who's written in
Speaker 2: a question, thank you. We have maybe four, who knows
Speaker 2: what we got time for really good questions. Before we
Speaker 2: get into that, I wanted to bring up something which
Speaker 2: was I think such a feel good article that's been
Speaker 2: going around a feel good moment, if you will, and
Speaker 2: that is to do with Lewis Capaldi. I'm sure Britt
Speaker 2: will be so jealous because she is truly obsessed with
Speaker 2: this man, and it's to do with his performance at
Speaker 2: the Glastonbury Festival on last weekend. You may be across this,
Speaker 2: but Lewis Capaldi he has taken some time off recently,
Speaker 2: off performing because he has and suffers with Tourette syndrome.
Speaker 2: Now he also was taking time off for his own
Speaker 2: mental health that he made the commitment that he was
Speaker 2: going to come back and perform at Glastonbury. He did
Speaker 2: that on the weekend, and halfway through his performance he
Speaker 2: stopped and said, everyone, I'm in my voice a little
Speaker 2: bit here, and by that what actually was happening was
Speaker 2: that his tics were becoming too profound for him to
Speaker 2: be able to mask them and to stop them from
Speaker 2: coming out. He asked the audience to support him and
Speaker 2: to like sing the songs as loudly as they possibly could,
Speaker 2: to sing along with him, and there was this really
Speaker 2: beautiful moment of almost like camaraderie of the audience, this
Speaker 2: entire huge stadium lifting him up.
Speaker 3: See. I didn't know that he had asked I didn't
Speaker 3: see in the video that he had asked them to sing,
Speaker 3: So I thought, I mean, Lewis has been really open
Speaker 3: about his turettes. He's done a Netflix documentary. I know,
Speaker 3: I also listened to an episode of him on the
Speaker 3: podcast The Diary of a CEO where he was really
Speaker 3: I know this word gets thrown around so much, but
Speaker 3: very candid about it. He kind of just was like, Hey,
Speaker 3: this is what it is, and it scares the shit
Speaker 3: out of me that this is going to get worse
Speaker 3: as I get older. He's only like twenty six years old,
Speaker 3: like he's quite young to be at the level that
Speaker 3: he is out of stardom. I didn't realize he had
Speaker 3: indicated to the crowd that that's what was going on.
Speaker 3: I thought that they just, you know, everyone kind of
Speaker 3: knows about this. If you're watching Louie Capaldi perform, you've
Speaker 3: probably either seen the documentary or heard about it at least.
Speaker 3: So I thought the crowd kind of just like, hey,
Speaker 3: we know what's going on. Let us be a part
Speaker 3: of this and let us like lift you.
Speaker 2: So what he said was, I'm going to be honest everybody,
Speaker 2: but I'm starting to lose my voice up here, but
Speaker 2: we're going to keep on going and we're going to
Speaker 2: go on to the end. I just need you all
Speaker 2: to sing with me as loud as you can, if
Speaker 2: that's okay, And I just think honestly, sometimes I get
Speaker 2: on here and I have a ran, but I just
Speaker 2: thought this was such a beautiful moment. And one of
Speaker 2: the things I loved about this. Now there's other parts
Speaker 2: we're going to unpack in a second, but one of
Speaker 2: the things I loved about this is that for me
Speaker 2: growing up, and I think when I was in my
Speaker 2: early twenties, the only reference I had to Turett syndrome
Speaker 2: at the time, the very first time it ever came
Speaker 2: into my understanding in my psyche was off the back
Speaker 2: of Juice Bigelow. I don't know if you guys even
Speaker 2: remember that movie. It was a complete comedy skit. One
Speaker 2: of the characters in the movie had Turett's and it
Speaker 2: was making fun of the condition. And I think that
Speaker 2: was the very first time that I knew it even existed.
Speaker 2: I knew what ticks were, but I didn't know that
Speaker 2: there was actual name for having turettes. Now, to see
Speaker 2: someone who is so incredible and who is so accomplished
Speaker 2: and is so widely loved being able to stand up
Speaker 2: there on stage and say this is me. And even
Speaker 2: though he wasn't a period of bad mental health and
Speaker 2: he was taking time off because his ticks were becoming
Speaker 2: more profound and they have been impacting his ability to perform.
Speaker 2: He still was like, I'm going to do this and
Speaker 2: wasn't able to make it through the entire show without
Speaker 2: that becoming present, and instead of him walking off or
Speaker 2: making an excuse or not, you know, actualizing it head on,
Speaker 2: he was able to really address that. And I think
Speaker 2: it really reflects just how much platforming people who have
Speaker 2: neuroadavergencies and representation is becoming way more visible.
Speaker 3: I think they do say that ticks for people who
Speaker 3: stuffer with tourettes, they get a lot more severe when
Speaker 3: you're in periods of like high anxiety or excitement or
Speaker 3: basically anything that would be to do with performing. It
Speaker 3: actually makes me question how much was he struggling before
Speaker 3: the whole world knew about this. That they can go
Speaker 3: up and down with the severity of them. But he's
Speaker 3: been performing for years, and I wonder how long he
Speaker 3: actually suffered silently. Do you know what, I would be
Speaker 3: very interested to know if he kept it a secret
Speaker 3: because of record labels, because if you are signing an
Speaker 3: artist that you know is likely not going to be
Speaker 3: able to perform live shows in X amount of years
Speaker 3: because of a condition that they have no control over
Speaker 3: that there is currently no cure over. Did he keep
Speaker 3: this quiet? I'm not saying he kept it a secret,
Speaker 3: but did he not speak about it as publicly in
Speaker 3: fear of Well, this could really impact my career because
Speaker 3: most of the money that artists make four record labels
Speaker 3: comes off of the back of live performing. And I
Speaker 3: think that's very interesting to consider. I'm not saying that
Speaker 3: that's necessarily the case. I don't even know who he
Speaker 3: signed with, but I think it's a question that would
Speaker 3: be very interesting to ask an artist who had tarets
Speaker 3: that was more up and coming, Hey, are you going
Speaker 3: to speak about this publicly because you could risk actually
Speaker 3: not getting signed? Yeah.
Speaker 2: And I think there would be so many reasons why
Speaker 2: people who have different neurological conditions choose to keep it
Speaker 2: to themselves. One of them is just for their own privacy.
Speaker 2: I don't think it necessarily has to be because they
Speaker 2: feel as though that their career would be impacted, although
Speaker 2: I'm not saying I do think that would absolutely be
Speaker 2: a motivating factor. But what this does is having the
Speaker 2: visibility on such a humongous scale, having someone stand out
Speaker 2: there and say I have turets, this is what I
Speaker 2: struggle with in my life. For me, I just think
Speaker 2: about what that does for all the kids out there
Speaker 2: who have that, who struggle with that, who get bullied
Speaker 2: in school because their peers don't have the tolerance or
Speaker 2: the understanding, And I just think about what that's going
Speaker 2: to do in the long term. However, I also and
Speaker 2: I mean, let's not focus on the negatives, but I
Speaker 2: want to bring out something that you said when I
Speaker 2: was talking to you about this Keiche. There has been
Speaker 2: this outpouring on social media on Twitter of people saying
Speaker 2: how brave he is for standing up there and doing this,
Speaker 2: how incredible it is, what a moment in time, what
Speaker 2: this is doing, and what it's going to achieve for
Speaker 2: mental health and for representation of people who have turets.
Speaker 2: You brought up a really great point on this casion.
Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, I fucking agree.
Speaker 3: And I was a little bit.
Speaker 2: I was literally like I don't want to ride on
Speaker 2: your parade because I was like, this is so beautiful.
Speaker 2: It almost made me cry when I first read it,
Speaker 2: because I was like, good, I'm so glad that this
Speaker 2: has happened for him, and I'm glad that the response
Speaker 2: was so positive. But you're I mean, you had a
Speaker 2: really great take on it.
Speaker 3: Look, I do agree wholeheartedly. I think it was a
Speaker 3: beautiful display of humanity and kindness, and that's not exactly
Speaker 3: what I think it was. I think it was kindness
Speaker 3: that people were like, we recognize what's going on, let's
Speaker 3: do this together. God, I feel like such a negative
Speaker 3: Nancy saying this. Some of the comments I thought were
Speaker 3: very patronizing, Hannah, and I think that there is definitely
Speaker 3: an element of ableism. I mean, I think a lot
Speaker 3: of the comments that were coming across social media TikTok, quit, Instagram,
Speaker 3: they were well intended, and I very much recognized that
Speaker 3: these people are thinking that they're saying something with a
Speaker 3: lot of kindness, but I think there is an element
Speaker 3: of patronizing language to it. Some examples, what he has
Speaker 3: done for awareness, he has put his career on the line.
Speaker 3: He's my hero. He gave it to go, well done.
Speaker 2: He did not give it a go. He is a superstar.
Speaker 2: He knows exactly how to do his career.
Speaker 3: I get what they mean. I get that they're like,
Speaker 3: this is really fucking courageous because if I were in
Speaker 3: that position, I don't know if I would do that.
Speaker 3: I don't know if I would have the courage to
Speaker 3: do that where I could potentially be in a position
Speaker 3: where I'm not able to do my job and there
Speaker 3: are millions of people watching me do that. I don't
Speaker 3: know if I'm courageous enough to do that. But I
Speaker 3: just think we've got to be really careful with the
Speaker 3: language that we use when we talk about disability. And
Speaker 3: I mean I speak about this as someone who doesn't
Speaker 3: suffer from a disability. Some of the comments I read,
Speaker 3: I was just a bit like, Oh, I don't know
Speaker 3: how I'd feel if that was me reading that.
Speaker 2: Well. I also think when I read them, I was like,
Speaker 2: sometimes it infantizes. Sometimes it's like you did so well,
Speaker 2: well done, so brave. And I guess the point to
Speaker 2: this is, wouldn't it be nice to get to a
Speaker 2: point in society where somebody stands up on stay Age
Speaker 2: has Turette's has an episode where there in the middle
Speaker 2: of a song and they experience ticks, and it's not
Speaker 2: seen as brave. It's seen as that's normal, that's okay
Speaker 2: for them, and yes, maybe it falters their voice the
Speaker 2: song's not exactly how it would be on the album,
Speaker 2: all that sort of stuff, but it's not seen as
Speaker 2: bravery by representing themselves and being able to be who
Speaker 2: they are, it's still instills that there is some shame,
Speaker 2: that there is some stigma.
Speaker 3: Completely and that's what I mean because it is a
Speaker 3: dudble edged sword. So it's like you're brave being you,
Speaker 3: but like, we don't get to the point of complete
Speaker 3: acceptance and this being normalized more words that are used
Speaker 3: way too much, but we don't get to that point
Speaker 3: unless we see videos like this, So I do understand
Speaker 3: me kind of saying there's another way that you can
Speaker 3: view the commentary around this. It's a little bit of
Speaker 3: like stuck between a rock and a hard place, because
Speaker 3: how do we get to that point without the visibility,
Speaker 3: But we need to praise the visibility for more people
Speaker 3: to feel comfortable coming out and doing it. So it's
Speaker 3: like it's it's a kind of I just it feels
Speaker 3: a little murky to me. And I think he is
Speaker 3: so incredible. I think he is one of the best
Speaker 3: singer song that I've ever listened to. He did put
Speaker 3: a big statement out on Instagram. I'm not going to
Speaker 3: read the whole thing because it's quite long, but if
Speaker 3: you want to check it out, it's on his Instagram
Speaker 3: at Lewis Capaldi. One of the lines and it said, Look,
Speaker 3: the fact that this probably won't come as a surprise
Speaker 3: doesn't make it any easier to write. But I'm very
Speaker 3: sorry to let you know I'm going to be taking
Speaker 3: a break from touring for the foreseeable future. And I
Speaker 3: think it's really wonderful that, you know, he's just able
Speaker 3: to be so honest about this and say, hey, I
Speaker 3: need to prioritize my health right now, I need to
Speaker 3: take some time away. And I think that we are
Speaker 3: becoming a lot better with accepting when people prioritize their
Speaker 3: mental health over their career or their job, especially when
Speaker 3: they're as good at it as what he is.
Speaker 2: All right, well, before we get into answering all you're
Speaker 2: deeply dark and you're burning questions. It is time for
Speaker 2: vibe and unsubscribe. And Kisha has the whole thing in
Speaker 2: her notes, so she's like so excited because it's about
Speaker 2: five hundred, but what is your top of the vibe?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: I got so many I know you We could do
Speaker 3: a whole episode on all my vibes. At the moment,
Speaker 3: I'm going to focus on traveling ones because I'm going
Speaker 3: away in two days.
Speaker 2: It's not on spoiling episodes of TV series with people.
Speaker 3: So sorry, more my.
Speaker 2: Vibe is ruining other people's enjoyment of TV shows.
Speaker 3: I'm so sorry. So I heard this packing tip from
Speaker 3: my friend Joe, who works on the bidiq podcast, and
Speaker 3: I just thought it was genius. She said, if ever
Speaker 3: you're going on a holiday with someone, you know how
Speaker 3: like since COVID, everyone's bags are getting lost. It's a thing.
Speaker 3: That's why everyone's bought air tags.
Speaker 2: That's true. Actually, my bag's got lost when we went
Speaker 2: to Rockampton. Forgot about that.
Speaker 3: She said, if you're traveling with anyone can be a friend, partner,
Speaker 3: a kid, whatever, put a change of clothes in the
Speaker 3: other person's bag in case one of the bags gets lost,
Speaker 3: so when you get to your destination, you'll still have
Speaker 3: something to change into. Like for me, I'm flying over
Speaker 3: to Europe. The climate's going to be really different, and
Speaker 3: so I'm gonna put some swimmers and address in tod
Speaker 3: Lauren's bag. Yeah, which does bring me to my unsubscribe. Okay,
Speaker 3: there is more air tags are too expensive. Okay, I'm
Speaker 3: sure that if I actually looked on the internet there
Speaker 3: would be more affordable options. But I'm a basic bitch
Speaker 3: who loves Apple product, and everyone's talking about, oh, get
Speaker 3: an air tag because then if your bag gets lost,
Speaker 3: at least you can track it and you can tell
Speaker 3: them where it is. I bought them. They're fifty dollars each.
Speaker 2: They don't even necessary.
Speaker 3: You can't even recharge them. You have to get a
Speaker 3: battery for them, Like you know how you had a watch,
Speaker 3: like a battery and a watch. Yes, are you joking?
Speaker 3: I hope fifty dollars for a very simple GPS tracker.
Speaker 3: I'm pissed off.
Speaker 2: Son't wait. The air tag is one that you can
Speaker 2: make a beep, right, so like if you you can't
Speaker 2: find it, you can Because like I was watching someone's
Speaker 2: TikTok recently and a woman had attached to their child
Speaker 2: and anytime they kid us running around, I was like,
Speaker 2: maybe I should get an air tag. So basically, her
Speaker 2: two children a running around the house and anytime she
Speaker 2: wanted them to come to her, she like pressed the
Speaker 2: button and it would beep and the kids would come.
Speaker 2: And I was like this is great obedience training, and
Speaker 2: so why I would have Mom's dog.
Speaker 3: That's full conditioning of your child that you beep it
Speaker 3: and it comes your.
Speaker 2: Child's twenty years old and like they've been conditioned their
Speaker 2: whole life. Anytime they hear any beeping, they're like, mah,
Speaker 2: trauma responds. Anyway, apparently it's really bad. Don't do that,
Speaker 2: because apparently air tags are really easy to hack. So
Speaker 2: if somebody it, it's a whole thing. I was watching
Speaker 2: this TikTok and then he went into the comments section.
Speaker 2: I was like, that is a deep dark part of
Speaker 2: the web. Just don't put our tags in your kids.
Speaker 3: I'm not that worried if someone tracks my bag, to
Speaker 3: be honest, although I do think it's weird like airports.
Speaker 3: This is a tangent, but stay with me. So they're
Speaker 3: so streaked on, like you got to keep your bag
Speaker 3: with you when you know you got to keep all
Speaker 3: your things on you. Any unattended baggage, call security immediately,
Speaker 3: blah blah blah. The second you get off the plane
Speaker 3: and they just popp all your bags on the thing
Speaker 3: and they're like cool, free for all, Take the.
Speaker 2: One that's yours, Like it's only when you enter, but
Speaker 2: when you exit it's fine.
Speaker 3: I didn't give a shit. I'm like, anyone could walk
Speaker 3: in off the street and take a bat. You could
Speaker 3: literally go to the airport and just walk into arrivals
Speaker 3: and take people's bags. Like, what, how is that a thing?
Speaker 2: I'm sure that people do that. I'm sure that that
Speaker 2: is a thing. If you are, if you're looking for
Speaker 2: something new this winter, to the arrivals terminal at Sydney. Yeah,
Speaker 2: great suitcase. You'd always pick the expensive suitcase, wouldn't you. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: all the one that's gone around a couple of times,
Speaker 2: because you know that person's definitely in the toilet. Anyway,
Speaker 2: let's get into the questions.
Speaker 3: Okay, question number one for you laws. My partner and
Speaker 3: I have been together for almost four years and it
Speaker 3: hasn't always been perfect, but we've always managed to work
Speaker 3: through our issues. In the last four months, we have
Speaker 3: had somewhat unexpectedly, had to do long distance because of
Speaker 3: our jobs. This has uncovered some issues in the relationship
Speaker 3: that we have argued about and tried to patch up.
Speaker 3: We went away on a two week holiday and everything
Speaker 3: was great. We connected well and we spoke about the
Speaker 3: difficulties that we had had. Now we are three weeks
Speaker 3: into doing long distance again, and my partner is being distant,
Speaker 3: not communicating well and tells me that he is unhappy
Speaker 3: and worn out by the relationship. He said he doesn't
Speaker 3: enjoy being in a long distance relationship and he doesn't
Speaker 3: like the relationship. Now as it is, we have two
Speaker 3: more months of long distance left. Is it just the
Speaker 3: distance or does it reflect bigger issues in the relationship
Speaker 3: And if a relationship cannot survive a six month stint
Speaker 3: of long distance, is this the right relationship at all?
Speaker 2: Okay, I feel like there's too many variables to give
Speaker 2: a solid answer to this. There's too many variables because
Speaker 2: I don't think that people like some people struggle with
Speaker 2: doing long distance and it doesn't mean that there is
Speaker 2: an issue with the relationship. Some people struggle with long
Speaker 2: distance because there is an issue with the relationship, and
Speaker 2: it's highlighted those things. And it's really hard to give
Speaker 2: a black and white answer without knowing all of the
Speaker 2: details and knowing exactly what it is your partner's experiencing
Speaker 2: and feeling just with the long distance stuff. Okay, if
Speaker 2: I was going to say, what would I do. If
Speaker 2: I was you, I would ride out the next two months.
Speaker 2: If you seem to be happy when you're together and
Speaker 2: everything is fine, I would just put aside that the
Speaker 2: next eight weeks are going to be quite hard, especially
Speaker 2: if he is not communicating well, not showing up in
Speaker 2: the way that he normally does when you're together. That
Speaker 2: if you're now going to be, you know, back in
Speaker 2: the same spot and you're going to be able to
Speaker 2: give your relationship a red hot crack, I would probably
Speaker 2: give it an eight week grace period, which I know
Speaker 2: will be very, very, very very hard, because eight weeks
Speaker 2: when you're not happy is like a fucking lifetime. It
Speaker 2: really is. But I don't think that you should make
Speaker 2: any long term decisions about your relationship to resolve something
Speaker 2: that is a short term issue. So eight weeks is
Speaker 2: a pretty short term problem, and making a definitive decision
Speaker 2: that could end the relationship, I think maybe pulling the
Speaker 2: trigger too early. But I would want to ask, like,
Speaker 2: why when you're not together. Is that when the relationship
Speaker 2: starts to unravel. Is it because there's codependency issues there?
Speaker 2: Is it because he's not consistent with his behavior? Is
Speaker 2: it because you are not able to communicate properly. I
Speaker 2: think you have to really unpack the why is it
Speaker 2: great when you're together, and the why does everything unravel
Speaker 2: when you're not in front of him? And is it
Speaker 2: a case that he's a bit out of sight out
Speaker 2: of mind, And if that is the reality, if he
Speaker 2: is someone who only puts his attention on people who
Speaker 2: are directly in front of him, then I would say, yeah,
Speaker 2: that's a way bigger issue in terms of how you
Speaker 2: guys are going to go long term, because what does
Speaker 2: that mean in the future if he goes away for
Speaker 2: an extended time or you have to do long distance.
Speaker 2: Part of me thinks that a healthy relationship would have
Speaker 2: a stable foundation if you were to have to do
Speaker 2: a long distance stint. But I don't want to under
Speaker 2: sell how challenging long distance can be for so many people,
Speaker 2: and there are some relationships that really really struggle in
Speaker 2: that but would also thrive if they were together. So
Speaker 2: I don't think that it's a black and white thing
Speaker 2: that you can just say, well, because we've done six
Speaker 2: months and it hasn't been great, maybe the relationship is
Speaker 2: not worth fighting for.
Speaker 3: I actually feel exactly the same in the sense that
Speaker 3: I don't think that it's necessarily a deal breaker because
Speaker 3: I think a lot of people, you know, depending on
Speaker 3: what your love languages are or how you actually feel
Speaker 3: loved in a relationship, a lot of people require that
Speaker 3: physical touch. They require that close physical connection.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, especially if it's how you feel loved.
Speaker 3: And also if you've been together for four years, that's
Speaker 3: how you guys have grown together, like you've actually gotten
Speaker 3: used to that, and so all of a sudden, you're
Speaker 3: kind of expecting that your relationship will have this very
Speaker 3: very very different dynamic but remain the same. So I
Speaker 3: think the only thing that you might need to question
Speaker 3: is like it sounds a little bit like he's not
Speaker 3: prioritizing communication while you're separated, and he probably just assumes
Speaker 3: it's going to be as easy as when you're actually together,
Speaker 3: which it's not. Like when you're in a long distance relationship,
Speaker 3: you really have to carve out that time to FaceTime
Speaker 3: to check in on the other person and to make
Speaker 3: sure that connection stays there. I think in my own life,
Speaker 3: there are certain people that I would have been able
Speaker 3: to be in distance relationships before and have been, and
Speaker 3: then there are certain people that I just wouldn't it
Speaker 3: wouldn't thrive in that way. But that doesn't mean that
Speaker 3: that person is, you know, a worst partner. I just
Speaker 3: think that that's the dynamic of for the relationship. So
Speaker 3: I agree. I reckon if you feel like you're able
Speaker 3: to stick it out for the two months and just say, look,
Speaker 3: there is an end date on this, let's give it
Speaker 3: a go, and like, let's just keep trucking along and
Speaker 3: then when things go back to normal, how are used
Speaker 3: to it? You can reassess how you feel then totally.
Speaker 2: And I think if he's you know, if you're back
Speaker 2: together and then he's still saying, ah, I don't feel
Speaker 2: the same because the long distance has changed things. Yeah,
Speaker 2: than massive red flag. I believe the things that he's
Speaker 2: saying to you. But if you're able to do that
Speaker 2: eight weeks, be back in the same place together and
Speaker 2: be together and things click back into the way they
Speaker 2: were your four year relationship, then I think that that's
Speaker 2: a pretty clear indication that you guys are great together,
Speaker 2: you're just not great at long distance. But I think
Speaker 2: that there's way more things to ask yourself as well,
Speaker 2: like what are the jobs that you're doing? Are you
Speaker 2: guys working different hours. Is he working crazy long hours
Speaker 2: and therefore doesn't have the time or the energy to
Speaker 2: be able to put into the relationship that he normally would.
Speaker 2: Are you really insecure when he's not there? So you're
Speaker 2: seeking a lot more validation that you wouldn't normally have
Speaker 2: to seek if you had a bit more clarity over
Speaker 2: where he was, what he was doing when you're actually
Speaker 2: living together. There's so many things that can make us
Speaker 2: feel insecure when we had this dynamic shift in our
Speaker 2: relationship and one person is physically away, because you know,
Speaker 2: when they're in your company and they're in your life
Speaker 2: every day, there's more stability and there's more safety, And
Speaker 2: so I wonder, like what that's doing for you if
Speaker 2: you have some codependency issues and stuff is there as well.
Speaker 2: Just because some people are great and can manage long
Speaker 2: distance and some people can't, doesn't mean that their relationship
Speaker 2: is completely going to unravel and that they shouldn't be
Speaker 2: with that person.
Speaker 3: This actually reminds me of something that doctor Ali Walker
Speaker 3: spoke about when you Guys interviewed her about connection types,
Speaker 3: and she said that with her girlfriends, you know, they
Speaker 3: chat all day long, but with her partner, like their
Speaker 3: time together that she values the most is that kind
Speaker 3: of quiet time where they're just in each other's presence.
Speaker 3: And I feel as though that could be a little
Speaker 3: bit of what's going on here. I think in general, like,
Speaker 3: and this is a bit of a stereotype, but men
Speaker 3: tend to not be as good communicators as what women do.
Speaker 3: It's just the way that we're kind of conditioned. Like,
Speaker 3: you know, we could pick up laur You and I
Speaker 3: could pick up the phone and talk to each other
Speaker 3: for an hour on the phone, and they'd be like.
Speaker 2: Why did I call you again? We're always the supposed
Speaker 2: to be talking about I had something to ask you
Speaker 2: about work, but I fucking can't remember. But they do
Speaker 2: know what happened on Black whatever it was called.
Speaker 3: I just think that, you know, we kind of because
Speaker 3: we can get used to having these connections with our girlfriends,
Speaker 3: it doesn't necessarily mean that our romantic partners are going
Speaker 3: to have that same level of communication.
Speaker 2: Totally. The only thing I do want to say is
Speaker 2: like he's saying he can't get over the trauma from
Speaker 2: the past four months. What the fuck happened? Like, what
Speaker 2: did you guys do in this long distance relationship? I mean,
Speaker 2: have you been arguing the whole time. Has it been
Speaker 2: a case where you just can't see eye to eye
Speaker 2: on things? I don't know. I mean, it is very
Speaker 2: possible that this is the start of some big red flags,
Speaker 2: especially if he's not able to move past the long distance.
Speaker 2: But I think the only thing you can do in
Speaker 2: this instance is give yourself eight more weeks and then reassess.
Speaker 2: I think trying to make an assessment now when you're
Speaker 2: still in the middle of this swamp is just is
Speaker 2: gonna be bad for everyone.
Speaker 3: I agree, all right.
Speaker 2: Question number two? All right, Kigi, I have one for you,
Speaker 2: and this one have a lot of feelings about it.
Speaker 2: Should I be concerned if my new partner tells me
Speaker 2: that he experimented with his sexuality when he was younger,
Speaker 2: but claims he has quote unquote I ordered it out
Speaker 2: and is now into women. Note I am not attracted
Speaker 2: to bisexual people, and it puts me off a bit.
Speaker 2: There's some feelings.
Speaker 3: Firstly, I just want to say that using the term
Speaker 3: sorted it out when you talk about sexuality is hugely problematic.
Speaker 3: But I want to talk about this a little bit
Speaker 3: more as a concept. And last night, when I was
Speaker 3: reading through these questions, I actually really questioned whether I
Speaker 3: was going to share this story completely honestly, because it's
Speaker 3: something that I feel quite a deep sense of shame
Speaker 3: for of how I initially reacted in the situation. But
Speaker 3: I'm going to tell it, and I would ask that
Speaker 3: you listen to the end before you make judgment of me.
Speaker 3: When I was in my mid twenties, I was dating
Speaker 3: a guy. It was going great. A couple of weeks
Speaker 3: in and I found out that he had also experimented
Speaker 3: with men in his past. I don't know whether he
Speaker 3: was actually in a relationship with them, but I found
Speaker 3: out that it was. There was like sexual exploration. And
Speaker 3: MY initial reaction to that was very similar to yours,
Speaker 3: and I found it a bit weird, and I had
Speaker 3: to kind of sit and think about the fact that
Speaker 3: I found it a bit icky. And the reason I
Speaker 3: feel quite a lot of shame about that is because
Speaker 3: I have learnt over the last you know, years, And
Speaker 3: it was actually from a friend who called me out
Speaker 3: at the time, and I'm really glad that she did.
Speaker 3: This was that what that actually was was some pretty
Speaker 3: deeply seated internalized homophobia. Yeah, and I think that this
Speaker 3: actually exists a lot more than what we may realize.
Speaker 3: Because if someone had come to me at that time
Speaker 3: and said, are you a homophobic person? I would have
Speaker 3: been like, absolutely not. Gay people live your best life, like,
Speaker 3: of course I'm not homophobic. But when it came to
Speaker 3: my own situation, I felt uncomfortable about being with a
Speaker 3: man who had been with another man, and that, by definition,
Speaker 3: is homophobic. And I sat on this and I thought
Speaker 3: about it for a really long time. And I think
Speaker 3: that for myself, I grew up in a pretty conservative
Speaker 3: Pentecostal Christian environment and those value were instilled in me,
Speaker 3: and I didn't realize that I actually hadn't grown past
Speaker 3: those values being quite deep in my psyche. I think
Speaker 3: that as we grew up, like I remember being in
Speaker 3: high school, even in primary school, and people to tell
Speaker 3: you things like, oh, that's so gay, like oh look
Speaker 3: those guys interacting me to each other, that are so gay.
Speaker 3: And it wasn't until this moment in my mid twenties
Speaker 3: where I really had to hold a mirror up to
Speaker 3: myself and go, why do I have a problem with this?
Speaker 3: Because I don't care who or how many women he
Speaker 3: has been with. Why do I care about this, and
Speaker 3: I course corrected. I didn't break up with the guy,
Speaker 3: like we kept seeing each other for months, but it
Speaker 3: was something that I really thought about for a long
Speaker 3: time because I thought, Wow, I didn't even realize I
Speaker 3: would have considered myself a pretty progressive person, and I
Speaker 3: didn't realize that I had that inside of me, this
Speaker 3: kind of like biphobia homophobia that was like almost like
Speaker 3: a hangover from values that we had been brought up with.
Speaker 2: I think the reality, though, is that so many people
Speaker 2: don't know how they would react to something until they
Speaker 2: put into that situation. And this is something that I
Speaker 2: was having conversation with a girlfriend about recently, and we
Speaker 2: were talking about it in terms of sex work, and
Speaker 2: I know, like we've spoken about it so much on
Speaker 2: the podcast, sex work is real work. It is not
Speaker 2: something to be ashamed of. And then my friend brought up, well,
Speaker 2: what would you say if male and Lola turned around
Speaker 2: and said that they wanted to be sex workers? And
Speaker 2: I was like, wow, that really challenges It challenges my thoughts,
Speaker 2: and I'm really glad that that was brought up because
Speaker 2: I was like, would it change the way I feel
Speaker 2: about them? Absolutely not, But it definitely made me consider
Speaker 2: my internal thoughts and my internal bias is a little
Speaker 2: bit more. And I just firstly want to say, like
Speaker 2: you sharing that cache, I understand your reservations, and I
Speaker 2: think the one thing you can be so proud of
Speaker 2: is to know that when you felt those feelings, that
Speaker 2: you then course corrected and thought, Okay, well why and
Speaker 2: where does this come from? Instead of just being like,
Speaker 2: I'm not attracted to bisexual people. Because I think that
Speaker 2: there's this like really great misconception that if you're bisexual
Speaker 2: you can't be monogamous. Because you can't then you can't
Speaker 2: be in love with one person and choose that one
Speaker 2: person for you know, the rest of however long you
Speaker 2: want to be with them, because you'll have this desire
Speaker 2: and unfulfilled urge for someone else. And that is just
Speaker 2: so monumentally wrong, because I mean, you can be heterosexual
Speaker 2: and be monogamous to one person. You can be heterosexual
Speaker 2: and be absolutely fucking useless at monogamy. We've all experienced
Speaker 2: those people. And you can be bisexual and still be
Speaker 2: able to be that. And so I think it's so
Speaker 2: important to remember that just because somebody has a past,
Speaker 2: it doesn't mean that it's going to impact their future
Speaker 2: with you, and it also doesn't impact their sexual experiences
Speaker 2: with you either. It is literally just their past.
Speaker 3: It's interesting that that is exactly what you brought up
Speaker 3: because the friend that called me out on it at
Speaker 3: the time is bisexuals she's female, and I had initially said, well,
Speaker 3: the reason I don't want to be with someone who's
Speaker 3: bisexual is because I will never be able to fulfill
Speaker 3: all of their desires.
Speaker 2: What an insecurity that is? You know you won't be
Speaker 2: able to be enough. I mean you may not be
Speaker 2: enough as being a heterosexual. With a heterosexual, they might
Speaker 2: want things that you don't want as well.
Speaker 3: Of course, you can never be everything to someone totally.
Speaker 3: And she was like, that's not how it works. If
Speaker 3: you are if you're bisexual and you're in a monogamous relationship,
Speaker 3: you're committing to that person. It really was an awakening
Speaker 3: moment for me, and the reason I wanted to talk
Speaker 3: about this is because I hope that right now I
Speaker 3: can be that person for you, because I think that
Speaker 3: in general, we are comfortable, or we've even bring condition
Speaker 3: to think that it's like sexy and hot to have
Speaker 3: female female bisexual interactions. But when the shoe is on
Speaker 3: the other foot and it's a heterosexual woman looking at
Speaker 3: a male who has experienced male male interactions, I think
Speaker 3: that we still feel uncomfortable about it. And I really
Speaker 3: think that we have such a huge way to go
Speaker 3: in that sense. And the reason like, I don't want
Speaker 3: to come down hard on you and be like you're
Speaker 3: being homophobic, because, like I just said, I actually experienced
Speaker 3: this exact same thing myself, So I don't want you
Speaker 3: to feel as though I'm kind of like pointing at
Speaker 3: you and being like you're a fucking terrible person. I
Speaker 3: actually that we grew up with these values and we
Speaker 3: just have them as a hangover now, but we need
Speaker 3: to talk about it in order to actually move past them.
Speaker 2: I mean ultimately. And I think it's a good one
Speaker 2: to ask yourself if you've ever been in a situation,
Speaker 2: and if you've ever, I mean, even if you haven't
Speaker 2: been in the situation and you've just thought, oh, I
Speaker 2: wouldn't want to be with a guy who's been with
Speaker 2: a guy. It's such an incredibly judgmental way to approach
Speaker 2: a relationship with someone. And I mean, yes, it is
Speaker 2: okay for everyone to have types and for people to
Speaker 2: pick and choose what they want sexually with their partners.
Speaker 2: I'm not saying that you are supposed to be attracted
Speaker 2: to everyone. We know that that's not the case. But
Speaker 2: if somebody is coming to you and you are attracted
Speaker 2: to them, and you are in a relationship with them,
Speaker 2: and you do want to be with them, and the
Speaker 2: only thing that's turned you off them is the fact
Speaker 2: that they had or done something in the past that
Speaker 2: is completely consensual that shouldn't be deemed as shameful, and
Speaker 2: that we should be way more accepting of. I think
Speaker 2: that says a lot more about your internal biases and
Speaker 2: your internal judgment than what it does about that other
Speaker 2: person and that other person's ability to be in the
Speaker 2: relationship or to be committed to the relationships. I think
Speaker 2: that that's like a really good take.
Speaker 3: Home I think what you need to do in this
Speaker 3: is you just need to sit and think about it
Speaker 3: and think about maybe where these values have come from.
Speaker 3: Because for me, that was actually something that made a
Speaker 3: lot of sense to me. I was like, oh, actually,
Speaker 3: I kind of get why I feel this way. I
Speaker 3: just didn't realize that I hadn't undone some of that
Speaker 3: kind of messaging that was put into me as a kid.
Speaker 3: So yeah, look, you've got some sitting and thinking and
Speaker 3: holding a mirror up to yourself to do. But don't
Speaker 3: stop seeing this guy like you've said. Should I be concerned?
Speaker 2: No? No easy answer. Okay. This last question comes off
Speaker 2: the back of something that we spoke about last week.
Speaker 2: We spoke about a bride who had specifically asked her friends,
Speaker 2: not her bridesmaids. She'd asked her friends to organize the
Speaker 2: hens for her. However, her friends were not invited to
Speaker 2: her wedding and they were not bridesmaids. She had a
Speaker 2: really small wedding. No one came except for like close
Speaker 2: family and friends, but she created a Facebook group where
Speaker 2: she asked other people to organize the hens for her
Speaker 2: and also gave them really specific rules. It was wild.
Speaker 2: This question came off the back of that. Okay, is
Speaker 2: it weird to want to organize your own hands. I
Speaker 2: have a bridesmaid who I love and I can't wait
Speaker 2: to do all the wedding things together with her and
Speaker 2: also party, But I also want to be in control
Speaker 2: of what we do for my hens. Am I a
Speaker 2: control freak? Or is it okay? If I just organize
Speaker 2: my own hands and don't ask her.
Speaker 3: Are you a control freak? Yes? Is it okay? Absolutely?
Speaker 3: You are the dream of people like me.
Speaker 2: People don't want to organize hens. It sucks. It's so bad.
Speaker 3: Do you know how stressful it is to put the
Speaker 3: down payment on accommodation and wait for people to trickle
Speaker 3: in with their payments.
Speaker 2: Yes, unless you are somebody who fucking loves a spreadsheet,
Speaker 2: it is the worst job to do. My poor sister,
Speaker 2: she did such a good job of my hands. She
Speaker 2: did a phenomenal job of your hens. Loves organizing, loves
Speaker 2: a spreadsheet, that girl, though. But I think you're actually
Speaker 2: doing your friends a favor if you want it all,
Speaker 2: organize your own hands. If you're going to take that
Speaker 2: job and you're going to be like, look, I want
Speaker 2: you to be there. I want you to do all
Speaker 2: the wedding stuff, but I want to plan my hands
Speaker 2: and you just have to show up and party. That
Speaker 2: literally sounds like every bridesmaid's dream, every single one.
Speaker 3: I'm laughing because often when these situations come up between you,
Speaker 3: Britain and myself, we have personality traits that, surprise, surprise,
Speaker 3: are in common and none of us are like type
Speaker 3: A people. So the only way that I feel like
Speaker 3: this could backfire is if your bride'smaids are type A
Speaker 3: people and they want that control. They want to surprise you,
Speaker 3: and they want to kind of prove that they can
Speaker 3: throw the best surprise hens ever. But if they're not
Speaker 3: like that, if they're like Laura and me, you are
Speaker 3: doing like you're doing us a service. Can tell you
Speaker 3: how I would bow down to you and be like,
Speaker 3: thank you for alleviating me of this pressure and this responsibility.
Speaker 2: Also, I'm like, I'm going to organize your hens two
Speaker 2: weeks before the event kind of goal. So like, if
Speaker 2: you want someone to organize it and have it done,
Speaker 2: well do it yourself. Like isn't that the saying if
Speaker 2: you want someone to do a job, well do it yourself. Yeah,
Speaker 2: And I think that that's okay in this instance. I
Speaker 2: truly look, I mean, is everyone going to be happy
Speaker 2: with it? No? But if you're inviting Keisha and I
Speaker 2: were going to be fucking thrilled.
Speaker 3: I wonder if maybe the girl from last week who
Speaker 3: had asked her friends who.
Speaker 2: Maybe she should have organized her own.
Speaker 3: She should have organized her own.
Speaker 2: If you're going to have a wedding and not invite
Speaker 2: anyone to it. I think it is your prerogative, Like
Speaker 2: it's your job to organize the party that people can
Speaker 2: then come to and celebrate. Do you know what? Okay,
Speaker 2: just going back to the one last week I was
Speaker 2: thinking about it, do you know what she's basically doing.
Speaker 2: She's like, I had a wedding, it was very little,
Speaker 2: no one was invited. She saved all her money, but
Speaker 2: she still wanted to have like the big engagement party.
Speaker 2: But she's just dressed it up as a hens and
Speaker 2: being like, you organize it and you pay for it.
Speaker 2: She's getting you to pay for her wedding. That's pretty
Speaker 2: much what this is. You're paying for her wedding party.
Speaker 3: The only thing about that situation last week that I
Speaker 3: was like, oh, this could be the an exception to
Speaker 3: the rule. Remember when COVID weddings had like five or
Speaker 3: ten people, Yeah, that was shit. If it was because
Speaker 3: of that, if it was like, hey, we eloped because
Speaker 3: actually our family hate each other and we didn't want
Speaker 3: there to be arguments at the wedding. That's why there
Speaker 3: was only ten people. Organize the hands yourself, Yeah, organize
Speaker 3: it yourself. But so cod weddings were like two years ago.
Speaker 3: Now there's been a lot of time to have your wedding.
Speaker 3: I think like, maybe just be honest about that. Maybe
Speaker 3: don't not say anything about the reasons why they weren't invited.
Speaker 3: Maybe give them a little context and they would be
Speaker 3: a bit more understanding.
Speaker 2: Communication and context. I really do feel like it's the
Speaker 2: end of every single answer. We're always like, just communicate
Speaker 2: and it will be better. How well, we haven't told
Speaker 2: you that, but we just tell you to do it anyway. Guys.
Speaker 2: That is pretty much it from us. We have some
Speaker 2: amazing episodes coming out next week, even though we're going
Speaker 2: to be on a little VAKA. We have an episode
Speaker 2: with our arch nemesis, Jesse Stevens, who we love. Jesse
Speaker 2: is joining us on the pod and she's talking about
Speaker 2: something that's really I mean, it's something we wanted to
Speaker 2: an episode on for a really long time and something
Speaker 2: that's very important to her, and that's vaginismus, because she
Speaker 2: struggled with vaginismus throughout her entire adolescence, throughout her early twenties,
Speaker 2: and she speaks about a really traumatic moment actually of
Speaker 2: sexual violence that she experienced and that had a real
Speaker 2: impact on her vaginismus and how she overcame it through
Speaker 2: therapy and also through her new relationship, and she's just amazing.
Speaker 2: We love her. Jesse Stevens from Mma MEA, even though
Speaker 2: we want to beat them in the podcast towards I.
Speaker 3: Absolutely love Jesse, But vaginismus was actually something that I
Speaker 3: suffered with in my earlier twenties, and for very different
Speaker 3: reasons to Jesse, Like I actually still to this day,
Speaker 3: I'm like, I have no idea what brought that on.
Speaker 3: I was in a long term relationship. But something about
Speaker 3: it that I think a lot of women feel a
Speaker 3: lot of shame about is that it actually really affected
Speaker 3: our sex life because I was in a lot of
Speaker 3: pain when we were having sex, and that made him
Speaker 3: not want to do that because he loved me and
Speaker 3: he didn't want me to be in pain, and so like,
Speaker 3: our sex life was really affected by it. Anyway, Jesse
Speaker 3: goes into so much more detail and she articulates it
Speaker 3: much better than I could.
Speaker 2: And I guess the reason why it's an episode that
Speaker 2: I think everyone will benefit from is because even though
Speaker 2: not everybody experiences it, one in three women will experience
Speaker 2: it in their lifetime, and so I think having an
Speaker 2: understanding of what your friends or your sister or somebody
Speaker 2: who is a vagina owner is going to go through
Speaker 2: just gives you so much more ability to have empathy
Speaker 2: for that. But that's coming out on Tuesday, and you
Speaker 2: guys know the drill.
Speaker 3: Tell your mom, tell you dad, tell your dog, tell
Speaker 3: your friends just as well. So good now we miss herding.
Speaker 3: I love her. Tell your mom, tell your dad, tell
Speaker 3: you dog, tell your friends, and share the love, Okay.
Speaker 2: Or you can just go on like review, subscribe all
Speaker 2: that stuff we love.
Speaker 3: Let's go paridays. The Baba were named the Kaabaa