Speaker 1: Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
Speaker 1: were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
Speaker 1: past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 2: recorded on de rug Wallamuta Land. Hey, let's go, let's ready,
Speaker 2: let's go, let's go, bitches.
Speaker 3: Who are you hi, guys, and.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to another episode of Live onun Cut. I'm Laura,
Speaker 2: I'm Brittany, and I.
Speaker 3: Have a bone to pick with you. Laura Burne.
Speaker 2: Ah, yeah, you did just say let's go, betches, And I.
Speaker 3: Was like, what are you even? Who is this?
Speaker 1: I was just trying it out, you know, wan to
Speaker 1: try something out? No, and it doesn't work, didn't you
Speaker 1: just want to see how it rolls off your tongue
Speaker 1: and if it lands, let.
Speaker 3: You know what, let's go. Bes.
Speaker 1: I was like, all right, let's go, betches.
Speaker 3: And the girls like what and I was like, don't worry. No,
Speaker 3: my bone to pick?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I just pour your coffee. Well it's not
Speaker 1: a bone. It's a funny. So the other day on
Speaker 1: the podcast, you may or may not have heard that
Speaker 1: we got some vibrators and we got a whole bunch
Speaker 1: of stuff. We're having a laugh about it. The company
Speaker 1: sent Ben because it was addressed to me. Brittany has
Speaker 1: some fumbing Ben. It was what we called hot dog
Speaker 1: and it was like this round thing that the penis
Speaker 1: dock had.
Speaker 3: To a cockhugger.
Speaker 2: I can't believe we've talked about this on episodes straight now.
Speaker 1: It's called the stroker, right, So the hot dog thing
Speaker 1: that the penis dog's into. And Laura had a win, right,
Speaker 1: She's like, oh, why didn't I get one? Maddie Jay
Speaker 1: has a dick as well, like he needs to dock
Speaker 1: his penis too, and I just was like, you would
Speaker 1: never use it.
Speaker 3: We had a joke I would never use it. Then
Speaker 3: we got some questions about what it was.
Speaker 1: So we're going to take a photo of all of
Speaker 1: them and put them on the stories because everyone's like,
Speaker 1: what are all these vibrators?
Speaker 3: So we're gonna put on the stories.
Speaker 1: Then we have to use them no, one day later,
Speaker 1: So we just took it home Laura and we're like, Laura,
Speaker 1: can you bring it back in? It wasn't even twenty
Speaker 1: four hours and she's like, oh, I can't find it.
Speaker 2: I'm like, what, maybe I've used it, and you don't
Speaker 2: want to have a photo of a used vibrant.
Speaker 3: No, that is not true, because you would have said
Speaker 3: I've used. There's no Secretsy.
Speaker 1: You lost it within twelve hours, an entire vibrator set.
Speaker 2: It was as one vibrators. It wasn't a set of vibrators.
Speaker 2: It wasn't a fucking like cupboard full of vibrators that
Speaker 2: they misplaced it. It was one single vibrator in the box,
Speaker 2: in the box which is quite large. And I left
Speaker 2: it in the studio upstairs, so I'm guessing somebody else
Speaker 2: has taken it.
Speaker 3: I don't think you're still there. You went home, how
Speaker 3: would you know?
Speaker 1: And you left it on the table. You left a
Speaker 1: vibrator on the table. Well, this is why you can't
Speaker 1: have nice things, lassive.
Speaker 2: Pink vibrator just hanging around the office space. Let's get
Speaker 2: in because I feel like we could do this. We
Speaker 2: haven't seen each other this morning, so we could do
Speaker 2: this for hours before we actually start the episode. There's
Speaker 2: something I wanted to ask you which happened to me
Speaker 2: two days ago, and I wanted.
Speaker 3: To get your opinion on this.
Speaker 2: I'm here four, all right, so and this is for
Speaker 2: everyone playing at home as well?
Speaker 3: What is the etiquette?
Speaker 2: What responsibility do you have if somebody slides into your DMS,
Speaker 2: A girl slides into your DMS and asks about your
Speaker 2: ex boyfriend like they want like a verification check. They
Speaker 2: almost want you to go reference on him, like they're.
Speaker 3: Doing a criminal record check. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And the reason why they're doing a reference check on
Speaker 2: him is because he is not a great Oh I
Speaker 2: shouldn't say he's not a great guy. He is a
Speaker 2: terrible person to date, like an truly abominal datable person.
Speaker 2: Maybe a great person for other means, but if you
Speaker 2: were going to choose him as your life partner, Oh god,
Speaker 2: watch out.
Speaker 1: Oh I just came up with a term in my
Speaker 1: head right now. I'm pretty impressed. So it's like the FBI.
Speaker 1: We'll call it the friend boyfriend Investigation. Sure, yes, that
Speaker 1: was pretty good, admit it. Yeah it was off the car.
Speaker 1: I like that, Okay, friend the FBI. Yeah, it's the
Speaker 1: friend boyfriend Investigation FBI.
Speaker 3: So what's the question should you use if someone writes
Speaker 3: to you?
Speaker 2: So this has obviously happened, So I'll give you the backstory, right,
Speaker 2: I like it.
Speaker 1: Happened to my friend's friend's dog. I'm asking for a
Speaker 1: friend hypothetically.
Speaker 2: Okay, So this has happened to me multiple times over
Speaker 2: the last couple of years, and the reason for it is,
Speaker 2: you know, spoken about it many times on here.
Speaker 3: I have one.
Speaker 2: Particularly trouble X who there was lots of cheating from
Speaker 2: him on me. It was a really it was super toxic.
Speaker 2: The start of the relationship was full, like a lot
Speaker 2: of love bombing, and then things just deteriorated. And so
Speaker 2: this is now six seven years ago, like it's a
Speaker 2: long time ago, right, a long long time ago. But
Speaker 2: I still get women who slide into my DMS to
Speaker 2: ask me about this person or stopped me in the
Speaker 2: street to ask me about this person because either they've
Speaker 2: had a bad experience or they want to kind of
Speaker 2: you know, be pre warned. So recently I had someone
Speaker 2: who I am an acquaintance with, you know, I would
Speaker 2: say they're a friend. They contacted me, and I think
Speaker 2: they're beast not a best you know, my outer periphery
Speaker 2: of my acquaintance network. But I would say that that
Speaker 2: kind of comes with a little bit more of a
Speaker 2: responsibility to reply. I can't just ignore that message, you know.
Speaker 2: So the message was this person's coming to my sphere?
Speaker 2: What do you think of him? I know you dated him, Like,
Speaker 2: you know, what do you reckon give the opinion? Like
Speaker 2: ten years later? Seven years later? I mean, I really
Speaker 2: believe people could change. I also think you know, if
Speaker 2: you've done the work, if you've checked it, and you've realized, Hey,
Speaker 2: there's a common denominator of my bad relationships, and it's
Speaker 2: the fact I keep cheating on people. You could change
Speaker 2: right seven years down the track. But I'm wondering what's
Speaker 2: the responsibility at this point in time?
Speaker 3: And I think that a lot of people will relate
Speaker 3: to this. What do you do?
Speaker 2: Do you give an honest review or do you say
Speaker 2: I don't want to get involved?
Speaker 1: What happens? Well, you're on he was a bad egg.
Speaker 1: I don't think he's changed at all.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, we don't know.
Speaker 2: Seven years I've got nothing to do with the guy. Okay,
Speaker 2: So it's funny you should ask this. This happens to me.
Speaker 1: Also, so those of you playing on long or have
Speaker 1: been here from the beginning, you'll know that I dated
Speaker 1: somebody with a double life.
Speaker 3: You know, he was married to people at the same time.
Speaker 2: This is literally why the podcast started. It was our
Speaker 2: two relationships. Britta and I became friends. We started talking
Speaker 2: about and we were like, oh my god, let's start
Speaker 2: a podcast and talk about the trauma that we've experienced
Speaker 2: and tell everyone if you haven't.
Speaker 1: We really got back, didn't We go back to the
Speaker 1: third episode?
Speaker 3: We ever? But did?
Speaker 1: This is four years ago, and don't judge us on
Speaker 1: the audio quality. It was our first time podcasting. But anyway,
Speaker 1: the story is there. It's called so I dated a sociopath?
Speaker 1: Moving forward. This happened to me a lot. So it
Speaker 1: happened to me before the podcast, right just with some
Speaker 1: people we knew he was a bad egg. There was
Speaker 1: a mutual friend that slid into the DMS and said,
Speaker 1: your ex is now dating somebody.
Speaker 3: I know.
Speaker 1: I don't know you the details, but I know it
Speaker 1: was pretty bad. What do I do? What can you do?
Speaker 1: Can you speak to her? And I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I can speak to one hundred percent. So I got
Speaker 1: on the phone with this random chick and I did
Speaker 1: bad mouth him, but I was like, look, it's not good.
Speaker 3: He's fucked. Let's not shure gote this. He's fucked. He's
Speaker 3: as cooked as a barbecue chicken. From Coles. I just said,
Speaker 3: I said he's no good. Then it happened to.
Speaker 1: One more time, maybe six eight months later, and I
Speaker 1: did it again, but I just said, all I'm gonna
Speaker 1: say is it eased off. I said, all I'm gonna
Speaker 1: say is I wouldn't let my friend date him. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't let my sister datium, I wouldn't anyone.
Speaker 3: Else I know I date him.
Speaker 2: I knew when I Hey, I have spoken to you
Speaker 2: about this before, and you said I wouldn't let my
Speaker 2: dog date.
Speaker 3: That's that's pretty offensive.
Speaker 1: I said I wouldn't let my dog dating, but I
Speaker 1: never went into details. But I think that's a powerful
Speaker 1: enough statement. Over the last that was it's got to
Speaker 1: be ten years ago. Now over the I still get
Speaker 1: people message, which is crazy that obviously know the connection
Speaker 1: and ask and now I just don't respond because so
Speaker 1: much time, so much time. And at the end of
Speaker 1: the day, do I think he's changed, No, probably not,
Speaker 1: But I don't know that. I don't know that he
Speaker 1: hasn't gone and done the work, and he's not an
Speaker 1: amazing person right now. And I just feel like, after
Speaker 1: this long, it is not my responsibility. I am not
Speaker 1: the ex boyfriend vigilante that's out there saving.
Speaker 3: People from something that could possibly happen.
Speaker 1: And I think at the beginning, when it's fresh, if
Speaker 1: something really traumatic has happened, then you can pass on
Speaker 1: that information. You don't have to go into detail. But
Speaker 1: I think what I said is good. I think you
Speaker 1: can be like, would I want my friend to date
Speaker 1: him or my daughter to date this person?
Speaker 3: No? And I think that's powerful enough in itself.
Speaker 1: But after five seven years, like seven years now, I
Speaker 1: don't think you need to be doing that seven years.
Speaker 2: I think the reason why this one really struck me
Speaker 2: was because it's somebody who I'm friends with, and so
Speaker 2: therefore I feel like it's not one that I can
Speaker 2: just skewed around, you know, like and also there is
Speaker 2: this moment where you're like, am I doing this because
Speaker 2: I want to protect someone?
Speaker 3: Or am I doing it because.
Speaker 2: There's an element of getting back at them? You know?
Speaker 3: Like not?
Speaker 2: And it's not because I harbor any animosity, but it's like,
Speaker 2: I would never want somebody to go through what I
Speaker 2: went through in that relationship. So therefore I wonder, like,
Speaker 2: is the tossing up between what to do here? Is
Speaker 2: it a byproduct of not wanting someone to go through
Speaker 2: what I went through, or is it a part of
Speaker 2: like a well, no, you did that to me, so
Speaker 2: you know I should be able to tell someone. And
Speaker 2: I don't know where that lies. I don't know what's
Speaker 2: the bigger motivator here. Well, is it also I love
Speaker 2: that we're doing our own ask on card like you've.
Speaker 3: Asked me just literally literally? Is it also?
Speaker 1: Have they written to you saying I feel like something's
Speaker 1: off and they're wanting confirmation or are they saying, hey,
Speaker 1: I know there's a connection. They tell me about him,
Speaker 1: spill the goss, because if they're saying something doesn't feel right,
Speaker 1: can you tell me what your experience was. I would say,
Speaker 1: go with your gut. If it doesn't feel right, don't
Speaker 1: be in the relationship.
Speaker 2: And I think this was my big lesson I learned
Speaker 2: from this exchange of the last couple of days is
Speaker 2: if you ever feel like you need to go and
Speaker 2: get a character check for some guy that you're dating,
Speaker 2: if you have the urge to reach out to their
Speaker 2: ex girlfriend from however long ago, or you know, get
Speaker 2: a friend to do it.
Speaker 3: Whatever it is.
Speaker 2: If you feel like you need to character check someone,
Speaker 2: it's because you should not be dating them, because if
Speaker 2: you're dating a great guy and all indications are green
Speaker 2: flags and they're awesome and everything's easy, you wouldn't even
Speaker 2: have the motivation or the want or any of those feelings.
Speaker 2: You wouldn't have that thing inside you that's your intuition
Speaker 2: that tells you something's fucking off here.
Speaker 1: I love a character check. I get character checks all
Speaker 1: the time everyone I've dated.
Speaker 2: If yeah, no, but you would just do it as
Speaker 2: in like you're not reaching out because you're like, hey,
Speaker 2: I'm reaching out because I think something's off.
Speaker 3: My thing is what I'm saying is oh no, I.
Speaker 1: Just get a character reference, like if there's a connection totally.
Speaker 1: Like when I started dating the guy before ben So,
Speaker 1: I reached out to somebody like a mutual friend that
Speaker 1: knew him and they weren't even that close to me,
Speaker 1: but I knew them enough to be like, hey, you
Speaker 1: just started seeing this guy, what's he like?
Speaker 3: Thinking that she was just going.
Speaker 1: To write back and be like he's great, go for
Speaker 1: it so hot, And she wrote back and was like,
Speaker 1: oh player funck, we are Joe back, And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: what was like?
Speaker 3: That was not what I was expecting.
Speaker 1: And it turned out to be true. Even with Ben
Speaker 1: now current boyfriend Ben, I reached out to someone in
Speaker 1: the football world.
Speaker 2: What just a random I know him very well. Oh,
Speaker 2: this is an next boyfriend of yours as well.
Speaker 1: Okay with Jay, Oh, okay, my sister's partner.
Speaker 3: I thought he has been far out that escalated. My
Speaker 3: sister's husband.
Speaker 1: Jay works in the football world. He's been in the
Speaker 1: football world for.
Speaker 3: His whole life. He knows everything about it.
Speaker 1: So I wrote to him and I was like, YO,
Speaker 1: hooked up with this guy.
Speaker 3: What's he like? Is he a bad air than? Is
Speaker 3: he good? Thinking that you know?
Speaker 1: And Jay came back with all his due diligence and
Speaker 1: he was like, there are no bad articles about him.
Speaker 1: Apparently he's never strayed, he's never done this, he's never
Speaker 1: done that. He seems really great. There's a great player.
Speaker 1: Gave me a full football character reference and he's like,
Speaker 1: I approve and I was like, great, and that's how
Speaker 1: I continued on.
Speaker 2: Okay, I don't think I've ever done a character check,
Speaker 2: and maybe I should have.
Speaker 3: Maybe that's all we're getting to.
Speaker 1: Probably, so the million dollar question, did you tell them
Speaker 1: the truth?
Speaker 2: I feel like I gave a very top line version because,
Speaker 2: like I said, you know, seven years is so long.
Speaker 2: And the other part of this is, even if he
Speaker 2: hasn't changed, even if he's exactly the same person, nothing
Speaker 2: to do with you.
Speaker 3: I don't want to get into the drama. You got
Speaker 3: two kids, you're married with two kids. It's another lifetime.
Speaker 1: Whoever wants that person, and like he he's done enough
Speaker 1: damage to you, you don't need to be worrying about
Speaker 1: it anymore. That's how I think. I'm like, you have
Speaker 1: so much of my energy. Yeah, and time that long
Speaker 1: ago is if I'm going to give you another speckle
Speaker 1: of my brain, I don't have that many speckles.
Speaker 3: Left, thank you. Exactly. All my speckles are falling out
Speaker 3: of a three year old and two year old.
Speaker 2: All right, Well, before we get into answering your questions, Brittany,
Speaker 2: what is it that you're vibing this week?
Speaker 1: I'm vibing today something simple. Most of you have probably
Speaker 1: tried it. But I go through these food obsessions, right Like,
Speaker 1: I just get hooked on something and that's all I
Speaker 1: consume for a couple of weeks.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was frozen yogurt for a while. Though usually
Speaker 2: it's frozen coconut with.
Speaker 3: Well, I've been stuck. Yeah, it was. That was two
Speaker 3: That was only two weeks. That was intense. That was
Speaker 3: an intense two weeks. I'm glad you're over that. I
Speaker 3: ate it every day and I was like, wew, it's
Speaker 3: too much.
Speaker 1: It was chicken tenders for a while, and I had
Speaker 1: a chicken Keisha's nodding in the corner. I got Keisha
Speaker 1: onto the chicken Tender's chicken tender wrap. But now it
Speaker 1: is the sweet and salty popcorn. I know, it's just
Speaker 1: so good. It's so moorish in my head.
Speaker 2: It's healthy, it's not, but it's also like such a
Speaker 2: gold NOLDI I feel like everyone's been sweet and salty face.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's what I'm vibing it hard at the moment.
Speaker 2: Okay, So I came across the TikTok this week, and
Speaker 2: I feel like this is going to truly revolutionize some
Speaker 2: people's lives. You know, Frank, green water bottles just don't
Speaker 2: fit in any cup holder in any car, Like.
Speaker 3: They're all too fat. They're so fat.
Speaker 2: They're so annoying because the base of them is like
Speaker 2: really thick.
Speaker 3: The one lead ones, like the big ones that people
Speaker 3: get around with.
Speaker 2: So if you have a support water bottle that you love,
Speaker 2: like Kisha, she takes it everywhere, everywhere, everywhere like and
Speaker 2: carries it around like it's a baby.
Speaker 3: It's got a little sippy straw.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, if you have a one leader one and
Speaker 2: you need it with you at all times, it doesn't
Speaker 2: fit into the cup holder, very annoying.
Speaker 3: There is this new hack.
Speaker 2: You can go to buttings and you can get yourself
Speaker 2: a piece of pipe. It has like a thinner bit
Speaker 2: at the bottom and then a wider bit on top,
Speaker 2: and you can put the pipe into your cup holder
Speaker 2: and then it turns into a cupholder extension and it
Speaker 2: is fucking mind blowing. I just call that a funnel,
Speaker 2: don't they? Well, no, it's not a funnel because it's
Speaker 2: not tubular. It's not like a triangle shape.
Speaker 3: It's sit the drink bottle on the seat. Yeah, but
Speaker 3: annoying rolls around. What if it goes on the floor.
Speaker 2: What if you stop really harder around about and then
Speaker 2: it falls forward onto the floor. But I fucking dig
Speaker 2: around for a frank green drink bottle. You're not very
Speaker 2: supported with your emotion if it's on the floor, do you.
Speaker 1: Have to dig around? Have you seen the size that
Speaker 1: have me? Jason Momola and a drink bottle flapping around
Speaker 1: your car?
Speaker 2: Well, anyway, I thought it was a handy little trick
Speaker 2: and I'm all about it. This week, apparently Frank Green
Speaker 2: are going to bring out some that they're going to
Speaker 2: make themselves. I'm sure it'll be nine nine nine. I'm
Speaker 2: sure to be overpriced. You just go to Buddies get
Speaker 2: a four dollars fifty years. This is my hot take.
Speaker 2: I hanger that is a good vibe. All right, let's
Speaker 2: get into the questions. Question number one. I live with
Speaker 2: my best friend and we had been living together for
Speaker 2: four and a half years. I met my now fiance,
Speaker 2: who is also female because we're in a same sex relationship,
Speaker 2: at the same time as the marriage equality survey, which
Speaker 2: was a really hard time for the LGBTQI folk. My
Speaker 2: best you had not long moved out, she said to
Speaker 2: me at the time. I'm worried I'm going to lose
Speaker 2: you as a friend if I vote no to same
Speaker 2: sex marriages. And turns out she voted no. Our friendship
Speaker 2: has pretty much fizzled since then. But I do miss her.
Speaker 2: I miss our friendship, and we have caught up sporadically
Speaker 2: over the past few years, and she has reached out
Speaker 2: to CA recently, but I have made excuses because I
Speaker 2: am getting married in a couple of months, and I
Speaker 2: am so torn about whether or not to invite her.
Speaker 2: She was a huge part of my adult life for
Speaker 2: such a long time, and it feels weird not to
Speaker 2: have her there. But how do I invite someone who
Speaker 2: may still not support my marriage. I don't know what
Speaker 2: her views are or if they've changed, and I'm scared
Speaker 2: to know the answer. My family, however, think I should
Speaker 2: invite her any ideas.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm almost going to go against her
Speaker 1: family's advice. Sorry, maybe harsh, but I would not be
Speaker 1: inviting a friend that didn't support my marriage. At the
Speaker 1: end of the day, she voted no to allowing you
Speaker 1: the basic human right of marrying somebody you love. I
Speaker 1: don't think I would have a space for you at
Speaker 1: my wedding, And if she so strongly thought that you
Speaker 1: shouldn't get married, I doubt she would want to go
Speaker 1: to your wedding. I don't understand why the family would
Speaker 1: want that. Can her views have changed. I hope they have.
Speaker 1: Maybe you should have that conversation. If she was your
Speaker 1: best friend for so long, who knows what she was
Speaker 1: thinking at the time. Maybe if you're still in contact
Speaker 1: and you're still friends, have the conversation with her, Say,
Speaker 1: how do you feel about same sex marriage now?
Speaker 3: Are you on board? Would you vote yes? If so?
Speaker 1: And if she can honestly say, I love you and
Speaker 1: support you, and I don't know what I was thinking
Speaker 1: or I was confused, or I can't believe I voted no.
Speaker 1: If you feel like it's convincing that she supports you,
Speaker 1: maybe made a mistake. Doesn't believe that anymore than sure
Speaker 1: invite her. But at the end of the day, she
Speaker 1: said she didn't want you to marry somebody that you love.
Speaker 1: To me, it's a strong no.
Speaker 3: That is wild.
Speaker 2: I just think it's so weird that she could live
Speaker 2: with you for four and a half years and also
Speaker 2: be there when you're in the relationship with your partner
Speaker 2: and not want that happiness for you, Like I find
Speaker 2: that very invalidating of your relationship, which is.
Speaker 3: Why I would say I wouldn't want her at my wedding.
Speaker 2: Does that mean that you can't be friends with her
Speaker 2: if you want to be I mean, I don't think
Speaker 2: anyone can tell you who you shouldn't shouldn't be friends with.
Speaker 2: That's completely up to you and where your boundaries lie
Speaker 2: and whatever you want in your life.
Speaker 3: You are entitled to make those decisions.
Speaker 2: But I think it would be odd to have somebody
Speaker 2: who's been vocal about not supporting your marriage at your marriage.
Speaker 2: And I think that if you do decide to be
Speaker 2: friends with her, that doesn't mean that you have to
Speaker 2: invite her to your wedding either. Those two things can
Speaker 2: be mutually exclusive. You can have some sort of relationship
Speaker 2: with her and a friendship with her, and also say
Speaker 2: to her, the reason why I don't want you in
Speaker 2: my wedding is because you clearly don't want to be
Speaker 2: at my wedding, because you made that very very clear.
Speaker 3: I agree with everything you said, Britt.
Speaker 2: I find it almost a bit dismissive maybe of your family,
Speaker 2: and I know it comes from a place where they
Speaker 2: know that she's been a part of your life for
Speaker 2: so long.
Speaker 3: They have seen all of her amazing qualities.
Speaker 2: We're only hearing about this one isolated thing, but they
Speaker 2: have seen her and your friendship over many years, and
Speaker 2: so they know the back history.
Speaker 3: But I do think you know, the thing that she's.
Speaker 2: Not been invited to your wedding is the thing that
Speaker 2: has caused the breakdown in your friendship. So I would
Speaker 2: say that that wasn't your choice. It's not You're not
Speaker 2: the one who stepped away from the relationship. It's the
Speaker 2: fact that she doesn't agree with you and your life
Speaker 2: and your life choices and your ability to have the
Speaker 2: same privileges in relationships and in marriages what she is
Speaker 2: entitled to as a heterosexual person. I think that, you know,
Speaker 2: it's almost a little bit invalidating to say, oh, you
Speaker 2: should just invite her. Get over it. You don't have
Speaker 2: to get over it.
Speaker 1: And it's not having a difference in opinion like oh
Speaker 1: my god, you're so obsessed with exercise in the gym.
Speaker 3: I'm so lazy. We can't be friends. This is a
Speaker 3: huge thing.
Speaker 1: This isn't a normal difference of opinion because friends can
Speaker 1: do that.
Speaker 3: Get over it and move on.
Speaker 1: This is literally the biggest part of your life and
Speaker 1: of who you are, and she is saying I'm not
Speaker 1: okay with it.
Speaker 2: I mean, I also get I think it would be
Speaker 2: a miss of us to not acknowledge the fact that
Speaker 2: maybe she's religious, maybe there's cultural reasons as to why
Speaker 2: she doesn't agree, or she morally couldn't vote yes because
Speaker 2: of whatever it is that she has culturally been brought
Speaker 2: up in or is exposed to. I understand that, but
Speaker 2: that doesn't negate the fact that you don't agree with
Speaker 2: her and that that has affected your life. You know,
Speaker 2: she's entitled to her opinions, even if we all think
Speaker 2: they're wrong. But you don't have to be the one
Speaker 2: that succumbs to bringing her back into your life when
Speaker 2: she's the one who's removed herself.
Speaker 3: Hey, I don't know.
Speaker 2: I think ultimately in this situation, if you feel the
Speaker 2: way you feel, your wedding day is a day of
Speaker 2: such a wonderful celebration.
Speaker 3: It's so fun.
Speaker 2: The last thing you want to be thinking about is
Speaker 2: having a guest there who didn't want it to happen.
Speaker 3: Like you said, you can still be friends.
Speaker 1: You don't have to end the friendship if you don't
Speaker 1: want If she has all these other amazing qualities that
Speaker 1: you get along with, but she doesn't want to see
Speaker 1: you get married, so she doesn't have to come to
Speaker 1: the wedding end of story.
Speaker 3: Question two.
Speaker 1: So, my boyfriend's twenty four and I'm twenty six. We've
Speaker 1: been dating for four and a half years. We had
Speaker 1: a conversation recently. It went along the lines of me,
Speaker 1: I want to get married soon. What do you think him?
Speaker 1: I don't not for another six to eight years. Would
Speaker 1: you wait that long? Me?
Speaker 3: Not sure. I'd like to take by take him?
Speaker 1: Well, if you loved someone, you would wait for them
Speaker 1: to be ready. Me. I'm not saying I don't love you.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying I want to marry you in the
Speaker 1: next three year years. Anyway, you guys get the point.
Speaker 1: I want to marry this man, I really do. I
Speaker 1: don't know if I feel like I want to marry
Speaker 1: this man as soon as possible because a lot of
Speaker 1: my friends are getting engaged and married, et cetera. So
Speaker 1: I'm asking for the expertise opinion.
Speaker 3: Lot, you've come to the wrong place.
Speaker 2: But we're not experts, and we have never claimed to be.
Speaker 2: So I'm sorry that you've received false information somewhere.
Speaker 1: The question is do I wait until he's ready, even
Speaker 1: though I really want to get married now, or do
Speaker 1: I attempt to push my opinion and peer pressure him.
Speaker 2: Nothing like peer pressuring a man into marry and locking
Speaker 2: him down for the rest of existence.
Speaker 3: This is a this is tricky look.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's a hard one because you've already been
Speaker 2: together for four and a half years. But like, at
Speaker 2: the same time, my head goes, Okay, you're twenty four.
Speaker 2: I understand why. Maybe he doesn't want to rush in
Speaker 2: yet to get married. Maybe he wants to spend his
Speaker 2: twenties with you like together, because I think some people
Speaker 2: think that just because you've gotten married, it means that
Speaker 2: the next step is that you have to have babies.
Speaker 2: Like it kind of feels like the progression is happening sooner,
Speaker 2: whereas like you could get married and then the babies
Speaker 2: could wait. But it sounds like you kind of want
Speaker 2: all of those big life things much sooner than he
Speaker 2: wants them. Can you pressure him into marrying you? No,
Speaker 2: you can't do You need to have some big conversations
Speaker 2: around timelines, which sounds like the most important thing, and
Speaker 2: decide and figure out for yourself. Are your timelines around
Speaker 2: just wanting to get married and having a baby because
Speaker 2: you want those things now or is it because they're
Speaker 2: things that you want in your life and with him,
Speaker 2: which I mean in which.
Speaker 3: Case you have to fuck. You have to wait, like
Speaker 3: that's the only option.
Speaker 1: I actually I understand both sides on this one. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be so Switzerland on this. I get both sides,
Speaker 1: but I'm almost leaning towards his side now. The reason
Speaker 1: I say this is timelines are different for everybody, but
Speaker 1: big life events are different for everybody too. Now you
Speaker 1: are only twenty four when I do the math. Even
Speaker 1: if you waited six years, you're still currently five years
Speaker 1: younger than me. I only just got a boyfriend. That's irrelevant.
Speaker 1: But my point is sometimes time can feel like it's
Speaker 1: so far away. And I think for your partner, he's
Speaker 1: not saying he doesn't want to marry you. He's just saying,
Speaker 1: let's just not rush. He's saying he still loves you,
Speaker 1: he still wants to be with you, he still wants
Speaker 1: to do all his life stuff with you. He just
Speaker 1: doesn't want to have that big ceremony. It is something
Speaker 1: that you both have to agree on because he needs
Speaker 1: to respect what you want as well. So I think
Speaker 1: maybe you need to have a conversation. That's like, I
Speaker 1: really saw myself married in my twenties, if that's the
Speaker 1: way you want to word it, because that would you know,
Speaker 1: six to eight years takes you to thirty thirty two,
Speaker 1: So maybe you could compromise a meet in the middle.
Speaker 1: Maybe he could lower his wedding age by two years
Speaker 1: or something like that.
Speaker 2: Just such a weird number. I don't want to marry
Speaker 2: you for six to eight years. For me, it kind
Speaker 2: of feels like he's saying six to eight years. I
Speaker 2: think he's just saying I just don't see it anytime soon.
Speaker 2: He's just trying to say, let's cruise, let's rush. He's
Speaker 2: not going to be like, in six point five years,
Speaker 2: will do it. I think he has put a number
Speaker 2: that's so far in the future that it takes it
Speaker 2: off the table for now, do you know. I mean
Speaker 2: like that's like six to eight years so unbelievably, like
Speaker 2: no one's thinking about that, you know, like the world
Speaker 2: might end in six eight years.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I hope not. Okay.
Speaker 2: For example, Claire Stevens, she works with Mum and me Ar.
Speaker 2: She's one of the executive editors Jesse Stephen's sister, twin sister.
Speaker 2: She's just gotten married I think three days ago ago. Yes,
Speaker 2: she has just gotten married after being with her partner
Speaker 2: for eleven and a half years. I'm making a Oh,
Speaker 2: Keisha's corrected me. Fourteen years a long time, A long time.
Speaker 2: So look, it's not to say that just because you
Speaker 2: have a really long dating period that you're never going
Speaker 2: to get married. But I think it is definitely drilling
Speaker 2: down as to whether your partner wants to marry you,
Speaker 2: sees a life with you, has that long term commitment
Speaker 2: to you, because there's a big difference between I want
Speaker 2: to wait and marry you and I don't know whether
Speaker 2: you're the person I want to spend my life with
Speaker 2: and I'm just happy now, but like, let's wait and see.
Speaker 3: They're two different conversations. And it's the reason too.
Speaker 1: Are you wanting to get married because you're ready to
Speaker 1: have kids and you want to be married before you
Speaker 1: have the kids because he sounds like he's not ready
Speaker 1: to have the kids. Yeah, it's a conversation between the
Speaker 1: two of you. What do you want in what timeline
Speaker 1: and what compromise can you both come to because you
Speaker 1: both want different things at different times, which is okay,
Speaker 1: but you're going to have to meet in the middle
Speaker 1: in some capacity.
Speaker 2: I think it's an interesting thing though, this idea of
Speaker 2: marriage in terms of for some people it is the
Speaker 2: signifier that they're ready to progress life quicker. So like
Speaker 2: for some people it's like, oh, well, now that we're married, yeah,
Speaker 2: of course we're gonna have kids and then you know,
Speaker 2: and it kind of speeds up the process, I think.
Speaker 2: And so maybe in his mind he thinks, well, if
Speaker 2: we get married, then that means within the next two
Speaker 2: years after being married, we'll probably have a baby, and
Speaker 2: it could mean and be a bit more big and
Speaker 2: all encompassing for him, whereas some people might have a
Speaker 2: more drawn out timeline. They may get married and never
Speaker 2: choose to have kids, or choose to have kids within
Speaker 2: six or seven years.
Speaker 3: Everybody is quite different.
Speaker 2: But I think it also comes down to people's perception
Speaker 2: of timeline after marriage, because for me, I think I
Speaker 2: always saw it as like, well, once I get married,
Speaker 2: I will have children very shortly afterwards. Like I always
Speaker 2: kind of thought of it in that progression terms that
Speaker 2: I had children before the wedding. So really went out
Speaker 2: of the fucking window, didn't I.
Speaker 1: One of my really good friends got married, so we're
Speaker 1: thirty five. She got married ten years. Basically she's just
Speaker 1: twenty five and they want kids but haven't had them
Speaker 1: yet because for them, they were happy to get married
Speaker 1: and then just live a life married without rushing into
Speaker 1: the kid thing, which is fine, but you still have
Speaker 1: to be on par with your partner. You don't have
Speaker 1: to decide what it is. It's okay to be married
Speaker 1: for ten years before having kids.
Speaker 2: I also think like it is hard when you're twenty
Speaker 2: four years old and your friends around you are getting married,
Speaker 2: especially if they're people who haven't been in relationships for
Speaker 2: as long as you have, Like if you've been in
Speaker 2: your relationship for four and a half years, and then
Speaker 2: some of your friends who are of similar age, which
Speaker 2: is quite young to get married, but there's nothing wrong
Speaker 2: with that. But if your friends of similar age are
Speaker 2: getting engaged and they haven't even been dating as long
Speaker 2: as you, there can be this feeling of missing out.
Speaker 2: It's so important to try and figure out and sit
Speaker 2: with yourself and really understand is the urgency around getting married,
Speaker 2: is the urgency around having an engagement ring, because that
Speaker 2: there's a little bit competition there or a little bit
Speaker 2: of fomo. And I do think that we can experience
Speaker 2: it and not really recognize what that is.
Speaker 3: All right, we wrapped it. Question three.
Speaker 2: Question three, Galza needs some help. A colleague of mine
Speaker 2: wears open toad gardening shoes the horror into the office
Speaker 2: every single day, and I do not want to see
Speaker 2: your nasty toes when I'm trying to work. So my
Speaker 2: question is this, Are open toad shoes okay to wear
Speaker 2: in the office?
Speaker 3: And can I tell them that I find it disturbing?
Speaker 3: Produce a gijua?
Speaker 1: This sounds oddly familiar, doesn't it.
Speaker 2: Here's my toe, Laura Burn, Oh my god, the feet
Speaker 2: are actually dirty.
Speaker 3: Sorry about that? Because she did you write this question?
Speaker 3: Laura Burn? My feet.
Speaker 1: You are the worst person I have ever met for
Speaker 1: putting those hoofs everywhere. You always wear open tose shoes. Fine,
Speaker 1: that is fine. You flip them off in a heartbeat.
Speaker 1: Wherever you go, you kick them off, and then your
Speaker 1: feet are everywhere. I have in my car still, and
Speaker 1: you haven't been in my car for a while, so
Speaker 1: I need to clean more.
Speaker 3: You need to stop doing it.
Speaker 1: I have your footprint on my car windshield because when
Speaker 1: you get in my car, you flip your shoes off.
Speaker 3: Her feet, You put your feet up.
Speaker 1: On my windscreen and I'm driving and i can just
Speaker 1: see them and I'm like, oh, she's my friend.
Speaker 3: I'll there's a lot of.
Speaker 1: Do it and I'm like, oh my god, everywhere, and
Speaker 1: then you wriggle them around.
Speaker 3: I'm really glad that you finally got this out.
Speaker 2: I've not been your cuff for months, like literally, I
Speaker 2: really believe.
Speaker 3: Looking at that, like four months and haven't just wiped.
Speaker 3: I mean, not that you need to wipe my foot.
Speaker 3: What is it? Foot juice? What is it? What is it? Exactly?
Speaker 2: It's what oil. It's just oil skin oil. Like putting
Speaker 2: your face against the window, trying to make it sound
Speaker 2: cute than it is. It's twenty four carro gold foot.
Speaker 2: It is foot juice, and it is rank. I think
Speaker 2: it's okay at the end of the day.
Speaker 1: It's okay to wear open like all of us today
Speaker 1: have an open toe form of shoe on.
Speaker 3: I have a slide. You have like birkenstocks. Keisha has crocs.
Speaker 1: They've all got little I mean Keisha's are semi covered,
Speaker 1: but they've got air holes so that she doesn't get
Speaker 1: the foot juice. It's okay for somebody to wear whatever shoe.
Speaker 1: They want to work, but it's not okay putting it
Speaker 1: on the desk.
Speaker 2: That's my point, Like, okay, thank you, this just turned
Speaker 2: into a roast. It's not about me. No, sticking his
Speaker 2: feet on your computer screen? Like what that's what you do? Yeah,
Speaker 2: but I don't work in an office, so.
Speaker 3: You still work with me. I am your office No,
Speaker 3: I am your office mate.
Speaker 2: You seen me nude photos and take it dump when
Speaker 2: I'm in the room next to you, like it's fine.
Speaker 1: Oh, the Queen of poop is trying to deflect. She
Speaker 1: poops all the time. I've never dumped next to you.
Speaker 2: How many times have you literally like walked through the
Speaker 2: house naked or like taken a bra off in front
Speaker 2: of me? Some people would pay for that totally, but
Speaker 2: I'm not, and I get subjected to it all the time.
Speaker 2: So don't you start trying to bring in office rules
Speaker 2: and regulations.
Speaker 3: What's happening here?
Speaker 1: What did you just do two minutes ago? And then
Speaker 1: say cut that out? You literally flashed your boobies, you
Speaker 1: took your shirt down, and you.
Speaker 2: Were like, oh what, Okay, clearly we don't have a
Speaker 2: normal office. No, we don't, and so we are not
Speaker 2: the standard by which anybody should live. I have not
Speaker 2: worked in an office for sixteen years, but you have
Speaker 2: an office for Tony May and I have my feet out.
Speaker 3: All the time, and I don't care. I don't care.
Speaker 2: Unfortunately, if people have a footed version, they can get
Speaker 2: their feet out. Everyone can have their feet out. Feet
Speaker 2: don't offend me. I think that there are two types
Speaker 2: of people in the world. People who are really offended
Speaker 2: by feet, and then people who literally can't put their
Speaker 2: feet on the ground. Like if you're sitting, your feet
Speaker 2: need to be up on the chair, They need to
Speaker 2: be up on a dash. They just like cannot sit
Speaker 2: with both feet on the ground. I find it either
Speaker 2: if I'm on a plane, I have to have my
Speaker 2: feet like up on my chair or like resting up
Speaker 2: on the back of you know, I just can't. I'm
Speaker 2: not somebody who sticks it down their armrest, So don't worry,
Speaker 2: don't come for me.
Speaker 3: I've done that before. But yeah, but what you.
Speaker 2: Put your foot on other people's arm ress? I want
Speaker 2: a plane when I'm on a plane, no, not the
Speaker 2: arm rest. When I'm like you right, I cannot sit
Speaker 2: normally even when we're doing radio one. Legg is up
Speaker 2: under my chin, like I'm always on a plane if
Speaker 2: I'm near the window, do you ever shove your feet
Speaker 2: into the little like it's like a pouch, do I
Speaker 2: just put your feet on the pouch and like rest them.
Speaker 1: I try and squish it in between the chair and
Speaker 1: the window, but without it going past.
Speaker 3: Safe So you've only got a back, You've only got like.
Speaker 1: A seven mil depth room to move. So I squished
Speaker 1: my foot in there because I need my foot to
Speaker 1: be up and balanced, but I'd never let it flip through.
Speaker 3: Once my big toe tickled someone's arm.
Speaker 2: What mortified as the Kishra is having a mental breakdown.
Speaker 2: And I know that there are going to be people
Speaker 2: who are also finding this disturbing, and then there will
Speaker 2: be people who are like sitting in their cars wherever
Speaker 2: you're listening to this, and they're gonna be like, yeah,
Speaker 2: me too, I'm fucking gross And it is a compulsion.
Speaker 2: We can't help it. I can't sit with my feet
Speaker 2: on the ground. It drives me like like I just
Speaker 2: can't my feet. Don't do it.
Speaker 3: It is not okay in an office.
Speaker 1: So I agree you can wear open toe shoes to
Speaker 1: an office, but if your colleague obviously it's different for us.
Speaker 1: We're taking a pierce, but we're all really close friends.
Speaker 1: If you're an office and your colleague has the toe
Speaker 1: nails on your desk or very close to or in
Speaker 1: your line of sight, if they're in the cubicle next
Speaker 1: to you and you're typing and all you're seeing your
Speaker 1: peripheral is this gross fungus toe or something, then yeah,
Speaker 1: that's not okay. I think you can say something. Would
Speaker 1: I want to be in that position where I had
Speaker 1: to have a confrontation about someone's fungus toe on your desk?
Speaker 3: No? No, do you know what? And I'm going to
Speaker 3: come to this from the other perspective.
Speaker 2: If they're not putting their feet somewhere, which is inappropriate,
Speaker 2: I ate on the desk. If they're just coming to
Speaker 2: work wearing open toad shoes, it's it's more efficient for them.
Speaker 2: I think, like we're weirdly offended by feet a lot
Speaker 2: of people. I think if it's just that they're coming
Speaker 2: in wearing open toed shoes and you don't like their feet,
Speaker 2: it's like saying to someone you have ugly hands, wear gloves,
Speaker 2: like they don't have to wear clothes, toe shoes, to work.
Speaker 3: I don't agree with that.
Speaker 2: You have to be very careful about how you talk
Speaker 2: to people who you work with in terms of telling
Speaker 2: someone that you don't like something about because people are
Speaker 2: very sensitive and that would be a very offensive thing,
Speaker 2: especially if he doesn't see those shoes as being open
Speaker 2: you know, you see them as being open toe gardening shoes.
Speaker 2: Maybe they're a good pair of shoes that he owns. Like,
Speaker 2: you do not know where somebody or how somebody feels
Speaker 2: one about fashion, whether they have the money to buy
Speaker 2: decent shoes.
Speaker 3: You just don't know what's going on in someone's life.
Speaker 2: So I feel like, be very careful, even like working
Speaker 2: with somebody who maybe doesn't have like I mean, I've
Speaker 2: definitely been in a situation where I've work with people
Speaker 2: who don't have good body odor, and it's like, how
Speaker 2: do you approach that conversation.
Speaker 3: It's a really tricky one. And I'm not talking because
Speaker 3: it's personal.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it could be hormonal, it could be something that
Speaker 2: they're dealing with from their from like you know, like
Speaker 2: a condition, Like you just don't know, and you don't
Speaker 2: want to offend someone or be seen as being outwardly rude,
Speaker 2: So I think if it's an inconvenience to you, get
Speaker 2: over it.
Speaker 3: That's how I feel about it. At the end of
Speaker 3: the day.
Speaker 1: The only way you can have a problem with this
Speaker 1: is if the feet are invading your space in terms
Speaker 1: of inappropriately on desks or inappropriately close to you, not grounded.
Speaker 1: So if he's just wearing these shoes to work, you can't.
Speaker 3: Have a problem with it.
Speaker 1: People can wear whatever they want these days. But if
Speaker 1: it's all up in your face, of course you can
Speaker 1: say anything. Otherwise, let it go. What's an open toe
Speaker 1: gardening shoot?
Speaker 3: Like a thong? What is it? Exactly?
Speaker 1: Because you shouldn't garden with open toes estein like is
Speaker 1: it a birkenstock?
Speaker 2: What's an open toe gardening shoe? There's a real that's
Speaker 2: the real question. That's the real point of this question.
Speaker 2: That we have an unpacked We'll have a google an
Speaker 2: open toe gardening shoe.
Speaker 3: So we don't go I'm imagining.
Speaker 2: Those shoes that have like the toes on them, like
Speaker 2: as in like the toes sectioned out, but there then
Speaker 2: the toes are cut off.
Speaker 3: It's just the toes like rif shoes.
Speaker 1: You know, people have them and they wear them out
Speaker 1: in the real world. I don't know who's gardening with
Speaker 1: their toes out.
Speaker 3: Pretty sure Osha owns.
Speaker 2: A pair of those like shoes that have like the
Speaker 2: toes in them. He may come for me, because that
Speaker 2: may be a complete lie, but I feel like I've
Speaker 2: seen him wear toe shoes before.
Speaker 3: Well, that isn't enough from us.
Speaker 2: If you want to send in an ask gun Cut
Speaker 2: for next week, you can slide on into the DMS
Speaker 2: at Life Uncut Podcasts on Insta. You can also go
Speaker 2: and follow us on the Facebook group is the Life
Speaker 2: Uncut Discussion Group. If you haven't accidentally on a filtered
Speaker 2: story a funny thing that happened to you and you
Speaker 2: think we might want to hear about it, send estional.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, if you've even done confessionals in Super Naughty,
Speaker 2: send it into us, And also go and subscribe to
Speaker 2: the podcast that is always sitting in your libraries.
Speaker 3: Just have to hit that little plus on Apple.
Speaker 1: Don't forget to your mum, tad, dad, to dog, lear
Speaker 1: friends and share a love because we love love