Speaker 1: Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands
Speaker 1: were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders
Speaker 1: past and present.
Speaker 2: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 2: recorded on d rug Wallamuta Land.
Speaker 1: Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 2: I'm Brittany and I am still Laura. Nothing has changed.
Speaker 1: I genuinely am concerned Laura our drugs this morning?
Speaker 2: Everyone's feel right. Laura's unhinged again. You have what is
Speaker 2: it again again? That time of the month.
Speaker 1: Everyone, Something's not right Kisha and I can't work it out.
Speaker 1: She's either stayed awake all night like you've been partying.
Speaker 1: We all went out to dinner last night at a
Speaker 1: lovely night, a couple of cocktails deep. But something's not
Speaker 1: right with you today and I can't look it. You
Speaker 1: are white. You just threw your phone on the cement floor,
Speaker 1: like across the room.
Speaker 2: It's carpeted. Its probably underneath, but it's carpet on cement.
Speaker 2: You just heard that. I'm just testing, do you know why?
Speaker 2: Because influencers pissed me off. I got pissed off by
Speaker 2: an influencer and I saw and that I had to
Speaker 2: react to my phone viscerally.
Speaker 1: How do you feel saying that statement, though, when you
Speaker 1: are an influencer and I.
Speaker 2: Noticed myself off sometimes too, Oh Claw, I am concerned
Speaker 2: for your welfare right now.
Speaker 1: I actually have never in my four and a half years,
Speaker 1: I've never seen like this.
Speaker 2: It looks like you've done been doing pinions all night
Speaker 2: or something, and I've never done a PingER.
Speaker 1: I don't actually know what that is, but I feel like, never,
Speaker 1: never in my entire life have I tried a PingER?
Speaker 2: No, I hand on heart. I think we had very
Speaker 2: different twenties, Laura. No, to be fair, I was pretty good,
Speaker 2: pretty good, not as good as you good. I look
Speaker 2: at my twenties and I'm like, if my daughters were
Speaker 2: as good as I was in my twenties. I mean,
Speaker 2: I hope that they make better relationship choices, but if
Speaker 2: they're as well behaved as I was in my twenties,
Speaker 2: then I'd be happy. I'd be like, job well done.
Speaker 1: Here's a question, how old do you have to wait
Speaker 1: for your daughters to be Laula and Marley until you
Speaker 1: let them listen to this podcast?
Speaker 2: Never? They will never listen to it because they're going
Speaker 2: to Marley thinks I dance for a job. She got
Speaker 2: no idea what I do. Like, if I ask Marley,
Speaker 2: I mean she's only four, she doesn't know a lot.
Speaker 2: If I asked her, what does mommy do for a job,
Speaker 2: she says, go to work? But have you ever asked
Speaker 2: her what work is? Can you ask her? Yeah? She
Speaker 2: thinks I go dancing. Now she's a stripper. She's like,
Speaker 2: what she thinks? Mommy is a professional dancer. That's what
Speaker 2: I do, she tells everyone at schooler. I think she
Speaker 2: thinks I talk, which I do, but I don't think
Speaker 2: she knows what about Yeah, that's interesting. I'm sure she
Speaker 2: figure it out. So you actually don't want it to
Speaker 2: ever know? Nah, I think she should listen to it.
Speaker 2: I can't wait for her to listen to the line, Okay, madam,
Speaker 2: blow job. Last night she's like, mom, fucking.
Speaker 1: Gross, Like, I don't need to listen to all the ones.
Speaker 1: How You're like, well, Matt and I are going for it.
Speaker 1: And man, Marley's face came and stood right next to us.
Speaker 2: Oh, there are so many stories she's going to hear
Speaker 2: about herself. No, that's the problem, though, is I mean,
Speaker 2: it's one thing to share your kids on social media,
Speaker 2: but then it's the other thing to share all the
Speaker 2: stories about their life as they're growing up. Because I mean,
Speaker 2: I hope that Mary will never listen to this. That's
Speaker 2: why I'm very considered about what parts of the kids'
Speaker 2: lives that we do share. I mean, I do think
Speaker 2: Mally walking in on us in the middle of going
Speaker 2: down to Heyytown is really my story to tell. It's
Speaker 2: more me than hers. She's never going to remember that
Speaker 2: she's four. She traumatized you, not the other. I've been
Speaker 2: ruined from this, and she's going to get over it
Speaker 2: just fine, because I feel like when you're four, you
Speaker 2: don't actually commit any of that shit to memory. If
Speaker 2: it happens when she's eight, different story, that's a psychology
Speaker 2: therapy session right there. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's gospel. I don't know if
Speaker 1: people should take that, but for.
Speaker 2: Doesn't do it. What's your earliest memory? I couldn't tell you.
Speaker 2: I've tried to think about this, but I have memories.
Speaker 1: When I see a photo of being young, I have
Speaker 1: memories around it. But if you said, right now, what's
Speaker 1: the earliest, I had no idea.
Speaker 2: Do you know what? I challenged that though. When I
Speaker 2: say challenge my memory, go for it. No. What I
Speaker 2: mean is is when you say you see a photo
Speaker 2: and then you have memories around it. I often think that,
Speaker 2: especially for photos for when you're really young, I think
Speaker 2: we build memories around it. I don't actually think we
Speaker 2: remember it specifically for what it was. I think I've
Speaker 2: grown up seeing well, I just think about this, this
Speaker 2: one photo of me as a little kid, I must
Speaker 2: have been three years old, and me and my sister
Speaker 2: wearing matching pajamas on the front doorstep of our house,
Speaker 2: like in Newcastle, the standard photo. Yeah, my mom's just
Speaker 2: come home. But I know the story the reason why
Speaker 2: we're wearing those pajamas because my mum had come home
Speaker 2: from Hong Kong. She gave them to us as a present.
Speaker 2: I don't remember any of that shit, like really, I
Speaker 2: don't think I do. But I think I've created the
Speaker 2: memory in my head. So sometimes I'm like, I don't
Speaker 2: know if I can trust the stuff I remember from
Speaker 2: my childhood. No, I think that's right. I think it's
Speaker 2: a bit of A and a bit of B.
Speaker 1: There's stuff that I'll definitely look at a photo and
Speaker 1: have nothing, feel nothing. I'll have a photo and I'll
Speaker 1: know a story because my parents have told me. And
Speaker 1: then I'll have a photo where I can picture parts
Speaker 1: of that day, their photos of been really young picnicking.
Speaker 2: And then all of a sudden, I remember a ball.
Speaker 2: My ball got stuck. Yeah, it's random bits that you
Speaker 2: remember when it stuck out in the rapids and it
Speaker 2: was going away. It was a pink Barbie. I bet
Speaker 2: you it wasn't a rappid. I bet you it was
Speaker 2: a creak and you were just three. No, it was.
Speaker 2: It was just a creek, but it was a it
Speaker 2: was a tide. The tide was taken away.
Speaker 1: It was a pink Barbie ball and my dad I
Speaker 1: was beside myself and I made my dad swim out.
Speaker 2: In this to get it.
Speaker 1: He on oysters, not it was a disaster, but to
Speaker 1: get my pink ball that was three dollars.
Speaker 2: And I remember he had all these cuts on e speat,
Speaker 2: but he did it for me. Well, do you know what?
Speaker 2: This validates my other theories that you usually remember traumatic
Speaker 2: stuff way more than the good stuff. And I mean,
Speaker 2: if we're going to use you as an example, you
Speaker 2: lost your ball, so but I don't know, and your.
Speaker 1: Dad hurt his foot, I don't know if that's my
Speaker 1: first memory. I would love to actually sit on this.
Speaker 1: I mean, we've just sprung. We didn't plan this chat,
Speaker 1: so I'd love to sit and try and really think
Speaker 1: about my first memory and get back to you.
Speaker 2: But it's also interesting.
Speaker 1: Maybe we can get someone on to talk about this
Speaker 1: kind of stuff, because I'm really interested in this.
Speaker 2: What part of it everything? Memory?
Speaker 1: Do we create the memories? Do we remember traumatic things?
Speaker 1: How can you distinguish if it's a created memory or
Speaker 1: if it's a real memory.
Speaker 2: I think it's really fascinating. Also, the validity of repressed
Speaker 2: memory I think is very interesting cause obviously, like a
Speaker 2: lot of people unpack repressed memories in terms of trauma,
Speaker 2: but it's like for me, I find it very interesting
Speaker 2: that that can be unlocked, that that's still sitting there somewhere,
Speaker 2: but your brain has this defensive mechanism where it can go.
Speaker 2: We don't want to think about that. That's not healthy
Speaker 2: for our psyche. That's not We're not going to move
Speaker 2: past it if we keep on going back to these
Speaker 2: repressed memories. So let's just lock it away in a
Speaker 2: box and put in the cupboard one hundred percent put
Speaker 2: it in the back corner of your little brain. Yeah okay, well,
Speaker 2: I mean this kind of links me into something I
Speaker 2: wanted to talk to you about because I know that
Speaker 2: you're a psychopath, brit and now I have proof, unequivable
Speaker 2: proof of that. Wow, okay, find the box under my
Speaker 2: bed or yeah, yeah, yeah, I found the list. I
Speaker 2: found your burn book, your hit list. No, you have
Speaker 2: always been very vocal on this podcast, in the entire
Speaker 2: time of our friendship. You've been very vocal about how
Speaker 2: you love true crime, how you're sick for true crime.
Speaker 2: I will not argue that how you could sit there,
Speaker 2: eat an ice cream and watch Jeffrey Dharma every night
Speaker 2: of the week because you love it so much that
Speaker 2: it you know, it's something that fills you with joy.
Speaker 1: I enjoy listening watching true crime out that's true. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I don't think that makes me a psychopath.
Speaker 2: There's been a psychologist that's come out. Her name is
Speaker 2: doctor Thelma Bryant. She's a psychologist, she's an author, and
Speaker 2: she was on the Mel Robins podcast recently and she
Speaker 2: basically was like, if you find it relaxing to listen
Speaker 2: to or watch true crime to watch other people go
Speaker 2: through really traumatic experiences. There's probably a good chance that
Speaker 2: you'll be fucked up in the head. Okay, Thelma, who
Speaker 2: are you to say that? Filma? Alma? What degree did
Speaker 2: you know? She's got a degree? Okay? Fair, Okay.
Speaker 1: Well the problem with that sentence, Laura is I don't
Speaker 1: relax watching it, Like I don't sit there with my
Speaker 1: ice cream and masturbate and like get off to it.
Speaker 2: That's not why I watch. You listen to true you're
Speaker 2: masturbating to true crime. You probably should do a little
Speaker 2: bit of self work. People do.
Speaker 1: Remember there was a girl that called up the radio
Speaker 1: and so she masturbated to Jeffrey Dharma.
Speaker 2: That's really not hecay. So I don't know if you think,
Speaker 2: do you picture me doing that? I never picture you masturbating.
Speaker 2: Want you to know that.
Speaker 1: Well, now I'm offended double Now you think I'm a
Speaker 1: psychopath and you don't think about menisphere.
Speaker 2: I can't win with you, Laura.
Speaker 1: I enjoy True crime for different reasons. I'm just really
Speaker 1: interested in and I think that's really normal. But you
Speaker 1: have to remember that I don't think this makes me
Speaker 1: a sicko. But my job as an emergency radiographer, as
Speaker 1: a theater radiographer for twelve thirteen years, my favorite parts
Speaker 1: and this sounds bad, but the bloodier and the more
Speaker 1: gory it was, the more I enjoyed it. And that's
Speaker 1: not enjoying someone that's enjoying a situation high end trauma.
Speaker 1: What happened to the person trying to help the person?
Speaker 1: You are not helping your cause right now. But I
Speaker 1: know I'm actually saying, yeah, I'm just trying to make
Speaker 1: you understand my interest in the human body, my interest
Speaker 1: in human psyche. I'm thoroughly interested in it and the
Speaker 1: why behind it and the whole idea. It's just maybe
Speaker 1: that has come from, you know, thirteen years of seeing
Speaker 1: some pretty crazy stuff, because I saw.
Speaker 2: Some pretty crazy stuff in my time. Well, I do
Speaker 2: think overall, especially in terms of entertainment, we have become
Speaker 2: quite desensitized. Like documentaries are people's disappearances about people's murders.
Speaker 2: And we've talked about Jeffrey Dalmer series before about how
Speaker 2: there's this real blur between entertainment and true story and
Speaker 2: where that sits in terms of an ethical perspective. But
Speaker 2: what I thought was really interesting about this is that
Speaker 2: this psychologist, doctor thelmab Bryant, She's come out and she said, like,
Speaker 2: if you're someone who does find true crime, like if
Speaker 2: you enjoy it so much that that's your preferred medium
Speaker 2: to watch and you don't go to bed feeling anxious
Speaker 2: or scared after watching it. If you can kind of
Speaker 2: listen to a true crime podcast and then go straight
Speaker 2: to bed and feel unaffected by it, you should be
Speaker 2: asking yourself, why is trauma relaxing to you? Like? Why
Speaker 2: is trauma something that calms you rather than makes you
Speaker 2: feel higher levels of anxiety?
Speaker 1: Okay, here's a thought on that I and I'll be
Speaker 1: trying to figure this out myself. I enjoy watching true
Speaker 1: crime in terms of I don't enjoy it like we
Speaker 1: just said, you know, I don't get off on it.
Speaker 1: I don't froth it and laugh at it. I honestly
Speaker 1: half the time I struggle to watch it, but I
Speaker 1: still need to see it out. I'll be closing my
Speaker 1: eyes and looking through my fingers, look in a way,
Speaker 1: having to pause it.
Speaker 2: I fast forward parts, but I don't turn it off.
Speaker 2: Oh so, I mean you have a soul. I have
Speaker 2: a soult.
Speaker 1: But the part that you just mentioned is I can
Speaker 1: very easily, I live alone, I can very easily watch
Speaker 1: that and listen to.
Speaker 2: That and go to bed and not worry about it.
Speaker 1: So I don't know if that makes me half psychopath,
Speaker 1: like half unicorn kind of thing, like half psychopath.
Speaker 2: Fifty percent unicon fiftent psychopath. Yeah, okay, and that's the verdict. Well,
Speaker 2: I feel the opposite. I mean, I watch it. I
Speaker 2: do enjoy it when I say I enjoy watching it,
Speaker 2: like I find it really interesting and fascinating, but it
Speaker 2: affects me so deeply that I cannot sleep. I'm okay
Speaker 2: if Matt's at home with me, but if I'm then
Speaker 2: by myself, especially if I'm by myself like with the girls,
Speaker 2: I'll end up having the girls in bed with me,
Speaker 2: Like I'll go and get Marley and Lawla. They want
Speaker 2: to sleep in their own beds, and I'm like, come
Speaker 2: and sleep with mummy, and I put them both in
Speaker 2: the bed with me because they think they're going to
Speaker 2: protect me. I used to when I was a teenager,
Speaker 2: and this makes me sound crazy. I used to sleep
Speaker 2: with a knife under my pillow because I used to
Speaker 2: be so frightened about someone breaking into the house or
Speaker 2: something happening during the night and not having control over it.
Speaker 2: But I think for me that comes from my own
Speaker 2: Like this, psychologists was saying that if you enjoy it,
Speaker 2: it could be because you're comfortable in trauma, because you've
Speaker 2: experienced trauma yourself, because you're familiar with it and it's
Speaker 2: a space that you can relate to. I almost feel
Speaker 2: the opposite. I think I did have some parts of
Speaker 2: my childhood that were a bit traumatic, and you guys,
Speaker 2: if you've read the book, you know about it. But
Speaker 2: I think for me it put me on high alert.
Speaker 2: I was like always like something bad's going to happen,
Speaker 2: and so I Keisha was looking at like a crazy person.
Speaker 2: When I said I used to sleep with a knife
Speaker 2: under my pillow.
Speaker 1: No, I slept with a knife on it. I was
Speaker 1: gonna say, I slept with a knife under but protection.
Speaker 2: How weird is that? I wonder if anyone else does this. No.
Speaker 1: I only started it after I had someone break into
Speaker 1: my house and I lived in a house.
Speaker 2: This is as an adult.
Speaker 1: I lived in a house that had every single room
Speaker 1: had an exit to outside. Every room had a door
Speaker 1: that went to a balcony.
Speaker 2: Or something like that. So there was in my head,
Speaker 2: there was so paranoia. Well, there were so many entry points.
Speaker 1: It's not like you just locked one door right, every laundry,
Speaker 1: multiple rooms, bathrooms, lounge room, front door, there were so
Speaker 1: many doors and I to break in. They didn't take anything,
Speaker 1: but I reckon I must have walked in while they
Speaker 1: were there, and I heard them in the room and
Speaker 1: I heard them leave, and from I call it police go.
Speaker 1: And from that point I put a knife under my
Speaker 1: bed and this is what I do now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I okay, Well, I mean the fact you
Speaker 2: still do it is probably something that you should go
Speaker 2: and get some therapy about. But like, I understand why
Speaker 2: you would do it if you've experienced a home break in.
Speaker 2: But I do think that there are people out there,
Speaker 2: and I'm sure I'm not alone. I get up and
Speaker 2: I go and check the oven multiple times before I
Speaker 2: can go to sleep. I get up and I check
Speaker 2: all the windows. I check the door multiple times, Like
Speaker 2: I still, even when matters at home and in bed
Speaker 2: with me, we could be in bed, it could be
Speaker 2: midnight and I'll wake up and I'll go I can't
Speaker 2: sleep until I go check the doors again and I'll
Speaker 2: get back up and check the doors. Is that something
Speaker 2: that's increased post kids? Do you think or you always
Speaker 2: like that? No? I think I've always been like it.
Speaker 2: I think I'm less like it when I'm in a
Speaker 2: relationship because I feel safe for having someone there who could,
Speaker 2: you know, quote unquote protect me. But it's definitely not
Speaker 2: a fear that has gone away. I still have that,
Speaker 2: and it's it's not by any means debility, but I
Speaker 2: need to go and chronically check things. I often, for example,
Speaker 2: need to go home and check that I've turned my
Speaker 2: hair straightener off. Even sometimes on days when I haven't
Speaker 2: even used it, I think I've left it on. I
Speaker 2: think did I take it out and plug it in
Speaker 2: and then I intended to use it. I don't trust
Speaker 2: my own memory on things that I've done. That's interesting.
Speaker 2: I'd love to unpack that if I had some qualifications. Well, anyway,
Speaker 2: speaking for people who don't have qualifications, it is probably
Speaker 2: time to get into answering your questions. I mean, which
Speaker 2: you all came here for. Before we do that, we've
Speaker 2: got vibe and unsubscribe, and I have I've got an
Speaker 2: ansubscribed today. Everyone. It's the thing I got angry about that.
Speaker 2: I threw my phone across the room.
Speaker 1: About okay, well, let's just take one big breath together. First,
Speaker 1: you go vibe first, let's go happy breathe in. Okay,
Speaker 1: my vibe, I'm gonna start.
Speaker 2: My vibe is Arnold Schwartzschenegger. That's my vibe.
Speaker 1: He has a new doco on Netflix and Ben wanted
Speaker 1: to watch it. I was, you know, like background noise
Speaker 1: for me. It's not like I saw it and I
Speaker 1: was jumping out of my skin to watch it. But
Speaker 1: Ben wanted to watch it, so I sat down and
Speaker 1: watched it with him so we can have.
Speaker 2: Some bonding time. I was hooked.
Speaker 1: It is brilliant. He is such an incredible person. And
Speaker 1: I say this before you come at me and say
Speaker 1: he cheated on his wife.
Speaker 2: I'm not talking about that. We know he cheated.
Speaker 1: He actually talks about that and I found that part
Speaker 1: interesting too. But as a human from his childhood to
Speaker 1: he was governor, he's seventy five years old. Now, he's
Speaker 1: a fascinating human and he's so.
Speaker 2: Around his exploitation of like a dragonhandsman's of tape totally.
Speaker 2: He's taking steroids and stuff during his time of being, like,
Speaker 2: you know, an incredibly successful weightlifting champion. Well that's why I.
Speaker 1: Guess I loved it, because you watch these things and
Speaker 1: you don't think these people are going to talk about
Speaker 1: the controversies in their career, all the low points, but
Speaker 1: he does, and he addresses it, and it's so simply
Speaker 1: addressed and so factual. And love him or hate him,
Speaker 1: it doesn't matter. But his story is so inspiring and intriguing,
Speaker 1: and he's a different person to the person I always
Speaker 1: thought he was, and I found it very motivating.
Speaker 2: I don't think you could watch it.
Speaker 1: I think anyone would watch and you will walk away
Speaker 1: motivated to go and do something different or something more,
Speaker 1: or do something that the idea that you've had for ages,
Speaker 1: you will go and start it.
Speaker 2: I found it very inspirational in that sense. He had
Speaker 2: a very complicated childhood with his dad.
Speaker 1: Prom memory his dad, Yeah, his dad, Because you've watched
Speaker 1: other docos on his page.
Speaker 2: So the reason why I know about a bit of
Speaker 2: background on him is because when I was in my
Speaker 2: twenties and my longtime relationship, my boyfriend at the time
Speaker 2: was obsessed with him, and there was a documentary that
Speaker 2: came out about him then, So that was like fifteen
Speaker 2: years ago, and there was always things about Arnold Schwarzenegger
Speaker 2: that was on only because my ex was like truly obsessed,
Speaker 2: no interesting guy. He does have a really complicated childhood.
Speaker 2: Complicated in the sense of he.
Speaker 1: Was loved and he had a family home and he
Speaker 1: had the food on the table. But you get where
Speaker 1: you understand where the drive comes from in the competition.
Speaker 1: He had a brother, an older brother, and his dad
Speaker 1: would go away to war, he was in the army,
Speaker 1: and he would come back and he said things like
Speaker 1: they used to have to get up as kids and
Speaker 1: earn their breakfast. They'd start doing sit ups and push
Speaker 1: ups and that was the dad was like, you know
Speaker 1: the n Yeah, nothing comes for free. And so these
Speaker 1: were kids doing this kind of stuff and he would
Speaker 1: make them do competitions against each other, running competitions, trying
Speaker 1: to beat each other all the time, and it took
Speaker 1: the fun out of it because it always became this
Speaker 1: gotta be better than the.
Speaker 2: Brother kind of thing. And I was hooked. And we've
Speaker 2: said this a lot.
Speaker 1: In this day and age, not many things keep you
Speaker 1: on the edge of your seat anymore. We get so
Speaker 1: distracted you want to look down at your phone, or
Speaker 1: you watch something in the background while you're making dinner.
Speaker 1: There's not many things that you sit there and you're
Speaker 1: engaged the whole time. But I was engaged the entire time,
Speaker 1: and I felt like I walked away and I was like,
Speaker 1: what am I gonna do with my life? I'm gonna
Speaker 1: do another business, I'm gonna lift some weights, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get fitter.
Speaker 2: Like I walked away feeling really invigorated. What have you
Speaker 2: done since watching it? Nothing? It's like watching a Ted
Speaker 2: talk or like going to some sort of self help seminar,
Speaker 2: and you leave it thinking you're so inspired, You're gonna
Speaker 2: change everything about your life, like Today's the day you're
Speaker 2: gonna do.
Speaker 1: It, And then a week later you're like, ah, well,
Speaker 1: I definitely in all honesty, of course, I haven't done anything.
Speaker 1: I've only watched it two days ago, but my brain
Speaker 1: is not stopping now. I'm thinking differently about things. And
Speaker 1: the one thing I will say, because you might not
Speaker 1: watch it, but I do want to really drive this
Speaker 1: home is he says. Everyone always says to me, well done,
Speaker 1: You're amazing. You're a self made millionaire, You're a self
Speaker 1: made highest paid actor in the world.
Speaker 2: Your self made, self made? Self made?
Speaker 1: He's like, I would never ever label myself as self made,
Speaker 1: and I always tell people I'm not. He's like, it's
Speaker 1: my most hated compliment because I'm not self made.
Speaker 2: No one is. No one in the world is self made.
Speaker 1: If you've done it, if you weren't given the money
Speaker 1: as a kid, or you didn't grow into money or
Speaker 1: things like that, it still takes all the people around
Speaker 1: you to help you. It takes the person that gave
Speaker 1: you the hand up at the start. He's still really
Speaker 1: good friends with the person that gave me his first
Speaker 1: opportunity as a kid. There's so many people that come
Speaker 1: along a ride to make you who you are, and
Speaker 1: he drives that home and I fucking love that.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I mean I always say this in terms of
Speaker 2: like when people say, how do you manage so much?
Speaker 2: And that's a big question that I personally get as
Speaker 2: a mom who runs businesses, how do you do so much?
Speaker 2: And it's like, I don't. I only do so much
Speaker 2: because Matt does so much. You know, you can only
Speaker 2: do the things that you do because of the amazing
Speaker 2: people you have around you.
Speaker 1: I mean, no, you do do a lot, and you
Speaker 1: do do the work, but of course there's help around
Speaker 1: you and those people that lift you up when you
Speaker 1: need to and hold your hand when you need it.
Speaker 2: It's a village. Yeah, it's a village. So I love that. Okay, Well,
Speaker 2: I have an unsubscribed I don't know if you're feeling
Speaker 2: the same. I don't even know if you've noticed it,
Speaker 2: but I have and it made me feel a little
Speaker 2: bit cranky this morning. Yeah you did. Coming home? All right?
Speaker 2: All you motherfuckers are going to Europe. I know it.
Speaker 2: I get it. We're all heading away on holidays. It's midyear,
Speaker 2: it's winter. Everyone doesn't want to be here and we're
Speaker 2: all going away. But the influencers are heading away. They're
Speaker 2: heading away on holidays. And you know what I hate
Speaker 2: more than an influencer on a holiday. It's an influencer
Speaker 2: who baits their audience and says, hey, guys, I'm going
Speaker 2: to Europe. Let me know, do you want to see
Speaker 2: my Europe photos or not? Because we all know that
Speaker 2: people are going to say yes, and you're going to
Speaker 2: share it anyway. But maybe they won't. What if they
Speaker 2: say not? They never do. Everybody always says yes. That's
Speaker 2: your community. Of course they're going to say yes, they
Speaker 2: want to see you having a beautiful time, but maybe,
Speaker 2: yess what the limit is? Three off in apparol sprits.
Speaker 2: If I see more than that, I'm muting you. That's it,
Speaker 2: that's all they want to see.
Speaker 1: Anyway, I'm my guarantee when you go to Fiji on
Speaker 1: your honeymoon week, I'm seeing more than three Apple spirits.
Speaker 2: There's going to be an Apple Switches Day. But I am
Speaker 2: not going to put up a story that says, hey,
Speaker 2: guys going to Fiji. Do you want to hear about
Speaker 2: it or not? Let me know? Hashtag cute influencer. Okay,
Speaker 2: so I'm just gonna share it and you can all
Speaker 2: stomach it or MuBe.
Speaker 1: Your problem is just to be clear, it's not the influencers,
Speaker 1: and it's not holidays. It's asking if people want to
Speaker 1: see their holiday content.
Speaker 2: Yes, it's the fake because it's not real. Because when
Speaker 2: an influencer says, hey, guys, do you want to see
Speaker 2: my holiday content or not? It's almost more insufferable because
Speaker 2: of course you know that your audience majority are going
Speaker 2: to say yes. They just always do, like people who
Speaker 2: follow you are following you because they engage with you,
Speaker 2: they want to support you on the content that you do,
Speaker 2: and they follow you. Though, Yeah, very few. I'm sure
Speaker 2: no one's ever going to get one hundred percent. Yes,
Speaker 2: there's a few people in there who are going to
Speaker 2: say no, but the majority people are going to say yes.
Speaker 2: So I feel like it's just unnecessary to do that anyway.
Speaker 2: That's my thoughts. Did you want to finish off with
Speaker 2: anything or I just want to let you get that
Speaker 2: out because it's really jealous of everyone who's growing Europe.
Speaker 2: I'm wondering if there was something deep.
Speaker 1: I was wondering if there's a bit Foumo in there somewhere,
Speaker 1: because usually the stems.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to I'm going to Fiji. Yeah, on
Speaker 2: your honeymoon. Don't be jealous. Yeah, I'll get over this guy.
Speaker 1: I should have hoped so, Laura, because that was it's
Speaker 1: quite aggressive or scary.
Speaker 2: I thought we lost you there. No, it's because I've
Speaker 2: seen so many people do it, just so many people people,
Speaker 2: and I'm all for a European go and have the
Speaker 2: best time. Laura. Did you answer no? No? No? Do
Speaker 2: you know why I don't answer no on a pole?
Speaker 2: Because I can see. I learned this the hard way
Speaker 2: and then I realized I can see it. Yeah, your
Speaker 2: name comes up. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Actually, every time I put a poll up I see
Speaker 1: your name. You're always like no, you are.
Speaker 2: To you, especially Britain, I'm like, no one cares, Brittany. No.
Speaker 2: The point down, the point I'm trying to make is
Speaker 2: is that people do care. Of course, people want to
Speaker 2: see your content. It is more insufferable to ask. Just
Speaker 2: share it, but share it mildly. Don't go over the
Speaker 2: top on your European holiday. Share a few highlights, share
Speaker 2: a few apparel springs.
Speaker 1: Disagree, go fucking hard. You have saved up for that holiday.
Speaker 1: I want to see a hundred pictures a day. If
Speaker 1: you want to put an apparol at five am and
Speaker 1: seven pm, go hard.
Speaker 2: I say this, and I'm going to share the shit
Speaker 2: out of fig. It's my Vivid. I feel like I
Speaker 2: went to Vivid because I watched your stories. I didn't
Speaker 2: go to Vivid, but I feel like I did. But
Speaker 2: I didn't ask people if they wanted to see it
Speaker 2: or not, just a choice. Maybe if he gave people
Speaker 2: the choice, they would have said no. All right, Well
Speaker 2: with that out of the way, let's get into answering,
Speaker 2: or you beat your dark and you're burning questions and
Speaker 2: I wish I was going to Europe. Okay, vivid, all right?
Speaker 2: Question number one? Now, this one is a spicy one.
Speaker 2: It's spicy and there's three people. It's a menajatoir all right.
Speaker 2: After a night out, myself, my boyfriend of one point
Speaker 2: five years, and one of my best girlfriends, who is
Speaker 2: a lesbian went home together and one thing led to
Speaker 2: another and we ended up having a threesome. Dun't dun't
Speaker 2: d down. I told you it was spice. We had
Speaker 2: never spoken about the possibility of doing this, and it's
Speaker 2: the first time that it's ever happened. Since it's happened, however,
Speaker 2: I can't stop picturing my boyfriend having sex with my
Speaker 2: best friend as I just lay there next to him,
Speaker 2: and I feel sick. Since my best friend is gay,
Speaker 2: I feel like it didn't really mean anything to her,
Speaker 2: but he is straight and he chose to have penetrative
Speaker 2: and oral sex with her. Is this something I should
Speaker 2: be concerned about? Can we move on from this? I've
Speaker 2: tried to talk to him about it, but he's not
Speaker 2: overly fussed about the situation, and it's kind of devalidating
Speaker 2: my concerns. He just says things like, well, you were
Speaker 2: there and you were involved just as much as I was.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, sounds like a fun night and then sounds
Speaker 1: like you've had some regrets after the fact, which is okay.
Speaker 1: So it went out, got drunk, went home.
Speaker 2: It happened. There was no plan. Now. The first thing
Speaker 2: you want to say this is.
Speaker 1: Usually when you're gonna go and have a threesome in
Speaker 1: a relationship, it's something that's discussed, like you've spoken about
Speaker 1: it with your partner. You know what's going to happen,
Speaker 1: and Fennel talk about who it's going to be with.
Speaker 1: Who's that third person going to be? Is going to
Speaker 1: be a stranger, someone you know, someone online? You set rules,
Speaker 1: who does what's.
Speaker 2: Acceptable, there's boundaries.
Speaker 1: It sounds like this was just very spontaneous in the moment,
Speaker 1: which is great. The fact that you feel different about
Speaker 1: it now is completely fine. You can one hundred percent
Speaker 1: after the fact because you don't know what you're gonna feel.
Speaker 1: That's the whole point. You haven't experience. You think it's
Speaker 1: going to be one thing and it's something else. After
Speaker 1: the red flag. Here is the boyfriend's response to be honest,
Speaker 1: for you to go and say I feel this way
Speaker 1: about it now and I can't stop thinking about it,
Speaker 1: and for him to say, well, get over it.
Speaker 2: You were there like you were involved. That's not cool.
Speaker 2: I wonder, okay, if you're having a threesome, why were
Speaker 2: you just lying there while he was fucking your friend?
Speaker 2: Were you all equally as involved because you said I
Speaker 2: was just laying next to him while he was doing
Speaker 2: these things, Like, did you, in the moment when it
Speaker 2: was all happening, feel as though you were equally as
Speaker 2: broad into the experience, or while it was happening, did
Speaker 2: you have the moments where you were like, I'm not
Speaker 2: comfortable and I don't feel like I'm getting the level
Speaker 2: of attention that I need from my partner to feel
Speaker 2: safe in this experience. Well, I don't think she was.
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't imagine it like she was laying
Speaker 2: there like a salmon.
Speaker 1: But I think it was like they were doing their
Speaker 1: thing and she was I'm sure she was touching at
Speaker 1: some point, and I don't know, maybe she wasn't, but
Speaker 1: I don't think she was planking.
Speaker 2: Well, well, I got to work but this is the thing, right, Like,
Speaker 2: when you haven't had any conversations preceding a threesome, you
Speaker 2: don't have any rules, Like there's no rules onto how
Speaker 2: to navigate it, and so it's no wonder that you've
Speaker 2: come out of this experience feeling the way that you feel.
Speaker 2: And I do think like it is devaluing for him
Speaker 2: to be like, well, you were there, so therefore, like
Speaker 2: you know, why do you feel this way? Why do
Speaker 2: you have anything to say on this. I don't think
Speaker 2: you can hold it against him. I don't think you
Speaker 2: can be angry at him for it, because he was
Speaker 2: just doing what he thought in the moment was okay
Speaker 2: that you were all consenting to, especially if you seemed
Speaker 2: like you were into it at the time. But as
Speaker 2: you said, Britt, it's so okay to change your mind
Speaker 2: about an experience. It's okay to experience something sexually and
Speaker 2: then go, I don't feel great about that afterwards, like
Speaker 2: I never want to do it again, and I have
Speaker 2: feelings of jealousy or I have feelings of remorse. The
Speaker 2: thing that you wants a partner who validates that, who
Speaker 2: makes you feel like you're safe in the relationship, and
Speaker 2: he can treat this in one of two ways, and
Speaker 2: I think it's probably something you're gonna have to sit
Speaker 2: down and have a really big conversation about. In that
Speaker 2: the only way you're going to be able to move
Speaker 2: forward from this and not feel jealous or insecure about
Speaker 2: this is to have him make you feel safe and say, like,
Speaker 2: I love you. I don't have feelings, you know, for
Speaker 2: your best friend, and I don't want you to feel
Speaker 2: like that again. So if we ever are to have
Speaker 2: a threesome, let's make sure that we manage it in
Speaker 2: a way where you're going to feel super respected afterwards.
Speaker 2: But the fact that he's not doing that is only
Speaker 2: going to exacerbate and make these feelings worse and worse
Speaker 2: and worse. Maybe he thinks.
Speaker 1: It's so fine, and I say fine in inverted commerce because.
Speaker 2: Your friend's gay.
Speaker 1: So maybe he's like, what's the big deal, Like, it's
Speaker 1: not like she's into me, there's nothing to be jealous of.
Speaker 1: Maybe that's his point of view. Men often don't look
Speaker 1: at things the same way we do. He might not
Speaker 1: see that maybe there is a level of discomfort for
Speaker 1: you because he was gone hell leather with your friend.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I also think and this is just me.
Speaker 2: It's like kind of like breaking this down. If you
Speaker 2: were going to have a sexual experience a threesome with
Speaker 2: your friend who is a lesbian and your boyfriend, you
Speaker 2: would think that you, as the female in that experience,
Speaker 2: would be at the epicenter of that threesome, right, because
Speaker 2: your friend is a lesbian, she's not interested in men,
Speaker 2: she's not sexually and like, obviously everyone's sexuality is fluid.
Speaker 2: But if you were going to just make that assumption,
Speaker 2: you probably would have thought that you were going to
Speaker 2: be getting the sexual attention in this. And if you
Speaker 2: were laying there not getting the sexual attention and she's
Speaker 2: having penetrative sex with your boyfriend, there probably would have
Speaker 2: been a moment of confusion where you were like, oh, Okay,
Speaker 2: maybe there is some desire or sexual attraction to men
Speaker 2: that I didn't realize it was there, And you might
Speaker 2: be sitting there going does that mean that you're by
Speaker 2: or whatever? As we know, it's not a stagnant thing,
Speaker 2: Like I'm sure she very much enjoyed that experience as
Speaker 2: it was happening, But I think that that is probably
Speaker 2: where the confusion has come from.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but threesomes don't mean that everybody has equal shit.
Speaker 1: Often in threesomes are people that don't hook up at all.
Speaker 2: That's what I mean. That's exactly what I'm saying. So
Speaker 2: if I was to have a threesome with a lesbian
Speaker 2: and Matt, I would think that Matt wouldn't be fucking
Speaker 2: my lesbian friend. I would think that they would both
Speaker 2: be having sex with me. That's the eye. I would
Speaker 2: be confused by this. I wouldn't.
Speaker 1: That's me because I wouldn't, I guess, want to be
Speaker 1: hooking up with my best friend in that situation. But
Speaker 1: maybe there's the voyeurism there where you like to watch
Speaker 1: your partner to do it with someone else, So it
Speaker 1: could be that as well. Look, it could be a
Speaker 1: multitude of things. We can sit here and speculate as
Speaker 1: long as we want. At the end of the day,
Speaker 1: your partner didn't do anything wrong in the situation because
Speaker 1: everyone was consenting in that time.
Speaker 2: What he is doing wrong now.
Speaker 1: Is not listening to your feelings and not validating him
Speaker 1: in this moment. You have a problem with it, and
Speaker 1: I can tell you one hundred percent. If you two
Speaker 1: don't have a conversation about it soon, your ick is
Speaker 1: going to escalate to the point that there'll be no
Speaker 1: return if you already feel uncomfortable by it, and you
Speaker 1: said you feel sick thinking about it. If the only
Speaker 1: thing that's been put on top of that is that
Speaker 1: your partner won't listen to you and won't help you
Speaker 1: get over that, I don't see away coming back from that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I totally agree. I think that you can get
Speaker 2: past this because I know that there's loads of people
Speaker 2: who open up their relationships, they don't enjoy it, and
Speaker 2: then they close their relationships again, like it's this is
Speaker 2: not something that is terrain that's never ever, you know,
Speaker 2: happened before. There's loads of people who have had threesomes
Speaker 2: and then decided, you know what, it's not for us.
Speaker 2: We want to keep our relationship closed. But you both
Speaker 2: have to have the respect for each other, and it
Speaker 2: feels like he does not have that for you in
Speaker 2: this moment, or he's not able to. I mean, maybe
Speaker 2: he's worried that by validating your feelings that he's then
Speaker 2: sort of admitting fault, that he's sort of saying, oh, well,
Speaker 2: I did the wrong thing. But it's not about blaming.
Speaker 2: It's not about like saying, well, you did something that
Speaker 2: I wasn't comfortable with. It's just about getting that validation
Speaker 2: that it's okay for you to have the feelings that
Speaker 2: you feel with aren't congruent with how you felt on
Speaker 2: the night.
Speaker 1: Just make sure you double down on making sure he
Speaker 1: understands how you feel because maybe you've brought it up
Speaker 1: once and he sort of threw it away like it's fine,
Speaker 1: what are you talking about? So maybe really sit down
Speaker 1: saying I want you to really understand because it's all
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about at the moment.
Speaker 2: It bothers me.
Speaker 1: I want to talk about it really, And if he
Speaker 1: still doesn't, if you've been clear as day that this
Speaker 1: is an issue for you and you would like to
Speaker 1: discuss it and he still doesn't, there's the problem.
Speaker 2: Okay, But what about on the flip side to this,
Speaker 2: what about the relationship with the friend? Like how do
Speaker 2: you approach that conversation and do you think that a
Speaker 2: conversation needs to happen there as well? Well?
Speaker 1: I mean that depends if do you have a problem
Speaker 1: with your friend? I mean, if you know she's gay
Speaker 1: and there's no interest, is there a problem? Or is
Speaker 1: she by and there could be an interest and you
Speaker 1: thought there was too much going on there. That's where
Speaker 1: the problem lies, and we don't really know obviously, if
Speaker 1: you have feelings for both sides, if you have uncomfortable
Speaker 1: feelings around your friend as well, I'd definitely have a
Speaker 1: chat to her as well. But it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be this really big thing. It doesn't have to be
Speaker 1: this really big serious breakup. It doesn't have to be
Speaker 1: a like I need you to come over and sit down,
Speaker 1: but you do need to talk about how you feel,
Speaker 1: because no relationships survive without communication totally.
Speaker 2: And I do think, I mean, maybe it is good
Speaker 2: to sit down and have that sort of like understanding
Speaker 2: around did it go the way that you had planned?
Speaker 2: Was it what you expected and was it just the
Speaker 2: aftermath of regret or was it completely not what you expected?
Speaker 2: And in that moment you were feeling like it anyway,
Speaker 2: but just didn't have the ability to or the agency
Speaker 2: or the confidence to say, hey, guys, I'm feeling really
Speaker 2: uncomfortable by this, because they are two very different things.
Speaker 2: You shouldn't be in any sexual situation with anyone, let
Speaker 2: alone your friend and your partner and not be able
Speaker 2: to voice that you're not comfortable. So I'm hoping that
Speaker 2: this was just a situation where it was more regrets, yeah,
Speaker 2: hindsight and regret and then not realizing how those feelings
Speaker 2: were going to bubble to the surface, rather than allowing
Speaker 2: something to happen right in front of your eyes that
Speaker 2: was actually making you feel hugely uncomfortable and was damaging
Speaker 2: your relationship.
Speaker 1: I just picture invited in a friend for coffee, like
Speaker 1: going out to cafax.
Speaker 2: So that threesome crazy, right, But you know when you
Speaker 2: try and starte the conversation, you're like, yeah, that was
Speaker 2: bo douar. So did you love that? Or or so
Speaker 2: like how do you have the conversation? They say You're like, well,
Speaker 2: things got out of hand, didn't They like, do you
Speaker 2: do you go home? Like? How does that go down? Imagine? Okay,
Speaker 2: what I keep thinking is if you were a lesbian man,
Speaker 2: yeah you because well I'm bringing you home with me
Speaker 2: and Matt. Now you come home with me and Ben.
Speaker 2: Okay if I'm a lesbian. If I'm a lesbian and
Speaker 2: I'm your best friend and you brought me home, I
Speaker 2: would think if I was you, that it was to
Speaker 2: have sex with you, not to have sex with Ben.
Speaker 2: Do you know I mean, I can't do it. I
Speaker 2: would think that you would be the main one I know,
Speaker 2: Like I would never look back at you.
Speaker 1: I could never look at you the same if you
Speaker 1: would be in between my legs, I couldn't.
Speaker 2: I couldn't. Guys had it here first. If I ever
Speaker 2: go down on brit the podcast is over. I love
Speaker 2: you a lot. We're never going to get over this platonically.
Speaker 2: Just stop dreaming about it. It'd be like having sex
Speaker 2: with my sister.
Speaker 1: Also, I couldn't do it with you and mad like,
Speaker 1: I would just be hysterics.
Speaker 2: It wouldn't none of it wouldn't do me on. I
Speaker 2: would just be laughing about the whole situe would go
Speaker 2: for fourteen minutes, all right. Question number two?
Speaker 1: Question number two, This is an unusual because I think it's, Oh, look,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna reach you because that's what we do
Speaker 1: here and ask Oh, it's something different.
Speaker 2: You're gonnattack this question differently. I'm going to do something
Speaker 2: different here and read it. Okay.
Speaker 1: My best friend recently matched on Bumble with a guy
Speaker 1: from America. Now, although he is currently living in America,
Speaker 1: they match because he has his status set to traveling
Speaker 1: in preparation for an upcoming trip to Australia. Over the
Speaker 1: last few weeks, they've been texting, calling, and facetiming every
Speaker 1: day and are totally smitten. They've even been discussing their
Speaker 1: wedding plans for this summer. Then she's put a few
Speaker 1: red flags as she's talking. They've been choosing baby names too,
Speaker 1: some more red flags. They've also talked about her moving
Speaker 1: over to America because he said with his job, he
Speaker 1: would have to start from square one if he moved
Speaker 1: here to Australia. She said she knows it all seems crazy,
Speaker 1: but she's sure that he is her penguin and that
Speaker 1: she's never felt like this before and neither has he.
Speaker 1: He's coming here at the end of next month, and
Speaker 1: I'm just skeptical. Am I right to feel that way?
Speaker 1: Or should I just supportive of her happiness. I want
Speaker 1: to make a note, she has just come out of
Speaker 1: a tumultuous couple of years in her personal life, so
Speaker 1: I just feel super protective of her.
Speaker 2: I mean, we always like to be the exception to
Speaker 2: the rule, don't we. We always want to be the
Speaker 2: one who's going to have the really amazing meet, cute
Speaker 2: and it's all gonna work out perfect and they're gonna
Speaker 2: love this happy, beautiful life. Of course, you want to
Speaker 2: be happy for your friends. But this is a walking
Speaker 2: road flag.
Speaker 1: But is this the meat cute you want that you've
Speaker 1: never met the person you married them?
Speaker 2: Like, is this the meet cute? I don't think it is. Well,
Speaker 2: I think this is a meet cute. If this like, okay,
Speaker 2: I think it's a meat cute. It's a very modern
Speaker 2: meat cute meeting online. But if you were to meet
Speaker 2: someone who from across the world you've never met in
Speaker 2: real life, and then you've felt all this connection with
Speaker 2: you start facetiming all the time they come from overseas,
Speaker 2: there's so much pressure around it. I mean, you know
Speaker 2: what it's like in terms of like doing a long
Speaker 2: distance relationship, Like the excitement that you have that you're
Speaker 2: going to meet them, that you're going to see them.
Speaker 2: This is that, but tenfold. I guess my feelings around
Speaker 2: this without knowing much more about the story, is like,
Speaker 2: I think you would be naive to just be happy
Speaker 2: for your friend. I think it is our job to
Speaker 2: be protective of our friends. It's our job to hold
Speaker 2: a mirror up to things that don't always seem like
Speaker 2: it's too good to be true, because sometimes it is
Speaker 2: too good to be true. And like when you're being
Speaker 2: love bombed and you've been sucked into that love vortex,
Speaker 2: it's really hard to see the forest through the trees.
Speaker 2: And so I think it's actually really great that she
Speaker 2: has someone in her life who's like, I love you
Speaker 2: and I'll support you, and I can't wait to meet him.
Speaker 2: But I just don't want you to get carried away
Speaker 2: with yourself at the moment because you don't know what
Speaker 2: this is.
Speaker 1: Look, I'm the first person to say I am an
Speaker 1: avid online data. I have always done online dating, and
Speaker 1: I have done pretty much only long distance. So like
Speaker 1: to be clear, this is my jam. What I want
Speaker 1: to add to that is I think this is a
Speaker 1: red flag too. There are a lot of things about
Speaker 1: this that I think are alarming. Can you fall in
Speaker 1: love with someone in three weeks?
Speaker 2: Sure?
Speaker 1: Is it mixed with is it mixed with lust? And
Speaker 1: is it that real love where you know every part
Speaker 1: of them? No, it is not possible to know every
Speaker 1: part of somebody in three weeks. On top of that,
Speaker 1: you've never seen him, You don't have the connection physically.
Speaker 1: You don't know what someone's like. You've never lived with him,
Speaker 1: you haven't experienced anything. I think, to be talking about
Speaker 1: getting married after three weeks to someone you've never met,
Speaker 1: to be talking about baby names, it's easy to get swept.
Speaker 2: Up in that.
Speaker 1: And we've all been there, swept up in that fantasy
Speaker 1: of feeling the attention and feeling loved and wanted and
Speaker 1: planning the future like that's a that's a feeling that
Speaker 1: is inexplainable. It's a wonderful feeling to be like, this
Speaker 1: is what my future could be.
Speaker 2: This feels so safe. I feel like I found my person.
Speaker 2: And it's a literal technique which we all know, which
Speaker 2: is called love bombing. But I mean, just going back
Speaker 2: to what you said, Britt, like you can't fall in
Speaker 2: love in three weeks. I know that there will be
Speaker 2: people listening to this who met their person, who within
Speaker 2: three weeks knew that their person was the right one
Speaker 2: for them, who fell in love and who have lived incredible,
Speaker 2: happy lives. I have no doubt that those stories exist.
Speaker 2: But the thing that you have to keep mind is
Speaker 2: you fell into chemistry and then you got really fucking
Speaker 2: lucky that that person actually was the person that they
Speaker 2: said they were, and they showed up in the way
Speaker 2: that they were communicating with and you matched on all
Speaker 2: the levels that you matched on. There are more stories
Speaker 2: than not where people feel the chemistry and then it
Speaker 2: doesn't work out because you literally don't know someone after
Speaker 2: three weeks. And I say this as someone who has
Speaker 2: had that experience twice in my life. I thought I
Speaker 2: met the person I was going to marry. I fell
Speaker 2: head over heels in love. I would have told I
Speaker 2: told everyone in my life that they were the person
Speaker 2: I was going to marry. And then the relationship unravels
Speaker 2: and you go from having this incredible, intense chemistry to
Speaker 2: all of a sudden, the wheels are falling off the
Speaker 2: wagon and you don't know why things are not where
Speaker 2: they should be, and you feel misunderstood, and it's the
Speaker 2: toxicity that can come from that. And I think the
Speaker 2: fact that you are already seeing this as a red
Speaker 2: flag means that you can keep your friend a kind
Speaker 2: of accountable, but you also don't want to be so
Speaker 2: negative to your friend or so shitting on their relationship
Speaker 2: and their happiness that they're scared to tell you stuff
Speaker 2: like you're just flooded with all these happy chemicals which
Speaker 2: become like a drug. You want more of them, and
Speaker 2: you're getting more of them because you're in contact with
Speaker 2: this person who's love bombing and who's giving you all
Speaker 2: the bits and pieces that you need along the way
Speaker 2: to keep you invested in the relationship or invested in
Speaker 2: what it could potentially be or what could potentially come
Speaker 2: of it. My only worry is when we have friends,
Speaker 2: when we can see from the outset that our friends
Speaker 2: are moving into a relationship that's not healthy or it
Speaker 2: could be toxic, or you know, there's red flag. Red
Speaker 2: flag is that sometimes we go too hard in telling
Speaker 2: them that we don't support the relationship. And like your friends,
Speaker 2: if you experience this, telling someone what to do, especially
Speaker 2: when they think they're in love with someone, never ever works.
Speaker 2: They're always going to choose that person that they think
Speaker 2: that they're in love with until that person proves them wrong.
Speaker 2: So you don't want to create a situation where they
Speaker 2: are so fearful of your negativity that they don't want
Speaker 2: to tell you all the exciting things that they think
Speaker 2: the relationship could be or what's going to happen. It's
Speaker 2: like you need to be supportive enough but also be
Speaker 2: wary enough that you want them to be happy, but
Speaker 2: you also want them to keep their eyes open to
Speaker 2: what's going on around them. Tell us some horror stories.
Speaker 2: Do you think you can push your friends away, like
Speaker 2: you can make it so that they keep stuff from
Speaker 2: you because they don't want you to think they're crazy. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And the other part of this is she's off the
Speaker 1: back of a few years of tumultuous situations. That's what
Speaker 1: you've said. So she's found, I want to say, a
Speaker 1: safety net. She's found someone she feels like a purpose.
Speaker 1: She wakes up every day and she has someone to
Speaker 1: speak to and someone to call, and someone thinking about her,
Speaker 1: someone to connect with. You can't underestimate what that feeling
Speaker 1: does to somebody, especially someone that's coming out the other
Speaker 1: side of whatever.
Speaker 2: Tumultuous situation she had.
Speaker 1: I would if it was me, like, if you came
Speaker 1: to me, Okay, she came to me and said that
Speaker 1: this situation, I would say, this sounds pretty intense. Maybe
Speaker 1: just wait till your meet him and see what happens.
Speaker 1: I was like, because you never ever know really who
Speaker 1: someone is or what they're about. And the fact that
Speaker 1: it is her life. That's going to have to change.
Speaker 1: Like he's already said, you would have to come to me.
Speaker 1: Moving country is not a small thing. Packing up and
Speaker 1: leaving all of your family, all of your friends, to
Speaker 1: move to another country, even with your long term partner,
Speaker 1: is a scary thing. But to go for someone that
Speaker 1: you don't even know, like you haven't even met them,
Speaker 1: that really actually worries me. The more I talk about
Speaker 1: this out loud, the more it worries me. And look,
Speaker 1: this could be fucking amazing. He could come here and
Speaker 1: it's incredible and they're penguins in it. You know, go
Speaker 1: and live your life. I'm all about that. I would
Speaker 1: just be entering with caution. And all you can do,
Speaker 1: like Laura sit is, you can't go into hard with
Speaker 1: your friend.
Speaker 2: You just can't. You've just got to be hey, can
Speaker 2: I meet him when he comes, and then you can
Speaker 2: gauge your opinion too. You can see what they're like together.
Speaker 2: And I mean this opinion comes from two people who
Speaker 2: like even your sister. Sherry, she met her fiance from
Speaker 2: another country online. They spoke for weeks and then she
Speaker 2: went to Scotland and now her and Jay are married
Speaker 2: and live a beautiful, happy life. You met ben online
Speaker 2: dating how to one night stand, then did long distance
Speaker 2: on FaceTime, and now you're happily in a relationship.
Speaker 1: You're not meeting physically that night though, Yeah.
Speaker 2: But I mean regardless of whether you meet someone physically
Speaker 2: or not. Think people can be on their best behavior
Speaker 2: for one night, two nights whatever. Like I think he
Speaker 2: could come here, This guy could come here and he
Speaker 2: could be incredible. That doesn't mean it's not still good
Speaker 2: to be true, doesn't mean that it might end in disaster.
Speaker 2: I just think the big thing is is that you're
Speaker 2: never going to be able to tell your friend what
Speaker 2: they should and shouldn't do in relationships. All you can
Speaker 2: do is make them aware of the things that you
Speaker 2: feel could be red flags and then support them through
Speaker 2: it and be there for them, which allows them to
Speaker 2: come to you if things are not matching up, so
Speaker 2: that way you know where they're at in their relationship.
Speaker 2: Because he's gonna come here, they're gonna meet, and then
Speaker 2: she's at the end of the day going to be
Speaker 2: the one to make the decision. All you can do
Speaker 2: is create as much safety around her and try and
Speaker 2: make her aware of what you think and how you
Speaker 2: feel and if you do think, once you've met this
Speaker 2: guy that there is fucking red flags going off left,
Speaker 2: right and center, like, then that's the next step to
Speaker 2: try and navigate that. What's not all you could do?
Speaker 1: You could also hire a private investigator. You could have
Speaker 1: a look into his life, sust him out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but don't you think it's hard giving this advice,
Speaker 2: especially when you're like, you're someone who's met someone online.
Speaker 2: Your sister's done the same thing and those relationships worked
Speaker 2: out well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but we were both skeptical for a long time.
Speaker 1: I mean Ben and I were seeing each other for
Speaker 1: a couple of months before we decided to be an
Speaker 1: official couple give it a go and you know, announce
Speaker 1: it to everybody, And there was a lot of thought
Speaker 1: that winning that and the difference is well, one difference
Speaker 1: We were seeing each other physically, like, we were spending
Speaker 1: time with each other, and you definitely do get to
Speaker 1: know someone more when you were in their presence. Two,
Speaker 1: we were not talking about marriage and kids, and we
Speaker 1: were like, oh my god, are we actually going to
Speaker 1: be official? Like we were so base level. We were
Speaker 1: talking about what that would look like. It's cross country.
Speaker 2: There's a lot to consider.
Speaker 1: So the thing that alarms me about this, it's not
Speaker 1: that it's long distance. It's the love bombing that's the
Speaker 1: red flag here, and how quickly it's moving without knowing
Speaker 1: a person.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. Yeah. I could I have a wife and four kids,
Speaker 2: you don't know. Yeah, Or he could be talking to
Speaker 2: six other people in Australia telling them all the same thing.
Speaker 2: And that's very pessimistic of us. But we love love,
Speaker 2: We love love, all right. Question number three, This one
Speaker 2: is a quickie, but I will love to get your
Speaker 2: opinion on this because that's what we do here at Left. Yeah,
Speaker 2: all right. Do you flush the toilet at night time
Speaker 2: if your partner or housemate or family are asleep. What's
Speaker 2: the etiquette? Yep, flush it. If it's brown, flush it down.
Speaker 2: If it's yellow, it can stay there into the morning. Yeah.
Speaker 2: If it's brown, flush it down. If it's yellow, lead
Speaker 2: at mellow Yeah, I think then that's fine for a nighttime.
Speaker 2: I don't want Matt getting up in the middle of
Speaker 2: the night doing a week and then flushing it and
Speaker 2: waking me up. No, I can handle a pee in
Speaker 2: the toilet. I do think that, But I also think
Speaker 2: get up first. Thing and flush it because no one
Speaker 2: wants to go and look at stale urine in it.
Speaker 2: That's been an all nine in the toilet. Yeah, well,
Speaker 2: if you're going to serve up a log, please flush
Speaker 2: that down. I will wake up to you flushing a
Speaker 2: poop in the middle of the night. Who's waking up
Speaker 2: in the middle of the night doing a poop? Heaps
Speaker 2: of people really use me, Sniez. I don't know if're
Speaker 2: gonna leave that in. I think he's people do poops
Speaker 2: in the night. Really, nah, I'm morning after coffee, bro,
Speaker 2: you are not mourning your morning, midday night, then you're
Speaker 2: snacking lunch, then you brunch, you poop all off. Have
Speaker 2: a quick system, straight in, straight straight and straight air.
Speaker 2: Always flush, always flush.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's fine. If you had to ask.
Speaker 2: Me, okay, wait, wait, wait, I've got another thing. It
Speaker 2: depends on how far away the toilet is from people's bedrooms.
Speaker 2: If the toilet's at the other end of the house,
Speaker 2: just flush a babe, it's fine. If it's in there
Speaker 2: on suite, then maybe wait till the morning, but get
Speaker 2: up first and then do it. And I love that
Speaker 2: someone needed to write that. Into's a question. I know,
Speaker 2: is it really troublesome in your relationship? Akeisha, what do
Speaker 2: you do You're in a new relationship, you've just started dating.
Speaker 2: When you stay at their house, would you flush in
Speaker 2: the middle of the night? Keisha said always.
Speaker 1: I guess the question you need to ask yourself is
Speaker 1: suss it out yourself. If you're looking at it and
Speaker 1: it smells, it's yellow and a stale, no one else
Speaker 1: is going to want to look at it or smell
Speaker 1: it either.
Speaker 2: I reckon that this is a question that you could
Speaker 2: use your own personal discretion. If you're grossed out by
Speaker 2: your own pee or pooh, flush down? I mean I
Speaker 2: always flush, I would, or even a wee I flush. Yeah,
Speaker 2: everyone does during the day.
Speaker 1: But if I'm saying at night, if it's a week,
Speaker 1: I live, flush it. You live by yourself, bro, I
Speaker 1: still am in a relationship. I still have people stay
Speaker 1: with me. I'm not don't live on an island alone.
Speaker 1: I'm on solitary. Can fine. I would be in a
Speaker 1: lah listens as well.
Speaker 2: I would be annoyed being woken up at four in
Speaker 2: the morning to a flushing toilet. If it was just
Speaker 2: a week, I would rather see a week in the
Speaker 2: morning dehydrated. Stay all drink. Wow, that's no, it's too late,
Speaker 2: It's already in there. All right. Okay, look, I feel
Speaker 2: like we've answered this and by not answering your questions.
Speaker 2: All right, last question, Okay, last question. This is a doozy.
Speaker 1: A friend of mine got married a few months ago
Speaker 1: and just asked her friends to plan the hens. But
Speaker 1: the wedding was small and none of her friends were invited.
Speaker 1: Loll cano.
Speaker 2: I really feel like I should say something.
Speaker 1: We all feel a bit weird about it, and we
Speaker 1: honestly don't know what to do. Do we plan her
Speaker 1: hens because she asked after the wedding when we weren't invited.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, okay, yes it's not it's not okay
Speaker 2: that she asked you. Also, you don't ask people to
Speaker 2: plan your hands your friends. Your friends just like come
Speaker 2: to that realization because they're your friends and they came
Speaker 2: to your.
Speaker 1: I'm more perplexed by the fact that the hens is
Speaker 1: after the wedding, the post wedding hens.
Speaker 2: What is that a thing that I don't know about?
Speaker 2: It is that because I live in solitary confinement on
Speaker 2: an island. No, it's because it's the fling after the ring.
Speaker 2: It's a thing, but it's only a reason Fling after
Speaker 2: the ring is a thing, but only if there's a
Speaker 2: reason why you couldn't have it. Pre I think the
Speaker 2: thing is nobody organized her hands because no one got
Speaker 2: invited to the wedding, so they were like, well, why
Speaker 2: would we organize the Hens? Maybe they're not that close
Speaker 2: to friends, and I guess she's realized that she missed
Speaker 2: out on something she really wanted to have. But you
Speaker 2: can't then give that job to someone. If you really
Speaker 2: want a Hens party and no one's organized it for
Speaker 2: you, you've got to organize it yourself because it's shit's expensive.
Speaker 2: I don't feel good about any of this. How would gains?
Speaker 2: How would you approach this? Though I had my hands
Speaker 2: before the wedding. Yes, I realized that you're not going
Speaker 2: to have this situation. But imagine if one of your
Speaker 2: friends came to you, she'd already had a wedding you
Speaker 2: were not invited, and she said, hey, can you please
Speaker 2: organize my hands? I'd do it because I don't like confrontation.
Speaker 2: Exactly would you ever say something to her? I'd probably
Speaker 2: have to move to Alaska. No, I would have to do.
Speaker 1: It, but that's because of who I am and conflict.
Speaker 1: I often find that kind of thing very awkward. But
Speaker 1: what I might say is, I'm really bad at organizing stuff,
Speaker 1: so you're probably better do it.
Speaker 2: Give that job someone else.
Speaker 1: I think it's I find this wildly uncomfortable, the expectation
Speaker 1: of like you said, you can't go to someone and
Speaker 1: say plan this for me, like you can't, and then.
Speaker 2: They weren't invited to the wedding. It's crazy because they've
Speaker 2: all got to pay for it. Well, the thing is
Speaker 2: is that normally a hen's party falls on whoever you
Speaker 2: nominate to be your bridesmaids. That's the job. It's like
Speaker 2: in order to be a bridesmaid. You just know that
Speaker 2: you're going to be organizing a hen's party, and it
Speaker 2: kind of wants to do it, but it's you know,
Speaker 2: it's a job that that's what they get stuck with.
Speaker 2: You cannot ask someone, which obviously this person knows. It's
Speaker 2: why she's written, and you cannot ask someone to organize
Speaker 2: a hens Retrospectively, if you didn't give those people even
Speaker 2: the proof or the satisfaction of being invited to the wedding,
Speaker 2: I think you are well within your right to say something.
Speaker 2: What do you say? Pretend it's me? I think you
Speaker 2: just say, like's.
Speaker 1: So, hey, Laura, I'm so sorry you couldn't make it
Speaker 1: to the wedding. And by make it, I mean I'm
Speaker 1: sorry didn't ask you, but I'd love it if you
Speaker 1: threw me your hens probably next Saturday.
Speaker 2: Is that cool if you do that? Well, No, the
Speaker 2: thing is she's already asked for that, And I mean
Speaker 2: that the person has to tell the bride that they
Speaker 2: don't want to organize it. Now you tell me now
Speaker 2: that was the role play? Okay. I think it's a
Speaker 2: case of we love you and we would have loved
Speaker 2: to have been at your wedding to celebrate, but hens
Speaker 2: cost quite a bit of money. We're happy to organize something,
Speaker 2: but you would have to pitch in, like you would
Speaker 2: have to pay for the whole thing.
Speaker 1: Look at how uncomfortable your a is so wide.
Speaker 2: But I think that it no like you can't expect
Speaker 2: them to all pay for you, and that's what happens
Speaker 2: usually on a HENS. Right. Yeah, fuck, I don't know.
Speaker 1: It's super tricky because I'm sure you want to maintain
Speaker 1: a friendship with it. I'm sure she had a reason
Speaker 1: that you weren't invited to the wedding, Like, I hope
Speaker 1: she has a reason.
Speaker 2: The wedding was just that it was really small.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's small white because she didn't invite you.
Speaker 1: That's what makes it small or small because the venue
Speaker 1: only held twenty people?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Or was it small because she was trying to
Speaker 2: save money, which at the same time, as she's trying
Speaker 2: to save money and she doesn't want to invite all
Speaker 2: these people to her wedding, then it's okay for you
Speaker 2: to say, I'm trying to save money, so I don't
Speaker 2: want to go to a hens right now? Oh yes,
Speaker 2: so high. I think that we need to take this
Speaker 2: as a PSA. If you don't invite your friends to
Speaker 2: your wedding, please don't ask them to plan your funking hair.
Speaker 2: Do you know what?
Speaker 1: Don't think I've ever been so Switzerland in my life.
Speaker 1: I've never been so on the fence with an answer
Speaker 1: because I know what I want to do. But also
Speaker 1: as a part of it, it's like, oh, there's probably
Speaker 1: a reason you're for a friend in some capacity, just
Speaker 1: do it. But then I'm like, no, you shouldn't have
Speaker 1: to do it.
Speaker 2: Okay, Look, I think we've answered this question without answering it.
Speaker 2: And the answer is, if you were a good enough friend,
Speaker 2: if she was that high up on your friendship list,
Speaker 2: you would do it regardless, and you would want to
Speaker 2: do it. But the fact that you don't want to
Speaker 2: do it, I think is more a symbol, and it's
Speaker 2: more an indication that she's not as good a friends
Speaker 2: with you as what you may be to her. And
Speaker 2: then therefore, or I think you can say, look, I
Speaker 2: don't have the money or the capacity at the moment
Speaker 2: in terms of my work schedule and everything else to
Speaker 2: organize hands. Here's a thought starter. Oh god, here we go.
Speaker 1: Well, why doesn't she ask someone that was there? It's
Speaker 1: a small wedding, but she still had friends there. You
Speaker 1: just didn't make the cut. So why don't the friends
Speaker 1: that make.
Speaker 2: The cut do it? Well? I think it was just
Speaker 2: her family?
Speaker 1: Nah, bullshit. There was a friend there. There was a
Speaker 1: friend there. There has to have been one friend one.
Speaker 2: What if she just like eloped and it was just
Speaker 2: like her mom and dad? It was it? There you go, guys,
Speaker 2: you had it here first. Anyway, if you would like
Speaker 2: some absolutely terrible advice like that was it's a really
Speaker 2: hard one. I don't know what I would say.
Speaker 1: I want to know what the listeners think for that one,
Speaker 1: because it's it's super tricky, and I wonder if anyone
Speaker 1: else has been in this situation.
Speaker 2: That is it from us? I feel like we haven't
Speaker 2: answered enough today, Laura need to No, I'm feeling good.
Speaker 2: This is the best I've ever felt. I think I'm
Speaker 2: the most. What's concerning I think I I've had two
Speaker 2: coffees today and I think I am the most awake
Speaker 2: and honor and feeling it and I'm good and I'm vibing,
Speaker 2: and we're coming into holiday.
Speaker 1: Do you think it's because we went out last night
Speaker 1: and you had a couple of drinks and you socialized
Speaker 1: with Matt two so it was like you were together,
Speaker 1: it was with your friends.
Speaker 2: You just fell I don't know when we had a
Speaker 2: couple of drinks. We literally had two drinks. It wasn't
Speaker 2: like a couple of drinks. We had a yolow good time.
Speaker 2: I had a couple I didn't line. I had half
Speaker 2: a lass of rose because Matt had half, and I
Speaker 2: had one light chi martini. Yeah, yeah, that's what all
Speaker 2: couple I know. But like usually people say a couple
Speaker 2: and they mean like five, like Letty City. I don't
Speaker 2: know what has changed, but very recently, and it actually
Speaker 2: has just been since doing Dancing the Stars, so like
Speaker 2: since I started that training what it was like eight
Speaker 2: weeks ago. Now I am so off alcohol. I am
Speaker 2: a two drink limit. Even at my friend's wedding the
Speaker 2: other weekend, I had one single drink and I was
Speaker 2: like not enjoying it. And I used to love a
Speaker 2: rose in the afternoon, guys, like come three to thirty pm.
Speaker 2: I was like, rose is my tam of day. Every
Speaker 2: night that we recorded this podcast for the first two
Speaker 2: years because it was at.
Speaker 1: Home, Laura would bring a bottle of wine and would
Speaker 1: have wine every single night.
Speaker 2: Not a bottle, we would have a glass. Also when
Speaker 2: we say every single night that we would record the podcast,
Speaker 2: we didn't record the podcast every single night twice twice
Speaker 2: a week, yeah, but we used to love a wine
Speaker 2: when we record it. Yeah. And I used to really
Speaker 2: attribute having a glass of wine with my wine down
Speaker 2: from the day like my relaxing time. And I think
Speaker 2: because I've had so much time off it because of
Speaker 2: training so much. Now you're somebody or to wine down
Speaker 2: in the kitchen. Yeah, I'm just having a real off
Speaker 2: alcohol to period. I'm drinking it and I'm having a
Speaker 2: glass and I'm not enjoying the taste and I'm not
Speaker 2: enjoying the sensation.
Speaker 1: I do not drink, and I never have. I do
Speaker 1: not drink to get drunk. Ever, I haven't ever been
Speaker 1: that person. I actually enjoy one or two glasses and
Speaker 1: that's it. I could very easily go out for a
Speaker 1: whole night on two glasses.
Speaker 2: And my friends know that too.
Speaker 1: Kisha, even Keisha, She's like, I think I've seen you
Speaker 1: intoxicated once.
Speaker 2: I think I've seen you once too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but that's it, And think of how much you
Speaker 1: know me totally, It's just not my jam I. I
Speaker 1: genuinely loved it. I will go out partying with a
Speaker 1: glass of wine. I'll be in the club and I'll
Speaker 1: have my glass of wine.
Speaker 2: It's I'm a weirdo. Well aren't you better than everyone?
Speaker 2: That's all I'm saying. But yeah, I guess I am. Alright. Anyway, guys,
Speaker 2: thanks for listening to the air. If you loved it,
Speaker 2: you know the drill, go leave us a review on
Speaker 2: Apple podcast. We will I mean we're on holidays now
Speaker 2: as you're listening to this. I'm sure I'm posting photos
Speaker 2: of Fiji. I'm going on bak. But you can also
Speaker 2: join us on Instagram at life Holi Bay Shush on
Speaker 2: Life on Cup podcast. You can join us on TikTok
Speaker 2: because we are tiktoks, and you can also join the
Speaker 2: Life and Cut discussion group if you want to talk
Speaker 2: to us more. The end, that's not the end.
Speaker 1: Don't tell your mum, to your dad, toe dog, tell
Speaker 1: your friends and shared a love because we'll love.
Speaker 2: But we hate it when influences bait you and ask
Speaker 2: if they want to see your hunk. We don't you
Speaker 2: when bamadayaaaaa