1 00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:05,519 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. 2 00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:07,160 Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the. 3 00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,560 Speaker 3: Time poor parent who just wants answers. 4 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:13,000 Speaker 2: Now, it's the Happy Families Podcast. I'm dot Justin Colson, 5 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:14,840 Speaker 2: the founder of Happy Families dot com dot AU. I'm 6 00:00:14,840 --> 00:00:16,720 Speaker 2: here with Kylie, my wife, mom to our six kids, 7 00:00:16,720 --> 00:00:19,160 Speaker 2: and our boy a boy. Have we got some stuff 8 00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,919 Speaker 2: to talk about. It's been a huge week on Parental Guidance. 9 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:23,599 Speaker 2: We've talked about it for the last two episodes we've 10 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,439 Speaker 2: played For those of you who are overseas and don't 11 00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:27,080 Speaker 2: get to see the show, we've played as much audio 12 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:29,600 Speaker 2: as we possibly can. For those of you who haven't 13 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,480 Speaker 2: seen it, hopefully you're catching up on the nine now app. 14 00:00:32,920 --> 00:00:37,159 Speaker 2: Parental Guidance returns again this Sunday night so that we 15 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:40,559 Speaker 2: can find out more about Oh my goodness, there's some 16 00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:43,440 Speaker 2: big challenges coming up. What would you do if a 17 00:00:43,479 --> 00:00:46,400 Speaker 2: delivery driver knocked on the door and said, I've got 18 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:48,680 Speaker 2: a package for you, but it's a bit heavy. Can 19 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:50,280 Speaker 2: I bring it in and put on the kitchen bench? What 20 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:52,199 Speaker 2: would you do if you're a nine year old answering 21 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:55,200 Speaker 2: the door to that delivery driver. That's what we're going 22 00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:55,960 Speaker 2: to find out about. 23 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,800 Speaker 3: Who I was just about to say that chances are 24 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:01,360 Speaker 3: they wouldn't have a chance to knock on the door 25 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:05,080 Speaker 3: because most delivery guys leave it in the easiest place possible. 26 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,199 Speaker 3: Do you know I caught the delivery guy dropping ten 27 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:10,760 Speaker 3: boxes off to our house the other day and he 28 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:13,080 Speaker 3: couldn't even ring the doorbell. He left it right in 29 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:14,959 Speaker 3: front of the driveway, in front of our gate. 30 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:18,560 Speaker 2: That sounds really flustering. It was, Yeah, I couldn't get 31 00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:22,800 Speaker 2: into my driveway. I can tell that was inconsiderate, wasn't it. 32 00:01:23,280 --> 00:01:26,399 Speaker 3: So I think it's very highly unlikely that they wouldn't 33 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:27,119 Speaker 3: even bother knocking. 34 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:31,399 Speaker 2: Today is not about your delivery driver woes. Today is 35 00:01:31,440 --> 00:01:33,399 Speaker 2: about the big stuff that we didn't get to talk 36 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:35,800 Speaker 2: about over the last two episodes of the podcast because 37 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,120 Speaker 2: there's been so much to talk about. Where do you 38 00:01:38,120 --> 00:01:38,679 Speaker 2: want to start? 39 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:42,959 Speaker 3: This is really just a comment more than a conversation starter. 40 00:01:43,640 --> 00:01:44,800 Speaker 3: Deepak and Cardule. 41 00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:46,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, the spiritual parents they had. 42 00:01:46,959 --> 00:01:47,800 Speaker 3: Just so beautiful. 43 00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:50,480 Speaker 1: Life is all about spiritual apparents, just taking a few 44 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:54,320 Speaker 1: uncomfortable steps and expanding your circle of comfort. 45 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:56,880 Speaker 2: Do you know what I love about this? Okay, it's 46 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,480 Speaker 2: just so beautiful. We have got to talk about the 47 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:02,960 Speaker 2: reverse park situation. Okay, our children are our greatest teachers. 48 00:02:03,520 --> 00:02:05,160 Speaker 2: We've got to listen to our children. There's all of 49 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,960 Speaker 2: this beautiful stuff that they're saying, but when the rubber 50 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:11,079 Speaker 2: hits the road, literally they're in the car and there's 51 00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,480 Speaker 2: a reverse parking thing didn't work out quite so well. 52 00:02:13,480 --> 00:02:14,960 Speaker 2: We're going to come to that in a sec But 53 00:02:15,080 --> 00:02:18,639 Speaker 2: before we do that, can I just make a quick statement. 54 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:22,720 Speaker 2: When it comes to spirituality in today's world, and specifically religiosity, 55 00:02:22,919 --> 00:02:27,200 Speaker 2: we've become deeply secularized. And while you and I have 56 00:02:27,560 --> 00:02:31,720 Speaker 2: a religious life, and this may sound self interested, I'm 57 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:35,480 Speaker 2: speaking specifically as a scientist here. I love that these 58 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:40,520 Speaker 2: people are on the show with their spirituality front and center, 59 00:02:40,919 --> 00:02:42,919 Speaker 2: like they've made a couple of really big areas. There's 60 00:02:42,919 --> 00:02:44,840 Speaker 2: a reason they didn't make it through to the final challenge. 61 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:47,320 Speaker 2: We saw the smoke lum mistakes, we saw the reverse 62 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:50,280 Speaker 2: parking issue. They didn't know how to teach their children 63 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:53,520 Speaker 2: about basic human anatomy and the reproductive system. There were 64 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:57,200 Speaker 2: some really egregious errors that meant that, no matter how 65 00:02:57,200 --> 00:02:59,400 Speaker 2: beautiful they are, they didn't make it through to the 66 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:03,240 Speaker 2: next challenge. But my goodness. I love the humility. I 67 00:03:03,280 --> 00:03:05,800 Speaker 2: love the humility they every time they make a mistake, 68 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,640 Speaker 2: they say, I can see that I need to do better. 69 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:10,800 Speaker 3: Oh, that's why we're here, that's why we need to 70 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:11,960 Speaker 3: be we want to learn. 71 00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:13,440 Speaker 2: I love that. But I want to talk about the 72 00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:18,560 Speaker 2: secularization of our society and highlight specifically the morality that 73 00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:23,239 Speaker 2: comes with a spiritual life is absolutely, undeniably available to 74 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:26,320 Speaker 2: people who are not religious and who are not spiritually oriented. 75 00:03:26,360 --> 00:03:28,079 Speaker 2: I'm not going to make any kind of an argument 76 00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,640 Speaker 2: that you must be spiritual or religious to be a 77 00:03:30,639 --> 00:03:33,440 Speaker 2: moral person. That's a load of garbage. But from a 78 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:37,520 Speaker 2: scientific point of view, there is so much, so much 79 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:42,600 Speaker 2: evidence that people who live in spiritual and religious communities, 80 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:46,920 Speaker 2: I guess do tend to live their life differently and 81 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:49,920 Speaker 2: experience a whole lot of well being benefits. They're more 82 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:53,200 Speaker 2: likely to have stronger social circles because the religious or 83 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:56,400 Speaker 2: cultural community that they're associated with boosts them up. They're 84 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,440 Speaker 2: more likely to volunteer and serve and give, which is 85 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:01,960 Speaker 2: fantastic stick for our well being. They tend to be 86 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:04,280 Speaker 2: more optimistic and hopeful about the future. In fact, I 87 00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:08,240 Speaker 2: could just give this huge long list of what secularization 88 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:11,920 Speaker 2: is removing from the lives of people on the planet 89 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:14,360 Speaker 2: today who are moving in that direction rather than the 90 00:04:14,400 --> 00:04:18,120 Speaker 2: spiritual direction. This isn't an advertisement for everyone going and 91 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:19,680 Speaker 2: joining a church or anything like that. That's not what 92 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:20,120 Speaker 2: I'm saying. 93 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,359 Speaker 3: There are plenty of people out there who are spiritual 94 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:27,200 Speaker 3: without having a religious totally belief structure around that. I 95 00:04:27,240 --> 00:04:29,280 Speaker 3: think for me, one of the things that really stands 96 00:04:29,279 --> 00:04:35,360 Speaker 3: out is people who have a spiritual belief structure, they 97 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:41,040 Speaker 3: also have the capacity to slow down through their meditative states, prayer, 98 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:44,280 Speaker 3: whatever you want to call it. In a world that 99 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:48,919 Speaker 3: is just so fast paced, you've got this opportunity to 100 00:04:49,040 --> 00:04:55,200 Speaker 3: become reflective, to sit and to ponder, and to really 101 00:04:55,320 --> 00:05:00,000 Speaker 3: just meditate on the important things to you. 102 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:03,920 Speaker 2: So secularization and there's plenty of arguments about what it's 103 00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:06,560 Speaker 2: doing to our youth as well, But I love the 104 00:05:06,560 --> 00:05:10,520 Speaker 2: way Deepak incardial spiritual parents front and center. This is 105 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:12,479 Speaker 2: the life we're trying to live, and they really gave 106 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:14,719 Speaker 2: us a front seat view of how they do that 107 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:16,560 Speaker 2: in their home. And my goodness, those kids. 108 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,720 Speaker 3: I mean, oh, you said we weren't going to talk 109 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:23,159 Speaker 3: about this very long. Yes, I know. But the other 110 00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:27,000 Speaker 3: thing that came out of their conference was the fact 111 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,680 Speaker 3: that they live with their parents. 112 00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:30,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, how generous. 113 00:05:30,960 --> 00:05:33,760 Speaker 3: Well it wasn't even that. It was the line where 114 00:05:33,760 --> 00:05:37,640 Speaker 3: they said, we are learning to let go of our 115 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:42,600 Speaker 3: parenting inverted commons ours theirs and recognize that there are 116 00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:45,960 Speaker 3: things that we can learn and our children can learn 117 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,000 Speaker 3: from our parents. 118 00:05:48,279 --> 00:05:50,240 Speaker 1: And we're going to see that our kids have actually 119 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:55,200 Speaker 1: grown from this influence of grandparents in their lives. It's 120 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:59,239 Speaker 1: also again, it's us letting go of our complete hundred 121 00:05:59,240 --> 00:05:59,920 Speaker 1: percent parenting. 122 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:03,240 Speaker 3: And I think about all of the conversations we have 123 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:06,279 Speaker 3: on here from you know, listeners sending in their emails. 124 00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:08,320 Speaker 3: How do we deal with our grandparents? How do we 125 00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:11,000 Speaker 3: deal with you know, they're not parenting the way we want, 126 00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:11,840 Speaker 3: but they have. 127 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:13,159 Speaker 2: Some wisdom to share. 128 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:17,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, and I've been that person. My mother in law 129 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:20,000 Speaker 3: drives me crazy. My mother drives me crazy. There are 130 00:06:20,120 --> 00:06:22,800 Speaker 3: so many times where I get frustrated because they don't 131 00:06:22,839 --> 00:06:26,600 Speaker 3: know what I know. And yet there is just this 132 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:30,880 Speaker 3: beautiful sense of humility that there is something I can 133 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:34,480 Speaker 3: learn from them. And I wonder how much better our 134 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:36,279 Speaker 3: families would be if we all felt that way. 135 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:39,080 Speaker 2: I just think they're a beautiful, beautiful couple, and I 136 00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:40,680 Speaker 2: love their humility, like you said, But we. 137 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:44,279 Speaker 3: Have to talk about Deepak and his comments. 138 00:06:44,160 --> 00:06:45,080 Speaker 2: The reverse parking. 139 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:47,760 Speaker 3: During reverse parking, here's what happened. 140 00:06:48,600 --> 00:06:53,800 Speaker 2: Last no no no, no, no, no opposite. 141 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:57,600 Speaker 1: Reloan yourself as well as Mela, but relowan yourself more. 142 00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,840 Speaker 2: One of the children, the youngest modula seven years old, 143 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,640 Speaker 2: is being asked to give mom directions as she reversed, 144 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:07,120 Speaker 2: parks the car, parallel parks the car. It's a tight squeeze. 145 00:07:07,279 --> 00:07:08,640 Speaker 3: She's not allowed to use the mirrors. 146 00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:11,120 Speaker 2: No mirrors, no cameras. Camera. We actually put cardboard and 147 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:13,000 Speaker 2: tape over it so that they couldn't use them. 148 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:18,000 Speaker 3: This for any driver would be a scary situation. Not me, 149 00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:19,200 Speaker 3: of course not. 150 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,520 Speaker 2: I live it back next tip. 151 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:30,120 Speaker 1: Give yeah, they're not just straight, just go to. 152 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:34,000 Speaker 2: Then I hit the car, not for read when I 153 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:43,280 Speaker 2: hit the cary. Okay, our kids need a voice. Our 154 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:46,160 Speaker 2: kids need a voice. And he was humble about it, 155 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:49,040 Speaker 2: and he learned his lesson beautifully. But what a what 156 00:07:49,160 --> 00:07:52,280 Speaker 2: a profound conversation to be able to have Now. 157 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,640 Speaker 3: How many of us actually get a bird's eye view 158 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:57,800 Speaker 3: of the way that we interact with others. We have 159 00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:01,080 Speaker 3: this ethos, we have this belief sister, you know, and 160 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:04,880 Speaker 3: we espouse to being a parent who blah blah blah blah. Yeah, 161 00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:09,200 Speaker 3: how many of us actually get to see in real 162 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:12,280 Speaker 3: time how that plays out on a day to day based. 163 00:08:12,120 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 2: With you, because this isn't really about Deepak, this is 164 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:16,800 Speaker 2: about all of us. And I know there have been 165 00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 2: a couple of times where the children have because kids 166 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:20,920 Speaker 2: have always got their phones going, it's been a couple 167 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,480 Speaker 2: of times where the kids have had the phone going 168 00:08:22,680 --> 00:08:24,760 Speaker 2: and they've been videoing whatever's going on in the kitchen 169 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,600 Speaker 2: or the dining room of the living room. And then 170 00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:29,000 Speaker 2: an hour or two later, I walk past them as 171 00:08:29,040 --> 00:08:31,800 Speaker 2: they're playing it back, and I hear my voice and 172 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,080 Speaker 2: I hear the way I'm speaking to one of the 173 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,360 Speaker 2: kids about picking something up or helping out in the 174 00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,240 Speaker 2: kitchen or closing the fridge or turning off the light, 175 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:39,160 Speaker 2: and I think to myself, Oh, my goodness, do I 176 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:40,920 Speaker 2: sound like that? 177 00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:40,719 Speaker 1: Is? 178 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:43,760 Speaker 2: Is that what I'm really like? Next time you're interacting 179 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:47,040 Speaker 2: with your children about a discipline issue, record it, open 180 00:08:47,120 --> 00:08:49,280 Speaker 2: up your voice notes on your telephone and record it. 181 00:08:49,440 --> 00:08:52,200 Speaker 2: And have listened to yourself back when when you have 182 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:54,920 Speaker 2: the chance and hear how you really sound, and also 183 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,520 Speaker 2: ask yourself, if I wasn't recording it, would I sound 184 00:08:57,559 --> 00:08:59,400 Speaker 2: like this? Or am I sounding as good as I can? 185 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:00,480 Speaker 2: Because I'm it? 186 00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:02,200 Speaker 3: That's actually pretty cool. 187 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:03,720 Speaker 2: It's amazing you. 188 00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 3: Would actually change the way you do things, even if 189 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:07,440 Speaker 3: it was just because you pushed record. 190 00:09:07,559 --> 00:09:09,280 Speaker 2: This is why this TV show is so great, though, 191 00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:11,600 Speaker 2: because you get to see yourself in a way that 192 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:15,840 Speaker 2: you don't normally see yourself. You get the objective. 193 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:17,720 Speaker 3: View well, even with the stage parents. There was that 194 00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:19,160 Speaker 3: line where she said. 195 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:23,000 Speaker 4: River is probably best known for his role of Jai 196 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:26,480 Speaker 4: and Home and Away. He absolutely loves it. Sometimes I 197 00:09:26,559 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 4: force him to get photos with people because I don't 198 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:28,960 Speaker 4: want to. 199 00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:32,439 Speaker 3: Be rude, And then as she was being questioned about 200 00:09:32,520 --> 00:09:35,520 Speaker 3: that in the room, she acknowledged that it was just 201 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:39,640 Speaker 3: an off the cuff comment that she made and it 202 00:09:39,720 --> 00:09:43,520 Speaker 3: clearly didn't come across the way that it actually is. 203 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:44,720 Speaker 2: We did this all the time. 204 00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:47,240 Speaker 3: This is just a powerful way for us to actually 205 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:50,160 Speaker 3: hold the mirror up to ourselves and recognize that we're 206 00:09:50,679 --> 00:09:52,280 Speaker 3: all kind of in the same boat, right we have, 207 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:53,000 Speaker 3: which is. 208 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,000 Speaker 2: Why I don't want people to say that this is 209 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,840 Speaker 2: a judge show, because it's not. I think these families 210 00:09:57,840 --> 00:09:59,599 Speaker 2: are just so brave and they've all done such a 211 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:05,760 Speaker 2: great job. Kylie, we need to talk about a second 212 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:08,200 Speaker 2: big thing that happened this week. I mean, there are 213 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,559 Speaker 2: about eight more things we could talk about, but I 214 00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:14,480 Speaker 2: have to talk about the teen parents and their oldest son, Matthew, 215 00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,880 Speaker 2: and the way that he responded. And also wasn't just Matthew, 216 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:22,520 Speaker 2: it was also Zion, the stage parents son. Two boys 217 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:25,280 Speaker 2: in front of a computer screen and the prompts come up, 218 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,120 Speaker 2: you need to be eighteen or over, you need to 219 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,120 Speaker 2: be an adult to continue. 220 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:32,359 Speaker 3: In some ways, this challenge feels a little bit unfair, 221 00:10:32,760 --> 00:10:36,080 Speaker 3: right because I've got two boys, and you've got a 222 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:39,600 Speaker 3: seventeen year old plus a thirteen year old, and then 223 00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:41,640 Speaker 3: you've got what was it, two eleven year old girls 224 00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:43,600 Speaker 3: or a seven year old? Yeah, yeah, yeah, a seven 225 00:10:43,679 --> 00:10:46,719 Speaker 3: year old girl and an eleven year old girl. And 226 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,839 Speaker 3: before you even watch the footage, you can almost be 227 00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,640 Speaker 3: certain you know where this is going to go and 228 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:56,520 Speaker 3: how each of those children are going to respond. But 229 00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,640 Speaker 3: I think what came out of it was the dialogue 230 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:06,520 Speaker 3: that followed those challenges. And the absolute double standard we 231 00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:10,640 Speaker 3: have as a society about what is appropriate behavior for 232 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:11,880 Speaker 3: girls and boys. 233 00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:17,880 Speaker 4: I mean, I'm actually fine, he's a boy. We discussed pornography, 234 00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,880 Speaker 4: all that kind of stuff. I know that he's seen it. 235 00:11:21,360 --> 00:11:22,800 Speaker 4: I mean, look, at the end of the day, boys 236 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:26,000 Speaker 4: are curiously going through that sort of stage in their life. 237 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:27,760 Speaker 5: So if your daughter was doing it, do you think 238 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:30,000 Speaker 5: she would have clicked jess or no? 239 00:11:30,679 --> 00:11:32,600 Speaker 4: Do you think now she's not interest She's not that 240 00:11:32,640 --> 00:11:35,840 Speaker 4: type of person. Can I ask do we have different 241 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:37,720 Speaker 4: standards and for girls and boys? 242 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:40,640 Speaker 5: Maybe it's just a bit of a cultural norm that, well, 243 00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:42,680 Speaker 5: it's okay for boys to do that, but would be 244 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,559 Speaker 5: surprised if the girls did. 245 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:47,800 Speaker 4: Well, I think girls get tarnished for being explicit and 246 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:48,880 Speaker 4: for being sexual. 247 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:53,520 Speaker 5: Yeah, for sure, that was really uncomfortable that it was fine, 248 00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,360 Speaker 5: it's you know, this is what teenage boys do. 249 00:11:55,440 --> 00:11:55,840 Speaker 2: That's fine. 250 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:57,960 Speaker 5: Well, but my girls would never do that. And that's 251 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:01,120 Speaker 5: like total double standard that it's okay your sons to 252 00:12:01,160 --> 00:12:04,840 Speaker 5: objectify someone else's daughter. Like, that's what it comes down to, 253 00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:05,920 Speaker 5: she's someone's daughter. 254 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:08,679 Speaker 2: I'm just going to say it. Pornography is a blight 255 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:12,000 Speaker 2: on our society, not just for children, for adults as well. 256 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:14,080 Speaker 2: But I'm not going to get caught up in the 257 00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,480 Speaker 2: conversation about whether adults should shouldn't be consuming about it. 258 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:18,000 Speaker 2: What I am going to get caught up in is this. 259 00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:20,200 Speaker 2: There is not a shred, not a little bit, not 260 00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,959 Speaker 2: the slightest, scantest a little bit of evidence out there 261 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:30,560 Speaker 2: that supports the idea that consuming explicit content for children 262 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:33,240 Speaker 2: can possibly have any benefits for them. It only has 263 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,360 Speaker 2: negative outcomes. And yet we're in a world that is 264 00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:38,040 Speaker 2: absolutely flooded with it. I said it in the show 265 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:40,360 Speaker 2: and I'll say it again. The research evidence that we 266 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:42,520 Speaker 2: do have suggests that a fourteen to seven year old 267 00:12:42,559 --> 00:12:45,400 Speaker 2: boys the number one consumer of explicit content in the world. 268 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:48,160 Speaker 2: And they proved that, and we saw that happen in 269 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:52,000 Speaker 2: the show with no hesitation. And I love Mark and 270 00:12:52,040 --> 00:12:54,960 Speaker 2: Lean the teen parents, but the attitude that they've brought 271 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,080 Speaker 2: to it, the oh, well, I know they're going to 272 00:12:57,080 --> 00:12:58,760 Speaker 2: be looking at it once the door is closed, late 273 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:00,680 Speaker 2: at night, they're in their bedroom, I've got their phones. 274 00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,440 Speaker 2: Who knows what they're really looking at? We do know 275 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:05,679 Speaker 2: what they're really looking at, and it's a problem because 276 00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:07,880 Speaker 2: it changes their beliefs, and it changes their behaviors. It 277 00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:10,240 Speaker 2: affects the way that they interact with the girls that 278 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:12,320 Speaker 2: they date, or the boys for that matter, depending on 279 00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:16,280 Speaker 2: how they're oriented in the world. It affects every single 280 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:18,959 Speaker 2: thing that happens in terms of those expectations when they 281 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:23,440 Speaker 2: have those interactions, and what happens in those interactions can does, 282 00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:27,880 Speaker 2: and will cast a long shadow into the lives, particularly 283 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:30,679 Speaker 2: of the girls who are affected by their behavior in 284 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:31,439 Speaker 2: that situation. 285 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,600 Speaker 3: I would also suggest that it would actually increase the 286 00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:37,440 Speaker 3: likelihood of earlier activity. 287 00:13:37,880 --> 00:13:40,600 Speaker 2: As far as I'm aware, we don't have any evidence 288 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:44,240 Speaker 2: for that. That is, if you start viewing explicit content earlier, 289 00:13:44,440 --> 00:13:46,440 Speaker 2: we don't necessarily have evidence that you're going to end 290 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:51,840 Speaker 2: up engaging in physically intimate sexual activity earlier. But what 291 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,880 Speaker 2: we do know is when you do engage in it, 292 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:58,360 Speaker 2: your expectations have been affected by what you've seen. And 293 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:01,840 Speaker 2: I'm going to be really explicit about this, so please parents, 294 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:03,960 Speaker 2: If your little kids are listening, you probably want to 295 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,920 Speaker 2: just press pause and come back to this in a 296 00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,199 Speaker 2: mineral or two. If your big kids are listening, I'm 297 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,360 Speaker 2: not going to be going too far or anything like that. 298 00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:13,160 Speaker 2: I've had so many parents come up to me at 299 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,160 Speaker 2: school nights when I've given a talk about this kind 300 00:14:15,160 --> 00:14:19,360 Speaker 2: of topic, and there's usually dads and they've taken Mark's approach. 301 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:21,000 Speaker 2: So again, this isn't about Mark and Leanne. Now, this 302 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:22,800 Speaker 2: is about how parents are viewing this situation. 303 00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,400 Speaker 3: And I guess that's my comment from the beginning. It's 304 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:27,840 Speaker 3: a conversation about a different standard that we hold for 305 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:31,360 Speaker 3: our boys as opposed to our girls. The conversation around 306 00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:37,640 Speaker 3: our boys are curious doesn't hold up for me because curiosity. 307 00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:40,960 Speaker 3: If I have a curious child, where do I want 308 00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:43,520 Speaker 3: them to go to find the answers? 309 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,400 Speaker 2: You want them to go to you? Not to the Internet, 310 00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,040 Speaker 2: not to Google, not to pornhub. 311 00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:52,720 Speaker 3: That's basically just abdicating my responsibility as a parent. So 312 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,600 Speaker 3: here's the point I got my kids. Here's the point 313 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:57,160 Speaker 3: that I really want to make though. The content that 314 00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:59,680 Speaker 3: kids see on the Internet today when they're looking up 315 00:15:00,080 --> 00:15:02,840 Speaker 3: thing explicit, It's true that there's a whole lot of 316 00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:05,840 Speaker 3: content that's out there that's I guess in line with 317 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,600 Speaker 3: what we think of from the nineteen eighties nineteen nineties, 318 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:11,680 Speaker 3: the glossy magazines that quote unquote Dad used to hide 319 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:12,200 Speaker 3: under the bed. 320 00:15:12,240 --> 00:15:13,680 Speaker 2: Not the might out or your dad ever did that. 321 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:17,560 Speaker 2: But that's the standard line that's out there. The material 322 00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:21,840 Speaker 2: that's out there today is not like that. Today's most 323 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:26,960 Speaker 2: popular explicit content. Today's most popular pornography, according to all 324 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:30,000 Speaker 2: of the researchers that I've talked to or read from, 325 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:38,960 Speaker 2: is violent. It's misogynistic. It includes apps including choking, hitting, slapping, spitting, punching. 326 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:45,560 Speaker 2: It includes harm being done to women, and if not harm, 327 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:53,080 Speaker 2: derogation and belittling. It includes things that most adult women 328 00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:57,040 Speaker 2: who have any level of confidence in their sexuality are 329 00:15:57,080 --> 00:16:00,480 Speaker 2: not going to be seeking in their intimate involvement with 330 00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:03,200 Speaker 2: somebody that they love and cherish and want to be with. 331 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:09,720 Speaker 2: The conversation about pornography is critically important, and we saw 332 00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:13,240 Speaker 2: why in parental guidance, because these kids were just happy 333 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:16,120 Speaker 2: to click the button. There was no hesitation. 334 00:16:16,680 --> 00:16:18,960 Speaker 3: So there wasn't actually a lot of conversation on the 335 00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:23,480 Speaker 3: show about how we empower our kids and give them 336 00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:26,720 Speaker 3: the skills that they need to be able to navigate 337 00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:30,640 Speaker 3: this challenge. I mean, the reality is our kids are curious. 338 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, So I've written for the federal government on the 339 00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,680 Speaker 2: e safety Commissioner's website, several articles. We've also got a 340 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:39,240 Speaker 2: couple of podcasts where we've discussed this as well. Here 341 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,920 Speaker 2: it is in like fifteen seconds or less. Number one, 342 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:45,320 Speaker 2: teach your kids what pornography is and let them know 343 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,880 Speaker 2: that it's bad for them. Research shows that are on average, 344 00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:49,480 Speaker 2: they're seeing it somewhere around the age of eleven or 345 00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:52,080 Speaker 2: twelve on average. Some kids are obviously therefore seeing a 346 00:16:52,120 --> 00:16:54,800 Speaker 2: lot younger, some are seeing it older. You know your kids, 347 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,840 Speaker 2: but also you don't know everything, So somewhere between the 348 00:16:57,880 --> 00:16:59,880 Speaker 2: age of I'm going to say eight and twelve, want 349 00:16:59,880 --> 00:17:02,119 Speaker 2: to sit down and have a conversation about what pornography 350 00:17:02,240 --> 00:17:04,119 Speaker 2: is and ask them to avoid it. Ask them if 351 00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:05,680 Speaker 2: their friends have talked about it, ask them if they've 352 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,800 Speaker 2: seen it, and then talk early and talk often. Talk 353 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:12,879 Speaker 2: about issues around consent, talk about issues around explicit content. 354 00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:16,560 Speaker 2: Ask what's happening in the playground, and make these conversations normalized. 355 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,640 Speaker 2: The kids can feel safe. If your kids have seen it, 356 00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,800 Speaker 2: you actually want to say to them, not necessarily what 357 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,679 Speaker 2: did you see, but more how do it make you feel? 358 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:26,719 Speaker 2: And you want to normalize the fact that if you 359 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:30,840 Speaker 2: see something explicit, something mood or something sexual. It's probably 360 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:33,919 Speaker 2: going to actually make you feel a little bit interested 361 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:37,399 Speaker 2: and curious and maybe even aroused and excited, but it's 362 00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:39,240 Speaker 2: also probably going to make you feel a little bit iicky, 363 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:41,280 Speaker 2: like you know that you're not supposed to be watching this. 364 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:43,560 Speaker 2: I think you've got to have the conversation with your 365 00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:46,520 Speaker 2: kids and be upfront and honest about it. The influencerp 366 00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:49,920 Speaker 2: pearances are all about that, right, Have the honest, upfront conversations, 367 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:55,080 Speaker 2: do it early, do it often. That's where my sense 368 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:58,080 Speaker 2: is we can have the biggest impact. For more. We 369 00:17:58,119 --> 00:17:59,600 Speaker 2: can link in the show notes too where you can 370 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:03,200 Speaker 2: get better resources. But I think that's a quick summary, Kylie. 371 00:18:03,320 --> 00:18:05,040 Speaker 2: We've barely scratched the surface. Says so much more we 372 00:18:05,080 --> 00:18:07,520 Speaker 2: could talk about, but we have absolutely blasted through our 373 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:09,960 Speaker 2: time limits for this podcast. I hope, folks that you're 374 00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:14,560 Speaker 2: enjoying the discussions. You're having fun. Yeah, and I love 375 00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:16,639 Speaker 2: how our kids are enjoying the show as well. The 376 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,639 Speaker 2: Happy Family Podcast returns with the Older Better tomorrow first 377 00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,359 Speaker 2: thing in the morning. We can't wait to share that 378 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:26,080 Speaker 2: with you, and then Sunday night, episode five of Parental Guidance. 379 00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:29,320 Speaker 2: We are introduced to four new sets of parents, a 380 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:31,720 Speaker 2: whole lot of new challenges. It's going to be a cracker. 381 00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:32,280 Speaker 2: Can't wait.