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Speaker 1: You're listening to the Jonesy and Demanda podcast. I asked

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Speaker 1: you if you would bring in the diary that you

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Speaker 1: write when you're a teen, and I have in the

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Speaker 1: time that i've known you.

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Speaker 2: I've flicked through this diary and it really paints.

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Speaker 3: The picture of of what Brendan.

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Speaker 2: It really paints the.

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Speaker 1: Picture of a thoughtful young lady who I don't think

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Speaker 1: I've ever had such deep thoughts as I did then.

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Speaker 3: For example, I won't read this one out in full,

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Speaker 3: but on the day that I turned sixteen, I say,

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Speaker 3: wonder what my thoughts were on this day sixteen years ago,

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Speaker 3: or if I thought anything. The shame will never know

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Speaker 3: so many parts of ourselves, right, that's kind of the turgeon. Actually,

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Speaker 3: let me read you something turgent from it.

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Speaker 2: Okay, should we get some turgion.

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Speaker 3: Let's get you know I was in love with Barry Mandeleys.

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Speaker 3: I'd sit in my bedroom and just write and write

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Speaker 3: and write. Actually I might cry hearing this if I

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Speaker 3: got introgestion, Ryan and I I've written this. I've copied

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Speaker 3: this from somewhere. Obviously these aren't my words, but I

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Speaker 3: thought there was so beautiful. I've written them down and

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Speaker 3: I've drawn a picture of a young black child's face.

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Speaker 2: It's a very good drawing bible.

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Speaker 3: Well obviously I've traced it sorry to ruin the magic,

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Speaker 3: and it says underneath this boy's life will probably end

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Speaker 3: at age forty. His only hope is that responsible citizens

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Speaker 3: everywhere can help his country adopt a political ideology, a

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Speaker 3: freedom underlined, and a sound economy which will provides shoes

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Speaker 3: for his feet. I've written food for his feet and

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Speaker 3: cross that out education for his mind, food for his stomach,

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Speaker 3: medicine for his fever. And this bit's underlined. He could

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Speaker 3: grow up with high hopes for the future, or with

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Speaker 3: a rifle in his hand pointed at your son, potch.

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Speaker 3: And that's underligned with a ruler. So I took that

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Speaker 3: very seriously. So that's just a bit of background as

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Speaker 3: the kind of person I was. Here's another example of

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Speaker 3: the kind of turgid fifteen year old. This is before

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Speaker 3: my sixteenth birthday, a few days before I put my

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Speaker 3: name down today to do a door knock appeal for

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Speaker 3: project to protect our native animals.

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Speaker 2: Not the drug dealing one. Adopted a drug dealer.

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Speaker 3: That was a mistake. Only three of us at school, Julie,

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Speaker 3: Jane and me put our names down. Isn't that terrible

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Speaker 3: exclamation point? Times three? All these beautiful animals and no

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Speaker 3: one wants to help them. They all say they care,

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Speaker 3: but they don't underline. I don't want these you with

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Speaker 3: the ruler, no, just hand done on these unique, exquisite,

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Speaker 3: poorly spelled animals to die. Question the exclamation point it

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Speaker 3: needs to come. We'll look back and say quotations. Yes,

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Speaker 3: a shame, kowhalas and numbats are extinct. Should have protected them.

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Speaker 3: End of quotes. We must do something and in capitals, now.

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Speaker 2: God, or you'll have a gun pointed at your sid.

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Speaker 3: And then anyway, apparently on the day of the door knock,

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Speaker 3: I was invited to a party, so I didn't do it. Anyway,

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Speaker 3: Let's move on, let's move on. This was one right,

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Speaker 3: This was one on the twenty third of the section.

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Speaker 1: So socialism, my Champagne socialism.

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Speaker 3: It might have been a hospital social champ socialite. So

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Speaker 3: this was two days before my birthday. Well here I

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Speaker 3: am nearly sixteen. Just think one year and I'll be seventeen.

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Speaker 3: That's when my maths was good. What a great age.

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Speaker 3: But I'll be spinning it at school. When I think

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Speaker 3: of seventeen, I conjure upt so many things in my

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Speaker 3: mind at seventeen acting Barry Madelone, jet set life seventeen Yep, yeah,

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Speaker 3: maybe Epstein Island and excitement. But it won't be like that,

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Speaker 3: not at all exclamation points. I'll be at school. What

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Speaker 3: a waste. I feel like saving seventeen up till I'm

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Speaker 3: ready to live it up. You can't waste the best

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Speaker 3: years of your life. Looks like I'm going to how

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Speaker 3: the pressing?

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Speaker 2: Wow, what a pain in the bucket.

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Speaker 3: I'd like to apologize to my parents and friends and teachers.

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Speaker 2: What did your mum and dad think?

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Speaker 3: Oh? They just well. Actually, when my father SA saw

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Speaker 3: that I wasn't going to be doing the doorknock, he said,

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Speaker 3: I thought you, and I said, stnny. I thought about it.

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Speaker 3: I didn't ask to be born. So anyway we'll get

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Speaker 3: I'll read you some more about my love for Barry

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Speaker 3: and where I thought that might might go.

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Speaker 2: Right, Eh, give us some more.

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Speaker 3: Well, here's the thing. Let me just set the scene.

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Speaker 3: Madly in love with Barry, Madeline, my friend Melanie, who's

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Speaker 3: still probably my best friend. We both love Barry so

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Speaker 3: much so. This is the third of the third nineteen

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Speaker 3: seventy eight. I just turned sixteen.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 3: Mel has just found out that Barry's not married. Wow.

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Speaker 3: On every record, he says, thanks to Linda and Bagel.

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Speaker 3: I know that it's actually Bagel now, But when I

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Speaker 3: grew up in that era, yeah, we never heard of

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Speaker 3: a Bagel. I thought the dogs and it. Well, I'll

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Speaker 3: get to who Bagel was. I thought Bagel. I thought

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Speaker 3: that you pronounced it bagel. Thanks to Linda and Bagel,

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Speaker 3: we thought there his wife and child. But Mel read

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Speaker 3: in a magazine he's moved with Bagel his dog to

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Speaker 3: another apartment overlooking Central Part. Wow. I don't know what,

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Speaker 3: care who or what Linda is, but it sounds like

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Speaker 3: he's single. He's over there alone, and we're over here alone.

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Speaker 3: How come? So you hang on? Let me just get

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Speaker 3: before you ask the questions that I know you have.

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Speaker 3: He's obviously waiting for someone special to love, and I

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Speaker 3: stupidly feel that Melani can give it. I'm unrealistic, but

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Speaker 3: I'm totally believe I'm the person he's looking for. Dumb. Hey,

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Speaker 3: he's so beautiful and sensitive and all the things I

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Speaker 3: could go on about wanting him. His agony and I

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Speaker 3: want him so much sounds like wuthering heights. So I

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Speaker 3: wish he'd stop and freeze where he is until I

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Speaker 3: finish school and get the hell over there. It makes

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Speaker 3: me feel that university and school are a waste of time.

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Speaker 3: I just want to be near him as soon as possible.

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Speaker 3: Oh boy, I love him so underlined much.

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Speaker 2: You would have been sixteen just he was thirty two.

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Speaker 3: That's the only thing that was out of kilter was

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Speaker 3: our age's brand. I'll read one more piece later on

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Speaker 3: that as to why it could never work between us

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Speaker 3: and my heart break.

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Speaker 1: That's no, it's not what you think, okay. Relating stories

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Speaker 1: from your teenage diary. These days people call it journaling.

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Speaker 1: Back in your day, it was a diary.

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Speaker 3: It was indulgent diarising. And I found the diary. I've

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Speaker 3: looked at the period where it was my sixteenth birthday.

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Speaker 3: I was turning sixteen, and I was filled with turgid

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Speaker 3: longings for Barry Manilo. And I've never been such a

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Speaker 3: deep thinker as I was then.

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Speaker 2: You wanted to be? What did you want to be?

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Speaker 3: Oh, I've got in here. That's for another time. Is

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Speaker 3: my acceptance speech for when I won acting awards. Found

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Speaker 3: I don't laugh, don't laugh.

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Speaker 2: You know you've come. Let's not go about the gold, Leggy,

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Speaker 2: because I thought you were a sert. For that, you

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Speaker 2: were a sert And.

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Speaker 3: I would have done the speech from my sixteen year

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Speaker 3: old self for that meddling if it wasn't for that meddaling, Tom.

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Speaker 3: But when I last left you with my diary and

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Speaker 3: my last installment was about how we discovered that Barry

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Speaker 3: was single. Barry Manilo was single. I was sixty. He

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Speaker 3: were thank you there, he's playing his music for me.

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Speaker 3: I was sixteen, he was thirty two. That was the

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Speaker 3: only barrier we had.

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Speaker 2: It was like a one way trip to Epstein Island,

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Speaker 2: but having.

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Speaker 3: But I knew I'd read about Melanie and I had

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Speaker 3: read about Linda and Bagel. We thought the word Bagel

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Speaker 3: was bagel. Bagel was his dog. And we said, but who,

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Speaker 3: I don't care what Linda is. He's single, and he's

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Speaker 3: over there and he's waiting, and I can't wait to

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Speaker 3: get there. Then this is the very next day. Well,

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Speaker 3: another part of my fantasy has just crumbled. Linda is

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Speaker 3: his girlfriend and has been with him. For more than

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Speaker 3: three years. You love this bit. When we saw her

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Speaker 3: at the Music Awards, we thought she was his mother.

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Speaker 3: She looks much older than him. She's not beautiful or anything,

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Speaker 3: which proves how deep and loving he really is. Linda

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Speaker 3: must be the luckiest woman alive. She was untouched. I'll

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Speaker 3: tell you that I can't help imagining them together. I

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Speaker 3: don't trust myself to listen to his records. I'll probably

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Speaker 3: break down a ball to think that while he was

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Speaker 3: singing those beautiful songs, he was thinking of her. I

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Speaker 3: hope she realizes how bloody, underlined lucky she is.

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Speaker 2: Did you use the rule for the underlying.

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Speaker 3: No, it was just handwritten. That's how impassionate, unfettered. I

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Speaker 3: felt as though my inside I feel as though my

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Speaker 3: insides are wasting away one minute and the next time. Okay,

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Speaker 3: I'm so stupid to think I had a chance, But

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Speaker 3: knowing he's so involved with her seems to make me

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Speaker 3: feel a little more useless and insignificant and deprived. I

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Speaker 3: want him so much, I feel I know him so well.

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Speaker 1: Did you had you just, for example, say he suddenly

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Speaker 1: jetted over here and saw you, and putting aside the

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Speaker 1: age differenciple.

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Speaker 2: What what would have you done?

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Speaker 3: I thought, I imagine that if we met him, because

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Speaker 3: he sings about being the odd ball out, being the

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Speaker 3: vulnerable person in the background, that sensitivity just suited.

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Speaker 2: Me to it.

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Speaker 3: Tea, I thought we were just absolutely turnal.

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Speaker 1: Next sweaters, sitting on lounges drinking cocoa.

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Speaker 3: I've written that, and here about a winter, you know,

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Speaker 3: sitting on his drinking hot chocolate on his sofa. Don't

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Speaker 3: spill it.

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Speaker 2: He upset that you mentioned another band of the time.

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Speaker 3: But the incredible, delicious irony of all of this is

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Speaker 3: that this is nineteen seventy eight. Yep, he did find

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Speaker 3: love that year, not with Linda, with his manager Gary,

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Speaker 3: who he's been with ever since. Seriously, that was the

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Speaker 3: year he and his partner got together.

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Speaker 2: Oh Gary, you came and you go. You know they

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Speaker 2: are in matching robes

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Speaker 3: All right, Stop rubbing it in