WEBVTT - RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: Is He Cheating? When To Fart? Is He Ghosting Me? Why Won't He Include Me On His Insta!? 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:03.240 Hi, and welcome to Outspoken. You're joined as usual by 0:00:03.320 --> 0:00:07.480 journalists Amy Sophie and Kate Torber. On today's show, we 0:00:07.600 --> 0:00:11.600 answer your questions on cheating, ghosting, when to fart in 0:00:11.600 --> 0:00:16.320 a relationship, social media, relationship etiquette, and much much more. 0:00:21.960 --> 0:00:25.040 Thanks so much for joining us with this very juicy episode. 0:00:25.120 --> 0:00:26.640 We've done a bit of a call out on our 0:00:26.680 --> 0:00:29.960 Instagram page asking you to send in your relationship or 0:00:30.040 --> 0:00:32.240 dating questions, and we've had a lot of fun having 0:00:32.280 --> 0:00:35.400 a look through that. Definitely are some interesting ones in there. 0:00:35.400 --> 0:00:38.360 We should probably get started by getting into the first one. Amy, 0:00:38.400 --> 0:00:40.080 I was going to say, we should probably preface it 0:00:40.120 --> 0:00:44.040 with we are clearly not relationship experts. We thought the 0:00:44.080 --> 0:00:46.239 fact that we're tenning thirty one next week we might 0:00:46.280 --> 0:00:49.879 be able to add some experience to some words of wisdom. 0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:53.000 So the first question is and we will be keeping 0:00:53.040 --> 0:00:55.440 everyone anonymous as well because they are there are some 0:00:55.520 --> 0:00:58.520 personal questions in there. So the first question reads, I 0:00:58.640 --> 0:01:01.760 found out my boyfriend's been another girl, but he claims 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:05.319 they're just friends. Some of the messages were very flirty. 0:01:05.640 --> 0:01:07.640 Should I give him the benefit of the doubt or 0:01:07.680 --> 0:01:10.200 should I get rid of him? That's a tough one 0:01:10.200 --> 0:01:11.880 because you don't want to be some ogre that's not 0:01:11.920 --> 0:01:14.880 allowing jr Wana to talk to anyone. But again, I 0:01:14.880 --> 0:01:16.880 don't know, I'd be pretty pissed off. I think you 0:01:16.959 --> 0:01:19.280 need to ask your partner the question of who is 0:01:19.319 --> 0:01:22.640 this person and see if you can even have a 0:01:22.720 --> 0:01:24.840 scope out on Instagram. If it was me, i'd have 0:01:24.880 --> 0:01:27.280 a check of who this girl was if you can 0:01:27.319 --> 0:01:30.199 see any photos of them together that don't really add 0:01:30.280 --> 0:01:33.160 up well. Also, does this girl have a boyfriend? I mean, 0:01:33.240 --> 0:01:35.800 I feel like if she's single and the text messages 0:01:35.840 --> 0:01:39.720 seem quite flirty, I think there probably is a concern there. 0:01:40.120 --> 0:01:43.720 But it's also concerning because he is denying it, and 0:01:43.800 --> 0:01:46.880 so if they you know, like if they were, if 0:01:46.880 --> 0:01:49.000 he was cheating, he should just be upfront and tell 0:01:49.000 --> 0:01:51.560 this person what's happening. But you're not going to do that. Oh, yes, 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:53.200 you've caught me out. I am cheating on you. I 0:01:53.200 --> 0:01:55.080 think the other thing to be aware of as well 0:01:55.160 --> 0:01:58.560 is whether you've heard of this person before. I feel 0:01:58.560 --> 0:02:00.760 like if someone isn't cheap, they're going to make an 0:02:00.760 --> 0:02:02.680 effort to be like, hey, just so you know, I've 0:02:02.720 --> 0:02:05.480 just messaged my friend about this. I mean, that's what 0:02:05.520 --> 0:02:07.520 my boyfriend does. Well, I look at it the other 0:02:07.600 --> 0:02:10.079 side and I have like one of my best friends 0:02:10.320 --> 0:02:13.040 was male and we used to talk like every day, 0:02:13.200 --> 0:02:15.519 and there was I mean, he was married, so do 0:02:15.560 --> 0:02:17.399 you know what I mean? Like, I think the whole 0:02:17.440 --> 0:02:19.880 thing is though, that these are flirty text messages and 0:02:19.919 --> 0:02:22.560 it seems like it's a secret. So she's just found 0:02:22.600 --> 0:02:25.800 out about it. She was obviously not trusting her boyfriend, 0:02:25.800 --> 0:02:27.560 and it sounds like she's gone and looked at his 0:02:27.639 --> 0:02:30.360 phone and found these messages. So I think anytime you 0:02:30.480 --> 0:02:32.800 go and break into someone's phone, you never you don't 0:02:32.800 --> 0:02:35.840 trust them. There's always some element where you're doing it 0:02:35.880 --> 0:02:38.760 for a reason. I suppose context is everything as well. 0:02:38.840 --> 0:02:41.160 And you know, when you're reading through someone's phone, you 0:02:41.200 --> 0:02:43.359 don't know the tone of it, you don't know the context, 0:02:43.639 --> 0:02:45.880 and things can sound bad and you can take them 0:02:45.919 --> 0:02:48.919 out of context. Like that's why I don't like snooping. Well, 0:02:48.919 --> 0:02:51.320 that's why I don't snoop on other people's phones. Do 0:02:51.320 --> 0:02:53.840 you know would be a good thing? If he says 0:02:53.840 --> 0:02:56.679 he's this girl, they're just friends, why don't they all 0:02:56.680 --> 0:02:59.240 have a catch up because you've he's gonna do no, 0:02:59.400 --> 0:03:01.720 but you're gonna be to quickly tell if they are 0:03:01.760 --> 0:03:03.480 just friends. Like, if they're just friends, they should all 0:03:03.520 --> 0:03:05.799 be able to catch up together. This sounds bad, but 0:03:05.840 --> 0:03:08.120 I'm just gonna say it. It really depends what the 0:03:08.120 --> 0:03:10.480 girl looks like as well if they're a threat to you, 0:03:10.800 --> 0:03:12.720 Because anyone asking, I think have a bit of a 0:03:13.160 --> 0:03:15.520 My advice would be have a stalk of the social 0:03:15.560 --> 0:03:18.760 media before you go into having a conversation with your boyfriend. 0:03:18.800 --> 0:03:21.520 Get all the background details you need, and then I 0:03:21.560 --> 0:03:23.679 think if you're in any sort of good relationship, you 0:03:23.680 --> 0:03:26.800 should feel comfortable bringing forward the fact of who is 0:03:26.840 --> 0:03:30.440 she and how do you know her? And even if 0:03:30.720 --> 0:03:32.880 even if they are just friends, maybe saying I don't 0:03:32.919 --> 0:03:36.400 feel comfortable with you messaging her like this. So, Saphie, 0:03:36.400 --> 0:03:40.200 what would you do if you notice that messages kept 0:03:40.240 --> 0:03:42.440 popping up on Brandon's phone and it was some girl 0:03:42.440 --> 0:03:44.640 you'd never heard of, and then you asked to see 0:03:44.640 --> 0:03:47.760 the messages and they were quite flirty. What would you do? Well? 0:03:47.800 --> 0:03:50.200 I would point out to him that that's not appropriate 0:03:50.200 --> 0:03:52.160 and I don't expect him to be talking to girls 0:03:52.240 --> 0:03:54.960 like that. Hm, maybe we should move on to the 0:03:55.000 --> 0:03:58.400 next question. It says, my ex boyfriend keeps viewing my 0:03:58.520 --> 0:04:02.360 Insta stories despite me unfollowing him and him unfollowing me. 0:04:02.520 --> 0:04:06.000 It says, I'm on private in brackets. Sorry, I'm on 0:04:06.080 --> 0:04:08.920 public in brackets. Do you think it means he still 0:04:08.960 --> 0:04:13.520 cares this happened to me? I gotta share my ex boyfriend. 0:04:13.640 --> 0:04:17.280 So I woke up on Saturday morning or sorry Sunday morning, 0:04:17.320 --> 0:04:19.760 at like four am to go to the bathroom, and 0:04:19.800 --> 0:04:21.600 I used my phone as a torch, so I took 0:04:21.640 --> 0:04:23.000 my phone with me, and then I looked at my 0:04:23.120 --> 0:04:26.800 phone and my ex boyfriend had followed me. We both 0:04:26.839 --> 0:04:29.960 unfollowed each other. He'd followed me and then liked four 0:04:30.000 --> 0:04:32.960 photos from like ages ago, Like he had to have 0:04:33.320 --> 0:04:36.960 scrolled heaps back, and the photos were from like four 0:04:37.000 --> 0:04:39.560 years ago. Weren't they when you guys were going out? Yeah? 0:04:39.600 --> 0:04:42.120 They were, So it was really weird. And then the 0:04:42.160 --> 0:04:45.200 next day I was showing I think I was showing 0:04:45.320 --> 0:04:47.640 my friend, and then I noticed that he unfollowed me 0:04:47.720 --> 0:04:50.479 again but still kept the likes up, and I definitely 0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:52.760 thought he was trying to catch my attention. So I 0:04:52.760 --> 0:04:56.240 think that really is probably what this person's ex boyfriend 0:04:56.279 --> 0:04:59.640 is doing because well, unless boys are stupid and they 0:04:59.680 --> 0:05:02.599 don't realize that you can see who's viewed your story. Yeah, 0:05:02.640 --> 0:05:04.960 I did hear that some guys were oblivious to the 0:05:04.960 --> 0:05:07.040 fact that it showed up. But I think this guy, 0:05:07.520 --> 0:05:10.360 he's trying to get your attention again. It'd be interesting 0:05:10.440 --> 0:05:12.760 to know who broke up with who. So if you've 0:05:12.760 --> 0:05:14.840 broken up with him, I feel like it could be 0:05:15.240 --> 0:05:17.320 him wanting to get back with you, or also if 0:05:17.360 --> 0:05:19.680 anyone's moved on, because I think that's sort of like 0:05:20.040 --> 0:05:22.200 boyfriends like to ex boyfriends like to pop up when 0:05:22.200 --> 0:05:24.240 other people are happy and moved on and they're trying 0:05:24.279 --> 0:05:27.000 to cause trouble. Well, I think even if he doesn't 0:05:27.040 --> 0:05:29.360 know that he can be seen in some bizarre universe 0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:31.520 where he doesn't realize. I think even the fact that 0:05:31.560 --> 0:05:33.800 he's going and seeking it out perhaps shows that he 0:05:33.880 --> 0:05:36.120 does care a little bit, Like if it was me. 0:05:36.760 --> 0:05:38.919 I mean, if my ex boyfriend looked at mine, you 0:05:39.000 --> 0:05:41.200 kind of had that got your moment where you're like, Yep, 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:43.560 they care. I don't know if it necessarily means they 0:05:43.720 --> 0:05:45.520 still like are seeking you out because they want to 0:05:45.520 --> 0:05:49.000 be with you. Sometimes I think people just it's like nostalgic. 0:05:49.080 --> 0:05:51.120 They're just sort of looking at people's page to see 0:05:51.160 --> 0:05:53.599 what they're doing, and because they're interested because that person 0:05:53.640 --> 0:05:56.039 did used to be a big part of the person's life. 0:05:56.360 --> 0:05:58.880 That being said, though, don't press on something that the 0:05:58.920 --> 0:06:01.680 other person can see. Have a stalk of the Instagram feed, 0:06:01.720 --> 0:06:03.720 but not something where your name's gonna pop up. Make 0:06:03.760 --> 0:06:06.720 a fake account like normal people do. Well. I had 0:06:06.920 --> 0:06:10.400 my boyfriend's ex girlfriend viewing my Instera stories for a while, 0:06:10.480 --> 0:06:12.200 and I thought that was a bit odd. I think 0:06:12.240 --> 0:06:15.840 that's very normal though. I think everyone who I've got 0:06:15.880 --> 0:06:19.720 to admit, like people like looking at other people's ex'es 0:06:19.920 --> 0:06:24.760 or you know, past girlfriend's stuff, but it's interesting do 0:06:24.839 --> 0:06:27.839 it on private or in you know, have a fake 0:06:27.880 --> 0:06:30.440 account or something for I would be so embarrassing, you 0:06:30.480 --> 0:06:32.960 know what. That actually happened to me though, So we 0:06:33.080 --> 0:06:35.000 do have a fake account that I like to seek 0:06:35.000 --> 0:06:36.600 out and look at people that I can't look at 0:06:36.680 --> 0:06:39.320 my own name anyway. So I thought I was in 0:06:39.360 --> 0:06:42.120 the fake account, and can I just say, I don't 0:06:42.120 --> 0:06:46.240 even know the email or password for this fake account, 0:06:46.279 --> 0:06:50.279 but I want it. I was having a stalk of 0:06:50.480 --> 0:06:53.680 my boyfriend's ex girlfriend and unbeknown to me, I was 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:56.599 in my own name and clicked on her story and 0:06:56.680 --> 0:06:59.560 had a meltdown. So I quickly searched how do you 0:06:59.600 --> 0:07:01.400 make it so people can't see when you've looked at 0:07:01.400 --> 0:07:03.279 their story? And for anyone who's done it, what you 0:07:03.320 --> 0:07:05.320 have to do is you have to block the person. 0:07:05.760 --> 0:07:08.400 So if you've blocked them, your name will not show 0:07:08.480 --> 0:07:10.440 up anymore. So I did it for twenty four hours 0:07:10.440 --> 0:07:12.840 and then unblocked. This happened to me as well, and 0:07:12.880 --> 0:07:15.080 I text Sopha. I was like, oh my god, I 0:07:15.080 --> 0:07:17.400 clicked in my own name and then she gave me 0:07:17.440 --> 0:07:19.640 the best advice. So I quickly blocked the person and 0:07:19.640 --> 0:07:23.040 then unblocked them twenty four hours later. It's genius, well, 0:07:23.280 --> 0:07:25.960 talking about this ex girlfriend that was viewing my instant story. 0:07:26.080 --> 0:07:29.320 She also liked one of my instagrams. It was like 0:07:29.360 --> 0:07:31.280 the first picture of my boyfriend and I that i'd 0:07:31.280 --> 0:07:34.080 put up, and I thought, as a girl, that's kind 0:07:34.080 --> 0:07:38.200 of like almost a fuck you. It's very passive aggressive. Yeah, 0:07:38.200 --> 0:07:41.360 but my boyfriend thought it was like, oh, she's happy 0:07:41.440 --> 0:07:43.960 for she isn't she married? Now? I feel like that 0:07:44.440 --> 0:07:46.920 she was. She wasn't at the time. Yeah, but she 0:07:46.960 --> 0:07:49.000 was obviously in a happy relation. If you moved on, 0:07:49.120 --> 0:07:51.120 why I feel the need to go and like it 0:07:51.520 --> 0:07:54.480 make a comment on it. Well, it's not your own account, 0:07:54.560 --> 0:07:56.920 she doesn't follow me. Oh, not a fuck you, but 0:07:57.080 --> 0:07:59.840 like like I'm aware of it, like a mind fuck 0:08:00.120 --> 0:08:02.680 for the other person. Now, going back to this girl's question, 0:08:02.920 --> 0:08:05.280 if it was me personally, I'd read a little bit 0:08:05.320 --> 0:08:08.160 into it. I'd be like, they still care, but that's 0:08:08.200 --> 0:08:10.760 just me. I wouldn't do anything about it though, as 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:12.880 in I feel like if someone wants you back, they're 0:08:12.920 --> 0:08:14.680 going to do more of a grand jester. Then just 0:08:14.680 --> 0:08:17.080 look at your Insta story, but they might be trying 0:08:17.120 --> 0:08:20.560 to entice you to contact them so they don't feel 0:08:20.560 --> 0:08:23.720 like the loser and the situation. I remember when I 0:08:23.760 --> 0:08:29.480 first publicly moved on with my new my boyfriend said, 0:08:29.800 --> 0:08:33.200 you said publicly moved on some kind of like we 0:08:33.240 --> 0:08:36.600 went in public. I mean I think now people mean 0:08:36.600 --> 0:08:39.080 publicly when they put something on Facebook and it's out 0:08:39.120 --> 0:08:43.160 to the world Instagram, Instagram. Yeah, this dickhead ex boyfriend 0:08:43.200 --> 0:08:45.640 of mine that followed me back on Instagram last week, 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:48.480 then try to call me, but like only for a second, 0:08:48.559 --> 0:08:50.680 so then it popped up on my phone. My ex 0:08:50.679 --> 0:08:53.240 boyfriend did that too, and then he's like, sorry, didn't 0:08:53.240 --> 0:08:56.640 mean to call. I just didn't respond. Have you guys 0:08:56.640 --> 0:08:59.280 done that before where you pretend to call someone? No. 0:09:01.040 --> 0:09:04.080 I once there was like an argument and I called 0:09:04.360 --> 0:09:08.600 on a private number in in in case they didn't 0:09:08.600 --> 0:09:11.679 pick up my name my phone number. Who with your 0:09:11.679 --> 0:09:14.920 ex boyfriend? Yeah? While were you still talking to him? Oh? 0:09:15.000 --> 0:09:18.240 This was when I was single and upset and suppressed 0:09:18.240 --> 0:09:20.440 in it. I think we should probably move on to 0:09:20.520 --> 0:09:23.880 the next question. It says I've recently become official with 0:09:23.920 --> 0:09:26.320 my new boyfriend and notice he still has lots of 0:09:26.360 --> 0:09:29.440 photos up on Instagram and Facebook of he and his 0:09:29.520 --> 0:09:31.760 ex girlfriend. Do you think I should ask him to 0:09:31.760 --> 0:09:35.240 take them down? Or? While I seem psycho, that's a 0:09:35.280 --> 0:09:37.959 tough one. I feel like the person should take them 0:09:37.960 --> 0:09:39.720 down on their own account. I don't think you should 0:09:39.800 --> 0:09:42.640 have to tell someone to take him down. I personally 0:09:42.679 --> 0:09:45.440 feel like that person was in your life for a 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:48.600 reason and for you know, some special moments, and you 0:09:48.640 --> 0:09:51.600 shouldn't have to remove it. My boyfriend asked me to 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:54.199 remove pictures of my ex boyfriend, and I felt a 0:09:54.240 --> 0:09:56.160 bit funny about it. Because I don't think you should 0:09:56.240 --> 0:09:59.520 have to pretend someone doesn't exist. But Facebook, sorry, Instagram's 0:09:59.559 --> 0:10:02.000 got the art button, which is really good, So you 0:10:02.080 --> 0:10:04.160 still want to, like, I don't know, for some reason, 0:10:04.200 --> 0:10:06.680 have the memories. You can archive them, do you know 0:10:06.720 --> 0:10:09.440 what I feel? Like? It depends how high up the 0:10:09.480 --> 0:10:12.440 photos are. Like if it's on Instagram and you're looking 0:10:12.480 --> 0:10:14.480 at two or three photos and then suddenly there's a 0:10:14.480 --> 0:10:16.600 photo of the X, then I think maybe they should 0:10:16.600 --> 0:10:21.360 be not deleted but archived. But if it's on Facebook 0:10:21.360 --> 0:10:23.680 and it's from like five years ago, as you said, 0:10:23.679 --> 0:10:25.800 it's part of your life, I can see if you 0:10:25.840 --> 0:10:28.640 really care about someone, though it's quite a hurtful seeing those. 0:10:29.480 --> 0:10:32.520 His boyfriend was previously engaged, and there were photos up 0:10:32.559 --> 0:10:35.000 of his engagement party, and I can understand not wanting 0:10:35.040 --> 0:10:38.079 to see that well, especially if it's a failed engagement, 0:10:38.120 --> 0:10:40.480 Like what's the point of keeping them up? Like it's 0:10:40.480 --> 0:10:42.240 not like a membry you want to look back on. 0:10:42.400 --> 0:10:45.120 Do you know? It's funny because I didn't realize that 0:10:45.240 --> 0:10:48.840 Dale was engaged before, as in like when we first 0:10:48.840 --> 0:10:51.640 started dating, and he thought I'd just seen it on 0:10:51.760 --> 0:10:54.000 his Facebook because he thought, you know, when he got 0:10:54.000 --> 0:10:56.200 to know us, he realized we were like serial Facebook 0:10:56.200 --> 0:11:00.480 and Instagrams talks. But the photo is big. It was 0:11:00.520 --> 0:11:03.920 some weird privacy setting. I couldn't actually see them, so 0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:05.840 I only found out through one of his friends that 0:11:05.880 --> 0:11:07.959 he had been engaged, and he was like, oh my gosh, 0:11:08.000 --> 0:11:10.800 I thought you saw on Facebook. So he I didn't 0:11:10.840 --> 0:11:13.080 ask him to take the photos down, but I remember 0:11:13.120 --> 0:11:15.439 having a chat with him where we spoke about it's 0:11:15.480 --> 0:11:17.480 kind of awkward that they're up. Well, going back to 0:11:17.520 --> 0:11:21.080 this girl's question, I think that she shouldn't ask him. 0:11:21.160 --> 0:11:22.840 But I think that because I think it's a big 0:11:22.840 --> 0:11:26.400 sign if someone removes the photos themselves, you know what 0:11:26.440 --> 0:11:28.600 I mean. That's what I waited for Reese to do, 0:11:28.679 --> 0:11:31.920 because there was one of well he removed one because 0:11:31.920 --> 0:11:34.560 he really didn't have many up of his ex girlfriend 0:11:34.600 --> 0:11:38.760 on Instagram, but there was one where because they got 0:11:38.440 --> 0:11:42.480 our dog now Shadow, they bought him, well whatever, they 0:11:42.520 --> 0:11:45.679 got him together as a puppy, and there was one 0:11:45.720 --> 0:11:48.400 of the three of them together and I think he 0:11:48.400 --> 0:11:50.120 didn't want to take it down had the dog in it, 0:11:50.160 --> 0:11:51.760 and then he was like, oh my god, I realized 0:11:51.800 --> 0:11:53.240 I had this up and like took it down off 0:11:53.240 --> 0:11:54.800 his own bat which I thought was good. Well, I 0:11:54.800 --> 0:11:56.520 think that as well, Like you don't have to say 0:11:56.679 --> 0:11:59.240 take that, take that down immediately. You can say subtle 0:11:59.280 --> 0:12:02.280 things like, oh oh, I didn't know this was still 0:12:02.600 --> 0:12:06.200 Like I think that's why you know it's not rude. 0:12:06.280 --> 0:12:10.199 But it's just like Instagram, and I just don't really 0:12:10.200 --> 0:12:13.080 think it's a good look. If you've got multiple partners 0:12:13.160 --> 0:12:15.079 up on Instagram, you know what I mean? It says 0:12:15.200 --> 0:12:18.040 years separating them, like it depends how big you are 0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:20.440 on Instagram. I've got a good question, you know, with 0:12:20.559 --> 0:12:24.480 obviously Tinger and Bumble and whatever else being really popular, 0:12:25.800 --> 0:12:28.160 how would you feel if one of your ex boyfriends 0:12:28.200 --> 0:12:31.320 put up a photo but the photo was with you, 0:12:31.400 --> 0:12:34.080 but you were cropped. I've been incredibly offended. I can't 0:12:34.080 --> 0:12:37.160 get a new photo that's rude. I don't know my 0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:41.680 ex boyfriend was so rude. I don't wouldn't really be surprised. Okay. 0:12:41.720 --> 0:12:44.240 The next question is kind of on the same theme. 0:12:44.679 --> 0:12:46.840 It says I've been official with my boyfriend for the 0:12:46.880 --> 0:12:50.440 last three months, yet we are still Facebook unofficial. He's 0:12:50.480 --> 0:12:54.079 also reluctant to post photos of us together on social media. 0:12:54.160 --> 0:12:56.199 I'm worried he's trying to hide the fact he's got 0:12:56.200 --> 0:12:58.640 a girlfriend. What should I do? To be honest, I 0:12:58.640 --> 0:13:00.920 think that is a big red flag. Not so much 0:13:01.000 --> 0:13:03.840 the Facebook official thing, because I feel like Facebook is 0:13:03.920 --> 0:13:06.640 so like twenty twelve. I don't even know that was 0:13:06.640 --> 0:13:09.160 a thing anymore. Like I'm not Facebook official on there, 0:13:09.200 --> 0:13:12.040 and I didn't really like I think maybe ten years 0:13:12.040 --> 0:13:14.720 ago it was definitely a thing. That being said, I 0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:17.199 do remember having an argument with my boyfriend three years 0:13:17.240 --> 0:13:20.000 ago when we weren't up in a relationship on Facebook. 0:13:20.080 --> 0:13:22.000 I'm so shocked because I would have thought Brandon would 0:13:22.040 --> 0:13:24.600 love to put up that he was Facebook official with you. 0:13:25.080 --> 0:13:28.480 I think his reasoning was that it's always awkward if 0:13:28.520 --> 0:13:30.720 you have to take it down. I think he recently 0:13:31.600 --> 0:13:33.679 he went through quite an awful breakup, and I think 0:13:33.720 --> 0:13:35.640 it was just the fact that it's nice to be 0:13:35.760 --> 0:13:38.600 secure in your relationship and then put it up. It's 0:13:38.640 --> 0:13:40.720 funny because I didn't ask Dale to put it up, 0:13:40.760 --> 0:13:42.480 and he put it up when we were together. He's like, 0:13:42.520 --> 0:13:45.040 oh my god, I've realized that we're not Facebook official. 0:13:46.280 --> 0:13:48.280 It was actually so refreshing because I feel like there's 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:50.520 so many guys out there who don't want to acknowledge 0:13:50.559 --> 0:13:53.080 that they're with you. But I feel like maybe that's 0:13:53.120 --> 0:13:55.120 the young thing. Maybe I'll have to make reades put 0:13:55.120 --> 0:13:57.000 it up now. I didn't think so. I mean that 0:13:57.160 --> 0:13:59.520 is cute, like when people get engaged or married and 0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:02.280 you change. But I mean personally, I lived for all 0:14:02.280 --> 0:14:04.960 the comments underneath, and people get in a relationship like 0:14:05.000 --> 0:14:07.760 I remember with you, guys you put up like little 0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:11.120 friends gifts like oh my god, and like people whipping 0:14:11.240 --> 0:14:14.040 like the whip is a year as in like the 0:14:14.080 --> 0:14:17.120 men being I didn't explain that well. I feel like 0:14:17.200 --> 0:14:19.360 yurin is too long now to put it out. I 0:14:19.440 --> 0:14:21.760 don't think I let's bring it up at family dinner tonight. 0:14:21.960 --> 0:14:24.000 Then then you can get all the comments from like 0:14:24.040 --> 0:14:27.680 the old people who were joking I didn't need you together. 0:14:27.920 --> 0:14:30.200 The thing that I'm more disturbed about with this question, though, 0:14:30.240 --> 0:14:33.240 is the fact that he's trying to avoid putting something 0:14:33.280 --> 0:14:35.640 of her up, Like I feel that's a bit more 0:14:35.680 --> 0:14:38.280 deceptive than the do you know what? It also depends 0:14:38.280 --> 0:14:40.880 on the guy, like if this guy only posts once 0:14:40.920 --> 0:14:43.440 every blue moon on Instagram and he hasn't shared a 0:14:43.440 --> 0:14:45.840 photo of you yet, that I wouldn't be too concerned. 0:14:45.880 --> 0:14:48.280 But if he's one of those serial sort of like 0:14:48.680 --> 0:14:52.400 selfie posters, then I feel like there's alarm bells there. 0:14:52.760 --> 0:14:54.880 I mean, I don't know, what do you think about 0:14:54.920 --> 0:14:58.200 her doing the whole adding him in a relationship, Like 0:14:58.280 --> 0:15:01.280 I personally think that name would chat with someone first. 0:15:01.280 --> 0:15:03.640 You can't just be sending it over. Also, what I 0:15:03.640 --> 0:15:06.680 want to know is she putting up pictures of him, 0:15:06.720 --> 0:15:09.480 and if so, is he like accepting the tag on 0:15:09.520 --> 0:15:12.040 Facebook or Instagram or was he removing it? Because that 0:15:12.040 --> 0:15:14.880 would obviously be bad. That being said, Like, I'm a 0:15:14.880 --> 0:15:17.960 big Instagram story person and I tag brands and a 0:15:18.000 --> 0:15:20.120 lot of stuff. But at the same time, I feel 0:15:20.160 --> 0:15:23.200 like that's something boys don't really do. They never share them. Yeah, 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:26.600 oh no, but I feel like boys don't really insta story. 0:15:26.880 --> 0:15:30.440 Some do some, but they're the players for the whipped 0:15:30.440 --> 0:15:35.200 Ones Brand's pretty weird. Okay, well, then I think the 0:15:35.240 --> 0:15:38.280 best advice for this girl is maybe start if you 0:15:38.320 --> 0:15:40.360 haven't put up a photo of him, and see if 0:15:40.400 --> 0:15:43.560 he keeps the tag either on Instagram or Facebook, and 0:15:43.600 --> 0:15:46.120 then a bit offensive if you don't. Oh yeah, but 0:15:46.120 --> 0:15:49.320 then that would be I'd go nuts. Yeah, I don't 0:15:49.360 --> 0:15:51.840 mean the like relationship tag. I mean just put a 0:15:51.880 --> 0:15:54.480 normal photo. Yeah, I'm saying, but surely they wouldn't tag 0:15:55.640 --> 0:15:58.560 you never know flat but then yeah, and then if 0:15:58.640 --> 0:16:00.360 they if they did, then I feel like you've got 0:16:00.360 --> 0:16:02.160 something to bring up with them. But I feel like 0:16:02.240 --> 0:16:04.800 maybe just wait, if this person doesn't use Instagram or 0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:07.320 Facebook that much, they might not care what Facebook and 0:16:07.360 --> 0:16:10.880 Instagram thinks. I even think just bringing it up with 0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:13.640 someone as a fun conversation, like it doesn't have to 0:16:13.640 --> 0:16:16.840 be serious, like, oh, like it's a bit silly, but 0:16:16.960 --> 0:16:18.760 why don't we be face, why don't we put at 0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:21.200 each other on Facebook and put our relationship up? But 0:16:21.240 --> 0:16:22.880 it's not a big deal, like if you ever add 0:16:22.880 --> 0:16:25.480 it on Facebook? Sorry, I mean adding the relationship, Like 0:16:25.600 --> 0:16:27.600 if it shouldn't be a big deal, Like if you're 0:16:27.600 --> 0:16:29.520 going out with this person, you should feel comfortable to 0:16:29.640 --> 0:16:32.760 communicate stuff. But it's kind of embarrassing because like you're 0:16:32.800 --> 0:16:34.560 saying it's not a big deal, but then now you're 0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:37.000 asking them to do it like it's a big deal. Yeah. 0:16:37.240 --> 0:16:39.240 I mean you're gonna approach it in like a nice way, 0:16:39.320 --> 0:16:43.000 not in like a naggy rude way all right. The 0:16:43.040 --> 0:16:45.920 next question says, my ex boyfriend broke my heart over 0:16:46.000 --> 0:16:48.880 four months ago. He's now moved on with another girl, 0:16:48.920 --> 0:16:51.560 but I'm finding it difficult to meet other people. I 0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:54.280 really want to be in another relationship, but don't want 0:16:54.320 --> 0:16:59.000 to use dating apps. What's your advice? I don't get it. Like, 0:16:59.360 --> 0:17:01.840 I mean, I know, I never used any of the 0:17:01.920 --> 0:17:04.720 dating apps. I probably am being hypocritical, but I feel like, 0:17:04.760 --> 0:17:07.439 if you're desperate to have a boyfriend, why wouldn't you 0:17:07.480 --> 0:17:10.240 just at least go on them like everyone. Most people 0:17:10.280 --> 0:17:12.240 I know have gone on them for like a joke 0:17:12.480 --> 0:17:14.840 and then maybe, I mean even just have a date 0:17:15.440 --> 0:17:17.800 and then delete it. But I feel like everyone is 0:17:17.840 --> 0:17:20.040 on there, and if you're not on there, then you're 0:17:20.080 --> 0:17:23.200 just missing out. Because I feel like due to dating 0:17:23.200 --> 0:17:26.880 apps like Tinder and Bumble and everything, people aren't as 0:17:27.080 --> 0:17:30.160 reluctant to sort of just sorry. People are more reluctant 0:17:30.200 --> 0:17:32.159 to walk up to people and get to know them 0:17:32.160 --> 0:17:33.840 and ask them on a date because people are worried 0:17:33.880 --> 0:17:36.439 and people don't know if that person likes them or not. 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:38.720 But we'll be done if they're single. Yeah, exactly. You 0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:41.359 have no idea, and do you know what, Like, you know, 0:17:41.440 --> 0:17:44.000 people pooh poo the apps, but when you walk out, 0:17:44.040 --> 0:17:45.840 when you go to a bar or something, when do 0:17:45.880 --> 0:17:48.320 you ever see that many people that you'd actually want 0:17:48.320 --> 0:17:50.000 to date. I think the thing we've also got to 0:17:50.040 --> 0:17:52.240 remember in this is this girl said she's only broken 0:17:52.280 --> 0:17:54.439 up with her boyfriend four months ago. I think everyone 0:17:54.480 --> 0:17:56.840 also needs to be mindful that people need time to 0:17:56.880 --> 0:18:01.119 get over people and to be happy within themselves. Like 0:18:01.200 --> 0:18:03.240 you don't need a boyfriend to make you happy. They 0:18:03.280 --> 0:18:06.480 should add to your happiness, they shouldn't make the happiness. 0:18:06.600 --> 0:18:09.359 I suppose it depends how they broke up, because you know, 0:18:09.440 --> 0:18:12.000 it might be nice for this person to get out 0:18:12.000 --> 0:18:14.919 and date some people from a dating app and just 0:18:14.960 --> 0:18:17.680 to have it shown that other people are actually interested 0:18:17.720 --> 0:18:19.800 in this person. And it doesn't have to be like 0:18:19.800 --> 0:18:21.919 as serious. It could just be catching up for coffee 0:18:22.000 --> 0:18:24.800 and you know, being friends or whatever. But even yeah, 0:18:24.840 --> 0:18:26.840 I mean sometimes these dating apps are a good way 0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:29.280 of building up your confidence and talking to someone new. 0:18:29.320 --> 0:18:31.320 You don't necessarily have to meet up with them, but 0:18:31.400 --> 0:18:34.800