Speaker 1: Hi, and welcome to Outspoken. You're joined as usual by
Speaker 1: journalists Amy Sophie and Kate Torber. On today's show, we
Speaker 1: answer your questions on cheating, ghosting, when to fart in
Speaker 1: a relationship, social media, relationship etiquette, and much much more.
Speaker 1: Thanks so much for joining us with this very juicy episode.
Speaker 1: We've done a bit of a call out on our
Speaker 1: Instagram page asking you to send in your relationship or
Speaker 1: dating questions, and we've had a lot of fun having
Speaker 1: a look through that. Definitely are some interesting ones in there.
Speaker 1: We should probably get started by getting into the first one. Amy,
Speaker 1: I was going to say, we should probably preface it
Speaker 1: with we are clearly not relationship experts. We thought the
Speaker 1: fact that we're tenning thirty one next week we might
Speaker 1: be able to add some experience to some words of wisdom.
Speaker 1: So the first question is and we will be keeping
Speaker 1: everyone anonymous as well because they are there are some
Speaker 1: personal questions in there. So the first question reads, I
Speaker 1: found out my boyfriend's been another girl, but he claims
Speaker 1: they're just friends. Some of the messages were very flirty.
Speaker 1: Should I give him the benefit of the doubt or
Speaker 1: should I get rid of him? That's a tough one
Speaker 1: because you don't want to be some ogre that's not
Speaker 1: allowing jr Wana to talk to anyone. But again, I
Speaker 1: don't know, I'd be pretty pissed off. I think you
Speaker 1: need to ask your partner the question of who is
Speaker 1: this person and see if you can even have a
Speaker 1: scope out on Instagram. If it was me, i'd have
Speaker 1: a check of who this girl was if you can
Speaker 1: see any photos of them together that don't really add
Speaker 1: up well. Also, does this girl have a boyfriend? I mean,
Speaker 1: I feel like if she's single and the text messages
Speaker 1: seem quite flirty, I think there probably is a concern there.
Speaker 1: But it's also concerning because he is denying it, and
Speaker 1: so if they you know, like if they were, if
Speaker 1: he was cheating, he should just be upfront and tell
Speaker 1: this person what's happening. But you're not going to do that. Oh, yes,
Speaker 1: you've caught me out. I am cheating on you. I
Speaker 1: think the other thing to be aware of as well
Speaker 1: is whether you've heard of this person before. I feel
Speaker 1: like if someone isn't cheap, they're going to make an
Speaker 1: effort to be like, hey, just so you know, I've
Speaker 1: just messaged my friend about this. I mean, that's what
Speaker 1: my boyfriend does. Well, I look at it the other
Speaker 1: side and I have like one of my best friends
Speaker 1: was male and we used to talk like every day,
Speaker 1: and there was I mean, he was married, so do
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like, I think the whole
Speaker 1: thing is though, that these are flirty text messages and
Speaker 1: it seems like it's a secret. So she's just found
Speaker 1: out about it. She was obviously not trusting her boyfriend,
Speaker 1: and it sounds like she's gone and looked at his
Speaker 1: phone and found these messages. So I think anytime you
Speaker 1: go and break into someone's phone, you never you don't
Speaker 1: trust them. There's always some element where you're doing it
Speaker 1: for a reason. I suppose context is everything as well.
Speaker 1: And you know, when you're reading through someone's phone, you
Speaker 1: don't know the tone of it, you don't know the context,
Speaker 1: and things can sound bad and you can take them
Speaker 1: out of context. Like that's why I don't like snooping. Well,
Speaker 1: that's why I don't snoop on other people's phones. Do
Speaker 1: you know would be a good thing? If he says
Speaker 1: he's this girl, they're just friends, why don't they all
Speaker 1: have a catch up because you've he's gonna do no,
Speaker 1: but you're gonna be to quickly tell if they are
Speaker 1: just friends. Like, if they're just friends, they should all
Speaker 1: be able to catch up together. This sounds bad, but
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna say it. It really depends what the
Speaker 1: girl looks like as well if they're a threat to you,
Speaker 1: Because anyone asking, I think have a bit of a
Speaker 1: My advice would be have a stalk of the social
Speaker 1: media before you go into having a conversation with your boyfriend.
Speaker 1: Get all the background details you need, and then I
Speaker 1: think if you're in any sort of good relationship, you
Speaker 1: should feel comfortable bringing forward the fact of who is
Speaker 1: she and how do you know her? And even if
Speaker 1: even if they are just friends, maybe saying I don't
Speaker 1: feel comfortable with you messaging her like this. So, Saphie,
Speaker 1: what would you do if you notice that messages kept
Speaker 1: popping up on Brandon's phone and it was some girl
Speaker 1: you'd never heard of, and then you asked to see
Speaker 1: the messages and they were quite flirty. What would you do? Well?
Speaker 1: I would point out to him that that's not appropriate
Speaker 1: and I don't expect him to be talking to girls
Speaker 1: like that. Hm, maybe we should move on to the
Speaker 1: next question. It says, my ex boyfriend keeps viewing my
Speaker 1: Insta stories despite me unfollowing him and him unfollowing me.
Speaker 1: It says, I'm on private in brackets. Sorry, I'm on
Speaker 1: public in brackets. Do you think it means he still
Speaker 1: cares this happened to me? I gotta share my ex boyfriend.
Speaker 1: So I woke up on Saturday morning or sorry Sunday morning,
Speaker 1: at like four am to go to the bathroom, and
Speaker 1: I used my phone as a torch, so I took
Speaker 1: my phone with me, and then I looked at my
Speaker 1: phone and my ex boyfriend had followed me. We both
Speaker 1: unfollowed each other. He'd followed me and then liked four
Speaker 1: photos from like ages ago, Like he had to have
Speaker 1: scrolled heaps back, and the photos were from like four
Speaker 1: years ago. Weren't they when you guys were going out? Yeah?
Speaker 1: They were, So it was really weird. And then the
Speaker 1: next day I was showing I think I was showing
Speaker 1: my friend, and then I noticed that he unfollowed me
Speaker 1: again but still kept the likes up, and I definitely
Speaker 1: thought he was trying to catch my attention. So I
Speaker 1: think that really is probably what this person's ex boyfriend
Speaker 1: is doing because well, unless boys are stupid and they
Speaker 1: don't realize that you can see who's viewed your story. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I did hear that some guys were oblivious to the
Speaker 1: fact that it showed up. But I think this guy,
Speaker 1: he's trying to get your attention again. It'd be interesting
Speaker 1: to know who broke up with who. So if you've
Speaker 1: broken up with him, I feel like it could be
Speaker 1: him wanting to get back with you, or also if
Speaker 1: anyone's moved on, because I think that's sort of like
Speaker 1: boyfriends like to ex boyfriends like to pop up when
Speaker 1: other people are happy and moved on and they're trying
Speaker 1: to cause trouble. Well, I think even if he doesn't
Speaker 1: know that he can be seen in some bizarre universe
Speaker 1: where he doesn't realize. I think even the fact that
Speaker 1: he's going and seeking it out perhaps shows that he
Speaker 1: does care a little bit, Like if it was me.
Speaker 1: I mean, if my ex boyfriend looked at mine, you
Speaker 1: kind of had that got your moment where you're like, Yep,
Speaker 1: they care. I don't know if it necessarily means they
Speaker 1: still like are seeking you out because they want to
Speaker 1: be with you. Sometimes I think people just it's like nostalgic.
Speaker 1: They're just sort of looking at people's page to see
Speaker 1: what they're doing, and because they're interested because that person
Speaker 1: did used to be a big part of the person's life.
Speaker 1: That being said, though, don't press on something that the
Speaker 1: other person can see. Have a stalk of the Instagram feed,
Speaker 1: but not something where your name's gonna pop up. Make
Speaker 1: a fake account like normal people do. Well. I had
Speaker 1: my boyfriend's ex girlfriend viewing my Instera stories for a while,
Speaker 1: and I thought that was a bit odd. I think
Speaker 1: that's very normal though. I think everyone who I've got
Speaker 1: to admit, like people like looking at other people's ex'es
Speaker 1: or you know, past girlfriend's stuff, but it's interesting do
Speaker 1: it on private or in you know, have a fake
Speaker 1: account or something for I would be so embarrassing, you
Speaker 1: know what. That actually happened to me though, So we
Speaker 1: do have a fake account that I like to seek
Speaker 1: out and look at people that I can't look at
Speaker 1: my own name anyway. So I thought I was in
Speaker 1: the fake account, and can I just say, I don't
Speaker 1: even know the email or password for this fake account,
Speaker 1: but I want it. I was having a stalk of
Speaker 1: my boyfriend's ex girlfriend and unbeknown to me, I was
Speaker 1: in my own name and clicked on her story and
Speaker 1: had a meltdown. So I quickly searched how do you
Speaker 1: make it so people can't see when you've looked at
Speaker 1: their story? And for anyone who's done it, what you
Speaker 1: have to do is you have to block the person.
Speaker 1: So if you've blocked them, your name will not show
Speaker 1: up anymore. So I did it for twenty four hours
Speaker 1: and then unblocked. This happened to me as well, and
Speaker 1: I text Sopha. I was like, oh my god, I
Speaker 1: clicked in my own name and then she gave me
Speaker 1: the best advice. So I quickly blocked the person and
Speaker 1: then unblocked them twenty four hours later. It's genius, well,
Speaker 1: talking about this ex girlfriend that was viewing my instant story.
Speaker 1: She also liked one of my instagrams. It was like
Speaker 1: the first picture of my boyfriend and I that i'd
Speaker 1: put up, and I thought, as a girl, that's kind
Speaker 1: of like almost a fuck you. It's very passive aggressive. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but my boyfriend thought it was like, oh, she's happy
Speaker 1: for she isn't she married? Now? I feel like that
Speaker 1: she was. She wasn't at the time. Yeah, but she
Speaker 1: was obviously in a happy relation. If you moved on,
Speaker 1: why I feel the need to go and like it
Speaker 1: make a comment on it. Well, it's not your own account,
Speaker 1: she doesn't follow me. Oh, not a fuck you, but
Speaker 1: like like I'm aware of it, like a mind fuck
Speaker 1: for the other person. Now, going back to this girl's question,
Speaker 1: if it was me personally, I'd read a little bit
Speaker 1: into it. I'd be like, they still care, but that's
Speaker 1: just me. I wouldn't do anything about it though, as
Speaker 1: in I feel like if someone wants you back, they're
Speaker 1: going to do more of a grand jester. Then just
Speaker 1: look at your Insta story, but they might be trying
Speaker 1: to entice you to contact them so they don't feel
Speaker 1: like the loser and the situation. I remember when I
Speaker 1: first publicly moved on with my new my boyfriend said,
Speaker 1: you said publicly moved on some kind of like we
Speaker 1: went in public. I mean I think now people mean
Speaker 1: publicly when they put something on Facebook and it's out
Speaker 1: to the world Instagram, Instagram. Yeah, this dickhead ex boyfriend
Speaker 1: of mine that followed me back on Instagram last week,
Speaker 1: then try to call me, but like only for a second,
Speaker 1: so then it popped up on my phone. My ex
Speaker 1: boyfriend did that too, and then he's like, sorry, didn't
Speaker 1: mean to call. I just didn't respond. Have you guys
Speaker 1: done that before where you pretend to call someone? No.
Speaker 1: I once there was like an argument and I called
Speaker 1: on a private number in in in case they didn't
Speaker 1: pick up my name my phone number. Who with your
Speaker 1: ex boyfriend? Yeah? While were you still talking to him? Oh?
Speaker 1: This was when I was single and upset and suppressed
Speaker 1: in it. I think we should probably move on to
Speaker 1: the next question. It says I've recently become official with
Speaker 1: my new boyfriend and notice he still has lots of
Speaker 1: photos up on Instagram and Facebook of he and his
Speaker 1: ex girlfriend. Do you think I should ask him to
Speaker 1: take them down? Or? While I seem psycho, that's a
Speaker 1: tough one. I feel like the person should take them
Speaker 1: down on their own account. I don't think you should
Speaker 1: have to tell someone to take him down. I personally
Speaker 1: feel like that person was in your life for a
Speaker 1: reason and for you know, some special moments, and you
Speaker 1: shouldn't have to remove it. My boyfriend asked me to
Speaker 1: remove pictures of my ex boyfriend, and I felt a
Speaker 1: bit funny about it. Because I don't think you should
Speaker 1: have to pretend someone doesn't exist. But Facebook, sorry, Instagram's
Speaker 1: got the art button, which is really good, So you
Speaker 1: still want to, like, I don't know, for some reason,
Speaker 1: have the memories. You can archive them, do you know
Speaker 1: what I feel? Like? It depends how high up the
Speaker 1: photos are. Like if it's on Instagram and you're looking
Speaker 1: at two or three photos and then suddenly there's a
Speaker 1: photo of the X, then I think maybe they should
Speaker 1: be not deleted but archived. But if it's on Facebook
Speaker 1: and it's from like five years ago, as you said,
Speaker 1: it's part of your life, I can see if you
Speaker 1: really care about someone, though it's quite a hurtful seeing those.
Speaker 1: His boyfriend was previously engaged, and there were photos up
Speaker 1: of his engagement party, and I can understand not wanting
Speaker 1: to see that well, especially if it's a failed engagement,
Speaker 1: Like what's the point of keeping them up? Like it's
Speaker 1: not like a membry you want to look back on.
Speaker 1: Do you know? It's funny because I didn't realize that
Speaker 1: Dale was engaged before, as in like when we first
Speaker 1: started dating, and he thought I'd just seen it on
Speaker 1: his Facebook because he thought, you know, when he got
Speaker 1: to know us, he realized we were like serial Facebook
Speaker 1: and Instagrams talks. But the photo is big. It was
Speaker 1: some weird privacy setting. I couldn't actually see them, so
Speaker 1: I only found out through one of his friends that
Speaker 1: he had been engaged, and he was like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 1: I thought you saw on Facebook. So he I didn't
Speaker 1: ask him to take the photos down, but I remember
Speaker 1: having a chat with him where we spoke about it's
Speaker 1: kind of awkward that they're up. Well, going back to
Speaker 1: this girl's question, I think that she shouldn't ask him.
Speaker 1: But I think that because I think it's a big
Speaker 1: sign if someone removes the photos themselves, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. That's what I waited for Reese to do,
Speaker 1: because there was one of well he removed one because
Speaker 1: he really didn't have many up of his ex girlfriend
Speaker 1: on Instagram, but there was one where because they got
Speaker 1: our dog now Shadow, they bought him, well whatever, they
Speaker 1: got him together as a puppy, and there was one
Speaker 1: of the three of them together and I think he
Speaker 1: didn't want to take it down had the dog in it,
Speaker 1: and then he was like, oh my god, I realized
Speaker 1: I had this up and like took it down off
Speaker 1: his own bat which I thought was good. Well, I
Speaker 1: think that as well, Like you don't have to say
Speaker 1: take that, take that down immediately. You can say subtle
Speaker 1: things like, oh oh, I didn't know this was still
Speaker 1: Like I think that's why you know it's not rude.
Speaker 1: But it's just like Instagram, and I just don't really
Speaker 1: think it's a good look. If you've got multiple partners
Speaker 1: up on Instagram, you know what I mean? It says
Speaker 1: years separating them, like it depends how big you are
Speaker 1: on Instagram. I've got a good question, you know, with
Speaker 1: obviously Tinger and Bumble and whatever else being really popular,
Speaker 1: how would you feel if one of your ex boyfriends
Speaker 1: put up a photo but the photo was with you,
Speaker 1: but you were cropped. I've been incredibly offended. I can't
Speaker 1: get a new photo that's rude. I don't know my
Speaker 1: ex boyfriend was so rude. I don't wouldn't really be surprised. Okay.
Speaker 1: The next question is kind of on the same theme.
Speaker 1: It says I've been official with my boyfriend for the
Speaker 1: last three months, yet we are still Facebook unofficial. He's
Speaker 1: also reluctant to post photos of us together on social media.
Speaker 1: I'm worried he's trying to hide the fact he's got
Speaker 1: a girlfriend. What should I do? To be honest, I
Speaker 1: think that is a big red flag. Not so much
Speaker 1: the Facebook official thing, because I feel like Facebook is
Speaker 1: so like twenty twelve. I don't even know that was
Speaker 1: a thing anymore. Like I'm not Facebook official on there,
Speaker 1: and I didn't really like I think maybe ten years
Speaker 1: ago it was definitely a thing. That being said, I
Speaker 1: do remember having an argument with my boyfriend three years
Speaker 1: ago when we weren't up in a relationship on Facebook.
Speaker 1: I'm so shocked because I would have thought Brandon would
Speaker 1: love to put up that he was Facebook official with you.
Speaker 1: I think his reasoning was that it's always awkward if
Speaker 1: you have to take it down. I think he recently
Speaker 1: he went through quite an awful breakup, and I think
Speaker 1: it was just the fact that it's nice to be
Speaker 1: secure in your relationship and then put it up. It's
Speaker 1: funny because I didn't ask Dale to put it up,
Speaker 1: and he put it up when we were together. He's like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I've realized that we're not Facebook official.
Speaker 1: It was actually so refreshing because I feel like there's
Speaker 1: so many guys out there who don't want to acknowledge
Speaker 1: that they're with you. But I feel like maybe that's
Speaker 1: the young thing. Maybe I'll have to make reades put
Speaker 1: it up now. I didn't think so. I mean that
Speaker 1: is cute, like when people get engaged or married and
Speaker 1: you change. But I mean personally, I lived for all
Speaker 1: the comments underneath, and people get in a relationship like
Speaker 1: I remember with you, guys you put up like little
Speaker 1: friends gifts like oh my god, and like people whipping
Speaker 1: like the whip is a year as in like the
Speaker 1: men being I didn't explain that well. I feel like
Speaker 1: yurin is too long now to put it out. I
Speaker 1: don't think I let's bring it up at family dinner tonight.
Speaker 1: Then then you can get all the comments from like
Speaker 1: the old people who were joking I didn't need you together.
Speaker 1: The thing that I'm more disturbed about with this question, though,
Speaker 1: is the fact that he's trying to avoid putting something
Speaker 1: of her up, Like I feel that's a bit more
Speaker 1: deceptive than the do you know what? It also depends
Speaker 1: on the guy, like if this guy only posts once
Speaker 1: every blue moon on Instagram and he hasn't shared a
Speaker 1: photo of you yet, that I wouldn't be too concerned.
Speaker 1: But if he's one of those serial sort of like
Speaker 1: selfie posters, then I feel like there's alarm bells there.
Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know, what do you think about
Speaker 1: her doing the whole adding him in a relationship, Like
Speaker 1: I personally think that name would chat with someone first.
Speaker 1: You can't just be sending it over. Also, what I
Speaker 1: want to know is she putting up pictures of him,
Speaker 1: and if so, is he like accepting the tag on
Speaker 1: Facebook or Instagram or was he removing it? Because that
Speaker 1: would obviously be bad. That being said, Like, I'm a
Speaker 1: big Instagram story person and I tag brands and a
Speaker 1: lot of stuff. But at the same time, I feel
Speaker 1: like that's something boys don't really do. They never share them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: oh no, but I feel like boys don't really insta story.
Speaker 1: Some do some, but they're the players for the whipped
Speaker 1: Ones Brand's pretty weird. Okay, well, then I think the
Speaker 1: best advice for this girl is maybe start if you
Speaker 1: haven't put up a photo of him, and see if
Speaker 1: he keeps the tag either on Instagram or Facebook, and
Speaker 1: then a bit offensive if you don't. Oh yeah, but
Speaker 1: then that would be I'd go nuts. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: mean the like relationship tag. I mean just put a
Speaker 1: normal photo. Yeah, I'm saying, but surely they wouldn't tag
Speaker 1: you never know flat but then yeah, and then if
Speaker 1: they if they did, then I feel like you've got
Speaker 1: something to bring up with them. But I feel like
Speaker 1: maybe just wait, if this person doesn't use Instagram or
Speaker 1: Facebook that much, they might not care what Facebook and
Speaker 1: Instagram thinks. I even think just bringing it up with
Speaker 1: someone as a fun conversation, like it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be serious, like, oh, like it's a bit silly, but
Speaker 1: why don't we be face, why don't we put at
Speaker 1: each other on Facebook and put our relationship up? But
Speaker 1: it's not a big deal, like if you ever add
Speaker 1: it on Facebook? Sorry, I mean adding the relationship, Like
Speaker 1: if it shouldn't be a big deal, Like if you're
Speaker 1: going out with this person, you should feel comfortable to
Speaker 1: communicate stuff. But it's kind of embarrassing because like you're
Speaker 1: saying it's not a big deal, but then now you're
Speaker 1: asking them to do it like it's a big deal. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean you're gonna approach it in like a nice way,
Speaker 1: not in like a naggy rude way all right. The
Speaker 1: next question says, my ex boyfriend broke my heart over
Speaker 1: four months ago. He's now moved on with another girl,
Speaker 1: but I'm finding it difficult to meet other people. I
Speaker 1: really want to be in another relationship, but don't want
Speaker 1: to use dating apps. What's your advice? I don't get it. Like,
Speaker 1: I mean, I know, I never used any of the
Speaker 1: dating apps. I probably am being hypocritical, but I feel like,
Speaker 1: if you're desperate to have a boyfriend, why wouldn't you
Speaker 1: just at least go on them like everyone. Most people
Speaker 1: I know have gone on them for like a joke
Speaker 1: and then maybe, I mean even just have a date
Speaker 1: and then delete it. But I feel like everyone is
Speaker 1: on there, and if you're not on there, then you're
Speaker 1: just missing out. Because I feel like due to dating
Speaker 1: apps like Tinder and Bumble and everything, people aren't as
Speaker 1: reluctant to sort of just sorry. People are more reluctant
Speaker 1: to walk up to people and get to know them
Speaker 1: and ask them on a date because people are worried
Speaker 1: and people don't know if that person likes them or not.
Speaker 1: But we'll be done if they're single. Yeah, exactly. You
Speaker 1: have no idea, and do you know what, Like, you know,
Speaker 1: people pooh poo the apps, but when you walk out,
Speaker 1: when you go to a bar or something, when do
Speaker 1: you ever see that many people that you'd actually want
Speaker 1: to date. I think the thing we've also got to
Speaker 1: remember in this is this girl said she's only broken
Speaker 1: up with her boyfriend four months ago. I think everyone
Speaker 1: also needs to be mindful that people need time to
Speaker 1: get over people and to be happy within themselves. Like
Speaker 1: you don't need a boyfriend to make you happy. They
Speaker 1: should add to your happiness, they shouldn't make the happiness.
Speaker 1: I suppose it depends how they broke up, because you know,
Speaker 1: it might be nice for this person to get out
Speaker 1: and date some people from a dating app and just
Speaker 1: to have it shown that other people are actually interested
Speaker 1: in this person. And it doesn't have to be like
Speaker 1: as serious. It could just be catching up for coffee
Speaker 1: and you know, being friends or whatever. But even yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean sometimes these dating apps are a good way
Speaker 1: of building up your confidence and talking to someone new.
Speaker 1: You don't necessarily have to meet up with them, but
Speaker 1: even just having a nice distraction of talking to someone. Well,
Speaker 1: if she doesn't want to go on the apps, though,
Speaker 1: what do you guys. Think of some things that she
Speaker 1: could do to meet guys. I suppose I mean things
Speaker 1: I think she could do to meet guys and also
Speaker 1: help herself get over this person. Is to get a
Speaker 1: new routine in place, because when you broke up with someone,
Speaker 1: it is like your best friend is disappearing, and all
Speaker 1: these things you used to do you kind of have
Speaker 1: to replace them with something. So keeping busy is a
Speaker 1: good thing. Maybe even joining a new sporting team or
Speaker 1: having a new activity. Like, there's so many different things
Speaker 1: you could be doing, Like I'd say, yeah, join maybe
Speaker 1: like one of those football clubs is in where girls
Speaker 1: and boys play touch football, or a netball club, or
Speaker 1: an art class or something like. Find something you're passionate
Speaker 1: about and enjoy and could take your mind off it
Speaker 1: and maybe meet someone in the process. Do you know
Speaker 1: what though, I feel like when you're trying to meet someone,
Speaker 1: that's when you don't meet somebody, like you almost come
Speaker 1: across as too desperate. But also I feel like it
Speaker 1: depends what age this person is, like if they're in
Speaker 1: their late twenties, early thirties or whatever. And you know,
Speaker 1: I know it really is hard to meet people because
Speaker 1: you've got so much work to do, and you know,
Speaker 1: you might have all these other things going on in
Speaker 1: your life, which is why I just feel like, who cares?
Speaker 1: Just go on it. There's no stigma around going on
Speaker 1: these dating apps anymore. I think people have to remember
Speaker 1: that there's real people on the other end of those
Speaker 1: apps as well. You know, sometimes you're like, ooh, it's
Speaker 1: this person of Tinder, but like everyone's been on there,
Speaker 1: doesn't mean you know, it's you didn't have this negative connotation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think she needs to bite the bullet and gone
Speaker 1: the app. Okay, well, good luck if they. If this
Speaker 1: person does. The next one is I'm thinking of breaking
Speaker 1: up with my partner. How do I go about it? Well?
Speaker 1: I think the number one thing is you need to
Speaker 1: have respect when breaking up with someone, because there is
Speaker 1: nothing worse than feeling like you're blindsided and have no
Speaker 1: proper reason for the breakup. Like I think that's I
Speaker 1: mean for me, when I got broken up with I
Speaker 1: kind of didn't understand why, and I didn't really get
Speaker 1: much of a reason why. I think if you've been
Speaker 1: with someone for several years, you do need for that closure.
Speaker 1: You do need to understand why. Sometimes it's hard to
Speaker 1: say why though, because it might just be like you're
Speaker 1: just not the one or they don't love you anymore,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean, it's kind of hard
Speaker 1: to say that. Yeah, that is hard, But I suppose
Speaker 1: one thing is don't do it over text message. That's
Speaker 1: probably the worst. I definitely need to do it in person. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and have the decency to answer the person's questions. I mean,
Speaker 1: you know, as you said, it's probably a hard thing
Speaker 1: because maybe you've just maybe you really liked the person
Speaker 1: but you're just not in love with them anymore, or
Speaker 1: maybe you're in different places of your life. But just
Speaker 1: be honest and say that, because it's going to help
Speaker 1: the person understand it and then not cling on to
Speaker 1: you and question, oh no, but maybe we are meant
Speaker 1: to be. But you know, I don't think you should
Speaker 1: lead someone on either. No. But also, you know how
Speaker 1: you said you like you don't like being blindsided. Then
Speaker 1: it's kind of stressful if someone's kind of all of
Speaker 1: a sudden pulls away and acts differently as well, like
Speaker 1: I just, oh, I understand that, but I mean blindsided
Speaker 1: in the sense of not being given a real reasons
Speaker 1: why they're breaking up with you. And sending mixed signals
Speaker 1: like I think the most important thing is if you
Speaker 1: break up with someone, don't continue, as Amy said, leading
Speaker 1: them on and you know, giving them mixed messages and
Speaker 1: continuing texting them and well, I think you should share
Speaker 1: your breakup story because that was bloody. Are you sure
Speaker 1: we didn't do that anything? I don't think so mine
Speaker 1: was pretty awful. So I was at work, used to
Speaker 1: work at or ten on the weekends. I was listening
Speaker 1: to scanners and occasionally went out and did some journalist stuff. Anyway,
Speaker 1: So my boyfriend at the time, he'd gone out really
Speaker 1: late the night before and I hadn't really heard from him.
Speaker 1: Was getting a bit nervous. He wasn't really that trustworthy
Speaker 1: sometimes when you go out anyway, So then he messages
Speaker 1: me over Facebook being really weird. I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: how was your night, rarah? Anyway, I could just sense
Speaker 1: something was up, and he's like, I need to come
Speaker 1: and see you. I'm like okay. So I went and
Speaker 1: met him across the road from work, got in the car.
Speaker 1: He dumped me in the car, told me we were
Speaker 1: in different stages of our lives and he didn't love
Speaker 1: me anymore. I then had to get out the car,
Speaker 1: go back into work and go and do a bunch
Speaker 1: of interviews with important people, and bawled my eyes out
Speaker 1: in the car. That's such a dog act, Like who
Speaker 1: dumped somebody when they're at work? Like couldn't that have
Speaker 1: waited too after? And like didn't it deserve more of
Speaker 1: a conversation than just oh we need to talk right now?
Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, Well, I didn't see him for another
Speaker 1: a month after that, didn't hear a word from him,
Speaker 1: And then we started catching up and texting and I
Speaker 1: got my hopes up again. So that was that was
Speaker 1: all quite an ordeal. I don't believe someone would do that.
Speaker 1: Why couldn't he just wait for you when work was
Speaker 1: over and they have a big conversation. He didn't want
Speaker 1: to lie to me whilst I was at work or
Speaker 1: you know, because I kept asking him if something was wrong.
Speaker 1: Do you know what what do you guys think of ghosting?
Speaker 1: Like do you think it's good if someone ghosts you?
Speaker 1: Or should not someone if you're in a relationship for
Speaker 1: a couple of years. No? No, But like say someone breaks
Speaker 1: up with you, is it better for them to ghost you?
Speaker 1: Because then they're not giving you any I think ghosts.
Speaker 1: I think ghosting is the wrong word. I think if
Speaker 1: you if you don't want to be with someone and
Speaker 1: that's your intention and you've got your heart set on that,
Speaker 1: then I think end thing's in a nice way, and
Speaker 1: then not don't continue the messaging and don't continue like
Speaker 1: the mixed messages. I think ghosting is just shit all round.
Speaker 1: Like there's nothing worse than going on a couple of
Speaker 1: dates with someone and then you text them and they
Speaker 1: never reply. Like I just think, be upfront and honest,
Speaker 1: and if you don't want to see the person again,
Speaker 1: just say, hey, you know, it's great catching up with you.
Speaker 1: But I don't really see it going in anyway, Like
Speaker 1: why can't someone just say that? I mean that being said,
Speaker 1: like where like a few years ago, I did go
Speaker 1: on Tinder, as we're all talking about Tinder, and there
Speaker 1: was one guy who was just really full on, like
Speaker 1: I only met up with him once and then he
Speaker 1: asked me to come and see his new house and
Speaker 1: all this sort of stuff, And in that sense, I
Speaker 1: did ghost him because I just said how busy I
Speaker 1: was with work and I don't think I could come
Speaker 1: maybe another time, And then I just stopped reply and
Speaker 1: it cause it is hard to say to someone I
Speaker 1: don't like you after work after one date's different. But
Speaker 1: I think if you've been on a couple and then
Speaker 1: I think if the person should just not just not
Speaker 1: reply at all, I think that's rude. So the next
Speaker 1: question is, I've started dating a guy and I'm nervous
Speaker 1: about him seeing me without my makeup on. I'm considering
Speaker 1: sleeping in my makeup or waking up early before he
Speaker 1: gets up to put it on. What should I do?
Speaker 1: We've all been there, haven't we. I personally am a
Speaker 1: big makeup person, so I've been in that scenario where
Speaker 1: you do feel a bit awkward to be seen without
Speaker 1: makeup on. Have you guys felt that? Definitely? I have.
Speaker 1: But like when I started going out with Dale, I
Speaker 1: just decided that I was I didn't want to go
Speaker 1: to sleep in makeup. Like I feel like, if you
Speaker 1: think it's going to be a long lasting relationship, you
Speaker 1: don't want to act like it's a big deal. Because
Speaker 1: sometimes I think if you make sending out to be
Speaker 1: a big deal, people, well people will make it a
Speaker 1: big deal. If that makes sense. Sorry, that's but you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like if I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: don't look at me, he'd look more at me and
Speaker 1: I'd feel more insecure. I used to sleep in makeup
Speaker 1: when I started going up with Brandon. Sorry the way
Speaker 1: he said that, it was like it was some kind
Speaker 1: of like alcoholic anonymous. In my defense, the reason I
Speaker 1: did that was because he lived at home at the
Speaker 1: time and his parents and sister would be around, and
Speaker 1: I felt awkward to go to the toilet looking like
Speaker 1: absolutely crap if because they got up so early and
Speaker 1: when your makeup looked bad. Oh I did it did,
Speaker 1: But you know, obviously I live with him now and
Speaker 1: I don't do that. But but he's always like, oh,
Speaker 1: he looks so cute without your makeup on. Like I
Speaker 1: think it just depends on the person. Like my ex
Speaker 1: boyfriend was so rude about me without makeup on, so
Speaker 1: then I never wanted him to see me. Whereas now like,
Speaker 1: why are you loving? Oh, just remembering it, because like
Speaker 1: therapy is actually just remembering something. When I picked up
Speaker 1: my ex boyfriend from the city with no makeup on
Speaker 1: like three o'clock in the morning, would you rook up
Speaker 1: looking like such shit? So what he said to you? Yeah? God,
Speaker 1: maybe we shouldn't that. No, I think we need to
Speaker 1: include that because do you know what, if someone's gonna
Speaker 1: say that to you, then they're not for you. Like
Speaker 1: that's there's a reason why those guys are ex boyfriends.
Speaker 1: But that's what I was gonna say. I think it
Speaker 1: depends how someone makes you feel. Like my current boyfriend
Speaker 1: raised it's like I look like such shit in front
Speaker 1: of him, and he's so lovely about it. Like I
Speaker 1: don't feel I mean, I still think, oh I don't
Speaker 1: look good, but you know, you've got to be comfortable
Speaker 1: around someone like I feel so comfortable now. Yeah, exactly right.
Speaker 1: And I think for this person, just bite the bullet.
Speaker 1: You don't look bad, you can't like it's just that's you. Do.
Speaker 1: You know what some good tips are though, if you
Speaker 1: do feel a bit uncomfortable, is sometimes it would make
Speaker 1: me feel a bit more comfortable if I had a
Speaker 1: little bit of fake tan on my face, or you know,
Speaker 1: if you've kept up, we had some moisturizer on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: eco tan facetan is really face water is really good,
Speaker 1: but that natural gloat. So the next question is sort
Speaker 1: of short and simple. It says, how long should you
Speaker 1: wait before you fart in front of your partner. Does
Speaker 1: it depend if you're a boy and a girl, because
Speaker 1: I hate to be a girl. I think it does.
Speaker 1: That's written this. I don't know if the boy would
Speaker 1: be right now. You have to wait till the boyfriend
Speaker 1: farts in front of you, and then it's you know,
Speaker 1: not the harp on about our shit ex boyfriends. But
Speaker 1: I remember my ex boyfriend said to me if I
Speaker 1: ever farted in front of him, I would be kicked
Speaker 1: out onto the curb. Yeah, mindset, he'd break up with
Speaker 1: me if I farted in front of your expert immature
Speaker 1: this day, Like, how would you come? Oh my god, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm going to confess something here. So yeah, I've been
Speaker 1: going out with Dale for two years now and I
Speaker 1: have not farted in front of him. Look, I've got
Speaker 1: to interrupt. That's not such a great feat because he
Speaker 1: was out of the state for a year. Well, we've
Speaker 1: been living together since October. Anyway. Unfortunately, the other night
Speaker 1: we had this foul Indian and told you not to
Speaker 1: get that I know and effect me for some reason,
Speaker 1: and like apparently I didn't audibly far, but apparently the
Speaker 1: room smelled rather funky. Oh, I'm so embarrassed to say that,
Speaker 1: but it did, and like he was actually like, what
Speaker 1: was it? He goes, oh, I woke up and it
Speaker 1: didn't smell that one of mine. But it actually didn't
Speaker 1: smell that bad, like it was quite like it was
Speaker 1: quite palatable, And I was like, is that a compliment?
Speaker 1: I had the like a funny first far experience too.
Speaker 1: I don't know if anyone has had a poky bowl before. No,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, they are fucking lethal. So I had one.
Speaker 1: And this was like the first or second time I
Speaker 1: slept over at Brandon's house. Anyway, I'm just dozing away,
Speaker 1: and then we were both woken by this toxic and
Speaker 1: just a smack in the face and you know when
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, no, it's me, And he was like
Speaker 1: he actually got really mad at He's like, what is
Speaker 1: that like? And then he felt so bad for me
Speaker 1: the next day because it was actually foul, like I've
Speaker 1: never spent so had he not fighted in front of you,
Speaker 1: you know he hadn't. I know he'd been anyway, the
Speaker 1: next day, I wanted to make you feel a bit
Speaker 1: more comfortable about last night. And then he sat on
Speaker 1: the bed and he just let go of this big
Speaker 1: part and then he like and then he got so
Speaker 1: embarrassed and cover in his face and was like, I
Speaker 1: shouldn't have done that. Well, do you know what Dale
Speaker 1: said to me. He's like, I'm actually so glad that
Speaker 1: that happened, because I was starting to think that you
Speaker 1: weren't human. But I just think their sleep farts shouldn't
Speaker 1: be included because it's impossible. Like apparently I bloody farted
Speaker 1: early on in my sleep and I didn't know about it,
Speaker 1: and I was like, this is bullshit, Like you just
Speaker 1: feel betrayed by yourself. Okay, So I think to summarize,
Speaker 1: a girl should try and wait for the boyfriend to
Speaker 1: find I know that might sound sexist, but we're just
Speaker 1: giving you, I think, some sound advice. And you know,
Speaker 1: and if and if you accidentally fart during your sleep,
Speaker 1: den I deny, deny, it could have been them unless
Speaker 1: there was an audible sound. That's what I did. I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, well, yes, I can smell something, but
Speaker 1: I don't know who that is. Some other vices just
Speaker 1: don't ever eat a pokey bowl as well. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: the next question says, should you sleep with somebody on
Speaker 1: the first date? No, that's my I don't think so well.
Speaker 1: I listened to another popular podcast and they were talking
Speaker 1: about another popular one. Oh I'm just saying another podcast
Speaker 1: and they were sad and they were talking about you know,
Speaker 1: they were kind of advocating for women to just go
Speaker 1: for it and sleep with guys on the first day,
Speaker 1: and you know, what's up to you if that's what
Speaker 1: you want to do. But I don't feel like we
Speaker 1: should just be pushing people to do it because we can. Like,
Speaker 1: of course, a woman shouldn't be judged if she sleeps
Speaker 1: with a person on a first date. But I do
Speaker 1: think if you are wanting to, if you do see
Speaker 1: a future with the guy, then sometimes it's not the
Speaker 1: right thing to do in terms of the guy might
Speaker 1: get the wrong idea about it. They might think that
Speaker 1: you only are interested in having a casual relationship. That
Speaker 1: being said, I've known people who met up, met each
Speaker 1: other in town, hooked up, and now they're getting married.
Speaker 1: Like it's it's each to their own, you know what
Speaker 1: I mean. Because some people, I mean, maybe we take
Speaker 1: out the word date. Some women or some men just
Speaker 1: like to hook up with people and that's all they're
Speaker 1: looking for. But I think what you're saying is if
Speaker 1: you're looking for more, you're probably going to get more
Speaker 1: out of the situation from holding off. Yeah, but okay,
Speaker 1: So I was just to clarify. The piece of advice
Speaker 1: that I didn't agree with on this podcast was they
Speaker 1: were saying basically that, oh, fuck it, just you should
Speaker 1: just sleep with them, because then if you don't hear
Speaker 1: from them again, then oh well, they probably wouldn't have
Speaker 1: messaged you if you waited ten dates to sleep with them.
Speaker 1: But I kind of think that's really unfair because you know,
Speaker 1: when a woman sleeps with someone mind standings, they release
Speaker 1: this kind of hormone, which is the love hormone, and
Speaker 1: they become more attached to that person. And also considering
Speaker 1: you know, there's sometimes all these STDs that are going around,
Speaker 1: like you kind of want to know the person before
Speaker 1: you do that. So I don't know, if you're wanting
Speaker 1: to be if you wanting to have someone be your boyfriend,
Speaker 1: I personally would advise to wait a little bit longer
Speaker 1: than the first date, just because you're not sure how
Speaker 1: this guy is gonna take that. That being I agree
Speaker 1: with you what you're saying, But that being said, there's
Speaker 1: some people who were like in their forties who were
Speaker 1: dating as well, or fifties, and for them, maybe they're
Speaker 1: just looking for that level of intimacy. So yeah, I
Speaker 1: feel like what you're looking at it's quite different. Like
Speaker 1: if you're early twenties and you've never really been with
Speaker 1: someone before, I wouldn't suggest, oh, just sleep with someone
Speaker 1: on the first date, because that's obviously going to mean
Speaker 1: a lot more to you. Now to our love asked question,
Speaker 1: it says, I work with a guy and I really
Speaker 1: like him, and I think he likes me too, but
Speaker 1: he has a girlfriend. What do I do? Hey, you
Speaker 1: might be an expert on this one. Kate actually met
Speaker 1: her boyfriend at work when he had a girlfriend, So, oh, look,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to go into that out of respect
Speaker 1: for reasons, but it is a tough situation to be
Speaker 1: in because at work you form, you know, really good friendships,
Speaker 1: you see the person every day. I think you just
Speaker 1: have to be respectful of the relationship they have. I
Speaker 1: think it's wrong to go behind people's backs and form
Speaker 1: any sort of physical relationship. But again, it's hard not
Speaker 1: to form a like a bond, a bond and a
Speaker 1: you know, like if you see someone every day, you're
Speaker 1: going to quickly work out whether you like them or not.
Speaker 1: I also think it's hard in these scenarios where someone
Speaker 1: has a girlfriend or a boyfriend, because if they are
Speaker 1: to cheat with you, then the relationship that you go
Speaker 1: into there will be this level of mistrust with that person,
Speaker 1: like will they do this to me? So it is
Speaker 1: important perhaps to lay the boundaries down. If you are
Speaker 1: feeling back, if you are getting the vibe from this
Speaker 1: person that they also were interested in you, I feel
Speaker 1: it shows a lot to that you have respect for
Speaker 1: yourself and for that person to be like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: am interested in you, but I don't want to do
Speaker 1: anything that's disrespectful to your girlfriend exactly. And I think
Speaker 1: if you know, I think you know each other well
Speaker 1: enough by working together and by being friends, if there's
Speaker 1: something there, and then that is the point where it's
Speaker 1: up to the person with the partner to say, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm going to break up and then I'm going to
Speaker 1: see how things go with you. I don't think there
Speaker 1: should be any cross lines or any you know, cheating
Speaker 1: or all that sort of stuff. I think that's completely wrong.
Speaker 1: But unfortunately these things happens, and sometimes you form an
Speaker 1: emotional connection with someone when you have a partner, and
Speaker 1: that's not ideal, but it's the way you deal with
Speaker 1: it that it shows if you're respectful and if you're
Speaker 1: a good person. Yeah, that's the thing. You're not going
Speaker 1: to respect that person if they just go and cheat
Speaker 1: on their girlfriend, because you'll think, oh gosh, if I
Speaker 1: get into a relationship with them, that's the type of
Speaker 1: person they are. So I feel like you almost have
Speaker 1: to think about it like you're this guy's girlfriend and
Speaker 1: you know, because I mean I would find that so
Speaker 1: awful if someone was trying to hook up with my
Speaker 1: boyfriend behind my back. But you know, if they have
Speaker 1: a bit of girl code about it, even if you
Speaker 1: don't know the person, you've got to put yourself in
Speaker 1: their shoes. But that being said, if there is this
Speaker 1: spark with the person and it's you know, you can
Speaker 1: sense something there, I think you can still talk to them.
Speaker 1: And it also depends. I mean, if that person's in
Speaker 1: an unhappy relationship and then they've formed this special bond
Speaker 1: with you. As you said, Kate, you shouldn't like like
Speaker 1: you should never actually cheat with the person. I think
Speaker 1: that you have to wait until that relationship's over, just
Speaker 1: to be respectful to both parties. But you know, it
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that of relationships just over because of you
Speaker 1: or you know, there's obviously lots of other issues going
Speaker 1: on if this guy is in fact interested in you
Speaker 1: at work. I suppose it does bring up the issue
Speaker 1: of emotional cheating versus physical cheating though, because I suppose
Speaker 1: in talking to someone that partner is emotionally cheating. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but what are you meant to do if you do
Speaker 1: meet someone, Like, just because you've got a boyfriend or
Speaker 1: girlfriend doesn't mean that that person's your exact match, do
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like, it's obviously a shit
Speaker 1: situation to be in, But what if you meet the
Speaker 1: love of your life when you're in a relationship. I
Speaker 1: feel like you do just have to enter the situation
Speaker 1: with respect and sensitivity for the other person, because, as
Speaker 1: you say, at the end of the day, if that
Speaker 1: person is the right person for you, they will also
Speaker 1: go about it in a respectful way to their ex partner. Well,
Speaker 1: I think that's all we've got time for now before
Speaker 1: we go. Kate has a recommendation for anybody who loves
Speaker 1: reality TV, and I suppose those sort of reality love shows. Well,
Speaker 1: this was recommended to me by Reese's mum and dad
Speaker 1: and they explained it as a mix between Maths and
Speaker 1: Love Ireland, and it was a spot on, Like I
Speaker 1: love both of those shows, So this is great. It's
Speaker 1: on Netflix. It's called Love Is Blind and Amy and
Speaker 1: so still haven't watched it yet, but I was giving
Speaker 1: them a little brief rundown and it gets so sensational.
Speaker 1: My favorite part at the moment so far is there's
Speaker 1: this woman on there who's like thirty four and she's
Speaker 1: a bit of like a Jersey chaser, a bit of
Speaker 1: a wannabe wag, and she's dating a twenty four year
Speaker 1: old guy and she's at her house and she feeds.
Speaker 1: She is holding a glass of wine and she lets
Speaker 1: her dog look out the wine. Yeah, that went viral.
Speaker 1: I haven't, as I said, as you said, I haven't
Speaker 1: seen the show, but I saw that the dog was
Speaker 1: so gorgeous. Now it's this big fat golden retriever reset
Speaker 1: to drink wine meant to we googled it. It's toxic
Speaker 1: for it because grapes are toxic for dogs apparently, which
Speaker 1: I didn't know. But anyway, I would highly recommend watching it.
Speaker 1: It puts it's meant to put to the test. Is
Speaker 1: love blind, but it's sensational And if you did enjoy
Speaker 1: listening to the episode, we'd love if you could share
Speaker 1: it on your Insta story and tag us. And also
Speaker 1: it'd be great if you could leave us a positive
Speaker 1: review if you did like the show, and also send
Speaker 1: us more of your questions because we'd be more than
Speaker 1: happy to do another show answering them because I feel
Speaker 1: like it was a lot of fun for us and
Speaker 1: also a bit of therapy, So thank you again.