1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:03,240 Speaker 1: Hi, and welcome to Outspoken. You're joined as usual by 2 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:07,480 Speaker 1: journalists Amy Sophie and Kate Torber. On today's show, we 3 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:11,600 Speaker 1: answer your questions on cheating, ghosting, when to fart in 4 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:16,320 Speaker 1: a relationship, social media, relationship etiquette, and much much more. 5 00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:25,040 Speaker 1: Thanks so much for joining us with this very juicy episode. 6 00:00:25,120 --> 00:00:26,640 Speaker 1: We've done a bit of a call out on our 7 00:00:26,680 --> 00:00:29,960 Speaker 1: Instagram page asking you to send in your relationship or 8 00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:32,240 Speaker 1: dating questions, and we've had a lot of fun having 9 00:00:32,280 --> 00:00:35,400 Speaker 1: a look through that. Definitely are some interesting ones in there. 10 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:38,360 Speaker 1: We should probably get started by getting into the first one. Amy, 11 00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,080 Speaker 1: I was going to say, we should probably preface it 12 00:00:40,120 --> 00:00:44,040 Speaker 1: with we are clearly not relationship experts. We thought the 13 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,239 Speaker 1: fact that we're tenning thirty one next week we might 14 00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,879 Speaker 1: be able to add some experience to some words of wisdom. 15 00:00:50,320 --> 00:00:53,000 Speaker 1: So the first question is and we will be keeping 16 00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,440 Speaker 1: everyone anonymous as well because they are there are some 17 00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:58,520 Speaker 1: personal questions in there. So the first question reads, I 18 00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,760 Speaker 1: found out my boyfriend's been another girl, but he claims 19 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:05,319 Speaker 1: they're just friends. Some of the messages were very flirty. 20 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:07,640 Speaker 1: Should I give him the benefit of the doubt or 21 00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:10,200 Speaker 1: should I get rid of him? That's a tough one 22 00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,880 Speaker 1: because you don't want to be some ogre that's not 23 00:01:11,920 --> 00:01:14,880 Speaker 1: allowing jr Wana to talk to anyone. But again, I 24 00:01:14,880 --> 00:01:16,880 Speaker 1: don't know, I'd be pretty pissed off. I think you 25 00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:19,280 Speaker 1: need to ask your partner the question of who is 26 00:01:19,319 --> 00:01:22,640 Speaker 1: this person and see if you can even have a 27 00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:24,840 Speaker 1: scope out on Instagram. If it was me, i'd have 28 00:01:24,880 --> 00:01:27,280 Speaker 1: a check of who this girl was if you can 29 00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:30,199 Speaker 1: see any photos of them together that don't really add 30 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:33,160 Speaker 1: up well. Also, does this girl have a boyfriend? I mean, 31 00:01:33,240 --> 00:01:35,800 Speaker 1: I feel like if she's single and the text messages 32 00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:39,720 Speaker 1: seem quite flirty, I think there probably is a concern there. 33 00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:43,720 Speaker 1: But it's also concerning because he is denying it, and 34 00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:46,880 Speaker 1: so if they you know, like if they were, if 35 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:49,000 Speaker 1: he was cheating, he should just be upfront and tell 36 00:01:49,000 --> 00:01:51,560 Speaker 1: this person what's happening. But you're not going to do that. Oh, yes, 37 00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:53,200 Speaker 1: you've caught me out. I am cheating on you. I 38 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,080 Speaker 1: think the other thing to be aware of as well 39 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:58,560 Speaker 1: is whether you've heard of this person before. I feel 40 00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:00,760 Speaker 1: like if someone isn't cheap, they're going to make an 41 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:02,680 Speaker 1: effort to be like, hey, just so you know, I've 42 00:02:02,720 --> 00:02:05,480 Speaker 1: just messaged my friend about this. I mean, that's what 43 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:07,520 Speaker 1: my boyfriend does. Well, I look at it the other 44 00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,079 Speaker 1: side and I have like one of my best friends 45 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:13,040 Speaker 1: was male and we used to talk like every day, 46 00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,519 Speaker 1: and there was I mean, he was married, so do 47 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,399 Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like, I think the whole 48 00:02:17,440 --> 00:02:19,880 Speaker 1: thing is though, that these are flirty text messages and 49 00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:22,560 Speaker 1: it seems like it's a secret. So she's just found 50 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:25,800 Speaker 1: out about it. She was obviously not trusting her boyfriend, 51 00:02:25,800 --> 00:02:27,560 Speaker 1: and it sounds like she's gone and looked at his 52 00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:30,360 Speaker 1: phone and found these messages. So I think anytime you 53 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,800 Speaker 1: go and break into someone's phone, you never you don't 54 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:35,840 Speaker 1: trust them. There's always some element where you're doing it 55 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 1: for a reason. I suppose context is everything as well. 56 00:02:38,840 --> 00:02:41,160 Speaker 1: And you know, when you're reading through someone's phone, you 57 00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:43,359 Speaker 1: don't know the tone of it, you don't know the context, 58 00:02:43,639 --> 00:02:45,880 Speaker 1: and things can sound bad and you can take them 59 00:02:45,919 --> 00:02:48,919 Speaker 1: out of context. Like that's why I don't like snooping. Well, 60 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:51,320 Speaker 1: that's why I don't snoop on other people's phones. Do 61 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:53,840 Speaker 1: you know would be a good thing? If he says 62 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,679 Speaker 1: he's this girl, they're just friends, why don't they all 63 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:59,240 Speaker 1: have a catch up because you've he's gonna do no, 64 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:01,720 Speaker 1: but you're gonna be to quickly tell if they are 65 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,480 Speaker 1: just friends. Like, if they're just friends, they should all 66 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:05,799 Speaker 1: be able to catch up together. This sounds bad, but 67 00:03:05,840 --> 00:03:08,120 Speaker 1: I'm just gonna say it. It really depends what the 68 00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:10,480 Speaker 1: girl looks like as well if they're a threat to you, 69 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,720 Speaker 1: Because anyone asking, I think have a bit of a 70 00:03:13,160 --> 00:03:15,520 Speaker 1: My advice would be have a stalk of the social 71 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:18,760 Speaker 1: media before you go into having a conversation with your boyfriend. 72 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:21,520 Speaker 1: Get all the background details you need, and then I 73 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,679 Speaker 1: think if you're in any sort of good relationship, you 74 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:26,800 Speaker 1: should feel comfortable bringing forward the fact of who is 75 00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:30,440 Speaker 1: she and how do you know her? And even if 76 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,880 Speaker 1: even if they are just friends, maybe saying I don't 77 00:03:32,919 --> 00:03:36,400 Speaker 1: feel comfortable with you messaging her like this. So, Saphie, 78 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:40,200 Speaker 1: what would you do if you notice that messages kept 79 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,440 Speaker 1: popping up on Brandon's phone and it was some girl 80 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:44,640 Speaker 1: you'd never heard of, and then you asked to see 81 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:47,760 Speaker 1: the messages and they were quite flirty. What would you do? Well? 82 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:50,200 Speaker 1: I would point out to him that that's not appropriate 83 00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:52,160 Speaker 1: and I don't expect him to be talking to girls 84 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:54,960 Speaker 1: like that. Hm, maybe we should move on to the 85 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:58,400 Speaker 1: next question. It says, my ex boyfriend keeps viewing my 86 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:02,360 Speaker 1: Insta stories despite me unfollowing him and him unfollowing me. 87 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:06,000 Speaker 1: It says, I'm on private in brackets. Sorry, I'm on 88 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 1: public in brackets. Do you think it means he still 89 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:13,520 Speaker 1: cares this happened to me? I gotta share my ex boyfriend. 90 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:17,280 Speaker 1: So I woke up on Saturday morning or sorry Sunday morning, 91 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,760 Speaker 1: at like four am to go to the bathroom, and 92 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:21,600 Speaker 1: I used my phone as a torch, so I took 93 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:23,000 Speaker 1: my phone with me, and then I looked at my 94 00:04:23,120 --> 00:04:26,800 Speaker 1: phone and my ex boyfriend had followed me. We both 95 00:04:26,839 --> 00:04:29,960 Speaker 1: unfollowed each other. He'd followed me and then liked four 96 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:32,960 Speaker 1: photos from like ages ago, Like he had to have 97 00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:36,960 Speaker 1: scrolled heaps back, and the photos were from like four 98 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:39,560 Speaker 1: years ago. Weren't they when you guys were going out? Yeah? 99 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:42,120 Speaker 1: They were, So it was really weird. And then the 100 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:45,200 Speaker 1: next day I was showing I think I was showing 101 00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:47,640 Speaker 1: my friend, and then I noticed that he unfollowed me 102 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:50,479 Speaker 1: again but still kept the likes up, and I definitely 103 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:52,760 Speaker 1: thought he was trying to catch my attention. So I 104 00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:56,240 Speaker 1: think that really is probably what this person's ex boyfriend 105 00:04:56,279 --> 00:04:59,640 Speaker 1: is doing because well, unless boys are stupid and they 106 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:02,599 Speaker 1: don't realize that you can see who's viewed your story. Yeah, 107 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:04,960 Speaker 1: I did hear that some guys were oblivious to the 108 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:07,040 Speaker 1: fact that it showed up. But I think this guy, 109 00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:10,360 Speaker 1: he's trying to get your attention again. It'd be interesting 110 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,760 Speaker 1: to know who broke up with who. So if you've 111 00:05:12,760 --> 00:05:14,840 Speaker 1: broken up with him, I feel like it could be 112 00:05:15,240 --> 00:05:17,320 Speaker 1: him wanting to get back with you, or also if 113 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,680 Speaker 1: anyone's moved on, because I think that's sort of like 114 00:05:20,040 --> 00:05:22,200 Speaker 1: boyfriends like to ex boyfriends like to pop up when 115 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,240 Speaker 1: other people are happy and moved on and they're trying 116 00:05:24,279 --> 00:05:27,000 Speaker 1: to cause trouble. Well, I think even if he doesn't 117 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:29,360 Speaker 1: know that he can be seen in some bizarre universe 118 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:31,520 Speaker 1: where he doesn't realize. I think even the fact that 119 00:05:31,560 --> 00:05:33,800 Speaker 1: he's going and seeking it out perhaps shows that he 120 00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,120 Speaker 1: does care a little bit, Like if it was me. 121 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:38,919 Speaker 1: I mean, if my ex boyfriend looked at mine, you 122 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,200 Speaker 1: kind of had that got your moment where you're like, Yep, 123 00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:43,560 Speaker 1: they care. I don't know if it necessarily means they 124 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:45,520 Speaker 1: still like are seeking you out because they want to 125 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:49,000 Speaker 1: be with you. Sometimes I think people just it's like nostalgic. 126 00:05:49,080 --> 00:05:51,120 Speaker 1: They're just sort of looking at people's page to see 127 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,599 Speaker 1: what they're doing, and because they're interested because that person 128 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:56,039 Speaker 1: did used to be a big part of the person's life. 129 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,880 Speaker 1: That being said, though, don't press on something that the 130 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:01,680 Speaker 1: other person can see. Have a stalk of the Instagram feed, 131 00:06:01,720 --> 00:06:03,720 Speaker 1: but not something where your name's gonna pop up. Make 132 00:06:03,760 --> 00:06:06,720 Speaker 1: a fake account like normal people do. Well. I had 133 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:10,400 Speaker 1: my boyfriend's ex girlfriend viewing my Instera stories for a while, 134 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,200 Speaker 1: and I thought that was a bit odd. I think 135 00:06:12,240 --> 00:06:15,840 Speaker 1: that's very normal though. I think everyone who I've got 136 00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:19,720 Speaker 1: to admit, like people like looking at other people's ex'es 137 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:24,760 Speaker 1: or you know, past girlfriend's stuff, but it's interesting do 138 00:06:24,839 --> 00:06:27,839 Speaker 1: it on private or in you know, have a fake 139 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 1: account or something for I would be so embarrassing, you 140 00:06:30,480 --> 00:06:32,960 Speaker 1: know what. That actually happened to me though, So we 141 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:35,000 Speaker 1: do have a fake account that I like to seek 142 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:36,600 Speaker 1: out and look at people that I can't look at 143 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:39,320 Speaker 1: my own name anyway. So I thought I was in 144 00:06:39,360 --> 00:06:42,120 Speaker 1: the fake account, and can I just say, I don't 145 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:46,240 Speaker 1: even know the email or password for this fake account, 146 00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:50,279 Speaker 1: but I want it. I was having a stalk of 147 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:53,680 Speaker 1: my boyfriend's ex girlfriend and unbeknown to me, I was 148 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:56,599 Speaker 1: in my own name and clicked on her story and 149 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:59,560 Speaker 1: had a meltdown. So I quickly searched how do you 150 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:01,400 Speaker 1: make it so people can't see when you've looked at 151 00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,279 Speaker 1: their story? And for anyone who's done it, what you 152 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:05,320 Speaker 1: have to do is you have to block the person. 153 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:08,400 Speaker 1: So if you've blocked them, your name will not show 154 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:10,440 Speaker 1: up anymore. So I did it for twenty four hours 155 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,840 Speaker 1: and then unblocked. This happened to me as well, and 156 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,080 Speaker 1: I text Sopha. I was like, oh my god, I 157 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,400 Speaker 1: clicked in my own name and then she gave me 158 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,640 Speaker 1: the best advice. So I quickly blocked the person and 159 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:23,040 Speaker 1: then unblocked them twenty four hours later. It's genius, well, 160 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:25,960 Speaker 1: talking about this ex girlfriend that was viewing my instant story. 161 00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:29,320 Speaker 1: She also liked one of my instagrams. It was like 162 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,280 Speaker 1: the first picture of my boyfriend and I that i'd 163 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:34,080 Speaker 1: put up, and I thought, as a girl, that's kind 164 00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:38,200 Speaker 1: of like almost a fuck you. It's very passive aggressive. Yeah, 165 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:41,360 Speaker 1: but my boyfriend thought it was like, oh, she's happy 166 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,960 Speaker 1: for she isn't she married? Now? I feel like that 167 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:46,920 Speaker 1: she was. She wasn't at the time. Yeah, but she 168 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:49,000 Speaker 1: was obviously in a happy relation. If you moved on, 169 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,120 Speaker 1: why I feel the need to go and like it 170 00:07:51,520 --> 00:07:54,480 Speaker 1: make a comment on it. Well, it's not your own account, 171 00:07:54,560 --> 00:07:56,920 Speaker 1: she doesn't follow me. Oh, not a fuck you, but 172 00:07:57,080 --> 00:07:59,840 Speaker 1: like like I'm aware of it, like a mind fuck 173 00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:02,680 Speaker 1: for the other person. Now, going back to this girl's question, 174 00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:05,280 Speaker 1: if it was me personally, I'd read a little bit 175 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:08,160 Speaker 1: into it. I'd be like, they still care, but that's 176 00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:10,760 Speaker 1: just me. I wouldn't do anything about it though, as 177 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,880 Speaker 1: in I feel like if someone wants you back, they're 178 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:14,680 Speaker 1: going to do more of a grand jester. Then just 179 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:17,080 Speaker 1: look at your Insta story, but they might be trying 180 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:20,560 Speaker 1: to entice you to contact them so they don't feel 181 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:23,720 Speaker 1: like the loser and the situation. I remember when I 182 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:29,480 Speaker 1: first publicly moved on with my new my boyfriend said, 183 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:33,200 Speaker 1: you said publicly moved on some kind of like we 184 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:36,600 Speaker 1: went in public. I mean I think now people mean 185 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:39,080 Speaker 1: publicly when they put something on Facebook and it's out 186 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:43,160 Speaker 1: to the world Instagram, Instagram. Yeah, this dickhead ex boyfriend 187 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,640 Speaker 1: of mine that followed me back on Instagram last week, 188 00:08:45,760 --> 00:08:48,480 Speaker 1: then try to call me, but like only for a second, 189 00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:50,680 Speaker 1: so then it popped up on my phone. My ex 190 00:08:50,679 --> 00:08:53,240 Speaker 1: boyfriend did that too, and then he's like, sorry, didn't 191 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:56,640 Speaker 1: mean to call. I just didn't respond. Have you guys 192 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,280 Speaker 1: done that before where you pretend to call someone? No. 193 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:04,080 Speaker 1: I once there was like an argument and I called 194 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:08,600 Speaker 1: on a private number in in in case they didn't 195 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:11,679 Speaker 1: pick up my name my phone number. Who with your 196 00:09:11,679 --> 00:09:14,920 Speaker 1: ex boyfriend? Yeah? While were you still talking to him? Oh? 197 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:18,240 Speaker 1: This was when I was single and upset and suppressed 198 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:20,440 Speaker 1: in it. I think we should probably move on to 199 00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:23,880 Speaker 1: the next question. It says I've recently become official with 200 00:09:23,920 --> 00:09:26,320 Speaker 1: my new boyfriend and notice he still has lots of 201 00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:29,440 Speaker 1: photos up on Instagram and Facebook of he and his 202 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:31,760 Speaker 1: ex girlfriend. Do you think I should ask him to 203 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:35,240 Speaker 1: take them down? Or? While I seem psycho, that's a 204 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:37,959 Speaker 1: tough one. I feel like the person should take them 205 00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,720 Speaker 1: down on their own account. I don't think you should 206 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:42,640 Speaker 1: have to tell someone to take him down. I personally 207 00:09:42,679 --> 00:09:45,440 Speaker 1: feel like that person was in your life for a 208 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:48,600 Speaker 1: reason and for you know, some special moments, and you 209 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:51,600 Speaker 1: shouldn't have to remove it. My boyfriend asked me to 210 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:54,199 Speaker 1: remove pictures of my ex boyfriend, and I felt a 211 00:09:54,240 --> 00:09:56,160 Speaker 1: bit funny about it. Because I don't think you should 212 00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:59,520 Speaker 1: have to pretend someone doesn't exist. But Facebook, sorry, Instagram's 213 00:09:59,559 --> 00:10:02,000 Speaker 1: got the art button, which is really good, So you 214 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:04,160 Speaker 1: still want to, like, I don't know, for some reason, 215 00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,680 Speaker 1: have the memories. You can archive them, do you know 216 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:09,440 Speaker 1: what I feel? Like? It depends how high up the 217 00:10:09,480 --> 00:10:12,440 Speaker 1: photos are. Like if it's on Instagram and you're looking 218 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:14,480 Speaker 1: at two or three photos and then suddenly there's a 219 00:10:14,480 --> 00:10:16,600 Speaker 1: photo of the X, then I think maybe they should 220 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:21,360 Speaker 1: be not deleted but archived. But if it's on Facebook 221 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,680 Speaker 1: and it's from like five years ago, as you said, 222 00:10:23,679 --> 00:10:25,800 Speaker 1: it's part of your life, I can see if you 223 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:28,640 Speaker 1: really care about someone, though it's quite a hurtful seeing those. 224 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:32,520 Speaker 1: His boyfriend was previously engaged, and there were photos up 225 00:10:32,559 --> 00:10:35,000 Speaker 1: of his engagement party, and I can understand not wanting 226 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:38,079 Speaker 1: to see that well, especially if it's a failed engagement, 227 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,480 Speaker 1: Like what's the point of keeping them up? Like it's 228 00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,240 Speaker 1: not like a membry you want to look back on. 229 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,120 Speaker 1: Do you know? It's funny because I didn't realize that 230 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:48,840 Speaker 1: Dale was engaged before, as in like when we first 231 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:51,640 Speaker 1: started dating, and he thought I'd just seen it on 232 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:54,000 Speaker 1: his Facebook because he thought, you know, when he got 233 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:56,200 Speaker 1: to know us, he realized we were like serial Facebook 234 00:10:56,200 --> 00:11:00,480 Speaker 1: and Instagrams talks. But the photo is big. It was 235 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:03,920 Speaker 1: some weird privacy setting. I couldn't actually see them, so 236 00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:05,840 Speaker 1: I only found out through one of his friends that 237 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:07,959 Speaker 1: he had been engaged, and he was like, oh my gosh, 238 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:10,800 Speaker 1: I thought you saw on Facebook. So he I didn't 239 00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:13,080 Speaker 1: ask him to take the photos down, but I remember 240 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,439 Speaker 1: having a chat with him where we spoke about it's 241 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:17,480 Speaker 1: kind of awkward that they're up. Well, going back to 242 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:21,080 Speaker 1: this girl's question, I think that she shouldn't ask him. 243 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:22,840 Speaker 1: But I think that because I think it's a big 244 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:26,400 Speaker 1: sign if someone removes the photos themselves, you know what 245 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:28,600 Speaker 1: I mean. That's what I waited for Reese to do, 246 00:11:28,679 --> 00:11:31,920 Speaker 1: because there was one of well he removed one because 247 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:34,560 Speaker 1: he really didn't have many up of his ex girlfriend 248 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:38,760 Speaker 1: on Instagram, but there was one where because they got 249 00:11:38,440 --> 00:11:42,480 Speaker 1: our dog now Shadow, they bought him, well whatever, they 250 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:45,679 Speaker 1: got him together as a puppy, and there was one 251 00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:48,400 Speaker 1: of the three of them together and I think he 252 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,120 Speaker 1: didn't want to take it down had the dog in it, 253 00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:51,760 Speaker 1: and then he was like, oh my god, I realized 254 00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:53,240 Speaker 1: I had this up and like took it down off 255 00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:54,800 Speaker 1: his own bat which I thought was good. Well, I 256 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:56,520 Speaker 1: think that as well, Like you don't have to say 257 00:11:56,679 --> 00:11:59,240 Speaker 1: take that, take that down immediately. You can say subtle 258 00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:02,280 Speaker 1: things like, oh oh, I didn't know this was still 259 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:06,200 Speaker 1: Like I think that's why you know it's not rude. 260 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:10,199 Speaker 1: But it's just like Instagram, and I just don't really 261 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:13,080 Speaker 1: think it's a good look. If you've got multiple partners 262 00:12:13,160 --> 00:12:15,079 Speaker 1: up on Instagram, you know what I mean? It says 263 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:18,040 Speaker 1: years separating them, like it depends how big you are 264 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:20,440 Speaker 1: on Instagram. I've got a good question, you know, with 265 00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:24,480 Speaker 1: obviously Tinger and Bumble and whatever else being really popular, 266 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:28,160 Speaker 1: how would you feel if one of your ex boyfriends 267 00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:31,320 Speaker 1: put up a photo but the photo was with you, 268 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:34,080 Speaker 1: but you were cropped. I've been incredibly offended. I can't 269 00:12:34,080 --> 00:12:37,160 Speaker 1: get a new photo that's rude. I don't know my 270 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:41,680 Speaker 1: ex boyfriend was so rude. I don't wouldn't really be surprised. Okay. 271 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,240 Speaker 1: The next question is kind of on the same theme. 272 00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:46,840 Speaker 1: It says I've been official with my boyfriend for the 273 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:50,440 Speaker 1: last three months, yet we are still Facebook unofficial. He's 274 00:12:50,480 --> 00:12:54,079 Speaker 1: also reluctant to post photos of us together on social media. 275 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:56,199 Speaker 1: I'm worried he's trying to hide the fact he's got 276 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,640 Speaker 1: a girlfriend. What should I do? To be honest, I 277 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:00,920 Speaker 1: think that is a big red flag. Not so much 278 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,840 Speaker 1: the Facebook official thing, because I feel like Facebook is 279 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:06,640 Speaker 1: so like twenty twelve. I don't even know that was 280 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:09,160 Speaker 1: a thing anymore. Like I'm not Facebook official on there, 281 00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,040 Speaker 1: and I didn't really like I think maybe ten years 282 00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,720 Speaker 1: ago it was definitely a thing. That being said, I 283 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,199 Speaker 1: do remember having an argument with my boyfriend three years 284 00:13:17,240 --> 00:13:20,000 Speaker 1: ago when we weren't up in a relationship on Facebook. 285 00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:22,000 Speaker 1: I'm so shocked because I would have thought Brandon would 286 00:13:22,040 --> 00:13:24,600 Speaker 1: love to put up that he was Facebook official with you. 287 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:28,480 Speaker 1: I think his reasoning was that it's always awkward if 288 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:30,720 Speaker 1: you have to take it down. I think he recently 289 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,679 Speaker 1: he went through quite an awful breakup, and I think 290 00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:35,640 Speaker 1: it was just the fact that it's nice to be 291 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:38,600 Speaker 1: secure in your relationship and then put it up. It's 292 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:40,720 Speaker 1: funny because I didn't ask Dale to put it up, 293 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:42,480 Speaker 1: and he put it up when we were together. He's like, 294 00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:45,040 Speaker 1: oh my god, I've realized that we're not Facebook official. 295 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,280 Speaker 1: It was actually so refreshing because I feel like there's 296 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,520 Speaker 1: so many guys out there who don't want to acknowledge 297 00:13:50,559 --> 00:13:53,080 Speaker 1: that they're with you. But I feel like maybe that's 298 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:55,120 Speaker 1: the young thing. Maybe I'll have to make reades put 299 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,000 Speaker 1: it up now. I didn't think so. I mean that 300 00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:59,520 Speaker 1: is cute, like when people get engaged or married and 301 00:13:59,559 --> 00:14:02,280 Speaker 1: you change. But I mean personally, I lived for all 302 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,960 Speaker 1: the comments underneath, and people get in a relationship like 303 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,760 Speaker 1: I remember with you, guys you put up like little 304 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:11,120 Speaker 1: friends gifts like oh my god, and like people whipping 305 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:14,040 Speaker 1: like the whip is a year as in like the 306 00:14:14,080 --> 00:14:17,120 Speaker 1: men being I didn't explain that well. I feel like 307 00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:19,360 Speaker 1: yurin is too long now to put it out. I 308 00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,760 Speaker 1: don't think I let's bring it up at family dinner tonight. 309 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,000 Speaker 1: Then then you can get all the comments from like 310 00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:27,680 Speaker 1: the old people who were joking I didn't need you together. 311 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:30,200 Speaker 1: The thing that I'm more disturbed about with this question, though, 312 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:33,240 Speaker 1: is the fact that he's trying to avoid putting something 313 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:35,640 Speaker 1: of her up, Like I feel that's a bit more 314 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:38,280 Speaker 1: deceptive than the do you know what? It also depends 315 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,880 Speaker 1: on the guy, like if this guy only posts once 316 00:14:40,920 --> 00:14:43,440 Speaker 1: every blue moon on Instagram and he hasn't shared a 317 00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:45,840 Speaker 1: photo of you yet, that I wouldn't be too concerned. 318 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:48,280 Speaker 1: But if he's one of those serial sort of like 319 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:52,400 Speaker 1: selfie posters, then I feel like there's alarm bells there. 320 00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:54,880 Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know, what do you think about 321 00:14:54,920 --> 00:14:58,200 Speaker 1: her doing the whole adding him in a relationship, Like 322 00:14:58,280 --> 00:15:01,280 Speaker 1: I personally think that name would chat with someone first. 323 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:03,640 Speaker 1: You can't just be sending it over. Also, what I 324 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:06,680 Speaker 1: want to know is she putting up pictures of him, 325 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:09,480 Speaker 1: and if so, is he like accepting the tag on 326 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:12,040 Speaker 1: Facebook or Instagram or was he removing it? Because that 327 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:14,880 Speaker 1: would obviously be bad. That being said, Like, I'm a 328 00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:17,960 Speaker 1: big Instagram story person and I tag brands and a 329 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,120 Speaker 1: lot of stuff. But at the same time, I feel 330 00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:23,200 Speaker 1: like that's something boys don't really do. They never share them. Yeah, 331 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:26,600 Speaker 1: oh no, but I feel like boys don't really insta story. 332 00:15:26,880 --> 00:15:30,440 Speaker 1: Some do some, but they're the players for the whipped 333 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:35,200 Speaker 1: Ones Brand's pretty weird. Okay, well, then I think the 334 00:15:35,240 --> 00:15:38,280 Speaker 1: best advice for this girl is maybe start if you 335 00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:40,360 Speaker 1: haven't put up a photo of him, and see if 336 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:43,560 Speaker 1: he keeps the tag either on Instagram or Facebook, and 337 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:46,120 Speaker 1: then a bit offensive if you don't. Oh yeah, but 338 00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:49,320 Speaker 1: then that would be I'd go nuts. Yeah, I don't 339 00:15:49,360 --> 00:15:51,840 Speaker 1: mean the like relationship tag. I mean just put a 340 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:54,480 Speaker 1: normal photo. Yeah, I'm saying, but surely they wouldn't tag 341 00:15:55,640 --> 00:15:58,560 Speaker 1: you never know flat but then yeah, and then if 342 00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:00,360 Speaker 1: they if they did, then I feel like you've got 343 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,160 Speaker 1: something to bring up with them. But I feel like 344 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:04,800 Speaker 1: maybe just wait, if this person doesn't use Instagram or 345 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:07,320 Speaker 1: Facebook that much, they might not care what Facebook and 346 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:10,880 Speaker 1: Instagram thinks. I even think just bringing it up with 347 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,640 Speaker 1: someone as a fun conversation, like it doesn't have to 348 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,840 Speaker 1: be serious, like, oh, like it's a bit silly, but 349 00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:18,760 Speaker 1: why don't we be face, why don't we put at 350 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,200 Speaker 1: each other on Facebook and put our relationship up? But 351 00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:22,880 Speaker 1: it's not a big deal, like if you ever add 352 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:25,480 Speaker 1: it on Facebook? Sorry, I mean adding the relationship, Like 353 00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:27,600 Speaker 1: if it shouldn't be a big deal, Like if you're 354 00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:29,520 Speaker 1: going out with this person, you should feel comfortable to 355 00:16:29,640 --> 00:16:32,760 Speaker 1: communicate stuff. But it's kind of embarrassing because like you're 356 00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:34,560 Speaker 1: saying it's not a big deal, but then now you're 357 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:37,000 Speaker 1: asking them to do it like it's a big deal. Yeah. 358 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:39,240 Speaker 1: I mean you're gonna approach it in like a nice way, 359 00:16:39,320 --> 00:16:43,000 Speaker 1: not in like a naggy rude way all right. The 360 00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,920 Speaker 1: next question says, my ex boyfriend broke my heart over 361 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,880 Speaker 1: four months ago. He's now moved on with another girl, 362 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:51,560 Speaker 1: but I'm finding it difficult to meet other people. I 363 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:54,280 Speaker 1: really want to be in another relationship, but don't want 364 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:59,000 Speaker 1: to use dating apps. What's your advice? I don't get it. Like, 365 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,840 Speaker 1: I mean, I know, I never used any of the 366 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,720 Speaker 1: dating apps. I probably am being hypocritical, but I feel like, 367 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:07,439 Speaker 1: if you're desperate to have a boyfriend, why wouldn't you 368 00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:10,240 Speaker 1: just at least go on them like everyone. Most people 369 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,240 Speaker 1: I know have gone on them for like a joke 370 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:14,840 Speaker 1: and then maybe, I mean even just have a date 371 00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,800 Speaker 1: and then delete it. But I feel like everyone is 372 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,040 Speaker 1: on there, and if you're not on there, then you're 373 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:23,200 Speaker 1: just missing out. Because I feel like due to dating 374 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:26,880 Speaker 1: apps like Tinder and Bumble and everything, people aren't as 375 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:30,160 Speaker 1: reluctant to sort of just sorry. People are more reluctant 376 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:32,159 Speaker 1: to walk up to people and get to know them 377 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:33,840 Speaker 1: and ask them on a date because people are worried 378 00:17:33,880 --> 00:17:36,439 Speaker 1: and people don't know if that person likes them or not. 379 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:38,720 Speaker 1: But we'll be done if they're single. Yeah, exactly. You 380 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,359 Speaker 1: have no idea, and do you know what, Like, you know, 381 00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:44,000 Speaker 1: people pooh poo the apps, but when you walk out, 382 00:17:44,040 --> 00:17:45,840 Speaker 1: when you go to a bar or something, when do 383 00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:48,320 Speaker 1: you ever see that many people that you'd actually want 384 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,000 Speaker 1: to date. I think the thing we've also got to 385 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:52,240 Speaker 1: remember in this is this girl said she's only broken 386 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:54,439 Speaker 1: up with her boyfriend four months ago. I think everyone 387 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:56,840 Speaker 1: also needs to be mindful that people need time to 388 00:17:56,880 --> 00:18:01,119 Speaker 1: get over people and to be happy within themselves. Like 389 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,240 Speaker 1: you don't need a boyfriend to make you happy. They 390 00:18:03,280 --> 00:18:06,480 Speaker 1: should add to your happiness, they shouldn't make the happiness. 391 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:09,359 Speaker 1: I suppose it depends how they broke up, because you know, 392 00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:12,000 Speaker 1: it might be nice for this person to get out 393 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,919 Speaker 1: and date some people from a dating app and just 394 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,680 Speaker 1: to have it shown that other people are actually interested 395 00:18:17,720 --> 00:18:19,800 Speaker 1: in this person. And it doesn't have to be like 396 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:21,919 Speaker 1: as serious. It could just be catching up for coffee 397 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,800 Speaker 1: and you know, being friends or whatever. But even yeah, 398 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:26,840 Speaker 1: I mean sometimes these dating apps are a good way 399 00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,280 Speaker 1: of building up your confidence and talking to someone new. 400 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:31,320 Speaker 1: You don't necessarily have to meet up with them, but 401 00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,800 Speaker 1: even just having a nice distraction of talking to someone. Well, 402 00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:36,840 Speaker 1: if she doesn't want to go on the apps, though, 403 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 1: what do you guys. Think of some things that she 404 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:42,080 Speaker 1: could do to meet guys. I suppose I mean things 405 00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:43,880 Speaker 1: I think she could do to meet guys and also 406 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,520 Speaker 1: help herself get over this person. Is to get a 407 00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:49,680 Speaker 1: new routine in place, because when you broke up with someone, 408 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:52,080 Speaker 1: it is like your best friend is disappearing, and all 409 00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,600 Speaker 1: these things you used to do you kind of have 410 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:57,119 Speaker 1: to replace them with something. So keeping busy is a 411 00:18:57,160 --> 00:19:00,439 Speaker 1: good thing. Maybe even joining a new sporting team or 412 00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:04,440 Speaker 1: having a new activity. Like, there's so many different things 413 00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:07,280 Speaker 1: you could be doing, Like I'd say, yeah, join maybe 414 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:10,000 Speaker 1: like one of those football clubs is in where girls 415 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:12,560 Speaker 1: and boys play touch football, or a netball club, or 416 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:15,880 Speaker 1: an art class or something like. Find something you're passionate 417 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:18,560 Speaker 1: about and enjoy and could take your mind off it 418 00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:20,639 Speaker 1: and maybe meet someone in the process. Do you know 419 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,119 Speaker 1: what though, I feel like when you're trying to meet someone, 420 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:26,320 Speaker 1: that's when you don't meet somebody, like you almost come 421 00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:29,080 Speaker 1: across as too desperate. But also I feel like it 422 00:19:29,119 --> 00:19:31,439 Speaker 1: depends what age this person is, like if they're in 423 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:35,119 Speaker 1: their late twenties, early thirties or whatever. And you know, 424 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:37,800 Speaker 1: I know it really is hard to meet people because 425 00:19:37,840 --> 00:19:40,359 Speaker 1: you've got so much work to do, and you know, 426 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:41,920 Speaker 1: you might have all these other things going on in 427 00:19:41,960 --> 00:19:44,439 Speaker 1: your life, which is why I just feel like, who cares? 428 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,840 Speaker 1: Just go on it. There's no stigma around going on 429 00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:49,119 Speaker 1: these dating apps anymore. I think people have to remember 430 00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:51,480 Speaker 1: that there's real people on the other end of those 431 00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:54,360 Speaker 1: apps as well. You know, sometimes you're like, ooh, it's 432 00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:58,240 Speaker 1: this person of Tinder, but like everyone's been on there, 433 00:19:58,440 --> 00:20:02,760 Speaker 1: doesn't mean you know, it's you didn't have this negative connotation. Yeah, 434 00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,800 Speaker 1: I think she needs to bite the bullet and gone 435 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:08,439 Speaker 1: the app. Okay, well, good luck if they. If this 436 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:11,320 Speaker 1: person does. The next one is I'm thinking of breaking 437 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:15,000 Speaker 1: up with my partner. How do I go about it? Well? 438 00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:16,720 Speaker 1: I think the number one thing is you need to 439 00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,400 Speaker 1: have respect when breaking up with someone, because there is 440 00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:23,439 Speaker 1: nothing worse than feeling like you're blindsided and have no 441 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:27,159 Speaker 1: proper reason for the breakup. Like I think that's I 442 00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:28,919 Speaker 1: mean for me, when I got broken up with I 443 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:32,280 Speaker 1: kind of didn't understand why, and I didn't really get 444 00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:34,480 Speaker 1: much of a reason why. I think if you've been 445 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:38,000 Speaker 1: with someone for several years, you do need for that closure. 446 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:40,840 Speaker 1: You do need to understand why. Sometimes it's hard to 447 00:20:40,880 --> 00:20:43,080 Speaker 1: say why though, because it might just be like you're 448 00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,119 Speaker 1: just not the one or they don't love you anymore, 449 00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:46,600 Speaker 1: do you know what I mean, it's kind of hard 450 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:50,280 Speaker 1: to say that. Yeah, that is hard, But I suppose 451 00:20:50,440 --> 00:20:52,960 Speaker 1: one thing is don't do it over text message. That's 452 00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:56,120 Speaker 1: probably the worst. I definitely need to do it in person. Yeah, 453 00:20:56,160 --> 00:20:59,120 Speaker 1: and have the decency to answer the person's questions. I mean, 454 00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,960 Speaker 1: you know, as you said, it's probably a hard thing 455 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:04,320 Speaker 1: because maybe you've just maybe you really liked the person 456 00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,119 Speaker 1: but you're just not in love with them anymore, or 457 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,600 Speaker 1: maybe you're in different places of your life. But just 458 00:21:09,640 --> 00:21:11,440 Speaker 1: be honest and say that, because it's going to help 459 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:13,960 Speaker 1: the person understand it and then not cling on to 460 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,040 Speaker 1: you and question, oh no, but maybe we are meant 461 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,760 Speaker 1: to be. But you know, I don't think you should 462 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,560 Speaker 1: lead someone on either. No. But also, you know how 463 00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:23,720 Speaker 1: you said you like you don't like being blindsided. Then 464 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:27,600 Speaker 1: it's kind of stressful if someone's kind of all of 465 00:21:27,600 --> 00:21:30,119 Speaker 1: a sudden pulls away and acts differently as well, like 466 00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:32,960 Speaker 1: I just, oh, I understand that, but I mean blindsided 467 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,000 Speaker 1: in the sense of not being given a real reasons 468 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,440 Speaker 1: why they're breaking up with you. And sending mixed signals 469 00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:39,280 Speaker 1: like I think the most important thing is if you 470 00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:42,440 Speaker 1: break up with someone, don't continue, as Amy said, leading 471 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,439 Speaker 1: them on and you know, giving them mixed messages and 472 00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:48,080 Speaker 1: continuing texting them and well, I think you should share 473 00:21:48,119 --> 00:21:50,800 Speaker 1: your breakup story because that was bloody. Are you sure 474 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:56,800 Speaker 1: we didn't do that anything? I don't think so mine 475 00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,520 Speaker 1: was pretty awful. So I was at work, used to 476 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,560 Speaker 1: work at or ten on the weekends. I was listening 477 00:22:02,560 --> 00:22:05,639 Speaker 1: to scanners and occasionally went out and did some journalist stuff. Anyway, 478 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:09,000 Speaker 1: So my boyfriend at the time, he'd gone out really 479 00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:11,720 Speaker 1: late the night before and I hadn't really heard from him. 480 00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:15,200 Speaker 1: Was getting a bit nervous. He wasn't really that trustworthy 481 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:18,120 Speaker 1: sometimes when you go out anyway, So then he messages 482 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:20,400 Speaker 1: me over Facebook being really weird. I was like, oh, 483 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:22,919 Speaker 1: how was your night, rarah? Anyway, I could just sense 484 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,160 Speaker 1: something was up, and he's like, I need to come 485 00:22:25,200 --> 00:22:28,720 Speaker 1: and see you. I'm like okay. So I went and 486 00:22:28,760 --> 00:22:31,560 Speaker 1: met him across the road from work, got in the car. 487 00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:34,679 Speaker 1: He dumped me in the car, told me we were 488 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,120 Speaker 1: in different stages of our lives and he didn't love 489 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,919 Speaker 1: me anymore. I then had to get out the car, 490 00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:42,480 Speaker 1: go back into work and go and do a bunch 491 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:45,000 Speaker 1: of interviews with important people, and bawled my eyes out 492 00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:47,119 Speaker 1: in the car. That's such a dog act, Like who 493 00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:49,840 Speaker 1: dumped somebody when they're at work? Like couldn't that have 494 00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:52,119 Speaker 1: waited too after? And like didn't it deserve more of 495 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:54,760 Speaker 1: a conversation than just oh we need to talk right now? 496 00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:57,040 Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, Well, I didn't see him for another 497 00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,480 Speaker 1: a month after that, didn't hear a word from him, 498 00:23:00,000 --> 00:23:03,000 Speaker 1: And then we started catching up and texting and I 499 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:05,320 Speaker 1: got my hopes up again. So that was that was 500 00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:07,639 Speaker 1: all quite an ordeal. I don't believe someone would do that. 501 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:09,760 Speaker 1: Why couldn't he just wait for you when work was 502 00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:12,360 Speaker 1: over and they have a big conversation. He didn't want 503 00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,960 Speaker 1: to lie to me whilst I was at work or 504 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,280 Speaker 1: you know, because I kept asking him if something was wrong. 505 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:19,960 Speaker 1: Do you know what what do you guys think of ghosting? 506 00:23:20,119 --> 00:23:22,119 Speaker 1: Like do you think it's good if someone ghosts you? 507 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:25,159 Speaker 1: Or should not someone if you're in a relationship for 508 00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,520 Speaker 1: a couple of years. No? No, But like say someone breaks 509 00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,400 Speaker 1: up with you, is it better for them to ghost you? 510 00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:31,840 Speaker 1: Because then they're not giving you any I think ghosts. 511 00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:34,280 Speaker 1: I think ghosting is the wrong word. I think if 512 00:23:34,320 --> 00:23:36,959 Speaker 1: you if you don't want to be with someone and 513 00:23:37,000 --> 00:23:39,080 Speaker 1: that's your intention and you've got your heart set on that, 514 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,800 Speaker 1: then I think end thing's in a nice way, and 515 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:45,399 Speaker 1: then not don't continue the messaging and don't continue like 516 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:48,159 Speaker 1: the mixed messages. I think ghosting is just shit all round. 517 00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:50,000 Speaker 1: Like there's nothing worse than going on a couple of 518 00:23:50,119 --> 00:23:51,879 Speaker 1: dates with someone and then you text them and they 519 00:23:51,920 --> 00:23:54,760 Speaker 1: never reply. Like I just think, be upfront and honest, 520 00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:56,360 Speaker 1: and if you don't want to see the person again, 521 00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:58,760 Speaker 1: just say, hey, you know, it's great catching up with you. 522 00:23:58,800 --> 00:24:00,560 Speaker 1: But I don't really see it going in anyway, Like 523 00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:04,160 Speaker 1: why can't someone just say that? I mean that being said, 524 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,879 Speaker 1: like where like a few years ago, I did go 525 00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:09,360 Speaker 1: on Tinder, as we're all talking about Tinder, and there 526 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:11,679 Speaker 1: was one guy who was just really full on, like 527 00:24:11,720 --> 00:24:13,960 Speaker 1: I only met up with him once and then he 528 00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,119 Speaker 1: asked me to come and see his new house and 529 00:24:16,119 --> 00:24:18,480 Speaker 1: all this sort of stuff, And in that sense, I 530 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:20,600 Speaker 1: did ghost him because I just said how busy I 531 00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:22,280 Speaker 1: was with work and I don't think I could come 532 00:24:22,280 --> 00:24:25,199 Speaker 1: maybe another time, And then I just stopped reply and 533 00:24:25,440 --> 00:24:27,280 Speaker 1: it cause it is hard to say to someone I 534 00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:30,119 Speaker 1: don't like you after work after one date's different. But 535 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,120 Speaker 1: I think if you've been on a couple and then 536 00:24:32,240 --> 00:24:34,639 Speaker 1: I think if the person should just not just not 537 00:24:34,720 --> 00:24:37,920 Speaker 1: reply at all, I think that's rude. So the next 538 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,520 Speaker 1: question is, I've started dating a guy and I'm nervous 539 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,879 Speaker 1: about him seeing me without my makeup on. I'm considering 540 00:24:43,920 --> 00:24:46,399 Speaker 1: sleeping in my makeup or waking up early before he 541 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:49,040 Speaker 1: gets up to put it on. What should I do? 542 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:53,000 Speaker 1: We've all been there, haven't we. I personally am a 543 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,760 Speaker 1: big makeup person, so I've been in that scenario where 544 00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:57,919 Speaker 1: you do feel a bit awkward to be seen without 545 00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:02,119 Speaker 1: makeup on. Have you guys felt that? Definitely? I have. 546 00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:05,320 Speaker 1: But like when I started going out with Dale, I 547 00:25:05,400 --> 00:25:08,119 Speaker 1: just decided that I was I didn't want to go 548 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:10,280 Speaker 1: to sleep in makeup. Like I feel like, if you 549 00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:13,320 Speaker 1: think it's going to be a long lasting relationship, you 550 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,200 Speaker 1: don't want to act like it's a big deal. Because 551 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:17,240 Speaker 1: sometimes I think if you make sending out to be 552 00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:20,359 Speaker 1: a big deal, people, well people will make it a 553 00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:22,480 Speaker 1: big deal. If that makes sense. Sorry, that's but you 554 00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:23,879 Speaker 1: know what I mean. Like if I was like, oh, 555 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:26,760 Speaker 1: don't look at me, he'd look more at me and 556 00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,800 Speaker 1: I'd feel more insecure. I used to sleep in makeup 557 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:32,440 Speaker 1: when I started going up with Brandon. Sorry the way 558 00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:34,120 Speaker 1: he said that, it was like it was some kind 559 00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:37,879 Speaker 1: of like alcoholic anonymous. In my defense, the reason I 560 00:25:37,920 --> 00:25:39,560 Speaker 1: did that was because he lived at home at the 561 00:25:39,600 --> 00:25:41,919 Speaker 1: time and his parents and sister would be around, and 562 00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:44,040 Speaker 1: I felt awkward to go to the toilet looking like 563 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:46,399 Speaker 1: absolutely crap if because they got up so early and 564 00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:49,160 Speaker 1: when your makeup looked bad. Oh I did it did, 565 00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:50,840 Speaker 1: But you know, obviously I live with him now and 566 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:53,520 Speaker 1: I don't do that. But but he's always like, oh, 567 00:25:53,560 --> 00:25:56,280 Speaker 1: he looks so cute without your makeup on. Like I 568 00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,600 Speaker 1: think it just depends on the person. Like my ex 569 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,480 Speaker 1: boyfriend was so rude about me without makeup on, so 570 00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:05,040 Speaker 1: then I never wanted him to see me. Whereas now like, 571 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:09,359 Speaker 1: why are you loving? Oh, just remembering it, because like 572 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,159 Speaker 1: therapy is actually just remembering something. When I picked up 573 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:14,439 Speaker 1: my ex boyfriend from the city with no makeup on 574 00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,239 Speaker 1: like three o'clock in the morning, would you rook up 575 00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:20,359 Speaker 1: looking like such shit? So what he said to you? Yeah? God, 576 00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:23,399 Speaker 1: maybe we shouldn't that. No, I think we need to 577 00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:25,600 Speaker 1: include that because do you know what, if someone's gonna 578 00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:27,840 Speaker 1: say that to you, then they're not for you. Like 579 00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:31,200 Speaker 1: that's there's a reason why those guys are ex boyfriends. 580 00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:32,639 Speaker 1: But that's what I was gonna say. I think it 581 00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:35,440 Speaker 1: depends how someone makes you feel. Like my current boyfriend 582 00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:38,400 Speaker 1: raised it's like I look like such shit in front 583 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,439 Speaker 1: of him, and he's so lovely about it. Like I 584 00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,920 Speaker 1: don't feel I mean, I still think, oh I don't 585 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,320 Speaker 1: look good, but you know, you've got to be comfortable 586 00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:48,880 Speaker 1: around someone like I feel so comfortable now. Yeah, exactly right. 587 00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:51,640 Speaker 1: And I think for this person, just bite the bullet. 588 00:26:51,680 --> 00:26:56,240 Speaker 1: You don't look bad, you can't like it's just that's you. Do. 589 00:26:56,280 --> 00:26:57,680 Speaker 1: You know what some good tips are though, if you 590 00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:00,359 Speaker 1: do feel a bit uncomfortable, is sometimes it would make 591 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,000 Speaker 1: me feel a bit more comfortable if I had a 592 00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:04,560 Speaker 1: little bit of fake tan on my face, or you know, 593 00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:07,840 Speaker 1: if you've kept up, we had some moisturizer on. Yeah, 594 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:11,080 Speaker 1: eco tan facetan is really face water is really good, 595 00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:14,760 Speaker 1: but that natural gloat. So the next question is sort 596 00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:16,960 Speaker 1: of short and simple. It says, how long should you 597 00:27:16,960 --> 00:27:19,560 Speaker 1: wait before you fart in front of your partner. Does 598 00:27:19,560 --> 00:27:21,679 Speaker 1: it depend if you're a boy and a girl, because 599 00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:24,359 Speaker 1: I hate to be a girl. I think it does. 600 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:27,040 Speaker 1: That's written this. I don't know if the boy would 601 00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:29,440 Speaker 1: be right now. You have to wait till the boyfriend 602 00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:31,280 Speaker 1: farts in front of you, and then it's you know, 603 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:33,439 Speaker 1: not the harp on about our shit ex boyfriends. But 604 00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:36,359 Speaker 1: I remember my ex boyfriend said to me if I 605 00:27:36,440 --> 00:27:38,760 Speaker 1: ever farted in front of him, I would be kicked 606 00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,639 Speaker 1: out onto the curb. Yeah, mindset, he'd break up with 607 00:27:41,680 --> 00:27:44,760 Speaker 1: me if I farted in front of your expert immature 608 00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:47,080 Speaker 1: this day, Like, how would you come? Oh my god, Okay, 609 00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:51,520 Speaker 1: I'm going to confess something here. So yeah, I've been 610 00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:55,000 Speaker 1: going out with Dale for two years now and I 611 00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:57,480 Speaker 1: have not farted in front of him. Look, I've got 612 00:27:57,480 --> 00:27:59,639 Speaker 1: to interrupt. That's not such a great feat because he 613 00:27:59,880 --> 00:28:02,920 Speaker 1: was out of the state for a year. Well, we've 614 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:07,760 Speaker 1: been living together since October. Anyway. Unfortunately, the other night 615 00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:11,040 Speaker 1: we had this foul Indian and told you not to 616 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,600 Speaker 1: get that I know and effect me for some reason, 617 00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:17,119 Speaker 1: and like apparently I didn't audibly far, but apparently the 618 00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:23,400 Speaker 1: room smelled rather funky. Oh, I'm so embarrassed to say that, 619 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:27,760 Speaker 1: but it did, and like he was actually like, what 620 00:28:27,840 --> 00:28:32,000 Speaker 1: was it? He goes, oh, I woke up and it 621 00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:34,960 Speaker 1: didn't smell that one of mine. But it actually didn't 622 00:28:35,000 --> 00:28:37,639 Speaker 1: smell that bad, like it was quite like it was 623 00:28:37,760 --> 00:28:39,920 Speaker 1: quite palatable, And I was like, is that a compliment? 624 00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:43,680 Speaker 1: I had the like a funny first far experience too. 625 00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:47,680 Speaker 1: I don't know if anyone has had a poky bowl before. No, 626 00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:53,560 Speaker 1: Oh my god, they are fucking lethal. So I had one. 627 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:55,880 Speaker 1: And this was like the first or second time I 628 00:28:55,920 --> 00:28:59,920 Speaker 1: slept over at Brandon's house. Anyway, I'm just dozing away, 629 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:04,520 Speaker 1: and then we were both woken by this toxic and 630 00:29:04,640 --> 00:29:07,080 Speaker 1: just a smack in the face and you know when 631 00:29:07,120 --> 00:29:10,920 Speaker 1: you're like, oh, no, it's me, And he was like 632 00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:14,200 Speaker 1: he actually got really mad at He's like, what is 633 00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:16,719 Speaker 1: that like? And then he felt so bad for me 634 00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:18,680 Speaker 1: the next day because it was actually foul, like I've 635 00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:21,680 Speaker 1: never spent so had he not fighted in front of you, 636 00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:25,600 Speaker 1: you know he hadn't. I know he'd been anyway, the 637 00:29:25,640 --> 00:29:28,880 Speaker 1: next day, I wanted to make you feel a bit 638 00:29:28,920 --> 00:29:31,440 Speaker 1: more comfortable about last night. And then he sat on 639 00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:33,360 Speaker 1: the bed and he just let go of this big 640 00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:35,600 Speaker 1: part and then he like and then he got so 641 00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:38,120 Speaker 1: embarrassed and cover in his face and was like, I 642 00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:41,280 Speaker 1: shouldn't have done that. Well, do you know what Dale 643 00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:43,680 Speaker 1: said to me. He's like, I'm actually so glad that 644 00:29:43,680 --> 00:29:45,800 Speaker 1: that happened, because I was starting to think that you 645 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:49,480 Speaker 1: weren't human. But I just think their sleep farts shouldn't 646 00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:53,360 Speaker 1: be included because it's impossible. Like apparently I bloody farted 647 00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:56,000 Speaker 1: early on in my sleep and I didn't know about it, 648 00:29:56,040 --> 00:29:58,360 Speaker 1: and I was like, this is bullshit, Like you just 649 00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:02,200 Speaker 1: feel betrayed by yourself. Okay, So I think to summarize, 650 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:05,440 Speaker 1: a girl should try and wait for the boyfriend to 651 00:30:05,480 --> 00:30:07,400 Speaker 1: find I know that might sound sexist, but we're just 652 00:30:07,400 --> 00:30:11,400 Speaker 1: giving you, I think, some sound advice. And you know, 653 00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:14,160 Speaker 1: and if and if you accidentally fart during your sleep, 654 00:30:14,200 --> 00:30:16,360 Speaker 1: den I deny, deny, it could have been them unless 655 00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:18,640 Speaker 1: there was an audible sound. That's what I did. I 656 00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:21,840 Speaker 1: was like, oh, well, yes, I can smell something, but 657 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:24,920 Speaker 1: I don't know who that is. Some other vices just 658 00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:28,680 Speaker 1: don't ever eat a pokey bowl as well. Yeah, and 659 00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:33,120 Speaker 1: the next question says, should you sleep with somebody on 660 00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:38,040 Speaker 1: the first date? No, that's my I don't think so well. 661 00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:41,160 Speaker 1: I listened to another popular podcast and they were talking 662 00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:46,560 Speaker 1: about another popular one. Oh I'm just saying another podcast 663 00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:50,960 Speaker 1: and they were sad and they were talking about you know, 664 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,200 Speaker 1: they were kind of advocating for women to just go 665 00:30:53,280 --> 00:30:55,080 Speaker 1: for it and sleep with guys on the first day, 666 00:30:55,080 --> 00:30:56,640 Speaker 1: and you know, what's up to you if that's what 667 00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:58,360 Speaker 1: you want to do. But I don't feel like we 668 00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:01,800 Speaker 1: should just be pushing people to do it because we can. Like, 669 00:31:01,880 --> 00:31:05,160 Speaker 1: of course, a woman shouldn't be judged if she sleeps 670 00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:07,120 Speaker 1: with a person on a first date. But I do 671 00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:10,480 Speaker 1: think if you are wanting to, if you do see 672 00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:12,760 Speaker 1: a future with the guy, then sometimes it's not the 673 00:31:12,840 --> 00:31:15,720 Speaker 1: right thing to do in terms of the guy might 674 00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:18,560 Speaker 1: get the wrong idea about it. They might think that 675 00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:21,960 Speaker 1: you only are interested in having a casual relationship. That 676 00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:26,320 Speaker 1: being said, I've known people who met up, met each 677 00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:28,800 Speaker 1: other in town, hooked up, and now they're getting married. 678 00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:31,280 Speaker 1: Like it's it's each to their own, you know what 679 00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:33,800 Speaker 1: I mean. Because some people, I mean, maybe we take 680 00:31:33,800 --> 00:31:35,880 Speaker 1: out the word date. Some women or some men just 681 00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:38,200 Speaker 1: like to hook up with people and that's all they're 682 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:40,040 Speaker 1: looking for. But I think what you're saying is if 683 00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:42,440 Speaker 1: you're looking for more, you're probably going to get more 684 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:45,200 Speaker 1: out of the situation from holding off. Yeah, but okay, 685 00:31:45,240 --> 00:31:47,600 Speaker 1: So I was just to clarify. The piece of advice 686 00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:50,840 Speaker 1: that I didn't agree with on this podcast was they 687 00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:53,960 Speaker 1: were saying basically that, oh, fuck it, just you should 688 00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:55,960 Speaker 1: just sleep with them, because then if you don't hear 689 00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:59,120 Speaker 1: from them again, then oh well, they probably wouldn't have 690 00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:02,000 Speaker 1: messaged you if you waited ten dates to sleep with them. 691 00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:05,920 Speaker 1: But I kind of think that's really unfair because you know, 692 00:32:06,480 --> 00:32:09,120 Speaker 1: when a woman sleeps with someone mind standings, they release 693 00:32:09,280 --> 00:32:11,480 Speaker 1: this kind of hormone, which is the love hormone, and 694 00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:15,160 Speaker 1: they become more attached to that person. And also considering 695 00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:19,320 Speaker 1: you know, there's sometimes all these STDs that are going around, 696 00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:22,280 Speaker 1: like you kind of want to know the person before 697 00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:25,040 Speaker 1: you do that. So I don't know, if you're wanting 698 00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:27,719 Speaker 1: to be if you wanting to have someone be your boyfriend, 699 00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:31,280 Speaker 1: I personally would advise to wait a little bit longer 700 00:32:31,320 --> 00:32:33,680 Speaker 1: than the first date, just because you're not sure how 701 00:32:33,720 --> 00:32:36,680 Speaker 1: this guy is gonna take that. That being I agree 702 00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:38,280 Speaker 1: with you what you're saying, But that being said, there's 703 00:32:38,320 --> 00:32:40,719 Speaker 1: some people who were like in their forties who were 704 00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:44,160 Speaker 1: dating as well, or fifties, and for them, maybe they're 705 00:32:44,200 --> 00:32:46,720 Speaker 1: just looking for that level of intimacy. So yeah, I 706 00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:48,920 Speaker 1: feel like what you're looking at it's quite different. Like 707 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:52,120 Speaker 1: if you're early twenties and you've never really been with 708 00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:54,760 Speaker 1: someone before, I wouldn't suggest, oh, just sleep with someone 709 00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:57,320 Speaker 1: on the first date, because that's obviously going to mean 710 00:32:57,400 --> 00:33:00,760 Speaker 1: a lot more to you. Now to our love asked question, 711 00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:03,520 Speaker 1: it says, I work with a guy and I really 712 00:33:03,640 --> 00:33:05,920 Speaker 1: like him, and I think he likes me too, but 713 00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:10,640 Speaker 1: he has a girlfriend. What do I do? Hey, you 714 00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:13,960 Speaker 1: might be an expert on this one. Kate actually met 715 00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:17,520 Speaker 1: her boyfriend at work when he had a girlfriend, So, oh, look, 716 00:33:17,560 --> 00:33:19,520 Speaker 1: I'm not going to go into that out of respect 717 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:23,480 Speaker 1: for reasons, but it is a tough situation to be 718 00:33:23,560 --> 00:33:26,600 Speaker 1: in because at work you form, you know, really good friendships, 719 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:29,160 Speaker 1: you see the person every day. I think you just 720 00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:32,800 Speaker 1: have to be respectful of the relationship they have. I 721 00:33:32,840 --> 00:33:36,560 Speaker 1: think it's wrong to go behind people's backs and form 722 00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:39,480 Speaker 1: any sort of physical relationship. But again, it's hard not 723 00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:43,680 Speaker 1: to form a like a bond, a bond and a 724 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:46,280 Speaker 1: you know, like if you see someone every day, you're 725 00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,719 Speaker 1: going to quickly work out whether you like them or not. 726 00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:52,320 Speaker 1: I also think it's hard in these scenarios where someone 727 00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:55,320 Speaker 1: has a girlfriend or a boyfriend, because if they are 728 00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:58,720 Speaker 1: to cheat with you, then the relationship that you go 729 00:33:58,880 --> 00:34:01,680 Speaker 1: into there will be this level of mistrust with that person, 730 00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:04,040 Speaker 1: like will they do this to me? So it is 731 00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:06,920 Speaker 1: important perhaps to lay the boundaries down. If you are 732 00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:09,200 Speaker 1: feeling back, if you are getting the vibe from this 733 00:34:09,280 --> 00:34:12,399 Speaker 1: person that they also were interested in you, I feel 734 00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:14,320 Speaker 1: it shows a lot to that you have respect for 735 00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:16,680 Speaker 1: yourself and for that person to be like, yeah, I 736 00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:18,680 Speaker 1: am interested in you, but I don't want to do 737 00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:23,759 Speaker 1: anything that's disrespectful to your girlfriend exactly. And I think 738 00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:26,279 Speaker 1: if you know, I think you know each other well 739 00:34:26,400 --> 00:34:29,439 Speaker 1: enough by working together and by being friends, if there's 740 00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:32,880 Speaker 1: something there, and then that is the point where it's 741 00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:35,000 Speaker 1: up to the person with the partner to say, Okay, 742 00:34:35,239 --> 00:34:37,200 Speaker 1: I'm going to break up and then I'm going to 743 00:34:37,239 --> 00:34:38,960 Speaker 1: see how things go with you. I don't think there 744 00:34:38,960 --> 00:34:42,400 Speaker 1: should be any cross lines or any you know, cheating 745 00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:44,880 Speaker 1: or all that sort of stuff. I think that's completely wrong. 746 00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:48,640 Speaker 1: But unfortunately these things happens, and sometimes you form an 747 00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:51,520 Speaker 1: emotional connection with someone when you have a partner, and 748 00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:54,120 Speaker 1: that's not ideal, but it's the way you deal with 749 00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:56,480 Speaker 1: it that it shows if you're respectful and if you're 750 00:34:56,520 --> 00:34:58,880 Speaker 1: a good person. Yeah, that's the thing. You're not going 751 00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:01,840 Speaker 1: to respect that person if they just go and cheat 752 00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:03,960 Speaker 1: on their girlfriend, because you'll think, oh gosh, if I 753 00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:06,040 Speaker 1: get into a relationship with them, that's the type of 754 00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:08,640 Speaker 1: person they are. So I feel like you almost have 755 00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:11,680 Speaker 1: to think about it like you're this guy's girlfriend and 756 00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:14,000 Speaker 1: you know, because I mean I would find that so 757 00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:17,160 Speaker 1: awful if someone was trying to hook up with my 758 00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:20,440 Speaker 1: boyfriend behind my back. But you know, if they have 759 00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:22,279 Speaker 1: a bit of girl code about it, even if you 760 00:35:22,320 --> 00:35:24,120 Speaker 1: don't know the person, you've got to put yourself in 761 00:35:24,120 --> 00:35:26,080 Speaker 1: their shoes. But that being said, if there is this 762 00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:28,879 Speaker 1: spark with the person and it's you know, you can 763 00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:32,000 Speaker 1: sense something there, I think you can still talk to them. 764 00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:34,440 Speaker 1: And it also depends. I mean, if that person's in 765 00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:38,240 Speaker 1: an unhappy relationship and then they've formed this special bond 766 00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:41,440 Speaker 1: with you. As you said, Kate, you shouldn't like like 767 00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:44,399 Speaker 1: you should never actually cheat with the person. I think 768 00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:47,080 Speaker 1: that you have to wait until that relationship's over, just 769 00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:49,799 Speaker 1: to be respectful to both parties. But you know, it 770 00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:53,040 Speaker 1: doesn't mean that of relationships just over because of you 771 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:56,040 Speaker 1: or you know, there's obviously lots of other issues going 772 00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,480 Speaker 1: on if this guy is in fact interested in you 773 00:35:58,680 --> 00:36:00,600 Speaker 1: at work. I suppose it does bring up the issue 774 00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:03,560 Speaker 1: of emotional cheating versus physical cheating though, because I suppose 775 00:36:03,640 --> 00:36:08,200 Speaker 1: in talking to someone that partner is emotionally cheating. Yeah, 776 00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:09,680 Speaker 1: but what are you meant to do if you do 777 00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:12,200 Speaker 1: meet someone, Like, just because you've got a boyfriend or 778 00:36:12,239 --> 00:36:15,640 Speaker 1: girlfriend doesn't mean that that person's your exact match, do 779 00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:17,359 Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like, it's obviously a shit 780 00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:19,799 Speaker 1: situation to be in, But what if you meet the 781 00:36:19,800 --> 00:36:22,080 Speaker 1: love of your life when you're in a relationship. I 782 00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:24,440 Speaker 1: feel like you do just have to enter the situation 783 00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:27,960 Speaker 1: with respect and sensitivity for the other person, because, as 784 00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:29,279 Speaker 1: you say, at the end of the day, if that 785 00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:32,040 Speaker 1: person is the right person for you, they will also 786 00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:34,960 Speaker 1: go about it in a respectful way to their ex partner. Well, 787 00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:37,000 Speaker 1: I think that's all we've got time for now before 788 00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:40,720 Speaker 1: we go. Kate has a recommendation for anybody who loves 789 00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:45,120 Speaker 1: reality TV, and I suppose those sort of reality love shows. Well, 790 00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:47,600 Speaker 1: this was recommended to me by Reese's mum and dad 791 00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:50,160 Speaker 1: and they explained it as a mix between Maths and 792 00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:52,759 Speaker 1: Love Ireland, and it was a spot on, Like I 793 00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:54,960 Speaker 1: love both of those shows, So this is great. It's 794 00:36:54,960 --> 00:36:58,759 Speaker 1: on Netflix. It's called Love Is Blind and Amy and 795 00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:00,560 Speaker 1: so still haven't watched it yet, but I was giving 796 00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:03,520 Speaker 1: them a little brief rundown and it gets so sensational. 797 00:37:03,960 --> 00:37:08,239 Speaker 1: My favorite part at the moment so far is there's 798 00:37:08,280 --> 00:37:11,439 Speaker 1: this woman on there who's like thirty four and she's 799 00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:13,279 Speaker 1: a bit of like a Jersey chaser, a bit of 800 00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:15,719 Speaker 1: a wannabe wag, and she's dating a twenty four year 801 00:37:15,760 --> 00:37:18,480 Speaker 1: old guy and she's at her house and she feeds. 802 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:21,640 Speaker 1: She is holding a glass of wine and she lets 803 00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:24,880 Speaker 1: her dog look out the wine. Yeah, that went viral. 804 00:37:25,040 --> 00:37:26,960 Speaker 1: I haven't, as I said, as you said, I haven't 805 00:37:26,960 --> 00:37:28,880 Speaker 1: seen the show, but I saw that the dog was 806 00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,640 Speaker 1: so gorgeous. Now it's this big fat golden retriever reset 807 00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:35,040 Speaker 1: to drink wine meant to we googled it. It's toxic 808 00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:37,960 Speaker 1: for it because grapes are toxic for dogs apparently, which 809 00:37:37,960 --> 00:37:41,359 Speaker 1: I didn't know. But anyway, I would highly recommend watching it. 810 00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:44,120 Speaker 1: It puts it's meant to put to the test. Is 811 00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:47,279 Speaker 1: love blind, but it's sensational And if you did enjoy 812 00:37:47,280 --> 00:37:49,200 Speaker 1: listening to the episode, we'd love if you could share 813 00:37:49,239 --> 00:37:51,919 Speaker 1: it on your Insta story and tag us. And also 814 00:37:52,000 --> 00:37:54,120 Speaker 1: it'd be great if you could leave us a positive 815 00:37:54,120 --> 00:37:56,919 Speaker 1: review if you did like the show, and also send 816 00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:58,600 Speaker 1: us more of your questions because we'd be more than 817 00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:00,800 Speaker 1: happy to do another show answering them because I feel 818 00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:02,799 Speaker 1: like it was a lot of fun for us and 819 00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:05,520 Speaker 1: also a bit of therapy, So thank you again.