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Speaker 1: Okay. Today on the Happy Families podcast, Real Parenting Solutions

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Speaker 1: Every Day. This is Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast, where

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Speaker 1: Justin and Kylie Calson we are discussing what I think

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Speaker 1: is the big moment some of the most compelling TV

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Speaker 1: that you'll ever see. Monday Night on Parental Guidance, we

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Speaker 1: were blown away by what happened in the last twenty

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Speaker 1: minutes of the show and we really need to spend

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Speaker 1: some time chatting about what I think most of Australia

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Speaker 1: saw and we're just astonished by. So let's do a

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Speaker 1: quick reset and just get you up to date on

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Speaker 1: Parental Guidance. This week we focused on the topic of

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Speaker 1: body image. Where we're talking about body image. We're talking

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Speaker 1: about healthy eating, regular exercise and having a positive view

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Speaker 1: of your body.

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Speaker 2: This is complicated. Eat well, but you know, not obsessively,

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Speaker 2: exercise but don't go too hard. But how do we

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Speaker 2: actually parent for this?

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Speaker 1: Let's reintroduce those focused parents so you know who we're

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Speaker 1: talking about. First up, our authoritative parents, Elvie and Sean.

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Speaker 3: As authoritative parents, we don't really give our children too

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Speaker 3: much choice.

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Speaker 4: To be good in piano, you do need a lot

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Speaker 4: of practicing. Elvis says the rules in the family.

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Speaker 5: You only have turned him in this that okay.

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Speaker 4: The girls and I.

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Speaker 1: Are they Nick and Sophia the positivity parents.

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Speaker 5: As positivity parents, we build up our children's self esteem

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Speaker 5: every single day by doing positive affirmations.

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Speaker 6: I can't hear you got to tell her out?

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Speaker 1: I am stop before?

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Speaker 4: Yes? Yes?

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Speaker 1: Who are Amanda Hassan? Hardware parents.

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Speaker 3: As hardware parents, there's no easy way out.

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Speaker 5: We don't leave anyone behind. We all go do things together.

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Speaker 4: Yes, we actually choose to parent our children.

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Speaker 1: Josh and Cassie Life school parents.

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Speaker 6: As a family of seven. We live in our truck

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Speaker 6: and caravan traveling around Australia.

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Speaker 4: We've been traveling for like three years. We haven't been

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Speaker 4: to school for four years. We just choose life schooling.

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Speaker 5: To a better way to learn.

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Speaker 1: Well, the very last challenge of the night was for

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Speaker 1: the Life school parents.

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Speaker 2: We're playing the compliment game and there's one more family

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Speaker 2: left to see. Let's see how our Love school parents went.

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Speaker 6: Give your parents five compliments each.

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Speaker 4: Let's go as.

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Speaker 7: Live school parents.

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Speaker 3: We think a good compliment is one that comes from

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Speaker 3: the heart.

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Speaker 4: And it's honest.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so I need to explain what unfolded because it's

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Speaker 1: quite visual. You had to see it if you listen

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Speaker 1: to the podcast and you haven't seen the show, maybe

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Speaker 1: because you're overseas or you just haven't caught up yet

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Speaker 1: on the nine and now app here's what's going on

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Speaker 1: with the compliment game. The kids are describing their parents.

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Speaker 1: They're saying things like pretty, nice skin, nice hair, awesome, fun,

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Speaker 1: But it was really a parent that they had trouble spelling,

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Speaker 1: like fun was spelled with an M crossed out and

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Speaker 1: then the letter and pretty was pri y and so

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Speaker 1: on were beautiful.

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Speaker 2: There was a bit of a spelling issue.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, that was It was a funny one because the

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Speaker 6: spelling and the writing and the reading.

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Speaker 5: A few of them struggled at do they know how

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Speaker 5: to read and write?

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Speaker 6: Yeah, they read and write in their own ways. It's

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Speaker 6: not like we sit down and give them pen and

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Speaker 6: paper lessons.

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Speaker 1: What we've seen is they might need a bit more

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Speaker 1: help with that.

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Speaker 2: We have a high school teacher in the room, Amanda.

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Speaker 4: I just talking from my perspective. I just thought it

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Speaker 4: was lacking, like a lot for their age, the youngest

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Speaker 4: being seven, Like you should be able to spell and

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Speaker 4: read really well, really well well for those words. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: they were quite easy words. Yeah. I would be giving

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Speaker 4: them a lot more lessons and reading and writing. They

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Speaker 4: need it.

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Speaker 1: A comment from one of the parents pretty well summed

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Speaker 1: up the general feeling in the room.

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Speaker 5: I would be beside myself to be quite honest, whether

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Speaker 5: or not you believe that you're limiting their opportunities for

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Speaker 5: careers later. Like you said, well, if they want to

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Speaker 5: be a doctor, they can be a doctor. Realistically, I

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Speaker 5: don't see that happening if they can't read.

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Speaker 2: Are you worried about where the boys are at with

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Speaker 2: their reading and writing? I'm not worried at all, because

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Speaker 2: they can read and write, but we didn't see that

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Speaker 2: there and they were they It's like fun.

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Speaker 6: If you look at most people on social media, they

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Speaker 6: can't spell or use grammar as well.

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Speaker 2: And if you're not worried about it, at what point

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Speaker 2: do you become worried.

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Speaker 3: One of the challenges is them having a good relationship

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Speaker 3: with reading and writing and that sort of thing. We

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Speaker 3: don't want to come on too strong and too heavy

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Speaker 3: for them to be fully resistive to taking you.

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Speaker 1: Josh, I need to jump in. You're not alarmed. Everybody

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Speaker 1: in the room is alarmed, and I'm alarmed. They've got

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Speaker 1: such limited capacity to read, and they are not just behind,

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Speaker 1: there's several years behind. How much do you read to them?

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Speaker 6: To be honest, it varies.

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Speaker 1: How much do they read to you?

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Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, probably not enough.

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Speaker 1: To know things like, based on what we've just heard,

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Speaker 1: they don't read to you at all. Yeah, okay, Kylie,

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Speaker 1: let's talk about this. The importance of reading, something that

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Speaker 1: we've talked about endlessly on the podcast, something that we

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Speaker 1: make a really big deal about. Reading is the gateway

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Speaker 1: to learning.

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Speaker 7: I shared this a few times now, but I don't

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Speaker 7: actually remember being read to as a child, and reading

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Speaker 7: didn't come easy to me. It wasn't until I was

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Speaker 7: in my mid teens that I actually started to pick

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Speaker 7: up a book because I wanted to, and then I

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Speaker 7: became quite an avid reader.

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Speaker 1: I love reading, But you thought I was weird because

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Speaker 1: I read nonfiction and you really liked fiction. And it

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Speaker 1: wasn't until I started to introduce you to some of

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Speaker 1: the incredible nonfiction that's out there that you started to

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Speaker 1: see that that was really exciting. As well. Readers are leaders,

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Speaker 1: and leaders are readers. Recent research that I stumbled across

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Speaker 1: indicates that I can't remember what percentage of kids it is,

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Speaker 1: something like half of Australian children. There's not even ten

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Speaker 1: books in the family home. I have family members who

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Speaker 1: literally don't have books in their home. Full step into story.

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Speaker 1: Zero books that's in my own family just blows me away.

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Speaker 1: How screens have proliferated and taken over our children's imaginations

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Speaker 1: and our families' lives.

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Speaker 7: And just the other day, you actually told me we

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Speaker 7: need more bookshelves.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we do. We've installed one, two, three, four, five,

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Speaker 1: maybe six bookshelves, and I'm saying we need more. We've

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Speaker 1: got too many books and I don't want to get

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Speaker 1: rid of them. Like we keep on culling our books

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Speaker 1: and just keeping the ones that I most besotted by,

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Speaker 1: and we just we love them. So reading is critical.

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Speaker 1: We have consistently made sure that we read to our

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Speaker 1: children daily, our children see us reading daily ourselves. And

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Speaker 1: while we don't read to our children so much anymore

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Speaker 1: because our youngest is eleven and she just wants to

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Speaker 1: read on her own, Like I'll consistently say can I

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Speaker 1: please read to you? And she won't let me because

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Speaker 1: she's completely absorbed in her own books, and she's reading

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Speaker 1: really big books. It's just so important that kids are

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Speaker 1: being read too, that they're reading to us, and that

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Speaker 1: they're seeing us read.

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Speaker 7: But I think what else is really important is that

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Speaker 7: there are books available to them. So little Indie, our

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Speaker 7: grand baby, she's almost two, she knows where the book

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Speaker 7: cupboard is, and when she comes to Lolly's house, she

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Speaker 7: literally goes to that cupboard, pulls out her books, and

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Speaker 7: she will bring them to me and ask to be

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Speaker 7: read too, but she'll often if she doesn't want my time.

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Speaker 7: She is actually really happy to pull them out, and

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Speaker 7: she will sit and flip the pages. Is she reading, No,

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Speaker 7: she's not, but she's becoming acquainted with books. She's looking

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Speaker 7: at the pictures. She's being enthralled and engaged in a

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Speaker 7: story all of its own, without having to know the words.

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Speaker 1: So we've done several podcasts over the last couple of

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Speaker 1: years about how to get your kids to love reading,

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Speaker 1: and we will link to those in the show notes.

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Speaker 1: They're so worth the listen. We've really put a lot

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Speaker 1: of time and effort into that, and I can't overstate

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Speaker 1: how much it matters that children fall in love with reading.

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Speaker 1: This matters so much. But as a result of what occurred,

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Speaker 1: there was a fairly I think really not fairly. There

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Speaker 1: was one of the most important conversations that I've ever

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Speaker 1: had on the TV between Josh and Cassie, the Life

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Speaker 1: School parents and me and I want to talk about

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Speaker 1: the conversation that I had with them offset.

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Speaker 6: Next justin, could you mind if we went outside and

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Speaker 6: had a bit of a chat.

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Speaker 1: Let's go okay, so you can hear the tension. You

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Speaker 1: can feel that the Life School parents and that children

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Speaker 1: had the challenge of the Compliments game. During the course

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Speaker 1: of the game, it became very clear that their children

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Speaker 1: were struggling with basic spelling. Now this podcast episode today

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Speaker 1: is not about them, and it's not about their kids,

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Speaker 1: but there was a lot of confronting feedback from the

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Speaker 1: other parents that was leveled at the Life School parents,

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Speaker 1: and so they asked if we could have a separate

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Speaker 1: conversation off set.

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Speaker 6: I feel that I just need to explain something that

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Speaker 6: wasn't able to be explained in the room around what.

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Speaker 7: Has happened to us in the past.

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Speaker 6: I unfortunately used my ego to allow one of our

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Speaker 6: kids to go to school at the age of four

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Speaker 6: because I had a prep a year one, a year two,

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Speaker 6: and a year three.

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Speaker 4: It's a lot.

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Speaker 1: I thought that that would create.

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Speaker 6: A bond, but it didn't. And what we have now

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Speaker 6: is an extremely resistant child to sitting down and reading

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Speaker 6: and writing. You know, he's not comfortable with holding a

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Speaker 6: pen and paper.

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Speaker 3: Like okay, yeah, I just don't know how to. I

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Speaker 3: just want to to come out.

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Speaker 1: Right, even if it's not right, it's okay.

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Speaker 3: He flatly refuses, you know, like when your dad's dragging

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Speaker 3: you forcefully to the car when you would probably rather

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Speaker 3: die than.

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Speaker 4: Go to where you're going.

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Speaker 3: I'm fearful to what that message tells my son. Literacy

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Speaker 3: is very important.

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Speaker 1: But if we kill his spirit because he has to

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Speaker 1: be at.

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Speaker 3: A benchmark because he is this age, then have we

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Speaker 3: just taken a gift out of the world.

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Speaker 1: Callie that conversation, I think it was just so important

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Speaker 1: to bring context into it, but also to make sure

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Speaker 1: that instruction was clear and that Josh and Cassey knew

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Speaker 1: what their children needed, regardless of the traumatic and challenging

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Speaker 1: experiences that had previously. It's just so important. But what

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Speaker 1: I want to do is stop talking about them now

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Speaker 1: and just talk about the broader question when your child

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Speaker 1: struggles with learning, when your child doesn't want to go

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Speaker 1: to school, what do you do? How do you help?

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Speaker 1: And what are the solutions? That's where we need to

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Speaker 1: spend our time. Now. We've been there. We've had children

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Speaker 1: who have refused to go to school, We've chosen to homeschool.

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Speaker 1: We've dealt with bullying, We've dealt with some mental health challenges,

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Speaker 1: we've dealt with neurodivergence. All of these things have been

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Speaker 1: a part of our family and our story. So we

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Speaker 1: have a huge amount of empathy not just for our

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Speaker 1: life school parents who have described their experience, but also

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Speaker 1: for anyone else who's listened to pot and going but

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Speaker 1: you don't get it, I promise you we do. We've

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Speaker 1: encountered all of those challenges and more. It's been extremely

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Speaker 1: hard raising six kids, not all of whom have been

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Speaker 1: excited to go to school every day. In fact, many

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Speaker 1: who have just dug their heels in an absolutely out

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Speaker 1: and out refused. It's been quite the journey for me.

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Speaker 7: The biggest take homes as we've gone through this process

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Speaker 7: time and time again for very different reasons with each

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Speaker 7: child is number one, recognizing that we can't do it alone.

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Speaker 7: We can't do it alone, and we're not supposed to

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Speaker 7: do it alone. And surrounding ourselves with the appropriate support,

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Speaker 7: whether that be professional or otherwise. Finding the right people

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Speaker 7: to put in your kid's corner and your corner to

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Speaker 7: help you navigate challenges is imperative if we're going to

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Speaker 7: get through this. I think the second one for me

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Speaker 7: is an acknowledgment that there is no quick fix, right yep.

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Speaker 7: As a parent, no one likes seeing their child struggle

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Speaker 7: at all.

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Speaker 1: Hardest think of being a parent is watching you can suffer.

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Speaker 7: And just sitting here thinking about the struggles gets me

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Speaker 7: a bit teary because it's so hard watching them and

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Speaker 7: knowing that they're in pain or they're hurting. But the

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Speaker 7: one thing we need to remember it is no matter what,

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Speaker 7: they need to know that we love them.

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Speaker 1: It just we're on the scene.

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Speaker 7: It has to be at the forefront of every conversation

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Speaker 7: we have with our children. No matter how hard this is,

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Speaker 7: no matter how much you're frustrated with me because we're

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Speaker 7: doing X, Y and Z or whatever it is, I

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Speaker 7: need you to know we just love you. We love you,

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Speaker 7: and we here for you and we want to support you,

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Speaker 7: and we're going to do everything we can, and then

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Speaker 7: we take every conceivable possible step we can to show

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Speaker 7: them that we're on their side.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, the reality is not every kid fits at school schools.

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Speaker 1: There are some schools who do a really great job

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Speaker 1: of catering for children who have diverse and additional and

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Speaker 1: challenging needs. There are some schools that are just remarkable,

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Speaker 1: but they are unusual. The standard cookie cutter approach to

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Speaker 1: schooling doesn't suit every child. And our world is busier

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Speaker 1: and more fraught, and more stressed and more just overwhelming

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Speaker 1: than it's ever been. Bullying is rife. Australia is the

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Speaker 1: second most bullied nation on the planet. The US beats

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Speaker 1: us out there, but are being bullied at insane levels

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Speaker 1: both online and offline. In fact, if it's happening online,

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Speaker 1: you can bet your boots that it's happening offline. And

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Speaker 1: children just it's really hard. So, in addition to what

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Speaker 1: you've said, and I really appreciate the way that you've

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Speaker 1: said it and the things that you've said, a couple

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Speaker 1: of other things to look at. Number One, you've got

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Speaker 1: to work with the school to the extent that you

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Speaker 1: can we've just written a letter to the school about

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Speaker 1: one of our kids who's having a rough time. We've

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Speaker 1: only got two kods a school, so I'm probably giving

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Speaker 1: away a little bit too much there, But we've just

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Speaker 1: said to the school we are dealing with some really

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Speaker 1: big challenges here and we want to work with you.

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Speaker 1: We want to be by your side, we want to

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Speaker 1: be collaborating as much as possible to work through this

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Speaker 1: specific issue. And that approach generally works better than yelling

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Speaker 1: at somebody in the school office and saying you people

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Speaker 1: don't understand you're not doing anything. So that's the first thing.

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Speaker 1: Work with the school. But every now and again you're

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Speaker 1: going to find that no matter how much you work

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Speaker 1: with the school, you just won't get the outcome you need.

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Speaker 1: At which point I think that it's worth looking around

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Speaker 1: at other schooling options. It might be a school up

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Speaker 1: the street or down the road. It might be an

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Speaker 1: alternative kind of school. It could be distance education, it

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Speaker 1: could be homeschool. There are an enormous a variety of

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Speaker 1: options that are out there, and then it just comes

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Speaker 1: down to what you can manage, whether it's budget or

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Speaker 1: whether it's time, whether you're working, whether you can take

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Speaker 1: time off. We have found with homeschooling that having an

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Speaker 1: outside tutor has been essential to help our children stay

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Speaker 1: motivated and to do things that you and I can't

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Speaker 1: do or that the kids won't do. With us, looking

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Speaker 1: at alternatives and being open minded about it becomes imperative.

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Speaker 7: One of the things you've talked about so many times

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Speaker 7: is the acknowledgment that avoidance isn't the answer.

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Speaker 3: No.

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Speaker 1: Avoidance reinforces anxiety, and.

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Speaker 7: So it's really important that while ever we're dealing with struggles,

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Speaker 7: that we don't take what seems like the easier road

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Speaker 7: by avoiding the challenges, because we're actually just creating a

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Speaker 7: bigger problem. We're pushing that problem down the road.

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Speaker 1: If avoidance reinforces anxiety, though, what overcomes anxiety is action.

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Speaker 1: Action is the key. So if your children are struggling,

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Speaker 1: there has to be some form of action, having them

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Speaker 1: involved in extra curricular activities, having them having a third

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Speaker 1: space where they do have good relationships, or they do

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Speaker 1: have a level of competence, or they do have a

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Speaker 1: sense of choice about what they're doing. I would always

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Speaker 1: say minimize screens. I would always be saying get them

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Speaker 1: reading back to the first half of this conversation. But

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Speaker 1: these are the things that our children need. The last

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Speaker 1: thing that I want to highlight and really sort of

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Speaker 1: zero win on as we talk about what the solutions

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Speaker 1: are when our children are struggling with learning is finding

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Speaker 1: something that they are motivated to learn. Finding just find

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Speaker 1: something that they enjoy. Because what you tend to find

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Speaker 1: is that when a child goes into a space where

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Speaker 1: they have decent relationships, where they feel reasonably competent, and

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Speaker 1: they know that they're making progress, and they have a

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Speaker 1: sense of choice over their actions and activities, you find

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Speaker 1: that their motivation is really really deep and profoundly powerful.

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Speaker 1: They're just so motivated. And the reason for the higher

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Speaker 1: levels of motivation because those basic psychological needs are being supported.

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Speaker 1: So child doesn't want to learn, child struggling to do stuff,

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Speaker 1: find something that they do love to learn, and you'll

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Speaker 1: find that motivation will appear really quickly. Motivation actually follows

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Speaker 1: competence rather than competence following motivation, which is what people

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Speaker 1: often think happens. So much more we could talk about it.

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Speaker 1: I mean, it was compelling TV. Really it was compelling

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Speaker 1: because there was a lot of motion, but it was

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Speaker 1: compelling because it matters. It really matters, And I can't

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Speaker 1: thank Josh and Cassie enough and all the parents on

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Speaker 1: the show for being willing to put themselves out there.

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Speaker 1: I get pretty upset when people get on to social

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Speaker 1: media and start making judgmental comments. That's not helpful. These

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Speaker 1: are families who are doing a great job as a

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Speaker 1: general rule, and when you look at how their kids

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Speaker 1: did in every single change. We've got one episode to

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Speaker 1: go on Monday night, but their kids absolutely nail it.

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Speaker 1: They're a great family doing really good stuff.

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Speaker 7: They're so involved, hands on.

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Speaker 1: They're really really good. Yes, yeah, and so it's just

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Speaker 1: I think that it's really important a reminder when you

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Speaker 1: jump onto social media and say things, just be aware

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Speaker 1: there are real people on the other side of this,

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Speaker 1: and they're brave, they're courageous, and they've done what they've

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Speaker 1: done so that we can have conversations like this. It

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Speaker 1: really matters. Anyway, We hope that you've gotten a lot

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Speaker 1: out of today's conversation. We didn't do I'd do better

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Speaker 1: tomorrow this week because we just felt like that was

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Speaker 1: what we needed at end the week on and talk

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Speaker 1: about Thank you so much for listening to the happy

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Speaker 1: Families podcast. It's produced by Justin Rulon from Bridge Media.

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Speaker 1: Mimhammond's provides research, admin and other support and if you'd

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Speaker 1: like more information and more resources to make your family happier,

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Speaker 1: you'll find it at happy families dot com dot au.

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Speaker 1: Parental Guidance Episode four is back Monday night on nine

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Speaker 1: and nine now from seven thirty next time.

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Speaker 2: In the last of our special events series.

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Speaker 1: We have an incredible mental illness challenge in this country.

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Speaker 2: It's the invisible crisis crippling the nation. She screamed from

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Speaker 2: seven per till three am every single night. It was horrific.

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Speaker 1: Don't help me.

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Speaker 2: Tonight's focus parents will be back in the hot seat.

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Speaker 3: My children call me the most mean momed in the world.

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Speaker 2: How do our parents respond when mental health takes center stage?

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Speaker 3: Boys are naturally nurturing, they.

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Speaker 6: Can be stereotyping, can put a lot of pressure on men.

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Speaker 2: And then the panel decides a parents with the best

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Speaker 2: parental guidance when it comes to building good mental health

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Speaker 2: Art