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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 2: Now she's learned some valuable lessons. I don't have to

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Speaker 2: spell them out. I don't have to rub her face

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Speaker 2: in those lessons. Those lessons are pretty apparent. She's old

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Speaker 2: enough to figure this stuff out, and she has.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom

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Speaker 1: and Dad for.

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Speaker 2: Today's I'll Do Better Tomorrow. It's the second last one

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Speaker 2: of the year, twenty twenty two. It's really that close

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Speaker 2: to being over now, I can't believe it. Kylie. We

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Speaker 2: have a big older better Tomorrow to work through today

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Speaker 2: as we focus on our parenting of the week. What's happened,

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Speaker 2: what hasn't happened, what's gone well? What hasn't gone well?

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Speaker 2: Where do you want to start? Because I've got a

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Speaker 2: big story where you're going to look so good at

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Speaker 2: the end of today's I'll Do a Better Tomorrow, You're

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Speaker 2: going to look so good. Do you want to tell

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Speaker 2: everyone how amazing you are? Or do you want to

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Speaker 2: start somewhere else?

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Speaker 3: No, we have to tell them Christmas came early to

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Speaker 3: our house.

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Speaker 2: Oh okay, so long as look at you you're grinning.

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Speaker 2: I need to just backtrack here for a second. Emily,

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Speaker 2: our eight year old, has been begging for a number

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Speaker 2: of months now. It's been eighteen months since Benton died,

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Speaker 2: our puppy dog, and Emily has been begging for several

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Speaker 2: months now for a dog, just desperate for a dog.

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Speaker 2: And so for Christmas, you thought, since it was at

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Speaker 2: the top of her listen, it was the only thing

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Speaker 2: she really wanted, And since I wasn't willing to get

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Speaker 2: a snake or a goldfish for a pet, you decided

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Speaker 2: that we had to have a dog. Well, even though

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Speaker 2: you say you don't want one, but you are so

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Speaker 2: like you are so in love with this dog. It's

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Speaker 2: like your seventh Baby's unbelievable.

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Speaker 3: She just sleeps in my arm.

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Speaker 2: So I did some research and decided that if we

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Speaker 2: were going to get a dog, it needed to be

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Speaker 2: the right sized dog for our house and for our yard,

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Speaker 2: and the right temperament for our family and all that

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Speaker 2: sort of stuff. And so we decided to get a

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Speaker 2: Rhodesian ridgeback. I'm just kidding. So I decided with your input,

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Speaker 2: but it was essentially I really wanted to choose this one.

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Speaker 2: Decided to get a Cavalier King chart Spaniel, which if

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Speaker 2: you haven't seen these dogs, they are just the most beautiful, adorable,

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Speaker 2: gorgeous little balls of fluff that you've ever seen, absolutely stunning.

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Speaker 3: Well, this goes back to a conversation we had more

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Speaker 3: than twenty years. I've always had talked to me about

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Speaker 3: getting a dog, all the way back then. Yeah, and

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Speaker 3: we had decided that if we ever got a dog,

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Speaker 3: this was the kind of dog we would get.

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Speaker 2: Yep, so I got I looked up found a cavey

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Speaker 2: in Brisbane's Bayside suburbs on the South Side, and the

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Speaker 2: dog was going to be at Christmas time, like twelve

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Speaker 2: weeks old or something like that. But the little puppies,

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Speaker 2: they grow so fast. And when I spoke to the

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Speaker 2: person that we were buying the dog from, she was like,

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Speaker 2: it's only a couple of weeks to Christmas, but this

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Speaker 2: dog is growing fast. Are you sure you want to

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Speaker 2: wait until Christmas? Eve? I said to you, Kylie, what

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Speaker 2: do you think? And you said, why don't we go

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Speaker 2: and have a look at it. And I knew as

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Speaker 2: soon as you said that that we were coming home

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Speaker 2: with a dog that day. There's no way you're going

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Speaker 2: to leave it there for another two weeks? Am I right? No?

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Speaker 2: Come on, you had no intention of leaving that every.

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Speaker 3: Intention of taking it too. You just wanted to blame me,

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Speaker 3: so you did not have a single opinion.

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Speaker 2: I knew. I knew that if I had an opinion

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Speaker 2: about it, I'd get in trouble, so I had to

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Speaker 2: leave it to you. But I also knew that as

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Speaker 2: soon as you said, let's go and have a look,

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Speaker 2: that we were going to come home with a dog.

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Speaker 2: So we went and had to look at the dog.

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Speaker 2: And there were a couple of other pups that were

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Speaker 2: still waiting to be picked up as well. And what

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Speaker 2: happened to you as you sat there and held that dog.

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Speaker 3: I went a bit gooey.

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Speaker 2: You went to marsh literally on the lounge. You just

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Speaker 2: turned into a complete marsh ball. This gorgeous while I

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Speaker 2: was being.

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Speaker 3: Mauled by six other puppies, I might add.

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Speaker 2: So anyway, we've come home a couple of days ago.

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Speaker 2: The kids were not expecting it. We've opened up the

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Speaker 2: door and said to them, guess what, Christmas has come early?

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Speaker 2: And they've seen the dog. And there were tears and

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Speaker 2: there were laughter, and there was excitement and the dog

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Speaker 2: has not been left alone for days. And it's just

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Speaker 2: I think parents of the year right here. That's what

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Speaker 2: it really is, isn't it Just by puppy you become

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Speaker 2: the parent of the year.

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Speaker 3: You've just got to keep loving it. That's the problem.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: So the biggest issue that we have right now is

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Speaker 2: that we don't have a name for our dog. So

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Speaker 2: if you've got any ideas for a name for a dog, actually,

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Speaker 2: you know what, I might pop it up on Facebook.

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Speaker 2: I'll put a photo up and say, Christmas came early,

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Speaker 2: we need a name for our dog. Let's get some help. Okay, well,

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Speaker 2: we'll see if the Happy Family's audience can can name

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Speaker 2: our puppy. Anyway, that's not our old do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: That's just you showing off because you've got a dog

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Speaker 2: that you're in love with and you wanted everyone to know. Correct.

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Speaker 2: Maybe okay, I'll do better tomorrow. The idea is we

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Speaker 2: look on the look back on the week that was

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Speaker 2: and identify what we did well so we can do

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Speaker 2: more of it, or what we're not doing well so

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Speaker 2: that we can become better parents. Do you want to

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Speaker 2: go first? I do you want me to oh, look,

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Speaker 2: I'll go first, Okay, great stuff.

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Speaker 3: So we had family Christmas over the weekend, which.

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Speaker 2: We mentioned yesterday and for those of you who missed it,

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Speaker 2: we were down at Kira with my extended family for

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Speaker 2: like two or three nights and doing a whole lot

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Speaker 2: of Christmasy stuff together.

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Speaker 3: And so one of our daughters had driven down for

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Speaker 3: the day. She had intended on staying the night, but

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Speaker 3: just towards the end of it just really felt like

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Speaker 3: she just wanted to be at home in her own bed.

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Speaker 2: She had stuff to do the next day and just

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Speaker 2: wanted to head.

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Speaker 3: On home, and we didn't really want her to go,

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Speaker 3: and she had to take my car and do it,

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Speaker 3: and we.

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Speaker 2: Encouraged her to stay, and she wouldn't listen. She was pretty.

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Speaker 3: Adamant that that's what she wanted to do and making

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Speaker 3: life miserable for everybody else around her. So we finally

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Speaker 3: just said, okay, we'll drive safe and you know, let

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Speaker 3: us know when you get home. So we fell asleep.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I was zonked at like maybe eight point thirty

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Speaker 2: and the phone starts ringing. Now you know, once you've

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Speaker 2: gone to bed at night, if the phone rings, it's

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Speaker 2: never going to be good rights. That's the reality. The

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Speaker 2: phone's just as a signal that something bad has happened.

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Speaker 2: It was about ten o'clock ten fifteen. The phone rings,

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Speaker 2: and you know when you well, I answered the phone

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Speaker 2: and all.

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Speaker 3: I could hear on the other end was unintelligible blubbering.

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Speaker 3: I couldn't understand a word that was being said. That

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Speaker 3: was just hysterics on the other end. And so I've

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Speaker 3: woken up abruptly too. You and I both don't really

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Speaker 3: deal well with be woken up.

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Speaker 2: I really like my sleep, and.

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Speaker 3: So I was struggling to work out why you'd answered

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Speaker 3: the phone in the first place, and why I couldn't

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Speaker 3: understand what was going on. My brain just was feeling

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Speaker 3: very scrambled.

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Speaker 1: YEP.

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Speaker 3: As your conversation continued, I began to realize what was

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Speaker 3: going on. Our daughter had been in a car accident.

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Speaker 3: She'd hit a kangaroo doing one hundred and ten kilometers

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Speaker 3: an hour.

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Speaker 2: That's a fast kangaroo on the freeway.

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Speaker 3: You're so.

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Speaker 2: The kangaroo. Just just for clarification, the kangaroo wasn't doing

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Speaker 2: one hundred year You probably was once it hit the

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Speaker 2: bottom of the.

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Speaker 3: Carry Anyway, you just said to her, where are you?

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Speaker 3: You wanted to kind of get a picture of where

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Speaker 3: she was, where she was on the road specifically, and

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Speaker 3: whether or not she was safe. So she wasn't able

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Speaker 3: to get completely over onto the shoulder. It as a

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Speaker 3: very narrow shoulder.

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Speaker 2: So she's on the Bruce Highway, the highway with cars

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Speaker 2: and trucks going past her at ten o'clock night, like

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Speaker 2: one hundred and ten kilometers an hour, and not everyone

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Speaker 2: does one hundred and ten. People are going fast than that,

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Speaker 2: so flying past her.

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Speaker 3: And the car's actually that's right, the car is actually shaking.

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Speaker 3: So she's she's feeling very scared and obviously overwhelmed and

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Speaker 3: shocked and all of the emotions that you can imagine,

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Speaker 3: and guilty on top of all of that, because of

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Speaker 3: the conversations we'd had with her in the lead up

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Speaker 3: to her leaving.

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Speaker 2: And you know what I said to her, I told

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Speaker 2: you not to go. I told you I didn't really.

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Speaker 3: You didn't at all. And so we tried to encourage

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Speaker 3: her to start the car and off, get off the highway,

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Speaker 3: go up to the next exit and just get off

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Speaker 3: the highway.

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Speaker 2: But she starts that, she starts a car.

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Speaker 3: And it's making all of this noises, and in my mind,

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Speaker 3: I think, Okay, she's hit a kangaro. It's not the

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Speaker 3: end of the world. We're okay, and yes, the car

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Speaker 3: is gonna have a little bit of damage, but she

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Speaker 3: should be fine. She can get herself home and everything

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Speaker 3: will be okay. Well, the car is making all of

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Speaker 3: these noises, so we've told her to turn it off,

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Speaker 3: just give it a few minutes, and then turn it

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Speaker 3: back on see if she can start driving again. The

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Speaker 3: alarm's going off all over the place, and meantime she's

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Speaker 3: still quite hysterical, and she's telling us that the car,

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Speaker 3: the car, the car, the car really really worked up,

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Speaker 3: because there was obviously some damage that we couldn't imagine

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Speaker 3: that she could see. So the long and the short

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Speaker 3: of it is, you had this ridiculously calm conversation with her,

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Speaker 3: ridiculously calm, and once it became a parent that the

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Speaker 3: car actually had significant damage, and knowing the conversation that

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Speaker 3: we'd had with her, I kind of expected that you

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Speaker 3: were going to get quite upset.

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Speaker 2: Well, especially since she'd woke me up at ten fifteen

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Speaker 2: in the evening, gosh ungodly hour and.

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Speaker 3: Just to complicate everything. You have actually already just put

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Speaker 3: in an insurance claim on our.

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Speaker 2: Car Spaceline bicycle got ripped off the roof, off the

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Speaker 2: roof for X when I drive into another cover.

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Speaker 3: Car accident that you had and we had just had

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Speaker 3: a phone call from the wreck. Is to let us

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Speaker 3: know that the job we thought would happen this week

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Speaker 3: will not happen until next mark.

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Speaker 2: Because they can't get parts from the supplier because it's

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Speaker 2: that bad because of COVID.

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Speaker 3: The difference is that your small insurance claim means that

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Speaker 3: your car is still completely driveable. The same car is

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Speaker 3: now completely so.

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Speaker 2: To put this into context, when she sent the photo

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Speaker 2: through of the front end of the car, like the

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Speaker 2: car is demolished. The car is absolutely demolished. I hope

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Speaker 2: they write it off. If they don't, I'm going to

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Speaker 2: be devastated that they're going to try and fix this thing.

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Speaker 2: But it is just this kangaroo has destroyed the front

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Speaker 2: of the car, completely destroyed of it. And I think, Kylie,

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Speaker 2: I don't know if I said these exact words, but

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Speaker 2: as Abby cried, I just do it. Abby, You're okay.

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Speaker 2: People matter, things, don't Yeah, you did. The car's insured.

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Speaker 2: I'm not worried about the car as so long as

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Speaker 2: you're okay, And then you woke up and then I

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Speaker 2: but in the end we had we had to ring

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Speaker 2: tow trucks, and we had to ring insurers, and we

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Speaker 2: had to ring the police to get them to go

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Speaker 2: and block the freeway. Were doing a family friend look

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Speaker 2: after her because she was two hours away from us

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Speaker 2: and we couldn't go it like I think it was

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Speaker 2: nearly midnight when we finally got back to bed and

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Speaker 2: hang on, this is your ob do bet it' tomorrow

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Speaker 2: or not mine?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you take over?

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Speaker 2: Sorry, I'm sorry, Well it was That's my story. I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna have to think of another one. So but the

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Speaker 2: what's the sort of the take home message out of

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Speaker 2: all of this?

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Speaker 3: That phrase people matter, things don't It's just so powerful.

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Speaker 3: Here was a kid on the side of the road.

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Speaker 3: She knew that if she had of listened and stayed

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Speaker 3: behind that this wouldn't have happened. But she also didn't

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Speaker 3: do anything wrong. She's not at fault.

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Speaker 2: She couldn't have tried tying out to ensure. Who's going

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Speaker 2: to charge me the excess for an under twenty five

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Speaker 2: year old driver? Holy cow, She.

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Speaker 3: Couldn't have navigated that any differently, that situation any differently,

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Speaker 3: and out of everything, just knowing that she was safe

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Speaker 3: and that there was somebody there who could help her

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Speaker 3: get home, and that we could have a conversation with

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Speaker 3: her once things were calm, and for her to know that,

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Speaker 3: unquestionably she was loved. There was no doubt that, no

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Speaker 3: matter what, we love you and we'll work this out.

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Speaker 2: There was a thought that went through my mind a

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Speaker 2: number of times I was talking to her, and that

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Speaker 2: was just she's having a bad night. Don't make it worse. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: don't add to her suffering. Don't make tonight any more

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Speaker 2: challenging than it already is. She's having a rough old time,

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Speaker 2: and I kind of thinks she's learned some valuable lessons.

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Speaker 2: I don't have to spell them out, Yeah, I don't

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Speaker 2: have to rub her face in those lessons. Those lessons

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Speaker 2: are pretty apparent. She's old enough to figure this stuff out,

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Speaker 2: and she has. So that was kind of my main

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Speaker 2: thing while I was talking to her. I just need

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Speaker 2: to help her get through it. She's she's going to

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Speaker 2: get through it, but she needs softness and gentleness. Now.

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Speaker 2: She doesn't need the right act read to her right

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Speaker 2: while she's in the middle of overcoming the trauma of

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Speaker 2: killing that she was really worried about the kangaroo. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's huge.

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Speaker 3: I had a similar experience, just obviously not doing one

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Speaker 3: hundred and ten k's and it was a tiny little wallabye,

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Speaker 3: but it just came out of nowhere, And it's the

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Speaker 3: worst feeling, absolutely, just awful knowing that you've hurt something.

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Speaker 2: I thought you're gonna say that you've written off your

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Speaker 2: dad's car. My poor Kia, my poor.

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Speaker 3: Little Keia kangaroo, so my old hed better tomorrow. Is

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Speaker 3: just an acknowledgment number one of how grateful I was

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Speaker 3: for your calm and call and for your perspective in

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Speaker 3: that moment, because I don't know if me on my

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Speaker 3: own would have gone down that road, because I would

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Speaker 3: have felt so helpless that I actually think that my

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Speaker 3: panicked state would have actually brought out all of the

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Speaker 3: things that she didn't need to hear. But your calm

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Speaker 3: and just collective thought processing allowed her to stay calm,

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Speaker 3: call and collected, and ultimately be safe because she could

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Speaker 3: have made some very silly decisions in those moments. In

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Speaker 3: those early moments, that could have put herself in more danger.

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Speaker 3: Even so for me, it's just absolutely massive high five

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Speaker 3: for Dad of the Year. I think it was pretty amazing.

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Speaker 2: Thanks Hon. So let's dive into my Older Better Tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: My one's going to be a pretty quick and the

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Speaker 2: easy one across the weekend. The reality is, and I

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Speaker 2: think that I can say this without upsetting anybody, but

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Speaker 2: I'm going to say it and hopefully it will be okay.

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Speaker 2: There are in big families, so I'm one of six,

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Speaker 2: I'm the oldest of six kids, and when we got

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Speaker 2: together for our Christmas weekend last weekend on the coast.

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Speaker 2: The fact of the matter is that not everybody is

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Speaker 2: always going to feel really great about getting together for

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Speaker 2: a family event. Family events can be a little bit tricky.

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Speaker 2: So my Older Better Tomorrow is actually all about you

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Speaker 2: and the way that you approached the weekend. So what

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Speaker 2: I loved, and this is a great hint for anybody

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Speaker 2: who has some slightly challenging family relationships, or even if

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Speaker 2: you don't, it's still just a brilliant What you did

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Speaker 2: was I think genius. And I don't know if it

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Speaker 2: was an intentional strategy or if it's just what struck

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Speaker 2: you as being needed in the moment. So what Kylie

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Speaker 2: did was when we got to the hotel where we

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Speaker 2: were all staying for the weekend, Kylie sat down with

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Speaker 2: the nieces and nephews with our kids cousins and said, hey, kids,

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Speaker 2: let's play a game. And she pulled out our favorite

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Speaker 2: card game at the moment, which is Cover your Assets,

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Speaker 2: and said, let me teach you how to play this game.

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Speaker 2: And so all of a sudden, Kylie has become the

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Speaker 2: pied Piper, sitting down with a bunch of six year

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Speaker 2: olds and eight year olds and ten year olds and

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Speaker 2: teaching them how to play this card game. And all

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Speaker 2: of the parents looked across and were like, Oh, how

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Speaker 2: good's that the kids aren't watching TV. They don't require

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Speaker 2: any supervision right now because there's an adult with them,

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Speaker 2: and all of the adults got to kind of hang

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Speaker 2: out and have their conversations and prepare their meals and

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Speaker 2: do their thing. Kylie, you sat in the corner with

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Speaker 2: the kids and played games, and you became the world's

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Speaker 2: best auntie. Like all of the kids were like, oh,

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Speaker 2: Kylie is the best. They all loved you like crazy.

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Speaker 2: They loved the games that you played. They wanted to

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Speaker 2: spend more time with you than in someone else. But

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Speaker 2: you also became the favorite sister in law because all

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Speaker 2: the parents are like, oh, Kyle is looking after the kids,

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Speaker 2: and she's doing it so happily and so well, and

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Speaker 2: the kids are delighted. And it was just this moment

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Speaker 2: of genius really that made the entire weekend flow so

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Speaker 2: much more nicely. But it also brought the kids together.

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Speaker 2: It brought the cousins a level of I guess, unity

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Speaker 2: and solidarity with everyone. It was just ace. And so

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Speaker 2: you gave me a high five about Abby and the

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Speaker 2: car crash, but I'm giving you high ten. Am I

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Speaker 2: sounding a little bit old and weird and out of it,

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Speaker 2: Like what do you call it? Instead of high five?

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Speaker 2: It's like, give me ten and I'm giving you that,

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Speaker 2: whatever that thing is, because it made the weekend amazing.

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Speaker 2: Heads up for anyone who's got to do some family

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Speaker 2: stuff that they're not that thrilled about. Work out a

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Speaker 2: way that you can engage with the kids, with the

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Speaker 2: nieces and the nephews, bring the cousins together, and watch

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Speaker 2: how much everyone loves you for doing that, especially the kids.

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Speaker 2: That to me was one of the best things that

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Speaker 2: I might have ever seen.

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Speaker 3: Well, you make it sound like it was really amazing.

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Speaker 3: It really wasn't.

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Speaker 2: It really was. It was so good.

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Speaker 3: There are no gifts for the adults, and the kids

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Speaker 3: each have a secret standard that they gift, and so

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Speaker 3: one of our kids decided to give Cover Your Assets away.

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Speaker 3: But I know what it's like when our kids get

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Speaker 3: given a card game or a board game or something

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Speaker 3: that we've never played before, and it kind of sits

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Speaker 3: in the cupboard. It never gets used until somebody either

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Speaker 3: comes along goes, oh, you've got that game. That's awesome,

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Speaker 3: and then they show us how to play it, or

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Speaker 3: we fumble our way through it, but there's never fun.

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Speaker 3: So I just thought, if we're going to gift it

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Speaker 3: to them, then they actually need to know how to

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Speaker 3: play it. So that was my strategy. Just teach them

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Speaker 3: how to play it so that when they actually open

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Speaker 3: their gift, it's not like, oh, what's this, it's oh,

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Speaker 3: that game. And so that's exactly what happened. But the

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Speaker 3: reality was that the addition that we have and the

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Speaker 3: addition I gifted is actually different. So then we got

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Speaker 3: to learn new rules together. But they'd already look earned

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Speaker 3: the basis of the game based on my edition before

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Speaker 3: we added in the new rules. So by the time

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Speaker 3: we left three days later, not only had they learned,

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Speaker 3: but I'd learned a new game in the process. And

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Speaker 3: it was just it was so much fun and it

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Speaker 3: was so nice to see them excited. Because the reality

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Speaker 3: is we all now live in different parts of the country.

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Speaker 2: We never see each other.

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Speaker 3: We hardly see each other, so the kids don't actually

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Speaker 3: know us very well as auntie and uncle isn't There

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Speaker 3: isn't strong connections there, and COVID has obviously exacerbated that

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Speaker 3: a lot. So while we were in their lives in

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Speaker 3: the very early stages, they're all now growing up and

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Speaker 3: they're kind of looking at us going, I think I

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Speaker 3: know you, but I don't know you. So it was

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Speaker 3: really nice to be able to spend some time with

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Speaker 3: them and just see their little personalities you open up

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Speaker 3: and develop.

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Speaker 2: Hope you've enjoyed this edition of the Old Do Better

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Speaker 2: Tomorrow Happy Families podcast, which is produced by Justin Ruland

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Speaker 2: from Bridge Media and Craig Bruce is our executive producer.

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Speaker 2: For more and fo about making your family happier, please

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Speaker 2: check out Happy families dot com, dot you, and we

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Speaker 2: will be back next week for our final big week

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Speaker 2: on the Happy Families Podcast, as we race towards Christmas

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Speaker 2: twenty twenty two