Speaker 1: Flex and Frooms Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex
Speaker 1: and Frooms catch up podcast.
Speaker 2: Flex and Frooms on cater little PSA for myself, but
Speaker 2: I like to take self directed messages and externalize them
Speaker 2: for the benefit of everybody else. It's not advice, it's
Speaker 2: feedback on what I'm going through that might help. This
Speaker 2: is a PSA from me to you stop being nonchalant. Well,
Speaker 2: I've come to this conclusion on a random day based
Speaker 2: on the fact that I think I talked to seven
Speaker 2: different friends specifically in a span of a week who
Speaker 2: all expressed going through something difficult, a hardship of sorts
Speaker 2: not related in any way, but the root of most
Speaker 2: of it, or not the cause of the hardship, but
Speaker 2: the cause of their current discomfort was the fact that
Speaker 2: they had an issue and didn't say it. They had
Speaker 2: a preference and didn't express it. They needed a boundary
Speaker 2: honored but didn't share said boundary. And like, I like
Speaker 2: to be a list when people are venting or whatever.
Speaker 2: But it was odd that every single issue these people
Speaker 2: are having, in very different issues, was coming back to
Speaker 2: the fact that you pretended to be nonchalant where you
Speaker 2: were chalant. And I did google n Chalant isn't a word,
Speaker 2: but we will use it for the sake of this
Speaker 2: break to make sure we're on the same page. To
Speaker 2: be nonchalant is the feeling or appearing casually calm and
Speaker 2: relaxed or not displaying any anxiety or enthusiasm or interest.
Speaker 2: So feigning this kind of like, oh, it's whatever, trind apathetic, shrugs, goff,
Speaker 2: it's all good, when really it's not all good. And
Speaker 2: I feel like it's a trap for various reasons. When
Speaker 2: you give the impression that you don't care, you lie
Speaker 2: to yourself and then you have to deal with alone,
Speaker 2: mind you, the blowback of lying to yourself.
Speaker 1: Yep.
Speaker 2: So now you're annoyed, maybe a bit guilty, You feel ashamed,
Speaker 2: and now you can't express that to the person that
Speaker 2: you made feel like you were cool. And so now
Speaker 2: you're holding double demons, not the double demons, double demons.
Speaker 2: And the longer time goes by, you have to maintain
Speaker 2: this illusion that you are still what nonchalant?
Speaker 1: How do we fix this?
Speaker 2: So here's the thing, And thank you to my therapist
Speaker 2: at the time for letting me in on anxiety.
Speaker 1: Because I've done a lot babes that man changed my life.
Speaker 2: I was so just not really sympathetic to anxiety, just
Speaker 2: because the way that everybody experiences.
Speaker 1: It is different. Right. You have some people who just.
Speaker 2: Have like social anxiety, a generalized anxiety, the undercurrent that
Speaker 2: is there constantly, but then they're a charismatic person.
Speaker 1: So see, I feel like it's not there at all.
Speaker 2: And so when I started to understand, obviously post my
Speaker 2: first panic attack, that'll do it to you, that'll do
Speaker 2: it to you, I was like, Oh, why do we
Speaker 2: normalize this so much? Not in the sense that we
Speaker 2: should make people feel different for experiencing it, but I'm thinking,
Speaker 2: why does it not come up in conversation way more often?
Speaker 2: I feel like truggling, you know, I feel like this
Speaker 2: is something that should be coming up, Like why don't
Speaker 2: you want to come out to it? I'm feeling anxious?
Speaker 1: Oh good, got it? Not like oh like I thought
Speaker 1: I was gonna but then I finished work late or whatever.
Speaker 2: Nah, babe, of what's happening here? And so back to
Speaker 2: what I was saying before about like the path you
Speaker 2: commit yourself to when you pretend that you're nonchalant when
Speaker 2: you're not. It feels like capitalism to me hold on,
Speaker 2: hold on in the sense that it's like a self
Speaker 2: regenerating cycle.
Speaker 1: You can't get out of it unless you what stop
Speaker 1: the cycle? And how do you stop the cycle? How
Speaker 1: do you stop the cycle? Please?
Speaker 2: You have to rescind the nonchalant. You have to be like,
Speaker 2: actually I said I didn't care, but I actually care.
Speaker 1: Actually that will fix anxiety.
Speaker 2: I don't think it'll fix anxiety. I think it'll fix
Speaker 2: the anxiety that comes from pretending a nonchalant when you are.
Speaker 2: For example, well, let's say the nonchalant trap I got
Speaker 2: into was you and I were meant to go to dinner.
Speaker 1: With three other friends. Yeah.
Speaker 2: What I didn't say was I don't want to hang
Speaker 2: out with you and three of your friends.
Speaker 1: I just want to hang out with you.
Speaker 2: But for fear of seeming like I'm not agreeable, I said,
Speaker 2: yep or good.
Speaker 1: Now I'm at dinner with you. My vibe is off.
Speaker 2: You can't tell why your friends like that you don't
Speaker 2: like us, like, what's up with her vibe? And then
Speaker 2: I'm here doubling down and saying no, I'm comfortable, now,
Speaker 2: I'm cool, Now I'm fine, No, it's all good. The
Speaker 2: next time you invite me, I say not coming. You
Speaker 2: say why, Like we can change the date, it's all good.
Speaker 2: You're like, oh no, I can't do it. The next
Speaker 2: time you invite me out, I can't do it. Now
Speaker 2: I'm feeling isolated. I'm feeling lonely and feeling like I'm
Speaker 2: lying to you about the real reason. You're feeling like
Speaker 2: there's something off, but you can't really address it because
Speaker 2: for all intents and purposes, I'm fine and you're fine,
Speaker 2: but you know something's off. Realistically, the only way to
Speaker 2: have avoided that situation to begin with, not the only way,
Speaker 2: but the main way to say, babes, I just want
Speaker 2: to you're me girlies, girlies to girlies, GF TWGF, you know,
Speaker 2: and then you, being an agreeable person, be like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: it's fine, we can do that, and then it would
Speaker 2: have been done. Cause that's usually how these things work. Generally,
Speaker 2: when you're dealing with your people who care about you,
Speaker 2: it usually is that simple. Not in life, generally, when
Speaker 2: you're dealing with people who care and who feel responsible
Speaker 2: for you, it truly is that simple. And honestly, let's
Speaker 2: say the scenario I just said with the friend dinner
Speaker 2: did actually happen, and five dinners later, I eventually say, hey,
Speaker 2: look like I just wanted to hang out with you
Speaker 2: one on one. It's nothing against your friend. What I've
Speaker 2: done is created this weird envinement you're kind like, is
Speaker 2: it my friends? Why didn't you say it earlier? And
Speaker 2: now we have to hash out this thing that could
Speaker 2: have been avoided. I'm not saying that we should avoid
Speaker 2: all pain and suffering, but I do think a lot
Speaker 2: of this day to day avoidable nonsense is because we
Speaker 2: pretend to care when we don't care. Another one that
Speaker 2: comes up a lot is like friends coming to me
Speaker 2: to talk about something that's like bothering them, but they
Speaker 2: feel like they can't tell me about it because they
Speaker 2: keep talking about it, Like the friend who keeps talking
Speaker 2: about the boss they hate, Like, oh now I feel
Speaker 2: bad because I'm always talking about this, and it's like,
Speaker 2: you're gonna feel worse if you don't, so just say it.
Speaker 2: Stop pretending like it's not this thing that's plaguing you.
Speaker 2: Don't pretend to be chill about it, or that you've
Speaker 2: recovered when you have it. Let's just nut it out.
Speaker 2: Let's just do it. Fourteenth time in the row. I'm ready,
Speaker 2: let's talk about it.
Speaker 1: It's a bit of us, Yeah, and we'll do it
Speaker 1: every time. I like this, Be mindful of it. You've
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