WEBVTT - No More Ms Nonchalant 🙅‍♀️

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<v Speaker 1>Flex and Frooms Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex

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<v Speaker 1>and Frooms catch up podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Flex and Frooms on cater little PSA for myself, but

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<v Speaker 2>I like to take self directed messages and externalize them

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<v Speaker 2>for the benefit of everybody else. It's not advice, it's

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<v Speaker 2>feedback on what I'm going through that might help. This

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<v Speaker 2>is a PSA from me to you stop being nonchalant. Well,

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<v Speaker 2>I've come to this conclusion on a random day based

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<v Speaker 2>on the fact that I think I talked to seven

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<v Speaker 2>different friends specifically in a span of a week who

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<v Speaker 2>all expressed going through something difficult, a hardship of sorts

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<v Speaker 2>not related in any way, but the root of most

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<v Speaker 2>of it, or not the cause of the hardship, but

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<v Speaker 2>the cause of their current discomfort was the fact that

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<v Speaker 2>they had an issue and didn't say it. They had

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<v Speaker 2>a preference and didn't express it. They needed a boundary

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<v Speaker 2>honored but didn't share said boundary. And like, I like

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<v Speaker 2>to be a list when people are venting or whatever.

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<v Speaker 2>But it was odd that every single issue these people

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<v Speaker 2>are having, in very different issues, was coming back to

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<v Speaker 2>the fact that you pretended to be nonchalant where you

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<v Speaker 2>were chalant. And I did google n Chalant isn't a word,

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<v Speaker 2>but we will use it for the sake of this

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<v Speaker 2>break to make sure we're on the same page. To

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<v Speaker 2>be nonchalant is the feeling or appearing casually calm and

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<v Speaker 2>relaxed or not displaying any anxiety or enthusiasm or interest.

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<v Speaker 2>So feigning this kind of like, oh, it's whatever, trind apathetic, shrugs, goff,

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<v Speaker 2>it's all good, when really it's not all good. And

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like it's a trap for various reasons. When

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<v Speaker 2>you give the impression that you don't care, you lie

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<v Speaker 2>to yourself and then you have to deal with alone,

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<v Speaker 2>mind you, the blowback of lying to yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>Yep.

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<v Speaker 2>So now you're annoyed, maybe a bit guilty, You feel ashamed,

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<v Speaker 2>and now you can't express that to the person that

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<v Speaker 2>you made feel like you were cool. And so now

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<v Speaker 2>you're holding double demons, not the double demons, double demons.

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<v Speaker 2>And the longer time goes by, you have to maintain

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<v Speaker 2>this illusion that you are still what nonchalant?

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<v Speaker 1>How do we fix this?

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<v Speaker 2>So here's the thing, And thank you to my therapist

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<v Speaker 2>at the time for letting me in on anxiety.

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<v Speaker 1>Because I've done a lot babes that man changed my life.

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<v Speaker 2>I was so just not really sympathetic to anxiety, just

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<v Speaker 2>because the way that everybody experiences.

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<v Speaker 1>It is different. Right. You have some people who just.

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<v Speaker 2>Have like social anxiety, a generalized anxiety, the undercurrent that

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<v Speaker 2>is there constantly, but then they're a charismatic person.

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<v Speaker 1>So see, I feel like it's not there at all.

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<v Speaker 2>And so when I started to understand, obviously post my

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<v Speaker 2>first panic attack, that'll do it to you, that'll do

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<v Speaker 2>it to you, I was like, Oh, why do we

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<v Speaker 2>normalize this so much? Not in the sense that we

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<v Speaker 2>should make people feel different for experiencing it, but I'm thinking,

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<v Speaker 2>why does it not come up in conversation way more often?

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<v Speaker 2>I feel like truggling, you know, I feel like this

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<v Speaker 2>is something that should be coming up, Like why don't

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<v Speaker 2>you want to come out to it? I'm feeling anxious?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh good, got it? Not like oh like I thought

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<v Speaker 1>I was gonna but then I finished work late or whatever.

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<v Speaker 2>Nah, babe, of what's happening here? And so back to

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<v Speaker 2>what I was saying before about like the path you

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<v Speaker 2>commit yourself to when you pretend that you're nonchalant when

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<v Speaker 2>you're not. It feels like capitalism to me hold on,

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<v Speaker 2>hold on in the sense that it's like a self

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<v Speaker 2>regenerating cycle.

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<v Speaker 1>You can't get out of it unless you what stop

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<v Speaker 1>the cycle? And how do you stop the cycle? How

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<v Speaker 1>do you stop the cycle? Please?

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<v Speaker 2>You have to rescind the nonchalant. You have to be like,

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<v Speaker 2>actually I said I didn't care, but I actually care.

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<v Speaker 1>Actually that will fix anxiety.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't think it'll fix anxiety. I think it'll fix

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<v Speaker 2>the anxiety that comes from pretending a nonchalant when you are.

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<v Speaker 2>For example, well, let's say the nonchalant trap I got

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<v Speaker 2>into was you and I were meant to go to dinner.

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<v Speaker 1>With three other friends. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>What I didn't say was I don't want to hang

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<v Speaker 2>out with you and three of your friends.

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<v Speaker 1>I just want to hang out with you.

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<v Speaker 2>But for fear of seeming like I'm not agreeable, I said,

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<v Speaker 2>yep or good.

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<v Speaker 1>Now I'm at dinner with you. My vibe is off.

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<v Speaker 2>You can't tell why your friends like that you don't

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<v Speaker 2>like us, like, what's up with her vibe? And then

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<v Speaker 2>I'm here doubling down and saying no, I'm comfortable, now,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm cool, Now I'm fine, No, it's all good. The

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<v Speaker 2>next time you invite me, I say not coming. You

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<v Speaker 2>say why, Like we can change the date, it's all good.

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<v Speaker 2>You're like, oh no, I can't do it. The next

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<v Speaker 2>time you invite me out, I can't do it. Now

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<v Speaker 2>I'm feeling isolated. I'm feeling lonely and feeling like I'm

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<v Speaker 2>lying to you about the real reason. You're feeling like

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<v Speaker 2>there's something off, but you can't really address it because

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<v Speaker 2>for all intents and purposes, I'm fine and you're fine,

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<v Speaker 2>but you know something's off. Realistically, the only way to

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<v Speaker 2>have avoided that situation to begin with, not the only way,

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<v Speaker 2>but the main way to say, babes, I just want

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<v Speaker 2>to you're me girlies, girlies to girlies, GF TWGF, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>and then you, being an agreeable person, be like, oh, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>it's fine, we can do that, and then it would

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<v Speaker 2>have been done. Cause that's usually how these things work. Generally,

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<v Speaker 2>when you're dealing with your people who care about you,

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<v Speaker 2>it usually is that simple. Not in life, generally, when

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<v Speaker 2>you're dealing with people who care and who feel responsible

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<v Speaker 2>for you, it truly is that simple. And honestly, let's

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<v Speaker 2>say the scenario I just said with the friend dinner

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<v Speaker 2>did actually happen, and five dinners later, I eventually say, hey,

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<v Speaker 2>look like I just wanted to hang out with you

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<v Speaker 2>one on one. It's nothing against your friend. What I've

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<v Speaker 2>done is created this weird envinement you're kind like, is

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<v Speaker 2>it my friends? Why didn't you say it earlier? And

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<v Speaker 2>now we have to hash out this thing that could

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<v Speaker 2>have been avoided. I'm not saying that we should avoid

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<v Speaker 2>all pain and suffering, but I do think a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of this day to day avoidable nonsense is because we

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<v Speaker 2>pretend to care when we don't care. Another one that

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<v Speaker 2>comes up a lot is like friends coming to me

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<v Speaker 2>to talk about something that's like bothering them, but they

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<v Speaker 2>feel like they can't tell me about it because they

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<v Speaker 2>keep talking about it, Like the friend who keeps talking

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<v Speaker 2>about the boss they hate, Like, oh now I feel

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<v Speaker 2>bad because I'm always talking about this, and it's like,

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<v Speaker 2>you're gonna feel worse if you don't, so just say it.

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<v Speaker 2>Stop pretending like it's not this thing that's plaguing you.

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<v Speaker 2>Don't pretend to be chill about it, or that you've

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<v Speaker 2>recovered when you have it. Let's just nut it out.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's just do it. Fourteenth time in the row. I'm ready,

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<v Speaker 2>let's talk about it.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a bit of us, Yeah, and we'll do it

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<v Speaker 1>every time. I like this, Be mindful of it. You've

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<v Speaker 1>been listening to The Flex and Froom's daily podcast. For more,

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