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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the.

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Speaker 2: Time poor parent who just once answers now good day.

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Speaker 2: This is doctor Justin Coulson, the founder of Happy Families

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Speaker 2: dot com dot a you dades six, daughter's husband to

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Speaker 2: one wife, and the parenting expert and co host on

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Speaker 2: chang Lyne's Parental Guidance. Also the host of this podcast,

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Speaker 2: That Could Be Families Podcast. Thank you so much for

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Speaker 2: listening and allowing me into your life to hopefully be

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Speaker 2: useful in making your family happier. Right now, school holidays

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Speaker 2: in Queensland, which means that I'm doing my best to

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Speaker 2: spend as much time in the sunshine with Kylie and

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Speaker 2: the girls as I can. Today's guest is the author

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Speaker 2: of Mumma Rising, a former ABC journalist who now talks

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Speaker 2: about this stage that new mums go through called mattressns.

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Speaker 2: It's like adolescents, but mattressens. Amy Taylor Kebaz is going

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Speaker 2: to be part of the Happy Family's Hot Mess Summit.

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Speaker 2: We've got Amanda Keller Ian Kerner, the author of She

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Speaker 2: Comes First and So tell Me about the last time

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Speaker 2: you had sex to Shefili Savari Oprah's Parenting expert. We've

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Speaker 2: got Jessica Rowe and Amy Taylor Kabaz, among others. In fact,

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Speaker 2: there are more and we'll be talking to them during

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Speaker 2: Lightning rounds this week. But I'm so excited to have

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Speaker 2: Amy Taylor Kabbaz joining me first, not just the Happy

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Speaker 2: Family's Hot Mess Summit, which the details can be found

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Speaker 2: for at Happy families dot com. Do you but for

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Speaker 2: a lightning round today on the Happy Families podcast. Amy,

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Speaker 2: thank you for joining me on the podcast. Are you

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Speaker 2: ready for your lightning round?

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Speaker 1: I am so ready.

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Speaker 2: Okay, three kids? How old?

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Speaker 1: Fourteen, twelve, and eight?

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Speaker 2: Do you have a favorite child?

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Speaker 1: It depends on the day, it really does. Each of

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Speaker 1: them have their own beautiful personalities. But I have to

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Speaker 1: say I have two girls and a boy. And getting

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Speaker 1: that bonus baby boy, he was a surprise, has been

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Speaker 1: a phenomenal joy. The difference between boys and girls. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I love having a little boy. Don't tell my girls

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Speaker 1: that is it?

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Speaker 2: Dad to six girls? I have no idea what you're

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Speaker 2: talking about. Ideal number of kids?

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Speaker 1: Oh look, I always said that if I was married

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Speaker 1: to a packer or someone who had endless amounts of money,

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Speaker 1: I probably I would have at least gone for but

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Speaker 1: I live in the inner city of Sydney, so probably

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Speaker 1: two would have been ideal because three is actually really

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Speaker 1: hard to find a house that I can afford.

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Speaker 2: How do you rate yourself as a parent?

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Speaker 1: Ah, very highly. I rate myself nine out of ten.

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Speaker 1: I've worked very hard on believing in myself as a

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Speaker 1: good mum, and I'm in a good place with that.

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Speaker 2: What's something great that your parents did when they were

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Speaker 2: parenting you that you've tried to continue in your parenting.

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Speaker 1: My dad is a former police officer, and he always

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Speaker 1: made me feel that whatever I have done, whatever it is,

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Speaker 1: I can ring him day or night and he would

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Speaker 1: come and pick me up, no questions asked. There was

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Speaker 1: this assumption that everything was always going to be okay,

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Speaker 1: and I really wanted that for my kids. Whatever it is,

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Speaker 1: whatever they've done, whatever mess they're in, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: be there. I'll ask questions later, but you call me,

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Speaker 1: it will be I won't judge you at the time

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Speaker 1: you call me, I'll pick you up. I'll be there.

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Speaker 2: Amy Taylor Kebatz, author of Mumma Rising. You're not with

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Speaker 2: your husband anymore, but who is the better parent, you

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Speaker 2: or him? I love watching people squirm when I asked

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Speaker 2: this question.

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Speaker 1: Look, it's me, but I will preface that answer by saying,

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Speaker 1: to be fair, you know, we needed to for financial reasons.

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Speaker 1: One of us needed to do a lot more of

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Speaker 1: the career building at various points of our life, and

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Speaker 1: so for many of the years when the babies were

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Speaker 1: really little, he was hardly of a home. So I

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Speaker 1: think it's more hands on experience that made me more

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Speaker 1: confident and know what each kid needed and their unique yeah,

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Speaker 1: their unique personalities. Then he was able to be there

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Speaker 1: for simply because of our circumstances. So I'll preface my

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Speaker 1: answer by that. And you know what, even if he

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Speaker 1: was listening, he'd agree with that.

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Speaker 2: What's the hardest thing about being a parent?

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Speaker 1: Letting go? Yeah, letting go, especially now as I am

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Speaker 1: watching my two eldest girls enter high school, enter relationships,

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Speaker 1: the first boyfriend, all of that, the bullying, the struggles,

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Speaker 1: the social media. I just wanted. I was terribly bullied

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Speaker 1: as a teenager, and to not step in, wrap them

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Speaker 1: in cotton wall and move to a deserted island is

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Speaker 1: actually really, really hard.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I hear you, I've been there. Not to the

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Speaker 2: deserted island. But to the desired to move one. Amy,

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Speaker 2: If you could spend an hour with your kids at

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Speaker 2: any age, what age would you choose?

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Speaker 1: And why, Oh, that's so interesting, I would say, Now,

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Speaker 1: I am actually really loving these ages for each of them.

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Speaker 1: I love the fourteen year old age. I love her

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Speaker 1: interest in the world, her interest in politics, how great

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Speaker 1: our conversations are. I actually think twelve is probably the

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Speaker 1: hardest age, So my middle child would probably bump her

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Speaker 1: age up just a little bit to get me past

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Speaker 1: the current, you know, little challenges we're having, And an

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Speaker 1: eight year old boy is just delicious, right. I also

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Speaker 1: have to say, not for my first, but my second

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Speaker 1: and third. I adored the newborn stage. I absolutely The

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Speaker 1: first was a disaster and I was terrified the whole time.

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Speaker 1: But by the time I knew what I was doing,

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Speaker 1: sort of. With the second and the third, that fourth

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Speaker 1: trimester bubble of just sitting on the couch and feeding

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Speaker 1: and sleeping for days and days and days, there is

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Speaker 1: something absolutely magical about that time.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, you've taken me back there. Okay, what is the

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Speaker 2: ultimate joy? Amy, as a pair of ultimate joy.

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Speaker 1: Seeing my children be proud of themselves to watch them

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Speaker 1: really find their own unique skills or strengths or resilience

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Speaker 1: overcome something, and that little sparkle in their eyes like

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Speaker 1: hop I did that. I love seeing that.

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Speaker 2: Here's the most provocative question of the entire lightning round.

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Speaker 2: What's the right age for kids to have a mobile phone? Ah?

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Speaker 1: All my children have get mobile phones at ten when

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Speaker 1: they go on their first school camp. I will add

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Speaker 1: to justify myself that I am the only one, apparently

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Speaker 1: in the whole high school, according to my eldest, who

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Speaker 1: does not allow them to have phones in their bedroom overnight.

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Speaker 2: Own on a whole high school.

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Speaker 1: Apparently, according to my fourteen year old, I am the

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Speaker 1: only parent in year nine in the whole school who

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Speaker 1: doesn't allow phones in bedrooms.

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Speaker 2: This is my favorite question. What's that thing that your

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Speaker 2: parents always said that you swore you'd never say, but

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Speaker 2: it keeps popping out of your mouth anyway?

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Speaker 1: My mom used to when she was overwhelmed. She used

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Speaker 1: to say, I can't stand it, like I couldn't stand

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Speaker 1: it if you do that again. And she would get

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Speaker 1: so frustrated with my sister and I that she would

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Speaker 1: get to the point where she would say, if you guys,

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Speaker 1: don't stop doing this. You know, I can't stand it.

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Speaker 1: It would be about her, It would be about her

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Speaker 1: not being able to cope with anything. And when I

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Speaker 1: was a teenager and a child, I always thought that

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Speaker 1: was a really awful thing to say at that moment,

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Speaker 1: like this isn't about you, mum, this is about me

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Speaker 1: and my sister. And I just hated how she said that,

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Speaker 1: And I say it all the time.

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Speaker 2: I can't stand it when you say that. Amy can't

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Speaker 2: stand that.

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Speaker 1: And if you guys don't stop fighting, I just can't

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Speaker 1: stand it. And I like the words come out of

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Speaker 1: my mouth. And I think that is the one thing

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Speaker 1: that I hated hearing my mom say, and it just

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Speaker 1: unconsciously comes out of my mouth.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, my mother is in my larynx. Okay, We've got

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Speaker 2: to just a couple of questions to wrap up this

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Speaker 2: lightning round. What's your kid's favorite thing to do with you?

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Speaker 1: Ah, I think they would all say snuggle. We have

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Speaker 1: a great tradition of lying on beds and just cuddling

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Speaker 1: and massaging and hanging out.

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Speaker 2: What are you most looking forward to as a parent.

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Speaker 1: I'm taking all three kids on my own two Fiji

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Speaker 1: for ten days and I cannot wait to just hang

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Speaker 1: out with them by the pool and have that time

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Speaker 1: with no pressure, no school, no homework, no washing.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, living life. If you could go back to you

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Speaker 2: as a young mum having one of those tough moments

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Speaker 2: and being in experienced, having not written or read mummerizing,

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Speaker 2: what advice would you give yourself, Amy, I would.

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Speaker 1: Say that it's okay you don't know what you're doing.

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Speaker 1: It's okay that this feels like you've lost yourself because

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Speaker 1: you have, because who you used to be is no

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Speaker 1: longer here anymore. Don't worry. You'll find her. You'll find

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Speaker 1: a better version of your elf. All of this is

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Speaker 1: going to make so much sense one day.

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Speaker 2: That is touching, That is genuinely beautiful. I'm finding myself

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Speaker 2: getting weepy listening to you say that.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. Yeah. I think that's why matress sense and

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Speaker 1: the understanding of it was so powerful for me because

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Speaker 1: and it's what I hear every day in my DMS

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Speaker 1: and in my inbox and in coaching calls. Is I

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Speaker 1: wish I had known this, I would have been so

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Speaker 1: much kinder to myself. So that's what I hope.

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Speaker 2: Last question for our Lightning Round. Amy Taylor Kabbaz biggest

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Speaker 2: win as.

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Speaker 1: A mum building really great relationships with my kids, Building

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Speaker 1: a really great connection where they at the moment, they

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Speaker 1: feel like they can tell me anything.

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Speaker 2: I love these conversations. Amy Taylor Caabaz, the author of

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Speaker 2: Mumma Rising. What a delight. Thanks for joining me for

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Speaker 2: a Happy Family's Lightning Round.

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Speaker 1: Loved it, Thanks Justin.

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Speaker 2: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Roland for

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Speaker 2: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer and for

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Speaker 2: more information about making your family happier, check out Amy's book,

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Speaker 2: Mumma Rising and visit this at Happy families dot com.

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Speaker 2: Dat you