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Speaker 1: This is a podcast about failure with me. Lola Berry, author, nutritionist,

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Speaker 1: and yoga teacher join me as we get to know

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Speaker 1: these guests and learn about how their failures have ultimately

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Speaker 1: shaped their dreams. Welcome to Fearlessly Failing with Lola Berry.

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Speaker 1: Get a, it's Lola Berry here. I just realized I

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Speaker 1: sound like a right bogan.

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Speaker 2: But anyway, Lowell's here.

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Speaker 1: This next guest is Stacy June So from the podcast world.

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Speaker 1: She's like the og potty Queen. She's also had a

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Speaker 1: very successful career in radio. She opens up about being

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Speaker 1: axed her show being axed, and she actually shares it's

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Speaker 1: this real spiritual side that I hadn't got to experience before,

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Speaker 1: which I'm pumped for you guys to hear her next project.

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Speaker 1: I'm really excited to share. It's called Finding Your Intuition.

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Speaker 1: So this is for Sydney listeners. It's on the eighth

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Speaker 1: of December. It's a kind of like ten to one

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Speaker 1: event when you get to meditate, get clear on your intuition.

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Speaker 1: She's going to guide you through the whole day. So

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Speaker 1: if you're interested, check out her instapage. All the details

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Speaker 1: are there, and in the meantime, enjoy listening to Stacy June. Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm so excited slash nervous because when I researched this person.

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Speaker 1: I know I haven't said your name yet, but you

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Speaker 1: are the og podcast queen, aren't you.

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Speaker 3: I was one of the first Ridgi digis and there

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Speaker 3: weren't many. There weren't many chicks around that space, so yeah,

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Speaker 3: I wasn't listening to any other girl podcast is when

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Speaker 3: I started podcasting.

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Speaker 2: This is Stacy June if you wonder who this is.

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Speaker 1: And I have rudely kept you waiting today, which is

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Speaker 1: my pet peeve in the entire world being a virgo.

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Speaker 1: I can't I can't fathom the thought of being late

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Speaker 1: and you were just here in all your beautiful, glowing,

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Speaker 1: pregnant beauty, just like nah, it's all good, lolls.

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Speaker 4: Or two things.

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Speaker 3: I do feel that I feel very grounded at the

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Speaker 3: moment and I'm writing, so there's a really different process

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Speaker 3: and lack of rush with my life, which is really nice.

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Speaker 4: But the second thing is.

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Speaker 3: I was such a shitful late person for such a

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Speaker 3: long time that I was so bad that I don't

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Speaker 3: think there'll ever be a time in my life where

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Speaker 3: I will ever be able to complain about anyone being

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Speaker 3: late and not even complain internally, Like there was not

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Speaker 3: even a second in my mind where I was like,

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Speaker 3: this is you know you nothing?

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Speaker 1: So you mentioned you were like when you look back

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Speaker 1: at that time when you were late, it meant something?

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Speaker 2: What did it mean?

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Speaker 4: I mean, I think it's a bit of a combo of.

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Speaker 3: It's hard because I think you're very much taught that.

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Speaker 3: I think you're very much taught.

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Speaker 2: That you.

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Speaker 3: Can kind of just wing it and for a while

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Speaker 3: there in your twenties, it's kind of cute even you

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Speaker 3: know this, Oh my god, my life, my life. And

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Speaker 3: I built a career in brand of kind of figuring out.

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Speaker 4: My life in front of the people on.

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Speaker 3: The podcast in other ways, so it kind of went

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Speaker 3: hand in hand a bit to be a bit of

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Speaker 3: a mess, to be honest. But I also think there's

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Speaker 3: an element of lateness that's a bad anxiety too. It

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Speaker 3: is a little bit of social anxiety or just trying

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Speaker 3: to have control over your parameters of when you're going

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Speaker 3: to be comfortable to be somewhere. And I don't think

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Speaker 3: I think I try and get compassion, particularly for people

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Speaker 3: not like yourself, but for other people that might Oh god,

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Speaker 3: I don't.

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Speaker 4: Are we going to meet up with you?

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Speaker 3: It's always a bit awkward, And I'm like, okay, I

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Speaker 3: know that that might also come from a place of

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Speaker 3: just a bit of social anxiety.

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Speaker 4: So I think there's two parts there.

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Speaker 1: You're good. I've never thought about that. But then I

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Speaker 1: know that I get all the signs when I know

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Speaker 1: I'm running late. My heart starts raising, my palm starts sweating,

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Speaker 1: which all physical signs of slight mild anxiety. Yeah, so

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Speaker 1: like it'd be interesting to unpack. Although this podcast, I

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Speaker 1: am interview you, but I'm pumped. I'm so pumped to

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Speaker 1: learn more because I'm fascinated by the mind, hence why

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Speaker 1: this podcast even exists, and human behavior and very pro

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Speaker 1: therapy and having a therapist. So before we get into

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Speaker 1: your story, there was something I went down the rabbit

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Speaker 1: hole of researching everything you've done. And I want to

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Speaker 1: talk podcasts. I want to talk out all started.

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Speaker 2: But are you a nighter graduate.

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Speaker 3: I did a screen a screen actor's course for a

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Speaker 3: year Amazed.

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Speaker 4: So it was a one day a week. It wasn't

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Speaker 4: a full time I wasn't the full time three year degree.

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Speaker 1: Did you have to go into night.

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Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, so every Saturday I went in and did

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Speaker 3: I studied screen acting.

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Speaker 2: It's pretty cool.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it is cool, isn't it. I mean I didn't

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Speaker 4: actually finish it in the end.

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Speaker 3: I did three terms and met my husband now husband,

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Speaker 3: and was on air.

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Speaker 4: At the time as well.

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Speaker 3: So it just got to a point where I needed

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Speaker 3: to prioritize a little bit and felt like I had learned. Actually,

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Speaker 3: I've become good friends with one of my tutors and

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Speaker 3: he kind of said, look, I think you're good. And

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Speaker 3: so there wasn't a certificate or graduation ceremony or anything,

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Speaker 3: but yeah, it was incredible actually, and I felt very

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Speaker 3: very uncomfortable really talking about that, to be honest, because

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Speaker 3: I have friends that are actors, and there's such this

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Speaker 3: this persona with acting and I started with this label, right,

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Speaker 3: and I was just really intrigued by the craft and

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Speaker 3: really wanted to kind of hone in on yeah, just

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Speaker 3: on different parts of expression and different ways to tell stories.

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Speaker 3: But I kind of kept it to myself a little bit,

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Speaker 3: to be honest.

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Speaker 1: Do you know I've started acting school. I know I've

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Speaker 1: been doing six months of it. But Neider is like

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Speaker 1: the Holy grail if people listening are like what you

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Speaker 1: keep saying, Nia, it's National Institute of Dramatic Arts. And

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Speaker 1: I've done the night audition twice and got rejected.

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Speaker 4: From the Big three year Bachelor one.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I remember I walked into the audition studio and

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Speaker 1: they're like, be a crocodile now. So there's a lot

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Speaker 1: of that. But then screen acting is very different, which

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Speaker 1: is what I do now, and that feels a lot

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Speaker 1: more like real life, but with cameras around.

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Speaker 2: Yeah generally, yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and you find you know, I always thought I

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Speaker 3: said to a girlfriend who was an actor before I

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Speaker 3: did that, I said, I love doing the kind of

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Speaker 3: sketch videos that I did with the Thinker Girls for

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Speaker 3: many years.

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Speaker 4: I love that expression.

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Speaker 3: But I don't think I could possibly be other characters

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Speaker 3: other than you know, kind of blown up versions of myself.

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Speaker 3: And she said, that's what acting is. There's different versions

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Speaker 3: of yourself, know it. Ah shit, Okay, I think I

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Speaker 3: could do that. So then that's when I went, I

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Speaker 3: went inquiring and yeah.

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Speaker 4: It was great.

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Speaker 1: That's I love that you said that, because they say

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Speaker 1: in acting school it's a sense of finding truthfulness within yourself.

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Speaker 2: And then that truthfulness within each character.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's almost like you're dealing with this shit

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Speaker 1: without realizing totally.

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Speaker 3: And if you've been through a lot like I have,

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Speaker 3: I have so many tools in my to be.

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Speaker 4: Able to pull from.

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Speaker 3: So it actually felt quite quite invigorating to be like, oh,

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Speaker 3: watch this, I've got something. On this, I've got something

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Speaker 3: because most other parts of life you often feel you

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Speaker 3: can get a little bit victim, like, oh it's happening

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Speaker 3: to me again, whereas enacting you like it's basically your toolbox.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so it's really a positive way of looking at

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Speaker 1: it as well. So I do want to talk like shop.

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Speaker 1: I do want to talk podcast world, I do want

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Speaker 1: to talk like life. But before that, when I researched

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Speaker 1: you Holy mackerel, like you're doing a lot of stuff

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Speaker 1: all on your own. Yeah, Like, yeah, you're writing, we're

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Speaker 1: talking book here.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. The Brink will be out mid twenty twenty.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Can you say what it's about.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it's a wellness book for singles, essentially encouraging

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Speaker 3: people to stop wishing away that time in their lives

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Speaker 3: and just giving real practical guides to that. Because I

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Speaker 3: think we're often told you need to be by yourself.

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Speaker 3: You need to be comfortable alone, and you need to

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Speaker 3: follow your gut. You need to kind of figure out

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Speaker 3: what works for you. And then we're left to figure

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Speaker 3: that out ourselves with absolutely no tools or instructions of

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Speaker 3: how to do that. And I think there's a step missing.

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Speaker 3: There's a step missing from the motivational meme of following

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Speaker 3: your gut to how the fuck you actually do that.

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Speaker 1: And I think, like you said, like we often, I'm

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Speaker 1: thirty four, we waste away our time going, oh, but

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Speaker 1: I'm going to go on all these bumble dates. I

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Speaker 1: want to find mister right. And if I'm alone, I'm

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Speaker 1: not good enough and I'm gonna die an old.

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Speaker 2: Spinster, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: Like, I've had all that and I can When you

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Speaker 1: mentioned that on your website, I was like, ah, right,

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Speaker 1: I can.

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Speaker 3: Relate, Yeah, And I think I mean, I was there

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Speaker 3: for five six years, you know, I was. I was

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Speaker 3: in a long term relationship and it didn't end really well.

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Speaker 3: It wasn't very healthy, and I knew I needed to

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Speaker 3: learn some pretty hardcore trooths and clean my slate from

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Speaker 3: my family baggage and from that relationlationship to be able

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Speaker 3: to really get the relationship I was dreaming of. I

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Speaker 3: wasn't the person, like I think, in order for you

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Speaker 3: to attract that person, you need to be a level

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Speaker 3: of that person, and I wasn't her yet, So I

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Speaker 3: needed to go down a road of self discovery and

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Speaker 3: I did that, and that's what I include in the book.

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Speaker 3: So it is a very surreal experience writing that now

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Speaker 3: pregnant marriage.

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Speaker 4: You know, it's bizarre because I am talking I go into.

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Speaker 3: Sex or as I going to you know, like everything

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Speaker 3: like all of the f ups, like you know, everything

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Speaker 3: is included in there, but it is well rounded off

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Speaker 3: with a bit of homework and ways for you to

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Speaker 3: kind of then ask yourself, Okay, well how does this

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Speaker 3: work for you? And have you thought about that? And

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Speaker 3: then hopefully at the end of it, you've done a

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Speaker 3: lot of self work on yourself that potentially someone walks

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Speaker 3: through your door instead of you knocking on everybody else's totally, and.

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Speaker 1: There's that saying like when you're dating someone, it's a

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Speaker 1: mirror of where.

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Speaker 4: You're at totally.

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Speaker 1: And I remember my therapist said, after a few out,

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Speaker 1: at what stage would you like to stop dating narcissists?

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Speaker 4: And I was like, whoa man, What does that mean

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Speaker 4: about me?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Totally, totally.

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Speaker 1: And he had this thing you taught about the victim triangle,

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Speaker 1: like you've got your victim perpetrated rescuer and he's like,

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Speaker 1: stop playing victim. Yeah, yeah, you're always in this triangle

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Speaker 1: and it's like and and that's when I learned people

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Speaker 1: often like you broken, which was pretty turning.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Men, and people will treat you how you you demand

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Speaker 3: to be treated.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, man, it's crazy.

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Speaker 4: So if you and that's not easy.

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Speaker 3: You know, I don't think everybody dives into this self

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Speaker 3: worth pool of you know, of euphoria that everyone says, Okay,

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Speaker 3: I deserve this straight off the bat.

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Speaker 2: It's not.

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Speaker 3: It's not easy, but hopefully in this book you get

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Speaker 3: the tools of trying to figure out how to do

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Speaker 3: that and learn because we all had to learn it.

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Speaker 3: We all had to build ourselves up, you know, and continue.

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Speaker 4: To do so.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, it is really really important. And I also

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Speaker 3: think it's important to say that the.

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Speaker 2: Book, we've got a nice little yeah, just sounds.

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Speaker 3: We're actually like trying to have your back with the

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Speaker 3: sound stuff, because I'm like, hello, Matt, who produces It's

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Speaker 3: a boss.

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Speaker 4: But I've got you back from an audio.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. No, we're writing an elevator, but this rumor

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Speaker 1: is small, so it sounds good when.

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Speaker 4: Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, that was quite distracting. What was

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Speaker 4: I saying? Yeah?

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Speaker 3: I think that it's really important to also know that

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Speaker 3: you read a book and you get comfortable being single,

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Speaker 3: you get empowered being on your own, that that doesn't

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Speaker 3: mean you don't want a relationship. I think that's the

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Speaker 3: other I suppose real big message that I have in

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Speaker 3: this book is that you might take the book, you

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Speaker 3: might try and work it and try and figure out

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Speaker 3: how to be on your own, but that doesn't cancel

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Speaker 3: out you wanting a family or wanting something. You know, like,

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Speaker 3: as soon as we get comfy being by ourselves, it's like,

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Speaker 3: oh shit, is everyone going to think I'm this empowered

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Speaker 3: woman that's too too solo and too amazing to then

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Speaker 3: let anyone in, you know what I mean? And it's like, no,

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Speaker 3: have the power and be open to that totally.

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Speaker 4: It's possible. I love it.

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Speaker 2: But this is just one thing that you do.

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Speaker 1: You've got your podcasts, which we were saying it like

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Speaker 1: I sang before, it kind of reads like a magazine

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Speaker 1: because You've got different elements to the podcast, some interviews,

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Speaker 1: Some is about single Pringles, So.

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Speaker 3: Is that yeah, Single Pringle drops on a Tuesday with

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Speaker 3: different lessons and stuff that will be in the book.

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Speaker 4: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: And then Sunday is just my own personal kind of

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Speaker 3: life lesson, just basically me ramping on about something I've

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Speaker 3: learned that week, or an emotion I'm working through, or

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Speaker 3: you know, something that I feel compelled to share that

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Speaker 3: I hope allows someone to look into their own lives

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Speaker 3: and maybe help somehow.

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Speaker 1: And then you've got a couple goals every now and then.

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Speaker 1: Is that right?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, that's the first season's done. I did that with

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Speaker 3: my husband and we tracked down fertility journey.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yes, Oh my goodness, I feel like I've done

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Speaker 1: just as much research on your husband.

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Speaker 2: What Ben? What a legend.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, he's a pretty good egg.

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Speaker 2: He's accredible.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, he was definitely worth the wait.

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Speaker 3: I actually read reread a card I wrote to him

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Speaker 3: for Valentine's Day this year, and I read it because

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Speaker 3: it's sitting. We have both have little meditation areas in

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Speaker 3: a room in our house, and he's got this little

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Speaker 3: love you card that still sits there, and I picked

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Speaker 3: it up the other day and I said to him,

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Speaker 3: if I had have understood what marriage would have entailed,

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Speaker 3: I would have waited another fifty years for you, because

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Speaker 3: there's no way I could have done it with anyone else.

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Speaker 4: Like relationships and that.

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Speaker 3: Level of intimacy and vulnerability, I'm giving myself goosebumps. But

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Speaker 3: it's so intense and it's so hard to the level

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Speaker 3: of conscious relationship that Ben and I strive.

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Speaker 4: For and want that it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know if I could do it with

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Speaker 3: anyone else, because he's pretty, he's pretty amazing.

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Speaker 2: Also, it's clear that you're one.

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Speaker 1: You're the real deal. You've done the work on yourself

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Speaker 1: and you're probably continuing, I imagine to do the work.

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Speaker 3: Very much so because you find someone this is the

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Speaker 3: funny thing, and then you're like, oh shit, now I

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Speaker 3: need to work out how to be this person gives

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Speaker 3: someone else totally it's a whole other book to its totally.

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Speaker 4: A head like that. Oh no, it won't be for

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Speaker 4: a while because I'm still figuring it out.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but still like in I think as well, it

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Speaker 1: takes away the I think the way you say, like

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Speaker 1: not wanting girls to waste their singles like I think

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Speaker 1: we think, oh, we're gonna meet mister right, We're gonna

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Speaker 1: get the white pick of fans, We're gonna have the

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Speaker 1: two point five whatever it is that you know, and

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Speaker 1: you just that's actually not at all what happens. And

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Speaker 1: life is shitty sometimes, and yeah, shit, really fucked up stuff.

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Speaker 2: Happens, Really bad stuff happens.

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Speaker 1: And if you if you and your partner are going

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Speaker 1: through that together one it's raw too, like you've both

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Speaker 1: got to not only have each other's back, but be

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Speaker 1: doing the work on yourself to be able to process it.

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Speaker 1: Like I read an article where I think you said,

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Speaker 1: like you and Ben process things quite differently, and so

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Speaker 1: like understanding like say, how many guys guys I've dated

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Speaker 1: that when they go quiet, I'm like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: they hate me. I've done something wrong. Where it's like, no, no,

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Speaker 1: different humans just need a process in different ways.

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Speaker 3: And no matter how much you evolve in that with

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Speaker 3: you know, trying different things with different relationships, there is

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Speaker 3: still an element of getting to know each other and

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Speaker 3: you know you need to. You know, the biggest thing

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Speaker 3: I learned from the first year or two of this relationship,

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Speaker 3: it's only two and a half years old. Is that

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Speaker 3: you sometimes need to trust before they've shown you, and

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Speaker 3: that's really hard, hard, it's very hard, Like you need

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Speaker 3: to put your hand out before they put their hand

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Speaker 3: out to you. And I think girls often expect the

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Speaker 3: guys to always have their hand out first. And I

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Speaker 3: also think that if you have had trust issues or

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Speaker 3: issues with I don't know men, particularly from talking from

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Speaker 3: my perspective as a chick, you know, it is really

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Speaker 3: difficult to just completely lose any of that history and

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Speaker 3: not not you know, not subconsciously assume that there's a

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Speaker 3: chance something like that could happen. Even when you know

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Speaker 3: this is different in your gut total your mind gets

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Speaker 3: in the way. And also you're very conditioned to what

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Speaker 3: you've experienced before, so that doesn't go nowhere and it

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Speaker 3: comes up again even if you meet someone amazing, you know.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, I learned big time that I had to

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Speaker 3: learn how to put my hand out first. And really

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Speaker 3: I wanted to meet him in the middle. I didn't

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Speaker 3: want him to just be pulling me all the time,

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Speaker 3: you know.

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Speaker 1: Incredible.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, we had that so hard. Oh, oh my god.

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Speaker 3: I think vulnerability is life's biggest work. But I think

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Speaker 3: I really didn't understand the level of it until I

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Speaker 3: had an experience in India and I did a yoga

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Speaker 3: nidra is do I say, into class and I went

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Speaker 3: really deep. It's kind of like am for those playing

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Speaker 3: at home, like a bit of a really deep meditation,

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Speaker 3: but it's guided, and it's almost like for me, it

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Speaker 3: almost goes hypnosis kind of.

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Speaker 4: It's really deep level.

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Speaker 3: And I remember waking up and generally speaking, if I

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Speaker 3: do guided classes and things, I can kind of remember

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Speaker 3: or at least have some form of consciousness. I didn't

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Speaker 3: when I came out of this meditation or this yoga class,

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Speaker 3: and it really threw me, like I must have totally released,

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Speaker 3: like my whole body, my pal was everything that you

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Speaker 3: clench your jaw, everything was dropped so far under the ground.

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Speaker 3: I was so vulnerable and I just couldn't stop crying.

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Speaker 3: Like it was just a really moving experience. And I went, okay, okay,

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Speaker 3: I hold on like I'm tired. I'm in control all

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Speaker 3: the time. And so I started to do that work

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Speaker 3: and I felt like I really got somewhere with it.

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Speaker 3: And then I met Ben and I was like, this

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Speaker 3: is a whole new level, you know, I.

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Speaker 1: Mean, I love that you've just talked about yoga nidra

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Speaker 1: because it's.

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Speaker 4: Not that no known or cool or it's a bit

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Speaker 4: niche isn't.

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Speaker 2: It's different. Yeah, it's different to meditation.

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Speaker 1: It's different to yogur it's almost like this whole body

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Speaker 1: you focus on each body part and just let go

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Speaker 1: of it. But you can lose consciousness, not in a

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Speaker 1: sleep way, like in a way where you're just like,

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Speaker 1: oh my god. It's where it almost feels like I'm

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Speaker 1: not to talk too hippy and woo here, but something

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Speaker 1: almost astral happens where you're like.

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Speaker 2: Where was I and what was going on?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? But I love that you've had such a transformative

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Speaker 1: a yogi girl, So I love that you.

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Speaker 3: You know, Yeah, I dropped in and then I think

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Speaker 3: it's also it was quite upsetting to realize how how

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Speaker 3: much I needed to do that on.

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Speaker 4: A day to day basis and how that was going

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Speaker 4: to be a bit of work for me.

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Speaker 1: So meditation is now your daily practice.

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Speaker 3: It always has been, Yeah, it has been for a

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Speaker 3: long time. I've never and this isn't a thing to

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Speaker 3: be proud of or not proud of, but I've always

403
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Speaker 3: healed or tried to soothe my anxiety with meditation, So

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Speaker 3: it's kind of like my antidepressant or my version of that.

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Speaker 4: So it's not a it's not an option for me.

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Speaker 1: My boyfriend also has anxiety, and he will not leave

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Speaker 1: the house without doing meditation beforehand, to the point I'm

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Speaker 1: not so responsive and he's like, sit down, we're doing

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Speaker 1: mindfulness meditation together.

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Speaker 4: It's so nice to have a partner that encouraged you

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Speaker 4: to do that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, And I've read an article that Ben wrote

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Speaker 1: and he talks about him meditating.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And so there'll be times when you

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Speaker 3: kind of fall off or yeah, you kind of get moody,

416
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Speaker 3: or you want to sleep in this day or you

417
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Speaker 3: know nobody. I certainly don't do it as kind of

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Speaker 3: full on. And I learned that Gulla Darlings, this incredible

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Speaker 3: YouTuber that is just all about manifestation, and she talks

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Speaker 3: about self care routines and how you can get a

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Speaker 3: little bit obsessive with them, and I definitely learned from

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Speaker 3: that and started to just relax a little bit on

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Speaker 3: in that. And I'd got to a place in my

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Speaker 3: life where I'd felt safe enough to do so too,

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Speaker 3: so mentally I was okay, But then if you don't

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Speaker 3: do it for a couple of days and you hear this.

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Speaker 4: Coming from the front room and is your husband just

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Speaker 4: sitting there?

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Speaker 3: And I'm like, wow, that looks pretty good to just

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Speaker 3: go sit next to it, and then you know, just

431
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Speaker 3: ten minutes you're done. There's got to be something said about,

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Speaker 3: you know, meeting someone with matched hobbies and things like that,

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Speaker 3: because it does.

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Speaker 4: It helps big time.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, totally, And I think that's where the value alignment

436
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Speaker 1: is like a non negotiable now for me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I have all this time.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I could just let you drive this, and

439
00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:26,959
Speaker 1: I'm like I want it. So, first of all, quickly

440
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Speaker 1: the podcast world, and I don't know if you remember this,

441
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Speaker 1: but before, even before radio, I was a guest on

442
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:34,960
Speaker 1: the Yes Looks I Do.

443
00:20:35,520 --> 00:20:37,240
Speaker 2: I was this and you were a big guest.

444
00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:37,960
Speaker 4: For us back then.

445
00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:40,320
Speaker 3: Really yeah, not that it was later, but we were

446
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,760
Speaker 3: very we were regional radio girls.

447
00:20:42,880 --> 00:20:44,240
Speaker 4: You were like, had all these.

448
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:47,480
Speaker 3: Cookbooks early days. It was really early days. I don't

449
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,520
Speaker 3: even know if there was one hundred people listening. So

450
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,160
Speaker 3: and you said, yes, well, I.

451
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:52,440
Speaker 2: Was shooting my smoothie book.

452
00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:54,879
Speaker 1: So I was literally we were on sets, and I

453
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,280
Speaker 1: was like, guys, I got to run, I gotta do

454
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:58,320
Speaker 1: this podcast. And they put me in a really quiet

455
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,679
Speaker 1: room and I didn't know much right, and I was

456
00:21:00,840 --> 00:21:03,320
Speaker 1: probably quite ego and naiven the day, and all I

457
00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:05,359
Speaker 1: had was the brief was the Thinker Girl. Yeah, And

458
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,480
Speaker 1: I was like, okay, I sweet, and I knew it

459
00:21:07,520 --> 00:21:08,080
Speaker 1: was I don't.

460
00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:09,359
Speaker 4: Even think it was called The Thinker Girls. And I

461
00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:10,440
Speaker 4: think it was called Thinker Girl.

462
00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:13,120
Speaker 1: The podcast it would have been, it would have been

463
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:16,560
Speaker 1: definitely And I remember you asked me a question and

464
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:22,600
Speaker 1: I was completely like, I felt like I was completely gobsmacked.

465
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:24,959
Speaker 4: I mean, I don't know who asked her.

466
00:21:25,960 --> 00:21:26,800
Speaker 1: And I remember the.

467
00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:29,000
Speaker 2: Question was like a Sexy Times question.

468
00:21:28,760 --> 00:21:29,280
Speaker 1: Oh okay.

469
00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:30,120
Speaker 4: Yeah.

470
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:34,280
Speaker 3: We threw them in pretty almost aggressively at some points,

471
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:34,840
Speaker 3: and I.

472
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:37,720
Speaker 2: Was I remember I was like, oh my god, do

473
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:37,960
Speaker 2: you know?

474
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:41,280
Speaker 1: The question was, sure, do you orgasm better on top

475
00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:42,399
Speaker 1: or underneath?

476
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:45,000
Speaker 4: It's a fair question, but it is a big question.

477
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:46,679
Speaker 1: It's a fair question. But I could ask you to

478
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:51,040
Speaker 1: talk about cookbooks like nutrition and Chuck Avocado moos, which

479
00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:52,840
Speaker 1: now is going to have the wrong kind of connotation.

480
00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:55,359
Speaker 4: Yeah, but we were so full on, like I.

481
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:58,920
Speaker 3: I know that's what we became renowned to be, but

482
00:21:59,040 --> 00:21:59,919
Speaker 3: I do forget.

483
00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:02,960
Speaker 4: I don't know, it does be me to think that

484
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:03,840
Speaker 4: we just met you.

485
00:22:04,040 --> 00:22:06,080
Speaker 1: It was the best lesson for me though, because it

486
00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,640
Speaker 1: didn't upset me or anything like that. I was just like, Wow,

487
00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:10,639
Speaker 1: You've got to be way more prepared because I was

488
00:22:10,680 --> 00:22:12,400
Speaker 1: like because in.

489
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,040
Speaker 2: My mind, I was like, what's my boyfriend going to think?

490
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,159
Speaker 1: Like I had all these like checkpoints that I was

491
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:19,280
Speaker 1: trying to I don't even remember what my auntswer was.

492
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:23,439
Speaker 1: I know wanted to be today, but it just it

493
00:22:23,680 --> 00:22:26,200
Speaker 1: just it was just such an incredible I was like, wow,

494
00:22:26,320 --> 00:22:29,280
Speaker 1: like a testament to you guys, because you were able

495
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:32,440
Speaker 1: to take away all my filters and all my veils

496
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:36,080
Speaker 1: so fast with like that tactic. I don't know whether

497
00:22:36,119 --> 00:22:37,639
Speaker 1: it's a good thing or a bad thing, but I

498
00:22:37,800 --> 00:22:40,119
Speaker 1: just that was my first When I started researching you,

499
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:41,879
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I've got to share

500
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 1: my first ever oh wow to the point last time

501
00:22:44,080 --> 00:22:45,280
Speaker 1: on the phone to my boyfriend. I was like can

502
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:48,240
Speaker 1: I say it? And He's like, yeah, man, just be real.

503
00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:51,639
Speaker 1: So that was my first experience of you.

504
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's so crazy, it was, and that was what

505
00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,240
Speaker 3: the years were like at the beginning of that adventure,

506
00:22:58,560 --> 00:23:02,320
Speaker 3: we were very much I'd never met anybody that was

507
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:06,480
Speaker 3: getting off, almost on an adrenaline run of having these

508
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:09,400
Speaker 3: conversations people. When having as much as Christie was, even

509
00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:11,720
Speaker 3: in my own friendship groups, you think that you were,

510
00:23:12,080 --> 00:23:15,320
Speaker 3: people would have started to assume that in my friendship

511
00:23:15,320 --> 00:23:16,960
Speaker 3: group I would have been the person to have these

512
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:17,919
Speaker 3: kinds of conversations.

513
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:18,480
Speaker 4: I wasn't.

514
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:22,120
Speaker 3: I didn't, And that's why I found it so thrilling,

515
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:22,880
Speaker 3: because I was like.

516
00:23:23,000 --> 00:23:25,719
Speaker 4: Why aren't we? Why haven't I?

517
00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:28,040
Speaker 3: And then I was I found someone that had the

518
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:31,800
Speaker 3: same sentiment behind it. It was more intrigue and this

519
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:35,000
Speaker 3: kind of electric thing of conversations. And you've got to

520
00:23:35,000 --> 00:23:37,760
Speaker 3: remember we were both in regional radio roles at the time,

521
00:23:38,440 --> 00:23:41,200
Speaker 3: probably quite bored with the content we could pull out,

522
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 3: and I certainly know that I needed to be challenged

523
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:47,199
Speaker 3: in different ways. So we used that platform as a

524
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:50,520
Speaker 3: bit of an experiment. Never in a million years did

525
00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:53,840
Speaker 3: we think that the radio show we would land would

526
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:57,200
Speaker 3: be we would be off the essence of that kind

527
00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,879
Speaker 3: of context we were. We were trying to water at

528
00:23:59,880 --> 00:24:02,680
Speaker 3: a down to get a show, So we were trying

529
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:05,520
Speaker 3: to make it really commercial, radio friendly. We were told

530
00:24:05,520 --> 00:24:07,920
Speaker 3: there's no way this is going to be on it ever,

531
00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,879
Speaker 3: like not a chance, not a chance, and then we

532
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:13,720
Speaker 3: closed the door to radio. It was me specifically because

533
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,639
Speaker 3: Christie at the time, who was the other thinker girl,

534
00:24:16,880 --> 00:24:19,960
Speaker 3: she was on it at quite a good at quite

535
00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:22,680
Speaker 3: a good market, so like like a high end market

536
00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:26,679
Speaker 3: in terms of radio talk, and I was like, fuck this,

537
00:24:26,760 --> 00:24:28,280
Speaker 3: I'm out. If we're not getting a job, I'm going

538
00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:30,760
Speaker 3: to go off and look at Tally. And the second

539
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:32,239
Speaker 3: I turned the other way, they were like, no, we

540
00:24:32,280 --> 00:24:35,200
Speaker 3: want the show that you're doing, like we want we

541
00:24:35,240 --> 00:24:36,480
Speaker 3: want that naughty show.

542
00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:37,600
Speaker 1: And that was Kiss FM.

543
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:38,440
Speaker 3: Yeah.

544
00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,600
Speaker 1: So so almost when you kind of like let go

545
00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:43,280
Speaker 1: of it all together was when it came to you

546
00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:44,640
Speaker 1: energetically essentially.

547
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:45,680
Speaker 4: Yeah.

548
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:49,399
Speaker 1: And then how was like radio was like, especially KISSFM,

549
00:24:49,720 --> 00:24:53,239
Speaker 1: And I know that it ended pretty horribly like the

550
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:56,560
Speaker 1: words I've seen like traumatic and brutal as far as

551
00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:59,439
Speaker 1: the way of accings go. Yeah, but like when it

552
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,359
Speaker 1: was good and when you were just like in the

553
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:05,760
Speaker 1: moment and filming skits or like doing like what were

554
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,239
Speaker 1: what were like what was the golden moment? What did

555
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:08,720
Speaker 1: you love?

556
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:10,159
Speaker 4: It was a wild Ride.

557
00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,240
Speaker 3: It was pretty I think at the end of the day,

558
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:17,719
Speaker 3: you know, to have something that was on a big,

559
00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:20,919
Speaker 3: you know, sign, with a name that you'd created yourself.

560
00:25:21,720 --> 00:25:25,080
Speaker 3: You know, there's something about that entrepreneurial side of me

561
00:25:25,160 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 3: anyway that was just always so fulfilled and proud that

562
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:34,080
Speaker 3: we owned the brand. I negotiated our contracts like everything

563
00:25:34,359 --> 00:25:38,240
Speaker 3: was us, you know, everything was came from a piece

564
00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:38,520
Speaker 3: of me.

565
00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:40,720
Speaker 4: Really, you know, even.

566
00:25:40,440 --> 00:25:42,560
Speaker 3: Before the Thinker Girls or Thinking Girl the podcast, I

567
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:44,919
Speaker 3: had a blog called Thinker Girl was with when I

568
00:25:45,000 --> 00:25:47,760
Speaker 3: was with another guy and I didn't even know Christy.

569
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:51,240
Speaker 3: You know, this was really a seed that I'd planted

570
00:25:51,280 --> 00:25:54,199
Speaker 3: many many years before, so to kind of have it

571
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:56,280
Speaker 3: evolve into all these different ways and have it come

572
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:59,879
Speaker 3: to fruition with a person that creatively I felt like

573
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:01,639
Speaker 3: was my perfect match.

574
00:26:01,720 --> 00:26:01,919
Speaker 4: You know.

575
00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:06,879
Speaker 3: It was just always a bit of a mind blown

576
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:09,240
Speaker 3: a moment. Every show you had at least a moment

577
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:11,960
Speaker 3: where you were like, this is unreal, you know, And

578
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:15,879
Speaker 3: so it was. It was an awesome experience. I think

579
00:26:16,320 --> 00:26:19,720
Speaker 3: the trauma and I guess that tough time. It's funny

580
00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:21,600
Speaker 3: now that I think about it, and I do, I

581
00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:23,920
Speaker 3: can hear those girls like, oh God, I just kind

582
00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:27,040
Speaker 3: of cringe because I also know that this is radio

583
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:30,440
Speaker 3: and I've read so many articles of everybody else experiencing

584
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:31,120
Speaker 3: this before.

585
00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:33,480
Speaker 4: But at the time it didn't matter. You know, it

586
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:34,480
Speaker 4: was our first time.

587
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:39,000
Speaker 3: It was my first time being so blind sided at

588
00:26:39,040 --> 00:26:41,760
Speaker 3: something like that, And now I know that it happens

589
00:26:41,800 --> 00:26:44,399
Speaker 3: so regularly. I've seen it happen so many times in

590
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:47,000
Speaker 3: between the time it happened to us and now, so

591
00:26:47,040 --> 00:26:49,320
Speaker 3: I kind of giggle at At the time it felt

592
00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,280
Speaker 3: so personal, but that.

593
00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:54,639
Speaker 1: Is and also you put your heart into it.

594
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:57,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, and yeah, and we were you know, I think

595
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:02,879
Speaker 3: there were a few little specific facts of very misleading

596
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:04,920
Speaker 3: promises and things that I guess are.

597
00:27:04,920 --> 00:27:06,760
Speaker 1: Getting almost promotion right.

598
00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 3: So yeah, originally we were building for about eight months.

599
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:14,160
Speaker 4: We were building a drive show for a year later.

600
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:18,120
Speaker 3: And then the drive show became available much earlier than

601
00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:21,680
Speaker 3: they'd anticipated, so instead of putting us in earlier than planned,

602
00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:24,359
Speaker 3: they thought, oh no, we're not going to risk two girls.

603
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:25,800
Speaker 4: Will put in two guys.

604
00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:28,280
Speaker 3: And it was just like we'd come so far and

605
00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 3: the two girl thing just felt like it was so

606
00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:33,199
Speaker 3: not We had a strong show. Didn't matter, you know

607
00:27:33,240 --> 00:27:36,639
Speaker 3: that we were two chicks, but it did. It still

608
00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:38,879
Speaker 3: did so I think it was disappointing to think that

609
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:43,920
Speaker 3: we'd built almost like a legacy, and we'd kind of pioneered, pioneered.

610
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:48,000
Speaker 3: I guess Women on Air were two women to some degree.

611
00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:49,920
Speaker 3: There were other shows that had happened over the years.

612
00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:52,160
Speaker 3: I'm not saying we're the only one that had done it,

613
00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:54,760
Speaker 3: but in this kind of way and the content we

614
00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:58,159
Speaker 3: were covering, And to think that then we ended up

615
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:01,040
Speaker 3: not getting that slot because it was too risky still

616
00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:03,040
Speaker 3: and two guys got it, I think was also for

617
00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:06,080
Speaker 3: me personally, I found that that was a.

618
00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:07,560
Speaker 4: Big It felt like a failure.

619
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:07,760
Speaker 1: To me.

620
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:10,880
Speaker 3: It felt like we'd gotten so far and we'd broken

621
00:28:10,920 --> 00:28:13,920
Speaker 3: the ceiling, but we hadn't, you know, we couldn't get

622
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:15,480
Speaker 3: we couldn't get any further.

623
00:28:15,600 --> 00:28:18,800
Speaker 4: And that was. Yeah, it was pretty heart wrenching.

624
00:28:19,680 --> 00:28:23,080
Speaker 1: Understandably first of all. But also don't like, and I

625
00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:26,200
Speaker 1: don't want to say it, but fuck you did good?

626
00:28:26,680 --> 00:28:28,040
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? Like you made like

627
00:28:28,119 --> 00:28:31,600
Speaker 1: that's a very iconic studio with the greats, Do you

628
00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:34,280
Speaker 1: know what I mean? I think I get it. You

629
00:28:34,720 --> 00:28:37,280
Speaker 1: didn't get to see it come to fouish in the

630
00:28:37,320 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 1: way that you'd love to, but it's still pretty big

631
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:43,800
Speaker 1: what you did achieve. I think it's messed up the

632
00:28:43,840 --> 00:28:47,200
Speaker 1: way that you got acts. Do you want to share

633
00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:47,840
Speaker 1: that story?

634
00:28:48,560 --> 00:28:51,360
Speaker 4: Well, it was funny because I'd met.

635
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:56,400
Speaker 3: Ben so my whole real on EPISONA, and we were

636
00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:57,680
Speaker 3: pretty transparent.

637
00:28:57,720 --> 00:28:58,640
Speaker 4: What you see is what you get.

638
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:00,960
Speaker 3: But essentially, when you do a rate show, you have

639
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:02,920
Speaker 3: a bit of a list in the boardroom and you've

640
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:04,720
Speaker 3: got an idea of the kind of stories that are

641
00:29:04,760 --> 00:29:06,440
Speaker 3: your stories and the kind of stories of your co

642
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:07,080
Speaker 3: host stories.

643
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:09,800
Speaker 4: The single storyline for me was very big.

644
00:29:09,640 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 3: Because I was the single girl and merce was the

645
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,760
Speaker 3: in relationship girl. So it was only a few months

646
00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:18,040
Speaker 3: before that I'd met Ben and the storyline started to

647
00:29:18,120 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 3: change a little bit, and it was just things were

648
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:26,000
Speaker 3: changing really quickly. It was really a bizarre time. Actually,

649
00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:30,720
Speaker 3: I was incredibly loved up and was really feeling quite confident,

650
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:34,800
Speaker 3: but also not not caring. But there was an element

651
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:37,200
Speaker 3: of and now I look back, it's not that I

652
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:40,320
Speaker 3: dropped the ball, but I just all of a sudden

653
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,320
Speaker 3: had different things in my life.

654
00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:43,000
Speaker 1: It had come up.

655
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:46,520
Speaker 3: I'd worked the radio circuit for six years on air

656
00:29:46,560 --> 00:29:49,800
Speaker 3: before then and probably eight years including off air rolls,

657
00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:52,560
Speaker 3: so I had busted my guard and really focused on

658
00:29:52,600 --> 00:29:55,480
Speaker 3: that part of my life and career. So it was

659
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:58,360
Speaker 3: actually quite refreshing to have a different focus, to be honest,

660
00:29:58,360 --> 00:30:02,440
Speaker 3: and something that was so nourishing and lovely and having

661
00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:05,000
Speaker 3: all these great sex and just you know, just having

662
00:30:05,040 --> 00:30:08,200
Speaker 3: different things to do than just work. So at this

663
00:30:08,320 --> 00:30:12,480
Speaker 3: point we were doing had our first fertility appointment and

664
00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:17,600
Speaker 3: on a Friday in October, and it was the very

665
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 3: first time we went in because my husband had prostate

666
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 3: cancer in his thirties and we can't conceive naturally. And

667
00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:26,120
Speaker 3: I said, look, I don't think we want to have

668
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:29,680
Speaker 3: kids today, but because you know all of this history

669
00:30:29,720 --> 00:30:32,480
Speaker 3: about your cancer and your situation, I feel like I've

670
00:30:32,520 --> 00:30:34,280
Speaker 3: got some questions. So maybe we could go in and

671
00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:37,440
Speaker 3: ask a few questions. So we went in, had that appointment,

672
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 3: and I had about seventeen miss calls on my phone

673
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:44,680
Speaker 3: and I came out and it was my manager and

674
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:46,280
Speaker 3: she said, are you sitting down?

675
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:48,560
Speaker 4: And I said, what do you mean? And I was

676
00:30:48,600 --> 00:30:50,320
Speaker 4: in BONDI it was busy and we're.

677
00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:52,680
Speaker 3: Trying to cross the road, and I even thinking about

678
00:30:52,680 --> 00:30:54,640
Speaker 3: the story. I was like, I was like, what the

679
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:56,920
Speaker 3: f And you know, we just found out that that

680
00:30:57,040 --> 00:30:59,480
Speaker 3: Drive Show had been replaced, so we were now going

681
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:02,760
Speaker 3: into just keep our show. Yeah, and that was for

682
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:05,320
Speaker 3: us a no brainer, Like you know that we were

683
00:31:05,360 --> 00:31:07,239
Speaker 3: raiding well and all these kinds of things, so there

684
00:31:07,280 --> 00:31:09,320
Speaker 3: was no reason we were quite I mean, I had

685
00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:11,840
Speaker 3: voice that I was disappointed that we didn't get that show,

686
00:31:11,880 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 3: but we weren't like we're not coming.

687
00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:15,680
Speaker 4: In, like there was no real drama.

688
00:31:17,520 --> 00:31:19,760
Speaker 3: And she we got to the car, I said, all right, yeah, yah,

689
00:31:19,800 --> 00:31:21,320
Speaker 3: let me get to the car because I can't hear you.

690
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:24,880
Speaker 3: So caught it back and she said, they're not renewing

691
00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:27,880
Speaker 3: your contracts and your last show was last night.

692
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:30,000
Speaker 4: You're not to come in. It's over.

693
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:36,680
Speaker 3: And I was like, what hell? We just started like

694
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:40,120
Speaker 3: we just got here, like how we were told a

695
00:31:40,200 --> 00:31:42,960
Speaker 3: second ago we were the Drive Show.

696
00:31:43,000 --> 00:31:46,160
Speaker 4: Like it just was like such a head fuck and

697
00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:46,800
Speaker 4: there's nothing.

698
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:48,880
Speaker 3: It's like, you know, you don't want to compare it,

699
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:52,360
Speaker 3: but shock is the hardest emotion to work through. I

700
00:31:52,520 --> 00:31:55,360
Speaker 3: found like there's all kinds of grief, there's all kinds

701
00:31:55,400 --> 00:31:57,400
Speaker 3: of sad, and there's all kinds of happiness, all kinds

702
00:31:57,440 --> 00:31:59,360
Speaker 3: of troubled emotions you.

703
00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:01,960
Speaker 4: Go through, but shock is a really tough one.

704
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:06,000
Speaker 3: The people that I've lost in my life and lost

705
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:08,360
Speaker 3: and look, you have different feelings, but the people I've

706
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:10,600
Speaker 3: lost in my life knowing that they were going compared

707
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:14,280
Speaker 3: to the ones that have gone through shock at just

708
00:32:14,320 --> 00:32:15,640
Speaker 3: such different griefs.

709
00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:18,320
Speaker 4: And so it was really for me.

710
00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 3: The shock and that real betrayal, and you know, and

711
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:24,640
Speaker 3: just thinking about all the board meetings and all the

712
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:27,040
Speaker 3: things that you've been told and how they were all lies,

713
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:31,240
Speaker 3: Like your real sense of trust in yourself goes too.

714
00:32:31,360 --> 00:32:34,760
Speaker 3: I was really shattered from that intuition point, which I

715
00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 3: talked so much about in my work now. And I

716
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:40,600
Speaker 3: really prided myself on being a person that followed my gup.

717
00:32:40,640 --> 00:32:43,200
Speaker 3: But there were signs that I mustn't have followed or

718
00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:46,760
Speaker 3: I didn't follow, And it's hard to accept that because.

719
00:32:48,040 --> 00:32:50,719
Speaker 4: Because you want to see that coming.

720
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:55,640
Speaker 3: And I really prided myself on reading the play. And so, yeah,

721
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:58,040
Speaker 3: the shock was pretty full on. And to not say

722
00:32:58,040 --> 00:32:59,920
Speaker 3: goodbye to your audience was going to tell.

723
00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:01,440
Speaker 1: So then you asked if you could go in and

724
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,200
Speaker 1: say goodbye to your audience and do one more show.

725
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:04,800
Speaker 3: Is that right, Yeah, we wanted to go in that

726
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:07,360
Speaker 3: night and we said we'll be professional and you know whatever,

727
00:33:07,520 --> 00:33:10,840
Speaker 3: and the response was that we'd be too emotional.

728
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 2: That's messed up.

729
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 1: Do you would you say there's an element to radio

730
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:19,360
Speaker 1: and television? I say television, well, because I feel like

731
00:33:19,400 --> 00:33:21,480
Speaker 1: the both are media.

732
00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:28,560
Speaker 3: That's you're disposable, yeah one, And it's and you know

733
00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:31,280
Speaker 3: now now that I sit here today thinking about what

734
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:33,640
Speaker 3: my future is in that space and being back on

735
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,800
Speaker 3: air recently and another show on another show with a

736
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 3: guy and kind of a different network and doing all

737
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:43,040
Speaker 3: of that, you know, I'm aware that that's the case,

738
00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:46,080
Speaker 3: and I sign up anyway, yes, going in this time.

739
00:33:46,160 --> 00:33:48,840
Speaker 3: So I think you need to be aware of that.

740
00:33:49,560 --> 00:33:52,240
Speaker 3: But I wonder how you can possibly be aware until

741
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:55,920
Speaker 3: you're royally fucked over, because until you feel that, then

742
00:33:55,960 --> 00:33:58,040
Speaker 3: you need to make a conscious decision of whether you're

743
00:33:58,080 --> 00:34:01,080
Speaker 3: prepared to go back again. And it took me a

744
00:34:01,080 --> 00:34:03,240
Speaker 3: long time to think about whether I wanted to do that.

745
00:34:03,360 --> 00:34:05,760
Speaker 4: And even if I am back on.

746
00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:08,080
Speaker 3: Air one day or when I was back on air

747
00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 3: more recently, I'm a very very different person.

748
00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:15,239
Speaker 1: That's also understandable though, because there's been let go and

749
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:20,160
Speaker 1: being replaced and then there's been completely disrespected and not

750
00:34:20,200 --> 00:34:21,239
Speaker 1: treated like a human being.

751
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:23,920
Speaker 3: That's true, and I think they do say that different

752
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:27,920
Speaker 3: networks have different kind of ethoses with that. Overall, the

753
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:31,200
Speaker 3: industry doesn't have a great rep for you know.

754
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:33,719
Speaker 4: There's not exactly a union supporting.

755
00:34:36,160 --> 00:34:38,840
Speaker 1: The reason why I ask this is the whole premise

756
00:34:38,880 --> 00:34:41,319
Speaker 1: of this podcast is things aren't as shiny as they

757
00:34:41,320 --> 00:34:42,160
Speaker 1: look on the surface.

758
00:34:42,200 --> 00:34:42,760
Speaker 4: That's right.

759
00:34:43,160 --> 00:34:45,440
Speaker 1: And you know, as much as I am about to

760
00:34:45,480 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 1: ask you this next question it's exciting and fun, I

761
00:34:48,560 --> 00:34:51,719
Speaker 1: want people to know that it was so messed up.

762
00:34:52,200 --> 00:34:54,799
Speaker 1: That's a really shitty way to be fired in any job.

763
00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:57,239
Speaker 1: Imagine if you worked anywhere and it was like, don't

764
00:34:57,280 --> 00:35:01,200
Speaker 1: come in tomorrow, you're replaced, see you later. Yeah, it's

765
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,600
Speaker 1: just not the way a good human treats another human.

766
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:04,480
Speaker 4: No.

767
00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:07,000
Speaker 3: No. And it was really tricky for me too, because

768
00:35:08,440 --> 00:35:12,400
Speaker 3: it's much more public now my kind of wellness of

769
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 3: my life and my work.

770
00:35:14,440 --> 00:35:15,520
Speaker 4: I'm a self care coach.

771
00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:15,640
Speaker 1: Now.

772
00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:19,840
Speaker 3: I completely changed, not trajectories, because I still am doing

773
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:23,640
Speaker 3: media stuff, but I just really became more public on

774
00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:25,560
Speaker 3: that side of my on myself. But at the time,

775
00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:28,560
Speaker 3: it is it was really hard for me to get

776
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:31,400
Speaker 3: my head around because I was practicing a lot of

777
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:34,000
Speaker 3: that wellness stuff behind the scenes in my own life,

778
00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:37,960
Speaker 3: and then was living this really kind of contradictory life

779
00:35:38,160 --> 00:35:42,080
Speaker 3: in the space I was in in that job. It

780
00:35:42,160 --> 00:35:44,880
Speaker 3: was just really a lot. It was very toxic in

781
00:35:44,920 --> 00:35:45,920
Speaker 3: many ways, totally.

782
00:35:45,960 --> 00:35:48,319
Speaker 1: Did that trigger the anxiety stuff as well, that kind

783
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:48,960
Speaker 1: of environment.

784
00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:50,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, I got a drainal fatigue when I was there,

785
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:54,080
Speaker 3: so and look, some of that was the environment. Some

786
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:55,560
Speaker 3: of that was the pressure I think I put on

787
00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:58,399
Speaker 3: myself and the controlling ways I had because it was.

788
00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:01,040
Speaker 4: My brand and my name and your baby.

789
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:04,879
Speaker 3: Yeah, so I learned a lot from that perspective, But yeah,

790
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:07,960
Speaker 3: there was it wasn't It wasn't always a conducive environment

791
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:11,040
Speaker 3: to feel safe, Let's say that much. But I think also,

792
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:13,960
Speaker 3: would I go back and do a few things differently, Yeah,

793
00:36:14,000 --> 00:36:14,359
Speaker 3: for sure.

794
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:15,879
Speaker 4: From my end, I take rest.

795
00:36:16,000 --> 00:36:18,680
Speaker 3: I'm very hard, not hard on myself, but I very

796
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:21,200
Speaker 3: much think that everybody plays a role. I still think

797
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:22,799
Speaker 3: if you're cheated on, there's a.

798
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:23,600
Speaker 4: Role you've played.

799
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:25,879
Speaker 3: You know. I'm a big believer in the fact of well,

800
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:27,880
Speaker 3: what can what did you contribute and how can you

801
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:28,960
Speaker 3: improve from there.

802
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:32,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, but also like you were just chasing a dream,

803
00:36:32,520 --> 00:36:35,040
Speaker 1: and I mean, and you would work can your guts

804
00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:36,799
Speaker 1: out in order to chase that dream. You mean, you

805
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:38,840
Speaker 1: were giving it your all, you were giving your audience.

806
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:40,239
Speaker 1: You're all like you were.

807
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:41,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, we were.

808
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:43,000
Speaker 3: That's true, and it's nice of you to say that,

809
00:36:43,040 --> 00:36:45,920
Speaker 3: because I think often we do get spoken about the

810
00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:48,320
Speaker 3: questions we ask or the crazy things that we said.

811
00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 4: But we did.

812
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:53,120
Speaker 3: Give it everything, and we were critiqued and we were

813
00:36:53,160 --> 00:36:56,520
Speaker 3: We've just shot through in a really different way. People

814
00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:59,160
Speaker 3: celebrities would be scared to come on our show. It

815
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:01,080
Speaker 3: took us san Lence a long time to get that

816
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 3: kind of vibe, and not that that's what we were

817
00:37:02,719 --> 00:37:05,320
Speaker 3: going for by any means, but just to have any

818
00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:09,520
Speaker 3: form of you know, bang, Yeah, it's hard. It's hard

819
00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:12,400
Speaker 3: to infiltrate this industry, and we did it so fucking quickly.

820
00:37:12,600 --> 00:37:12,960
Speaker 1: Yeah.

821
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:15,480
Speaker 3: So I am very proud of that, and we deserved

822
00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:17,560
Speaker 3: a little bit more respect for that, a bit more

823
00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:20,120
Speaker 3: protection around that because we were sharing a.

824
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,759
Speaker 1: Lot and a giving it. You're all like you were

825
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:25,120
Speaker 1: one hundred percent giving it. You're all. On that note, like,

826
00:37:25,160 --> 00:37:27,279
Speaker 1: on a more positive note of the radio show. What

827
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:30,640
Speaker 1: was like if there was one person who interview this

828
00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:32,759
Speaker 1: is like a fame e question if you interviewed one

829
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:34,760
Speaker 1: person where you're just like, oh my god, I interviewed

830
00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:38,480
Speaker 1: for all and he was a freaking legendre.

831
00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 4: Katie Perry is pretty amazing.

832
00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:40,800
Speaker 2: Oh yeah.

833
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,319
Speaker 3: But I think for us and for me, it was

834
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:46,600
Speaker 3: It's so funny because it's been so like almost a

835
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:48,560
Speaker 3: year since I've been in US, but I still when

836
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:51,319
Speaker 3: I talk about that time, it's still so linked to the.

837
00:37:51,239 --> 00:37:52,520
Speaker 4: Two of us, like it's bizarre.

838
00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 3: But for me, the big moments were things we did

839
00:37:56,680 --> 00:38:00,080
Speaker 3: that I think often weren't the known stuff. So you

840
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:03,960
Speaker 3: did such a big investigation in endometriosis, and you know,

841
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:06,320
Speaker 3: there was one caller that will stay in my mind forever,

842
00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 3: where at the end of this segment that we did

843
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:12,800
Speaker 3: all kind of educating on women's health and the symptoms

844
00:38:12,840 --> 00:38:14,600
Speaker 3: and the stuff they don't tell you are Dad called

845
00:38:14,719 --> 00:38:18,359
Speaker 3: up in tears saying his daughter has had period pain

846
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:21,239
Speaker 3: and they keep sending her away for ibs, ibs who's

847
00:38:21,320 --> 00:38:23,920
Speaker 3: ends up in hospital. He's like, and this has motivated

848
00:38:23,920 --> 00:38:27,160
Speaker 3: me to keep going, you know, And those kinds of calls,

849
00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:30,680
Speaker 3: like conversations that particularly for women's health and for chick

850
00:38:30,760 --> 00:38:34,080
Speaker 3: stuff at that time. It's different now, but at that time,

851
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:37,759
Speaker 3: they're the things that were like made me feel so

852
00:38:37,880 --> 00:38:40,120
Speaker 3: much different to a Katy Perry. So it was both

853
00:38:40,120 --> 00:38:42,400
Speaker 3: of them are pretty cool, but it was like, yeah,

854
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:45,920
Speaker 3: it was that stuff that stays with me by the time.

855
00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:47,719
Speaker 1: That's affecting someone's heart.

856
00:38:47,680 --> 00:38:48,279
Speaker 4: Oh my god.

857
00:38:48,320 --> 00:38:50,160
Speaker 3: And it was the kind of show we wanted to do.

858
00:38:50,239 --> 00:38:51,920
Speaker 3: That's the kind of show I wanted to do, and

859
00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:54,000
Speaker 3: it's the kind of work I want to continue to do.

860
00:38:55,600 --> 00:38:57,399
Speaker 1: And I think that that does show in the work

861
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:59,320
Speaker 1: that you do do now. And I had a little

862
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:02,239
Speaker 1: bit of a store runs last night especially it went

863
00:39:02,280 --> 00:39:06,440
Speaker 1: down in stat And the thing that I love that

864
00:39:06,520 --> 00:39:11,239
Speaker 1: you shared so openly is and you're so beautiful and

865
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:15,879
Speaker 1: glowy and pregnant right now, but like your experience.

866
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:17,680
Speaker 2: With miscarriage and your.

867
00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:22,520
Speaker 1: Fertility journey and bens like it, sund and you shared

868
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:26,279
Speaker 1: it just so like fuck, I wanted it to say

869
00:39:26,320 --> 00:39:29,520
Speaker 1: pregnant today it didn't say pregnant like you shared it

870
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:32,880
Speaker 1: so honestly and so courageously.

871
00:39:33,840 --> 00:39:35,759
Speaker 2: How like, how the f do you?

872
00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:35,960
Speaker 3: Like?

873
00:39:36,040 --> 00:39:37,879
Speaker 1: How did you navigate your way through that?

874
00:39:39,160 --> 00:39:44,480
Speaker 4: Thank you for saying that it was Yeah, it was

875
00:39:44,600 --> 00:39:47,080
Speaker 4: really hard. It was really hard.

876
00:39:48,680 --> 00:39:50,960
Speaker 3: I think the first thing that I made sure and

877
00:39:51,080 --> 00:39:54,040
Speaker 3: have always made sure that my mental health thought I

878
00:39:54,440 --> 00:39:58,480
Speaker 3: and Ben were in check, so and a lot of

879
00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:00,840
Speaker 3: the things we shared would maybe maybe being in a

880
00:40:00,840 --> 00:40:04,040
Speaker 3: bit of delay, so we would process the feelings, go

881
00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:08,560
Speaker 3: through them ourselves behind the scenes, and then I'd very naturally,

882
00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:12,000
Speaker 3: being who I am, feel compelled to share to maybe

883
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:15,399
Speaker 3: have somebody feel a little bit less alone or potentially.

884
00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:22,160
Speaker 3: Often my motivator is sharing what I can't find totally.

885
00:40:22,400 --> 00:40:25,840
Speaker 3: So there was so much that I wanted to share

886
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:29,360
Speaker 3: around things that I was lacking to be able to find.

887
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:33,240
Speaker 3: And so with the miscarriage, it wasn't just about sharing

888
00:40:33,239 --> 00:40:36,080
Speaker 3: the miscarriage. It was the particular elements of it, you know,

889
00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:39,239
Speaker 3: the way that Ben and I actually did deal with

890
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:41,560
Speaker 3: it very differently because there was so many articles I

891
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:43,560
Speaker 3: was reading of it brought us closer together, and I

892
00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:44,560
Speaker 3: was like, well, no, it didn't.

893
00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:45,640
Speaker 4: For a second for us.

894
00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:48,760
Speaker 3: It was hard, and I think a lot of people

895
00:40:48,880 --> 00:40:52,440
Speaker 3: share that stuff once the ribbon is all tied and

896
00:40:52,520 --> 00:40:55,400
Speaker 3: everything sorted, you know, So then in hindsight of all

897
00:40:55,640 --> 00:40:57,520
Speaker 3: of course I can say now.

898
00:40:57,880 --> 00:40:59,799
Speaker 4: Yeah, of course it brought us closer.

899
00:40:59,520 --> 00:41:02,640
Speaker 3: Together now, but I was as much as I did

900
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:04,160
Speaker 3: delay a little bit of that sharing.

901
00:41:04,239 --> 00:41:05,719
Speaker 4: I wanted to share as much as I.

902
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:08,480
Speaker 3: Could in the moment too, because that was the stuff

903
00:41:08,520 --> 00:41:11,359
Speaker 3: I couldn't find. I could find everything with a oh

904
00:41:11,520 --> 00:41:13,160
Speaker 3: now we've got a baby, so now we're going to

905
00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:14,319
Speaker 3: talk about a miscarriage.

906
00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:16,920
Speaker 4: I wanted to fucking talk to the people that didn't.

907
00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:19,960
Speaker 3: Have a baby yet and that were in the trenches

908
00:41:20,000 --> 00:41:23,480
Speaker 3: with me, And so I shared that stuff, hoping that

909
00:41:23,600 --> 00:41:26,640
Speaker 3: potentially I was that for other people, and it helped

910
00:41:26,640 --> 00:41:27,280
Speaker 3: me because.

911
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:29,000
Speaker 4: Then people came forward and shared for me.

912
00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:32,919
Speaker 3: So it was definitely a therapeutic thing for everybody.

913
00:41:33,160 --> 00:41:35,360
Speaker 1: I've seen you speak as an ambassador. Is it for

914
00:41:35,440 --> 00:41:39,320
Speaker 1: pink Elephant? And it's like one in four women miscarriage?

915
00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:41,160
Speaker 1: Is it before the twelve week month?

916
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:42,440
Speaker 4: Yeah? Early pregnancy.

917
00:41:42,520 --> 00:41:43,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's pretty for lo.

918
00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:47,239
Speaker 1: Like I almost feel like speaking about something like this

919
00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:49,959
Speaker 1: is how we used to speak about mental health five

920
00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:53,239
Speaker 1: years ago, Like if there's still this taboo, like there's

921
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:55,839
Speaker 1: something wrong with you or oh it's not going right,

922
00:41:55,880 --> 00:41:59,080
Speaker 1: Like it's weird because we celebrate pregnant women so much,

923
00:41:59,200 --> 00:42:02,759
Speaker 1: but this. I've never had a miscarriage and I've never

924
00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:07,040
Speaker 1: been pregnant, but I can only imagine when you really

925
00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:09,719
Speaker 1: want this thing and it's a celebration of love and

926
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:14,840
Speaker 1: you're both ready for this phase of your life. I

927
00:42:14,880 --> 00:42:16,920
Speaker 1: can only imagine that it comes with it like a

928
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:19,960
Speaker 1: miscarriage comes with a whole hunk of grief shame.

929
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:24,839
Speaker 3: It's so surreal because I think I often felt that

930
00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:28,120
Speaker 3: before I miscarried, and then once I miscarried, I really

931
00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:29,759
Speaker 3: understood why people don't share.

932
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:31,200
Speaker 2: Really.

933
00:42:31,400 --> 00:42:37,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, it is a very different version of grief.

934
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:41,160
Speaker 4: It is very unique.

935
00:42:41,320 --> 00:42:45,640
Speaker 3: It is not something often you can articulate for starters.

936
00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:48,879
Speaker 3: It is incredibly hard to explain to anybody. And that's

937
00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:51,719
Speaker 3: why often women that have miscarried can give each other

938
00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:56,040
Speaker 3: a glance and that's enough because you know that it's

939
00:42:56,239 --> 00:43:01,439
Speaker 3: the words aren't there. And the second thing is it's

940
00:43:01,520 --> 00:43:05,400
Speaker 3: so personal because it was in your body. Yeah, so

941
00:43:06,280 --> 00:43:09,600
Speaker 3: I once it happened to me, I went, okay, okay,

942
00:43:09,719 --> 00:43:11,920
Speaker 3: God if I'm finding this hard, and I'm a broadcaster,

943
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:15,200
Speaker 3: and for my life, I guess my work and my

944
00:43:15,320 --> 00:43:20,279
Speaker 3: passion has been sharing, and I understand why people can't

945
00:43:20,280 --> 00:43:23,040
Speaker 3: do this like I can't do this right now, let

946
00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:26,440
Speaker 3: alone in anyone else, even with your family members. You know,

947
00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:31,399
Speaker 3: it's just hard to put into words. It's a very

948
00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:34,720
Speaker 3: very different kind of pain. It's just it's like a limb,

949
00:43:35,560 --> 00:43:37,080
Speaker 3: but not a limb with soul.

950
00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:37,360
Speaker 1: Like.

951
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:40,319
Speaker 4: It's just a very very unique experience.

952
00:43:40,880 --> 00:43:43,400
Speaker 3: And because we don't talk about it on the flip side,

953
00:43:43,680 --> 00:43:45,680
Speaker 3: which is a bit of a double edged sword, right,

954
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:50,239
Speaker 3: it isn't it's kind of put in this box of

955
00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:53,719
Speaker 3: you are the miscarriater, you didn't and it's really you know,

956
00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:56,160
Speaker 3: it's kind of bulk, but it's like a bulk issue,

957
00:43:56,600 --> 00:44:00,480
Speaker 3: and it's so so, so, so so unique because even

958
00:44:00,520 --> 00:44:02,759
Speaker 3: if people aren't in touch with their intuition, even if

959
00:44:02,760 --> 00:44:05,200
Speaker 3: people aren't aware I thought it was a girl or

960
00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:07,120
Speaker 3: a boy or I don't want to name it, it doesn't

961
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:09,560
Speaker 3: have to go a particular way for you to have

962
00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:13,560
Speaker 3: felt grief more than the next person. Innately, there's something

963
00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:18,840
Speaker 3: that changes in a woman when they've experienced essentially a

964
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:20,280
Speaker 3: birth and a death in their body.

965
00:44:21,719 --> 00:44:22,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, totally.

966
00:44:23,239 --> 00:44:27,280
Speaker 3: And I don't know if you know, if people really

967
00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:31,120
Speaker 3: understand that the process of a birth and then a

968
00:44:31,200 --> 00:44:34,799
Speaker 3: loss like a death from the same being in a

969
00:44:34,960 --> 00:44:38,719
Speaker 3: very small period of time can be compared to anything else,

970
00:44:38,760 --> 00:44:41,919
Speaker 3: you know, So I understand why it would be hard

971
00:44:41,920 --> 00:44:44,840
Speaker 3: to articulate, and I've spent a lot of time articulating it,

972
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:45,719
Speaker 3: so I can put it.

973
00:44:45,680 --> 00:44:46,960
Speaker 4: Like that, But it really is like that.

974
00:44:47,000 --> 00:44:51,640
Speaker 3: It's essentially you birthing something and then losing it in

975
00:44:51,719 --> 00:44:54,919
Speaker 3: a very small amount of time, and somehow not only

976
00:44:54,960 --> 00:44:56,600
Speaker 3: do you have to deal with that emotionally, but you

977
00:44:56,680 --> 00:44:59,600
Speaker 3: also have the physical ramifications of that as well. Totally

978
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:02,840
Speaker 3: talk about it physically for a moment like hormone or

979
00:45:02,840 --> 00:45:05,719
Speaker 3: like hormone all, but also the actual loss of the

980
00:45:05,719 --> 00:45:08,280
Speaker 3: little embryo, you know, so it either comes.

981
00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:10,600
Speaker 4: Out of you either have to go get surgery.

982
00:45:10,760 --> 00:45:12,759
Speaker 3: You know. For me, we didn't have a heartbeat, and

983
00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:15,239
Speaker 3: I had to wait and hope that it would come

984
00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:17,960
Speaker 3: out naturally, which it didn't, and then you make another

985
00:45:18,040 --> 00:45:20,640
Speaker 3: decision to go to get it taken out. And I

986
00:45:20,680 --> 00:45:23,400
Speaker 3: said to the woman, is this the same as an abortion?

987
00:45:23,600 --> 00:45:25,680
Speaker 3: And she said yeah. And I just wanted to be

988
00:45:25,760 --> 00:45:29,160
Speaker 3: clear on that, just because I'm very inquisitive and I

989
00:45:29,280 --> 00:45:31,439
Speaker 3: just ask lots of questions and I'm sure people don't

990
00:45:31,440 --> 00:45:32,600
Speaker 3: want to hear no, but I.

991
00:45:32,600 --> 00:45:34,000
Speaker 4: Was fascinated by that.

992
00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:35,600
Speaker 3: I was like, so this is the same surgery as

993
00:45:35,600 --> 00:45:38,400
Speaker 3: a termination, and she said yeah, and I go okay.

994
00:45:38,560 --> 00:45:42,160
Speaker 3: And that's that's confronting for you too, because then you're like,

995
00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:45,400
Speaker 3: I don't want to choose this, but this baby's not

996
00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:48,839
Speaker 3: leaving me and I can't continue to live like this.

997
00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:51,960
Speaker 3: So there's so many other elements that then you have

998
00:45:52,000 --> 00:45:54,520
Speaker 3: to make decisions on that aren't even anything to do

999
00:45:54,560 --> 00:45:55,360
Speaker 3: with the emotional.

1000
00:45:55,840 --> 00:45:58,239
Speaker 1: And then on top of this, your pregnancy wasn't the

1001
00:45:58,360 --> 00:46:02,000
Speaker 1: orthodox pregnancy because of it because of Ben's past.

1002
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:05,359
Speaker 3: Right, yeah, yeah, so not everyone with process cancer has

1003
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:09,040
Speaker 3: the same deal as him, but Ben cannot ejaculate, so

1004
00:46:10,160 --> 00:46:12,719
Speaker 3: here we still have sex, and there's you know, all

1005
00:46:12,760 --> 00:46:15,319
Speaker 3: of the things work with different ways, sometimes with help,

1006
00:46:15,400 --> 00:46:18,960
Speaker 3: sometimes without, but in the end there's no there's no

1007
00:46:19,040 --> 00:46:21,120
Speaker 3: sperm that it's coming out of. It's not a sperm machine,

1008
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:23,920
Speaker 3: so all of his sperm is frozen. So it's interesting

1009
00:46:23,960 --> 00:46:26,759
Speaker 3: even when you would do fertility appointments, when people would

1010
00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:29,800
Speaker 3: say to you, oh, well, you're going away this Christmas,

1011
00:46:29,840 --> 00:46:32,200
Speaker 3: and you know, you never know, like if you relax

1012
00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:34,080
Speaker 3: and you have a good time, it might just happen

1013
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:36,640
Speaker 3: and I'm like, well, Jill, if you're going to pack

1014
00:46:36,680 --> 00:46:38,560
Speaker 3: a fridge and eskie and jump on a plane with

1015
00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:41,040
Speaker 3: the Stafiji and come and in search it at my vagina,

1016
00:46:41,120 --> 00:46:41,719
Speaker 3: then that's how.

1017
00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:44,080
Speaker 4: It will work. But no, there is no other way

1018
00:46:44,160 --> 00:46:45,439
Speaker 4: for us, no other way.

1019
00:46:45,560 --> 00:46:49,319
Speaker 3: So yeah, it was interesting because when we met, he

1020
00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:51,759
Speaker 3: was very amazing and told me straight up about that,

1021
00:46:51,800 --> 00:46:54,319
Speaker 3: even before we'd had sex. It was this is the conversation.

1022
00:46:55,239 --> 00:46:57,399
Speaker 3: He's in his forties and he was, you know, very

1023
00:46:57,520 --> 00:46:59,520
Speaker 3: very straight up, and I think to some degree wasn't

1024
00:46:59,560 --> 00:47:01,160
Speaker 3: even sure or if he would be able to have

1025
00:47:01,239 --> 00:47:03,840
Speaker 3: kids if he'd meet someone that and it was just

1026
00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:04,799
Speaker 3: a no brainer for me.

1027
00:47:05,120 --> 00:47:06,920
Speaker 4: He was the father of my kids. It would just

1028
00:47:07,000 --> 00:47:07,920
Speaker 4: was very innate.

1029
00:47:08,719 --> 00:47:11,520
Speaker 3: But the reality of what that entailed was something I

1030
00:47:11,560 --> 00:47:14,200
Speaker 3: don't think I could have possibly comprehended when I was like,

1031
00:47:14,239 --> 00:47:16,520
Speaker 3: it's fine, I love you, it's you know, it's all good,

1032
00:47:18,040 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 3: which it has become. But it was definitely it was. Yeah,

1033
00:47:22,080 --> 00:47:24,000
Speaker 3: it was challenging because I was in shock a bit

1034
00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:26,840
Speaker 3: of the time. Once I started to realize this is

1035
00:47:26,880 --> 00:47:29,000
Speaker 3: actually going to be more about my body than you am,

1036
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:31,480
Speaker 3: and that's really a tough pill to swallow.

1037
00:47:32,200 --> 00:47:35,200
Speaker 2: And also like even in the lead up, like you're

1038
00:47:35,239 --> 00:47:36,560
Speaker 2: injecting yourself with hormones.

1039
00:47:36,640 --> 00:47:38,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, towards the end I was.

1040
00:47:38,239 --> 00:47:41,800
Speaker 3: So we did i UI three attempts. First, completely natural.

1041
00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:44,319
Speaker 3: Being the hippie I am, I wanted to try and

1042
00:47:44,360 --> 00:47:48,160
Speaker 3: do everything I could to keep any kind of external

1043
00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:53,040
Speaker 3: factors or hormones being injected. I tried everything. We spent

1044
00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:58,160
Speaker 3: a fortune. I did heal as, acupuncturist, herbs, you name it.

1045
00:47:58,200 --> 00:48:01,400
Speaker 3: I did it for two years. And it's you know,

1046
00:48:01,520 --> 00:48:04,280
Speaker 3: no booze. You know, you just really commit. Like it's funny,

1047
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:06,200
Speaker 3: everyone's going, how are you going with the no drinking.

1048
00:48:06,239 --> 00:48:07,920
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh my god, I haven't really been drinking

1049
00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:10,319
Speaker 3: for so long before I felt pregnant because it was

1050
00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:13,640
Speaker 3: a real committed preconception thing because I was very passionate

1051
00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:16,000
Speaker 3: about trying to not We're just hoping we wouldn't have

1052
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:19,719
Speaker 3: to get to IVF. So we did have a pregnancy

1053
00:48:20,000 --> 00:48:22,399
Speaker 3: the very first time ever. So that was the one

1054
00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:27,080
Speaker 3: we miscarried, and then we had a very small dose

1055
00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:30,400
Speaker 3: of injections on the fourth try, which is now this

1056
00:48:30,400 --> 00:48:32,040
Speaker 3: this little baby that sits before.

1057
00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:38,959
Speaker 1: You so well early next year, yeah, January exciting or capricorn. Yes,

1058
00:48:39,480 --> 00:48:40,440
Speaker 1: Capricorn's great.

1059
00:48:40,600 --> 00:48:42,960
Speaker 3: Well, see if I feel like all capricorns are different,

1060
00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:45,399
Speaker 3: you know, like when you see a cancer, you're like, oh.

1061
00:48:45,360 --> 00:48:47,279
Speaker 4: Yeah, right, I get what kind of aeration you are.

1062
00:48:47,640 --> 00:48:49,719
Speaker 3: When I sit, when I hear about capricorns, I feel

1063
00:48:49,760 --> 00:48:52,640
Speaker 3: all the people I know that are capricorns are different,

1064
00:48:52,680 --> 00:48:54,720
Speaker 3: people like they're not really all time.

1065
00:48:54,960 --> 00:48:55,720
Speaker 4: I'm a cancer.

1066
00:48:56,200 --> 00:48:57,840
Speaker 1: Oh wow, So you're gonna have a water with an

1067
00:48:57,880 --> 00:49:01,800
Speaker 1: earth what's been his pice so to Oh my goodness,

1068
00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:05,520
Speaker 1: your cancer pice is combo. That's so hectic, right, So

1069
00:49:05,560 --> 00:49:09,799
Speaker 1: intense water signs the conversation. Sometimes it's like, how do

1070
00:49:09,840 --> 00:49:12,040
Speaker 1: we get out of this conversation emotional hole.

1071
00:49:12,680 --> 00:49:16,239
Speaker 3: We're philosopher, you know, we go deep man. Yeah, it's

1072
00:49:16,239 --> 00:49:17,200
Speaker 3: hectic at our joint.

1073
00:49:17,480 --> 00:49:20,040
Speaker 1: Amazing. So you're going to have bringing a little earth

1074
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:20,960
Speaker 1: sign into.

1075
00:49:20,760 --> 00:49:23,000
Speaker 4: That, Yeah, which would be nice for a grounding, that's

1076
00:49:23,040 --> 00:49:23,440
Speaker 4: for sure.

1077
00:49:23,600 --> 00:49:26,080
Speaker 1: They'll call it how they say it, Well, you've probably

1078
00:49:26,120 --> 00:49:28,759
Speaker 1: got your hands full of like this little like powerful

1079
00:49:28,840 --> 00:49:29,560
Speaker 1: earthy sign.

1080
00:49:29,640 --> 00:49:32,560
Speaker 3: I wonder, which I like, Yeah, I wonder it'll be

1081
00:49:32,560 --> 00:49:34,439
Speaker 3: interesting water how that plays out?

1082
00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:38,319
Speaker 1: That's pretty beautiful. Two water parents, one earthy bubba. That's

1083
00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:42,160
Speaker 1: pretty cool. Yeah, I love astrology, and so I find

1084
00:49:42,400 --> 00:49:47,520
Speaker 1: my brother's Cancrian and so grounded, so strong, so clear.

1085
00:49:47,960 --> 00:49:52,480
Speaker 1: Yeah right, I got quite clear. Not not a motive though,

1086
00:49:52,520 --> 00:49:55,040
Speaker 1: which is where it's so nice that they'll have the water,

1087
00:49:55,440 --> 00:49:57,839
Speaker 1: that your bubber is gonna have the water. Yeah, so

1088
00:49:57,880 --> 00:50:01,279
Speaker 1: your brother's a Capricorn, so yeah, I'm right to miss it,

1089
00:50:01,640 --> 00:50:04,479
Speaker 1: right right, right, Okay, so he's yeah, okay, yeah, it'll

1090
00:50:04,520 --> 00:50:05,680
Speaker 1: be it will be interesting.

1091
00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:07,920
Speaker 2: Oh mate, Yeah, and it's.

1092
00:50:07,719 --> 00:50:09,799
Speaker 3: Interesting because we're into that stuff too, so it'd be

1093
00:50:09,960 --> 00:50:12,600
Speaker 3: so bizarre to see what they bring into our home,

1094
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:13,080
Speaker 3: you know.

1095
00:50:13,800 --> 00:50:14,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's exciting.

1096
00:50:14,960 --> 00:50:16,920
Speaker 1: Oh man, I could talk to you and ask you

1097
00:50:16,960 --> 00:50:18,640
Speaker 1: so much stuff, Like I'm like, where do I go

1098
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:21,279
Speaker 1: from here? There's so much exciting stuff. I do want

1099
00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:24,360
Speaker 1: to I just want to know what Because you have

1100
00:50:24,440 --> 00:50:27,280
Speaker 1: been through so many changes in the last two years,

1101
00:50:27,320 --> 00:50:29,719
Speaker 1: would you say I've been like you're running your own

1102
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:31,359
Speaker 1: race now, is it fair to sight?

1103
00:50:31,520 --> 00:50:31,719
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1104
00:50:31,760 --> 00:50:36,600
Speaker 1: For sure. And it's exciting. And you're because I feel

1105
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:38,680
Speaker 1: like I've known you for a little while. I feel

1106
00:50:38,680 --> 00:50:41,400
Speaker 1: like I've kind of seen the evolution of you in

1107
00:50:42,200 --> 00:50:45,400
Speaker 1: a sense, and so now I'm excited. Like fast forward

1108
00:50:45,440 --> 00:50:46,480
Speaker 1: me two years from now?

1109
00:50:47,200 --> 00:50:48,799
Speaker 2: How does that feel? How does that?

1110
00:50:49,360 --> 00:50:53,720
Speaker 3: It's so hilarious because with Thinker Girl and then later

1111
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:57,839
Speaker 3: the Thinker Girls, everything was so strategic and even though

1112
00:50:57,880 --> 00:51:00,800
Speaker 3: it seems like on the outside there were two gals

1113
00:51:01,200 --> 00:51:05,120
Speaker 3: having a yarn about life, there was a very considered

1114
00:51:05,160 --> 00:51:09,160
Speaker 3: business approach to that back end. From my end, I

1115
00:51:09,239 --> 00:51:11,640
Speaker 3: had a real strategy to get us on air, and

1116
00:51:11,680 --> 00:51:14,879
Speaker 3: I knew coming from I did radio in a very

1117
00:51:14,880 --> 00:51:17,239
Speaker 3: small little town called Shepherd and the ice capital of

1118
00:51:17,280 --> 00:51:20,440
Speaker 3: the world, and it's rough.

1119
00:51:20,560 --> 00:51:21,560
Speaker 4: And it's small.

1120
00:51:21,719 --> 00:51:24,359
Speaker 3: So for me to go Shepherd in to Sydney from

1121
00:51:24,400 --> 00:51:27,279
Speaker 3: a radio perspective was a pretty big jump. And I'm

1122
00:51:27,280 --> 00:51:29,400
Speaker 3: a big law of attraction girl, so I believed and

1123
00:51:29,440 --> 00:51:33,799
Speaker 3: backed myself. But it was a very strategic affair. So

1124
00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:36,720
Speaker 3: my life has changed so dramatically in that I don't

1125
00:51:36,880 --> 00:51:38,520
Speaker 3: have as much strategy.

1126
00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:41,880
Speaker 1: I like time because you feel so you feel grounded

1127
00:51:41,920 --> 00:51:42,200
Speaker 1: to me.

1128
00:51:42,400 --> 00:51:43,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, I don't.

1129
00:51:43,840 --> 00:51:47,959
Speaker 3: I have my values a set, I know what feels right.

1130
00:51:48,840 --> 00:51:52,880
Speaker 3: I like creating content, but not at any cost. The

1131
00:51:52,920 --> 00:51:55,160
Speaker 3: book has been something that has been in me for

1132
00:51:55,200 --> 00:51:56,920
Speaker 3: a long time, so that will be nice to come

1133
00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:59,080
Speaker 3: to fruition and probably birth the baby kind of a

1134
00:51:59,080 --> 00:51:59,640
Speaker 3: bit like this.

1135
00:52:00,239 --> 00:52:04,279
Speaker 4: But in terms of the next bit, I'll still continue to.

1136
00:52:04,239 --> 00:52:07,920
Speaker 3: Do media where it feels right, whether it's radio or tally,

1137
00:52:09,760 --> 00:52:12,239
Speaker 3: but I want to just do creative projects that then

1138
00:52:12,280 --> 00:52:18,719
Speaker 3: align with I suppose. I don't know, I guess more of.

1139
00:52:18,640 --> 00:52:21,560
Speaker 4: A whole, a wholesome kind of.

1140
00:52:24,560 --> 00:52:28,600
Speaker 3: What am I looking for. I don't want to just

1141
00:52:28,640 --> 00:52:31,840
Speaker 3: simplify it to this, but I want to help, like

1142
00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:35,120
Speaker 3: I want to contribute. I want I want that. I

1143
00:52:35,160 --> 00:52:37,200
Speaker 3: want to find my groove in that. I don't think

1144
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:39,680
Speaker 3: help necessarily has to mean you need to go build

1145
00:52:40,239 --> 00:52:41,480
Speaker 3: a school in reward. You know.

1146
00:52:41,719 --> 00:52:43,520
Speaker 4: Sure I'll put my hand up to do that if

1147
00:52:43,560 --> 00:52:45,480
Speaker 4: someone else has a bit. But I think often I

1148
00:52:45,560 --> 00:52:46,680
Speaker 4: used to think helping or.

1149
00:52:46,680 --> 00:52:49,600
Speaker 3: Charity work was the way that you give back, And

1150
00:52:49,640 --> 00:52:52,080
Speaker 3: now I've felt I feel much more confident giving back

1151
00:52:52,120 --> 00:52:55,200
Speaker 3: in the way that I know my purpose is so

1152
00:52:55,440 --> 00:52:58,840
Speaker 3: using my media and using those kinds of trainings and

1153
00:52:59,320 --> 00:53:03,240
Speaker 3: skill set and following to be able to then somehow

1154
00:53:03,360 --> 00:53:06,759
Speaker 3: get to a bigger audience to make people feel better

1155
00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:09,680
Speaker 3: about themselves and find their own point of difference.

1156
00:53:10,560 --> 00:53:11,759
Speaker 4: How that looks, I don't know.

1157
00:53:11,960 --> 00:53:13,960
Speaker 3: You know, I can see myself on stage, I can

1158
00:53:13,960 --> 00:53:17,200
Speaker 3: see myself doing a lot more talking, like speaking engagements,

1159
00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:19,000
Speaker 3: because I miss.

1160
00:53:18,840 --> 00:53:22,239
Speaker 4: That live element that radio gives me.

1161
00:53:23,800 --> 00:53:30,400
Speaker 3: And I think I've got another book in me already. Yeah,

1162
00:53:30,480 --> 00:53:32,439
Speaker 3: but I don't know much more than that. I want

1163
00:53:32,440 --> 00:53:34,160
Speaker 3: to be a mom. I want to be a good mum.

1164
00:53:34,360 --> 00:53:36,200
Speaker 3: I want to have a couple of kids. I want

1165
00:53:36,239 --> 00:53:38,600
Speaker 3: to smash them out for a bit. And I know

1166
00:53:38,680 --> 00:53:41,920
Speaker 3: that things will be different for me in probably five

1167
00:53:42,040 --> 00:53:45,319
Speaker 3: or six years, but for the next two I think

1168
00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:49,000
Speaker 3: it will be very much built on just kind of

1169
00:53:49,040 --> 00:53:51,399
Speaker 3: nourishing that family life and trying to find that new

1170
00:53:51,440 --> 00:53:56,960
Speaker 3: balance of creating and keeping that essence of who I

1171
00:53:57,000 --> 00:54:01,000
Speaker 3: am individually as a woman, but also really just enjoying

1172
00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:01,680
Speaker 3: being a mum.

1173
00:54:02,200 --> 00:54:02,960
Speaker 2: Do you know what you said?

1174
00:54:02,960 --> 00:54:05,000
Speaker 1: And it was almost throw away, but I loved it.

1175
00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:08,480
Speaker 1: You were like, I'll keep doing radio metality stuff.

1176
00:54:08,160 --> 00:54:11,799
Speaker 4: If it feels right. Yeah, And that's to me.

1177
00:54:12,400 --> 00:54:15,759
Speaker 1: That means everything you do in those fields will be

1178
00:54:15,760 --> 00:54:18,200
Speaker 1: helping people, because you'll only be doing things that are

1179
00:54:18,200 --> 00:54:19,840
Speaker 1: aligned with your values.

1180
00:54:20,160 --> 00:54:24,439
Speaker 3: Yeah, and not there's no ambition behind it now. It's

1181
00:54:24,480 --> 00:54:27,239
Speaker 3: still obviously nice that you'd like to earn. They pay

1182
00:54:27,280 --> 00:54:30,600
Speaker 3: pretty well from a monetary perspective, and that will help.

1183
00:54:30,800 --> 00:54:34,239
Speaker 3: And there's also notoriety and ego and all those things

1184
00:54:34,239 --> 00:54:36,080
Speaker 3: that are built into those kinds of jobs. I'm very

1185
00:54:36,120 --> 00:54:38,759
Speaker 3: aware of that, and those things feel good I do.

1186
00:54:38,840 --> 00:54:40,560
Speaker 3: When I go to a radio station, I feel like

1187
00:54:40,600 --> 00:54:42,160
Speaker 3: I'm going to work. I feel like I've got my

1188
00:54:42,239 --> 00:54:44,640
Speaker 3: job set like it does, feel like I did my

1189
00:54:44,680 --> 00:54:46,520
Speaker 3: apprenticeship and that's what I know how to do.

1190
00:54:46,840 --> 00:54:49,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, so it does. There's something really great about the

1191
00:54:49,680 --> 00:54:52,560
Speaker 4: radio studio for me. I love it and I feel

1192
00:54:52,680 --> 00:54:53,280
Speaker 4: very at.

1193
00:54:53,160 --> 00:54:55,000
Speaker 3: Home and I feel like I'm very good at it.

1194
00:54:55,080 --> 00:54:57,200
Speaker 3: So yeah, it just is this essence. So I'm not

1195
00:54:57,239 --> 00:54:59,239
Speaker 3: going to say that that doesn't have all these other

1196
00:54:59,280 --> 00:55:02,439
Speaker 3: things caught up, but it's got to fit my life now.

1197
00:55:02,719 --> 00:55:05,560
Speaker 3: It can't just be because I want to climb somewhere. Now,

1198
00:55:05,560 --> 00:55:07,080
Speaker 3: it's got to be Okay, does this work to me

1199
00:55:07,120 --> 00:55:09,200
Speaker 3: this year and then again next year. And it was

1200
00:55:09,239 --> 00:55:10,960
Speaker 3: just a bit of a bit by bit because I

1201
00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:13,960
Speaker 3: guess that's what being a parent like this is crazy

1202
00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:16,799
Speaker 3: to think. Even hearing myself back speaking, I was like,

1203
00:55:17,480 --> 00:55:20,880
Speaker 3: I get really nervous thinking about saying things like I

1204
00:55:20,920 --> 00:55:23,319
Speaker 3: want to be a mum, you know, and having that

1205
00:55:23,440 --> 00:55:27,200
Speaker 3: as the main center it's still nerve racking to think

1206
00:55:27,239 --> 00:55:29,839
Speaker 3: that even next year I have to put together will

1207
00:55:29,880 --> 00:55:31,400
Speaker 3: not have to but I want to put together an

1208
00:55:31,400 --> 00:55:34,520
Speaker 3: attorney plan to make sure I'm at home for a

1209
00:55:34,520 --> 00:55:37,479
Speaker 3: period of time. I've never not worked, you know, that's

1210
00:55:37,560 --> 00:55:41,240
Speaker 3: my life, so it is. It's still really nerve racking

1211
00:55:41,280 --> 00:55:43,920
Speaker 3: to say for the next bit that's going to be

1212
00:55:44,000 --> 00:55:44,960
Speaker 3: my main priority.

1213
00:55:44,960 --> 00:55:47,640
Speaker 2: And that's also exciting though.

1214
00:55:47,680 --> 00:55:51,239
Speaker 1: And I was at a meeting before I came here,

1215
00:55:51,560 --> 00:55:53,839
Speaker 1: and what I love about you, which is the prerequisite

1216
00:55:53,880 --> 00:55:57,120
Speaker 1: for anyone that comes on this podcast, is you've just

1217
00:55:57,200 --> 00:55:58,640
Speaker 1: got to march to the beat of your own drum.

1218
00:55:58,960 --> 00:56:01,120
Speaker 1: That's the only I need to be. I know, I'm

1219
00:56:01,120 --> 00:56:03,560
Speaker 1: a nutritionist. It doesn't mean to be health based or anything.

1220
00:56:03,560 --> 00:56:05,200
Speaker 1: It's just gonna be someone that marches to the beat

1221
00:56:05,239 --> 00:56:07,760
Speaker 1: of their own drum. And you've just articulated that perfectly,

1222
00:56:08,360 --> 00:56:11,000
Speaker 1: have I You have because you'll take gigs if it

1223
00:56:11,000 --> 00:56:14,720
Speaker 1: feels right. Yes, radio feels like home, but you're focused

1224
00:56:14,719 --> 00:56:17,440
Speaker 1: on nourishing your family. As fucking scary as that sounds,

1225
00:56:17,560 --> 00:56:19,120
Speaker 1: so full on, do you know what I mean? Though

1226
00:56:19,120 --> 00:56:21,200
Speaker 1: You're you're still marching is a bit of your drum.

1227
00:56:21,480 --> 00:56:24,280
Speaker 4: Yeah, because that was what where I'm at today? Yeah,

1228
00:56:24,360 --> 00:56:26,800
Speaker 4: well I like it ye're at today?

1229
00:56:26,960 --> 00:56:28,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, but it's and that's I think the thing that

1230
00:56:29,080 --> 00:56:32,400
Speaker 3: I've really accepted too, that things change and things evolve,

1231
00:56:32,640 --> 00:56:35,200
Speaker 3: and and you know, I don't really want to know

1232
00:56:35,640 --> 00:56:38,439
Speaker 3: what I'm doing in two years like I used to. Yeah,

1233
00:56:38,520 --> 00:56:40,319
Speaker 3: I feel like I don't need to.

1234
00:56:40,320 --> 00:56:41,520
Speaker 4: Know as much anymore.

1235
00:56:41,640 --> 00:56:45,200
Speaker 2: Oh, you're empowering me. I'm a planner, yeah.

1236
00:56:45,520 --> 00:56:47,839
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I just feel like I want to let

1237
00:56:47,840 --> 00:56:49,640
Speaker 3: go of the plan a bit and just enjoy my

1238
00:56:49,680 --> 00:56:52,719
Speaker 3: life a bit more. And if that stuff comes up,

1239
00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:54,239
Speaker 3: then it's meant to come up. I've just got a

1240
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:57,640
Speaker 3: real trust now that the right things will find me.

1241
00:56:58,080 --> 00:56:59,959
Speaker 3: And like you said you on my website, I'm busy

1242
00:57:00,120 --> 00:57:02,759
Speaker 3: doing bits and pieces, and sometimes you fall out of

1243
00:57:02,760 --> 00:57:05,080
Speaker 3: a groove because you work for yourself and you think, oh,

1244
00:57:05,080 --> 00:57:07,200
Speaker 3: I could have done more this week, or you know,

1245
00:57:07,280 --> 00:57:10,160
Speaker 3: when you're not working at a station or you're working

1246
00:57:10,160 --> 00:57:12,719
Speaker 3: in a business. You know, sure, But I think at

1247
00:57:12,719 --> 00:57:15,520
Speaker 3: the end of the day, when you trust yourself and

1248
00:57:15,600 --> 00:57:17,440
Speaker 3: you do want to put stuff out there or you

1249
00:57:17,480 --> 00:57:20,840
Speaker 3: do want to contribute, what you're doing at the time

1250
00:57:20,920 --> 00:57:24,480
Speaker 3: is enough totally if it's coming from that juicy place.

1251
00:57:24,520 --> 00:57:26,560
Speaker 3: It doesn't have to look the same as that nine

1252
00:57:26,600 --> 00:57:29,560
Speaker 3: to five person or the girl you were three years ago.

1253
00:57:29,960 --> 00:57:32,080
Speaker 3: You know, it will work itself out in the wash,

1254
00:57:32,160 --> 00:57:34,960
Speaker 3: Like I do love that saying totally works itself out

1255
00:57:34,960 --> 00:57:35,640
Speaker 3: in the wash.

1256
00:57:35,760 --> 00:57:38,400
Speaker 1: Do you know you had three failures planned to talk

1257
00:57:38,480 --> 00:57:40,320
Speaker 1: about and we've just ended up talking about it.

1258
00:57:40,880 --> 00:57:42,680
Speaker 4: I did have them, ready, Did we take any of

1259
00:57:42,720 --> 00:57:43,160
Speaker 4: them off?

1260
00:57:44,440 --> 00:57:44,680
Speaker 1: Well?

1261
00:57:44,720 --> 00:57:46,800
Speaker 3: I think I felt like at the time when we

1262
00:57:46,840 --> 00:57:48,760
Speaker 3: lost the radio show, that was a failure. Like I

1263
00:57:48,800 --> 00:57:51,880
Speaker 3: felt like there was a level of legacy and kind

1264
00:57:51,960 --> 00:57:55,480
Speaker 3: of that real girl power thing that we had that

1265
00:57:55,520 --> 00:57:58,440
Speaker 3: I felt like we had fallen short of where we

1266
00:57:58,480 --> 00:58:02,120
Speaker 3: would have liked to have gone. But then all of

1267
00:58:02,160 --> 00:58:06,000
Speaker 3: the places that I just explained I've landed couldn't have happened.

1268
00:58:06,080 --> 00:58:10,680
Speaker 3: Still living in that strategy, I'm a completely different person,

1269
00:58:11,160 --> 00:58:14,160
Speaker 3: you know. I don't even know how it would have

1270
00:58:14,280 --> 00:58:17,320
Speaker 3: worked to bring me to this point doing the show

1271
00:58:17,360 --> 00:58:20,000
Speaker 3: I was doing. I'm such a you know, And I

1272
00:58:20,040 --> 00:58:23,040
Speaker 3: hope that that all took care of itself for both

1273
00:58:23,080 --> 00:58:26,440
Speaker 3: of us, because really we're on such different trajectories and

1274
00:58:27,040 --> 00:58:30,040
Speaker 3: very different people that potentially, if we had have continued

1275
00:58:30,040 --> 00:58:32,320
Speaker 3: doing the show, would we have not had that growth,

1276
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:34,000
Speaker 3: you know, or would I not have had the growth

1277
00:58:34,000 --> 00:58:37,640
Speaker 3: that I've had. So yeah, at the time, it definitely

1278
00:58:37,720 --> 00:58:41,320
Speaker 3: felt like it failed and I failed myself and I'd

1279
00:58:41,320 --> 00:58:45,600
Speaker 3: failed my business and I've failed the audience. But yeah,

1280
00:58:45,640 --> 00:58:49,080
Speaker 3: I don't, I don't know, I don't really have regrets.

1281
00:58:49,560 --> 00:58:51,640
Speaker 1: I love that. Do you know one thing that you've

1282
00:58:51,680 --> 00:58:53,880
Speaker 1: just kind of said that makes me feel like this

1283
00:58:53,960 --> 00:58:55,760
Speaker 1: is going to sound like a really weird way to

1284
00:58:55,800 --> 00:58:57,760
Speaker 1: talk about the think of girls, but almost like a

1285
00:58:57,800 --> 00:59:00,400
Speaker 1: really beautiful breakup where you just set someone else free

1286
00:59:00,440 --> 00:59:03,280
Speaker 1: to let them pursue their dreams and allows you to

1287
00:59:03,320 --> 00:59:04,360
Speaker 1: pursue yours as well.

1288
00:59:04,240 --> 00:59:05,360
Speaker 2: Because it was two people.

1289
00:59:05,680 --> 00:59:09,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, it's a beautiful like setting free of one

1290
00:59:09,360 --> 00:59:12,360
Speaker 1: another because you are doing such completely different things now.

1291
00:59:12,600 --> 00:59:16,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think I think as well, without that,

1292
00:59:16,240 --> 00:59:19,880
Speaker 3: sometimes you do need a bit of a crash. Yeah,

1293
00:59:19,920 --> 00:59:23,280
Speaker 3: Like there's codependency that grows with that. You very much

1294
00:59:23,400 --> 00:59:26,520
Speaker 3: need you link to each other, like a breakup, and

1295
00:59:26,560 --> 00:59:29,080
Speaker 3: sometimes you need something to happen for it to go

1296
00:59:29,160 --> 00:59:31,840
Speaker 3: that way. And I think sometimes I think I wish

1297
00:59:31,880 --> 00:59:34,240
Speaker 3: I could have been strong enough to maybe see that

1298
00:59:34,360 --> 00:59:37,880
Speaker 3: in myself that you know, maybe we could have.

1299
00:59:38,200 --> 00:59:40,800
Speaker 4: I don't know. No, actually, I don't think anything differently.

1300
00:59:40,840 --> 00:59:42,480
Speaker 3: I think we it just needed to happen the way

1301
00:59:42,480 --> 00:59:44,320
Speaker 3: it did for it to work out this way.

1302
00:59:44,840 --> 00:59:45,680
Speaker 1: I think it's perfect.

1303
00:59:46,160 --> 00:59:51,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, so yeah, it's an interesting thing. I'm

1304
00:59:51,920 --> 00:59:54,520
Speaker 3: trying to think if I had any other failures in that. No,

1305
00:59:54,760 --> 00:59:59,240
Speaker 3: just the I think the mention of shitty relationships and

1306
00:59:59,280 --> 01:00:01,120
Speaker 3: things like that I was going to bring up, which

1307
01:00:01,160 --> 01:00:04,280
Speaker 3: was a failure which led me to my book and

1308
01:00:04,320 --> 01:00:08,479
Speaker 3: then Ben and all the content I built on my show.

1309
01:00:08,680 --> 01:00:08,880
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1310
01:00:08,960 --> 01:00:11,560
Speaker 3: So it's like at the time, I was like this,

1311
01:00:12,800 --> 01:00:14,360
Speaker 3: I was with a guy for eight years, and I thought,

1312
01:00:14,360 --> 01:00:16,960
Speaker 3: oh my god, everything, how am I ever going to

1313
01:00:17,040 --> 01:00:19,800
Speaker 3: build what I want? You know? It just was felt

1314
01:00:19,800 --> 01:00:22,760
Speaker 3: like I had spent all this time with someone and

1315
01:00:22,800 --> 01:00:23,160
Speaker 3: then it.

1316
01:00:23,160 --> 01:00:23,920
Speaker 1: Was just over.

1317
01:00:24,920 --> 01:00:29,160
Speaker 3: But I've gained so much from that breakup in that relationship.

1318
01:00:29,240 --> 01:00:31,440
Speaker 1: Did it come you spoke earlier about shock. Did it

1319
01:00:31,480 --> 01:00:32,840
Speaker 1: come as a shock the end.

1320
01:00:32,680 --> 01:00:34,240
Speaker 4: Of that No, it was the opposite.

1321
01:00:34,280 --> 01:00:37,720
Speaker 3: It just was like long winded, took me ages to

1322
01:00:37,760 --> 01:00:38,480
Speaker 3: get out of.

1323
01:00:38,960 --> 01:00:40,640
Speaker 4: Yeah, there was nothing shocking about that.

1324
01:00:40,880 --> 01:00:42,560
Speaker 2: Jesus and you ended it.

1325
01:00:42,720 --> 01:00:47,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, I did hear eight years mate, Yeah, that's solid.

1326
01:00:48,360 --> 01:00:49,720
Speaker 1: Do you see each other or.

1327
01:00:49,640 --> 01:00:50,120
Speaker 2: Know each other?

1328
01:00:50,160 --> 01:00:50,200
Speaker 1: No?

1329
01:00:50,960 --> 01:00:52,479
Speaker 2: Oh, so it was like see you later.

1330
01:00:52,840 --> 01:00:55,040
Speaker 4: Not at the time, but now I look back, I'm

1331
01:00:55,120 --> 01:00:55,880
Speaker 4: so different.

1332
01:00:56,160 --> 01:00:58,600
Speaker 3: So I'm like, no, I've got nothing to like, Hello,

1333
01:00:59,320 --> 01:01:01,280
Speaker 3: what temperature is it today? Like you, I would hear

1334
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:05,240
Speaker 3: nothing else to say, like there's I'm so so I'm

1335
01:01:05,280 --> 01:01:07,880
Speaker 3: so different to two years ago, let alone seven or

1336
01:01:07,920 --> 01:01:10,160
Speaker 3: eight years ago. My god, no, no, no, And look,

1337
01:01:10,200 --> 01:01:12,640
Speaker 3: I realized there were parts of myself I wasn't I

1338
01:01:12,680 --> 01:01:13,600
Speaker 3: didn't behave very well.

1339
01:01:13,640 --> 01:01:15,520
Speaker 4: But it wasn't a healthy relationship either.

1340
01:01:15,520 --> 01:01:19,560
Speaker 3: There's no reason for me to engage in that part

1341
01:01:19,600 --> 01:01:21,440
Speaker 3: of my life. It was definitely something I had to

1342
01:01:21,520 --> 01:01:23,680
Speaker 3: learn from and move on from fast totally.

1343
01:01:23,720 --> 01:01:25,720
Speaker 1: And I'm sure that'll be in your book. But those

1344
01:01:26,000 --> 01:01:29,760
Speaker 1: those shitty breakups actually end up being these wonderful gifts.

1345
01:01:30,280 --> 01:01:34,320
Speaker 4: Well yet hopefully I make a shitload of money from it. Yeah,

1346
01:01:34,760 --> 01:01:36,200
Speaker 4: you don't make money from books? Are you going to

1347
01:01:36,240 --> 01:01:39,520
Speaker 4: tell about another person? Tells me that? All right?

1348
01:01:40,160 --> 01:01:42,040
Speaker 1: No, But what I mean is the gift is, like

1349
01:01:42,280 --> 01:01:45,080
Speaker 1: you date all these numpties or narcissists or these you

1350
01:01:45,120 --> 01:01:47,960
Speaker 1: get these lessons and then eventually, when a good one comes, you're.

1351
01:01:47,800 --> 01:01:49,320
Speaker 4: Like, ah, it's true.

1352
01:01:49,400 --> 01:01:51,080
Speaker 1: You know, it becomes like a gift.

1353
01:01:50,880 --> 01:01:52,120
Speaker 4: And yeah, it's true.

1354
01:01:52,120 --> 01:01:53,560
Speaker 3: And I was going to call the book I didn't

1355
01:01:53,560 --> 01:01:55,840
Speaker 3: have a bad date dot com like yeah, because I

1356
01:01:56,040 --> 01:01:58,960
Speaker 3: felt that's what the book's about, essentially that every single

1357
01:01:59,080 --> 01:02:02,760
Speaker 3: date I learned. Yeah, every single date I learned more

1358
01:02:02,800 --> 01:02:03,960
Speaker 3: about what I wanted.

1359
01:02:04,440 --> 01:02:07,640
Speaker 1: And there's something that this is sneaking something off the

1360
01:02:07,680 --> 01:02:10,480
Speaker 1: podcast where you interviewed me and you asked about my

1361
01:02:10,560 --> 01:02:13,960
Speaker 1: boyfriend and you referred to his depth. And I could

1362
01:02:14,040 --> 01:02:16,920
Speaker 1: tell that it was said because that's.

1363
01:02:16,720 --> 01:02:18,440
Speaker 2: Your experience with Ben.

1364
01:02:18,720 --> 01:02:22,760
Speaker 1: He could feel, and then obviously really diving and researching Ben,

1365
01:02:22,920 --> 01:02:25,560
Speaker 1: there's this sense of depth to him which is reflected

1366
01:02:25,560 --> 01:02:27,720
Speaker 1: in you as well. But I feel like that that

1367
01:02:29,080 --> 01:02:31,880
Speaker 1: listening to your journey introjectory, that's probably a cornerstone of

1368
01:02:31,920 --> 01:02:35,040
Speaker 1: your whole being, Like this deep, deep connection.

1369
01:02:35,400 --> 01:02:38,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think you don't get that without really

1370
01:02:38,200 --> 01:02:41,280
Speaker 3: having the fuck ups or the failures and you know

1371
01:02:41,320 --> 01:02:42,160
Speaker 3: all that kind of stuff.

1372
01:02:42,200 --> 01:02:45,680
Speaker 4: So it is funny. It's and the same thing I

1373
01:02:45,680 --> 01:02:46,880
Speaker 4: say to him all the time.

1374
01:02:46,920 --> 01:02:48,880
Speaker 3: And we have a single friend that's a bit like,

1375
01:02:48,960 --> 01:02:50,560
Speaker 3: oh am I going to be single for you know this?

1376
01:02:51,000 --> 01:02:52,960
Speaker 3: And I was like, honestly, I don't even know if

1377
01:02:53,000 --> 01:02:54,680
Speaker 3: I would have been with Ben if I met him

1378
01:02:54,760 --> 01:02:57,720
Speaker 3: six months before we met total, you know, like you

1379
01:02:57,880 --> 01:02:59,720
Speaker 3: just don't know, and you don't want to rush it

1380
01:02:59,720 --> 01:03:05,439
Speaker 3: because you could just find yourself in the same room

1381
01:03:05,480 --> 01:03:08,640
Speaker 3: as the perfect person. But you've pushed it, you know,

1382
01:03:08,800 --> 01:03:11,320
Speaker 3: and then you've know you've gotten in the way.

1383
01:03:11,840 --> 01:03:13,200
Speaker 4: Get out of your own way.

1384
01:03:13,720 --> 01:03:15,840
Speaker 2: Did you feel anything when you first met Ben.

1385
01:03:16,200 --> 01:03:17,320
Speaker 4: No, it wasn't like this.

1386
01:03:18,280 --> 01:03:21,120
Speaker 3: It wasn't like it was a sense of knowing and

1387
01:03:21,360 --> 01:03:24,360
Speaker 3: definitely a sense of intriguing and curiosity, like kind of

1388
01:03:24,400 --> 01:03:26,320
Speaker 3: like you can see something through a hole.

1389
01:03:26,120 --> 01:03:27,720
Speaker 4: And you're like, what's in there?

1390
01:03:28,000 --> 01:03:32,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, like magically too, but not butterflies, and

1391
01:03:32,800 --> 01:03:36,040
Speaker 3: like I've met the one, and you know, we we

1392
01:03:36,080 --> 01:03:39,080
Speaker 3: did go for an afternoon drink, and then it was

1393
01:03:39,280 --> 01:03:41,960
Speaker 3: another one, and then you know, dinner, and then after

1394
01:03:42,120 --> 01:03:44,400
Speaker 3: like it went on for hour pretty much the whole

1395
01:03:44,520 --> 01:03:47,120
Speaker 3: day and night and at the end, but we had

1396
01:03:47,160 --> 01:03:49,000
Speaker 3: such a good time and I thought to myself, please

1397
01:03:49,080 --> 01:03:51,800
Speaker 3: kiss me, because I need to know this is not

1398
01:03:51,960 --> 01:03:55,160
Speaker 3: just this amazing day that we've just become friends. And

1399
01:03:55,200 --> 01:03:57,320
Speaker 3: then he did, He did this most amazing kiss. It

1400
01:03:57,320 --> 01:03:59,600
Speaker 3: wasn't like in full on, but it wasn't like a

1401
01:03:59,640 --> 01:04:02,120
Speaker 3: friend kiss, you know. It was a very much this

1402
01:04:02,200 --> 01:04:05,640
Speaker 3: is not a friend kiss goodbye, you know, And so

1403
01:04:05,680 --> 01:04:08,600
Speaker 3: it was like, okay, what's part two? You know, what's

1404
01:04:08,600 --> 01:04:10,400
Speaker 3: part three? So it was more like, give me the

1405
01:04:10,440 --> 01:04:12,000
Speaker 3: next bit, give me the next bit. But it was

1406
01:04:12,120 --> 01:04:15,360
Speaker 3: very step by step because Ben's very grounded, so he

1407
01:04:15,520 --> 01:04:19,200
Speaker 3: gives a lot, but he's very set, and so that

1408
01:04:19,320 --> 01:04:20,320
Speaker 3: was so attractive.

1409
01:04:20,440 --> 01:04:23,440
Speaker 4: He was so very calmly confident.

1410
01:04:23,480 --> 01:04:26,800
Speaker 3: There was no extrovert about him, but he could have

1411
01:04:26,840 --> 01:04:30,440
Speaker 3: a big conversation, so there was levels of intrigue. You know,

1412
01:04:30,520 --> 01:04:34,000
Speaker 3: we were able to build it. It wasn't this yeah,

1413
01:04:34,040 --> 01:04:35,880
Speaker 3: this kind of fairy tale that we're sold.

1414
01:04:37,040 --> 01:04:37,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, it got.

1415
01:04:37,800 --> 01:04:39,880
Speaker 3: There, and you know, it was pretty magical. And I

1416
01:04:39,920 --> 01:04:42,080
Speaker 3: couldn't and I still can't what the smile off. You know,

1417
01:04:42,120 --> 01:04:45,440
Speaker 3: it's still that, but I think it's not necessarily like,

1418
01:04:45,720 --> 01:04:49,080
Speaker 3: oh my god, you know, I get butterflies. And I

1419
01:04:49,120 --> 01:04:51,080
Speaker 3: went I went home and I was like, that was awesome.

1420
01:04:51,480 --> 01:04:52,760
Speaker 3: And then I went to bed and got up and

1421
01:04:52,760 --> 01:04:55,320
Speaker 3: went to work. Yeah, and I was looking forward to

1422
01:04:55,400 --> 01:04:58,240
Speaker 3: him writing a message, but it wasn't.

1423
01:04:58,080 --> 01:05:01,439
Speaker 1: Like but I feel like probably the more the real deal,

1424
01:05:01,760 --> 01:05:05,280
Speaker 1: Like it is almost this I've read where you actually

1425
01:05:05,280 --> 01:05:08,640
Speaker 1: want like a cool love, a coolness to the love

1426
01:05:08,760 --> 01:05:12,000
Speaker 1: as opposed to it. Oh my god, Romeo and Juliet like.

1427
01:05:12,000 --> 01:05:13,760
Speaker 2: And there's this need.

1428
01:05:14,040 --> 01:05:16,440
Speaker 1: It's like this more. I think you said right knowing,

1429
01:05:16,600 --> 01:05:18,720
Speaker 1: Like there's this knowingness.

1430
01:05:18,040 --> 01:05:19,880
Speaker 3: And I think to get that you both need to

1431
01:05:19,920 --> 01:05:21,720
Speaker 3: be okay with it not being anything.

1432
01:05:22,360 --> 01:05:24,560
Speaker 1: Yeah. So this is where I would say you work

1433
01:05:24,600 --> 01:05:27,680
Speaker 1: on yourself as well, because that takes a certain sense

1434
01:05:27,720 --> 01:05:28,880
Speaker 1: of self understanding. Yeah.

1435
01:05:28,880 --> 01:05:30,360
Speaker 3: You like I got up and went to work because

1436
01:05:30,360 --> 01:05:31,560
Speaker 3: I had a job and I was happy with my

1437
01:05:31,640 --> 01:05:34,040
Speaker 3: job and I liked my life. It wasn't like everything

1438
01:05:34,120 --> 01:05:36,440
Speaker 3: was dependent on it, trust me. Six months before probably

1439
01:05:36,440 --> 01:05:37,120
Speaker 3: a different story.

1440
01:05:37,520 --> 01:05:39,080
Speaker 4: I was like, e is it gonna be here?

1441
01:05:39,480 --> 01:05:41,840
Speaker 3: I'm going to go overseas and try and do more

1442
01:05:41,840 --> 01:05:44,200
Speaker 3: work on I've got to like I was not this

1443
01:05:44,400 --> 01:05:48,440
Speaker 3: like you know, no mistake kumbaya in the corner, patiently waiting.

1444
01:05:49,000 --> 01:05:51,240
Speaker 3: That's why I'm writing the book because I wish I

1445
01:05:51,280 --> 01:05:52,760
Speaker 3: didn't carry on so much.

1446
01:05:53,040 --> 01:05:55,320
Speaker 1: Nah, We've all been there, and that's why I'm sure

1447
01:05:55,360 --> 01:05:58,280
Speaker 1: the book will do so well. Thank you so much.

1448
01:05:58,400 --> 01:06:00,680
Speaker 1: It's been in total honor to have you here. And

1449
01:06:00,760 --> 01:06:04,200
Speaker 1: you are a breath of fresh air. You're funny, you

1450
01:06:04,280 --> 01:06:07,680
Speaker 1: work hard, but you're really real and you're honest about

1451
01:06:07,720 --> 01:06:10,880
Speaker 1: your journey. And I think you've had it half in

1452
01:06:11,000 --> 01:06:14,840
Speaker 1: some lessons, but man, you're on top. You've come out

1453
01:06:14,920 --> 01:06:17,840
Speaker 1: on top, and you're an inspiring human being.

1454
01:06:18,280 --> 01:06:21,440
Speaker 3: Thank you, loll straight back at you. I can't wait

1455
01:06:21,520 --> 01:06:25,200
Speaker 3: to move closer to you at some point. Yes, yes,

1456
01:06:25,680 --> 01:06:28,320
Speaker 3: we will do that off this thing. Thank you, and

1457
01:06:28,360 --> 01:06:29,800
Speaker 3: I love what you're doing with the show.

1458
01:06:30,160 --> 01:06:31,280
Speaker 2: Ah, you're amazing.

1459
01:06:31,320 --> 01:06:35,320
Speaker 1: I was very nervous because you are the Ogs.

1460
01:06:36,040 --> 01:06:37,000
Speaker 4: We just haven't a yet.

1461
01:06:37,240 --> 01:06:39,040
Speaker 3: Like you know, it's like if you're real, there's not

1462
01:06:39,080 --> 01:06:40,120
Speaker 3: a whole lot of concoction.

1463
01:06:40,240 --> 01:06:41,960
Speaker 4: It's just hard to be real. I think people one

1464
01:06:42,040 --> 01:06:42,640
Speaker 4: hard to be real.

1465
01:06:43,080 --> 01:06:45,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I think for me, like, I want to

1466
01:06:45,480 --> 01:06:48,720
Speaker 1: be so prepared that you feel comfortable just saying whatever

1467
01:06:48,760 --> 01:06:49,760
Speaker 1: and I'm not going to lose.

1468
01:06:50,200 --> 01:06:53,080
Speaker 4: We felt very lead you, very relaxed, so og.

1469
01:06:54,080 --> 01:06:55,040
Speaker 2: Thanks beautiful.

1470
01:06:57,880 --> 01:07:03,520
Speaker 1: That's a wrap on another episode of Fearlessly Failing. As always,

1471
01:07:03,680 --> 01:07:07,040
Speaker 1: thank you to our guests, and let's continue the conversation

1472
01:07:07,200 --> 01:07:13,000
Speaker 1: on Instagram. I'm at Yamo Lollaberry This potty my word

1473
01:07:13,000 --> 01:07:17,760
Speaker 1: for podcast is available on all streaming platforms. I'd love

1474
01:07:17,800 --> 01:07:20,840
Speaker 1: it if you could subscribe, rate and comment, and of

1475
01:07:20,920 --> 01:07:22,479
Speaker 1: course spread the love.