WEBVTT - Stressed? Overwhelmed? Tired? Eat, Sleep and Live Better with Dr Rangan Chatterjee 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:12.520 This episode was recorded on cameragle Land. Hi guys, and 0:00:12.680 --> 0:00:14.480 welcome back to another episode of Life on Cut. I'm 0:00:14.480 --> 0:00:17.280 Brittany and I'm Keisha, and today we're going to talk 0:00:17.320 --> 0:00:20.799 about something that affects every single woman I know, every 0:00:20.800 --> 0:00:22.680 single person I know. But today we are really going 0:00:22.760 --> 0:00:26.400 to hone in on women stress. Think about the last 0:00:26.480 --> 0:00:28.600 time you spoke to a friend. When did you run 0:00:28.600 --> 0:00:31.680 into somebody and say, hey, how are you going? And 0:00:31.720 --> 0:00:34.640 they answered with I am great. I've been having so 0:00:34.760 --> 0:00:37.839 much fun lately. I'm super relaxed. I'm loving my life. 0:00:39.040 --> 0:00:41.560 It's not often that you hear that response. The most 0:00:41.560 --> 0:00:46.040 common response is overwhelmed, stress, flat out like a lizard, drinking, 0:00:46.200 --> 0:00:49.040 can't sleep, running around, chasing my tail, running around after 0:00:49.080 --> 0:00:51.680 the kids. Anxiety is high, haven't had a day off 0:00:51.680 --> 0:00:53.960 in weeks. I feel like that is the most common response. 0:00:54.000 --> 0:00:56.720 I do too, and I just feel like, even within myself, 0:00:57.480 --> 0:00:59.760 I just have this constant feeling of not being able 0:00:59.800 --> 0:01:01.960 to quite catch my tail, like not being able to 0:01:02.000 --> 0:01:03.760 quite catch up. You know, we joke a lot about 0:01:03.760 --> 0:01:06.840 the whole Oh, this week's been really stressful, but don't worry. 0:01:06.840 --> 0:01:08.960 Next week will be better. But then we just keep 0:01:08.959 --> 0:01:10.960 on saying that time after time after. 0:01:10.800 --> 0:01:12.560 Time, next week's worth exactly. 0:01:12.720 --> 0:01:14.839 And stress is something that I think we are all 0:01:15.280 --> 0:01:18.840 all experiencing to such a large extent, but none of 0:01:18.920 --> 0:01:23.280 us really have particularly easy and simple ways to break 0:01:23.280 --> 0:01:25.360 that stress down and to reduce it in our lives. 0:01:25.400 --> 0:01:28.319 And that's why today's guest is the wonderful doctor Rungan 0:01:28.400 --> 0:01:31.760 Chatategy Now. He is a practicing medical doctor. He's got 0:01:31.800 --> 0:01:36.160 over two decades worth of experience. He is also a writer. 0:01:36.440 --> 0:01:39.840 He's written over six books, he hosted TV shows for 0:01:39.920 --> 0:01:41.760 over a decade, and he has one of the most 0:01:41.760 --> 0:01:44.880 popular podcasts in the world in the health and wellness category. 0:01:44.920 --> 0:01:46.759 It is called Feel Better, Live More. 0:01:47.120 --> 0:01:50.440 And I think we all underestimate just how much stress 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:55.680 affects our lives and affects our body mentally, spiritually, physiologically, 0:01:55.840 --> 0:01:58.840 the whole kitten kaboodle. And the best thing about doctor 0:01:58.920 --> 0:02:01.920 Chattagy is he really breaks it down to make it simple. 0:02:02.000 --> 0:02:04.800 It's not complex. He wants to make it palatable because 0:02:04.800 --> 0:02:08.000 he genuinely cares about changing people's lives. So, from your 0:02:08.040 --> 0:02:10.520 twenty three years practicing medicine, what do you think is 0:02:10.560 --> 0:02:13.200 some of the most common issues women are facing I 0:02:13.240 --> 0:02:15.400 know from the outside, from people in my life and 0:02:15.440 --> 0:02:19.120 myself included, I feel like burnout and overwhelm are the 0:02:19.160 --> 0:02:21.680 things that seem to be consuming everyone's lives. 0:02:22.280 --> 0:02:27.280 Yeah, I would agree. I think stress, fatigue, burnout, overwhelmed 0:02:27.440 --> 0:02:31.280 seems to be the symptom of the day, right. I 0:02:31.280 --> 0:02:33.160 mean you're asking for women. I think a lot of 0:02:33.200 --> 0:02:35.519 men feel that as well, but specifically with women, I 0:02:35.560 --> 0:02:40.840 would say absolutely, that is a huge issue. I think 0:02:40.880 --> 0:02:43.920 it's getting worse, and I think we're looking at it 0:02:43.919 --> 0:02:47.880 the wrong way. Actually, one thing I've realized over my 0:02:48.880 --> 0:02:51.200 you know, twenty three years of practice now is that 0:02:52.480 --> 0:02:55.839 stress doesn't just come from the outside we think it does. 0:02:55.960 --> 0:02:58.800 We think stress is only to do with what we 0:02:58.880 --> 0:03:00.600 have going on. I've got to do this, I've got 0:03:00.600 --> 0:03:03.120 to do that, I've got to pick this person. We've 0:03:03.120 --> 0:03:04.960 got to do that. My boss has asked me to 0:03:04.960 --> 0:03:09.600 do this. That is true, those things are all stresses. 0:03:10.120 --> 0:03:13.640 At the same time, I would say for most of us, 0:03:14.080 --> 0:03:18.079 the majority of stress we experience is generated by ourselves. 0:03:19.160 --> 0:03:21.800 What do I mean by that? This was probably the 0:03:21.880 --> 0:03:24.920 key learning in my life a few years ago, which 0:03:25.000 --> 0:03:32.120 is probably the number one reason why I generally feel calm, happy, content, 0:03:32.560 --> 0:03:35.040 generally in control of life, even though I have a 0:03:35.080 --> 0:03:38.360 busy life, because I realized that we have the power 0:03:38.400 --> 0:03:41.160 with our minds to frame every situation. We can take 0:03:41.240 --> 0:03:43.920 what I call a victim mindset to life, and I 0:03:43.960 --> 0:03:46.840 say that with compassion, I honestly do. I'm not I'm 0:03:46.880 --> 0:03:49.240 not blaming anyone for that. Or we can say what 0:03:49.320 --> 0:03:52.160 I call the architect mindset to life, where we understand 0:03:52.200 --> 0:03:55.440 that we get to frame every single situation. And so 0:03:56.840 --> 0:03:59.160 you know, it's something that until you get it, it 0:03:59.160 --> 0:04:01.600 seems like what you talking abouts, right, But I'll tell 0:04:01.640 --> 0:04:03.800 you how I got this. One of the most powerful 0:04:03.840 --> 0:04:06.280 conversations I've ever had on my own podcast, which has 0:04:06.280 --> 0:04:09.480 been running for seven and a half years now, is 0:04:09.560 --> 0:04:14.200 with a ninety three year old lady called Edith Eager. Now. 0:04:14.200 --> 0:04:16.800 When I spoke to her, she was ninety three years old, 0:04:16.839 --> 0:04:19.920 and she was telling me about her childhood. Now, when 0:04:19.960 --> 0:04:23.440 she was sixteen years old, she got taken to Auschwitz 0:04:23.480 --> 0:04:27.600 concentration camp with her sister, and both her parents were 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:30.479 murdered within two hours of getting there. Right, She's a 0:04:30.520 --> 0:04:34.960 sixteen year old, young, young lady and two hours after 0:04:35.000 --> 0:04:38.760 her parents have been murdered. She's asked to dance and 0:04:38.839 --> 0:04:41.680 perform for the senior prison guards. And do you know 0:04:41.720 --> 0:04:43.440 what she said to me? She said wrong, And listen, 0:04:43.960 --> 0:04:46.400 I never forgot the last thing my mother said to me. 0:04:46.520 --> 0:04:51.240 My mom said to me, Edith, never ever forget. Nobody 0:04:51.279 --> 0:04:54.039 can take from you the contents that you put inside 0:04:54.080 --> 0:04:56.680 your own mind. So she then tells me, when I 0:04:56.720 --> 0:05:00.839 was dancing in Auschwitz, I wasn't actually dancing in Auschwitz. 0:05:01.520 --> 0:05:04.720 In my mind. I was in Budapest opera house. There 0:05:04.760 --> 0:05:07.719 was a full orchestra playing, there was a full house, 0:05:08.040 --> 0:05:10.960 there was beautiful music, it was wonderful. And I'm thinking, 0:05:11.520 --> 0:05:13.680 your parents have been murdered, you're you're literally in a 0:05:13.760 --> 0:05:16.880 death camp, and you're reframing this in your mind. And 0:05:16.920 --> 0:05:18.800 there's many things she told me, But the final word 0:05:18.920 --> 0:05:21.200 she said to me, which relates to your question, is 0:05:21.839 --> 0:05:25.880 she said this. She said Wrongan, I have lived in Auschwitz, 0:05:26.839 --> 0:05:29.440 and I can tell you the greatest prison you will 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:34.240 ever live inside is the prison that you create inside 0:05:34.240 --> 0:05:34.960 your own mind. 0:05:35.440 --> 0:05:35.839 Wow. 0:05:35.960 --> 0:05:38.280 And I'll tell you, Brittany Ikish that Penny dropped for 0:05:38.360 --> 0:05:40.040 me that day. I thought, that's what we all do. 0:05:40.080 --> 0:05:43.839 We go around the world, and the car driver cuts 0:05:43.880 --> 0:05:48.080 us up and we get stressed and angry, and we 0:05:48.200 --> 0:05:51.400 feel that it was the car driver that made us 0:05:51.720 --> 0:05:56.480 stressed and angry, but it isn't. Actually it's our response 0:05:56.640 --> 0:05:58.880 to the car driver that's making us angry. 0:05:59.279 --> 0:06:01.400 I relate to that so much, and I've spoken about 0:06:01.440 --> 0:06:03.000 this and we wrote about it in our book. But 0:06:03.240 --> 0:06:05.920 I spent a month with this Buddhist monk and the 0:06:06.240 --> 0:06:09.080 one thing, the big takeaway that I took from his 0:06:09.200 --> 0:06:12.440 learnings was that your whole life and quality of life 0:06:12.440 --> 0:06:15.279 depends on your reaction to the given situation. It's not 0:06:15.360 --> 0:06:18.600 the situation, because that's happened regardless. You can't change it. 0:06:19.160 --> 0:06:21.640 But you can change the way you think about it. 0:06:21.640 --> 0:06:22.880 You can change the way you deal with it, and 0:06:22.920 --> 0:06:25.080 you can change the way you move on. And I 0:06:25.160 --> 0:06:27.360 still try to put that into practice now. I even 0:06:27.360 --> 0:06:29.240 had road rage this morning on the way here, and 0:06:29.240 --> 0:06:31.440 then I had to stop myself for a second and think, 0:06:31.880 --> 0:06:34.279 why am I so angry? I can't change what is 0:06:34.279 --> 0:06:35.120 happening right now. 0:06:35.760 --> 0:06:38.800 Yeah, that's such a beautiful example, and there's so many 0:06:38.839 --> 0:06:41.200 things there. First of all, even if we know this stuff, 0:06:41.520 --> 0:06:45.080 it doesn't mean we won't still do it right. So, 0:06:45.240 --> 0:06:47.640 as you said, you had road rage this morning, but 0:06:47.760 --> 0:06:50.760 you're at least aware now that actually you know what 0:06:50.920 --> 0:06:53.880 I was generating that stress like. It wasn't the driver, 0:06:54.240 --> 0:06:57.120 it was actually me. I didn't need to That's the 0:06:57.200 --> 0:07:00.800 key learning for people, because why I'm so passionate about 0:07:00.800 --> 0:07:03.479 this idea is, yes, it relates to your contentment and 0:07:03.520 --> 0:07:06.760 your happiness, but it also relates to your health. Right, 0:07:06.800 --> 0:07:09.080 And this is the big thing I try to outline 0:07:09.080 --> 0:07:11.120 in my in my latest but may change at last. 0:07:11.120 --> 0:07:14.480 So I tried to say, guys, the reason why we're 0:07:14.520 --> 0:07:18.120 struggling to make changes that actually last in the long term, 0:07:18.240 --> 0:07:20.720 and we keep trying to think, why can't I give 0:07:20.800 --> 0:07:22.760 up sugar, Why can't I do this, why can't I 0:07:22.800 --> 0:07:26.840 do that? Is I think we forget about internal stress. 0:07:27.400 --> 0:07:30.040 So let's use the car driver as an example. Right, 0:07:30.160 --> 0:07:32.760 so we all know that feeling when we're driving our 0:07:32.760 --> 0:07:35.240 car when someone cuts us up, and that we might 0:07:35.320 --> 0:07:39.120 start shouting or going, you know, stupid drivers, shouldn't have 0:07:39.160 --> 0:07:42.360 a license whatever, you know, whatever story, whatever, our version 0:07:42.400 --> 0:07:44.720 of that is. What we do in that moment is 0:07:44.840 --> 0:07:50.800 we're creating internal emotional stress. That internal emotional stress is 0:07:50.920 --> 0:07:54.680 not neutral. You will have to neutralize it in some 0:07:54.800 --> 0:07:56.920 way or another. And how do most of us try 0:07:56.920 --> 0:08:02.800 and neutralize it? Sugar kathee, alcohol, two three hours, sort 0:08:02.840 --> 0:08:05.320 of doom, scrolling on Instagram, whatever it might be. Those 0:08:05.320 --> 0:08:08.640 things are a response to the stress that we created 0:08:09.160 --> 0:08:11.840 by the way we interacted with that neutral situation. And 0:08:11.880 --> 0:08:15.160 once we learn to go wait a minute, maybe I 0:08:15.160 --> 0:08:18.480 can train myself to not go mad every time a 0:08:18.560 --> 0:08:21.480 driver comes into my lane because I used to be 0:08:21.600 --> 0:08:25.000 that guy and I'm not anymore. Right, I've become aware, 0:08:25.080 --> 0:08:28.320 first of all, and little by little, by practice, or 0:08:28.440 --> 0:08:31.480 I couldn't do it, and that night I was like, ah, wrong, 0:08:31.560 --> 0:08:33.120 And you know what, you did it again today, didn't 0:08:33.160 --> 0:08:35.000 you next time? You don't need to reract like that, 0:08:35.960 --> 0:08:37.880 just like if you're going from the sofa to a 0:08:37.960 --> 0:08:41.839 five K. We understand that you can train your body physically, 0:08:41.960 --> 0:08:45.440 but you can also train your mindset. And so, going 0:08:45.480 --> 0:08:48.600 back to your original question, loads of women are struggling 0:08:48.679 --> 0:08:53.280 with stress, overwhelm, fatigue. I'm not at all saying that 0:08:53.480 --> 0:08:57.520 aren't external stresses on women. That there absolutely are, but 0:08:57.840 --> 0:09:00.880 what I'm also trying to say is that actually a 0:09:00.920 --> 0:09:03.720 lot of the stress in our lives is by the 0:09:03.800 --> 0:09:06.680 way we look at the situation, and if we learn 0:09:06.760 --> 0:09:12.040 to look at situations differently, often we won't feel as stressed. Doctor. 0:09:12.200 --> 0:09:14.360 Strategy is something that I've heard you speak about before 0:09:14.400 --> 0:09:16.920 that is kind of related to this whole mindset shift 0:09:17.000 --> 0:09:20.520 around food in particular, Like you just mentioned, a lot 0:09:20.520 --> 0:09:23.120 of us seem to struggle with the whole sugar craving, 0:09:23.160 --> 0:09:25.320 the whole like it gets to a certain part of 0:09:25.360 --> 0:09:28.840 the evening and we scurry away into the kitchen and 0:09:28.880 --> 0:09:30.720 we'll find whatever we can in the pantry or in 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:33.440 the freezer or in the fridge because we're just trying 0:09:33.480 --> 0:09:36.800 to kind of feel something that we describe as a 0:09:36.840 --> 0:09:40.040 sugar craving. What's your take on emotional eating and why 0:09:40.120 --> 0:09:42.719 is it that, especially when we're fatigued, we're burnt out, 0:09:42.760 --> 0:09:45.200 and we're stressed, so many of us are kind of 0:09:45.240 --> 0:09:47.720 turning to this this little buzz that we're trying to 0:09:47.720 --> 0:09:49.840 get over night time before we go to bed. 0:09:50.360 --> 0:09:52.320 Yeah, it's a great question, and I think again, this 0:09:52.440 --> 0:09:54.840 is the big missing piece when we talk to people 0:09:54.880 --> 0:09:59.320 about food or improving the way that they eat. People 0:09:59.320 --> 0:10:02.040 are eating not just for physical hunger. They're eating for 0:10:02.120 --> 0:10:06.360 emotional hunger as well. Right, and if you're eating for 0:10:06.440 --> 0:10:09.640 emotional hunger, you don't need another diet. But telling you 0:10:09.640 --> 0:10:12.360 about the principles of healthy eating, right, you already kind 0:10:12.400 --> 0:10:15.200 of know that you need to understand what are these 0:10:15.240 --> 0:10:20.480 internal triggers. One of the exercises that I love and 0:10:20.559 --> 0:10:23.720 I've been doing with my patients for years is called 0:10:23.760 --> 0:10:27.520 the three f's or the freedom exercise. Okay, So the 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:32.439 three fs are feel, feed and fine. Okay, So next 0:10:32.480 --> 0:10:35.880 time someone is on their sofa at nine pm in 0:10:35.880 --> 0:10:39.720 the evening and even though they had a full meal 0:10:39.720 --> 0:10:42.280 at eight o'clock, they feel like some ice s cream. 0:10:42.320 --> 0:10:44.280 I'm not saying that's ever happened to you, you guys. 0:10:44.320 --> 0:10:46.440 It was literally me last night. I was just thinking, 0:10:46.480 --> 0:10:47.319 this is me last. 0:10:47.200 --> 0:10:49.640 Night, just in case it supplies to anyone. Okay, the 0:10:49.640 --> 0:10:52.280 three F X sise can be really, really powerful. Okay, 0:10:52.360 --> 0:10:54.960 So you're sitting on the sofa, You've got a urge 0:10:55.000 --> 0:10:57.960 to have ice cream. Okay. The first step, so I say, 0:10:58.040 --> 0:11:00.200 have a little pause before you go and get the 0:11:00.240 --> 0:11:03.600 ice scream out of the freezer. Just ask yourself what 0:11:03.720 --> 0:11:07.080 am I actually feeling? That's the first F Okay, is 0:11:07.120 --> 0:11:10.560 this physical hunger. No, I kind of eate an hour ago. 0:11:10.960 --> 0:11:14.880 Is this emotional hunger? Am I tired? Am I stressed? 0:11:15.360 --> 0:11:18.040 Have I just had a row with my partner, you know, 0:11:18.240 --> 0:11:20.439 as the children's bedtime gone on too long? Whatever, it 0:11:20.520 --> 0:11:22.839 might be one of my really feeling. Then go get 0:11:22.840 --> 0:11:25.079 the ice scream and have it if you want to. Okay. 0:11:25.559 --> 0:11:27.960 The next time it happens, you go through the first 0:11:27.960 --> 0:11:29.600 self again, what am I feeling? And then you go 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:34.280 to the second F How does food feed the feeling? 0:11:34.320 --> 0:11:37.040 So the second F is feed So you've identified the 0:11:37.040 --> 0:11:39.360 feeling as stressed, and then you go, oh, well, when 0:11:39.440 --> 0:11:42.640 I have my ice scream, in the short term, at 0:11:42.720 --> 0:11:46.800 least I feel less stressed. Ah, okay, so that's why 0:11:46.800 --> 0:11:49.320 I'm eating. I'm like, I'm feeling stressed and ice cream 0:11:49.320 --> 0:11:52.520 makes me feel better. Okay, great. The next time it happens, 0:11:52.600 --> 0:11:54.520 you then go to the third F. So you again 0:11:54.600 --> 0:11:57.280 go through the process, what am I feeling, I'm feeling stressed? 0:11:58.280 --> 0:12:01.160 How does food feed the feeling? Oh, the ice cream 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:05.000 makes me feel less stressed. The third F is find 0:12:05.480 --> 0:12:08.040 Now that I know the feeling, Now that I know 0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:12.479 how food feeds the feeling, can I find an alternative 0:12:12.559 --> 0:12:14.840 behavior to feed that feeling. 0:12:14.960 --> 0:12:16.760 What you're going to say, can you find Can I 0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:21.239 find the food? Can I find the treats going to satisfy? 0:12:21.400 --> 0:12:23.880 No? Well you could you could. You could apply it 0:12:23.920 --> 0:12:27.440 like that, or you could go, Okay, so I feel stressed, 0:12:27.840 --> 0:12:31.000 you normally go to ice cream? What else can I 0:12:31.040 --> 0:12:33.480 do to manage that stress? Okay, let's say you like 0:12:33.640 --> 0:12:37.600 yoga for example, Right, you could put on YouTube and go, actually, 0:12:37.640 --> 0:12:40.600 I'm going to do five minutes of yoga. Right, you 0:12:40.640 --> 0:12:43.040 could identify that you know what I'm not at any 0:12:43.080 --> 0:12:45.760 time to myself today, Right, I've just been on zoom 0:12:45.840 --> 0:12:48.280 calls and so ice cream was a way of just 0:12:48.360 --> 0:12:51.480 twreating myself. Okay, how could you treat yourself in a 0:12:51.480 --> 0:12:54.360 different way? Ah, maybe I'll run myself a bath and 0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:58.040 nourish myself. And it'slightly different way. If it's loneliness that's 0:12:58.080 --> 0:13:00.000 causing you to eat, as it is for many people, 0:13:00.080 --> 0:13:03.200 or they feel a bit isolated or lonely instead of 0:13:03.240 --> 0:13:06.040 going to the ice scream, what else could you do? Well, 0:13:06.320 --> 0:13:08.880 if you live with someone like your part or a flatmate, 0:13:09.400 --> 0:13:11.840 you could go and talk to them. If you don't, 0:13:12.360 --> 0:13:14.760 you could pick up your phone. You could phone a friend, 0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:17.439 you could phone one of your parents if they're still alive, 0:13:17.520 --> 0:13:20.240 or whatever it might be. And I know it sounds 0:13:20.280 --> 0:13:23.480 super simple, but I have used these three s with 0:13:23.559 --> 0:13:26.679 patients four years and it can often be life changing 0:13:26.720 --> 0:13:30.199 because you know, your question was why do we do this? Right? 0:13:30.360 --> 0:13:32.720 A lot of the time we're not conscious of why 0:13:32.760 --> 0:13:35.640 we're doing this. We get the urge and before we 0:13:35.679 --> 0:13:37.880 know it, the spoons in our mouth right with ice 0:13:37.880 --> 0:13:41.240 scream in it. And all this exercise does. It just 0:13:41.240 --> 0:13:43.480 starts to give you a little bit of a gap 0:13:43.840 --> 0:13:46.959 between the stimulus, which is I want to eat something, 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:49.679 and your response, which is the ice scream. And the 0:13:49.679 --> 0:13:51.960 more you just create a little gap there, the more 0:13:52.000 --> 0:13:57.160 you start to understand yourself. And once you understand why 0:13:57.240 --> 0:14:01.760 you're going to that behavior, right, you've automatically changed your 0:14:01.840 --> 0:14:04.640 relationship with that behavior. Even if you go to it 0:14:04.640 --> 0:14:08.480 in the future, you'll know, you know, I'm managing stress 0:14:08.520 --> 0:14:11.400 here by eating this ice scream, and it means you're 0:14:11.600 --> 0:14:14.640 For most people, they're less likely to do it once 0:14:14.720 --> 0:14:18.760 they're tuned in to why they're actually engaging in that behavior. 0:14:18.800 --> 0:14:20.840 So again, it's a simple exercise that you can apply 0:14:20.920 --> 0:14:25.720 to food. You can also apply to alcohol or three 0:14:25.760 --> 0:14:29.000 hours scrolling TikTok or Instagram. You can. It's a very 0:14:29.040 --> 0:14:31.720 simple you know, will it work for serious addictions, No, 0:14:31.840 --> 0:14:35.080 probably not. But at the same time, for many of us, 0:14:35.240 --> 0:14:37.640 when we've got these behaviors that we're really trying to 0:14:37.680 --> 0:14:40.960 cut back on, it can be a very powerful exercise. 0:14:42.280 --> 0:14:44.680 How much do you think willpower comes into plane? And 0:14:44.760 --> 0:14:47.160 having said that, do you think will power is something 0:14:47.200 --> 0:14:49.760 that you can learned? I even say this last night 0:14:49.960 --> 0:14:52.800 yesterday you mentioned if you're really stressed you want to eat. Yesterday, 0:14:52.840 --> 0:14:55.000 I was really stressed. I'd been crying in the day, 0:14:55.040 --> 0:14:56.760 I'd had a whole lot of things. Got tonight time 0:14:56.920 --> 0:15:00.320 and I bought twenty two East Riggs big ones and 0:15:00.480 --> 0:15:02.360 I started to eat them because I was like, I 0:15:02.400 --> 0:15:05.440 want my hit. Started to eat them, couldn't stop, and 0:15:05.480 --> 0:15:08.040 then there was a complete disconnect with my brain and 0:15:08.080 --> 0:15:12.480 my body. My brain was literally saying stop eating them, 0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:15.040 like stop it now, put what is in your hand down. 0:15:15.320 --> 0:15:17.200 And then I couldn't do it. And then I said 0:15:17.200 --> 0:15:20.440 to myself, at least too slower, and I could not. 0:15:20.760 --> 0:15:22.480 That's why I said, I was like, enjoy the egg. 0:15:22.520 --> 0:15:25.080 That is in your mouth, and I could not. I 0:15:25.120 --> 0:15:27.560 could not. My mind was being like slower down, enjoy 0:15:27.600 --> 0:15:29.960 the moment. And then I just was like a guzzleguts 0:15:29.960 --> 0:15:31.960 and I thought, what is happening there? Why is this 0:15:32.160 --> 0:15:34.760 huge disconnect happening between my brain and my body? 0:15:35.440 --> 0:15:37.640 Were you stressed at the time? Is that what you said? 0:15:37.880 --> 0:15:39.360 Oh yeah through the roof? Yeah? 0:15:39.600 --> 0:15:43.120 Yeah? And you know, stress causes a disconnection, right, because 0:15:43.320 --> 0:15:47.240 when you are stressed, it literally changes the way you 0:15:47.360 --> 0:15:51.400 experience the world. Right, So when you're stressed, your physiology 0:15:51.440 --> 0:15:56.440 completely changes. Right, You're not expansive, you're not compassionate and 0:15:56.640 --> 0:16:01.000 empathetic looking at the other perspective, your whole focus comes in. 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:04.160 When you're stressed, you're looking for problems. You feel a 0:16:04.160 --> 0:16:09.320 bit tense, anxious, hypervigilant. That's natural because stress ultimately is 0:16:09.320 --> 0:16:12.360 your body saying that it thinks that it's in danger. Right. 0:16:12.360 --> 0:16:15.120 And that's the problem these days is that our stress 0:16:15.120 --> 0:16:18.760 response has been activated not by wild predators. It's been 0:16:18.800 --> 0:16:21.680 activated by the state of our daily lives, by our 0:16:21.720 --> 0:16:26.280 email inboxes, by our multiple social media channels we're trying 0:16:26.320 --> 0:16:28.640 to keep up to date with or whatever it might be, right, 0:16:28.680 --> 0:16:31.520 and our body responds in a different way. But that's 0:16:31.560 --> 0:16:33.680 the key point, Brittany. You have to understand that actually 0:16:35.080 --> 0:16:38.320 stress literally changes your physiology. So you know you're saying 0:16:38.320 --> 0:16:41.240 there's a disconnect there. Yeah, there is a disconnect there. 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:43.400 That's literally what is going on. Right, So instead of 0:16:43.440 --> 0:16:48.240 beating yourself up about that, it's like recognizing, oh wow, okay, 0:16:48.280 --> 0:16:51.840 when I get really stressed. You know, let's say yesterday 0:16:51.920 --> 0:16:55.880 happens again in two weeks, right, is there anything you 0:16:55.920 --> 0:16:59.360 can learn from yesterday what you didn't do, for example, 0:16:59.480 --> 0:17:02.240 that you could have done that could help you have 0:17:02.440 --> 0:17:04.800 less stress if a similar day happens in two weeks. 0:17:05.040 --> 0:17:07.560 Yeah, I mean absolutely. Firstly, I wouldn't buy the East 0:17:07.600 --> 0:17:10.440 Dregs on special. Secondly I would probably do pilates. 0:17:10.800 --> 0:17:14.000 Yeah. But also, did you take a break in the day, right? 0:17:14.040 --> 0:17:17.840 Were you just powering through and the stress just accumulated? 0:17:17.880 --> 0:17:21.159 Because that's another thing. Often when we're busy and with stressed, 0:17:21.200 --> 0:17:23.480 we don't take breaks, and all those breaks, even a 0:17:23.520 --> 0:17:27.360 five minute walk can help reduce stress. Elves reduce strevel, 0:17:27.359 --> 0:17:30.159 so you're less likely to get to your threshold. And 0:17:30.200 --> 0:17:32.640 at your threshold is when you buy the twenty two 0:17:32.680 --> 0:17:34.679 Easter eggs. Right, you don't buy it when you're just 0:17:34.720 --> 0:17:37.120 a little bit stressed. You buy it when you're right 0:17:37.200 --> 0:17:40.040 at your threshold. So again, I don't believe in the 0:17:40.080 --> 0:17:42.560 concepts of wasted time anymore. Right in the sense that 0:17:43.160 --> 0:17:45.280 we spend time that has a consequence, and if we 0:17:45.320 --> 0:17:48.160 can learn from how we spent our time, it wasn't 0:17:48.200 --> 0:17:52.080 a waste. So your stressful day yesterday could be a 0:17:52.160 --> 0:17:54.800 very powerful teaching moment for you. Could be like, oh wow, 0:17:55.359 --> 0:17:57.600 so I've still got that tendency when I'm really stressed 0:17:57.600 --> 0:18:00.439 to go and buy twenty two easter eggs. How I 0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:04.560 not have that much stress in my life? If the 0:18:04.600 --> 0:18:07.680 same events happen next time? Could I take a walking break? 0:18:08.080 --> 0:18:10.200 Could I do a bit of meditation halfway on what 0:18:10.280 --> 0:18:13.159 I'm commuting home instead of listening to the news. I'm 0:18:13.200 --> 0:18:15.000 not saying you did that, but could I put on 0:18:15.040 --> 0:18:18.159 some relaxing music for five minutes or put on a 0:18:18.200 --> 0:18:22.280 meditation app and just reset. It's not as hard as 0:18:22.320 --> 0:18:24.879 we think it is once we're aware of what's actually 0:18:25.040 --> 0:18:26.800 driving our behaviors. 0:18:27.240 --> 0:18:30.280 On this concept of relaxation, I think a lot of us, 0:18:30.320 --> 0:18:33.320 I mean, particularly for women in our age categories they've 0:18:33.359 --> 0:18:34.800 got a lot on their plates, a lot of them 0:18:34.840 --> 0:18:36.960 will be raising young children, a lot of them will 0:18:37.040 --> 0:18:39.560 still have full time jobs, and even for us who 0:18:39.560 --> 0:18:42.520 don't have kids, like I feel as though my day 0:18:42.600 --> 0:18:43.000 is just. 0:18:43.080 --> 0:18:44.720 Go go, go, go, go, go, go go go. 0:18:44.880 --> 0:18:46.359 I get to the very end of the day, I 0:18:46.400 --> 0:18:49.160 shut the laptop and I try to get to sleep. 0:18:49.720 --> 0:18:53.000 And the concept of relaxation is one that we've had 0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:57.000 many conversations about things like toxic productivity and how we 0:18:57.040 --> 0:18:59.920 are not meant to be trying to fit every single minute, 0:19:00.160 --> 0:19:03.119 every hour of our day to be the most productive 0:19:03.119 --> 0:19:06.359 that we can. And relaxation is something that I feel 0:19:06.440 --> 0:19:10.800 quite uncomfortable with. Guilty, Yeah, I think it is guilt, 0:19:10.880 --> 0:19:14.159 And there's definitely a discomfort when I'm taking time, you know, 0:19:14.240 --> 0:19:17.080 time that I would say would be time out to 0:19:17.280 --> 0:19:21.800 try and put myself into a relaxed state. And it 0:19:21.840 --> 0:19:23.560 almost creates like a bit of a cycle for me 0:19:23.600 --> 0:19:26.720 where I'm like, Okay, I know that relaxation is necessary 0:19:26.760 --> 0:19:28.119 so that I can get good sleep and so I 0:19:28.119 --> 0:19:29.679 can feel good and maybe say that I can be 0:19:29.680 --> 0:19:32.520 good tomorrow. But then when I'm actually trying to do 0:19:32.600 --> 0:19:35.399 the things that relax me, I feel guilty about the 0:19:35.440 --> 0:19:37.919 fact I'm not using the time more efficiently. Is this 0:19:38.000 --> 0:19:40.360 something that you see a lot like in your clinical practice? 0:19:40.480 --> 0:19:43.080 Oh? Yeah, especially with women. I've seen this for years. 0:19:43.240 --> 0:19:46.239 In fact, in my first book, I wrote about this, 0:19:46.400 --> 0:19:49.840 and I actually said in that book that one thing 0:19:50.200 --> 0:19:53.760 I've heard from female patients over the years, time and 0:19:53.800 --> 0:19:57.159 time again is when I talk some about me time 0:19:57.320 --> 0:19:59.439 and some time each day for it, you know, one 0:19:59.480 --> 0:20:00.960 of the things I would I would often say some is, 0:20:01.000 --> 0:20:03.680 you know, can you find ten minutes a day where 0:20:03.760 --> 0:20:07.680 you do something unashamedly for you, not for your partner, 0:20:07.800 --> 0:20:10.600 not for your kids, something that just you want to do. 0:20:11.760 --> 0:20:14.439 And often if I was able to persuade them and 0:20:14.480 --> 0:20:16.960 inspire them to go, now, this is really important, give 0:20:17.000 --> 0:20:19.320 it a try, they would come back and say, you 0:20:19.320 --> 0:20:22.760 know what, Dot, you gave me permission to relax. And 0:20:22.840 --> 0:20:25.119 it was a really interesting phrase I heard because I 0:20:25.119 --> 0:20:27.560 thought I never thought my job as a doctor was 0:20:27.600 --> 0:20:30.560 to give anyone a permission to do anything. But I 0:20:30.720 --> 0:20:35.120