Speaker 1: Lassie and futurist Dom Price was given some pretty bad
Speaker 1: advice right before he became a father. A well intentioned
Speaker 1: friend told him never to share pictures of his overseas
Speaker 1: work trips with his partner because it might make her jealous.
Speaker 1: On his first few long distance work trips after becoming
Speaker 1: a dad, Dom didn't want to tell his partner that
Speaker 1: he was having a good time in case it made
Speaker 1: her time home alone with their twins feel even more
Speaker 1: challenging by comparison. But Dom quickly discovered the opposite was true.
Speaker 1: So how did Dom and his partner change the way
Speaker 1: they communicate after becoming parents of twins? And why do
Speaker 1: they pay particular attention to when and why they're feeling
Speaker 1: guilty as parents and as partners. My name is doctor
Speaker 1: Amanthea Immer. I'm an organizational psychologist and the founder of
Speaker 1: behavioral science consultancy Inventium, And this is how I work
Speaker 1: a show about how to help you do your best work.
Speaker 1: On today's quick Win episode, we go back to an
Speaker 1: interview from the past and I pick out a quick
Speaker 1: win that you can apply today. In today's show, I
Speaker 1: speak with Don Price about how he and his partner
Speaker 1: transformed the way they communicate with each other after they
Speaker 1: became parents too twins.
Speaker 2: I remember the first time I actually physically went back
Speaker 2: into the office for a day's work and I had
Speaker 2: some meetings. I was like, I'm going in today. And
Speaker 2: then I remember getting into the office and I got
Speaker 2: so much done that day. I bumped into people, I
Speaker 2: had adult conversation. It was great. And then and then
Speaker 2: I got a picture from a girlfriend popery through the
Speaker 2: day and she's out with the kids doing stuff, and
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, you're a bad dad. It's it's
Speaker 2: not what she intended. She was sending me a picture
Speaker 2: to remind me of like they were fine. She was fine,
Speaker 2: they're having fun. But I was like, you're a bad dad.
Speaker 2: You're not there to help with fees, You're not that
Speaker 2: all the change. You're like, what are you so you're
Speaker 2: having all this fun? You know, you're having lunch, You're relaxing,
Speaker 2: You're not going to carry in the world. I didn't
Speaker 2: have a car. Well, I had meetings and work to do.
Speaker 2: But to go into that adult mode and be wholly
Speaker 2: focused on that is very different from my work from
Speaker 2: home mode. My work from home mode is a lot
Speaker 2: of context switching. It's I'll do a meeting, I'll do
Speaker 2: a workshop, I'll do a zoom call. And then I'm like,
Speaker 2: I got a half hour break. What can I do
Speaker 2: in that half hour? I'm not getting ahead with work.
Speaker 2: I'm like, I can help a echo something back and
Speaker 2: put some laundry on. I can cook some food and
Speaker 2: nip the seed mike or whatever. Because I'm playing two
Speaker 2: roles at the same time, and I like that duality.
Speaker 2: I'm fine with it. Like it's actually quite modal and
Speaker 2: it works. I'm like spike of work, you know. I
Speaker 2: start early in the morning, seven am. Us calls brilliant,
Speaker 2: hold of the stuff. I'm right, I'm going to the supermarket.
Speaker 2: I'm going to do a supercowers to come back. Decent
Speaker 2: more meetings, decent war works, and I'm like, right, I'm
Speaker 2: going to cook some food, my brains for us. I'll
Speaker 2: cook some food, do some more stuff, bath the kids,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, I've got an hours worth of working
Speaker 2: me right, I'm going to get so so that modular works.
Speaker 2: But there's no guilt with it when it's modulo, because
Speaker 2: I get a little bit sprinter on today when it's binary.
Speaker 2: When it's Dad walks out the door and leaves, and
Speaker 2: I'm sat there, even though my commuter works fourteen minutes,
Speaker 2: for those fourteen minutes might as well be a million
Speaker 2: miles because I'm like, I can't help if something goes wrong, right,
Speaker 2: and if you need me if one kid's done something
Speaker 2: to the nappy and the other one needs to feel
Speaker 2: if something happens and you've got one set of hands
Speaker 2: and two kids, I'm not there to help. And that
Speaker 2: just filled me with guilt. So I was like, Okay,
Speaker 2: that feels normal, like in a natural response. So I
Speaker 2: talked to my girlfriend about it. I'm like, here's how
Speaker 2: I feel like, and it's weird because I want to
Speaker 2: do more time at home, but I need to. And
Speaker 2: she's like, you are the primary earner. You keep a
Speaker 2: roof over ahead. Part of your role as dad is
Speaker 2: to maintain that job, and that's part of your job.
Speaker 2: Don't feel guilty. So then it's like, okay, cool, how
Speaker 2: do we handle this? So the way we handle it
Speaker 2: is early warnings. So I'm like, I communicated with work,
Speaker 2: with my team, my extended team at work, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: if you want me to travel for work, I need
Speaker 2: at least six weeks notice, So like why, I was like,
Speaker 2: because that's the only fair thing to do, right. The
Speaker 2: only fair thing for Becky is to go right. In
Speaker 2: six weeks, I'm going to Nashville. I'm going to be
Speaker 2: away for a week. Let's plan for that, knowing that
Speaker 2: we can't plan for it because stuff's going to happen
Speaker 2: that's out of our control. But what are the things
Speaker 2: we need to get in place so you're comfortable for
Speaker 2: that week? And I'm comfortable and not feeling guilty because
Speaker 2: if I go to Nashville, but my head's still in Sydney,
Speaker 2: because I feel guilty that I'm doing need the job well.
Speaker 2: So when I'm in Nashville, I have to immerse. I
Speaker 2: have to be unapologetic. And so it was fascinating. I
Speaker 2: got some really bad advice from a friend, which was,
Speaker 2: when you're traveling, don't tell your partner how much fun
Speaker 2: you're having, which kind of makes sense, right, you don't
Speaker 2: want to rub it in. But then with one trip,
Speaker 2: I like I was down playing it. Becky was like,
Speaker 2: are you're not enjoying it? I was like, I'm actually
Speaker 2: having a really good time and I'm getting a lot done.
Speaker 2: She's like, good that's why you're there, like do that
Speaker 2: And I'm like, yeah, why am I pretending that it's
Speaker 2: rubbish when it's not. And so again we've been unapologetically
Speaker 2: honest with each other. She's unapologetically honest if she's struggling
Speaker 2: or if it's going really well, and vice versa, right,
Speaker 2: And so that that candor and openness has really helped.
Speaker 2: And then the forward planning right, and then just knowing
Speaker 2: what is that ritual? So we have a silly ritual.
Speaker 2: I do all the cooking in the house. I love
Speaker 2: cooking my relaxation and.
Speaker 1: You take lots of photos of it as well, which
Speaker 1: I appreciate Youah.
Speaker 2: So the rule is is before I go on a trip,
Speaker 2: I cook all the meals. So the other week I
Speaker 2: was in Portugal for an event with one of Alastina's
Speaker 2: life customers. Flew out on a Sunday Saturday afternoon, went
Speaker 2: to seedmarket, filled the trolley and had a great time.
Speaker 2: I cooked four different meals for Becker. Her old housemate
Speaker 2: moved in for the week. She's like, if you're cooking
Speaker 2: that food, I want to come and hang out. And
Speaker 2: I put all the meals for the kids, which is great.
Speaker 2: That was my therapy. I genuinely enjoy it. But cooking
Speaker 2: all that that takes the guilt away, takes the pressure
Speaker 2: off the freezer. The fridge is full, so there's one
Speaker 2: less thing to worry about. I know you're going to
Speaker 2: be fed. Anything else we can work out afterwards, right,
Speaker 2: So it's little tips and tricks of how we bounce
Speaker 2: it to front load back end stuff and then just
Speaker 2: communicate about it.
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoy this little quick win episode today.
Speaker 1: If you would like to listen to the full interview,
Speaker 1: you can find a link to that in the show notes.
Speaker 1: If you're looking for more tips to improve the way
Speaker 1: that you work, I write a short fortnightly newsletter that
Speaker 1: contains three cool things that I've discovered that helped me
Speaker 1: work better, ranging from software and gadgets that I'm loving
Speaker 1: through the interesting research finding. You can sign up for
Speaker 1: that at Howiwork dot co. That's how I Work dot co.
Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing part of your day with me
Speaker 1: by listening to How I Work. If you're keen for
Speaker 1: more tips on how to work better, connect with me
Speaker 1: via LinkedIn or Instagram. I'm very easy to find. Just
Speaker 1: search for Amantha Imba. How I work was recorded on
Speaker 1: the traditional land of the Warrangery people, part of the
Speaker 1: Koolan nation. I am so grateful for being able to
Speaker 1: work and live on this beautiful land and I want
Speaker 1: to pay my respects to elders, past, present and emerging.
Speaker 1: How I Work is produced by Inventium and hosted by
Speaker 1: me Amantha Imba, and a big thank you to Martin
Speaker 1: Imba who did the audio mix and makes everything sound
Speaker 1: better than it would have otherwise.