WEBVTT - ASK UNCUT - How much eye contact during s*x is too much? 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.800 Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands 0:00:03.840 --> 0:00:06.560 were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders 0:00:06.559 --> 0:00:07.600 past and present. 0:00:07.600 --> 0:00:20.760 Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. Hi guys, and 0:00:20.800 --> 0:00:23.880 welcome back to another episode of Life. I'm Cut, I'm Laura. 0:00:23.800 --> 0:00:26.840 And I'm Brittany, and I am coming to you today 0:00:27.120 --> 0:00:28.960 from the other side of the world with my head 0:00:29.080 --> 0:00:31.280 stuffed inside Ben's closet. 0:00:31.320 --> 0:00:33.040 Well, at least it's not stuffed inside Ben. 0:00:33.400 --> 0:00:35.400 Let me clarify that that makes me sound like I've 0:00:35.400 --> 0:00:37.640 been kidnapped and I'm like locked in the closet. I'm 0:00:37.680 --> 0:00:40.160 not locked in a closet, to be clear, but I'm 0:00:40.280 --> 0:00:44.360 in a makeshift recording shoo which is literally inside Ben's closet, 0:00:44.360 --> 0:00:46.519 so it has like nice soft soundproofing and all his 0:00:46.680 --> 0:00:49.080 jackets buffer and I was just like, wow, look, how 0:00:49.159 --> 0:00:49.720 fire I've calm. 0:00:49.760 --> 0:00:50.560 That's what I was thinking. 0:00:50.880 --> 0:00:53.960 I would rather have my head stuffed inside a wardrobe 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:55.520 if it meant that I got to spend four days 0:00:55.520 --> 0:00:56.080 in Mayorca. 0:00:56.240 --> 0:00:58.720 So I don't feel sorry for you right now. I 0:00:58.760 --> 0:01:01.720 am back in Scotland. Now. I went to Mayoca. We 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:04.160 had three days in Mayoka. It was amazing. I flew 0:01:04.160 --> 0:01:05.600 over four days ago to see Ben. 0:01:05.640 --> 0:01:06.119 It's out. 0:01:06.360 --> 0:01:08.759 What is it every eight weeks we get to bang 0:01:08.840 --> 0:01:11.840 for a week. But the funniest thing happened to me. 0:01:12.560 --> 0:01:16.600 Now, I feel like this is probably everyone's lifelong dream. 0:01:16.640 --> 0:01:19.160 But I have had a lifelong dream my entire life 0:01:19.200 --> 0:01:21.039 that I thought would never ever happen. 0:01:21.480 --> 0:01:22.759 It's so far out of reach. 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:24.399 Okay, and now I'm trying to think of what it 0:01:24.400 --> 0:01:31.000 could possibly be. And you saw Sam Hewen at the airport. No, 0:01:31.200 --> 0:01:35.400 you mounted sam Hewan's face. No, I said, you climbed 0:01:35.400 --> 0:01:37.640 sam Hewin like a mountain. It just has to have 0:01:37.640 --> 0:01:39.280 something to do with Sam Hewen, that's all I know. 0:01:39.760 --> 0:01:41.480 I hope Samhwan never listened to this. 0:01:41.520 --> 0:01:43.000 We have tried to get him on the podcast, so 0:01:43.000 --> 0:01:44.280 that would be embarrassing if he comes on. 0:01:45.160 --> 0:01:47.480 Also, just so that everyone knows, like, because you may 0:01:47.480 --> 0:01:49.680 not be aware of this, Like Sam Hewen is the 0:01:49.720 --> 0:01:51.360 equivalent to my Jason Momoa. 0:01:51.480 --> 0:01:52.360 He was my whole pass. 0:01:52.400 --> 0:01:54.640 He is the man that Brittany has wanted to climb 0:01:54.960 --> 0:01:56.480 since she was a wee little lass. 0:01:56.680 --> 0:01:57.920 He was my whole pass. 0:01:58.080 --> 0:02:00.360 But he's not anymore because I am in a great 0:02:00.400 --> 0:02:01.800 relationship and Sam. 0:02:01.800 --> 0:02:03.520 Up, everyone still has a whole part. 0:02:04.960 --> 0:02:06.560 I'm just saying it in case he comes on the 0:02:06.560 --> 0:02:07.440 podcast one day. 0:02:07.480 --> 0:02:10.120 He's never coming on the podcast, brit He's frightened of you. 0:02:10.120 --> 0:02:11.359 No, you know, he said he would. 0:02:11.440 --> 0:02:13.440 I spoke to him. Did I tell you that in 0:02:13.720 --> 0:02:14.640 direct message? 0:02:14.840 --> 0:02:15.040 Yeah? 0:02:15.080 --> 0:02:17.160 We spoke and he was like, I'm launching some a 0:02:17.200 --> 0:02:19.320 balk and some alcohol and heaps of shit. Because he's 0:02:19.320 --> 0:02:21.080 like an entrepreneur as well as an actor. But he 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:23.079 was like, maybe, like when we launched that we could 0:02:23.080 --> 0:02:23.280 do it. 0:02:23.360 --> 0:02:26.080 This is just a little insight into the lengths that 0:02:26.120 --> 0:02:29.200 Brittany Hockley will go. You would have slid into his DMS. 0:02:29.360 --> 0:02:31.400 There is no one I won't slide into if I 0:02:31.400 --> 0:02:32.919 want them on the podcast, I will. 0:02:33.160 --> 0:02:35.600 I go high and low. I split into Michelle. 0:02:35.280 --> 0:02:38.560 Obamas, the daughter Sasha's Obamas. Now that's a lie, but 0:02:39.000 --> 0:02:40.639 I'll do what I need to do. We aim high 0:02:40.800 --> 0:02:45.919 and we fall slightly short of that. So I okay, 0:02:45.960 --> 0:02:48.919 I don't even know how to start this story. Okay, 0:02:48.960 --> 0:02:51.080 fuck it, I'll tell you. I flew first class for 0:02:51.120 --> 0:02:53.160 the first time in my life, probably the only time 0:02:53.160 --> 0:02:55.200 in my life. Now I need to tell you why 0:02:55.680 --> 0:02:57.960 and how. So Ben and I we see each other 0:02:57.960 --> 0:02:59.760 every few months. As you guys know if you knew 0:02:59.840 --> 0:03:01.960 the podcast, I'm in a long distance relationship. Ben lives 0:03:02.000 --> 0:03:04.840 in Scotland, so I'm the one that flies the most, 0:03:04.919 --> 0:03:06.320 right because Ben only flies once a. 0:03:06.360 --> 0:03:07.840 Year, so I'm flying six times a year. 0:03:07.960 --> 0:03:09.200 It's really expensive. 0:03:09.480 --> 0:03:11.919 So Ben and I always we split everything. Even though 0:03:11.919 --> 0:03:14.839 he's only doing one flight, he still helps me pay 0:03:14.840 --> 0:03:16.760 for the flights because it's not fair otherwise, right, and 0:03:16.800 --> 0:03:17.639 it's just the agreement. 0:03:17.680 --> 0:03:19.520 It's just the agreement of done totally anyway. 0:03:19.919 --> 0:03:23.480 So this flight over, I only booked it three days 0:03:23.480 --> 0:03:26.320 before I left, which meant the flights it was really 0:03:26.360 --> 0:03:28.320 hard to get flight times, and I had to fly 0:03:28.360 --> 0:03:31.960 a mix of economy and premium economy so whatever leg 0:03:32.000 --> 0:03:34.560 I could get, so I had premium economy and economy. 0:03:34.760 --> 0:03:38.240 Ben had let me sign into his Frequent Flyer points 0:03:38.320 --> 0:03:40.480 because we'd use mine the last flight, so he's like, oh, 0:03:40.680 --> 0:03:42.200 use of mine, it might get a bit off the 0:03:42.240 --> 0:03:45.160 price or whatever. So I get to the flight and 0:03:45.480 --> 0:03:49.760 they're like, oh man, you've been upgraded, and I was like, oh, amazing, 0:03:49.920 --> 0:03:51.440 Like this is incredible, and I was like. 0:03:51.520 --> 0:03:54.640 Oh my god. I was like, what the fuck? 0:03:55.120 --> 0:03:56.920 I was like me, and she's like yes, and I 0:03:56.960 --> 0:04:00.880 was like that's amazing. Why yeah anyway, so I was like, 0:04:00.960 --> 0:04:03.320 this is my dream come true. Because sometimes they do 0:04:03.360 --> 0:04:06.280 these random upgrades. These are the stories of myths and legends, 0:04:06.280 --> 0:04:08.160 you know, like you hear about the people that get 0:04:08.200 --> 0:04:10.160 to the counter and they've gotten a random upgrade. 0:04:10.200 --> 0:04:11.920 There's always like the people who say, like, if you 0:04:12.000 --> 0:04:13.760 dress up nicely to get onto a plane, like you 0:04:13.840 --> 0:04:15.480 might be the one who gets upgraded if you rock 0:04:15.560 --> 0:04:16.400 up wearing a suit. 0:04:16.560 --> 0:04:17.680 Yeah, but it never happens. 0:04:17.720 --> 0:04:20.320 Anyway, She's like, you've been upgrade. First cars fucking poseideon myself. 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:22.599 I couldn't believe it, message shirt and showed away. I 0:04:22.600 --> 0:04:24.640 think I was like, I can't believe this. Took so 0:04:24.680 --> 0:04:27.280 many photos in there, like A took. 0:04:27.200 --> 0:04:30.599 So many of the food everything. 0:04:30.920 --> 0:04:32.320 I took photos of the menus. 0:04:32.560 --> 0:04:35.479 Okay, it was the most it was the most lush 0:04:35.560 --> 0:04:39.679 thing I have ever experienced, and I cannot I cannot 0:04:39.720 --> 0:04:42.360 explain it to you now. It wasn't the big you 0:04:42.400 --> 0:04:45.080 see pictures, right, you see pictures of the big, beautiful 0:04:45.160 --> 0:04:47.600 cabins where there's like a lounge room and stuff in there. 0:04:47.640 --> 0:04:48.440 It wasn't that one. 0:04:48.520 --> 0:04:50.799 What it was was like a bed that went down, 0:04:51.160 --> 0:04:54.160 a full big TV, like huge TV, and closing doors 0:04:54.200 --> 0:04:57.680 for complete privacy, like they were electronic doors. The menu 0:04:57.880 --> 0:05:01.640 was I'm not exaggerated, and the menu was cavia lobster tail. 0:05:02.000 --> 0:05:03.800 I ate so much food. I wasn't even hungry. 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:06.440 I was like, yeah, some more lobster like. 0:05:06.480 --> 0:05:08.680 I was living like it was my last day on Earth. 0:05:08.839 --> 0:05:10.440 They were like, ma'am, do you want a shower? I 0:05:10.480 --> 0:05:12.920 was like, yes, I don't need a shower, but I'm. 0:05:12.480 --> 0:05:13.440 Gonna have one. 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:16.120 I'm gonna have fucking two showers. Thank you. 0:05:16.640 --> 0:05:19.159 Do you want to see yeah exactly. I was like 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:20.640 book me in. She's like, do you need the spa? 0:05:20.680 --> 0:05:22.800 And I was like, yeah, I need it. It was 0:05:22.920 --> 0:05:25.279 so fancy, Laura. I even took a photo of the bathroom. 0:05:25.360 --> 0:05:26.560 I couldn't find the toilet. 0:05:26.640 --> 0:05:28.479 It doesn't make sense that these things exist on a 0:05:28.480 --> 0:05:31.159 plane where it's like, no there, I am shoved at 0:05:31.200 --> 0:05:33.920 the back with my two screaming kids next to the toilet, 0:05:34.400 --> 0:05:36.680 wanting to open the emergency exit. 0:05:37.160 --> 0:05:37.400 Yeah. 0:05:37.480 --> 0:05:40.000 So anyway, I'm like, oh, is this the toilet? Because 0:05:40.000 --> 0:05:41.719 even the door's fancy and she's like yeah. 0:05:41.760 --> 0:05:43.839 So I go in and there's a shower, there's a 0:05:43.920 --> 0:05:47.280 huge room, there's makeup room, there's hair dryers, and I 0:05:47.320 --> 0:05:49.760 can't see a toilet, and so I'm like, she mustn't 0:05:49.760 --> 0:05:51.479 be understood me. So I went back out and she's 0:05:51.480 --> 0:05:52.839 standing there like ready. 0:05:52.880 --> 0:05:55.120 They're always there when you leave, they're ready with because 0:05:55.120 --> 0:05:57.839 I go in after every person and I was like, oh, sorry, 0:05:58.440 --> 0:05:59.560 is this the bathroom in here? 0:06:00.040 --> 0:06:01.680 And she's like yes, and I was like, oh okay. 0:06:02.680 --> 0:06:04.320 I walked back in and I just stood there. 0:06:04.360 --> 0:06:07.480 I was like, the fuck is the toilet. The toilet 0:06:07.520 --> 0:06:09.520 is like a ameleon. It's hidden. 0:06:09.720 --> 0:06:11.039 You can't even see this. 0:06:11.080 --> 0:06:12.279 To the point that I took a video. 0:06:12.640 --> 0:06:14.239 I was like, tell me when you spot the toilet. 0:06:14.520 --> 0:06:15.800 I eventually found it. 0:06:15.920 --> 0:06:18.120 The lady walks in and there's Brittany doing a shit 0:06:18.160 --> 0:06:20.000 in this scene. 0:06:23.000 --> 0:06:25.560 No, So it was to the point that I was like, 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:27.520 I thought there were hidden doors. So I was like 0:06:27.600 --> 0:06:30.760 poking along the wall thinking that one of the doors 0:06:30.800 --> 0:06:32.680 would pop out, but it wasn't. There was a little 0:06:32.880 --> 0:06:34.640 anyone that's flown first class I was listening to this 0:06:34.760 --> 0:06:36.240 is gonna be like Britney sasually. 0:06:36.200 --> 0:06:38.479 No one, no one, literally no one. 0:06:38.640 --> 0:06:40.479 So there was like a little like it runs. 0:06:40.520 --> 0:06:42.760 It's all curved and everything. It's not even square, like 0:06:42.800 --> 0:06:44.520 all the walls are curved and it was like this 0:06:44.640 --> 0:06:46.280 curvy little seat and I was like, I wonder if 0:06:46.360 --> 0:06:48.040 that is something and I lifted it up and it 0:06:48.080 --> 0:06:50.440 was like a surprise toilet. Anyway, I found the toilet 0:06:50.440 --> 0:06:51.279 crisis averted. 0:06:51.640 --> 0:06:53.640 So I booked into my shower. I did everything. It 0:06:53.680 --> 0:06:54.360 was incredible. 0:06:54.520 --> 0:06:56.800 Wait did you find out why you got upgraded? Was 0:06:56.839 --> 0:06:58.880 there a reason or did you just the lucky dip? 0:06:59.080 --> 0:07:02.479 No, I'm getting there. So then I get to Scotland 0:07:04.880 --> 0:07:06.800 and I send benep photo. I haven't seen him yet. 0:07:06.800 --> 0:07:08.360 I just got off the plane and I sent him 0:07:08.400 --> 0:07:09.239 a photo and I'm. 0:07:09.040 --> 0:07:10.960 Like, guess here's the first class bitch. 0:07:11.160 --> 0:07:13.400 And he's like, oh my god, what happened? And I 0:07:13.480 --> 0:07:16.640 was like random upgrade. I was like, it's so weird. 0:07:16.680 --> 0:07:17.720 He's like, oh, they don't. 0:07:17.600 --> 0:07:20.840 Usually random upgrade. You're from like economy and I was 0:07:20.880 --> 0:07:23.480 like I don't know, babe, but I was like full flight. 0:07:23.640 --> 0:07:30.440 I hit the jackpot. Anyway, So it turns out Ben 0:07:30.560 --> 0:07:31.680 was like a bit perplexed. 0:07:31.680 --> 0:07:32.640 He was like, just. 0:07:33.000 --> 0:07:35.920 Doesn't sound right. It turns out. 0:07:35.880 --> 0:07:39.200 So Ben had given me his frequent Flyer points right 0:07:39.920 --> 0:07:41.679 and when I had put them in for my flight 0:07:41.720 --> 0:07:44.960 to get a discount, there was a little button that said, 0:07:45.400 --> 0:07:47.920 do you want to put in for an automatic upgrade 0:07:47.920 --> 0:07:48.720 if it's available? 0:07:48.880 --> 0:07:53.680 So I said yes. I thought that I thought that 0:07:53.680 --> 0:07:55.080 that meant they would ask me. 0:07:55.280 --> 0:07:57.000 I thought they meant that that would be like, man, 0:07:57.040 --> 0:07:58.800 there's a spot for an upgrade. Do you want to 0:07:58.840 --> 0:08:02.440 take it? But it does it's automatic, So I ticked yes. 0:08:02.840 --> 0:08:05.960 It wiped all of his points. It wasn't a random upgrade. 0:08:06.360 --> 0:08:09.480 Ben paid every point he's ever got. He logged onto 0:08:09.560 --> 0:08:11.520 his thing and he's like, I have no fucking points 0:08:11.520 --> 0:08:13.720 slept and I was like, oh my god. He's like, 0:08:13.880 --> 0:08:15.200 what did you do? I was like, I think I 0:08:15.360 --> 0:08:17.680 pressed the automatic up upgrade. 0:08:17.720 --> 0:08:25.520 But that is not funny. That is terrible. That is 0:08:25.520 --> 0:08:28.160 you're a fucking bad girlfriend. You are a bad girlfriend. 0:08:28.200 --> 0:08:28.480 I know. 0:08:28.680 --> 0:08:31.080 He actually he knew that there's no way I would 0:08:31.080 --> 0:08:32.760 ever do that, And I was like, I thought it 0:08:32.880 --> 0:08:35.160 meant that they'd be like, oh man, we saw that 0:08:35.200 --> 0:08:37.160 you would like to bid for an upgrade or whatever. 0:08:37.520 --> 0:08:39.719 I thought they would ask you, like approach you. 0:08:40.040 --> 0:08:42.160 But they literally just said, man, you've been upgrade, and 0:08:42.160 --> 0:08:43.560 I was like, fucking brilliant. 0:08:43.600 --> 0:08:46.840 The plane God's helped me anyway, Lucky Ben saw the 0:08:46.840 --> 0:08:47.600 funny side. 0:08:47.760 --> 0:08:50.120 I would also like to this can be that everyone's 0:08:50.160 --> 0:08:54.960 like wonderful reminder that the mythical, magical automatic upgrade that 0:08:55.000 --> 0:08:57.439 people sometimes talk about doesn't have it. 0:08:57.440 --> 0:08:58.120 It's not real. 0:08:58.240 --> 0:09:00.480 Anyway, that was my It was the funny thing happened. 0:09:00.480 --> 0:09:02.440 And Ben still loves me. So I'm here for another 0:09:02.440 --> 0:09:02.960 shoe weeks. 0:09:03.440 --> 0:09:06.400 Okay, well we just so you guys know, we have 0:09:06.520 --> 0:09:08.400 this episode and then we're taking a week off because 0:09:08.400 --> 0:09:10.800 I'm heading away to Bali on the weekend for some work. 0:09:10.880 --> 0:09:13.040 I've got some Tony May work happening over there. I'm 0:09:13.080 --> 0:09:15.280 going with my sister, I'm going with one of my 0:09:15.360 --> 0:09:19.000 staff from Tony May and no kids for an entire 0:09:19.160 --> 0:09:22.160 week and no Matt as well, which I was really excited, 0:09:22.160 --> 0:09:24.240 and then yesterday I got really sad. So I don't 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:26.640 know how I feel about it anymore. It's an emotional rollercoaster. 0:09:27.000 --> 0:09:29.720 Is this the longest you've been away from the kids, Like, 0:09:29.800 --> 0:09:30.280 will this be? 0:09:30.520 --> 0:09:30.720 Yeah? 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:33.240 Seven days? This will be the longest I've been away 0:09:33.280 --> 0:09:35.800 with Matt and the kids. We've been away before, you 0:09:35.840 --> 0:09:38.280 and I and Keisha. We went to Ularu earlier this year. 0:09:38.320 --> 0:09:41.320 That was for three or four nights. That was the longest, 0:09:41.400 --> 0:09:43.480 and now this will be the longest stint that I've done. 0:09:43.559 --> 0:09:45.679 And also it's the only international stint that I've ever 0:09:45.679 --> 0:09:46.440 done without the kids. 0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:48.200 I mean, I don't know because I don't have kids, 0:09:48.240 --> 0:09:50.160 but I feel like you're going to miss them the most, 0:09:50.440 --> 0:09:52.120 like the first few days, and then I think you're 0:09:52.120 --> 0:09:53.240 going to ease in just fine. 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:55.360 I think I think you're going to be cocktail in hand. 0:09:55.400 --> 0:09:56.800 Can I tell you where I'm not going to miss 0:09:56.840 --> 0:09:59.480 them on the flight when I get to sleep for 0:09:59.520 --> 0:10:02.360 an entire five hours all by myself in economy. Oh, 0:10:02.760 --> 0:10:04.600 I mean, this is cute. Matt we were talking about 0:10:04.640 --> 0:10:05.920 last night and he was like, why don't you just 0:10:05.960 --> 0:10:08.679 pack some kids books? Like, pack like four or five 0:10:08.760 --> 0:10:11.480 kids books in your suitcase and so then at night 0:10:11.559 --> 0:10:13.840 time on FaceTime you can read the girls to sleep. 0:10:13.960 --> 0:10:14.480 So that's what we do. 0:10:14.480 --> 0:10:16.439 I'm I'm gonna take books with me and then I 0:10:16.480 --> 0:10:18.560 can sit there on FaceTime and I can read their 0:10:18.600 --> 0:10:20.960 bedtime stories to them every night and we can FaceTime 0:10:20.960 --> 0:10:23.160 and spend you know, at least like even though I'm 0:10:23.160 --> 0:10:24.880 not going to see them for the next seven days, 0:10:24.960 --> 0:10:26.480 I can spend that little bit of time and that 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:27.720 can be the little tradition. 0:10:28.000 --> 0:10:30.680 I don't know. We're doing our best. We're surviving over here. 0:10:30.720 --> 0:10:32.600 I think that's cute, but also I feel like you're 0:10:32.640 --> 0:10:33.840 going to be like bad reception. 0:10:34.000 --> 0:10:39.319 But really it is that like Fins beach hop Spot 0:10:39.400 --> 0:10:42.760 goes swim in the pool Fins to Finn. 0:10:43.960 --> 0:10:46.439 Okay, well, guys, we wanted to before we get into 0:10:46.520 --> 0:10:48.520 answering all you're deep, you're dark, and you're burning questions. 0:10:48.880 --> 0:10:51.840 We have some really exciting stuff to tell you about 0:10:51.840 --> 0:10:53.920 the live shows. So we I mean, for quite a 0:10:53.960 --> 0:10:55.760 while now we've had some of our guests locked in, 0:10:56.000 --> 0:10:59.680 but we've just started announcing them and what we're doing 0:10:59.679 --> 0:11:02.000 with these live shows. If you haven't got your tickets yet, 0:11:02.000 --> 0:11:04.240 they're going to be phenomenal. I know that we've already 0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:06.520 told you that Sam Fisher is going to be playing 0:11:06.559 --> 0:11:09.480 and singing at every single show. That's like one consistent 0:11:09.520 --> 0:11:11.280 thing that's happening at each show. For those of you 0:11:11.360 --> 0:11:14.439 who don't know who he is. This is Sam Fisher's song. 0:11:14.360 --> 0:11:18.840 Set's Gonna bring My said, He's gone to love me, 0:11:19.120 --> 0:11:24.120 live me alone, said, has got me jaes such, it's 0:11:24.160 --> 0:11:27.800 been a couple of months as if I come home, am. 0:11:27.679 --> 0:11:29.640 I getting said. 0:11:31.480 --> 0:11:38.439 Where Rabben said is gonna break my Jis's gonna break go. 0:11:41.480 --> 0:11:43.679 But then we've also just announced. 0:11:43.760 --> 0:11:45.880 So if you live in the Gold Coast and you 0:11:45.960 --> 0:11:49.040 have been thinking, should I go to the Gold Coast Show? 0:11:49.360 --> 0:11:51.679 Maybe I'm busy on the Wednesday night. I think it's 0:11:51.679 --> 0:11:54.240 the Wednesday, the twenty fifth of October, have a look. 0:11:54.400 --> 0:11:56.880 Go get your tickets because the people that are joining 0:11:56.960 --> 0:11:59.280 us on stage there we have Eliti Pullin, which so 0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:01.480 many of you guys know she is from the Darling 0:12:01.520 --> 0:12:05.560 Shine podcast. She's also written the book Heartstrong. So Eldi 0:12:05.679 --> 0:12:08.240 is the partner of Chumpy Pullen, who passed away tragically 0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:11.480 in twenty twenty and she has her beautiful little girl Mini. 0:12:11.600 --> 0:12:13.240 They had this baby together, but. 0:12:13.280 --> 0:12:16.720 His sperm was actually collected after he passed away. We 0:12:16.800 --> 0:12:19.199 have had a Elity on the podcast before. She's incredible 0:12:19.240 --> 0:12:22.920 and the story is amazing, but also just her as 0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:27.240 an incredibly resilient human in her normalizing grief in her 0:12:27.320 --> 0:12:30.400 talking about her life as a single mum and how 0:12:30.440 --> 0:12:34.520 her life has changed since having Minnie. She lives just 0:12:34.600 --> 0:12:36.800 truly the fullest and most incredible life, and I know 0:12:36.880 --> 0:12:40.160 you guys are going to love hearing the updates from 0:12:40.200 --> 0:12:42.080 what we have spoken about on the podcast to where 0:12:42.080 --> 0:12:43.480 her life is now at that live show. 0:12:43.679 --> 0:12:45.240 Yeah, Eliti is truly amazing. 0:12:45.320 --> 0:12:47.280 And I think the thing I love about Eldi the 0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:52.559 most is I've never quite seen somebody speak about grief 0:12:52.720 --> 0:12:56.520 so well and such a traumatic event, but then simultaneously 0:12:57.080 --> 0:12:59.600 be so full of energy and so positive and so 0:12:59.640 --> 0:13:02.280 happy and so fucking funny. Like she really has this 0:13:02.440 --> 0:13:05.960 incredible balancing act of being able to speak about something 0:13:06.000 --> 0:13:08.040 that not many people go through but making you laugh 0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:10.240 at the same time. She's got just such a great 0:13:10.440 --> 0:13:12.520 outlook on life and such a great sense of humor 0:13:12.600 --> 0:13:15.160 that she really is the epitome of both. 0:13:15.320 --> 0:13:17.120 Well, it's almost that idea of like a lot of 0:13:17.160 --> 0:13:20.319 people deal with hardship through laughter on one side. I 0:13:20.480 --> 0:13:22.360 remember her talking about this. On one side, She's like, 0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:25.120 we can be completely in tears and bereft over everything 0:13:25.120 --> 0:13:27.960 that happened, and then the next minute making jokes because 0:13:28.320 --> 0:13:29.800 it's one of those you know, if you don't laugh, 0:13:29.920 --> 0:13:31.960 you'll cry for the rest of your life situations. 0:13:32.280 --> 0:13:34.199 Also joining us at the Gold Coast Show. 0:13:34.360 --> 0:13:37.880 Another announcement which we made is the incredible m Carey, 0:13:38.000 --> 0:13:40.160 who is the girl who fell from the sky. So 0:13:40.280 --> 0:13:43.400 Em joined us in Sydney last year. She was one 0:13:43.440 --> 0:13:46.000 of the absolute highlights of the Sydney Show. It was 0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:48.240 incredible to speak to her. We've had her also on 0:13:48.320 --> 0:13:51.200 the podcast before, but what we spoke about at the 0:13:51.200 --> 0:13:53.800 live show in Sydney was a very different conversation and 0:13:53.840 --> 0:13:56.600 it was more so around her life since the last 0:13:56.600 --> 0:13:59.240 time we spoke. And so even if you have followed 0:13:59.240 --> 0:14:02.040 along EM's Ernie, and even if you have listened to 0:14:02.240 --> 0:14:05.120 the podcast episodes, we can guarantee that you will get 0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:07.720 something very very different out of these conversations. And so 0:14:08.040 --> 0:14:10.360 they're the guests that are coming to the Gold Coast 0:14:10.360 --> 0:14:12.800 Live Show. Now, like you guys know, we have six 0:14:12.920 --> 0:14:15.160 other shows within Australia and then we also have New 0:14:15.280 --> 0:14:18.120 Zealand as well, so every single show is gonna have 0:14:18.160 --> 0:14:20.200 different guests. But we just wanted to give you a 0:14:20.200 --> 0:14:22.720 little taste of how fucking good it's gonna be. 0:14:23.000 --> 0:14:25.800 We do have different guests every single place. We have 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:28.640 one to two guests, probably two at almost every single one, 0:14:28.760 --> 0:14:30.840 but finding people at different shows that are there in 0:14:30.880 --> 0:14:32.520 different cities were so much fun. 0:14:32.960 --> 0:14:34.440 We have a very big. 0:14:34.240 --> 0:14:37.720 Guest that happened to last minute be Free in Sydney, 0:14:37.920 --> 0:14:40.200 and that is Rebel Wilson. So you know that Rebel 0:14:40.280 --> 0:14:42.600 is a friend of the podcast, she's a friend of mine, 0:14:42.600 --> 0:14:44.400 She's been on the podcast a few times, and she 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:47.920 just so happens to be in Sydney filming over that period. 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:50.320 So she has agreed to come on as a very 0:14:50.440 --> 0:14:52.840 very special guest in the Sydney show. So that's also 0:14:52.880 --> 0:14:55.040 going to be incredible. We're gonna speak to Rebel about 0:14:55.040 --> 0:14:57.240 a lot of stuff in her life that we didn't 0:14:57.240 --> 0:14:59.320 speak about on the episodes because I feel like her 0:14:59.360 --> 0:15:02.160 life is all so ever evolving. So I'm really really 0:15:02.200 --> 0:15:04.320 looking forward to that chat as well. And over the 0:15:04.360 --> 0:15:06.760 next week or so, we are going to be dropping 0:15:06.760 --> 0:15:07.640 a few more guests. 0:15:07.920 --> 0:15:10.000 Yeah, and also, like we know, we've talked about this 0:15:10.040 --> 0:15:11.880 so much, but the live shows are going to be 0:15:11.920 --> 0:15:15.040 such an extravagance. We don't want anyone to leave these 0:15:15.080 --> 0:15:18.960 shows unless they're like that was phenomenal. That's the benchmark. 0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:21.280 So you know we've said a high we are going 0:15:21.320 --> 0:15:23.800 to try our absolute best. We have some really really 0:15:23.800 --> 0:15:26.400 funny stories that we haven't told on the podcast before, 0:15:26.680 --> 0:15:27.920 and we have everyone coming. 0:15:28.000 --> 0:15:29.440 Kisha's going to be there, Mitch's going to. 0:15:29.480 --> 0:15:31.160 Be there, Maddie Jay is going to be there for 0:15:31.240 --> 0:15:33.680 most of them when we can get babysitters for the kids. 0:15:34.040 --> 0:15:37.840 So like, it's truly such an all team and amazing 0:15:37.840 --> 0:15:39.040 thing that we get to do where we get to 0:15:39.080 --> 0:15:41.600 come to your hometowns. If you're in Sydney, just so 0:15:41.680 --> 0:15:43.560 you know, the Sydney one is happening at the State 0:15:43.600 --> 0:15:46.840 Theater on October the fifteenth, but we're also going to Adelaide, 0:15:46.840 --> 0:15:49.240 We're going to Perth, We're going to Melbourne. We're going 0:15:49.240 --> 0:15:52.000 to be in Auckland and Canberra and Brisbane. So it 0:15:52.120 --> 0:15:55.000 is truly all across Australia throughout the month of October. 0:15:55.120 --> 0:15:57.960 Go get your tickets, get your girlfriends, get your boyfriends. Yeah, 0:15:58.040 --> 0:16:00.240 get everyone, Get your mum, get your dad. 0:16:00.280 --> 0:16:02.440 If you think that that might be, oh my god, 0:16:02.560 --> 0:16:03.160 my mum and. 0:16:03.120 --> 0:16:05.520 Dad are coming and my uncles and arnies and stuff. 0:16:05.520 --> 0:16:08.040 And I'm mortified because some shit that. 0:16:07.960 --> 0:16:10.600 We're gonna be talking about that they may or may 0:16:10.640 --> 0:16:12.880 not want to hear. But my dad is like, my 0:16:12.960 --> 0:16:14.200 dad is my our biggest fan. 0:16:14.640 --> 0:16:18.080 From the day we started is four years ago in 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:21.440 our undies in our room, you had Marley May strapped 0:16:21.440 --> 0:16:22.880 to your titty like we were recording. 0:16:23.200 --> 0:16:24.360 I was recording in my scrub. 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:27.360 Still he has not ever missed an episode, so he 0:16:27.360 --> 0:16:28.520 hears it all anyway, But this. 0:16:28.440 --> 0:16:31.640 Will be the first time that they'll be there, like NRL. 0:16:31.800 --> 0:16:33.840 Watching this go down. I don't know how I feel 0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:34.240 about it. 0:16:34.400 --> 0:16:36.560 I also love that like the difference between your dad, 0:16:36.640 --> 0:16:40.160 Papatoni and Terry burn Terry Brn thinks it's called a 0:16:40.240 --> 0:16:42.960 pod book and he doesn't know what a pod book is, 0:16:45.080 --> 0:16:47.040 and we are going to keep it that way because 0:16:47.120 --> 0:16:48.840 Terry Brn never needs to know the things that his 0:16:48.920 --> 0:16:50.240 daughter talks about on this podnost No. 0:16:50.240 --> 0:16:51.360 Terry Burrn absolutely does not. 0:16:51.640 --> 0:16:53.880 But also just so you guys know, we don't want 0:16:53.920 --> 0:16:56.400 you to think that these hot shows are completely interviews 0:16:56.480 --> 0:17:00.080 with guests. Whilst we have guests at each show, they 0:17:00.160 --> 0:17:02.440 make up the second half and the interview portion. 0:17:02.520 --> 0:17:04.399 We're trying to keep it very much in line with 0:17:04.560 --> 0:17:05.560 how we bring. 0:17:05.400 --> 0:17:07.840 You our episodes, which is Laura and I at the start, 0:17:07.960 --> 0:17:11.480 which is the accidentally unfiltered, it's the embarrassing stories, the 0:17:11.520 --> 0:17:14.119 shit we do, the girl talk like you're just talking 0:17:14.119 --> 0:17:16.600 to your friends. That's all going to be exactly the same. 0:17:16.680 --> 0:17:18.399 It's just a lot of fun at the start, a 0:17:18.400 --> 0:17:21.119 lot of throwing each other and ourselves under the bus. 0:17:21.400 --> 0:17:23.320 And then the second half is where we really get 0:17:23.359 --> 0:17:26.840 into the interviews and the guest part and hopefully teaching 0:17:26.880 --> 0:17:29.879 you something from each person that comes to talk to 0:17:29.960 --> 0:17:30.880 us on the stage. 0:17:30.920 --> 0:17:32.600 So we're really really looking forward to it. 0:17:32.760 --> 0:17:35.200 If you haven't got your tickets to live shows, they 0:17:35.359 --> 0:17:37.480 are available on our website, but it's all through that 0:17:37.520 --> 0:17:40.399 ticketech and ticketmaster. So if you go to life on 0:17:40.520 --> 0:17:43.800 cuppodcast dot com dot au, there's a link on the 0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:45.879 homepage for tickets and it will take you through to 0:17:45.960 --> 0:17:48.720 whichever ticket retailer is kind of taking care. 0:17:48.600 --> 0:17:49.560 Of your city. 0:17:49.840 --> 0:17:51.960 All right, before we get into your questions, it is 0:17:52.000 --> 0:17:54.400 time for vibe and unsubscribe. 0:17:54.720 --> 0:17:56.840 Brittany Hocky, what is your vibe of the week. 0:17:57.119 --> 0:18:00.560 My vibe this week may or may not be because 0:18:00.600 --> 0:18:03.400 it's been number one on the podcast charts in Australia 0:18:03.480 --> 0:18:06.720 and the UK, probably America to for quite a while. 0:18:06.720 --> 0:18:08.680 And it's the trial of Lucy Letbie. 0:18:09.040 --> 0:18:12.040 Now, I'm sure if you haven't listened to the podcast, 0:18:12.160 --> 0:18:14.800 you've heard about this at the moment, because it's happening live. 0:18:14.880 --> 0:18:17.359 She's just been convicted. It's about Lucy let Be, this 0:18:17.480 --> 0:18:20.960 thirty three year old nurse that was just found guilty 0:18:21.119 --> 0:18:25.320 of murdering seven babies in the neonatal care unit over 0:18:25.440 --> 0:18:25.920 in the UK. 0:18:26.400 --> 0:18:29.040 Absolutely horrific. I hadn't I mean. 0:18:28.920 --> 0:18:31.040 Obviously I've heard about the story, but I didn't know 0:18:31.040 --> 0:18:32.920 that there was a podcast about it. 0:18:33.160 --> 0:18:35.320 Yeah, you know, I love true crime, but this isn't 0:18:35.320 --> 0:18:37.040 why I was enthralled in this. 0:18:37.200 --> 0:18:39.480 I was enthralled because it started back. 0:18:39.359 --> 0:18:41.480 In twenty twenty two, I believe, and. 0:18:41.480 --> 0:18:42.200 It was live. 0:18:42.359 --> 0:18:45.119 Not many podcasts are allowed to report at the same 0:18:45.160 --> 0:18:48.320 time as the trial is happening, but this one was. 0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:51.040 And we know the reasons. In the past it hasn't happened. 0:18:51.080 --> 0:18:53.760 I think it happened here with the teacher's pet. When 0:18:53.960 --> 0:18:58.240 journalists are reporting simultaneously, it can interrupt the trial. But 0:18:58.440 --> 0:19:01.359 this was reported on every single week as the trial 0:19:01.400 --> 0:19:03.719 was going these journalists were going into the trial, watching 0:19:03.760 --> 0:19:05.280 it and reporting on them and interviewing a lot of 0:19:05.320 --> 0:19:08.840 different people along the way. I was just truly fascinated 0:19:08.880 --> 0:19:09.680 by this case. 0:19:09.480 --> 0:19:12.360 Because I just never in a million years would you. 0:19:12.359 --> 0:19:17.879 Think that somebody that went and studied to specifically care 0:19:18.000 --> 0:19:21.119 for these babies and give them the best possible actum 0:19:21.160 --> 0:19:24.199 of life would end up being one of the UK's 0:19:24.200 --> 0:19:25.720 biggest serial killers because she. 0:19:25.760 --> 0:19:26.800 Was murdering them. 0:19:27.200 --> 0:19:30.439 I binged it sixty two episodes and I think I 0:19:30.520 --> 0:19:32.040 listened to it in about four days. 0:19:32.080 --> 0:19:33.160 I couldn't put. 0:19:32.920 --> 0:19:36.200 It down because I couldn't understand why. 0:19:36.240 --> 0:19:38.160 And they read a lot of text messages out between 0:19:38.160 --> 0:19:42.080 her and other staff members. They have people impersonating her 0:19:42.200 --> 0:19:44.639 and other staff members, so like reading out in her voice. 0:19:44.880 --> 0:19:47.440 It's fucking horrific. And she has gone to prison, she's 0:19:47.480 --> 0:19:49.680 been convicted, and I mean, so she should she should 0:19:49.760 --> 0:19:54.000 rot in there. But it's my recommendation. I don't have kids, 0:19:54.080 --> 0:19:56.760 so I don't know how it will affect mothers to 0:19:56.840 --> 0:19:59.080 listen that. The people that have kids might not want 0:19:59.080 --> 0:20:00.840 to listen to that. But I also worked at a 0:20:00.840 --> 0:20:03.359 specialist pediatric hospital in the UK, so I knew a 0:20:03.359 --> 0:20:05.000 lot of the things that were talking about. I knew 0:20:05.000 --> 0:20:08.520 the hospitals they're referring to, So for me, maybe I 0:20:08.520 --> 0:20:11.200 hadn't added interest in it because of that. I'm not sure, 0:20:11.240 --> 0:20:13.560 but it's my vibe for this week. 0:20:13.640 --> 0:20:15.800 I think like one of the things that was so 0:20:16.760 --> 0:20:19.320 almost lack, I mean, it's so unbelievable about that story. 0:20:19.480 --> 0:20:21.960 Usually think about serial killers and you think about them 0:20:22.080 --> 0:20:26.639 that their reason for doing something is because they lack feeling, 0:20:26.880 --> 0:20:29.879 And then you think about this woman and the reason 0:20:29.920 --> 0:20:31.960 why or one of the motivating factors as to why 0:20:32.000 --> 0:20:36.879 she was doing this like horrendous, incomprehensible thing was because 0:20:37.200 --> 0:20:40.000 she wanted the validation and for people to feel sorry 0:20:40.040 --> 0:20:42.800 for her and to give her sympathy or to be 0:20:42.840 --> 0:20:43.280 a hero. 0:20:43.520 --> 0:20:45.119 Almost it's so sick. 0:20:45.160 --> 0:20:48.200 And the psychological part of it and the psychological motivation 0:20:48.359 --> 0:20:50.919 to what she did, I think is very interesting. Interesting 0:20:50.960 --> 0:20:53.040 is probably not the right word, but it is. It's like, 0:20:53.320 --> 0:20:56.320 how does someone ever get to that point? Like what 0:20:56.440 --> 0:20:58.520 is going on in that person's brain? And it's just 0:20:58.800 --> 0:20:59.720 absolutely frightening. 0:21:00.160 --> 0:21:02.359 So just hearing how she hin, like the things that 0:21:02.440 --> 0:21:06.679 she did later on, like she would write a letter 0:21:06.880 --> 0:21:09.560 to a family, like she would she had murdered their child, 0:21:10.119 --> 0:21:12.119 and then a year later she'd written like a letter 0:21:12.160 --> 0:21:14.679 to them and written cards to them, and she would 0:21:14.760 --> 0:21:17.920 sporadically search their names and news articles. 0:21:17.520 --> 0:21:19.440 Like Proper Proper Sick. 0:21:19.520 --> 0:21:22.280 She would keep mementos almost from this kids' time in 0:21:22.320 --> 0:21:23.600 the family's time in hospital. 0:21:23.640 --> 0:21:24.639 And it's crazy. 0:21:24.720 --> 0:21:27.000 But if she was eventually found out and brought to 0:21:27.160 --> 0:21:28.600 justice and anyway, we. 0:21:28.520 --> 0:21:30.040 Don't need to talk about it anymore. But it's a 0:21:30.040 --> 0:21:30.440 big one. 0:21:30.440 --> 0:21:31.120 It's a hard one. 0:21:31.119 --> 0:21:33.000 But if you are looking for another podcast, as I said, 0:21:33.000 --> 0:21:36.560 the sixty episodes, so you really do get stuck in there, 0:21:36.680 --> 0:21:37.000 all right. 0:21:37.119 --> 0:21:41.119 My recommendation for the week is by Jesse Stevens. It 0:21:41.200 --> 0:21:43.160 is the new book that she's written. It's just come out. 0:21:43.200 --> 0:21:45.120 You guys know who Jesse Stevens is. We've had her 0:21:45.119 --> 0:21:48.800 on the podcast before. She is part of Mamma Mia 0:21:48.840 --> 0:21:51.400 out Loud. She's like one third of Mamma mea Out Loud. 0:21:51.600 --> 0:21:53.720 But she also did an interview with us not so 0:21:53.760 --> 0:21:57.399 long ago around Vaginismus, which was so interesting. But Jesse, 0:21:57.680 --> 0:21:59.679 she wrote a new book. It's called something Bad as 0:21:59.720 --> 0:22:04.520 Going On Happen Now. We recommended years ago Heartsick, which 0:22:04.560 --> 0:22:07.080 was Jesse's first book. It was phenomenal. It was all 0:22:07.119 --> 0:22:10.440 around the universal feeling of pain that we go through 0:22:10.440 --> 0:22:14.560 when we go through heartbreak, and how heartbreak is essentially 0:22:14.560 --> 0:22:16.919 the same for everyone, but how when you experience it 0:22:16.920 --> 0:22:19.720 it is so unique for yourself. You often think nobody 0:22:19.720 --> 0:22:22.400 else has ever been this heartbroke, and nobody else could 0:22:22.400 --> 0:22:25.600 possibly have felt this much pain, because it seems insurmountable 0:22:25.600 --> 0:22:26.359 when you're going through it. 0:22:26.760 --> 0:22:28.359 I adored her first book. 0:22:28.440 --> 0:22:30.600 It was so well written, and I think that there 0:22:30.600 --> 0:22:33.320 were so many parts about it that even you and I, Britt, 0:22:33.359 --> 0:22:36.560 when we were reading it and comparing our kind of 0:22:36.560 --> 0:22:39.480 war stories around heartbreak, there were so many bits in 0:22:39.520 --> 0:22:41.840 that that we found so relatable. 0:22:41.920 --> 0:22:42.920 She's a brilliant writer. 0:22:43.119 --> 0:22:45.280 It's like speaking to your own experience, but from a 0:22:45.320 --> 0:22:45.959 third lens. 0:22:46.200 --> 0:22:46.680 This book. 0:22:46.720 --> 0:22:49.000 I have only just started it, so I'm recommending something 0:22:49.040 --> 0:22:51.160 that was recommended to me that I'm only a couple 0:22:51.160 --> 0:22:53.320 of chapters into. But I love the way that Jesse 0:22:53.400 --> 0:22:56.120 Stevens writes, And just to give you an overview of 0:22:56.320 --> 0:22:58.560 what the book is about. So Adela is the main character. 0:22:58.920 --> 0:23:02.080 She's in her late twenty and the book starts with 0:23:02.160 --> 0:23:06.600 her in a psychiatric hospital, and it touches on conversations 0:23:06.640 --> 0:23:10.320 around depression, it touches on conversations around anxiety, and kind 0:23:10.320 --> 0:23:13.560 of this not coming of age, because obviously not everybody 0:23:13.640 --> 0:23:17.280 experiences these things, but this idea that maybe your life 0:23:18.040 --> 0:23:20.600 isn't where or what you expected it to be. And 0:23:20.640 --> 0:23:22.439 I think the thing that's really interesting about this is 0:23:22.440 --> 0:23:24.840 that it starts when the book actually starts, it is 0:23:24.880 --> 0:23:26.320 a new year, so it's just come off the back 0:23:26.359 --> 0:23:29.200 of New Years. And we've spoken about this like milestone 0:23:29.200 --> 0:23:31.960 anxiety a lot on the podcast before this feeling that 0:23:32.359 --> 0:23:34.920 especially when you kind of come through a new year, 0:23:35.080 --> 0:23:38.240 it marks for a lot of people at benchmark as 0:23:38.240 --> 0:23:40.800 to whether you've leveled up in life against the things 0:23:40.800 --> 0:23:43.760 that you've set for yourself in the previous year, whether 0:23:43.760 --> 0:23:46.919 you made those New Year's resolutions, or whether you have 0:23:47.040 --> 0:23:51.280 succeeded in whatever the arbitrary benchmark was that you placed 0:23:51.280 --> 0:23:53.880 for yourself. And I just like I said, I love 0:23:53.960 --> 0:23:58.400 the way that Jesse writes, and I am two chapters in. 0:23:58.840 --> 0:24:01.199 It's brilliant. So far, it's very early days to give 0:24:01.240 --> 0:24:04.080 a recommendation. This is an early reco I am going 0:24:04.119 --> 0:24:05.800 to finish the book while I'm away in Balley, and 0:24:05.840 --> 0:24:07.280 then I will come back and tell you guys exactly 0:24:07.320 --> 0:24:07.840 what I think of it. 0:24:08.080 --> 0:24:10.000 Whilst it's an early reco I think you can probably 0:24:10.040 --> 0:24:12.639 pretty safely say, you know, the rest of it's going 0:24:12.680 --> 0:24:15.080 to be great because she's just a banger, yeah okay, 0:24:15.080 --> 0:24:17.760 and produce a Keisha she has to come and jump into. 0:24:17.800 --> 0:24:19.080 I'm literally sitting it just you know. 0:24:19.080 --> 0:24:22.080 I'm sitting in producing Gisha's bedroom because I couldn't record 0:24:22.119 --> 0:24:24.080 from home this morning because the kids were absolutely feral. 0:24:24.240 --> 0:24:25.920 I'm sitting on her little desk and I have a 0:24:25.960 --> 0:24:27.680 pillow stuffed against the walls. 0:24:27.520 --> 0:24:29.120 With socks on our microphone. 0:24:29.160 --> 0:24:31.520 We've got socks back on the microphone and a coven 0:24:31.560 --> 0:24:32.000 in dog Hare. 0:24:33.720 --> 0:24:34.040 Okay. 0:24:34.040 --> 0:24:37.720 My recommendation for this week is actually a podcast that's 0:24:37.720 --> 0:24:40.560 done by Adore Beauty and for transparency, I had a 0:24:40.560 --> 0:24:43.439 little bit to do with the editing of one season 0:24:43.480 --> 0:24:45.520 of this, but I'm actually going to recommend the other 0:24:45.600 --> 0:24:48.760 season that I didn't have anything to do with. It's 0:24:48.800 --> 0:24:52.560 called Skincare School and it's done by doctor Michelle Wong, 0:24:52.680 --> 0:24:54.800 who you might not on Instagram as lab Muff and 0:24:54.840 --> 0:24:57.120 Beauty science. She is a cosmetic chemist. We often talk 0:24:57.119 --> 0:24:59.679 about skincare, what we're using and what's working for us. 0:25:00.040 --> 0:25:02.400 You guys are on the skin suticals train. Yeah, so good, 0:25:02.480 --> 0:25:06.840 which I'm very jealous of. So this podcast isn't necessarily 0:25:06.840 --> 0:25:10.919 about like a particular product. It's more about, I guess 0:25:11.000 --> 0:25:14.040 you would say, the science behind how different skin care 0:25:14.119 --> 0:25:17.680 things work. And they've got episodes on like what vitamin 0:25:17.720 --> 0:25:20.840 A is or retinol and how it actually works. They 0:25:20.840 --> 0:25:24.399 go through things like hyperpigmentation, sundamage, malasma like there's all 0:25:24.440 --> 0:25:26.919 these different episodes, So I guess you can pick and 0:25:27.000 --> 0:25:30.480 choose for whichever thing you are concerned about at the time, 0:25:30.600 --> 0:25:31.760 or maybe you just want to learn. 0:25:31.640 --> 0:25:32.600 A little bit more about. 0:25:32.800 --> 0:25:35.520 I was speaking about this with a friend throughout the week, 0:25:35.600 --> 0:25:37.399 and that's kind of why it was top of mind 0:25:37.440 --> 0:25:40.359 for me, because we were talking about the order that 0:25:40.400 --> 0:25:42.600 you can use products in and how you can or 0:25:42.640 --> 0:25:45.159 cannot use certain things at the same time because they 0:25:45.200 --> 0:25:46.520 can interact with each other. 0:25:46.680 --> 0:25:47.760 And another thing that I really. 0:25:47.680 --> 0:25:50.840 Loved that I learned from this podcast was what to 0:25:50.920 --> 0:25:53.160 spend money on and what I was able to kind 0:25:53.160 --> 0:25:56.000 of save money on with my skincare, so they do 0:25:56.080 --> 0:25:59.560 have product recommendations, but it's also about like the type 0:25:59.600 --> 0:26:03.760 of product, why certain actives like degrade over time, why 0:26:03.840 --> 0:26:06.600 you'll have them in certain colored glass bottles and you 0:26:06.640 --> 0:26:08.320 need to store them in a cupboard to make them 0:26:08.400 --> 0:26:10.320 last longer. And I am a bit of like a 0:26:10.359 --> 0:26:13.920 science geek, but I really loved this. And I also 0:26:13.960 --> 0:26:17.080 think that if you're investing money that you work really 0:26:17.119 --> 0:26:20.000 hard for in skin care, you might as well know 0:26:20.080 --> 0:26:22.720 how it works, why it works, and how you're best 0:26:22.760 --> 0:26:25.800 going to spend that money. Skincare school, you can get 0:26:25.840 --> 0:26:28.359 it wherever you listen to your podcast. That's my recommendation 0:26:28.520 --> 0:26:29.120 for the week. 0:26:29.200 --> 0:26:31.800 And your skin is great too, So do what Kisha says. 0:26:31.800 --> 0:26:35.360 Thank you. I mean, I was on romakazine for nine 0:26:35.359 --> 0:26:38.120 months last year, so I've been through a skincare journey. 0:26:38.160 --> 0:26:39.960 But now it's looking fresh. Well. 0:26:39.960 --> 0:26:40.479 I love that. 0:26:40.560 --> 0:26:44.879 Well, let's get into the questions. 0:26:44.240 --> 0:26:45.160 Question number one. 0:26:45.320 --> 0:26:47.520 I've been in a relationship and living with my partner 0:26:47.560 --> 0:26:49.560 for three point five years now three and a half. 0:26:49.840 --> 0:26:53.000 He's so fun, loving, generous, accepting of me, and so 0:26:53.040 --> 0:26:56.320 affectionate with words and affirmation. There is so much that 0:26:56.359 --> 0:26:59.920 I love about our relationship. However, when it comes to 0:27:00.240 --> 0:27:03.480 having any sort of deeper conversation, he consistently shuts down, 0:27:03.880 --> 0:27:07.200 no matter the topic, whether this be about our relationship 0:27:07.320 --> 0:27:10.040 or discussing a deeper topic of interest, for example, politics, 0:27:10.119 --> 0:27:15.320 unpacking childhoods, relationships with parents, misogyny, the patriarchy, racism, religion. 0:27:15.640 --> 0:27:17.760 He will always listen and is happy for me to 0:27:17.760 --> 0:27:20.280 say what's on my mind. However, he never knows how 0:27:20.320 --> 0:27:22.600 to respond or how to add to the conversation, other 0:27:22.640 --> 0:27:25.240 than to say nothing or to sometimes make a senseless, 0:27:25.240 --> 0:27:28.119 immature joke. I really struggle in these moments, as it 0:27:28.160 --> 0:27:31.000 makes me feel really alone, like I'm giving a lecture 0:27:31.040 --> 0:27:33.040 to someone or having a conversation with myself. 0:27:33.400 --> 0:27:34.240 I don't know what is. 0:27:34.200 --> 0:27:36.720 Normal or what is a normal amount of deeper conversation 0:27:36.800 --> 0:27:39.800 that most men typically engage in for how long or 0:27:39.840 --> 0:27:42.919 for how often? I am so easily able to have 0:27:43.000 --> 0:27:45.639 these types of conversations with all my female friends, and 0:27:45.680 --> 0:27:47.879 I'm at a bit of a loss what to do. Also, 0:27:47.920 --> 0:27:50.560 it's her first real relationship, and she says that she 0:27:50.760 --> 0:27:53.800 sees him as a potential life partner. However, I feel 0:27:53.800 --> 0:27:55.760 it is important to be able to communicate well and 0:27:55.800 --> 0:27:57.840 hold deeper conversations thoughts. 0:27:59.000 --> 0:28:01.040 I don't think you're gonna lie what I have to say. 0:28:01.160 --> 0:28:03.480 It is really important to be able to communicate with 0:28:03.560 --> 0:28:06.639 your partner and have conversations if that's what's important to you, 0:28:06.960 --> 0:28:09.359 and it is what's important to you. It sounds like 0:28:09.440 --> 0:28:14.760 the things that you're interested in, the patriarchy, misogyny, childhood's politics, 0:28:15.200 --> 0:28:17.320 they're not everyone's cup of tea, And it sounds like 0:28:17.359 --> 0:28:19.879 it's not your partner's cup of tea, which is totally fine. 0:28:19.960 --> 0:28:24.520 His interests obviously lie elsewhere. Does that mean it's the 0:28:24.600 --> 0:28:27.760 end of the relationship. Of course not not if you're 0:28:27.960 --> 0:28:30.720 happy to not be having these deep conversations. But I 0:28:30.720 --> 0:28:33.480 don't think you can force someone to have a conversation 0:28:33.560 --> 0:28:37.080 about something that they're genuinely not interested in. Also sounds 0:28:37.080 --> 0:28:39.080 like he's not being rude and he's listening. He just 0:28:39.200 --> 0:28:41.640 doesn't seem like he knows how to contribute on the 0:28:41.720 --> 0:28:45.760 level you are. Maybe it's just about interests, or maybe 0:28:45.800 --> 0:28:48.840 there's an intellectual difference there as well, which can definitely 0:28:48.840 --> 0:28:50.400 be a problem in some relationships. 0:28:50.800 --> 0:28:53.240 Yeah, I think it's a tricky one because, like I 0:28:53.320 --> 0:28:55.560 have two different feelings about this, like, would I be 0:28:55.600 --> 0:28:57.600 able to be in a relationship with someone who I 0:28:57.600 --> 0:29:00.760 felt like I couldn't connect with on a deeper level. No, 0:29:01.080 --> 0:29:03.280 I think it's really important to be able to find 0:29:03.360 --> 0:29:06.560 some topics that you can relate to on a deeper level. 0:29:06.800 --> 0:29:08.520 And now it's not to say that he doesn't have 0:29:08.720 --> 0:29:11.920 necessarily an interest in it at all, but it may 0:29:11.960 --> 0:29:14.520 be that he doesn't have the emotional IQ to be 0:29:14.600 --> 0:29:18.160 able to hold a deeper conversation. Maybe his parents never 0:29:18.200 --> 0:29:20.960 modeled that. Maybe they didn't have those types of conversations 0:29:21.000 --> 0:29:24.520 as far as he was ever privy to. Maybe they 0:29:24.560 --> 0:29:26.760 never had those types of conversations with him, And so 0:29:26.920 --> 0:29:31.320 like he maybe has gotten through life thinking that his 0:29:31.480 --> 0:29:35.360 surface level style of conversation is deep. And I think 0:29:35.400 --> 0:29:38.320 like I've dated men in the past where they would 0:29:38.360 --> 0:29:40.480 have thought that we had a deep connection, and in 0:29:40.520 --> 0:29:42.240 my mind, I was like, I feel like you don't 0:29:42.240 --> 0:29:44.360 even know me, Like I feel like I haven't even 0:29:44.560 --> 0:29:46.600 gotten to the crux of the things that I love 0:29:46.680 --> 0:29:49.200 or who I am as a person that yet you 0:29:49.480 --> 0:29:51.400 think that what we have is deep. And I think 0:29:51.440 --> 0:29:54.520 it's because other people have different levels of expectations when 0:29:54.520 --> 0:29:55.360 it comes to this stuff. 0:29:55.440 --> 0:29:55.600 Right. 0:29:56.120 --> 0:29:57.680 The only thing I want to say is, like, one, 0:29:58.360 --> 0:30:01.920 you need to decide how important it is to you 0:30:02.320 --> 0:30:04.479 to be able to have the types of conversations that 0:30:04.520 --> 0:30:08.120 you have with your girlfriends with him, because if you think, 0:30:08.400 --> 0:30:11.280 guess what, that's being satiated in another area. Like you know, 0:30:11.320 --> 0:30:13.640 because sometimes we can expect our partners to be everything, 0:30:13.640 --> 0:30:15.719 and we've spoken about this before on the podcast. We 0:30:15.760 --> 0:30:18.720 expect them to be able to have deep conversations, to 0:30:18.840 --> 0:30:21.520 treat us with beautiful affection, to love us, to you know, 0:30:21.640 --> 0:30:24.760 be that pillar of support, and also to provide some 0:30:24.800 --> 0:30:28.560 sort of spiritual relief along with everything else that a 0:30:28.600 --> 0:30:31.600 relationship does. But it's not possible for one person to 0:30:31.680 --> 0:30:35.000 give you everything. So I guess you can make that decision. Okay, Well, 0:30:35.000 --> 0:30:36.959 maybe that part of you is going to be satisfied 0:30:37.000 --> 0:30:39.320 by your friends, the people who you can have those 0:30:39.320 --> 0:30:42.360 conversations with. And he's great for all the other reasons 0:30:42.360 --> 0:30:44.560 that you love him and are in love with him, 0:30:45.080 --> 0:30:48.760 But I do think that for me, I would struggle 0:30:48.840 --> 0:30:51.600 not being able to have a relationship with someone where 0:30:51.840 --> 0:30:55.480 they weren't even trying to get down onto a deeper level. 0:30:55.520 --> 0:30:57.200 And when we say like topics like. 0:30:57.280 --> 0:31:01.000 Misogyny, the patriarchy, or whatever it is that you're talking about. 0:31:01.120 --> 0:31:03.160 She also had things in there, like her childhood, like 0:31:03.240 --> 0:31:06.880 talking about the past, and sometimes I think being able 0:31:06.880 --> 0:31:10.400 to open up and share the complexities around maybe you 0:31:10.480 --> 0:31:13.360 have a challenging childhood, maybe there's been trauma, maybe you've 0:31:13.400 --> 0:31:16.480 been through a bad breakup, whatever it is, those conversations 0:31:16.520 --> 0:31:18.200 that will allow you to actually get a little bit 0:31:18.240 --> 0:31:20.520 deeper with your partner and feel like you're connected with them, 0:31:20.840 --> 0:31:23.840 those vulnerabilities. It sounds like he struggles with getting vulnerable. Well, 0:31:24.080 --> 0:31:25.520 I think there are two different layers here. 0:31:25.520 --> 0:31:27.560 For me, it's one thing that he doesn't have the 0:31:27.560 --> 0:31:30.080 interests you have and doesn't want to discuss politics or 0:31:30.120 --> 0:31:32.920 religion or racism. But it's another thing if he also 0:31:33.080 --> 0:31:35.240 doesn't want to show an interest in you. 0:31:35.880 --> 0:31:37.200 They're two separate things. 0:31:37.600 --> 0:31:39.560 I feel like it's okay to show if he's show 0:31:39.560 --> 0:31:42.000 an an interest in you and your childhood and everything else, 0:31:42.040 --> 0:31:44.080 and you still feel like you're getting that from him, 0:31:44.440 --> 0:31:47.200 It's okay to have different interests outside of that, and 0:31:47.240 --> 0:31:50.560 maybe you're having these deeper, more intellectual conversations with friends 0:31:50.640 --> 0:31:52.880 or people that share the interests that you do. I 0:31:52.920 --> 0:31:56.160 wouldn't be breaking up with someone because I'm trying to 0:31:56.160 --> 0:31:58.160 have a political conversation and they don't want a part 0:31:58.160 --> 0:32:01.120 of it. But there has to be a meet halfway, 0:32:01.200 --> 0:32:03.520 like there has to because sometimes you do want to 0:32:03.560 --> 0:32:05.440 nut out something. It might be something that's happening in 0:32:05.440 --> 0:32:07.600 the news, some viral news at the moment. It might 0:32:07.640 --> 0:32:10.200 be Trump going to prison and being impeached. It might 0:32:10.240 --> 0:32:13.680 be whatever it is. You can have a conversation about 0:32:13.680 --> 0:32:15.360 that that's on a surface level. It doesn't have to 0:32:15.400 --> 0:32:17.680 be deep, but it's still going back and forth. 0:32:17.840 --> 0:32:19.840 Well yeah, and I think the other part of this is, 0:32:20.200 --> 0:32:22.520 I mean, this is the first big relationship that this 0:32:22.560 --> 0:32:25.840 person's ever had. There may come a point where you 0:32:25.880 --> 0:32:28.680 don't feel intellectually challenged in your relationship, where you don't 0:32:28.720 --> 0:32:32.640 feel like you are stimulated by it, because you know, 0:32:33.400 --> 0:32:36.200 for a lot of people, once the physical side is 0:32:36.240 --> 0:32:39.040 not as strong, maybe you know, maybe the honeymoon phases over. 0:32:39.040 --> 0:32:40.360 Whatever it is you've been together for three and a 0:32:40.360 --> 0:32:43.040 half years, but like that side of things can wane. 0:32:43.280 --> 0:32:45.960 What is left if you're not physically stimulated or if 0:32:45.960 --> 0:32:47.400 you don't have you know, I'm sure they have so 0:32:47.480 --> 0:32:49.480 much fun and the comedy or whatever else is there 0:32:49.520 --> 0:32:52.320 that kind of supplements it. But I do think you 0:32:52.480 --> 0:32:55.080 have to be able to be vulnerable and to get 0:32:55.080 --> 0:32:57.719 down on that deeper level with your partners, Like I 0:32:57.760 --> 0:33:00.560 think it's so important to most people. There might come 0:33:00.600 --> 0:33:04.000 a point where you're like, we haven't been able to 0:33:04.040 --> 0:33:07.200 progress because he doesn't have the ability to. And maybe 0:33:07.200 --> 0:33:09.160 he doesn't have the ability because, like we said, he's 0:33:09.160 --> 0:33:11.560 not emotionally intelligent enough, or he's not at the same 0:33:11.640 --> 0:33:13.360 level as you are when it comes to your sort 0:33:13.400 --> 0:33:15.160 of EQ, but also your Q. 0:33:15.680 --> 0:33:17.480 I also think it's okay to tell him that. I 0:33:17.480 --> 0:33:19.280 also think it's okay to say, hey, I feel like 0:33:19.280 --> 0:33:22.960 we're lacking in having these conversations, like how do you 0:33:23.000 --> 0:33:24.520 feel about this when I talk to you and you 0:33:25.160 --> 0:33:28.480 listen so well. Are you checking out internally because this 0:33:28.720 --> 0:33:30.880 bores you more than anything in the world or is 0:33:30.880 --> 0:33:32.800 it because you don't understand the topic because there's a 0:33:32.800 --> 0:33:35.360 lot of lack of education in a lot of things 0:33:35.520 --> 0:33:37.400 happening in the world. Depends on what you do day 0:33:37.400 --> 0:33:39.760 to day, because if you're motivated to find out, well, yeah, 0:33:39.800 --> 0:33:42.240 there's a difference with being a builder, right, and you're 0:33:42.240 --> 0:33:44.920 on a job site all day. You're not scrolling the internet, 0:33:44.960 --> 0:33:46.880 you're not keeping up to date with the news. You've 0:33:46.880 --> 0:33:49.239 got that physical job that you're talking with people all day. 0:33:49.280 --> 0:33:52.840 Then there's another whole world. If your job is online 0:33:52.960 --> 0:33:56.520 and its content and you're available to what's happening in 0:33:56.560 --> 0:33:58.560 the world, it's different because you feel like you're more 0:33:58.560 --> 0:34:00.760 connected to those world events. It could be a lack 0:34:00.800 --> 0:34:03.160 of education thing. I think I'd have the conversation with him. 0:34:03.160 --> 0:34:04.640 I wouldn't be breaking up with him, but I wouldn't 0:34:04.640 --> 0:34:06.240 be settling if I'm an unhappy But do. 0:34:06.160 --> 0:34:08.279 You know, I think the only thing though, that would 0:34:08.320 --> 0:34:11.279 be my red flag beyond like feeling like everything is 0:34:11.320 --> 0:34:13.240 surface level, which I think is a red flag in itself. 0:34:13.600 --> 0:34:16.880 But my big red flag wouldn't so much just be 0:34:17.120 --> 0:34:19.319 that he's not interested or he's not able to hold 0:34:19.320 --> 0:34:22.680 the conversation. Does he seem to have conflicting views, like 0:34:22.800 --> 0:34:24.479 you know when you say you bring up quite deep 0:34:24.560 --> 0:34:26.719 or challenging topics and you feel like he doesn't have 0:34:26.760 --> 0:34:29.719 the ability to respond. Does he hold space for your 0:34:29.840 --> 0:34:32.640 side of the conversation. Is he interested in it at all? 0:34:32.920 --> 0:34:35.799 Does he challenge you because he has alternate views? I 0:34:35.800 --> 0:34:38.200 think like that's where things can become more problematic when 0:34:38.239 --> 0:34:40.799 you don't have the same ideology around these sorts of things. 0:34:41.080 --> 0:34:43.440 But if it's a lack of ability or a lack 0:34:43.440 --> 0:34:45.040 of interest, I think that that's going to come down 0:34:45.080 --> 0:34:48.080 to like long term, you may just be not suited 0:34:48.120 --> 0:34:51.399 to each other when it comes to your emotional IQ. 0:34:52.160 --> 0:34:55.359 Okay, this is a random question, very funny. I think 0:34:55.400 --> 0:34:56.319 I'm a bit of a bay to be. 0:34:57.200 --> 0:35:02.640 Ladies, eye contact open or eyes closed during sex? 0:35:02.800 --> 0:35:03.800 I'm very much open. 0:35:03.920 --> 0:35:06.120 I like eye contact and I candy, but all my 0:35:06.200 --> 0:35:08.840 friends have said hands down, eyes closed, And now I 0:35:08.880 --> 0:35:09.760 feel like a psycho. 0:35:10.239 --> 0:35:11.080 What are your thoughts? 0:35:11.400 --> 0:35:12.920 I mean, have you got your eyes open for the 0:35:12.960 --> 0:35:15.680 whole thing? Like from war to go? It seems like 0:35:15.719 --> 0:35:16.440 are you blinking? 0:35:16.920 --> 0:35:19.080 I don't think she's blinking? No, okay, what do you 0:35:19.160 --> 0:35:20.040 I don't want to go first? 0:35:20.440 --> 0:35:22.240 Why? 0:35:23.000 --> 0:35:24.840 I'm both I'm a bit a b to be. 0:35:25.160 --> 0:35:26.400 But do you close your eyes at the start and 0:35:26.440 --> 0:35:28.520 then during climax you hold onto each other's faces and 0:35:28.560 --> 0:35:29.480 stare into each other's eyes. 0:35:29.560 --> 0:35:31.719 I don't think about it, but I think that like 0:35:32.040 --> 0:35:35.600 I'm not like, okay, it's chapter one. I am entering 0:35:35.600 --> 0:35:37.879 with my eyes open. You're doing dogging and turning around 0:35:37.880 --> 0:35:38.680 trying to make eye contact. 0:35:38.800 --> 0:35:40.480 Feel like when my dog does a shit and she 0:35:40.480 --> 0:35:44.080 looks over shoulder at me, Like no, I'm both. 0:35:44.120 --> 0:35:47.040 I don't think it, Mads. I don't like excessive prolonged 0:35:47.160 --> 0:35:49.279 eye contact. I do not like that gets a bit 0:35:49.320 --> 0:35:50.839 weird for me. Like people they want to look into 0:35:50.840 --> 0:35:53.960 our eyes for twenty minutes. I'm like, stop it, Like 0:35:54.000 --> 0:35:54.560 that makes me. 0:35:54.840 --> 0:35:57.880 Real that it's a real eye contact person? Is that 0:35:57.880 --> 0:35:59.960 too much information have across about ill? Because I'm just 0:36:00.080 --> 0:36:01.759 thinking of someone staring at me for twenty minutes in 0:36:01.840 --> 0:36:04.560 sex he Matt loves a bit of eye contact. I'm 0:36:04.880 --> 0:36:08.320 I'm eye contact avoidant. Eye contact makes me feel weird, 0:36:08.480 --> 0:36:10.120 like I'm being what are you doing when Matt's looking 0:36:10.120 --> 0:36:10.360 at you? 0:36:10.520 --> 0:36:13.040 Oh, like I will do eye contact, but I'm not. 0:36:14.239 --> 0:36:17.440 I We'll just find it's too much. 0:36:17.560 --> 0:36:18.600 But he's looking at you. 0:36:18.880 --> 0:36:21.160 Where what are you doing? I close my eyes. 0:36:21.520 --> 0:36:23.400 I just picked your eyes going all googly like all 0:36:23.440 --> 0:36:25.680 over the place, like rolling around in so I just can't. 0:36:25.680 --> 0:36:27.080 It's just too much. 0:36:27.200 --> 0:36:29.920 I feel like it's too intense eye contact for prolonged 0:36:29.920 --> 0:36:33.120 periods of time throughout sex, just I don't want to giggle. 0:36:33.280 --> 0:36:34.880 I think you've got to pick the peak moment. 0:36:35.040 --> 0:36:37.440 Like a bit of eye contact can be sexy and 0:36:37.560 --> 0:36:39.960 hot make you feel confident, but too much makes you 0:36:39.960 --> 0:36:40.640 feel vulnerable. 0:36:40.640 --> 0:36:44.320 And the lights are on, the eyes are open. 0:36:44.600 --> 0:36:45.799 There's too much going on here. 0:36:45.880 --> 0:36:48.680 Okay, what about eye contact throughout the full duration of 0:36:48.760 --> 0:36:54.360 orgasmin like right when they're coming to climax, staring intently 0:36:54.400 --> 0:36:55.160 into your eyes. 0:36:55.560 --> 0:36:56.080 It's a lot. 0:36:57.200 --> 0:37:00.720 Again, I don't take notes, so I'm I'm not sure 0:37:00.840 --> 0:37:01.399 that I can. 0:37:01.960 --> 0:37:04.239 Oh no, you would know what I feel like, if 0:37:04.239 --> 0:37:06.120 you've experienced it, you would know that it's happening. I 0:37:06.160 --> 0:37:08.080 would do both. I would do both. 0:37:08.160 --> 0:37:10.360 I think it just depends on where you are, what 0:37:10.120 --> 0:37:11.160 what's the position? 0:37:11.760 --> 0:37:14.959 Is it nighttime? Are the lights on? There's heaps of things. 0:37:15.000 --> 0:37:16.680 But I don't think it's weird to have a little 0:37:16.680 --> 0:37:18.160 bit of it. Oh No, I definitely don't think. 0:37:18.239 --> 0:37:21.480 I think staggered eye contact throughout the duration of intercourse 0:37:21.600 --> 0:37:24.319 is necessary. Do I think from where to go eye 0:37:24.320 --> 0:37:26.520 contact is necessary? No, it's a little bit overbearing. 0:37:26.560 --> 0:37:26.799 Okay. 0:37:26.840 --> 0:37:29.920 If I had to answer, like, am I more open 0:37:30.000 --> 0:37:33.000 or more closed? I would say I'm more closed. Okay, 0:37:33.160 --> 0:37:34.600 if I'm trying to work out, like if it was 0:37:34.600 --> 0:37:36.839 a fifty to fifty pendulum, I. 0:37:36.800 --> 0:37:40.520 Would say you'd be closed for sure. My eyes are closed, 0:37:40.520 --> 0:37:41.319 but often they open. 0:37:41.360 --> 0:37:44.600 I'm just looking like fifty. 0:37:45.760 --> 0:37:46.200 I don't know. 0:37:46.600 --> 0:37:48.200 I like, I don't want anyone to listen to this 0:37:48.239 --> 0:37:50.080 and think that like I don't like eye contact. I mean, 0:37:50.080 --> 0:37:51.719 God forbid that anyone leaves this podcast with. 0:37:51.719 --> 0:37:52.640 The wrong impression of me. 0:37:53.120 --> 0:37:56.840 I do, but I just don't like too much of 0:37:56.880 --> 0:37:58.080 it because it makes me feel weird. 0:37:58.160 --> 0:37:59.960 Do you make eye contact when it's pinkiness? 0:38:00.600 --> 0:38:02.880 No. I haven't had a finger in my ass in ages. 0:38:02.880 --> 0:38:04.680 It's not the same as you're doing it when you. 0:38:05.080 --> 0:38:07.360 No, Matt would never let me stick my finger in 0:38:07.400 --> 0:38:08.439 his ass, Oh my god. 0:38:08.640 --> 0:38:08.920 Never. 0:38:09.040 --> 0:38:10.640 I keep telling him he's going to enjoy it, and 0:38:10.680 --> 0:38:13.240 he's like, I will not. It will not happen. 0:38:13.440 --> 0:38:15.280 I'm telling you, you will love it. 0:38:15.400 --> 0:38:17.480 Seven years of our relationship and all I want to 0:38:17.480 --> 0:38:18.759 do is put a finger in his dumb and he 0:38:18.760 --> 0:38:21.279 won't let me. No, I will definitely not just do it. 0:38:21.320 --> 0:38:22.880 That goes against everything we preach it. 0:38:22.920 --> 0:38:26.120 You almost did myself, because consent is important. 0:38:26.960 --> 0:38:29.279 No, he's he said, he doesn't like it, and he's 0:38:29.280 --> 0:38:30.920 tried it before. I was like, we haven't tried it 0:38:30.920 --> 0:38:32.839 with my finger, and he said they're all the same. 0:38:33.120 --> 0:38:35.279 I said, my finger might be different anyway. These are 0:38:35.280 --> 0:38:37.040 the conversations we have. If I just brought you too 0:38:37.080 --> 0:38:39.560 far into our will talking about having those deep conversations 0:38:39.560 --> 0:38:41.640 with your partner. We do it whilst we make eye 0:38:41.640 --> 0:38:43.680 contact with each other, just like, oh my god, I 0:38:43.719 --> 0:38:44.759 can't look at the end of the day. 0:38:44.760 --> 0:38:45.799 There's no right or wrong. 0:38:45.920 --> 0:38:46.879 Do what feels right. 0:38:46.960 --> 0:38:49.279 There's no right or wrong, but gauge what the other 0:38:49.360 --> 0:38:52.480 person's doing. If they're not making eye contact back and 0:38:52.520 --> 0:38:55.399 you're trying to stare at them, it might be too much. 0:38:55.480 --> 0:38:56.600 They might not enjoy it. 0:38:56.719 --> 0:38:59.320 But I do think there's something very sexy and intense 0:38:59.360 --> 0:39:02.120 about icon contact right when you're orgasming. 0:39:02.280 --> 0:39:06.759 I think another lot another thing to think about is 0:39:07.600 --> 0:39:09.799 what noise is going on at this time, because it's 0:39:09.840 --> 0:39:11.920 one thing to be making eye contact, but if someone's 0:39:12.000 --> 0:39:15.120 really noisy and going for it, it's pretty off putting. 0:39:15.120 --> 0:39:17.239 If they're staring at you and squealing, do it to 0:39:17.280 --> 0:39:21.280 me right now and give me your sex noise. 0:39:21.600 --> 0:39:23.279 I don't have a sex noise. That's why you're not 0:39:23.320 --> 0:39:26.600 your silence. You're all of sex, that's not it. But 0:39:26.640 --> 0:39:28.839 if someone's taking noise and looking at you, that's weird. 0:39:28.920 --> 0:39:31.480 I think the eye open contact has to be pretty silent. 0:39:31.840 --> 0:39:32.960 Do you reckon yeah? 0:39:33.080 --> 0:39:36.000 Or quite low decibel. I think I'm pretty silent as 0:39:36.040 --> 0:39:38.839 it is. I'm just like a low moan. Anyway, this 0:39:38.880 --> 0:39:41.040 is a lot. Let's get into the fuck. 0:39:42.440 --> 0:39:42.959 Answered eating? 0:39:43.000 --> 0:39:44.200 What question? That was? 0:39:44.640 --> 0:39:46.880 Okay? Question number three. 0:39:49.080 --> 0:39:51.000 My partner will wake up first thing in the morning 0:39:51.040 --> 0:39:53.879 and check his phone in bed guilty while he's next 0:39:53.880 --> 0:39:56.359 to me, and reply to work emails and messages he's 0:39:56.360 --> 0:39:59.040 missed overnight, whereas I'm the type of person who likes 0:39:59.080 --> 0:39:59.640 to wake. 0:39:59.520 --> 0:40:01.640 Up not on my phone straight away. 0:40:02.040 --> 0:40:04.359 And he will also often talk to me while he's 0:40:04.360 --> 0:40:07.319 on his phone and therefore not fully hear what I'm 0:40:07.360 --> 0:40:08.080 saying to him. 0:40:08.160 --> 0:40:09.560 That's really annoying. We all do that. 0:40:09.960 --> 0:40:12.160 He wakes up and goes straight into work mode, and 0:40:12.200 --> 0:40:14.879 it really irks me. As I like to have boundaries 0:40:14.920 --> 0:40:18.120 around technology. I know I can't and shouldn't tell him 0:40:18.120 --> 0:40:20.279 what to do, but I'm also struggling on my end 0:40:20.280 --> 0:40:20.839 because of it. 0:40:21.040 --> 0:40:24.120 What can I do? I think you can have boundaries 0:40:24.120 --> 0:40:26.759 and tell him what to do. Nah, I don't. No, 0:40:26.800 --> 0:40:28.799 phone's in bed. I don't think you can tell them that. 0:40:28.840 --> 0:40:30.399 But I think you can have a conversation that makes 0:40:30.440 --> 0:40:32.640 you unhappy and maybe dedicate ten minutes to you first. 0:40:32.680 --> 0:40:33.960 You can have a convot But I don't think you 0:40:33.960 --> 0:40:35.839 can be like this is the rule because it's both 0:40:35.840 --> 0:40:36.319 of your beds. 0:40:36.360 --> 0:40:38.239 It's not just unless it is just your Ben, he's 0:40:38.280 --> 0:40:40.640 over there. But I'm bad for this. 0:40:40.719 --> 0:40:43.440 I'm really bad for I wake up in the morning 0:40:43.960 --> 0:40:47.879 and I literally open my eyes, roll over, and pick 0:40:47.920 --> 0:40:51.560 up my phone within five seconds. But I feel like 0:40:51.600 --> 0:40:53.600 that's mainly because I know I'm on a real time 0:40:53.640 --> 0:40:55.279 limit to talk to Ben, because I'm in this long 0:40:55.320 --> 0:40:58.759 distance relationship. When I wake up, it's really late at 0:40:58.840 --> 0:40:59.960 night for him, so I know he's going to bed. 0:41:00.120 --> 0:41:02.440 So the second I roll over, I wake up and 0:41:02.480 --> 0:41:04.080 I basically call him. 0:41:04.440 --> 0:41:04.600 Yeah. 0:41:04.640 --> 0:41:05.200 But that's different. 0:41:05.239 --> 0:41:07.719 You're literally waking up to answer your phone to make 0:41:07.760 --> 0:41:08.640 contact with your partner. 0:41:08.800 --> 0:41:09.120 Exact. 0:41:09.200 --> 0:41:11.239 The thing is is most people in relationships are lying 0:41:11.280 --> 0:41:13.319 in bed next to each other, and then they roll 0:41:13.360 --> 0:41:16.960 over the opposite direction to their partner. They roll away 0:41:16.960 --> 0:41:19.319 from their partner, they pick up their phone and then 0:41:19.400 --> 0:41:24.000 instantly there's this barrier between them because their whole cognitive 0:41:24.320 --> 0:41:26.400 ability is distracted by that little screen. 0:41:26.400 --> 0:41:29.200 Again, I don't think checking your phone is the end 0:41:29.239 --> 0:41:33.040 of the world if you can check it and then 0:41:33.160 --> 0:41:35.600 roll back over and give your partner the attention they need. Like, 0:41:35.600 --> 0:41:39.040 if you have a business that is run on international hours, 0:41:39.080 --> 0:41:42.319 if you're doing banking, trading, whatever it is that things 0:41:42.360 --> 0:41:45.920 are happening for your business overnight, then you probably have 0:41:46.000 --> 0:41:47.800 to wake up and check that and make sure everything's 0:41:47.800 --> 0:41:48.960 in order. But then you've got to be able to 0:41:49.040 --> 0:41:51.359 roll back over and give your partner some attention. You 0:41:51.400 --> 0:41:55.000 one hundred percent can say yo, every single morning, you 0:41:55.120 --> 0:41:57.680 make me feel pretty shitty because I feel like you 0:41:57.680 --> 0:41:58.480 don't even care I'm there. 0:41:58.520 --> 0:41:59.840 I feel like you're not listening to me. 0:42:00.040 --> 0:42:02.320 You can one hundred percent say that it's very dependent 0:42:02.320 --> 0:42:03.040 on what he's checking. 0:42:03.080 --> 0:42:05.719 If he's rolling over and he's on TikTok and you're like, 0:42:05.760 --> 0:42:08.120 I'm naked in bed wanting some attention, and he'd rather 0:42:08.160 --> 0:42:11.080 scrolled chicktak ticktack, it's the problem. 0:42:11.200 --> 0:42:11.680 I don't know. 0:42:11.840 --> 0:42:15.600 I think that they're Yes, you can't make your partner 0:42:15.680 --> 0:42:17.000 do something that they don't want to do right, Like, 0:42:17.040 --> 0:42:18.640 you can obviously tell them how you feel about it, 0:42:18.760 --> 0:42:20.279 but I do think you can have boundaries when it 0:42:20.280 --> 0:42:22.080 comes to bed, like no phone's in bed. If that's 0:42:22.120 --> 0:42:24.319 something that's making you so upset, like it's something that's 0:42:24.400 --> 0:42:26.799 really an issue for you, then it means that if 0:42:26.800 --> 0:42:28.400 he wants to then use his phone, put it on 0:42:28.520 --> 0:42:29.960 charge on the other side of the room. So at 0:42:30.000 --> 0:42:31.960 least when he wakes up, the first thing he does 0:42:32.000 --> 0:42:33.319 is roll over and give you a kiss, and then 0:42:33.360 --> 0:42:36.120 he has to physically get up out of bed if he. 0:42:36.080 --> 0:42:36.680 Wants to check you. 0:42:36.719 --> 0:42:38.880 Up phone please, It could be worse He's like, I'm 0:42:38.920 --> 0:42:40.280 up now because I're gonna get up to get. 0:42:40.120 --> 0:42:41.920 My phone, which might actually be what happens. 0:42:41.920 --> 0:42:43.719 But at least then you know it's easier to kind 0:42:43.719 --> 0:42:45.960 of explain to him the barrier that that creates for you. 0:42:46.320 --> 0:42:47.960 But I think so many of us are guilty of 0:42:48.000 --> 0:42:49.360 doing it. I know I do it with Matt, like 0:42:50.000 --> 0:42:52.880 phones have been created. We did a really great episode 0:42:52.880 --> 0:42:55.000 with Johann Hari last year. It was called this One's 0:42:55.000 --> 0:42:57.480 for the scatter Brains, and I will put the episode 0:42:57.480 --> 0:42:58.640 in the show notes that you can go back and 0:42:58.640 --> 0:43:00.880 listen to it, because it truly was such an amazing chat. 0:43:01.160 --> 0:43:04.759 But Johann Hari was talking about how phones and all 0:43:04.800 --> 0:43:07.319 of the apps that are on phones are created in 0:43:07.400 --> 0:43:09.840 order to keep your attention for as much time as possible, 0:43:09.880 --> 0:43:12.360 and like we live in a world where our attention 0:43:12.480 --> 0:43:15.120 is constantly being stolen from us, and it's so hard 0:43:15.120 --> 0:43:17.400 to fight against it. So like he is a victim 0:43:17.440 --> 0:43:19.160 of what we all are victims of. You know, it's 0:43:19.200 --> 0:43:21.799 the minority of people who have healthy boundaries when it 0:43:21.800 --> 0:43:24.000 comes to technology. I know when I've spoken about it 0:43:24.000 --> 0:43:25.960 before because its definitely something that I struggle with. It's 0:43:25.960 --> 0:43:28.960 something that Matt struggles with, and I would be interested 0:43:29.000 --> 0:43:30.680 to hear brit how you go when you are in 0:43:30.719 --> 0:43:33.160 Scotland and you are actually in bed next to Ben, 0:43:33.239 --> 0:43:35.919 whether you do roll over and check Instagram or check 0:43:35.920 --> 0:43:37.359 your emails, because. 0:43:37.120 --> 0:43:39.600 It's exactly the same. I roll over and I'm straight 0:43:39.640 --> 0:43:40.240 on my phone. 0:43:40.520 --> 0:43:43.840 Because of what I said before, people work international hours, 0:43:43.840 --> 0:43:46.480 so when I wake up in Scotland, you guys back 0:43:46.520 --> 0:43:49.040 here and everyone else that we work with with the 0:43:49.120 --> 0:43:51.520 radio and whoever have been working in the workday. 0:43:51.680 --> 0:43:53.000 So the first thing I do. 0:43:52.880 --> 0:43:55.319 And I'm doing email straight away while Ben's in bed, 0:43:55.760 --> 0:43:57.960 because as people need to reply to and get back to. 0:43:59.200 --> 0:44:01.480 But then I give him full time, Like I'm like two. 0:44:01.760 --> 0:44:03.680 I will say to him, can you give me five minutes? 0:44:03.719 --> 0:44:06.000 I'm going to smash out some emails and urgent responses, 0:44:06.040 --> 0:44:07.279 and then I'm all yours, But. 0:44:07.280 --> 0:44:09.319 I have to roll over and start that work day. 0:44:09.440 --> 0:44:11.200 I would be so interested it. Maybe it's something that 0:44:11.200 --> 0:44:13.479 we can poll on social media. I would be so 0:44:13.640 --> 0:44:18.640 interested to know how many people have relationship dissatisfaction at 0:44:18.640 --> 0:44:21.399 the moment because they feel as though their partner all 0:44:21.440 --> 0:44:24.359 themselves spends too much time on their phone. I think 0:44:24.400 --> 0:44:27.879 that the answers to that will be absolutely alarming. I'm 0:44:27.880 --> 0:44:30.160 just guessing, and I'm maybe projecting because it is something that, 0:44:30.239 --> 0:44:31.680 like I said, you know, we struggle with. 0:44:32.160 --> 0:44:34.040 But I do think that for a. 0:44:33.960 --> 0:44:35.480 Lot of people, that comes a point where you have 0:44:35.480 --> 0:44:37.400 to put in boundaries, you have to put in rules, 0:44:37.800 --> 0:44:40.279 and it's almost like those rules, most people stick to 0:44:40.320 --> 0:44:41.840 them for a couple of days or a couple of weeks, 0:44:41.840 --> 0:44:43.680 and then it all just kind of goes back to normal. 0:44:43.719 --> 0:44:46.480 But I think having no phones in bed is a 0:44:46.520 --> 0:44:48.239 really good one and a really big one if you 0:44:48.280 --> 0:44:50.080 want to start to kind of like have a little 0:44:50.080 --> 0:44:53.719 bit of separation between your relationship and technology, and having 0:44:53.760 --> 0:44:55.160 an iPhone in between the two of you. 0:44:55.360 --> 0:44:58.719 I reckon the majority of people would say they have 0:44:58.760 --> 0:45:01.200 a level of dissatisfaction. I would imagine that's how the 0:45:01.239 --> 0:45:02.120 pole will come back. 0:45:02.040 --> 0:45:04.120 Because of phone, not because the phone, because of how 0:45:04.160 --> 0:45:06.440 easy it is to be distracted, because of how easy 0:45:06.520 --> 0:45:08.919 it is to doom scroll. And you know, I actually 0:45:08.960 --> 0:45:12.080 I watched this really interesting TikTok the other day and lol, 0:45:12.320 --> 0:45:15.399 that's a fucking irony in itself, Okay, And it was. 0:45:15.400 --> 0:45:17.120 You spent at seven am the other morning and I 0:45:17.280 --> 0:45:18.000 was watching TikTok. 0:45:18.000 --> 0:45:19.479 I told Matt I needed to go to sleep earlier, 0:45:19.480 --> 0:45:21.520 but really I stayed in bed watching tiatoks. No that 0:45:21.520 --> 0:45:23.279 this TikTok was it was a split screen. It was 0:45:23.320 --> 0:45:24.960 pretty juvenile in the way that it was creator, but 0:45:24.960 --> 0:45:26.920 it did make you think like it was a split 0:45:26.960 --> 0:45:29.720 screen around relationships, and it was like, it's the small 0:45:29.800 --> 0:45:33.800 things that you do that reinforces feeling loved and validated 0:45:33.800 --> 0:45:37.560 in a relationship vers feeling like you're you don't exist, 0:45:37.600 --> 0:45:40.080 like feeling like a ghost and basically the first one 0:45:40.120 --> 0:45:43.160 was the woman walked through the door and the husband 0:45:43.160 --> 0:45:44.680 got up and gave her a kiss. Right, it was 0:45:44.880 --> 0:45:46.960 heterosexual couple. The husband got up and gave her a kiss. 0:45:47.280 --> 0:45:49.400 And in the second one, the woman walked through the 0:45:49.400 --> 0:45:50.799 door and the husband was sitting on the couch on 0:45:50.800 --> 0:45:52.520 his phone, and it was like from the very instant 0:45:52.520 --> 0:45:54.120 that she got home from work, there was a level 0:45:54.120 --> 0:45:56.759 of dismissiveness. And then it was like the same thing 0:45:56.800 --> 0:45:59.000 going to bed, rolling over and giving each other a 0:45:59.080 --> 0:46:01.440 kiss good night, and you know, having that ten minutes 0:46:01.480 --> 0:46:03.800 to kind of debrief or whatever it is just before 0:46:03.840 --> 0:46:06.640 going to sleep, rather than scrolling and then turning your 0:46:06.640 --> 0:46:08.160 back on each other and saying good night, you know, 0:46:08.160 --> 0:46:10.200 and putting your phone on charge again. And it's all 0:46:10.239 --> 0:46:12.799 these little microactions that we have throughout the day and 0:46:12.840 --> 0:46:16.040 throughout our interactions with our partners, whether we lean into 0:46:16.080 --> 0:46:18.280 the relationship or whether we lean away from. 0:46:18.080 --> 0:46:19.400 It by being on technology. 0:46:19.719 --> 0:46:21.840 I watched it and I was like, it's so true, 0:46:22.040 --> 0:46:26.200 and so many of us are guilty for it. Last up, 0:46:26.200 --> 0:46:29.440 I have a work question. Now this one. I have 0:46:29.520 --> 0:46:31.760 some advice on this because I had a similar situation. 0:46:31.840 --> 0:46:35.200 Happens recently with Tony May. All right, when applying for 0:46:35.239 --> 0:46:37.719 a new job and the salary is a range, for 0:46:37.800 --> 0:46:41.160 example thirty five dollars an hour up to fifty two 0:46:41.239 --> 0:46:44.279 dollars an hour, and they ask what you're expecting when 0:46:44.280 --> 0:46:47.239 you're at the screening slash interview process. How do you 0:46:47.400 --> 0:46:50.960 know what price to ask for? How much money you 0:46:50.960 --> 0:46:54.000 should price yourself as? What are some tips for self 0:46:54.040 --> 0:46:58.320 confidence going into negotiations when it comes to money and work. 0:46:59.640 --> 0:47:01.640 Brittany is the negotiator of life uncut. 0:47:01.760 --> 0:47:03.560 Oh yeah, I negotiate everything. 0:47:03.600 --> 0:47:06.279 I'm the money person. Brittany is the hustler hard I 0:47:06.320 --> 0:47:07.439 have hustled in our time. 0:47:07.680 --> 0:47:09.960 Look my instinct and the first thing I want to 0:47:10.000 --> 0:47:12.399 say is you'd be gone for the top dollar. Everyone 0:47:12.400 --> 0:47:14.279 wants to be paid the most for their work and 0:47:14.320 --> 0:47:16.520 for who they are and for what they bring. Nobody 0:47:16.520 --> 0:47:18.959 wants to feel undervalued or underpaid in a job. Ever, 0:47:19.400 --> 0:47:22.960 it's always tricky when a salary is arranged, Like they're 0:47:23.000 --> 0:47:24.440 not saying this is what we pay, this is what 0:47:24.480 --> 0:47:27.880 we expect. They're saying this is what we can pay. 0:47:28.920 --> 0:47:31.600 I would always go in armed with what you can 0:47:31.600 --> 0:47:33.520 bring and why you deserve that that's what they want 0:47:33.560 --> 0:47:36.399 to hear. They want to say, this is what we've 0:47:36.400 --> 0:47:38.239 got available, but tell us why we need to pay 0:47:38.280 --> 0:47:40.120 you the most. So you need to go in with 0:47:40.160 --> 0:47:44.560 a list of your qualifications to job, what you can bring, 0:47:44.840 --> 0:47:46.480 and you need to add in a bit of spice. 0:47:47.040 --> 0:47:49.400 What's your point of difference. They're going to see twenty 0:47:49.440 --> 0:47:51.759 five people in this day that are all going to 0:47:51.800 --> 0:47:54.080 say the same thing. I think I should be on 0:47:54.600 --> 0:47:56.759 fifty two dollars an hour because this is and this 0:47:57.200 --> 0:48:00.080 bring a bit of personality, bring something different. Show so 0:48:00.160 --> 0:48:03.319 an example, look, research the company, the job that you're 0:48:03.360 --> 0:48:07.520 going for, Research their mottos, what they're looking for. I 0:48:07.560 --> 0:48:09.080 know that this is the job you've said, but I 0:48:09.120 --> 0:48:11.080 reckon I could add this. I think we could pivot 0:48:11.120 --> 0:48:15.120 somewhere here and go this direction, use some initiative. The 0:48:15.160 --> 0:48:17.280 only thing I do want to say is the reason 0:48:17.320 --> 0:48:20.480 they have these ranges is because people do come with 0:48:20.480 --> 0:48:21.760 different qualifications. 0:48:21.960 --> 0:48:23.880 If you've just finished UNI. 0:48:23.760 --> 0:48:25.960 And you have no experience and this is your first job, 0:48:26.000 --> 0:48:28.319 you're going and probably going at the more entry level 0:48:28.360 --> 0:48:32.080 wage of thirty five to forty. But if you've been 0:48:32.160 --> 0:48:35.480 in this industry for twenty years, you're gonna be worth 0:48:35.600 --> 0:48:38.520 the highest bracket because you've got the experience that someone 0:48:38.520 --> 0:48:39.040 else doesn't. 0:48:39.120 --> 0:48:41.200 So you go in confident and know you're worth and 0:48:41.239 --> 0:48:43.840 know what you can bring. If you have on paper 0:48:43.880 --> 0:48:46.400 in front of them why you are the perfect person 0:48:46.440 --> 0:48:49.080 for the job, and why there's no crack that they 0:48:49.120 --> 0:48:51.719 could possibly be filled for you in that position while 0:48:51.760 --> 0:48:54.680 you feel every single crack, they can't argue the point. 0:48:54.719 --> 0:48:56.600 But if you don't have that information when you go 0:48:56.640 --> 0:49:00.200 into a job interview, if you cannot sell yourself, they're 0:49:00.200 --> 0:49:01.359 not going to give you the heights rate. 0:49:01.520 --> 0:49:04.120 Yeah, but it's still it is still hard, right because 0:49:04.320 --> 0:49:07.200 I think this does it's a confidence game massively. But 0:49:07.280 --> 0:49:09.319 also we don't know what this industry is. It could 0:49:09.320 --> 0:49:12.800 be an industry where fifty sixty people all have similar 0:49:12.840 --> 0:49:15.759 qualifications and they've all applied for the job. And of 0:49:15.760 --> 0:49:18.400 course there's going to be your general vibe to that 0:49:18.480 --> 0:49:21.040 applicant when you're interviewing them. And I say this from 0:49:21.080 --> 0:49:23.919 as a business owner who has hired multiple people through 0:49:23.920 --> 0:49:26.400 Tony May you have a general vibe as to how 0:49:26.400 --> 0:49:28.520 they're going to fit into the team in terms of culture, 0:49:28.600 --> 0:49:30.040 Like you get it. You either get a good feeling 0:49:30.040 --> 0:49:31.680 for people, or you're like, oh, maybe they won't be 0:49:31.680 --> 0:49:32.560 a good culture fit. 0:49:33.200 --> 0:49:33.520 Now. 0:49:34.480 --> 0:49:36.680 The thing is, though, you might have multiple people who 0:49:36.760 --> 0:49:39.040 seem like a good culture fit, and then you'll have 0:49:39.080 --> 0:49:42.040 people who ask for different pay brackets. Right, And you're 0:49:42.080 --> 0:49:44.400 exactly right, Britt, Like you have to kind of explain 0:49:44.440 --> 0:49:48.840 as to why you deserve a certain pay bracket. But interestingly, 0:49:48.840 --> 0:49:50.480 and on the flip side to this, I think that 0:49:50.520 --> 0:49:54.520 there are so many people who really want to work 0:49:54.520 --> 0:49:56.800 for a company or really want to work in a position, 0:49:57.200 --> 0:50:00.279 and so they will devalue what they're asking for because 0:50:00.280 --> 0:50:03.040 they think that makes them more competitive. Right, They're like, Okay, 0:50:03.080 --> 0:50:06.040 I'm not going to ask for fifty dollars an hour. 0:50:06.320 --> 0:50:08.640 I'm going to ask for thirty seven dollars an hour, 0:50:09.040 --> 0:50:12.080 even though they know that they could earn more than that, 0:50:12.120 --> 0:50:14.000 even though they know that they are deserving or they 0:50:14.000 --> 0:50:16.400 will be dissatisfied with earning thirty five an hour, but 0:50:16.440 --> 0:50:18.440 they say it because they're so fearful about missing out 0:50:18.480 --> 0:50:18.919 on the job. 0:50:19.160 --> 0:50:19.399 Right. 0:50:19.840 --> 0:50:22.120 And this was an instance that we had recently with 0:50:22.160 --> 0:50:25.719 someone with Tony May who we hired, and I asked them, like, 0:50:25.760 --> 0:50:27.160 what are you looking for? We hadn't put out an 0:50:27.160 --> 0:50:29.200 amount on the job application, and I was like, what 0:50:29.280 --> 0:50:31.200 are you looking for in terms of payment for the job. 0:50:31.680 --> 0:50:34.080 And the amount that she said was like ten thousand 0:50:34.080 --> 0:50:38.959 dollars less than what we had budgeted for that job 0:50:39.280 --> 0:50:41.640 that we had expected it to go for. And I 0:50:41.680 --> 0:50:43.279 had a moment as an employer and I think that 0:50:43.320 --> 0:50:44.799 this would come as a surprise for me. 0:50:44.920 --> 0:50:45.840 That wasn't a plus. 0:50:45.880 --> 0:50:47.640 I wasn't like, oh, yeah, I'm going to say ten 0:50:47.680 --> 0:50:50.720 thousand dollars on this person's career. It made me annoy 0:50:50.800 --> 0:50:53.520 that she was devaluing herself. It made me think like, oh, 0:50:53.719 --> 0:50:55.799 do you not have the skills set to do this job? 0:50:55.880 --> 0:50:57.319 Or have you not done this job before? Because this 0:50:57.440 --> 0:50:59.719 is what you should be earning almost And it's kind 0:50:59.719 --> 0:51:03.959 of like you want someone in your business who has 0:51:04.040 --> 0:51:06.919 confidence and who can back themselves and can explain why 0:51:06.960 --> 0:51:07.800 they back themselves. 0:51:07.840 --> 0:51:09.920 I think that that's a really admirable trait. 0:51:10.280 --> 0:51:11.360 And I know there's going to be a lot of 0:51:11.360 --> 0:51:14.840 businesses who don't have those feelings, because that's an anomally 0:51:15.000 --> 0:51:15.359 you reckon. 0:51:15.400 --> 0:51:18.080 Because I one hundred there are not that many businesses 0:51:18.160 --> 0:51:20.719 out there now due to the economical crisis everything. There's 0:51:20.719 --> 0:51:22.520 not that many businesses out there being like, I'm going 0:51:22.600 --> 0:51:24.560 to throw you an extra ten grand. If someone comes 0:51:24.600 --> 0:51:27.120 in and says their selves at that value, I reckon 0:51:27.200 --> 0:51:29.200 ninety percent of businesses and say amazing, Yes. 0:51:29.239 --> 0:51:30.799 But I think the opposite to that is there are 0:51:30.840 --> 0:51:33.000 a lot of businesses that exploit their employees. There's a 0:51:33.000 --> 0:51:35.640 lot of businesses that have bad culture. And so if 0:51:35.640 --> 0:51:38.440 you're not going to get paid what you're worth working 0:51:38.520 --> 0:51:41.319 for someone, unless it is a situation where you are 0:51:41.320 --> 0:51:43.160 in dire need of a job, unless it is you're 0:51:43.239 --> 0:51:45.719 unemployed and you need to just get money and food 0:51:45.760 --> 0:51:47.719 on the table, that's a different circumstance. 0:51:48.000 --> 0:51:49.320 But what I'm talking about. 0:51:49.120 --> 0:51:52.680 Is if you're changing jobs, if you are pivoting careers, 0:51:53.000 --> 0:51:55.600 if you are going through the interview process and you 0:51:55.640 --> 0:51:58.239 are just really wanting the job because you really want 0:51:58.239 --> 0:52:02.760 to work for this company, for example, if they aggressively 0:52:03.040 --> 0:52:06.200 will devalue what you are worth, and you're willing to 0:52:06.239 --> 0:52:09.480 devalue yourself because you want to work there, you're only 0:52:09.520 --> 0:52:11.640 going to end up resentful. You're only going to end 0:52:11.719 --> 0:52:14.040 up hating the job because in six months time, when 0:52:14.040 --> 0:52:16.040 you're earning not enough money for doing the work that 0:52:16.080 --> 0:52:19.200 you know you should be paid for, you will fucking 0:52:19.440 --> 0:52:21.600 hate it. So I think you have to pick a 0:52:21.680 --> 0:52:23.799 number in your head and go in with the confidence 0:52:23.880 --> 0:52:26.040 and explain why that is the amount that you think 0:52:26.040 --> 0:52:27.160 you deserve and that you want. 0:52:27.239 --> 0:52:29.520 That's really difficult what you said. I'm just thinking. I 0:52:29.560 --> 0:52:32.240 was thinking back as you were talking. I've never ever 0:52:32.400 --> 0:52:34.200 seen a job interview or gone for a job that 0:52:34.320 --> 0:52:36.279 hasn't had a price bracket or a price guide. I've 0:52:36.280 --> 0:52:38.279 never had a job like you put out that said, 0:52:38.320 --> 0:52:39.520 tell me what you want to be paid. 0:52:39.520 --> 0:52:41.200 Oh no, we had obviously have you have to when 0:52:41.200 --> 0:52:42.600 you put a thing up on sek, it's got a 0:52:42.600 --> 0:52:44.640 price guide to it, but you don't have to make 0:52:44.680 --> 0:52:47.839 a price guide visible, right, So when you search, it'll 0:52:47.880 --> 0:52:50.359 still come up within a certain pay bracket. And every job, 0:52:50.400 --> 0:52:53.240 whether it be a logistics manager or a customer service manager, 0:52:53.360 --> 0:52:56.440 has a medium price, right, So she still knew the bracket. 0:52:56.480 --> 0:52:57.040 There's still a. 0:52:57.000 --> 0:52:59.960 Bracket within the industry. But I mean you can pay 0:53:00.040 --> 0:53:01.960 people at the very bottom end of a bracket, or 0:53:01.960 --> 0:53:03.920 you can pay people at the middle. And I think 0:53:04.239 --> 0:53:07.920 companies who purposely pay their employees at the very bottom 0:53:08.040 --> 0:53:10.759 end of their And I'm not just talking about if 0:53:10.760 --> 0:53:14.080 it's a casual job where there's set wage like award wages. 0:53:14.160 --> 0:53:17.239 I'm talking about, you know, having like average. 0:53:17.280 --> 0:53:18.800 If you are working for a company that picks the 0:53:18.920 --> 0:53:21.440 very bottom wage for every single person, then I think 0:53:21.440 --> 0:53:23.480 that's a pretty fucking shitty culture to work for in 0:53:23.520 --> 0:53:24.080 a company. 0:53:24.280 --> 0:53:27.040 See, I mean, I spent thirteen years in the hospital system. 0:53:27.360 --> 0:53:30.759 Public hospitals is probably even worse. Private and public they're 0:53:30.800 --> 0:53:33.360 both the same pretty much. But I have never not 0:53:33.600 --> 0:53:35.520 had to argue why. And maybe this is why I'm 0:53:35.520 --> 0:53:37.319 such a good negotiator, but I've never had to not 0:53:37.440 --> 0:53:40.400 argue my wage ever. Improve myself and everyone that works 0:53:40.480 --> 0:53:43.120 everyone listening now will know exactly what I'm talking about. 0:53:43.760 --> 0:53:46.520 You have to to go upper price bracket. You have 0:53:46.640 --> 0:53:49.440 to prove every skill you've got, how long you've done it, 0:53:49.480 --> 0:53:53.040 how long you've been in that specific modality, what hospitals 0:53:53.040 --> 0:53:54.880 you've worked at, why you should be able to. 0:53:54.920 --> 0:53:56.200 Jump up into the next bracket. 0:53:56.239 --> 0:53:58.640 So you're constantly trying to prove they will always pay 0:53:58.719 --> 0:54:02.839 you the minimum and let you prove otherwise. Once it's 0:54:02.880 --> 0:54:05.560 on paper and you've proven your skill set and why 0:54:05.640 --> 0:54:08.600 you're worth it. They have no choice but to put 0:54:08.600 --> 0:54:10.400 you up. And I think that's a lot of industries. 0:54:10.800 --> 0:54:15.040 If you can prove your worth, they will most likely 0:54:15.239 --> 0:54:16.799 give you what you are worth. 0:54:16.840 --> 0:54:17.440 Now, that's the. 0:54:17.440 --> 0:54:19.399 Thing, right, You've got to in order to be able 0:54:19.400 --> 0:54:22.000 to prove your worth, you have to have the self 0:54:22.040 --> 0:54:25.480 confidence that you are worthy. The thing is is it's 0:54:25.600 --> 0:54:28.120 so hard to ask for a raise the first time. 0:54:28.160 --> 0:54:30.600 Anyone who's had to walk into their boss's office and 0:54:30.640 --> 0:54:33.720 try and pitch as to why they deserve ten percent, 0:54:33.800 --> 0:54:36.000 twenty percent, whatever it is that you're asking for. It 0:54:36.120 --> 0:54:38.279 is so fucking nerve racking to go in there and 0:54:38.320 --> 0:54:40.839 be like, I want fourteen percent pay rise because if 0:54:40.840 --> 0:54:42.399 this is in this reason, I go in there, put 0:54:42.400 --> 0:54:43.279 in paper, send an email. 0:54:43.640 --> 0:54:44.279 It's so hard. 0:54:44.320 --> 0:54:46.120 But the thing is is, like anything that you do 0:54:46.200 --> 0:54:48.160 that's new in life, the first time you do it, 0:54:48.160 --> 0:54:50.279 it's gonna suck, it's going to feel awful. They may 0:54:50.320 --> 0:54:53.080 say no, they may come back with a negotiation, meeting 0:54:53.080 --> 0:54:55.319 you halfway. But then the next time you do it, 0:54:55.360 --> 0:54:57.879 you kind of build up your thick skin around it 0:54:58.160 --> 0:55:00.200 till you get to a point where you're like, Okay, 0:55:00.200 --> 0:55:02.080 I had the confidence I know my worth and I'm 0:55:02.120 --> 0:55:03.200 not going to work for less than that. 0:55:03.280 --> 0:55:05.480 The other thing is here, we are talking from so 0:55:05.600 --> 0:55:08.960 much privilege. Here, we are talking from positions. This advice 0:55:09.200 --> 0:55:13.640 is if you're privileged enough that you can say no 0:55:13.719 --> 0:55:15.200 to a job, if they're not going to hunt at work. 0:55:15.440 --> 0:55:17.040 There are a lot of people out there now and 0:55:17.080 --> 0:55:18.520 I feel like we've all been in that position that 0:55:18.560 --> 0:55:20.840 you will take whatever you can get because job security 0:55:20.880 --> 0:55:23.640 is scarce, and getting a great job at the moment, 0:55:23.880 --> 0:55:26.480 off the back of COVID and everything, it's really hard. 0:55:26.560 --> 0:55:29.080 So there are going to be times where you say, 0:55:29.239 --> 0:55:30.960 you know what, I will take a ten dollar an 0:55:30.960 --> 0:55:32.960 hour cut to get this job, and I will need 0:55:33.000 --> 0:55:34.520 it and because I need it, and then I'll do 0:55:34.560 --> 0:55:36.160 it for a year, and then in a year, I 0:55:36.200 --> 0:55:38.879 know that I will go and tell them. I will 0:55:38.920 --> 0:55:40.920 show them in the year, show your employer why you 0:55:40.960 --> 0:55:43.000 are not replaceable and why you are of value to 0:55:43.040 --> 0:55:45.520 that company or whatever position you're in. Go back a 0:55:45.600 --> 0:55:48.280 year later and then try and negotiate. Because it's easy 0:55:48.320 --> 0:55:49.759 for us to sit here and be like, no, you're 0:55:49.840 --> 0:55:53.000 worth and you should know you're worth. But unfortunately reality 0:55:53.920 --> 0:55:56.040 doesn't bless us in that way in this day and age, 0:55:56.080 --> 0:55:59.680 So I understand. I mean I have taken so many jobs, 0:55:59.719 --> 0:56:02.600 hospit jobs and non hospital jobs that I knew when 0:56:02.719 --> 0:56:04.359 I could get more somewhere else, and I knew I 0:56:04.480 --> 0:56:05.920 was worth more. But they were like, look, we know 0:56:05.960 --> 0:56:07.560 you've got that skill set, but this is a job 0:56:07.600 --> 0:56:09.240 on offer, this is in our budget. 0:56:09.320 --> 0:56:12.120 And you're like, well, fuck, but okay, I'll take it. 0:56:12.160 --> 0:56:13.840 I've got rent and I've got bills, and there's no 0:56:13.920 --> 0:56:16.719 other position going, so I'm going to take it. Most 0:56:16.760 --> 0:56:18.200 people are going to be in that position where they 0:56:18.239 --> 0:56:19.719 don't have the blessing to. 0:56:19.640 --> 0:56:21.840 Be like, fuck you, I'm with more. I'm going to 0:56:21.880 --> 0:56:22.799 go and find it somewhere else. 0:56:22.920 --> 0:56:24.680 But don't you then that you think that that contradicts 0:56:24.719 --> 0:56:26.359 what you said at the very beginning in terms of 0:56:26.400 --> 0:56:28.400 like going in and asking for the highest amount. 0:56:28.520 --> 0:56:31.120 I think it what it needs. It depends in your position. 0:56:31.600 --> 0:56:33.440 Yeah, And I think that's why, like you know, we 0:56:33.560 --> 0:56:35.640 said that in the middle of this kind of saying. 0:56:35.840 --> 0:56:38.239 We're talking about if it is purely that you have 0:56:38.440 --> 0:56:41.279 the opportunity to and you have the privilege to be 0:56:41.320 --> 0:56:43.719 able to move within your career or you're starting a 0:56:43.719 --> 0:56:47.600 new job. But job security is not the issue in 0:56:47.640 --> 0:56:50.239 this right like you have the opportunity to negotiate, because 0:56:50.239 --> 0:56:52.680 if job security is the issue, then you don't have 0:56:52.719 --> 0:56:55.040 the opportunity to negotiate. You got to take whatever's available 0:56:55.239 --> 0:56:56.280 so that you can put food. 0:56:56.080 --> 0:56:56.479 On the table. 0:56:56.520 --> 0:56:58.239 But the thing is, it doesn't change what I'm saying 0:56:58.280 --> 0:57:01.160 that much because if the company has said this is 0:57:01.160 --> 0:57:03.239 the bracket, you know they've got that to pay, So 0:57:03.280 --> 0:57:05.520 you just need to show them why. That's the reason 0:57:05.560 --> 0:57:07.320 I still don't think. I don't think you're going cocky 0:57:07.360 --> 0:57:09.319 in like a wanga. But they're not saying we've got 0:57:09.360 --> 0:57:11.720 thirty five dollars and you're going in saying I want forty. 0:57:12.120 --> 0:57:14.239 They've given you the bracket. You're just trying to say 0:57:14.280 --> 0:57:17.240 why you think you deserve the upper end. If you 0:57:17.320 --> 0:57:20.160 are slightly worried, take a dollar off, take it two 0:57:20.160 --> 0:57:21.640 dollars off, so it doesn't look like you've gone at 0:57:21.640 --> 0:57:23.680 one hundred percent, but you've gone into ninety five percent, 0:57:23.840 --> 0:57:26.320 and then know that in a year's time you can 0:57:26.360 --> 0:57:28.520 go back for that extra couple of dollars or whatever 0:57:28.560 --> 0:57:30.520 you knocked off. But I wouldn't be selling yourself short 0:57:30.560 --> 0:57:32.919 and going in at the very very base level. They 0:57:33.280 --> 0:57:35.880 have put a bracket there, a price bracket for a reason. 0:57:36.240 --> 0:57:37.960 They have that to spend totally. 0:57:37.960 --> 0:57:39.840 They're just looking for the right person and they want 0:57:39.840 --> 0:57:41.520 to know why they want justification. 0:57:41.840 --> 0:57:44.000 All right, Well that is it from us, guys. Another 0:57:44.120 --> 0:57:46.280 ask gun cut done and dusted. If you have any 0:57:46.320 --> 0:57:48.760 questions for us for ask gun cuts, slide into the dms. 0:57:49.120 --> 0:57:50.520 Also if you. 0:57:50.600 --> 0:57:53.160 Have any ask gun cuts that you want us to 0:57:53.200 --> 0:57:55.040 answer at the live show, like if you're coming to 0:57:55.080 --> 0:57:57.920 a live show, if you want us on stage talking 0:57:57.960 --> 0:58:00.360 about you anonymously and so you can sit there in 0:58:00.400 --> 0:58:03.360 the audience being like ooh that question is mad question. 0:58:03.760 --> 0:58:05.120 We will do it live on stage. 0:58:05.240 --> 0:58:08.560 Send ask your questions, tell us what show you're coming to, 0:58:08.600 --> 0:58:09.960 tell us if you want it to be for the 0:58:10.000 --> 0:58:12.920 podcast and we may make it happen. But you can 0:58:12.960 --> 0:58:15.800 slide into our dms on Instagram for that. Also reminder 0:58:15.920 --> 0:58:19.160 go get your tickets from lifelun cuppodcast dot com dot 0:58:19.200 --> 0:58:23.040 au for all of the shows in Australia and also Auckland. 0:58:23.280 --> 0:58:26.880 And don't forget we are taking a one week break 0:58:27.040 --> 0:58:28.680 because we didn't get a break this year. 0:58:28.680 --> 0:58:30.440 Actually this is the first holiday we're taking. This is 0:58:30.440 --> 0:58:32.240 the first week we took off the podcast this year. 0:58:32.400 --> 0:58:33.400 Oh my god, I just. 0:58:33.320 --> 0:58:33.960 Said that out loud. 0:58:33.960 --> 0:58:34.720 I need to be fair. 0:58:34.840 --> 0:58:38.560 We've not taken a holiday off actually bringing out content. 0:58:38.640 --> 0:58:41.560 We've beat away, we've done things, we've lived a life, yeah, 0:58:41.560 --> 0:58:43.160 but we haven't actually had a week. 0:58:43.520 --> 0:58:44.880 Yeah, and this is mandatory. 0:58:45.040 --> 0:58:47.040 Yeah, no podcast holiday. 0:58:47.120 --> 0:58:49.400 The podcast gods came to us and they said, you 0:58:49.480 --> 0:58:50.400 need to take a week off. 0:58:50.400 --> 0:58:51.080 So we're doing it. 0:58:51.160 --> 0:58:53.800 I'm going to be in Bali, BRIT's gonna be horizontal, 0:58:54.120 --> 0:58:56.320 getting a dicking hang in. Yeah, it's going to be 0:58:56.320 --> 0:58:56.880 great for everyone. 0:58:56.920 --> 0:59:00.640 Not necessarily horizontal handstand lots of different places. 0:59:00.640 --> 0:59:02.760 But I guess you who the fuck is doing a 0:59:02.800 --> 0:59:03.920 handstead do not me. 0:59:04.440 --> 0:59:07.560 My joints can't hold myself up anymore. I'm too old 0:59:07.560 --> 0:59:08.360 for that kind of stuff. 0:59:08.400 --> 0:59:10.400 Handstand sex is the thing you try once in your 0:59:10.400 --> 0:59:13.560 twenties with a boy that you never marry. You're never 0:59:13.640 --> 0:59:16.800 marrying the guy that you tried handstand sex with. Just FYI, Well, 0:59:17.120 --> 0:59:17.640 I don't know. 0:59:17.760 --> 0:59:19.920 Maybe I'll give it a whirl just because you said 0:59:20.000 --> 0:59:21.080 that people don't do it. 0:59:20.960 --> 0:59:24.000 Once you're in you're like mid thirties, those elbows are 0:59:24.040 --> 0:59:24.760 not what they used to be. 0:59:24.960 --> 0:59:27.240 No, he'd have to do all the work. I can't 0:59:27.280 --> 0:59:28.960 hold myself up anymore. Those days are gone. 0:59:29.120 --> 0:59:31.040 Anyway. We're having a week off, so we'll see you 0:59:31.160 --> 0:59:32.040 the week after. 0:59:32.600 --> 0:59:34.520 And yeah, we can't wait to see you guys. 0:59:34.360 --> 0:59:36.440 All with the live shows. We love your lots, We 0:59:36.520 --> 0:59:38.680 miss your lots, and don't forget to you, Mum, to you, Dad, 0:59:38.680 --> 0:59:41.040 Telly Dog. Tear friends and share the love because we 0:59:41.240 --> 0:59:41.640 love lo 1:00:00.160 --> 1:00:03.840 The ban were bam urabaya.