1 00:00:00,680 --> 00:00:04,480 Speaker 1: New Jersey and Amanda Jamna I heard a very interesting 2 00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:07,640 Speaker 1: podcast yesterday from the New York Times and it was 3 00:00:07,680 --> 00:00:12,320 Speaker 1: about intensive parenting and the Surgeon General, the US Surgeon 4 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:14,760 Speaker 1: General who will make announcements on things like COVID and 5 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:17,880 Speaker 1: smoking and important things about your health, has come out 6 00:00:17,920 --> 00:00:22,159 Speaker 1: and spoken about intensive parenting and the toxic stress is 7 00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:25,599 Speaker 1: creating for parents. And they looked back at how we 8 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:28,040 Speaker 1: got to where we are with this. We've moved beyond 9 00:00:28,080 --> 00:00:32,000 Speaker 1: helicopter parenting to now intensive parenting. And in the eighties, 10 00:00:32,320 --> 00:00:35,000 Speaker 1: there was a whole series of ads on American television 11 00:00:35,479 --> 00:00:39,240 Speaker 1: about kidnapping and it was disproportionate to the number of 12 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,760 Speaker 1: children that actually were kidnapped, and it started to make 13 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:44,320 Speaker 1: parents frighten. The ad campaign said where are your kids? 14 00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:47,040 Speaker 1: Know where your kids are at any given moment, and 15 00:00:47,120 --> 00:00:50,640 Speaker 1: then so you had to know where they were, you 16 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:52,600 Speaker 1: had to be in their faces. And then all that 17 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:55,920 Speaker 1: information came up about the mouldable brain of nought to 18 00:00:55,920 --> 00:01:00,720 Speaker 1: three year olds, etc. That you could your input and everything. 19 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:04,959 Speaker 1: So those years suddenly became so important. And then financial 20 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:06,840 Speaker 1: stuff has been on top of that, as well as 21 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:10,280 Speaker 1: social media that you have to make you get one 22 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:14,280 Speaker 1: crack at making your kids successful. And this has been 23 00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:18,600 Speaker 1: absolutely terrifying for parents. So there's suddenly your parenting has 24 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:22,840 Speaker 1: become a contact sport, almost a competitive sport. I heard 25 00:01:22,840 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 1: this really interesting, oh And saying that everything has to 26 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:28,160 Speaker 1: be a teachable moment. You can no longer put your 27 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:29,520 Speaker 1: kid in front of the TV and you go and 28 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:31,880 Speaker 1: have a shower. You can no longer veg out with 29 00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:34,399 Speaker 1: your kid in front of the TV. You watch the show. 30 00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:36,920 Speaker 1: You're encouraged to watch the show with your child and 31 00:01:36,959 --> 00:01:39,480 Speaker 1: talk about the content and make it a teachable moment. 32 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:42,920 Speaker 1: Everything has to be a lesson. You have to be 33 00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:46,560 Speaker 1: involved in everything, and it's giving parents incredible burnout. This 34 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:50,200 Speaker 1: statistic was really interesting for me is that a working 35 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:53,720 Speaker 1: mother today spends as much time with her children as 36 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:56,080 Speaker 1: a stay at home mother did in the seventies. Wow, 37 00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,760 Speaker 1: so you wonder how does that happen. How it happens 38 00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:00,440 Speaker 1: is that you give up your leisure time, you give 39 00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:02,600 Speaker 1: up your own social time. It used to be that 40 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:04,240 Speaker 1: you'd have a game of tennis and the kids be 41 00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:07,160 Speaker 1: off running around somewhere else. Now your kids are involved 42 00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:10,040 Speaker 1: in you playing tennis. You'd socialize with your friends and 43 00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:13,320 Speaker 1: the kids had been in another room. Now everyone socializes together, 44 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,120 Speaker 1: so the parents, the mums and the dads are losing 45 00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,839 Speaker 1: out on what makes them human, on what they need 46 00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:20,160 Speaker 1: to survive a busy life. 47 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,000 Speaker 2: It's true that you look at the pubs, the pub 48 00:02:22,080 --> 00:02:23,919 Speaker 2: scene when we were young in the eighties. You go 49 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,640 Speaker 2: and see the radiators or coaches will performing at the 50 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,800 Speaker 2: local beer bar. And I was up my local beer 51 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:31,200 Speaker 2: barn recently and I was looking at the stage where 52 00:02:31,280 --> 00:02:34,240 Speaker 2: the radiators did indeed once play and there's kids all 53 00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:36,040 Speaker 2: running around on it, and I thought it was nice. 54 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:38,320 Speaker 2: The kids are run around. There a ballroom so they 55 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:41,400 Speaker 2: can throw the balls around. So kids go to the pub. Now, 56 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:43,360 Speaker 2: back in our day, if your dad took you to 57 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,560 Speaker 2: the pub, you sat outside in the car drinking a 58 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,760 Speaker 2: lemon squash while he was inside with his mates. 59 00:02:47,840 --> 00:02:50,919 Speaker 1: That wasn't great either, But it means that every moment. 60 00:02:50,919 --> 00:02:52,760 Speaker 2: And I'm not lamenting that they were the good old day. 61 00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:54,360 Speaker 1: No, I don't know what you mean, but there's no 62 00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:58,040 Speaker 1: moments that are for you. And the Surgeon General has said, 63 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:00,800 Speaker 1: make sure you have time out, make sure you have 64 00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:02,920 Speaker 1: moments where you have your own clarity, where you have 65 00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:05,320 Speaker 1: your own social life where you do your own exercise, 66 00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:06,880 Speaker 1: you go to the gym, you do what you need 67 00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:09,760 Speaker 1: to do. Because this intensive parenting, there have been so 68 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,800 Speaker 1: many studies on how it is for the kids, but 69 00:03:11,880 --> 00:03:17,280 Speaker 1: we're finding that for the parents it's hugely toxic. Depression, anxiety, stress, 70 00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:20,480 Speaker 1: These are impacts that are now being called out. So 71 00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:23,640 Speaker 1: this new form of parenting isn't good for anybody. Interesting, 72 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:24,000 Speaker 1: isn't it. 73 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:27,280 Speaker 2: It's fascinating. It's fascinating. You're just going to give you 74 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:28,480 Speaker 2: a bit of a breather. 75 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:30,920 Speaker 1: We'll give yourself a breather. No one else is going 76 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:32,840 Speaker 1: to give you a breather. Give yourself a breather. 77 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:34,400 Speaker 2: Well done, thank you. 78 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:36,560 Speaker 1: I'm not to take a breather, have a breathing. I'm 79 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:37,680 Speaker 1: dealing with you as a child.