WEBVTT - MINI: Wardrobe Malfunctions

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<v Speaker 1>iHeart Podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Hear more gold podcast playlists and listen live on the

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<v Speaker 2>free iHeart app. Got anything good? Hey, this is the

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<v Speaker 2>Christian O'Connell Show podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>Producer Ria, what happened to these jeans you got from Korea?

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I bought these beautiful new Korean jeans, but they

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<v Speaker 3>were an ambitious 32. So I reckon I'm more of

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<v Speaker 3>a 33, 34, but I thought I would squeeze sort

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<v Speaker 3>of back into them when I got back from Korea. Sadly,

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<v Speaker 3>the opposite has happened. I've expanded in the waist and

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<v Speaker 3>they literally flung.

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<v Speaker 1>Off my pants. What, the buttons? Yeah, it was like...

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<v Speaker 1>Blew off.

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<v Speaker 3>As I was getting ready for work, so I've had

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<v Speaker 3>to make a late pants switch, and I've been very

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<v Speaker 3>humbled by this development.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, we're looking for your stories in about wardrobe

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<v Speaker 2>malfunctions on 135522. There is never, ever a good time

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<v Speaker 2>for something to split.

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<v Speaker 1>Tear, or rip.

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<v Speaker 2>I remember years ago, this security guard that worked at

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<v Speaker 2>one of London's maximum security guards, and he was on

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<v Speaker 2>a wing where it was lifers. And he was getting

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<v Speaker 2>in a tussle with one of the inmates. And they

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<v Speaker 2>went to the ground. And he said, the prison guard

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<v Speaker 2>uniforms are very tight. Suddenly, he's grappling with an actual killer.

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<v Speaker 2>And he said, they go to the ground.

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<v Speaker 1>And all of a sudden, you hear this. And it's

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<v Speaker 1>his backside. It's his backside has actually. And he said.

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<v Speaker 2>The inmate and him, just because they just start laughing.

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<v Speaker 2>It actually de-escalated the situation. He was like, please can

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<v Speaker 2>you go back in your cell? You split my pants.

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<v Speaker 2>He was like, I'm very sorry about that.

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<v Speaker 1>That is awesome.

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<v Speaker 2>Good morning, Hayley. This comes in from Hayley Melder. Christian,

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<v Speaker 2>I was heading out to local shops. I grabbed my

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<v Speaker 2>good pair of trackies. Only in Australia. They have, wait

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<v Speaker 2>for it, A good pair of trackies, the posh ones,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, for weddings and days in court. I grabbed

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<v Speaker 2>my good pair of trackies out fresh from the dryer

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<v Speaker 2>and hurriedly put them on whilst they were toasty warm.

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<v Speaker 2>Pulled down my shoes and off I went. When I

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<v Speaker 2>was in Coles in the cold cheese aisle, I was

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<v Speaker 2>unnaturally cold around my lower half.

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<v Speaker 1>I looked down.

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<v Speaker 2>Eventually, tomorrow, I discovered my dog had chewed the crutch

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<v Speaker 2>out of my pants.

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<v Speaker 4>Oh.

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<v Speaker 1>Front to back. Oh, wow. Oh, my God.

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<v Speaker 2>All around the old Dandenong Rangers. How very unfortunate. Hayley,

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<v Speaker 2>that is tough. Christian, at my wedding, this is from Alexis,

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<v Speaker 2>the photographer squatted down to take the obligatory shot of

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<v Speaker 2>the bridesmaids, only to stop dead and go bright red.

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<v Speaker 1>He had split his pants. Front to back.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, no. You've got to take a knee. You're taking

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<v Speaker 2>a knee, aren't you?

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<v Speaker 1>His wife had to help him back up. Poor guy.

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<v Speaker 1>Poor guy. But get the photos, won't you, there.

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<v Speaker 2>Christian, my brother was at a function wearing a brand

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<v Speaker 2>new suit. After a belly full of beer, he was

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<v Speaker 2>walking to get some maccas. Again, classy behaviour. He needed

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<v Speaker 2>to go bad. He saw a construction site with a port-a-loo.

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<v Speaker 2>He climbed the fence and... He completely ripped his pants

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<v Speaker 2>to pieces.

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<v Speaker 1>At the barbed wire. But he made it to the toilet. Phew,

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<v Speaker 1>thank God. Mission accomplished. And then had to walk to

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<v Speaker 1>the cab rank to go home with no pants on. Oh, no.

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<v Speaker 2>Who's getting that lucky customer? In fact, I'm retiring. It's

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<v Speaker 2>my last one. Lauren's on the line.

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<v Speaker 1>Good morning, Lauren. Welcome to the show.

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<v Speaker 4>Morning, Christian. How are you going?

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<v Speaker 1>I'm good, Lauren. I hope you're having a good morning. Now, Lauren,

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<v Speaker 1>what's your story?

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<v Speaker 4>It was about 10 years ago, and I'll never forget it.

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<v Speaker 4>It was a ripper, and it was a wedding. It

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<v Speaker 4>was my husband's friend's wedding, and I don't know what

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<v Speaker 4>it is, but it's something about the song from Pop Gun,

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<v Speaker 4>that loving feeling.

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<v Speaker 1>We all know the one, yeah. It just brings.

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<v Speaker 4>Out something in men. I don't know what it is,

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<v Speaker 4>but when it comes on, they all get together on

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<v Speaker 4>the dance floor, as many men would know, after a

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<v Speaker 4>few beers, and they're arm in arm singing and dancing

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<v Speaker 4>to this song. And there was one gentleman in particular

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<v Speaker 4>that was extremely enthusiastic. And was in full character and

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<v Speaker 4>was holding the pretend microphone, jumping up on, you know,

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<v Speaker 4>the stage and then back down again. And then right

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<v Speaker 4>at the end of the song, went into the middle

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<v Speaker 4>of the circle with a full like slide on his

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<v Speaker 4>knees into the center and ripped his pants again.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we didn't see, Mav did not do that. Unfortunately

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<v Speaker 2>for a lot of women and men, Mav did not

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<v Speaker 2>do that.

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<v Speaker 4>We were all in shock and horror and laughing and crying.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a power finish, though. It's a power finish. He

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<v Speaker 2>should have bowed like, oh, it's meant to happen. Practicing

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<v Speaker 2>that for weeks.

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<v Speaker 4>And he calmly just got himself up. walked off the

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<v Speaker 4>dance floor.

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<v Speaker 1>That's the way to do it.

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<v Speaker 4>Didn't say a single word to anybody. Just exited the building.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, of course he did. And never to be seen since.

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<v Speaker 4>No.

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<v Speaker 1>Incorrect.

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<v Speaker 4>Incorrect. He actually, we found out later, he called his mum.

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<v Speaker 4>He called his mum?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh, me. My fancy is split. He called his mum.

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<v Speaker 4>He said, Mom, my suit's ripped. You need to take

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<v Speaker 4>me back to the hired suit shop, which was down

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<v Speaker 4>the road. It was an afternoon wedding. They were open.

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<v Speaker 4>He went to the suit shop, got fitted out with

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<v Speaker 4>a new suit, and returned back to the wedding back

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<v Speaker 4>on the dance floor.

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<v Speaker 2>Wow. Second round of applause for this show today. We're

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<v Speaker 2>starting a trend now. That is good behavior, just like

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<v Speaker 2>it never happened. Lauren, thank you very much for your story, man.

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<v Speaker 1>Have a good day. Thanks for calling the show. You too.

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<v Speaker 1>The Christian O'Connell show. Go on podcast.