1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,560 Speaker 1: Did your mother tell you about sex? No, we're like 2 00:00:02,640 --> 00:00:04,280 Speaker 1: shipped away to biology class. 3 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:09,120 Speaker 2: What is your wish for people of color? People? 4 00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 3: You work with First Nations people, black people, What is 5 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:19,720 Speaker 3: your wish for those who are essentially at a disadvantage 6 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,640 Speaker 3: a lot of the time, Oh, don't. 7 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:22,960 Speaker 4: Come for us? 8 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:32,000 Speaker 5: Left the group checks resurrecting who I was sexually before 9 00:00:32,040 --> 00:00:35,400 Speaker 5: being a month and after being it's particularly different people. 10 00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:58,240 Speaker 6: Mom, always always be careful, love those Hi. 11 00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:02,760 Speaker 1: I'm Amanda, and I'm welcome to its layered podcasts. 12 00:01:02,840 --> 00:01:05,720 Speaker 3: We are under the Blackcast network, Power by iHeart, and 13 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:08,120 Speaker 3: today we're recording in the studio in Melbourne. 14 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:08,520 Speaker 2: Yay. 15 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:12,280 Speaker 1: We're very, very grateful to be here, had Bittersweet studios 16 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:16,280 Speaker 1: with our beautiful setup done by Pink Lady Picnics. That's right, 17 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:19,959 Speaker 1: and today is a very very special episode. 18 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:24,280 Speaker 3: Absolutely, we are thrilled because we heard from the streets. 19 00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:27,559 Speaker 3: The streets want to know and they've been wanting for 20 00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:30,920 Speaker 3: five seasons to learn a bit more about or talk 21 00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:32,160 Speaker 3: a little more about six. 22 00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:33,839 Speaker 2: Okay, so we heard you. 23 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:36,600 Speaker 3: Loud and clear, but we didn't want to do you 24 00:01:36,680 --> 00:01:39,440 Speaker 3: a disservice and we felt it important to bring on 25 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:43,640 Speaker 3: the experts you know, those who truly understand this work. 26 00:01:43,680 --> 00:01:45,559 Speaker 3: Because we don't want to be the blind leading the blind. 27 00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:47,559 Speaker 3: It's just too much of that. We have to focus 28 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:50,640 Speaker 3: on the blind. Yes, and we are so thrilled to 29 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:54,720 Speaker 3: have our guest Nadine in studio with us. 30 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,880 Speaker 2: Welcome to its Layered podcast. Nadine, thank you so much. 31 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 7: It's such an honest week for so giggly know. 32 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:04,240 Speaker 2: I know, we get a bit excited. 33 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:09,880 Speaker 3: Nadin Atya is an experienced counselor, social worker and sex therapists. 34 00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:13,120 Speaker 3: Nadine offers counseling and coaching on a variety of issues, 35 00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:17,120 Speaker 3: including sexual wellbeing and general mental health. As a woman 36 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:20,079 Speaker 3: of color, we're all about that here, of course. Nadine 37 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:23,799 Speaker 3: holds expertise in working with people from culturally and linguistically 38 00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:28,239 Speaker 3: diverse backgrounds, and especially individuals who identify as Muslim. 39 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:32,440 Speaker 1: Her sex positive therapeutic style is inclusive and appreciates clients 40 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:37,040 Speaker 1: backgrounds including gender and sexual diversity. She has much experience 41 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:43,079 Speaker 1: providing counseling to individuals who identify as trans, lesbian, bisexual, gay, queer, 42 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:47,320 Speaker 1: and non identifying. She incorporates her knowledge into use usable 43 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:52,400 Speaker 1: tools on healing, connecting, and rediscovering senses within love making 44 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:53,799 Speaker 1: and se. 45 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:57,040 Speaker 2: So you guys see why we had to have her here. 46 00:02:57,160 --> 00:03:00,560 Speaker 2: We didn't just get anybody, We got the expert. Yeah. 47 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,480 Speaker 1: And also as a woman of color, how do you 48 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:06,120 Speaker 1: describe yourself? And didn't someone says you're a woman of color? 49 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:06,840 Speaker 1: What does that mean? 50 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:11,280 Speaker 7: I think it comes from my own dysphoria and my 51 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:16,280 Speaker 7: own identity making. And I think my whole entire profession 52 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:19,240 Speaker 7: was I'm just becoming someone that I needed growing up. 53 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:23,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, my mother's so. 54 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:31,400 Speaker 6: Proud, long conversations about I like finished my short course 55 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:34,400 Speaker 6: summer civil celebrant, and Mom's like, and who. 56 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:36,640 Speaker 2: Will you be marrying? And there's like that little. 57 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,960 Speaker 7: And I was like, anyone that wants me, yeah, just 58 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:44,160 Speaker 7: stare right back. But really it was about becoming someone 59 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:48,840 Speaker 7: that I needed. And as I take each day, and 60 00:03:48,880 --> 00:03:54,320 Speaker 7: I see in further professional developments by uh, let's just 61 00:03:54,320 --> 00:03:57,360 Speaker 7: say white people, I'm like, I just don't want any 62 00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:00,360 Speaker 7: other person of color to sit in a situ situation 63 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:05,280 Speaker 7: where microaggressions are so obvious that because we speak, it 64 00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:08,320 Speaker 7: doesn't exist in twenty first century. You know, get kind 65 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:14,760 Speaker 7: of are or you do, but you're a social worker, Yeah, 66 00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,279 Speaker 7: I love that one. Yeah, and my manager took my 67 00:04:17,279 --> 00:04:17,919 Speaker 7: own work. 68 00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:22,200 Speaker 1: And I think that's why today talking about sex, we're like, 69 00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:25,600 Speaker 1: we have to have a people of color aspect because 70 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:29,600 Speaker 1: I think sex for us is completely different. I mean, 71 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,920 Speaker 1: first of all, if you look at people mainly look 72 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:35,520 Speaker 1: at porn and movies and whatever, even novels, and if 73 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:38,560 Speaker 1: you think those characters none of them are asked, none 74 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:39,040 Speaker 1: of them. 75 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:42,640 Speaker 3: Look like us or with then hyper sexualize exactly. 76 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,360 Speaker 7: I think because no one wants to talk about that. 77 00:04:44,400 --> 00:04:47,840 Speaker 7: Our bodies are political, yes, and if we can't acknowledge 78 00:04:47,839 --> 00:04:50,720 Speaker 7: and have that first conversation first, there's no way you're 79 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:51,640 Speaker 7: going to reach orgasm. 80 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:52,279 Speaker 2: Wow. 81 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:54,760 Speaker 7: Yeah, I think. 82 00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:55,919 Speaker 2: We can really go in. 83 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,560 Speaker 3: But I would love to take a step back and 84 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:01,200 Speaker 3: kind of if you could check how you got into 85 00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:06,279 Speaker 3: your work, especially with regards to sexual wellness, sex therapy 86 00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:10,240 Speaker 3: and your journey into who you are and also as 87 00:05:10,279 --> 00:05:13,400 Speaker 3: a social worker and how that also fits in as well, 88 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,159 Speaker 3: if you can take us through that. 89 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:19,320 Speaker 7: I love sex, Okay, So that's pretty much how it started. 90 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:24,320 Speaker 7: I was like, you know, and I I got my 91 00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:29,359 Speaker 7: menstruation at eight, So from eight years old, by the 92 00:05:29,360 --> 00:05:33,240 Speaker 7: time I was in grade six, I was like fully hours. Yeah, 93 00:05:33,279 --> 00:05:35,719 Speaker 7: and it was a very confusing time because there was 94 00:05:35,839 --> 00:05:37,640 Speaker 7: no one to guide me on how to move through 95 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:39,120 Speaker 7: this world that is it. 96 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's so commonplace with people of color. 97 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:44,760 Speaker 1: I mean we always talk about that, like did your 98 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 1: mind tell you about sex? No, we're like shipped away 99 00:05:47,680 --> 00:05:49,880 Speaker 1: to biology class and you hope for the best. 100 00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:51,960 Speaker 7: And if you go to the right school, maybe they 101 00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:54,160 Speaker 7: might not have ripped out the pages that you really 102 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:54,599 Speaker 7: need to know. 103 00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:57,560 Speaker 2: As so many stories. 104 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:01,080 Speaker 7: But really, and I think, you know, I basically got 105 00:06:01,080 --> 00:06:03,680 Speaker 7: a working with children check at a very young age, 106 00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:06,960 Speaker 7: and it just was working in the Muslim community, and then. 107 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:09,400 Speaker 2: It just slowly evolved that what were the. 108 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:14,599 Speaker 7: Patterns people were disclosing to me were around sexuality, particularly 109 00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,600 Speaker 7: around what it means to be. And I'm going to 110 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:19,560 Speaker 7: use heteronormative terms because at the time it was a 111 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:24,800 Speaker 7: very heteronormative time as well. It wasn't you know, like 112 00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,760 Speaker 7: working in the Muslim community at that time, we weren't 113 00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:31,360 Speaker 7: even acknowledging drugs and alcohol was an issue for our communities. 114 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:36,400 Speaker 7: So it's it's really sad the spiritual bypassing that happens. 115 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:39,080 Speaker 2: Spiritual bipassing. Yeah, and God's will. 116 00:06:39,320 --> 00:06:41,159 Speaker 7: Yeah, I'm pretty sure it isn't, but all right. 117 00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:43,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think it's similar. Right when we talk 118 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,920 Speaker 3: about religion, you speak about it in terms of the 119 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:49,760 Speaker 3: Muslim community. For us, it's religious when Christianity is you know, 120 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,680 Speaker 3: shut down your throat, and it was just kind of like, 121 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:55,600 Speaker 3: so be it, or we. 122 00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:57,599 Speaker 2: Don't do that, like you don't talk about it and 123 00:06:57,640 --> 00:06:58,000 Speaker 2: so on. 124 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:02,240 Speaker 7: So even mine, when I speakiritual, when I seek spiritual guidance, 125 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:05,120 Speaker 7: I seek it from like an indigenous elder who use 126 00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:09,039 Speaker 7: a chaplain. Like for me, I think because I am 127 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:14,400 Speaker 7: first foremost advocating for sexual freedom, it does go beyond 128 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:18,720 Speaker 7: one Abrahamic religion because, like I said, our bodies are politicized, 129 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:24,200 Speaker 7: our bodies, and I'm very big on ancestual trauma. So 130 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:28,600 Speaker 7: for one of our you know, is female general mutilation 131 00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:32,000 Speaker 7: or cutting, whatever term you'd like to use, has happened 132 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:35,720 Speaker 7: in some form of your lineage, it will somehow manifest 133 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:38,480 Speaker 7: somatically in your own body if you do not do 134 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:38,920 Speaker 7: the work. 135 00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:42,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, it has to trauma, it has to live somewhere. 136 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:45,840 Speaker 7: Yeah, And it's like this is the pattern. Until the 137 00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:49,480 Speaker 7: trauma cycle is broken, it will just keep repeating. 138 00:07:49,240 --> 00:07:51,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, why do you think sex is so hard for 139 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,320 Speaker 1: us to talk about as people of color. 140 00:07:56,560 --> 00:08:01,280 Speaker 7: I think part of it is the colonizers influence of 141 00:08:01,360 --> 00:08:05,720 Speaker 7: shame and sex being taboo. I think that's one thing. 142 00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:10,240 Speaker 7: I think also sex has really been If we're going 143 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,200 Speaker 7: to talk about sex, it's also in the light of 144 00:08:12,280 --> 00:08:15,240 Speaker 7: violence and that love and abuse can coexist. 145 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:16,520 Speaker 2: Shout out to bell Hooks. 146 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:20,920 Speaker 7: But you know that, so it took a lot of unlearning. Yeah, 147 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,840 Speaker 7: Like when I first read All about Love, it changed 148 00:08:23,880 --> 00:08:27,680 Speaker 7: my life. I was crying, Like I even referred to 149 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,800 Speaker 7: bell Hooks as Mumba Hooks, like she just that's what 150 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:34,080 Speaker 7: I needed, Like I needed someone older and wiser to 151 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:37,280 Speaker 7: tell me that I'm not crazy. Yeah, that your body 152 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:40,839 Speaker 7: is unhappy and it's scary because the person who's meant 153 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,320 Speaker 7: to love you is not meant to be doing those 154 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:47,840 Speaker 7: things to you. And so unless sex is spoken about 155 00:08:47,880 --> 00:08:52,239 Speaker 7: in a very specific light, you get labeled as something derogatory. 156 00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:58,160 Speaker 3: And I always think about, you know, the slave that 157 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:01,360 Speaker 3: was taking to America. I forget her name, which is terrible, 158 00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:05,560 Speaker 3: forgive me, and you know she's she was almost put 159 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:08,280 Speaker 3: as an an object that people would stare at because 160 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:12,160 Speaker 3: of her hips her her dairy air all this, and that's. 161 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:16,960 Speaker 7: Like, yeah, yeah the first you know, I'm not even 162 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,120 Speaker 7: with all the respect. I think Peckle Hunters is her 163 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:21,360 Speaker 7: real name. But like when I watched John, when I 164 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 7: watched like Disney, know, I'm like, no one would have 165 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:25,840 Speaker 7: spoke hers and just yeah yeah. 166 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:30,079 Speaker 2: No one just to no one would be yeah. 167 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:34,679 Speaker 7: But unfortunately out like yeah that's history. 168 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:36,319 Speaker 2: Yeah it really is. 169 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:37,520 Speaker 4: That's how it really is. 170 00:09:37,679 --> 00:09:39,760 Speaker 1: And I think that's where the shame you spoke about 171 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:43,280 Speaker 1: came in, because even bodily shame right, having big, bigger hips, 172 00:09:43,320 --> 00:09:47,160 Speaker 1: so bigger, I mean unless it's celebrated and hyper sexualized, saying, 173 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:49,120 Speaker 1: but if you don't want to be hyper sexualized and 174 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,400 Speaker 1: you just want to be treated as normal, it's really 175 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,640 Speaker 1: hard people of color because you don't even see ourselves 176 00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:56,079 Speaker 1: in those spaces. I mean only now we have a 177 00:09:56,080 --> 00:09:58,240 Speaker 1: beautiful high tea set up. I think the Bridget and 178 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:02,040 Speaker 1: season had a quote unquote girl and I was like, 179 00:10:02,120 --> 00:10:04,800 Speaker 1: whoa your main girl? 180 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:05,240 Speaker 2: Wow? 181 00:10:05,559 --> 00:10:07,559 Speaker 1: And I'm like, wow, this is how behind we are. 182 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,480 Speaker 1: We haven't even accepted people. 183 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:12,120 Speaker 2: With exactly you know. 184 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:14,440 Speaker 7: What I love is that she's also got beautiful ginger 185 00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:16,719 Speaker 7: and I was like, y'are going out with. 186 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:28,040 Speaker 4: You're like. 187 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:29,880 Speaker 2: Yah and your lady Winter and your lady Sorry. 188 00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:36,960 Speaker 8: Yeah, I haven't watched them that much exactly, and you've 189 00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:40,040 Speaker 8: you've tackled something already and started talking about trauma. 190 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:43,960 Speaker 2: So we want to go there, please please and talk about. 191 00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:47,080 Speaker 3: How trauma plays a role in how we approach sex, 192 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:52,000 Speaker 3: especially as people of color, especially as maybe women. 193 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:55,480 Speaker 2: There's so many different. 194 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:59,200 Speaker 7: Like lanes lanes, and the way I personally work is 195 00:10:59,480 --> 00:11:01,560 Speaker 7: I was like, I'm not really interested in any kind 196 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,440 Speaker 7: of pre checklist or assessment. You can bring it if 197 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:06,040 Speaker 7: you want to, but I'll sit down and cross for 198 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:09,800 Speaker 7: you and like, let's just have a conversation and then 199 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:12,400 Speaker 7: I will work in accordance to that person. Like I 200 00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:15,440 Speaker 7: can rid all the theories because I don't know how 201 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:19,559 Speaker 7: their trauma and I need and they don't even need 202 00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:21,400 Speaker 7: to tell me the trauma story, but I just need 203 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:24,040 Speaker 7: enough information to know, oh, this is the wound. 204 00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:25,360 Speaker 2: This. 205 00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:28,520 Speaker 7: So you were the first memory you had was nine, okay, 206 00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:30,760 Speaker 7: so developmentally we need to work with you as a 207 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:36,680 Speaker 7: nine year old for example. You know, like it really depends, 208 00:11:36,679 --> 00:11:39,720 Speaker 7: like I can't put everyone all into one box because 209 00:11:39,760 --> 00:11:44,480 Speaker 7: I will disrespect listeners. I will disrespect my companions that 210 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:48,400 Speaker 7: I'm working with because each one is really individual. Sometimes 211 00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:51,600 Speaker 7: I can sit there and vape with someone someone I 212 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:54,679 Speaker 7: can garden with another person they want homework, like it 213 00:11:54,840 --> 00:11:58,719 Speaker 7: really is so different for each person. 214 00:11:58,840 --> 00:12:02,000 Speaker 3: And how does it affect to these traumas? How do 215 00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:06,360 Speaker 3: you see it affecting sexual sexuality especially you said something 216 00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:10,120 Speaker 3: also earlier about love and abuse like girl books and 217 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,560 Speaker 3: how she talks about they can't co exist, they can't coexist, 218 00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:15,880 Speaker 3: but you maybe lived that and as an experience where 219 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:18,120 Speaker 3: I love you, but I'm putting you through this pain 220 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:19,320 Speaker 3: and heartache. 221 00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:20,800 Speaker 7: Because you love the ones you hurt the ones you're 222 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:22,880 Speaker 7: exactly how do. 223 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:25,920 Speaker 3: You see that manifesting in terms of are people afraid 224 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:28,600 Speaker 3: of their sexuality or how does how does. 225 00:12:28,440 --> 00:12:35,240 Speaker 7: It inability to orgasm performance anxiety severe vaginist Smiths which 226 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:38,360 Speaker 7: means that that's the whole of the vagina, So the 227 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:41,439 Speaker 7: volva is the whole kind of area, but the actual 228 00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:45,320 Speaker 7: funnel tunnel is like the vagina, and that will could 229 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:49,200 Speaker 7: be so tight that it's actually non existed to open, 230 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:51,320 Speaker 7: you know, and of course public for physios would have 231 00:12:51,320 --> 00:12:54,360 Speaker 7: a lot more knowledge around that. I work more about 232 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:58,360 Speaker 7: the mental health. It's all it's all connected, right, and 233 00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:02,120 Speaker 7: you know, we'd work with dilators, so it's really different. 234 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:04,960 Speaker 7: But in a performance anxiety is a really big one. 235 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,959 Speaker 7: If I was to pick one, that is like a 236 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:11,679 Speaker 7: common theme and nearly performance anxiety, I am not enough. 237 00:13:12,120 --> 00:13:13,760 Speaker 7: What I want and what I would like to do 238 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,600 Speaker 7: is you know, oh my god, I can't share that 239 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:18,520 Speaker 7: fantasy because they're going to think I'm a creep or 240 00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:21,960 Speaker 7: there's all these different things, and I you know, I'm 241 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:25,000 Speaker 7: really I think the divine that I have the personality 242 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:26,760 Speaker 7: that I have because it takes a lot to freak 243 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:28,719 Speaker 7: me out, It takes a lot to gross me out, 244 00:13:28,760 --> 00:13:31,679 Speaker 7: it takes a lot to you know, I'm not please, 245 00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:34,720 Speaker 7: no one come to me for a challenge. But like 246 00:13:37,679 --> 00:13:41,200 Speaker 7: my intention is saying like I just want you to 247 00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:43,320 Speaker 7: know that I can see that you're in pain. And 248 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:46,920 Speaker 7: that's why I use the language companions. I'm sitting side 249 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:49,960 Speaker 7: by side, shoulder or shoulder like I'm your companion until 250 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:52,200 Speaker 7: you say, Nadine, thank you so much, I no longer 251 00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 7: need your services or you're not the person for me 252 00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:56,360 Speaker 7: at the moment, and then I'm like, okay, I'm done 253 00:13:56,440 --> 00:13:59,760 Speaker 7: like the performance anxiety of I Am not enough. 254 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:00,960 Speaker 2: That's what trauma does. 255 00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:07,560 Speaker 7: Trauman destroys your intuition, your self being your anchor. And 256 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:09,880 Speaker 7: for me, I believe our sexes are anchor. You know 257 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:12,000 Speaker 7: who you are sexually, then you know how to walk 258 00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:14,760 Speaker 7: through this world because you know how to be touched, 259 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:16,560 Speaker 7: You know what you will tolerate, you know what you 260 00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:19,840 Speaker 7: will not tolerate. You know what gives you pleasure. Therefore 261 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:22,800 Speaker 7: you do more of that because it gives you endorphins 262 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:25,560 Speaker 7: and the dopamine, etc. And or there's other beautiful hormones 263 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:28,840 Speaker 7: I should know the name of, but I don't. Yeah, 264 00:14:28,880 --> 00:14:30,920 Speaker 7: if you know yourself sexually, you will know how to 265 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,000 Speaker 7: walk through this world. 266 00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:33,320 Speaker 4: That is so true. 267 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:36,520 Speaker 1: You say that because I obviously recently or two years ago, 268 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:39,640 Speaker 1: had a child, and I find not that my birth 269 00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:45,760 Speaker 1: experience wasn't traumatic, but resurrecting who I was sexually before 270 00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:49,200 Speaker 1: being a mom and after being it's two completely different people. 271 00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:52,520 Speaker 1: You know, you've pushed out a whole human through my 272 00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:55,160 Speaker 1: e There's no way it can be the same after. 273 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:58,120 Speaker 1: And I think there's a dormancy that we don't talk 274 00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:00,800 Speaker 1: about from motherhood when it comes to and just the 275 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:05,080 Speaker 1: way your body it changes, and obviously your has been expecting. 276 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:06,720 Speaker 1: I think they give you like what six weeks and 277 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:07,760 Speaker 1: then you recover and it's. 278 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:08,920 Speaker 2: Like back at it. 279 00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:13,560 Speaker 4: I have to discover me. I have to discover my whole. 280 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:19,160 Speaker 7: I would like your thousand you can cover, I would point. 281 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:21,200 Speaker 7: I'm like, first of all, what's. 282 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,520 Speaker 1: Your thoughts around that to any mothers out there or 283 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:26,840 Speaker 1: anyone who has lost their sexual spark. 284 00:15:27,080 --> 00:15:32,040 Speaker 7: So my first acknowledgement to those who have have brought 285 00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:35,160 Speaker 7: beautiful children into this world is the truth is you 286 00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:39,240 Speaker 7: don't have that privilege anymore because it's an adult job 287 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:43,480 Speaker 7: to protect that child and until that child is of age. 288 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:46,960 Speaker 7: I'm so sorry, Mama bearz like you're gonna have to 289 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:51,840 Speaker 7: plan naked Tuesdays with your person to have sex. It's 290 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:54,760 Speaker 7: not gonna be a sporadic evenmore. I'm so And for me, 291 00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:57,800 Speaker 7: I am sorry because I love sex and obviously I 292 00:15:57,800 --> 00:15:59,200 Speaker 7: don't want you to miss out on it. But I'm 293 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:02,720 Speaker 7: also not so because child's rights and and the amount 294 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:05,640 Speaker 7: of trauma that has happened to our children and to 295 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:08,680 Speaker 7: our babies, and that are still happening. You know, first nation, 296 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,280 Speaker 7: children are still the highest rate of children remove from 297 00:16:11,400 --> 00:16:17,520 Speaker 7: care to this day like that will impact yeah you know, yeah, yeah, 298 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:21,240 Speaker 7: so to our mothers, I love you, and I say yes, 299 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:26,200 Speaker 7: but you need to plan yourself. You need to prioritize because. 300 00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:27,440 Speaker 2: The world is not going to offer that to you. 301 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,600 Speaker 4: But comfort it will not come. 302 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,880 Speaker 7: You have to create that yourself, unfortunately. 303 00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,680 Speaker 1: And I appreciate you saying that because I think a 304 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:38,200 Speaker 1: lot of times people there's this whole thing snap back 305 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:41,320 Speaker 1: to what you used to do, but that's gone. That 306 00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:45,440 Speaker 1: was them, and this happened to me and I'm now now, 307 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:48,600 Speaker 1: can't I love me and be enough now? And I 308 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:50,760 Speaker 1: think for a lot of mothers hearing the reality of 309 00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:52,040 Speaker 1: that is beautiful. 310 00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:52,760 Speaker 2: Yeah it is. 311 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:56,720 Speaker 7: It's like you've done you you, if anything, you deserve 312 00:16:56,760 --> 00:17:01,040 Speaker 7: the break more now because you have this whole entire 313 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:05,360 Speaker 7: being that is your responsibility, and that you know where 314 00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:07,920 Speaker 7: you don't live in communities and tribes where a whole 315 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:10,240 Speaker 7: community will children anymore. 316 00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:13,080 Speaker 3: We talk about that often and and really say that 317 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:16,920 Speaker 3: times have shifted and we don't. And that's something it's 318 00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,280 Speaker 3: so interesting now we're going back to children, like how 319 00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:23,040 Speaker 3: we're expected to function and thrive in the Western society, 320 00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:27,639 Speaker 3: but we know, culturally we had the literally like the 321 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:32,320 Speaker 3: village to take care of children. It's affecting all aspects. 322 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:32,520 Speaker 2: Of our lives. 323 00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:36,200 Speaker 3: Sounds really a huge expectation for you to jump back 324 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,400 Speaker 3: in and just do this and also raise the child 325 00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:41,160 Speaker 3: without the support and still be a functioning human. 326 00:17:44,560 --> 00:17:46,800 Speaker 1: All these It's so funny because I always and I 327 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:49,080 Speaker 1: always talk about that, like we were made to feel 328 00:17:49,080 --> 00:17:51,159 Speaker 1: like our way was not the right way, and now 329 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:54,919 Speaker 1: we're circling back and realizing, actually, actually it was okay 330 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:58,040 Speaker 1: before you came and told us it wasn't for sure. 331 00:17:58,920 --> 00:18:02,560 Speaker 3: How do we shake off that we were given, especially 332 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:06,600 Speaker 3: around sexual liberation such as slut We talked about hyper sexualization, 333 00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:12,040 Speaker 3: hyper sexualization of young girls, and you know especially you know, 334 00:18:12,119 --> 00:18:13,840 Speaker 3: we come to you said you got your first period 335 00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:15,959 Speaker 3: at eight. I got mine at ten. I remember we 336 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:18,879 Speaker 3: were at school camp, the worst experience for you to 337 00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,159 Speaker 3: get your first period. And I was like, oh my gosh, 338 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:23,600 Speaker 3: you saw this or the and then of course like 339 00:18:23,960 --> 00:18:26,640 Speaker 3: can you tork? Oh you guys, can you know look 340 00:18:26,680 --> 00:18:29,800 Speaker 3: about it? All these kind of you know, words that 341 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:34,000 Speaker 3: are thrown at us. How do we liberate ourselves from 342 00:18:34,119 --> 00:18:37,800 Speaker 3: those negative connotations that we get, especially pertaining to our 343 00:18:37,840 --> 00:18:39,880 Speaker 3: sexuality and who we are. 344 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:43,879 Speaker 7: I would first gently and lovingly explore why it offends you? 345 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:47,200 Speaker 4: First, Oh, don't come for us? 346 00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:56,560 Speaker 7: Left the group checks. But I just like, but why does. 347 00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:57,000 Speaker 2: That offend you? 348 00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:59,199 Speaker 7: Like we've got somebody who's not your and for me, 349 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,879 Speaker 7: I think about whether you are my equal as in 350 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,600 Speaker 7: I will get on the floor, you can get on 351 00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:05,760 Speaker 7: my back and I will lift you that kind of equal, 352 00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,280 Speaker 7: or you're you're not in my world, like I'm gonna 353 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:12,200 Speaker 7: die one day, right, yeah, and your baby's going to 354 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:17,320 Speaker 7: take our place good, So they need leaders. Why does 355 00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:20,440 Speaker 7: it offend you? I don't know us. It's a word 356 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:21,600 Speaker 7: that they're trying to bring us down. 357 00:19:21,720 --> 00:19:25,200 Speaker 4: Yeah, they've given meaning to actually. 358 00:19:24,920 --> 00:19:27,240 Speaker 7: Yeah for what maybe they need to go get a 359 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,200 Speaker 7: vibrant in a little bit of a couple of hours, you. 360 00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:31,440 Speaker 2: Know what amount of time at work? 361 00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:34,080 Speaker 1: I see people and I'm like, yo, you need to 362 00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:37,800 Speaker 1: have some ill the tension. 363 00:19:37,920 --> 00:19:38,720 Speaker 2: One hundred percent. 364 00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,760 Speaker 7: Go watch whatever toxic shoot you want to get you off. 365 00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:43,879 Speaker 7: I don't care, just just like do something. 366 00:19:45,040 --> 00:19:48,200 Speaker 2: Relieve, right, yeah, relieve. 367 00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:49,960 Speaker 3: That is such a great answer, Like I'm just like 368 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:51,439 Speaker 3: we need that energy. 369 00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:51,720 Speaker 6: Yeah. 370 00:19:51,880 --> 00:19:54,359 Speaker 2: Twenty twenty five guys, we need that energy. 371 00:19:54,640 --> 00:19:56,800 Speaker 1: I mean for Reimby and I growing up certainly, even 372 00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,480 Speaker 1: our clothing. I remember like sometimes you'd wear a T 373 00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:01,560 Speaker 1: shirt as like a ten year old or eleven year 374 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:05,080 Speaker 1: old and like legging tights and then people be like, oh, 375 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:05,880 Speaker 1: we're a big T shirt. 376 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:06,879 Speaker 2: Kind of have your ass out. 377 00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:10,159 Speaker 4: Like she is ten? Yes, what does the ass have 378 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:11,200 Speaker 4: to do with anything? 379 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:14,320 Speaker 1: But it's like you are now teaching us ways that 380 00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:16,480 Speaker 1: a lot of our people that we look at young 381 00:20:16,760 --> 00:20:18,800 Speaker 1: kids and hyper sexualize them. 382 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,240 Speaker 3: And even remember there's a time and you couldn't go 383 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:24,399 Speaker 3: to town to the city center wearing like pants and 384 00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:27,520 Speaker 3: I'm not just saying like legging tights, we. 385 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,400 Speaker 2: Lose our virginity. 386 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:32,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, so jeans, And it was like you can't wear that. 387 00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,280 Speaker 3: And you know, I was reading a book by t 388 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:38,199 Speaker 3: the name has gone off my head and there's a 389 00:20:38,240 --> 00:20:41,639 Speaker 3: scene with these girls, like there's a girl wearing looking 390 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:43,800 Speaker 3: nice in the city, wearing a short skirt and they 391 00:20:43,840 --> 00:20:46,680 Speaker 3: literally rip it apart in the you know, and then 392 00:20:46,680 --> 00:20:50,000 Speaker 3: it's like, how did we become this? And you know, 393 00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:52,840 Speaker 3: it's really really sad to know that that is the 394 00:20:52,880 --> 00:20:55,840 Speaker 3: reality of you can't be yourself because well if you. 395 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:59,240 Speaker 7: Can't beat them and join them, and if enough people 396 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:03,920 Speaker 7: call like you know, fear and it's the like it takes. 397 00:21:04,280 --> 00:21:07,120 Speaker 7: It takes a lot to go against the grade. It 398 00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:10,399 Speaker 7: really does. And I was speaking to you know, I 399 00:21:10,480 --> 00:21:14,080 Speaker 7: call him uncle the First Nations, like spiritual leader I 400 00:21:14,080 --> 00:21:16,480 Speaker 7: look to and I was like, I'm so sorry, but 401 00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:19,720 Speaker 7: Tupac had it right. I want to see you eat, 402 00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:22,719 Speaker 7: just not at my table. Yes, it actually comes to 403 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:23,480 Speaker 7: that point. 404 00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:24,840 Speaker 2: Now, isn't That's so true. 405 00:21:24,920 --> 00:21:26,960 Speaker 7: Yeah, it's just not at my table. I don't have 406 00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:31,159 Speaker 7: time for it because there is so much pain and 407 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:32,400 Speaker 7: it's not getting easier. 408 00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:33,680 Speaker 2: That's what we were saying. 409 00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:36,960 Speaker 3: It's like there's so many things and they keep coming 410 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:39,360 Speaker 3: out of it coming it doesn't end. 411 00:21:39,520 --> 00:21:40,560 Speaker 7: So we need to change. 412 00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:42,879 Speaker 2: Yeah, approach is to change. 413 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:47,080 Speaker 7: Yeah, we need to change ou And I'm not talking 414 00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:51,560 Speaker 7: about being like un apologetic just online. I mean you 415 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:55,160 Speaker 7: walk through the world and just going I love with compassion. 416 00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:57,959 Speaker 7: I be compassion to the best of my ability. But 417 00:21:58,040 --> 00:22:02,120 Speaker 7: I do not mistake my kindness for weekness. Thank you 418 00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:05,560 Speaker 7: whoa you know, like I will start like that, but 419 00:22:05,640 --> 00:22:07,479 Speaker 7: it will maybe it won't end like that, you know, 420 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,040 Speaker 7: Like because I'm and I will say it's because I'm 421 00:22:10,040 --> 00:22:13,320 Speaker 7: burnt out or capacity fitting. No, I'm just I'm here 422 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:16,119 Speaker 7: until the day I take my last breath, and so 423 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:19,639 Speaker 7: I need to pace myself, and I will pace myself. 424 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:22,000 Speaker 7: And my first and foremost is to myself. Is my 425 00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:26,480 Speaker 7: responsibility to myself and then to my companions, going I'm here, 426 00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:29,960 Speaker 7: what do we need to do? And I have turned 427 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,480 Speaker 7: companions away, like I'm not someone that will just work 428 00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:34,480 Speaker 7: with anybody, because I'm like, if you're ready to. 429 00:22:34,440 --> 00:22:36,119 Speaker 2: Do the work, I will be there for you. 430 00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:38,640 Speaker 7: Yeah, But if you're just coming here to event week 431 00:22:38,720 --> 00:22:41,360 Speaker 7: after week, I ethically can't work with you. 432 00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:43,719 Speaker 1: At some point that I have to carry that and 433 00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:45,960 Speaker 1: move into the forward, into the like I can't be 434 00:22:46,080 --> 00:22:46,960 Speaker 1: victim forever. 435 00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:50,679 Speaker 2: You need to take but also I want real change. 436 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:53,800 Speaker 7: Yeah, And it's about the seeds, right. 437 00:22:53,560 --> 00:22:57,960 Speaker 2: And if somebody is coming and just I'm like, maybe I'm. 438 00:22:57,800 --> 00:22:59,800 Speaker 7: Not the person for you, that's fine, Maybe you're not 439 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:01,480 Speaker 7: that's totally fine. 440 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:02,680 Speaker 2: Mate, blah blah blah blah blah blah. 441 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,240 Speaker 7: But at the end of the day, what. 442 00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:07,800 Speaker 2: Are we doing? 443 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:12,760 Speaker 7: And I'm like please, And then next like it's horrific. 444 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:15,440 Speaker 7: I hate that it sounds like a business. But unfortunately, 445 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:19,600 Speaker 7: like our bodies are political, we are running out of time. 446 00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:23,000 Speaker 7: Like that's what it feels like. Yes, yeah, like. 447 00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:24,520 Speaker 2: Actually that's quite interesting. 448 00:23:24,560 --> 00:23:26,280 Speaker 1: You just brought up how do you I mean, Rumby 449 00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:28,359 Speaker 1: and I were sounding boards for each other and this 450 00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:30,520 Speaker 1: podcast is part of that. You know, we're trying to 451 00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:34,240 Speaker 1: be a sounding board sweetly for black women to come 452 00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,520 Speaker 1: to and you know, hear tidbits of how they can 453 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:39,520 Speaker 1: cope with life. How do you when your companions or 454 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:42,879 Speaker 1: your clients come to you with all this trauma, especially 455 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:47,200 Speaker 1: sexual trauma, how do you let that live in your body. 456 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:49,120 Speaker 2: And or release it? Or release it? 457 00:23:49,359 --> 00:23:51,560 Speaker 1: I mean apart from obviously you're a sounding board twist 458 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:54,359 Speaker 1: and extent and you offer them tools, but you're also 459 00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:55,200 Speaker 1: a human. 460 00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:58,720 Speaker 7: Right, Yeah, So I'm very transparent when I work with 461 00:23:58,720 --> 00:24:02,199 Speaker 7: my companions. I will share things that have happened with me. 462 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,440 Speaker 7: Nothing in the last six years. That's my own personal rule. 463 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:09,280 Speaker 7: Like that's just you know. But I dance, and I sing, 464 00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:13,560 Speaker 7: and I cry sometimes in front of a mirror, sometimes 465 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:15,840 Speaker 7: not because I could. You know, you just need to 466 00:24:15,920 --> 00:24:19,920 Speaker 7: kind of lose yourself to the beat and thematically move 467 00:24:19,960 --> 00:24:21,840 Speaker 7: and in trauma, we talk about we. 468 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:24,600 Speaker 2: Need the body keeps the score. The body, it. 469 00:24:24,760 --> 00:24:27,560 Speaker 7: Remembers the body, you know. And that happens because when 470 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:30,120 Speaker 7: a trauma happens, the prefrontal caught. The part of our 471 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,320 Speaker 7: brain that's you know, so used to memory kind of 472 00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,920 Speaker 7: gets sluggish. And our brain is like a computer, so 473 00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:37,480 Speaker 7: it's not going to get stored. But the body is like, well, 474 00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:40,959 Speaker 7: we got to be remember it, that's right, So then 475 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:43,639 Speaker 7: let's pick up the slack, you know. And so the 476 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:46,320 Speaker 7: body picks up the slacked. No disrespect to the brain, 477 00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:48,720 Speaker 7: but you know what I mean. And so for some 478 00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:50,280 Speaker 7: if you go into a room and you be like, 479 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,680 Speaker 7: I can't tell you why, I can't put words to it, 480 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:53,840 Speaker 7: but I know I don't like this. 481 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,960 Speaker 2: Ye, that's it for me. That's telling me. 482 00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:01,600 Speaker 3: I say, vibes, don't lie, vibes like just but it's 483 00:25:01,640 --> 00:25:03,720 Speaker 3: literally what's thet. 484 00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:06,760 Speaker 4: When people say something then they say to you, I 485 00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:07,560 Speaker 4: didn't mean it like that. 486 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:08,719 Speaker 2: No, no, no, no no no. 487 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,800 Speaker 1: I caught you the first time you through that statement, 488 00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:14,719 Speaker 1: you know, like, yeah, now you're trying to be polite 489 00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:16,520 Speaker 1: and get out of it, but you meant what you 490 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:19,760 Speaker 1: said when you said how you said it exactly because you. 491 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:22,080 Speaker 7: Know in the tone that they're so passionate and that, 492 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:24,880 Speaker 7: and that they're getting away from themselves, so you can 493 00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:27,000 Speaker 7: tell that they're not really they're just kind of they're 494 00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:28,280 Speaker 7: just talking without process. 495 00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:30,960 Speaker 2: You're right, Yeah, you know. 496 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:32,960 Speaker 7: That genuine like I'm just trying to make sense of 497 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:33,840 Speaker 7: the senseless. 498 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:35,080 Speaker 2: And then there's the. 499 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:38,920 Speaker 7: Something that you shouldn't talk into the grave. 500 00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:43,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, what is your wish for people of color? 501 00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:51,040 Speaker 3: People you work with First Nations people, black people, What 502 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:54,199 Speaker 3: is your wish for those who are essentially at a 503 00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:58,480 Speaker 3: disadvantage a lot of the time and who trauma is 504 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:04,200 Speaker 3: such an integral of life unfortunately, But what is you said? 505 00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:07,879 Speaker 3: We're running out of time, our bodies are political, And 506 00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:11,520 Speaker 3: what is your hope or wish through the work you do. 507 00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:15,280 Speaker 7: That we unite, That we unite. That's my hope that 508 00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:18,119 Speaker 7: we come together and we don't see anything except you're 509 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:21,160 Speaker 7: my brother, you're my sister, you're my folk. We're family, 510 00:26:21,680 --> 00:26:24,200 Speaker 7: and we need to protect each other and protect our own. 511 00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:28,240 Speaker 7: That's that's my dream, That's that's my thing of like 512 00:26:28,280 --> 00:26:32,199 Speaker 7: I just want people you're not alone. Yeah, no, like 513 00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:36,280 Speaker 7: it's I know, I know, I really do. I really 514 00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:38,239 Speaker 7: mean that and like even when we first met on 515 00:26:38,280 --> 00:26:40,520 Speaker 7: the video call, like, I was just like, anything I 516 00:26:40,520 --> 00:26:42,280 Speaker 7: can do to support That's what I don't know. 517 00:26:43,840 --> 00:26:45,000 Speaker 2: My husbands probably gonna kill me. 518 00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:46,320 Speaker 7: But that's one of the things that me and him 519 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:47,000 Speaker 7: argue about. 520 00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:48,640 Speaker 2: It's like, can you relax? 521 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,720 Speaker 7: And I'm like, no, excellence is not just done when 522 00:26:51,760 --> 00:26:57,520 Speaker 7: people are around. Excellence is done like, this is discipline, This. 523 00:26:57,520 --> 00:26:59,199 Speaker 2: Is who we are. We need to live it. 524 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:01,359 Speaker 7: We need to because then how the hell do you 525 00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:03,399 Speaker 7: have the audacity to walk out in the world with 526 00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:06,960 Speaker 7: your head held high if you have two versions of yourself? 527 00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:08,959 Speaker 2: I don't like. 528 00:27:09,240 --> 00:27:12,160 Speaker 7: I guess for me, I don't care if I'm liked anymore. 529 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:14,520 Speaker 7: Like that's what I don't care if I'm like because 530 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:16,640 Speaker 7: I'm like, do you have any idea how many babies 531 00:27:16,680 --> 00:27:20,520 Speaker 7: and how much pain is out there? And those sights 532 00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,760 Speaker 7: of knowledge do not have the voice, but I do 533 00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:27,000 Speaker 7: so until they do have their voice and I can 534 00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:29,080 Speaker 7: give them the mic and they can stand on my neck. 535 00:27:29,160 --> 00:27:31,959 Speaker 7: Yeah cool, But until then, I'm using my privilege. I'm 536 00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:36,080 Speaker 7: using my and I'm using all the things that you know. 537 00:27:36,160 --> 00:27:39,040 Speaker 7: I'm blessed to have been given and fought and worked 538 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:42,560 Speaker 7: hard for until yeah, someone else can take the bat 539 00:27:42,560 --> 00:27:44,320 Speaker 7: and I'm not here forever and I don't want to be. 540 00:27:44,480 --> 00:27:48,240 Speaker 2: I want to I want to pass the battle. I'm like, 541 00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:51,960 Speaker 2: tag your yea for sure? 542 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:52,760 Speaker 4: For sure? 543 00:27:53,160 --> 00:27:56,440 Speaker 7: Wow, thank you so much, No, thank you so much 544 00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:58,000 Speaker 7: for my honored to be invited. 545 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:02,000 Speaker 3: Just before we close, we'd love for you to share 546 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:06,280 Speaker 3: any upcoming project you have or in your work, if 547 00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:09,600 Speaker 3: someone wants to engage you in your work, or yeah, 548 00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:13,240 Speaker 3: how do we get a hold of you if it's 549 00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:16,000 Speaker 3: socials or anything, So if you can just share a 550 00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:17,560 Speaker 3: bit about that, and yeah, this is. 551 00:28:17,560 --> 00:28:20,800 Speaker 7: Where I've become really bad at my business and I'm like. 552 00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:22,199 Speaker 2: Don't worry. We also put in the. 553 00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:25,439 Speaker 4: Show notes. 554 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:28,959 Speaker 7: So if I have an Instagram page, I might have 555 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:32,480 Speaker 7: a Facebook page that's definitely not managed. I do have 556 00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:37,520 Speaker 7: a website that all equeries can come through. I always 557 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:42,719 Speaker 7: encourage a come the fifteen minute complimentary console because I 558 00:28:42,720 --> 00:28:45,200 Speaker 7: am not for everybody, and not everybody is for me, 559 00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:46,520 Speaker 7: like you have to And I say that with so 560 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:47,400 Speaker 7: much love and respect. 561 00:28:47,520 --> 00:28:49,880 Speaker 2: Yeah it has to be both, yeah, right. 562 00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:50,560 Speaker 4: Can you get that? 563 00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:54,760 Speaker 7: And I don't believe trauma work needs to be done 564 00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:58,479 Speaker 7: without laughter. We're not letting the fuckers with my last. 565 00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:03,040 Speaker 2: You're allowed to well, you know what I'm making que happiness. 566 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:07,480 Speaker 2: You're very comfortable. This is what I'm I'm so sorry. 567 00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:10,880 Speaker 2: I don't know. It's fine and you're right. Don't take 568 00:29:10,920 --> 00:29:11,440 Speaker 2: our lights. 569 00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:14,720 Speaker 7: Yeah, I'm so sorry for what for what? 570 00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:16,120 Speaker 2: For a time? 571 00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:19,760 Speaker 7: Maybe about go back into go lick your wounds, as 572 00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:22,840 Speaker 7: they say, do your whatever it is that you need. 573 00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:28,120 Speaker 2: Come back with the force. Yeah, yeah, let them steal. 574 00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:34,760 Speaker 1: That's a perfect way to end the episode. 575 00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:36,120 Speaker 2: Thank you, Thank. 576 00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:38,200 Speaker 1: You so much, Nadine for coming, Thank you so much 577 00:29:38,240 --> 00:29:42,240 Speaker 1: for listening. Thank you so much for your wisdom. You know, 578 00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:44,600 Speaker 1: there's so many aspects to sex, and I think it 579 00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:46,880 Speaker 1: was really important to us for you to come on 580 00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:49,200 Speaker 1: board and check perspective. 581 00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:52,800 Speaker 4: So we're very very grateful. 582 00:29:52,920 --> 00:29:56,959 Speaker 2: Yeah, see you guys on the next episode. Bye.