Speaker 1: Do you know what I'm crazy? Lewis couch what I'm
Speaker 1: calling your dog? Yeah, it wasn't intentionally, but it just
Speaker 1: started and now it's on a repeat. You don't know
Speaker 1: your worth? What song is that? You don't know your worth?
Speaker 1: I literally have no idea what song this year? Hey guys,
Speaker 1: and welcome back to another episode of Life. I'm Card,
Speaker 1: I'm Brittany, and I'm Laura, and this is our Thursday episode.
Speaker 1: It is out, down and dirty, little ask uncut episode
Speaker 1: where we answer we're deep, dark and burning questions and Brittany, okay,
Speaker 1: we spoke about the whole Tuesday beginning intro chat on
Speaker 1: Tuesday's episode was around moving house. Now, britt has just
Speaker 1: spent her entire day today moving house. So this is
Speaker 1: nine pm. We are recording at nine pm. I have
Speaker 1: been moving since seven am this morning. It has been
Speaker 1: a very very very big day. But also we committed
Speaker 1: to the course, like we're never going to I shouldn't
Speaker 1: say we're never going to miss an episode because we're
Speaker 1: literally going to miss an episode next week. No, we
Speaker 1: haven't missed an episode in a year. We really try
Speaker 1: not to miss anything. So I am absolutely exhausted Laura's
Speaker 1: been moving all week, but we wanted to get it done.
Speaker 1: So I've left my house. It is still not unpacked whatsoever.
Speaker 1: I've left my cute little Delilah at home manning the fort.
Speaker 1: But we did speak about the fact that I was moving. Wait,
Speaker 1: when you say you left your house, are we going
Speaker 1: to tell the people whose house you actually did leave? Well, yes,
Speaker 1: I I have moved into Laura's house. Funnily enough, so
Speaker 1: when we record a Tuesday's episode, britt was like, I
Speaker 1: don't want everyone to know that I'm now living in
Speaker 1: your old apartment. She was like, I just I don't
Speaker 1: want the paps to know. Like, can we just not
Speaker 1: address it on the podcast? Can we just say that
Speaker 1: we're both moving at the same time? And I was like, yeah, sure,
Speaker 1: we can lie to the people whatever whatever makes you happy.
Speaker 1: Daily Mail just outed Brittany about ten minutes ago, saying,
Speaker 1: Brittany Hockley moving in to best friend and co host
Speaker 1: Laura Burn's old house. So yeah, we just literally did.
Speaker 1: They're like house swap best friend house swap, which essentially
Speaker 1: it is. I just didn't settle apartments. I didn't even
Speaker 1: see them there. I wasn't looking my best was like
Speaker 1: Brittie's all she was carrying was a plant, like a
Speaker 1: tiny little pop plan. Every there was these two burly
Speaker 1: like removalists moving everything else, and there's like, oh, it's
Speaker 1: so hard moving with my pop plan. That's so funny.
Speaker 1: I've got one, literally you have to look it up.
Speaker 1: I've got the Tinese pop plant ever. But that plant,
Speaker 1: have a look, it's driving. It's really it's like one
Speaker 1: of those long vine plants, you know, the ones that
Speaker 1: like it's because they're a weed. It's a poison ivy.
Speaker 1: They're a weed, and they literally you can keep them alive.
Speaker 1: You could never water them. They could be in the
Speaker 1: middle of the Hara desert and then you give them
Speaker 1: one drop of water and they're like, ha ha, why
Speaker 1: don't you knocking down when I'm on a high? Laura.
Speaker 1: I also really loved that you were like, I have
Speaker 1: been moving all day. I am so exhausted. And then
Speaker 1: the true like the photo evidence came out, which is
Speaker 1: you carrying a plan. You know that. I mean it
Speaker 1: looks really and then one blanket it looks really funny,
Speaker 1: but you have to remember that you see what the
Speaker 1: perhaps want you to see. There were a lot of
Speaker 1: heavy lifting. There's a lot of box carrying. It was
Speaker 1: a very big day. But anyway, they've added me. I
Speaker 1: moved into Laura's house. But it was just a really
Speaker 1: really perfect swap. Laura obviously had a big house than mine.
Speaker 1: She had room for her dog Buster. It was really
Speaker 1: really I needed an office for the life on Cut,
Speaker 1: we needed space for Delilah. And I'm also a creature
Speaker 1: to have it and I hate change. So now anytime
Speaker 1: that I'm feeling like a little bit of a ditch
Speaker 1: in back, back bridges comes out of the lounge and
Speaker 1: I'm just there on the couch like it doesn't feel
Speaker 1: the same. But yeah, basically I'll be spending all my
Speaker 1: free time at BRIT's house now. So fine, so fine.
Speaker 1: Something funny did happen to be moving actually, and it's
Speaker 1: not on par anywhere You're on par with your vibrator story, Laura,
Speaker 1: But can we just make sure that that's crystal clear
Speaker 1: it's a theragun story. It wasn't a vibrator story. But
Speaker 1: I was like busy doing my own stuff in other
Speaker 1: rooms while these two big burly men were moving around
Speaker 1: doing their own stuff. And once they moved the last
Speaker 1: thing they moved was the washing machine out. They moved
Speaker 1: it out, so the whole house was empty. I go
Speaker 1: in just to do one more sweep, and I can
Speaker 1: see three pairs of like the laciest laciest, sexiest white
Speaker 1: underwear that have obviously at some stage fallen behind the
Speaker 1: back of the washing machine in the throes of passion.
Speaker 1: Now they weren't clean underwear. They were like, Oh, I
Speaker 1: don't know, they've probably been there for a year. I
Speaker 1: don't know how long they've been there. I think they've
Speaker 1: fallen out of washing basket. So these men of one
Speaker 1: hundred percent looked at them. I hope they didn't touch them,
Speaker 1: and I hope they just walk back at your crunchy
Speaker 1: yellow lundies. No, they were white. They were sexy, lazy ones.
Speaker 1: But I don't know it was worse. I don't know
Speaker 1: if I should have had my bridge at Jones's there
Speaker 1: or my sexy ones. What would I prefer. I think
Speaker 1: I'd prefer removalst to see like my bones undies that like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I have sexy undies anyway. Thank you to every single
Speaker 1: person who has written in a question for this week's
Speaker 1: We've picked out three goodies today but before we get
Speaker 1: into answering your questions, we wanted to talk about something
Speaker 1: that's pretty remarkable and special and just gives you all
Speaker 1: the feels that has gone down in the Facebook group
Speaker 1: over the last couple of days and also across social media. Now,
Speaker 1: if you are a member of the Facebook group, you
Speaker 1: might be familiar with a post from Jamie Warnett which
Speaker 1: was in regards to you. So, Jamie is a she's
Speaker 1: a property manager. She is a real estate agent, and
Speaker 1: she works on rentals in the Gold Coast, and she
Speaker 1: posted about one of her eighty year old tenants who'd
Speaker 1: been living in a property for a really long time,
Speaker 1: and unfortunately the owners of that property were wanting him
Speaker 1: to move out. Apparently he'd been paying like far below
Speaker 1: what is the standard rental rate for that place because
Speaker 1: he'd been there for so long. Yeah, I don't think
Speaker 1: it was a matter of them kicking him out. It
Speaker 1: actually sounds like the owners of the property've been doing
Speaker 1: him a solid favor for a long time, and I
Speaker 1: guess it got to the point where at the end
Speaker 1: of the day, I guess people have mortgages to pay.
Speaker 1: And that's the impression I get of what went down
Speaker 1: totally and there was no pain like the owners of
Speaker 1: this place, as like the villains in the story. But
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, there was an eighty
Speaker 1: year old man named Dennis who had nowhere to move to.
Speaker 1: He had no help, no support, no one to pack boxes,
Speaker 1: no one to move maybe week by week on the pension. Yeah,
Speaker 1: literally no money to be able to support himself, not
Speaker 1: only just into a move, but to be able to
Speaker 1: pay rent. Following up and Jamie, out of the absolute
Speaker 1: goodness of her own heart, she put out the post
Speaker 1: on the Life on Cut community and she was like,
Speaker 1: I feel like I need to do something for this man.
Speaker 1: As the property manager, She's like, I feel like I
Speaker 1: need to help him. And the Life on Cut group
Speaker 1: was like, why don't you start a GoFundMe. So Jamie
Speaker 1: went and created a GoFundMe page and she put it
Speaker 1: out to the Life on Cut group. We shared it
Speaker 1: throughout socials as well, and at the time of recording this,
Speaker 1: that GoFundMe page had amassed thirty five thousand dollars. Now
Speaker 1: the year pension is only twenty five thousand. So I
Speaker 1: wanted to share that with you all because I just
Speaker 1: am so fucking proud of the life on cut community.
Speaker 1: It's so amazing to see social media be used for good,
Speaker 1: to help somebody out. And yeah, thank you to every
Speaker 1: single person who jumped on board, who donated and who
Speaker 1: knows the story. Well, it's actually nearly at forty thousand dollars, Laura, Yeah,
Speaker 1: there's one point six thousand people have donated, which is incredible.
Speaker 1: And Celeste Barber, somehow this made it to Celeste Barber.
Speaker 1: Celeste Barber throw in a few grand It's been absolutely
Speaker 1: incredible And at the end of the day, I am
Speaker 1: just so proud, like Laura just said, the community. And
Speaker 1: I don't want to say that we've created because we
Speaker 1: haven't created the community that you guys have created yourself.
Speaker 1: Just on the back of the podcast the fa like
Speaker 1: we've literally done nothing. We just gave you guys a
Speaker 1: space to do it, and you are all, every single
Speaker 1: one of you. Every day I say to Laura, I
Speaker 1: just can't believe how positive this group is. I can't
Speaker 1: believe how supportive this group is. It is so amazing,
Speaker 1: and I know there are so many other groups out
Speaker 1: there that haven't been as lucky or haven't had as
Speaker 1: much of a supportive group. But you guys just fucking
Speaker 1: the best people, and we're so stoked and you should
Speaker 1: all be so stoked what you've done this time and
Speaker 1: in the past, and I'm sure we're going to do
Speaker 1: in the future again. I'm just I'm so grateful for
Speaker 1: you guys. And that's like, I go on forever. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna stop. But I was crying. I was really upset,
Speaker 1: I was really happy. There are a lot of emotions,
Speaker 1: and I'm just super proud of everything. You're gonna cry again.
Speaker 1: I just want to say one more thing. I'm also
Speaker 1: so tired. I'm probably like and I got my period.
Speaker 1: And I did speak to Jamie today and she said
Speaker 1: that Dennis was at home. He was packing and he
Speaker 1: was supposed to move out on Monday, but because he
Speaker 1: didn't have any help or any support, Like he's eighty,
Speaker 1: the guy can't pack boxes and move him down the stairs.
Speaker 1: I know how hard. I'll just called you, bro, Well,
Speaker 1: who am I I'm so tired. I'm like bro, I
Speaker 1: today like I'm a young, healthy woman and it is
Speaker 1: really hard. It is exhausting. Dennis cannot pack a house
Speaker 1: up on his own. He's eighty, totally and trying to
Speaker 1: do that on your own without any support is just
Speaker 1: such an insurmountable task. And so I spoke to Jamie
Speaker 1: today and she said she called Dennis and was like,
Speaker 1: whatever you're doing, stop doing it. He was like, I'm packing.
Speaker 1: She was like, stop packing and come down to the agency.
Speaker 1: And she told him at that point in time how
Speaker 1: much money they had raised, and like, like we said,
Speaker 1: this is truly life changing stuff and we're just so
Speaker 1: proud of the community of you guys. You guys aren't
Speaker 1: a part of the discussion group. This is the stuff
Speaker 1: you're missing out on. But go on there and join it.
Speaker 1: There is a photo of Dennis when Jamie told him
Speaker 1: how much money was raised and that he was going
Speaker 1: to be okay. And if that photo doesn't bring tears
Speaker 1: to your eyes and make you want to burst with happiness,
Speaker 1: I don't know what will. He is just ecstatic. He
Speaker 1: bless his soul. When Jamie said to him, look, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna try and get some money together for you. We're
Speaker 1: gonna you know, we're gonna sort you out. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: raise some money. He thought it was just gonna be
Speaker 1: a local sausage sizzle. He had no idea. He thought
Speaker 1: he was gonna make like a hundred bucks from a
Speaker 1: sash dicissors, so he did know that power of life
Speaker 1: that my whole body. I'm just like, fuck, yes, you
Speaker 1: guys are such legends. Anyway, I can talk about this
Speaker 1: for a long time, So let's move it along. Let's
Speaker 1: get into question number one. Hi, ladies, my boyfriend and
Speaker 1: I are in our mid twenties and we have been
Speaker 1: dating for eighteen months. Recently, we've been experimenting with toys
Speaker 1: in the bedroom and he has been using things like
Speaker 1: butt plugs and stimulators. Yesterday, he asked me if we
Speaker 1: could get a dildo and if we could use it
Speaker 1: on him. He plans to also use this by himself.
Speaker 1: My anxiety has taken over my brain and I'm worried
Speaker 1: that if he wants to use these things, then maybe
Speaker 1: he might be gay. What if he enjoys them more
Speaker 1: than he enjoys sex with me. I know I'm being silly,
Speaker 1: but I don't know how to get that thought out
Speaker 1: of my mind. I told him I was nervous about
Speaker 1: the new ones, but I didn't say why I was nervous.
Speaker 1: I just said that new things make me nervous, and
Speaker 1: he took it relatively well, then reminded me that introducing
Speaker 1: toys was my idea in the first place. Am I
Speaker 1: being completely unreasonable and worrying for nothing? Help? Yes? Yes
Speaker 1: you are, Yes you are. And also like I read
Speaker 1: this and I was a bit in shock. Just because
Speaker 1: a guy enjoys some sort of penetration, whether it is
Speaker 1: a finger, a dildo, whatever else, has nothing thing to
Speaker 1: do with his sexuality. No men have a g spot
Speaker 1: up there. Some men just like it does not mean
Speaker 1: that they are gay. If they form deep connections for
Speaker 1: a male and identify as gay, that makes them gay.
Speaker 1: But just because your boyfriend enjoys a deal to up
Speaker 1: his butthole, the thought that that is all that it
Speaker 1: constitutes to make someone gay is not only wildly inaccurate,
Speaker 1: it's also pretty offensive. Having said that, also, you just
Speaker 1: need to have a conversation with him if you actually,
Speaker 1: I mean you introduce these toys so he's reminded you
Speaker 1: of that. That is absolutely fine. I think it's brilliant.
Speaker 1: If you feel uncomfortable with it, tell him say I
Speaker 1: would want to use it on you first, Like, let's
Speaker 1: do this as a couple instead of him going away
Speaker 1: and using it on his own. I probably wouldn't want
Speaker 1: my partner to do that either. I want to say, well,
Speaker 1: I just think at the start, if you've introduced a
Speaker 1: new toy because you were trying to spice up your
Speaker 1: sex life together, then you do it together. It's not
Speaker 1: spicing up her sex life to know that he's going
Speaker 1: to do it on his own. But also, like I mean,
Speaker 1: he can do whatever the fuck he wants to on
Speaker 1: his own. If he wants to stick a dildo on
Speaker 1: his ass, go for it. He doesn't need her permission
Speaker 1: to do that. Of course he doesn't, But that's not
Speaker 1: the question here. The question is, she says, I feel uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: What do I do? So first of all, you say, hey,
Speaker 1: let's use this together. You can't tell him not to
Speaker 1: use it. He's a man that can do whatever he wants.
Speaker 1: But I think you could introduce it into your sex
Speaker 1: life together, have a conversation, have a playful play and
Speaker 1: if he wants to go and use on his own,
Speaker 1: because that is how he masturbates and that is how
Speaker 1: he seeks pleasure, that's so okay totally. I just guess
Speaker 1: I think it's a hard one because I don't I
Speaker 1: almost think Normally we say, go communicate, talk about your feelings.
Speaker 1: I almost think in this one, you don't need to
Speaker 1: communicate that this is your reservation because the reservation is
Speaker 1: completely unfounded. Like if your reservation about him using a
Speaker 1: dialdo is that you're worried that he's gay, like that
Speaker 1: doesn't need to be communicated. Maybe you may choose to
Speaker 1: communicate that he may also be really offended that that's
Speaker 1: where your mind has gone to. Have you ever had
Speaker 1: a guy ask you to peg them? Never? No, once
Speaker 1: in my existence. Yeah, I've never done it, but I've
Speaker 1: had several guys ask me to wear a strap on
Speaker 1: and peg them. Well, there you go. It's obviously very common.
Speaker 1: I think it's more common than what we give it
Speaker 1: credit for. Even guys like a finger in the ask
Speaker 1: if he wants to use a dildo, it's not going
Speaker 1: to affect you, like it doesn't change, and even if
Speaker 1: he wants to use it on your own, I think
Speaker 1: it would be a very different story if you were
Speaker 1: to turn around and you were to say, oh, I've
Speaker 1: bought this sex toy for myself, and your partner was
Speaker 1: to say, I don't want you to use that when
Speaker 1: I'm not around it's kind of like very self limiting,
Speaker 1: like why can't you use a sex toy when your
Speaker 1: partner's not around? Like, you are in charge of your
Speaker 1: own sexuality. You're in charge of your own sexual experiences
Speaker 1: as well, so long as it's not affecting your relationships,
Speaker 1: so long as you're still having a sexy health life
Speaker 1: when you're together, you're entitled to masturbate and whatever you
Speaker 1: need to do to get off. Fine. Yeah, the only
Speaker 1: thing I'm going to disagree with you on, Laura is
Speaker 1: I'm still and always will be an advocate for communication.
Speaker 1: I still think that you are absolutely entitled to have
Speaker 1: this conversation with him. And when I say this conversation,
Speaker 1: I don't mean you don't conversay to him, Oh you
Speaker 1: want to use this on your owner you're gay. I
Speaker 1: just mean if you're uncomfortable with something or you're curious
Speaker 1: about something, you just ask your partner. You say, how
Speaker 1: come you want to do that on your own? Don't
Speaker 1: you want to do that with me? Like that's a
Speaker 1: simple question to me. That shouldn't be divisive and that
Speaker 1: shouldn't be giving you anxiety to have that conversation. Like
Speaker 1: if you are close enough that you're putting butt plugs
Speaker 1: with your partner. You're close enough to say, hey, what
Speaker 1: is it about that that you want to do on
Speaker 1: your own and not with me? But just be understanding
Speaker 1: and open to his response, that's all. But I mean
Speaker 1: his response is just going to be it feels good.
Speaker 1: The other thing is every relationship and every person is different.
Speaker 1: There are plenty of people that don't like their partners
Speaker 1: watching porn, that feel uncomfortable with their partners masturbating without
Speaker 1: them because they think, why don't you want to have
Speaker 1: sex with me? Everybody's relationship is different. I couldn't care
Speaker 1: less if my partner watch porn for me personally, doesn't
Speaker 1: bother me. For other people that I know, they don't
Speaker 1: like it when their partner watches porn, they feel like
Speaker 1: it's like this borderline in appropriateness. Okay, I feel like
Speaker 1: porn is a slightly different thing. I can understand why
Speaker 1: porn is polarizing for some people because it's in reducing
Speaker 1: another person into your sexual relationship. How would you feel
Speaker 1: if a boyfriend said to you, you're not allowed to
Speaker 1: masturbate without me, Like, what would you do? I would
Speaker 1: not be okay with somebody's face exactly right. I mean,
Speaker 1: you can't, and that's not what she's saying. She doesn't
Speaker 1: want to say to him you can't do it. She
Speaker 1: just wants to say, I feel uncomfortable with it. What
Speaker 1: do I do? So all, I just think every situation
Speaker 1: in the whole world, you just communicate it. You just
Speaker 1: ask him, you talk about it. You might not get
Speaker 1: the answer you want, he's going to go and still masturbate,
Speaker 1: but at least you know you've said your feelings, you've
Speaker 1: gotten an answer, maybe you understand more, and maybe his
Speaker 1: explanation is going to make you feel a little bit
Speaker 1: more comfortable. I agree with you that you can communicate
Speaker 1: and should communicate about everything in your relationship. But I
Speaker 1: just so strongly come back to this thing that, like,
Speaker 1: this issue has nothing to do with her partner. It
Speaker 1: has to do with her perception around sexuality and what
Speaker 1: constitutes being gay. And I think that there is like,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to say it's homer phobic, because
Speaker 1: I don't want to like lash out at somebody I
Speaker 1: don't know, but I think that there is some homophobia
Speaker 1: in the fear that just because a guy wants to
Speaker 1: have something in his butthole, it must make him gay,
Speaker 1: and I just don't like that that's where her mind
Speaker 1: has gone, because obviously he's in a very committed relationship.
Speaker 1: He just enjoys experimenting in the bedroom and shouldn't feel
Speaker 1: shame or guilt around that either. And that's why I
Speaker 1: feel passionately about, like, be careful how you bring this
Speaker 1: up in your conversation, because it could come out as
Speaker 1: an accusation rather than a conversation. All right, moving on,
Speaker 1: all that was like very I feel like that one
Speaker 1: was like, I mean, we agree's divisive that one? Do
Speaker 1: we think it's divisive? Though? Device how do you think? Like,
Speaker 1: fuck it, do what you want and I take it
Speaker 1: in your ass go there and I think, cool, he
Speaker 1: can do that. Have the conversation because you feel anxious
Speaker 1: about it, Okay, But what happens, this is my question,
Speaker 1: is what happens if she says I don't want you
Speaker 1: to do that. I don't want you to pleasure yourself
Speaker 1: without me. What is he supposed to do? I'm always
Speaker 1: going to masturbate without you. That's a conversation they need
Speaker 1: to have. That's a conversation between them, and then they
Speaker 1: might have it out but that's not our that's not
Speaker 1: our problem. Tell us how it goes, Tell how it goes.
Speaker 1: But I bet you're gonna have some great butt play. Yes,
Speaker 1: Oh my god, enjoy I lean into it. Had the
Speaker 1: time of your life girlfriend? All right? Question number two.
Speaker 1: So this one came in the other week, and I
Speaker 1: think this is an interesting one, but I'm going to
Speaker 1: paraphrase it. Hi, guys, I've been broken up with my
Speaker 1: ex boyfriend now for around six months. It was a
Speaker 1: pretty toxic relationship and it really took me a long
Speaker 1: time to get over it. I'm not even sure if
Speaker 1: I'm completely over it yet, to be honest. Anyway, fast forward,
Speaker 1: I just found out that whilst we were dating, he
Speaker 1: was cheating on me, and he'd been cheating on me
Speaker 1: with a girl for a couple of months. Should I
Speaker 1: contact him? Should I tell him that I know? I
Speaker 1: feel so angry that I didn't know about this when
Speaker 1: we were dating, because it explains a lot. Should I
Speaker 1: reach out to him now? Dan? Dun dun no? No.
Speaker 1: I mean that's a funny statement. I feel so angry
Speaker 1: that I didn't know when we're dating. If you knew
Speaker 1: when you were dating, you'd probably the relationship would have
Speaker 1: ended that anyway, I would hope. Well, I think that's
Speaker 1: probably the point, right. It's feeling lied to, and you know, breakups,
Speaker 1: that's what chain is. But yeah, but I bet I'm
Speaker 1: coming home and be like, I babe, you no. But
Speaker 1: I guess, like when you're going through a breakup, and like,
Speaker 1: there's obviously multiple reasons why their relationship breaks down if
Speaker 1: someone's not being transparent, and part of the relationship breakdown
Speaker 1: is actually that they're cheated, Like they were cheating, So
Speaker 1: all the other excuses that they maybe had or that
Speaker 1: he had, saying like well, this is why we're breaking
Speaker 1: up and this is what you've done, kind of become
Speaker 1: obsolete if he was cheating and she didn't know about it,
Speaker 1: do you know what I mean? Like, I understand where
Speaker 1: the hurt comes from, and I understand it because I've
Speaker 1: definitely lived this experience before. But do I think it's
Speaker 1: worth going and now like once again opening up those wounds,
Speaker 1: recontacting him, especially if you're in a no contact situation,
Speaker 1: just to get the last say. I think it's really unhealthy. Okay,
Speaker 1: I am sitting completely on the fence, like the fence
Speaker 1: is up my butt. That is how on the fence
Speaker 1: I am. I'm sitting there. I don't know we penetrated
Speaker 1: by the way. I'm penetrated by that. I do not
Speaker 1: know which way to roll. But I'm going to tell
Speaker 1: you what would happen in my line impaled on the fence.
Speaker 1: Now if I rolled either way, I'm going to talk
Speaker 1: you through it. Okay, I can see both sides. My
Speaker 1: initial response to this, I just wanted to jump up
Speaker 1: and say, no, absolutely not. What is the point? What
Speaker 1: are you going to get from messaging him? It's six
Speaker 1: months ago, he's done the wrong thing. I'm hoping you've
Speaker 1: moved on. I'm hoping he's moved on. I'm hoping you're
Speaker 1: not hurt, and I'm hoping that you look back and
Speaker 1: say what a fuck with? But you're big enough and
Speaker 1: okay enough to leave it. It's not going to bring
Speaker 1: you anything, That is what I want to first say.
Speaker 1: Or is it just going to bring you more torment
Speaker 1: into your life and it's going to upset you more?
Speaker 1: Is it going to take you back to a place
Speaker 1: that you don't really want to be? But then there's
Speaker 1: the other part of me. If I roll on to
Speaker 1: the other side of the fence. I tried to put
Speaker 1: my in this position now and think, Okay, if I
Speaker 1: found out that Jordan or a partner in the past
Speaker 1: had cheated on me, would I want to say something
Speaker 1: to them? And there is a small part of me
Speaker 1: that would there's a small part of me. But it
Speaker 1: wouldn't be to ask questions, and it wouldn't be to
Speaker 1: have a go. It wouldn't be to start an argument,
Speaker 1: because that's just so much toxicity and negativity that you
Speaker 1: just don't need. But what I would do wouldn't be
Speaker 1: to be petty and have the last word like, hey,
Speaker 1: you found out about Sarah Prick. Yeah, but it wouldn't
Speaker 1: be that. Like the way that I approach things in life,
Speaker 1: I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't be getting agressive and angry,
Speaker 1: and my literal message would be just say I knew
Speaker 1: who it was, Just say it was Sarah, her name
Speaker 1: was Sarah. My message would probably just be like, wow, Sarah, really, okay,
Speaker 1: that's right. So you won't get like aggressive, but you'll
Speaker 1: get passive. You keep that shit passive, bottom line, babe. Okay.
Speaker 1: Do you know what though, I think that sometimes let
Speaker 1: me do the power of the message wow, Sarah really
Speaker 1: exclamation mark, question mark, exclamation mark. I could be a
Speaker 1: dot dot door. I don't know. You know, three dots,
Speaker 1: I don't know which one. Do you do a lull
Speaker 1: at the end, like loser loko? No? Okay. My thing is, though,
Speaker 1: I think that sometimes we can sit here and behind
Speaker 1: mighty and say, like, you shouldn't do this, take like
Speaker 1: the high road. Obviously, it would be great if we
Speaker 1: were all perfect all the time and always took the
Speaker 1: high road. Sometimes it's nice to have the last say.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it feels good to be like, hey, guess what
Speaker 1: I found out about it and fuck you? Like sometimes
Speaker 1: that feels there's a little bit of like I knew
Speaker 1: that that was the case. I knew that there was
Speaker 1: something wrong, and I knew that I didn't have the
Speaker 1: full truth, and now that I had that piece of
Speaker 1: the puzzle, it all clicks, and guess what I want
Speaker 1: you to know that I got that piece of the puzzle.
Speaker 1: I really hope that by finding out that he was
Speaker 1: doing this whilst you're in a relationship together, that it
Speaker 1: brings you more closure, not more torment. I think that's
Speaker 1: the biggest thing, because I really hope that you can
Speaker 1: look back on your relationship and go wow, like there
Speaker 1: were so many more things about it that was wrong
Speaker 1: that I was trying to hold onto without having like
Speaker 1: a clear, bigger picture. And whether you do send a
Speaker 1: text message just to be like hey, wow, really cool,
Speaker 1: I know about it and then move on. The thing
Speaker 1: they think you definitely shouldn't do is don't open up
Speaker 1: a conversation around it. Don't allow for him to explain
Speaker 1: his actions. Don't allow for any sort of like back
Speaker 1: and forth on this topic because it truly won't get
Speaker 1: you anywhere, and all it will do will undo the
Speaker 1: wounds that you've already started to heal, and at six months,
Speaker 1: they may not be completely healed, Like you may still
Speaker 1: be in that phase where you're like some days you're great,
Speaker 1: some weeks you're great, and then you might still have
Speaker 1: some really sad moments around losing the relationship and missing
Speaker 1: the relationship. Yeah, you don't open the conversation. The really
Speaker 1: at the end of my text is rhetorical. Hopefully hopefully
Speaker 1: he gets that. It's like rhetorical. We don't want to respond,
Speaker 1: But I agree with what Laura said. Sometimes it is
Speaker 1: nice to be like, hey, you know what here it
Speaker 1: is I know. But the reason that I say don't
Speaker 1: get aggressive and don't get angry is because you don't
Speaker 1: want to show him that it's bothering you. You don't
Speaker 1: want to show him that you care, and then you're
Speaker 1: upset by it. That text says, hey, I know, can't
Speaker 1: believe you would do that, but I don't really give
Speaker 1: a fuck anymore. So good rottenness too. That's what it is.
Speaker 1: Without being aggressive, you're being the bigger person. But there's
Speaker 1: a little dig in there, and I think that's okay
Speaker 1: if it's going to make you feel better. If you're
Speaker 1: then going to sit by the phone and watch your
Speaker 1: text and look for his name to light up to
Speaker 1: see his response, don't do it. Just don't even engage.
Speaker 1: And also I think the other big thing about this
Speaker 1: is like you in your head might feel like you're
Speaker 1: getting the last word. Like if you send that text,
Speaker 1: if you have that little dig, you might feel like
Speaker 1: you're getting the last word. He might not care at all,
Speaker 1: Like after six months after a broken down relation on you,
Speaker 1: he probably doesn't care. He might not care, and he
Speaker 1: might get that and be like, oh, you know what,
Speaker 1: she's still thinking she cares enough that she bothered texting me.
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? Like, I'm on the
Speaker 1: other side of the fence. I think if you have
Speaker 1: the self control, don't text. Take that information, use it
Speaker 1: to better, like kind of heal your trauma, walk away
Speaker 1: from this relationship going wow. That is the absolute nail
Speaker 1: in the coffin that I needed to be able to
Speaker 1: go that relationship wasn't right for me. I would say,
Speaker 1: don't send the text, don't open the conversation because it
Speaker 1: could just open a Pandora's box. And don't underestimate the
Speaker 1: power of silence. I left a silent gap there on purpose.
Speaker 1: I feel like we've answered that. I feel like so
Speaker 1: many people would have experienced this at different times in
Speaker 1: their relationships, like where they have broken up and then
Speaker 1: they find out something and they feel like, Okay, I
Speaker 1: want to reach out to him, just to let him
Speaker 1: know that I know, so that he doesn't think I've
Speaker 1: been fooled by his actions or her actions. You know,
Speaker 1: it's not gender specific, but I think it's always better
Speaker 1: if you can and you have the self control take
Speaker 1: the high road. All right, let's get on to the
Speaker 1: next question. Number three. Hey, girls, I have been dating
Speaker 1: my boyfriend for one year now, and things have always
Speaker 1: been really great. I'm going into my final year of UNI,
Speaker 1: and when I graduate, I really want to move to
Speaker 1: a rural area for my first job. Yesterday, my boyfriend,
Speaker 1: who is about to start an apprenticeship, told me that
Speaker 1: when I move, he will find work wherever I want
Speaker 1: to go so that we can go and live together. Now,
Speaker 1: I should be overjoyed by this, right The problem is
Speaker 1: that the second he told me this, I felt my
Speaker 1: stomach drop and I haven't been able to shake this weird,
Speaker 1: sinking feeling ever since. I don't want to break up
Speaker 1: with him, but I'm scared. He's my first boyfriend, and
Speaker 1: it worries me that I'm committing myself to something so
Speaker 1: long term and possibly to this guy being my forever person.
Speaker 1: I love him so much. I don't want to break
Speaker 1: up with him, but I'm not sure what to do.
Speaker 1: Should I wait it out and see how things go
Speaker 1: over the coming months, or is this deep sinking feeling
Speaker 1: in the pit of my stomach a sign that the
Speaker 1: relationship is not right for me? Not knowing, I think
Speaker 1: this is a relatively easy one. Essentially, I'm going to
Speaker 1: summarize this your feelings are You've been in a relationship
Speaker 1: for only a year, and I say only because you're young.
Speaker 1: You're just about to finish UNI, and a year is
Speaker 1: for the rest of your life. A year is relatively
Speaker 1: a small amount of time. You love him, you don't
Speaker 1: want to break up with him, but you know you
Speaker 1: want to move away, but you don't want to live
Speaker 1: with him. So that's where we're at. You're in love,
Speaker 1: you've been together for a year, you want to move
Speaker 1: you don't want to end it with him, but you
Speaker 1: don't want to live with him. Does not wanting to
Speaker 1: live with him equate to not wanting to be in
Speaker 1: a relationship. Absolutely not. Those two can live side by side.
Speaker 1: You can be head over heels in love with someone
Speaker 1: in a really beautiful relationship that could go on for
Speaker 1: a long time, and still not want to live with them. Yet,
Speaker 1: you could still want your independence, You could still want
Speaker 1: to go and live. You're fresh out of UNI, you
Speaker 1: might want to get a housemate, you might want to
Speaker 1: be a bit independent, live on your own for a
Speaker 1: little while. That doesn't mean you can't have a relationship,
Speaker 1: and that doesn't mean you have to end it. If
Speaker 1: the sinking feeling that you're getting is because you can't
Speaker 1: imagine a life with your partner, or you just feel
Speaker 1: like it's too much too soon. That is just a conversation.
Speaker 1: You can definitely say to him, Hey, this is moving
Speaker 1: a bit fast for me, Like what if we try
Speaker 1: long distance for a little while. What if we try
Speaker 1: visiting each other. Maybe he could move to the town
Speaker 1: with you, but live in his own place. There are
Speaker 1: a lot of options. It doesn't have to be far out.
Speaker 1: I'm freaking out. I don't want to live with him,
Speaker 1: it's over, I think. Don't pull the trigger too soon. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean. It is always awkward though, when one partner
Speaker 1: says like, oh, I'm ready to make the big commitment,
Speaker 1: or especially when there's a move involved, like I'm ready
Speaker 1: to move in, or I'll make myself available so that
Speaker 1: we can kind of progress our life in a certain way,
Speaker 1: and the other person's like, oh, I'm not ready yet.
Speaker 1: Like it's an awkward conversation to have. There's a feeling
Speaker 1: there of like a mismatch, and there is a good
Speaker 1: chance that his feelings will be hurt when you say
Speaker 1: I don't want you to come with me, or I
Speaker 1: don't want to live together, like there will probably be
Speaker 1: a little bit of his ego that will be bruised.
Speaker 1: I think it really comes down to explaining the why
Speaker 1: behind it, So like figuring out why is it because
Speaker 1: you're not ready? Is it because you want the freedom?
Speaker 1: Like what is the why and that, and that'll kind
Speaker 1: of give the indication as to whether it's because it's
Speaker 1: relationship based or it's you know, to do with you
Speaker 1: personally and what it is that you're kind of after
Speaker 1: at this point in life. I think for me, if
Speaker 1: I'd been with someone for a year, even if I'm young,
Speaker 1: and they were moving away and they said I don't
Speaker 1: want you to come with me, I would really struggle
Speaker 1: with that. I would really struggle with the rejection that
Speaker 1: came with that, especially if I didn't have anything that
Speaker 1: was tying me to the place that I was in
Speaker 1: and I felt like we were moving in the same
Speaker 1: direction together. Like if I thought, hey, we're ready to
Speaker 1: move in together, we're ready to kind of like make
Speaker 1: this a thing, and then they were like, I'm going
Speaker 1: to go and move to another state and I don't
Speaker 1: want you to come with me, I would definitely see
Speaker 1: that as a pretty big rejection. Funny, you should say
Speaker 1: that funny should say that I did that. I one
Speaker 1: hundred percent did that. And I think this is very
Speaker 1: dependent on the person that you are I was with.
Speaker 1: If you're new to life, unkind, I've told this story
Speaker 1: over the years, but I haven't told him a very,
Speaker 1: very long time. But I was with my first partner
Speaker 1: for eight years. That's a long time and I was
Speaker 1: very young. But I was with him for three years.
Speaker 1: We were inseparable for three years, and then I said
Speaker 1: to him, with not a lot of notice, probably a
Speaker 1: month to six weeks, Hey, I've decided I'm going to
Speaker 1: move to Italy alone. I want an adventure, and in
Speaker 1: the nicest way possible, I don't want you to come,
Speaker 1: I want you to visit. I want to stay together.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to end it. I had nothing to
Speaker 1: do with him. It had everything to do with me,
Speaker 1: my growth. What I was feeling. I was feeling trapped
Speaker 1: and suffocated. I was feeling like there was a whole
Speaker 1: world out there that I wanted to see. I was
Speaker 1: feeling like from a very young age, I was reliant
Speaker 1: on another person. He was older than me and I
Speaker 1: was young, so I never really had that independence, and
Speaker 1: deep down that's what I wanted. So I was just
Speaker 1: really open with him. It wasn't like this is what's
Speaker 1: happening or not. I said, look, I really want to
Speaker 1: do this, and it doesn't mean I don't want to
Speaker 1: be with you. Can we try and do a year
Speaker 1: long distance? You can come over? And he did so.
Speaker 1: He was really supportive. He was really upset. He's like,
Speaker 1: do I want to be away from you know? Do
Speaker 1: I want to lose you know? Do I want you
Speaker 1: to be happy? Yes? So we both did that. We
Speaker 1: had a year apart. I went, he came over in
Speaker 1: the summer European summer, and we did probably like five
Speaker 1: six weeks around Europe. It was amazing. We were both
Speaker 1: completely faithful to each other because it wasn't about that,
Speaker 1: and that was what kickstarted a whole different journey for me.
Speaker 1: When I came back. We still stayed together for four
Speaker 1: more years. It didn't make me want to come back
Speaker 1: and end it and move on. It was just something
Speaker 1: I needed to do for my own personal growth. So
Speaker 1: I guess because I've lived to this experience, I'm very
Speaker 1: encouraging of it and I know that it can work
Speaker 1: as long as there's complete honesty and transparency. You've got
Speaker 1: to do what's right for you. At the end of
Speaker 1: the day, you have to be respectful of your partner.
Speaker 1: Of course you have to talk to them about your feelings.
Speaker 1: But at the end of the day, you get one life.
Speaker 1: And if there is something in the pit of your stomach,
Speaker 1: and we always say this, if there's a feeling, if
Speaker 1: your body is telling you something, you have to listen
Speaker 1: to it. I cannot stress that enough. That was a
Speaker 1: big story. But I feel this girl. I feel this
Speaker 1: girl in my bins totally and I get it, and
Speaker 1: I do one hundred percent think like you have to
Speaker 1: do what's right for you, does that mean that that
Speaker 1: is then right for your partner. I think your situation,
Speaker 1: brit is incredibly unique, and I think it takes a
Speaker 1: very committed, very loyal Your boyfriend was so fucking in
Speaker 1: love with you that he was like, my fear of
Speaker 1: losing you surpasses what I want for myself. Right now,
Speaker 1: we'll both equally in love. It was incredible. We were
Speaker 1: obsessed with each other for eight years. I guess my
Speaker 1: thing here is is like, you can make decisions that
Speaker 1: are best for yourself, but you can't always expect that
Speaker 1: somebody else who's in a relationship with you will subscribe
Speaker 1: to what you want, and maybe they won't. Maybe they'll say, hey,
Speaker 1: do you know what I feel like you're moving away
Speaker 1: and you're not wanting me there, and you're pushing me
Speaker 1: away physically because you want this independent time doesn't fit
Speaker 1: with what I want, Like, I want someone who wants
Speaker 1: to be with me in a way that's very physical
Speaker 1: and wants me physically in the same suburb fucking house
Speaker 1: as them. You know. I think it comes down to
Speaker 1: a factor of like priorities, but also figuring out whether
Speaker 1: your life is aligned and sometimes sometimes the right person
Speaker 1: the wrong time is actually just the wrong person. Like
Speaker 1: some people will be able to make this work and
Speaker 1: other people just won't. That's the determining factor. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: have to be aware that exactly what Laura said, You
Speaker 1: have to be aware that his reaction, their reaction, her
Speaker 1: reaction is not going to be or may not be
Speaker 1: what you want totally. That's something that's a risk you've
Speaker 1: got to take that I think your best bed in
Speaker 1: this situation and anyone that's listening that's in a similar
Speaker 1: situation and not just about living but just about maybe
Speaker 1: you're scared to say something to your partner that you
Speaker 1: wanted to do something different, you want to try something new,
Speaker 1: you want to go down a different path. The best
Speaker 1: thing you can do is have a really open conversation.
Speaker 1: So all you need to say to him is, Hey,
Speaker 1: I don't know about if I'm ready to live together yet.
Speaker 1: I absolutely don't want to lose you, but like, what
Speaker 1: are our options? Would you consider moving to the town
Speaker 1: with me, but getting your own place and we just
Speaker 1: keep dating because there is a lot of romance be
Speaker 1: kept alive in dating. Things change. When you move together.
Speaker 1: It can be beautiful, but when you live together, it
Speaker 1: definitely changes. What do you mean You're sitting next to
Speaker 1: a paddle that Matt just bought. There's literally like a
Speaker 1: spanking paddle right there. There is a sex paddle next
Speaker 1: to me. I'm sitting on the floor and Matt brought
Speaker 1: this for a skit. It's got nothing to do with me.
Speaker 1: So just have the conversation and say, hey, what are
Speaker 1: our options. Can we move to the town together and
Speaker 1: live separately? Would you be okay to not move to
Speaker 1: the town and we see each other every second weekend
Speaker 1: and have a long distance relationship. Just put some options
Speaker 1: out there, engage where he's at and what he's thinking,
Speaker 1: because you're not going to know unless you talk to
Speaker 1: him about it. He's going to ask you why. You
Speaker 1: just be really honest. It's literally all you can do
Speaker 1: because if you're not honest, it will come out later
Speaker 1: and all cause problems down the track totally. And I
Speaker 1: think at the end of the day, like you've got
Speaker 1: to make decisions for yourself that aren't based in the
Speaker 1: fear around what somebody else is going to do. Like,
Speaker 1: you make the decision, and you explain the why, and
Speaker 1: you explain the why around your decision so that the
Speaker 1: communication channels are open. But if at the end of
Speaker 1: the day he's like, hey, this doesn't work for me,
Speaker 1: you can't change that. You know, you can't force someone
Speaker 1: into doing the things that you want and living on
Speaker 1: your terms if it's not how they want their relationship
Speaker 1: to be either. I think that's it from us today. Life.
Speaker 1: I'm God, Oh here we are anyway, guys, that is
Speaker 1: it from us. We will be back next Tuesday with
Speaker 1: another meaty episode, but we're taking next Thursday off because
Speaker 1: we're going to Queensland. Guys. We are going to Queensland.
Speaker 1: We do have work up there. We've got to do
Speaker 1: some stuff with the radio, and then we're going to
Speaker 1: have a few days break. Well. The reason why we're
Speaker 1: doing it is because I missed out on Christmas, so
Speaker 1: we're going to see Matt's mom. We're blaming vid. I
Speaker 1: got COVID of Christmas. I missed, you know, I missed
Speaker 1: having a holiday. So we are going up there to
Speaker 1: see Matt's mom for her seventieth birthday. So yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna get on the ones and I am going to
Speaker 1: Brisbane and then I'm going to where am I going
Speaker 1: Anosa for a few days. And I'm going to see
Speaker 1: my sister Sherry. And I've never been to Brisbane or NUSA,
Speaker 1: so I feel like it's a little bit of a
Speaker 1: new Vaca for me. So I'm excited to get a
Speaker 1: couple of days up there. So we'll be seeing you
Speaker 1: on Tuesday. We will not be seeing you on Thursday,
Speaker 1: and then we'll be backing your ears on the radio
Speaker 1: on Saturday. So please keep your questions coming into lifelun
Speaker 1: Cup podcasts on Instagram. Just put ask uncut at the
Speaker 1: top and keep the accidently unfiltereds and all the other
Speaker 1: funny shit coming in. Tell your mom'say, dad, tell dog
Speaker 1: tea friends, and share the love because we love that
Speaker 1: thea bay er bay