1
00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:08,360
Speaker 1: This is the Happy Family's podcast with doctor Justin Coilson,

2
00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:10,560
Speaker 1: where Luke and Susie and this is the podcast for

3
00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:12,639
Speaker 1: the time poor parent who just wants answers.

4
00:00:12,680 --> 00:00:15,360
Speaker 2: Now, sometimes you can feel like what is it? You

5
00:00:15,480 --> 00:00:17,520
Speaker 2: talk and you talk and you talk, and there's a

6
00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:19,800
Speaker 2: blank look on their face, or they're going in the

7
00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:22,720
Speaker 2: completely the opposite direction, like you've said nothing.

8
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:26,360
Speaker 1: Apparently, getting kids to really listen, there's a trick to it,

9
00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:28,840
Speaker 1: Doctor Justin Coulson, you have some answers on this. How

10
00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:30,920
Speaker 1: do we get our kids to really listen?

11
00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:33,120
Speaker 3: This is the number one question I kept from parents.

12
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:36,400
Speaker 3: Is it really all the time? And because parents are

13
00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:38,960
Speaker 3: just kind of going I talk time blue in the face,

14
00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,559
Speaker 3: I say it again and again and again, and they

15
00:00:41,640 --> 00:00:43,800
Speaker 3: don't listen. And then I find myself shouting. And I

16
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:45,680
Speaker 3: don't like shouting. No one wants to shout because it

17
00:00:45,720 --> 00:00:48,599
Speaker 3: makes you know, shouting, how all the neighbors can hear

18
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:51,280
Speaker 3: your dysfunction in That's.

19
00:00:51,080 --> 00:00:53,680
Speaker 4: The main reason why we don't like shouting, because our

20
00:00:53,680 --> 00:00:56,160
Speaker 4: neighbors know how frail we are.

21
00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:58,680
Speaker 1: It's right not to say you're dysfunctional if you yell,

22
00:00:59,320 --> 00:00:59,880
Speaker 1: but move on.

23
00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:04,360
Speaker 3: So basically, this is my This is my number one

24
00:01:04,480 --> 00:01:06,760
Speaker 3: go to when it comes to the kids not listening,

25
00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:12,039
Speaker 3: speak softer, because you know, when when somebody starts talking

26
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:14,600
Speaker 3: really loud at you, when they start yelling, what's your

27
00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:16,120
Speaker 3: initial impulse.

28
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,240
Speaker 1: Running the opposite direction?

29
00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:19,280
Speaker 4: Swing?

30
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:24,240
Speaker 3: We just want to get away from it. It's like

31
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:27,000
Speaker 3: you're in my space, you're intruding, you're upsetting me. And

32
00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:29,200
Speaker 3: our kids are exactly the same. They're just like, who

33
00:01:29,240 --> 00:01:31,680
Speaker 3: is this big, horrible person that's making all of this noise?

34
00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:35,000
Speaker 3: And so when we get louder, I promise you your

35
00:01:35,080 --> 00:01:38,800
Speaker 3: children are not deaf. And if you're not sure, unless

36
00:01:38,800 --> 00:01:42,200
Speaker 3: they actually have a genuine physical ailment that leads them

37
00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:45,000
Speaker 3: not being able to hear. If you're not sure, just

38
00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:47,520
Speaker 3: stand at the doorway to whatever room they're in and say,

39
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:51,040
Speaker 3: in a nice quiet voice, who wants ice cream?

40
00:01:51,600 --> 00:01:52,920
Speaker 1: I used to say chocolate cake.

41
00:01:53,040 --> 00:01:55,840
Speaker 3: We have done that and their ears prick up and

42
00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,440
Speaker 3: their eyebrows raised and their eyes go wide, and they're

43
00:01:58,480 --> 00:02:01,160
Speaker 3: like me and you're like, great, so you're not deaf.

44
00:02:01,360 --> 00:02:03,680
Speaker 3: Let's go and clean the room. What we want to

45
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:06,240
Speaker 3: do is we speak softer, and you'll find that the

46
00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:12,600
Speaker 3: softer somebody speaks, the more closely everybody listens, because that's

47
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,040
Speaker 3: what we do. We want to hear what we're missing

48
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:19,560
Speaker 3: out on. So that's number one. Number two, I think

49
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:22,160
Speaker 3: that we've got to consider our timing. Let's face it,

50
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,520
Speaker 3: we can be pretty rude when it comes to wanting

51
00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:26,840
Speaker 3: things done. We just say, kids, do it, do it now,

52
00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:29,400
Speaker 3: and it doesn't matter what they're doing. And what they're

53
00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:33,440
Speaker 3: doing might not be important to us, but often it's

54
00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:37,200
Speaker 3: deeply important to them, even if they're just playing. Play

55
00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:40,000
Speaker 3: is the most important thing they can be doing. And

56
00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:41,440
Speaker 3: so if we ask them to do something and they're

57
00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:43,000
Speaker 3: right in the middle of something that matters to them,

58
00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:45,400
Speaker 3: I think it's worth saying, you know, I consider that

59
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,840
Speaker 3: this is important to you. Why don't you finish the page?

60
00:02:47,880 --> 00:02:50,440
Speaker 3: Why don't you wait until you know the show's over?

61
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:52,959
Speaker 3: Wait till you finish that level. If you can't pause

62
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:56,040
Speaker 3: the game, but within the next ten minutes, I really

63
00:02:56,120 --> 00:03:00,720
Speaker 3: want it done. You're speaking really softly, really silly. You're

64
00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:03,680
Speaker 3: just respecting it. Sometimes you can't. Sometimes it's got to

65
00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:07,440
Speaker 3: be done now, but not usually. And I've got another

66
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:11,360
Speaker 3: tip that I think is just an absolute cracker. That's

67
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:13,120
Speaker 3: called the gentle reminder.

68
00:03:13,440 --> 00:03:16,160
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Family's podcast with Luke and Susie doctor

69
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,800
Speaker 1: Justin Coulson talking about how to get our children to

70
00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:21,480
Speaker 1: really listen that brand new technique up next.

71
00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:25,160
Speaker 5: Family life is pretty tough going sometimes most days are

72
00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:28,920
Speaker 5: a struggle between strong willed children and frazzled parents. And

73
00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:31,720
Speaker 5: while no parent wakes up in the morning saying today's

74
00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:34,560
Speaker 5: the day I'm going to ruin everyone's lives, it sometimes

75
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,880
Speaker 5: feels like that by the end of the day. Twenty

76
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,040
Speaker 5: one Days to a Happier Family is the number one

77
00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:42,440
Speaker 5: parenting book by doctor Justin Coulson for parents who want

78
00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:45,080
Speaker 5: their kids to be better, themselves, to be calmer, and

79
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:47,760
Speaker 5: their family to be happier Now. The book is also

80
00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:51,080
Speaker 5: available as an online video course. In the program, you'll

81
00:03:51,080 --> 00:03:54,080
Speaker 5: find specific strategies to help you be at your best,

82
00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:57,840
Speaker 5: evidence based ideas to strengthen your relationship with your children,

83
00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:02,520
Speaker 5: research proven practices to with understanding between you and your child,

84
00:04:02,760 --> 00:04:07,360
Speaker 5: discipline strategies that work because they're about discipline and not punishment,

85
00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:10,400
Speaker 5: and more tips to make your family happier. And as

86
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:13,480
Speaker 5: a special offer only for podcast business, use the Code

87
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:16,680
Speaker 5: podcast at check out for a massive fifty dollars saving

88
00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:19,599
Speaker 5: twenty one Days to a Happier Family, the online video

89
00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:22,799
Speaker 5: course by doctor Justin Coulson. Get it now from Happy

90
00:04:22,839 --> 00:04:24,560
Speaker 5: Families dot com dot au.

91
00:04:25,080 --> 00:04:27,559
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Family's podcast with Luke and Susie doctor

92
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:30,120
Speaker 1: Justin Coulson, and we're talking about how to get our

93
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:33,000
Speaker 1: children to really listen. And Justin you were just saying

94
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,480
Speaker 1: you have a cracker of a technique for us called

95
00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:36,920
Speaker 1: the gentle reminder.

96
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:38,840
Speaker 3: And this is what I do when my kids are

97
00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:41,520
Speaker 3: not listening. I walk over to them and in a

98
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:44,800
Speaker 3: very soft voice, I call them by name. So I

99
00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:48,479
Speaker 3: might say Luke, I might say Susie.

100
00:04:48,560 --> 00:04:49,200
Speaker 2: Don't pick on me.

101
00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:52,160
Speaker 3: That's not my children's name. So my children will look

102
00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:56,920
Speaker 3: at me very strangely if I do that, But I'll

103
00:04:56,920 --> 00:05:00,200
Speaker 3: actually grab their hand gently and I'll hold one hand

104
00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:02,680
Speaker 3: in my two, so I'm sort of cradling their hand

105
00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:05,719
Speaker 3: in my hands, and I'll say Ella or Abby or

106
00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:07,919
Speaker 3: whoever it is, and I'll look them in the eyes,

107
00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:10,480
Speaker 3: and then I'll just use one or two words for

108
00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:15,480
Speaker 3: what I'm after. I'll say the table or your bag,

109
00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:20,840
Speaker 3: or the towels or your shoes. You can see I've

110
00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:23,640
Speaker 3: done this more than my right and what it does

111
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:25,279
Speaker 3: is it gives the kids credit for having a brain.

112
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:26,560
Speaker 3: They've got to think, Hang on, what is it about

113
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,560
Speaker 3: the table or what it is about the towel? Oh,

114
00:05:28,560 --> 00:05:30,320
Speaker 3: that's right, we don't leave towels on the floor. I

115
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,520
Speaker 3: must have left a towel on the floor. And I'm

116
00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:35,440
Speaker 3: not actually, I'm not getting cranky about it. I'm just

117
00:05:35,839 --> 00:05:38,600
Speaker 3: expecting them to do it. I've touched them, I've looked

118
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:40,600
Speaker 3: in their eyes, I've spoken softly. I know I've got

119
00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:44,000
Speaker 3: their attention, and they've heard me. They're listening. And then

120
00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:48,320
Speaker 3: I just wait. Literally, I just stand there holding their

121
00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:54,280
Speaker 3: little hand, smiling at them like a absolute goober, and

122
00:05:54,320 --> 00:05:56,960
Speaker 3: they just stare at me until they go, oh sorry, dad,

123
00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:57,680
Speaker 3: and off they go.

124
00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:01,400
Speaker 4: Look at that. You know what of all of those,

125
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,720
Speaker 4: the one I get wrong most, what's that is the

126
00:06:04,240 --> 00:06:06,520
Speaker 4: number two? And I realized this the other day actually

127
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:11,000
Speaker 4: using a doctor Justin calson tip of the song for

128
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:14,520
Speaker 4: brushing your teeth. We play a song and it was

129
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:15,880
Speaker 4: it was at the time where it was time to

130
00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:18,080
Speaker 4: brush the teeth, and they were all in different rooms,

131
00:06:18,360 --> 00:06:20,440
Speaker 4: so I thought, great, loud speaker, put the song on.

132
00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:23,040
Speaker 4: Everyone's going to come hurting, and two of them didn't

133
00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:25,240
Speaker 4: and I sent their brother to go just make sure

134
00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:27,320
Speaker 4: that they can hear the song, and they did and

135
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:30,880
Speaker 4: they decided not to come. The only time ever they

136
00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:33,960
Speaker 4: didn't come, and they were in the middle of coloring

137
00:06:33,960 --> 00:06:38,039
Speaker 4: in a picture. And what in hindsight now I was

138
00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,320
Speaker 4: upset with them, and they got into trouble because they

139
00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:42,279
Speaker 4: knew that that song was on they needed to respond,

140
00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:45,200
Speaker 4: and their brother reminded them and they didn't respond. But

141
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:46,960
Speaker 4: in hindsight I looked at it and went, I was

142
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:50,240
Speaker 4: actually kind of rude that I didn't check whether they

143
00:06:50,240 --> 00:06:52,919
Speaker 4: were in a position. I was just demanding with no

144
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,480
Speaker 4: real I could have waited three minutes, but I didn't,

145
00:06:55,560 --> 00:06:58,600
Speaker 4: and it was just as you say that they're ah,

146
00:06:59,080 --> 00:06:59,440
Speaker 4: it's all.

147
00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:02,880
Speaker 3: About it, and as parents we forget that other people,

148
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:05,960
Speaker 3: even little people, have actually got their own agenda and

149
00:07:05,960 --> 00:07:08,800
Speaker 3: their own preferences as well. And I'm not suggesting by

150
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,480
Speaker 3: any stretch that the kids should have rule of the

151
00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:12,240
Speaker 3: rus or that they're supposed to you know, everything's got

152
00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:14,760
Speaker 3: to be on their timetable, but it's just considerate to

153
00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:17,000
Speaker 3: look at what they're doing and think, can I give

154
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,760
Speaker 3: them another couple of minutes? If I give them a

155
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:20,080
Speaker 3: warning now, you.

156
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,200
Speaker 4: Know, because that was the thing when I look at

157
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,040
Speaker 4: that go there was no reason why it had to

158
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:26,800
Speaker 4: be now and not in three minutes time, like actually

159
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,040
Speaker 4: it didn't matter. There was enough space between them the bedtime.

160
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:30,520
Speaker 4: Now if we had to leave the house and we

161
00:07:30,520 --> 00:07:33,240
Speaker 4: were running late for something and it's now an immediate

162
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:36,800
Speaker 4: and you know, fine, but there wasn't. It was just

163
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,360
Speaker 4: because I wanted it done.

164
00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:38,760
Speaker 2: And so.

165
00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:41,120
Speaker 4: Consider it.

166
00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:44,480
Speaker 1: Some great tips there from doctor Justin Pilson. As we've

167
00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,560
Speaker 1: talked about getting kids to really listen. Thank you so

168
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:47,360
Speaker 1: much for your time.

169
00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:48,120
Speaker 3: Always a pleasure.

170
00:07:48,240 --> 00:07:48,520
Speaker 5: Love it.

171
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:51,960
Speaker 1: Don't forget Luke. If you want some more information, there's books,

172
00:07:51,960 --> 00:07:55,160
Speaker 1: there's podcasts, there's resources glow they're all at happy families

173
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:56,480
Speaker 1: dot com dot au or of.

174
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:59,360
Speaker 4: Course to be inspired in person. You can find out

175
00:07:59,400 --> 00:08:01,560
Speaker 4: how you can have to speak at your school or organization.

176
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:06,679
Speaker 4: You can check out Justin Coulson dot com.

177
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:07,040
Speaker 3: Yeah,