1
00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:07,080
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

2
00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:10,119
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.

3
00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:12,760
Speaker 2: Now, if you listened to this podcast episode and you're

4
00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:15,840
Speaker 2: doing fine, You've got enough money in the bank, the

5
00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:18,119
Speaker 2: interest rate hikes aren't bothering you, and Nora is the

6
00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:20,639
Speaker 2: increased cost of living. And you're doing fine, but you

7
00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:22,919
Speaker 2: know somebody who is doing it tough. Can I recommend

8
00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:24,599
Speaker 2: that you reach out to them and just say, hey,

9
00:00:24,720 --> 00:00:27,160
Speaker 2: I know that this is tricky. How can I help?

10
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:30,800
Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

11
00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:31,320
Speaker 1: and dad.

12
00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:33,840
Speaker 2: Hello, this is doctor Justin Coulson, the founder of Happy

13
00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:36,519
Speaker 2: Families dot com dot you and Channel nine's parenting expert

14
00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:41,040
Speaker 2: for the hit primetime TV show Parental Guidance. Season two

15
00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:45,000
Speaker 2: is getting closer. It's getting closer, Kylie. It's all I

16
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:48,239
Speaker 2: can say. It's getting closer every single day. Can't wait

17
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:50,880
Speaker 2: for this season to be on the TV. And every Tuesday,

18
00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:53,479
Speaker 2: we have a look at the questions that you've sent

19
00:00:53,520 --> 00:00:57,240
Speaker 2: to our inbox via podcasts at happyfamilies dot com dot you.

20
00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:00,880
Speaker 2: That's podcasts with an s at happy Families dot Amy

21
00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:04,479
Speaker 2: has jumped online and shot us an email which says

22
00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:07,559
Speaker 2: how do I manage the juggle when returning to work

23
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,160
Speaker 2: as a mum with a two year old and a

24
00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:13,800
Speaker 2: seven year old with high emotional needs? HARBIORI already works

25
00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:16,199
Speaker 2: from seven till four point thirty and as a nurse,

26
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:19,320
Speaker 2: I work shifts all over the place, so the kids

27
00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:22,759
Speaker 2: will be in out of school care and daycare a lot.

28
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:25,000
Speaker 2: I've got no idea how to work a routine in,

29
00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:29,679
Speaker 2: but we can't afford not to have me back at work, Amy,

30
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:32,200
Speaker 2: I mean, you hear that, and just I kind of

31
00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:36,800
Speaker 2: go ouch, right, Because the cost of living is going up.

32
00:01:36,920 --> 00:01:40,000
Speaker 2: Everybody's aware of it. It's getting harder and harder and

33
00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:44,120
Speaker 2: harder as the Reserve Bank continues to increase interest rates.

34
00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:47,319
Speaker 2: And there's a whole economic argument around this that the

35
00:01:47,319 --> 00:01:49,600
Speaker 2: people who can least afford it are the ones who

36
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:52,080
Speaker 2: are most impacted by it. There's so many other different

37
00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:55,080
Speaker 2: ways that we could slow the economy down, but this

38
00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:56,720
Speaker 2: is what they're doing, and this is what we're all

39
00:01:57,080 --> 00:02:01,200
Speaker 2: all well, sorry, a huge portion of USANs by so

40
00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,280
Speaker 2: Amy's in a hard place, Kylie, She's got to go

41
00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:06,080
Speaker 2: back to work. And when I read something like this,

42
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,320
Speaker 2: I just think life's not fair, Like that it's really

43
00:02:10,360 --> 00:02:12,800
Speaker 2: life is hard. You've got kids, you want to be

44
00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:14,359
Speaker 2: with them, you want to be looking after them, and

45
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:18,840
Speaker 2: the economic reality of life means back to work.

46
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:23,320
Speaker 3: I want to tread really lightly with my next comments

47
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:27,480
Speaker 3: because I don't want anyone to see me as condoning

48
00:02:27,760 --> 00:02:32,640
Speaker 3: or making a judgment call here at all. But any

49
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:37,400
Speaker 3: decision we make around what we choose to do with

50
00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:43,239
Speaker 3: employment or stay at home requires sacrifice. So as a

51
00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:48,520
Speaker 3: stay at home mum, the sacrifice that we chose was

52
00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:52,320
Speaker 3: that you would carry the entire financial load, which at

53
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:56,600
Speaker 3: times felt impossible, impossible, overwhelming.

54
00:02:57,639 --> 00:02:59,760
Speaker 2: I remember when I was I was studying full time

55
00:02:59,840 --> 00:03:03,680
Speaker 2: across the week, I was working afternoons and evenings, and

56
00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:05,720
Speaker 2: I was doing furniture removals on the weekend.

57
00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:09,120
Speaker 3: At one point, you had three part time jobs in

58
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:12,960
Speaker 3: adition to full study full time, and I had three

59
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:18,040
Speaker 3: little ones at home. Yeah, and the enormity of that

60
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,440
Speaker 3: meant that we kind of were paupers.

61
00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:22,880
Speaker 2: Oh, we were broke at like so broke. I remember

62
00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,240
Speaker 2: I remember one time, do you remember this, This is

63
00:03:25,240 --> 00:03:29,840
Speaker 2: a true story. We went to the park with some friends.

64
00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:33,160
Speaker 2: I knew you were going to share this, and our

65
00:03:33,240 --> 00:03:36,760
Speaker 2: baby girl was really upset, and we discovered that her

66
00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:41,080
Speaker 2: mouth was full of like mouth ulces or saws. Something

67
00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:42,920
Speaker 2: had happened on the inside of her mouth, and she

68
00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:44,760
Speaker 2: was just screaming she's.

69
00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:46,760
Speaker 3: Brain and getting irritable for days and we just couldn't

70
00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,560
Speaker 3: work out what it was. And well, we're at the park.

71
00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:53,720
Speaker 3: She obviously I was holding her differently in natural lighting,

72
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:56,280
Speaker 3: and she opened her mouth and I couldn't like I

73
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:57,600
Speaker 3: literally could see down her.

74
00:03:57,480 --> 00:04:00,200
Speaker 2: Throat and it was just full of saws, hundreds.

75
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:01,600
Speaker 3: Of these little saws inside her mouth.

76
00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:04,520
Speaker 2: And so we spoke to our friends and said, we've

77
00:04:04,520 --> 00:04:07,360
Speaker 2: got to get some medical help. So they took our

78
00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:10,760
Speaker 2: eldest child home to our place. Well, we went off

79
00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:12,600
Speaker 2: to the doctor or the hospital or whatever. We had

80
00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:13,200
Speaker 2: to go to the hospital.

81
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:14,000
Speaker 3: It was a long weekend.

82
00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:16,240
Speaker 2: There was no one open, and so we gave the

83
00:04:16,560 --> 00:04:17,600
Speaker 2: house keys and they went in.

84
00:04:17,640 --> 00:04:20,760
Speaker 3: But I was mortified knowing what they were going to

85
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:22,440
Speaker 3: go home to, because they said, don't worry, just take

86
00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,560
Speaker 3: as much time as you need, will cook Chanel some

87
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,640
Speaker 3: dinner and bathur. You just take what time you need.

88
00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:30,919
Speaker 3: Just don't even think about us. And we got in

89
00:04:30,960 --> 00:04:33,200
Speaker 3: the car left to go to the hospital. While I

90
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:36,480
Speaker 3: am obviously a huge anxiety around my little baby and

91
00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:39,640
Speaker 3: what she's going through, all I could think about was

92
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,479
Speaker 3: the fact that they were going to open my fridge

93
00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,360
Speaker 3: and my pantry and find nothing.

94
00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:45,679
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was like old mother Hubbard, like the cupboard

95
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:46,839
Speaker 2: was bear.

96
00:04:47,480 --> 00:04:50,960
Speaker 3: And what blew me away was that we came home

97
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:56,840
Speaker 3: that afternoon and we had to buy medicine for Abby

98
00:04:57,080 --> 00:04:59,960
Speaker 3: and you know, you know, spend hours at the hospital

99
00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:00,760
Speaker 3: until they worked out it.

100
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,000
Speaker 2: Was I think we were going for like four or

101
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:02,719
Speaker 2: five hours.

102
00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:05,800
Speaker 3: We got home, dinner had been cooked with food that

103
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:09,720
Speaker 3: definitely was not from my pantry, and Chanel had been

104
00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:12,240
Speaker 3: bathed and she was ready for bed. And when I

105
00:05:12,279 --> 00:05:15,120
Speaker 3: opened my cupboards after they left, they had actually done

106
00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:22,240
Speaker 3: a full pantry restock. So what I'm sharing now is

107
00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:26,640
Speaker 3: not a judgment at all. But each of us makes

108
00:05:26,640 --> 00:05:29,200
Speaker 3: a decision and we have to decide and wigh up

109
00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:30,960
Speaker 3: what sacrifice we're willing to live with.

110
00:05:31,160 --> 00:05:33,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's pain either way. If you go back to work,

111
00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:35,240
Speaker 2: there's the pain of well, how do I do this?

112
00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:38,640
Speaker 3: I'm leaving your children behind and knowing that their emotional

113
00:05:38,680 --> 00:05:42,360
Speaker 3: needs you can't physically meet them all the time because

114
00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:43,039
Speaker 3: you're not there.

115
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:45,160
Speaker 2: And then there's pain if you choose not to go

116
00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:47,960
Speaker 2: to book, because like, how do you feed your family?

117
00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:51,760
Speaker 2: It's such an unfair situation. And so I really love

118
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:53,839
Speaker 2: the way that you've shared that there's no judgment here.

119
00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:59,080
Speaker 2: But I guess we're sharing this story unscripted and unintended

120
00:05:59,279 --> 00:06:04,479
Speaker 2: as it may be, because I guess we've been there,

121
00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:07,599
Speaker 2: we understand, and while we chose different to what you're choosing, Amy,

122
00:06:08,440 --> 00:06:10,160
Speaker 2: we just want to emphasize there are many families who

123
00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:12,440
Speaker 2: are doing it really tough right now, and we get it.

124
00:06:12,480 --> 00:06:14,640
Speaker 2: We've been there. Who knows, maybe in the next few

125
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,160
Speaker 2: months we're going to be there again. Let's see what

126
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:19,400
Speaker 2: the RBA does. I mean, they're not they're not being

127
00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:23,000
Speaker 2: nice to mortgage holders right now. And we happen to

128
00:06:23,080 --> 00:06:26,880
Speaker 2: have bought right when house prices were at their very

129
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,240
Speaker 2: highest when we moved to the coast. But I think

130
00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:32,239
Speaker 2: we need to get a little bit practical here. Let's assume,

131
00:06:32,320 --> 00:06:35,160
Speaker 2: as Amy has done, that we've got families who are

132
00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:38,640
Speaker 2: being forced back into the workforce to meet those financial

133
00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:44,640
Speaker 2: obligations as cost of living, rent, mortgages, fuel, food, everything

134
00:06:44,720 --> 00:06:46,840
Speaker 2: is just going up and up and up and up.

135
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,840
Speaker 2: It's going to cost either way. I think we need

136
00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:53,240
Speaker 2: to talk about the way through it. And the first

137
00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:54,839
Speaker 2: thing that I want to emphasize Kyleie is that there's

138
00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:58,960
Speaker 2: no magic pill. There's no easy fix here. It's going

139
00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:02,480
Speaker 2: to hurt regardless what you do, and therefore we do

140
00:07:02,520 --> 00:07:05,280
Speaker 2: the very best that we can with what we have.

141
00:07:06,480 --> 00:07:08,599
Speaker 2: Amy says that she's got two kids two and seven

142
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:11,960
Speaker 2: that are high needs, high needs. So when I hear that,

143
00:07:12,200 --> 00:07:13,920
Speaker 2: the very first thing that I go to in my

144
00:07:14,040 --> 00:07:16,920
Speaker 2: mind is if I've got a high needs person, my

145
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,880
Speaker 2: job is not to fix them, but my job is

146
00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:20,600
Speaker 2: to make sure that they feel seen, heard, and valued

147
00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,760
Speaker 2: as much as possible. It means that I want to

148
00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:25,880
Speaker 2: connect with them. It means that every chance that I get,

149
00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:28,440
Speaker 2: I want to be engaging with them in a meaningful way.

150
00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:31,280
Speaker 2: Whether they're two or seven, I want to hear them.

151
00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:33,560
Speaker 2: I want to be in their world whenever I can,

152
00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:36,200
Speaker 2: because obviously I can't be there all the time, and

153
00:07:36,240 --> 00:07:38,600
Speaker 2: that means oodles of empathy and noodles of play and

154
00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,280
Speaker 2: making the most of those moments. When you've got a

155
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:45,280
Speaker 2: crazy schedule, maybe you work out Okay, So this is

156
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,520
Speaker 2: this is what we can do in the mornings, except

157
00:07:47,560 --> 00:07:49,680
Speaker 2: when mum's not here, in which case Dad's going to

158
00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:51,200
Speaker 2: take care of her. If Dad's got to take off,

159
00:07:51,360 --> 00:07:53,920
Speaker 2: maybe you can tag team, maybe not with your own parent,

160
00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:58,400
Speaker 2: but with your parents the in laws bring the village

161
00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:02,120
Speaker 2: in somehow. To me, the quality of the connection matters

162
00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:05,000
Speaker 2: most when we talk about research around resilience and kids

163
00:08:05,040 --> 00:08:10,040
Speaker 2: doing well emotionally. One really strong caring adult in their

164
00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:13,520
Speaker 2: life is all it takes. So if we can't be there,

165
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,440
Speaker 2: who are the other strong caring adults that we can

166
00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:17,360
Speaker 2: bring into their world? And how can we make sure

167
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:18,480
Speaker 2: that their needs are being met.

168
00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:21,640
Speaker 3: Maybe it's not a grandparent, Maybe it's a friend. Maybe

169
00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:24,640
Speaker 3: it's you know, somebody else who's got children similar ages,

170
00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:28,040
Speaker 3: who is in the sane boat, And maybe you know

171
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:30,720
Speaker 3: your rosters work out that you can kind of share

172
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,480
Speaker 3: the load a little bit. You have their kids, they

173
00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:33,199
Speaker 3: have your kids.

174
00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:36,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's with no disrespect to all the people

175
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:39,240
Speaker 2: who are doing out of school ours care. You'd much

176
00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:41,079
Speaker 2: rather have them at their friend's house, playing in the

177
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,920
Speaker 2: backyard on the trampoline and hanging out than being stuck

178
00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:46,720
Speaker 2: at school until you get to finally pick them up

179
00:08:46,760 --> 00:08:49,720
Speaker 2: when your shift ends. Obviously, we do what we have to,

180
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:51,240
Speaker 2: and there are plenty of people who are using those

181
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:54,280
Speaker 2: services because they have to. But I really think there's

182
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:57,040
Speaker 2: value and being as creative as possible around this and

183
00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,840
Speaker 2: building the community and finding ways that you can work

184
00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:03,160
Speaker 2: with your children and their friends and their friends' parents

185
00:09:03,559 --> 00:09:07,360
Speaker 2: to lighten the load and make it an adventure, make

186
00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:13,160
Speaker 2: it exciting for the kids. The second thing that I'm

187
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:16,559
Speaker 2: thinking of to help Amy and people in that situation

188
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:20,240
Speaker 2: is Amy mentioned routine is really hard and.

189
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:24,440
Speaker 3: So well shift working. She's hours all changed at the time.

190
00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:27,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I just I guess I want to get

191
00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:30,839
Speaker 2: my highlighter out and put a big line through the

192
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:34,800
Speaker 2: word predictability, which is kind of unfair because again, with

193
00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:37,240
Speaker 2: shift work and with what's going on in Amy's life,

194
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:40,760
Speaker 2: predictability is really hard to achieve. But to the extent

195
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,560
Speaker 2: that you can create a sense of predictability, I mean,

196
00:09:43,679 --> 00:09:45,920
Speaker 2: Dad's shifts don't change, so what can happen in the

197
00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:48,760
Speaker 2: morning or what can happen in the afternoon, so that

198
00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:50,160
Speaker 2: that feels predictable.

199
00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:55,960
Speaker 3: Well, even if the predictability is around how mum leaves

200
00:09:55,960 --> 00:10:00,520
Speaker 3: the house when she goes on shift, obviously her ships

201
00:10:00,520 --> 00:10:03,280
Speaker 3: are changing all the time. But if there's predictability around

202
00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:06,080
Speaker 3: the movements that take place when she does that, and

203
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:09,240
Speaker 3: I mean it does Mum for the ten minutes before

204
00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:11,600
Speaker 3: she leaves the house read a story to the children

205
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:13,640
Speaker 3: before she leaves, Do you know.

206
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:13,959
Speaker 2: What I mean?

207
00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:17,360
Speaker 3: That's what I It might not necessarily be at the

208
00:10:17,400 --> 00:10:21,160
Speaker 3: same time every day, but the reality is when Mum's

209
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:24,040
Speaker 3: going to leave, I know that we're going to sit

210
00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:25,680
Speaker 3: down and have a cup of milk and read my

211
00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:29,960
Speaker 3: favorite story. Yeah, before she leaves? Or is it that

212
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,600
Speaker 3: we jump on the trampoline for five minutes?

213
00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:34,679
Speaker 2: They work. They're great ideas. I really like that. I'm

214
00:10:34,679 --> 00:10:35,400
Speaker 2: glad you added that.

215
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:36,440
Speaker 3: What's number three?

216
00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:37,920
Speaker 2: So this is the last idea that I'm going to

217
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:39,360
Speaker 2: share here. I mean, we could talk about this for

218
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:41,599
Speaker 2: a long long time, but the last idea that I

219
00:10:41,679 --> 00:10:45,880
Speaker 2: want to share is don't sweat it too much. Kids

220
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:50,000
Speaker 2: are extremely adaptable. They get it, they'll deal with it,

221
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:53,440
Speaker 2: and so long as you don't become overly anxious about it,

222
00:10:53,480 --> 00:10:55,200
Speaker 2: so long as you don't turn it into a thing.

223
00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:57,560
Speaker 3: I was about to say, like your anxiety level.

224
00:10:57,679 --> 00:11:00,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, they'll flow on. If you make thing, it'll

225
00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:03,040
Speaker 2: become a thing. But if you just accept that this

226
00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:04,439
Speaker 2: is what we're doing now, and this is how it's

227
00:11:04,440 --> 00:11:06,640
Speaker 2: going to be, and and things like. I mean, I've

228
00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:08,319
Speaker 2: talked about this on the podcast so many times and

229
00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:11,000
Speaker 2: by blog articles and books, giving them in fan to

230
00:11:11,040 --> 00:11:12,720
Speaker 2: see what they can't have in reality. When they said,

231
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:14,439
Speaker 2: but I don't want you to leave mummy, you can say,

232
00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:16,360
Speaker 2: I know, sweetheart. Wouldn't it be awesome if there was

233
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,800
Speaker 2: some beautiful magic that we could click our fingers and

234
00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:21,360
Speaker 2: I could stay here forever and I could never ever

235
00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:23,559
Speaker 2: leave you even when you're eighty and I could still

236
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:25,760
Speaker 2: and turn into something really big and turn it into

237
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,480
Speaker 2: a story and an adventure. Lots of empathy, but a

238
00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:30,920
Speaker 2: clear limit. Don't you just wish? Wouldn't it be great?

239
00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:33,520
Speaker 2: But I have to go, But let's make it really fun.

240
00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:35,640
Speaker 2: Let's read that chapter. Let's jump on the trampoline, Let's

241
00:11:35,640 --> 00:11:37,880
Speaker 2: walk to the end of the driveway and wave. Let's whatever

242
00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:41,440
Speaker 2: the process is when Mum's heading off to work, create

243
00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:44,200
Speaker 2: that and don't make a big deal about the fact

244
00:11:44,240 --> 00:11:46,560
Speaker 2: that this is what life is right now. It just is,

245
00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:49,480
Speaker 2: and therefore, because it is, it is.

246
00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:54,280
Speaker 3: I remember when Emily started at Kendy for the very

247
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:57,920
Speaker 3: first time, and we had to say goodbye, and there

248
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,120
Speaker 3: was a little book. I don't remember the book. I

249
00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:02,600
Speaker 3: obviously didn't wasn't there to read it, but they shared

250
00:12:02,640 --> 00:12:04,320
Speaker 3: it with the kids and they got all the parents

251
00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:06,839
Speaker 3: to give the kids a kiss on the inside of

252
00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:09,320
Speaker 3: their hands, and then they closed up their hands as

253
00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:12,000
Speaker 3: we left, and then the book obviously talked to them

254
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,760
Speaker 3: about the fact that they had mummies kissed with them

255
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:19,040
Speaker 3: wherever they went. And I just remember Emily coming home

256
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:21,040
Speaker 3: and showing me her hand at the end of the

257
00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:23,240
Speaker 3: day and telling me that she'd carried my kiss with

258
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:26,120
Speaker 3: her everywhere she went. And so as you were talking,

259
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,560
Speaker 3: I was just thinking about these little kids and how

260
00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:32,480
Speaker 3: you know their need for predictability and routine and structure it.

261
00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:36,280
Speaker 3: And maybe it's a little soft toy or a blankie

262
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:39,760
Speaker 3: or something that they only get when mum leaves so

263
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,199
Speaker 3: they have a piece of Mum. Maybe it's you know,

264
00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:44,839
Speaker 3: if she's super creative, she might make something out of

265
00:12:44,880 --> 00:12:46,720
Speaker 3: an old T shirt or something that so it smells

266
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,400
Speaker 3: like her. Just something little that they know they only

267
00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,439
Speaker 3: get when mum's not there, just to feel like they're

268
00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:53,040
Speaker 3: close to her.

269
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:56,040
Speaker 2: We really hope that this has been useful. One last tip.

270
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,600
Speaker 2: If you've listened to this podcast episode and you're doing fine,

271
00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:01,719
Speaker 2: You've got enough money in the bank, the interest rate

272
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,120
Speaker 2: hikes aren't bothering you, and Nora is the increased cost

273
00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:06,480
Speaker 2: of living. And you're doing fine, But you know somebody

274
00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:09,000
Speaker 2: who is doing it tough. Maybe Mum has to go

275
00:13:09,040 --> 00:13:11,720
Speaker 2: back to work in addition to dad. Can I recommend

276
00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:13,440
Speaker 2: that you reach out to them and just say, hey,

277
00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:16,439
Speaker 2: I know that this is tricky. How can I can

278
00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,280
Speaker 2: I help with pickups? Can I help with the babysitting?

279
00:13:18,280 --> 00:13:19,880
Speaker 2: Can I help with the mornings? Can I do something

280
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:21,360
Speaker 2: to be involved in your life, even if it's just

281
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,760
Speaker 2: one morning a week or one afternoon a week. What

282
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:27,040
Speaker 2: can I do to help? Because I care about you.

283
00:13:27,480 --> 00:13:30,000
Speaker 2: I just think about that family, that couple who helped

284
00:13:30,040 --> 00:13:32,600
Speaker 2: us that time, and I don't think we'll ever forget

285
00:13:32,679 --> 00:13:36,520
Speaker 2: their kindness. It was just a grocery shop and they

286
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:39,199
Speaker 2: were doing very very well financially, so for them, a

287
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:42,160
Speaker 2: couple of hundred bucks on groceries and probably nothing, But

288
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:47,080
Speaker 2: for us, I mean it's still the beauty of that

289
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:52,200
Speaker 2: gift is incalculable. It still moves me today, So maybe

290
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,600
Speaker 2: there's a way that you can help as well. Baby

291
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:56,920
Speaker 2: Family's podcast is produced by Justin Rowland from Bridge Media.

292
00:13:56,960 --> 00:14:00,520
Speaker 2: Craig Bruce is our executive producer. For more information about

293
00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:03,360
Speaker 2: how you can make your family happier, email us podcasts

294
00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:07,200
Speaker 2: at happy families dot com dot AU or check out

295
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,280
Speaker 2: happy families dot com dot a u