Speaker 1: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 1: This is our very special first day edition, our little
Speaker 1: sexy episode where we answer all your deep, dark and
Speaker 1: burning questions.
Speaker 2: This is us can cut.
Speaker 3: It's really not that special, but I love that you
Speaker 3: are so special.
Speaker 2: But we giving way to the people. You were doing
Speaker 2: it everywhere. It's not like it's a.
Speaker 3: Bonus that but you're like, it's that really special episode.
Speaker 3: It is special because we do feel very honored and
Speaker 3: we love giving you our advice.
Speaker 2: We love that you trust us with it.
Speaker 3: Some of the times we're like, WHOA, we can't answer
Speaker 3: this question is a bit heavy.
Speaker 2: Sometimes we live therapy. I need a lot of therapy. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but we love it. We actually it's probably my favorite
Speaker 2: episode of the week.
Speaker 1: For anybody who has a question for Asking Cut, you
Speaker 1: can always send them through to our Facebook page, which
Speaker 1: is Life un Cut Podcasts, or you can send them
Speaker 1: through to our Instagram at Life un Cut podcast as well.
Speaker 1: So we do a lot of messages from people saying like, hey, guys,
Speaker 1: I have a question, but I don't know where to
Speaker 1: send it to. It's the perfect place to send it
Speaker 1: to wherever you're sending that question. To you can send
Speaker 1: it there and then we'll figure out whether or not. Basically,
Speaker 1: like we go through all of the questions, we read
Speaker 1: every single message that comes through, which is hundreds and
Speaker 1: hundreds and hundreds, and we pick out the ones that
Speaker 1: we think are going to be the most relatable or
Speaker 1: also the ones that we think we can give the
Speaker 1: best advice on. So that's how we kind of pick
Speaker 1: the questions. We also, from time to time tuck them
Speaker 1: up anonymously on the Facebook group as well.
Speaker 2: I also love seeing.
Speaker 3: The way that you guys jump in and help each
Speaker 3: other out and answer each other. On the Facebook group,
Speaker 3: We've got people that write in questions. They're twenty thirty,
Speaker 3: forty men, women, fifty sixty, divorces, about to get married,
Speaker 3: new babies, like everything, and everyone is so supportive. Laura
Speaker 3: and I had this conversation. We were just like, we're just
Speaker 3: mind blown that we can have a group so big
Speaker 3: and everyone's great. No one's cutting each other down, no
Speaker 3: one's bullying each other, and it's really nice to see
Speaker 3: that we can still in this day and age, in
Speaker 3: this climate, maintain something that's so positive.
Speaker 1: It's actually mind blowing. Like I've been a member and
Speaker 1: this is not to take toot our own horns. I'm
Speaker 1: got a tune horns like and whatever. I've mean a
Speaker 1: member of so many other podcast groups on Facebook pages,
Speaker 1: and they just have a tendency to turn really toxic
Speaker 1: and to become uber political, uber feminist, uber left or
Speaker 1: uber right, like there's always some slant and I think
Speaker 1: that you know, there's uh, it can become really toxic
Speaker 1: when people have very very different points of views and
Speaker 1: that people aren't respecting other people's points of views. But
Speaker 1: from what I've seen so far in our Facebook group,
Speaker 1: like our community, you guys, you freaking rock. Everyone's amazing
Speaker 1: and everyone is super supportive, and it's a place where,
Speaker 1: like there's conversation back and forth. We don't always agree
Speaker 1: with each other, and that's okay. We're not supposed to
Speaker 1: always agree with each other. No one's trying to silence
Speaker 1: someone for having a different opinion. But it's a really,
Speaker 1: really like wholesome and inclusive place. So if you haven't
Speaker 1: joined the Facebook group yet, go do it. And for
Speaker 1: everybody else who's already a part of it, then you
Speaker 1: guys already know how bad it is.
Speaker 3: All right, guys, we do have four questions today, so
Speaker 3: it is going to be well, we're gonna still try
Speaker 3: and keep it quick. We usually only do three to four,
Speaker 3: but this one of these is really short.
Speaker 2: But I'm not starting with a short one.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well I can I start that because I have
Speaker 1: one that I think is like really okay, you started
Speaker 1: kind of like, you know, it's different to what we
Speaker 1: normally get.
Speaker 2: So I was like, how do we answer this?
Speaker 1: Okay, basically I'm gonna summarize this one because the question
Speaker 1: itself came through is pretty long, but the essence of
Speaker 1: the question is pretty to the point.
Speaker 2: My friend's baby looks like a potato. Oh wow. Basically
Speaker 2: this person's.
Speaker 1: Written in saying her friend's child newborn baby is quite unattractive.
Speaker 1: And she sent a text message to another friend and
Speaker 1: in that text message she had written, let's just call
Speaker 1: the mum Sarah Sarah's baby looks like a potato, but
Speaker 1: accidentally sent it to Sarah. No, and now no longer
Speaker 1: knows how to deal with this situation. She hasn't heard
Speaker 1: back from Sarah. She wants to have a conversation with her.
Speaker 1: I'm like, obviously her name's not Sarah. Guys, I know
Speaker 1: how to deal here being the cloak of anonymity here,
Speaker 1: I read this and I laughed out loud. Not funny situation,
Speaker 1: but I who wrote this in I'm mortified. I'm dying
Speaker 1: on the inside. I know how she should deal with it.
Speaker 2: She needs to go and dig her own grape. But
Speaker 2: don't you think we've all been in that situation where
Speaker 2: like a friend has had a kind of ugly baby.
Speaker 3: Well, firstly, I don't think babies are ugly, because they
Speaker 3: all come out a bit warped. Their heads can be
Speaker 3: like misshaped there, but like they come out like the
Speaker 3: poor things have been bumbled up in some fluid in
Speaker 3: your belly for nine months. Like I don't think they'll
Speaker 3: be bloated, you know, yeah, like they're swollen, they've bloated,
Speaker 3: They've got rashes and they get milk crashes.
Speaker 2: I think all kids are beautiful. I'm dying for this woman.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: I actually don't know what you can do other than apologize,
Speaker 3: like you've said it. You can't hide the fact that
Speaker 3: you can't blame it on someone else. You can't say, oh,
Speaker 3: I meant to send that to Sally who also had
Speaker 3: a baby, who you don't know like, you just.
Speaker 2: Can't do that.
Speaker 1: Your baby's beautiful, but Sala's baby looks like a potato.
Speaker 3: A potato salad needs to take it to a barbecue. No, absolutely,
Speaker 3: like you, I think you just need to own this.
Speaker 3: If she's really a friend, you just need to Maybe
Speaker 3: you could make a joke of it, like I said,
Speaker 3: maybe you.
Speaker 2: Could just think she's made enough jokes. No, but maybe
Speaker 2: you could just say like.
Speaker 3: Like I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just meant that, like
Speaker 3: his head's still misshaped from birth.
Speaker 2: Is the baby too or is the baby three weeks old?
Speaker 2: Because there's a big difference of you saying the two
Speaker 2: year old.
Speaker 1: I think from the question it was a newborn baby.
Speaker 1: As someone who's had a newborn baby, I think that
Speaker 1: every new mom kind of thinks at some point like,
Speaker 1: oh God, I hope my baby doesn't come out looking
Speaker 1: like a turtle.
Speaker 2: And like Marley.
Speaker 1: When Marley was born, Marley was fully cross eyed, like
Speaker 1: when I was looking at her nose and the other
Speaker 1: one was like I don't know where it was going,
Speaker 1: but I'm out for a party.
Speaker 3: It's funny you say turtle because I I legitally used
Speaker 3: to think Molly was looked like a turtle, but like
Speaker 3: a cute turtle.
Speaker 2: That was what I used to always say.
Speaker 3: I was like, she's like a little turtle. I don't
Speaker 3: know what it was, but maybe it was the shape
Speaker 3: of her face. Looks like a little turtle.
Speaker 1: I remember uploading a photo so basically like Molly was
Speaker 1: like two days old, and I I uploaded a video
Speaker 1: onto my Stories, right, and I thought I had muted
Speaker 1: the video. I was very tired. I was really sleep deprived.
Speaker 1: I just had a kid for two days, like forgive me. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I obviously thought she was the cutest thing in the world,
Speaker 1: but I was very acutely aware that she was cross on.
Speaker 2: Like I was a lying to myself in that moment.
Speaker 2: I was like, you can't hide that.
Speaker 1: I was like, our baby's adorable, but she's a bit
Speaker 1: cross eyed. We'll have to get that checked out. Anyway,
Speaker 1: I was videoing her and I put into my Stories
Speaker 1: and I was.
Speaker 2: Like, look at my little frog, she's so cross eyed.
Speaker 2: Left that on the stories. Anyway. I got a barrage
Speaker 2: of abuse from other moms who.
Speaker 1: Were like, I can't believe you would say that about
Speaker 1: your own daughter, Like, think about how she's gonna feel
Speaker 1: about this when she's older. I hope to God that
Speaker 1: my small child has enough of a sense of humor
Speaker 1: that she's not going to be mortified by the fact
Speaker 1: that I said she was cross eyed at two years old,
Speaker 1: when she was at two days old. Look, I think
Speaker 1: we can all make jokes. This is a it's a
Speaker 1: funny and unfortunate situation. It's probably not funny for your friend,
Speaker 1: but I do think the honesty is the best policy.
Speaker 1: If it's somebody who you love and who you respect
Speaker 1: and who is a good friend of yours, you can't
Speaker 1: just ignore it and then never speak to her again.
Speaker 2: You do need to own up to it.
Speaker 1: You do need to say, hey, Sarah, I'm sorry that
Speaker 1: I've caught her Sarah, but hey Sarah, that was really mean.
Speaker 1: Actually it probably should have. Do you know what this
Speaker 1: is going to come back and buy me in the ass.
Speaker 1: One of my best friends is about to have a baby,
Speaker 1: and her name is Sarah.
Speaker 2: Sarah. I'm just going to tell you this right now.
Speaker 2: This is a pre recorded episode, so like you haven't
Speaker 2: even given you're giving birth today.
Speaker 1: This has not come out yet. Okay, anyway, so this
Speaker 1: is not about you. The name just came to mind.
Speaker 1: So you need to kind of reach out and say, look,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry that was super inappropriate of me. I
Speaker 1: love you, I love your baby, whatever the baby's name is,
Speaker 1: and look, he's going.
Speaker 2: To grow into his lap.
Speaker 3: I justn't trying to think if I'm just trying to
Speaker 3: put myself in a position. I'm trying to think if
Speaker 3: I just had a baby and you sent me a
Speaker 3: message accidentally that was like, oh my god, you've seeing
Speaker 3: Brittany's baby is so ugly.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I actually like, I'm trying to work
Speaker 2: through that now and think of what I would do.
Speaker 2: I don't I would be mortial. I would be like,
Speaker 2: what the fuck it's really mean? But I don't know
Speaker 2: how you would. I think I.
Speaker 3: Wouldn't unfriend you, but I'd be like, well, buy my
Speaker 3: baby heaps of staff to make up for it.
Speaker 2: I actually at you know what, just bring this back
Speaker 2: to me for one more second.
Speaker 1: I actually got a message the other day by someone
Speaker 1: on Instagram and it was sent to me by accident,
Speaker 1: so they had had obviously sent They were supposed to
Speaker 1: reply to the story that I'd put up of Maley,
Speaker 1: but they meant to send it to their friend, but
Speaker 1: they replied directly to the story.
Speaker 2: It happens a lot. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: Guys, if you're ever going to an influencer or shit
Speaker 1: on a celebrity or something, make sure that when you
Speaker 1: do that, you're actually legitimately sending that story to your
Speaker 1: friend and you're not just replying on the story. You know.
Speaker 2: What happens is No, it's not when they're sending it.
Speaker 3: Sometimes another friend has sent it to them, they've watched it,
Speaker 3: and then they reply that's what it is.
Speaker 2: So the other person sent it to her, she's gone
Speaker 2: to reply back, but she replies to your video. That's
Speaker 2: how it works.
Speaker 1: So this person replied to a video of Mali and said,
Speaker 1: ha ha ha, Look their baby got cute.
Speaker 2: Which obviously man.
Speaker 1: At some point, her and her friend had been having
Speaker 1: a conversation about you know what, we got off to
Speaker 1: a bit of a rough start, but my baby grew
Speaker 1: into its looks.
Speaker 2: So look, we haven't hurdles when we were young. I
Speaker 2: think it.
Speaker 1: Look, this is whole situation. Like I said, we can
Speaker 1: make jokes about it. It depends on your friend's sense
Speaker 1: of humor. It depends on how sensitive your friend is like,
Speaker 1: I personally wouldn't be as offended as somebody else. I mean, I,
Speaker 1: you know, my self worth and my child's self worth
Speaker 1: is not based on my two day old baby being
Speaker 1: the cutest two day old baby out there. I don't
Speaker 1: really care so long as my kid is healthy and
Speaker 1: everything else is going right. If my friend said my
Speaker 1: kid looked like a potato, I'd be like, look, he's
Speaker 1: two days old.
Speaker 2: Give it a bit of time.
Speaker 3: Also, what you could do is play on the potato
Speaker 3: thing a bit. If they don't have any hair, just
Speaker 3: be like, we don't worry. She'll get hair and she
Speaker 3: won't be a potato. Like you could play on it
Speaker 3: and mean like she's just that she's baled, and I
Speaker 3: hope that she is bald for the sake of this situation.
Speaker 1: Yes, And also just call your friend, have an honest conversation,
Speaker 1: say sorry. There's a lot of power in admitting fault
Speaker 1: and saying sorry. Buy her a bunch of flowers and
Speaker 1: say it was a really mean thing, and I hate
Speaker 1: that I did that, and I really regret it, and
Speaker 1: I love you and I'm so happy for you, and
Speaker 1: I've really checked myself because it was a bit fucking
Speaker 1: shit thing to do and I'm never going to do
Speaker 1: it again.
Speaker 2: So and then never speak badly about anyone again ever, that.
Speaker 1: This is your lesson be nicer person anyway, I thought
Speaker 1: I laughed when I read this question, and I was like,
Speaker 1: this is so far out of our normal realm of
Speaker 1: relationship questions that I want to bring in to the table.
Speaker 1: But guys, just if you're going to write something mean,
Speaker 1: made sure you're sending it to the right.
Speaker 3: Just made me feel sick, Like I've done that so
Speaker 3: many times where I've not mean things, but we all
Speaker 3: know I've sent pictures and not nudes, just awkward pictures.
Speaker 3: We all I've sent things to people that haven't been
Speaker 3: the intended recipient. When you just told me that, I
Speaker 3: physically felt sick, because that is the ultimate I would
Speaker 3: rather send accidentally send new to someone then send something
Speaker 3: offensive to my friend like it is.
Speaker 2: I felt sick.
Speaker 3: I don't know how you can deal with other than
Speaker 3: like Laura said, you just need to own it and
Speaker 3: hope that she is okay and you can laugh about
Speaker 3: it later, like there's nothing else you can do. But
Speaker 3: what I want to know is what you wrote back
Speaker 3: to the girls that wrote to you saying that Marley
Speaker 3: got cute?
Speaker 2: Did you respond?
Speaker 1: I did write back. I wrote back and said, assuming
Speaker 1: you mean my child used to be ugly? And then
Speaker 1: I had some crying, laughing faces anyway, and did.
Speaker 2: They write back again? They're like, oh my god, I'm
Speaker 2: so sorry. This wasn't meant to be said to you
Speaker 2: like I have clearly anyway, let's all move on. All right, speaking,
Speaker 2: moving on, let's get to question number two. Okay, all right,
Speaker 2: I wanted to ask your thoughts on this. Girls.
Speaker 3: I was in a relationship where a guy was consistently
Speaker 3: texting a girl and sending her memes that he outwardly
Speaker 3: admitted to having had feelings for her right before we dated.
Speaker 3: He told me he still finds her attractive. I told
Speaker 3: him I didn't feel it was appropriate slash or wasn't
Speaker 3: comfortable with them meeting one on one and flirting. He
Speaker 3: wouldn't take no for an answer, and it got to
Speaker 3: the point that he was willing to break up with
Speaker 3: me unless I would let them hang out alone. Do
Speaker 3: you think this is reasonable?
Speaker 2: What are your thoughts? No, it's not reasonable.
Speaker 1: There's the reason why you're not dating him anymore, because
Speaker 1: is absolutely fuck with like, no, okay, very swore, just
Speaker 1: very aggressively. I'm sorry to anybody who's gonna have problem
Speaker 1: with that.
Speaker 3: No, but but you're and I always talk about the
Speaker 3: fact that, like we're happy for our partners to be
Speaker 3: friends with people of the opposite sex. Absolutely, but not
Speaker 3: to the point where he you've said you're uncomfortable and
Speaker 3: he wants to go and meet her alone after he's
Speaker 3: told you he has feelings for her, after he told
Speaker 3: you that he's still attracted to her, Like, there's nothing
Speaker 3: that is okay about that situation.
Speaker 2: Nothing.
Speaker 1: I also think, like, you know, you know that you
Speaker 1: don't need us to tell you that this is not okay,
Speaker 1: Like you know this is not okay. You know that
Speaker 1: there's a reason why you guys aren't together anymore, and
Speaker 1: that's because his behavior is absolutely appalling and ridiculous. You
Speaker 1: shouldn't want to be with somebody who doesn't respect your
Speaker 1: feelings and who doesn't prioritize your relations like it's one
Speaker 1: thing to be you know, like look where the first
Speaker 1: people to say, like as a girlfriend or a boyfriend,
Speaker 1: you cannot say to your partner, you can't see this person,
Speaker 1: you can't be friends with this person.
Speaker 2: You shouldn't be in a.
Speaker 1: Relationship where you have to dictate the people the friends
Speaker 1: that your partner can have. But if your partner is
Speaker 1: spending an excessive amount of time with someone who he
Speaker 1: has expressed interest in in a romantic sense and is
Speaker 1: also flirting with them and being really open and casual
Speaker 1: about it, and then when you say that you have
Speaker 1: a problem with this, completely completely disregarding your feelings, you're
Speaker 1: being gas lit, and it's completely wrong. And this is
Speaker 1: not like, this is not a mature relationship. This is
Speaker 1: not somebody who should be investing time in. And the
Speaker 1: fact that he's broken up with you because you tried
Speaker 1: to put some boundaries in place and he wasn't okay
Speaker 1: with that just goes to show that this is not
Speaker 1: the type of person that you should be investing time into,
Speaker 1: and absolutely is not the type of person that you
Speaker 1: should be investing your pain.
Speaker 2: And you're hurt in because you're not together, So get
Speaker 2: back on that horse. There are plenty of better guys
Speaker 2: than that out there, I guarantee.
Speaker 3: The other thing is, if you're in a relationship where
Speaker 3: you're experiencing this, if it's someone that he cares about
Speaker 3: and it's a friendship and he doesn't want to lose her.
Speaker 3: I totally get that, But why can't you all go
Speaker 3: to the pub for a drink. Why can't you all
Speaker 3: go to dinner together. Why can't you all go hang
Speaker 3: out at the beach together. Why does it have to
Speaker 3: be you're staying at home. I'm going to meet this
Speaker 3: person on my own.
Speaker 2: Like it's just not right.
Speaker 3: And maybe when you're sixteen seventeen and you're all friends
Speaker 3: at school, but not when you're grown adults in mature relationships.
Speaker 1: And you know what, like we are all adults well
Speaker 1: or not. You know, majority of people who listen to
Speaker 1: this podcasts are adults. But like, the reality is is
Speaker 1: guys and girls can be friends one hundred percent. Anybody
Speaker 1: who thinks that a guy and girl can't be friends
Speaker 1: and just friends needs to grow the hell up.
Speaker 2: Because adamant about this because I have so many male friends.
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, you know, And not everything has to be
Speaker 1: a sexual relationship. Not everything has to lead to flirting.
Speaker 1: And we shouldn't feel insecure about every single person who
Speaker 1: is of the opposite sex that's in our partner's life,
Speaker 1: Like that's ridiculous. And if you feel that insecurity, then
Speaker 1: maybe you need to work on yourself more than what
Speaker 1: your partner needs to work on themselves. But at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, if there is one specific person
Speaker 1: and the behavior is different, and you know it's flirting,
Speaker 1: and you've expressed your concerns and you're upset, and they're
Speaker 1: crossing boundaries, he's not including you in the friendship, all
Speaker 1: of those things, then they are massive, massive red flags.
Speaker 1: And that is where it completely shifts and takes a
Speaker 1: totally different territory. And that's where it becomes okay for
Speaker 1: you to express the fact that it makes you insecure
Speaker 1: and that you're not okay with it. Like, one of
Speaker 1: my absolute best friends is a guy, and there has
Speaker 1: never been a moment where we have flirted. There's never
Speaker 1: been a moment where we cross the line. There's never
Speaker 1: been anything sexual there because I don't have sex with
Speaker 1: my friends, I don't hook up with my friends, I
Speaker 1: don't flirt with my friends. And I think as soon
Speaker 1: as you have crossed that territory, whether it be in
Speaker 1: the past or thing, maybe that changes things a little
Speaker 1: bit because you know there is history there, there is
Speaker 1: an attraction there, there's something there. Maybe that can be
Speaker 1: a bigger concern as someone in a relationship, but if
Speaker 1: you legitimately just friends with someone, it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: always be this suspicious conspiracy.
Speaker 3: Also, the main issue here is the fact that you've
Speaker 3: told him you're uncomfortable with it, and you've asked him
Speaker 3: not to do it, and he's still done it. It's
Speaker 3: different if he calls you and he's like, Babe, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna go meet Sharon down at the beach.
Speaker 2: I have to work for a quick drink.
Speaker 3: I'll be home after that, and you're like, yeah, cool,
Speaker 3: because you don't care, that's cool whatever. But the fact
Speaker 3: is you've had the issue with it, and you've you've
Speaker 3: brought the issue up, you've discussed it, you've told him
Speaker 3: it's uncomfortable, and he's still saying, I'd rather break up
Speaker 3: with you than stop this. Then alarm bell, leave his
Speaker 3: ass what you already have?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, baby, Like not even not even just the
Speaker 1: fact that he's like, well, I'm going to continue the behavior.
Speaker 1: The fact that he's like, if you have a problem
Speaker 1: with it, I don't want to be with you anymore.
Speaker 1: Like no, like just this is like this isn't even
Speaker 1: like a red flag. This is like a big red
Speaker 1: billboard in the shape of a flag. So I think
Speaker 1: that he's done you in absolute favor, Like, get on
Speaker 1: with your life. You'll meet somebody way better than him,
Speaker 1: who respects you and treats you the way that you
Speaker 1: deserve to be treated like that is not even a
Speaker 1: question guarantee.
Speaker 2: He's looking up with them. Oh my God.
Speaker 1: Ready just to get that wound and rub a bit
Speaker 1: of salt and just all right, question number three?
Speaker 3: Thank you?
Speaker 1: Next, wait, I have I have question number three. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: question number three. I have been with my partner for
Speaker 1: almost three years. We live together. We've been living together
Speaker 1: for two years. I'm definitely ready to move forward in
Speaker 1: our relationship with getting engaged and starting a family. All
Speaker 1: of our friends are currently either getting engaged, married, or pregnant,
Speaker 1: and I'm so happy for everyone. But I'm struggling seeing
Speaker 1: everyone moving forward with things. I'm longing for any advice
Speaker 1: on how to be happy for others while still being
Speaker 1: happy and satisfied in your own relationship and not putting
Speaker 1: pressure on your partner moving forward.
Speaker 2: This is hard. It is really hard. I mean, but
Speaker 2: this is for me, this is like my whole existence.
Speaker 3: Like everyone in my life is moving forward, going into
Speaker 3: the next chapters or in the love, having babies, getting engaged,
Speaker 3: having getting married like that is literally my whole life,
Speaker 3: and I am never anything but ecstatic for it.
Speaker 2: Doesn't mean you.
Speaker 3: Can't have a moment to sit in that and feel
Speaker 3: like a longing for that part of your life to arrive.
Speaker 2: That's totally okay.
Speaker 3: But if you're starting to be resentful of your friend's
Speaker 3: happiness and resentful of your friend's successes and their love,
Speaker 3: then you've got to look a bit deeper. There's definitely
Speaker 3: something more going on in your relationship. Maybe your relationship
Speaker 3: isn't where you want it to be. Maybe that's why
Speaker 3: you're not moving forward at the rate you're going to
Speaker 3: move forward. That's a conversation you need to have with
Speaker 3: your partner, and you need to say I'm ready for this,
Speaker 3: like I want this. Are we at the same page?
Speaker 3: Are we on the same page? We at the same
Speaker 3: part of life? But if you are genuinely not happy
Speaker 3: for your friends and their happiness, there's an issue within
Speaker 3: your tiny little world at home.
Speaker 1: It's one thing to want something because you know you
Speaker 1: genuinely want it for yourself, like because you're ready to
Speaker 1: get married and you're ready to have babies because you
Speaker 1: love your partner and that's where your relationship is at.
Speaker 1: It's another thing to want those things because you feel
Speaker 1: like everybody around you is doing them. It can be
Speaker 1: sometimes hard to distinguish the two. I think sometimes having
Speaker 1: babies and getting married and everything because it's the next
Speaker 1: next progression, everyone else is doing it. It's very exciting,
Speaker 1: and then you think, well, I'm missing out on something
Speaker 1: really important. To sit down with your partner and if
Speaker 1: this is genuinely how you're feeling, to have a conversation
Speaker 1: with them and make sure that you guys are on
Speaker 1: the same page. After two and a half years of
Speaker 1: being together, I would think that you would be able
Speaker 1: to have a very very raw and authentic conversation around
Speaker 1: what do your futures look like and what are your
Speaker 1: time frames and are you on the same time frame trajectory.
Speaker 1: Maybe he does have an intention of getting engaged in
Speaker 1: the next six months. Maybe for him he's thinking more
Speaker 1: than two year mark. What would that do if he
Speaker 1: said to you, look, I don't want to get engaged
Speaker 1: for another two years or so. I want a bit
Speaker 1: more time of dating and really getting to know each
Speaker 1: other and traveling and spending time as a couple before
Speaker 1: we settle down and get married and then we can
Speaker 1: have kids. If he said two years, are you going
Speaker 1: to leave? Are you going to try and find something else?
Speaker 1: Is the marriage and the kids the main priority or
Speaker 1: is the relationship the main priority? And everyone puts a
Speaker 1: different importance on this, Like you know, for me, my
Speaker 1: marriage has never been something that's been crazy important, but
Speaker 1: we obviously had the kids, right, like you know, at
Speaker 1: time frames don't necessarily have to mean the same thing
Speaker 1: to everyone, but if they're important to you, then it's
Speaker 1: a conversation to have with your partner. Well, there's a
Speaker 1: difference between being envious of someone and then taking that
Speaker 1: home to not being able to be happy for them.
Speaker 1: Like I can be envious of my friends' situations and
Speaker 1: relationships and whatever else and career successes. I can be.
Speaker 3: Envious of it, but it doesn't mean I'm not happy
Speaker 3: for them. So that's a differentiation too. You can still
Speaker 3: want what they're having without taking away your happiness and
Speaker 3: respect and love for them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, And I think also like you can't take
Speaker 1: that home and then be resentful to your partner. That's
Speaker 1: not gonna have any positive flow on. Like I think
Speaker 1: that if you get to a point where you're putting
Speaker 1: pressure on because you're like, well everybody else is doing it,
Speaker 1: and I feel resentful for you because you aren't proposing
Speaker 1: to me, it's just it's not the right reasons, Like
Speaker 1: the reasons of wanting to be married and the reasons
Speaker 1: of wanting to have a baby and wanting to progress
Speaker 1: the relationship don't sound like they're coming from necessarily the
Speaker 1: best of intentions. And that's not to say that it's
Speaker 1: not because you're not ready, Like I absolutely think you
Speaker 1: probably are ready to get married, and you do want
Speaker 1: to progress your life and your relationship. But if those
Speaker 1: feelings are only being magnified because other people are.
Speaker 2: Doing it, then that shouldn't be your sole motivator.
Speaker 1: That's my only concern, and I think the only way
Speaker 1: to really get to the bottom of this is to,
Speaker 1: like I said, sit down and have an honest conversation
Speaker 1: about timelines with your partner. Explain what it is that
Speaker 1: you want and that what you're looking for when you
Speaker 1: want to have children, what you hope to have with him,
Speaker 1: and understand fully understand where he sits on that and
Speaker 1: if you guys are matching up and then you can
Speaker 1: make decisions for yourself about your life and your timelines.
Speaker 2: Yes, recovered a lot of ground.
Speaker 1: I think we're good, but I mean, like, I mean,
Speaker 1: just very very last to tie up, just one more point,
Speaker 1: It is okay, like Britt said, to feel jealous of
Speaker 1: other people in your life, or to feel a bit
Speaker 1: envious of other people in your life who have things
Speaker 1: that you wish you had, Like that is in you.
Speaker 2: And I do it interchangeably.
Speaker 3: I'm sure you look at me being like, I'd love
Speaker 3: the freedom like not to like to be able to
Speaker 3: go and do what I want when I want, like
Speaker 3: not have a commitment. Aslutely Ante, there are one hundred
Speaker 3: percent there are times where BRIT's out for dinner and
Speaker 3: I'm at home doing the same thing I do every night,
Speaker 3: and I'm like, fuck, I wish I had that freedom. Still,
Speaker 3: I'm also able to look at my life introspectively and
Speaker 3: have the perspective of like, well, no, I love my family,
Speaker 3: I love my life that I've created, and I wouldn't
Speaker 3: sacrifice that for anything.
Speaker 2: And I see someone give me a shot of gin.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just want to be at home with it okay,
Speaker 1: and a margarita in my head. But I think that's
Speaker 1: what you need to do, right. You need to be
Speaker 1: able to look at what somebody else has and be like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I wish I was getting married. But then if your
Speaker 1: relationship is great, if your relationship is healthy, if your
Speaker 1: partner is committed to you, if he loves you, if
Speaker 1: he treats you with respect, and he does want those
Speaker 1: things in the future, then just like I think you know,
Speaker 1: calm down a little bit and don't compare your life
Speaker 1: so much to what other people have, because it will
Speaker 1: make you jealous and it will create problems that haven't
Speaker 1: existed before.
Speaker 2: But have that conversation with him.
Speaker 3: Gratitude goes a long way, And something little that you
Speaker 3: can do actually is instead of looking at other people
Speaker 3: and wishing you had what they had, is to look
Speaker 3: at yourself and your own relationship and be grateful for
Speaker 3: what you have and look at how successful you guys are,
Speaker 3: how much love you have. So you can literally do
Speaker 3: a gratitude journal. Lots of people do this. It's very
Speaker 3: very therapeutic. Rite down every morning, wake up, right down
Speaker 3: three things you're grateful for. Be happy, in what you've
Speaker 3: got and what you're creating, knowing that you're moving forward
Speaker 3: at your own pace, and.
Speaker 1: That's it for that because we've Oh my god, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: you just now that. I'm so glad you said that.
Speaker 1: I'm one hundred percent on board with that. Okay, And
Speaker 1: the final question, guys, is.
Speaker 2: We can actually do noises on this podcast? Sane we've
Speaker 2: got we just have never done it.
Speaker 1: I cannot think of anything more annoying than sound then
Speaker 1: sound effects through a podcast.
Speaker 2: Could we just clap the whole way through? T'm well please?
Speaker 2: Question number four, okay, question before. My ex and I
Speaker 2: have separated since January twenty twenty, So what's that like?
Speaker 2: Nine ten months.
Speaker 3: We've stopped all communication and stop seeing each other since July.
Speaker 3: I'm not seeing anyone else and I'm unsure what he's doing.
Speaker 3: My question is when is the right time to delete
Speaker 3: intimate photos? He's got some of me. But since we
Speaker 3: don't talk anymore, how would I go about having him
Speaker 3: delete those? Oh?
Speaker 1: I mean we've talked about deleting photos about x's in
Speaker 1: the past. Look, I mean, personally, I don't think that
Speaker 1: it is a necessity to delete every photo of your
Speaker 1: ex from your Instagram or from your Facebook, Like I
Speaker 1: think that they're an integral part of your past. Anybody
Speaker 1: that you date in the future is going to know
Speaker 1: that you've had a pass. You don't need to like
Speaker 1: totally wipe all the photos of your ex so that
Speaker 1: you look like you've never dated and you're a virgin. Like,
Speaker 1: that's not necessary. If looking back on those photos makes
Speaker 1: you feel upset, if it brings back memories, that means
Speaker 1: that it's part of you to get over. If it's
Speaker 1: causing you any sort of like trauma, then yes, delete them,
Speaker 1: remove them from your Facebook, your Instagram, remove it so
Speaker 1: that you're therefore like you know, you're not being reminded
Speaker 1: of something in the good old times. But it's definitely
Speaker 1: not a necessity.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: The other part of this is if you are upset
Speaker 1: by photos that he has on his Instagram. Firstly, you
Speaker 1: can't control it, Like it's his Instagram. He can do
Speaker 1: whatever he wants, and maybe he looks back on that
Speaker 1: time as like a fond memory as well, He's like,
Speaker 1: you know what, we had a great time. I don't
Speaker 1: want to delete the relationship completely from my life because
Speaker 1: it was a really big part of my life. It's
Speaker 1: part of made me who I am. It's part of
Speaker 1: my identity, and so I'm gonna leave it where it is. Also,
Speaker 1: maybe he just doesn't use Instagram that much and he
Speaker 1: just doesn't care about it as much as you do.
Speaker 3: I agree with everything Laura said, but I read this differently.
Speaker 3: I read this in not that he's just got photos
Speaker 3: on his Instagram and Facebook and things.
Speaker 2: I read this that.
Speaker 3: She knows he's just got intimate photos on his phone.
Speaker 3: I think he's just got photos because she's just like
Speaker 3: I know he's got some of me. I don't know
Speaker 3: how to go about deleting them. I was in the
Speaker 3: same situation. There's literally nothing you can do other than
Speaker 3: ask him to do it. You can't control it, you
Speaker 3: can't get into his phone. Yeah, this is though, just
Speaker 3: like having intimate photos from the past, one hundred percent.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think. But it's good that we touched on everything, Laura, because.
Speaker 3: Because it's like a question, we get a lot of
Speaker 3: and everything Laura said about having photos deleting them, I
Speaker 3: don't think you need to delete all these photos of
Speaker 3: your ex's.
Speaker 2: Sure if you've got them, like macking on two weeks ago. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's not nice.
Speaker 3: But I think this one percent, she just knows that
Speaker 3: he's got a lot of photos of her and she
Speaker 3: doesn't feel comfortable. That happened to me with my crazy X.
Speaker 3: I knew he had a lot of photos, and all
Speaker 3: I could do was ask him to delete them. And
Speaker 3: I literally just had to say, I'm trusting that you
Speaker 3: will delete them, and then I think I threw in
Speaker 3: like I'll ruin your life if you don't.
Speaker 1: This is something that we really need to be aware of. Like,
Speaker 1: when you're in a relationship and there's a lot of
Speaker 1: trust there, you will send photos and you will send
Speaker 1: I mean like I've sent nudes to guys before who
Speaker 1: I've been in a relationship with, But you send that
Speaker 1: with the with the trust that someone is not going
Speaker 1: to abuse that. You send it with the trust that
Speaker 1: you know if something does go wrong, that it's not
Speaker 1: gonna be held against you. The reality is is that
Speaker 1: you guys broke up almost nine ten months ago. He
Speaker 1: may have those photos in his phone, doesn't mean he's
Speaker 1: gonna do anything with them. It doesn't mean they're going
Speaker 1: to go anywhere. You know, I could probably go back
Speaker 1: through my phone and I'm sure that they would be
Speaker 1: or back through my yclad. I'm sure that there would
Speaker 1: be photos in there that shouldn't be there, of my
Speaker 1: ex or of me that I've sent to my ex whatever. Like,
Speaker 1: I don't go back and look at them. I'm not
Speaker 1: reminiscing on those photos. I just don't care, So don't
Speaker 1: dip into it. See, I'm the opposite.
Speaker 2: I would want.
Speaker 3: I feel I felt sick knowing my ex had photos
Speaker 3: of me like that, and I think that's what she's like.
Speaker 3: She's like, I'm feel uncomfortable by knowing he's got those.
Speaker 3: We're never gonna speak again. I don't I feel violated,
Speaker 3: Like I get. I get the feelings, and I get
Speaker 3: why you would want to. I also get why you
Speaker 3: were like, why can't we bothered? I don't even know
Speaker 3: if they're there. I don't look at them. But I
Speaker 3: think for this it's like fresh.
Speaker 2: I think she who knows how it ended, maybe didn't
Speaker 2: end well, and she's disgusted by the fact.
Speaker 3: Maybe she feels disgusting, Like that's actually a common feeling,
Speaker 3: knowing that someone's looking at your intimate photos when you
Speaker 3: don't have that connection with them anymore. Unfortunately, there's just
Speaker 3: nothing you can do other than really nicely and respectfully
Speaker 3: ask him, say, hey, I don't feel uncomfortable with you
Speaker 3: having those now that we're completely over, Can I just
Speaker 3: ask and trust that you'll delete them.
Speaker 2: That's all you can do. It really is all you
Speaker 2: can do.
Speaker 1: And like, maybe this is a whole other conversation for
Speaker 1: further down the track, because like it does seem completely
Speaker 1: unfair that you can be removed, and like you can
Speaker 1: remove consent at any time, right, Like you can say
Speaker 1: I don't want to sleep with you anymore. This is
Speaker 1: me removing consent. But once you've sent those images to someone,
Speaker 1: the consent that you have over those images, when it
Speaker 1: comes to them personally viewing them, it no longer exists. Like, yes,
Speaker 1: you have control over them, like sending it out to
Speaker 1: other people, like they're not able to use them against you,
Speaker 1: to blackmail you or to send them on, but you
Speaker 1: can't stop them from viewing it after you've sent that.
Speaker 1: And I guess that's something that we all need to
Speaker 1: be really conscious of when we do send out photos
Speaker 1: of ourselves or nudes or whatever, Like you do release
Speaker 1: a little bit of control over that when you send
Speaker 1: them out into the world and the only thing that
Speaker 1: you can do in this situation is to ask someone
Speaker 1: to delete them and hope that they do, and maybe
Speaker 1: asking gives you a little bit of peace of mind,
Speaker 1: shy of literally just reaching out to him saying I
Speaker 1: know this is out of the blue, I know we
Speaker 1: haven't spoken a while.
Speaker 3: It's just something I've been thinking about a lot lately.
Speaker 3: I was just hoping you would be able to delete
Speaker 3: all those intimate photos that we send to each other
Speaker 3: now that we're not together. I'd feel more comfortable knowing
Speaker 3: that and they're not there. Hope you've been well, take care, exoxo, gossip,
Speaker 3: but also like there there is a chance that he
Speaker 3: has deleted them as well. It's just one of those
Speaker 3: situations that, like, you shared a really loving situation with him,
Speaker 3: and a loving relationship with him, and you guys were
Speaker 3: obviously in a place where you were sharing intimate photos
Speaker 3: with each other, of each other together on holidays, all
Speaker 3: of the above, and that's a really nice thing to do.
Speaker 3: It's it's just unfortunate that it's at the point now
Speaker 3: that it's not like he is sending them out to
Speaker 3: people saying it's okay. But I'm just saying our advice
Speaker 3: when we say there's not a lot you can do
Speaker 3: shy of just politely asking him to delete them. He's
Speaker 3: they're his photos now and they're on his phone. Yes,
Speaker 3: they're of you, and I think he should one hundred
Speaker 3: percent delete them, especially if you ask him to delete them.
Speaker 3: But unless he is going out and it's like revenge
Speaker 3: porn and he's sharing the content like legally, it's not
Speaker 3: like you can summon his phone and delete them. It's
Speaker 3: like it's literally just a respectful conversation that you're going
Speaker 3: to have with someone that you used to share a
Speaker 3: really intimate connection with.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I think that that's probably the most important
Speaker 1: part of this, is like if you did, at one
Speaker 1: point in your relationship love, respect each other, treat each
Speaker 1: other the way that you were supposed to. If he's
Speaker 1: never acted in a way that's been you know, that's
Speaker 1: called into question and insecurity around these photos, then I
Speaker 1: would hope that when you do ask him and say hey,
Speaker 1: can you delete these, there's still that level of respect
Speaker 1: for each other that he would go, yeah, sure, I'll
Speaker 1: delete them. You know, if like if an X reached
Speaker 1: out to me and said, hey, can you go through
Speaker 1: your phone and delete those photos. Look, I mean out
Speaker 1: of respect. Yes, I would absolutely go and do it. Like,
Speaker 1: that's the thing, you know, and I think we can.
Speaker 1: We shouldn't just assume the worst in people. If he's
Speaker 1: someone that you loved, and he's someone that you did
Speaker 1: have a great relationship with and he respects you enough,
Speaker 1: he's going to respect your wishes now, So.
Speaker 2: Something to keep in mind too when you're sending intimate
Speaker 2: photos in the future, just cut your head out.
Speaker 1: Any identifying Marx. But no, like, it is something that
Speaker 1: we really need to think about. And I think you know,
Speaker 1: especially if you don't know the person that well, or
Speaker 1: you don't know if you can trust them, or the
Speaker 1: relationship is new, Like, we do need to take responsibility
Speaker 1: for our own personal security and shouldn't be This is
Speaker 1: not victim blaming. This is not saying that you know
Speaker 1: it's your fault for sending out photos.
Speaker 2: None of that.
Speaker 1: We've all done it, of course, But I think, like,
Speaker 1: be conscious of the people that you're sending these photos to,
Speaker 1: be conscious of the relationship that you have with them,
Speaker 1: Be conscious of the footprint that you're putting out into
Speaker 1: the world, because.
Speaker 2: You can't trust everyone.
Speaker 1: Excell This is like White who said this is our short,
Speaker 1: sharp episode that never ends up being that short and sharp.
Speaker 1: Another ask, uncut, if you have any questions, slide on
Speaker 1: into our dms. We love it and we'll be back
Speaker 1: next Tuesday with a big, meaty, juicy, deep episode for you.
Speaker 2: And please keep the accidentally unfilters coming in. We love
Speaker 2: reading those.
Speaker 3: Just remember just sliding to the dms with those and
Speaker 3: at the top caption them accidentally unfiltered, just so that
Speaker 3: we know what it is. We love getting all of
Speaker 3: your messages, all the questions, all the funny stories, all
Speaker 3: the can't believes He said that we read every single one.
Speaker 3: I know. We don't get back to you all because
Speaker 3: it's physically impossible, but just know that you are being
Speaker 3: seen and heard and we love you.
Speaker 2: Can I just say as well.
Speaker 1: I have had so many people in the last couple
Speaker 1: of days come up to me on the street be like,
Speaker 1: I love your podcast, and I just want to tell
Speaker 1: you how happy that makes me. It's actually the best
Speaker 1: part of my day. It was like two days ago.
Speaker 1: In the one day, I had about seven people come
Speaker 1: up to me, and I honestly just I cannot tell
Speaker 1: you how wonderful it is to know that so many
Speaker 1: of you guys listen to this that you get something
Speaker 1: out of this that you've you know, that you've laughed
Speaker 1: or you've cried, or it's helped you through something. A
Speaker 1: lot of people have said that, you know, when they've
Speaker 1: been going through breakups, they've listened to some episodes and
Speaker 1: they've found some solace in it. And that's the whole
Speaker 1: reason why we started this because Britt and I, you know,
Speaker 1: we met this one day and we're having these conversations
Speaker 1: around relationships, and we were like, this is this is
Speaker 1: the sort of shit we want to share with our girlfriends.
Speaker 1: So let's put it on a very public platform.
Speaker 2: Let's share it with whow and everyone. I love the
Speaker 2: people coming up to you.
Speaker 3: I just get heaps of dms being like, Hey, I
Speaker 3: just saw you at the cafe and I wanted to
Speaker 3: say hi, but I didn't.
Speaker 2: I was like, do I have a resting bitch.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're like the intimidating one and I'm like the friendly,
Speaker 1: approachable guy.
Speaker 3: You guys should know on this podcast how open and
Speaker 3: approachable I am. So if you do see me, don't
Speaker 3: feel like you can't say hello because I just get
Speaker 3: all the time all the time at the hospital too.
Speaker 3: I'll get home that night and I'll be like, hey,
Speaker 3: you did my X ray today and I'm like what.
Speaker 1: Hi.
Speaker 2: I'm like, you did my best friends cet scam but
Speaker 2: she didn't want to say anything, and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 2: so funny.
Speaker 1: I went down to Woongong to visit my nan over
Speaker 1: the weekend last weekend and I was getting out of
Speaker 1: the car and this like gorgeous nurse came over.
Speaker 2: And she was like hi. I was like Hi.
Speaker 1: She's like, I don't even know why I just came
Speaker 1: up here. I listened to your podcast, Like great, you
Speaker 1: can tell me where Ward seventeen is. Let's go for
Speaker 1: a walk, and it was just so nice.
Speaker 2: Like I love it.
Speaker 1: I love being accosted in the street because it really
Speaker 1: makes me feel like what we're doing has a purpose.
Speaker 1: And like we sit in this tiny little bedroom, we
Speaker 1: shoot the ship, but it's so so fulfilling to know
Speaker 1: that it actually means something to you guys who are
Speaker 1: listening to it.
Speaker 2: So yeah, that's I just wanted to throw that in
Speaker 2: there before we wrap it up. But anyway, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: get off the microphone out. Okay, shed a love because
Speaker 2: we love love.