WEBVTT - ASK UNCUT - THERAPY THURSDAY! 0:00:21.640 --> 0:00:24.960 Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. 0:00:25.280 --> 0:00:28.920 This is our very special first day edition, our little 0:00:29.320 --> 0:00:32.000 sexy episode where we answer all your deep, dark and 0:00:32.040 --> 0:00:32.919 burning questions. 0:00:33.200 --> 0:00:34.280 This is us can cut. 0:00:34.360 --> 0:00:37.159 It's really not that special, but I love that you 0:00:37.200 --> 0:00:38.240 are so special. 0:00:38.680 --> 0:00:41.120 But we giving way to the people. You were doing 0:00:41.120 --> 0:00:43.000 it everywhere. It's not like it's a. 0:00:42.960 --> 0:00:45.559 Bonus that but you're like, it's that really special episode. 0:00:45.640 --> 0:00:47.720 It is special because we do feel very honored and 0:00:47.760 --> 0:00:49.280 we love giving you our advice. 0:00:49.360 --> 0:00:50.680 We love that you trust us with it. 0:00:51.000 --> 0:00:53.760 Some of the times we're like, WHOA, we can't answer 0:00:53.760 --> 0:00:54.840 this question is a bit heavy. 0:00:54.840 --> 0:00:58.200 Sometimes we live therapy. I need a lot of therapy. Yeah, 0:00:58.200 --> 0:01:00.520 but we love it. We actually it's probably my favorite 0:01:00.520 --> 0:01:01.240 episode of the week. 0:01:02.400 --> 0:01:04.280 For anybody who has a question for Asking Cut, you 0:01:04.280 --> 0:01:06.640 can always send them through to our Facebook page, which 0:01:06.640 --> 0:01:08.360 is Life un Cut Podcasts, or you can send them 0:01:08.360 --> 0:01:11.080 through to our Instagram at Life un Cut podcast as well. 0:01:11.400 --> 0:01:14.240 So we do a lot of messages from people saying like, hey, guys, 0:01:14.240 --> 0:01:15.520 I have a question, but I don't know where to 0:01:15.560 --> 0:01:18.240 send it to. It's the perfect place to send it 0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:20.320 to wherever you're sending that question. To you can send 0:01:20.319 --> 0:01:23.600 it there and then we'll figure out whether or not. Basically, 0:01:23.640 --> 0:01:25.680 like we go through all of the questions, we read 0:01:25.760 --> 0:01:27.800 every single message that comes through, which is hundreds and 0:01:27.840 --> 0:01:29.800 hundreds and hundreds, and we pick out the ones that 0:01:29.840 --> 0:01:31.480 we think are going to be the most relatable or 0:01:31.480 --> 0:01:32.840 also the ones that we think we can give the 0:01:32.880 --> 0:01:35.199 best advice on. So that's how we kind of pick 0:01:35.319 --> 0:01:37.760 the questions. We also, from time to time tuck them 0:01:37.840 --> 0:01:39.720 up anonymously on the Facebook group as well. 0:01:39.959 --> 0:01:41.360 I also love seeing. 0:01:41.200 --> 0:01:43.800 The way that you guys jump in and help each 0:01:43.800 --> 0:01:45.680 other out and answer each other. On the Facebook group, 0:01:45.720 --> 0:01:48.720 We've got people that write in questions. They're twenty thirty, 0:01:48.960 --> 0:01:54.279 forty men, women, fifty sixty, divorces, about to get married, 0:01:54.360 --> 0:01:57.280 new babies, like everything, and everyone is so supportive. Laura 0:01:57.320 --> 0:01:59.280 and I had this conversation. We were just like, we're just 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:02.120 mind blown that we can have a group so big 0:02:02.240 --> 0:02:05.520 and everyone's great. No one's cutting each other down, no 0:02:05.560 --> 0:02:08.000 one's bullying each other, and it's really nice to see 0:02:08.000 --> 0:02:10.120 that we can still in this day and age, in 0:02:10.160 --> 0:02:13.239 this climate, maintain something that's so positive. 0:02:13.360 --> 0:02:15.680 It's actually mind blowing. Like I've been a member and 0:02:15.720 --> 0:02:17.480 this is not to take toot our own horns. I'm 0:02:17.520 --> 0:02:21.400 got a tune horns like and whatever. I've mean a 0:02:21.480 --> 0:02:24.360 member of so many other podcast groups on Facebook pages, 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:27.320 and they just have a tendency to turn really toxic 0:02:27.440 --> 0:02:31.320 and to become uber political, uber feminist, uber left or 0:02:31.400 --> 0:02:35.359 uber right, like there's always some slant and I think 0:02:35.400 --> 0:02:37.960 that you know, there's uh, it can become really toxic 0:02:38.000 --> 0:02:40.200 when people have very very different points of views and 0:02:40.760 --> 0:02:42.799 that people aren't respecting other people's points of views. But 0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:45.079 from what I've seen so far in our Facebook group, 0:02:45.160 --> 0:02:48.800 like our community, you guys, you freaking rock. Everyone's amazing 0:02:48.880 --> 0:02:52.079 and everyone is super supportive, and it's a place where, 0:02:52.240 --> 0:02:56.000 like there's conversation back and forth. We don't always agree 0:02:56.040 --> 0:02:58.120 with each other, and that's okay. We're not supposed to 0:02:58.160 --> 0:03:00.400 always agree with each other. No one's trying to silence 0:03:00.440 --> 0:03:02.839 someone for having a different opinion. But it's a really, 0:03:03.120 --> 0:03:06.079 really like wholesome and inclusive place. So if you haven't 0:03:06.120 --> 0:03:08.400 joined the Facebook group yet, go do it. And for 0:03:08.440 --> 0:03:10.120 everybody else who's already a part of it, then you 0:03:10.120 --> 0:03:11.280 guys already know how bad it is. 0:03:11.400 --> 0:03:13.840 All right, guys, we do have four questions today, so 0:03:13.919 --> 0:03:15.800 it is going to be well, we're gonna still try 0:03:15.800 --> 0:03:17.400 and keep it quick. We usually only do three to four, 0:03:17.520 --> 0:03:19.440 but this one of these is really short. 0:03:19.600 --> 0:03:20.720 But I'm not starting with a short one. 0:03:20.760 --> 0:03:22.359 Okay, Well I can I start that because I have 0:03:22.440 --> 0:03:24.320 one that I think is like really okay, you started 0:03:24.480 --> 0:03:25.959 kind of like, you know, it's different to what we 0:03:26.000 --> 0:03:26.440 normally get. 0:03:26.560 --> 0:03:27.919 So I was like, how do we answer this? 0:03:28.520 --> 0:03:31.480 Okay, basically I'm gonna summarize this one because the question 0:03:31.520 --> 0:03:33.919 itself came through is pretty long, but the essence of 0:03:34.000 --> 0:03:35.960 the question is pretty to the point. 0:03:37.360 --> 0:03:43.520 My friend's baby looks like a potato. Oh wow. Basically 0:03:43.760 --> 0:03:44.640 this person's. 0:03:44.320 --> 0:03:49.400 Written in saying her friend's child newborn baby is quite unattractive. 0:03:50.160 --> 0:03:53.120 And she sent a text message to another friend and 0:03:53.240 --> 0:03:55.640 in that text message she had written, let's just call 0:03:55.720 --> 0:03:58.400 the mum Sarah Sarah's baby looks like a potato, but 0:03:58.520 --> 0:04:02.880 accidentally sent it to Sarah. No, and now no longer 0:04:03.080 --> 0:04:05.960 knows how to deal with this situation. She hasn't heard 0:04:06.000 --> 0:04:08.960 back from Sarah. She wants to have a conversation with her. 0:04:09.120 --> 0:04:11.800 I'm like, obviously her name's not Sarah. Guys, I know 0:04:11.920 --> 0:04:14.120 how to deal here being the cloak of anonymity here, 0:04:16.320 --> 0:04:19.000 I read this and I laughed out loud. Not funny situation, 0:04:19.120 --> 0:04:21.440 but I who wrote this in I'm mortified. I'm dying 0:04:21.520 --> 0:04:23.160 on the inside. I know how she should deal with it. 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:28.960 She needs to go and dig her own grape. But 0:04:29.080 --> 0:04:30.960 don't you think we've all been in that situation where 0:04:31.000 --> 0:04:32.560 like a friend has had a kind of ugly baby. 0:04:32.720 --> 0:04:35.400 Well, firstly, I don't think babies are ugly, because they 0:04:35.480 --> 0:04:37.600 all come out a bit warped. Their heads can be 0:04:37.880 --> 0:04:41.160 like misshaped there, but like they come out like the 0:04:41.240 --> 0:04:43.480 poor things have been bumbled up in some fluid in 0:04:43.600 --> 0:04:45.839 your belly for nine months. Like I don't think they'll 0:04:45.880 --> 0:04:48.480 be bloated, you know, yeah, like they're swollen, they've bloated, 0:04:48.480 --> 0:04:50.240 They've got rashes and they get milk crashes. 0:04:50.240 --> 0:04:53.320 I think all kids are beautiful. I'm dying for this woman. 0:04:53.440 --> 0:04:54.480 I don't know. 0:04:55.880 --> 0:04:59.200 I actually don't know what you can do other than apologize, 0:04:59.360 --> 0:05:01.320 like you've said it. You can't hide the fact that 0:05:01.560 --> 0:05:03.480 you can't blame it on someone else. You can't say, oh, 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:05.840 I meant to send that to Sally who also had 0:05:05.880 --> 0:05:08.039 a baby, who you don't know like, you just. 0:05:08.080 --> 0:05:08.600 Can't do that. 0:05:08.760 --> 0:05:11.520 Your baby's beautiful, but Sala's baby looks like a potato. 0:05:11.800 --> 0:05:17.400 A potato salad needs to take it to a barbecue. No, absolutely, 0:05:17.520 --> 0:05:18.920 like you, I think you just need to own this. 0:05:19.000 --> 0:05:21.160 If she's really a friend, you just need to Maybe 0:05:21.200 --> 0:05:22.560 you could make a joke of it, like I said, 0:05:22.640 --> 0:05:22.919 maybe you. 0:05:22.920 --> 0:05:25.159 Could just think she's made enough jokes. No, but maybe 0:05:25.200 --> 0:05:25.919 you could just say like. 0:05:27.440 --> 0:05:29.480 Like I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I just meant that, like 0:05:29.640 --> 0:05:32.159 his head's still misshaped from birth. 0:05:32.400 --> 0:05:35.159 Is the baby too or is the baby three weeks old? 0:05:35.200 --> 0:05:37.040 Because there's a big difference of you saying the two 0:05:37.120 --> 0:05:37.440 year old. 0:05:37.839 --> 0:05:39.800 I think from the question it was a newborn baby. 0:05:40.120 --> 0:05:42.800 As someone who's had a newborn baby, I think that 0:05:43.040 --> 0:05:45.800 every new mom kind of thinks at some point like, 0:05:45.920 --> 0:05:47.880 oh God, I hope my baby doesn't come out looking 0:05:47.920 --> 0:05:48.480 like a turtle. 0:05:48.839 --> 0:05:49.479 And like Marley. 0:05:49.560 --> 0:05:52.200 When Marley was born, Marley was fully cross eyed, like 0:05:52.839 --> 0:05:55.600 when I was looking at her nose and the other 0:05:55.680 --> 0:05:57.280 one was like I don't know where it was going, 0:05:57.320 --> 0:05:58.359 but I'm out for a party. 0:05:58.480 --> 0:06:00.640 It's funny you say turtle because I I legitally used 0:06:00.640 --> 0:06:02.160 to think Molly was looked like a turtle, but like 0:06:02.240 --> 0:06:02.880 a cute turtle. 0:06:03.120 --> 0:06:04.360 That was what I used to always say. 0:06:04.360 --> 0:06:05.719 I was like, she's like a little turtle. I don't 0:06:05.720 --> 0:06:07.760 know what it was, but maybe it was the shape 0:06:07.800 --> 0:06:09.240 of her face. Looks like a little turtle. 0:06:09.279 --> 0:06:11.680 I remember uploading a photo so basically like Molly was 0:06:11.720 --> 0:06:14.520 like two days old, and I I uploaded a video 0:06:14.680 --> 0:06:17.400 onto my Stories, right, and I thought I had muted 0:06:17.440 --> 0:06:19.880 the video. I was very tired. I was really sleep deprived. 0:06:19.920 --> 0:06:22.280 I just had a kid for two days, like forgive me. Anyway, 0:06:22.360 --> 0:06:24.520 I obviously thought she was the cutest thing in the world, 0:06:24.640 --> 0:06:27.000 but I was very acutely aware that she was cross on. 0:06:27.240 --> 0:06:29.679 Like I was a lying to myself in that moment. 0:06:29.960 --> 0:06:31.080 I was like, you can't hide that. 0:06:31.240 --> 0:06:33.640 I was like, our baby's adorable, but she's a bit 0:06:33.720 --> 0:06:35.919 cross eyed. We'll have to get that checked out. Anyway, 0:06:36.120 --> 0:06:38.720 I was videoing her and I put into my Stories 0:06:38.760 --> 0:06:39.359 and I was. 0:06:39.520 --> 0:06:42.440 Like, look at my little frog, she's so cross eyed. 0:06:42.880 --> 0:06:45.680 Left that on the stories. Anyway. I got a barrage 0:06:45.760 --> 0:06:47.360 of abuse from other moms who. 0:06:47.240 --> 0:06:48.920 Were like, I can't believe you would say that about 0:06:48.920 --> 0:06:51.520 your own daughter, Like, think about how she's gonna feel 0:06:51.520 --> 0:06:53.560 about this when she's older. I hope to God that 0:06:53.720 --> 0:06:55.719 my small child has enough of a sense of humor 0:06:56.000 --> 0:06:57.760 that she's not going to be mortified by the fact 0:06:57.760 --> 0:06:59.320 that I said she was cross eyed at two years old, 0:06:59.440 --> 0:07:01.960 when she was at two days old. Look, I think 0:07:02.120 --> 0:07:04.240 we can all make jokes. This is a it's a 0:07:04.640 --> 0:07:07.760 funny and unfortunate situation. It's probably not funny for your friend, 0:07:08.760 --> 0:07:10.880 but I do think the honesty is the best policy. 0:07:11.000 --> 0:07:13.880 If it's somebody who you love and who you respect 0:07:14.040 --> 0:07:16.360 and who is a good friend of yours, you can't 0:07:16.560 --> 0:07:18.800 just ignore it and then never speak to her again. 0:07:19.160 --> 0:07:20.320 You do need to own up to it. 0:07:20.440 --> 0:07:23.280 You do need to say, hey, Sarah, I'm sorry that 0:07:23.280 --> 0:07:26.440 I've caught her Sarah, but hey Sarah, that was really mean. 0:07:26.600 --> 0:07:28.360 Actually it probably should have. Do you know what this 0:07:28.440 --> 0:07:29.600 is going to come back and buy me in the ass. 0:07:29.720 --> 0:07:31.520 One of my best friends is about to have a baby, 0:07:31.560 --> 0:07:32.480 and her name is Sarah. 0:07:32.800 --> 0:07:34.400 Sarah. I'm just going to tell you this right now. 0:07:34.520 --> 0:07:37.800 This is a pre recorded episode, so like you haven't 0:07:37.800 --> 0:07:39.560 even given you're giving birth today. 0:07:39.840 --> 0:07:42.600 This has not come out yet. Okay, anyway, so this 0:07:42.760 --> 0:07:44.560 is not about you. The name just came to mind. 0:07:44.720 --> 0:07:46.600 So you need to kind of reach out and say, look, 0:07:46.680 --> 0:07:50.040 I'm so sorry that was super inappropriate of me. I 0:07:50.200 --> 0:07:53.080 love you, I love your baby, whatever the baby's name is, 0:07:53.440 --> 0:07:55.040 and look, he's going. 0:07:54.960 --> 0:07:56.120 To grow into his lap. 0:07:56.920 --> 0:07:58.680 I justn't trying to think if I'm just trying to 0:07:58.680 --> 0:08:00.120 put myself in a position. I'm trying to think if 0:08:00.160 --> 0:08:01.880 I just had a baby and you sent me a 0:08:01.920 --> 0:08:04.520 message accidentally that was like, oh my god, you've seeing 0:08:04.520 --> 0:08:05.760 Brittany's baby is so ugly. 0:08:05.920 --> 0:08:08.480 I don't know. I actually like, I'm trying to work 0:08:08.520 --> 0:08:10.080 through that now and think of what I would do. 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:12.880 I don't I would be mortial. I would be like, 0:08:13.040 --> 0:08:15.480 what the fuck it's really mean? But I don't know 0:08:15.560 --> 0:08:17.360 how you would. I think I. 0:08:17.360 --> 0:08:20.160 Wouldn't unfriend you, but I'd be like, well, buy my 0:08:20.360 --> 0:08:21.880 baby heaps of staff to make up for it. 0:08:22.920 --> 0:08:24.880 I actually at you know what, just bring this back 0:08:24.880 --> 0:08:25.840 to me for one more second. 0:08:25.960 --> 0:08:28.000 I actually got a message the other day by someone 0:08:28.080 --> 0:08:30.560 on Instagram and it was sent to me by accident, 0:08:30.640 --> 0:08:33.240 so they had had obviously sent They were supposed to 0:08:33.320 --> 0:08:35.240 reply to the story that I'd put up of Maley, 0:08:35.559 --> 0:08:37.480 but they meant to send it to their friend, but 0:08:37.559 --> 0:08:39.079 they replied directly to the story. 0:08:39.200 --> 0:08:41.240 It happens a lot. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. 0:08:41.280 --> 0:08:43.640 Guys, if you're ever going to an influencer or shit 0:08:43.679 --> 0:08:45.360 on a celebrity or something, make sure that when you 0:08:45.520 --> 0:08:49.360 do that, you're actually legitimately sending that story to your 0:08:49.440 --> 0:08:51.520 friend and you're not just replying on the story. You know. 0:08:51.559 --> 0:08:53.400 What happens is No, it's not when they're sending it. 0:08:53.520 --> 0:08:56.400 Sometimes another friend has sent it to them, they've watched it, 0:08:56.520 --> 0:08:58.280 and then they reply that's what it is. 0:08:58.360 --> 0:09:00.800 So the other person sent it to her, she's gone 0:09:00.840 --> 0:09:03.920 to reply back, but she replies to your video. That's 0:09:03.960 --> 0:09:04.480 how it works. 0:09:04.720 --> 0:09:07.800 So this person replied to a video of Mali and said, 0:09:08.280 --> 0:09:11.119 ha ha ha, Look their baby got cute. 0:09:11.960 --> 0:09:13.199 Which obviously man. 0:09:13.640 --> 0:09:15.960 At some point, her and her friend had been having 0:09:15.960 --> 0:09:18.240 a conversation about you know what, we got off to 0:09:18.240 --> 0:09:19.959 a bit of a rough start, but my baby grew 0:09:20.000 --> 0:09:20.679 into its looks. 0:09:21.000 --> 0:09:23.880 So look, we haven't hurdles when we were young. I 0:09:24.000 --> 0:09:24.280 think it. 0:09:24.360 --> 0:09:26.640 Look, this is whole situation. Like I said, we can 0:09:26.679 --> 0:09:28.960 make jokes about it. It depends on your friend's sense 0:09:28.960 --> 0:09:31.599 of humor. It depends on how sensitive your friend is like, 0:09:32.040 --> 0:09:35.719 I personally wouldn't be as offended as somebody else. I mean, I, 0:09:36.440 --> 0:09:40.080 you know, my self worth and my child's self worth 0:09:40.160 --> 0:09:41.960 is not based on my two day old baby being 0:09:42.000 --> 0:09:43.920 the cutest two day old baby out there. I don't 0:09:43.960 --> 0:09:46.240 really care so long as my kid is healthy and 0:09:46.720 --> 0:09:48.719 everything else is going right. If my friend said my 0:09:48.840 --> 0:09:50.559 kid looked like a potato, I'd be like, look, he's 0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:51.120 two days old. 0:09:51.160 --> 0:09:51.880 Give it a bit of time. 0:09:51.920 --> 0:09:53.800 Also, what you could do is play on the potato 0:09:53.880 --> 0:09:55.800 thing a bit. If they don't have any hair, just 0:09:55.840 --> 0:09:57.679 be like, we don't worry. She'll get hair and she 0:09:57.679 --> 0:09:59.160 won't be a potato. Like you could play on it 0:09:59.200 --> 0:10:00.880 and mean like she's just that she's baled, and I 0:10:01.000 --> 0:10:03.240 hope that she is bald for the sake of this situation. 0:10:03.520 --> 0:10:07.120 Yes, And also just call your friend, have an honest conversation, 0:10:07.720 --> 0:10:10.360 say sorry. There's a lot of power in admitting fault 0:10:10.440 --> 0:10:13.360 and saying sorry. Buy her a bunch of flowers and 0:10:13.520 --> 0:10:16.640 say it was a really mean thing, and I hate 0:10:16.679 --> 0:10:19.199 that I did that, and I really regret it, and 0:10:19.280 --> 0:10:21.959 I love you and I'm so happy for you, and 0:10:22.559 --> 0:10:24.640 I've really checked myself because it was a bit fucking 0:10:24.679 --> 0:10:26.079 shit thing to do and I'm never going to do 0:10:26.160 --> 0:10:26.760 it again. 0:10:26.640 --> 0:10:29.520 So and then never speak badly about anyone again ever, that. 0:10:29.600 --> 0:10:32.080 This is your lesson be nicer person anyway, I thought 0:10:32.120 --> 0:10:34.160 I laughed when I read this question, and I was like, 0:10:34.240 --> 0:10:36.199 this is so far out of our normal realm of 0:10:36.280 --> 0:10:38.240 relationship questions that I want to bring in to the table. 0:10:38.640 --> 0:10:40.319 But guys, just if you're going to write something mean, 0:10:40.400 --> 0:10:41.760 made sure you're sending it to the right. 0:10:42.120 --> 0:10:44.559 Just made me feel sick, Like I've done that so 0:10:44.640 --> 0:10:46.280 many times where I've not mean things, but we all 0:10:46.320 --> 0:10:49.839 know I've sent pictures and not nudes, just awkward pictures. 0:10:49.880 --> 0:10:52.480 We all I've sent things to people that haven't been 0:10:52.520 --> 0:10:55.959 the intended recipient. When you just told me that, I 0:10:56.040 --> 0:10:58.520 physically felt sick, because that is the ultimate I would 0:10:58.640 --> 0:11:01.720 rather send accidentally send new to someone then send something 0:11:01.760 --> 0:11:03.360 offensive to my friend like it is. 0:11:03.720 --> 0:11:04.560 I felt sick. 0:11:04.640 --> 0:11:06.040 I don't know how you can deal with other than 0:11:06.080 --> 0:11:07.839 like Laura said, you just need to own it and 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:10.240 hope that she is okay and you can laugh about 0:11:10.280 --> 0:11:12.880 it later, like there's nothing else you can do. But 0:11:13.040 --> 0:11:15.040 what I want to know is what you wrote back 0:11:15.120 --> 0:11:17.400 to the girls that wrote to you saying that Marley 0:11:17.440 --> 0:11:17.840 got cute? 0:11:17.880 --> 0:11:18.480 Did you respond? 0:11:19.679 --> 0:11:22.160 I did write back. I wrote back and said, assuming 0:11:22.240 --> 0:11:24.440 you mean my child used to be ugly? And then 0:11:24.480 --> 0:11:27.160 I had some crying, laughing faces anyway, and did. 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:28.440 They write back again? They're like, oh my god, I'm 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:30.120 so sorry. This wasn't meant to be said to you 0:11:30.480 --> 0:11:34.080 like I have clearly anyway, let's all move on. All right, speaking, 0:11:34.160 --> 0:11:36.920 moving on, let's get to question number two. Okay, all right, 0:11:38.559 --> 0:11:40.840 I wanted to ask your thoughts on this. Girls. 0:11:41.000 --> 0:11:43.679 I was in a relationship where a guy was consistently 0:11:43.800 --> 0:11:46.520 texting a girl and sending her memes that he outwardly 0:11:46.600 --> 0:11:49.840 admitted to having had feelings for her right before we dated. 0:11:50.480 --> 0:11:53.480 He told me he still finds her attractive. I told 0:11:53.559 --> 0:11:55.960 him I didn't feel it was appropriate slash or wasn't 0:11:56.000 --> 0:11:59.160 comfortable with them meeting one on one and flirting. He 0:11:59.200 --> 0:12:01.079 wouldn't take no for an answer, and it got to 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:02.920 the point that he was willing to break up with 0:12:03.040 --> 0:12:05.839 me unless I would let them hang out alone. Do 0:12:06.000 --> 0:12:07.040 you think this is reasonable? 0:12:07.160 --> 0:12:10.080 What are your thoughts? No, it's not reasonable. 0:12:10.160 --> 0:12:11.960 There's the reason why you're not dating him anymore, because 0:12:11.960 --> 0:12:16.040 is absolutely fuck with like, no, okay, very swore, just 0:12:16.200 --> 0:12:18.440 very aggressively. I'm sorry to anybody who's gonna have problem 0:12:18.440 --> 0:12:18.599 with that. 0:12:18.800 --> 0:12:20.559 No, but but you're and I always talk about the 0:12:20.600 --> 0:12:23.079 fact that, like we're happy for our partners to be 0:12:23.280 --> 0:12:27.319 friends with people of the opposite sex. Absolutely, but not 0:12:27.400 --> 0:12:31.640 to the point where he you've said you're uncomfortable and 0:12:31.679 --> 0:12:34.120 he wants to go and meet her alone after he's 0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:36.280 told you he has feelings for her, after he told 0:12:36.320 --> 0:12:39.240 you that he's still attracted to her, Like, there's nothing 0:12:39.280 --> 0:12:40.959 that is okay about that situation. 0:12:41.200 --> 0:12:41.520 Nothing. 0:12:41.720 --> 0:12:44.760 I also think, like, you know, you know that you 0:12:44.840 --> 0:12:46.839 don't need us to tell you that this is not okay, 0:12:47.000 --> 0:12:49.360 Like you know this is not okay. You know that 0:12:49.440 --> 0:12:51.719 there's a reason why you guys aren't together anymore, and 0:12:51.800 --> 0:12:55.319 that's because his behavior is absolutely appalling and ridiculous. You 0:12:55.360 --> 0:12:57.720 shouldn't want to be with somebody who doesn't respect your 0:12:57.760 --> 0:13:01.280 feelings and who doesn't prioritize your relations like it's one 0:13:01.360 --> 0:13:04.760 thing to be you know, like look where the first 0:13:04.800 --> 0:13:07.240 people to say, like as a girlfriend or a boyfriend, 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:09.720 you cannot say to your partner, you can't see this person, 0:13:09.800 --> 0:13:11.000 you can't be friends with this person. 0:13:11.080 --> 0:13:11.800 You shouldn't be in a. 0:13:11.800 --> 0:13:15.600 Relationship where you have to dictate the people the friends 0:13:15.640 --> 0:13:17.800 that your partner can have. But if your partner is 0:13:17.880 --> 0:13:20.559 spending an excessive amount of time with someone who he 0:13:20.679 --> 0:13:24.959 has expressed interest in in a romantic sense and is 0:13:25.120 --> 0:13:28.200 also flirting with them and being really open and casual 0:13:28.240 --> 0:13:29.959 about it, and then when you say that you have 0:13:30.000 --> 0:13:33.400 a problem with this, completely completely disregarding your feelings, you're 0:13:33.400 --> 0:13:37.240 being gas lit, and it's completely wrong. And this is 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:39.400 not like, this is not a mature relationship. This is 0:13:39.440 --> 0:13:41.599 not somebody who should be investing time in. And the 0:13:41.640 --> 0:13:44.120 fact that he's broken up with you because you tried 0:13:44.160 --> 0:13:46.360 to put some boundaries in place and he wasn't okay 0:13:46.480 --> 0:13:48.959 with that just goes to show that this is not 0:13:49.160 --> 0:13:51.400 the type of person that you should be investing time into, 0:13:51.720 --> 0:13:53.640 and absolutely is not the type of person that you 0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:54.920 should be investing your pain. 0:13:55.000 --> 0:13:57.800 And you're hurt in because you're not together, So get 0:13:57.840 --> 0:13:59.640 back on that horse. There are plenty of better guys 0:13:59.679 --> 0:14:01.319 than that out there, I guarantee. 0:14:01.440 --> 0:14:03.079 The other thing is, if you're in a relationship where 0:14:03.160 --> 0:14:06.120 you're experiencing this, if it's someone that he cares about 0:14:06.240 --> 0:14:08.120 and it's a friendship and he doesn't want to lose her. 0:14:08.800 --> 0:14:10.839 I totally get that, But why can't you all go 0:14:10.960 --> 0:14:12.600 to the pub for a drink. Why can't you all 0:14:12.720 --> 0:14:14.320 go to dinner together. Why can't you all go hang 0:14:14.320 --> 0:14:15.719 out at the beach together. Why does it have to 0:14:15.800 --> 0:14:18.079 be you're staying at home. I'm going to meet this 0:14:18.160 --> 0:14:19.000 person on my own. 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:20.520 Like it's just not right. 0:14:20.640 --> 0:14:23.320 And maybe when you're sixteen seventeen and you're all friends 0:14:23.360 --> 0:14:26.120 at school, but not when you're grown adults in mature relationships. 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:28.840 And you know what, like we are all adults well 0:14:28.960 --> 0:14:30.720 or not. You know, majority of people who listen to 0:14:30.800 --> 0:14:33.560 this podcasts are adults. But like, the reality is is 0:14:34.280 --> 0:14:37.520 guys and girls can be friends one hundred percent. Anybody 0:14:37.560 --> 0:14:40.000 who thinks that a guy and girl can't be friends 0:14:40.160 --> 0:14:42.320 and just friends needs to grow the hell up. 0:14:42.400 --> 0:14:45.080 Because adamant about this because I have so many male friends. 0:14:45.200 --> 0:14:47.520 Yeah, absolutely, you know, And not everything has to be 0:14:47.560 --> 0:14:50.000 a sexual relationship. Not everything has to lead to flirting. 0:14:50.040 --> 0:14:54.000 And we shouldn't feel insecure about every single person who 0:14:54.120 --> 0:14:56.240 is of the opposite sex that's in our partner's life, 0:14:56.280 --> 0:14:58.920 Like that's ridiculous. And if you feel that insecurity, then 0:14:59.000 --> 0:15:01.280 maybe you need to work on yourself more than what 0:15:01.360 --> 0:15:04.320 your partner needs to work on themselves. But at the 0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:07.040 end of the day, if there is one specific person 0:15:07.320 --> 0:15:10.480 and the behavior is different, and you know it's flirting, 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:14.480 and you've expressed your concerns and you're upset, and they're 0:15:14.520 --> 0:15:17.720 crossing boundaries, he's not including you in the friendship, all 0:15:17.800 --> 0:15:20.920 of those things, then they are massive, massive red flags. 0:15:21.040 --> 0:15:23.440 And that is where it completely shifts and takes a 0:15:23.480 --> 0:15:25.720 totally different territory. And that's where it becomes okay for 0:15:25.800 --> 0:15:28.280 you to express the fact that it makes you insecure 0:15:28.280 --> 0:15:30.400 and that you're not okay with it. Like, one of 0:15:30.480 --> 0:15:33.960 my absolute best friends is a guy, and there has 0:15:34.120 --> 0:15:36.760 never been a moment where we have flirted. There's never 0:15:36.840 --> 0:15:38.640 been a moment where we cross the line. There's never 0:15:38.760 --> 0:15:41.680 been anything sexual there because I don't have sex with 0:15:41.800 --> 0:15:44.000 my friends, I don't hook up with my friends, I 0:15:44.040 --> 0:15:46.160 don't flirt with my friends. And I think as soon 0:15:46.200 --> 0:15:48.240 as you have crossed that territory, whether it be in 0:15:48.320 --> 0:15:51.000 the past or thing, maybe that changes things a little 0:15:51.040 --> 0:15:54.560 bit because you know there is history there, there is 0:15:54.600 --> 0:15:57.360 an attraction there, there's something there. Maybe that can be 0:15:57.400 --> 0:15:59.840 a bigger concern as someone in a relationship, but if 0:15:59.840 --> 0:16:03.760 you legitimately just friends with someone, it doesn't have to 0:16:03.880 --> 0:16:06.800 always be this suspicious conspiracy. 0:16:07.160 --> 0:16:09.880 Also, the main issue here is the fact that you've 0:16:10.000 --> 0:16:12.800 told him you're uncomfortable with it, and you've asked him 0:16:12.920 --> 0:16:14.920 not to do it, and he's still done it. It's 0:16:14.960 --> 0:16:16.960 different if he calls you and he's like, Babe, I'm 0:16:17.000 --> 0:16:18.840 gonna go meet Sharon down at the beach. 0:16:18.880 --> 0:16:19.960 I have to work for a quick drink. 0:16:20.360 --> 0:16:21.960 I'll be home after that, and you're like, yeah, cool, 0:16:22.000 --> 0:16:25.080 because you don't care, that's cool whatever. But the fact 0:16:25.160 --> 0:16:27.000 is you've had the issue with it, and you've you've 0:16:27.200 --> 0:16:29.000