WEBVTT - #69 No More Piggy-Backing Birthdays! 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:01.360 Have I ever told you about my mate? I got 0:00:01.400 --> 0:00:03.120 to take my bush turkey? Please continue. 0:00:03.360 --> 0:00:05.760 I don't know why he went after a bush turkey, 0:00:06.040 --> 0:00:09.160 but he did, and it tore him to shreds. 0:00:10.119 --> 0:00:13.680 Yeah you're overpowered by a bush turkey. Yeah, it turned 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:15.520 on him and just pecked the shit out of him. 0:00:15.760 --> 0:00:18.079 He added up in hospital and everything. Just boot it 0:00:18.120 --> 0:00:18.920 and think you try it? 0:00:19.000 --> 0:00:20.919 Is he scared of bush turkeys? Now I don't know. 0:00:20.920 --> 0:00:23.640 I'm not friends with him after that. 0:00:39.040 --> 0:00:41.360 Welcome back to two notting dads. I am Mattie Jay 0:00:41.479 --> 0:00:44.240 and I am This is a podcast all about parenting. 0:00:44.280 --> 0:00:45.440 It is the good, it is. 0:00:45.400 --> 0:00:47.480 The bad and the relatable. 0:00:47.560 --> 0:00:50.080 And if you have come wanting any type of advice, 0:00:50.159 --> 0:00:55.520 stop right now, press pause, stop. Thank you very much. 0:00:55.920 --> 0:00:59.560 I need some but I need some buddy with a 0:00:59.680 --> 0:01:04.680 human touch. Cracking song spice girls. Yeah, absolutely nothing wrong 0:01:04.720 --> 0:01:11.560 with him, but I have to apologize just quickly. You've 0:01:11.560 --> 0:01:13.120 come into a construction site. 0:01:13.319 --> 0:01:15.679 I noticed I jumped the neighbors fence to get in. 0:01:16.000 --> 0:01:18.720 There's a lot of a lot of men here, a 0:01:18.720 --> 0:01:25.240 lot of men. I'll explain why they are all here. Why. Yeah, 0:01:26.160 --> 0:01:27.440 let's have a drink first. 0:01:27.400 --> 0:01:30.280 Yes, and today is something very different, something both of 0:01:30.360 --> 0:01:33.000 us haven't had before from Stone and Wood. So it's 0:01:33.040 --> 0:01:37.479 called the Northern Rivers be or NRB. 0:01:39.200 --> 0:01:40.360 This is a cute little can. 0:01:40.480 --> 0:01:43.839 It is cute. Yeah, I haven't had this one before either, 0:01:43.880 --> 0:01:47.280 so will quickly crack this, have a little taste and 0:01:47.360 --> 0:01:48.760 just let everyone know why it's so special. 0:01:49.320 --> 0:01:53.760 So this is it's a limited limited in location as well, 0:01:54.000 --> 0:01:56.040 so you can actually only get this in bottle shops 0:01:56.360 --> 0:02:00.960 between Tweed and Yamber or online or online. I feel 0:02:00.960 --> 0:02:03.240 that were one of the only people right now in 0:02:03.280 --> 0:02:04.279 Sydney drinking. 0:02:08.200 --> 0:02:10.320 Oh, that's delightful, multi. 0:02:10.320 --> 0:02:13.960 Ooh, here's a hint of malt there. 0:02:14.000 --> 0:02:16.720 It's multier than the other beers that they have. There's 0:02:16.760 --> 0:02:17.720 a little floral do. 0:02:17.680 --> 0:02:21.320 You say, there's a subtle malt flavor, low bitterness. But 0:02:21.720 --> 0:02:23.680 but that is bloody delish. 0:02:23.360 --> 0:02:28.799 And it's apparently the greenest beer not in color the environment. 0:02:28.360 --> 0:02:30.919 Saint Patrick's Day. No, that do you mean? 0:02:31.000 --> 0:02:34.480 Ash seventy percent certified sustainable molt and one hundred cent 0:02:34.480 --> 0:02:36.480 certified sustainable hops. 0:02:36.520 --> 0:02:38.160 Now, I don't wonder what you're thinking. What do you 0:02:38.200 --> 0:02:41.480 mean by certified sustainable? All it means really is they 0:02:41.680 --> 0:02:45.200 use less energy overall when brewing this beer. It's also 0:02:45.240 --> 0:02:49.160 brewed in carbon neutral berries, making it the greenest beer. 0:02:49.320 --> 0:02:52.359 Oh, you mean like they're using less water. Yes, Matt. 0:02:52.440 --> 0:02:55.880 Anything that uses less energy and is better for the environment. 0:02:56.240 --> 0:02:58.680 That is what this beer is all about. Cheers to 0:02:58.760 --> 0:03:01.200 that is to that And good news for the listeners, 0:03:01.240 --> 0:03:03.240 Matt is we are giving away a case of this 0:03:03.480 --> 0:03:04.480 NRB this week. 0:03:04.560 --> 0:03:06.480 All you have to do is what you have to 0:03:06.480 --> 0:03:09.520 post a story of you listening to the podcast at 0:03:09.520 --> 0:03:12.200 two doting dads tag Us tag Stone and would follow 0:03:12.240 --> 0:03:14.880 both accounts, and we'll pick someone each week to have 0:03:15.400 --> 0:03:18.480 this case of NIB sent directly to your front door. 0:03:18.600 --> 0:03:22.320 It will be missing a couple because we thank you 0:03:22.639 --> 0:03:23.480 Stony Wood. 0:03:23.200 --> 0:03:27.160 For making this episode possible. How are you, Matt, it's 0:03:27.240 --> 0:03:31.440 been it's been stressful. Have you recovered from you're sick? 0:03:31.680 --> 0:03:32.280 Oh? I am? 0:03:32.360 --> 0:03:36.560 I am. I'm holding on to the end my life 0:03:36.600 --> 0:03:41.120 cycle ash of a flu. I would say it almost 0:03:41.160 --> 0:03:44.760 always starts with the tingle, a sore throat. That sore 0:03:44.800 --> 0:03:49.080 throat turns flemy. I have phlegm for four days and 0:03:49.120 --> 0:03:51.880 then I come good. You're very routined, man. I find 0:03:51.920 --> 0:03:54.640 I am like every single time, I'm like, come on, 0:03:54.800 --> 0:03:58.000 sore throat, just and and I'm in the Flemy stage. 0:03:58.160 --> 0:04:00.480 It's such a relief when you're in the Flemy stone age, 0:04:00.880 --> 0:04:03.400 and like the feeling of getting a good bit of phlem. 0:04:03.720 --> 0:04:08.440 Oh mate. This morning, I coughed up some phlegm and 0:04:08.480 --> 0:04:11.440 I spat it out and it was like it had 0:04:11.520 --> 0:04:14.240 it had the flem had veins in, it had like red. 0:04:15.200 --> 0:04:17.200 It was like it was part of a brain. 0:04:17.320 --> 0:04:22.120 There's any doctors listening, what's happening. 0:04:22.160 --> 0:04:24.279 I'm just coughing up part of my lung. But I 0:04:24.320 --> 0:04:29.120 felt great. I felt better afterwards. But in addition to 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:32.680 being a little bit sick at the moment, we do 0:04:32.880 --> 0:04:37.080 have a number of tradesmen currently at my house, and 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:41.000 you may recall that they will probably start drilling soon, 0:04:41.040 --> 0:04:45.200 so if they do apologize, I sometimes like to make 0:04:45.240 --> 0:04:48.000 myself sound a bit more masculine when I talk to 0:04:48.040 --> 0:04:48.520 the tradesman. 0:04:48.640 --> 0:04:50.560 Is that why tools are out down? 0:04:55.200 --> 0:04:57.159 I get it, I get it. He was explaining to 0:04:57.240 --> 0:04:59.240 me what's wrong with the air of the house of 0:04:59.320 --> 0:05:01.640 trying to fix It's a front window. You may recall 0:05:01.720 --> 0:05:04.840 ash there was a little leak, a tiny little leak, 0:05:05.320 --> 0:05:07.200 and every time it rained. We'll just be doing a 0:05:07.240 --> 0:05:08.440 lot of lately in Sydney. 0:05:08.520 --> 0:05:10.760 This is the same bedroom that you stuffed me into 0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:11.680 when I came and stay. 0:05:12.240 --> 0:05:15.400 This is this is that the guest room slash ash, 0:05:15.720 --> 0:05:20.880 and my mum's room and the mold room. And so 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:23.400 he came along. He looked at it and goes, oh, yeah, 0:05:23.480 --> 0:05:25.440 we're just going to patch this little thing up here 0:05:25.680 --> 0:05:27.640 under the windows sill and you'll be good to go. 0:05:28.240 --> 0:05:34.880 There's no window. So so as he started patching up, 0:05:34.960 --> 0:05:38.160 he goes, oh, there's something wrong here. So he starts 0:05:38.160 --> 0:05:41.039 taking away a bit of the Oh no, it's the word, 0:05:41.120 --> 0:05:41.359 not the. 0:05:41.440 --> 0:05:42.640 Jip rock is the house. 0:05:45.839 --> 0:05:48.240 And then the more he took away, the more he 0:05:48.320 --> 0:05:50.400 realized we have a big problem. 0:05:51.440 --> 0:05:53.920 Tradies will do that once they get them in a 0:05:53.920 --> 0:05:55.320 we're going to have a thing against trades. 0:05:55.360 --> 0:06:02.560 Now. I'm not one to question, you know. The he 0:06:02.680 --> 0:06:06.039 could say anything to me. He could say the wall 0:06:06.160 --> 0:06:08.479 was about to fall down and we need to rebuild 0:06:08.480 --> 0:06:11.000 the whole thing, and I would reply and say, gosh, 0:06:11.120 --> 0:06:14.400 thank goodness, you spotted it. Better get to it. So 0:06:14.880 --> 0:06:18.720 the window apparently wasn't wasn't drilled in. It was just 0:06:18.839 --> 0:06:20.800 it was like it was like sitting there with some 0:06:20.880 --> 0:06:25.320 type of adhesive. Anyway, they removed the entire window. So 0:06:25.400 --> 0:06:28.920 what was meant to be a three hour job has 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:31.919 turned into a three day job and I'm now missing 0:06:32.000 --> 0:06:34.560 the entire front window of my house. 0:06:34.760 --> 0:06:36.960 I turned up and I was like, how am I 0:06:37.040 --> 0:06:38.760 going to get in? Had to jump my neighbors fence. 0:06:41.640 --> 0:06:44.520 But also I then had to explain to the three 0:06:44.600 --> 0:06:49.520 boys and say, I do a podcast and would you 0:06:49.560 --> 0:06:52.640 mind putting your tools down? And they were like, what's 0:06:52.640 --> 0:06:58.760 a podcast? So yeah, so if they start drilling, I'm 0:06:58.800 --> 0:07:00.480 not going to tell them to stop. You're going to 0:07:00.520 --> 0:07:02.279 have to go out there because you're more masculine than 0:07:02.360 --> 0:07:05.680 I am. Some have said that, and you also you're 0:07:05.760 --> 0:07:08.120 part much. 0:07:08.279 --> 0:07:11.200 You watch my accent change completely. I will go from 0:07:11.240 --> 0:07:14.400 being like this to be like listening, turn it down? 0:07:14.440 --> 0:07:16.760 Will Can you check what kind of wood they're using 0:07:16.760 --> 0:07:19.320 for the window frame? What type was it? 0:07:20.120 --> 0:07:22.920 I need to get a closer inspection, but I would 0:07:22.920 --> 0:07:26.440 say it's probably some sort of hard wood considering unless 0:07:26.440 --> 0:07:28.480 I'm it's something a bit more lightweight, like cedar because 0:07:28.520 --> 0:07:29.520 it can be outside. 0:07:29.800 --> 0:07:31.559 I do think they might use the seedar for anyone 0:07:31.560 --> 0:07:34.520 who doesn't know ashwork in a timber yard, so he 0:07:34.640 --> 0:07:35.280 knows wood. 0:07:35.320 --> 0:07:36.880 And it's not a gay club. 0:07:38.400 --> 0:07:39.480 What woods? This table? 0:07:39.520 --> 0:07:41.360 By the way, is it oak? 0:07:44.000 --> 0:07:46.120 Thank you? It's Tasmania. I'm pretty sure. 0:07:46.240 --> 0:07:49.760 Is it something either that or American oak something like that. 0:07:50.280 --> 0:07:54.040 Don't leave this in the rain anyway. 0:07:54.120 --> 0:07:56.280 When are they going to be done? Maybe tomorrow? 0:07:56.400 --> 0:07:59.040 Okay, your mum's back this week, isn't she? No? 0:07:59.200 --> 0:08:01.720 Or she is back in the country. But she's back 0:08:01.760 --> 0:08:05.480 in Brisbane right And when she comes back to Sydney. 0:08:05.360 --> 0:08:06.800 I can't wait to get her back on the podcast. 0:08:06.840 --> 0:08:08.440 She's going to come on the podcast. She's going to 0:08:08.560 --> 0:08:11.120 update us. She just did a Kentucky to her, she's 0:08:11.240 --> 0:08:14.680 essentially on a Kentigy tour and I would get these 0:08:14.760 --> 0:08:16.560 updates from her. I should have I should have spoken 0:08:16.600 --> 0:08:19.840 to her more frequently, but maybe every three days we'd 0:08:19.880 --> 0:08:22.400 touch base, and every time i'd speak to her, she'd 0:08:22.480 --> 0:08:28.320 been scammed again. She's been scammed more times than anyone 0:08:28.320 --> 0:08:30.760 that I know who's gone on an overseas tree. 0:08:30.800 --> 0:08:33.320 I love that. I can imagine her too. She's so 0:08:33.440 --> 0:08:35.679 easily startled, so she was just seen like. 0:08:37.840 --> 0:08:39.959 Any bit of transit. She was going to a couple 0:08:39.960 --> 0:08:42.760 of places in France. Anytime she had to move to 0:08:42.800 --> 0:08:45.760 another hotel, they were just like, this woman is easy prey. 0:08:46.200 --> 0:08:49.040 Oh yeah. The taxi drivers are scamming her, people on 0:08:49.080 --> 0:08:51.880 the street are scamming her. Even other tourists are like, 0:08:52.040 --> 0:08:54.120 she's so easily scammed. I'm going to scam her. 0:08:54.200 --> 0:08:57.440 Oh that's great. I love that. I hope she's having 0:08:57.480 --> 0:08:59.360 a great time. She's listening, which she will be. 0:08:59.559 --> 0:09:01.760 She will be always listens. But how are you? How 0:09:01.760 --> 0:09:03.280 are good? Good? Good good? 0:09:03.720 --> 0:09:05.000 Macy has been sick. 0:09:05.200 --> 0:09:08.000 Everyone's sick, mate, It's getting around. 0:09:08.000 --> 0:09:10.160 So we had a bit of a couch rot day yesterday. 0:09:11.160 --> 0:09:14.439 Were just sorry, couch rot. Macey just sat on the 0:09:14.480 --> 0:09:16.920 couch all day because she's poor things sick. 0:09:17.800 --> 0:09:20.200 Who's coin phrase? Couch rot? 0:09:20.520 --> 0:09:25.040 I think the next generation has which not our generation. 0:09:25.280 --> 0:09:29.000 It's a new generation thing on social media. I love it, 0:09:29.080 --> 0:09:32.120 bed roight couch rot. I've just pretty much said anyone 0:09:32.440 --> 0:09:35.280 that is lazy and now essentially just rotten away. 0:09:35.440 --> 0:09:35.880 I love it. 0:09:36.000 --> 0:09:38.840 I love that, I love it. I love to bed rot. 0:09:38.920 --> 0:09:40.680 It's one of my favorite things. What were you guys 0:09:40.720 --> 0:09:44.440 watching on the couch rot? A mixture but a pepper Pig. 0:09:44.559 --> 0:09:49.040 Yesterday we watched sing cracking film. It is a good one, 0:09:49.040 --> 0:09:49.600 one of the best. 0:09:49.720 --> 0:09:51.520 We watched a bit of YouTube which Macy does. This 0:09:51.559 --> 0:09:53.280 thing with YouTube now is because you know how the 0:09:53.400 --> 0:09:56.559 ads in the middle. She'll just yell out ad until 0:09:56.600 --> 0:10:03.559 I eventually hit skip. Like but all of the painkillers 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:08.240 has made Paul Macy very constipated. So she found her 0:10:08.280 --> 0:10:11.559 in the cupboard again. Remember ages ago she was stealing 0:10:11.600 --> 0:10:14.520 the mints. No like eight months ago. I said, I 0:10:14.559 --> 0:10:16.840 lost Macy and I found her because she could smell 0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:20.200 poo coming from the wardrobe. She just hides in the 0:10:20.240 --> 0:10:23.720 wardrobe two hours. She was in the wardrobe this afternoon 0:10:23.760 --> 0:10:24.640 and every time I go. 0:10:24.600 --> 0:10:28.920 Do there not yet she was trying to do a 0:10:28.920 --> 0:10:31.360 little pool. She was trying to I say, little poo, 0:10:31.440 --> 0:10:35.800 but talk about it. If there's one thing that little 0:10:35.800 --> 0:10:43.000 girl can do, it's big poos. She is she I've 0:10:43.000 --> 0:10:45.240 never seen anything like it, something so small and delicate 0:10:45.240 --> 0:10:46.600 and beautiful can produce something. 0:10:47.200 --> 0:10:52.160 And this morning she was like a hit its peek 0:10:52.240 --> 0:10:59.160 this morning where I've come downstairs and she's screaming and 0:10:59.240 --> 0:11:02.280 April's like to help, trying to help her push it out. 0:11:02.400 --> 0:11:04.240 I don't know if you've ever heard a scream of 0:11:04.280 --> 0:11:07.960 a young girl who's constipated but a wretchet man? 0:11:09.280 --> 0:11:11.480 Do you give them? Like I saw it on your 0:11:11.520 --> 0:11:16.560 cupboard recently, you have a big container of metamucile. I 0:11:16.559 --> 0:11:20.120 told her that in confident. Could you kind of sneak 0:11:20.120 --> 0:11:23.400 in a couple of drink? I've never tried it. That's great, 0:11:23.600 --> 0:11:29.000 she gets please not sponsored. Can you give her anything 0:11:29.040 --> 0:11:29.920 to help the food come out? 0:11:30.000 --> 0:11:31.920 Yeah, there's like mover cole and stuff like that, but 0:11:32.000 --> 0:11:36.440 she just needs to stop eating ship not like actual shit, 0:11:36.520 --> 0:11:39.800 but like she needs more fruit, like good fibrous fruit. 0:11:40.520 --> 0:11:41.559 But yeah, dealing with that. 0:11:41.640 --> 0:11:45.559 I was away over the weekend, so I missed the union, 0:11:45.600 --> 0:11:46.319 the kids union. 0:11:46.480 --> 0:11:48.760 I was going to ask you, I was how is 0:11:48.760 --> 0:11:49.840 that investment going? 0:11:49.960 --> 0:11:51.880 The investment's going great. They're playing really well. 0:11:52.040 --> 0:11:53.040 What's the team called the game? 0:11:53.200 --> 0:11:56.959 They call the Under six of Lambie Jets. Now, I 0:11:57.040 --> 0:12:00.800 did miss this weekend's game, but I got to update 0:12:00.960 --> 0:12:04.160 where we are. There was a drama, okay, within the 0:12:04.160 --> 0:12:07.720 first ten minutes. As you know, it's been really wet Hasten, 0:12:07.720 --> 0:12:10.360 Sydney for the last month, let's call it a month, yeap. 0:12:10.440 --> 0:12:13.640 But the fields are open, but they were quite muddy. 0:12:14.280 --> 0:12:17.280 So there was a lot of slips and falls, and 0:12:17.320 --> 0:12:19.240 it just so happened that Oscar happened to be the 0:12:19.280 --> 0:12:22.439 first slip in fall I heard in the mud? 0:12:22.720 --> 0:12:24.800 Is he a child that? I feel like? Some kids 0:12:25.000 --> 0:12:27.920 really enjoy the wet others hate it. Marley is one. 0:12:28.040 --> 0:12:30.480 She doesn't like getting dirty, doesn't like getting wet in 0:12:30.480 --> 0:12:33.200 any capacity. Is Oscar? Where's he on that scale? 0:12:33.520 --> 0:12:35.120 He slipped in the among the first ten minutes and 0:12:35.120 --> 0:12:38.679 they had to go home, and now it doesn't want 0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:39.120 to go back. 0:12:39.280 --> 0:12:44.560 Ah, he's blaming rugby union. That's the one thing they 0:12:44.600 --> 0:12:48.120 can like, one little bad experience, and that that activity 0:12:48.160 --> 0:12:49.479 is entirely tarnished. 0:12:49.640 --> 0:12:52.840 Yeah. So there was a few slips, a few falls, 0:12:52.840 --> 0:12:55.200 there's a couple of sore heads. All in all, played 0:12:55.200 --> 0:12:57.679 really well. We don't keep score, of course, because they're 0:12:58.240 --> 0:13:01.480 so young. I would say we want player of the 0:13:01.520 --> 0:13:04.400 match Mac. I'm going this week Oscar will be attending. 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:06.280 How are you going to get it back on the field. 0:13:07.400 --> 0:13:09.480 Just got to pick yourself up, boy, Just drag him 0:13:09.480 --> 0:13:11.920 on a pep talk, Give the team a pep talk. 0:13:13.320 --> 0:13:15.560 There's the footage of some of the some of the kids. 0:13:15.720 --> 0:13:20.280 One kid in particular who's very good, Hugo, Young Hugo, 0:13:20.520 --> 0:13:22.040 which is the son of Zach Beer. 0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:24.880 Hugo is a strong name. I show you this footage afterwards, 0:13:24.880 --> 0:13:27.560 but he's just I've actually already seen it. Oh, I've 0:13:27.559 --> 0:13:31.880 seen it online. You're checking it on where it got. 0:13:32.200 --> 0:13:34.400 I didn't go hunting for the footage. I found the 0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:37.240 footage and I was to Laura. I was like, look, 0:13:37.280 --> 0:13:39.480 that's the that's the team we sponsored. And she was like, 0:13:39.640 --> 0:13:41.360 there are a bunch of kids, and I was like, 0:13:41.400 --> 0:13:42.760 how dare you? How dare you? 0:13:42.760 --> 0:13:44.360 You got to start somewhere. 0:13:44.040 --> 0:13:45.760 Disrespect the athletes like that. 0:13:45.720 --> 0:13:48.240 And athletes is correct, I think, And we maybe invest 0:13:48.280 --> 0:13:49.680 a little bit more money into Hugo. 0:13:50.960 --> 0:13:54.480 What do you how much are we talking our sky's 0:13:54.559 --> 0:13:56.280 limits for this? Okay, we want to lock him down. 0:13:56.360 --> 0:13:58.200 He's like a future Nathan Cleary. I was thinking about 0:13:58.240 --> 0:14:00.360 locking him down for the next thirty five years. Okay, 0:14:00.600 --> 0:14:02.640 sure's let's talk budgets. 0:14:02.679 --> 0:14:04.959 After the podcast treats, we'll should get us to the 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:06.480 first couple a pack of snakes. 0:14:07.160 --> 0:14:10.640 But anyway, they're going, well, I'll keep you updated with 0:14:10.800 --> 0:14:12.280 anything that happens this week. 0:14:12.200 --> 0:14:13.679 When would you like me to come and help out 0:14:13.679 --> 0:14:17.040 as water boy? Very good question. We'll organize the time. 0:14:17.080 --> 0:14:19.240 Maybe not this week, maybe not next because I'm away. 0:14:19.560 --> 0:14:22.200 It's a long let me know, go twenty six rounds, 0:14:22.240 --> 0:14:23.080 it's a long season. 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:26.160 I had something happened to me, Ash, which I can 0:14:26.200 --> 0:14:28.600 only assume that this has never happened to you before. 0:14:28.680 --> 0:14:32.280 And I promise you this is a truthful story. Okay, 0:14:32.440 --> 0:14:34.480 I'm not embellishing it in any capacity. 0:14:34.640 --> 0:14:35.320 I'm strapped in. 0:14:35.360 --> 0:14:37.440 I'm going to tell you exactly what happened. It was 0:14:37.480 --> 0:14:40.320 a very unique situation that I found myself in fire 0:14:40.360 --> 0:14:43.440 Away on Sunday. Laura was up at the crack of 0:14:43.520 --> 0:14:47.480 dawn standard and I was also awake. You know, sometimes 0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:49.440 I like to give Laura, not to make myself sound 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:52.160 like an absolute hero. I like to give Laura a 0:14:52.200 --> 0:14:55.920 little lieon. And Lola was like, what are we doing, daddy? 0:14:55.960 --> 0:14:57.160 And I was like, you know what, Let's go get 0:14:57.320 --> 0:15:02.440 Let's go get some croissants. How you say croissant, baby Chino? 0:15:02.680 --> 0:15:05.160 And I can get my morning coffee because that's my 0:15:05.280 --> 0:15:06.600 favorite time of the day. Ash. 0:15:06.640 --> 0:15:09.400 How do you order the croissant? Do you say croissant 0:15:09.480 --> 0:15:10.560 or croissant. 0:15:10.280 --> 0:15:15.760 I say, I say, and then I say, and then 0:15:15.760 --> 0:15:19.200 I say MESSI oh, it's. 0:15:19.040 --> 0:15:21.480 Such an ick when like behind someone to line, I 0:15:21.560 --> 0:15:22.520 just get a plan quassan. 0:15:22.920 --> 0:15:25.680 Yeah, you hate it when I try and talk in 0:15:25.720 --> 0:15:27.680 the dialect of the country where the food comes from. 0:15:27.880 --> 0:15:29.680 We're not in the country where the food comes from. 0:15:29.560 --> 0:15:33.120 No, I know, but the crosshind is friends. You attacked 0:15:33.160 --> 0:15:35.280 me like this on the podcast. I ordered my coffee 0:15:35.720 --> 0:15:38.320 and I have a keep cup. They prefer the keep 0:15:38.320 --> 0:15:41.920 cup without the lid on it. Right. See, when I 0:15:42.080 --> 0:15:45.040 order it, I hand over the keep cup with no lid. 0:15:45.360 --> 0:15:47.320 You keep the lid. I keep the lid. I put 0:15:47.360 --> 0:15:49.520 the lid back on once the coffee is made. That's 0:15:49.560 --> 0:15:53.040 just how they operate, and I'm happy. That's pretty standard. 0:15:53.040 --> 0:15:54.920 I think I think it's pretty standard. I put the 0:15:54.960 --> 0:15:57.840 lid back into the pram because that's where Lola is, yep, 0:15:58.080 --> 0:15:59.720 and we wait for the coffee to be made. The 0:15:59.720 --> 0:16:01.840 coffe it gets made. I then get the lid from 0:16:01.880 --> 0:16:04.200 the pram and I put it back on the keep 0:16:04.240 --> 0:16:07.000 cup and I start to screw it tight. Something strange 0:16:07.040 --> 0:16:09.800 has happened. I look, and I'm just going to give 0:16:09.800 --> 0:16:11.960 you a visual reference here so you understand. Okay, so 0:16:12.080 --> 0:16:14.520 that's got a Keep cup. This is the key. It's 0:16:14.520 --> 0:16:17.160 not like the brand Keep cup. I screw it on. Yeah, 0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:19.920 I look at the cup and I have half a 0:16:19.960 --> 0:16:25.280 caterpillar hanging out. What. Yeah, there's half a caterpillar. It's 0:16:25.320 --> 0:16:28.440 been severed by the Keep cup as I screwed it on. 0:16:28.480 --> 0:16:30.360 So obviously the caterpillar was in the pram. 0:16:30.600 --> 0:16:33.960 You've screwed a caterpillar into your coffee. What a way 0:16:33.960 --> 0:16:35.280 to go the thing? 0:16:36.800 --> 0:16:39.840 So then I'm like, shit, what do I do here? 0:16:40.160 --> 0:16:41.960 What's a man to do? I've never found myself in 0:16:41.960 --> 0:16:44.960 this situation before. Did you blame the caf caterpillars in 0:16:45.000 --> 0:16:48.520 your milk? No? I couldn't because I was holding onto 0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:51.520 the lid, right, So the responsibility now was entirely on 0:16:51.640 --> 0:16:54.640 me the cafe. They have no involvement in the lid. 0:16:54.880 --> 0:16:58.080 The lid is my responsibility. Okay. It's like when someone's 0:16:58.120 --> 0:17:01.040 been crushed and you know you can't, like you don't 0:17:01.080 --> 0:17:03.240 want to, you know that once like you move them 0:17:03.240 --> 0:17:06.000 away from the car or like what they're being crushed by, 0:17:06.040 --> 0:17:08.359 they're going to die. And the caterpillars looking at me, 0:17:08.440 --> 0:17:12.920 going like wooz, don't don't touch anything, leave me be, 0:17:13.200 --> 0:17:15.440 And I was like, caterpillar, I'm sorry, dude, I've got to. 0:17:15.840 --> 0:17:18.720 You've already screwed around around, and he's probably the death 0:17:18.760 --> 0:17:19.320 is imminent. 0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:22.280 So I unscrew it. One half fall to the floor, 0:17:22.800 --> 0:17:25.640 the other half into the coffee, into the coffee. 0:17:25.680 --> 0:17:27.679 Did you drink it? Well? Then I was like, the 0:17:27.720 --> 0:17:31.040 line for the cafe now is massive. I've beaten the rush. 0:17:31.040 --> 0:17:32.440 So I'm like, I don't want to order a new coffee. 0:17:32.440 --> 0:17:34.560 I don't want to pull this coffee out. Also, this 0:17:34.640 --> 0:17:38.399 is it's metal. It keeps things really hot. This coffee 0:17:38.480 --> 0:17:40.679 is molten lava. So I go and I get a 0:17:40.680 --> 0:17:43.320 spoon and I start fishing out the second half of 0:17:43.320 --> 0:17:46.679 the caterpillar in the coffee cup, trying to find it. 0:17:46.720 --> 0:17:49.040 And every time I bring the spoon up to the 0:17:49.040 --> 0:17:51.200 surface and I try and like drizzle out the coffee 0:17:51.440 --> 0:17:53.080 to see if I can spot the second half of 0:17:53.119 --> 0:17:57.199 this caterpillar, there's nothing there that's it melted. Well, then 0:17:57.280 --> 0:17:59.920 I think to myself, I'm going to just drink the coffee. 0:18:01.760 --> 0:18:04.040 And when I get to that body, you know, obviously 0:18:04.040 --> 0:18:06.720 I'll I'll notice it in my mouth and I'll spit 0:18:06.760 --> 0:18:13.000 it out. Ooh ooh. So I start drinking this coffee. 0:18:13.040 --> 0:18:14.960 It could have easily been like you know that kid 0:18:14.960 --> 0:18:15.440 that ate the. 0:18:15.400 --> 0:18:17.080 Slug and he died. 0:18:17.280 --> 0:18:20.280 Yeah, so there was there was a boy who ate 0:18:20.320 --> 0:18:22.760 a slug and there's a parasite in the slug killed 0:18:22.840 --> 0:18:24.760 him and it killed him. That's what I was thinking about. 0:18:25.200 --> 0:18:27.359 That was at the forefront of my mind. Ash. But 0:18:27.400 --> 0:18:32.159 I was like, I'm so tired, I'm so desperate for coffee. 0:18:32.440 --> 0:18:35.320 I'll risk my life. I'm just going to drag to 0:18:35.400 --> 0:18:37.840 drink it. And Lola was also very confused. She's like, well, 0:18:37.880 --> 0:18:42.080 I could kill a caterpillar because we love caterpillars. Hungry Caterpillar. 0:18:42.119 --> 0:18:44.240 Great book that. I don't know if there was a 0:18:44.320 --> 0:18:46.560 hungry caterpillar ate a coffee in that, but did you 0:18:46.600 --> 0:18:46.960 find it? 0:18:47.040 --> 0:18:49.719 Well I started drinking the coffee. Yeah, And I'm also like, 0:18:50.320 --> 0:18:51.680 does this coffee taste weird? 0:18:51.880 --> 0:18:56.160 Yes, it's got normal people last for sugar. You ended 0:18:56.200 --> 0:18:57.000 up with a caterpillar. 0:18:59.400 --> 0:19:01.680 So I I'm nearing the end and I'm thinking at 0:19:01.720 --> 0:19:03.919 any point now, I've got the lid off the coffee, 0:19:03.920 --> 0:19:05.960 and I'm like, I sip and I look, and I sip, 0:19:06.000 --> 0:19:08.040 and I look, and I sip and I look, and 0:19:08.119 --> 0:19:10.880 I get to, like my last sip, there's nobody. The 0:19:10.920 --> 0:19:14.920 caterpillar is nowhere to be found. Well, what do you mean? 0:19:15.200 --> 0:19:17.280 I don't fucking know, dude, And you're here to tell 0:19:17.320 --> 0:19:19.840 the tale. I don't know. So then I finished the coffee. 0:19:20.240 --> 0:19:25.240 I'm thinking, I can only assume that the heat of 0:19:25.320 --> 0:19:30.159 the coffee, oh, has almost melted away the body of 0:19:30.160 --> 0:19:31.320 the caterpillar. 0:19:30.920 --> 0:19:33.119 And now you have super huge strength. 0:19:34.680 --> 0:19:38.119 I was walking back home and I thought, you're a 0:19:38.160 --> 0:19:40.399 bit sick. I was like, is this the sickness or 0:19:40.440 --> 0:19:43.600 is this the caterpillar getting vengeance on me for eating 0:19:43.640 --> 0:19:46.200 its body? I was like, I got this lump in 0:19:46.240 --> 0:19:52.000