1 00:00:03,640 --> 00:00:07,520 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast with doctor Justin Coulson. The 2 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:11,600 Speaker 1: podcast for the time called parent Who Just Wants Answers. Now, Well, 3 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:15,000 Speaker 1: things are changing, and they're changing fast. We are slowly 4 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:18,120 Speaker 1: beginning to adapt to this new reality. And it's been 5 00:00:18,120 --> 00:00:21,720 Speaker 1: fascinating on my Facebook page looking at the extraordinary ways 6 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:27,200 Speaker 1: that people are finding connection and building well being in 7 00:00:27,240 --> 00:00:30,120 Speaker 1: their own families. To help with that, over the next 8 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:32,320 Speaker 1: little while, I'm going to be having some conversations with 9 00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:34,440 Speaker 1: people that I looked up to, people who I think 10 00:00:34,479 --> 00:00:37,000 Speaker 1: have got a lot to offer in helping families to 11 00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:40,199 Speaker 1: be stronger and happier. And this first conversation that I'm 12 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:42,680 Speaker 1: sharing on the podcast, well, it's a touch longer than normal, 13 00:00:42,760 --> 00:00:45,040 Speaker 1: goes for around about twenty five minutes or so. But 14 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:48,159 Speaker 1: I had a conversation with Reenie Jane. Reenie has a 15 00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:52,960 Speaker 1: master's in applied positive psychology and she runs gozen dot com. 16 00:00:53,080 --> 00:00:57,120 Speaker 1: Reenie is masterful in her mindfulness and the way that 17 00:00:57,160 --> 00:01:01,720 Speaker 1: she helps people to manage and anxiety and stay calm 18 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:04,920 Speaker 1: when things are a little crazy. Now, this conversation was 19 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:07,759 Speaker 1: supposed to be an interview where she interviewed me and 20 00:01:07,880 --> 00:01:10,679 Speaker 1: I interviewed her in the end, it turned out just 21 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:12,880 Speaker 1: being a bit of a conversation with all kinds of 22 00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:16,959 Speaker 1: things going on, including her children diving in and participating 23 00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:19,960 Speaker 1: in the conversation in ways that we weren't anticipating. So 24 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,240 Speaker 1: I started off by asking Renie what she was doing. 25 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:25,399 Speaker 1: It goes in right now to help families and people 26 00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:28,240 Speaker 1: who are coming to terms with the near reality. 27 00:01:28,319 --> 00:01:30,160 Speaker 2: So we're doing a few things. So the first thing 28 00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:34,039 Speaker 2: that we're doing is we have quickly figured out how 29 00:01:34,080 --> 00:01:37,440 Speaker 2: to create remote learning. You know, because our programs are 30 00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:40,240 Speaker 2: essentially used in schools and they're used at home with parents. 31 00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:42,640 Speaker 2: But if the school is closed and they have to 32 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:44,959 Speaker 2: do distance learning or they have to do remote learning, 33 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:47,560 Speaker 2: they need a way for students to be able to 34 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:50,840 Speaker 2: log in in an asynchronous way, so you know, if 35 00:01:50,880 --> 00:01:54,000 Speaker 2: they're not doing live instruction, they need the student at 36 00:01:54,040 --> 00:01:55,640 Speaker 2: home to be able to log into goes In. So 37 00:01:55,720 --> 00:01:58,240 Speaker 2: we had to basically make a lot of ships very 38 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:01,160 Speaker 2: quickly in the way that our software work to allow 39 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:07,240 Speaker 2: for that. We're also just that I I'm sorry here, 40 00:02:08,120 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 2: we have that totally. There's nowhere I can go. So, yes, 41 00:02:14,840 --> 00:02:17,560 Speaker 2: this is life right now. It's okay. Yeah, we're still 42 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:19,679 Speaker 2: doing fine, so your question was about Gozen. Yeah. The 43 00:02:19,760 --> 00:02:22,040 Speaker 2: other thing we're doing is trying to produce just as 44 00:02:22,120 --> 00:02:25,640 Speaker 2: many pieces of information and resources as we can to 45 00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,400 Speaker 2: reach as many people as we can. So, for example, 46 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:30,000 Speaker 2: there are a lot of people who are in a 47 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,840 Speaker 2: position of homeschooling at this point, right because the schools 48 00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 2: have technically closed their physical locations, but they haven't closed 49 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:39,399 Speaker 2: for you know, they're still saying, Okay, here's your school work. 50 00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:41,639 Speaker 2: You know, now you have to do it. And as 51 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,160 Speaker 2: an example, I have a six and a seven year 52 00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,079 Speaker 2: old here, and I know, for you guys that don't know, justin, 53 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:49,000 Speaker 2: doctor Colson has six kids, right, So he has he has, 54 00:02:49,400 --> 00:02:51,919 Speaker 2: he has three times more than I have my brood 55 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:54,560 Speaker 2: at home. But I am still every single day sitting 56 00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:57,560 Speaker 2: with them because they can't self pace, right. So we're 57 00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:00,840 Speaker 2: putting out resources about how to deal with the situation 58 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:05,280 Speaker 2: where you're homeschooling, you're also working, you're also trying to 59 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:07,840 Speaker 2: hold together the weight of the world of what's going on, 60 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:11,160 Speaker 2: and so yeah, it's a lot. We're trying to do 61 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:13,320 Speaker 2: the best that we can, and I wake up every 62 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,079 Speaker 2: day feeling like I'm not doing enough. 63 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:18,240 Speaker 1: Frankly, Yeah, yeah, so it goes in dot. 64 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:20,000 Speaker 2: Com, gozen dot com. 65 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:21,680 Speaker 1: Well the resources there and what. 66 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:24,040 Speaker 2: Are you guys doing and happy families. I've been seeing 67 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:26,560 Speaker 2: emails coming out of our webinars that you're holding and 68 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:28,440 Speaker 2: various online resources. 69 00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:30,720 Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, I think there's a couple of things 70 00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,800 Speaker 1: that we've been really focusing on. If I was to 71 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:38,160 Speaker 1: summarize it in three words, I'm approaching this and essentially 72 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,760 Speaker 1: saying I've got an opportunity now to be really generous 73 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:43,440 Speaker 1: with you, because you need generosity, especially people who are 74 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:46,840 Speaker 1: losing jobs and people who worried about their futures. I've 75 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:49,080 Speaker 1: got knowledge that can help. So I'm here to not 76 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:51,640 Speaker 1: only be generous, but to really serve the best that 77 00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:57,720 Speaker 1: I can. And I want to provide calm assurance. We're 78 00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:00,760 Speaker 1: going to be okay. It's going to be hard, and 79 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:04,320 Speaker 1: there's going to be challenges, and this is certainly unprecedented 80 00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:07,360 Speaker 1: for our generation and maybe even the generation before. This 81 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:14,600 Speaker 1: is an extraordinary time, but it's extraordinarily negative and extraordinarily positive. 82 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:19,400 Speaker 1: There's so much that is good that can come from this. 83 00:04:19,600 --> 00:04:22,840 Speaker 1: If we are able to create some psychological distance, if 84 00:04:22,880 --> 00:04:27,039 Speaker 1: we're able to bring our anxiety down and function rationally 85 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,960 Speaker 1: and as normally as possible, and if we can look 86 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:33,360 Speaker 1: for the opportunities that this presents, the opportunities for our relationships, 87 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:37,560 Speaker 1: the opportunities for our well for our work. Even if 88 00:04:37,560 --> 00:04:39,479 Speaker 1: you're losing a job, you know, this could be a 89 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,960 Speaker 1: chance to lay under the covers and cry for a 90 00:04:42,960 --> 00:04:45,520 Speaker 1: little bit, but then get up and enroll in that course, 91 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:47,880 Speaker 1: that program that you've always wanted to do, start again, 92 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:52,159 Speaker 1: or start that business you've always wanted to start. There's 93 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,960 Speaker 1: so much good that's going to come from this, and 94 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,400 Speaker 1: I think we've got the potential to be better after 95 00:04:56,440 --> 00:04:59,360 Speaker 1: this than before. So theyre m big three things. How 96 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:01,160 Speaker 1: can I serve? Can I be generous? And how can 97 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:02,360 Speaker 1: I offer reassurance? 98 00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:05,239 Speaker 2: Yeah, you know one thing that you said that's really 99 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:08,400 Speaker 2: struck a chord with me is the psychological distance and 100 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:11,279 Speaker 2: how much distance do we need in order to gain 101 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:15,160 Speaker 2: perspective and are we able to actually how quickly can 102 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:18,720 Speaker 2: we shift into that right from going from feeling these big, 103 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,599 Speaker 2: huge feelings, especially if we're losing jobs and we're worried 104 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:25,160 Speaker 2: about financial security, to having this perspective that this is 105 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:28,640 Speaker 2: going to end up being a meaningful experience and possibly 106 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:31,240 Speaker 2: even transform our lives in some ways. Do we need 107 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:33,320 Speaker 2: to be out of the moment? Can we actually do 108 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:34,200 Speaker 2: that in the moment? 109 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,760 Speaker 1: I would say that it's analogous to when you're in 110 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:39,000 Speaker 1: a situation with your children and what you really want 111 00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,559 Speaker 1: to do is blow up, And somehow, in that moment, 112 00:05:41,600 --> 00:05:43,880 Speaker 1: that high stress moment, instead of yelling and instead of 113 00:05:43,960 --> 00:05:46,640 Speaker 1: name calling and doing all the other things that you 114 00:05:47,160 --> 00:05:50,239 Speaker 1: naturally want to do and feel completely justified in doing. 115 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:53,440 Speaker 1: There's this incredible capacity that we have as humans to 116 00:05:53,480 --> 00:05:59,360 Speaker 1: take a deep breath, recalibrate, aligned with our intrinsic principles 117 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,240 Speaker 1: how we think we should would live, and choose a 118 00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 1: different response. And the reality is that we're all under 119 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:07,240 Speaker 1: threat right now, or at least we're feeling it, most 120 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:10,640 Speaker 1: of us. But if we can just step back, and 121 00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:13,560 Speaker 1: there's a handful of different psychological strategies where we can 122 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,560 Speaker 1: create this distance. So one of them is what we 123 00:06:15,600 --> 00:06:18,080 Speaker 1: would call temporal distancing. This is the one that I like. 124 00:06:18,160 --> 00:06:20,600 Speaker 1: This is the one where you say, well, in three 125 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:23,719 Speaker 1: months time, or in three years time, or in three 126 00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,159 Speaker 1: decades time, we're going to look back on this period 127 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:29,720 Speaker 1: and we're going to think X, Y or Z, you know, 128 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:34,000 Speaker 1: it wasn't really that bad, or we really carried ourselves 129 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:36,880 Speaker 1: well through that. We did ourselves proud. We looked after 130 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:39,479 Speaker 1: our friends and our family, and our community and our planet. 131 00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:43,800 Speaker 1: We've got the opportunity to create some temporal distance. We 132 00:06:43,839 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 1: can look at our children and we can say things like, hey, 133 00:06:46,520 --> 00:06:49,279 Speaker 1: well you could say, you know, in three months time, 134 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:52,440 Speaker 1: none of this is going to matter. So you know, 135 00:06:52,440 --> 00:06:55,719 Speaker 1: we've got these ways that we can step back. I 136 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:57,520 Speaker 1: heard a great podcast a little while ago. I don't 137 00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:59,960 Speaker 1: even remember who or where, but there was a military 138 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,760 Speaker 1: commander and he was saying that in the heat of battle, 139 00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:05,000 Speaker 1: the people who are commanding the troops are often encouraged 140 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:08,240 Speaker 1: to literally step back a meter or two meters, and 141 00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:12,600 Speaker 1: as they do that, they're I'm loving watching the kids 142 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:13,240 Speaker 1: interrupt you. 143 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:19,120 Speaker 3: You thing, my love, This is this is doctor Coolson 144 00:07:19,280 --> 00:07:21,840 Speaker 3: and and we're talking doctor. 145 00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:27,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, he's a dentist. Actually it's going to completely just kidding. 146 00:07:27,360 --> 00:07:30,559 Speaker 3: Can you go ask daddy, my love? He said, nothing, 147 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:32,200 Speaker 3: We're going to be eating dinner in a little bit. 148 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:37,240 Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, I'm going to talk about it with you 149 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:41,000 Speaker 2: after I'm done. Okay, my love, Thank you, baby, brilliant. 150 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,880 Speaker 2: They make them that cute, so you know, yeah, toss 151 00:07:43,920 --> 00:07:44,200 Speaker 2: them out. 152 00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:46,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, you gotta hug them before they go down. 153 00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:48,800 Speaker 4: You just just just give you a little squeeze before 154 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:52,000 Speaker 4: they go So I kind of what I was saying, 155 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:52,800 Speaker 4: Remember what I was saying. 156 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,280 Speaker 1: But essentially, as we that's what keeps happening. 157 00:07:55,320 --> 00:07:57,280 Speaker 2: By the way, I'm like, oh, what was I doing? 158 00:07:57,360 --> 00:08:00,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, the military commander, if we can step back 159 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:03,880 Speaker 1: in the thick of a battle, we actually we broaden 160 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:06,560 Speaker 1: our perspective. We can see things stepping back a meter 161 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:09,960 Speaker 1: or ten meters sorry in American language, three feet or 162 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:15,040 Speaker 1: thirty feet. If we if we can move back, we 163 00:08:15,080 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 1: see things from a completely different perspective, and that helps 164 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:24,480 Speaker 1: us to make more rational, more effective decisions in the 165 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:27,640 Speaker 1: heat of all of the challenges that we're facing here. 166 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:29,760 Speaker 1: I think the most important thing that we do is 167 00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:34,360 Speaker 1: we literally, if not literally metaphorically, take a step back 168 00:08:34,720 --> 00:08:37,360 Speaker 1: and see things through new eyes. How would our great 169 00:08:37,360 --> 00:08:39,800 Speaker 1: grandparents be looking at us right now as we're complaining 170 00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,800 Speaker 1: about the fact that we're being asked to stay home 171 00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:45,160 Speaker 1: and watch Netflix, compared to the reality that they had 172 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:47,880 Speaker 1: to go off to war and literally put their lives 173 00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:51,520 Speaker 1: on the line. How much worse could it be. Imagine 174 00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:55,520 Speaker 1: if we're in a war right now. I can't comprehend 175 00:08:55,640 --> 00:09:01,960 Speaker 1: how extraordinarily exquisitely painful an actual war would be compared 176 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:03,520 Speaker 1: to what we're dealing with now. I know people are 177 00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:07,959 Speaker 1: using a wartime analogy or metaphor at the moment for this, 178 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:10,440 Speaker 1: but the reality is, for most of us, we're not 179 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,880 Speaker 1: strapping guns to our backs and running to the front 180 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:17,199 Speaker 1: line and you know, dodging bullets. Imagine if somebody somehow 181 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:20,640 Speaker 1: infiltrated our water system and all of a sudden the 182 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:26,080 Speaker 1: entire planet couldn't get access to clean water. Like this 183 00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:28,960 Speaker 1: is a I'm not trying to minimize the significance of 184 00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:32,920 Speaker 1: what we're facing, because it's significant. It's enormous, And yet 185 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:37,720 Speaker 1: in perspective as we as we do these comparisons, it's like, well, 186 00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:39,400 Speaker 1: you know what, we actually probably can get through this, 187 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:42,000 Speaker 1: if we're just a bit sensible, we can probably even 188 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,480 Speaker 1: put a positive frame around this. We can find some gratitude, 189 00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:46,280 Speaker 1: we can find some hope. And that's kind of the 190 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,360 Speaker 1: thing the message that I think we really want to promote, 191 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:51,920 Speaker 1: so that people can feel that calm assurance and no, 192 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:52,640 Speaker 1: it's going. 193 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:55,480 Speaker 2: To be okay. I think there is definitely an ebb 194 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:58,240 Speaker 2: and flow where people have perspective and they feel like, Okay, 195 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:00,480 Speaker 2: it could be worse. Right, There are a lot of 196 00:10:00,559 --> 00:10:02,559 Speaker 2: things that could be worse. There have been a lot 197 00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:05,120 Speaker 2: of things in the world that have been worse. I 198 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:09,160 Speaker 2: think where the worry starts to spiral out of control 199 00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,760 Speaker 2: where they were, we start to think into the future 200 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:14,760 Speaker 2: and we get stuck there is we don't know how 201 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:16,840 Speaker 2: long this is going to last? Is it going to 202 00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:18,840 Speaker 2: be indefinite? You know? Am I going to be able 203 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:22,199 Speaker 2: to survive like this in whatever way that, whatever that 204 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:26,720 Speaker 2: means for a family like this for an indefinite amount 205 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 2: of time? And I feel like I have heard from 206 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:31,560 Speaker 2: a lot of people that that is a particular struggle, 207 00:10:31,679 --> 00:10:36,280 Speaker 2: and I wonder if there's any solace, advice, guidance you 208 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:37,360 Speaker 2: can give those people. 209 00:10:37,559 --> 00:10:39,680 Speaker 1: What have you been saying. I've got a couple of ideas, 210 00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:41,280 Speaker 1: but I'd love to know what you've been saying. When 211 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:42,240 Speaker 1: people say that to you. 212 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:45,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, I say, you know what. I think that we 213 00:10:45,320 --> 00:10:49,240 Speaker 2: have this beautiful ability to simulate the future, and that 214 00:10:49,520 --> 00:10:53,439 Speaker 2: I know that a lot of people who teach mindfulness 215 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:55,480 Speaker 2: will say, listen, you have to come into the now. 216 00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:57,480 Speaker 2: We have to stay in the now. Is this happening 217 00:10:57,559 --> 00:11:00,000 Speaker 2: in the now? And if it's not, then bring your 218 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:02,160 Speaker 2: self back into the now. And I think there's value 219 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,440 Speaker 2: in that for me. I think there is also value 220 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,800 Speaker 2: in this ability to be perspective, to think about the future, 221 00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,120 Speaker 2: to think about different timelines. I think it's a very 222 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:14,559 Speaker 2: unique quality that humans have, and I think it can 223 00:11:14,679 --> 00:11:18,520 Speaker 2: serve you when you are making contingency plans, when you 224 00:11:18,559 --> 00:11:22,040 Speaker 2: are doing, okay, well, if this happens, then I will 225 00:11:22,040 --> 00:11:24,280 Speaker 2: do this right. You make some plans and that gives 226 00:11:24,280 --> 00:11:27,000 Speaker 2: you assurance. I think where the problem starts is when 227 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,720 Speaker 2: you can't come from the future back into the present moment, 228 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:33,319 Speaker 2: when you are unable to return back and ground yourself 229 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,680 Speaker 2: and ground your nervous system. And so what I have 230 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:38,319 Speaker 2: been saying is is that the place you're in. Are 231 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:41,079 Speaker 2: you in the place where you're thinking effectively about the future. 232 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:43,520 Speaker 2: You're making some plans about the future, you know, and 233 00:11:43,559 --> 00:11:45,559 Speaker 2: that's okay, and that's what we do. And actually I 234 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:48,560 Speaker 2: think it's a cool human quality. Or are you in 235 00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:52,680 Speaker 2: the place where you're living there consistently constantly and you 236 00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:55,280 Speaker 2: are not able to come back into the now, and 237 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:57,840 Speaker 2: if you are, then like, let's work on that. That's 238 00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:58,600 Speaker 2: what I've been saying. 239 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:02,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, this something really powerful about acceptance. When we simply 240 00:12:02,679 --> 00:12:04,880 Speaker 1: accept things as they are, we're actually more likely to 241 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:07,520 Speaker 1: sit in and out really well. And I'm thinking about anxiety, 242 00:12:07,520 --> 00:12:12,520 Speaker 1: and anxiety is essentially an anticipated we become fearful about 243 00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:15,920 Speaker 1: what's coming. We're anticipating something negative in our future. No 244 00:12:15,960 --> 00:12:19,360 Speaker 1: matter what situation you're in, I guarantee being anxious about 245 00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,960 Speaker 1: it will make it worse. There's a time and a 246 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,600 Speaker 1: place for it, and it's a valuable thing to feel. 247 00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:30,440 Speaker 1: But once it starts to intrude on our thinking in 248 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:35,040 Speaker 1: those dysfunctional, negative, unhelpful ways, you just don't make things 249 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:39,240 Speaker 1: better by sitting in anxiety. The next four things are 250 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:41,000 Speaker 1: things that I've been thinking about quite a lot lately, 251 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:42,520 Speaker 1: and I think that they're relevant for all of us, 252 00:12:42,520 --> 00:12:45,520 Speaker 1: but especially for parents. The first thing is that our 253 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:48,800 Speaker 1: children and we, you know, those people that you've been 254 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:52,600 Speaker 1: listening to, what they actually need More than psychological strategies 255 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,360 Speaker 1: and techniques. I think they just need to be heard. 256 00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:57,640 Speaker 1: We need to say, yeah, this is a real big 257 00:12:57,679 --> 00:13:03,080 Speaker 1: struggle right now, isn't it it's really challenging. This must 258 00:13:03,080 --> 00:13:05,200 Speaker 1: be so overwhelming for you, especially now that you've just 259 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:07,360 Speaker 1: lost your job. You must feel like you just want 260 00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,320 Speaker 1: to lay in bed and pull a dinner over your 261 00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,679 Speaker 1: head and cover yourself with a pillow and not come 262 00:13:11,679 --> 00:13:16,319 Speaker 1: out for ever. You know, like this is crushing, And 263 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,280 Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything wrong with that. In fact, 264 00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:21,280 Speaker 1: I love in the Tom Hanks movie about Fred Rodgers 265 00:13:21,320 --> 00:13:24,679 Speaker 1: Beautiful in the Neighborhood, he uses this beautiful line. He says, 266 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:30,040 Speaker 1: if it's mentionable, it's manageable. And to me, what happens 267 00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:33,360 Speaker 1: is when somebody comes to us and says, I'm just 268 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,679 Speaker 1: so angry, I'm so scared about the future, and when 269 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:38,080 Speaker 1: is this ever going to end? I think it's entirely 270 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:41,800 Speaker 1: appropriate to say, when we look at this open ended 271 00:13:41,840 --> 00:13:46,200 Speaker 1: lockdown and this new reality, it's just overwhelming, isn't it. 272 00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:49,200 Speaker 1: And to be able to respond to their fear with 273 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:53,800 Speaker 1: an acknowledgment that it is overwhelming without adding to it, 274 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,079 Speaker 1: it doesn't give them an emotional bump up. It actually 275 00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:59,439 Speaker 1: helps them to rebalance and recenter themselves. It actually creates 276 00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:01,760 Speaker 1: some psycho logical distance because they now know that the 277 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:04,320 Speaker 1: experience is the emotions they're feeling are normal part of 278 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:08,960 Speaker 1: the human experience right now. So to me, that's maybe 279 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:10,360 Speaker 1: one of the most important things we can do, and 280 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:11,760 Speaker 1: we do it with our children as well. I want 281 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:14,480 Speaker 1: to visit Grandma. Oh, wouldn't it be so nice? I 282 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:16,240 Speaker 1: wish we could visit Gramdma too, but she lives in 283 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:19,920 Speaker 1: another house. Would you like to FaceTime? I want to 284 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:21,800 Speaker 1: play with my friends. It's my birthday next week. I 285 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:25,000 Speaker 1: want to have a birthday party. Ah, having a birthday 286 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,800 Speaker 1: party would be so much fun. In fact, I called 287 00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:30,440 Speaker 1: this giving in fantasy what we can't have in reality, 288 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:32,720 Speaker 1: we actually live into it. If we could, who would 289 00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,920 Speaker 1: you invite? How much fun would what games would we play? 290 00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,240 Speaker 1: What cake would we have? 291 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:37,080 Speaker 2: Oh? 292 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:40,120 Speaker 1: That would be so much fun. Imagine how great they 293 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:42,800 Speaker 1: would be. And I know that sounds like we're being nasty, 294 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:45,000 Speaker 1: but it's actually letting them know that we understand. And 295 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:47,080 Speaker 1: then we say, well, you know that we're in lockdown, 296 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:48,520 Speaker 1: so there's only a few of these things that we 297 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:49,800 Speaker 1: can do, but let's look at the things that we 298 00:14:49,840 --> 00:14:52,680 Speaker 1: can do. So I would say, our children need to 299 00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:56,520 Speaker 1: be heard. I think that they also need humor. There 300 00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:59,920 Speaker 1: is so much you've seen the creativity on the internet. 301 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,440 Speaker 1: People are being so funny about. 302 00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:06,480 Speaker 2: I know, yeah, the funny bone is activated. I love it. 303 00:15:06,640 --> 00:15:08,840 Speaker 2: I love it. I love to laugh. I love to 304 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,640 Speaker 2: make others laugh. I think that we under use humors, 305 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:12,840 Speaker 2: especially with our kids. 306 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:16,560 Speaker 1: Laughter is the best medicine, right, And we can joke 307 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,680 Speaker 1: about self isolation. We can joke about homeschooling. I saw 308 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:23,160 Speaker 1: one person say I think mine might be the first 309 00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:25,280 Speaker 1: home school where the teacher was fired for being drunken. 310 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:30,720 Speaker 1: Three kids got expelled on the same day. It's really 311 00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:31,280 Speaker 1: really tricky. 312 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:31,760 Speaker 2: I wrote that. 313 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:35,840 Speaker 5: Yeah, but if we could just laugh, or we could 314 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:37,840 Speaker 5: just laugh about other stuff, you know, let's tickle and 315 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:39,720 Speaker 5: roll around on the floor and wrestle and pretend that 316 00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:41,520 Speaker 5: the rest of the world actually isn't going through this 317 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:43,880 Speaker 5: just now, even if it's for a few minutes. 318 00:15:43,920 --> 00:15:45,840 Speaker 1: It's okay to do that. People who work on the 319 00:15:45,840 --> 00:15:48,320 Speaker 1: front line, they have what we call gallows humor, and 320 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:51,880 Speaker 1: that's what helps them to become unified. And it also 321 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:54,480 Speaker 1: helps them through those stressful times, because if you don't laugh, 322 00:15:54,480 --> 00:15:58,520 Speaker 1: you probably will cry. Y, Yes, I reckon. The third 323 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:01,760 Speaker 1: thing that our children need is they need an opportunity 324 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:04,640 Speaker 1: to help, and even as adults, there's things that we 325 00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:07,600 Speaker 1: can do to be helpful. I'm again amazed at the 326 00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:12,280 Speaker 1: creativity of helpfulness. There's a Facebook page called the Kindness Pandemic, 327 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:15,800 Speaker 1: and there's all of these people sharing the kindnesses that 328 00:16:15,840 --> 00:16:19,160 Speaker 1: they're seeing in Italy and in France and in Spain 329 00:16:19,280 --> 00:16:22,960 Speaker 1: and in the United States. People like John Legend getting 330 00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:26,360 Speaker 1: onto Instagram and doing impromptu concerts. People are doing concerts 331 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:29,720 Speaker 1: off their balconies, you know, instead of performing in front 332 00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:33,040 Speaker 1: of their packed art houses or concert halls. People are 333 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:36,080 Speaker 1: finding ways to help and inspire and lift and it's 334 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:39,200 Speaker 1: just beautiful. And our children can do that. And what 335 00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:42,840 Speaker 1: happens when we find ways for our children to help 336 00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:45,680 Speaker 1: and make a difference is we give them the fourth 337 00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:47,560 Speaker 1: thing that I think they need right now, and that's hope. 338 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:50,640 Speaker 1: We give them hope, we make them believe that, well, 339 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:53,200 Speaker 1: hang on, if I'm not a victim here, I can 340 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:54,920 Speaker 1: be an agent of change and I can make a 341 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,720 Speaker 1: difference in my own life and in the lives of others. 342 00:16:57,080 --> 00:17:00,520 Speaker 1: So to me, they're the big five things that that 343 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:01,680 Speaker 1: are really going to move the needle. 344 00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:06,959 Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that. I love that, and it's amazing 345 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,639 Speaker 2: to me that if you're feeling as a parent that 346 00:17:09,800 --> 00:17:12,199 Speaker 2: you don't have hope, you literally actually just have to 347 00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:16,080 Speaker 2: hang around with some kids, especially so again, my kids 348 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,960 Speaker 2: are six and seven. I mean, they wake up daily 349 00:17:19,119 --> 00:17:22,040 Speaker 2: with hope, and every moment of everything they do there 350 00:17:22,160 --> 00:17:25,120 Speaker 2: is hope. And of course, you know, they cannot understand 351 00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:27,960 Speaker 2: the gravity of the situation and what's going on in 352 00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:29,919 Speaker 2: the world, and so they're feeling it in a different way. 353 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:34,080 Speaker 2: But they rejuvenate right every single day when I if 354 00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:36,160 Speaker 2: I get to a point where I'm feeling a little 355 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:39,000 Speaker 2: down or I'm feeling, oh my goodness, I just have 356 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:40,879 Speaker 2: to hang out with them for a moment because they 357 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:44,320 Speaker 2: are so in the now, they are so in their flow, 358 00:17:44,840 --> 00:17:48,600 Speaker 2: they are so hopeful right about their next little thing 359 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:52,040 Speaker 2: that they're going to do or tomorrow, that it's infectious, 360 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:55,200 Speaker 2: you know, as infectious as I would say any kind 361 00:17:55,200 --> 00:18:00,000 Speaker 2: of viruses. Yeah, their hope, their laughter, their joy is infectious. 362 00:18:00,359 --> 00:18:02,800 Speaker 1: I love that. I love that, just like just like 363 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:09,400 Speaker 1: coronavirus will get inside and spread, things like kindness and 364 00:18:09,680 --> 00:18:13,280 Speaker 1: joy and delight do exactly the same thing. And the 365 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:15,800 Speaker 1: negative things, you know, things like selfishness, they spread too. 366 00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:19,640 Speaker 1: Toilet paper wars anyone. So I just yeah, I love 367 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:20,680 Speaker 1: what you said there. That's great. 368 00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:25,439 Speaker 2: Yeah, thank you. So so what do we do? So 369 00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:27,240 Speaker 2: what do you do? What are things to you? I 370 00:18:27,240 --> 00:18:31,040 Speaker 2: would love to know because you always have it so together, 371 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,480 Speaker 2: but I want to know what you struggle with? Can 372 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:35,800 Speaker 2: you share something like what is a struggle for you? 373 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:39,320 Speaker 2: Or maybe in this situation in particular. 374 00:18:39,359 --> 00:18:42,080 Speaker 1: I'm really opening myself up here. I normally wouldn't talk 375 00:18:42,119 --> 00:18:45,480 Speaker 1: like this, but let's see how we go. Anxiety has 376 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:49,760 Speaker 1: never been a thing ever for me, but lately increasingly 377 00:18:51,440 --> 00:18:56,399 Speaker 1: I'm feeling it and it's it's really hard, and I 378 00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:58,480 Speaker 1: have to keep on practicing all of these strategies and 379 00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:00,720 Speaker 1: techniques myself to bring myself to the now and to 380 00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:02,840 Speaker 1: focus on what I can do and do my best 381 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:03,639 Speaker 1: to help others. 382 00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:07,720 Speaker 2: And so what I was asking you is the experiences 383 00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:10,240 Speaker 2: that you're having, does it change the perspective with which 384 00:19:10,359 --> 00:19:13,400 Speaker 2: you give guidance to others? Has it made you kind 385 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:15,520 Speaker 2: of test your own theories in any way? 386 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:18,879 Speaker 1: For sure? I remember having an insight when I was 387 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:22,240 Speaker 1: with a friend a little while ago now. We were 388 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:24,399 Speaker 1: talking about one of my daughters was complaining I can't 389 00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:27,120 Speaker 1: walk because my leg's hurt because she had growing pains, 390 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:32,040 Speaker 1: and my friend said to me, you don't grow without pain, 391 00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:36,320 Speaker 1: whether it's physically or psychologically, and emotionally, socially, spiritual, whatever 392 00:19:36,359 --> 00:19:38,840 Speaker 1: it might be. We have to go through hard things 393 00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:43,520 Speaker 1: to become better. It's the hard things that make us stronger. 394 00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:46,359 Speaker 1: The pain leads to growth if we let it, it 395 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:49,480 Speaker 1: can be refining and it makes us increasingly resilient. So 396 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,239 Speaker 1: that's probably the biggest thing that I'm challenged by, but 397 00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:56,199 Speaker 1: I'm grateful for it. And once again, using all of 398 00:19:56,200 --> 00:20:00,040 Speaker 1: those psychological distancing strategies, it makes me think, well, you 399 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:01,720 Speaker 1: know what would such and such do that takes me 400 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:04,200 Speaker 1: out of the situation, or come on, justin, you've got 401 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,160 Speaker 1: this speaking to myself in the third person. That changes 402 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:10,000 Speaker 1: my distance to the situation, and all of a sudden, 403 00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:11,760 Speaker 1: I'm able to think rationally and say, yeah, I do 404 00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:13,840 Speaker 1: got this. Or you know, this is what Reeny Jane 405 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,960 Speaker 1: would do it goes in, or this is what this 406 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:17,680 Speaker 1: mentor of mine over here would do, or this is 407 00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:20,800 Speaker 1: what this great example or thinker would do. All of 408 00:20:20,840 --> 00:20:24,120 Speaker 1: those things create the psychological distance, which means now I'm 409 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,760 Speaker 1: coming up with different strategies with which to move forward. 410 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,359 Speaker 1: So I think that that would probably be it. What 411 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:34,560 Speaker 1: about you in the US, Your circumstances are from everything 412 00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:38,159 Speaker 1: that I'm seeing on Twitter, at least fairly elevated, I 413 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:40,000 Speaker 1: guess would be the word that I might use. 414 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:45,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a lot of fear. There's a lot of panic. 415 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:49,600 Speaker 2: There are a lot of restrictions. So I live in 416 00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:51,639 Speaker 2: Los Angeles and you guys, and you can hear my 417 00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,840 Speaker 2: kids in the background. You know, we are home all 418 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,080 Speaker 2: day together, and there are certain times of the day 419 00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:59,800 Speaker 2: where we are having independent time, which is what we're 420 00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:03,439 Speaker 2: calling it. So mommy's working and the kids are working 421 00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:05,960 Speaker 2: on you know, their school stuff, and then we come 422 00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:08,800 Speaker 2: back together. But there's a lot of bleed over, you know, 423 00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:12,320 Speaker 2: as there is going to be. So so one of 424 00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:16,080 Speaker 2: the things that I'm struggling with is creating those boundaries 425 00:21:16,119 --> 00:21:19,120 Speaker 2: and allowing the boundaries to be fluid. You know. It's 426 00:21:19,119 --> 00:21:21,080 Speaker 2: like you can create boundaries, but you can draw a 427 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 2: line in the sand, but then you need to erase 428 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:25,840 Speaker 2: the line and make a different line many many times 429 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:29,080 Speaker 2: in a day. And then having compassion towards myself to 430 00:21:29,160 --> 00:21:32,200 Speaker 2: know that that's okay, you know, that's going to happen. 431 00:21:32,280 --> 00:21:34,760 Speaker 2: This is part of what is going on right now, 432 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:39,560 Speaker 2: and to maintain feeling centered and grounded so that I 433 00:21:39,640 --> 00:21:41,800 Speaker 2: am able to show up as the parent I want 434 00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:44,320 Speaker 2: to be. You know, it's a lot to take on 435 00:21:44,920 --> 00:21:49,800 Speaker 2: the additional role of being the facilitator for homeschooling I am. 436 00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,199 Speaker 2: I think anybody is qualified to do it as a 437 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:56,160 Speaker 2: parent if you put effort into it. But it's definitely 438 00:21:56,160 --> 00:21:59,520 Speaker 2: not something that happens overnight, you know. So the ability 439 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:03,800 Speaker 2: to to help my kids peace themselves, to help them 440 00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:06,680 Speaker 2: get through it, to help them with the change, huge 441 00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:10,000 Speaker 2: change instead of going into a classroom and it's not interactive, 442 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:13,000 Speaker 2: there are videos being sent home. Yeah, so this is 443 00:22:13,040 --> 00:22:15,520 Speaker 2: a big challenge, but the biggest one really is being 444 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,760 Speaker 2: able to be fluid with the boundaries that I am 445 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:21,680 Speaker 2: creating for my own self care and for the self 446 00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,800 Speaker 2: care as like our family unit essentially. 447 00:22:24,560 --> 00:22:26,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, really really tough. The thing that I've been saying 448 00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:28,560 Speaker 1: to parents when they come to me with that is 449 00:22:29,240 --> 00:22:33,520 Speaker 1: lower expectations. Just drop those expectations right down. And in fact, 450 00:22:33,560 --> 00:22:35,199 Speaker 1: what I would do is whatever you expect if you 451 00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:38,440 Speaker 1: divide it by half, and then you divide that by 452 00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:39,679 Speaker 1: another three. 453 00:22:41,160 --> 00:22:43,880 Speaker 5: To drop it down below that, and you're probably still 454 00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:44,680 Speaker 5: a bit too high. 455 00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:49,720 Speaker 1: The lower expectations are, the more satisfied you'll be. I 456 00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:52,680 Speaker 1: don't know that there are any easy answers. What I've 457 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:55,879 Speaker 1: been advising parents is, instead of having a really strict timetable, 458 00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,400 Speaker 1: just have a commitment to have three or four things 459 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:01,520 Speaker 1: happen every day. Work out what those three or four 460 00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:03,440 Speaker 1: things need to be for your family, because they'll be 461 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:07,280 Speaker 1: different in every home, and so long as they happen, 462 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:11,080 Speaker 1: that's probably the main thing. And it depends on the 463 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:13,040 Speaker 1: age of your kids, and it depends on what sort 464 00:23:13,080 --> 00:23:15,960 Speaker 1: of support they're getting from the school. But the reality 465 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:18,440 Speaker 1: is your children don't need you to be their teacher. 466 00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:21,119 Speaker 1: They need you to be their parent. Yes, And I 467 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:23,080 Speaker 1: think that's what we've also got to hang on to. 468 00:23:23,880 --> 00:23:26,160 Speaker 1: We need to be connecting. And if we're having fights 469 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:28,640 Speaker 1: over school work, we're having fights over screen time, we're 470 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:32,119 Speaker 1: having fights over leave your sister alone, we probably need 471 00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:35,119 Speaker 1: to just pause our own work for five minutes or 472 00:23:35,160 --> 00:23:38,119 Speaker 1: twenty minutes, go have a wrestle, go read a book, 473 00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:42,440 Speaker 1: go play a game, and when everyone's calm and sensed again, 474 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:45,800 Speaker 1: then go and get back into it. Expectations and boundaries 475 00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:49,080 Speaker 1: and lots of distractions and physical activity, all that sort 476 00:23:49,119 --> 00:23:51,160 Speaker 1: of stuff so so important. 477 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:55,119 Speaker 2: So important, so important. We just we've been doing daily 478 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:58,480 Speaker 2: walks around the neighborhood, which is really interesting. I've lived 479 00:23:58,480 --> 00:23:59,840 Speaker 2: here for two and a half years. I'm seeing st 480 00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:03,359 Speaker 2: reads i've never seen before. You know, it's kind of amazing. 481 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:06,520 Speaker 2: And so yes, this is the thing that the all 482 00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:09,920 Speaker 2: four of us do together twice a day, and that 483 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,120 Speaker 2: has been it's been eye opening. It's like, oh my goodness, 484 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,119 Speaker 2: the four of us haven't taken a walk in this 485 00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:19,800 Speaker 2: neighborhood since we moved here. It's unbelievable. I have a 486 00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:22,960 Speaker 2: little a little rascal I think behind me, walking behind me. 487 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:26,240 Speaker 2: But yeah, it's amazing. You do have to lower expectations, 488 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:28,560 Speaker 2: lower boundaries. And I love how you said cut it 489 00:24:28,560 --> 00:24:30,160 Speaker 2: in half and then cut it again by a third 490 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:32,199 Speaker 2: and then basically subtracted by a thousand. 491 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:37,639 Speaker 1: Yeah, and get yeah, yeah, I just saw your kids 492 00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:38,800 Speaker 1: wrestling in the background. 493 00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:40,200 Speaker 4: Right as you were saying that. I was like, yeah, 494 00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:42,600 Speaker 4: that's about how it is. Yes, this is real life. 495 00:24:42,680 --> 00:24:45,520 Speaker 1: Yes, well we probably should wrap this up. Hopefully it's 496 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,639 Speaker 1: been helpful, rainy, if helpful, if people want to know 497 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:52,080 Speaker 1: more about what you offer through goes in, what would 498 00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:54,159 Speaker 1: you would you want me to send them? 499 00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:56,199 Speaker 2: I would want you to send them to go zen 500 00:24:56,280 --> 00:25:00,440 Speaker 2: dot com. And we're also running a free Facebook group 501 00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:02,040 Speaker 2: which if you come to go zan dot com you'll 502 00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:04,800 Speaker 2: find the Facebook group and it's on Facebook and it's 503 00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:09,879 Speaker 2: called get Superpowered and basically delivering resilient Skills and you know, 504 00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:12,919 Speaker 2: having conversations like this every day. The easiest thing is 505 00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:17,360 Speaker 2: gozan dot com. Fantastic And what about you, doctor Coolson, 506 00:25:17,480 --> 00:25:18,119 Speaker 2: thanks for asking. 507 00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:20,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, Happy Families dot com dot au. Although there's nothing 508 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:22,760 Speaker 1: much happening on my website, it's all happening on my 509 00:25:22,760 --> 00:25:25,679 Speaker 1: Facebook page at the moment, so doctor Justin Colson's Happy Families. 510 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:30,080 Speaker 1: In fact, we've just done something really fun because we're 511 00:25:30,200 --> 00:25:32,760 Speaker 1: living the dream like you are, with the kids at 512 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:34,919 Speaker 1: home and all that kind of thing. Kylie and I 513 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,960 Speaker 1: have created a group just off our Facebook page. It's 514 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:41,080 Speaker 1: called bunker Down with Justin and Kylie. We thought Lockdown 515 00:25:41,119 --> 00:25:43,560 Speaker 1: sounded a bit too harsh, so we've got bunker Down 516 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,600 Speaker 1: with Justin and Kylie. And Kylie, who's usually very very private, 517 00:25:46,640 --> 00:25:50,240 Speaker 1: I've convinced her she's got early childhood qualifications, and so 518 00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:53,400 Speaker 1: I've convinced her to become a little bit more active 519 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:56,560 Speaker 1: on that page. And this little bunker Down with Justin 520 00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:59,639 Speaker 1: and Kylie facebook page has got several thousand people in 521 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,400 Speaker 1: there who are now just sharing all of the good 522 00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,239 Speaker 1: news stories that are coming from their families. The way 523 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:07,600 Speaker 1: they're interacting with their children. The reality is that they 524 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:09,560 Speaker 1: probably take the photo and say, look at the awesome 525 00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:11,440 Speaker 1: stuff we're doing, and then three minutes later the kids 526 00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:14,199 Speaker 1: are at each other and it's gone downhill. But the 527 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,520 Speaker 1: photos are coming out nice and the stories are beautiful, 528 00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:20,440 Speaker 1: and Kylie is doing story time for the kids. She's 529 00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:23,680 Speaker 1: reading stories over the internet to kids and just little 530 00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:25,639 Speaker 1: things like that. So I think that that's probably the 531 00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:28,280 Speaker 1: best best spot. And again, same as you, really coming 532 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:30,520 Speaker 1: at it from a sense of let's just be generous, 533 00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,159 Speaker 1: let's serve at the moment, people have got enough on 534 00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:36,200 Speaker 1: their plates. We don't need to be flogging stuff at people, 535 00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:38,399 Speaker 1: and so we're really just trying to help. So if 536 00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:40,199 Speaker 1: anyone else wants to join in, we'd love for you 537 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:42,840 Speaker 1: to join Bunker Down with Justin and Kylie. Well, I 538 00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:45,680 Speaker 1: hope you enjoyed the podcast more like that soon to come. 539 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,960 Speaker 1: If you do enjoy the Happy Families podcast, please leave 540 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:53,720 Speaker 1: us a review, just like hashtag Queen underscore me hashtag 541 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:56,679 Speaker 1: who said I loved the four h's. My kids and 542 00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:59,160 Speaker 1: I had a really tough year last year and we 543 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:02,600 Speaker 1: were looking forward to moving on this year, but now 544 00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:05,399 Speaker 1: we feel so stuck. I'm going to use the h 545 00:27:05,480 --> 00:27:08,520 Speaker 1: to get us laughing every day. Thanks for the reminder. 546 00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:10,959 Speaker 1: If you enjoy the podcast and can leave a review 547 00:27:11,040 --> 00:27:13,000 Speaker 1: or a rating, that helps other people to discover the 548 00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:15,520 Speaker 1: podcast and make their families happy as well, so please 549 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:18,720 Speaker 1: do that. In the meantime, check out Dr Justin Colson's 550 00:27:18,720 --> 00:27:21,960 Speaker 1: Happy Families Facebook page for more ideas about how you 551 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,879 Speaker 1: can make your family happier, and I'll see you or 552 00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:26,760 Speaker 1: speak to you on the next podcast.