Speaker 1: Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout
Speaker 1: Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We
Speaker 1: pay our respect to their elders past and present and
Speaker 1: extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Island
Speaker 1: peoples today.
Speaker 2: This episode is recorded on Gaddigal Land of the Aurora Nation.
Speaker 2: Hi guys, I'm welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 2: I'm Laura. My name happens to be This is not Brittany,
Speaker 2: but she will be back next week. No, she is.
Speaker 2: She's back on Tuesday's episode.
Speaker 3: Is that confirmed?
Speaker 2: It's confirmed? Well, like yes, she said so, so I'm
Speaker 2: going to believe everything she says. You are looking a
Speaker 2: little bit tired me.
Speaker 3: And you, my friend, look like shit. Thanks so much.
Speaker 3: That's so kind of you.
Speaker 2: Oh you're welcome, darling.
Speaker 3: I'm a little bit sick right now. Oh and yet
Speaker 3: I will go and persevere through this podcast record because
Speaker 3: I love Life and Cut and those fans out there
Speaker 3: who want to listen to a man's perspective.
Speaker 2: Just to start this off with a tiff, we're having
Speaker 2: a bit of a tiff because now that Matt's sick,
Speaker 2: he wants sympathy. But I was sick all last week
Speaker 2: and I got zero sympathy. None.
Speaker 3: My goodness.
Speaker 2: Well, it's the truth.
Speaker 3: I do not want any sympathy. In fact, far from it.
Speaker 3: I am. I did the shopping yesterday.
Speaker 2: You woke up sick today. You went sick yesterday.
Speaker 3: I I've been sick for three days. Please, But when
Speaker 3: you're sick, when you're sick, you had these moments where
Speaker 3: you know, it's like it wasn't that you weren't that sick.
Speaker 2: I was deathly on deathbed and had to continue.
Speaker 3: To this is how sick you sounded.
Speaker 4: Amen. I'm not feeling good right now. I'm getting better
Speaker 4: blurred vision, and I've started talking with an American accent,
Speaker 4: and I'd be like, shut up, shut up and feed
Speaker 4: the kids.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: That there's a lot of sympathy, a lot of love.
Speaker 2: We do this to each other, though, whenever, like the
Speaker 2: other person's sick, unless they're actually unless it's like visibly
Speaker 2: they can't get out of bed sick, we don't have
Speaker 2: the amount of sympathy that the other person's supposed to
Speaker 2: have because the other person's just always a bit annoyed
Speaker 2: by the back that they got sick.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you'd have to lose a finger for me to
Speaker 3: seriously give you some sympathy.
Speaker 2: Well, it's kind of like when you're at work and
Speaker 2: somebody who you quite depend on calls in sick, and
Speaker 2: then it just means that you have to do more work.
Speaker 2: It's the same thing in parenting, like when you call
Speaker 2: in sick to parenting, I'm like, a fuck, now I've
Speaker 2: got to do it all.
Speaker 3: And yet I have not called in sick. I've rocked up.
Speaker 3: And not only am I helping with the kids, I've
Speaker 3: put the washing on. I'm also working on a podcast
Speaker 3: which I do not get paid for.
Speaker 2: Well I do. I do pay you in coffee. I
Speaker 2: mean leads us into our sponsor of today's episode.
Speaker 3: I would take advantage of the fact that I love coffee.
Speaker 3: You're like, come over here, you'll get a kuppa, and
Speaker 3: I'm like, I'll do it.
Speaker 2: I'll do anything for the smell of a cup of coffee.
Speaker 2: But I do want to say a very big thank
Speaker 2: you to Starbucks at Home, who have been a long
Speaker 2: term partner of the podcast, but who have made this
Speaker 2: episode possible. Starbucks at Home offers three signature roasts and
Speaker 2: intensities blonde, medium, and dark. So no matter how you
Speaker 2: like your coffee, whether it's smooth and creamy or roasting intense,
Speaker 2: you can make the perfect cup.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and if you want to up your coffee confidence,
Speaker 3: check out Starbucks at home.
Speaker 2: Now, I just want to say thank you to everybody
Speaker 2: who's written in questions for Mattie Jay and also me,
Speaker 2: but mostly for matt to answer from a man's perspective.
Speaker 3: Before we do that, can I just tell a story
Speaker 3: of how you totally screwed me over the the other day,
Speaker 3: absolutely stitched me up? Was that on purpose? Was that
Speaker 3: on purpose?
Speaker 2: No? And I forgot and it wasn't. I would never
Speaker 2: intentionally try and embarrass.
Speaker 3: You, Okay.
Speaker 2: I mean it does make good content, though, doesn't it.
Speaker 3: I feel like this was all orchestrated to just get
Speaker 3: some content for.
Speaker 2: The podcast, Like we're running low. Things are really dry
Speaker 2: this week. How can I fuck up MAT's life?
Speaker 3: We have quite a messy house at the moment, and
Speaker 3: we just did it a little bit of help.
Speaker 2: Well we don't now because the cleaner has come and
Speaker 2: now it's looking immaculate.
Speaker 3: It looks fantastic. She did a very good job, so
Speaker 3: she may be a little bit traumatized, and I don't
Speaker 3: know if she'll ever come back, but she did a
Speaker 3: very good job.
Speaker 2: It'd be a shame because she's a very good cleaner.
Speaker 3: Such a great cleaner. So the other day Laura and
Speaker 3: I were talking. It had been a little while since
Speaker 3: we have had some intimate time.
Speaker 2: Look, this might be too much information, but it's been
Speaker 2: what had been three weeks at least it's been three weeks,
Speaker 2: which is a long time. But I got sick, have
Speaker 2: my period. Likely, look too much information, but it's been
Speaker 2: three weeks.
Speaker 3: It was time to enjoy each other's company, and I
Speaker 3: was very excited.
Speaker 2: I couldn't breathe because of my sinuses. Everything was blocked.
Speaker 2: I couldn't. I can't kiss you when I have blocked sinuses.
Speaker 3: You don't need to kiss me. That's absolutely fine.
Speaker 2: Take that off the list, non essential, non critical.
Speaker 3: I'm fine with that. It does feel a little bit strange.
Speaker 3: I think we have had sex before, we haven't kissed
Speaker 3: each other.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I've like when I get perio or dermatitis,
Speaker 2: I can't kiss you. Also, if I've just put my
Speaker 2: creams on, don't want to kiss you either.
Speaker 3: Totally understand.
Speaker 2: Yeah, fordy woman style.
Speaker 3: Fine, Yeah, these are conditions which I'm like, yeah, we
Speaker 3: will still proceed, proceed to the root. So Laura was
Speaker 3: talking to me. She'd mentioned that she was coming home
Speaker 3: early from work. I was at home working hard, obviously, and.
Speaker 2: We had been texting throughout the day.
Speaker 3: Because it was all at this point in your life,
Speaker 3: sex is normally quite premeditated. It's not just some like
Speaker 3: off the cuff spur of the moment, Oh my gosh,
Speaker 3: let's do it right now. It's like little.
Speaker 2: Times, but it's not like that when you've got two
Speaker 2: very small children, like we've got toddlers. Like things are
Speaker 2: a little bit more scheduled these days.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we had to like have a meeting to schedule
Speaker 3: in when we would have sex over the next course
Speaker 3: of a few months.
Speaker 2: It's like written in the diary, like three pm sexy
Speaker 2: tm oh.
Speaker 3: I know. I did not forget about it. And I
Speaker 3: was like, Laura, just reminding you that we have sex
Speaker 3: this afternoon. Whatever you were doing, canceled and come home.
Speaker 2: I'd prefer this one not to be over zoom.
Speaker 3: So I was primed and ready, and I thought, primed.
Speaker 2: And ready, what were you doing.
Speaker 3: Greasing myself up.
Speaker 2: You were just you were in your underwear, which is
Speaker 2: like I thought it would be sexy.
Speaker 4: But you did.
Speaker 2: It's not like you were when you say you were
Speaker 2: primed and ready. It wasn't like you were walking around
Speaker 2: with a rock hard bone. You were just you were
Speaker 2: just in your undies, which you could have been at
Speaker 2: any point during the day. You often just walk around
Speaker 2: your rundies.
Speaker 3: True. True. So I was at home, he's a jingling
Speaker 3: at the door. My initial instinct is, ah, she's here.
Speaker 2: And let's just let me just preface this before I
Speaker 2: gave Matt a kind of a window of time as
Speaker 2: to when I would be home. I said I'd be
Speaker 2: home an hour before we had to go pick the
Speaker 2: kids up. This was earlier than that hour.
Speaker 3: I was sitting at the door like a puppy waiting
Speaker 3: for their owner to come home. In that window, I
Speaker 3: didn't do anything else. TV was off, phone was put away.
Speaker 3: But I thought, who else could it be but Laura
Speaker 3: at the door?
Speaker 2: The keys.
Speaker 3: There was never any question in my mind that it
Speaker 3: wasn't going to be you, although I was wrong. So
Speaker 3: as I hear the keys jingling whilst I'm in my undies,
Speaker 3: I spring up. You know, this is this is my moment.
Speaker 3: I go like, grab the door handle, I fling open
Speaker 3: the door, greet my fiance. And it's not Laura. It's
Speaker 3: it's Paula. Paula the cleaner who's holding a vacuum and
Speaker 3: a mop bucket.
Speaker 2: She's lovely, so nice.
Speaker 4: Vine.
Speaker 3: Can I just say, Paula, if you're listening, you are
Speaker 3: an absolute angel of a woman and a great cleaner.
Speaker 2: What did she say?
Speaker 3: She was looking at me, I was looking at her,
Speaker 3: and I there was just this pause where I was
Speaker 3: trying to like, I was trying to compute what happening
Speaker 3: because I was expecting it to be you.
Speaker 2: And you're like, oh, well this will do. Come on.
Speaker 2: So I have said that.
Speaker 3: She didn't know what was going on, but she gave
Speaker 3: her a great tip.
Speaker 2: Not good to find out that that's what happened.
Speaker 3: No, look, no, I just said I just said hello,
Speaker 3: and she's she's like, I'm here to clean the house.
Speaker 3: And I said, give me a second, put some clothes on.
Speaker 3: And then I was like, just we're going to pretend
Speaker 3: that never happened. And I was like, well, yeah, this
Speaker 3: is the living room and it's quite dirty. And you know,
Speaker 3: here's here's everything else, and I'm just gonna lock myself
Speaker 3: in my bedroom.
Speaker 2: I should have just said to her, sorry, I was
Speaker 2: just folding my pants.
Speaker 3: Yeah, in hindsight, you know, I could have said, I'm
Speaker 3: just doing the washing, and she maybe I could have
Speaker 3: explained the erections. I should have just said, look, it's
Speaker 3: been six months, sin, I've had sex with my wife.
Speaker 3: She's you how many seconds? I apologize?
Speaker 2: To be fair, I had forgotten that Paula had also
Speaker 2: given me a window of time as to when she
Speaker 2: would come and clean the house. It was organized a
Speaker 2: week earlier. I had been very busy, and I completely
Speaker 2: forgot completely for that was.
Speaker 3: So unlike you, Laura.
Speaker 2: It truly wasn't an intentional key.
Speaker 3: Details Anyway, I don't know Paula will be back. We
Speaker 3: didn't have sex. It was a disaster.
Speaker 2: Maybe tonight's night.
Speaker 3: Though you say that every time, don't tease me like
Speaker 3: that you always okay? Can I just say at this
Speaker 3: hour of the day you often say, well, hey to Nat,
Speaker 3: could be.
Speaker 2: A lot can happen between eleven am and seven pm
Speaker 2: at night. If a lot can happen, a lot changes.
Speaker 3: If you play your cards about young man. You may
Speaker 3: be in luck and then come eight o'clock, I'm tired.
Speaker 3: You look at me as if you know I'm asking
Speaker 3: you to run a marathon.
Speaker 2: You literally are.
Speaker 3: I want you to spread to one hundred meters, you
Speaker 3: know all I need one hundred meters. It'll be over
Speaker 3: in ten point five seconds. It's not going to be
Speaker 3: three and a half hours for you to endure.
Speaker 2: Anyway. Let's let's move on to the next thing. But
Speaker 2: maybe tonight, No tonight, I've got an event on it
Speaker 2: tomorrow night, maybe this afternoon, maybe before the kids come
Speaker 2: home and Paula arrives.
Speaker 3: She's booked in, she's booked in for round two.
Speaker 2: Okay, I have something that I want to talk to
Speaker 2: you about before we get into answering all your deep,
Speaker 2: dark and your burning questions. And that's because I read
Speaker 2: this yesterday and I truly couldn't believe what I was reading.
Speaker 2: To be honest, there is a man in the UK.
Speaker 2: He has been jailed, sentenced to thirty four months in prison.
Speaker 2: That's more than two years.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's that's that's serious, like assault with the deadly weapon.
Speaker 2: No, no, well maybe okay, this is this is the
Speaker 2: article Matthew Hopgood good name hap Good. Sorry, Matthew hop Good.
Speaker 3: Matthew Hopwood out they go get the name wrong. Sorry,
Speaker 3: because you said the name. Second said the name wrong.
Speaker 3: I'm going to edit that so the first name that
Speaker 3: you said. He would be listening going, oh my gosh,
Speaker 3: they've got to out me and my crimes. Stop but
Speaker 3: it's Hapwood.
Speaker 2: Shut up. I'm not going to edit all that out.
Speaker 2: You're just making me leave it in there.
Speaker 3: People will laugh.
Speaker 2: Shut up, Okay, Okay, Matthew Hapen, Matthew Hapgood. According to
Speaker 2: several news reports, Matthew hat Good, stop laughing. You don't
Speaker 2: even know. Why are you laughing when you don't even
Speaker 2: know the story?
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's funny already.
Speaker 2: Okay, Matthew Hapgood.
Speaker 3: According we get the name.
Speaker 2: According to several news reports, Matthew Hapgood was apprehended for shotlifting.
Speaker 2: On March twenty first. The forty one year old man
Speaker 2: was arrested for nicking thirty three pounds worth of beer
Speaker 2: and cider from Tesco.
Speaker 3: Not that much, is it. If you're going to rub
Speaker 3: a store, at least do a good job.
Speaker 2: Yeap, that's not what he got arrested. This is not
Speaker 2: what he was in and four during the course of
Speaker 2: his arrest, Hapgod farted in the officer's face. He has
Speaker 2: been put in prison for thirty two months. That's more
Speaker 2: than two years for cupcaking a police on this sake?
Speaker 3: Did he cupcake?
Speaker 2: I don't think he. I don't think he caught it
Speaker 2: in his hand and put it over the guy's mouth.
Speaker 2: He did it. He farthered directly in the guy's face.
Speaker 3: I'm sure that's quite that's quite a severe sentence. This
Speaker 3: mustn't have been his first time doing this. The judges
Speaker 3: like U, ma re Peter Fender. Yeah, Matthew, is it
Speaker 3: faring and cupcaking again? This is the fifth time.
Speaker 2: I do find the name very amusing in this, though, Matthew,
Speaker 2: someone else's Look, if we were going to sentence you
Speaker 2: for all of the farts that you've done, it would
Speaker 2: probably be a life sentence, wouldn't it.
Speaker 3: Oh, don't drag me into this. I don't put me
Speaker 3: in the same category as Matthew Hapwood.
Speaker 2: Also, though, look, I understand I understand spitting in off
Speaker 2: office's face. I know that that is like a disgusting
Speaker 2: like it is, that is prison time. But I feel
Speaker 2: like farts are often involuntary. Like what if he was
Speaker 2: pitying him and he was being handcuffed and the guy
Speaker 2: just out of surprise, the.
Speaker 3: Reader we had for lunch was all of a sudden
Speaker 3: making him a little bit gassy.
Speaker 2: Oh, maybe he was squishing him when he was arresting
Speaker 2: him or something, and he squshed it out like.
Speaker 3: He put pressure on his lower back.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it just popped out. We've all had an accident before, and.
Speaker 3: The police officers like, that's a salt. It could have
Speaker 3: been an accidental fart.
Speaker 2: It could have been an accident. I also think like,
Speaker 2: in that moment, how do you intentionally fart? That's what
Speaker 2: I really want to know. How do you go, you
Speaker 2: know what, I'm gonna fucking show you. I Am gonna
Speaker 2: fart on demand in your face.
Speaker 3: Unless he was like trying to be arrested, hands behind
Speaker 3: the back and then Matthew wraps his legs around the
Speaker 3: police officer's face and then goes mmm on his face,
Speaker 3: like that could have That could be seen to be intentional.
Speaker 2: It could be seen to be intentional.
Speaker 3: But I always wonder what would the conversation like in
Speaker 3: prison when you know, obviously the cell mates are talking
Speaker 3: about the crimes that they've done in someone's like attempted murder,
Speaker 3: you know, assault, And then Matthew's like, I'm a fart.
Speaker 3: That's why I'm here, because I've fart on people's faces.
Speaker 3: He's a hardened criminal. Well, look a big shout out
Speaker 3: to our men and women in blue out there giving.
Speaker 2: Us dealing with all the things that are thrown at
Speaker 2: them or forced upon them. Oh, do should we get
Speaker 2: into the questions?
Speaker 3: Let's do the question all right?
Speaker 2: Okay, thank you to everybody who's written in questions for
Speaker 2: today's episode. It is very nice to have you here.
Speaker 2: Matthew Johnson a man's perspective, and I thought we should
Speaker 2: kick it off. Actually, do you know what? We get
Speaker 2: so many sex questions when you're on the podcast, Like
Speaker 2: people are really they want to know about our sex life.
Speaker 2: But I feel like we've established that it's just not that.
Speaker 3: Wild at the moment, not that much happening.
Speaker 2: There's not that much happening, So I don't know why
Speaker 2: people are so interested in it. But I've got a
Speaker 2: question for you. Is it okay to masturbate while your
Speaker 2: partner is at home?
Speaker 3: I don't think I have mas No, that's a lie, I.
Speaker 2: Have wait, where was I asleep?
Speaker 4: Ah?
Speaker 2: That's different. Yeah, Like you're not going to wake me
Speaker 2: up and be like are you are you? How are
Speaker 2: you feeling? Are you ready for it?
Speaker 3: I have done that before.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's fine.
Speaker 3: You're like, shut up, but I mean, come back.
Speaker 2: If someone's asleep and your horny, maybe having a shower whatever, Like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I get it. I think that's no problem.
Speaker 3: I think I think the question that you could ask
Speaker 3: is is it okay to masturbate whilst your partner is
Speaker 3: in the same house and awake?
Speaker 2: Okay, let's make it that question then. And you haven't
Speaker 2: propositioned them for sex. You've just you've already just completely
Speaker 2: ruled out the option of having sex with them, and
Speaker 2: you're just like, I'd rather do it myself.
Speaker 3: What about if you have your period?
Speaker 2: What do you mean?
Speaker 3: Well, I know you don't like to have sex on
Speaker 3: your period.
Speaker 2: I can have sex with my period. You don't like
Speaker 2: having sex with my period?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, do not put this on me.
Speaker 2: I don't mind, is it?
Speaker 3: What what are we doing for five years?
Speaker 4: Ah?
Speaker 3: I always thought I thought you didn't.
Speaker 2: No, you have literally said to me before, so it's
Speaker 2: not my favorite I did say, yeah you did, But
Speaker 2: now you're like, I'll take it.
Speaker 3: I don't care whatever, let's do it. I think it's fine.
Speaker 3: I think the issue would be if if I knew
Speaker 3: that you were in a position where you were wanting
Speaker 3: to have sex, and I rejected that option in favor
Speaker 3: of masturbating.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I totally agree. I think, of course it's fine.
Speaker 2: You've got body autonomy. Do what you want with your
Speaker 2: own body, when you want it. You don't have to
Speaker 2: ask for permission. But if your sex life is already affected,
Speaker 2: like if there's if one person is feeling undesired, or
Speaker 2: they're wanting more sex, or they're wanting just you know,
Speaker 2: more intimacy from you, and then you're opting to masturbate
Speaker 2: without even having a conversation with them or bringing them
Speaker 2: in on that, And then I think that probably is
Speaker 2: a red flag for a greater issue. But if you
Speaker 2: have a great and healthy sex life, you shouldn't take
Speaker 2: offense to the fact that your partner wants to also masturbate.
Speaker 2: I don't think it. I don't think that that needs
Speaker 2: to be a reflection that there's something wrong.
Speaker 3: I think some people would take it to offense because
Speaker 3: it does feel like, I guess a sense of rejection
Speaker 3: that an act which should be done with your partner,
Speaker 3: you're favoring doing it in isolation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, But also it shouldn't just be done with your partner,
Speaker 2: Like I think there's nothing wrong with wanting to not
Speaker 2: have the full commitment that say, like to have sex.
Speaker 2: Obviously there's more involved, it's more effort, it's more energy,
Speaker 2: it's more everything. If you're just okay, look, you know,
Speaker 2: gotta just rub one out before I go to sleep.
Speaker 2: I don't think that that's a big deal so long
Speaker 2: as it's not affecting your actual sex life. And if
Speaker 2: it is affecting your sex life, and that's a very
Speaker 2: different conversation, and then that's where it becomes a problem.
Speaker 2: But I guess you won't know that unless you have
Speaker 2: a bit of an open conversation about it, and you
Speaker 2: can also talk to your partner and say, like, you know,
Speaker 2: would it offend you if I did this in the
Speaker 2: instance that you're not actually up for it, or you're tired,
Speaker 2: or I'm not up for sex in that moment, Like,
Speaker 2: does it offend you if I did do this? I
Speaker 2: think you would get some interesting answers out of your
Speaker 2: partner if you actually had that conversation with them.
Speaker 3: I do find that sometimes I'll sleep much better if
Speaker 3: I have a bit of Maddie Jay time before I
Speaker 3: go to bed, and it takes me about two minutes
Speaker 3: in the shower.
Speaker 2: Thank you for sharing that?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Too much.
Speaker 2: So every night that I'm like, ha'd you sleep last
Speaker 2: night and You're like really good, I'll be like, all right,
Speaker 2: well there we go. That's a bit too much. Would
Speaker 2: Paula please don't clean the shower? Paula Ah is never
Speaker 2: coming back and she's never going to clean our bathroom.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna define a new cleaner. Cleaners are so fucking
Speaker 2: hard to find, all right. I have another question? How
Speaker 2: do I get a guy to commit who is keeping
Speaker 2: things casual? He says, I'm perfect, that I'm exactly the
Speaker 2: type of girl that he would go for, but he's
Speaker 2: just not in a position for anything serious right now.
Speaker 2: Should I stick it out and hope that he changes
Speaker 2: his mind? Is there anything that I can do to
Speaker 2: convince him that now is the right time?
Speaker 3: No, there is absolutely nothing you can do. That guy
Speaker 3: is just a bit of a fuck boy. Yeah, boys,
Speaker 3: exactly what this is And it's such a such a
Speaker 3: cop out to be like, you're such a great girl,
Speaker 3: you know everything that I'm looking for, except it's just
Speaker 3: not the right time. I hate that. I hate that
Speaker 3: someonech I like, looking back in the past, I've definitely
Speaker 3: been in situations where I've just the easy excuse is, hey,
Speaker 3: it's just you know, I'm focusing on work right now,
Speaker 3: and I've just ended another relationship, so it's just not
Speaker 3: right for me to get into another full time relationship.
Speaker 3: What I really mean is, or what I you know,
Speaker 3: what I was insinuating is that I'm just pretty happy
Speaker 3: to have some casual sex right now.
Speaker 2: I'm sure so many people have read the book or
Speaker 2: seen the movie. He's just not that into you. That
Speaker 2: is a fucking brutal thing to like have that messaging.
Speaker 2: But but it's like if somebody is not making you
Speaker 2: a priority, but they're making excuses around why they can't
Speaker 2: possibly make your priority at the moment, I think that
Speaker 2: that goes a really long way in saying it's not
Speaker 2: about waiting for them, It's not about putting your life
Speaker 2: on hold. It's simply about finding someone who proactively chooses
Speaker 2: and wants to be with you because you could be
Speaker 2: in sort of situationship, experience, or relationship for an indefinite
Speaker 2: amount of time. You could do this for a year
Speaker 2: until he turns around and says, oh, but I told you,
Speaker 2: or they like it doesn't It's not just guys who
Speaker 2: do this. Anyone can do this. But they turn around
Speaker 2: and say to you, Oh, I told you I wasn't
Speaker 2: really looking for a relationship, So you can't be that
Speaker 2: upset that I don't want to do this anymore and
Speaker 2: you've just invested all of this time into something that
Speaker 2: truly meant nothing to them.
Speaker 3: I know, I know guys out there, not myself, I
Speaker 3: would never do this, who would always caveat being intimate
Speaker 3: and also saying really beautiful things to that person later
Speaker 3: on saying oh, but you know, I don't want anything
Speaker 3: too serious, but in the moment love bombing them doing
Speaker 3: everything that is synonymous with being in a full time relationship,
Speaker 3: but then kind of saying at the back end, oh, yeah,
Speaker 3: but you know I can't I can't commit. I told
Speaker 3: you that. I'm really sorry.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think like so many people do that.
Speaker 2: So many people get caught up in the emotion of
Speaker 2: being with someone like they they want to say. They
Speaker 2: say the nice things, they treat you like they're dating you,
Speaker 2: they treat you like they're invested in you. But if
Speaker 2: ultimately they're saying at the end of that, I don't
Speaker 2: want to be in a relationship, like now is not
Speaker 2: the right time, I am focusing on work, whatever other
Speaker 2: excuse it is. If you want a relationship and they're
Speaker 2: telling you to your face that they do not want
Speaker 2: a relationship with you, then I think you have to
Speaker 2: disregard all the other nice things that they do and
Speaker 2: say in the heat of the moment that gives you hope,
Speaker 2: because the reason why they do that is to keep
Speaker 2: you invested.
Speaker 3: You're a bench warmer.
Speaker 2: You're a fucking bench warmer. They're doing that to keep
Speaker 2: you invested while they're still able. They're still able to
Speaker 2: get their sex, they're still able to have a girlfriend
Speaker 2: or boyfriend on tap, they're still able to tap into
Speaker 2: what feels like a warm, fuzzy relationship. But they have
Speaker 2: absolved themselves of any sense of guilt, of any sense
Speaker 2: of responsibility over you, of any sort of sense of
Speaker 2: commitment by saying, but I don't want a relationship.
Speaker 3: What's the saying is that a bird in the bush
Speaker 3: is worth twice in the city or something.
Speaker 2: What I don't know.
Speaker 3: You know, what I'm trying to say is I'm really bad.
Speaker 2: With saying like you shouldn't do the.
Speaker 3: But you know what they say is, you know, it's
Speaker 3: better to have something than nothing.
Speaker 2: Oh, as in like people like to just keep someone
Speaker 2: there until something better comes. And when I say something better,
Speaker 2: I don't mean better as in like that there is
Speaker 2: a person that is better than you.
Speaker 3: No, I think that is true.
Speaker 2: No, but but it's just a person that's different, that's
Speaker 2: better suited to what they're looking for, Like there's no
Speaker 2: one per and that can be a real it can
Speaker 2: be such a hard pill to swallow. Like, you know,
Speaker 2: I remember in my past, I was in a long
Speaker 2: situation ship for almost a year, actually for over a year,
Speaker 2: and he always sort of said up like now I'm
Speaker 2: too busy with work, I can't invest in you. I
Speaker 2: don't want to be with you. And I kind of
Speaker 2: thought if I stuck it out longer than when his
Speaker 2: work come down, we would end up being together. What happened, well,
Speaker 2: we never ever ended up being together, and three months
Speaker 2: after we broke up, he got a girlfriend who he's
Speaker 2: still with and is getting married to.
Speaker 3: Fuck Ah, you're kidding.
Speaker 2: No, you're kidding. But so that's.
Speaker 3: What did you do?
Speaker 2: Were You're like nothing? I guess I just had to
Speaker 2: take what I mean. Obviously you can read between the lines,
Speaker 2: and I was over him and over the relationship by
Speaker 2: the time I left it. But like, yeah, there is
Speaker 2: definitely a bit of you that feels like, fuck, Okay,
Speaker 2: I wasn't good enough for you. That It's not that
Speaker 2: I wasn't good enough for him. I just wasn't what
Speaker 2: he was looking for. And that's okay.
Speaker 3: Yes, that is brutal. I think you've told me that
Speaker 3: story before.
Speaker 2: But I was good enough for you.
Speaker 3: Yes, I'll take you. Not a problem, you'll do. Just
Speaker 3: one man's trash is another man's treasure.
Speaker 2: Okay, let's get into the next question. Vaseectomes ah vseectomies.
Speaker 3: Even the word makes me feel a little bit squeamy.
Speaker 2: See this is why it is so interesting. Okay, as
Speaker 2: a man, he Johnson, what are your views on getting
Speaker 2: a vasectomy. We have three children together and my husband
Speaker 2: has had an appointment several years ago, but he keeps
Speaker 2: on putting off the procedure and it is creating a
Speaker 2: real point of tension for us. I want him to
Speaker 2: go and have a vasectomy, that he is choosing to
Speaker 2: delay it, even though I know he doesn't want any
Speaker 2: more children. What do you think of this?
Speaker 3: I think the thing that scares guys about vysectomies is
Speaker 3: the fact that it just maybe it's the idea of
Speaker 3: it being I know it's not permanent. You can get
Speaker 3: them reversed, it doesn't always work, but it's just the
Speaker 3: fact that it seems like once you cross that line,
Speaker 3: there is no going back. And I think there's something
Speaker 3: about that which scares guys. And it's weird because obviously,
Speaker 3: if you're in a relationship where you've got three kids,
Speaker 3: you're very happy, you don't want to go down the
Speaker 3: route of having kids with another person. Surely it shouldn't matter,
Speaker 3: But I don't know. For me, there's still I don't know.
Speaker 3: Maybe it's the fact that maybe it feels like part
Speaker 3: of your masculinity is being taken away, Like.
Speaker 2: Your masculinity and your manhood is tied to.
Speaker 3: Your ability to reproduce.
Speaker 2: I guess then it's also tied to your virility as
Speaker 2: a man and your manhood.
Speaker 3: Even I think if you're over the age of forty.
Speaker 3: I think it makes a lot of sense. But if
Speaker 3: we were to say, have a child, a third child
Speaker 3: next year, and then off the back of that you
Speaker 3: said I would like you to get a vasectomy, I
Speaker 3: feel like this sounds so stupid, but I feel like
Speaker 3: I'm still in my prime. I got someone want to give.
Speaker 2: Who are you going to give it to?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's like asking a sprinter in the Olympics after
Speaker 3: he's just one gold to cut his leg off because
Speaker 3: he's retired.
Speaker 2: No, it's not, that's what.
Speaker 3: It feels like.
Speaker 2: Okay, I have it's pretty.
Speaker 3: I'm not saying that is the correct way to feel.
Speaker 3: It's just the way that I've been conditioned to feel.
Speaker 2: Would you get a physeectomy after we have finished having kids?
Speaker 3: I think so, yeah. Yeah. I mean obviously I'm never
Speaker 3: going to be in another relationship after this one. I
Speaker 3: love you. I love you, and I think I can't
Speaker 3: imagine that we would have more than three kids. But
Speaker 3: there is a little thought in the back of my mind, Hey,
Speaker 3: maybe we win the lotto. Right, we have millions of
Speaker 3: dollars and we're not having more than three twelve, and
Speaker 3: we decide that we can have four kids because we
Speaker 3: both don't have to work and we have so much money.
Speaker 2: Think of the environment, and then I go, well.
Speaker 3: I can't have that. The sect to me two years ago,
Speaker 3: so it's not possible. So I think if I do
Speaker 3: get a vasectomy, maybe I'll freeze some sperm.
Speaker 2: I mean, I guess with this question, I have some
Speaker 2: pretty strong feelings around it because I know for myself
Speaker 2: and for the conversations we've had in the past, like
Speaker 2: when we eventually get to the point that we don't
Speaker 2: want to have any more kids, I would hope that
Speaker 2: you would have a vasectomy because the reason why I
Speaker 2: say this man's sitting there like oh, is because so
Speaker 2: much of the reproductive onus, the and the the impact
Speaker 2: it has on your body is carried by the mum
Speaker 2: or the female totally. And it's so I mean everything
Speaker 2: from getting your periods as a young girl, having to
Speaker 2: manage contraception in your twenties and your thirties, having to
Speaker 2: physically carry a child, having to then nurse that child
Speaker 2: like that is a huge amount of impact. And told
Speaker 2: that that has in your body, you have sacrificed your
Speaker 2: body for so long to be able to bring children
Speaker 2: into the world. If that's what you choose to do.
Speaker 2: Men don't have to do a lot except ejaculate, Like,
Speaker 2: that's pretty much it in terms of pretty yeah, in
Speaker 2: terms of their bodily sacrifices, that's the only thing. So
Speaker 2: I find the argument of not wanting to get it
Speaker 2: a really hard one to process because I'm like, yes,
Speaker 2: it's something foreign that you have to do to your body.
Speaker 2: Yes it's a you know, a day surgery or a
Speaker 2: keyhole surgery, but like, we have to do stuff every
Speaker 2: we have to think about this every single day. It's
Speaker 2: something we have to think about every single week.
Speaker 3: And giving forgetting the fact that as a teenager men
Speaker 3: get random erections. Okay, that's not being factored in right now.
Speaker 2: It's true, there's definitely some things that happened to your
Speaker 2: body that you have no control ever. But I guess
Speaker 2: if you're someone who's in a relationship and you have
Speaker 2: done all of the sacrificing when it comes to your
Speaker 2: body in terms of being able to create children, then
Speaker 2: I do think that having a vasectomy is literally the
Speaker 2: most minimal effort that a guy could do that'll wear
Speaker 2: condoms for the rest of his life if he wants
Speaker 2: to do that, but like.
Speaker 3: Give me the number.
Speaker 2: It is, it's I just think I'll get in, don't
Speaker 2: you think though? Like I just think it's such it's
Speaker 2: such a small sacrifice to make. It doesn't change anything
Speaker 2: about your manhood. That is, it's very like ego attached,
Speaker 2: and that's that's something that I think society has made
Speaker 2: us believe is connected to being a man and being masculine.
Speaker 2: But like, having a vaseectomy doesn't make you any less
Speaker 2: of a man. All it does is it kind of
Speaker 2: takes that pressure off your partner who has done the
Speaker 2: child wearing for so long. I'm never gonna make you
Speaker 2: get the snip unless you are also an active and
Speaker 2: willing participant. But like I do feel that it's a
Speaker 2: it's do guys really care about areola size and vulver
Speaker 2: shape and size?
Speaker 3: What is that?
Speaker 2: What is a volver or what is an areola? Right?
Speaker 3: Little help nipples? Nipples? Remember this is the guy who
Speaker 3: was referring to clarics cleatorus.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sorry, okay, no what to care? What did not
Speaker 2: use specifically? But I think a lot of young women,
Speaker 2: actually a lot of like all women. I don't think
Speaker 2: it's just young women. A lot of women grow up
Speaker 2: feeling worried that, you know, the comparison of what a
Speaker 2: volvers should look like, the comparison of what their breasts
Speaker 2: should look like. Worried that maybe men might judge them
Speaker 2: based on the way that they appear. Do guys really
Speaker 2: care as much as we think they care about the
Speaker 2: aesthetic of their nipples and their volver?
Speaker 3: No, not at all. Guys are just happy to be
Speaker 3: having sex. I think what a privilege.
Speaker 2: You are lucky to be here, buddy, totally.
Speaker 3: I don't think the size of nipples. I don't know
Speaker 3: anyone out there who's broken up with a woman because
Speaker 3: they didn't like the size of a nipples or the
Speaker 3: size of a volver. Yeah, vulva late labia la, I'm learning,
Speaker 3: I'm learning. Bear with me. But I also think guys
Speaker 3: are equally self conscious about, you know, the size of
Speaker 3: their penis or how their testicles hang. You know, for me,
Speaker 3: I have very big, big toes.
Speaker 2: Guys really self conscious about how hangy, how low hung
Speaker 2: their testicles are. I wouldn't even think about it.
Speaker 3: I hang quite a lot.
Speaker 2: Yeah they do, but I would never.
Speaker 3: I can't agree with me.
Speaker 2: I would never. I would never if I saw a
Speaker 2: guy naked, think all those testicles are gravity has taken hold.
Speaker 2: I would never, would, never ever even cross my mind
Speaker 2: to even think about worrying about a guy's testicles.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and the same way that I don't think any
Speaker 3: guy really cares about how big someone's nipples are. You know,
Speaker 3: it's I think everyone is as self conscious about their
Speaker 3: own bodily appearance than the person that they're having sex with.
Speaker 2: Something else that we've spoken about before is that I
Speaker 2: think it's important to know where you're getting your comparison from.
Speaker 2: But if you think that, you know, maybe that you're
Speaker 2: lab looks different or that your nipples look different. We
Speaker 2: interviewed an incredible woman on the podcast a little while
Speaker 2: back called Ellie from Comfortable in My Skin. And Ellie
Speaker 2: actually has on her website if you go to Comfortable
Speaker 2: in My Skin, she has a full gallery and it's
Speaker 2: called Flip Through My Flaps, so you can go on there.
Speaker 2: Matt and I have done it once before. We've sat
Speaker 2: on the couch and looked through all of the different
Speaker 2: volvers and it's actually so good because it helps you
Speaker 2: to really, I mean one you can kind of look
Speaker 2: through and be like oh, mine looks like that girl's vulver.
Speaker 2: But also it just shows you how hugely and vastly
Speaker 2: different everyone's volves are. And also she has another one
Speaker 2: called brows through my Breasts, and there are hundreds and
Speaker 2: hundreds of boobs in there, so you can look at
Speaker 2: all the different shapes of breast sizes. You can also
Speaker 2: and the thing I thought was really cool about the
Speaker 2: vulver photos was that there's women who have scarring from
Speaker 2: laser hair removal, there's people who have had caesareans who
Speaker 2: have given birth, there are photos of women who having
Speaker 2: their period. Like it is so hugely varying, and I
Speaker 2: think that sometimes we compare ourselves to maybe images from porn,
Speaker 2: or maybe we compare ourselves to what's deemed the most
Speaker 2: aesthetic based on society's vision.
Speaker 3: Do you know what I was most nervous about why?
Speaker 3: When I was a young man, it was the fact
Speaker 3: that of my circle of friends, no one had a
Speaker 3: hairy bump, no one. Everyone had like a beautiful smooth.
Speaker 2: Bottom as in men.
Speaker 3: Correct. Yeah, yeah, me and my bros. And my ass
Speaker 3: was so hairy you could plait the hair in my
Speaker 3: ass for me grumbing up. I had hardly any hair
Speaker 3: on my chest next to no hair on my face,
Speaker 3: and it'd all been and it had all come down
Speaker 3: to my ass. That's where all my hair was. When
Speaker 3: I went through puberty and I was in my mind,
Speaker 3: I was like, oh my gosh, I'm the only one
Speaker 3: with a really hairy ass getting changed in the change rooms.
Speaker 3: I'd have like my back into the corner so no
Speaker 3: one would see my hairy ass. Isn't a funny, biggest
Speaker 3: thing I had to overcome.
Speaker 2: But that's the thing, Like, everybody has something that they
Speaker 2: feel insecure about. And I think that especially when you're
Speaker 2: going into the bedroom with someone new, or you know,
Speaker 2: you're first seeing someone naked for the first time, people
Speaker 2: are so worried about their own insecurities and whether that
Speaker 2: other person thinks they look good, that they're not really
Speaker 2: assessing what, like how does this look? You know, like
Speaker 2: the nobody is judging you as much as you're judging yourself.
Speaker 2: And that's I think a really important take home message.
Speaker 3: And now Laura loves nothing more than to run her
Speaker 3: fingers through my hairy bottom.
Speaker 2: You have a great bum, and I have never looked
Speaker 2: at your bum and thought that is a hairy ask.
Speaker 3: Except except when you came in yesterday and I I
Speaker 3: was cleaning up naked.
Speaker 2: No, that was because you'd bent you were you were
Speaker 2: bent over and I saw your bum hole. That was different.
Speaker 2: It wasn't your hairy bumb it was the full picture.
Speaker 2: And I was like, Oh, that's of you. Thank you, abyss.
Speaker 2: It's beautiful. Thank you so much. All Right, this is
Speaker 2: the last question I'm thinking about entering The Bachelor. However,
Speaker 2: I'm really at a point in my life where i
Speaker 2: want to meet someone. Do you think that what you
Speaker 2: guys have is very, very rare in terms of the
Speaker 2: outcome of the show, or do you think it's a possibility.
Speaker 3: I don't think it's rare.
Speaker 2: I mean there's definitely I'm in Holly and Jimmy just
Speaker 2: got engaged.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think. But it's funny some people come up
Speaker 3: to me and maybe they obviously don't know the franchise
Speaker 3: that well, and they're like, oh, you're still with your partner. Yeah,
Speaker 3: Laura and I were getting married. We have two kids.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like it's a shock to me too.
Speaker 3: But they go, oh, you must be one of the
Speaker 3: only successful couples, and I'm like, no, there's there's Tim
Speaker 3: and Anna, there's Sam and Ses, there's Jimmy Lockey got engaged.
Speaker 2: To Georgia and ly like, if you look at the
Speaker 2: bachelorette side of things too, there's so.
Speaker 3: Many Except the issue is the big issue is, well,
Speaker 3: they've already filmed the latest season, so that's wrapped up,
Speaker 3: and I reckon, I don't know if The Bachelor's going
Speaker 3: to come back.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would, actually, I mean, I second that. I
Speaker 2: think that's probably a very controversial call. But I don't
Speaker 2: think there will be another season after this season of Bachelor.
Speaker 2: I'd be surprised because this unless this season, this new
Speaker 2: format and how different it is, really works in terms
Speaker 2: of ratings and everything else. But I just think each
Speaker 2: year seems to be like going down and down in
Speaker 2: the ratings, and I can't imagine why they would bring
Speaker 2: it back if it's not sort of getting the numbers.
Speaker 3: One thing I think also leads to the fact that
Speaker 3: The Bachelor may be rested is the fact that there's
Speaker 3: the new love show on Channel ten called The Love
Speaker 3: Boat as well, which seems weird that that's being promoted
Speaker 3: before Batch Like.
Speaker 2: But I mean, okay, let's get back to answering her question.
Speaker 2: I agree with you. I don't think that our story
Speaker 2: is rare, Like you know, I do think it's pretty
Speaker 2: crazy that we met on a reality TV show. That's wild,
Speaker 2: you know, But I don't think that our outcome is rare.
Speaker 2: The Bachelor has a very good success rate for the
Speaker 2: final couple. However, do I think it's a good idea
Speaker 2: to go on The Bachelor with the hope of finding
Speaker 2: the one in terms of like that being a smart
Speaker 2: and viable way of meeting someone, I think it's a
Speaker 2: pretty big risk because I think, just again, yeah, look
Speaker 2: at the numbers, there's twenty four girls and there's one guy. Like,
Speaker 2: that's the chance of it being you and that being
Speaker 2: your love story is pretty slim. So I think you
Speaker 2: have to go in there, and I shouldn't say you
Speaker 2: have to. I didn't go on the show thinking that
Speaker 2: I was going to meet the love of my life,
Speaker 2: like that was an incredible coincidence, not a coincidence. I mean,
Speaker 2: obviously I'm not fantasying you here, no, but I mean
Speaker 2: I didn't expect it. I went on there thinking it
Speaker 2: would be a really cool experience, and like, wouldn't it
Speaker 2: be amazing if something did happen? But did I sign
Speaker 2: up for a reality TV show thinking, yes, this is
Speaker 2: how I'm going to meet someone? No, Because statistically I
Speaker 2: thought that's probably a bit of an anomaly. So I think,
Speaker 2: you know, if you were at a point in your
Speaker 2: life where you really really want to be in a relationship,
Speaker 2: you really really want to meet someone, you can sign
Speaker 2: up and do the experience of reality TV, whether it's Maths,
Speaker 2: whether it's Bachelor that I don't think you should put
Speaker 2: all your eggs in that basket because you don't even
Speaker 2: know if you're going to like the person who is
Speaker 2: cast as the number one person. And I think if
Speaker 2: you go in there with the expectation that you are
Speaker 2: going to really like them, that they that that's your person,
Speaker 2: then you are more inclined to overlook the things about
Speaker 2: them that are actually for you.
Speaker 3: You've got to go in there expecting the worst but
Speaker 3: hoping for the best. You were one of one of
Speaker 3: three thousand women who auditioned for the show, I know,
Speaker 3: and you really did strike gold, didn't you? This guy
Speaker 3: over here Harry but Muddy Jay, Oh very sensitive on
Speaker 3: that topic.
Speaker 2: Anyway, guys, that is it from us. We will have
Speaker 2: an episode not not now, not in a little while
Speaker 2: about all the wedding stuff. We thought we would have
Speaker 2: a little conversation soon about how things are going for
Speaker 2: the wedding. Matt has been doing a lot of the organizing.
Speaker 3: Man has been doing all of the organizing.
Speaker 2: You are a rarity. I have not done much wedding
Speaker 2: planning at all.
Speaker 3: Nothing at all, No, nothing at all.
Speaker 2: It's not my fortepe.
Speaker 3: I come to you and I'm like, hey, do you
Speaker 3: want like a nice vintage car or maybe limousine? And
Speaker 3: You're like, do not care whatever.
Speaker 2: It's we have a real role reversal in our relationship.
Speaker 2: I feel like most women are the ones who plan
Speaker 2: the wedding, or most females end up planning the weddings.
Speaker 2: In heterosexual relationships, most guys take the backseat. I have
Speaker 2: taken a back seat, and you have been the planner.
Speaker 3: Because you're so busy. And also I used to work
Speaker 3: in events, so this is my jam, so we it's
Speaker 3: very awkward. It's all on me.
Speaker 2: It'll also be a reason as to why you don't
Speaker 2: work in events anymore. But anyway, guys, that is it
Speaker 2: from us.
Speaker 3: Quickly, quickly, quickly, Laura, before we go, I am wearing
Speaker 3: right now a beautiful, delicious, crisp white Life Uncut jumper
Speaker 3: size Excel because yes, men can wear these.
Speaker 2: Also it does look very good on you. You can
Speaker 2: jump onto the website it is Life Uncut Podcast and
Speaker 2: that is where you can get the merch from. You
Speaker 2: can also get a pre order copy of We Love Love,
Speaker 2: the book that Britt and I have worked our little
Speaker 2: asses off and is going to be out in October
Speaker 2: as well. And if you have loved Maddy Jay filling
Speaker 2: in on the podcast, if you've had a little giggle,
Speaker 2: please jump onto Apple and leave a review. I know
Speaker 2: what it means. The weld tea.
Speaker 3: I read every single review. Give me some affection. As always,
Speaker 3: I am very needy. So when's the wedding episode coming
Speaker 3: out a.
Speaker 2: Few weeks time? Sure you get paid for that one? Probably?
Speaker 3: No, definitely not. Never get paid.
Speaker 2: And you know the drills. Tell your mom, tell your dad,
Speaker 2: tell your dog, tell your friends, and share the love.
Speaker 2: Because we love Love. I love you do