1 00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: The Rising Conquer Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of the 2 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:08,320 Speaker 1: land which this episode is being recorded, the yugen Bear region. 3 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:13,320 Speaker 1: We further acknowledge country throughout Australia and their connections to land, 4 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:16,840 Speaker 1: sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders 5 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:20,880 Speaker 1: past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal 6 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:34,159 Speaker 1: and terrestrid Islander peoples. Today. Hello and welcome back to 7 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:37,360 Speaker 1: the Rise and Conquer Podcasts. This is the podcast for 8 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:51,040 Speaker 1: ordinary people who want to do extraordinary things. Hello and 9 00:00:51,360 --> 00:00:54,120 Speaker 1: welcome back to the R and C partty. It is 10 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:59,760 Speaker 1: your host, Georgie Stephenson and welcome back to another Georgie's 11 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:04,040 Speaker 1: Line episode. These are a fun Friday episodes where you 12 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:08,160 Speaker 1: send in your life dilemmas and I provide my very 13 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 1: unqualified two cents on the situation. Today we talk all 14 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:16,240 Speaker 1: things pregnancy. I've had a lot of DMS from you 15 00:01:16,319 --> 00:01:20,520 Speaker 1: guys about pregnancy. Obviously, I've just gone through it, one 16 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:22,959 Speaker 1: of the hardest things I've done, and so I wanted 17 00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:26,399 Speaker 1: to dedicate a geez hotline all about it. So today 18 00:01:26,480 --> 00:01:31,000 Speaker 1: I answer three questions. We are chatting sex after a baby, 19 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:34,720 Speaker 1: preparation for birth, and how to get back to work 20 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:39,200 Speaker 1: and deal with mum guilt after having a baby. So 21 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:43,240 Speaker 1: before we get into those life dilemmas, I do want 22 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:47,760 Speaker 1: to give my weekly recommendations. Look, she hasn't got she 23 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:52,120 Speaker 1: hasn't got the best recommendations. Happening right now is because guys, 24 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:54,920 Speaker 1: life is so busy, because I go to work and 25 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:58,680 Speaker 1: then quickly need to get home for Ivy. And because 26 00:01:58,680 --> 00:02:03,160 Speaker 1: she was having her false I wasn't watching or doing much. So, 27 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:06,160 Speaker 1: as you guys know, Ivy was doing her false arts. 28 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,760 Speaker 1: I actually have a bit of an up to date 29 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:13,120 Speaker 1: about that, which is exciting. So she has officially stopped, 30 00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:17,880 Speaker 1: thank the Lord. And so what I did. I actually 31 00:02:17,919 --> 00:02:22,440 Speaker 1: end up troubleshooting with a sleep specialist on IG. She 32 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:26,320 Speaker 1: kind of slid into my DMS and I'll shout her 33 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:29,480 Speaker 1: out because she's amazing. So her name is Tara and 34 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:33,399 Speaker 1: her tag is the Gentle Sleep Specialists, and so she 35 00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:38,480 Speaker 1: ran me through. Obviously, Ivy could be undertired, overtired and whatnot. 36 00:02:38,520 --> 00:02:41,880 Speaker 1: So I tried a whole bunch of things and the 37 00:02:41,919 --> 00:02:46,960 Speaker 1: only thing that has worked is honestly, baby in sleep. 38 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:51,480 Speaker 1: It's like this like crazy science, but making sure her 39 00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:56,040 Speaker 1: bedtime kind of reached closer to seven o'clock rather than 40 00:02:56,080 --> 00:03:00,760 Speaker 1: to six o'clock, and then her last nap half in it, 41 00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:05,120 Speaker 1: so it was usually forty five minutes, but I now 42 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:08,640 Speaker 1: actually wake her up after twenty minutes. I know that 43 00:03:08,680 --> 00:03:12,120 Speaker 1: sounds weird, but that's the only thing that works. So 44 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:15,320 Speaker 1: she'll have two longer naps during the day. In the 45 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:19,080 Speaker 1: morning usually like her wake windows around two hours at 46 00:03:19,080 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 1: the moment, so they'll be anywhere from an hour to 47 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:24,919 Speaker 1: two hours, so she has two of those, and then 48 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:28,760 Speaker 1: the afternoon nap. I've cut it in half, and that's 49 00:03:28,840 --> 00:03:32,760 Speaker 1: what has solved the false starts. I have no idea. 50 00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:35,200 Speaker 1: It's like so random, but I don't know if that's 51 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:38,680 Speaker 1: helpful for anyone, but yeah, that has worked for Ivy. 52 00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:43,080 Speaker 1: So she is currently sleeping through and I'm back to 53 00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:47,440 Speaker 1: able to like, you know, watching things at night. And look, 54 00:03:47,480 --> 00:03:52,720 Speaker 1: I actually don't have any great recommendations for you, except oh, 55 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:57,680 Speaker 1: I watched The Princess Diaries like such an iconic classic 56 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:01,760 Speaker 1: Disney movie. It was literally because the NH girls made 57 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:05,480 Speaker 1: me film a real because our gorgeous greens have been 58 00:04:05,720 --> 00:04:09,040 Speaker 1: restopped after they've been sold out for a while, and 59 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:12,160 Speaker 1: we're all very excited, and they made me film this reel. 60 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:15,840 Speaker 1: Please go on NH and watch it, because yeah, it's funny. 61 00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:18,760 Speaker 1: And if you haven't seen the movie, though, I'd look 62 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:22,160 Speaker 1: like a dill, Like I just look like an idiot. 63 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:24,800 Speaker 1: But then they made me film that real and I 64 00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:27,560 Speaker 1: was like, I have to rewatch The Princess Diaries because 65 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:31,880 Speaker 1: Iconic highly recommend it. It's very nostalgic. And then also, 66 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:34,600 Speaker 1: this is really random, but me and a Tear were 67 00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:37,840 Speaker 1: actually chatting about this week. I just haven't been into 68 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:42,000 Speaker 1: like podcasts. It's almost like, do you guys go through 69 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:47,000 Speaker 1: those times where you just can't like absorb too much 70 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:49,919 Speaker 1: information and you just need to either listen to like 71 00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:54,680 Speaker 1: a brain Dead episode like this one, or you need 72 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:57,960 Speaker 1: to listen to just like music. So I'm randomly going 73 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,200 Speaker 1: through a phase where I'm listening to music. And I 74 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:04,800 Speaker 1: actually have this really great song on Spotify which is 75 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:08,479 Speaker 1: actually more of like meditation vibes. I'll link it in 76 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:10,440 Speaker 1: the show notes, but I'm just gonna read it out 77 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:14,800 Speaker 1: to you guys. So the song title is Burgs b 78 00:05:15,800 --> 00:05:20,160 Speaker 1: Rges and the person who has like produced or published 79 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:25,960 Speaker 1: this song is mount Wolf, so Mt dot Wolf and 80 00:05:26,040 --> 00:05:29,680 Speaker 1: so I've actually realized Bergs is a meditation teacher. And 81 00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:34,880 Speaker 1: it's like seven minutes long. This song so calming, so relaxing, 82 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,560 Speaker 1: and then you just hear a couple of words from 83 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:41,080 Speaker 1: this man just basically like he just says words about 84 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:46,280 Speaker 1: like basically, if you practice virtue and gratitude life, like 85 00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:50,320 Speaker 1: life is not that complicated. It's actually super simple. And anyway, 86 00:05:50,360 --> 00:05:53,120 Speaker 1: I'm butchering it, but it was just so relaxing and 87 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,839 Speaker 1: I loved it, and I feel like you guys will too, 88 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,560 Speaker 1: So honestly, go to the link in the show notes 89 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,440 Speaker 1: and press it. Add it to you like songs on Spotify, 90 00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:05,640 Speaker 1: because it was great and I find myself putting it 91 00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:09,320 Speaker 1: on a lot. So, without further ado, they are my 92 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:13,640 Speaker 1: random recommendations of the week. But without further ado, let's 93 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:23,039 Speaker 1: get into Gee's Hotline episode. All right, Let's get into 94 00:06:23,040 --> 00:06:27,880 Speaker 1: the first question. All right. So the first question is 95 00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:31,120 Speaker 1: is it normal to not want sex after having a baby. 96 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:35,000 Speaker 1: I'm three months postpartum and hubby is constantly horny and 97 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:37,560 Speaker 1: feels like he is unattractive or that I don't love 98 00:06:37,640 --> 00:06:40,640 Speaker 1: him anymore. When I say no, which is pretty much 99 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:44,599 Speaker 1: every time, I feel so guilty I love him and 100 00:06:44,640 --> 00:06:47,679 Speaker 1: I'm definitely attracted to him, but my body just doesn't 101 00:06:47,760 --> 00:06:51,480 Speaker 1: want sex. I'm not interested right now? What do I do? 102 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:58,239 Speaker 1: Wow can relate? First of all, I think this hole. 103 00:06:58,480 --> 00:07:02,880 Speaker 1: If he's saying, oh, I'm unattractive or you don't love me, 104 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:06,599 Speaker 1: that's a bit of like cruel manipulation when you just 105 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:12,240 Speaker 1: had a baby, Like do don't? I'm like, why is 106 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:15,600 Speaker 1: he even making you feel guilty when you literally just 107 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:19,920 Speaker 1: had a baby. Either that or he's just super insecure. Yeah, 108 00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:24,120 Speaker 1: but both are not very good. No, Okay, So first 109 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:28,560 Speaker 1: of all, this is so normal, Like if you think 110 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:34,240 Speaker 1: about the transition that your body and your hormones just 111 00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:38,760 Speaker 1: went through. Girlfriend, I feel you. So I'm gonna be 112 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:41,800 Speaker 1: very transparent with you. And Tim's probably not gonna like 113 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:44,960 Speaker 1: love me just like spilling all about our sex life. 114 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:47,520 Speaker 1: But you know, I'm I'm gonna talk about it because 115 00:07:47,520 --> 00:07:51,280 Speaker 1: I tell you guys everything. But this is super normal, 116 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:55,200 Speaker 1: and me and Tim have found we're kind of in 117 00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:57,760 Speaker 1: a different boat. But we're like kind of just both 118 00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:02,720 Speaker 1: not interested. Like we have had sex since Ivy was born, 119 00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:06,600 Speaker 1: and I remember the first time was the doctor says 120 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:09,720 Speaker 1: you can have six like sex after six weeks, and 121 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:12,560 Speaker 1: I remember we did have sex around then and it 122 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:15,520 Speaker 1: was super painful for me and I was like nah, 123 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:19,960 Speaker 1: and like I remember, I finished and he did it 124 00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,840 Speaker 1: and then I was like, oh no, it's too painful 125 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:28,440 Speaker 1: and kind of shot and he was so off it. 126 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:32,760 Speaker 1: But also if it's painful, stop, I think, like that's 127 00:08:32,920 --> 00:08:36,000 Speaker 1: just a given. Yeah, anyway, we then I think we 128 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:40,040 Speaker 1: waited a good month after that and it was not painful, 129 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:43,880 Speaker 1: and then you know, happy days. But still now I 130 00:08:43,920 --> 00:08:46,320 Speaker 1: can just say to you, guys, we're having sex a 131 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:51,840 Speaker 1: lot less than previously because your new parents and you're 132 00:08:51,920 --> 00:08:54,840 Speaker 1: so tired, and I've gone back to work, and Tim 133 00:08:54,880 --> 00:08:57,600 Speaker 1: looks after Ivy all day and it's like, you know, 134 00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:00,959 Speaker 1: the little time that we do get together, it's not 135 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,400 Speaker 1: like I want to jump his bones. It's like I 136 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:08,120 Speaker 1: just want to fucking chill. And he's like much the same, 137 00:09:08,360 --> 00:09:11,520 Speaker 1: because it just has been so all encompassing. So like, 138 00:09:11,559 --> 00:09:13,120 Speaker 1: the first thing I want to just say is like, 139 00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:16,560 Speaker 1: how you're feeling is so normal. What we're gonna say 140 00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,480 Speaker 1: it to you? I was gonna say, do you think 141 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,559 Speaker 1: Tim is off it as well? Because he's at home, 142 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:25,080 Speaker 1: assuming that this is like a conventional relationship where maybe 143 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:27,680 Speaker 1: she's staying at home. I don't want to say conventional, 144 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:31,160 Speaker 1: but like the stereotypical she's a home, he's going to work, 145 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:33,480 Speaker 1: and he's sort of removing himself from being at home 146 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:35,839 Speaker 1: with the baby where she's with the baby all the time. 147 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:39,640 Speaker 1: Do you think that maybe Tim's off it because he's 148 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:41,560 Speaker 1: with Ivy, Because he's with Ivy all the time, and 149 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:44,360 Speaker 1: you're going to work, but you also had a baby, 150 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:46,560 Speaker 1: As I say, it's like scenario, wouldn't I be the 151 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,480 Speaker 1: horny one? Yeah, but you've also yeah, I think I 152 00:09:49,559 --> 00:09:53,360 Speaker 1: had a child I have Physically, yes, I think that 153 00:09:53,720 --> 00:09:57,040 Speaker 1: is maybe somewhat true. Like I actually remember reading, like 154 00:09:57,120 --> 00:10:02,160 Speaker 1: a reading an article that but men who stay at 155 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:05,080 Speaker 1: home with the children often have a lower testosterone. And 156 00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:09,200 Speaker 1: it's like a primitive sort of thing obviously, so you know, 157 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:12,920 Speaker 1: they're not out there trying to bang everything like it's 158 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:18,440 Speaker 1: a primal thing. Sorry, not primitive, So definitely. But also 159 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:22,199 Speaker 1: I don't know for us, we are in this different 160 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:26,319 Speaker 1: scenario because I actually do have friends who it kind 161 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,160 Speaker 1: of seems similar to this comment. I think we're kind 162 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:32,280 Speaker 1: of in a different scenario too, because we had a 163 00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:35,320 Speaker 1: very long trying to conceive journey. So we've been trying 164 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:38,520 Speaker 1: to conceive, not trying because we obviously did, but a 165 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:42,160 Speaker 1: year before I actually got pregnant. So like that whole year, 166 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:45,480 Speaker 1: like we had sex non stop. It was just a 167 00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:49,199 Speaker 1: year of sex all the time, and it was exhausting. 168 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:51,600 Speaker 1: I think no one talks about when you're trying for 169 00:10:51,679 --> 00:10:54,600 Speaker 1: a baby, because you do have to have sex a lot. Yeah, 170 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,520 Speaker 1: it does get to the point where it makes it 171 00:10:56,559 --> 00:11:01,400 Speaker 1: a bit like it's like a chore, not enjoyable as in, yeah, 172 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:04,920 Speaker 1: not as enjoyable for sure. And so we kind of 173 00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:07,320 Speaker 1: came out of a period where it was like a 174 00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:10,120 Speaker 1: lot and we're both like, whoa, we need a break, 175 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:13,120 Speaker 1: we need a break, And like, I don't know if 176 00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:17,679 Speaker 1: that had anything to do with it anyway, and just story, 177 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:21,000 Speaker 1: we're in the same boat a little bit different, but 178 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:23,520 Speaker 1: I don't know. I think the big thing here is 179 00:11:23,640 --> 00:11:27,360 Speaker 1: you need to communicate with him, because me and Tim 180 00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 1: have had an open conversation about you know, like it's 181 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:36,000 Speaker 1: just not a priority for both of us, and it's 182 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:40,680 Speaker 1: also so okay, and it means nothing about our relationship. Yeah, 183 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,160 Speaker 1: And I think like, if you think back to your 184 00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 1: relationship you do go through seasons where you know, you 185 00:11:47,400 --> 00:11:51,319 Speaker 1: guys are more sexually active, not I feel like I'm 186 00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:55,160 Speaker 1: my school. I'm also like looking at tear in the 187 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:57,640 Speaker 1: eyes as I say all these things, and she just 188 00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:01,439 Speaker 1: like stop. And so I think you go through seasons 189 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:04,160 Speaker 1: and like you probably just need to communicate with him 190 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,520 Speaker 1: and just be like, look, I'm going through a season 191 00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:09,280 Speaker 1: where I just like I can't, I can't do it 192 00:12:09,360 --> 00:12:13,760 Speaker 1: right now, and I I'm just not I'm just not interested. 193 00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:17,360 Speaker 1: And also maybe unpack while you're not interested. Is it 194 00:12:17,440 --> 00:12:21,360 Speaker 1: because you spend all the time with baby, and then 195 00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:23,480 Speaker 1: the time that you're not with baby, you're like quite 196 00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:27,599 Speaker 1: exhausted or you know, maybe he needs to help you 197 00:12:27,640 --> 00:12:30,760 Speaker 1: out a little bit more in that department, So when 198 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,120 Speaker 1: you aren't with baby, you can actually like you know, 199 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:37,240 Speaker 1: get involved. Yeah. Like is it a body confidence thing? Yeah, 200 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:40,480 Speaker 1: because your body's changed so much. Yes? Do you just 201 00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:44,160 Speaker 1: not feel comfortable in your own skin? Like I went 202 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:47,600 Speaker 1: through a period like that after obviously, you know, giving 203 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,920 Speaker 1: birth and then just being like this body doesn't feel 204 00:12:49,920 --> 00:12:52,679 Speaker 1: like mine, and I had to go through a whole 205 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:55,400 Speaker 1: sort of thing where I'm like, this is my body. 206 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:57,720 Speaker 1: I accept it, and I love it and you know, 207 00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:59,800 Speaker 1: but that was like a whole process. Yeah, and if 208 00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:02,360 Speaker 1: you're not there yet, that could be you know, a 209 00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:07,120 Speaker 1: whole thing. And also because in this question though she 210 00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:12,120 Speaker 1: says I'm three months postpartum. Yeah, babe, three months is nothing. Yeah, 211 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:15,200 Speaker 1: that is like I think that is normal. I think 212 00:13:15,559 --> 00:13:18,960 Speaker 1: I was talking to my doctor and she said for 213 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:22,240 Speaker 1: a woman's body to get to the place where it 214 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:28,320 Speaker 1: is before she's pregnant takes at least twelve months. Oh 215 00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:32,080 Speaker 1: my god. Yeah, so to get all the minerals, the nutrients, 216 00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,880 Speaker 1: like all the stuff you lost and all the stuff 217 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:38,199 Speaker 1: you've given your baby, it takes at least twelve months. 218 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,600 Speaker 1: And my GP was like, look, try not to get 219 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:43,719 Speaker 1: pregnant again. Not that I am. It's a big no 220 00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:46,760 Speaker 1: for me. She said, yeah, try not to get pregnant 221 00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,320 Speaker 1: for at least twelve months because your body would not 222 00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:52,720 Speaker 1: be recovered wow before then. So this is like a 223 00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:55,280 Speaker 1: huge thing to think about, like maybe communicate with him 224 00:13:55,320 --> 00:13:58,040 Speaker 1: and just be like, look, my body has gone through 225 00:13:58,040 --> 00:14:01,079 Speaker 1: a lot, hormones have gone through a lot, Like mentally, 226 00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:04,640 Speaker 1: from not having a child to having a child also 227 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:09,920 Speaker 1: is such a big mindset shift that also could be 228 00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:14,000 Speaker 1: like a contributing factor. I also, she's written, I feel 229 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:17,840 Speaker 1: so guilty. I know, and I don't think you should. Yeah, 230 00:14:18,080 --> 00:14:22,160 Speaker 1: you definitely never have to feel guilty in any circumstance 231 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,680 Speaker 1: for not wanting to have sex with someone, but especially 232 00:14:25,760 --> 00:14:28,720 Speaker 1: if you've had a child and you're looking after a 233 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:32,880 Speaker 1: child and you grew a human, you birthed a human, 234 00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:35,240 Speaker 1: and now you're looking after a human being. I don't 235 00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:37,760 Speaker 1: And it's a lot and it's only been three months, 236 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:41,760 Speaker 1: bab Yeah, like people who got c sections can't even 237 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,800 Speaker 1: do anything for the first three months anyway, So don't 238 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,760 Speaker 1: put the pressure. Yeah, I think you need to take 239 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:49,520 Speaker 1: the pressure off. I think you need to communicate with him, 240 00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:52,720 Speaker 1: and then also just a factor to think about because 241 00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:56,040 Speaker 1: this is actually I remember there was you know, at 242 00:14:56,080 --> 00:14:59,280 Speaker 1: some point a couple of months ago where Tim was 243 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:03,000 Speaker 1: you know, interested in and I was like whoao, And 244 00:15:03,040 --> 00:15:05,960 Speaker 1: but I said to him, look, if you want to 245 00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:08,000 Speaker 1: do it, you have to get me in the mood. 246 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:10,880 Speaker 1: You know, none of this just let's do it because 247 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:13,760 Speaker 1: you want to do it. So maybe you need to 248 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:18,200 Speaker 1: say to him, like, you know before, do you want 249 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:20,600 Speaker 1: to go on a date night? And then you know, 250 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:23,440 Speaker 1: so you're not thinking about baby, you know, babies you know, 251 00:15:23,520 --> 00:15:26,520 Speaker 1: looked after by mother in law or anything like that, 252 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,920 Speaker 1: and then you actually have some capacity in your brain 253 00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:34,520 Speaker 1: because like the way I guess I can't speak for 254 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,520 Speaker 1: all women, but like with women and sex, it's a 255 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:40,280 Speaker 1: lot different to men, and I think sometimes they forget that, 256 00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,520 Speaker 1: Like I've got to be like mentally in the mood 257 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:47,440 Speaker 1: and it takes me some time to warm up. Whereas 258 00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:49,480 Speaker 1: I feel like men are different and they can just 259 00:15:49,640 --> 00:15:51,240 Speaker 1: you can say one word and they're like, all right, 260 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:55,640 Speaker 1: let's go. Got ready at the top of the hat, yes, 261 00:15:56,000 --> 00:16:00,520 Speaker 1: pretty much, Whereas I need to sometimes remind him, you know, 262 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,400 Speaker 1: there needs to be a bit of extra work, yeah, 263 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:06,640 Speaker 1: put in to get me to the point where we're 264 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:09,320 Speaker 1: on the same page. So like maybe he needs to 265 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:11,840 Speaker 1: put in that extra work also, like to get you 266 00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:13,960 Speaker 1: to the point where you actually feel like, you know, 267 00:16:14,080 --> 00:16:16,560 Speaker 1: in the mood. Yeah. And I think even just going 268 00:16:16,600 --> 00:16:18,680 Speaker 1: back to the basics and like looking at what is 269 00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,600 Speaker 1: your love language, what is his love language, and showing 270 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:23,600 Speaker 1: each other love in different ways so you both still 271 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:26,920 Speaker 1: feel secure and loved and then everything else will naturally come. 272 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:30,280 Speaker 1: Like even if his love language is physical touch, make 273 00:16:30,360 --> 00:16:32,040 Speaker 1: a point to hold his hand or give him a 274 00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:36,200 Speaker 1: hug when he gets home, and do it in other ways. Yeah, 275 00:16:36,280 --> 00:16:39,640 Speaker 1: what would you say your love languages? Like you don't know? 276 00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:43,400 Speaker 1: It's quality time, quality time. But I think I show 277 00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:48,480 Speaker 1: my love with gifts and acts of service. But for me, 278 00:16:48,560 --> 00:16:51,520 Speaker 1: if someone takes they're like, I have this whole day free, 279 00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,240 Speaker 1: let's spend this whole day together. I'm like, yes, I 280 00:16:54,320 --> 00:16:58,000 Speaker 1: mean the world to you. Yeah, that's precious. Yeah, because 281 00:16:58,040 --> 00:17:00,440 Speaker 1: for me, I think time is just like it is, 282 00:17:00,480 --> 00:17:06,359 Speaker 1: it's important, so important. What's yours? I think honestly like 283 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:10,360 Speaker 1: kind of similar, yeah, like quality time. Like for example, 284 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,720 Speaker 1: my favorite thing ever to do with people I love 285 00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,639 Speaker 1: is like dn m's like could you tell it? Like talking? 286 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,520 Speaker 1: You know dn M so often like if I'm with 287 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:24,160 Speaker 1: a certain there's actually a certain girlfriend who every time 288 00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,280 Speaker 1: we're out, like you'll just find us in the toilets, 289 00:17:26,320 --> 00:17:30,399 Speaker 1: like talking. I know exactly what you mean, Like you 290 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:33,840 Speaker 1: just end up away from the group talking somewhere else. Yes, 291 00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:37,359 Speaker 1: and like chatting, and so a big thing about me 292 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:41,720 Speaker 1: is like connecting on a deeper gross oh my god, 293 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 1: guys where we record in the NH warehouse, Like there's 294 00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:48,119 Speaker 1: people outside and we just heard someone like literally like 295 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:52,560 Speaker 1: just like they were just snotting out because I was 296 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:58,359 Speaker 1: in Yeah, that's so true. Yeah, So like connecting on 297 00:17:58,440 --> 00:18:02,480 Speaker 1: a deeper level in regard to like talking is honestly 298 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,920 Speaker 1: my love language. Like I said that to Tim last night, 299 00:18:04,920 --> 00:18:08,199 Speaker 1: because sometimes we'll sit down and we'll watch TV, and 300 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:09,800 Speaker 1: that's when I just want to zone out, like I 301 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:13,040 Speaker 1: don't care, that's not your quality time. No, but when 302 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,760 Speaker 1: we sit together, we have dinner together and we talk, 303 00:18:15,920 --> 00:18:18,960 Speaker 1: and he asked how my day was, and he asked 304 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:23,040 Speaker 1: those questions. That's like that's me. Yeah, that's so cool. 305 00:18:23,280 --> 00:18:26,639 Speaker 1: And I think I'm almost similar to your tire. I 306 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:30,600 Speaker 1: love giving gifts and I love doing things for people 307 00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:34,280 Speaker 1: for sure, And I my love language used to be 308 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:39,720 Speaker 1: receiving gifts, but it's not anymore changed. When So, when 309 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:42,199 Speaker 1: I was younger, like I had this huge thing about 310 00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:45,959 Speaker 1: like admiration was like when someone like brought you things, 311 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:49,119 Speaker 1: and he thinks from growing up because I didn't have much, 312 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,920 Speaker 1: so when someone went to the effort to get it 313 00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:54,680 Speaker 1: was like it was so special. But then as I've 314 00:18:54,680 --> 00:18:59,080 Speaker 1: gotten older and like got by your own money and 315 00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,919 Speaker 1: brought myself so I realized like it's like not actually 316 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,680 Speaker 1: to do with anything. Yeah, because it's about quality time. 317 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,240 Speaker 1: Someone can spend a thousand dollars on you and it 318 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,680 Speaker 1: doesn't mean a thing, no, but for that person to 319 00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:12,920 Speaker 1: take a day of their time to spend with you 320 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:17,240 Speaker 1: mean yeah, if I give anyone quality time, like you know, 321 00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:20,960 Speaker 1: I love you because I have zero time. Yeah, it's like, 322 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:24,000 Speaker 1: is your loveling giving gifts because you just don't have 323 00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:29,840 Speaker 1: the time honestly, And I was just thinking, guys, I 324 00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,879 Speaker 1: must love you guys a lot because I give you 325 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:36,080 Speaker 1: guys a lot of time during my week. Yeah, we 326 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:39,879 Speaker 1: got off on a tangent then the end a story. 327 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:44,440 Speaker 1: Please do not feel guilty, girlfriend. So normal. I feel 328 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:48,359 Speaker 1: like everyone postpartum is right there with you. And also 329 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:51,760 Speaker 1: a huge thing is like realize sex after a baby 330 00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:56,040 Speaker 1: is different and it's not going to be the same 331 00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:58,479 Speaker 1: as your sex life before baby, and that doesn't have 332 00:19:58,560 --> 00:20:01,879 Speaker 1: to be a bad thing. You just have to, you know, 333 00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,760 Speaker 1: find what works for you guys, and you have to 334 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:08,200 Speaker 1: like re experiment and all those sorts of things. I 335 00:20:08,520 --> 00:20:11,240 Speaker 1: feel like I have some really good resources that I've 336 00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:13,959 Speaker 1: seen on Instagram about this, and I might even try 337 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,800 Speaker 1: and check them. The show notes. So Chessie King, I 338 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:20,320 Speaker 1: feel like she has like a blog on this or 339 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,439 Speaker 1: like a whole Instagram posts and it was Yeah, it 340 00:20:23,520 --> 00:20:26,240 Speaker 1: was really good. And also another post lie Or on 341 00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:31,120 Speaker 1: Instagram said, like, instead of starting with like actual sex, 342 00:20:31,960 --> 00:20:33,560 Speaker 1: because you know you can have a lot of trauma 343 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:37,160 Speaker 1: around like birth and whatnot, like start with like your 344 00:20:37,240 --> 00:20:40,159 Speaker 1: clothes on getting close, like almost go back to the 345 00:20:40,200 --> 00:20:44,120 Speaker 1: high school days where it's like go to birthpase. Yeah, 346 00:20:44,440 --> 00:20:47,080 Speaker 1: but honestly, like take it, like strip it back a 347 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:49,520 Speaker 1: little bit and take it slower and only go to 348 00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:57,159 Speaker 1: where you feel comfortable. Love. Question number two. I'm about 349 00:20:57,160 --> 00:20:59,119 Speaker 1: to give birth in a month and I'm trying to 350 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:02,000 Speaker 1: prepare for the pro I was wondering if you had 351 00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:05,119 Speaker 1: any things you wish you did before giving birth or 352 00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:08,600 Speaker 1: anything you forgot to prepare. All tips would be appreciated. 353 00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:11,840 Speaker 1: First of all, so bloody exciting, get ready for your 354 00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:18,000 Speaker 1: world to change in the best way possible, hospital possible. Wow. 355 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:20,879 Speaker 1: All right, guys, so this is such I will like 356 00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:23,480 Speaker 1: I picture this question. But this is such a great 357 00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:27,600 Speaker 1: question because honestly, for my next birth, I think I 358 00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:30,400 Speaker 1: do things a little bit differently. So for my birth, 359 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:34,639 Speaker 1: I really focused on I did Hypno Birthing. So I 360 00:21:34,640 --> 00:21:36,959 Speaker 1: did a Hypno birth in course which is all about 361 00:21:37,080 --> 00:21:40,360 Speaker 1: techniques to use during birth to have a natural birth. 362 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:45,120 Speaker 1: Really loved that course. Definitely still recommend that course. I 363 00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:49,639 Speaker 1: saw Shari and her businesses called Belly two Birth. Oh 364 00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:52,240 Speaker 1: my god, she's amazing. We had her one on one, 365 00:21:52,280 --> 00:21:56,440 Speaker 1: but she also does like classes online and in person. 366 00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:00,760 Speaker 1: So Hypno Birthing was amazing. It was very focused on 367 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:05,160 Speaker 1: natural birth and no interventions and you know, you're breathing 368 00:22:05,359 --> 00:22:10,080 Speaker 1: and mindset and techniques, which is just like up my alley. 369 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,280 Speaker 1: So I loved it. For those of us who don't 370 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:16,119 Speaker 1: know what is it? Are you hypnotized? No? No? No, okay, 371 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:19,800 Speaker 1: So Hypno Birthing is kind of what I'm saying where 372 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:26,200 Speaker 1: they have different breathing techniques oh so just very natural, calm, yeah, 373 00:22:26,640 --> 00:22:30,040 Speaker 1: ways to deal with pain and birthing. And they also 374 00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:32,880 Speaker 1: do stuff like they don't use the word pain and 375 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:38,320 Speaker 1: like you interchange. Yeah, so it's like the mindset behind it. Yeah, 376 00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:40,680 Speaker 1: so like cool, Yeah it is, It's really cool. And 377 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:44,639 Speaker 1: also I found it really good for Tim who just 378 00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:48,280 Speaker 1: had no idea what to expect because in the course 379 00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:51,520 Speaker 1: they give you a lot of information on what to expect, 380 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:55,280 Speaker 1: your options and that sort of thing. Very cool. Yeah, 381 00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:58,320 Speaker 1: so it's very educational. Loved that. Glad we did that. 382 00:22:59,280 --> 00:23:06,080 Speaker 1: I got very fixated on the actual birth and labor, 383 00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,200 Speaker 1: and I feel like you do this with I feel 384 00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:11,120 Speaker 1: like every person who has like birth the first time 385 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,520 Speaker 1: would do this, but because you've never done it. I 386 00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:16,640 Speaker 1: got very fixated and that's like all I focused on. 387 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:21,119 Speaker 1: But honestly, in the grand scheme of things, the newborn 388 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:25,520 Speaker 1: phase is something I wish I focused more on. So actually, like, 389 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,879 Speaker 1: when the baby's here, what do you do with it? Yes, 390 00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:32,440 Speaker 1: And it's so weird because like I just didn't even 391 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,159 Speaker 1: of course, like I thought about it, but it's like 392 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:37,520 Speaker 1: you had a nursery ready, but it's not like no, 393 00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:40,119 Speaker 1: but I didn't look like I didn't read books. I 394 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:44,199 Speaker 1: didn't like get that into it because my mum is 395 00:23:44,359 --> 00:23:47,919 Speaker 1: very like, oh, when you have a baby, you're a 396 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,720 Speaker 1: mother and it's intuitive and you'll just know what to do. 397 00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:53,840 Speaker 1: So I just like assumed i'd like know what to 398 00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:56,520 Speaker 1: do and also a suddenly like it would click and yeah, 399 00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:59,200 Speaker 1: and I also assumed that it's like it's easy you 400 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:04,080 Speaker 1: feed them, change them, they sleep. No, I'm not joking. 401 00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:07,480 Speaker 1: That's so cute because hearing what you say about Ivy now, 402 00:24:07,800 --> 00:24:12,600 Speaker 1: the stuff you do, it's it's so complic And I 403 00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:14,600 Speaker 1: have been told I do have a bit of a 404 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:18,040 Speaker 1: difficult baby, Like my mum had four kids and all 405 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:21,679 Speaker 1: the boys were like fucking angel babies, and I was 406 00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:25,280 Speaker 1: a little bit difficult. But she's like Ivy is difficult, 407 00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:27,800 Speaker 1: Like she hasn't experienced a baby like that. And Ivy 408 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,160 Speaker 1: honestly is the best baby ever, but she's just had 409 00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,440 Speaker 1: a lot of issues. So she had issues with her 410 00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:35,800 Speaker 1: latch and she refused the boob and like all these 411 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:39,440 Speaker 1: things that I never looked into. And then I remember 412 00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:43,600 Speaker 1: trying to research and read literally in the newborn phase, 413 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:46,159 Speaker 1: so I was like feeding her every two hours. I 414 00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:49,080 Speaker 1: was trying to google things. It was like I were 415 00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:52,600 Speaker 1: trying to learn while also looking after Yeah, and it 416 00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:55,120 Speaker 1: was like it was a lot, and it was very 417 00:24:55,200 --> 00:24:59,399 Speaker 1: full on, and the whole like newborn bubble experience for 418 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:03,800 Speaker 1: me wasn't like it was pure bliss, but also at 419 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:07,280 Speaker 1: the same time so confronting because I felt like very 420 00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:10,600 Speaker 1: unprepared and I feel like you can never fully prepare yourself. 421 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:14,159 Speaker 1: But I just think I focused so much on the 422 00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:17,840 Speaker 1: birth and what was childbirth going to be like? In reality, 423 00:25:18,040 --> 00:25:20,560 Speaker 1: it was like twenty four hours. But then you have 424 00:25:20,680 --> 00:25:25,280 Speaker 1: this child, and so I just feel like putting less 425 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:29,560 Speaker 1: focus on the birth honestly would have been better for me. 426 00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:33,359 Speaker 1: That's so cool, Yeah, so interesting. Yeah. And it's a 427 00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:36,040 Speaker 1: kind of like life too, yes, where like people just 428 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:39,760 Speaker 1: get so fixated on getting something and then don't know 429 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,520 Speaker 1: what to do with it when they get it. Yes. Yeah, 430 00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:45,080 Speaker 1: So it was like, it's a really interesting thing. So 431 00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,520 Speaker 1: next time, for example, I'm actually just going to tell 432 00:25:48,520 --> 00:25:51,119 Speaker 1: you exactly what I'm gonna do, so next time for 433 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:54,640 Speaker 1: baby number two, which I honestly mean tim haven't even 434 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:57,359 Speaker 1: decided for y'all are going to have a baby number two. 435 00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:59,840 Speaker 1: I just love Ivy so much, Like she's so cute. 436 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,840 Speaker 1: I feel complete. I honestly feel complete with her, and 437 00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:05,040 Speaker 1: I just could have her and just be so happy. 438 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:08,600 Speaker 1: Not that other people who want children don't feel complete, obviously, 439 00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:12,520 Speaker 1: but it's just it's been such a big life adjustment. 440 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:16,080 Speaker 1: I'm just not ready for anything else anytime soon. Yeah. 441 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,239 Speaker 1: But in saying that, I could definitely see myself like 442 00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:23,360 Speaker 1: with more children. But look, yeah, for baby number two, 443 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:27,040 Speaker 1: I like I might touch back on the hypnobirth thing 444 00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:30,080 Speaker 1: do a little bit. I actually have a whole episode, 445 00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:33,280 Speaker 1: and I'll get the girls to link it of the 446 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:37,560 Speaker 1: like my newborn essentials and what I brought in, like 447 00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:39,880 Speaker 1: my hospital bag and stuff, so you can go back 448 00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:43,240 Speaker 1: to that episode. That's gonna be super helpful. But with 449 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:48,200 Speaker 1: a second baby, I'm literally going to book a midwife. 450 00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:51,400 Speaker 1: There's some really good ones on the Gold Coast, and 451 00:26:52,040 --> 00:26:55,879 Speaker 1: I'm going to book a private midwife who I know 452 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:58,360 Speaker 1: one on the Gold Coast who comes really highly recommended, 453 00:26:58,400 --> 00:27:01,240 Speaker 1: but like, obviously do some research in your area. Who's 454 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,840 Speaker 1: going to come over and just kind of help in 455 00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:07,480 Speaker 1: the first initial days because I've just been told all 456 00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:11,399 Speaker 1: babies are so different. So at the start, if baby 457 00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:16,040 Speaker 1: is having difficult latching or sleeping or anything, I can 458 00:27:16,080 --> 00:27:18,480 Speaker 1: have this like baby guru to just that's so cool, 459 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:22,280 Speaker 1: help me out a little bit, because honestly, even though 460 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:25,440 Speaker 1: it just felt like the like we were just blind, 461 00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:28,240 Speaker 1: like we were just blind trying our best, and we 462 00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:32,000 Speaker 1: obviously did our best, but it's just wild. It's so wild, 463 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:35,159 Speaker 1: and I think next time I would just straight away 464 00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:38,600 Speaker 1: get help, even if I have an angel baby, just 465 00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:41,679 Speaker 1: because I think every baby is different, and I think 466 00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:45,400 Speaker 1: every baby has some sort of something going on. Yeah, 467 00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:48,159 Speaker 1: and you'd rather have someone there who'll recognize it early 468 00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:51,119 Speaker 1: than you figuring out what it is later on. Yes, 469 00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:53,240 Speaker 1: Like me and Tim just went through so many stages 470 00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:56,120 Speaker 1: with Ivy where it's like she had colic and then 471 00:27:56,359 --> 00:27:59,119 Speaker 1: she wouldn't latch, and then she was refusing, like so 472 00:27:59,320 --> 00:28:02,440 Speaker 1: many different things happening, and I kind of just wish 473 00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:06,160 Speaker 1: I had someone who knew about this, who I trusted, 474 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:09,760 Speaker 1: who I had a relationship with. Obviously I had my mom, 475 00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:13,000 Speaker 1: I had, like you know, I definitely had support, and 476 00:28:13,040 --> 00:28:16,560 Speaker 1: it's like that's amazing. But I think just that extra 477 00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:19,280 Speaker 1: bit of support and even I don't know if I'll 478 00:28:19,320 --> 00:28:21,159 Speaker 1: fully feel like it, because I think once you do 479 00:28:21,240 --> 00:28:23,040 Speaker 1: have a baby, you do feel a bit more confident. 480 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:27,000 Speaker 1: But I think I will just focus on the after 481 00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:29,919 Speaker 1: not so much the birth next time. And do you 482 00:28:29,960 --> 00:28:34,200 Speaker 1: have any recommendations on books or anything for the after? Yes, 483 00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:37,320 Speaker 1: I kind of get like a bit slammed this recommendation. 484 00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:40,840 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. Yeah, So we I've been very 485 00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:44,680 Speaker 1: open about Ivy being a routine baby, so I'm very 486 00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:47,880 Speaker 1: open about her having colic and being you know, quite difficult, 487 00:28:47,960 --> 00:28:50,320 Speaker 1: and she wasn't sleeping and she was like crying all 488 00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:52,760 Speaker 1: the time, and you know, we took her to a 489 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:55,800 Speaker 1: pediatrician and he's like, she's fine, she's just got colic. 490 00:28:56,520 --> 00:29:01,320 Speaker 1: We put her on a feed and sleep routine. Instantly 491 00:29:01,720 --> 00:29:06,200 Speaker 1: after four to six days, turned into a different baby. Wow, 492 00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:10,479 Speaker 1: so happy and just sow herself. Like she just was 493 00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:14,080 Speaker 1: not getting enough sleep and she couldn't like put so 494 00:29:14,240 --> 00:29:16,560 Speaker 1: we did the whole like, oh, she'll sleep when she 495 00:29:16,640 --> 00:29:19,280 Speaker 1: wants to. Like we didn't like help her to sleep. 496 00:29:19,280 --> 00:29:22,440 Speaker 1: We're just like thought she would go to sleep. But 497 00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:26,000 Speaker 1: like as you know, like I just so far, I know, 498 00:29:26,240 --> 00:29:30,040 Speaker 1: but so we just would like let her sleep and 499 00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:33,160 Speaker 1: feed and just you know, do whatever. But like it 500 00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:36,760 Speaker 1: just it really helped with her colic because my milk 501 00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:40,040 Speaker 1: used to upset her stomach. Then she would cry, so 502 00:29:40,120 --> 00:29:42,040 Speaker 1: I'd put her back on the boob, but then like 503 00:29:42,080 --> 00:29:45,000 Speaker 1: the cycle would just continue. So in a feed and 504 00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:48,120 Speaker 1: sleep routine, you you feed them kind of like every 505 00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:51,520 Speaker 1: three hours, so like she could actually deal with the milk, 506 00:29:51,760 --> 00:29:54,000 Speaker 1: and then you'd put her to bed. She would sleep, 507 00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:59,200 Speaker 1: and then it was honestly just so helpful for her personally, 508 00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:02,880 Speaker 1: as you know, as that sort of baby, and we 509 00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:05,120 Speaker 1: just notice such a difference when we put her on 510 00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:07,400 Speaker 1: a feed and sleep routine. So we actually got a 511 00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:10,440 Speaker 1: sleep consultant who really helped. And again I have a 512 00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,320 Speaker 1: whole episode on this the we'll put in the show notes. 513 00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:16,719 Speaker 1: And then also this book is called Save Our Sleep 514 00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:19,800 Speaker 1: and it's all about like feed and sleep routines. A 515 00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:24,160 Speaker 1: lot of people don't like this book because like there 516 00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:28,040 Speaker 1: are instances in the book where like if baby is crying, 517 00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:31,120 Speaker 1: like you leave them to try and settle themselves. We 518 00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:34,080 Speaker 1: have personally never done like the cried out method and 519 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:37,600 Speaker 1: just let Ivy cry. We always go in to reassure her, 520 00:30:38,080 --> 00:30:40,680 Speaker 1: but we will leave her to like fuss. So a 521 00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:43,320 Speaker 1: lot of the time we put her into the wide 522 00:30:43,320 --> 00:30:46,840 Speaker 1: awake I watch her on the camera. She like squirms around, 523 00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:49,560 Speaker 1: she fusses, she might call out for you, she's not 524 00:30:49,680 --> 00:30:52,080 Speaker 1: like crying, and then she'll literally go to sleep and 525 00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:54,760 Speaker 1: it's just her getting out a bit of energy. But anyway, 526 00:30:54,800 --> 00:30:57,760 Speaker 1: long story short, some people just aren't fans of this 527 00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:00,480 Speaker 1: book because they, you know, just think it can be 528 00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:03,960 Speaker 1: like a bit crazy. The whole method. So we didn't 529 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:06,480 Speaker 1: follow that book exactly because we had a sleep consultant, 530 00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:10,200 Speaker 1: so we kind of always go in in intervals. We 531 00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:12,920 Speaker 1: check her, we reassure her we're not just like leaving 532 00:31:12,920 --> 00:31:15,680 Speaker 1: her to cry. But since doing the feed and sleep 533 00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:19,600 Speaker 1: routine life changing for us. So yes, any other questions 534 00:31:19,600 --> 00:31:25,800 Speaker 1: on that are tea. That's it from me. Last question, 535 00:31:26,600 --> 00:31:30,680 Speaker 1: I'm eight weeks postpartum and am wanting to get back 536 00:31:30,720 --> 00:31:33,880 Speaker 1: into work but struggling with mum guilt. I was wondering 537 00:31:33,880 --> 00:31:36,280 Speaker 1: if you regretted going back to work so soon. I 538 00:31:36,480 --> 00:31:42,120 Speaker 1: love this question. I don't regret it at all because 539 00:31:42,520 --> 00:31:46,960 Speaker 1: I really listened to my intuition and did what I 540 00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:50,400 Speaker 1: thought is best for our family. So I know it 541 00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:54,040 Speaker 1: might be in a kind of different scenario because I'm, 542 00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:58,360 Speaker 1: you know, leaving Ivy at home with her dad. It's 543 00:31:58,360 --> 00:32:01,920 Speaker 1: it's not like, you know, she's an childcare or anything 544 00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:06,040 Speaker 1: like that. So I felt very comfortable going back to 545 00:32:06,160 --> 00:32:10,640 Speaker 1: work quite soon. I went back to work after three months, 546 00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:13,560 Speaker 1: and like officially, I think I went back like a 547 00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:16,680 Speaker 1: couple of days before that, but officially like three and 548 00:32:16,720 --> 00:32:19,160 Speaker 1: a half months or something like that, And I don't 549 00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:23,479 Speaker 1: regret it. At all, because in a scenario where you know, 550 00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:27,440 Speaker 1: the person who you know earns the money in the family, 551 00:32:28,040 --> 00:32:30,880 Speaker 1: they generally go back to work after like two weeks 552 00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:34,720 Speaker 1: or like six weeks Marx, six weeks, Max. I think 553 00:32:34,760 --> 00:32:37,680 Speaker 1: that's what you, you know, get off. A lot of girlfriends 554 00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:40,960 Speaker 1: who have had babies recently, their partner has had even 555 00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:44,000 Speaker 1: one or two weeks off and that's it, which I 556 00:32:44,040 --> 00:32:46,280 Speaker 1: personally think you need a bit a little bit more 557 00:32:46,680 --> 00:32:50,960 Speaker 1: for your sleep sake, yes, but yeah, six weeks that's generally, 558 00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:53,680 Speaker 1: you know, and then the partner goes back to work. 559 00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:57,800 Speaker 1: So I get that in the scenario I'm the mom, 560 00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:00,840 Speaker 1: and you know, breastfeeding and this and that, it makes 561 00:33:00,880 --> 00:33:05,120 Speaker 1: things more complicated, but like it's a modern world. If 562 00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:07,880 Speaker 1: you're the one who is earning money for the family, 563 00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:12,000 Speaker 1: I just don't think there should be guilt involved because 564 00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:15,800 Speaker 1: in our scenario, that is what I am in our relationship. 565 00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:19,320 Speaker 1: And also Tim wants to stay at home with Ivy. 566 00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:22,640 Speaker 1: Like we made this decision together. It's not me going 567 00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:25,719 Speaker 1: you stay at home. I'm going to work. He you know, 568 00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:27,960 Speaker 1: he said, I want to stay at home. I want 569 00:33:27,960 --> 00:33:30,080 Speaker 1: to be a stay at home dad. You know, I 570 00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:32,880 Speaker 1: know you love what you do. You find it so fulfilling, 571 00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:35,640 Speaker 1: a purposeful. I know you want to go back to work. 572 00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:39,120 Speaker 1: Like we've had this discussion and it's what we decided 573 00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:42,320 Speaker 1: for us. And what would you maybe say to the 574 00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:46,640 Speaker 1: moms who who's partner maybe doesn't make more than them, 575 00:33:46,680 --> 00:33:50,320 Speaker 1: but they're just feeling like they've lost themselves and they 576 00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:52,560 Speaker 1: need to go back to the work, back to work 577 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:55,400 Speaker 1: more for like the sake of their sanity rather than yes, 578 00:33:55,800 --> 00:33:58,360 Speaker 1: and well having a partner at home. Yeah, let's talk 579 00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:01,880 Speaker 1: about that too, because this is a huge thing I'm 580 00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:05,480 Speaker 1: such an advocate for as I come from a background 581 00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:07,680 Speaker 1: where my mom was a stay at home mom for 582 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:10,120 Speaker 1: my whole life, and she had four kids, and she 583 00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:14,640 Speaker 1: was the best at home mom, and she was so intelligent. 584 00:34:14,680 --> 00:34:17,160 Speaker 1: So my mom got like ducks of the college. She 585 00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:21,800 Speaker 1: was very intelligent, and she started working in the courts 586 00:34:21,840 --> 00:34:24,440 Speaker 1: and was doing typewriting and all these things, and then 587 00:34:24,520 --> 00:34:27,760 Speaker 1: felt pregnant very young. And she often kind of talks about, 588 00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:32,480 Speaker 1: you know, not that she regrets doing the you know, 589 00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:35,680 Speaker 1: having us and doing us as her life, but that's 590 00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:40,279 Speaker 1: obviously like she obviously had to sacrifice something in order 591 00:34:40,520 --> 00:34:44,920 Speaker 1: to do that. Huge sacrifice, huge sacrifice, and she doesn't 592 00:34:44,960 --> 00:34:47,040 Speaker 1: regret it, like she's happy with it. But you know, 593 00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,480 Speaker 1: it's always like the what if. So I come from 594 00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:54,080 Speaker 1: that background, and I don't know. I just always have 595 00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:56,839 Speaker 1: known deep in my soul that I would not be 596 00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:59,520 Speaker 1: someone who stays at home with my kids full time. 597 00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:02,440 Speaker 1: I don't know, I just know. And I feel like 598 00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:06,000 Speaker 1: you just know too, And if you go, yeah, I'm 599 00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:07,960 Speaker 1: not that person. And I do want to go back 600 00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:10,399 Speaker 1: to work, and I do want to, you know, go 601 00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:13,040 Speaker 1: back into society because it is it's when you have 602 00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:16,080 Speaker 1: a baby and you're at home, like by yourself all 603 00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:18,439 Speaker 1: the time, it is quite isolating, and like you said, 604 00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:23,080 Speaker 1: a tear like for your sanity. I don't think that 605 00:35:23,239 --> 00:35:26,080 Speaker 1: is like not selfish, that's like not at all. That's 606 00:35:26,120 --> 00:35:28,759 Speaker 1: the most normal thing. And I just, I guess what 607 00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:32,359 Speaker 1: I'm getting at weird that it's normal for men if 608 00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:34,759 Speaker 1: not for women. It fucking annoys me. Don't even get 609 00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:36,960 Speaker 1: me start on that tantrund because I could go all day. 610 00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:39,480 Speaker 1: But I think what I'm trying to get out is 611 00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:43,399 Speaker 1: what feels right for you, is what feels rights for you, 612 00:35:43,640 --> 00:35:48,520 Speaker 1: and don't let anyone else or society make you feel 613 00:35:48,520 --> 00:35:51,200 Speaker 1: any different. So I guarantee you the reason why this 614 00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:54,800 Speaker 1: person is saying I'm struggling with mum guilt is because 615 00:35:54,920 --> 00:35:57,600 Speaker 1: they think and their mind, Oh but I should stay 616 00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,920 Speaker 1: at home and my child should be enough for me, 617 00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:01,759 Speaker 1: and I shouldn't want to go to work, and I 618 00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:04,319 Speaker 1: shouldn't this, and I shouldn't that, And that is just 619 00:36:04,400 --> 00:36:09,600 Speaker 1: society's noise, and you just you can't let it encompass 620 00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:13,359 Speaker 1: you because otherwise you're going to choose things that are 621 00:36:13,560 --> 00:36:16,759 Speaker 1: you know, for society or for your partner or this 622 00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:20,440 Speaker 1: and that, and then you're going to have regret and 623 00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:23,520 Speaker 1: you're just gonna like resentment were built up and that's 624 00:36:23,560 --> 00:36:26,560 Speaker 1: the last thing you want and not be resenting that time. 625 00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:29,319 Speaker 1: And I feel like there's such a happy medium, like 626 00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:33,080 Speaker 1: for instance, like maybe just go back to work one 627 00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:35,880 Speaker 1: or two days a week, see how you feel. I 628 00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:38,640 Speaker 1: get a little part time job, yeah, and see how 629 00:36:38,680 --> 00:36:41,760 Speaker 1: you feel, see if like your mental health is better 630 00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:44,719 Speaker 1: or not, or vice versa. And I know that's not 631 00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:46,840 Speaker 1: an option for everyone because no one has like not 632 00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:50,760 Speaker 1: everyone has the family support or you know, because childcare 633 00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:54,880 Speaker 1: is also very expensive. I totally get that, but try 634 00:36:55,160 --> 00:36:58,600 Speaker 1: and do what feels good for you, what feels intuitively 635 00:36:58,800 --> 00:37:02,360 Speaker 1: good for you and your family, and then don't kind 636 00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:05,080 Speaker 1: of listen to the noise. And I think I can't 637 00:37:05,120 --> 00:37:07,840 Speaker 1: add too much because I haven't had a baby, of course, 638 00:37:07,920 --> 00:37:10,960 Speaker 1: but from what I've observed from people I know and 639 00:37:11,200 --> 00:37:13,839 Speaker 1: just looking at the way everything is, you should never 640 00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:17,200 Speaker 1: feel guilty for wanting to still have a personality. And 641 00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:21,359 Speaker 1: it's weird that people think that you're a bad mother 642 00:37:21,560 --> 00:37:23,160 Speaker 1: if you don't want to stay at home with your 643 00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:28,360 Speaker 1: kid the whole time. Yes, And for me it's also like, yes, obviously, 644 00:37:28,360 --> 00:37:30,600 Speaker 1: maybe the first few months, when you're trying to adjust 645 00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:32,600 Speaker 1: and all that sort of stuff, stay at home because 646 00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:35,520 Speaker 1: it's easier for you. But when it becomes more of 647 00:37:35,560 --> 00:37:38,880 Speaker 1: a chore or you find yourself just getting in a rut, 648 00:37:38,920 --> 00:37:42,320 Speaker 1: it's not serving you, and in the end, your baby 649 00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:45,680 Speaker 1: will suffer because you're not your best self. Yeah, And 650 00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:48,560 Speaker 1: like even you see it with five Fox workers, where 651 00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:51,319 Speaker 1: people work away six months of the year, they're like, yeah, 652 00:37:51,360 --> 00:37:53,560 Speaker 1: but I love it because when I'm at work, nothing's 653 00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:56,040 Speaker 1: distracting me. And when I'm at home, I am the 654 00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:58,839 Speaker 1: full time parent. I get to do everything with my kid. 655 00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:01,840 Speaker 1: So maybe it's a matter of when you go to work, 656 00:38:02,000 --> 00:38:04,120 Speaker 1: just go to work, and when you come home you 657 00:38:04,160 --> 00:38:07,080 Speaker 1: can enjoy every single moment that much more with your kid. 658 00:38:07,280 --> 00:38:09,879 Speaker 1: And that's what I do. I have really clear boundaries 659 00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:15,319 Speaker 1: Maricone time, when a tea is not texting me. I 660 00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:19,000 Speaker 1: have really clear boundaries with work and making sure once 661 00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:21,839 Speaker 1: I leave that's it, and don't contact me because it's 662 00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:26,000 Speaker 1: Ivy time. And I think I was chatting to at 663 00:38:26,080 --> 00:38:28,680 Speaker 1: Christmas time, so Ivy would have been like six weeks old, 664 00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:32,000 Speaker 1: and I was chatting to a family friend and they 665 00:38:32,080 --> 00:38:35,120 Speaker 1: were kind of explaining. She said, I took you know, 666 00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:37,640 Speaker 1: I told my work I want a year off, and 667 00:38:37,680 --> 00:38:39,560 Speaker 1: they were like so fine with that. And she's like, 668 00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:42,120 Speaker 1: I actually went back to work after eight months for 669 00:38:42,239 --> 00:38:45,920 Speaker 1: my sanity. Because she's like, it's like groundhole day, you 670 00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:49,960 Speaker 1: do the same thing. And for her, it wasn't a 671 00:38:50,040 --> 00:38:52,760 Speaker 1: positive And I think we need to acknowledge that because 672 00:38:52,800 --> 00:38:57,120 Speaker 1: she did say I felt really I felt wrong for 673 00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:59,520 Speaker 1: feeling the way I did. And I feel like so 674 00:38:59,560 --> 00:39:02,439 Speaker 1: many people like, but you're so lucky, you know, you 675 00:39:02,480 --> 00:39:04,399 Speaker 1: get to stay at home with your child, and it's 676 00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:07,840 Speaker 1: like there's so much pressure to feel a certain way 677 00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:11,359 Speaker 1: as a mother, and it's like, no, there's no let's 678 00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:15,120 Speaker 1: stop trying to fill this like cookie cutter, you know thing. 679 00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:17,960 Speaker 1: We get to have feel however we want. And some 680 00:39:18,200 --> 00:39:22,040 Speaker 1: moms one hundred percent that's what they want. Love you know, 681 00:39:22,239 --> 00:39:25,360 Speaker 1: you do you. But then some months it's like, actually, 682 00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:28,680 Speaker 1: for me to be the best mom, I need to 683 00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:31,960 Speaker 1: go to work. I need to have this time and 684 00:39:32,000 --> 00:39:33,600 Speaker 1: then I can come home and I can be the 685 00:39:33,600 --> 00:39:37,319 Speaker 1: best mum. And I think that's also okay. And that 686 00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:41,279 Speaker 1: big conversation that me and Tim have had is we're 687 00:39:41,360 --> 00:39:43,880 Speaker 1: going to, you know, do this for this year, and 688 00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:46,960 Speaker 1: then we're gonna reevaluate because maybe at the end of 689 00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:50,440 Speaker 1: the year, when Ivy's won, he's like, I want to 690 00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:52,720 Speaker 1: go back to work, So maybe we're going to switch 691 00:39:52,800 --> 00:39:55,440 Speaker 1: roles and I'll stay at home more with Ivy or 692 00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,719 Speaker 1: you know, she will go into Kindie or I don't know, 693 00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:02,759 Speaker 1: vice versa. But it's also realizing you can go back 694 00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:05,360 Speaker 1: to work and if it's not right, you can always 695 00:40:05,400 --> 00:40:09,080 Speaker 1: go back home again. Yeaheah. And I think this hole 696 00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:11,280 Speaker 1: is like someone asked me, oh a bit, like don't 697 00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:15,440 Speaker 1: you feel guilty about fish missing moments with Ivy? And 698 00:40:15,480 --> 00:40:18,399 Speaker 1: I'm like, honestly, sometimes I'm at work and I'm like, yes, 699 00:40:18,480 --> 00:40:20,480 Speaker 1: I would just love to be, you know, with my daughter. 700 00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:24,360 Speaker 1: But also, like you said, a tea because I'm at work. 701 00:40:24,480 --> 00:40:27,520 Speaker 1: When I'm at home, I am so much more present. 702 00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:31,640 Speaker 1: I relish so much more in the moments, And I 703 00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:36,080 Speaker 1: just think, like, life isn't this ball of perfection and 704 00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:38,360 Speaker 1: everything just has to look a certain way and be 705 00:40:38,400 --> 00:40:41,880 Speaker 1: a certain way. Like we're allowed to feel feelings, and 706 00:40:41,880 --> 00:40:44,319 Speaker 1: we're allowed to like go through the motions, and we're 707 00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:48,560 Speaker 1: allowed to yeah, like not be these like cookie cutter people. Yeah, 708 00:40:48,600 --> 00:40:50,719 Speaker 1: if that makes sense. You shouldn't feel guilty because you're 709 00:40:50,760 --> 00:40:53,239 Speaker 1: not the mum that has the time or wants to 710 00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:56,359 Speaker 1: stay at home and bake cupcakes all the time. And 711 00:40:56,719 --> 00:40:58,800 Speaker 1: it's like it reminds me of the movie Bad Mums, 712 00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:01,840 Speaker 1: where they're called bad moms because they don't want to 713 00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:05,600 Speaker 1: make the bake sale stuff from scratch or they have jobs. Like, 714 00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:08,239 Speaker 1: you're not a bad mom. You're doing You're doing what's 715 00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:10,080 Speaker 1: best for you so that you can be the best 716 00:41:10,200 --> 00:41:12,640 Speaker 1: version of yourself for your kid. Yeah. And I actually 717 00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:14,680 Speaker 1: had someone DM me the other day because I wrote 718 00:41:14,680 --> 00:41:17,400 Speaker 1: something about just feeling guilty sometimes when I'm at work 719 00:41:17,920 --> 00:41:21,319 Speaker 1: and she messaged me and she's like, honestly, you are 720 00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:23,479 Speaker 1: killing it because I can see how much you love 721 00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:26,160 Speaker 1: Ivy and like how much time you spend with her, 722 00:41:26,280 --> 00:41:28,160 Speaker 1: you know, on the weekends or when you're at home. 723 00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:30,919 Speaker 1: And she said, I had a mom who was really 724 00:41:30,960 --> 00:41:34,080 Speaker 1: career driven and it was the best thing. Like she 725 00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:36,839 Speaker 1: was the best mom, and she made it work and 726 00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:39,200 Speaker 1: I had the best childhood. And it just made me 727 00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:41,000 Speaker 1: feel bad, I know, And it just made me feel 728 00:41:41,040 --> 00:41:44,000 Speaker 1: so good because obviously I personally had the best childhood, 729 00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:46,279 Speaker 1: but my mom was a stay at home mom. So 730 00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:48,360 Speaker 1: just to hear a story where they're like, yeah, my 731 00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:50,120 Speaker 1: mom was a working mom and I had the best 732 00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:53,960 Speaker 1: childhood exactly, I just was like, yes, you can do both. 733 00:41:54,040 --> 00:42:01,160 Speaker 1: You can do whatever you want, all right. Guys, thank 734 00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:05,440 Speaker 1: you so much for listening to another Georgie's Hotline episode. 735 00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:11,280 Speaker 1: We hope you enjoyed these unqualified but enthusiastic said something 736 00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:15,520 Speaker 1: unqualified in this episode answers. If you do have a 737 00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:20,880 Speaker 1: life dilemma, please jump into our dms at risconcor dot 738 00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:25,319 Speaker 1: Podcasts nearly Forgot the Dot, and we will hopefully answer 739 00:42:25,360 --> 00:42:28,120 Speaker 1: them in the next couple of episodes, I will be 740 00:42:28,280 --> 00:42:36,000 Speaker 1: in your ears on Tuesday and I'll chat them. Thank 741 00:42:36,040 --> 00:42:39,360 Speaker 1: you so much for listening to another episode of the 742 00:42:39,520 --> 00:42:43,040 Speaker 1: Rise and Concer podcast. If you enjoyed it and want more, 743 00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:48,120 Speaker 1: come connect with us on Instagram at Riseinconquer dot podcast 744 00:42:48,560 --> 00:42:52,799 Speaker 1: and join our Facebook discussion group, a Rising concor podcast community. 745 00:42:53,320 --> 00:42:56,120 Speaker 1: We're an independent podcast and we have a small team, 746 00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:59,200 Speaker 1: so we do appreciate your time and support. If you 747 00:42:59,239 --> 00:43:02,800 Speaker 1: have a spare moment, a follow or subscribe on whatever 748 00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:07,120 Speaker 1: platform you listen to would be so amazing, And look, 749 00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:10,839 Speaker 1: if you're feeling extra kind, a review on Apple Podcasts 750 00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:11,800 Speaker 1: would be great.