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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 2: Now, we've got to play more. We've got to be

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Speaker 2: in the moment more. This is the stuff that makes

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Speaker 2: families happy, especially when families are struggling and going through

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Speaker 2: some tough times.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 2: Today this is doctor Justin Colson, A very very I'm

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Speaker 2: so excited about today's podcast. I got some footage on

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Speaker 2: my phone last night that I cannot wait to share

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Speaker 2: of one of our six daughters. I'm the author of

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Speaker 2: six books about raising happy families and the founder of

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Speaker 2: happy Families dot com dot I'm here with Kylie, my wife,

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Speaker 2: missus Happy Families, and I was going to say co

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Speaker 2: founder of Happy Families, but I'm going to say co

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Speaker 2: founder of the Happy co founder of our family. Hey, Kylie,

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Speaker 2: odd a better Tomorrow. It's our favorite segment of the week.

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Speaker 2: This is where we reflect on what has gone on

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Speaker 2: in the week and try to work out how we

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Speaker 2: can be better parents tomorrow next week, can I play

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Speaker 2: something for you? I recorded something at dinner last night

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Speaker 2: and you weren't there when it happened. You walked in

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Speaker 2: just at the end. Are you ready for this? It's

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Speaker 2: so good? You're ready?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? What's the face for?

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Speaker 2: What's the matter? I like it? It's an oyster. Just

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Speaker 2: swallow it. Okay, come on, look at me, show me

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Speaker 2: swallow Come on, you can do it.

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Speaker 3: Swallow it.

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Speaker 2: I could eat it. Oh you didn't like it?

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Speaker 3: What are you doing?

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Speaker 2: Put it into words? Tell me what it tasted like?

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Speaker 2: Like my boogers were made? Come up? I had so

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Speaker 2: much fun. So I decided that we were going to

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Speaker 2: We've bought some calamari and some fish and some chips

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Speaker 2: for dinner last night, really really easy, trying not to

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Speaker 2: get too involved in dinner and just making it easy

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Speaker 2: as we could. And I thought, I'm gonna grab some oysters.

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Speaker 2: The oysters looked really good and I don't have them

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Speaker 2: very often, and I love oysters. And Ella, our seventeen

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Speaker 2: year old, has never had one, and she said she'd

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Speaker 2: try it. I'm impressed that she tried it.

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Speaker 4: I'm forty plus years old and it's not not something

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Speaker 4: I plan on trying ever.

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Speaker 2: Did you hear the sound when she was trying to

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Speaker 2: swallow it?

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Speaker 3: She's like, oh, little bit, Well, if you saw the footage,

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Speaker 3: like she's literally got her necked crane back as smart

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Speaker 3: as she can, so it would just slide down and

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Speaker 3: it wouldnturbody knows that this is not good.

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Speaker 2: I love oysters. You don't, you're not really that into seafood.

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Speaker 2: But I just thought, as we kick off our older

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Speaker 2: Better Tomorrow and we talk about the highlights and the

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Speaker 2: low lights of our week and what's gone well and

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Speaker 2: what hasn't, I just had to play that for you.

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Speaker 2: She's such a good sport and she let me feel.

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Speaker 2: I wish I'd filmed it from the very beginning because

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Speaker 2: when it first went into her mouth, what she was

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Speaker 2: saying and doing them was just so good. We could

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Speaker 2: talk for ages about getting kids to try new foods,

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Speaker 2: even if you have to wait until they're seventeen. But

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Speaker 2: that's not the purpose of today. That was just a

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Speaker 2: little bit of lighthearted fun. Purpose of today is really simple,

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Speaker 2: I'll do better tomorrow. For those of you who are

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Speaker 2: new to the podcast, every Friday, we talk about the

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Speaker 2: stuff that's gone well, the stuff that hasn't, and how

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Speaker 2: we can be more intentional in our parenting. As we

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Speaker 2: move into the weekend and a brand new week. So Kylie,

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Speaker 2: you said before we start, Oh, by the way, I

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Speaker 2: should let everyone know we don't talk about what we're

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Speaker 2: going to share before we record this podcast. It's totally news.

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Speaker 2: But you said you wanted to go first today. All

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Speaker 2: I've said is that I've got a good one. I've

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Speaker 2: had a good experience that I want to reflect on.

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Speaker 2: What about you? Why don't you kick us off?

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Speaker 3: Well?

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Speaker 4: I really needed that laugh to start things off because

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Speaker 4: it's been a challenging week. We've got obviously six children,

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Speaker 4: and there are so many different dynamics that we're dealing

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Speaker 4: with on a regular basis. But at the moment, there's

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Speaker 4: just one child that is just pushing my buttons.

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Speaker 2: We have to make sure does not listen to this

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Speaker 2: podcast because she's going to know who she is.

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Speaker 4: It's interesting, as human beings how we have this ability

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Speaker 4: to kind of collect all of the negative stuff that happens,

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Speaker 4: and we're really good at collating this big list, and

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Speaker 4: yet that list just keeps growing and growing, and all

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Speaker 4: of the good things that happen seem to just pale

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Speaker 4: into insignificance because for some reason we hold onto the

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Speaker 4: negative stuff and it's so easy as a parent especially

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Speaker 4: when you're having a child that's just challenging you a

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Speaker 4: little bit. Consciously. We're so aware of all of the

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Speaker 4: things that they're getting wrong or doing that just kind of,

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Speaker 4: you know, drive us crazy that we actually lose sight

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Speaker 4: of the positive moments.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a psychological phenomenon called the negativity bias, and

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Speaker 2: it's been shown that as humans, we kind of hang

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Speaker 2: on to the negative. I'll give you an example. You've

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Speaker 2: got a bowl of cockroaches and there's a strawberry in

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Speaker 2: the middle of it. Are you going to go near

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Speaker 2: the strawberry? Of course not. But what if you've got

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Speaker 2: a bowl of strawberries and there's just one cockroach in there?

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Speaker 2: You're still going to stay away?

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Speaker 4: Right?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think I'm still going to say that doesn't

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Speaker 2: matter how well you wash those strawberries, you don't want

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Speaker 2: to touch them, just in case that one cockroach crawled

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Speaker 2: over them. And that's the negativity bias at play. We

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Speaker 2: noticed the bad and it becomes overwhelming, it becomes dominant,

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Speaker 2: And you're saying that that's what's going on with this

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Speaker 2: particular child of ours at the moment. She's her frustrations

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Speaker 2: are becoming dominant in your narrative and your internal story

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Speaker 2: about who she is.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and every morning I wake up and I think,

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Speaker 4: you know, I've got this. I'm gonna be awesome. And

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Speaker 4: she just seems to really really push some buttons at

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Speaker 4: the moment. And so as I was reflecting on that,

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Speaker 4: I had a really bad start to the day and

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Speaker 4: just wanting so badly to connect with the mum I

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Speaker 4: know I want to be and that I can be,

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Speaker 4: I thought about this list that I mentally collecting of

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Speaker 4: all of the misdemeanors and recognizing that while ever I

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Speaker 4: continue to do that, I can't I can't be the

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Speaker 4: mom that I need to be. And so one of

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Speaker 4: the things that I have done for a very long

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Speaker 4: time is I've kept a journal, and I decided that

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Speaker 4: I needed to just go back and just read and

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Speaker 4: reflect on some of the experiences that we've had. And

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Speaker 4: obviously they're just day to day musings. There's no you know,

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Speaker 4: this is the good stuff and this is the bad stuff.

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Speaker 4: It's a mixture. But as I was able to do that,

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Speaker 4: I actually picked up her journal that I have kept

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Speaker 4: from when she was a little girl, and I opened

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Speaker 4: up and I saw a picture of when she was born,

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Speaker 4: and reconnected with the emotion that I had that moment

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Speaker 4: that I met her for the very first time, and

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Speaker 4: how much I loved her, and in that moment acknowledging

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Speaker 4: that there was nothing that anyone could do that would

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Speaker 4: change the way I felt about her, especially her, there

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Speaker 4: was nothing she could do that could change that, and

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Speaker 4: that in that moment, I knew that I would do

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Speaker 4: whatever I could to protect her and keep her safe.

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Speaker 4: And sometimes I'm the person she needs to be kept

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Speaker 4: safe from because I get so caught up in things.

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Speaker 4: And so I was really grateful for the opportunity that

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Speaker 4: I had to reflect and to go back and was

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Speaker 4: so grateful for all of the wonderful memories that I

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Speaker 4: have collected over the years on paper that helped me

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Speaker 4: to reconnect with just the amazing little person that she is.

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Speaker 4: And hopefully tomorrow I can just be a little bit

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Speaker 4: better because I've had the opportunity to do just that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, all this afternoon, what your shared is really personal,

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Speaker 2: and it's really hard to share that, especially on a

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Speaker 2: podcast where we've got so many people listening. But I

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Speaker 2: hope that that resonates with any parent who's felt so

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Speaker 2: frustrated with a child who is just plain hard work,

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Speaker 2: because sometimes they are. I really love what you've said

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Speaker 2: there about reflecting on that moment where you first met her.

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Speaker 2: Wouldn't it be amazing? Is if in that moment we're

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Speaker 2: so frustrated with a child, we could reflect on that moment,

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Speaker 2: if we could pull that love that we feel in

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Speaker 2: our hearts in that special that's sacred time back into

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Speaker 2: the here and now when they're anything but sacred, I

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Speaker 2: think that we could probably do a much better job

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Speaker 2: as parents. Thank you for sharing that. So the take

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Speaker 2: home message for you from this conversation is what exactly.

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Speaker 4: When things are really challenging, it's just important for us

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Speaker 4: to take a step back and reflect. Hopefully, if we're

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Speaker 4: a journal keeping person, we've got records that we can read,

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Speaker 4: but if we don't, you know, opening up the photo

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Speaker 4: album and just reflecting and enjoying and relishing those times

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Speaker 4: where we've just enjoyed weed each other's space.

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Speaker 2: Such a beautiful story. Thank you for sharing your heart

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Speaker 2: just now in just a second. I'll do better tomorrow continues.

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Speaker 1: It's that Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 5: Our screens creating tension at home, tweens, teens and screens

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Speaker 5: is a webinar to guide families to healthy, safe superscreen solutions.

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Speaker 5: Bye Today at happy families dot com dot au slash shop.

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Speaker 4: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time

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Speaker 4: poor parent who just wants Answers Now, and today we

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Speaker 4: have been talking about some of our reflections on our

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Speaker 4: parenting this week.

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Speaker 2: Trying to recover and find some tissues and cope with

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Speaker 2: the challenges that children put into our lives. Well, I

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Speaker 2: kind of don't really want to share mine because I've

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Speaker 2: had a really fun week with the kids for the

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Speaker 2: most part. I've had a couple of moments, like we

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Speaker 2: all do all the time, but it's been fun enough.

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Speaker 2: To what you've shared, it just feels so it almost

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Speaker 2: feels like I'm trampling over your heart. So I want

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Speaker 2: to be really sensitive about it, but I do. I

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Speaker 2: want to share a win that I had this week

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Speaker 2: with that particular child who's been driving you bonk. Because

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Speaker 2: the thing is, our children do the best that they can,

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Speaker 2: but they just don't get that we've got different agendas

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Speaker 2: to them. I reckon up until at least the age

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Speaker 2: of ten or eleven, they're just not even interested in

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Speaker 2: the fact that we need to get out of the

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Speaker 2: door right now. We've got to find the shoes or

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Speaker 2: we're going to be late for our thing. They don't

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Speaker 2: get what being late means because they just don't inhabit

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Speaker 2: that world, and that's how it should be developmentally, that's

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Speaker 2: how they're designed. They're not supposed to get it, and

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Speaker 2: it's not till they're late tweens early teens that some

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Speaker 2: of this stuff starts to make sense to them. But

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Speaker 2: this particular daughter came into the bedroom the other night.

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Speaker 2: I was laying on the bed reading last weekend. I

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Speaker 2: was being very manly and I chopped down a tree

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Speaker 2: with a chainsaw with a friend. Unfortunately, as we were

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Speaker 2: doing that, we were wrestling with the tree and a rope.

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Speaker 2: The rope snaps. He landed on me, all hundred kilos

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Speaker 2: of him, with one of his knees going straight into

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Speaker 2: my thigh, and he corked my thigh. And I've been

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Speaker 2: unable to walk properly. I can't take stairs. I've been

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Speaker 2: able to move for I don't know the best part

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Speaker 2: of a week really. And she came into the bedroom

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Speaker 2: last night while I was reading and try to recover

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Speaker 2: and relax from the pain in my leg and started

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Speaker 2: to wrestle with me, and she started playing a game

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Speaker 2: that we haven't played for ages. It's called Push Dad

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Speaker 2: Off the Bed. And I really didn't want to play

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Speaker 2: because I was tired, and I was in the middle

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Speaker 2: of reading and she should have been in bed already

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Speaker 2: and my leg was sore. But in that moment, I

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Speaker 2: just kind of knew that she's been having a rough time.

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Speaker 2: She'd been having a cry with you earlier in the

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Speaker 2: day about a friendship issue that had gone wrong, and

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Speaker 2: I just knew that she was having a hard time.

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Speaker 2: So I put the book down and let her try

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Speaker 2: to push me off the bed, and then another one

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Speaker 2: of the kids came in and started to join in

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Speaker 2: the game, and next thing you know, there's three or

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Speaker 2: four of us wrestling on the bed playing push Dad

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Speaker 2: off the Bed, which is such a cruel and heartless game.

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Speaker 2: I don't know who invented that game and why they

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Speaker 2: insist on playing it, but we played pushed out off

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Speaker 2: the Bed, and then the follow one to push that

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Speaker 2: off the bed once I'd on the ground is Dad's

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Speaker 2: got to get all the kids off the bed at

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Speaker 2: the same time, And so we played that until they

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Speaker 2: were off the bed, and then it was pushed out

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Speaker 2: off the bedimming and we went through it for maybe

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Speaker 2: ten or fifteen minutes. Utterly exhausted me, but you know,

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Speaker 2: I just felt so good to have that moment with them.

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Speaker 2: And I think that the take home message is We've

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Speaker 2: got to play more. We've got to be in the

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Speaker 2: moment more. This is the stuff that makes families happy,

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Speaker 2: especially when families are struggling and going through some tough times,

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Speaker 2: because kids do the best that they can. It's just

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Speaker 2: that they often don't understand why stuff matters so much

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Speaker 2: to us as grown ups. We don't have the same

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Speaker 2: agenda that they have, and vice versa. So that's my

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Speaker 2: I'll do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 4: I'm really grateful that you shared that experience. I think

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Speaker 4: the wonderful thing about sharing the role of parenting is

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Speaker 4: the opportunity to reflect on each other's experiences because sometimes,

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Speaker 4: just like we've shared today, our experiences are different and

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Speaker 4: it helps to kind of just you know, create a

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Speaker 4: new perspective.

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Speaker 2: And you know what, next week, we're probably going to

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Speaker 2: be in opposite positions because every now and again I

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Speaker 2: share some completely complete and utter blunders that I make

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Speaker 2: as well. It's really hard for you to share what

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Speaker 2: you shared, and I appreciate you doing that. I'll do

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Speaker 2: better tomorrow is our favorite episode of the week, even

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Speaker 2: when sometimes we're squeezing tissues up our nose and wiping

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Speaker 2: our eyes with t shirts because we've had a bit

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Speaker 2: of a challenging week. So thanks for sharing that.

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Speaker 4: Hunt.

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Speaker 2: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from

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Speaker 2: Bridge Media and Craig Bruce is our executive producer. If

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Speaker 2: you've enjoyed the podcast, we would just be so grateful

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Speaker 2: if you would leave those five star ratings and reviews

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Speaker 2: wherever you listen to the podcast. We hope that it's real,

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Speaker 2: we hope that it helps you make your family happier,

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Speaker 2: and we love getting your feedback. You can also send

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Speaker 2: feedback directly to podcasts that's podcasts with an ss at

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Speaker 2: happy families dot com dot au and if you'd like

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Speaker 2: more information about making your family happier or you need

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Speaker 2: to do is visit happy families dot com dot au.

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Speaker 4: HM